#it’s just very ‘emotionally repressed family member’ core

[exilepurify]

it’s been four months since December 2022 and I’m still not over the fact that Reigen was apparently so haunted by guilt from that one time in S2E2 where he scolded Mob for eating too many french fries that it showed up in the super emotionally charged eyecatcher montage during the series finale.

I wonder if reigen will ever find the closure he needs to free himself from the poltergeist of regret that obviously follows him around as a result of this incident. the confession incident really had reigen re-evaluating everything from the past three years.

[rosethornewrites]

NR, E , & M reading since 11/10

Tumblr has issues with imbedding links, so sometimes the URL is included.

Finished

Not Rated:

Before the Thirteen Years Without You, by Bblottiefottie (2 chapters) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39293991/chapters/98327496)

-Novel Spoilers-

In which Lan Wangji hides an emotionally unstable Wei Wuxian in a cave after the massacre at Nightless City

becoming a ghost, by duravis (https://archiveofourown.org/works/35823868)

Perhaps it’d be easier to turn them away if she were a little more cruel. If her years being brought up by Wen Ruohan had hardened her heart a little more definitively. But—

Here is a wound. Here’s how you fix it.

Explicit:

Coming Back to Yourself, by acernor (7 chapters)

Lan Wangji gets cursed with a ~woman's body~ and has to orgasm to go back. Since he's 1) a virgin 2) super repressed and 3) SUPER gay, he has no idea what to do.

If only he had a super nosy friend who's read lots of erotic novels who could help him figure out what to do... hm...

follow the sound of my song, by sassybluee (🔒, 2 chapters, 2nd in a series)

He reaches up to touch his forehead, to remove the ribbon that has been his constant companion, his constant reminder of who he must be. The one piece of himself that has been with him through everything, from his earliest memories, to his deepest regrets. His entire history is in its very fibres.

His brother lets out a small gasp as his fingers pinch the material, raising his hand as though to reach out and stop him.

Lan Wangji lowers his hand.

___

Lan Wangji begins his new life with Wei Wuxian

call me home and I'll build you a throne, by anaphoricae (8 chapters)

“I’ll help,” Lan Wangji says.

“Hey, Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian unfolds his leg and gives his foot a playful kick. “I told you to think about it! This means I’d be here for a long time, taking up your time, your space, your peace. And I can’t pay you! I have nothing of worth to give. It isn’t as simple as-”

“I’ll do it,” he says again, more forcefully this time. “You don’t have to give me anything.”

Wei Wuxian looks away, hiding a small smile. Doesn’t he know Lan Wangji would do anything for him, by now? Doesn’t he understand that he holds Lan Wangji’s life in his hands?

-

POST-CQL Wei Wuxian comes back to the Cloud Recesses to ask for Lan Wangji's help with his new golden core.

Together, they learn how to communicate, how to ask for things, and how to touch each other.

Their relationship develops in between quiet dinners in the Jingshi, meditation sessions, core training and a lot of Lan Juniors speculation on whether or not they're actually together yet.

Mature:

the flutter of a butterfly, by Krissy (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38751807)

The writing described a ritual of some sorts and the more he read, the more he crumpled the paper under his fingers, the more his head started to spin.

His sister. If this worked, he could see his sister again.

☾

One year after Wei Wuxian’s death, Jiang Cheng finds an old ritual that allows one to travel back to the past. He didn’t expect the consequences to be that disastrous.

Jin Ling vs. The 8 Uncles of Sex Education, by Wildcard (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960575)

(When Jin Ling turns 13, his uncle tries to kill him.

If Jin Ling ever expected a family member to try to murder him, he would’ve thought it would be Jin Chan, that bully, or at least another Jin. He did not expect to be accosted in Lotus Pier, of all places, by his beloved jiujiu.

He definitely did not expect his death to involve a comb.)

Jin Ling would really appreciate it if his uncles would stop trying to give him the talk. Please. Bad enough to receive it once but to have to listen to it EIGHT TIMES from uncles who are convinced the other uncles didn’t do a good enough job?

(And just when he thinks his suffering is over, an uncle COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD to educate him. Jin Ling is cursed.)

the shapes a bright container can contain, by litbynosun (3 chapters) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598735/chapters/59419996)

"Lan Zhan, look at this," Wei Wuxian calls. "They don't have organs, but they're all… fuzzy."

He gently strokes the corpse's arm -- it's covered in soft, pigmentless downy hair, like a rabbit.

Lan Wangji crouches next to him and nods.

"Lanugo," he says.

Wei Wuxian raises one eyebrow.

"They were malnourished for quite a while before death," Lan Wangji elaborates.

Wei Wuxian scans the bodies again. Indeed, they both have sunken cheeks, and their abdomens are empty of both organs and fat padding.

“That’s a question,” he says. “Did they starve to death, and have their bodies desecrated after they were already deceased? Or were they murdered, and simply starving at the same time?”

"We should stay," Lan Wangji tells him.

This is not an answer to his question. It is an offer to search for answers.

Or: Wei Wuxian and his family solve a ghost haunting. Wei Wuxain's old enemy, societal injustice, rears its head again.

Unfinished

Not Rated:

The Cultivation World Needs a Reset, by FangirlingIsLife (https://archiveofourown.org/works/55413919/chapters/140600317)

Do not succumb to anger.

It was one of the founding rules of the Lan Clan and yet Lan Zhan could feel nothing other than a cold fury filling his veins.

He watched as his husband in all but ceremony let himself fall to Jiang Cheng’s blade.

Even at his death, his soul mate would never raise a hand to defend himself against their tyranny.

Well fuck that.

Beiming: To Lament- 33 Reasons to Change the Past, by ravenhg (🔒)

It had been one week since Wei Wuxian’s life ended.

One week since his love, his life, his everything, had been ambushed by remnants of Jin Guangyao and Su She’s followers.

Wei Wuxian really should have known better.

“What will you do, gongzi?” Wen Ning asked quietly.

Wei Wuxian smiled, his eyes burning like coals.

_____________________

Or:

After the death of the most important person in their lives, Wei Wuxian and Lan Qiren choose to return to the past to prevent everything. This changes things.

Explicit:

The Threads of Fate, by WaitForTheSnitch

“What would you do if you could have him back?” Nie Huaisang asked him, a bit too seriously as he leaned forward.

“There is no way for a dead cultivator to return,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, not even willing to entertain the thought.

“Perhaps, perhaps not,” Nie Huaisang shrugged, “Even if he came back, that wouldn’t do much to help, would it? Your sister is still gone. His reputation still damaged.”

“Stop speaking in riddles,” Jiang Wanyin growled, “What did you come here for, Nie Huaisang?”

“I asked you what you would do for your brother back,” Nie Huaisang started, “I would do anything to have mine back, Jiang Wanyin. And I’m here to offer you that same choice. Because our brothers’ deaths never should have happened. They happened because of schemes and plots. They happened because of lies and deception. Your brother was made to be a villain and was led to his death because he was too powerful. Mine was murdered because he stood in the way of Jin Guangshan.”

There's nothing Jiang Cheng wouldn't do to have his siblings back. And when Nie Huaisang comes to him with a proposal to save them by changing everything, he doesn't even hesitate to agree.

Little One, by LovelyTurtleBeans

During the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, Lan Wangji confesses that he was the one who kissed Wei Wuxian. The talk escalates into something more and, before they know it, they're entangled in bed in one of the guest rooms in Jinlintai. Time passes and the freeing of the Wen Remnants and Wei Wuxian's defection come to pass. The future is uncertain, and both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are on unclear waters until...

Mature:

Mine and mine alone, by Lanwangjisnights

He likes to live out his kinks, but hadn’t found anyone matching his preferences yet, has given up the hope to find someone capable to satisfy his itches.

But today, today he needs to go under. Needs someone to make sure he is pleasured, instead of going through tremendous efforts himself to find a semblance of satisfaction.

Lan Zhan opens the filters, adds a tick on everything he searches for today. Or tomorrow. Or in the very near future - It doesn’t matter as long as it’s soon. Dominance. Bondage. Subspace. Rough Sex.

Or:

Lan Zhan finds Dominant Yiling Laozu on a Kink Website, meets up with him and falls incurably in love.

A lotus instead of a orchid, by Sammie224466 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552892/chapters/43975183)

What if, that night on the Burial Mounds, Jiang WanYin had been the one to find Wen Yuan instead of Lan WangJi and he wound up raising the child?

To Ride A Stygian Tiger, by Madyamisam (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143639/chapters/55386229)

Wei Wuxian changes fate and is wounded while saving Jin Zixuan at the Qiongqi bridge and a great mystery starts to unravel many hidden secrets never known before. While trying to deal with his own increasing madness, seeing threats everywhere in past, present and future, he sets an impossible task to save everyone he ever cared about with his very life and soul.

Alternate, by Hanashi_o_suru

No one is actually sure what happened, or why it happened. No one died. No one made any whacked up array that backfired --to their knowledge--and no one wasn't necessarily in discontent for where they were in life...

So, why is it they're suddenly in the past to the day they had just got to the Cloud Recesses?

[good-beans]

Milgram murder swap aus! I tried to keep the personalities the same and just swap the murder itself – not everyone paired perfectly but some worked really well

Edit: I've made some updates/additions here!

Fuuta/Mu: Muu has an extensive social media presence because of her wealthy lifestyle. She runs several blogs and channels (instead of fantasy rpg she has a fairy tale-esque theme to all her profiles). She gains a dedicated following who hang on her every post. When she calls out someone online, it doesn’t take long for her followers to join in and fatal consequences to follow. Fuuta’s reputation as the tough and cool gamer places him between being a menace on his university campus to being the subject of bullying himself. When his gaming buddies all turn on him, and he quickly falls from the center of attention. He’s a violent victim, but a victim nonetheless. One betrayal hurts more than the others. Armed with something sharp from one of the campus labs, he takes matters into his own hands.

Shidou/Mahiru: Mahiru is a bubbly doctor who all patients and families trust wholeheartedly because of her cheery attitude. When her partner falls ill, though, she’s impatient. It takes less than two weeks for her to realize she needs to grab hold of her lover before she loses them, and she uses her reputation to avoid suspicion of her increasing body count. (I know we don’t know a ton about Mahiru’s crime yet, but) Shidou moves to the city taking up a new job at the florist’s. When he meets someone he really falls for, he’s calm and calculated about approaching them and planning meetings. He’s good at keeping a poker face through lies, and he easily convinces them that every meeting is “such a strange coincidence” and “must be fate.” 

Amane/Haruka: Amane’s parents were abusive, and she looked to religion to find solace. She only had access to minimal forms of religious information, though, so her view of the whole thing is heavily distorted. She wanted nothing more than her parents’ attention, and sought out the attention of a higher power to satisfy that. She killed animals as sacrifices, and thought she was being guided by righteousness when she killed her sibling/family member.. Haruka was raised in a cult who focused more on teachings and punishments than on his needs. He was so hungry for their approval, he began following their every word and genuinely accepting their teachings to get a feeling of belonging. Even when pushed to murder/allow for someone’s death, he did it happily thinking they’d be proud of him for doing the right thing. 

Yuno/Kotoko: Yuno knows how to manipulate the social situation – she’s bubbly and fun, she knows how to please people, but at her core she’s calculating and disinterested in drama. She uses these abilities to talk to others and track down the criminal she’s looking for who hurt young girls that she knew/related to. Kotoko goes out and does whatever she pleases. She’s not looking to find true love or please a man, she’s just doing what’s good for her while maintaining her bold and self-assured attitude. She sees nothing wrong with her actions and has a “screw you if you do” outlook. 

Mikoto was tough to swap with someone else, but I gave him Aname’s crime because I think it’d have the most interesting tension: Mikoto was raised in a strict religious cult, but only one of his alters took to the teachings. One is very devout, and is willing to commit murder the way the other members would have encouraged. The other desperately wants to escape the cult, and fights back against it whenever he can. They both think their actions are protecting the other. Fun angel/demon aesthetics (where the “angelic” religious one is the murderer and the “demonic” antireligious one is innocent).

And so that Kazui isn’t left alone, a modified Kazui/Haruka swap: Kazui was very emotionally repressed since childhood. Even into adulthood his family makes it clear they’re disappointed in him. He carries his abuse with him far later in life, letting it simmer and grow under the surface. Maybe his wife started talking about having kids, reminding Kazui of his own childhood, or maybe something unrelated caused all the memories to flood back. When all that pent up pain finally breaks through, it floods and his wife suffers. Haruka grew up in a stable family, but still envied others. He was so busy with other friends/siblings that he preferred to be with, he ignored his younger sister’s needs. Disliking her and wishing to escape his responsibility to her, his lies/avoidance of her put her in fatal danger.

