#already accepted this fact. ansem just needs to do the same.

[robotsafari]

a mind palace’s (unasked for) renovations [DO NOT TAG AS SHIP]

bonus under the cut:

white mushroom more like “butlershroom.”

anyway. yep! my headcanon is that the mushroom series of heartless were essentially like early versions of ansem. experiments to see if creating a heartless with a will of its own were even possible. (the mushrooms just wanna play charades and go on nice walks! they wont steal your heart because their instincts tell em’ to! they’ll only snatch it if they feel like it <3) how can you make an “immortal” successor if they cant even understand the research you left for them? so thats why they were created!

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 6

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary: Ienzo has a conversation with Ansem, leading him to a crucial realization about his feelings for Riku.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Riku did seem awfully despondent when that day came. Ienzo insisted he not spend it alone, that he come to Radiant Garden. Somewhere along the way Riku’s emotional wellbeing had become important to him, though why he wasn’t sure.

Well. He knew why .

All this time spent together. Ienzo may have been inexperienced, but he wasn’t naive. He could see Riku looking at him, sometimes, out of the corner of his eye. Whatever was happening between them was clearly growing and also clearly mutual. Thinking about it too hard made his palms sweat and his heart race--with anxiety.

He wasn’t good enough. Riku’d had--mostly a normal life. He deserved someone whole and who could be completely emotionally available to him. This had to be a passing attraction--a combination of Ienzo’s newfound feelings and Riku’s boredom. That was all.

But if it was passing … how come over the course of these months, and the time they’d only gotten to know each other better… why was it getting stronger ?

Ienzo realized that he desperately wanted to talk to someone about this. He also realized that the person he most wanted to discuss it with, the person whose opinion on the matter was most important, was Riku, and the notion of doing that felt like cutting the wrong wire on a bomb. After all, once his friends were back, wouldn’t Riku just go home… and move on with his life? It was unrealistic to expect him to stay here for Ienzo.

He wasn’t sure he liked the way this felt.

“Ienzo?”

His head snapped up from the tablet in his hands. “Yes, Master?”

Ansem sighed. “How many times must I tell you to call me by my name?”

“I’m… sorry. Habit,” he lied. In reality, it felt undeserved. Everything still felt undeserved. He and Ansem had sat down multiple times to talk and try to get to know each other better, but as gracious as the man was, Ienzo still felt an awful pang of guilt.

“Forgive me, but… something seems to weigh heavily on your heart. Moreso than usual,” he said.

Ienzo looked into his rust-colored eyes. This man was his father , he forced himself to think, and as much as that was the truth it was still difficult to internalize. “I suppose it must be quite obvious,” he said.

“Well, yes. Why don’t we sit down for a few minutes? Have some tea?”

He glanced back over at Kairi.

“The girl can wait a little while, I think,” Ansem said gently.

Ienzo tried to swallow the nerves. They went back into the office, gathered yet more tea. His feet throbbed when he sat down.

“So what is it?” Ansem asked.

He took a deep breath. “I feel… undeserving,” he began. “Of so many things. Receiving any comfort from you after what I’ve put you through, firstly.”

“Ienzo, you were not the one to oust me from this place. You said yourself that you were a child, and they lied to you about the reason for my… disappearance.” He winced.

“Even so. If I had not convinced you to build that lab--”

“If I recall correctly, the intentions for it were much different, much less insidious, at the time,” Ansem continued. “Not to mention… the others, especially Xehanort, knew how much of a soft spot I had for you. I’m sure it was easy to make you think it was all your idea.”

Ienzo shook his head slowly. “I should’ve known better.”

“You were a boy,” he said. “Ienzo, your expectations of your past self in the situation are far too high. A child can only know what they’ve been taught.”

“You hold no resentment whatsoever?” Ienzo asked. “I find that hard to believe.”

Ansem sighed. “I had a lot of time to think, where I was, and yet more now that we’ve been here. To say I do not have any bitterness in my heart is a lie. At the same time… I’ve seen your ambition, since you’re yourself again. You mean to atone for your mistakes. So do I. I have no reason to hold any blame for you anymore. It won’t help either of us move on.”

Move on. Ienzo did not know how to move on. He wondered, briefly, what his life would be like once this was all over, and felt a seed of dread tighten in his stomach. Especially with Riku gone.

“What’s on your mind?” Ansem asked.

“I just…” Ienzo exhaled and smoothed the ascot tied at his throat. “The truth is lately I’ve been feeling a great many things that scare me. Everything about this life seems so… loud and so intense. And I worry about… what the outcome of those feelings might be. I know I don’t deserve it.”

“Whatever do you mean?” The glint in his eye suggested he may know what Ienzo was referring to, but wanted to make him say it.

Very well. “I’m concerned I may be…” He took a quick breath. Saying it would make it concrete, more concrete than the feelings in his body. “That I may be harboring feelings? For someone?”

Ansem tapped his fingertips together. “Romantic feelings?”

“Maybe? I don’t know,” Ienzo said, knowing instantly that was a lie. He felt his face flush. “And I don’t… Master, I don’t know how to do friendship and I clearly don’t know how to do family. How am I supposed to be able to… be good enough for this person? For anyone?” He took a long drink of the still-quite-hot tea to smother the lump in his throat.

Ansem thought about it. “Ienzo, ever since I’ve been back here I haven’t seen you stray once onto that selfish, dark path. I see what you’ve devoted in order to atone, and I also see its price. You’re a young person. You needn’t waste all your years alone in solitary work--regardless of how that companionship may manifest.”

Ienzo shook his head slowly. “I have so much to make up for.”

Ansem leaned forward. “And you are. You will. But I don’t think that punishing yourself when you are doing everything in your power already will help the situation.”

Ienzo wanted to believe that so badly.

“You are too young to have such a heavy heart,” Ansem said. “Ultimately… you were also someone who lost years of your life due to the experiments and the circumstance. You were also a victim.”

Ienzo felt tears in his eyes. “No. That can’t be true.”

“You were a child. Lied to. Manipulated. It should’ve been the adults in the situation who stopped this, yet they did not. How can it be your fault that you turned out a certain way? It is possible for it to be true that you were both a victim and you did things of enormous consequence. One, in fact, begat the other.”

Ienzo didn’t know what to say.

Ansem smiled sadly. “I know I cannot convince you to forgive yourself. That’s something that you have to do yourself. But I hope you can begin to do so. Remaining trapped within those feelings only gives your mistakes more power.”

He was right, Ienzo realized. He was right. The tears broke free.

Ansem squeezed his hand. “I think the object of your affection understands this well.”

Ienzo sniffled. “Is it very obvious? Does everyone know?”

“Not quite. Even is still Even, after all, oblivious as always. But what I know of the boy… what I’ve experienced of him firsthand…” Ansem sighed. “I think he understands, Ienzo, better even than you might think. Moreover…” A mischievous glint came into his eye. “I think he may feel the same.”

“I know he does,” Ienzo said.

“You feel you do not deserve such things.”

“I know I don’t. And we’re now going around and around in circles.” He brought a hand to his forehead.

Ansem thought a moment. “Have you talked about it?”

“I can’t just bring it up. ”

“Why not? If you’re so sure it’s mutual?”

“It’d change everything. He has… he has a whole life. And I have…” He faltered on “nothing.” “Perhaps this is just desperation and loneliness on my part, because I…” He realized he had nothing else to say.

