#it’s so funny it’s so dramatic it’s so dumb it’s so heartbreaking

[purble-gaymer]

everyone with an instagram i must bring your attention to uf.metaknight because i’ve been losing my mind over this account since last august

[goldfades]

https://www.tumblr.com/goldfades/768009162138517504/title-luke-hughes

What about luke’s reaction? coming into the room after the boys told him he was wrong at practice or something, maybe he saw the comments?

it’s a little past eight when you hear the front door slam. you’re curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone with a smug grin on your face. the video you posted earlier is still blowing up, comment after comment pouring in. your favorite so far might be the one that reads “he’s so confident it’s actually heartbreaking”—but there’s stiff competition.

the sound of heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway makes your ears perk up, and you sit up straighter just in time for luke to appear in the doorway. he’s still in his practice gear, hair damp with sweat and his cheeks flushed pink, but his expression is what gets you: somewhere between confusion, betrayal, and... is that a pout?

“you,” he says, pointing at you with the kind of dramatic flair usually reserved for soap operas. “you set me up.”

you blink innocently, setting your phone down. “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”

luke steps further into the room, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “don’t play dumb. the guys wouldn’t shut up about your video during practice. jack kept reading the comments out loud! ‘cuticle pusher means nail thingies? HAHAHA.’ do you know how humiliating that is?”

you’re already biting your lip to keep from laughing, but when he mimics jack’s voice, the dam breaks. you burst into giggles, doubling over as luke groans loudly.

“it’s not funny!” he protests, though the way his ears turn pink suggests he’s more embarrassed than actually mad. “i was so proud of myself, and you—you let me think i was getting them all right!”

wiping a tear from your eye, you manage to catch your breath long enough to speak. “okay, okay, listen. it wasn’t my fault you were so confident! i mean, ‘tight lines’? really?”

he groans again, flopping onto the couch next to you with a dramatic sigh. “i knew something was off when you said i got ‘halo eye’ right. but you were so convincing!” he shoots you a look, half accusing, half amused. “you’re evil. actually evil.”

you snicker, nudging his shoulder. “oh, come on. you were having fun.”

“yeah, until i realized you were setting me up for the internet to roast me,” he mutters, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “look at this—this one says i belong in a museum for confidence alone.”

you glance at his screen and can’t help but laugh again. “they’re not wrong.”

he groans, tossing his phone onto the coffee table and sinking lower into the couch. “i’ll never live this down.”

“oh, stop being dramatic,” you tease, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you made people laugh, and isn’t that what really matters?”

he’s quiet for a moment, then tilts his head toward you, lips twitching like he’s fighting a smile. “did i at least look good in the video?”

you grin, reaching up to ruffle his curly hair. “you always look good, lukey. even when you’re confidently getting everything wrong.”

his laugh rumbles under your ear as he finally relaxes, letting himself sink into the moment. “you better watch your back, though. payback is coming.”

“oh, i’m shaking,” you say with a smirk, already planning the next video in your head.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[artist-issues]

that was real dumb. From a storytelling point of view, truthfully. Why would you take the only character who has some real-life characterization, some stuff that grounds the show and makes it's main element feel at least a little rooted in reality, and unravel all that characterization—and then kill him off?

Let me back it up.

It's a teen treasure-hunting show. Nobody wants to watch that unless all those individual words feel realistic enough to be relatable, and compelling. Teen. Treasure-Hunting. Emphasis on teen, otherwise I'd watch National Treasure.

you have the boy hero who's dad was a treasure-hunter and mysteriously disappeared. Thats not very realistic, its a little fantastical, but you can make it feel realistic if you work hard, and compelling if he's a good actor with chemistry.

you have the hot girl who's part rich-kid, chosen-poor-kid, who hangs out with the underdogs just...because. Okay, that's a little cliche, a little "my parents don't understand me, I'm a rebel without a cause" in the cheeseball way. Clearly gotta be the girl-in-the-group, gotta be eye-candy. But you can make it feel realistic if you work, and compelling if she's played by a good actress with good chemistry.

you have the boy who's a brainiac and he hangs out with the underdogs because they'll be nice to him even if he's a weird brainiac, just...because. He's like the good-boy in the bad-boy group. Another cliche, but that's fine. That won't take too much work to explain, and it's not super compelling, but it rounds out the crew, and again, it'll work if you have a good actor with good chemistry.

you have another hot girl who's basically perfect and joins the hero group later—she's rich but she's more compassionate to poor people than literally anyone around her for unexplained reasons, she can be inconsiderate but that compassion thing comes in clutch if consequences ever roll around to keep her likeable, she's funny, charming, strong when she needs to beat someone up for girl-power but damsel-in-distressy when her boyfriend needs to look heroic, willing to turn on her whole family for the love of our hero, whatevs. Cliche, but you can even make her feel real if you work. Points for an actress who's good and has chemistry.

and then you have loose-cannon, comic-relief boy who's like our hero but grungier and slightly less heroic so that he doesn't steal the spotlight. He can break up tension when you need a break from tension, OR he can bring it in when you need to start drama, because like we said, he's a loose-cannon. Fine. Cliche—

—oh but wait. His dad abuses him. Oh, that's some real stuff right there. Real-world stuff. Not "my daddy's a supervillain murderer," or "my daddy ran off and disappeared treasure-hunting," or even "my daddy doesn't like my friends." It's right in between the cliches and extremes. It's real-feeling in a way that everything else isn't.

But maybe they'll overdo it and make it super-tragic, super-dramatic, they'll shoot it in a way that's too gratuitous, he's got PTSD but it's way overdone, he's all weak and mumbly or he's got to be taken care of by the rest of our motley crew like a soft boy—

No? No, they're not doing any of that? No, they shot it in a realistic way that portrays the horrible tension of the relationship but doesn't linger too long, too melodramatically? No, the character isn't making this his whole thing—hems actually acting like this is just a part of life? A sucky part of life, but a normal part of normal life for him? Woah. Thats real stuff right there. And it causes the trauma and the rage and the heartbreak but...all that stuff just simmers...under the surface? Realistically under the surface? He brushes the abuse topic off with people who care about him, but he's perfectly willing to use the abuse topic to get out of trouble with adults who are on his case? Like a real teenager in real life who grows up around this and experiences it might?

Wow. That doesn't take much work to do, at all. It writes itself. It is real and true.

More than that—little things—when a character says a heroic line of drama-film dialogue about treasure hunting, this comic-relief boy always winds up saying something...random and sort of shallow? He says something about weed or repeats what the dramatic kid said in a funny accent? Like a real teenager would in real life? Like a real kid, who really responds to everything as if he doesn't think much about The Future or Epic Destinies?

He eats moldy bread when everybody else is poring over a treasure map? He flirts inappropriately when he should be dramatically waking up in his concerned lover's arms after getting hurt saving her? He makes really stupid decisions, not because they need to cover a plot hole or because he's "the dumb one" but because...he's a badly-raised teenager who genuinely has always had to look out for himself? He says something simple and real when any other character would've said something daring and poetic?

And put on top of all that that he's played by an actor who's really good at his job and has great chemistry with everything that breathes onscreen?

That's the character that puts the teen in "teenage treasure hunting show." The real, believable adolescent-who-doesn't-think-beyond-the-moment. The reason watching this team of cliche treasure-hunter stereotypical breakfast-club Romeo-&-Juliet cast is even interesting.

By having JJ be a trailer-trash punk who's dad beats him up, who loves to have a good time with his friends and takes his anger about his lot in life out on a silly us-versus-them rich kid group every chance he gets? By being the character with one foot in "reality" and the other in "adventure" out of sheer "I've had nothing my whole life so I don't know what Considering My Future is, and I might as well be cocky" attitude?

He grounded the show. You can believe John B would drive his van into a moving plane, and Pope would be able to win in a fight against a grown-man drug-dealer, and buried treasure exists and can be found by kids—you can believe all of that because of JJ. Because one character feels real, your subconscious goes, "I know that the writers know what 'real' is because JJ stood up covered in bruises in that hot tub, so I trust them to bring 'real' back in somewhere down the line."

I'm not saying there's nothing else realistic in the show. I'm saying, he felt the most really real.

And they killed him.

I don't care how pretty and neat it is to see my hometown in their show, I'm not watching it anymore, it was already way not worth it, but that's just ridiculous.

Don't even get me started on the way they killed him, and by whom, and how it was shot, and at what point in his "character arc" it was done. Ridiculous.

[l3viat8an]

ACTOR AU⁉️ MORE CRUMBS‼️NOW‼️please -ALL

All I can offer are more silly crumbs ‘n my usual dumb rambling about the ‘behind the scenes of lessons 16’ -IN THE OG GAME BTW- because I haven’t had time to finish anything else yet helpsjsk

While ‘filming’ lesson 16 everybody was laughing. On ‘n off camera it was so ridiculous!!! I mean getting hugged to death sounds ridiculous on it’s own lolol tho getting your ribs crushed isn’t a joke ‘n it would hurt like hell-

Belphie kept making it worse by grinning and running after any / everybody yelling ‘HUG ME!!’ in his full demon outfit.

At the end of the day after finally getting a successful shot the Director goes to give MC a ‘good job’ hug, MC gasps dramatically, says “You’ve killed me again!” and goes limp in his arms.

(^^side note: I’m still not sure if the Director is going to be one of the cast or somebody else maybe an OC? idk…. so you can imagine whoever you like as the Director for now jsksjs)

Another fun fact about ‘filming’ lesson 16 is that the only thing that got everybody to sober up and act serious for the shot was Mammon while he held MC’s ‘dying’ body- the heartbreak in his voice while begging MC not to die and leave him, to the pure rage he leveled at Belphie was scary to watch. (Then as soon as the Director yelled ‘cut’ Mammon was back to being goofy- jsksj)

Lucifer actually said in a later interview that:“Mammon’s acting was honestly too good in that scene and it gave everybody chills.”

Ahhh again that’s kinda all I have for now!!

Oh!!!- actually one more thing-

Simeon + Solomon are the script writers!! I thought that would be really funny to add cuz Simeon wrote TSL ‘n Solomon writes TSL fan-fiction!!

[targaryenofrph]

Short N Sweet by Sabrina Carpenter Sentence Starters

Some of these will be NSFW. Change the pronouns and tense as needed for your verses.

I leave quite an impression, five feet to be exact

Every time you breathe his air, just know I was already there

You can have him if you like, I've been there, done that once or twice

I know I have good judgment

I know I have good taste

It's funny and it's ironic that only I feel that way

I promise them that you're different and everyone makes mistakes

I heard that you're an actor, so act like a stand-up guy

Whatever devil's inside you, don't let him out tonight

Please, please, please don't prove I'm right

Please, please, please don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice

Heartbreak is one thing, my ego's another

I beg you, don't embarrass me, motherfucker

Well, I have a fun idea, babe, maybe just stay inside

I know you're craving some fresh air, but the ceiling fan is so nice

We could live so happily if no one knows that you're with me

Don't mistake my nice for naive

You should stay in my good graces

No one's more amazing at turning loving into hatred

I won't give a fuck about you

I know you're not the sharpest tool in the shed

Left me with a lot of shit to second-guess

If that was casual, then I'm an idiot

I'm looking for an answer in-between the lines

You're lying to yourself if you think we're fine

You're confused and I'm upset, but we never talk about it

You found God at your ex's house

Seems like overnight, I'm just the bitch you hate now

We never talk it through how you guilt-tripped me to open up to you

Without her even being here, she's back in your life

Last week, you didn't have any doubts. This week, you're holding space for her tongue in your mouth

Your car drove itself from L.A. to her thighs

Damn it, she looks kinda like the girl you outgrew

Who's the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?

I can't relate to desperation

My 'give a fucks' are on vacation

Too bad your ex don't do it for ya

I'm working late 'cause I'm a singer

He looks so cute wrapped around my finger

You're so dumb and poetic

It's just what I fall for, I like the aesthetic

Every self-help book, you've already read it

Cherry-pick lines like they're words you invented

Just 'cause you talk like one doesn't make you a man

Fuck with my head like it's some kind of fetish

Guess I'll end this life alone

I am not dramatic, these are just the thoughts that pass right through me

This boy doesn't even know the difference between "there", "their", and "they are"

Don't have to tell your hot ass a thing, you just get it

You make me wanna make you fall in love

Wanna try out my fuzzy pink handcuffs?

I know you want my touch for life

If you love me right, then who knows?

One of me is cute, but two, though?

You make me wanna make you fall in love

I showed my friends, then we high-fived

Sorry if you feel objectified

Give me more than just some butterflies

Wanna try out some freaky positions?