Uuuhhhh Es is the mysterious prison leader and Jackalope is running batshit interrogations and making all the decisions 😂

[p5x-theories]

May I share a hot take/rambling? While Riko for now its my favorite, i feel like focusing the arc on Kataya takes away screentime from her.

Its not *too* bad, after all Riko fits a pretty popular anime archype, rich anime girl good at school and with a lot of pressures its quite common. But at the same time, showing her relationship with her dad in a 2 minute flashback its a bit Meh.

Compared to Makoto, who we see her relationship with Sae a lot, or Haru, who we see interact with her dad and fiancee multiple times, even if her arc too dosent foxus too much on her; Riko feels a tad bland. I hope her confidant will explore more her personality beside 'smart rich girl'

Honestly, I hope this doesn't come across as rude (because I really don't mean it that way!), but I'm surprised she's your favorite right now if that's how you feel about her, heh! It sounds like you don't really like what they're doing with her, so I'm not sure the plot/her arc is going to suddenly pivot to something you like better, if that's how you already feel about it.

I do think you're looking at this the wrong way, though. Makoto's relationship with Sae, and Haru's relationship with her dad, are kind of core relationships to their characters, and notably both cases are their relationships with Palace rulers. Riko's dad isn't the Palace ruler of this arc, Katayama is. Katayama is repeatedly shown to care about Riko's wellbeing, and her Shadow is what finally breaks Riko down and makes her acknowledge she wants genuine relationships and love. Riko's dad is shown twice: once in Katayama's flashback, where he reiterates that dedicating herself to being the perfect heiress is what Riko wants, and then later in Riko's flashback right before her awakening, where a very young Riko comes to him for praise after doing well on a test, and he just tells her she needs to do better. Katayama's relationship with Riko, and her influence on Riko, is the core relationship of this arc (from what we've seen so far); Riko's dad is just presented as part of the reason she repressed herself so much in the first place. We haven't seen any desire from Riko to connect with her dad emotionally; we have seen her acknowledge how important Katayama is to her, and it's her motivation for her awakening and reason for investigating Akashi in the first place, really.

Do you see what I mean? It's possible her Confidant will focus more on her relationship with her father, but we've already been shown he was always this bad. It's not like Sae or Okumura, who became worse over time and partially due to outside pressures. Riko's dad seems to have been this way for as long as Riko can remember. Riko's dad doesn't matter to this story arc; he's simply one aspect informing Riko's present personality. Katayama, thus far, has been the Sae/Okumura equivalent you're expecting Riko's dad to be, and considering it's her Palace, I don't really think that will change. It doesn't have to be a direct family member of Riko's to be an important relationship; in fact, I think it's more interesting because it isn't.

I do agree that she's the "smart rich girl" archetype, but I don't think starting with a trope necessarily means the character is bland. Her awakening certainly made her stand out to me compared to the other smart/responsible girl teammates in this series (who aren't always the rich ones, which is the only reason why I drop the "rich" there- I'm including Makoto, for instance). Obviously, we're going to get to see more of her in the story as it progresses, and in her Confidant, and that'll flesh her out more, but she really hasn't felt "bland" to me right now, so much as just a character that we're in the middle of being introduced to, heh.

[radical-revolution]

THE RELIEF OF BEING BELIEVED: ON SPIRITUAL, MEDICAL AND THERAPEUTIC GASLIGHTING

"Grief is brutally painful. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve. So I’m going to repeat a few words I’ve uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of the grieving: Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."

- Tim Lawrence

(“Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason”)

*

I love these wise words from Tim Lawrence, and the beautiful quote from Megan Devine at the end:

"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."

I want to say a little about what it means to be supported through tragedy.

When we are sick, injured, in pain, experiencing a shattering of the old life, we can feel very vulnerable, powerless, and we long for answers, solutions. In our desperation, we can be drawn to confident, self-assured people – doctors, masters, healers, therapists, gurus - who seem like they have the cures, answers, fixes, solutions, remedies and magic potions. It can feel like a matter of life and death for us sometimes, this search for relief, for a way to get through the day… or even for just for a moment’s respite from bodily agony.

In such a weakened, defenceless, groundless, frightened state, we can become easy targets for others trying to push their beliefs, theories and dogmas onto us.

“Gaslighting”, simply put, is when a person, or a cult-like group of people, manipulates you into deeply doubting your own reality, questioning your own first-hand perceptions and experiences and memories and feelings, distrusting the things you know in your very gut.

In the presence of such manipulation, you become confused about your own deepest beliefs, and begin to doubt your own inner compass. You feel dizzy, dazed, groundless, lost and alone. Gaslighters do this – consciously or not - in order to destabilise you and have control over you, and ultimately make you dependent on them. They play the guru to your disciple, the powerful “One Who Knows” to your ignorant child, the Wizard of Oz to your Dorothy.

They do this in order to run from their own pain, fear, shame… and lack of answers.

Family members may not believe us when we tell them that we have pains and aches in the body, or uncomfortable or frightening sensations, or that we are feeling fatigued or unwell. They may try to convince us that we are just lazy, or looking for attention, or being manipulative, or self-centred.

“You're not really in pain, it's all in your head! You're so selfish! Why don’t you think about MY pain for once in your life!”

Spiritual teachers may tell us that we have “created” our own sickness, manifested our own cancer, brought our own heart or lung or kidney condition, infection, sickness into being through our unconsciousness. They may proclaim that our pain or misfortune isn’t real, it’s just our fearful ego looking for validation, it’s just our closed heart and our resistance to life manifesting in the body, it’s just an illusion. And if we can just surrender, if we can just “kill the ego” or “rest as Pure Awareness”, or meditate deeply enough, or let go of the body enough, we will be well again.

“Fully awakened beings never get sick!”

Others – healers, therapists, friends, family, often well-meaning and well-intentioned, although not always - may tell us that we are sick simply because we are emotionally repressed, or that our “illness”, which isn’t really an “illness”, is a good thing, a wonderful thing, destined to happen, and it’s all just a manifestation of our unprocessed trauma or unlived life, and when we get in touch with our buried childhood or pre-childhood feelings, and finally face our core issues, all our symptoms will magically disappear.

“You’re sick because of your unresolved childhood trauma. It’s your toxic relationship with your mother… you need to get in touch with your rage towards her right now!”

“Your sickness is a test from the Universe! Embrace it! It’s a wonderful part of your healing journey!”

Such simplistic ideas are compelling.

And... I don’t doubt that getting in touch with and expressing repressed emotions and finding the meaning in our suffering and softening into our pain can be a huge part of the healing process for some.

Religious people might tell us that our illness is some kind of punishment from God, or that we are experiencing the effects of karma, or that we have sinned in a previous life, and so we “deserve” this tragedy in our lives somehow. Medical doctors, too, might diagnose us with certain diseases, physical or psychological conditions, and give us their prognosis, and tell us that that their view is the objective, unquestionable, unshakeable truth. (And I am not against Western medicine at all).

The point is, what is YOUR truth?

Whose path do YOU follow?

Who has the answers for YOU?

There are so many lenses through which to view the body and its aches and pains and imbalances and limitations. There are so many people offering so many perspectives, especially these days. The mind-body connection is truly mysterious, no doubt. But the truth is… nobody really knows the truth! At least, for you. Nobody really knows your deepest truth. You may see a top doctor in London or New York, and they may diagnose you with a certain “disease”… and they may end up being wrong. You may see a trauma specialist who is utterly convinced that your cancer or fatigue or depression or chronic pain has trauma or repressed emotion as its absolute root cause… but they may end up being misguided, wrong, off the mark, reductive in their certainty. You may see a spiritual teacher who just “knows” that your disease is a wonderful gift from the universe, or a “sign” that your body is ready for the next level of enlightenment or the next stage of spiritual evolution… and that may end up being completely, utterly false.

The point is, everyone you speak to is going to have a different perspective on what’s happening in YOUR body and mind.

The honest ones will own their own perspective, humbly offer what’s been helpful to them, but admit that ultimately they do not know for sure what the right path is for you. They will own their own projections. They will give you your authority and sovereignty and freedom, and acknowledge that you are in a vulnerable state, frightened and seeking answers. They will not take advantage of you in that tender place. They will honour your ache and your path. They will not speak for you. They will listen, deeply, to you. They will hold you in Presence. They will grieve with you, weep with you, rage to the heavens with you. They will not invalidate your yearning. You will feel loved, and believed, and understood, and safe, and your nervous system will sense this safety, it is programmed to do this.

The unconscious ones, unfortunately, will force their perspective on you, will claim to know the absolute truth, and will make you feel bad or wrong or guilty or stupid for not believing, not signing up to their cult, not seeing them as the authority. By denying your reality, contradicting you and even themselves at times, throwing in false and half-true information, and minimising or downright ignoring your feelings and perspectives and memories and “symptoms”, they’ll gradually make you question and doubt your emotional, spiritual and physical reality and truth and even your sanity… until you are utterly reliant on them, under their spell, a disciple to their guru, a powerless “patient”, willing to do and be and believe anything they say, repressing your own grief and rage and truth. In your total innocence, you have given your power away.

Medical doctors can be cult leaders. Spiritual teachers can be cult leaders. Psychotherapists, trauma specialists, healers, life coaches, friends and family members can be cult leaders, without ever realising it.

When it comes to the mysteries of the bodymind, nobody really knows what’s best… for YOU.

As Nietzche said, no matter how “right” we think we are, we are all imperfect, and “human, all too human…”

When you’re being gaslit, you’ll most likely feel like you’re going crazy. You’ll feel unsafe, unstable, groundless, dizzy, like you don’t know what to believe anymore, like your whole life was a lie, like you can’t trust your own deepest intuition or senses anymore. You’ll wonder if anything you saw or felt or heard or thought or perceived was real.

But you aren’t crazy. You’ve just silenced the roar in your guts, the part that knows, and let someone else’s projections become your reality.

(Part of you wants to believe that someone else has the truth. Of course! You want to get better. You want to heal. You want to stay safe. You are so innocent. No blame here. Bless our innocent hearts!)

I’m not telling you to distrust everyone, or suggesting that everyone is out to manipulate you or drive you crazy. I’m not saying that some people don’t have answers for you, or at least, helpful teachings, therapies, medications, treatments, insights, and so on. I’m not saying there is no hope for you, and I’m not telling you not to pursue every modality of healing that you’re called to pursue.

I’m not saying that miracles don’t happen every single day.

I’m not even saying that one day, with time and integration, you won’t begin to find your own deep meaning, and even perspective and purpose, in your current tragedy.

I’m just reminding you to stay true to yourself now. Trust your own deepest experience, even if it’s painful. I’m reminding you to listen to your guts, every step of the way, even if you are weak, tired, full of grief and exhausted from the journey. To listen… as if your life depends on it, because it does.

Even if you are made to feel wrong or naïve or crazy for doing so.

Even if they laugh at you and mock you when you follow your own path.

Even if you have to step away from false hopes and promises of Utopia and perfect health, and plunge more deeply into the Dark and Wild Unknown.

Illness is not weakness.

Suffering is not shameful or a sign of failure.

As the great Greek playwrights knew, tragedy and misfortune, sickness and pain, can befall anyone, at any time.

None of us are immune, none of us are protected from “the will of the gods”, and our hubris will be crushed in the end.

The ego has no hope of controlling the chaos of relative existence.

Sometimes there are no easy answers. None.

Sometimes nothing makes sense anymore.

Sometimes we just have to grieve.

And rage at the heavens.

And face the future, bravely, without answers.

Trust your gut, your intuition, your knowing, your deep heart, my friends – these are the Inner Lights that cannot die.

- Jeff Foster

[diamond-vic]

In the light of the newly revealed Marcy’s Journal pages, I am imploring the Amphibia fandom as a whole to please keep in mind the core of the show is the girls’ struggle with their friendship, not repressed/ unknown romantic feelings

Aka: an aromantic amphibia fan shares their thoughts on the importance of the girls’ friendship as the core of everything (including possible relationships between them)

As a whole, I see far more content of Sashannarcy than I do of anything else in the show, and while I love the ship to death, it does gloss over many important things in the show. I’ve seen repeated mentions on how the girls’ actions in certain circumstances were because of how ‘down bad’ they were for the others, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. This is not how it is in canon; they do not do anything just because of crushes (at least, nothing major and life changing)

To start with, addressing things in the journal. Admiring others, adoring their company above all others, even calling them ‘loves’ is not inherently romantic (I’m rather sure I have either called, or been called, this between my friends)! While it can be, and while I encourage you to see it that way if you wish, saying there is no other explanation is just.. untrue??