Because he was, essentially, making excuses.

Slowly, Ienzo stood. “I see,” he said. “Thank you for the tea and sympathy.”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to think,” he said. “I’ll… I’ll be back to work in a little while.”

Ansem nodded. “Take your time,” he said.

---

Riku sighed and flexed his hands. He’d just spent the better part of an hour cranking bolts into place with a ratchet wrench, and his wrist was killing him. He put the wrench back in its toolbox, took off his brace, and gave it a good stretch. He could go to any of the healers he knew and have them fix it. But for some reason it always slipped his mind, or wasn’t bad enough, to warrant fixing. A quick rebreak and it would be back to normal.

He went back to his room, showered and got changed. It was already getting cool again. The year mark was coming up fast.

For perhaps the first time… Riku almost wished it would last a little longer. But then he thought of his friends, conscious, alive, and the thought disappeared.

Only to reappear when he saw Ienzo at his doorway. “Oh, hey Ienzo,” Riku said. The other boy looked a bit stressed, his face pinched and eyes red. “Are you… okay?”

“Do you… have a few minutes? Or were you on your way out?” His nostrils flared a little.

He tugged his hair back into its customary ponytail. “I’ve got time.”

“...Walk with me?”

The sun was just starting to set. Ienzo’s pace was brisk, almost frenetic, and Riku’s anxiety spiked. “Did something happen?” he asked.

“Kairi is fine,” Ienzo reassured him quickly, though he seemed no less agitated. “This has nothing to do with that.”

“Then… what does …”

They ended up in a breezeway that overlooked the town. Ienzo took a deep breath. “I need to say something before I lose my nerve,” he began. “Because it has been causing me an awful lot of stress and frankly I’d like to just put the whole matter to bed.”

Riku blinked. “I don’t follow.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “This whole… game between us, the past few months,” he said. “The… banter, the longing gazes, the…” He exhaled in frustration. “Once she’s awake you’ll have a job to do and I can’t afford to keep taking you from it.”

Riku felt somewhat paralyzed. “Taking me… from it?”

Ienzo looked him in the eye. There was something pleading in his own. “I…” He was breathing audibly. “I feel something for you, something I shouldn’t, and I just think… well--” He stuttered. Riku had never seen him like this, and it made his own pulse thunder in his ears. “You deserve better. I’d hold you back. The darkness of our pasts--”

He put up a hand. “Wait. Wait. Slow down. Just breathe a minute. You like me?”

“Unfortunately.”

He couldn’t quite suppress the beginnings of a smile.

“But it’d never work.”

Riku was dizzy. “But--why?”

Ienzo rubbed his upper arms, like he was cold. “I'm older than you, our lives have had vastly different paths. We don't even have much in common--”

“What is it really about?”

Ienzo seemed startled. “I’m not…” He was trembling. “You’re… I’m not good enough, Riku, I’m just not. If you knew even half of the things I’ve done you’d run out of here screaming.”

“For some reason I doubt that.” He took a step closer to him. “Both of our lives have been shaped by darkness.”

“But you’ve overcome it, and I’m--”

“No, it’s not something you can just overcome ,” he said. “It takes… it takes work, day in and day out, and even then, it’s still… part of you. But choosing a different path… like we both have… that’s what matters.”

“I’m just starting,” Ienzo whispered.

“But you’re starting,” he pointed out. He was close to him now, close enough to realize that they were very nearly the same height. “And so far I think you’re doing awesome.”

“You deserve someone whole,” Ienzo said.

“Someone “whole” wouldn’t get it,” Riku said, daring to gently rest a hand on his shoulder. “You’re the only person I can talk to about these sorts of things. The only person who doesn’t make me feel… well, insane , or kind of disgusting about it.”

Ienzo let out a long breath. “I see,” he said softly. “So… what now, then?”

“I know what I want,” he said. “But do you?”

“I think I do.” He reached up and brushed his fingers across Riku’s cheek, his touch so soft and delicate Riku shuddered. “I… I must be crazy…”

“Then we both are, I think.”

Ienzo leaned in a little closer, almost hesitantly. Riku could smell him, something like sandalwood, and for a second he thought he might faint--

He nodded a little, to show this was okay, this was wanted, and finally Ienzo closed the gap and kissed him.

For some reason Riku thought he might have more experience, but as they grappled it was clear this was uncharted territory for both of them, messy and a bit awkward. But it was really happening, he was actually kissing him, and after this strange moment of trying to learn what to do they both seemed to understand a bit better. They were both breathing shakily. Riku pulled him closer. The sensation of touch after so long without was overwhelming, making him feel still dizzier. This was so-- nice --

After an unknowable amount of time, Ienzo pulled away. “Oh,” he said softly, touching his lip. “I see. I suppose it was clear I’ve never--”

“Me either.”

“Really? I’m surprised.”

He raised an eyebrow. “When would I have the time?”

“Well, perhaps when you were in school--have you seen you?” he asked.

Riku laughed, and Ienzo did too, and finally Riku saw the awful tension leave his shoulders. “You’re not so bad yourself. So… what should we do now?”

“We could finish our walk,” he said. “I’m… dizzy. ”

“I am too.”

Ienzo offered his hand. “Might as well. Isn’t this what people do?”

He took it. “I think so. Yeah.”

Another small burst of nervous laughter. “That was not how I expected today to go,” he said.

“Uh, yeah, I would think so,” Riku said.

A few beats of silence. “But what about the future?”

“Let’s not think about that,” Riku said. “Why don’t we just… enjoy this?”

“...Alright.”

[floriswrite]

Vexen had not expected to meet Luxord and Larxene in the kitchen. What more he had not expected Larxene to still be drinking. Had she gone to find Luxord after Marluxia left? Or had they been drinking with Luxord as well and Marluxia just left that out? No. He was positive they had been alone. 

“Hello, Vexen.” Luxord greeted him. 

Larxene lifted her head from the table to stare at Vexen and scuff a little. “Seriously, what does he see in /you/? Broke his heart and all his sense of taste with it.” 

“Oh?” Luxord grinned “What is she referencing?” 

“It’s none of your business.” Vexen replied sharply. “Larxene’s just mad she’s not getting sex.” 

“Nah, sex-sex has been off the market with him since the start. Haven’t done that since we had hearts. Or something.” Larxene mumbled. 

Vexen stilled in getting a cup down. “What?” 

“What~?” Did he forget to tell you that~” Larxene laughed. “It was just once. Mourning and junk. This is why I don’t get drunk, Luxord. Makes memories way too clear.” 

“...Mourning.” Vexen echoed. “Doesn’t matter. I’m just here for water. If he wants to talk he can talk.” 

“He sobered up by the time you got there, didn’t he?” Larxene’s eyes were fierce. 

“Apparently.” Vexen shrugged and brought the cup down. “Said he had been drinking with you. Didn’t give a time frame.” 

“Luxord?” 

“Yeah, yeah, he can take it.” Luxord conceded the bottle of gin. 

“Here. He’ll totally refuse at first but he still has way more unwinding to do.” Larxene held the bottle out to Vexen. 

“He already refused to drinking with me.” Vexen walked over and took the bottle anyway. “Is there something specific I’m supposed to be working with?” 

“What happens when a World falls?” Larxene sighed and looked at Luxord. 

