#it’s a lot of words so feel free to just ignore!

[justmymindandstuff]

Hello, how you doing ?

Could i request Cregan Stark x Daemon's first daughter, born from Rhea Royce ?

She is a Targaryen and has a dragon, but she is very shy and tends to keep to herself, so she doesn't tell Cregan about being bullied by Arra Norrey's maids, who think she is not good enough for their lord.

He figures it out when he finds her letters to Rhaenyra and sees her trying to put her bags on her dragon to flee in the middle of the night.

Feel free to ignore this if you don't like it, have a lovely day ☺

Shadows of the past - Cregan Stark x TargaryenReader

summary: Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell, is forced to remarry after the death of his first wife and childhood sweetheart. His new bride is the eldest daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce. Cregan fears the worst. But his wife is sweet, gentle, beautiful, kind. Everything he could wish for. He starts thinking you are slowly building a life together in the north, however he realizes that it is not as idyllic for you as he thought.

words: 7.244

warnings: angst, mention of bullying, mention of sex (not explicit), slow burn

a/n: I love writing for Cregan soo much its not normall anymore. Thank you anon for your request🧡. I hope you like it. Sorry that it took me so long.

no use of Y/N, and as always: English is not my first language, no beta, AO3.

requests are open// main masterlist// hotd masterlist

When the offer of your hand from Dragonstone came, Cregan was skeptical. The eldest daughter of the rough prince as a wife. But he needs a new wife. It is his duty as the Warden of the North. And an offer from the Targaryens is not something you simply refuse. So he agrees.

Cregan had expected you to be a spoiled, arrogant, selfish princess.

The girl who arrived in Winterfell on her dragon is exactly the opposite.

You are shy, reserved, calm.

Outwardly, you are entirely Targaryen, with long blonde hair, deep lilac eyes, gentle facial features, beautiful.

Internally, there is none of the infamous Targaryen temperament in you.

When you speak, your voice sounds like a melody, always soft and gentle.

If it weren't for your dragon, Silverwing, Cregan would never think you are Daemon Targaryen's daughter.

The first few weeks, you were very closed off. Never speak unless you are spoken to. Spent most of your time in your chambers, with work or with your dragon.

So he tries everything to make you feel comfortable in Winterfell. He walks with you through the Goodswood, has your favorite food prepared, makes sure you have enough warm cloaks and dresses. When he introduces you to his son Rickon, he is more nervous than he should be, but your eyes begin to shine as the heir of Winterfell greets you politely, just like Cregan has practiced with him.

On your wedding night he swore to you he would never take you if you didn't want to, he gave you all the power in your marital bed. That night you allowed him to lie with you, he was careful, always aware of your fragility, making sure that you also felt pleasure. After that night you didn't invite him into your bed again. Cregan longs for you, but he would never pressure you.

In your first weeks as Lady Stark you spend a lot of time with Winterfells Measter, ask a lot of questions, slowly working your way into your duties as Lady Stark. Cregan quickly notices that you are well prepared for the role of a Lady of a Great House in Westeros, but Winterfell is unlike other castles. You surprise him by quickly get used to it.

The moon hasn´t passed fully since your wedding, when he finds you one day in Rickon's chambers. You are sitting on the floor with his son and play with wooden soldiers, Rickon is telling a fantasy story and you are encouraging him. Cregan's heart swells slightly at the sight.

He clears his throat to get your attention, you flinch violently, when you look up at him you look like a deer.

You get to your feet immediately, surprisingly elegant despite your hectic behavior. "My Lord." you say and lower your head in front of him. A gesture that he couldn't drive out of you.

"My Lady. What are you doing here?"

"We're playing papa." Rickon intervenes without being asked. "Are you playing with us?"

"Unfortunately, I can't today, I have duties to attend to. I just wanted to check on you, my boy."

"I'm fine, father. We're playing great. I have so much fun." he holds up his favorite woodknight.

"Then I don't want to disturb you any further." he smiles at his son, nods to you and then leaves the children's cambers again. His Lords are already waiting for him.

In the evening you come to his chambers, standing uncertainly in his room. Cregan was not expecting you anymore, he has already changed for the night. He offers you a mug of warm beer and a place by the fireplace. As you sit down your cloak slips and the white of your nightgown flashes through. Cregan has to concentrate not to let his gaze wander.

"What brings you to me so late, my wife?" he asks curiously, sitting next to you at the fire.

"I'm sorry." you don´t look him in the eyes.

Cregan has to blink a few times, doesn't understand what you mean. But you don't say anything else, avoid his gaze so that he has to ask. "What are you sorry about?"

"I didn't mean to upset you." your hands play with the fabric of your cloak.

"You didn't upset me, wife. What makes you think that?" he asks, confused. Did he behave differently? Did he speak in a too harsh tone with you?

"Today with Rickon. It upset you that I played with him. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I have no intention of replacing his mother, your late wife."

Cregan has to suppress a laugh. How wrong you are. "It didn't upset me, sweet wife." his voice is soft and you finally look him in the eyes. Your eyes are wide, surprised, your lips open slightly. Cregan wants to lean forward and kiss you, but he doesn't. "I'm glad that you're spending time with Rickon. Maybe you can be a mother figure to him someday." he expresses his wish hesitantly.

"I intend to love him as if he were mine." you say, a smile creeping onto your lips. Cregan is brave and reaches for your warm hand, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. You don't pull away and continue speaking. "But he shouldn't forget his mother."

"Don't worry about this, Lady Selina, Lady Darcy and Lady Alys will keep the memory alive."

"The Nursemaids. What does that mean?" you tilt your head slightly, examining him closely. The soft light of the fire catches in your hair and makes your skin glow warmly. Gods you are beautiful. Cregan has to swallow before he can answer.

"They were my late wife's friends, her Ladies. After Arra died, I asked them to stay in the household to look after Rickon." remembering how overwhelmed Cregan suddenly was by everything, and how much the loss of his first wife hurt him, he needs a moment to ground himself before he can continue speaking. "If that bothers you, then of course I can dismiss them and send them away from Winterfell."

He knows that this loss will hurt Rickon, he has been surrounded by the three Ladies his whole life, Selina was Arra's best friend. However he would do it for you, he wants you to feel comfortable and Rickon would get over the loss of his nannies, he is a Starkman after all, one day he will be as tough as winter. He has to be.

"No. No, please don't send them away." you squeeze his hand a little. "It is important that her friends are here. They need to tell him what his mother was like. I mean his real mother. My mother also died when I was young. I hardly remember her and I have nobody how can told me something about her." you suddenly sound sad. Cregan is surprised by your words. Additional to the Ladies, he regularly speaks to Rickon about his mother, takes him to her grave, tells stories, has a portrait of her hung in Rickon's room.

"Your father doesn't talk about her?"

You sigh, a narrow smile on your lips. You look into the flames again before speaking quietly. "No, never." you bite your lower lip and then whisper. "I was told he killed her." Cregan doesn't doubt for a second that it is true. He squeezes your hand gently. You look at him again, a sad smile on your lips. "It hurts when you don't know your mother. It's like half of yourself is missing. And my other half is a monster. I'm glad Rickon is learning about his mother and that his father isn't a monster."

A lump forms in Cregan's throat, he doesn't know what to say. Your words touch him, but at the same time make him angry at your father and he feels sorry for you. Your life doesn't seem to have been particularly bright.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thank you. But I don't need your pity." for the first time, Cregan feels like he sees the dragon blood in your eyes. "My stepmothers both treated me as if I were their own blood. I didn't grow up without love."

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't." your gentle smile is back on your lips. "So I can take care of Rickon?" you avoid his gaze again, your cheeks are slightly red.

"Of course. I'm glad you're getting along well."

"He's great. A good boy." you smile and then get up elegantly from your chair. "I'm retiring now. Good night husband."

"Good night sweet wife." he sinks into a slight curtsy before leaving his chambers. Cregan takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair. He's happy that you want to take care of Rickon. That you want to be a part of his family. This is something he wanted for this marriage, that you can be a family.

Cregans efforts take fruits. He has the feeling that you are slowly thawing and starting to trust him.

A light summer snow falls down and gets caught in the fur of your hood. Cregan has take you for a ride through the Wolfswood today. Cregan is surprised how well you can hold yourself in the saddle. In the next moment, he doubts his sanity. You are riding a dragon. Such a horse is of course easy for you. You look around with wide eyes and a gentle smile on your face. Cregan can't help but stare at you, captivated by your beauty.

"I missed that at Dragonstone." you say, looking over to him. Cregan flinches slightly, doesn't quite understand what you mean.

"Forests?" he guesses. He has no idea about Dragonstone's vegetation.

"No. To see something new. Dragonstone is an island, if you live there long enough, you've seen everything." you shrug your shoulders.

Cregan has to chuckle slightly. "You have a dragon, sweet Wife. You could have seen the whole world."

"I would never have left my family." you say firmly. Are you angry?

"I didn't mean to offend you." he tries to circle back. He is always a bit unsure when he talks to you. He wants you to feel comfortable, that you are doing well, and he wants you to like him. Maybe someday you will love him. He finds it hard to be patient. If he is honest with himself, you had him from the very first moment. Your beauty overwhelmed him, your kindness and gentleness captivated him, and your smile. Gods, your smile makes his heart beat faster.

He knows that he loves you. Even if he can't tell you. Not yet. He is afraid of scaring you. So he holds back. He tries to give you space so you can get used to your new role, your new home, and him.

He would love to scream his feelings for you from the wall so that the whole world hears it.

But it is not the right time for that yet.

A soft smile is on your lips again. "You didn´t husband."

He is relieved and returns your smile. "Do you want to go back? It's a little cold today."

"I'm not cold. I'm from the blodd of the Dragon. The cold doesn't bother me. It´s almost like I belong in the north." in the next moment your eyes widen and you look down. A blush spreads across your cheeks and Cregan has to swallow, his heart skips a beat.

"You are Lady Stark. You belong to Winterfell now." he says, trying to take away your insecurity. You don't look at him again, but he sees a smile on your lips. Maybe you'll even belong to him someday. He hopes so.

Back in Winterfell, you let him help you off your horse. His hands stay on your hips for a moment too long, but you don't seem to mind. You look up at him, your cheeks turn slightly red but you manage to hold his gaze. Cregan drowns into your beautiful, violet eyes. He leans forward slightly, wanting to feel your lips on his even if it's only for a moment. You don't back away.