There are queerplatonic feelings, for one, which do not get brought up nearly as much as a possible ‘explanation’ for lack of a better term, and also friends who function in relationship like non-blood family members. As an Aromantic person whose friends are my entire world, it stings to see so many things with the messaging that what Marcy does is so substantial, and so driven by emotion, that she HAS to be in love with Anne and Sasha to have done it. It comes across that she wouldn’t have made the decisions she did if she wasn’t. This places friendships as less of an emotional investment, and so less prone to irrational, emotionally charged actions, which is blatantly untrue. My life was majorly affected when a best friend of mine moved away when I was in middle school, because he was one of few friends I had, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t adjust in a way that allowed me to recover and grow past it. There was nothing romantic about that relationship, but it shaped my middle school life and continues to have effects on my present. The circumstances are similar enough to Marcy that I feel for her pain. There’s no reason why Marcy’s feelings couldn’t be similar, no romantic feelings involved whatsoever

Furthermore, romantic feelings are (from what I understand), at least initially, out of the havers control, and may cause them to behave in ways maybe they typically wouldn’t. An actual relationship, on the other hand, whether platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, or anything else, is a choice of genuine devotion.

What Marcy does in Amphibia is a choice. She chooses to take matters into her own hands, because she doesn’t want her relationships with Anne and Sasha to change or end. Their role in her life are as constants, pillars she cannot live without, who love and protect her and who she adores. These are kids who have been friends since kindergarten. That is 8 or so years of being in each other’s lives, through who knows how many hardships off screen. That is a very special kind of friendship. While, yes, of course something like that can lead to a relationship, it needs to be seen as that; a very special friendship that becomes a different kind of relationship!

I want to make it very clear that I’m not trying to be one of those ‘why are you shipping this, just let friends be friends’ people! I just think that, for a show like Amphibia that is so heavily centered around deconstructing and rebuilding unhealthy friendships, it is important to pay respect to those friendships. The show is a wonderful representation of how friendships can be at the core of your life and guide your actions, just as family or other relationships could be. No matter how you view these characters (platonic, romantic, or some flavor of queerplatonic as I do), it is their friendship at the beginning of it all, and it is the want to preserve that friendship that guides the characters’ actions within the show. I’m not delusional and I do see how gay the journal is so far, of course! You can look at Marcy gushing over her friends in the journal and say ‘that seems gay!’, without also saying ‘the major actions she did were because she is in love’

I hope this is coherent enough and makes sense! I feel very strongly for this show and its characters, and I just can’t help but feel some of the things I’ve seen with the Marcy journal especially miss the point of the show sometimes. Maybe I just see things different than others since I am aroace, but I felt the need to throw in my 2 cents. Maybe someone feels similar? If nobody sees this, at least I got it out of my brain (and as an aroace queerplatonic Anne and Marcy believer, I want to spread my propaganda a little too)

TLDR: The trio’s friendship is the core of the show and the major actions they take, and claiming these actions have to have romantic origin downplays platonic relationships’ ability to be powerful and devastating. At the same time, shipping them is fun and meaningful as long as it isn’t framed as the motivation for those major actions, and rather as a result of the long standing bond the characters have shared for the better part of a decade (their friendship is the core of any sort of further feelings)

[shihalyfie]

A meta and analysis on Takaishi Takeru

Of all of the Tokyo Chosen Children, Takeru is lucky enough to get significant attention for two full series from beginning to end, and his character also goes through some drastic changes in the process, especially through Adventure and 02. There’s so much going on with him that it makes it hard to give a short answer to the question “what is Takeru like?” because there’s so much you could say about him at so many different times.

Fortunately, that’s what we’re here to talk about today!

Takeru in Adventure

At first glance, Takeru seems to be the “tagalong kid” -- the obligatory “little kid character” you have whenever you have a party in a fantasy story. Generally, these “obligatory kid characters” are the kind constantly struggling to catch up with the older ones. Adventure being a series that loves to play with tropes and expectations, though, very quickly says no to that.

Seki: ...We also mixed up the children’s ages, for a bit of variety. Kakudou: The oldest one would be the most unreliable, and the smartest one would be one of the third youngest. Just a little to throw you off the usual, conventional track. Seki: The youngest one would feel too much like a burden to everyone else, and conversely would actually have himself together.

Takeru “doesn’t want to be a burden” -- meaning his feelings on this issue are actually rather much like Hikari’s. Unlike Hikari, though, Takeru reacts to this compulsion differently -- instead of simply repressing things and pretending the problem doesn’t exist, Takeru’s reaction to his own negative feelings is to “have himself together” and act as if he’s got everything under control.

Or, more accurately, pretend he has it together and has everything under control.

Takeru, for all intents and purposes, was not supposed to be on the camping trip the others were on, not having gone to everyone’s school -- he had to get special permission to go. Takeru’s family is very, very split harshly at this time, with his mother not even able to treat Yamato comfortably. Yamato deals with the familial estrangement badly -- alternating between approaching everyone awkwardly and exploding like an emotional fuse bomb -- but Takeru tries to take it as a sign  that he needs to be “responsible”. A lot of his actions in Adventure are him basically exuding this aura of “I can take care of myself!”, and in fact he works very hard to “assert” himself as if he were yet another peer. We even see him make the complaint directly in Adventure episode 43 -- while he is correct in calling out Yamato for coddling him and him only while recklessly disregarding the others, the fact he specifically complains about Yamato approaching him as someone holding them back if he’s not protected reveals a lot about his own mentality regarding the situation.

One of his first major scenes in episode 2 is him offering his own food for the pile of supplies everyone has, even though it’s just snacks. Which is, probably, a pretty accurate summary of Takeru’s character at this point: on the surface he’s responsible, well-behaved, and capable...but, in fact, he’s still about as immature as an average eight-year-old child would predictably be.

Yamato spends his Adventure character arc pretty openly angsting about his relationship to Takeru and how his family’s split has affected them, but throughout the entirety of Adventure (and, eventually, 02 as well), not only does Takeru rarely if ever touch on it, there are indications that Takeru deliberately tries to dodge the subject or not dwell on it too much. In Adventure episode 12, he actually outright lies to Patamon about his younger childhood memories, claiming he “probably doesn’t remember” anything about it despite the audience very clearly being shown that he very much did, and in episode 26 he comes very close to leaking his actual feelings about the group being separated being tied to what happened to his family, before quickly covering it up and trying to move on with the topic.

In other words, unlike Hikari, who knows exactly what she’s feeling but is compulsively unable to vocalize them, Takeru actively suppresses his negative feelings and tries not to dwell on them too much. Again, this comes from his desire to “not be a burden” on others -- he’s got this situation under control! Everything is fine!

And this has a very, very nasty payoff. While Yamato clearly deals with his emotional issues badly, tending to get very explosive about it, Takeru’s way of coping isn’t actually all that much better in the long run, because Yamato’s frustration and openness about his emotions at least lead him to being very straightforward about his feelings, incredibly self-aware and sometimes even self-conscious, and ultimately able to get at least some degree of catharsis from the situation. Takeru...not so much.

Takeru is a child, no matter how much he tries not to act like one, and it ultimately results in him reacting disastrously whenever something hits him too emotionally hard -- which results in Takeru suddenly becoming irrationally stubborn and even angry. We later see what it takes to actually break through Takeru’s facade of “totally having this together” in Adventure episode 22, which is also the first time he openly breaks down wailing in front of anyone besides Patamon -- and it’s, of course, when PicoDevimon convinces him that Yamato hates him. The interesting part is that this is so blatantly a lie that even Tokomon is able to quickly call bullshit on it, but Takeru, previously having worked so hard to maintain this facade of being responsible, falls for it completely with utter irrationality -- and it really does suggest that Takeru’s fear of losing yet another member of his family, and being a burden to Yamato, runs so deep that it causes that entire facade to shatter in one blow.

Which is where the problem lies: Takeru’s habit of suppression is so bad that once one of his triggers is hit, he completely loses all sense of rationality and blows up, and it becomes nearly impossible to reason with him because he locks down on becoming stubborn. It’s also dangerous because even he isn’t particularly self-aware of what he’s doing when he blows up like this; at least Hikari was very consciously aware of her suppression problem, but Takeru never really seems to have any awareness of the fact that his covering up of his feelings is directly related to some of his worst moments. We see it cause problems between him and Patamon again in Adventure episode 33, when Patamon asks a rather innocuous question about the brothers, and it hits Takeru’s trigger so badly that he snaps at him, resulting in the fight that kicks off the plot of the episode.

Adventure episode 52 is basically a major test for Takeru as to whether he really can hold himself together in a situation where everyone else older than him is gone, and “having himself together” is something he has to actually do instead of just have the surface facade of. He does, ultimately, pass, and this is why the Crest of Hope glows this episode -- but it’s also made clear that it wasn’t quite as easy for him as he would normally pretend it is. Of course, it also helps that Piemon is genuinely the scariest threat they’d faced during that time, but it also reveals that, yeah, ultimately, Takeru is an eight-year-old child who still has to struggle to put on a brave face so that Hikari doesn’t get impacted by his own fear.

For all it’s worth, although we get a ton of depth into his background and mentality, Takeru does not actually change that much as a character over the course of Adventure. This incident is probably what changes him the most in terms of him gaining a more solid core, and he also learns to accept the inevitability of fighting after his stubborn refusal to engage in it all the way back in Adventure episode 12 -- but for the most part he still does remain a bit naive about the world at large, and, more importantly, his issue with trying to cover up his problems with a confident smile never really gets addressed. At most, he’s willing to admit his grief over being separated from Patamon in Adventure episode 54, but even that is something Takeru tries to bounce back from quickly, much like with the first time he cried with Patamon in Adventure episode 12. But there’s nothing to indicate that his problem with emotional management isn’t going to continue being a problem from here on out if left unchecked.

That problem ends up taking another three more years to get addressed.

Takeru in 02

Takeru is one of the first people we meet in 02 (for reasons that end up revealed in the final episode), and right off the bat we learn that he’s a bit...evasive. He leaves a cryptic line to Daisuke about his goggles without coming even close to what we all know is the full extent of what’s on his mind (that the goggles specifically remind him of someone important to him), and later just...deflects Daisuke throwing accusations at him with a mild dismissal. In fact, even though Takeru pretty clearly understands very quickly what’s going on with Daisuke and how touchy he gets with the Hikari issue, he keeps dodging the question and constantly saying things that are evasive about it and therefore never truly helps his case until episode 17, when the circumstances between why Hikari and Takeru knew each other are finally properly clarified to Daisuke and he stops getting on their case about it on his own.

There were multiple points in time before this -- especially in episode 7, when Daisuke is practically at his worst in regards to approaching Takeru -- when Takeru could have easily said something to at least attempt to get Daisuke to stop bothering him, but Takeru never even asks him to cut it out! He simply continues to handle everything with a “yeah, okay, sure! :)” attitude, which of course confuses Daisuke (who’s rather allergic to people not being straightforward) rather thoroughly, and you wonder if he’s practically enjoying seeing Daisuke’s antics to the point he’s just enabling it further.

As a point of aside trivia, the official 02 website adds the fun detail that apparently he's popular with the girls at school but doesn't show much interest in them himself, and the Animedia audio commentary CD for Armor Evolution to the Unknown had his voice actor even express the opinion that he saw Takeru as someone who wasn’t really the type to think about romance at this age (adding in a separate interview for the 02 DVDs that he felt Takeru was respectful of girls primarily due to having been taught by his single mother to be such). The latter part of course isn’t something that comes from the writing, but given the website trivia I’m inclined to personally agree with it -- and, more importantly, the implication is that Takeru is at least aware of these kinds of things, but actively chooses to not think about it and deal with it when the time comes.

So in other words: That part about how Takeru actively suppresses things that are negative or inconvenient to think about, all for the sake of keeping a smile plastered on his face? Yup, still there.

In fact, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment from 02 episode 17 implies heavily that, even with their parents having developed a more cordial relationship after the events of Adventure, Takeru is now emotionally dealing with the aftermath of his parents’ divorce worse than Yamato is, since Yamato is at least able to speak about it casually and even joke about it openly, whereas Takeru keeps his mouth shut and the framing of the shot heavily implies he’s still extremely sensitive and unable to vocalize his feelings on it. Takeru never brings this up as something eating away at him for the entire series -- but BelialVamdemon uses it against him in episode 49, revealing that, yes, this is a problem that’s still tearing away at him, and yet he’s refusing to be open to anyone about it, even to Yamato himself. (Especially since, again, Yamato seems to be doing a great job trying to move forward; why kill his mood and thus be a “burden” to him?)