“Everyone dies and becomes a Heartless.” Luxord replied casually. “We all live with that.” 

“Yeah, we do,” Larxene bit her lip “Mar and I, we just idly drink for a bit, numbs enough to help, and I mighta been extra sappy tonight so he left. You... You need to get him actually drunk. Get him talking. Probably write down anything he says. Deal with the fact he’s so going to try and sleep with you and have a crisis over that.” 

“Write it down?” 

“Yeah. Mar’s real good with handling his alcohol but his memory is a whole ‘nother story.” Larxene waved a hand at him. “That’s the end of my help. Why am I even helping? She’d want that. Probably. Yeah. That must be it.” 

“I didn’t ask for help.” Vexen replied and finally filled the cup with water. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Larxene set her head back down. “Whatever.” 

Vexen left with that. 

“Why are you helping him?” Luxord’s voice was solid sound from the kitchen as Vexen walked off. 

“Who knows. She’d want Mar happy. He might be able to do that.” 

Who was Marluxia mourning? 

~~~~

He did return to Marluxia asleep on his bed. The Assassin had told him to wake him... 

Vexen set the glass of water and bottle of gin down beside his bed. He could look at Marluxia properly then. At the puffiness of his cheeks that had been worse earlier. At the fact his hair was rumpled. At the shallow movement of his chest.  

He did not want to make Marluxia’s sadness worse. But would he not feel better after talking? Did they work like that? Could a Nobody ever escape the sadness of their Somebody? Vexen had shoved his sadness into science. Into a lack of morals. Into the fact that his ‘family’ was still beside him.

He gently traced his fingers along Marluxia’s cheek. Could he make Marluxia happy? If he could get him /happy/ maybe than they could drink together. Had he ever seen Marluxia truly happy? He smiled at him, small and reserved, but never full. Never true. Maybe his memories did not allow him that fakeness of emotional show. 

Marluxia made a small noise and shifted his face. “Brain?” 

Vexen flinched and tried to not let bitter dread set in. They did not have hearts to feel love with. All they could do was pull on the memories of their Somebodies. Marluxia had already admitted that his mind was elsewhere. 

“Marluxia, I brought you water.” Vexen stated and bit his tongue as blue eyes blinked at him. 

“Oh, thank you.” Marluxia pushed himself up. 

Vexen moved away to grab the cup. “I ran into Larxene and Luxord in the kitchen.” 

“Is Larxene okay?” Marluxia questioned and accepted the cup. 

“She said I should get you drunk, actually drunk, and we should talk.” 

Marluxia took a sip of water “That’s not necessary.” 

“The drinking or the talking?” Vexen sat down on the edge of his bed. 

“Yes.” 

“Okay.” Vexen sighed. “She said she was mourning.” 

“Yes.” 

“Who?” Vexen’s hands curled into fists. He never expected to know anything about Marluxia’s past, but now that his curiosity had been peaked there was no stopping it. 

“Strelitzia,” Marluxia whispered. “I really don’t-” 

“What was she? Your girlfriend?” Vexen felt spite rise in him. 

“She was my sister!” Marluxia’s voice rose steadily. “You’re not the only one who failed to protect who matters most.” 

Vexen slowly looked over his shoulder at him. “Your sister?” his anger died instantly. 

“Yes.” 

Vexen turned slowly, pulling his legs onto the bed. “You were drinking to forget your sister?” 

“Well, sex doesn’t work, so it seemed a viable option.” Marluxia let out another one of those broken laughs. “Maybe we should drink. Would you be a gentleman and care for me when I’m crying?” 

“Of course.” 

“Mm, what did you get from Luxord?” 

“I, uh,” Vexen looked over at the bottle “Gin, apparently.” 

“Apparently, he says.” Marluxia laughed “Did they just shove it off on you?” 

“Larxene asked if I could have it...” 

“Okay. I guess if that’s what the queen wants I might as well. I’m way too sober now.” 

“How long had you been waiting for me?” 

“No idea. Was asleep at some point. I think I was hoping you’d wake me up with your cock.” Marluxia shrugged. 

“Right, because that’s the kind of person I am.” Vexen rolled his eyes. “So, to getting drunk and talking about the past?”

“That seems to be the plan. Tell me about your parents?” 

“Pass.” Vexen scooted down his bed to get the bottle. “But I’ll tell you about Lord Ansem if you tell me who ‘Brain’ is.” 

Marluxia moved to sit back against the headrest. He heaved a sigh “That sounds fair.” 

“That bad?” Vexen asked and sat down beside him. “I should have grabbed glasses...” 

“Ever been in love?” Marluxia took the bottle from him. “You really think I care about glasses right now?” 

“...Yes...” Vexen whispered and stared at him. “I suppose I can’t complain about us sharing germs...” 

“No, no you cannot.” 

Marluxia learned a few things very quickly about Vexen. The main was the fact that he could not hold his alcohol. The second was that it made the blond very warm and he was finally removing his pants and joining him on the bed in only his underwear. The third. 

The third was the one that Marluxia needed to put an end to. 

“I’ve said please four times.” Vexen mumbled into his shoulder as his fingers traced over Marluxia’s legs. “You came here saying you wanted sex.” 

“I also-” his breath hitched and he grabbed Vexen’s hand before it could go any higher on his leg. “Said I was not in the shape to.” 

“Mm, would you if I was Brain?” 

“There’s a solid 25 years between you two.” Marluxia laughed and shoved Vexen’s hand away before he took another sip from the bottle that they kept between the two of them. “Aren’t you,” he paused, tried to not focus on how Warm Vexen was, “Supposed to be taking care of me?” 

“Won’t let me.” Vexen replied. 

Marluxia had pictured Vexen as an angry drunk, but then again Vexen was always a bit horny around him so this should have come as no surprise. “A gentleman.” 

“You be a gentleman.” Vexen retorted. 

Marluxia laughed a little. “I am. So talk. Ansem.” He shoved the bottle into Vexen’s hand. An unspoken drinking game. 

“You asked about parents. He was like a dad to me.” 

“Mm, like a dad or a daddy?” Marluxia leaned his head against Vexen’s shoulder. 

Vexen sighed and rubbed between his brows. “You have been talking about your teenage years. I outgrew him.” 

“That all?” Marluxia hummed. 

“That’s all.” 

“How boring.” Marluxia pouted. “I want to hear all about your sex life.” 

Vexen’s face went red. “Wh-what?!” 

“Mmhm. Since you like to focus on our age difference.” 

“Well, yes, it is basically Zexion’s age.” Vexen coughed softly and played with the bottle and took a long sip. “I experimented a lot in my twenties. Got it out of my system and devoted my life to science.” 

“Mm, am I science?” Marluxia teased. 

“Only if I write it down.” Vexen teased back easily. He did write almost everything down. 

“Yeah? So what’s your hypothesis, doctor? How broken am I?” 

Vexen’s stomach sank. “You’re not broken.” They were all broken in someway. If he was honest. But it hurt to hear. 

“Mm, feel broken.” Marluxia held his hand out in front of him, petals danced around it for a moment before he dashed away the urge. Wrong. 

Vexen frowned and curled his left arm around Marluxia. Forever thankful that he was ambidexious. “You’re hurt. It’s not the same.” 

“Mmm, maybe.” Marluxia whispered and leaned a little heavier against Vexen. “I think I used my tears up on Larxene.” 

“Are you trying to cry?” Vexen placed his cheek against pink hair. “Mm. So, Brain?” 

“I might have a thing for intelligence.” Marluxia sighed. “I have no idea what befell him. What befell anyone else.” 

“But you know your sister is dead.” 

“My sister was murdered.” 

“Oh. Shit.” 

“Shit indeed.” Marluxia gave a small nod. “And now I’m here. Like this. Everything is so /wrong/.” 

“Xemnas will fix it.” 

Marluxia’s response was a laughter that disrupted Vexen. He’d never seen or heard Marluxia laugh with his whole person. 

“Your laughter is-” 

“Sorry, sorry.” Marluxia shook his head. “Your tone was so-” he paused, tried to find the right word “Trusting.” 

“You do not trust Xemnas?” Vexen whispered. A part of him said he should write this down. That these were the kinds of comments that Marluxia would not remember in the morning. 