Have you ever tried this one?

There's no need to pretend

I've never seen an ugly truth that I can't bend

I'm stupid, but I'm clever

Yeah, I can make a shitshow look a whole lot like forever and ever

We love to read the cold, hard facts and swear they're incorrect

We love to mistake butterflies for cardiac arrest

Don't smile because it happened, cry because it's over

You think it's happy hour, for me it's not

I want you to miss me

Try working on you

I promise you'll be much happier if you do

[lesbicosmos]

bbc merlin liveblog - s1 ep4: the poisoned chalice

apologies for the inevitable length of this post, this ep is one of my favs

why does like everyone in this show have blue eyes?? merlin, arthur, morgana (ish, katie has heterochromia), nimueh, literally almost everyone has blue eyes

merlin is me whenever and i see a pretty woman, just almost cease functioning

arthur making merlin wear that outfit and that fucking hat is probably one of the funniest parts of the show

"she's pretty isn't she?" gwen see a woman and not immediately call her pretty challenge (she failed)

MORGANA WITH THE PURPLE DRESS AND THE BLUE SLEEVES ABDBRBSHDBS

damn merlin rly seems intent on sacrificing himself for arthur, and this early on aswell

merlin claims the drinks poisoned and arthurs all "oh merlin shut up ur so dumb" but then merlin drinks it and is poisoned and now it's all "ill go get this incredibly rare flower even if it's a suicide mission im not letting merlin die" what do u have to say abt that arthur 🤨

s1 morgana was so sweet i miss her

"you're not leaving this castle tonight." and he took that as a challenge

"sometimes you've got to do what you think is right and damn the consequences" one of my favourite quotes she's so iconic

honestly if morgana told me to do anything id just do it immediately no matter what-

OH MY GOD ITS MAGIC AGAIN WHO WOULDVE GUESSED /S

morgana going against uther from the very beginning i love her

the fact there are multiple instances throughout the show of merlin and arthur saying each others names in their sleep...actual soulmates im telling you

why is there a dinosaur in the forest i know mythical creatures exist in this but that is a whole dinosaur

there was no need for that awesome sword twirl but arthur did it anyway bc he's a dramatic bitch (and we love him for it)

"everyone in this show is so dumb they'll literally do anything if a pretty woman told them to" i say as if i wouldn't do exactly the same thing

arthurs actually deaf how did he not hear nimueh doing magic til she was literally yelling the incantations

that shot of arthur just hanging onto the rocks in the dark shouldn't be as funny as it is

m a g i c o r b o f l i g h t

can arthur hear merlin talking to him through the orb orrrr

attack of the shitty cgi spiders

god this is so gay it's literally a knight in shining armour/damsel in distress plotline

THE SHEER PAIN AND HEARTBREAK ON ARTHUR'S FACE WHEN UTHER CRUSHES THE FLOWER IM GONNA CRY

four episodes in and literally everyone is willing to risk their lives for merlin...so true

yknow we call him dumb so often but arthurs actually so smart when he needs to be

"i need some fresh water" is just gaius speak for "i need you to fuck off so i can do some illegal shit rn"

god gaius's facial expressions are gold 😭😭

"his heart has stopped" as if anyone's gonna believe that this is episode four and he's the titular character 😭

the first thing merlin does after waking up from lethal poison being sassing gaius is so true

the way arthur looks at merlin throughout that last scene, that's such an "im in love with you and im so relieved you're okay" look

the prolonged eye contact i cannot they're so gay

[wilt3d-r0zes]

omigosh klaus two posts in one day wowie dawg  anyways one thing i find funny is that the lab rats fandom basically has two sides- incest shippers and normal people (/hj). NOW im not even going to TOUCH on some of the scarier sides of that, but I just want to talk about Marcus/Chase and NO im not defending it before you angrily scroll away or unfollow or whatever

What I want to say is that no, that ship is not realistic. I actually used to ship them because I was looking for an excuse to give Chase more heartbreak. I’ve moved on to bigger, better and far more realistic things now: Marcus will not have any romantic attraction towards the rats, on top of that he probably doesn’t have any romantic attraction at all because honestly I doubt Douglas programmed that into his android that isn’t gonna live past 16.

However, Chase falls in love way too easily. Boy falls in love at the drop of a hat. You compliment him? Congrats, he will marry you tomorrow /hj. So my HC now is that Chase had a crush on Marcus for like, a while, but because Marcus never made the first move (since he obviously does not like his more-or-less brother back in that way), nothing ever came of it. It still counts as heartbreak to him when Marcus inevitably betrays them.

Plus! It’s still realistic and not as creepy? Chase has no idea that Marcus is his more-or-less brother. He doesn’t even know Donald isn’t his real dad at this time. I am 100% sure that he cringes over this crush regularly for years to come once he realizes they’re more-or-less brothers. If Adam and Bree know they absolutely made fun of him for it for a v e r y long time and Bree weaponized it when he made fun of her crushes (”At least I didn’t want to fuck my brother!” “I DIDNT KNOW--!”)

Plus it’s funny

one thing I think is dumb is that nobody seems to consider this idea? It’s always one or the other, dating or platonic. Seriously?? Nobody remembers that these are still humans in-universe that have feelings like this? That this could totally actually happen to a person? Actually, this kinda thing HAS happened to a person- less dramatically, but people have dated and then found out they’re siblings/related in some way before.

anyways that’s my HC for the day goodbye

[crowned-clown-rising]

Okay some thoughts on s5 of Merlin because I finished this show today and I'm- not ready to let go.

• I'm obsessed with how they show the characters learning and aquiring new skills through the show. Specially Merlin with his magic.

• The way nothing escapes Merlin now? he figures everything out in a heartbeat. He senses and knows everything touched by magic.

• Merlin being the ultimate mother hen with Mordred is so funny. The boy must have chills any time and turn around to find Merlin giving him the death stare.

• Fucking Mordred. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What a dumb reason. FUCK.

• The "There is no place for magic in Camelot" made me literally bleed. Colin delivered that scene SO WELL. Painful. Just... pain.

• GWAINE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GOD THE BEST BESTIE THANK YOU

• Merlin without powers is so scared and please don't do that to him please that's enough slices.

• 5 bucks Gwaine knows about Merlin. Like Gwen. I mean I'm pretty sure the only ones who had no clue were Arthur and Leon.

• Can the dragon please just answer the questions instead of flying away PLEASE.

Merlin asking something to Kilgharrah and having him simply fly away has the same energy as Arthur asking Merlin if he really is wise or just a fool and Merlin just walking away dramatically as a response. Except Merlin tripped with a bucket.

• No but really, Merlin doesn't smile more than like... 5 times in season 5, he is SO worn out and tense and sad it's really heartbreaking to watch.

• Almost as heartbreaking as Arthur saying he was wrong to think Merlin was brave or pushing him away when he found out about his magic.

• He GRABBED THE BACK OF HIS HEAD SOFTLY AS HE CLOSED HIS EYES FOR THE LAST TIME.

• So Arthur doesn't know about the dragonlord part then, does he?

• IN THE SPAN OF A DAY HE WENT FROM "I WANT HIM GONE" TO "I DON'T WANT YOU TO CHANGE I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS BE YOU" AND I'M FUCKING SOBBING

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝐷𝑖𝑙𝑓!𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑆𝑒𝑥 𝑇𝑎𝑝𝑒 𝐺𝑒𝑡𝑠 𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑑 (𝑅𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑)

Warnings: NSFW content. Aged up/Older Ateez but age differences are still within legal boundaries. Allusions to infidelity. Also contains major spoiler for the dilf!Yeosang fic.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

"Hongjoong? Hongjoong baby?"

You lightly tapped his cheek in an effort to wake him up from his nap on the couch. Fluttering his eyes open, he yawned softly, almost an exact replica of how your son often would.

"What? Is it dinnertime already?" He asked while sitting up.

"Almost, but I noticed your phone was going crazy with notifications so I thought it must be something important."

Kissing his sleepy face, you chuckled and returned to the kitchen before anything accidentally burned. Fixing his hair, Hongjoong picked up his phone to see about 10 missed calls, 20 unread messages and a dozen emails all from different people, most of them from his fellow teachers at the university. Scanning through the first few, Hongjoong became wide awake and immediately began looking back to see the email he had sent right before going to sleep.

"Ok food is- what's going on?" You noticed how agitated he looked.

"Um...well.... funny story. You know how I was supposed to send in my report to the administration? I might have accidentally attached the wrong file on there.." He sheepishly admitted to you.

By his tone, you knew it was probably something serious.

"Ok and what was the file?"

Hongjoong grabbed your arm and placed you next to him.

"You're gonna want to be seated for this."

Hongjoong opened the file and held the phone out for you to see. You widened your eyes as you saw it was the old video he had taken of you sucking him off for the first time when you were at the university. You couldn't help the tiny grin tugging your lips as your loud slurping sounds blasted through the speakers.

"Fuck! Miss Y/N, do you really enjoy sucking cock so much?" Hongjoong's raspy voice was heard on the background, one of his hands holding the back of your head to plunge your mouth further down onto his length. You were seen moaning dramatically as you pulled away slightly, drool falling down your chin.

"I used to, but now I think I'll only love sucking cocks that are as big as yours." You winked as your hand pumped along his shaft, your tongue coming out to swirl around his head.

"Still think a pretty young thing like me can't take a cock like yours Mr. Kim?"

Getting so flustered, Hongjoong stopped the video and ran a hand through his hair as he waited for your outburst. When you were silent for a while, he looked over and was confused to see you smiling.

"I can't believe you kept that after all this time." You giggled as your hands cupped his cheeks.

"Well I.... I just like reminiscing about the old times when you used to give me the best suck of my life."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean used to Kim Hongjoong?"

Hongjoong flushed even more when you came down and sat in front of him as you began pulling his pants down.

"I can still give a blowjob that'll leave you breathless."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

"Well it seems your wife and her lawyer have decided to stoop low in methods to stop the divorce from happening."

Seonghwa's lawyer seemed uneasy about telling you guys about it.

"What did that witch do now?" Seonghwa could already feel a headache coming.

"She submitted a video for the judge and other attorneys to view and hopefully use against you.. but the nature of it...... well it's not exactly something we can show in the courtroom but most of us lawyers have unfortunately seen it."

Leaving the laptop open and sliding it forward to you both, the lawyer stood up and cleared his throat.

"I thought perhaps you two would want to take a look and decide what you'll want to do after this." The poor man left the room, feeling embarrased for you.

You were the one who leaned forward to press play. Seonghwa and you stiffened in your seats when you saw it was an old video you had taken during one of the nights he often went over to your place after one of the many fights he'd have with his wife.

"How did she even get a hold of this?" You asked but you weren't really paying attention to your question and neither was Seonghwa, both of you just watched the screen in front of you, seeing the erotic action unfold.

"Shit! Look at you, all stuffed to the brim with my cum, it's leaking out of you."

Your body jolted underneath Seonghwa as his hips once again slammed into yours, your body aching from the overstimulation he had already been giving you for the past hour but you didn't want him to stop, even after he had cum inside you three times already.

"Keep my cum inside your body my little slut. Don't drop any of it out." His voice was raspy and hoarse as he continued his merciless pounding into you.

You looked like a mess by then, your face was buried on the pillow, nails nearly tearing the sides of it and even though it was muffled, your screams of pleasure could still be distinguished through it.

"I'm gonna breed you my little bunny. Stuff your little hole until you're carrying my babies."

Yanking your hair, Seonghwa pulled you so your back was pressed against his chest.

"Cause that's what you promised me right? You promised you'd let fuck my babies in you right?" He cooed as he nipped at your neck.

You whimpered loudly and nodded at him, tears falling out of your eyes.

"Yes! Please! Breed me Mr. Park. I wanna get fucked with your babies." You begged him, your face scrunching up as another orgasm was being pulled out of you.

Seonghwa and you sat there silently after watching all that, taking it all in. It was him who broke the ice by spinning his chair to you and looking all too smug.

"Well I did knock you up didn't I?"

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yunho calmly scrolled over the messages in the group chat he had with his friends, all of them bragging or retelling about what they had done over the course of their vacation.

"What'd you do Yunho?" "Something boring probably."

He rolled his eyes at Jongho's sense of humor.

"I actually had a lot of fun at the waterpark with Y/N and my son. I even have a cute video of it."

Scrolling through his gallery, he didn't realize he accidentally clicked on the wrong video thinking it was the one you took as your son was learning to swim. Confidently pressing send, Yunho waited for them to coo over his boy as they always did when anyone shared pictures of their kids.