"Papa." Rickon's voice echoes across the courtyard. Cregan and you flinch apart. He lets go of you and turns to his son. Anger flares up in him briefly at the disturbance, but when his boy jumps into his arms with a broad laugh, it immediately disappears.

"Rickon! Don't be so wild." Lady Darcy comes running out of the castle after him. Cregan notices you shifting your weight from one foot to the other next to him, out of the corner of his eye he sees you turning to your horse. A strange feeling spreads through him. At that moment Lady Darcy comes to him, opens her arms to take Rickon. "My Lord Stark, welcome back," she greets him and curtsies slightly.

"Papa, can I visit the dragon? Darcy says it's too dangerous alone, but you're back now," his son calls excitedly. Cregan's stomach tighten, he keeps himself as far away from Silverwing as possible. He is not comfortable with the monster. Even if there have been no problems so far, your dragon only hunts prey, stays away from people and the farmers' livestock. She usually flies further north, you told him that she has a cave there.

"I think that's a bad idea." Dracy interjects. "The monster is unpredictable, far too dangerous."

Cregan thinks for a moment, of course the nursemaid is right, Silverwing is dangerous. But you know your dragon better. You will certainly be able to judge whether your dragon poses a danger to Rickon or not. He turns to you to ask if it's okay for you to go visit your dragon with him and Rickon, but you are no longer standing next to your horse. His gaze searches the yard, but there is no trace of you. You sneaked away quietly and secretly. Cregan's eyebrows furrow.

"Papa, please, please. I promise I won't pet the dragon either. Just a quick look."

"My lady wife must go with you, Rickon. But she seems to have other things to do today. Another time."

Rickon's lower lip trembles slightly, but he knows better and doesn't burst into tears. The heir of Winterfell doesn't cry over such little things as a denied wish.

"What important things Lady Stark must have to do." Cregan is surprised by Dracy's bitter tone, but he pushes the thought away; perhaps he simply misunderstood her.

The Maester warned him that summer could soon be over. It has been summer for four years now. That means more work for Cregan as Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell, he has to make sure that his people survive this winter, at least most of them. Winter demands his victims, every damn time. Cregan can only keep the losses as small as possible. So he sinks into paperwork and negotiations with the Lords of the North. Nobody wants to share supplies, everyone is afraid that there won't be enough for themselves. Cregan's tasks is it to find compromises. He would much rather spend his time with you, he longs for you, for your gentle smile, your kind words, the time you have spend together. He wonders if you miss him too?

He only ever gets brief glimpses of you, when you meet in the hallway you give him a smile, when he makes it to the hall for dinner you are usually already sitting there with Rickon, greet him friendly and assure him that you are happy to see him.

Cregan is on his way to a meeting with the carpenter. The houses in Winter Town need to be made winterproof and the villagers need his help. As he walks across the gallery that spans one of the courtyards of Winterfell, your laughter pulls him out of his stride. He stops immediately and turns his head towards the noise.

You and Rickon run across the courtyard, playing catch. His little boy jumps back and forth in front of you, laughing loudly. You let him win, pretending you have trouble catching him.

Lady Selina steps beside him. Her lips are drawn into a thin line.

"My Lord." she slightly bows her head before him and Cregan smiles faintly, he finds it hard to take his eyes off you and Rickon.

"What can I do for you?" he asks and hopes that it's nothing urgent. He's considering canceling the meeting and taking you and Rickon to the Goodswood instead, where you can spend time together as a family without being disturbed.

"I am worried, My Lord." now she has his full attention. His shoulders tense up.

"What happened?" Unrest among the lords, a fight? The servants usually know this things before he does.

Selina gives him a smile. "Nothing happen, My Lord."

He breathes a sigh of relief. "What troubles you then?" Cregan tries not to sound as annoyed as he is. Selina knows that he has a lot to do at the moment. Neverless for the sake of the love he had for his first wife, he always tries to be friendly, even though Selina can often be irritating. Sometimes she takes herself more important than she is, behaves like the Lady of Winterfell, and Cregan has had to remind her of her position more than once.

"It's your new wife, My Lord." she starts, her smile is friendly, doesn't really fit her tone. At the mention of you his heart beats faster, he just has to think of you and he feels like a little boy with a crush. Seeing you makes him float on cloud nine. Cregan turns back to the side and looks down at you again. The broad smile on his lips is unusual for the young Lord.

"We can be glad that she is here with us." his voice is gentle. He has to clear his throat and straightens his shoulders. He quickly slips back into his role as Lord Stark, not the lovesick idiot.

"Can we?" the sharp tone makes Cregans skin crawl. He furrows his eyebrows, turns around. Lady Selina does not flinch from his gaze, but straightens her shoulders. She is a northern woman, intimidation does not work on her. She is like him, hard as winter, unyielding as the wind.

"Is there something you wish to tell me, Lady Selina?"

"No, my Lord. It's just that I… we think that a southern girl might be too weak for the important task of being Lady of Winterfell." she chooses her words carefully, smiling. "I´m only thinking about Rickon and his upbringing. I want the best for him, you know that."

The mention of his son causes his anger at Lady Selina to evaporate. Of course she is only thinking of his son, she wants the best for him. Loves him like her own child.

"My wife is a princess, a Targaryen. She does her job well. Or have you heard something else?"

"No, of course not." Lady Selina lowers her head slightly, no longer looking at Cregan. "I'm just worried about Rickon."

"I really appreciate your concern and care for my son. But your doubts are unfounded. Now if you would excuse me."

"Of course, my Lord." She clenches her jaw and sinks into a curtsy. Cregan walks past her to finally meet the carpenter, he is already too late.

Negotiations with the lords are going badly, Cregan is buried in work and doesn't know what to do. The sun has long set but sleep does not come to him. Instead he sits by the fireplace in his chambers, the taste of beer on his lips and stares into the flames. He sighs. He needs help. Could you give him some advice? That would kill two birds with one stone, he could finally spend some time with you again and maybe find a solution. Without thinking twice he calls for his servant and sends for you.

It doesn't take long before you enter his chambers. You look around uncertainly, you have thrown a cloak over your nightgown, your long blonde hair falls loosely over your shoulders. You are sight for sore eyes.

"My Lord husband," you whisper, curtsying deeper than usual. You slowly take a few steps into the room and stop in the middle. You tremble slightly, your breathing is faster than usual and your hands fumble with the hem of your nightgown. "You ordered me into your bed." your voice trembles as you take a step towards his bed.

Cregans heart sinks, he is on his feet in a heartbeat. You flinch. "My sweet wife, no. I told you I would never do that." he says quickly. It was stupid of him, of course you would think he was ordering you into the marital bed.

"Oh I just thought. Because some time has passed since our wedding night. I thought you might be impatient."

"No. I just wanted to discuss something with you. Please sit down next to me." he points to the chair in front of the fireplace. The fire gives off pleasant heat, sweat forms on Cregan's forehead. However, you are shaking slightly. Cregan reaches for his cloak and puts it around your shoulders before sitting down himself again.

You smile. "Thank you husband." you whisper.

"I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I just thought you might be able to offer me some advice."

You smile again and Cregan is happy about it. "I don't know if my advice is really useful."

He has to suppress a snort at your modesty. You handle your duties as Lady Stark flawlessly.

"I'm sure it is. And besides that, well." he interrupts himself, noticing the blush rising in his cheeks. "I've hardly had any time for you in the last few days. I'm sorry about that too. I wanted to spend time with you."

Your smile widens. "I've missed the time with you too." you whisper and Cregan's heart starts racing. You missed him. You shift back and forth, making yourself comfortable. "How can I help?"

He starts to describe the problems to you, the stubbornness of his lords, the lying about their supplies even though he knows full well that they have more than they admit. The arguments among themselves.

"Can't you force them to give up some of their stock?" you ask after listening carefully.

This time Cregan snorts, leans back a little in his chair. "And how am I supposed to do that?" Inciting Bannerman against Bannerman would only make things worse.

"Silverwing could help."

"No!" his tone is sharp, his voice too loud for the pleasant atmosphere. You flinch in shock, look at him with wide eyes before avoiding his gaze again.

You swallow. "I'm sorry. It was just an idea. My father always uses Caraxes to get his way." you whisper. Cregan leans forward, reaches for your hand. His heart stops while he waits to see if you pull your hand away. You don't, his fingers carefully wrap around yours.

"Using your Dragon would fulfill the purpose, but I don't want to intimidate my men with her. I don't want to rule with fire and blood."

You nod. "I understand. It was stupid of me."

"No." he shakes his head and gently strokes the back of your hand. "I just hope for a peaceful solution."

You straighten up a little. "Then let's look for a peaceful solution." You both start to brainstorm, but your conversation quickly drifts off. You talk about your childhood in Pentos, your days on Dragonstone and your siblings. Cregan manages to open up about his uncle, how he had to fight for his inheritance and for his rule.

It's good to be able to tell you all this, to have someone to confide in. Only when you yawn after every word and Cregan has trouble opening his eyes again after blinking do you decide to end the evening.

"I'm going back to my chambers then." you say and pull his cloak off your shoulders.

"I'll call a guard for you."

"No, please don't wake anyone up. I'll find the way myself," you say, but your look is uncertain. Cregan also has a bad feeling about letting you walk through half of Winterfell at night.

"Then I'll accompany you."

"Please, husband, don't make yourself so much trouble because of me. You're exhausted yourself and it's an unnecessary journey for you." you object.

Cregan looks at his bed, it's big enough for both of you. Arra has also spent most of her nights here.

"You could sleep here?" he suggests quietly. Your eyes dart to the bed and then to him. You swallow. "Not to fulfill your marital duties, just to sleep." Cregan quickly clarifies.

"What will people think?"

He has to suppress a laugh. "You're my wife, my lady. The people won't think anything."

Your cheeks turn slightly red again. "Right." you think for a moment and then pull your own cloak from your shoulders. Cregan has to look into the flames so that his gaze doesn't get stuck on the curves of your cleavage and he stares like an iron born. Only after you get comfortably under the furs and blankets of the bed he slips off his own clothes and lies down next to you, keeping a safe distance.

"Sleep well, sweet wife."

"Sleep well, husband."

