#it would be annoying if it wasn’t so funny
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yes, and?
leah williamson x reader
word count: 0.7k
You weren’t having a good Monday morning. Some stranger decided to make it even worse.
“Where do you think you’re going?!”
Despite your loud voice, the blonde didn’t turn around, she kept on walking, eyes glued to her phone. You huffed before you caught up to the blonde and grabbed her shoulder.
That was when you realized a guy in a suit glaring at you the moment your hand touched her.
You gulped, slowly retracting your hand.
The blonde finally turned around, despite the sunglasses covering half her face, you could see the annoyed look plastered on her face clear as day.
“You bumped into my bike and you didn’t even bother to pick it up,” you said, pointing to your bicycle that was on the ground. “Can you not play with your phone while you walk?”
The blonde exhaled loudly before taking off her sunglasses. (You would be lying if you said you didn’t find her ocean blue eyes mesmerizing.)
“What do you want?”
“Oh I don’t know,” you scoffed, waving your hands in the air. “If you bump into something until it falls, the least you could do is put it back in its place.”
For a few seconds, she didn’t say anything, her eyes busy scanning your features. She then took a step forward, a sly smile on her lips. “Do you know who I am?”
“No,” you crossed your arms. “Should I?”
The blonde looked taken aback. “Do you live under a rock?”
You sighed. “What does this have to do with you pushing my bike to the ground?”
“I guess your bicycle was in my way.”
“Unbeliev—” you groaned. “It’s parked against the wall!”
“Okay? I don’t care,” the blonde shrugged.
You took a deep breath and flashed her a forced smile. Could your day get any worse? First you got fired, then you had to deal with some rude blonde with a gorgeous face and a sexy voice—
“So can I go now?”
You looked at her. She had a white t-shirt on with a pair of jeans, and despite her height, she still had a pair of high-heels on. If the blonde wasn’t so irritating, you would’ve shamelessly flirted with her.
“Do I at least get an apology?” you asked back, a small part of you didn’t want her to leave so soon.
She looked at you as if you had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“What? My bike probably has some scratches now thanks to you.”
The blonde laughed. She laughed. You furrowed your brows, which part of your sentence was funny?
She took another step forward and you gulped. You could smell the expensive perfume she was wearing, and with the smirk that was starting to appear on her lips, you didn’t know how you could be so attracted to someone you just met.
Someone with such a shitty attitude.
“I’ll buy you a new bicycle, if it’ll get you to shut up.”
You were taken aback. “What?”
She motioned for the guy in the suit to come close, whispering in his ear the moment he did so. After a few seconds, she turned back to you and flashed you a smug smile. She put her sunglasses back on and turned around to walk away.
You stood still, mouth agape. Not even a goodbye? Who did she think she was?
You were about to walk after her when the guy put his hand in front of you, holding out a piece of card. “Miss, this is my contact information. Message me your address and I’ll have the bicycle shipped to you.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“The bicycle,” the guy motioned at your bicycle. “Miss Williamson would like to buy you a new one.”
“Miss Williamson?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “Miss Williamson.”
When you took his card and didn’t say anything else, he gave a small bow and left.
You stared at the card in your hand, mouth still agape. You didn’t even ask for a new bicycle, you just wanted the blonde to be a decent human being.
You sighed, putting the card in your pocket. “Miss Williamson would like to buy you a new one,” you mocked. You bent down to pick up your bicycle and you freezed—Miss Williamson… And that face… You felt like you had seen her before.
You shook it off. Probably someone you served coffee to.
You got on your bike and started cycling home. Even though the blonde was a bit rude, a part of you wished you bumped into each other again.
(Not because you wanted to hear her ridiculously sexy voice again.)
(Only because she still owed you an apology.)
(Definitely not because of that accent.)
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(Is this where requests are submitted? Hope so!)
1000 followers! I can’t even fathom that. Well done!
Was hoping for a SFW using “I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.” Female in the periphery of 501st (mech/nurse/comms) who is on the quieter side. Hanging out with the usual mouthy suspects (playing sabacc or watching a game) as the boys throw insults and tease each other. She throws in the occasional pointed zinger and it gets their attention. Then it’s on! Playful banter ensues. An intellectual “geeky girl takes off her glasses and is finally noticed” feel. Thank you for considering my request.
Thank youuuuuu for the request. This was super fun but WARNING I don't actually understand sabacc so beware I winged it a lil.
All Bets Are Off
Word Count: 2.2k Pairing: platonic 501st x fem!reader Warnings: insinuation of gambling and bad portrayal of sabacc Summary: Jesse, Kix, Dogma, Tup, and Fives decide to play sabacc after finding you tinkering away alone. Dogma can't win, probably doesn't know how to, and you decide to lend a hand.
General Skywalker left much of his plans for the upcoming mission to the imagination of the 501st. All preparations that could be made with the few details given were already put into motion - leaving you and your squad with ample time to kill on the Resolute.