"Um.... Yunho? What exactly am I watching?" Seonghwa asked while Hongjoong just replied with a shocked faced emoji.

"Damn, did you have fun turning that bed of yours into a waterpark?" Wooyoung added with a winky face emoji.

Wondering what the hell they were talking about, Yunho opened the video he sent and his face fell when he realized what it actually was that he had sent.

"Yu-Yunho.... too big. I can't." You whimpered pathetically on his screen, your hands rubbing along where his bulge poked out on your abdomen.

"Yes you can baby, you've taken all of me before." He reminded you as he slowly stuffed more of his cock inside you until he bottomed out and his cock was enveloped in your walls.

"There? You see. Your tight pussy can fit me just fine."

Feeling so full yet not having him move inside you, you began whining and clenched around him.

"Yunho, please fuck my tight pussy. I wanna get destroyed by your cock. Please." You begged him.

"Awww do you want me to fuck you dumb with my huge cock? Is that what you want?" His mocking tone was unmistakable even if his face wasn't shown.

"I'm gonna fuck you til you're crying baby, don't say you didn't ask for this."

The rest of the video transpired with his grunts and your whimpering. Yunho's cock disappeared in and out of you at a brutal pace, one of his large hands holding you down so you couldn't move away from him. He ripped orgasm after orgasm out of you until your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you began squirting all over the sheets.

"Fuckfuckfuck! Yunho!" You cried out, unable to stop shaking as he just continued his pace and made you squirt all over again.

"That's it. Be a good girl and squirt more for me. By the time I'm done, all you're gonna remember is this feeling of me breaking you."

Yunho was giggling out of embarrassment now that he knew what his friends saw.

"All of you delete this right now and pretend it never happened."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang looked down beyond the railing on top of the staircase. Although he should have been horrified, disgusted or the slightest bit sad, his face showed absolutely no emotion whatsoever. He just looked at the scene with no remorse, no emotion and nothing at all.

"Sir?" His trusted butler immediately came up, hands behind his back as he awaited for any instructions

"Take care of this Damian. And make sure no one knows about this. If anyone else knows.... take care of them too." He ordered.

The proper English butler let out a chilling smile as he adjusted his cuff links, happy to be able to put his hidden talents to use.

"Rest assured Sir, no one will suspect a thing." He walked away with chest up and shoulders back.

Meanwhile Yeosang turned his attention back to you, who was sitting with back pressed against the wall, eyes shot wide open as your body couldn't stop trembling and shaking from what had just happened. Kneeling in front of you, Yeosang cupped your face, trying to get you to calm down he began hushing you close to your ear.

"It's ok baby. You're ok, you're going to be ok. And our baby is ok." He cooed at you as he stroked your hair.

"She's..she's..." You couldn't form a proper sentence as your mind replayed everything what just happened.

You had just returned from a small trip to the store and went to your room, only to find Mrs. Kang in there, back turned to you.

"Madame? Is there something I can help you with?" You offered.

When the lady turned to look at you, her face was tear strung and red from all the crying she had done, not from heartbreak, but from rage. In her hand, she had your phone and your heart dropped as you heard what it was that she had been looking at.

"I knew you were probably nothing more than a low, poor common whore, but to actually know you slept with my husband!"

You gasped when she came up and slapped you harshly across the face before yanking your hair and throwing you on the ground. Your hands immediately clasped around your belly protectively and the lady's face fell in shock.

"Don't tell me that the bastard you're carrying is actually..." She clasped a hand over her mouth as it all made sense to her now.

You couldn't help the tears that sprung out from your eyes. This was not what you wanted to happen

"I'm sorry, I-"

You began screaming when she suddenly pulled you up and began dragging you out of the room and into the hallway. When she pressed you up against the railing, you began to fearfully fight back for your and your baby's life, desperately trying to get out of the mad woman's grip.

"I'm going to fucking kill you! You and your child! How dare you do this to me?!"

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

"How was I supposed to know there would be a camera right in the middle of the beach placed on a totally secluded place? I mean come on! Hardly anyone ever goes to that spot, why install security cameras on a place hardly anyone goes to?!" San tried to justify himself as you both looked at the computer screen in front of you.

"Maybe precisely because people prefer going to secluded places to do illegal activities?" You glared at him.

"In my defense, it's not like we were hiding a dead body." San wanted to lighten up the mood.

You groaned as you covered your face.

"Why did I even agree to letting you fuck me in public at a beach?"

San rolled his eyes at you.

"Oh stop. You could have said no many times but instead you actually begged me to go harder on you. Don't believe me? I got evidence to back me up."

Pressing play once again, San nudged you so you could look at the video playing again. The good thing about it was that it happened during the night so your faces weren't that visible. But it was clear enough for anyone to see what was going on.

It happened during the vacation you two took to the beach. While talking a midnight stroll through a lonely part of the beach, San had gotten a little too wild and began groping you.

"San! Right now?" You squeaked when he cupped your breasts from behind, pulling your biking top to the side so he could squeeze them better.

"I'm feeling a little romantic babygirl. Wanna have my way with you right here." He whispered in your ear as a hand dipped inside your bikini bottoms, rubbing along your clit.

Your legs were turning to jelly the more you felt his caresses and the steamy kisses he pressed along your shoulder blades.

"If you'd rather go back to the hotel room, I'll carry you there right now." He offered as he began his pull his hands away.

"No! Fuck me right here." You told him.

"I knew you'd open up to the idea." He chuckled as he layed down on the sand, pulling you on top of him.

Both of your swimwear was soon discarded and you were bouncing on top of your husband's cock as the moonlight illuminated your sweaty and dewy bodies. Even after you had both came, you were begging San to keep going, which prompted him to grip your hips and start ramming up into you as he sputtered out words about making another baby with you.

Your lips were still pursed tightly even after the video was over. San stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head in an effort to calm your worries.

"If it makes you feel better....... the camera really captured your gorgeous figure." He snickered and held his hands up protectively when you started smacking him.

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

"You like that my little slut? Like being treated like this?" Mingi's deep voice asked as he tugged on the leash that was wrapped around your neck.

You grunted when he pulled you forward, the tip of his cock pressing against your lips and nose. Your mouth instantly parted, tongue licking the underside of his shaft.

"Such a dirty little cockslut." He teased you.

"Only for you daddy." You winked up at him but were met with a harsh slap on your face.

"Did I say you could talk slut? I don't remember giving you permission to talk." He harshly said.

"Why don't you shut me up then?" You challenged him.

Mingi plunged his cock deep inside your mouth, stuffing himself down your throat, making you gag around his long length. Using the leash, he kept pulling your face to and fro so he could fuck your face. You were moaning and choking all over his cock, spit running down your chin and onto the floor as his tip hit the back of your throat.

"Oh fuck!" Mingi cried out as he pulled out to cum on your face, splattering his hot liquid all over your forehead, cheeks and your tongue as you had it stuck out to eat up some of his cum. Mingi's thumb grazed over your swollen and red lower lip, pinching it slightly.

"You look so pretty like this." He said as he began tightening the leash around you.

"Well you did look pretty." You laughed when Mingi spoke up behind you.

"Shut up!" You pushed his face away when he began nuzzling his face against your cheek as he tried to keep you from freaking out over the fact one of your private videos had accidentally ended up online.

Mingi just chuckled and pulled you onto his lap.

"What are we going to do?" You sighed.

"Look on the bright side, your face was covered by the mask and no one really saw me so as far as anyone is concerned, it's an anonymous couple." He assured you. Wanting to get a little funny, he joked:

"Maybe we could even start an OnlyFans account."

You slapped his chest.

"Song Mingi!"

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

Although Wooyoung should have been furious over the fact the CCTV footage of you two in the strip club you used to work in got uploaded without your permission onto an adult site, he was surprisingly calm.

"I could have sworn I payed them to turn the cameras off?" He questioned as he knew fully well that customers weren't allowed to touch the strippers, hence why he paid an expensive amount just to be able to get alone time with you.

"Clearly that didn't happen." You stated as you just watched the video play out in front of you. You weren't going to lie, besides the slight arousal it was giving you to watch the sex tape, it also made you feel fuzzy to remember how your relationship with Wooyoung started in the first place.

"One thousand dollars if you hop your pretty ass over here and bounce yourself on my cock."

Your naked figure wasted no time in going over to take him out of his confinement before fucking yourself on top of him. Wooyoung was spilling out a clutter of curses as he watched your ass bounce on his lap. Soon enough he was landing slaps on your skin until it became red, his hips fucking up into you.

"Your own place, monthly allowance and anything else you want if you leave this place and become my own personal fuck toy."

You nearly came at his words when he made his final offer.

"Fuck! Yes! I accept!" You exclaimed.

Shifting positions, Wooyoung got you on all fours on the couch as he began to relentlessly thrust into you from behind, his cock hitting deep inside you.

"You're my little fuck toy now beautiful. No one else gets to fuck this cunt of yours but me."

You let out a loud yelp that was probably heard outside the door when you felt his hand slap your clit.

"No one, got it?" He snarled at you.

Your thighs clenched together as he remembered how possessive he was, and still was, towards you.

"Did the video affect you so much?" You heard Wooyoung ask as his hands came up to rub your shoulders. You shivered when his teeth grazed at your earlobe.

"Cause I know it affected me."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

"Which one of those fuckers hacked into my personal computer and leaked this?"

Jongho single handedly split an apple which terrified the person in front of him.

"We don't know s-sir...." He trembled.

"Well find out who they were and report back to me, I want you to work fast too. Now get on it!" He ordered harshly.

You came into the office and were confused when a poor intern sped out of there looking like he saw a ghost. Closing the door behind you, you handed Jongho a folder.

"The vein on your forehead is sticking out, what happened?" You knew he was majorly stressing over something and it was probably no small thing.

Huffing, he turned the computer so it could face you.

"One of those fuckers out there got a hold of the systems and managed to hack into my computer. Not only that, they decided to spread a certain video around." He explained, fists clenching and unclenching.

"What video?" You asked.

"Press play and find out."

Doing as he said, you blushed when you saw it was an old video of a time when you and Jongho were still a secret couple. He had stayed over at your house and during the night, he had snuck into your room and crawled his way into your bed, which you allowed him to.

"Shhh. You gotta be quiet princess. Don't want to get caught by your dad right?"

You shook your head and bit down onto one of the plushies laying around you in an effort to muffle the sounds coming out of your mouth as Jongho's thick dick kept sliding in and out of you.

"This is so fucking dirty. I'm ruining you even more by fucking you in the bed you grew up in. Tell me how does it make you feel? To have me shove my cock deep in your pussy in your childhood bedroom while your parents are asleep? Are you enjoying it?"

You whined loudly and clenched more around him as your breathing became more labored and you panted like crazy.

"You enjoyed it so much, you ended up pregnant by me."

You lifted your head to see Jongho wink at you which made you giggle.