When Cregan wakes up the next morning, you've already disappeared, but your side of the bed is still warm. He turns to the side, buries his face in your pillow and inhales your scent deeply. Cregan knows that you prefer to fly with Silverwing in the morning, so he doesn't worry.

He's tired, but he still throws himself into work.When he returns to his chambers late that evening, you are already sitting in the chair by the fireplace. You turn to him, your cheeks red, but you look him in the eyes. Your hands shake slightly as you hand him a cup of wine.

"I got it from Pentos. I told you about it yesterday." He nods. He's still surprised that you're sitting here, he can hardly believe it. Warmth flows through him and he can't wipe the smile from his lips. He slowly takes your wine and sits down opposite you. "We didn't find a solution to our problem with the Lords yesterday." if you plan to come to him in the evening until you've found a solution, he wish there wasn't one.

Three evenings later you are sleeping in his bed again, two weeks later you snuggle up in his arms before you go to sleep and in the morning you kiss his cheek before you set off to see your dragon. Cregan can hardly believe his luck. You open up a little more every day, now you reach for his hand yourself, brush strands of hair from his face, kiss his cheek, lean into his embrace.

But suddenly you start to close yourself off again. It started with you not waiting for him in his chambers one evening, you send a servant to excuse you for that night. He thought you might be sick. But you don't come the next day either, he doesn't see you all day. In the morning he sees Silverwing flying over Winterfell towards the south, the sun is already hanging low on the horizon in the evening when the dragon lands again in front of the castle gates. Cregan feels like you're slipping away from him again. His heart aches at the thought. Did he do something wrong? Was he rude to you without realizing it? Was the longed-for closeness you built up just in his head?

Neverless Cregan was able, or rather you were able, to settle the arguments between the Lords a little. From your place at the high table, you reminded them in a gentel voice that everyone only wanted the best for the North and how wonderful it is that the Northern Lords were fighting the winter together. A little lie that you told, a smile and even Lord Bolton's tense features softened. It's a step in the right direction.

You hardly give him a smile anymore. Cregan doesn't know what's wrong. He is frustrated and sad. In his mind he goes through every moment, looking to see if he has done something wrong. He doesn´t find an answer.

His steps lead him through the corridors of Winterfell, he wants to go to Rickon. Because of all the work and his spiraling thoughts about you, he hasn't visited his son much in the last few days.

He hears laughter from the nursery, recognizes Lady Selina and Lady Aly's voices. Without knocking, he opens the door. The two ladies flinch at their place in front of the fireplace, the conversation falls silent. They both jump up, curtsy briefly and greet him with a "My Lord Stark." Both Ladys exchange a nervous look, Creggan's stomach tightens. He has the feeling that something is wrong but he doesn´t know what it is.

"Papa." Rickon jumps up from the carpet, his toy dragon falls to the floor and he runs to him. Cregan bends down to his son and takes him in his arms.

"Leave us alone," he dismisses the ladies. He wants to spend a little time with his son, show him that he is important to him despite all the stress. Rickon should never think that his father doesn't love him. Alys and Selina leave the nursery. Cregan puts Rickon down again and sits down on the floor next to him. Rickon immediately has his toy figures in his hand again.

"Are you coming to play?" he asks and holds out the dragon figure to him, big eyes sparkle at him and a radiant smile is on his lips.

"Yes." Cregan answers and takes the dragon, it looks small in his hand.

"That's my favorite toy."

"Not the knight anymore?" Cregan laughs quietly.

"No, no." says Rickon in a serious voice, as if it were the most important thing in the world. "The dragon. It was a gift from my princess."

Now Cregan can't hold back his laughter. "Your princess?"

"Yes." Rickon nods.

"You mean my wife, my dear. You really like her a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, I like her a lot." suddenly his eyes turn sad and he rips the toy out of his father's hand, pressing it to his chest. Cregan frowns, wants to scold Rickon, but he is already speaking again. "But she doesn't like me anymore." his voice trembles. Cregan has to swallow at the sight, puts a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Why do you think that? She likes you a lot."

"But why doesn't she play with me anymore? She hardly ever comes to visit me. Only when the teacher is there. She doesn't want to play with me at all, she just wants to supervise my lessons." he sounds defiant, as only children can, and Cregan has to sigh. He doesn´t have a answer for his son.

Why are you behaving like this? You wanted to take care of him and you enjoyed it. You often told him how much you enjoyed spending time with his son, what a good boy he is. That you love him like he is your son. Cregan has a bad feeling. He knows that something is wrong, even if he can't quite put his finger on it.

The door opens and you step uncertainly into the room, your gaze wanders around the room and then stops at Cregan and Rickon. A radiant smile appears on your face.

"My Lord husband." you say and nod slightly. Cregan is glad that you have finally stopped curtsying to him. "I didn't know you were here." Is he imagining it or do you sound relieved? Cregan doesn't know how to react to you now. Lately you have been acting absent and distant, shy like at the beginning. At other times you grab his hand, lean on his arm or smile at him with sparkling eyes when he speaks. He can't figure you out. "Can I sit with you?" you whisper, tearing him out of his thoughts. He nods and you sink down onto the carpet next to him and Rickon. His son immediately demands your attention, happy that you want to spend time with him.

It takes a few moments, but then Cregan lets himself be lulled by the warm, happy atmosphere. In these moments he completely forgets the thought of you withdrawing from him again. The time with his family is good for him, that is exactly what he always wanted. A happy family, safe behind the walls of Winterfell.

However his little bubble of family happiness bursts just a few hours later when Lady Darcy enters.

"My Lord Stark." she curtsies to him. "I'm here to pick up Rickon for his bath."

"No, I don't want to!" Rickon calls out. A single stern look from Cregan is enough to silence him. He stands up and takes a few steps towards Darcy. "Can my princess take me to my bath?" he asks quietly. Darcy rolls his eyes, looks at you, just like Cregan. You look at Dracy and then shake your head.

"Go with Lady Darcy." you say quietly, is your voice shaking? Rickon doesn't contradict and follows the nursemaid out of the room. Cregan turns to you with a smile, maybe you two can finally spend a little time toghether again, but you don't meet his gaze. When he reaches for your hand, you pull it away and jump up.

"Excuse me." your voice is quiet and you storm out of the room. Were those tears in your eyes? Cregan shakes his head, no, that can't be. The light was probably just reflected. He sighs and tries to fight down his anger and hurt because of your rejection.

He paces back and forth in his chambers. You haven't shown up for your evening meeting again. What's keeping you away? He just has to talk to you, he wants to find out what is bothering you. Did he make a mistake? Worry spreads through him and he sets off to look for you. His steps quickly lead him up the many stairs to Lady Stark's chambers.

Your chambers lie deserted before him. Cregans heart sinks. Where are you? It's almost midnight. You should be here. Did something happen to you? He is looking around your chambers. The chambers of Lady Stark are traditionally located at the top of the North Tower. They are the warmest chambers in the castle. Perfect for a dragon like you. Sweat beads on Cregan's forehead, yet he searches the chambers for a clue.

He feels guilty about looking at your private things, but he has no choice. Maybe you are in danger. Nothing seems unusual. To be honest, he can't be sure, he is hardly ever in your chambers. It is your private area, but it seems as if you only have a few things here. That surprises Cregan a little.

He goes to your desk, it is covered with papers, scrolls and letters. He knows that you write a lot to your family, and that you receive a letter from at least one of your family members almost every week. Only your father doesn't write to you, you told him that.

His gaze flicks over the first line of the letter you had started.

Mother, please. It's so terrible here.

He reads the first words and his heart aches painfully. Is it his fault? Do you hate him?

My husband Cregan is everything I could wish for, kind, tender, and warm; he has such a big heart. I love him. But the problem are the maids of the late Lady Stak. I wrote to you that it doesn't seem like they like me. But now it's getting worse.

I tried to take care of Rickon. Just like you always took care of Baela, Rhena, and me. He is such a sweet boy. But the Ladies are so terribly mean. I know they were Lady Norrey's friends, but I don't understand how they can be so horrible. What did I do wrong? I don't understand how I could have upset them so much that they hate me.

They say terrible things to me, I don't want to repeat them. Even bad things about our family. The insults hurt so much. The worst thing is when they laugh at me. I feel so stupid when they do that.

I don't want Rickon to find out about this, so I stay away from him. It breaks my heart. I'm afraid to talk to Cregan. I don't want them to lose their last connection to Lady Arra.

Please, I can't take it anymore. I want to go home. Please let me come home.

On the pages, there are small dark spots where your tears have dripped onto the paper and smudged the ink.

Why didn't you tell him anything? Guilt overcomes him. He should have known, he should have noticed something.

Hot anger towards the Ladies rises within him. He would love to have them all executed.

A growl catches his attention. With two steps, he is at the window. The full moon illuminates the night outside, the snow reflects the light. He sees a slender figure walking across the fields outside the Keep. Silverswing's massive body rises from the snow as you run towards your dragon.

Cregan whirls around and sprints down the stairs. Fear and worry burn in his heart. He pushes the door outward a little too hard. The wood creaks as it slams against the stone walls. Every breath burns in his lungs as he inhales the cold air. Nevertheless, his steps do not slow down.

Silverwing whirls her head around before you notice him. At the sudden movement, you slip and one of the bags you were just about to attach to the saddle falls from your hand. A few of your clothes fall into the snow. Cregan realizes that you really were about to run away. Run away from him. His heart hurts by this thought. The next moment he remembers himself that you are not running away because of him.

He calls your name. You whirl around, your look like a startled deer.

"Cregan." you whisper. He recognizes tears in your eyes, tear stains on your cheeks, your eyes are slightly red

"What are you doing?" he asks, while he tries to catch his breath. Cregan tries to let his voice sound as soft as possible, you already look like you will faint for fear every moment.

"I wanted to visit Silverwing," you lie, your hands cramps around the leather of the saddle. Silverwing lets out a growl. Cregan needs all his strength not to jump back in fright.

"Please come down." he almost begs, he stands much too close to the dragon for his liking. Silverwing is very gentle. You once told him that. Nevertheless, the hundred-year-old monster can swallow him in one gulp.

You hesitate. "Go back inside," you say then, but you don't look at him.

"No." his voice is firm now. "Either you come down voluntarily or I'll come up and get you." it's not a bluff, if he has to he'll climb on that dragon to get you down. Even if Silverwing will probably tear him into pieces before he even gets close to you.