The General personally recruited you after your help decrypting Separatist communications during a mission on your home planet. You’d been hesitant at first, having no combat experience and the desire for a quiet life, but accepted regardless.
The men of the 501st battalion did their best to put you at ease and yet, even after a few weeks with them, you still sat in an adjustment period. Not that that stopped them from loitering around you in their downtime. You were their first taste of female attention that wasn’t Jedi, though, they’d never admit it. In return you were boundlessly entertained by the clones, though, you rarely showed it.
Having come upon you tinkering with a broadband transceiver, Jesse, Kix, Fives, Tup, and Dogma took up a game of sabacc to ‘keep you company’, as they put it. All the while, you snuck glances from the sidelines. Three rounds in and Jesse was on top with Dogma sourly coming in last.
“Admit it, Dogma, you don’t even know how to play.” Jesse laughed, triumphantly splaying out his cards on the table.
A chorus of groans rounded the group, accentuated by Dogma slamming a hand on the table. Quickly on his feet, Dogma jabbed an accusatory finger across the table. “I know how to play. You’re just getting lucky.” He curled his lip and harshly gestured to Tup who sat beside him. “I bet he isn’t even shuffling correctly!”
One corner of your lips tipped into a smirk. Dogma may have been wrong about Tup’s shuffling, but, at least for where you sat, it did seem luck fueled Jesse’s winning streak.
Tup swept his hands around the table, gathering the cards for another round. Ever the patient man, Tup only shook his head at his brother’s accusation. Kix, on the other hand, would never miss an opportunity to rile his tightly wound brother.
Smirking, the medic leaned over the table, tauntingly saying, “If you’re so sure, maybe you should deal next.” Tup smiled, nodded, and offered the deck to Dogma. His suggestion only further annoyed Dogma, who pointedly shoved Tup’s hand away.
As Tup started divvying out the cards, Kix continued, “And you’ll need a bigger tattoo to hide those tells, mate.” You paused your work solely to catch the predictable, red tint Dogma’s face took on.
“You’re one to talk,” Fives retorted with a chuckle, glancing at his first card and then smirking mischievously at Kix. “You couldn’t bluff your way out of a paper bag.”
“How do you-”
Jesse cut Kix short, “You pick up an extra card every time you think you’ve got a good hand.” The entire table murmured in humored agreement before settling into determined silence once the cards were dealt.
It was funny, you thought, how they pestered one another. They really were brothers at the core of it all.
Your hands remained still as you dialed in on the game. Initially, you drowned out their commotion during the first round. By the end of the second round, you were purposely eavesdropping - which might not have been the right word considering they’d stepped in on your work as opposed to the other way around. In the last round you’d started tracking who laid down what, correctly predicting Jesse’s win. You’d been counting their cards.
As the next round started you didn’t see the harm in possibly lending poor Dogma a little help. You were sure that Tup was right in Dogma’s knowledge of the game, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve a little boost.
Nonchalantly positioning yourself for a view of the whole table, you kept an eye on the cards going around. It seemed that Jesse’s streak might finally break, and fortune was turning in Dogma’s favor.
Confident the other men had equally as bad hands, or worse, than him, you nearly turned away until Dogma started reaching for the draw pile. Hoping to stop him, you purposely scraped your spanner into the device in hand. By chance, the noise stalled him enough to glance towards you.
In a subtle second, you gave a discouraging shake of your head. His eyes stayed on you, albeit with a suspicious glint, as he retracted his hand. Dogma was in no way subtle and his obtuse reaction, just like all of his other tells, was not lost on his squad. You were back to looking busy by the time heads turned your way.
The moment the men returned their attention to the game you followed suit. For reasons unknown to you, Dogma maintained a frustrated expression despite the fact that you knew he had the lowest count hand. At that point, you were certain - he had no clue what the point of the game was or what it took to win.
The round came to an end when Tup passed on his turn. It was Dogma’s best chance at winning and luckily Dogma did you the favor of looking your way without signal. You quickly mouthed ‘call’ before the others caught on.
Tup did lean back in search of Dogma’s distraction, surprised to find you spectating. A small smile was all it took for Tup to shrug off his suspicions.
“Call.” Dogma announced with more confidence than you’d expected.
The table erupted in mild laughter, with Kix nudging Jesse playfully. Jesse leaned forward, eyebrow raised skeptically. "You're bluffing."
"I second that," Kix chimed in. "No way I'm folding."
"Not a chance," Jesse added.
"And what keeps catching your eye?" Fives turned sharply, his suspicion fading as soon as he saw you. Leaning back with a relaxed grin, he draped an arm over the back of his chair. "Didn’t think you’d be interested in card games," he teased. “Or take you for a gambling woman.”
Catching the curious glances from the group, you shrugged lightly, your voice laced with feigned boredom, “Oh, I don’t gamble.” Setting aside the transceiver with the same small smile you gave Tup. “That’s for people who need luck.”