"You enjoyed it too, don't even lie."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners

[hirokiyuu]

actually i changed my mind i'm doing liner notes while fic is stlil fresh in my brain

i wanted so so badly to title this "how could i ever be so dumb to believe i'd be the one you would adore" but it was too long. heartbreaking. this would still have been such a baller title. i did consider "the one you would adore" but i think the title i settled on was better lol

i also wanted to use smth from no love in february which is also pretty dyssol for this exact scenario u kno. wnating sol to have reached out to him and hten not getting it <3 "where were you when i needed to hear you say / turn around i'm right behind you!" all that shit its soooo good for htem tbh

originally sym emerged "from the shadows of the forest" and my beta was like "there's no forest this is the ridges, the whole point is there's no forest" and i had to pull up the literal in-game text that has him emerging, quote, "from the shadows of the forest." they were so angry it was immesnely funny. i did cut it tho bc it's technically inconsistent w/worldbuilding LMFAO

i kind of wish it'd come up more but part of this sol is characterized by being unaugmented. real fucked up that people just give u extra kudos for not being augmented lmfao i do think abt that as the perk a lot

this sol's also super poly. i wanna go into this in another ficlet maybe but she was genuinely really vibing with dys's crush on sym from the start (which is part of the reason he was confused abt whether or not she liked him, lol)

originally this run was gonna be ot3 but i fucked up the timing of sym's last event but honestly? ive mentioned this before but hinge poly sol/dys/sym? does vibe. tfw ur boyfriend is clearly in love w/ur girlfriend who shes not dating also and u jsut ahve to deal w/that

a lot of the convo ended up rearranged from canon to better flow, and some stuff got cut. im still SO sad i couldnt work in dys droppign his entire dinner in the fire thats like one of my favorite parts. dyssol is best when they are both STupid <3

also sad in retrospect i had to cut the whole "where were you" but again it did not fit. i just wanted them yelling stupidly at each other tbh LAKHSGLKAHSLDKG

so i wrote this entire fic out of order starting with "you absolute spacehead, i am in love with you" which means when i wrote the part where sym cuts in my beta, who never got this scene, went SYM WAS JUST THERE? and i was like. yeah. thats canon btw thats part of the canon scene. and they lost it

"i am so stupid into you, i love you more than anything or anyone in this whole dumb universe" as a dramatic love confession is fun i think. simultaneously very like...... desperate and aching and also kind of stupid u kno. very nineteen of her. one of my fave lines from this in general tbh

the funniest possible note from my beta on the middle of the kiss

"i want all those kids tammy and i picked out dumb names for when we were nine" is another personal fave lmfao. again. dumb teens trying to talk abt the future and what they want

it was really important to me that sol didn't look pretty while she was crying. snotty + wet-faced and kind of ugly about it u kno. dyssol are a little gross and they love each other about it! it's aprt of the love

ive always thought abt dys not having anyone to find him on the spaceship (if hes not sols childhood friend) and connecting that to him disappearing on the ridges. the vibes. impeccable. of course he goes home with sol then if they ask, it's the first time anyones come looking. god. (thinking abt dyssol) GOD

dys: hey does anyone think its weird youer both just dating me now. no? just me? okay

i mean obviously the polyam negotiations DO come but again. this sol+sym in general are both just like. sweet more people to love dys

i didnt tag this as marz+dys or utopia+dys but it is immensely importnat to me that he has multiple people who love and worry and care for him. marz fucks up a lot as kids but i like how if u try to bully dys in her 10 shes like :/ no you moron im trying to KEEP him from dying :////

"clinging like he's five years old" This One Was On Purpose

originally at the end there was a joke sol made abt jumping him but it didn't fit tonally. i do think its immensely funny conceptually still tho

WOW THESE GOT LONG LMFAO anyways i lvoe ridgefic the whole ridge confession really did smth to my brain. enjoy the fruits of my disease

[bcdwhcre]

This is my 2nd time I'm sending a request I'm sorry this'll be my last ansjsj

Can you do a Hanji x reader where the reader and Hanji are best friends in the scouts and the reader has feelings for Hanji so they tend to act a little flirty? But the reader is actually Levi's sister and Levi finds it so obvious how much the reader loves Hanji so he just teases for her it? Hanji then overhears the reader talking about her feelings and boom! Confession! ^^

“Confessions,” Hange x Reader

Girrrrl send as many requests as you like, I don’t mind at allllllllll. Hanji Hanji, I love her and I know I spell it how it is in the dub its a habit. my apologiesssssss.

Summary: Levi’s younger sister has a crush on Hange and he finds it real obvious, teasing you until you end up confessing.

Warnings: none

.

.

.

Growing up wasnt easy. You and Levi were left to starve and then trained to be full on machines, learning how to fight and defend before you were even ten years old.

Levi had tried his best to protect you, he still does to this day as the both of you worked in the scout regiment and were each made Captains.

The more time went on and days were spent all together in the room, drinking and eating. You found yourself having a big crush on Hange, you liked her confidence and the way she’s driven to the Titans and wanting to learn about them. It was crazy but you liked it.

You would even admit that you were in love with her. You would spend your days off with her, learning about her discoveries, her theories and even spent time with her when she had caught two Titans and did research on them up close.

The way she was in love with her work, the way she dedicated herself to the two Titans and was absolutely fascinated with them, even if it almost killed her on numerous occasions- it just all made you fall in love with her more.

You were in deep.

It wasn’t long till Levi had caught on, he knew you better than anyone and the way you stared at her from across the room or the way you listened to every word she said as she rambled on about pointless stuff that you knew nothing about.

He knew you had a big crush on her and he teased you about it for months on end. He made sure to be the annoying big brother that bullies his sister with jokes about how you’re soft for her, how you practically drool over her when she speaks to you.

“Just shut up, Levi.” You groaned, sitting inside his office as he laughed, shooting more playful jokes your way.

It had made you grow frustrated with your brother, he was a pain in the ass to deal with and now that he knew that you liked your fellow comrade, he couldn’t help but bug you about it.

It was entertaining to him, this was the only time he got a good laugh during the awful times of working and risking your lives to protect others.

“C’mon, it’s funny.” He rolled his eyes at your attitude but laughed about it shortly afterwards.

“It’s only funny to you, dumb ass. Why don’t you stop being a lonely old man and go find someone.” You said sarcastically, making his eyebrows furrow and shoot you a dirty look.

“I don’t need anyone. All I need is myself and you, remember that.” He simply said but you knew why he was never interested in finding someone for himself.

Levi holds up this giant wall that is three times bigger than him. He acts cold, he acts like he isn’t phased by anything but deep down, everything hits him like bricks. He convinced himself that being alone was a better option as a Scout instead of setting himself up for heartbreak and risk loving someone just to lose them to Titans.

He convinced himself that nothing was more important than family. Than you, as his little sister. He didn’t need anything else but you, losing you would be losing himself entirely.

“I’m grown, I can watch myself.” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Eh, you still remind me of the five year who cried all the time.. You still cry all the time.” He joked, making you roll your eyes.

“So, are you going to tell Hange or should I?” Levi spoke up again, bringing the topic right back on the table and you groaned dramatically.

You didn’t want to talk about it any longer, the fact that a simple crush was being held over your head was annoying enough especially it being done by Levi. You wanted to punch him in the face and you were tempted to do it at this very moment.

You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to tell Hange your feelings, in the back of your head you were convinced she didn’t go in that direction, that she didn’t like women but some times it was questionable but the paranoia had lingered over you which prevented you from even thinking about telling her.

While you argued with your brother, Hange had walked down the hallway to actually look for you to help her with some theories she had in mind. She wanted to run them by you because you were the only person that showed interest and actually gave her good advice.

As she walked by Levi’s office, she overheard your voice and stopped in her tracks when her name was brought up in the conversation.

“Are you going to tell Hange or should I?”

She raised her eyebrow, tell her what? She was confused as she stood by the door, her ear up to the crack to listen to more. She hated to be nosey but she couldn’t help it when she was brought up.

“How am I supposed to tell her? It’s not as easy as you make it sound, Levi. This could either ruin our friendship or not.” You hated this, you hated the topic and you wanted to move on.

But Levi being the annoying asshole he was, he edged on and on just to watch the pure irritation on your face just for his amusement.

“C’mon, it’s not that hard. Just open your mouth up and speak.” He smirked, resting his arms on the desk as he leaned forward.

“You’re just a scary chicken.” He teased, making Hange almost giggle under her breath at the childish nickname he gave you.

But the more she stood there, the more she was intrigued with the conversation and wanting to listen to more. She had glanced down each side of the hallway to make sure no one was near or walking down to blow her cover as she continued the sneaky act.

“God, you’re so irritating. It’s not that easy for me to walk up to her and say I’m in love with you. Keep teasing me about it and I’ll kick your short ass.” You threatened him, making his laugh only grow louder.

Her eyes widen at the confession you let out. You were in love with her? She couldn’t process it or think clearly but it had definitely made her heart pound inside her chest and adrenaline run through her veins.

As you got up from the other side of the desk, telling your brother that you were leaving as he continued to giggle like a school girl. Once she heard your footsteps come closer to the door, she had practically ran down the hallway and go around the corner.

She didn’t really know what to do, should she bring this up to you? Should she just get this over with and confront you? She didn’t know and all that thinking she did, she didn’t realize you walking down the hallway in her direction until you startled her by turning the corner.

“Oh shit!” You jumped, making her jump and drop the files she was holding in her hands.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.” You admitted shyly, your cheeks growing hot as you kneeled down to scatter up the files and hand them back to her.

“It’s okay, actually- I was looking for you.” Hange abruptly said then quickly shut her mouth, that’s not what she wanted to say- now the topic was at the front of her mind.

“Oh? What about?”

“Uh, I had some theories but first I kind of wanted to get something off my chest.” She said, fixing her glasses and met your gaze with a almost worried look that made you become paranoid.

“I didn’t mean to um, listen in but I heard you and Levi talking.” She finished, making your eyes go wide and suddenly your cheeks were as red as a tomato.

“Ahh, um.” You didn’t know what to say, you started to stutter and started to look around the empty hallway to avoid her stare.

This is not what you had in mind about confessing to Hange. You couldn’t help but think if Levi was behind this sick plan, it wouldn’t be surprising if he did- he’s a selfish asshole after all.

As you stood there quietly, Hange had began to worry and clung tighter onto the files in her hands. She didn’t really know what to say and that’s coming from someone who is always talking and rambling about something.

But as she stood in front of you, watching you get all flustered up, it gave her a bit of a confidence boost to lean down and press her lips on yours, catching you by surprise completely.

You weren’t expecting this, your anxiety made you think of the worst in every situation but here she was, kissing your lips and it made your heart skip a beat at the small kiss.

When she pulled back, both of your faces flustered up and red- she had given you a cute smile and gestured you to follow her.

“C’mon, I have some theories to tell you.”

You were confused, thrown back but you followed her back to her office and she noticed how you were still quiet, probably even overthinking the small kiss you two shared.

“I hope you know that me kissing you meant that I like you too.”

.

.

.

Soft soft soft🥺

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[notmuchofatail]

Ah, Love || Pippory

@exsqueak-me​ 

So Pip had gotten broken up with. Or... had broken up with his boyfriend himself. Gregory didn’t know the logistics because Pip didn’t say. That was okay! It clearly wasn’t Gregory’s business and if he didn’t want to share it that was fine! However it didn’t mean that Gregory wasn’t concerned for his friend. Sure, he was always dramatic (that was the Pip way, loud, overexaggerated, funny) but... Greg had a feeling that a lot of those jokes and humor was covering up for real hurt and pain. 

Something... Greg knew quite a bit about himself. 

So... yeah, the older man knew he couldn’t really do anything to make it better. It was a heartbreak - he couldn’t pick up those pieces and mend them right now, but he hoped at least that he could spend time with him. Make him... feel slightly better or think about things other than break-ups and dumb boys. 

So dog dates it was. Plus!! He could.. give Pip a bit of a sneak-peak at the new Ruff to Fluff too! His most loyal customer deserved that, didn’t he? It wasn’t close to done, but the exterior of the building itself was and the large open space behind the building was still fenced in, open, grassy and safe. Plus it was beautiful and calming and just.. less chaotic than Main Street Park. A perfect place for a relaxing day! 

When Pip showed up, Gregory offered him a gentle smile - Tucker already running full force towards the other man (and his dog) to greet them in a much more excited fashion. “...h-hey.” He spoke once he was close enough, gesturing towards the blanket beside him that Gregory had laid out upon the grass. “...there’s m-my favourite m-miserable company, i-innit.” 

[wormstacheangel]

Almost: Ch8

Final chapter is finally here! The bonus one will be posted hopefully soon but this the ending. Think of it as 15x19 and the next chapter is 15x20 except it doesn’t make you feel stupid. Or I don’t know how you’ll feel about this actually lol

Summary:  Dean and Cas finally use their words. And sometimes it's too late. Sometimes it's just the relief of just knowing that makes someone truly happy.

Read on Tumblr: Ch1 link | Ch2 link | Ch3 link | Ch4 link | Ch5 link | Ch 6 link | Ch 7 link

Read on AO3 link (maybe leave a nice little comment?)

Word Count: 2978 More Under The Cut

“Oh,” Sam quickly stands up and nudges Charlie to stand up with him. “Mick! You should come see Charlie’s café!”

Charlie was quick to pick up Sam’s plan - an obvious one - as they both stumbled over each other to push Cas inside the room and pull Mick away. Sam wrapped an arm around Mick’s shoulders, towering over him, while Charlie tugged at his arm.

“Um, I think I’ll just stay with Castiel.” Mick tried to pull away from them but Sam had already pushed him away from the office door. 

“Don’t be silly! I have like thee best pies in town!” 

Their voices slowly started to get further and further away. Mick trying to politely decline while Sam and Charlie talked his ear off. It would have been funny if Cas wasn’t standing right in front of him practically shaking like a damn leaf. His jaw was clenched as he kept his hands balled up in the dumb ugly trench coat again. He looked cute though. With nice fitting black jeans and a half-tucked in forest green sweater. Matching the fall weather perfectly. 

Dean swallowed hard before taking a step towards him. “Are you okay?”