Silverwing stretches out her wing, the claws on her forefoot digging into the snow just a few steps in front of him. Is that a threat? You look at your dragon, then swing to the side and slide down the wing. Without thinking, Cregan moves closer and catches you. You wrap your arms around him and he pulls you closer to him. Warm tears drip onto the skin at the crook of his neck. You sob, take a breath and try to say something, but only another desperate sound comes from your throat.

"I found your letter to the Queen." he admits. You tense up, wanting to pull away from him, but Cregan holds you tight. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want you to be angry."

Oh he is angry, but not at you. He would love to cut off the ladies' heads, but women are not executed in the North. The North is still a place of honor.

Now he lets go of you, pushes away slightly to look you in the face. He carefully wipes the tears from your cheek. You lean into his touch, sighs quietly and closes your eyes. Cregan leans forward and kisses your forehead.

"What did they say to you?" he then whispers.

You swallow, open your eyes before you start to speak. "At first it was just little taunts. But over time it got worse and worse. They said I would ruin the North, that many people would die next winter because of my stupidity." the tears come back to you eyes and you have to sob. Cregan pulls you into his arms again, strokes your hair as you bury your face in his chest.

"Those are lies. You did nothing wrong. On the contrary, you are a great Lady Stark."

"But that wasn't even the worst part. They also said that I am not good enough for you. That you only put up with me because you were forced to marry me. They said that you will never love me and that there is only room in your heart for Lady Arra, that she is your first and only love and I am just an intruder."

Cregan's heart breaks, he knows that you took the Nursemaids at their word. Again he pushes you away, carefully puts his hand under your chin and forces you to look at him.

"Those are lies too. Yes, I loved Arra. But that doesn't mean that I can't love you. You are not an intruder. I want you here with me."

Tears well up in your eyes again. "What about the Ladies?" you ask quietly, but keep eye contact.

"I will throw all three of them out first thing tomorrow morning. Let the Others get them, I don't care. Maybe Silverwing wants a little snack."

The dragon lowers its head to you, looks at Cregan as if she agrees.

"Rickon needs them."

"No. Rickon only needs me and you, his family." Cregan insists. His son will cope with the loss, he is sure of that.

"I would like to be your family."

Cregan has to smile at your words. "I love you, sweet wife." he whispers. Your lips open slightly as you look at him in surprise. Then you stand on your tiptoes and kiss him gently. His heart almost burst, butterflies explode in his stomach and despite the cold night he feels warm.

You sink back on your feet, your cheeks are red, but you smile. Silverwing blows hot air from her nostrils towards Cregan, he flinches back and you giggle.

"That means she likes you."

"And what about you? Do you like me too?" he asks, his lips twisting into a grin.

"I thought you read my letter to Rhaenyra." you say, also grinning."

Please say it anyway."

"I love you, my sweet husband." Cregan leans down and seals your lips with a kiss.

[fgumi]

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🎐 my youth is free: to a fresh start

warning(s); written with a word count of 2,018

it didn’t matter if you knew donghyun for 6 years or dated him for 5. he always managed to give you butterflies, every single time. whether or not the butterflies you’re feeling now are good ones or just your breakfast threatening to spit back up, you’re not sure. you rounded the corner, taking a deep breath and counting to 10, before entering the cafe that used to be donghyun’s favorite casual date spot. or, maybe it still is his favorite spot. you shouldn’t speculate. clear heart, open mind.

you looked around and saw donghyun sitting in the center, right by the large fish tank that the cafe had as a divider. crazy how he always managed to get the most coveted spot in this large cafe.

his gaze followed one of the whiptail catfishes moving towards your direction. you guess that you caught the corner of his eyes because he straightened up and gave you a small wave.

oh crap. this is really happening. one foot over the other, y/n. breathe in, breathe out. it’s just donghyun. you know him. you’ve loved him for the past 5 years. you’ve been best friends for 6 years. he’s not going to suddenly turn into a stranger.

as you got closer, you took note of his glowy skin and warm eyes. good. he’s okay. well, i guess he would be okay. he broke up with you. are you okay? you’d like to think so. these past months weren’t all good. during the first month, you really did cry on your brother’s shoulder every night. woonhak was so patient with you, being so mature and wise. he even acted girly pop for you, so you could act like you’re venting to one of your girl friends who had grown frustrated with the topic.

but, little by little, you were able to face the day with a new appreciation. you attributed a lot of it to jaehyun and dongmin. their energy was infectious on and off the court. even without knowing about your recent breakup, they managed to be considerate of you and didn’t take offense when you shied away from them at times. on days where pick-up wasn’t in the cards for you, they’d understand and, sometimes, even offer to just hang out. it made you feel loved, despite them not saying it.

if the volleybrawlers (the name’s growing on you, you think) pulled you out of your sadness, you’d say dongmin gave you that final push towards normalcy. it wasn’t anything major, really. on the nights you found yourselves alone, your conversations would venture towards your past relationships and how they affected you. you found a lot of comfort from it. woonhak, for all that he tried, had never been in a relationship and couldn’t relate to you. but dongmin surprised you. he was more open than you thought he’d be. he listened to you intently when you’d ramble on about how you felt lost when donghyun broke up with you, reassuring you that you weren’t getting annoying by bringing it up all the time. as nights went on, the conversations changed. they moved away from relationships and settled on yourselves, your hobbies and aspirations.

you realized it one day—instead of venting, you were learning and sharing. it caught you by surprise, but it was nonetheless pleasant and satisfying. you were okay and you were getting better. the thought made you smile a little.

“where’d you go?”

your focus sharpened to donghyun’s curious face. “you got that faraway look you get when you’re thinking really hard,” he smiled, stirring his coffee. “i always wished i could follow you into your mind whenever you got those looks. your mind seems so cool to be in.”

as you raised an eyebrow, the ends of your lips twitched, wanting so desperately to smile at his dopey face. “you’re one to talk. i used to think you held the universe in your head with how spacy you were.”

“spacy? i don’t get it.” donghyun’s round eyes twinkled when he chuckled. “i never really got a lot of things about you, if i’m honest.”

“what do you mean?” you asked, ignoring the dull pang in your heart.

donghyun must still be able to read your microexpressions because he immediately looked apologetic. “oh, not in a bad way! sorry, i’m just–” he nervously laughed and ran his hand through his blond hair, exhaling. “a lot of my love for you stemmed from not understanding you. it’s like you defined coexistence for me. does that make sense? hold on, let me think.”

you stared at him as he tried to collect his thoughts, following his eyes to the lively fish tank next to you guys. “mmm, the best way i can explain it... you know how scientists haven’t even discovered 5% of the mariana trench?” he paused, glancing at you to make sure he wasn’t being confusing. you nodded, signaling him to continue. “but they stick to it because they’re fascinated by the little things they’re discovering. they’re not even concerned that, most likely, they won’t get to experience the mariana trench’s entirety in their lifetime. they just keep going, falling in love with everything they do get to experience... that’s what you were—are to me, my very own mariana trench—someone that i was going to keep exploring and falling in love with well after my death.”

a shine had taken to donghyun’s eyes when he rested them on you. you could feel tears blanketing your own eyes. you opened your mouth to speak, but words failed you—or, rather, you failed to even have words. what can you even say to that?

donghyun took a moment to blink back his tears before continuing. “but i got scared. school was getting a lot harder and, after my internship, i knew our relationship was starting to fall apart. it was unchartered territory for me. our entire relationship had been so free and easy up until that point. misunderstandings virtually stopped existing after our first year. you got me and i got you. so when our communication started faltering, i didn’t know what to do. as much as i wanted to do more for you and love us back to life, i couldn’t do it without sacrificing my plans and mental health. and… that’s when i knew i had to let you go. i wasn’t going to be the boyfriend you deserved while i knew you’d put in your 200% just to save us. that wasn’t something i could live with, y/n.”

you shut your eyes and let the tears fall. you took quiet, shallow breaths to avoid attracting too much attention. unfortunately, eyes were inevitable considering you guys were sitting next to the cafe’s centerpiece. ruffling reached your ears. “here.”

your eyes fluttered open to see donghyun offering a pack of tissues. you reached out to take one when you noticed the design. it pained you all over again. it was one of the gifts you got him for your 5th anniversary—a specially designed tissue pack with your shared fish on it. you joked that, since you tend to cry a lot and donghyun always seemed to be scrambling to find tissues, he should have these on hand. you couldn’t believe he still carried them.

you wiped your tears away before taking a deep inhale. “i really don’t know what to say,” you said through a watery laugh. “you answered practically all the questions i had.”

donghyun returned it with his own weak chuckle. “the therapy—it’s got me communicating my feelings a lot better than we’re used to.”

we’re—we… how does one word manage to bring you so much comfort and riddle you with just as much ache?

“it’s doing you some good,” you smiled softly, your mindful breaths turning back into second nature. “you look… better.”

he nodded firmly, his eyes crinkling into crescents. “i think it’s the best decision i ever made for myself.”

you hummed, dropping your eyes to your half-empty cup. was this the closure you both needed? is it time to walk away forever? is that what this was for? why did you find yourself wanting to keep talking? god, you couldn’t help but miss him even though he was sitting right in front of you. you missed his quirks and ditziness, how in-sync you guys were about so many things.

“tell me what’s running through your head,” donghyun gently interrupted, leaning slightly forward as if you were trading secrets. you hesitated. was it healthy to miss him? after the time that’s passed? you bit your lip, slowly losing yourself to your thoughts again. donghyun dug into his pocket again and produced chapstick, handing it to you. you subconsciously applied it, not biting your lip anymore, when you realized what just happened.

“why did you hand me this?” you asked confused. donghyun smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “you never bite your lips after you apply chapstick so i carried around your favorite for you to use. i was gonna give it to you today before we parted ways…”

and there it was. the impending goodbye. the approaching end credits. you knew this was inevitable. you prepared yourself for this all of yesterday. so why, after all the time apart and spending it with new people, did you find it hard to let him go? it wasn’t like you wanted to get back together with him. you knew that was a no-no. you and woonhak talked about it in lengths. heck, even you and dongmin talked about it after what happened with gawon. so why did it feel like a part of your soul would go with him when he leaves?

donghyun waved his hand in front of you, his face peaking from behind it. “y/n? come back down to earth, silly.”

you gently grabbed his hand and pushed it down. “donghyun… what happens now?”

when your eyes met, you could feel the tears welling up again so you turned to the fish tank, counting all the fish inside. you felt him grab your hand and brush your knuckles with his thumb. “what do you want to happen?”

your lips quivered a bit. what did you want to happen? you didn’t want to lose him. not forever. but you also didn’t want to add on to his stress. you didn’t want to add onto your own, not when everything was getting better. “i want whatever is best for you, whatever will help you succeed and do all you want in this life.”