Even so, Takeru is very different in 02 partially because his circumstances are completely different. Adventure had him as the youngest in a group of older kids, so in terms of “being a responsible child”, that naturally meant being deferential and polite to everyone due to standards of propriety. 02 is where we learn a lot more about how Takeru interacts with peers his own age and people who are outright younger than him, when he has a bit more leeway to be more assertive.

On top of that, back in Adventure, Takeru was a young child who had a very small “range of periphery” -- as a young child still rather naive about the world, his emotional investment in things primarily pertained to loved ones and the people around him. But now that he’s a bit older, he’s gained a certain degree of strong feelings about “what’s the right thing to do”, and now has very strong opinions on it.

These things ultimately manifest in, unfortunately, Takeru losing his composure much more often than he did in Adventure, and for reasons that pertain to much wider things than just his brother. Still not having recovered from the trauma of losing Patamon back in Adventure episode 13, Takeru starts physically fighting Daisuke in 02 episode 11 because he perceives Daisuke as not doing enough to prevent Patamon from potentially becoming a slave to the Kaiser, and in 02 episode 13 he lashes out at Hikari in frustration about her refusal to do anything about her situation (which he of course ends up deeply regretting later in the episode).

Takeru’s infamous scene of suddenly switching modes on the Kaiser and punching him out in 02 episode 19 is basically the pinnacle of this -- because, yes, the Kaiser really did deserve it, but this really is not a good thing for Takeru either. This is Takeru getting the closest we ever see him to being a genuine sadist, and it’s basically everything to do with his emotional stuntedness coming out at once -- blowing up in anger out of nowhere with a passive-aggressive demeanor, succumbing to the weight of his trauma in the worst way possible, and mixing the ^^ front he puts on with his tendency to blow up angrily at anything that cuts him a little too emotionally close.

And for the first time, we see someone actually acknowledge how bad this is. Iori, one of the most consciously perceptive of the group, witnesses, for himself, the sheer jarringness of Takeru seeming to only really have two modes between “all smiles” and “unreasonably angry”. Sure, Takeru had shown a penchant for getting active as soon as there was something he needed to protect, but the moment it got personal, Takeru suddenly blew up in front of his eyes and almost turned into a completely different person. (Perhaps he’s not that different from Yamato after all...)

This is a very important moment because it sets up the base for what ultimately becomes the Jogress arc between Iori and Takeru. Daisuke ended up reaching out to Ken because Ken was someone who needed someone to accept him and teach him to move forward instead of drowning in the past; Miyako ended up reaching out to Hikari because Hikari knew herself to have a suppression problem but had difficulty doing anything about it, so the extremely in-your-face and aggressive Miyako could go in deep. But with Takeru, since his personality is genuinely volatile, and because Takeru goes out of his way to hide the fact he’s having emotional problems, personalities like Daisuke and Miyako wouldn’t help much because they’re too straightforward for someone like this who’s a bit unpredictable -- whereas Iori, who’s assertive but also methodical and thinks through everything consciously, is eventually much better able to reach out to him.

Once the relevant arc kicks in, in 02 episode 34, Iori continues to observe Takeru, and quietly notes the many “contradictions” in Takeru’s behavior -- since, after all, Takeru starts to sometimes violate what you’d think would be common sense whenever he gets too emotionally compromised. The fact that ostensibly one of the outwardly “nicest” kids in this group suddenly blows up in certain circumstances and basically goes “absolutely nope, needs to be killed!” in the midst of a few moral debates over killing sentient Digimon disturbs him deeply, and really, it’s not even about the killing part (after all, it’s later established in 02 episode 43 and after that Takeru and Hikari have a certain degree of acceptance of the inevitability that the others don’t) as much as Takeru’s being pretty gung-ho about it. Not “I don’t like it, but we have to” like he said earlier, but NOPE, GOTTA DO IT.

Iori refers directly to the duality of Takeru that he doesn’t quite understand multiple times in this episode (including in regards to the incident back in 02 episode 19), and it continues to torment him until the end, when Takeru only gives a very cryptic “clarification” that he doesn’t necessarily hate the darkness per se.

Iori, too intimidated to ask Takeru about it directly, goes to ask Yamato in 02 episode 35, and Yamato finally clarifies the background that we as the audience knew but Iori didn't: the story behind Takeru's trauma regarding the loss of Angemon back in Adventure episode 13. Yamato also makes a conjecture about why Takeru has been acting so ambivalent towards Ken -- you'd think he'd still be under Takeru's scorn after the events of 02 episode 19, but in fact Takeru's judgment of him in episode 25 was simply that he was certain something had changed, yet he couldn't tell what he was thinking (really rich coming from someone who refuses to tell anyone else what he's thinking himself!). Yamato guesses that Takeru is inclined to be a bit more forgiving of Ken due to understanding the feeling of losing a partner -- and the ultimate conclusion here is, basically, that Takeru's behavior is contradictory because he's acting based on what's personal to him, not necessarily via principles that make sense. After all, back in Adventure, it was clearly demonstrated that Takeru isn’t exactly rational when things hit too close to home.

The other important thing that happens this episode is that Takeru learns that Iori is actively trying to reach out to him, when Yamato drops him a line informing him that Iori asked. Despite complaining that Iori could have just asked him directly, after Takeru witnesses the face-off between Iori and BlackWarGreymon and a demonstration that Iori is clearly trying his best to make sense out of this entire mess, Takeru actively reaches out to Iori and says something to comfort him -- “a life is beautiful simply by existing.” It’s still cryptic as hell, but it’s not something he would have said in the midst of his anger in prior episodes.

It would be one thing if it were simply that by itself, but the following episodes further push the idea that Takeru really is starting to change after witnessing all of this. 02 episode 36 has him explicitly acknowledge what Iori’s been doing this whole time in trying to understand him for the sake of their Jogress, and, finally, during their meal later that episode, he says, very openly and honestly, that he thinks they’ll be able to do it now. After two instances of Jogress, these kids are very aware of what that entails -- so this is basically Takeru consciously acknowledging to Iori “yes, I understand that you’re trying to reach out to me, and I accept it and want to understand you.” Because Takeru is such a convoluted sort of person, this “understanding” ended up being something that didn’t span a single magical moment as much as it took several episodes and a diplomatic, conscious affirmation on both ends -- but it’s a fitting way to go for someone who had always indicated some pretty poor conscious awareness of where his feelings were taking him.

This is especially because, in 02 episode 37, his statements to comfort Ken are in pretty significant opposition to the sort of anger he’d displayed in earlier episodes, and are now a more pragmatic view of the issue in light of Iori’s efforts and everything he’d just witnessed with BlackWarGreymon -- and to drive the point home, the episode has, at the very end of it, Takeru making his first true explicit show of goodwill towards Ken after having been a bit touchy with him for so many episodes.

Iori himself, being the youngest of the 02 group, still has a lot to learn, and so Takeru, who had previously been one of the youngest in the Adventure group himself, now has his role inverted to effectively be a guiding mentor to Iori as he finds his own way. Basically, Takeru becomes responsible for the welfare of this young child, and so his way of treating Iori is markedly different from the more detached and playful way he would treat others from here on out. This is especially because, earlier, Yamato had informed him that Iori had taken a very roundabout way to help understand him better, and so Takeru probably understands that he scared the hell out of Iori earlier and needs to do better. While the Takeru of 02 episodes 38-50 still has a way of being playful, and while he still isn’t completely straightforward about his intentions, he is definitely much better about being open with the others, especially Iori, instead of doubling down on his “everything-is-fine” mode.

And perhaps this is what the other meaning of “hope” thus became in this situation -- learning to be forward-facing even in the midst of truly knowing and understanding everything that’s wrong with the situation.

Post-02

Although Takeru’s Spring 2003 track is addressed to no one in particular, meaning that it’s the most likely reason he’s so willing to be open about it, Takeru outright admits he’s having problems with his emotions -- especially those pertaining to Angemon’s death. We do, however, learn that Takeru’s started writing the early, early drafts of what’ll eventually end up becoming the novels he writes as a future career.

This being only a year after the events of 02, Takeru’s position is interesting. His decision to start writing is that he wants to have a record of everything before it’s forgotten -- because these things are very personal to him -- but he’s not emotionally ready for the huge task of finalizing everything in words, to the point he still hasn’t told his mother he’s started writing yet. After all, this is a book we eventually find out takes upwards of twenty years, and so this is the presumable reason why -- being able to get this down in a rational way that’s not emotionally compromising is going to be an upwards battle for him.

Even come Kizuna, there’s still a long way for him to go, because an actual line (in a very fast-paced movie) is dedicated to establishing that he’s still uncomfortable with his novel progress to the point he won’t even let Yamato see it. His official character profile and background details are revealing, too -- although he’s currently taking language classes in university and is even part of a children’s literature club, he still hasn’t actually decided on what to do with his future, meaning that he hasn’t determined that he’s going to be a full-time novelist with these yet. That means that even though he’s clearly still clacking away at his novel (multiple indications in the movie are given as such), his memoirs are still at the level of being so deeply personal, and not something he feels comfortable telling well, just yet.

I’ve pointed out before that despite not appearing directly with them in the movie, Takeru and Hikari have more in common with the others in the 02 group than they do with their Adventure seniors, and this is fully codified in the drama CD when Takeru is content to basically just “do whatever” with the rest of his friends instead of having any particular concerns about his future. And as someone who has a tendency to kind of just let his emotions take him wherever they’re going, this isn’t too surprising. Although he approximates as the closest to level-headed during most of the group’s antics during the CD, he’s still completely guilty of enabling them full-force, after all...

So, with the 02 epilogue, we get the massive meta reveal that the entire series was Takeru’s novels the whole time. This was planned to be the ending for Adventure before recording for the first episode had even started, but was postponed to the end of 02 when the second series was greenlit -- and if you’d followed the Japanese version, there are a ton of meta hints scattered around from day one:

The narrator of the series is Hirata Hiroaki, who played Takeru and Yamato’s father, and is revealed in this episode to voice him as an adult as well;

Episode 12 of Adventure is named “Adventure! Patamon and Me” and is the only episode title in Adventure or 02 to use a first-person pronoun -- and it’s of course a Takeru-centric episode, with the episode title using Takeru’s boku;

02′s first episode kicks off narrated by young Takeru opening the story, with Takeru himself suspiciously omitted from the opening vignettes;

02 episode 18 suddenly has the narration cut in when discussing Takeru’s trauma from Adventure episode 13, with the younger Takeru even filling in part of it himself;

02 episode 49′s “next episode” preview for 50 suddenly also starts using “we”, which also includes Takeru’s boku;

Finally, Takeru starts narrating right after Oikawa’s death, which fades into what’s revealed to be his adult voice.

In the context of Adventure, Takeru was “the youngest child”, so the idea makes sense that “the littlest one” would be the one to grow up and reflect on all of the adventures they had as kids -- and once 02 was added, it practically made sense that Takeru would be the one to recap both adventures, being the one person who was there to completely witness both (it also explains why Takeru and Hikari’s character arcs remain somewhat unresolved by the end of Adventure compared to others, since by this time it was apparent their story would be continued in the second series). So on a meta level, Takeru is, in a certain way, one of the most important characters in both groups.

On a level relevant to his personal character arc, on the other hand, the point here is that Takeru finally managed to put together his book and story in a way that he was comfortable telling the entire world about, to the point of choosing to make his entire career into it. That’s something that requires a lot of coming to terms with what happened, how he feels about it, how others feel about it, and everything about the whole ordeal in general, without compromise or (too much) bias.

And in the end, that’s really a lot!

[iamshwee]

SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide

I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

II. What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. 

Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” 

This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

III. What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. 

Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. 

There are no exceptions here. 

The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.

This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. 

Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

·   “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

·  “I have never strayed.”

·  “God is proud of me.”

·  “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

·  “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

·  “I’m a role model.”

·  “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

·  “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.

V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:

“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

VI. What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. 

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

·  Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

·  Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

·  Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

·  Emotional and mental manipulation of others

·  Greed and addictions

·  Phobias and obsessive compulsions

·  Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

·  Intense anxiety

·  Chronic psychosomatic illness

·  Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

·  Sexual perversion

·  Narcissistically inflated ego

·  Chaotic relationships with others

·  Self-loathing

·  Self-absorption

·  Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.

VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.

Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1.     Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2.     Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

3.     More confidence to be your authentic self

4.     More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5.     Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike

6.     Enhanced creativity

7.     Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8.     Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

9.     Improved physical and mental health

10.   More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11.   Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12.   A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

·        Have you practiced self-love yet?

o   If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

·        Are you prepared to make time? 

o   Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

·        Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? 

o   As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

·        Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. 

o   It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

·        Understand that you are not your thoughts. 

o   You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

·        Practice self-compassion.

o   It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

·        Record everything you find. 

o   Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

 XI. How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

·        The Sorcerer/Alchemist

·        The Dictator

·        The Victim

·        The Shadow Witch

·        The Addict

·        The Idiot

·        The Trickster

·        The Destroyer

·        The Slave

·        The Shadow Mother

·        The Hag

·        The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

XII. Shadow Work Q&A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

How to do shadow work?

There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.

XIII. Shadow Self -Test

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/

As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy

“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”

[harzeke]

ok here are my headcanons for mike's system i had these in a google docs before but i think doing it here will be easier for others to see

obviously these are not 100% concrete and will change over time but these are what i've been working with for the past three years ish haha

mike

18/19 (the age of the body)

he/they

"host" (he fronts the most and is who the rest of the system tends to look to as the core)

sensitive, loyal, compassionate, probably the most academically inclined in that he's very receptive to learning and does so very quickly

he's also easily manipulatable and his vulnerabilities can be easily exploited, especially when it comes to information involving his mental health (i.e what scott did in grand chef auto).

uses a lot of introverted body language and tends to fidget with his hands

enjoys action movies, especially old corny ones

mal

tends to ageslide between the ages of 13~19

he/they/it

the "original" host, mal is the alter who possesses the most memories of trauma and is considered too destructive/unstable to be the main alter by mike (at least at this point in time)

extremely clever, good at debating, overly protective and is very emotionally connected to the rest of the system

cold and callous to anyone not in the system (especially those trying to get close to him), rude, can be manipulative and lashes out when uncomfortable

he tends to have a very defensive posture and wears a lot of baggy and shapeless clothing in an attempt to make himself seem bigger than he actually is

he still likes hall of the mountain king. possibly related to some kind of memory he has that most of the other alters don't...?

svetlana

slightly older than mike, i'd say maybe 19~21ish? she'll usually just say she's however old mike is though

she/her

plays a secondary protective role and tends to front when mike is extremely stressed, but more specifically in situations that require her personal skillset

she's extremely sociable, friendly, and loves to learn about and teach others. she's also extremely agile and athletic

people do tend to find her a little annoying, however, and she's not exactly the best at understanding sarcasm, subtext, or intent if you're not being clear. this can make her seem a little naive or airheaded

she has extremely good posture and emotes with her hands.

tends to speak in a sort of sing-songy way and her vocal range goes quite a bit higher than the rest of the alters since she is the only one who isn't masc-leaning.

also likes to wear makeup and present fem because of this, but is aware that in a lot of situations she may not be able to, which can sometimes give her dysphoria

she does actually know russian though. whether she's fluent is yet to be seen but she can at least hold a conversation

vito

perpetually 22. he's been 22 since he showed up and he'll probably be 22 as long as he's in the system

he/him

an alter born from some kind of (most likely sexual) trauma mike has almost entirely repressed. he may not look like it, but he does play a protective role in that regard

very closeted bisexual. he loves to flirt with women constantly but if any of them reciprocate in a way that could trigger flashbacks (or god forbid a man does), he immediately goes into fight or flight

(as a note, all the other members of the system are bisexual openly, with their own personal leanings towards women or men or whoever)

extremely charismatic and courageous ("i've got balls!"), vito is one of the alters that tends to get mike into a lot of trouble with his skirt-chasing and fast talking.

because of his lack of shame or filter, he tends to get into a lot of sticky situations that other alters may have to step in and de-escalate if he can't do it himself

despite this, he has a lot of interesting talents and skills some of the others don't have. he's extremely good with machinery and mechanics and has a particular knack for fashion and keeping up with trends

his accent probably isn't nearly as strong as it is in the show but it does exist

manitoba smith

approximately 35

he/him

a fictional introject, manitoba is the embodiment of charisma, machismo, bravery and quick wit that mike aspired to have during the experiences that lead to his formation. he also tends to front when mike is stressed, like how svetlana does, but who fronts depends entirely on the situation

he's a survivalist at heart and loves to thrill seek

however, because of the source of the character in which he's based, he tends to come off as not only a little arrogant and rude but sometimes kind of misogynistic? JGKFDGFD he doesn't exactly think too hard about what he's saying.

he has an australian accent but it's very audibly fake-- it's as if he's mimicking someone who is putting on an accent (and he technically is)

if he's in a situation where he's fronting for multiple days or some other longer period of time, he refuses to shave. every other member of the system hates this

he also is the only member of the system who drinks alcohol

chester

ageslides widely from approximately 40 to his mid sixties

he/him

possibly based in part by the passing of a relative extremely close to mike in combination with familial trauma in which he was without any kind of paternal authority figure in which he could rely on or look up to

he seems kind of gruff and stubborn, but he legitimately means well and is just . not entirely comfortable being a grown ass man in the body of a teenager having to only interact with other teenagers.

for this reason he doesn't like to front in social situations and tends to spend his time fronting by himself or with people the rest of the system trust immensely

he's the only member of the system who smokes (svetlana constantly scolds him because of this because she thinks it's very unbecoming and honestly kind of gross)

he is the most emotionally attached to mal in the system and because of this they can sometimes co-front together as a pair

he's one of the few members of the system who can play an instrument (he knows how to play the piano, vito can play the guitar)

[crimeronan]

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so.  yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes 

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world.  follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content.  in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass.  which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype.  mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that.  yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale.  both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness??  rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family??  rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life??  rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry??  once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks??  all that repression baybey.  this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years.  every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far.  not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc.  i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc.  but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me.  he’s so fucking good

[magiefish]

hhhhhhhhhh guess who drew all the batim characters in prep for the comic they’re making!

yeah so it took like 4 days to draw all these guys, and it was actually pretty fun figuring out colours and designs and stuff!

(also, update on the Reveries Twisted comic, I have a plan for the first chapter but i have like, 7 tests next week and I haven’t started drawing it yet so it’s definitely not going to be coming out anytime soon sdfgsdfsj but i am still working on it!)

anyway, i felt like writing little descriptions for every character, so feel free to read these below the ‘keep reading’ line if you feel like it! My ask box is also always open, so if u have any questions feel free to ask

Bertrum Piedmont-he/him, gay/ace

-Started working as a mechanic at about 15 and worked his way up from there -Everyone in the studio @ him: why are u british -His big ego often gets in the way of things, but at his core he's a good person (doing bad shit but ultimately having good intentions is common among these guys shdgfs) -Wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Lacie, who is his most trusted confidant and friend -Actually treats his employees well, even when they do basically nothing all day, so he does a lot of work himself most of the time Linda Stein-she/her, straight as a ruler -Parents immigrated from Spain -She's very catholic and very into 'traditional family values' and that sort of stuff -She is sweet, but her strict morals and black and white ethics often make her do unintentional harm -She is also pretty oblivious to most things Jack Fain-he/him & they/them, pan/ace, OCD -Mother immigrated from China to France, and then he moved to America, it's confusing -Can play the violin really well, but is terrible at composing his own pieces -Peak friend material -Short and round and soft with a love of a good espresso -Kind and quiet but ultimately ineffective and happy to watch from the sidelines Daniel 'Buddy' Lewek-he/him, aro/ace, autistic, jewish -He is curious and observant, but very very naive -He finds it hard to pick up on social cues, and tends to daydream a lot -Never really had a father figure, and unfortunately kind of half sees Joey as one (baaaad choice), but his mother is great -Loves drawing and tends to chew on pens (and most objects really) -Too young Susie Campbell-she/her, demi -Her parents were Russian and she picked up their accent, but taught herself how to cover it up. She is now excellent at voice acting. -Has a birthmark most theatres turned her away for. But luckily voice acting gave her another chance at performance, and the music department really does not care about it. -Her dad was a butcher, so she now knows a concerning amount about how to cut up and dissect meat. -She gets easily attached to things emotionally, and has a whole pile of random bits and bops she keeps on her person because she can't throw them away. -Naive, but smart enough to know how to read and deceive people if needed. Ms Abigail Lambert-she/her, lesbian -A very gifted artist, who is quite frustrated with the business aspect of animation. -Picked up quite a few things about engineering from Lacie. -Stern, but kind. Motherly, if she likes you and you squint hard enough. -Used to fighting for things. -Giving her food is a pretty good way to get her to like you. Being an artist, she forgets to eat at the correct times a lot, so a meals always appreciated. Norman Polk-he/him, gay, albino -Knows how to fix things, knows how to fight, knows how to hide -General cool uncle vibes -He watches people a lot, and gives off some creepy vibes, but he does genuinely care about people -Knows something is up and is determined to find out what (even if he dies trying) -Fought in WW1, then worked at a cinema for a bit. Emma Lamont-she/her, heteroflexible -Keep dancing even when everything goes wrong -Bit of a 'i'm better than these fools' mentality going on -But she's pretty chill, and willing to act when needed -Basically every woman in the studio knows her on the basis that she chills in the girls bathroom. -Hates Joey, but knows those who stir up a bit too much trouble usually 'resign' Sammy Lawrence-he/him, (vocal-romantic) bi/ace, ADD -His dad sucked, so he ran away. He's also the reason he's largely abandoned his faith, but he still holds hope that there is some kind of god out there. -He and Jack are basically brothers, they've known each other for a long time. -He can compose music in his head, but can play basically every instrument. -Tall and thin and sharp with a love of black coffee. -He's actually pretty chill and nice, but the conditions of the studio (workload, noises, dreams) have left him quick to snap and a stressed out mess. -He's pretty oblivious to his own feelings and spends basically all his time thinking about music, so he usually only realises that he has a crush on someone if he hears them singing (hence the vocal-romantic joke) Johnny Hart-he/him (she/her), gay (trans), heart condition -A nervous wreck who avoids everything and everyone -Trans but doesn't realise it, he thinks this level of discomfort has something to do with his heart condition or something like that. -Speaking of which, if he gets genuinely terrified or panicked he could have a heart attack. -Hence why he's a recluse who remains in the organ room and interacts w/ literally no one. -Except Dot and Buddy (who forgets he exists and who he also has a crush on). Wally Franks-he/him, pan -Friends with literally everyone who isn't one of the older folks (and thomas) -Honorary member of the music department because he can play a harmonica and vibes with everyone there. -Tries to put a positive spin on everything, often beyond the point of reason -A mischevous, mildly selfish prankster with a heart of gold -Gossip pals with Susie and Norman The Violinist-she/her, nobody knows -Has literally never expressed an emotion ever -Seems to know things are going to happen before they happen -Just generally pretty weird -She isn't friends with Dot, they're both just vaguely interested in what the others doing -She looks a lot like Allison, but the two have never spoken and nobody knows if they're sisters Thomas Connor-they/them, gynephilia -He is just. So tired. -An actual mechanical genius who gets his work used for the wrong purposes. -Is very of the 'when you're on a path stick to it' mentality -Cold and hard exterior that vertually no one except Allison has ever managed to get through. -He can and will beat you up. Henry Stein-he/him, gay, vitiligo -Nice and hardworking. -Doesn't have many emotions other than to draw. -He's in fucking narnia he's so deep in the closest. -Feels emotions, but buries them deep down and doesn't express them too clearly. -Has difficulty setting healthy boundaries with people and represses himself far too much. Joey Drew-he/him, homoromantic/pansexual, bipolar disorder, alcohol and cigarette addictions -Chaotic, feral, short little man who lies to everyone -Charismatic as hell, but also a terrible friend and person in general -He doesn't blink enough, does not know the meaning of personal space, and hasn't aged for about 4 years, which are all very bad signs. -Doesn't understand how to run a business but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to interact with people but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to create life but does so anyway- -He isn't pure evil, he just gets into very bad mindsets and makes poor decisions that lead him down the wrongest way to go. -Does some self evaluation and goes 'maybe this wasn't the right way chief :/' just a bit too late Audrey Dempsey-she/her, lesbian, Borderline Personality Disorder -Feral conspiracy theorist -May or may not be related to multiple studio members -Everyone's called her crazy for years and made her feel like a burden, and she is hellbent on proving everyone wrong -Quite socially awkward, and rather sarcastic with a dark sense of humour -Works for Archgate Allison Pendle-she/her & they/them, androphilic/ace -Is forever lost in a vintage clothing store -Most people say she seems nice, but everyone just kind of subconciously registers that there is something up with her -Knows a lot about the supernatural -The person closest to Joey, which doesn't necessarily mean they're friends -Nobody has ever seen the right side of her face Dot Acciaci-she/her, pan -Her parents are Italian, and she speaks a little herself, usually using it to encrypt her private notes -Mischevious & curious, but ultimately kind -She will find out your secrets, and is very good at reading people -Great storyteller -Struggles with loneliness a lot Dr Eleanor Hackenbush-she/her, aro/ace -Science knows no bounds -Doesn't care what your motivation is, as long as you give her some cash and some experiments -Filled with nothing but utter spite Ms Reina Rodriguez-they/them, demi -Tired of everything -Although she puts up a calm exterior, Rodriguez is very attached to the studio and views it as her 'new family', having a terrible relationship with her old one -Her family drama connects to the fact they're very catholic, but she nobody knows what this drama is other than Joey Tessa Arch-she/her, straight -An absolute bitch -Trusts her husband far too much -Not very smart, but compensates for this for being good looking and rich Shawn Flynn-he/him (intersex), pan -Jovial, but gets angry quickly -Willing to do 'wrong' things if it helps someone else out, kind of like Robin Hood or something -His mother taught him how to sew and he helped her make clothes when he was younger -Found it hard to get a job because he's Irish, so despite being tired of all the bullshit of JDS, he is reluctant to look elsewhere -Friends with Lacie and Grant because they appreciate his humour Lacie Benton-She/her, lesbian, trans -Tougher than the toughies -wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Bertrum, who she views as one of the only genuinely smart people in JDS and who she has worked for for basically all of her life -Feels like something is up, but doesn't notice much if it doesn't connect to her work -Has automatophobia -Friend with Shawn and Grant because she respects their dedication to their work Grant Cohen-He/him, bi, depression, jewish -Absolute madlad at maths -Acts like he doesn't care what you think, cares far too much about what you think -Everyone wants him to just get therapy already -Doesn't have many friends, but has a weird 'we're both horribly overworked' kinship with Sammy, so they usually just chill and smoke together -Friends with Shawn and Lacie because they're actually mentally stable and he needs some rocks Nathan Arch-He/him, straight -You should hate him -You should hate him a lot -Super rich and doesn't pay his workers enough -Silver tongued -Basically a spider. Creates webs of manipulation and lies, sees a lot, and knows plenty about waiting for his prey to come to him.