“Can I trust you?” Marluxia questioned, tone overly sober, before he started to laugh softly again. “Xemnas will fix it, he says. How long until he does?” 

Vexen wanted to say yes. He willed his mouth to say yes. “I don’t know.” His mouth settled on. “I don’t know, Marluxia.” 

“Exactly.” Marluxia closed his eyes and placed a hand on Vexen’s thigh. “Our lives have both been laced with betrayal. So forgive me for finding difficulty in blind trust.” 

“That’s fair.” Vexen frowned and slowly put a hand over Marluxia’s. “So, no sex?” 

“Are you even horny? Do you just sniff me and get horny?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Terrible. No.” Marluxia huffed. “Do I need to take your hands away?” 

“I’m into restraint.” 

“What /aren’t/ you into?” Marluxia scuffed but turned to bury his face in Vexen’s shoulder and breath in his scent. “I like your smell more.” 

“Listening to Larxene.” 

Marluxia laughed. “You two would so get along in bed.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Nah, I mean it.” Marluxia purred. “Let Larxene peg you some time.” 

“Did you just suddenly get way more drunk?” Vexen scuffed. 

“High, maybe.” Marluxia mumbled. “The chemical smell of the lab followed you. But underneath that is you.” 

Vexen sighed and curled his other arm around Marluxia, tangling it in his hair. “Your smell is way more intoxicating.” 

“I know.” Marluxia hummed. “We should- should lay down.” 

“Mm, I do have to be a gentleman and tuck you in.” Vexen mumbled. “Need more water...” 

“Ice cubes. You could make them.” 

“You... want me to use my magic right now...?” 

“Yeah.” 

Vexen wasn’t sure he could. But Marluxia’s smile was so clear against his shoulder bone. He could at least try. He detangled himself from Marluxia to reach for the cup. 

Marluxia scooted away to watch him with big blue eyes. 

Vexen swallowed and willed his magic to be small and controlled. Two things that alcohol and Marluxia’s gaze did not help with. He just needed a few chunks of ice. His magic could surely function for such a small period of time. He breathed deeply and settled his hand over the cup, willing his magic to work for only a few seconds. It was enough to make ice at least appear in the cup, more shards than cubes, but he could work on that later. Just like he had worked on coating Marluxia’s roses with a small frost. 

Marluxia started to clap when Vexen held the cup out to him. “You really are amazing.” 

Vexen smiled over the praise. “I’ll work on it.” 

“I know you will. You’re always up to the challenge.” Marluxia grinned and took a bit of ice from the cup. It was not the safest shape but he still dragged his tongue over it just for show before sucking on it. 

Vexen quickly diverted his eyes. “You’re- staying, right?” 

“That is part of the morning sex agreement, yes.” Marluxia smirked at him around the ice. “Might wake you with it. As a warning.” 

Vexen swallowed. “R-right.” 

“Mmhmm. You should have water too.” 

Vexen’s mouth was quickly going dry. He moved the bottle to the side table and turned back to Marluxia. 

Marluxia held a bit of ice in front of him, expression expectant. 

Vexen opened his mouth and accepted it. 

“Good boy.” Marluxia smiled and slowly laid down. “My gentleman.” 

“You’re never letting that go, are you.” Vexen sighed and took the cup from Marluxia. 

“No, because I’m usually the gentleman.” Marluxia hummed and rolled off the bed to stand. 

Vexen couldn’t deny that as he stood and set the cup on his side table next to the mostly empty bottle of gin. “Marluxia?” 

“Mm?” 

“Do you- do you feel any better?” Vexen questioned as he faced him. “We could talk more...?” 

Marluxia responded by moving the blanket out of the way and sitting back down on the bed. “I’m fine.” 

Vexen swallowed and waited for Marluxia to lay down. “Okay.” He didn’t necessarily believe in. 

Marluxia slowly laid down and patted the bed next to him. “Let me hold you.” 

Vexen gave a singular nod and laid down, scooting close to Marluxia until his arms curled around him. “I-” he tried to will his mouth but the words would not come. 

“Mm?” 

“I wanted to say it first. For once.” 

“Ahh.” Marluxia tangled a hand in Vexen’s hair and breathed in his smell as the man used his pec as a pillow. “Take your time.” 

Vexen opened and closed his mouth a few times. He felt the words. Honestly and true. But- would Marluxia even remember this in the morning? He needed to write things down. He needed- “Marluxia.” 

“Sorry.” Marluxia laughed a little and stopped stroking his side with his thumb. 

He needed to relax. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

[iamoncewas]

The Master of Masters

The Re:Mind trailer convinced me that there IS an alternate scenario after Riku's sacrifice that went differently than the one we saw. Props to Sleeping Realm for calling that one right on the friggin dot, btw. Bravo. (Update: Nomura said the scenes from the trailer are in fact part of the main story)

I believe it'll end with Riku's true death, and that ties in with my Master of Masters theory.

The Master watches Master Xehanort with the Gazing Eye at the tip of No Name. Of all the keyblades that hold Gazing Eyes, Vanitas's Void Gear is the only one that contains two located in the shaft.

If one eye sees, the Master would still need the other eye to see what it was seeing. Even though he implies that it's literally his eye when he gives No Name to Luxu, it's not really, it's just one of the eyes from his keyblade.

Also on that topic, there is a shot of Sora in the KH3 intro I find super duper weird.

The pupil in Soras left eye is a slit for a moment, like the Gazing Eye. It's just an illusion as a result of reflected light in his eye, but you can bet its intentional.

The Master's study is also full of gears, which seems like it might be too obvious but hey, there it is.

The Unversed symbol is similar to that of the Dream Eaters, and I think ties into my belief that Riku made Sora's heart. He saw it, and it then "became real", so therefore Vanitas's heart contains Sora's darkness and Riku's darkness also. Which is why it's divided in three. The Master created the Chirithy. Sora and Riku created Spirits in DDD. Riku became a Dream Eater himself through his sheer desire to protect Sora.

Interesting side note: Unversed - not experienced, skilled in, or knowledgeable about.

The only Keyblade Sora has ever been able to wield that holds a Gazing Eye is End of Pain. Both he and Riku can wield it in DDD.

You can bet your butthole End of Pain represents Vanitas. All he wants, his sole driving purpose, is to end his existence of pain. This keyblade is a clue to Vanitas's redemption, and it lies with Sora and Riku. But Sora has to accept Vanitas for what he is. Darkness. It's shown in the Keyblade Graveyard that Sora doesnt understand this yet, since he tries to convince Vanitas to stand with the light. And while Ventus accepts Vanitas's choice, Sora does not. This is something Riku understands though, he figured it out in DDD before he fought Ansem (the personification of Riku's heart's darkness, just as Vanitas is the personification of Sora's): "I know the way. Consume the darkness, return it to light." This is the purpose Sora was born for, to take the darkness within himself, and accept it into his compassionate heart. This is how he will stop darkness from consuming the worlds, and is really the only way, for darkness will always exist in the hearts of people. Riku is now immune to darkness from accepting Ansem's darkness as a part of his heart, and it's his destiny to be Sora's guardian. This is the origin of his instinctive desire to protect Sora, that has been with him since he was a child, his desire "to protect what matters." He made Sora after all. And if Kairi's precious heart of pure light is safe within Sora's heart in the ending like I think it is, Riku is protecting her also. How strange it would just work out that way.

It's not like Vanitas died here. His replica body was destroyed, yes. But his heart, I assume, went back to the darkness. And if Sora was dragged down to the darkest abyss, like YMX warned him, and that's where he is in the secret ending, Vanitas will be there, right beside him.