“No.” He answered quickly and firmly. Cas’s eyes were looking at him now. Ice piercing through him and chilling him through his bones. Making him stop where he was standing. Still a few steps away from Cas.

“I’m sorry.” Dean’s voice was low, shaky. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’ll behave!” Dean took another small step towards him. “I’ll do better just don’t-”

Cas looked away from him, shoulder’s stiff as he poked his tongue at his cheek. “I just came to let you know that we’re leaving tonight. We’re going to the airport after this.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat. This was goodbye. This was another damn goodbye and it felt so familiar, heartbreak and all.

“Don’t.” Dean walked towards Cas but stopped just an arm’s reach away. He hasn’t had enough time with him. And he knows - he fucking knows - that if Cas leaves that he would never see him again. Cas didn’t need money when Mick was perfectly well off. He would live comfortably with his dumb British fiance so there was no need for him to even come back. To come back to Dean. 

No. Cas was saying goodbye for the last time. 

Cas turned to look him over and his face scrunched up but that stubborn asshole won’t admit to his tears. Instead, he kept looking at Dean with a serious glare. 

“I thought I’ll get more time to...to maybe-” Dean continued as his hand reached out to take Cas’s arm but Cas pulled away. And shit. That. That fucking hurt. Dean nodded in understanding as he sucked on his lower lip. 

Don’t touch. Got it.

“Mick wants to go home early. He um, he doesn’t like it here.” Cas looks away again, looking down at their feet as his lips scrunched up. Nose wiggling as he let out a sniffle. “So it doesn’t look like we’ll ever come back to visit.”

“Is it,” Dean stuffed his hands in his pocket as he cleared his throat. “Is it cause of me? Did you get in trouble?”

Cas let out a loud hollow laugh and when he looked back at Dean he was smiling. It was so sad and broken before he wiped his tears away. “Of course it’s because of you! You fucking dumbass.”

“Okay, got it.” Dean nodded as he scratched at the back of his head. Should he reach for him again? He wanted to just pull him in for a hug but Cas doesn’t want that. “Maybe I can try to talk to Mick! Tell him that - no?”

Cas was shaking his head as he let out a shaky breath. His shoulders shook and finally, the stiffness was gone. “He doesn’t particularly like you anymore, Dean.”

“Yeah, I don’t really like myself right now either.” Dean shrugged before smiling at Cas. Cas’s shoulders fell as he let a soft chuckle before his face crumbled and he jumped into Dean’s arms. 

Cas hugged - no he was gripping him - Dean for dear life. His face tucked into the crook of Dean’s neck as his whole body shook with a soft sob. Dean’s eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around Cas. 

It was obvious now that Cas didn’t choose him. He was leaving with Mick and they’re never going to see each other again. Dean can’t even keep him in his life because he lacks basic self-control. All he wants is to hold Cas. To lean into Cas. To take his hand and walk down the sidewalk with him. To kiss him. To love him. 

“Stay?” His brittle voice was barely a whisper but he knew Cas heard him as he nuzzled his face deeper into Dean’s skin. The only response was another shaky cry so Dean kept his hold on Cas, fingers gripping at the back of his coat with a hold that started to burn.

“I’ll do better. I promise I’ll do better.” He sounded like he was pleading with him now and Cas pulled away just enough to take Dean’s face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away tears as he looked at him with knitted eyebrows.

“It’s not you, Dean.” Cas reassures him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said...I promise it’s not you.”

“Then why-?”

“I want to kiss you right now.” Cas smiles, such a sad depressing excuse of a smile. “I want to kiss you more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone.” Then he shrugs as his thumb traced over Dean’s lower lip. “But I can’t.”

“Why not?” Dean kissed his thumb.

Cas let out a shaky laugh while he rolled his eyes. “You know why.”

“Mick.” Of course. He didn’t even know why he asked such a dumb question when he already-

“No. Well, yes. Him too.”

“What else is there, Cas?”

Cas tilted his head at him and narrowed his eyes at him with that damn look. The one that was asking are-you-really-that-stupid-or-are-you-fucking-with-me? Dean just raised his eyebrows in response. Waiting for Cas to answer.

“Do you really think I’m so fucking stupid, Dean?” Cas pushed away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. His fist digging into his side. “Just because you don’t introduce me to them doesn’t mean I don’t know!”

“Them? What the hell are you talking about, man?”

“I know you’re married, Dean!” Cas ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “God! I feel so gross!” He started to pace the small office as he rambled on in frustration. “I thought because you were married that I could...that we could be friends! But I was dead wrong. Oh fuck I was so fucking wrong!”

Married? Married! Cas thought...Mick has said...shit! Dean can only watch him as he tried to connect wires in his head.

Cas stopped and pointed a finger at him. “You know how guilty I’ve been feeling since I fucking kissed you again? I knew you were married but you were just...fuck I missed you so much! And you were right in front of me again.” He took a deep breath as he shakingly glared harder at Dean. “I love my fiance! I do but fuck - Mick is right, Dean.” He was pacing again, wiping tears as he went. “Mick is so right. We need to leave now before me and you end up fucking up our lives just because we still love each other.”

Those words made Dean blink back at him. He sucked in an audible breath as the realization hit him.

Cas then stopped in front of him with a dramatic eye roll and tilt of the head. “Dean? Are you really just gonna stand there and not say - oof!”

Dean took Cas’s face in his hands and finally kissed him again. He chokes down a cry as he kisses Cas slowly and softly. Feeling Cas melt against him and grip at his sleeves while his breath tickled Dean’s lips. 

When he pulled away Cas’s eyes fluttered open as his eyes started to round up and fill with tears. 

“You love me?” Dean asked as he pulled Cas close and nuzzled their noses together. Cas nods a few times quickly before chasing after Dean’s lips.

Their lips brushed, delicate, smoothly, as their salty tears mixed in between them. Cas’s finger shakingly pressed against the base of Dean’s jaw to hold him. They kissed once. Twice. Three times. Until they were both left dizzy and breathless while they leaned against each other. 

“Say it.” Dean’s voice was small but Cas smiled as he nuzzled their noses together.

“I love you, Dean.” Dean’s heart leaped in his chest and he couldn’t stop to think when he picked Cas up in his arms to sit him down on the open space in the desk. Cas laughed as he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss.

“Your turn,” Cas tells him as he starts to pepper small kisses on the side of Dean’s face. Starting with the small tear on Dean’s lower lip and on his bruised up cheek. 

Dean laughs as he nuzzles his face into Cas’s throat, the giggle that Cas let out should be fucking illegal for how cute it fucking was. Kissing him and feeling so damn weightless and happy. He was just given a stupid amount of money but this - Cas in his arms - was the happiest he has felt in so long. He loves him! He loves me!

“I love you, Cas.” Dean pulls back so he can look at him while he says it. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

Cas sucks in a shaky breath as he looks at him and fuck he looked so happy. So damn bright like Dean was handing him the whole fucking moon. Cas leaned forward again but they both froze with lips barely brushing as they heard Cas’s name being called from the garage.

“Shit! Mick.” Cas pushed Dean off as he jumped off the desk and started to straighten up his clothes and smooth down his hair. Dean didn’t even realize he pulled at Cas’s arm until Cas tugged at it, eyes wide and worried. “Dean, please, I gotta go.”

“Don’t. Don’t go, Cas.”

Cas sighed. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. We both already have-”

“I’m not married, Cas!” That made Cas stop. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so Dean continued. Pulling Cas close to him again. Gently cradling his face as he looks back at those wide confused eyes. “I’m not married. I don’t know where you even got that shit from but I’ve never been married. Shit, Cas, I haven’t even had a damn date in a fucking year.”

Cas’s eyes kept flickering on him as if trying to read him. “But I-I...I came back.”

“You what?”

“I came back, Dean.” Cas repeats himself as he puts a hand over Dean’s. “A few months after I left. I couldn’t handle your rejection…But one day I just missed you. I needed to hear your voice so I went through my old phone to listen to your voicemails. I went through your text and then your emails.” Cas leaned forward to press his forehead against Dean’s. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I left you like that. It was a few months after your Mom died and I knew how you would get so I saved up money to come back. To see you. To take care… but I was too late.”

Those few months were all a big blur and Dean pulled back to look at Cas’s tearful expression. “You came back?”

Cas nodded with a broken laugh mixed in with a sob. “Yeah. Dropped out of my first year and everything. Gabriel was pissed.” Cas wiped his tears with his sleeve. “But you were already with someone. I-I saw you with a baby and figured…”

“Dude, that’s not my kid. Lisa and I only dated for a while after Mom died. She was just...she was just there.”

“But Dad said you guys were planning your wedding.” He looked past Dean again, with the faraway look in his eyes. “I had to go back to him because I didn’t have enough money to go home and he told me all about you two. That you were happier than anyone has ever seen you.”  Cas then blinked at him again. Focusing on Dean once more as his shoulders stiffened. He poked Dean’s shoulders as he glared at him. “He told me that you said I was dead to you. That you fucking hated me.”

Dean slapped his hand away. “Dude, stop poking me.”

“He said you hated me and wanted me dead, Dean!” Cas’s eyes were shaking now as he glared at him. “Do you hate me?”

“No! Shit, Cas! Course I don’t!” He grabbed Cas’s shoulders. “Is that what you thought this whole time?”

“Dad said-” His voice was low. 

“You’re Dad hated your guts, Cas!” He watched Cas’s lost eyes slowly start to click things together. “Why would you believe him?”

“I was surprised when you said you missed me when we saw each other again.” Cas laughed, it was a little manic. “Fuck and then you said you loved me! And - And it was all too much.” Cas meets his eyes again. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were messing with me. And I… And I-I-I couldn’t let you have so much control of my heart again. I just couldn’t, Dean.” Cas reaches over and cradles Dean’s face in his hands again. “Losing you - saying goodbye to you - was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

Dean leans into the touch. “Then stop saying goodbye, Cas.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? I said yes to Mick already, Dean. I’m supposed to get married to him soon.”

“Do you love him?”

Cas nods slowly, a painful smile across his lips before he pressed their foreheads together. “But I love you more. I love you, Dean. It’s so fucking stupid how much I fucking love you.”

Dean took those words in. He swallowed them and tried to understand them before he did something he’ll regret. Cas loved him. He knows that now and he was so damn close. He was in his grasp and Dean knew that if he tilted his head forward and kissed him, that Cas would kiss him back. He knew. But it wasn’t enough. 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand as he pulled them off of him, kissing his palms, before letting them drop and taking a step back.

“I’m sorry, Cas, but I think it’s time for you to choose.” Cas reached for him but then dropped his arms to his side. “I love you and I wanna kiss you but I won’t. Not if you’re already spoken for and I’m just fucking things up for you.”

Cas nodded as he started to nervously play with his engagement ring. 

Dean gave Cas his back. Not wanting to see him make the decision. Not wanting to see him walk away. 

This is it. Isn't it? After this, he’ll have no choice but to move on. They will finally have closure to their story. It was just the wrong timing. It was just too messy and filled with too much miscommunication to move on from. 

Cas already had a life. Had a home. Had someone he loved and loved him back. It was just Dean that couldn’t move on. Couldn’t stop thinking, what if? What if he never agreed on his date with Lisa? What if Dean caught Cas on time the first time he left? What if he pulls Cas into a kiss right now? 

Then Dean flinched as he heard the door open. 

And there was his answer. 

Cas was gone. Once again picking Mick while Dean was left behind. Not good enough to love. To stay for. 

He let his head fall into his hands as he took a deep shaky breath. No. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. Fuck. He won’t-

“Dean?” 

Dean quickly spun around to face him. 

“Um, I had to give the ring back.” Cas motioned as he closed the office door again. “We should probably stay here for a while. Mick is not taking the news so well.”

Dean was in front of him in a few long strides and held Cas from the back of the neck. Looking at him in disbelief. “You didn’t leave.”

Cas smiled back at him as he reached to wipe away tears from Dean’s face. “I didn’t leave.”

“Does that mean-?”

“It was an easy choice.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I pick you, Dean. Every time. I mean I do feel bad for leaving Mick like that when he just paid for the plane tickets but may-”

Cas didn’t finish his sentence as he sunk against Dean’s lips. A small gasp let Dean finally deepen the kiss between them and he felt like he finally knew what it was like to love someone. What all those cheesy rom-com movies talk about when you kiss the right person. When the right person loves you back.

“I love you.” Dean says as he starts to pepper kisses around Cas’s jaw. Going down his throat until he can nuzzle his nose into the crook of his neck. “Fuck, Cas. I love you so much and I promise. I promise. I’ll make you happy.”