[weirdbananasblog]

TOP 10 BEST ANIME GIRL CHARACTERS

As an anime fan, I always admire the great story of an anime and its core part is a variety of characters. Female characters have been important and evolve over time. This list includes the best female anime characters in history. From the strong to the cool, week, cute, beautiful, powerful, badass, and to the hottest character. In short, these anime female characters have earned their places on the list. Which one of these popular anime characters is your favorite?

1. KURISU MAKISE

Quote – “You can run away, but that’ll just make it worse!” – Kurisu Makise

Kurisu Makise is the female protagonist of the anime series Steins;Gate and the love interest of Rintarou Okabe. She is Lab Member 004. And her nickname is Christina put by Okabe. Kurisu gain interest in Science because of her father experiments and theories about time machine/time travel and others scientific topic.

For being so smart when she was a little kid and outwitted her father’s intellect. Generally, she is calm and a collective girl who is capable of keeping herself. Kurisu is not very talkative but loves to talk about science. She also does display sarcasm, usually at Okabe for his annoyance. She is the most love anime girl character.

2. MIKASA ACKERMAN

Quote – “This world is cruel. It is also very beautiful” ― Mikasa Ackerman.

Mikasa is one of the main characters of Attack Of Titan. She was adopted by the Eren Yeager family after her biological parents were murdered. Mikasa has become emotionally withdrawn and noticeably dangerous, sometimes intimidating her enemies or even her comrades.

She is quite and level headed, rarely seen to lose her cool, no matter how bleak the situation seems to be. But when someone tries to do anything wrong to Eren she became a whole new person. Usually, she is by side of Eren.

3. ASUNA

Quote – “Sometimes the things that matter the most are right in front of you.” – Asuna Yuuki

Asuna was one of the 10,000 players trapped in Sword Art Online. She is in the novels a sub-leader of the Knights of the Blood Oath. She is depicted as having earned a reputation as a skilled player in-game, giving her the nickname Lightning Flash. Asuna main weapon is Lambent Light.

For me personally, she is one of the beautiful character, and stronge too. Asuna is a kind and helpful young woman. Asuna is also somewhat proud and despite her kind personality.

4. CHITANDA

Quote – “If you can never get mad at anything, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you like either!” – Chitanda

Eru Chitanda is the main character of the Classic Literature Club series and Hyouka.  She is a student at Kamiyama High School and the president of the Classical Literature Club. Chitanda is very cute girl. And, Eru is resemble as stunning beauty. She is a kind of anime girl character which you need in your life.

Chitanda is a polite and cheerful girl. And she is sensible, emotive, friendly, and innocent, coming across as “childlike” in many aspects. One day Eru meets Houtarou Oreki at the Kamiyama High School’s Geography Prep Room. Chitanda is very close to Oreki and it is heavily implied that she has romantic feelings for him.

5. ERZA SCARLET

Quote – “Hurt me with the truth. But never comfort me with a lie.” – Erza Scarlet

I already assume that you all have know that Erza Scarlet is a strong character. As we can see from above quote of her’s, she is clearly a powerful character and strict person. She often criticizing the bad behavior and habits of the other guild members, causing most of them to apologize. So, her personality also brings fear into many of the members in fairy tail and other guilds.

Erza is an extremely skilled fighter and high class wizard. And, Erza can summon any type of weapon she want to use in an Instant she has over 200 + different type of weapons and can summon multiple weapons at once. Erza have master swordman ship.

6. RIAS GREMORY

Quote – “The first strike decides the battle.” – Rias Gremory

High School DxD have popular over the year. And it’s main factor is their female character. This anime series is full of female characters. Rias is a very kind and compassionate, optimist, especially to her servants and people close to her. Moreover, Rias is competitive and hates to lose, especially after losing her first Rating Game against Riser as she strives to always win, whether it is in sports or Rating Games. Rias is the hottest anime girl character the whole series.

7. TOUKA KIRISHIMA

Quotes – “There’s no way someone who can’t even protect himself can protect anyone else, is there?” – Touka Kirishima

Touka Kirishima is the main female protagonist and a ghoul of the anime series Tokyo Ghoul. She wears a rabbit mask while hunting, earning her the alias Rabbit. She is inherently kind, but this was repressed due to her losing her father and thus having to survive in the ghoul world from an early age.

After the time skip, Touka is more openly gentle and warm and became a beautiful woman that many characters including Ken Kaneki have been left speechless by her attractive appearance.

8. NAMI

Quote – “Life is like a pencil that will surely run out, but will leave the beautiful writing of life.” – Nami

One piece has produced a different variety of versatile characters and one of them is Nami. Nami is a member of the famous Straw Hat pirate crew. She is 2nd crewmate of Straw Hat pirate. Nami has a good sense of navigation skill. In the world of Sea, she has been useful to her captain (Luffy).

After the time skip Nami have improve her ability. She has a supernatural ability to sense changes in the weather, “with her body” according to Vivi, and can even predict the emergence of supposedly unpredictable cyclones in the Grand Line.

9. HINATA HYUGA

Quote – “Never… Go Back… On My Word… Because… That’s… My Ninja Way, Too!” – Hinata Hyuga

Hinata is timid, soft-spoken, thoughtful, polite and very shy, often using appropriate name suffixes. Her father’s contempt for her, so Hinata lacks self-confidence but is very hard working. She is a member of Team 8, which consists of herself, Kiba Inuzuka with his ninja dog — Akamaru, Shino Aburame, and team leader Kurenai Yuhi. Hinata is a very shy anime girl character with the kindest heart.

10. REVY

Quote – “You’ve got to enjoy life, or else you’ll end up wasting it.” – Revy Rebecca

Revy is a troubled, loud, rude, sarcastic, deadly, very competitive, short-tempered, cynical, confident, and considerably aggressive nihilist (a person who believes that life is meaningless and rejects all religious and moral principles) who exhibits a wild temperament. She does most of the fighting for the Lagoon Company. Revy is very confident, grumpy, aggressive, cynical, and emotionally unstable.

Check out our new post – Top movies like ‘your name‘

[littlemisssquiggles]

Pinehead Headcanons: Oscar’s Humanity

You know, I've been thinking about the whole "friendship bracelets for Team RWBY" idea that the CRWBY Writers revealed was scrapped for RWBY V7. 

For context, you guys remember the scene at the start of V6 where Ruby had a little gift shop bag that she was grinning and skinning about all happy Ruby-like, promising an impatient Yang that she’d have to wait till they got to Atlas to see exactly what her little sister had bought.

Remember that bit that wasn’t followed up in V7? Well according to one of the CRWBY Writers over on Twitter (can’t remember which one of them it was), apparently what Ruby had bought was supposed to be friendship bracelets for herself and the members of Team RWBY. Y’know something to symbolize their bond as a team that was originally meant to play a part in their final fight against the Ace Ops finale. I say “originally” since as I said, it got scrapped.

In more ways than one, this squiggle meister is actually kind of glad that the CRWBY decided to not go with that idea for the time being. If I'm being completely honest here, when I first heard that that was what the CRWBY Writers were planning to do with that bit, I didn't really like the thought that Ruby only purchased friendship bracelets for her team to commemorate their bond.

Listen. I get that Weiss, Yang and Blake are Ruby’s teammates and her supposed sisters in arms and while I understand that this would’ve been a cute idea to highlight the strength of the bond between RWBY…I’m sorry but in a way; I can’t help but feel like doing that could’ve unintentionally underplayed the importance of Ruby's friendship with JN(P)R especially coming off the events of V4-V5.

While Weiss, Blake and Yang are Ruby’s team---Jaune, Nora and Ren have also been there for Ruby too and have always had her back just as much as her teammates did with V4 andV5 highlighting that case for me prior to Ruby being reunited with her girls by the end of V5.

It’s why when I first saw the Gift Bag scene in V6, I was more open to the theory of the bag containing something that Ruby bought for everyone; not just her teammates. To me, it would've been sweeter if Ruby bought friendship bracelets for all of her friends---not just as token of appreciation for all the times they’ve ALL supported and been there for her when she needed it most in their own respective ways but also as a symbol of linking both teams together as our core hero group whose shared journey we’re following.

With this in mind, I like the concept of Ruby fashioning her whole group matching friendship bracelets with beats comprised of colours to represent everyone within their circle of friends---y’know red for Ruby, white for Weiss, black for Blake, yellow for Yang, perhaps a darker more golden yellow for Jaune while Ren and Nora both share the colour pink. I also like the idea of the beads being marked with letter of everyone’s first name with Ruby being thoughtful enough to even include two extra marked beads to represent the friends they had lost---meaning Pyrhha and originally Penny before they revived her for V7. Y’know something like this, for example:

In a way, this idea makes me think back to that moment from the original Yugioh series where Tea took a marker and drew symbols on her and her friends’ hands as a sign of their strong friendship and support of Yugi before he went off to dual Kaiba for the first time (at least, I think it was Kaiba. Correct me if I’m wrong).

And something like that could’ve also been used to highlight Oscar’s inclusion in the group as well with a bead in his signature colour---pine green branded with the letter ‘O’ for ‘Oscar’  being included in the bracelet design.

Think about it. Imagine…a tender moment where Ruby is giving out the friendship bracelets to everyone only for her to surprise Oscar with one too. I understand that the bracelet idea was scrapped for now but imagine if the CRWBY Writers decided to bring it back for V8 under the new notion that it’s something used to represent and strengthen the bond within the whole hero team rather than just RWBY alone.

With that thought in mind, as a way to work that idea into the established canon of the show, let’s say…instead of Ruby’s gift bag containing bracelets, what if…the bag only contained only the materials that Ruby was planning to use to make the bracelets.

This helps tie into her line to Yang about her having to wait to see what it was since Ruby hadn’t crafted the bracelets herself. I’m kind of digging this small little red headcanon I have here of Ruby using what little spare time she had between missions and training while in Atlas to craft the groups’ friendship bracelets in secret. I dig this concept just as much as the dig the thought of Ruby originally planning to surprise all of friends with the finished bracelets (inclusive of the newly reformed Penny) at some point during their stay in Atlas however she never got the chance given everything that happened while in the kingdom (preparing for Amity, the elections, the attack at the rally, etc).

I know the idea of having the bracelets now might sound weird however the reason I brought it up was because of this one thought. If the bracelet concept was meant to be something to bond the hero team together, then imagine…how depressing it would be if Ruby never got the chance to gift Oscar’s his own as her way of saying he was now officially a part of their team because she late discovered that Oscar was "dead"?

Imagine…how depressing it would be for Ruby to look back and realize that the very thing she had planned to be something to bind her and her friends together became a reminder that Oscar was now “gone” and that Ruby would never see him again.