“mmm, can i ask what you’ve been thinking about?” donghyun asked.

you hesitated, glancing over at your ex, but the encouragement on his face helped you swallow your fear. “i was thinking about how much you meant to me and continue to mean to me. i don’t… i don’t wanna lose you, but i know that being in each other’s lives can create more stress for us in the long run.”

donghyun’s face didn’t hold any disappointment. you were glad. he focused on your clasped hands and smiled sadly. “i’m glad. i was thinking the same way.”

you couldn’t stop the tear that escaped. “does this mean goodbye?”

“it doesn’t have to,” he trailed off, looking into the tank. “i think we can still be friends. we just have to say goodbye to the versions of us that planned a life together.”

“that’s so sad,” you whispered.

he nodded in agreement. “it is, but i’m willing to sacrifice that to get my best friend back. what do you think?”

was this a good idea? you pursed your lips. when you guys first decided to try being just friends, it was fresh off the breakup. of course, it’d hurt, right? but, now, you guys had your own separate lives and things seemed to be looking up for both of you.

“okay,” you decided. “let’s be friends.”

the grin growing on his face caused a smile to grow on yours. “to a fresh start?” he suggested, holding his half-full coffee cup. you held your own coffee up. “to a fresh start.”

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‧.₊˚ ੭ˊᵕˋ੭ current tags: @en-dream @heeheesang @prettyange1 @bee-the-loser @httpenhoon @r1kification @tkooooop @viller2 @veerooniicaa @lynnimini @peanutbutterjam505 @molensworld @tsukimiday0 @kazemiya @jvngw0nlvr @swanyvess @taylorluvation @kamfaye @anyaunyu @miujunhui @21corydoras @tsanho @miyawwn @dylanobr1ens @ellezra @prettiann @noodlesfeet @ribbioniki @petralovesbonedo @imnotsureokay @soupersaldz @hyukarina @cherrytaesan @yuzuksi @haechology @shenrickyistheloml @pinklemonade34 @heizqo @pinkiwinkiminki @sitdlstarllala @enzstr @wonuziex @defnotsanni @exselily @sirenla @seungheartyou @pumpkg @vveebee @cl4ir0l0v3r @angelzforu

੭ˊᵕˋ੭ a/n: i think exs can be friends, but only after building lives apart from each other. how did you read this? critiques welcome! if you disagree, that's okay! everyone lives and thinks differently and that's what makes life so rich.

[gothamite-rambler]

Why Poison Ivy likes Dick Grayson out of the other Robins

Robin!Dick (chipper): Hi, Ivy!

Poison Ivy (wary, crossing her arms): Hey, kid. Wow, you really decided that babysitting and being a 'hero' was the best idea.

Ivy shot an annoyed glare at Batman, who remained stoically silent. Robin!Dick gazed at a giant rose flytrap, already inching closer to poke it.

Ivy (warningly): Stand away from the giant rose!

Robin!Dick stepped back, his eyes wide with fascination.

Robin!Dick: Can I—

Batman (pointing firmly to another part of the botanical area): I will take you home.

Robin!Dick pouted, shoulders slumping as he walked away, mumbling.

Ivy (smirking): He’s adorable. If I didn’t hate people, I’d keep him. Okay, let’s start. You want me to stop my mission to protect Mother Earth, and you think that's wrong. Please, continue being wrong.

Ivy gracefully took a seat on her flower chair, crossing her legs with a smug smile.

Batman (sternly): I shouldn’t have to explain how your mission to save the Earth doesn’t benefit people. It’s destructive.

Ivy (raising an eyebrow): Why? Because some people might die? A few dead bodies are worth it to save the planet.

Robin!Dick (mid-stop from touching a different dangerous plant): What?! You’re killing people to do this?

Ivy (matter-of-factly): Yes… A few dead bodies are worth—why does his face look sad?

Robin!Dick (trying not to cry, voice wavering): That’s so mean.

Batman (glaring at Ivy): You’ve upset him. Shame on you.

Ivy (indignant, standing tall): Last I checked, the Earth is dying, and I’m just being honest with the kid! If you actually used critical thinking, you’d realize I’m not destroying the Earth—big corporations are! They’re pumping out microplastics, pouring random crap into lakes—Bliss… JUST BLISS—are destroying the freaking planet! They’re screwing her like she’s a two-dollar hooker! I stopped eating chocolate bars from Bliss's company after the founder said water shouldn’t be given to everybody!

Robin!Dick (astonished, eyes wide): Did he actually say that?

Ivy (explaining passionately): He implied water shouldn’t have free access to the public because Bliss is the biggest proprietor of bottled water. That’s unforgivable! So whatever you’re about to say, Batman, I don’t want to hear it! They’re destroying ecosystems, hunting endangered species, killing crops—

Robin!Dick (interrupting, stepping closer): Hold up, that’s all she’s trying to fix?

Robin!Dick glanced at Batman expectantly, waiting for his response.

Batman (turning to Robin, tone serious): She’s not doing it in a logical way.

Robin!Dick (defiantly): She’s a green woman who can control plants! Does she look like she wants to use our logic? No offense, Ivy.

Ivy (grinning): You’re fine. I love my body.

Robin!Dick (glancing between them, confused): She can talk to plants, too! She must feel pain when they feel pain. Are you just going to ignore that?

Batman (frustrated): I never said I was.

Ivy (smirking): Sure feels like it every time we talk.

Robin!Dick (enthusiastically): Why don’t we help her, Batman? Has she asked for your help?

Batman (sheepish, avoiding eye contact): Um… it’s been brought up in the past.

Robin!Dick (jumping up and down, angry): Then why haven’t you helped her?

Ivy (pleasantly surprised): Yeah, Batman, that’s so mean.

Batman (defending his stance): She's a criminal and will let people die for the cause.

Robin!Dick (shrugging): Well, if it's that Bliss guy, I don’t… I don’t necessarily blame her if he dies.

Ivy (smiling): Huh... thank you.

Robin!Dick (sincere): You’re welcome.

Batman (frustrated): All right, you’re young, so you don’t understand this is a complex situation.

Robin!Dick (bringing up a correct point): Yeah, so is being a vigilante over a cop, but that’s what you do! I’ve seen you beat the ever-loving shit out of a lot of bad guys committing actual crimes.

Batman (scolding): Language.

Robin!Dick: The context needed the word! I love you, Batman, I do, but let’s be real—you steal police information and beat up thugs. You haven’t paid the Commissioner back for the fire hydrant incident. You break a lot of laws! You say you’re doing it to save lives; so is she! Most are plant lives, but I get it. We’d be arrested too, but we’re lucky; she’s not… it’s not right.

Ivy (sincere, smiling warmly): Thanks again, kid.

Robin!Dick (sweetly): You’re welcome again.

Batman (confused at how he's being criticized): What the… what the heck is happening?

Robin!Dick (swaying back and forth): I'm just saying, in any other city, we’d be going to prison. Well, you would be; I’d be tossed into an orphanage, and that… that’s not fun.

Ivy (nodding): A lot of kids in the system have been abused. He’s got a point.

Batman (annoyed, running a hand through his hair): Why are you arguing with me, Robin?

Robin!Dick (leaning in, determined): Because dang it, she might have a point! We can help her to a degree… In fact, isn’t the building we’re in the one being sued for what they did to a lake? All those ducks died.

Ivy (adding, voice low): Nothing can grow there for decades.

Robin!Dick: Yeah, the ecosystem is destroyed there.

Ivy (pridefully): That’s why I picked this building to invade first. It’s not being used for anything productive. I’m thinking of making it a plant sanctuary.

Robin!Dick (looking around, nodding enthusiastically): Yeah… yeah… that sounds like a good idea.

Ivy (smirking at Batman): You must’ve gotten this level of kindness and understanding from someone else. I like you. Batman, keep him around; he's adorable and smart.

Robin!Dick (cupping his cheeks, blushing): Aww, thank you.

Batman (raising his voice, annoyed): Stop trying to turn him to the dark side! And why are you ganging up on me?

Robin and Ivy (in unison): Because you know it’s wrong and are being stubborn!

Batman (sighing, rubbing his temples): Okay, she’s not my child, but you are. Don’t yell at me.

Robin!Dick (serious): Hm… okay, I'm sorry, but you told me you became Batman because the system is flawed and sometimes matters need to be taken into your hands? Where the law and our governments can’t fix the issue, it takes a civilian to step in and make things right. How is she different?

Ivy (smirking, folding her arms): Yeah, yeah, how am I different? Is it because I’m green? Racist!

Batman (exasperated): That doesn’t make any sense; you’re white!

Robin!Dick (pointing his index finger for emphasis): She’s green now.

Ivy (leaning forward, playful): Robin, was it? Here, take a rose.

Ivy used her powers to hand the young hero a rose.

Robin (smiling widely and taking the rose): Aww, thank you.

Batman groaned, then picked up Robin like a bag and started walking away. Robin giggled as he was being carried.

Batman (growling): Give me a minute; I have to talk to him in private!

Ivy (calling out, amused): Go easy on him, and let that kid be a free thinker. He's smart; he knows what he’s talking about.

Robin!Dick (waving): Thank you, Ivy.

Ten minutes after the two argued, Batman came to a compromise with his son and Ivy. He understood that Dick would absolutely not mind sabotaging factories or causing a fire with a supervillain to protect the planet. All he needed was a good reason.

Batman (driving them home in the Batmobile, voice calm): Could you not defend the actions of the bad guy in front of me next time?

Robin!Dick (munching on McDonald's fries): Don’t take me to one who has a point, and you can’t be mad at me. I did a good thing.

Batman (with a resigned sigh): I hate that you’re technically right. Give me a fry at least.

Robin!Dick passed his father a French fry while finishing off the ones he already had, an infectious smile plastered across his face.

Inspired by this post

[oppysbabydoll]

Heck yeah Ratchet fics

May I ask for a soulmate au fic about Ratchet from Prime and a human?