In Kairi's grandmothers story, its stated that one day, a door to the innermost darkness will open, and the true light will return. Mickey tells Sora in his first dive to the heart that he is the one that will open the door. As he gets closer to Riku, he gets closer to Vanitas, but this is how it must be, its Sora's destiny to reunite with him. This is what the last passage of Destati is referring to.

Eh? What? You do not want it!?

Still it belongs to you

What you have lost

Will become one!

The story also states the the return of the true light will connect all the worlds once again.

When Ansem the Wise talks to Riku about the many hearts connected to Sora's in DDD, he says:

"They can be saved." But only if Sora follows his heart.

I think Anti Black Coat was a Nightmare of Vanitas before his face changed, and could even have been the Master himself, pushing Riku to become stronger. The Armored Ventus Nightmare was Ventus's keyblade armor possessed not just by any darkness, but by Vanitas.

So after Riku's true death, Sora's grief and rage allow darkness to enter his heart, and he and Vanitas become one. Sora becomes the being he was meant to be, his heart finally complete, having regained its darkness that had entered Vanitas before Sora was born. The light in his heart however, dies with Riku, since it was his light. This is the origin of Rage Form, and the meaning behind the segment of the final battle when Xehanort steals Sora's light, forcing him into Rage Form, and he must attack him to regain it.

Uniting with Sora does not end Vanitas's pain, because he can feel Sora's immense pain from losing Riku. His heart is still pure darkness. Sora-Vanitas realizes he screwed up royally, and hatches a crazy elaborate plan to fix it. He travels back in time to the Age of Fairy Tales. He's able to do so because a past version of himself exists there: Ventus. He then sets his plan in motion and vanishes, I think, to the Realm of Darkness, for a century (or however long the timeframe is between Union X and when Xehanort was given No Name). When the Master told his apprentices he would "vanish" from the world, it's the same thing that happened to Sora at the end of KH3. He just vanished.

I assume this is where the Coda becomes relevant, jumping through the timeline through dreams and darkness, sleep and death, like how the Coda tells one to skip ahead to the ending of a piece of music, and can be very complex. The time travel rules of KH state that once you arrive in the past, you have to wait for time to pass naturally, so this shouldn't be possible. Time doesn't seem to work the same way in dreams however, and it definitely doesn't work the same way in the Realm of Darkness. Scala Ad Caelum is also most likely a huge part of this, since Xehanort said it was the nexus of all worlds, a place where all of his selves through time could be one. It's name translates to Stairway to Heaven, and Sora's name means not only 'sky', but also 'heaven'. Differing from Ventus, which means 'wind'.

"There is one sky, one destiny."

"They say all the worlds are connected by one great big sky."

He writes the Book of Prophecies based on what he already experienced in his past, but tells Luxu it was because he succeeded in his role. He does this to give Luxu confidence in himself for a seemingly impossible task, and apparently it worked. Luxu passing the No Name to Xehanort was still vital however, because it allows the Master to see what he wasnt previously aware of. He can now see Xehanort's moves, and make counter moves. Like a game of chess. "The game's not over until it's over."

Also, when he wrote the final passage, when he said that the light would expire, he was literally talking about Riku. "All for one and one for all."

By the time the Epilogue happens, when Luxu is talking with the Foretellers, he definitely knows that Sora is their Master as a teenager. And he's seen the results of Sora and Riku's bond for himself. They changed the future through their love for each other, which should be impossible. You cannot change events that have already happened. But they did. He's figured out his Master's mysterious intentions. When they are revived after Riku's sacrifice Xigbar even says "Gotta make sure you're not blundering your way toward a second failure." He's not talking about the failure we had just witnessed. It's disguised as a taunt, but it's really a playful jab directed at Sora, his silly, beloved Master.

So it's hilarious that Sora tells Xigbar he's not worthy to wield a keyblade, when Sora himself was the one who bequeathed him.

This is what Xigbar was talking about in Olympus in 2.9. "Accept the power you're given. Find the hearts joined to yours.""At the end you'll finally realize what destiny has in store for you. In fact, your reward might be right around the corner" he's referring to Vanitas, who holds the missing piece of Sora's heart, and Riku (his reward), and their destiny to protect the worlds, side by side. Together, not even death stops them anymore now that Sora has "awakened" to the truth. Their hearts are fundamentally connected and they are the KH equivalent of "Soul Mates". This is the origin of and meaning behind the combined keyblade (I believe the CK's name is Dearly Beloved, since I think this entire series has been about Sora and Riku from the get go, and dearly beloved really just means "very important person", just how Riku referred to Sora in 2.9 in the original dialogue.)

The Master's favourite phrase, "May your heart be your guiding key", comes from Sora hearing Yen Sid say it, and he adopted it as his motto, his Ninja Way lol.

When Ventus finally sees Sora's face and realizes he's Vanitas's twin, he says "I get it. You were my second chance." Ventus also gave Sora a second chance, a chance to fix his mistake by allowing him to go back in time that far in the first place. And Sora will end up being Vanitas's second chance as well.

The traitor mentioned in the Lost Page is the Master himself. Xemnas tells Sora in DDD "As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that... of a recusant." He oddly says Soras FLESH bears the sigil, even though it's merely emblazoned on his shirt. Gula deduced in Back Cover that whomever strays from their role must be the traitor. Sora is the traitor. He strayed from his role, because he failed to protect Riku like Aqua told him to. "You make sure to stay with him, and keep him safe. That's your job Sora."

He let the light die.

Originally, Sora lost Riku. After Kairi is "killed", Sora asks "Why her!? WHY!?" Because it HAD to be her. It's the only way Riku, and therefore everyone else, including Kairi, could live.

This is the meaning of the name Re:Mind. Sora remembering how important Riku is to him, and to everyone else through Sora's many connections. (Update: Nomura said in the interview the meanings are reminder, reconfirmation, and heart’s regeneration)

The Black Box contains the Master's heart, Sora's completed heart, but its light has been killed. In one of the Secret Reports, Ienzo writes that the hearts within Sora's are each contained within their own "boxes", and this is mentioned intentionally.

He intends to give the Black Box to Riku, so his light can heal his heart. He's been waiting for countless years to save Riku's life, and literally give him his heart. This is the end of pain.

So romantic I'm gonna die.

You are the key that connects -- everything --

[nadziejastar]

Other than Lea and Isa’s backstories, what other aspects of the Dark Seeker Saga do you think were hopelessly botched?

Day 358: Goals

Author: Xemnas

With luck, we can bring Roxas back into our fold, but even if Sora should awaken, as the hero of the Keyblade, he is bound to keep unlocking hearts. If he should come to target us, we need simply subdue him and use his powers ourselves once more. I must become one with Kingdom Hearts. I will become a higher existence. All of my true ambitions begin there.

- The Number One thing that was botched was Xehanort’s entire backstory and character. Why did he turn evil? How did he get possessed? Why was he trying to open Kingdom Hearts? How did he get possession of the MoM’s Keybalde? That’s something we were obviously supposed to learn before KH3 came out, yet we’re only getting it after the fact with Dark Road. And who knows if it will still be the same backstory as it was originally envisioned for the DSS.