Imagine…how depressing it would be for Ruby for her to realize that, much like her mother, Oscar had “gone away” and she never got a chance to say goodbye to him.

And…imagine how especially depressing it would be if Ruby had to hear that news from Qrow upon the team basically busting him and Robyn out of prison when they were hoping to rescue Oscar too. Crows are harbingers of death after all. So for me it would be fitting if Qrow is the one to begrudgingly deliver the news of Oscar’s “murder” to the team after Ironwood confessed to him while imprisonment under the guise of a threat on his life (or something like that).

I like this idea since it could lead into a potential parallel between Oscar and Summer Rose since I’d still like to stand by the assumption that Qrow was the one who broke the news about Summer’s death to her family. For that instance, I’m imagining a scene where a young Ruby and Yang are hiding in the stairway of their house on Patch, secretly eavesdropping on a private conversation between their father and Qrow who had suddenly shown up at their doorstep to tell Tai what happened.

I’m picturing a miserable-looking Qrow needing to prop up a now emotionally distraught Tai Yang who had just fallen apart at the news. Meanwhile in the background, young Yang is doing her best to hold back her own tears at the news; tightly hugging and doing her best to comfort a toddler Ruby who was just frozen at the whole thing.

In V2, Yang mentioned that due to her age, Ruby didn’t take the news of Summer’s death the best since for the most part she believed she was more confused at the whole thing; unsure of how to really process it.

This is why I’m imagining something like that happening similarly for Ruby with the news of Oscar’s “death”. With Qrow revealing to truth and Ruby just becoming completely frozen by everything---moving in a somewhat detached manner from the whole ordeal which was forcing all her repressed feelings regarding her mother to resurface in the process.

I’m even thinking of a scene where as Ruby is absorbing the news of Oscar’s death, she suffers a moment where while processing the news, she’s bombarded with the same flashes of her mother standing alone on the hill with her graveside, only this time Summer is joined by Oscar standing on the hill with his back turned to Ruby and the apparition of her forming her friend refusing to look her in the eye or something cryptically dark like that.

I just would like for the Writers to use Oscar’s “death” as a means to reveal more details about Summer and her death since in a sense, the way how Oscar “died” is kind of similar to Summer.

As a matter of fact, the way Oscar “died” is similar to how Pyrhha was killed. For me, I’m picturing Jaune being the most affected by Oscar’s “unfortunate passing”. In fact, I’m thinking Jaune would be livid over Oscar's "death".

For me, I’m envisioning a scene where a distraught Jaune is just angrily punching the wall so hard that it was slowly starting to bruise his fingers with small flecks of blood starting to trickle from underneath the armour giving the force of his punches.

I’m picturing Jaune bawling his eyes out and practically screaming how much nothing has changed for him. In spite of his training, in spite of how hard he had worked to grow stronger as a huntsman, in spite of the promises he had made and the things he had said, here was another example of him failing yet another friend he let walk off to “handle things on their own”.

Oscar was a part of Jaune’s team. He was placed in his care and had his trust and protection and I can picture Jaune believing that he had failed Oscar just as he had failed Pyrhha.

It would actually be kind of sad how just as Jaune and essentially Ren and Nora were starting to slowly  come to peace with Pyrhha and move on with Oscar looking to join them, he too suffered the same fate as Pyrhha and it’s a fate that I can see all of them taking responsibility in some way.

Heck I can even picture Jaune and Ren probably having an argument over this with poor Nora being forced to come between them. I’m thinking Jaune might get angry at Ren holding him responsible for making Oscar think he had to do something to help given his statement following the loss of the relic. That could be something but then again, these are only ideas.

Nevertheless, the similarities between the circumstances in which Pyrhha and Oscar were both “murdered” are too present that I can’t see it not being brought up for V8 as part of JNR’s side of things. Moreover, this is another opportunity for Oscar’s whole humanity and the way in which the whole group perceived his presence within their team to come into focus here. Think about it.

Imagine a moment where…upon learning the dark news, someone---maybe Nora--- brings up the fact about reincarnation clinging to the hope that perhaps Oscar could “return” somehow in some shape or form…only for Qrow to more or less burst their bubble.

According to my understanding of the whole Ozma Cycle, I’d like to believe that the way in which the reincarnation works is that Oscar would’ve only been able to return as a secondary soul inside the body of another is if he and Oz had already merged into one soul with Oscar becoming the dominating personality.

However if Oscar was killed before him and Oz could become one, I’d imagine that Oz---as the last version of Ozma’s soul---would’ve just moved onto another chosen vessel and have to redo the same induction process he had done with Oscar all over again. However Oscar would not be so fortunate. Basically what I’m saying is that Oz would be fine but Oscar on the other hand would be gone for good.

I just want the thought of Oscar---the soul that was Oscar----The part of him that was still the cute 14-year-old former farmhand that had shown up to RNJR in Mistral was now gone. I want that very thought to hit the whole hero team like a ton of bricks and to just see the reactions from everyone on the team at that profound realization. Especially the members of Oscar’s Inner Circle meaning RNJR.

For me, RWBY as a show has a weird habit of kind of doing a not-so-good job of proving how much the hero team actually value Oscar as their teammate. So I’m hoping that the news of his alleged “death” can spark this level of angst. It’s why I loved that V7 ended with Oscar being separated from the others with only Oz as his companion. It’s why I’m hoping that the CRWBY Writers allow for Oscar and Oz to finally have their own “journey” story away from the others.

As I’ve mentioned previously; not only is it a chance to develop and strengthen the relationship between Oscar and Oz that’s been strained so much since their first union but it’s also a way to highlight the importance of both souls’ existence to the people who knew them.

For Oscar, it’s a chance to see how he impacted the group in spite of his “short time” with them. Especially for RNJR since they technically knew him the longest having met him first and being comprised of the people who Oscar are closest to: Ruby as Oscar’s true rose (and potential love interest) and JNR as his team and surrogate family.  

And for Ozpin, it’s a chance for the show to finally touch base on his ties to Qrow, Ironwood and maybe the whole STRQ group particularly Summer Rose. There is so much potential in this for Oscar’s character and his respective relationships with his closest confidants that as a Pinehead, I honestly hope it will be taken. Finger crossed to that for V8.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[supposedlyawitch]

shadow work

i found a site that explains shadow work and i want to do some work with it and i’m willing to share the details the site has here. I’m putting this also here so i can look back on it. I already know my shadow is probably bigger and deeper than all the oceans combined. it might be interesting to explore, it might not, but it has to be done. This is basically free therapy.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not be undertaken if you struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-hatred. Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and emphatically encourage you to work on Self-Love. Shadow Work should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-worth, and a friendly relationship with themselves. See this article on how to love yourself for more guidance.

Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow article for a deeper explanation).

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’ (We’ll explore how the Shadow is formed next.)

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. There are no exceptions here. The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side. This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

“I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

“I have never strayed.”

“God is proud of me.”

“Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

“Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

“I’m a role model.”

“I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

“I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadows.

How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality have a tendency to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

Emotional and mental manipulation of others

Greed and addictions

Phobias and obsessive compulsions

Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

Intense anxiety

Chronic psychosomatic illness

Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

Sexual perversion

Narcissistically inflated ego

Chaotic relationships with others

Self-loathing

Self-absorption

Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological projection.

The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection. Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

More confidence to be your authentic self

More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike

Enhanced creativity

Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

Improved physical and mental health

More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

Access to your Soul or Higher Self

A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

Seven Tips For Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

Have you practiced self-love yet? If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadows will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

Are you prepared to make time? Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths which are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

Understand that you are not your thoughts. It is essential for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

Practice self-compassion. It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

Record everything you find. Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life unconsciously, because what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. A part of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have a number of  Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

The Sorcerer

The Dictator

The Victim

The Shadow Witch

The Addict

The Idiot

The Trickster

The Destroyer

The Slave

The Shadow Mother

The Hag

The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

[im-fairly-whitty]

I want to ask your opinion on something that I've been wondering: We knows that Coco continued to love music in secret all her life and even sung to baby Miguel, so, why didn't Coco just lifted the music ban after Imelda died? Was she respecting her mother's memory? or did she believe to some extend that music was bad but just couldn't help loving it? And while we are on the subject, what are your headcanons about Coco's relationship with Imelda growing up?

Why didn’t Coco bring back music when she was the matriarch?

This is a great question, it all comes down to family dynamics!

Let’s take a look at the different stages of the Rivera family over the last few generations shall we?

1. The Young Couple^^

Imelda and Hector are married and live together. Their relationship is star-crossed and overall stress levels are relatively low, decisions are made together as a team, probably often bending to Imelda’s strong opinions. Keep in mind that Hector is 17 and Imelda is 18, meaning that their emotions run comparatively high and hot, both their disagreements and decisions are likely dealt with quick. 

Current family authority figure: Largely irrelevant, they’re a couple of kids who do everything together and don’t yet have any serious responsibilities other than keeping each other happy. 

2. The Young Family^^

Coco is born and now the couple becomes a family. Stress increases considerably as the new parents now have to care and provide for a child, leading both Hector and Imelda to take their roles much more seriously. For Imelda, this means putting Coco’s needs before her own (as referenced in the movie) but for Hector, this means taking his music more seriously so that his career can effectively provide for his wife and daughter.

Current family authority figure: Hector has nothing but the utmost respect for his diosa, meaning that he does not lord his male status over her, but the fact remains that he is indeed a man in the early 1900′s and he ultimately has the final word on family decisions. Unfortunately, one of those decisions is to go on the road with Ernesto. Imelda is unhappy with the decision and doubtless she voices her opinions loud and clear, but she does recognize/respect Hector as the main provider of the family and of course trusts that he will come back home to her.

3. The single mother^^

When Hector never returns, Imelda becomes a young single mother with a daughter to provide for. She learns a new profession, opens a shoe shop, and becomes fiercely protective of her child. Being a single parent is difficult and shouldering the burden of filling both parenting roles hardens her, making her headstrong personality into something sharper. 

Current family authority figure: Imelda by default has complete control and responsibility in this family of two. As the parent of a young child, everything she says goes, including her absolute ban on music as a kind of emotional revenge against her missing husband. As the shoe shop grows Oscar and Felipe come to live and work with her, but her status as their older sister gives her authority over them as well, meaning they fall under the music ban as well.

4. The lone matriarch^^

Several years go by with Imelda being in complete and undisputed control of the family. When Julio begins courting Coco he undergoes a rigorous approval process to gain Imelda’s blessing. Imelda is NOT going to let her daughter end up abandoned like she did, meaning that in order to join the family Julio also must completely give up all music. He completely defers to her will, submitting to any and all of her rules in order to be with Coco. The Rivera household gains another member (and shoemaker) for the first time in over ten years.

Current family authority figure: Imelda’s status remains unchallenged despite the arrival of a new family member, which sets a precedence of controlling authority that remains in force throughout the rest of her life.

5. Mamá Imelda^^

Time passes and Imelda remains in complete control. The music ban remains in force and an entire generation of children are raised under it, truly believing that music is evil. Coco is old enough to remember life with music and hides her secret love of dancing. It is not until she injures herself while dancing and scares her two young daughters that Coco comes clean about it to her mother and gives up her dancing habit altogether. (A scene from the novelization.) 

Coco respects her mother’s wishes and is now sandwiched between her mother and the rising generation that all reject music, so she keeps her continuing respect for music to herself. She has been raised to put her family before music, and she does just that, no matter how much it hurts her.   

Current family authority figure: Imelda all the way.

6. Coco y Julio^^

When Imelda passes away in the 1970′s the Rivera family is a bustling business with at least two generations living in the home. Coco becomes the new matriarch, but instead of directing the family by herself, she has her loving husband by her side. There is a strongly established family culture by now that all the family members down to the children uphold (including her daughter Elena). Coco could technically have brought music back at this point, but remember that she’s spent her entire life hiding it. To do so would be to re-write the emotional core of the Rivera family that has been built on everything that “He-Who-Must-Be-Forgotten” wasn’t. Ie: Family always comes first, never leave your family, no music.

Besides, Coco isn’t the headstrong single mother that Imelda was, Coco values her relationship with Julio and presides with him as an equal partner. This makes her less likely to try dramatically upheaving the family just because she as an individual would prefer to have music, she cares for the group before herself. 

Current family authority figure: Coco, but operating under the very strong legacy of Imelda and the expectations of the rest of her family, who have all been raised to rigidly respect the rules Imelda set. Since Coco has also been raised to put her family first she respects her mother’s wishes and simply continues to steer the family the direction Imelda did.

7. Elena takes control^^

Coco grew up in a very emotionally turbulent time, meaning that her wishes were always bent to obey her mother out of necessity, but Elena had the luxury of growing up in a stable home with both parents. This means that Elena’s firey streak has never had to be repressed, allowing her to fully take after her Abuelita Imelda. 