-🌱

of course! i know im a bit late on this request, so both of our sakes i am making these headcanons BUT!! if you want me to write a short drabble regarding my headcanons, feel free to send another request :)

ratchet (tfp) x reader soulmate au (sfw)

the most common soulmate au is where the first word your soulmate says to you becomes permanently etched to your hand. since bots don’t have flesh to necessarily have writing on them… imo, that version of soulmate au doesn’t fit. instead, i’ll be taking the countdown till you meet your soulmate

it seemed since the allspark gave birth to cybertron, bots always had soulmates. a timer is attached to every bot, symbolizing the amount of time left before they meet the one. myths surround soulmates, with the most famous soulmate tales becoming conjunx endura: forever partnered. ratchet too, has this clock. unlike popular culture, he doesn’t really believe in the one. that whoever he’s supposed to be is who he’ll be with. that they’ll become conjunx endura (married). especially since he’s had it… for millennia

everyone always jokes his timer was good luck, or a sign of age, because of how long he’d have to wait for his One. but honestly? he’s relieved. he isn’t being distracted by anyone else to do his job: heal people. his job gives him purpose, above all. to lose that to a person, a distraction, would be detrimental. he doesn’t believe in the fundamentalist crap of your alt mode defining your function but he’d be damned if anything stopped him from performing his duty

as the war starts, the dreaded date slowly feels closer and closer. 4 millennia is a lot. but as eons go back, so does the time. the timer slips to 3, than 2… when it becomes less than 1, he starts to fear soulmates. doing everything in his power to avoid it—ceasing soulmate talks, covering his timer, even refusing to be in the same room as conjunx endura when they’re being too affectionate for his taste. like he said, he doesn’t need any distractions. not where there’s so many bots to heal

when they arrived on earth, ratchet’s fear became all time high. he’s not stupid, after all. the more time they spent on this planet, with no means of escaping, the more he worries about the possibility: his soulmate is human. with his particular distaste for organics and their “inferior” culture, a human being his soulmate felt impossible. adding on the fact that humans… didn’t have soulmates. they had the conceptual idea but actual tangible soulmates? counting you down to your destined day? nada. zilch

it’s why when the day actually came, he was determined to ignore you. primus themself can try, but he won’t be bound by destiny. yet despite his best attempts, avoiding you when your job is a diplomat… is nigh impossible. he couldn’t get rid of you no matter what

you remain unaware of his inner conundrum. despite his obvious contempt of the situation, you stick to professionalism. but when you aren’t looking, he finds himself getting lost in your gaze. optics transfixed on the concentrated expression on your face. and maybe… just maybe… in the crevices of his processor, he thinks of them together

[animeyanderelover]

Request: For my second request I would like for Haruhi (OHSHC), Misa (Death Note), Asa (Chainsaw Man), Uruaka (MHA), Kiyoko and Hinata (Haikyu), Rin and Bachira (Blue Lock), Illumi and Pokkle (HXH) where their darling is confessing to the yandere that they feel the same as them and return their feelings for them, but says they can't be together because they are both the same gender? and tells the yanderes “I wish you were a boy/girl?”

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional behavior, manipulation, blackmailing, abduction, isolation, murder, female reader with female character, male reader with male character

Tags: @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @hyakki-yosai @shenryu-sama @maggiequinn59 @killuagirly

I wish you were a boy/girl

Illumi Zoldyck

🤎​All you receive from Illumi after you have told him that the two of you can't be together because he is a man is that long and blank stare accompanied with the wonderful awkward silence that disables you to speak up. Frankly spoken, Illumi doesn't care too much about the fact that he has fallen in love with another man. No, he is quite confused instead as he doesn't understand why you instead reject him despite feeling the same. The way he tilts his head would be almost cute if his eyes wouldn't pierce your very soul at the moment. When he eventually asks you if you could explain it to him all whilst he finally blinks threateningly slow the tension in the air is so thick that you could cut it with a knife. No matter how you explain it to him though, your words hold no weight in his mind. The only thing that matters to him is the fact that you reciprocate his emotions and if someone within your surroundings stops the two of you, he will kill them. It's as simple as that. Once you are within the walls of the Zoldyck mansion Illumi will make sure that no one questions the two of you. As long as he fucks someone and has some heirs he is free to love whoever he wants after all.

Pokkle

🏹​Pokkle goes through the five stages of grief only that he never arrives at the stage of acceptance. He's in denial at the beginning because within all of his infatuation and all the insecurities somehow he never once considered that maybe you wouldn't feel attracted to him simply because he is of the same sex as you are. After the denial follows immediately the depression as he retreats from your sight. By no means is he avoiding you though, still stalking behind you though with a lot more grief within his heart. It's very likely that he is soon going to reach a breaking point though. You see, Pokkle is very much dependent on attention and love from his darling which will ultimately lead his mind to be able to only repeat one thing. That you still love him. Love conquers anything after all so why would you let yourself be stopped just because he is biologically a man? As soon as he starts drifting into that thought process it is over for you as that is the moment Pokkle will turn densely delusional out of desperation. An abduction will follow soon after as Pokkle is convinced that you just need to realise that it doesn't matter that the two of you are both men as he will prove to you that he is better than a woman.

Amane Misa

💄​Whatever it is that you say to her it all becomes irrelevant in her mind the moment you make the mistake of confessing to her that you feel the same as she does. Misa immediately latches on to those words as they are the only words she hears. Misa is awfully possessive of her darling and delusional to top it all which is a dangerous combination. The first thing that she does as soon as you have ended your speech is just give you a long and giddy kiss as she decides to ignore whatever it was you spoke after admitting to her that you love her too. Why, you may ask? Because it doesn't matter to her. You return her feelings and that is all that she really needs to hear and know. Still, it is not like she is completely oblivious as you notice that she is so much clingier and affectionate whenever the two of you are around other men. Her facade is still all cute smiles but there is that dangerous look in her eyes. Jealousy is as natural as breathing for Misa and if she believes that someone is threatening your relationship, she will write his name down in her Death Note. So even if you try to get together with a man, she will ensure that he is going to drop dead in the most gruesome way possible.

Uraraka Ochaco

🎈​Ochaco considered the two of you to be a wonderful match. You have known each other for so long after all. In her mind there has never been a question about who she would end up with later on in her life but she realises that she has been too optimistic when you tell her that you cannot see yourself with her because she is also a girl. She swallows it all down though and only gives you a weak smile, assuring you that it's alright. Obviously the relationship takes a turn for the worse between the two of you and she can't accept that. Something has to be done or else she is going to lose you completely. Obviously she will feel guilty the moment she starts subtly sabotaging and manipulating you but whenever she meets a guy you like, she is hard-wired to notice everything about him that you wouldn't like later on because she knows you too well. Small mistakes like inviting you to food that you don't like are already enough to have her doubt that you will be happy with him. She starts pointing out everything about appearance or personality on a guy that she knows you don't like and always speaks up when he does something you don't like to show you that she knows you best after all.

Hinata Shoyo

☀️​Being heavily delusional by nature, someone like Hinata is going to be difficult to handle when it comes to any type of rejection in general. All of it is made much worse though when you foolishly confess to feeling the same way as he does though. Even as you tell him that the two of you can't be together and even if his heart is hurting, Hinata doesn't feel any despair. How could he after all? If the love between the two of you is mutual after all then there is nothing he has to be worried about. That settles it in Shoyo's mind. The two of you are a couple and the very next morning he is totally going to act his part of it. He's elated, a bright grin on his face as he tells all his friends that you reciprocate his feelings. He's affectionate, grabs your hands and hugs you from behind. Rumors quickly spread which leave you no choice but to confront him, absolutely flabbergasted and in shock from what he has done. If you are going to get angry with him be prepared for the waterworks though as Hinata will just yell back that you told him that you loved him. Why does sex even matter then when the both of you feel the same? You... you wouldn't drop him only to be together with a girl after all, would you?

Shimizu Kiyoko

🖤​Kiyoko keeps a stoic expression when you admit to her your inner conflict before just giving you a curt nod and leaving. She is not someone who openly reveals her affection for you as she is for starters aware that her feelings aren't exactly your typical highschool romance and additionally she prefers observation as she would never confess mindlessly only to get her feelings hurt. In that moment she is glad that she has never revealed just how much you mean to her as otherwise things between the two of you would have been much more awkward. However, she is not completely hurt as the fact remains that you still love her too. That is something that she can work with. There is after all a path that can be taken in this situation and all she has to do is build it now. Perhaps it is time to step out of her shell and show you just how much she cares about you and how well she knows you. She will swiftly and bluntly point out everything at fault within a guy when you introduce him to her the moment she notices that he says or does something you are uncomfortable with all whilst she herself inserts herself more into your life, providing the support and assistance that you need in that moment.

Fujioka Haruhi

👑​Haruhi is to her defence not going to be your biggest worry that you have in the beginning. I would consider Tamaki to be the bigger menace at first when he finds out that Haruhi has been dumped by you because she is a girl. He's extremely protective of her and is most likely going to tell you multiple sob stories in the hope that you may reconsider your words. To Haruhi herself gender has never really mattered that much as she doesn't think that it should restrict someone within society, a very open-minded opinion that you don't seem to share. To her it has never mattered that you are a girl but it matters to you and a part of her understands where those prejudices may come from. It is not within Haruhi's assets to beat around the bush though, she is going to be very straightforward and ask you soon for a clearer reason for why exactly you can't be together with her. If you wouldn't be into girls it would be one thing but since you have confessed to her that you return her love she knows that this isn't the case which is why she is unwilling to give up. She's still friendly and welcoming but Haruhi is very stubborn and the topic will come up in conversations since she doesn't see the need to lie.

Mikata Asa

▪️​Asa isn't in general known as someone who deals with failure or anything that doesn't go her way very well so this is initially not going to end up any better. The moment you tell her that you can't be together with you her initial reaction is to simply insult you and everyone she knows you have a friendly relationship with. All of her pain is buried deep within as she exposes her mean-spirited side before she walks away with her chin held high. Her meltdown only happens once she is all alone and has no one to project her pain on anymore, spiralling down into her hole of insecurity and self-hatred. She wants to prove herself as worthy, she wants you to choose her but she lacks any comprehension of social skills to do so. However, if there is one thing that she latches on to it is the fact that you admitted that you still love her even though you can't be with her. That has to mean something, doesn't it? It's those words she clings to, it's those words that push her to go on with a constant mixture of anger, jealousy and hope within her. She stalks you everywhere you go, she insults every man that gets too close with you all whilst she tries in a severely wrong attempt to show you her worth.