-The whole time travel concept. What exactly are portals and how was that the key to defeating Master Xehanort in KH3? We never learned about Scala ad Caelum, and why MX was there during the final battle, which also was confusing. Overall, the ending of KH3 made NO sense to me.

- Xemnas was botched. Why was he trying to complete Kingdom Hearts in Days and KH2? How would completing Kingdom Hearts allow him to turn all the members into Xehanorts? Did Xemnas know exactly what he was trying to accomplish or was he being guided subconsciously? What memories did Xemnas have? Terra’s? Master Xehanort’s? What was No Heart, his armored form? What was the Lich? All left unanswered.

-  Riku’s character arc was just botched. KH3D hinted at an unresolved subplot with “Ansem” and Riku Replica. “Ansem” was also connected to Riku’s Way to Dawn Keyblade and also Terra. Riku’s connection to Terra was pretty much dropped in KH3.

-The subplot about Ansem the Wise, his regret over his past and the data he put inside Sora, which was supposed to be the secret to saving everyone. That was botched.

-After learning about the experiments in detail, the rest of the apprentices should have been more fleshed out characters. Ienzo’s trauma as an orphan and child cult member should have been explored. Why did Even want to atone? How did he feel about the experiments? How did Braig first become a vessel? What were Aeleus and Dilan’s part in it all? What was going on with Xehanort’s memory during that time? And how did Kairi tie into all of this? Instead of getting the answers to these questions, the experiments have apparently been totally retconned. 

Xemnas: A heart is never lost for good. There may have been variances in our dispositions, but a number of us unquestionably showed signs of a burgeoning replacement. Once born, the heart can also be nurtured. Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self.

-The Number Two thing that was botched was the whole concept of “vessels”. Xehanort’s whole goal during the DSS was about planting his heart into unwilling people so he could use their empty husks as puppets in his Keyblade War. He needs empty shells without hearts, so he can put his own heart inside. But, the idea was that no being truly can exist without a heart. Even Replicas and Nobodies form hearts to fill the void. So, Xehanort can’t just create machines or Nobodies without hearts and and plop his heart inside of those. He has to resort to other means.

The experiments caused the test subject's heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery. I confined those who had completely lost their hearts beneath the castle.

-The experiments on the darkness of the heart were also hopelessly botched along with with the concept of vessels. At first, all the subjects’ hearts collapsed. Without a heart, Xehanort wouldn’t have been able to turn them into vessels. With a collapsed heart, they’re broken and useless, like Ventus was at the beginning of BBS. 

Day 355: Mind

Author: Xigbar

If Kingdom Hearts can be said to possess a mind of its own, it is surely rejecting Xemnas—no, rejecting Xehanort.

In KH3D, Xemnas said the experiments were about mind control, to convince it to renounce its sense of self, but that seems to no longer be the case. The idea was apparently that someone needs a heart to become a vessel. Xehanort can basically absorb their hearts into his own and control them. But someone with a mind of their own can still reject Xehanort’s heart. Braig accepted Xehanort of his own free will. But most he had to possess unwillingly.

Xemnas: But then, through Roxas, Sora himself began to shape "it" into "her," giving Xion a sense of identity. Our plan seemed like a failure at this point...

Replicas even gain minds of their own. So, the experiments were about creating a subject without a sense of self so they couldn’t reject him. 

“Xemnas and Xehanort formed the Organization for a specific reason—round up a bunch of empty husks, hook them up to Kingdom Hearts, then fill them all with the exact same heart and mind,” Xigbar explained behind him. 

Sora turned around. Empty husks? Is he saying they’re going to break them with pain and sorrow and put another heart into them…? Or did they already do it?

They’d cause the subject so much pain they couldn’t live with it. Their heart would go to sleep. Their mind would fracture. But they wouldn’t die. 

Xehanort: Roxas... Now, there was a worthy candidate. But, unfortunately, he became too aware of himself, and returned to Sora. Organization XIII's true goal is to divide Xehanort's heart among thirteen vessels.

Without self-awareness, they’d be the perfect vessel, like Roxas was at first. The Dark Seeker Saga was all about healing pain. Subject X’s memories have nothing to do with the Dark Seeker Saga. Mind control was a lot darker, more interesting, and made more sense as far as making vessels.

[blackasteriia]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 oh no it’s on fire, rant for me bb

 Feed the Fires of my Salt

Guts I know you don’t know anything about Kingdom Hearts, and bless you, but I’m here to talk about Riku. I’m here to talk about Riku in 358/2 Days. Because what the heck is going on with him?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Riku is a pretty good guy. He’s human, he’s made some mistakes. He got possessed by the villain a couple of times, happens to the best of us. At heart, Riku has good intentions. He cares in a deep, compassionate way about his friend. Without hesitation he’d risk life-and-limb for Sora, Kairi, Naminé or anyone else. He helps those in need and he’s polite, well-mannered. Riku has a cool, logical look on life and he is rarely reckless-- although he is fearless. As he has struggled with the darkness, he is uniquely compassionate with people who are suffering as well. 

So why is he complicit in Xion’s murder?

Xion meets Riku in 358/2 Days when she confronts the ‘imposter’ impersonating an Organization member. They fought and he defeated her with ease. Riku takes her keyblade and calls it a ‘fake,’ and a ‘sham,’ ‘worthless,’ ‘can’t fight fire with sparks.’ Stop running with those Organization guys, bad news. Riku doesn’t offer Xion any alternative to the Organization. He abandons her in the courtyard and washes his hand of any responsibility. This had a profound effect on Xion. Her failure to defeat Riku --an experience and powerful keyblade bearer btw-- causes Saïx to reject her. Saïx is certain to reinforce Riku’s opinion that she is worthless and is a fake that doesn’t belong in the Organization. Riku causes Xion to question her position in the Organization in all the worst ways. Why is she so inferior? Why doesn’t she belong? What’s wrong with her?

Imagine the scenario where Riku did not abandon Xion in that moment. He’s beaten her, stripped her clean, she’s already down and out. There is no reason to insult her. If he complimented her, told her he admired her determination, asked if she was okay-- the contrast to how Saïx treats her alone would make her ask the right questions. Why does the Organization treat her worse? What’s wrong with Saïx? Why won’t they accept her? Riku doesn’t know who or what Xion is, but the principle of the matter stands: make friends, not enemies. Riku’s behavior comes off as cold and callous when it has no reason to be. He becomes another cruel person in a conga line of abuse. 

Later on, after Xion learns about the replica program, Xion travels to Destiny Islands. The force of Sora’s memories causes her to have a mental breakdown and collapse. Riku finds her there and when she wakes-up they talk. Riku tells Xion that in order to save Sora, she has to give-up the memories she’s taken. He gives her some time to think about it.

Here’s the deal with this conversation. Xion can’t just give-up Sora’s memories. Those memories are the foundation of her existence. If she loses those memories, we are told, she will cease to exist. Riku just told Xion that in order to save his friend, he needs her to die. Oh, we can go on that she ‘goes back to Sora,’ and ‘she comes back in KH3 Gina!’ No, neither Xion nor Riku know that Xion will get a second chance. ‘Going back to Sora,’ is Xion letting go of her lease on life and ceasing to exist. She will be dead. They don’t even know she has a heart. Riku gives Xion two options: go back to your friends and continue to exist; or, come back with me and be killed so Sora can wake-up. Xion is uncertain so Riku says this to her: 