A round of “oohs” filtered through the group, each of the clones smirking to one another.
Fives’ head dipped, clearly amused by the jab. “That’s some big talk.” He nodded again to the table at this back. “Alright then, you tell us who’s going to win.”
You attempted a thoughtful frown but the edge you had on them wouldn’t let you stop smiling. “Well, I know it won’t be you.”
A sharp snort came from across the table. You and Fives peaked over at Dogma, who was finally showing some light heartedness. The smile Dogma finally wore made you feel even more confident in your interjecting. The man really needed to loosen up and you were glad to help.
Unbothered, Fives peered back at you then around the table at each of his brothers. “Not me, huh?” Slinking his arm back around he smoothly glanced at his cards once more and, with a casual flick of his wrist, exposed his hand.
Eager to see the results, you shoved out of your seat to stand at Fives’ shoulder. You were disappointed to see your prediction was a card off, but only by the suit, not the number. And, if you were right, Dogma still had the winning hand.
The others groaned and tossed their cards in. Jesse, visibly knocked down a peg, clicked his tongue and shoved his cards in Tup’s direction. The motion turned the cards face up and revealed a hand that lost to both Fives and Dogma.
You eyed the cards Tup gathered before looking over at Dogma. He had an iron grip on his two cards and an odd expression pinching his face. It was a mix between worry, confusion, and forced composure. Altogether it would be best described as outright discomfort.
Sighing, you relaxed with your head cocked to the side. Pointing over at him you nodded, “Go on Dogma,” you paused, shoring up the courage to join their ribbing. “Show them what it’s like to lose.”
Tup laughed heartily, stopped organizing the cards to give Dogma a sarcastic pat on the shoulder. “Yeah, c’mon Dogma. Show us.”
Instead of shoving Tup off, Dogma smacked his cards down in front of him. He kept the faces hidden beneath his hand for a suspenseful moment before unveiling his winning hand.
Dogma’s discomfort melted away as Tup’s sarcasm turned congratulatory while the others scoffed about Dogma’s luck.
In a show of disbelief, Jesse snapped his head in your direction. His tattoo was distorted by the severe pinching of his brows. “How’d you know he was going to win?”
Fives leaned in on his elbows, waving a dismissive hand. “Everyone gets a little lucky.” The dismissal bit into your pride, a slight you wouldn’t let pass.
Bringing your face to his level, you purred to Fives, “Like I said, I don’t need luck Corporal.” You mimicked Tup’s gentle pat to the shoulder as you straightened back out. “If you must know, it’s called ‘counting cards’.”
“You counted the cards?” Kix leaned back in his seat, arms crossed, and wearing an incredulous grin. “From over there?” He exchanged a shake of his head with Jesse beside him.
In a voice that was more impressed than incredulous Jesse said, “It does seem like a reach.”
“You’re just mad that you lost.” Dogma interjected, sending a reassuring nod your way. Out of his squad, he’d been the least personable with you up to that point. Not that his struggle with the softer touches of rapport building ever offended you, it just made the small display of kindness stand out more than it would coming from the others.
Unfortunately, his newfound endearance put you on the spot when he followed up by saying, “In fact, I bet she’d wipe the floor with you lot.”
Dogma wasn’t smiling at you as his brothers turned fully on you, but he was positively brimming with pure confidence in you. He was so much easier to win over than you’d expected and yet, for all he knew, you could’ve just gotten lucky. His borderline blind faith was concerning as it was flattering.
“Well…” Your voice trailed off as the weight of their expectant smiles settled in.
Fives shifted completely around in his chair, soaking up the awkward twinge in your smile. “I’ll take that bet.”
Something about the way his eyebrow quirked up at you in challenge made your stomach flip. For the sake of your sanity you hoped it was born from friendly competition as opposed to charm.
Sucking on a tooth, you gave it one last thought and rolled your eyes. “If you want to go broke that badly, I won’t say no.”
Your compliance, reluctant as you tried to make it seem, roused another round of cheering from the men. Fives and Jesse gladly scooted apart, making way as you drug a chair over.
While you settled in, Tup chuckled as he began shuffling the cards, “If we’d known you liked sabacc, we’d have made you join ages ago.”
Brushing off nonexistent dust from your sleeve you replied, “If I’d known you were this easy to beat I’d have joined ages ago.” Earning their jovial reactions was weirdly satisfying and made you a little annoyed you hadn’t warmed up sooner.
“Alright, alright. Enough chatter.” Fives said in a warm tone. He sat close enough that he only had to lean over slightly to bump into you. “Let’s see you put your money where your mouth is, Shorty.”
Your face heated a bit, neck nearly snapping as you looked up at him. Jesse’s laugh cut you off as you tried to refute the moniker. You weren’t quick enough in turning on Jesse before Kix piped up.
“You are shorter than, well, all of us.”