“You already do.” Cas sighed as he held him, his hands going up and down Dean’s back. To reassure him. To tell him that he was right there. Finally staying. Finally choosing him. “I love you.”

And finally loving him.

Tag List 1: (Ask to be added or removed! I’m chill about it I promise.)

@galaxycastiel @superduckbatrebel @slipper007 @ar-bi-trary @winchestcas

@imlivingliferightnow @bi-bi-marie @nguyenxtrang @dancerdovegirl

@chocolatecakecas @trasherasswood @celestialcastiel @castiel-is-a-cat

@readeroftheimmortalbooks @marichankitty @confusedisaster

@castiels-bitch @destiel-bitches @tearsofgrace @wigglebox

[whimsywispsblog]

Nothing More

A/N: Hello Wispies, how have y'all been? So, I finally completed my first Chrisandra (Chris x Cassandra) ficlet! It is quite short and really dramatic, but I hope you like it!

"So, how's our little Cassie doing?" Emily asked, taking a big bite off her sandwich. Chris raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his awfully cold coffee, trying not to spit the bitter liquid.

"Who the hell is Cassie?"

"Cassandra Demitrescu, of course," Emily gave a deadpanned expression, her lips slowly curling into a smirk, making a few crumbs of bread fall off. "Your...uh...midnight tryst?"

"She's not a midnight tryst, Em. She is just an asset for the intel on the inner workings of the Village and Miranda." Chris rubbed his forehead, slightly irritated.

"Sure." Emily mused, wiping her mouth with a tissue, swallowing down a chuckle that (fortunately) did not go unnoticed by Chris.

Maybe he should have let someone younger from his squad handle the asset. Cassandra Demitrescu. Daughter of Alcina Demitrescu. A dangerous biological weapon walking freely, killing several "preys" who were just innocent ignorant people. And she dreadfully reminded him of Jessica Sherawat, a triple agent. Jessica could hardly keep her hands off him. She was really irritating and petty. She was either dumb enough not to see that he wasn't interested, or she purposefully ignored the signs. He never knew which. Of course, compared to Cassandra, Jessica was a little less annoying. And stupid. Or more like naive.

The two of them engaged in a fight just near the exit of the castle. She was strong and difficult to kill, especially with the mutated insects. But Chris was able to keep up with her games until she took him over with her insects and brute strength. And just as she was about to kill Chris, Cassandra immediately dropped her sickle and rushed to grab a packet of granola that must have fallen off during their duel. Instead of killing her, Chris decided to try and get her to give him more information for a chocolate or a granola bar (Not like he could have killed her anyway. She might be a little distracted, but she could definitely overpower him easily).

A part of him felt awful about manipulating and rattling with her naivete. Still, another part of him knew that she was an uncontrollable and vicious bioweapon. They would always meet up at the Fort, past midnight on days when her mother was at the meeting. To her, it was her moment of freedom (and a chance to initiate a...ahem...a hush-hush intimacy with the handsome outsider). But Chris always tried to dissuade her approaches, at most giving her a peck on the cheek or on her hand. To Cassandra, that was enough for her. After centuries, she was being courted by a handsome gentleman. But Chris- he was stuck in a moral dilemma. Yesterday, they got the information that Miranda has indeed set her eyes on young Rose. They were in their final stages of setting up the cameras to monitor the situation before jumping to conclusions. The fortress was the last place. The squad intentionally left that for the Captain. How kind!

Just as he was ready to step out into the harsh Northern winds, the notification ring of his phone buzzed. There were only 4 contacts (besides his squad) that were never muted: Jill, Claire, Barry and Ethan. And the message was from Jill, a voice message.

"Hey, Chris! So, a little update for you. It seems Ada Wong is liked Connections. We're not sure how. Right now, we're trying to track her down, and we're calling in her little puppy, Leon. Also, I will be leaving for Paris today, there's some intel that we'd like to investigate, and Claire is there too, so hopefully, we'll get to catch up." The voice message ended with her usual goodbyes and see you soon.

Ada Wong. That one name that infuriates him (after Albert Wesker, of course). Although he did know that it was Carla's game and not Ada, after the BSAA received a drive with all the proof from an 'Anonymous Wellwisher' (AW = Ada Wong! Get it?!), he still found it difficult to not blame Ada for it. His fists clenched as he started reminiscing about the Lanshiang incident...Piers...Finn.

-

The inner wall of the fortress echoed the soft sounds of metal clanking and Chris' grunts. There was something about the frosty air and the quietness. Chris enjoyed the languid atmosphere. It was something he craved since the BSAA was formed. Maybe before that. Even sleep was tormenting- somehow, he could hear the snarl of the BOWs, and sometimes he could even feel the icky touch of the creatures. The smell- good lord. That sickening smell haunted him to no end. It was there in everything- even in his favourite burger and fries. But this day, there was something different about it. Or maybe he needed this- some time away from BSAA, away from civilisation and his mission. Just rejuvenate with nature's kisses. The wintery smell and the icy air was just perfect IF...If the sounds of the gravel crunching as someone walked- no, not walked, instead hopped towards him wasn't there. He knew exactly who it was- Cassandra Demitrescu.

"Chris! What are you doing here?" The girl giggled as she buried her face in Chris's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of the harsh fabric on her skin and his scent, of course. Chris gave a soft smile, patting her head a few times. It was only then that Cassandra noticed his gear. "Why are you wearing that funny thing? Are you going on a killing spree?" She giggled once more.

"No. I was just out on a walk before leaving for home."

"Will you come back?" Cassandra asked with her puppy dog eyes.

"Probably. Soon." He smiled.

"Will you stay then? When you come back?"

Chris shook his head with a neutral expression while Cassandra looked down sadly. Her sad face increased Chris' guilt. Ever since he and Cassandra started talking, he learned many things about her. One of the most important: She just wanted a normal life. A human life. Not in the castle, not with her sisters and mother, not in the Village. She wanted to experience a normal human life, and she got it from her time with Chris. It was short, yes, but to her, it was an adventure of a lifetime. A wish fulfilled, but at a terrible cost of having her trust and heart broken eventually. In this situation, he was the heartless monster, and she was an innocent girl who knew nothing outside of her castle.

"So...this is where it all ends?" Cassandra asked, her voice soft and low. Chris placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"Yes. But I am glad to have had spent some time with you, Cassandra." He meant it. He truly did. As much as he could feel his inner voice breaking and howling, there wasn't any other way. Or the only other way was killing her, which Chris did not want to do. She didn't deserve that kind of heartbreak. Not today.

"Then...If you did like it, why don't you stay? I can talk to Mother-"

"I have a job and family back home. I am sorry."

"Bring them here! Stay here!"

"I cannot, Cassandra. I have other commitments." Cassandra's eyes teared up as her lips quivered uncontrollably.

"More important than me?" She whispered, pulling her hood back on. Chris nodded softly, whispering, 'Yes'.

"Maybe I shouldn't have met you," Cassandra said, clutching her dress. "Bela was right. Look at me. I was a fool to believe that this would..." She looked up at Chris, the tears trailing down her cheeks. Chris tried to wipe off the tears, but the girl pushed his hand away, turning her face away. "Just go, Chris."

"I am sorry, Cassandra."

"I don't want your apology." She said finally, bursting into a swarm of flies, flying away from the place. Chris stayed alone in the empty corridor, replaying the moment in his head. Cassandra's tears.

"Damn, Captain, you just broke her heart!" Lobo chuckled, unaware of Chris' growing sorrow.

"Yeah." That was all he said, and that was enough for Lobo to get the hint that his Captain had been, unfortunately, emotionally compromised by their enemy.

Little did Cassandra know that not only was that her last time meeting Chris, but it was her last week alive. Chris knew that she needed to be killed, and she knew that whatever was said and done, Chris cannot stay here in the Village because, unlike for her, this wasn't his home. But that never stopped her sad tears from falling, her soft gasps turning into audible whimpers and mewls, as she held the chocolate wrappers that Chris had given her close to her chest.

Her sobs got louder and louder as she collapsed onto her bed, crying harder and harder. Cassandra could have killed him then and there. She was powerful, and she knew it. She could take down Chris without much trouble. Or maybe even force him to live with her and abandon his home. But Cassandra loved him. Or maybe cared for him too much. She really did. And that is why she chose to let him go.

In a way, Chris, too, let her go. He could have taken her and given her the 'human life' she craved for. But knowing the BSAA, they would first imprison her. Then run several tormenting experiments on her, as if she hadn't lived through enough already. She would have been used as a weapon, and they'd make her do all the dirty work. And lastly, she'd be killed off once her purpose is served. It wasn't worth it, and that would have made her more miserable. In this, atleast she is at home. She has a family. Her death is inevitable, but she wouldn't die alone or in some unknown lands. And she was his mission. Nothing more.

"Nothing more," He muttered, walking towards the safehouse.

[uwua3]

Hi Bunnie! Your Misumi jealousy headcanon was so so amazing! Would it be okay to request the same hc but for Kazu, Tenma + Taichi? Ty and can't wait to see more from you! 🐰

oh my gosh! thank you so much!!! that makes me so happy to hear you enjoyed it; tbh i was a bit nervous due to the different take on misumi’s more thoughtful, erratic side so i’m glad it wasn’t too ooc! for you, i’d love to do a jealous hc for kazunari, tenma, and taichi! let’s GOOO !!!

summary: everyone gets their heart broken, and you were the cause of their broken hearts

warnings: anxiety, cheating, fake/toxic relationships, heartbreak, unrequited love

author’s note: i hope you enjoy it! thank you so much for your support ♡ this is definitely on the longer side for sure, i hope it’s worth the read!!!

i explored different types of jealousy for each person and how it would affect their daily lives! sometimes, the best thing to do is not act on your impulses. is it really worth losing a relationship with someone over? arguably, the only person with a “happy ending” would be taichi~ fair warning!

word count: 4,799 (total) — 2,078 (kazunari), 1,616 (tenma), 1,105 (taichi)

music: ghost heart – closure (kazunari), shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t – niki, rich brian (tenma), needs – verzache (taichi)

jealousy (pt.1)

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it was so hard to always thrive off the attention of others when it was exhausting keeping a smile up

sure, kazunari was a burden when he was excited with his nonstop, loud rant about whatever he learned in his liberal arts university... but people seemed to like him even less when he was quiet and contemplative. he was the butt of the joke, so he had to fake it until he made it

he’d rather be the funny jokester of the group and be remembered as the tolerated clown than forgotten completely

kazunari wanted people to come to him, be his friend, and find him important in their life. kazunari wanted to be everyone’s favorite, the #1, the name you’d say when asked who your best friend was

but no one liked him like that. no one looked to him first when a joke was made to check if he was laughing, everyone assumed he was. but it was so much energy to keep this happy go lucky act and it began taking away from his art

envy made up every cell of his being as he saw groups of supportive friends, students congratulated in front of the class, and just happiness in general. kazunari was always jealous, he wanted so much. he wanted someone to be his best friend

and then, you aced the role with no auditions needed. you made the cut, you entered his life as kazunari’s best friend

you made an effort to include him in group activities, responded to his over–the–top DMs with too many emojis, and even amused him with his spontaneous ideas like road trips to the next town over for the hell of it

it didn’t matter if he called you at the crack of dawn, you picked up before the last ring with just as much enthusiasm to go wherever to make lifelong memories

kazunari didn’t have to pretend like he was full of energy around you, because he was! you charged him up to his full battery and he wouldn’t stop moving until he had you to himself for a few hours

at first, it started out by staying a little bit longer after group project meetings, offering to get absolutely buzzed on overpriced hipster coffee he had to perfect as a barista, and exchanging obvious notes in class while getting in trouble for snickering way too loud

then it became seeing premieres of movies kazunari honestly didn’t care about, he just wanted to do the yawn trick without getting made fun of. he liked dramatically fighting over the popcorn with you before pretending to give up, knowing damn well at the end he’d let you have all his snacks. movies became any event possible: single mixers that were just them huddling in a corner planning to make the most memorable exit ever, mall trips that had inappropiate fashion shows in the dressing rooms before getting kicked out, even beach visits year–round and complaining when the temperatures were too extreme but still having the sickest bonfire

all these moments were posted on his private, more personal instagram where his feed would have your face in every row (he also posted the extremely candid shots of you, he was sneaky with his camerawork). everyone with a social media account knew you guys were platonic soulmates, people destined to meet each other and be by their side for every lifetime

it moved into territory like bringing you to his favorite secret hideouts. eventually, it came down to places he knew his other friends would trash and poke fun at. he began trusting you with his most prized places. his safe space that became yours as well

even his art studio rented out at the border of the urban city with a water–damaged wooden floor. you would drop by everytime he didn’t respond to your text within 10 minutes, with plenty of food because you knew kazunari gets into an obsessive state with completing a project in one sitting. he let you in without a second thought even though you had the spare key; now you were lounging upon a thrifted sofa staring at the sunset

golden hour was gorgeous on you, kazunari thought out of no where, shocking him to the core when he nearly dropped his paintbrush onto the plastic covers. get a hold of yourself man! whatever, he always hyped you up, it wasn’t a big deal. it was just usually, intentional

you didn’t seem to notice, scrolling through your phone as your shadow giggled at something on screen. kazunari felt sick (and it wasn’t the cheap takeout), he hated not being in on the joke and getting left out. jealousy brewed at the pit of his stomach as he faked a childish huff to get your attention. you didn’t look over, too busy sending a meme to someone

“whatchu laughing at?” kazunari asked curiously as he resumed painting, to which you fidgeted under his gaze. shrugging nonchalantly, you pocketed your phone that pinged with a notification. the vibration caused you to read the screen immediately without a second thought. huh...