Because, you know, when someone is contemplating suicide, they really need to weigh other people’s opinions. Xion needs to consider if she’s being a burden on her friends. Make sure she’s not being too selfish. Hey, Xion, Riku really, really, wants his friend to wake-up, do you maybe mind dying so he can have him back? Also, Xion your continued existence may not be the best thing for your friends, so like? I mean, you are ‘stealing’ Roxas’ powers and life force.

Riku gives Xion more ‘time to think about it,’ before he walks-off again and leaves her there. From that moment forward Xion understands that she is living on borrowed time. She talks like she has a terminal cancer: “I have to make the most of the time I have left.” Riku doesn’t give Xion a real option to say: ‘I do not want to die.’ That is never presented as a legitimate choice. He gives her the options of now or later. And Xion delays until someone forces her to choose and she is killed. I don’t believe, for all the mournful and morbid ways she talked, Xion ever wanted to die. She wanted to live. She wanted to be with her friends, even as those relationships fell apart. 

And like Xion is a replica. Xion does have Sora’s memories intentangled with hers. She is leaching Roxas’ powers because of the nature of her design. She is a weapon and tool of the Organization designed to secure Xemnas’ goal of Kingdom Hearts, and world domination --or whatever. She’s a nobody without a heart, ya-da, ya-da. Riku knows that she’s a real person though. He’s interacted with her, spoken with her, and Naminé has told him that Xion is real. Riku never acts like this though. He never intervenes to even attempt to save Xion’s life. Not once, and this isn’t a black-white dichotomy ya’ll. Naminé says that it’s possible to remove Sora’s memories from Xion and have her survive. It would just take more time and DiZ, her jerk handler, wouldn’t allow it. 

And for some reason Riku doesn’t say: ‘fuck DiZ.’ Naminé has all the power in this situation. She is the sole person who can put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Not all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. Riku isn’t know for being obedient and complaint either. He’s supposed to be this cool rebel, working against the power to save his friends. He’s hot-topic levels of edgy, and it’s hollow and empty because he follows DiZ like a good little boy. We are led to believe that Riku traveled with Xion for almost forty days, an entire month, and was basically okay with her death. 

Because after Destiny Island, Xion and Riku don’t show-up until Axel captures her again in Twilight Town. Xion returns to the Organization and it’s implied that Xion relies on Riku now, more than she did. She looks to him for answers. After her first return, xion is under absurd pressure. Her mere presence is slowly killing her sole friend; She is a slave and soldier of the Organization, forced to meet increasing quotas of heartless; She is being physically and emotionally abused by her superiors, to the point of murder attempts; And even Axel is taping the watch, waiting for her to keel over. She finds Riku, he tells her to find Naminé,  and Naminé can put her out of her misery. Then Sora can have the memories Xion ‘stole’ back and he can wake-up. 

Saving Sora is Riku’s sole motivation in this game. It’s for that reason he goes along with DiZ’s plans. He persuades Xion to give up her memories and kill herself. He captures Roxas and lets DiZ stuff him into the digital Twilight Town while he is psychologically tortured. So, Nomura wants me to believe that Riku, basically-good-protagonist, is willing to torture, kidnap, and murder in the name of his friends. When I know for a fact that if Sora found-out what was being done in his name, he wouldn’t accept it. Sora would rather stay asleep forever than know that Xion and Roxas were killed on his behalf. I will take that hot take with me to the grave. This is the idiot kid who was willing to be stripped of all of his memories so he can save Namine, who he met that day. Why isn’t Riku on the same page as his best friends?

And you’ll say, oh their teenagers, they don’t know better. One, they’re child soldiers in a war and they have a back bone. Riku has already been manipulated once with Maleficent and Ansem. He knows better than to blindly follow authority figures by now, at least I hope. Two, teenagers aren’t known for being compliant with authority anyway. Naminé is more than willing to risk life and limb to help Roxas, Sora, and Kairi, why not Xion. Three, it’s a better plot. A good plot is Riku subverting DiZ and Xemnas, helping save Roxas and Xion, and finding a way wake-up Sora, despite the presumed challenges. Because that’s what protagonists are supposed to do. 

C’mon Nomura, this isn’t hard. 

[bluerosesburnblue]

Hi blue! ❤️ I've been in a lot of discords where alot of the KH fandom confirms their belief in the SRT. I have a pretty decent understanding of lore so far. I got into some nice debates where fans defended the SRT soley off an existence of a different wordline. I'd ask "So if Sora was able to pull all the guardians into a different worldline... Xehanort could've just targeted the princesses of heart - why would he follow them.. if this theory was Canon??" And I'd just watch then hit silence.

To add context to my previous, I don’t understand how Riku being Sora’s light has any reason to even be included in this theory. To me, this theory should’ve had the focal point only on the idea of multiple world-lines, but having looked at all your blogging in that regard, the clear and excessive inconsistencies in their theory shows that the sleeping realm wasn’t the focal point. I follow some of the writers of the theory… And after sharing the doc they only celebrated Riku and nothing else             

Honestly, thank you for your effort in breaking it down. I knew I wasn’t crazy when I thought that something didn’t really seem right with the theory. I watch a lot of KH theory videos on YouTube from small creators with no shipping bias and they’re honestly very creative and genuine with their work. I understand how they feel about their ship, I love Kairi so much and would cry if she got her own game. I just think they should’ve left the Riku thing on its own and kept it away from this theory.             

Hey there! And thank you! I’m gonna talk a lot so to keep this from clogging up everyone’s dashboard, it’s going under the cut

I think I may have touched on it a little bit when I was explaining why even if the writers say this isn’t an “it’s all a dream” theory, I still feel like it has enough similarities to be considered one and… you’re absolutely correct. There is no reason for Xehanort to follow the Guardians into a new worldline. We don’t even know if he’s capable of it. We also don’t know if his planned universal reset just works in the worldline he’s in, or if it would erase all of them. We don’t know anything about worldlines other than that it’s a term Luxu used, like, twice

If Sora and Co. hopped worldlines, Xehanort would just grab the Princesses and win. If Sora and Co. hopped into the Sleeping Worlds… then Xehanort would also just grab the Princesses because the heroes still aren’t around to stop him if they’re in the Sleeping Worlds. It might take a little extra time, especially if we go on their assumption that Kairi is dead since now he’s gotta go find Princess #7 again. Because let’s not forget that this theory also claims that Kairi did not hop worldlines and that the Kairi we see is a Chirithy she’s piloting from the other world. That she died in

(Personally, I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of Xehanort’s character throughout the whole theory. He’s not a master planner. If he was, none of his plans would have ever failed, and he makes very clear in DDD that the plan to use TAV was intended to succeed. He is a master opportunist who’s excellent at making sure he has just enough irons in the fire that if one plan fails, another’s already going. The issue is most prevalent in the part of the theory where they try to claim that he planned the paopu scene. And uhh… any part where they make it sound like Xehanort has big plans involving Sora. He doesn’t.