Even Dogma seemed amused by their joking with you. For him, it probably felt nice for the center of the joking to just not be him for a while. And… it didn’t feel bad either to get the same treatment as they all did.
Despite scoffing to yourself, there was no hiding your enjoyment. A feeling had been bubbling in you through the entire interaction and, without warning, you started laughing loudly and genuinely. Unbeknownst to you, as eager as you were to keep them laughing, seeing your real smile for the first time made the 501st boys just as determined to keep you smiling.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.” You mumbled as the laughter subsided.
“Ahh, stick with us and I’ll bet you’ll be sick of it.” Tup said, earning an agreeable mumble from the rest of his brothers.
You shrugged, unconvinced. “I’ll take that bet.”
tags: @bruh-myguy-what @baddest-batchers @jetii @hshfsjzjsgj @zahmaddog
#501st#x reader#jesse#kix#fives#tup#dogma#jesse x reader#tcw#sw#the clone wars#kix x reader#fives x reader#tup x reader#dogma x reader#star wars#501st x reader
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Matthew chuckled. “I know. I can always count on my handsome knight in shining armor.” Carl huffed as his cheeks blushed red. “Be careful.” Carl once again pleaded. Matthew nodded and kissed Carl on the lips. He then headed out the door, ready to face his past once again. Carl sat on the couch watching his granddaughter and her animal friends, but his mind was somewhere else. He couldn’t help but fantasize about different types of tortures he could put Evangeline through if she did anything horrible to his husband. Normally, such thoughts would have horrified Carl because of what he experienced, but for some reason, they didn’t. The man let out a small chuckle to himself. Becky and Bob glanced at Carl briefly before turning back to the television set. ‘He probably remembered a funny joke.’ Becky surmised. The other heroes finally noticed the situation with the chaotic four. “Um, is that a zombie dog?” Electric Blur asked with a nervous expression. Atomic Steele raised an eyebrow but made no verbal comments. He was definitely surprised like his friend at the scene. Tristan didn’t have much of a reaction as he was used to seeing strange things by now. Patricia let out an annoyed huff. She hated how the media ruined the imagery of the supernatural. Before she could correct the heroine, Evangeline interrupted the woman. “That’s a Church Grim, right?” Evangeline remarked. Patricia and the others looked at the woman with surprise. “Um, yeah. How did you know?” Patricia inquired. Evangeline blushed. “I…have a fascination with the supernatural. I wasn’t able to pursue much of it when I became a hero, but I still know about certain stuff. I can help get you your leg back if you want.” Evangeline offered. Gene and the four looked at each other. Gene wasn’t sure about letting this lady near his friends, but he really didn’t know what to do right now. “Well, Patricia. It’s your leg. What do you want to do?” Gene asked his friend. Patricia pondered the question before giving a shrug. “Yeah, I can let her help. I’m technically undead so if I lose a body part it won’t be so bad.” The woman replied in a casual tone. Evangeline looked surprised at the comment but shrugged it off. She figured it wasn’t her place to ask. The heroine looked around and spotted some fresh, Earthen dirt inside near an opening in the warehouse. Evangeline walked towards the dirt and scooped up some in her hand. Everyone watched with a cautious expression as Evangeline took the dirt and poured in on the back of the Church Grim. She then began to rub the back of the undead dog. After some time, the Church Grim looked content and happy as he began to let out a purring sound. The Church Grim then released Patricia’s leg which Jenkins caught. Everyone looked at the woman amazed. “That’s incredible! How did you know that would work?” Patricia inquired with a gleam in her eyes. Evangeline smiled. “Pure earth dirt can relax Church Grims, almost like catnip. Since they came from holy grounds, only natural dirt can make them relax and calm.” Patricia looked amazed as she put her leg back on. “Huh. I never thought about that. Something to note for later if I do run into another Church Grim or if this little guy tries to steal another body part of mine to take back to my grave. Which I don’t have one by the way.” Patricia remarked. “So…are you a living corpse?” Evangeline hesitantly asked. Patricia nodded. “Yeah, technically I’m undead, which is why this little guy was trying to steal my leg.” Evangeline just nodded, accepting the answer.