“just some guy.” you offhandedly mentioned, opening some dating app kazunari could pinpoint. he didn’t know you even liked those types of meet–ups, he dropped his brush this time before fumbling to pick it up as cool as possible

pretending to pay attention to the painting, he lost focus as he glanced at your frame. you looked so relaxed, so casual, who were you so close to? you always told him about the few partners you had, this one threw him for a loop

“guy? don’t tell me my best friend is falling in love~!” kazunari quipped, feigning a pose of shock like it was the worst thing he’s ever heard. honestly, maybe it was, or he was a damn good actor and those hours of practice were working. maybe they were if his best friend couldn’t even see past his facade

you blushed at the implication, but didn’t deny it. you just muttered something about having privacy and rolling over to your side, continuing to text at an inhuman speed

kazunari frowned slightly, drawing his eyebrows together as he couldn’t help but steal glances at your backside. usually he got a joke, a confirmation he was basically your boyfriend, and they both hysterically laughed about it at the end of the day. not this time, apparently

this time, it was different. next time he saw you wasn’t sitting next to him in class, or beneath his arm hiding from the scary film on the projector, it was at the café you frequented to see him. except, you were with someone else. kazunari hadn’t seen you in so long, ever since you were caught messaging someone else

you ordered the same thing as always, you didn’t even have to ask before kazunari had it ready for you. but his whole personality was jittery, like he accidentally ate the entire stock of cacao beans raw. he stammered and his tone fell flat, contrasting his lively speech and flair for drama. he looked... overwhelmed

kazunari spilt your date’s drink last second, his chaotic mind barely controlling his limbs as he knocked over the order. as you tried helping him, every customer saw kazunari hide back in the shell he tried so hard to break. he simply shook his head and delivered his customer service monologue about being very sorry and the next one was on the house

there was at least in attempt in sounding cheerful, but coach would’ve definitely cursed him out for his terrible performance. he knew he was showing too much teeth right now and his eyes were too big to be genuine, but he couldn’t do anything else without his foot tapping repetitively

when you shot him concerned side–eyes from their usual table by the window, you looked different in the orange–hued sky. you were gorgeous in golden hour, kazunari bitterly thought as he wiped down the surfaces until he could see his teary eyes staring back with disgust. he was letting his guard down in front of everyone, how lame

he could hear your walls coming down, you becoming attached to the hip with that date of yours as you two became the only customers left. he heard it all, the flirting, the conversations that would definitely lead to you going back to their place with them. he excused himself to his indifferent manager before hiding in the employee stall, sliding his back down against the wall to sit down on the cold tile floor

kazunari found dates boring. all they led to was him getting his unfinished meal in styrofoam boxes and taking an uber to your place to spill what happened like it was a daily struggle. you laughed and laughed, never having stories of your own since kazunari lived through a lifetime of them for the tall tales

kazunari wanted to go back to that, when both of you were single and laughing together about how absolutely dumb committed relationships were. who else would they need besides each other? kazunari remembered asking, knowing all they could trust in was each other forever

but more importantly, maybe kazunari wanted to be more than your best friend. you were the one who cured his constant artist’s blocks with just words of affirmation, the heartfelt gestures making his serotonin levels skyrocket to oblivion before maxing out on the motivation to create anything that would make your efforts worth it

kazunari thought he just did his best with his friends by his side. but, was it normal for friends to feel like this? kazunari began imagining a painting of a figure, of someone that looked like you, except they were so far away and out of his reach. he wanted to jump through the frame and find you, manifest you for him only

no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the face to resemble anything like yours, like you weren’t his to claim creative rights over anymore

kazunari was jealous. jealous of how easily passerbys fell in love with the way you made anyone feel like they were the main character of their own story. kazunari felt stupid, like he was your comic relief sidekick who so desperately would do anything to be your final love interest

alone, kazunari laughed pitifully to himself as he picked his head up to hear your voice through the thin walls. whatever elaborate joke you were playing on him, it wasn’t funny in the slightest

he only wanted you to laugh with him, hell, he’d go make a fool of himself at any time even if meant you laughed at him

you weren’t one of his artworks, yet you were a masterpiece compared to any canvas he could have made in his entire career

kazunari wanted to paint you in all the colors possible, make you see how you were the rainbow after his rainy life

pushing himself up, kazunari stumbled out of the bathroom before shaking his head. it wasn’t worth it, he got what he wanted, didn’t he? you’re still his best friend, you just loved someone else, that’s all. all he ever wanted was a best friend, why wasn’t he satisfied with that?

when would he stop being jealous? (when would he be your #1 boy? he thought against his will)

taking a deep breath to compose himself, kazunari smiled and waved at the new couple. he saw the relief on your face before you resumed the discussion with the most animated expression he hadn’t seen in a long time. he couldn’t even recall when

everything would go back to normal before you became kazunari’s best friend. you would begin hanging out with the other person more, taking them to all kazunari’s best events. you would eventually stop answering his calls because it interfered with the other person’s schedule. you’d have plans outside of him, and kazunari would go back to being by himself. he’d keep going on dates and stay till the end this time, searching for his #1

(he would have to mute your account after seeing your posts with them, but he never told you that)

kazunari heard something other than you. he looked towards the window: it was raining again, again, and again. he opened his smartphone to take a picture:

kaz–PIKO [new post!]: i hope this rain ends soon!!!

it didn’t, at least, not for a very long time

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

tenma was what you would call, gifted. grew up with successful, charistmatic parents who watched his every move like a hawk, never giving him the time to improve from his mistakes

so every time he didn’t immediately get something, he’d give up and find other things to beat others at

the only thing he did that was acceptable to his father was acting, so he never looked back

tenma became a headliner of countless blockbuster movies and walked the red carpet as a fabricated actor with no authenticity

magazines labelled tenma as the playboy with on & off again relationships, although they were staged by his label to make him appear like some heartbreaker

truth was, he’s just like every other high school student who was really bad at focusing on academics (and had definitely not been in a real relationship)

but tenma was famous, fake friends came and went every time his popularity rose, hitting him up for favors. it was okay, he was famous, anyways. it’s not like he needed a bunch of no–bodies

at least, that’s what he told himself every time he sat with his parents at awards banquets with no one to share his success

(tenma was not jealous at all of stars with full rows of people of their friends who were always so loud and supportive)

(it wasn’t awkward going up on stage to receive a trophy with only polite clapping in the background)

you got cast as tenma’s next love interest

you were supposed to be a fake relationship that lasted longer than every other person he’s been with before

you were an up and coming actress full of potential and enthusiasm to boot, ready to take on in the industry like you were the biggest threat around

but it was clear, you loved acting

you loved playing different characters like they were an extension of yourself, paying close attention to other people’s habits so you could incorporate it in your own persona

it was strange—meeting someone who loved acting at its core and didn’t do it for the money. most people wanted their name in lights, drama with them in the middle, to have an adoring fanbase. who actually liked acting as an art form?

tenma was sure you were just hiding something, lying about your sweetheart public image to gain fans

you and tenma became public by having a public brunch date (tenma hated brunch, it was so pointless!) where photographers hid in bushes to take expensive pictures of tenma’s newest girl

tenma at first put on a facade, pretending to be the cocky star everyone made him out to be by flexing his muscles with a charming but practiced wink. why not, right? every girl loved that!

all of a sudden, you were gripping the tablecloth, dying laughing as you tried your best to stifle your outrageous response. tenma grew hot under the collar when it was clear you were very much a real, hard to hide your feelings type person off screen

immediately, he told you off in an aggressive manner but before he could apologize for being so suddenly boyish, you retorted back just as quickly. the friendly banter between you two sent sparks flying from the electric energy

those staged acts didn’t have any effect on you (unless he was in the mood for some serious jokes which he gladly fought back) so a genuine friendship formed

due to you both being competitive at heart, you guys were always caught in a friendly rivalry where you two shared real bonding moments together

your chemistry was off the charts (your managers were both very pleased with the outcome, oblivious to tenma’s defensive no ways!)

tenma’s favorite memory was ditching a panel interview without his parent’s permission to go blow his money on a popular chain arcade im the mall he could most definitely afford with his credit card. it was impulse but he texted you the address and miracously, you showed up on your own

both of you wore the worst disguises possible: snapbacks and funky graphic tee shirts as if you two were just regular students. tenma tried everything that even caught his eye, and you knew he wasn’t entirely happy with anything he got despite winning ten games already

clearly he wasn’t getting distracted enough, something must have happened on set

so you made a bet, whoever won the basketball hoops game would take all the tickets. you knew this would ignite the competitive flame within tenma

“you’re on!” tenma declared, shaking your hand with a firm grip and wolfish grin. that would be one of the last times tenma saw you as “one of the boys”

it was when you finally won against his bruised ego but chose a prize for him that tenma realized, he liked you for you. normally, he’d be showering his fake partner with stuffed animals before being ditched on the street corner, the plastered smiles gone and replaced with nasty annoyance

(he’d never admit it, but even the fake affection was nice while it lasted)

no one really liked him for him, he was just another famous teen actor with passable looks to be the side boyfriend

yet, you still got him something despite winning, giving him the plant and ignoring his surprised face

it wasn’t expensive, but it was the most meaningful gift he’s ever received

it was the first time tenma was given a present like that: a tiny bonsai tree

“maybe that’ll teach you some responsibility!” you joked, pushing him teasingly as he just stared at the little tree, feeling like something inside grew as well

he ignored it by challenging you to a DDR tournament (you won, again)

tenma began seeing the bonsai as a symbol of your friendship with him, and it felt good to finally have someone who would go out of their way to be his friend

(as a result, the bonsai was as healthy as ever)

but maybe, his macho–man act turned you off the wrong way and made him seem like a spoiled rich kid. you never could open up seriously about problems you had without laughing at tenma’s serious face, always messing up his bright orange hair and calling him a loser

tenma was tired of being a kid in your eyes, he wanted to be your manly boyfriend that wasn’t just a legacy actor

he was jealous every time you talked about your actual friends from home, who you shared everything with and made them out like they were the best people on the planet

it was silly, but did you think about him like that? did your friends even know you were with him?

tenma, for the first time, wanted a relationship that was more than just a publicity stunt. he wanted to be your boyfriend, more than just the faker

he wanted to meet your friends, then your family, and learn more about who you actually were. know what you were made up of, past the glamarous movie lifestyle he knew too well

tenma wanted to stop lying to the media because you deserved the truth

tenma wanted to recite his script about love but mean it, pretending like he was staring into your eyes and delivering the best performance of his life (if you ignore the fact he almost said your name)

but every time you guys went out, you acted like you were a babysitter and tenma was a child. you never could see him as a potential partner, just a rival who reacted like a brother would

but you read his behavior all wrong

(though honestly, tenma took every opportunity possible to have you close, because he knew you’d never be his again)

by the time the contract was up, tenma was too late. you were ruffling his hair and smiling like a sibling would, commenting on how fun it was to be with him and he could call you up anytime for tutoring. to you, he was just some high schooler who needed you to study with

but to tenma, he had caught feelings and there was nothing he could do about it

tenma would soon see the tragic news titles of how japan’s favorite it–couple split and you moved onto someone else