Elena has grown up fully believing in the music ban and enforces it religiously within the family, believing that by doing so she is protecting them all from the kind of evils of the mystery man who abandoned her abuelita all those years, the man who has haunted whispered adult conversations in her home as long as she can remember. When her Mama Coco begins to decline Elena rises as Imelda’s spitting image, doing whatever she deems necessary to protect her hard-working and beloved family.

Current family authority figure: Elena all the way. While her mother was more docile when it came to sharing authority, Elena rises magnificently to the role of matriarch.

The Future:

The Rivera family has always been one full of love, but the roots of this particular family tree were badly scarred, triggering it to develop strong defenses against anything that could hurt it that way again. While Coco as an individual kept music and her Papá’s memory alive in her heart, she existed as only one part of a larger group that she had been trained to always put first.

The Rivera paradox is that change couldn’t come from Coco alone, it had to be initiated by Miguel, a member of the rising generation, who could reach out and support Coco with his own music. The beautiful part is that “Remember me” is a song that spans all the generations of the Rivera family, from Hector (Father) to Coco (daughter) through Miguel (great-great-grandson). 

“Remember Me” heals the hurt the Rivera family has endured for generations from both ends, reviving memories of the past while being played by Miguel, who represents a bright musical future for the Riveras.

[themostrandomfandom]

Hi! Adore your blog

Hey, @lydiagravy​​!

First off, thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you enjoy my blog.

Next, I will admit up front: I have never actually read this bookmyself; I have only had the content explained to me by a friend who majored inhuman development, who read the book as part of her coursework and enjoyed itvery much.

I apologize if I end up bungling anything.

From what I understand, the three primary attachment types breakdown like so:

Anxious: Personswith anxious attachment types tend to be nervous about their relationships.They require frequent reassurance from their partners that they are wanted,appreciated, loved, etc. They crave affection and often fare poorly when singleand/or physically or emotionally separated from their partners. They are slowto trust even the people they’re closest to and can behave irrationally,sporadically, and over-emotionally if they feel insecure in theirrelationships.

Avoidant: Personswith avoidant attachment types tend to be independent and uncomfortable withintimacy. They find commitment difficult and often complain of feeling“suffocated” when people try to get close to them. Most frequently, they chooseto operate solo. However, if they do enter into romantic relationships, theytend to do so with an exit strategy already in mind going in.

Secure:Persons with secure attachment types are generally comfortable—both asindividuals and romantic partners. They regularly express affection and trusttheir partners enough to be intimate with them. They know how to draw clearinterpersonal boundaries, handle rejection, and communicate regarding problems.For this reason, they tend to make excellent friends and romantic partners.

Basedon those definitions, I agree that Brittany has a secure attachment type.However, I think Santana is kind of an interesting case, in that she sometimes presentsherself as having an avoidant attachment type, but in actuality, at her core,she has an anxious one.

Morediscussion after the cut.

___ 

Brittany

WithBrittany, things are fairly straightforward.

Thoughshe sometimes experiences insecurity when people who don’t know her well don’tget her (and especially when they underestimate her intelligence), when itcomes to her attachments to the people who matter—her family members andSantana—Brittany is very comfortable being who she is and, by extension, iscomfortable in her relationships.

Ingeneral, she functions with the understanding that the people who matter willget it and that the people who don’t get it don’t matter after all.

Interms of her relationship with Santana specifically, she understands thesignificance of their feelings for each other, even at times when Santana is inheavy denial. Though the hurtful things Santana says during S1 and S2 sometimescause her to question the viability of her and Santana’s relationship, she always seems to return to the fact that because they are in lovewith each other, anything is possible for them, which is why she is able towait for Santana to get her act together.

Ofcourse, Brittany having a secure attachment type doesn’t exempt her fromexperiencing the occasional moment of doubt or from occasionally behavingpoorly within her relationships—because she certainly does both of those thingsfrom time to time.

Itjust means that, by and large, Baby Girl feels confident giving and receivinglove, and she trusts that she and Santana will be able to overcome whatevertroubles they face because they are deeply committed to each other. She remainssteady even when the boat is rocking.

Nowhere is her secure attachment type more evident than in her speech to Santana during episode 5x12, where she expresses her belief that she and Santana have a special, once-in-a-lifetime bond (“I really wanna be with you, Santana. I’ve seen the world and I’m sure now more than ever that I belong with you. And I’m sure your girlfriend’s great but you can’t re-create what you and I have. Just tell me to stay. Please. It’s your choice. If you want me, I’m here”). Her confidence that Santana will ultimately choose her over Dani speaks to the trust she has in Santana, as well as to her generally easygoing temperament. 

Santana

As stated above, I think that even though Santana sometimes actsavoidant, in reality, her attachment type is most likely anxious.

Here is my reasoning:

As I’ve written about here,Santana has what is known as a reactive temperament, meaning that she typicallyexperiences strong emotional responses to stimuli. Not only does she feelemotions very strongly—when she feels sad, she feels really sad; when she feelshappy, she feels very happy—but in her most natural and unchecked state, shealso manifests those emotions in unmistakable ways, meaning that she cries atthe drop of a hat when something upsets her and smiles so widely that herdimples show when something goes her way. Simply put, Baby Girl wears her hearton her sleeve.

—and the fact that she does so makes her socially vulnerable.

In the public school system, kids who are easily provoked and/orwho get really excited about things tend to become targets for bullying. Theirclassmates will attempt to rile them up just to get a rise out of them. They’llalso mock them for being too effusive about the things they like and dislike.

My theory, based in large part on what she says during her HurtLocker confession, is that Santana learns fairly early on that being reactivemakes her socially vulnerable—and especially once she hits puberty and startsto recognize her attraction to girls for what it is. She knows it is dangerousfor her to wear her emotions so close to the surface, particularly in relationto any physical attractions and/or romantic feelings she might develop, so shemakes the conscientious decision to start downplaying how she feels aboutthings and purposefully repressing her reactivity.

Over time, she developes her “bitch” persona, which she can wearlike armor in order to safeguard herself, pretending not to like or care muchabout anyone or anything. Through concerted efforts, she submerges the emotionswhich make her socially vulnerable—like her insecurity concerning hersexuality, her enthusiasm for performance and other personal passions, her lovefor Brittany, her fears concerning her own lovability and individual worth,etc.—in favor of more “defensible” emotions, like open hostility and annoyance.The anger she allows the world to see is meant to mask the fear she isdesperate to keep hidden.

We don’t know when exactly Santana develops this “too cool forschool” act, but we do know that said act starts to become unsustainable forher during S2, when the possibility that she might lose Brittany to Artieforever dredges up many of the emotions she has been working so hard tosubmerge.

Throughout S2, Santana is an emotional hot mess. Whereas beforeshe had planned out her life so she could always stay two steps ahead of heremotions, now she and Brittany have moved “off-script,” so she can’t anticipateher feelings, only react to them as they happen (see here).

As she becomes increasingly fearful that she will potentiallylose Brittany to Artie forever, she also becomes increasingly aggressivetowards other happy couples around her, as we see between episodes 2x08 and2x13, when she goes on a “spree of relational destruction,” taking on Finchel,Fuinn, Fabrevans, and Pizes in turn. She is frequently weepy in public. Herinteractions with the glee club and with Brittany especially are all over theplace. The more she becomes aware of what it is that she really wants—a stable,romantic relationship with Brittany—the less she knows how to get it.

Eventually, after hitting her emotional breaking point inepisode 2x14, in episode 2x15, she is able to admit to herself and to Brittanythe true nature of her feelings, and once she does, the proverbial floodgates open.Once she says those magic words (“I have to admit that I love you”), she can’tkeep repressing how she feels even if she wants to.

As the seasons wear on, Santana becomes increasingly comfortableacknowledging and expressing her feelings, to the point where in S6, she hasactually gotten back to her openly reactive baseline for the most part.

So getting back to your original question:

I bring up Santana’s reactivity (and her reaction to her ownreactivity) because it plays into the way she displays her attachments.

Baby Girl is at her core anxious, but she sometimes behaves inan avoidant manner as a defense mechanism.

When Santana loves, she loves hard—and she knows as much, evenfrom the beginning (see here).

One of her biggest hang-ups throughout the show is her fear ofrejection. On a very primal level, she worries that if the people she loves andwho love her learn the truth about her, they’ll withdraw their love, and shewon’t be able to cope. We see this belief manifest during her fearfuland defensive interactions with Brittany during the Back Six of S2 (“I said ‘Ilove you,’ and you didn’t say you loved me back”), her reluctance to come outto her parents and grandmother during S3, her insecurities in her friendshipswith various glee club members throughout the show, etc.

In many ways, her anxiety is textbook: At her core, she worriesthat she is inherently unlovable, so she requires frequent reassurance from thepeople who matter to her that such is not the case. As long as she receivesregular, sincere expressions of love and affection from her family members andBrittany, she thrives. But if anything gives her cause to question thestability of her bonds with her loved ones, she does, and she starts to flail—hard. 

As previously noted, she strugglesmightily during S2, constantly worrying that for as much as she loves Brittany,Brittany doesn’t love her back. She experiences a similar emotional crisisduring S4 and early S5, when she and Brittany are broken up and she can’t besure that they’ll ever get back together, even though she wants nothing more inthe world than for them to do so.

Where things get complicated with Santana is that she sometimesresponds to the anxiety she feels in her relationships by putting on anavoidant façade.

Early on, Santana is so scared of the immensity of her feelingsfor Brittany and their implications that she literally cannot deal with them,so she pushes them down and represses them. She wants Brittany so much, butshe’s so scared that she’ll never be able to have her because society won’tallow them to have a happy ending together, because Brittany perhaps doesn’treciprocate her feelings, because she is somehow patently unlovable, etc. Beingfearful in that way causes Santana to feel powerless. And no one likes to feeltruly powerless, especially in a high stakes situation. So Santana tries totake control of the situation by pretending to herself and the world that, inactuality, she doesn’t need or want Brittany, and she isn’t afraid of herfeelings because she doesn’t have any.

Simply put, being in love causes Santana to feel vulnerable, soshe tries to pretend she’s not in love.

She avoids true intimacy with Brittany—refusing to maintain eyecontact with her during sex, verbally downplaying the significance of theirrelationship and denying the depth of their feelings for each other, stubbornlyinsisting that they both have “side dish” sexual relationships with boys inorder to offset their primary sexual relationship with each other, etc.,etc.—so that she doesn’t have to cop to what she feels or reckon with heranxiety.

When Brittany tries to push the issue, she reacts by ridiculingBrittany’s “neediness” and claiming that she has no interest in a romancebetween them, as she’s only interested in sex.

It’s a classic case of “Methinks she doth protest too much.”

She keeps loudly insisting that she doesn’t need Brittany forthe very reason that she does need her so much, and the depth of her needscares her to death.

She keeps saying that she has no interest in love because, deepdown, she is terrified that she is unlovable.

Santana’s avoidance is all an act, and we can tell that it isbecause the second she starts to feel validated and secure in both who she isand how much Brittany loves her, it vanishes.

In situations where she and Brittany are physically oremotionally separated from each other—like during S2, when Brittany datesArtie, and S4, when Brittany dates Sam—Santana reverts to her flailing,quasi-avoidant tendencies.

(See, for example, herbehavior during episode 4x13, where she pretends to have a collegegirlfriend and be completely over Brittany in order to mask how scared she is thatBrittany has replaced her with Sam.)

However, whenever Santana is in a stable relationship withBrittany and feels assured of Brittany’s love for and commitment to her, sheflourishes. She is able to face outside pressures. She never once pretends thatshe doesn’t need or want love.

To me, the fact that Santana only does her “I don’t need anyone;I am a heartless bitch” song and dance during times when she is afraid that shewill end up alone speaks to that behavior being a defense mechanism on her part,as opposed to a legitimate attachment type. 

In reality, she wants nothing morethan to love and be loved—and as long as she receives consistent assurancesfrom Brittany that those wants are being filled, she’s good, to the point whereeven though her natural attachment type is anxious, she can function securelywithin her and Brittany’s relationship.

This phenomenon is most evident in S6, whereSantana maintains a level head and repeatedly cites the unshakable nature ofher and Brittany’s bond as they prepare for their wedding. Come Kurt harping ontheir engagement, Abuela’s stubborn bigotry, or even Brittany’s prenuptialjitters, Santana is able to remain calm and say again and again, “I love you,Brittany, and you love me, and because of that, nothing else matters. We canget through everything together.”

Anyway, jabbering now. Thanks for the question!