"Hold on a minute, some weird guy is staring at me. Probably some bum trying to get change off of me." Comments like that had ensured he would absolutely be relieved of guilt for what was to happen next. A smile spreads across the figure's facial features, revealing inhumanly sharp teeth glinting in the street lights. A hand quickly shot out, taking a hold of the rather obnoxious man. "What the hell are you doing-" A scream soon pierced the quietness of the night. It quickly became a horrendous gurgling noise. The cellphone in the man's hand had fallen in the process. Leaving the person on the other end to become worried and confused about what was happening to the man. It didn't take very long for the man to become completely still. The figure allows him to finally fall to the cement below, licking at his blood stained lips in satisfaction. "The night, it is still so young. I don't think I shall waste another minute on you." Like a ghost in the night, he had vanished. As if he were never there. Leaving only the grotesque mess he had made for others to find. Unknown to him, there was a witness to this who had seen the whole thing. Watching in complete and utter fear. The figure grinned, it was as if he were seeing the world through different eyes. The opportunities that awaited him. It sent a shiver of excitement up his spine. His thirst might have satiated but he wasn't satisfied with only that. Oh no. There was so much more he had in mind for this city. Just wait till morning until they discover his little surprise for all to see. It wasn't until hours later did he finally return to the house. Feeling pleased with himself. Carl shot up in bed, heart racing so fast within his chest. Calming down once realizing he was in bed with Matthew. It took the retired scientist to recognize his surroundings. "That's right.. we're at Gene's place." The dream he had woken up from was already fading from his memory. It was rather absurd, recalling what he could. He could've sworn the dream was incredibly vivid and felt so real. But the little bits of the dream that he did remember became fuzzy and distant in his mind. Carl wasn't as quiet as he thought. Matthew had woken up. "Love, are you okay?" His voice had brought Carl from his thoughts. "Matthew, dearest. I hadn't meant to wake you up." He frowned, feeling guilty as he wanted his husband to get as much rest as needed. "It's alright, I needed to get up early anyway. Don't feel bad, my darling. I'm worried about you, though.” He gave Matthew a smile. “It was just a dream. I was just startled from a dream. I don't even remember what happened in it anymore. I'll be fine.” Matthew pulled the other into his arms, holding him in such a comforting manner. Placing a loving kiss to Carl's forehead. “Even so, I've still got you.” The former scientist blushed. Matthew still had such an effect on him even after all this time. “Thank you, my love.” They had stayed like that for a good while. It wasn't until Carl noticed the time that he forced Matthew to get out of bed and to get ready for his community service. Though there was something that had been bothering Carl since waking up. He had not remembered going back to bed after his conversation with Gene last night. No matter how much he tried to, it just kept coming up blank to him. Carl sighed, he must've been that tired that he didn't remember. He was getting up there in age. “I could stay back. Margaret won't be very happy about it but I don't want to leave you if you're not okay.” Carl smiled once more. “I'm not going to be responsible for what she'd do if you tried. You're also expecting a new face there, aren't you?” Matthew looked surprised at that. He had completely forgotten about that. And Carl did make a point. Wincing at the thought of what Margaret might do if he actually did skip out on it. Though for Carl, it would've been absolutely worth it. Whatever punishment she'd dole out, he'd endure for his dearest husband. “Go get dressed now.” Matthew chuckled at that before doing as he said. Leaving Carl to this thoughts.
Carl still felt unsettled by the dream, it was like he was walking through a mist. Yet at the same time it was like someone or something was controlling his body and actions. The dream was scary, but also ludicrous. At one point Carl thought he saw someone who looked like his old narcissus ex boyfriend who he never thought about again until now. Carl just let out a sigh and shook his head. 'It was just a nightmare.' Carl reassured himself. He remembered how reading how the mind and senses can trick the body into thinking something is real when it isn't. His strange dream was just one of those cases. Carl decided to get out of bed and go downstairs. He was going to try and help his son and other son-in-law deal with this strange and frightening case of kidnapping. Carl pushed away the issue of the nightmare and headed downstairs, ignoring the feeling of dread in the back of his mind. Carl also did not pay attention to that fact that his mouth was no longer dry and that there was no glass cup on the nightstand when he got up that morning. Atomic Steele surveyed the area with caution and an intense gaze. He was going over the area looking for something out of the ordinary. Something that had bothered his friend and teammate Electric Blur. Something in this seemingly abandoned area affected Blur's powers. "I wasn't sure what just happened. It felt like I was suddenly communicating emotionally with a strange energy wave that was being transmitted from there. I felt uneasy and scared...but also sad for some reason." That is what Blur told Atomic when she came back to their hideout looking shaken and worried. She told him she never felt anything like that before, not even from the fallen B.E.A.W labs. Atomic Steele offered to check it out for her as the young heroine wasn't keen on returning to the spot. While Electric Blur was being comforted by her other teammates, Atomic followed the directions the heroine had given him to the location where she felt the strange and unsettling energy. What Atomic Steele found when he got there was a large but abandoned warehouse surrounded by an empty field. The area was surrounded by a rusted, wired fence. The place looked like it hadn't been used for years. Still, the normally brave yet brash young hero couldn't help but feel a child go up his spine. His gut and instincts telling him there is something dangerous here, something evil. Atomic Steele walked up to the doors of the warehouse. He grabbed at a rusted handle and tried opening it. To the hero's surprise and growing caution, the door easily unlocked. Atomic Steele took a deep breath and steadied his nerves. He then proceeded inside the warehouse in a slow pace, ready to discover what laid inside. "Oh hello there Matthew. Cutting it a bit close are we." Miss Dewey lightly teased the former villain as he just came into the library to start his community service. "Sorry about that Miss Dewey. I had some problems this morning but I'm here now." Matthew replied, feeling a bit embarrassed about cutting things close. He really didn't want to leave Carl and Gene alone during the family crisis that was happening but at the same time he really didn't want to test the limits of his second chance at freedom from prison. Miss Dewey gave the man a look of sympathy and concern. "You know, if there is a serious problem going on at home, I wouldn't mind helping you fill out some forms to request a temporary leave from your community service." The librarian offered. Matthew smiled in appreciation at her kind gesture. "Thank you Miss Dewey but I'll be alright." Matthew responded. "So has the new service worker arrived yet?", the former villain asked. Miss Dewey smiled and nodded. "Yes he is here. Matthew, allow me to introduce you to Frank Leigh." Matthew glanced over to the man Miss Dewey introduced. He looked to be a few years older than Victor but still younger than Matthew and Carl. He had dark hair and light, blueish gray eyes. The man gave a friendly wave to Matthew. "Hi nice to meet you." Frank spoke in a kind tone. @dualnaturedscientist
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This ad placement is the height of irony.