Bachira Meguru

💛​I'll just be honest and say right away that he is not going to care about what you have to say. Bachira gladly allows his delusional streak to solve all problems for him which allows for such an unmatched level of optimism which you would better not break. You just have to make it worse by admitting to him your own feelings which only solidifies everything within Bachira's thoughts as his actions from that day on are justified. You love him so there should be no problem at all for any of his actions after all. If you try to avoid him the best of luck because this guy is going to pop up everywhere where you are. Not to mention the lovely surprise visits that he likes to do, appearing unannounced in front of your door and asking to be let in with a grin on his face. He's so handsy with you, it is almost maddening. Meguru is constantly touching you somehow. He jumps on your back from behind, he tugs at your sleeves when he wants attention, he grabs your hand in his and drags you away from someone that he finds annoying. You're not going to be able to shake him off as Meguru is the human definition of a leech who won't let go. His behavior is very risky to be honest.

Itoshi Rin

🩵​Differently from Bachira Rin is much more subtle with everything though perhaps that is going to make him more dangerous than disturbing. He leaves you alone after your rejection but you would misjudge the situation severely if you were to believe that he is trying to accept everything. It's actually the complete opposite as Rin tries to tame his own demons and think of a way to get you back to his side. He can't let things slip through his hands, he can't let every single person leave him in the dust just because he isn't enough, isn't what others want him to be. It's that desperation that drives him quite far in any attempt to assure that you don't get any saying. What I'm trying to say is that after having watched the second season and having seen his flow that I believe Rin to get very destructive when he snaps which then puts everyone around you at a risk because his sole drive then is to destroy everyone who stands in his way. He starts blackmailing all sorts of people and he won't even have enough care left to spare your closed ones and you yourself get a very good slice of this ugly side of his that contrasts his normal stoic behavior on every single level.

[dem0batz]

The Ice Dragon and the Prince of Freaks

Eddie Munson x Reader

Author's Note: Fluffy unedited little post-season 4 one-shot I just wrote inspired by this post. I yearn for this sweet playful little freak.

Content Warnings: implied difficult home life, weed ~1200 words

The trailer park is silent, save for the soft crunch of fresh snow beneath my boots as I trudge toward the busted up playground equipment. Forrest Hills hasn’t bothered replacing any of the equipment, probably since the park was initially built. The rusty swing chains look unreliable at best so you opt for the squeaking merry-go-round, brushing off a layer of snow to clear a spot.

You hiss when the cold metal seeps right through my jeans, sending a shiver up you spine. Pulling your threadbare coat tighter, you hug your body, huddling into yourself to produce warmth. It doesn’t do much, but it’s better than being stuck alone in the trailer with your dad. It was hard enough living with him on a normal day, let alone being snowed in with him and a bottle of whiskey.

Just as your eyes find the moon, blurry from the stormy sky but still shining brightly through the haze, movement catches the corner of your eye. The figure is in black head to toe from the halo of dark wavy hair down to the dark jeans stuffed into worn leather boots. The black beanie on his head is folded over his forehead, shortening the length and revealing a small tear near the crease. His clothing was just as worn as your own, something a lot of the folks around here had in common.

“Busted,” he says an unlit joint hanging from the corner of his mouth.

“Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t know,” you frown, eying him wearily. Your finger swirls through the layer of snow to your right, finishing the design off with a curling flourish. “That sign says ‘Freaks Only’.”

“Don’t you know that I’m the King of Freaks in this town, sweetheart?”

Eddie’s lip twitches as he tries to keep a straight face before the infectious smile breaks free, dimple creasing his cheek in a way that always made your heart patter against your ribcage. He closes the distance between the two of you, careful to pick the side to your left so as not to disturb your sign. After dusting off a spot, you watch him drop to sit next to you, hissing the same way you did when his ass makes contact with the freezing cold metal. You resist the urge to laugh as he adjusts to the cold.

“What are you doing out here so late, Munson? Don’t you know there’s a snow storm tonight?”

“Do you?” he challenges with a lift of his dark eyebrow, lighting up the joint and passing it to you.

You accept, taking a long inhale. Ignoring his retort, not wanting to delve into why you’re sitting alone in a snowstorm in the middle of the night, you blow it out in his direction, creating a dramatic steaming cloud against the blistering cold that swirls around him.

“When I was a kid, I loved going out when it was cold and seeing my breath on the cold wind. It made me feel like a mighty dragon. I used to wish for it so hard that sometimes I was convinced I would sprout wings at any moment and fly away from home.”

Pinching the joint between his fingers, he takes a hit of his own.

“Understandable as that may be, I’m glad you didn’t fly off without me. This place is more bearable with you around. Plus, what’s a dragon without a prince to kidnap and whisk off to her lair?”

“Aren’t princesses the ones who usually get kidnapped in these scenarios?”

“If you’re the dragon kidnapping me, you can call me whatever you want, sweetheart. Dragons don’t discriminate. Trust me."

“You play too much D&D,” you snort at his comment, swiping out to grab the joint.

Eddie pulls it just out of reach with a pout pulling down his lips before you can snatch it. You know the frown isn’t sincere, Eddie just likes to play around.

“No such thing and you would know that if you accepted my offer to play.”

“No way. There’s way too much of a learning curve, Eddie, and it’s intimidating as fuck.”

You make another lunge for the joint but he rises it high above his head with a gleeful smile as you crash into his chest. His arm snakes around your waist, holding you close while still keeping the weed out of reach.

“I’ll give it to you if you agree to play. Just one night. I promise I can change your mind with a single one-shot adventure. What do you say, pretty girl?”

Big brown eyes sparkle down at you with mirth. Another shiver wracks down your body, but you tell yourself it’s from the cold despite the sudden heat climbing up your neck toward your cheeks. This is not the first time Eddie has crossed into flirtatious banter with you— flirting was practically a second language for him. With all of his natural charm, it baffled you that he had been labeled the freak of Hawkins, even long before the incident in the woods where he was attacked by wild animals and left scarred.

The two of you had never spoken about it, but this was a small town and word got around. From what you’ve heard, he was lucky to have survived. You would think after an incident like that, people would be more compassionate but everyone mostly still eyed him with uncertainty. The only ones who didn’t seem to be afraid of him were a few students still attending Hawkins High and a few who already graduated but moved away for college. He was just as much of an outcast as you, maybe more, though you didn’t understand it.

“I’ll think about it.”

You reach for the joint again, letting out a frustrated steaming sigh when he jerks the glowing paper away once more. He lifts an expectant eyebrow, waiting.

“Fine,” you hiss, “I’ll play some freaking D&D now will you please give it to me, Eddie?”

He hums with a triumphant grin, “Such a polite girl, too. I’ll give you anything you want if you keep asking like that, baby.”

Eddie laughs when you swat playfully at him, but he finally passes the joint back to you, though he doesn’t release you from his hold. His arm circles around your shoulders, pulling you close to his side as you take another hit to try to warm yourself up. The heat radiating from his side helps as you pass the joint back and forth a few times. By the time Eddie carefully stubs out what remains on the merry-go-round handle and tucks it away in his jacket, you feel much warmer and lighter than you did when you first came out here.

Even the moon looks brighter.

Warm lips press against your cold cheek, pulling your attention from the sky and back to the prettiest brown eyes you’ve ever seen, more glassy and shiny than they usually are due to the weed.

“What was that for?” you whisper, not wanting to break the fragile peace of the quiet snowy night.

“Just felt like it,” he whispers back, his voice low and warm. “Are you still thinking about flying away?”

You shake your head, eyes flicking down to his lips, all pink and dusty from the cold.

“Good. You’re not allowed to go without me.”

“Deal,” you agree, something cementing between the two of you like an oath.

With a soft smile, he leans forward to capture your lips, sealing it with a kiss as cold snowflakes blanket the two of you in.

[velvetvexations]

--- somehow i don't think the trans radfem movement thinks aphobia is a fine word to exist

It's almost quaint. Almost.

Why is there a wave of trans radfems defending 4chan boards

I'm going to need to be pointed to this if only because I'm going to get dinged for spreading malicious lies about trans women being "Nazis" otherwise, but lmfao if true.

wtf kind of hill is txttletale dying on now?

I mean she's still a tankie fuck but apparently now she's also getting in on the transmisogynistic harassment campaign game.

isn't "doll" specifically a fetish term? that is really not something people should be applying to other people without making sure it's ok first.

No, it's a Black ballroom term that trans women started running with.

People on this site are taking pissing on the poor to a whole new goddamn level “telling people that this person is/has sexually harassed someone who was a minor is calling everyone with their identity a pedophile”, I’d blame the school system but that really was a choice not to actually read and relay

it's definitely malicious

joan jett in the mv for i hate myself for loving you is like, unbearably beautiful

so true

it’s so obvious that these people choose to isolate themselves in a dimension crafted out of their own self-hatred that they care more about hurting their oppressors (and people who don’t even oppress them) than uplifting people hurt by systems of oppression. sometimes i think i’m bad but then i come across people like that and realise i’m relatively well-adjusted

inspiring innit

post addressed to trans women from a trans woman about trans women –> trfs in the notes: “why are you telling me to be nice to trans men?”

they have their priorities

absolutely wild to say that transunitists are 2010-reddit-style mras and then say things like "afab privilege." yeah those afabs with their wielding of power. and i bet they get free drinks at every bar and their bosses promote them for being pretty, huh.

they get upset at having their logic compared to MRAs because it's implicit misgendering (never mind that they directly call random trans men MRAs and radfems as well) but I'm not sure what they expect when they talk at length about how all of those fucking evil AFAB bitches are just waiting for their chance to screw you over with a false rape accusation

"pick me" is AAVE, and, like all white girls, they're overusing and misusing it until it has no meaning left 🙄

I actually wasn't aware of that. Neat. Disputed? See replies.

a lot of this going on is just reminding me once again of the intense monogenderism that really never gets worked on. It’s super awkward as a multigendered individual and an intersex one

it also just really feels so fucking tone ignorant the way people talk.

society still calls traits of men or masc, some even actively choose to agree while still being a counter to it gender but obviously real trans women don’t so attacking those things would never hurt them, and multigender trans woman who are also men? Obviously fake.

the English language is so fucking insufficient

I honestly wish every asshole who seems to think the ability to mask as complete cis and definitely just your assigned gender is a privilege had to live in my head for the holiday season. I am entirely in the closet with my family because of bigotry I have no other choice than living with my family for multiple reasons I just spent the entire winter holiday pretending to be a woman answering to my deadname being called aunty and sister and daughter and not being able to say jack shit about it without even being able to retreat to the solace of my friends afterwards because they are all busy with their own families. I want those assholes to experience the emotions and thoughts I just went through and come out the otherside and see if they still think that this is a fucking privilege.