(someone much more serious and cool than he was, unfortunately)

tenma began booking roles in much more different films, ones with much more somber tones and melancholy scenes that fit his jealousy perfectly (he was often reviewed as having a “real connection” to his character, like he lived through the pain)

tenma noticed the way you were around the same age as your idol partner, how you actually held his hand while blushing for once. you even kissed them and hugged them in front of the cameras, which you refused to do with tenma, saying it would be weird to kiss a kid

tenma was jealous. jealous how he wasn’t as grown up as you wanted him to be. how he wasn’t mature and had a fiery temper and didn’t think things through. but his next partner was assigned and he had an outing with them soon

as soon as tenma met up with them, he flashed a picture perfect smile and heard the cameras flash behind him. they seemed to like that

his new partner didn’t question a thing as tenma addressed them by your name without noticing

that day, tenma came home to his bonsai dying, despite watering it properly

tenma gave up on you, despite the jealousy. if he wasn’t good at this dating game, there was no need to try anymore

he didn’t return back to that arcade for a while

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

the moment taichi saw you, he was convinced you were the one like every hopeless romantic out there

he was literally blown away. the wind picked up stronger when he saw you and he swore he saw red hearts around you

pretending to skateboard like he was just passing by, he bumped into you on veludo way and pretended like he had no idea where he was going

“sorry! i’m a bit lost... could you help me?” taichi paired it with his puppy eyes and tragic pout, unaware he was a bunny face to face with a wolf in sheep’s clothing

but you recognized him, the famous actor from mankai’s autumn troupe

yet, you pretended to follow his plan, knowing how quickly mankai was regaining its popularity status in theatre

(hey, maybe you’d even get free stuff if you played your cards right)

then began your relationship with taichi, where he was head over skates for you and did everything in his power to make you stay

taichi rearranged his schedule for you, staying up countless hours into the next day just to text you and have every possible moment with you

taichi always reserved you front row seats for every mankai production, sometimes even bringing you backstages despite the warnings from his other members

(they never really liked you, especially not the way you had so much control over taichi)

“taichi... you look tired. are you okay?” omi asked one day, when taichi had been on his phone the entire meal and anxiously fidgeted for a reply

(you sometimes did that just to mess with him a little, by leaving his multiple messages on read) (he hated it)

“me? i’m doing the best i could be!” taichi exclaimed, sneaking a glance at his screen to still see it dark

when omi carefully nodded and turned around, taichi’s posture slouched and the insomnia he was developing just to talk began catching up to his performance

taichi did everything a perfect boyfriend did in plays: wrote you love letters (you never read them), created thoughtful playlists that flowed well (you never listened), even learning new fun talents just to impress you (you never paid attention)

it was never enough to make you see him as more than a key to the theatre industry

to you, taichi was nothing more than a loyal puppy on a leash

taichi didn’t realize how tight his collar was until he was confronted by his troupe members, all who were as serious as it got with them

“what’s up?” taichi offered, faking a grin and suppressing the yawn building in his throat. the bags under his eyes were dark, and his blue eyes were dull. he hadn’t slept in so long. he was low on money for buying too many things. he couldn’t remember the last time he finished a meal

omi exchanged looks with the others, knowing he had to be the one to deliver the news because well, maybe he’d soften the blow a bit better

it must be bad if even juza and banri are not fighting, taichi mused, not really listening until he heard:

“—they’re cheating on you, taichi.”

taichi’s head snapped up, his body becoming rigid from the accusation. his sight landed on a digital image on banri’s phone screen, where you were clearly all over another person

(taichi remebered them, they were your lockscreen. he never questioned it)

(even if he was always jealous of how you hung out with every other friend much more than him, you own boyfriend!)

there was nothing to justify. banri explained how he and juza came upon them at the mall, and he was sorry

(it wasn’t banri’s fault, but he apologized because he was genuinely sorry for all taichi went through)

it’s not like he could say anything, the photo was clear as day! but taichi’s fists were tight by his side and he stood up defiantly

“that’s not true! maybe, that’s just their friend! or family member! i trust them, stop making baseless claims against them!” taichi knew he was making a scene, but it gave him a window to storm out of the front door and run down the sidewalk

“taichi!” he heard, but no one dared followed him. maybe he needed to face it by himself and open his eyes

they’d be back waiting for him at the end of the day when he finally realized he didn’t deserve to be in a toxic situation like this

(taichi did so much to become even better, just so you would like him more... it never worked)

taichi stopped at the park, panting deeply and leaning forward to catch his breath

this couldn’t be possible! he was the perfect boyfriend, right? he did everything for you... what wasn’t enough? when would he be enough?

but the proof was right there. taichi could see you with the same person in the image right in front of him

that’s when it hit. you knew taichi had acting practice right now, he wouldn’t know any better

all the pent–up anger within him exploded, his desperation masking a much more weak, unstable truth: fear of abandonment and the unrequited jealousy of the other person, no matter how much he hated to admit it

taichi was jealous. jealous of how you liked everyone else so much better than him, taichi wanted to be better, for you

but you were gonna leave him, toss him aside like your time together was nothing, like he was nothing

you never loved him, you liked the attention

taichi finally saw the signs, the red flags you were manipulative and knew he was easy enough to twist and break. he opened his eyes and you hadn’t even noticed him

but then, he tried to tell himself maybe he actually liked that, but it sounded hollow and fake even to him

taichi had to say no now

taichi was hurt, but he couldn’t show that to you anymore. you didn’t deserve the privilege having a say in his feelings anymore

walking by and pretending to bump into you, your face didn’t change as you saw him, simply raising an eyebrow in question

“just leave me for somebody else,” taichi humorlessly laughed, staring at the way you felt nothing for him

you stepped onto his heart and broke it, there was nothing else to say. even then, he wish he was the person you loved, even if it killed him

“enjoy yourself.” taichi finished, knowing these would be the last words he would ever say to you before returning back to the dorms

he didn’t look back, not anymore

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Nobody asked for a Qi Ye reaction post but here one is nonetheless (at almost 1500 words.... hello.)

[~spoilers~]

One of the first things I can say is that I love love LOVE Priest’s writing style. It’s hard to say how much of this is a translation thing, because I did get the vibe that this translation was a lot smoother and better than the other cnovel translations I happen to have read. But god!! Her style is very densely allusive, and a challenge to follow at times, but so so beautiful. The story’s narration also shifts perspective a lot in the middle of chapters, which gives it this almost cinematic bird’s eye effect for me (except with internal-emotional states more than visuals). I can see it being the kind of thing that might bother people, but I love it – and I think that it ties in with the themes about the ephemerality and impermanence of life, and the way these little moments are all part of a much bigger sphere of existence.

I also like the way she does humour more than MXTX, honestly? I find the slapstick humour in MXTX’s works to be overdone and distracting from the other story and characterization work going on in her works. Whereas here, the humour landed more and also felt like it tied in more with the actual development of character and themes. Like, for instance, Liang Jiuxiao’s battle with the sable wherein he gets scratched every time and exhausts Beiyuan’s entire supply of antidote – it’s over the top, but also genuinely funny to me, AND I feel the comedic setup of Liang Jiuxiao constantly being an unwanted visitor contrasts very well with the entire heartbreaking scenario involving Beiyuan drugging him for Zhou Zishu, as well as his general progression from a Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass archetype to being completely shattered by the evil and corruption in the world.

(The Sex and Kissing stuff is also, imo, more sensual and generally hotter to me than MXTX’s stuff – not trying to pick on her specifically, she’s just my only point of comparison for these novels.)

The main romance is ehhh… Mixed Feelings? I loved Wu Xi in all the parts he wasn’t playing the role of “love interest who expresses their love via violent jealousy”, but the parts where he WAS…. woof. Like, I don’t necessarily mind jealousy when it’s internal sensations, or when it’s a very intentionally fucked up dynamic, but I like it less so when it’s couple who’s riding off into the sunset and are the only foil to the general aura of melancholy and sadness in a story? Really hope that’s a one-off specific piece of characterization and not a general Thing for Priest…

I did actually like the gradual development of Beiyuan’s feelings, and the way there’s no Big Moment of Realization – or rather, there is a moment of realization, but it’s not super dramatic, it’s just sort of settling into something that’s been there awhile.

Another problem with their relationship for me though, I think, is how rushed the denouement of the book is, and how many important things are glossed over. Like, okay, they’re riding off into the sunset, but are they actually going to talk about the fact that Beiyuan seduced Wu Xi for Deception Purposes and then drugged him…? Taking advantage of Wu Xi’s very earnest and intense feelings in the process? Like, they stay in the capital for three months of negotiations before they leave, all while Wu Xi hides Beiyuan in his house – there must have been conversations and Relationship Negotiations? And yet we don’t See any of that, we’re just treated to them riding off in a carriage with some cheeky little line about how Beiyuan has the rest of his life to make things up to Wu Xi (presumably by having rough sex)… like ok.

The racism… there was a lot of it in the presentation of Nanjiang! I think the thing that stood out to me though was the line about Wu Xi’s having a kind of intuitive understanding of how people are (an intuition attributed to children, even!) despite not being cultured – it slots so perfectly into the kind of colonial propaganda that posits colonized people as having this innate, intuitive understanding of the world or connection with nature or what have you – but of course they’re not mature, they’re not cultured, they don’t have the capacity for rationality, that we do. To be fair, the line I’m thinking of is also applied to Liang Jiuxiao, but it is of a piece with how Nanjiang is characterized throughout the novel – like, oh, they’re so simple! When they like someone they just get married! It’s presented as a romantic ideal, but in a way that portrays Nanjiang as being Simple and Rustic and lacking the cultural complexity of the Great Qing. (Especially since we b a r e l y see the country or its people on the page.)

(Not to mention the way Wu Xi’s bodyguards from Nanjiang are portrayed as being confused and grossed out by him being in love with a man – contrasted with the commentary about how commonplace sex between men is in the Great Qing. Feels very like Nanjiang gets cast as less “enlightened”?)

I think those elements are also part of why the romance doesn’t fully stick its landing for me – because Wu Xi does take in and consider Great Qing cultural stuff, and incorporate it into his worldview alongside the influence of his home culture – and we don’t see Beiyuan doing something similar in return. He wants to leave for Nanjiang in part because he’s exhausted with capital politics and wants freedom, but why Nanjiang specifically? What does the country mean to him? How’s he actually going to fit in there? (This is another thing that also could have been filled in more with more actual writing about what goes down after that final battle.)

I honestly was deeply moved by Helian Yi. I shed literal tears for that man on multiple occasions. I do feel like I would have benefitted from more actual exploration of his past life-relationship with Beiyuan? Because as it was, I felt like that aspect of Beiyuan’s characterization was kind of informed rather than fleshed out – what did he see in Helian Yi in the first place? And I think the unrequited love would have been more poignant if we’d had more flashbacks to when it was requited.

Also, the possible-incest reveal?? What even was the point of that…? (I know people have posited that that’s why Helian Yi originally had Beiyuan killed, but with that final deleted-on-JJWXC extra I feel like it’s meant to be that he thought Beiyuan was responsible for Su Qingluan’s death. Another thing that should have been elaborated on, plot-wise…)

In general, the ending was very rushed. It gave me distinct “project due the next day” vibes.

ZHOU ZISHU!!!! – my main emotional engagement with this, tbh. I loved what was done with him, loved getting to see more of the atrocities he was behind (haha), loved the chilling “ends justify the means” ideological track he was on, loved how enmeshed he was in Hierarchy and political intrigue and how Carefully he handled himself around his social superiors… yeah.  

I am also…. Also losing my mind over the entire Vibe between Zhou Zishu and Liang Jiuxiao. Misplaced devotion… broken pedestals… weird subtextual hard-to-define Feelings... selfishly wanting to hide the worst parts of yourself from someone…. Ahhhhh it’s good. Love those intricate complex homoerotic friendships. If there Exists any fic (whether platonic or less so) that anyone wants to rec… pls do 👀

I have to say, another problem I had with the ending was that I don’t think the tonal dissonance was well-balanced. Like, there’s a very melancholy atmosphere for pretty much everyone except the main couple, and I do understand that their getting away from the capital is the only thing that engenders that happiness (as a big theme of the book is that the politicking in the capital is exhausting and demoralizing – and to my understanding that is similar to the themes at work in Faraway Wanderers.) But I don’t feel as though those two streams were working in communication with each other in the final chapters – I would say that the cutesy scenes with the main couple just felt jarring in contrast to the sadness and regret that permeated the rest of the narrative. I think perhaps they were too saccharine, rather than emphasizing escape and looking forward to different possibilities? I’m not sure. (It also seems questionable to present Nanjiang as an Escape, given that Wu Xi is in charge now?? They’re still right in the thick of politics?) Anyway, this all is why I like the placement of that final extra at the end of the narrative, because it Is a turning back to melancholia that I like to see during nominal happy endings.