#lady if youre looking for serious men you might want to look somewhere else#I AM NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE#THEY ARE WASTING THEIR EFFORTS#these are definitely NOT the worst ads in this theme that I have seen on the margins of my Aroace Guy comics#it would be annoying if it wasn’t so funny#there was one banner ad for pizza#that one was fine#wish it had stuck around to keep stealing space from all the single ladies#archie comics#jughead jones#aroace jughead#aroace#archie comics reboot#(btw I’ve censored the location names in the ads because I don’t want tumblr people to know where I live)#(that’s why they look like that)
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Doing yaoi research on asoiaf fandom rn it's actually kinda surprising to me that joffrey/robb isn't really a thing I feel like that's obvious toxic yaoi material...like not saying I ship it or anything but it feels like a no brainer...if this was a more yaoi oriented fandom I feel like it'd be a thing
#.txt#like dog/cat blonde/brunette (in the show) buff/twink dichotomy...basic yaoi right#also littlefinger/varys not being more popular is crazyyy that’s prime yaoi bait#peladophobia strikes again 😔#I've used ao3 more for seeing what kind of obscure fanfiction I can find then actually reading anything lol#I'll be like 'lol there's divine comedy yaoi that's funny' have a sensible chuckle then close the tab. i never actually read anything i fin#the amount of asoiaf yaoi gets almost cut in half when you exclude hotd btw lol#joffrey would be sooo yaoi coded if he wasn’t so annoying. like bitch ur scaring the hoes (fujoshis) by being unpleasant#I’m not saying I WANT him to be yaoified like look what happened to luke#I’m saying he looks like he would be#I swear I saw a yaoi protagonist that looked like him ages ago
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just watched the borderlands movie and the only good part was that krieg’s little harness thingo lowkey looked like a very skimpy little bra thing sometimes
he needs some back support with those jugs ofc
#it wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be#but it was not good#at all#idk why they changed so much of the story and just like Made It Worse#why did they make Tina’s dad head of atlas? why not just keep her parents killed off? why did they mischaracterise her so badly?#why was she annoying? why was she an experiment? why not use a more compelling villain than Guy Who Looks And Acts As Bland As Possible#the villain was simply. no good#I wish they used jack 😔#I also wish they didn’t do the Lilith’s mum subplot bc it was a little off??? somehow?#and Tannis and Lilith’s relationship wasn’t particularly fulfilling#claptrap was even more annoying#the jokes weren’t funny#the sfx were NOT as bad as everyone said they were I’m sorry I thought they were fine aside from a few weird shots in some chase sequences#another thing I don’t get that much was ppl hating Lilith’s hair bc it’s doesn’t look like in the games#ppl compared the wig to wigs that cosplayers use that look rly accurate and good but#u have to take into account#that it’s rly hard to stylise a live action movie to look something like boarderlands and most cosplays are made to look good statically#things that look good in cosplay and in the game will not look good in a live action action sequences#like if u gave her a cosplay wig it would look great and accurate but it also would be completely rigged in the wind and would not move#like real hair#which would probably be incredibly jarring to see in a live action film especially with all the action#was the hair great? no. I still think it could’ve been vastly improved on while remaining realistic for a live action movie#but I think some people hold it to unrealistic standards in their criticisms or whatever#also costumes have to be actually movable and breathable bc REAL people are shooting REAL scenes and doing stunts and shit in them#but. yeah. the costumes could definitely have had some improvement#I think that if u wanted to make a borderlands film that was accurate to the design of the characters it would be easier to do it animated#and the writing?#we do not speak about the writing good lord#borderlands movie#borderlands
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a mind palace’s (unasked for) renovations [DO NOT TAG AS SHIP]
bonus under the cut:
white mushroom more like “butlershroom.”
anyway. yep! my headcanon is that the mushroom series of heartless were essentially like early versions of ansem. experiments to see if creating a heartless with a will of its own were even possible. (the mushrooms just wanna play charades and go on nice walks! they wont steal your heart because their instincts tell em’ to! they’ll only snatch it if they feel like it <3) how can you make an “immortal” successor if they cant even understand the research you left for them? so thats why they were created!