Love you anon. <3

that anon telling on themselves so hard saying transmisogynys "far deeper" than transphobia. literally why on earth would you phrase it like that if the point was anything besides "my *special* oppression is way more poignant and meaningful than your boring regular oppression"

lmao right though it's so obviously just trying to mark their thing as having more dramatic flair

do you keep a backup of your blog with a program like tumblthree? there's a lot of valuable posts on it, and tumblr is almost distressingly transitory.

I don't, but noted.

[audreycritter]

Hi, Audrey! Quick question and feel free to ignore: in Developmental Milestones, is there ever a scene where Dev (I think) acknowledges that Bruce's decision not to kill the Joker is what allowed that burden not to fall onto anyone else and was ultimately for the best? I love all of Cor Et Cerebrum and am trying to figure out if this occurs in a different part or if I made it up. Do you know where it is? 

P.S: Your works are my all time favorite pieces of fiction I’ve ever read. The phrase “the violent rejection of the audacity of love” and so many other scenes rattle around in my head on a daily basis :)

aahh sorry i missed this! thank you so much!!! yes, i think so?

i know dev and bruce talk about death and suffering in the chapter where the joker is confirmed dead, but i think what you're thinking of is maybe from the final chapter of out here hope remains when jason is talking to bruce about it?

this:

There’s silence in the Jeep again but it’s no longer tense, just companionable. Or, Bruce thinks it is until the fifth minute when he looks sidelong at Jason and sees the pensive expression. And it’s his turn to manage words, but he finds it easier now. He thinks he’s been getting better, maybe.

“What’s bothering you?”

Jason looks startled at first and then pensive again.

“I dunno,” he says, rubbing his face. “A lot. Shit. A lot I was waiting to talk to you about, but now I don’t know where to fricking start. Surgery. That I hate school. I miss everyone. That the Joker is dead and that you were right and I’ve never apologized.”

“Apologize?” Bruce asks, raising an eyebrow. “What the hell for?”

“I gave you a lot of grief for not killing him,” Jason says quietly. “But it was leaving him alone that kept everyone’s hands clean. It’s kind of a fucking poetic justice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Bruce says, equally quiet. “But you don’t need to apologize for that, Jay.”

***

the chapter is here!

[perilous-pursuit-of-perfection]

Fun over share moment!!

So I know some of y’all might know I’m an IVF baby and only child, and even fewer of you may know that the Donor Sibling Registry led to my biological half sister reaching out to me and connecting with me a few years ago. We didn’t build a super close connection, but she’s nice and kind and she does care about the LGBTQ+ community and racial injustice which for a woman from Indiana hey—I’ll call that a pleasant surprise!

But today, I finally reached out to my biological half brother from the whole Donor Sibling Registry thing, some 30 year old guy who had reached out to my half sister a month back and wanted my information and I just hadn’t put myself out there to reach back out to him despite having his number.

It’s a weird thing; like as an only child for maybe 10 years or more, as a kid I wanted a sibling so bad and felt super lonely, mainly spending time alone playing video games and not really fitting in. I adapted, forced myself to address lots of things in my life from my sexuality to growing up in a tiny midwestern town going to a private Catholic K-12 school, knowing the longing to have a sibling was like a thing of the past and not something I prioritized or valued anymore. I socialized by necessity and it’s built me amazing friendships in my life for having no real family other than my mom and dad.

So it’s this weird, “What If?” moment when I could like maybe have a biological half brother, one who could want to grab a drink or know me and maybe he’s a good person I could really get along with. Or maybe he’s a homophobe or January 6th capital stormer or terrible combination of even worse things. It’s a lot to mull over while waiting for a response.

I know 18K of y’all are here for thirst traps and reblogs and I don’t necessarily have an outlet or audience for this conversation, but it’s just really on my mind today as I reach out to this person and wonder if these are just second chances at building some sort of valuable or meaningful connection or if I should’ve just left it all alone. ✌🏼

[lover-of-skellies]

About to riot

I want doordash burger king. Which is maybe close to $11. I have less than a dollar in my bank account. Gdi

Is this the part where I'm petty and eat all the bread in the cupboard? Maybe. Who knows

[sammygender]

im new here- is dean abusive?

imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.

he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues

[goldenpinof]

.

[grimowled]

;ooc

[spacelesscowboy]

ppl responding “remember” to comments/commenting it on videos someone made in 2020/2021 in a pathetic attempt to make the person who initially made the comment/video ashamed bc anything done in that time period is automatically deemed cringe is so fucking annoying. what if those ppl got hobbies that didn’t include trying to shame others for enjoying things.

[kukuandkookie]

Because I’m…temporarily…not really active on my Twitter anymore and I’m still waffling on getting a Bluesky, both due to anxiety, I’ll just throw this thought out here lol:

The 188男团 taking over my brain has made me crave fanfiction in a way I admittedly don’t usually. 😆

If I were to guess, it’s because when a story is so angsty and sad in canon, it makes me crave post-canon fluff all the more. And I have found some absolutely lovely fics on Ao3, Lofter, and Weibo!! 99% of them have been in Chinese and I need a translator to help me read them, but I still love them so much.

But I will say there is a specific brand of “freaky” on Ao3 that doesn’t appear anywhere else, which…makes sense haha (it’s because of censorship LSNGKSHS). Weibo fic authors do sometimes throw out some freaky nsfw stuff too, usually by including a link to a different site or asking fans to dm them, but…Ao3 is where people may go to like…really let off steam.

I think that’s totally fine! I’m of the firm mindset that people should be allowed to enjoy whatever fiction they want, as long as it’s not hurting anyone in real life (the fact I’m obsessing over the 188男团 which is famously toxic may show that lmfao). But I’m not writing this to get into pro-ship versus anti discourse here. x’D

I’m writing this because I swear I’m technically a multi-shipper so I can be chill about breaking ships up (although I do prefer following canon) and I also know sometimes fanfics are just written to scratch an itch, but…

Why am I filled with such…banal frustration over the 188男团 characters being mischaracterized and having canonical ships broken up in an OOC way just to get some freaky sex (often with multiple people)? 😂

I’ll get into the main reason later, but I guess part of it could be that there’s shockingly few fics on Ao3 for Lijian and Yubai despite Lijian being so popular in China, so when a lot of the fics in the novel tag actually break up the main ship, it is a bit painful for me SLFJKSDH.

In reality, I know it’s not a big deal, and I’m totally cool with letting people play in their sandbox haha. And obviously I don’t harass writers for writing something I didn’t vibe with, and I avoid fics that make me uncomfortable.

But still. I have read a couple because sometimes tagging isn’t done perfectly in Chinese on Ao3 (I don’t blame them; language barrier and it’s often an unfamiliar website to them and all that, I get it), so sometimes I check one out when I want to get a feel for a fic…

And that’s why I’m emphasizing it’s a banal frustration—I know that in the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t matter. 😆

Regardless, I read a couple fics where they had Yu Fengcheng top Li Yu and it’s just like…they would not do that—let alone in that way—guys LDGMSHSKS.

I can kind of get people wanting Li Yu to be dicked down for his arrogance and temper, but seeing him being turned into a coquettish mess in fics where he bottoms is killing me a little haha. And Yu Fengcheng, who is my favourite 188男团 gong so far, being shown as disloyal to Bai Xinyu kills me a bit more because…he loves Bai Xinyu so much. He wouldn’t just abandon Bai Xinyu like that because he’s horny. 😭

In fact, every 188 gong is like this so they’re all possessive of and obsessed with their partners, but also…Yu Fengcheng has this specific brand of disliking sharing and even this sense of “mysophobia” where, before he even realized he was in love with Bai Xinyu, he already didn’t want Bai Xinyu or himself to touch anyone else.

And he is such a determined person when he tries to win Bai Xinyu back, and unlike other 188 gongs (that I’ve read so far), he never blames Bai Xinyu for disdaining him even though the ultimate thing that broke them up wasn’t fully Yu Fengcheng’s fault, and he hated being away from Bai Xinyu so much that he chose to be tortured closer to Bai Xinyu and he’d even feel a masochistic pleasure seeing Bai Xinyu spurn him, all because he didn’t want to be apart from him.

So what I’m saying is!! I like Yu Fengcheng a lot so obviously I’m biased, but seriously, he’d be one of the last people to leave his partner to fuck his “saozi (sister-in-law)” just because they’re pretty LSNGKSHSH.

My feelings are strong enough I do have a fic idea for this lmfao where Lijian and Yubai are shopping and while holding their partners’ bags, Yu Fengcheng and Li Yu get mistaken for being a couple, much to their chagrin. Bai Xinyu would find it funny, which would annoy Yu Fengcheng a bit, and with his shamelessness, he’d show everyone there that Bai Xinyu is his wife. And Li Yu wouldn’t want to be upstaged despite his own embarrassment at doing anything inappropriate publicly, especially when his Jian-ge may misunderstand and get upset. 😂

And yes, I do have (quite a few) Lijian and Yubai fic ideas. My obsession has officially run that deep lol. I just haven’t been in the mood to write lately due to kind of depression, but I’m hoping to pick myself back up soon.

Anyway, ending this little ramble with another “yeah, I know, it’s really not that big of a deal” (we do see a lot of jokes about this and how much pain super OOC fics and headcanons can bring us, but tbh I fault OOC headcanons and analyses more than I fault OOC fics, since the former can “damage” fandom perception of a character or theme in a more direct way. Overall though, it’s obviously not that important and I just wanted to mumble a bit about it here to get my thoughts out).

[sparklecur]

heehee hoo i love anxiety i love being anxious over people not reblogging my stuff