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#ansem#riku#ansem you cant slutspread infront of the children …#<- in his defense he wasn’t expecting riku to walk in#i feel like ansem craves attention but also wants to be left alone but also wants someone to talk to but also#he loves to ponder about his own existentialism but as soon as hes asked about it he changes the subject#hes been alone for so long and was never allowed to make friends with anyone that he doesn’t understand friendship#perhaps riku will be the one to show him#in short. yes ansem will be getting a redemption arc of sorts. but hes going to be really annoying about it.#his arrogance was his downfall and he loves being an annoying little shit <3#love youuuu 🥰🥰🥰#ansem infodumping but it’s about human experimentation and not a novel series from the hollow bastion library#is a thought thats really funny to me.#also if youre confused about ansem still being in rikus heart. in my rewrite he doesnt ‘die’ in kh2#the blast of light only causes ansem to go dormant until in my dream drop rewrite#‘something’ happens (im not telling) that causes him to reawaken and he attempts to take control again. which ends poorly for ansem#(riku defeats him again)#riku wont get rid of ansem. because he is tied to riku’s darkness. riku claims ansem is going to have to live with this. and that hes#already accepted this fact. ansem just needs to do the same.#so ansem begrudgingly resigns to his fate. but this isnt enough for riku. he wants to do something he never thought he would ever do#maybe his friends are rubbing off on him but. riku wants to see if maybe….. they could be friends? perhaps? this isnt going to work …#.. is it?#you’re grasping for straws here boy. give it up.
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it should be studied how i am able to give myself anxiety over something i know literally cannot happen. like……..it’s almost amazing
#it would be funny if it wasn’t so annoying#laying in bed sick to my stomach heart beating quick as fuck for what#no reason!!!!!!!!#my god#get a grip
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I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes
#like idk!!! sometimes the coworkers in question DO display some common autistic traits#but that is NEVER what is being complained about (at least not by me) so WHY are we bringing it up like that el oh el#like when I say ‘yeah I don’t like this coworker because of the shitty fucking things she did to my friend’#the response should not be ‘well I think she’s autistic isn’t that so funny she’s so obsessive about stuffed animals it’s annoying’#shut up shut up SHUT UP AND DIE#I don’t CARE that they talk too loud I don’t CARE that they’re bad a social cues I don’t CARE that they do ‘weird things’#and it’s so. HFDJSJKSKSKS AAAGGHHHHH#whether they’re autistic or not MAYBE that’s not what should be getting brought up during a conversation like that when it has NOTHING to do#with it#also maybe we shouldn’t be doing shit like whispering ‘on the spectrum’ like its some awful terrible thing#just thoughts idk#and the thing is too is that even if I told these ppl I was autistic#they would 100% be the types that are like ‘oh? but you don’t ACT autistic I don’t think you are’#like actually I got very good at masking for these reasons thnx#also you think autism = Sheldon from the Big Bang theory and nothing else#but I already learned my lesson cuz I told a coworker that I wasn’t sure about exactly twice#one of them went ‘oh THATS why you’re so dumb and don’t realize when other ppl don’t like you and take advantage of you’#and then the other one went on a mansplaining spiel about how me being autistic was why adhd meds didnt work on me??????#so yeah. never doing that again. haha. hahahaha. hahahaha……#this actually happened a few days ago but it’s been Bothering me so much#I hate my fucking job….#kaz rambles
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Mu Qing with a giant anti-horse sword while everyone else gets to use conventionally sized weapons like regular length swords and fans 🤝 Ling Wen as a civil official having the brocade immortal making her strong enough to rival martial ones
#sometimes people make Feng Xin’s bow huge probably for poetic reasons but let’s be real#mu qing is objectively funny#like he’s seriously using a 3m long weapon. how is he even carrying that around#he’s not 3m tall it’s taller than him if he sticks it to his back#this stuff is hilarious#mu qing objectively so funny#imagine being Xie Lian and Feng Xin and youRE just sweating like ‘haha don’t mind him everyone he wasn’t raised the same way... haha’#and it’s some guy using cavalry weapons on regular opponents#I don’t think mu qing is a recluse I think the other generals get along with him fine#and I think they have an agreement to not question the strange weapon because it’s not like he has any issue using it fine???#it’s just a wild decision#it’s allowed it’s just very strange#not illegal or forbidden or anything. no one else is doing it tho#iconic tbh#I don’t recall anyone else doing this sort of thing#Xie Lian has Ruoye but the ribbon isn’t strictly a weapon and isn’t alarming to have around generally#tgcf#do you think Feng Xin gets annoyed about the giant sword#like come on I know you could be using a normal saber stop showing off???#he and Ling Wen would get along well I think#good for them both tbh#both came from low standing and all#they deserve to slay.... just a little........#you could argue Ming Yi’s shovel isn’t conventional but I fear that’s a moot point
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While I think it’s funny that Phoenix’s type is people that want to kill him or that hate him unreasonably, I think it’s far funnier for it to be kinda mutual. Like all the characters that hate Phoenix specifically are also infuriatingly attracted to him, they all want him carnally and they can’t handle it so they try to kill him.
#while Dahlia being the only exception to this it would be funny if she wasn’t#if she met him one more time she would’ve been obsessed with him#people who this applies to: Redd White Miles Edgeworth Gadot Kristoph maybe even Tigre#being so obsessed with someone that you kinda want to kill them is a little gay my dudes#I feel like every character that hates pheonix either ends up in prison for murder or eventually gains enough respect for him to be annoying#it would even be funny to include Blackquill#the only person exempt from this who has a personal vendetta against him is Franziska and even she begrudgingly respects him#pheonix wright#ace attorney
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the episodes people hate for being annoying never phase me as someone with an annoying little brother and has worked with kids
#i was surprised when i found out ppl considered steven’s early episodes obnoxiously childish#like ah yes that’s how it is#and now he’s growing up#so ronaldo isn’t crazy to me either#side note i hate when ppl are clearly reading the comments and when it visibly changes how they react#like this guy would not be nearly as annoyed with ronaldo if every commenter wasn’t telling him to skip this ep#in general ronaldo’s antics are more funny to me than infuriating? i have to deal with this stuff a lot#i can’t afford to grow gray hairs over it each time
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i feel like everyone is going to eventually get annoyed at me for still being sad about simba or still talking about it but posting abt it is easier than telling someone because i don’t know how to do that and i’d rather be annoying here where people can scroll past and ignore it and not feel obligated to reply
#i don’t even have anything to say i’m just sad#i keep being fine for a while because it doesn’t feel real#and then i remember i never get to take another picture of him or play with him again#i wish i’d gotten a video of him meowing he had such a funny meow i wish you could hear it#i get so sad thinking about him when he was a baby and how he didn’t know it would end up like this#and then thinking that’s dumb because cats do not understand their own mortality anyway#i hope he wasn’t in pain when he died i hope he didn’t feel alone or scared#i wish more than anything that someone had been with him when he died. he was all alone#he should’ve been inside he should’ve been safe he should’ve been looked after properly#there’s no point getting angry at the people who neglected him. they can’t hurt him anymore anyway#but i just wish he got what he deserved he deserved so much better. i hope he knows how much everyone loves him#and that i won’t stop loving him just because he’s not here#he was only a baby he was only two. he should’ve lived for so much longer#again i am sorry for being annoying but i am not coping with this and i feel rlly fucking stupid for being this sad#simba
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it truly is SO fucking funny to me how inconsequential cazador is in the city at large. he’s nothing. the szarr family is Barely counted among the patriars bc no one gives a shit. it’s so silly
#hilariously this means xarrai ALSO never gave a shit abt him aside from being passively annoyed he never got a party invite#and vaguely curious about what went on in that mansion bc cazador was so secretive#but beyond that like. cazador held little interest for xar#however the fact that xarrai was never lured in to one of his ‘parties’ implies that whoever devised the guest list#likely considered xar too high profile of a target. which is very silly but also kind of accurate#bc like if cazador rly wasn’t a blip on gortash’s radar…. xarrai likely has more influence in the city than he did LMAO#or well they Did before gortash wiped out half the patriars LOL#i do think it would have been good if cazador were more integrated with the city and the overall plot but#the implications of the ways he was left out of the overall plot are very funny#漫言
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my coworker and I just got reamed by our boss for a small kitchen fire that happened the other day… while he was in Cuba… and then proceeds to ask us why we didn’t call him about it… while he was in Cuba…
#listen— this man 5’3– several inches shorter than me#I always make sure I fix my posture to be taller than him bc I know his height bothers him#but anyway— he comes back and proceeds to go off WORSE on my coworker#who is only three months in so at least he’s past the probationary period#whereas I’m five years in#but like DUDE YOURE IN CUBA WITH NO CELL SERVICE ANSJDLSAKD#why the FUCK would I call you anyway when you probably wouldn’t know how to deal with it besides calling 911??#lmao it was a little grease fire and it wasn’t the first time either#it’s a kitchen like… what do you expect lol#I’m just annoyed tho#pissed that he treated a new employee like that and painted a bad picture of himself as a boss#fuck it— I think it’s FUNNY#and lowkey I hope I one day get fired from here rather than quitting#bc I have sooooo much dirt on this place lmao#and it’s from a big hotel chain so I think it’s even funnier#✦ niicevibe.
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