His plan in DDD was opportunistic. He never planned for Sora. Sora was this thorn in his side who was constantly messing up his plans. If you know that no matter what you do this boy is going to mess you up, then how do you remove that threat? Either kill him, which is unlikely as Sora also makes for a decent Light if need be, or bring that power onto your side. He also didn’t like… give YMX time travel powers just to get Sora. That was another opportunistic iron to add to the fire. Like, if I knew that I was going to do something that would give me time travel powers and that I could pass that on to other versions of myself, why the hell wouldn’t I go back to the earliest version of me that could make use of that? That way I have the power… literally from a very young age and continue to have it my entire life. It’s a paradox, sure, but a damn effective one. He would’ve had Ansem go back to give YMX the power regardless. Knowing where Sora was at the time was just a byproduct, and one that he later found a use for

But after the plan to force Sora to join the Darknesses fails… Xehanort doesn’t really have to do anything. He knows that Sora’s a meddler who will fight for the light and is easy to goad into emotional actions. That’s one less Light that you have to worry about getting to the battlefield, because the kid will do it himself. There’s no need to have Kairi involved at all in terms of the paopu fruit thing? There’s no need to plan literally since flinging child Kairi into the abyss out of curiosity for her to make Sora fall in love with her. Like, again... he doesn’t really have a grand plan that he’s been implementing from the start so much as he has several plans that all require roughly the same or similar pieces. Xehanort only makes extra effort for himself if he feels like it could serve multiple purposes. He doesn’t see Sora as worthy, so he’s going to expend the most minimal effort on him. That’s one of the things that I think this theory fails to understand most; Xehanort doesn’t really care about or have grand plans for Sora. So long as the boy fights for one side or another, Xehanort’s already got what he wants

So with Xehanort being such an opportunist with so many contingencies... why would he pass up the chance to do things the easy, if more time-consuming, way by just... staying in the world without the heroes and succeeding with Plan B while knowing that there’s no one around to stop you?)

But, rambling about Xehanort’s characterization aside, you bring up something that I was planning to talk about once I finished going through the theory. My plan at the end was to go over what I felt that it did right or wrong writing-wise. And one of the things it does wrong is that it’s actually several mini-theories very loosely tied together that don’t prove each other

Making a theory about what you think a worldline is is its own thing. Making a theory on KH3′s connection to the Sleeping World lore is its own thing. Making a theory that Riku is really Sora’s light is its own thing. Making a theory that Kairi’s been controlled by Xehanort this whole time is its own thing. None of them correlate

The only reason to include all of them together, and this is going to sound really jaded, is if you intend to trick people into believing that your interpretation of Riku’s and Kairi’s contributions is canon. Because if they’re presented together, then it comes with the implication that if you accept that part of their theory is true (the definition of worldlines, the connection to Sleeping Worlds), then you have to accept that all of it is (Riku is the one whose act of true love saved Sora, Kairi’s contributions were all planned by someone else and therefore less legitimate than Riku’s, etc.).

And I don’t think I’m wrong to read that intent into it. From what I’ve read of the theory so far, they’ve made their shipping bias outright clear (calling the video files soriku_sleuthers as though they’re looking for evidence supporting their ship, spending an entire section on proving that Riku’s “most important person” is Sora and that the feelings are romantic...). Spending about .2 seconds on any of the creators’ Twitter accounts also makes the fact that really all they care about KH-wise is Riku’s part in the SoRiku ship (not even Riku as a character, because they get his character so totally wrong in the theory, but just what Riku contributes to the ship)

I don’t know if it was intentionally done by them or not. It’s possible that the natural ship bias clouded how they interpreted events in the game, too, to the point where they legitimately think that their interpretation is just obviously correct because the content that they interact with most and longest leads to that idea. I’ve already talked about how confirmation bias clouds the entire theory so thickly that they unintentionally discredited everything in it by that alone. But the point remains that the only reason that I can see for having an entire section on how perfect Riku is and how pure his love for Sora is, and another on how Kairi is Xehanort’s pawn trapped in another worldline, is because the easiest way to legitimize those as “canon” is to attach them to something that you think you can prove is canon

Except there’s so many holes, so much misinterpretation, and so much... I almost want to say forged evidence because that’s the only way I can describe what they did to Xigbar’s speech on Olympus, that there’s a mountain of things that can be logically and soundly proved to be incorrect and absolutely no decisive evidence so far proving that any part of what they’re saying is true

I’ll give them some credit, though. The SoRiku stuff doesn’t take up the bulk of the theory and is apparently subtle enough that even quite a few SoRiku shippers don’t think it’s even really a part of the theory. But that ignores the fact that while they have a ton of “evidence” unrelated to the ship, the inciting incident that the whole theory revolves around is the idea that Riku’s act of true love in sacrificing himself to save Sora (attributing Kairi’s sole salvation of Sora to both Riku and all of the other Princesses of Heart) allowed Sora to transfer everyone (except Kairi) over to a new worldline and also the Sleeping Worlds. It may not harp on it, but the theory absolutely pushes SoRiku as the canon ship if you want to believe that the theory is canon because they wrote it so that the events they’re describing cannot happen if it isn’t

It’s why they couldn’t keep the Riku stuff out of this theory even if they wanted to. Even if it would’ve made for a more believable theory. He’s the only part of this damn thing that they really care about

Again, I’m going to go into everything I think this theory does wrong at some point. And I’m sorry that this got so long and ranty! Seeing old followers go in and reblog the debunk stuff right now, which is attracting new followers like you is actually really fun and heartening to watch and I’m so glad that you liked the content enough to tell me! I wish the theory hadn’t become what it is. I wish this debunk wasn’t something that was even necessary. But I am grateful that it’s given me the opportunity to chat with a lot of people, yourself included, about this fandom! Up until I started this project I was relatively unknown in the KH fandom. I really hope that the upcoming debunk stuff meets everyone’s expectations!

[hearts-lover]

Anime Gasp Noises (Sleeping Realm Theory Debunk)Pg. 310

I need to think more original titles lol DISCLAIMER: Even though that I am making a debunk in this specific page, I need to state quickly that I do not hate the people who made the sleeping realm theory, nor the Sorikus fan (because I know that someone out there is gonna use that as an example of me hating them) but you don’t like SRT debunks or anyone that talk somewhat negative to the theory overall, I recommended you not reading this, but your choice is not my choice. Also if I made a mistake or miss a detail or two, please tell me. Anyway moving on, after readying @bluerosesburnblue and their recent SRT discussion, I am motivated to do one as well, more specifically the “Fist clenching” part (which I think that either blue or @pmiller1 talk about this before and if that true, then I apologize.) without further ado, let begin; first thing first, I need to put the shot of Yinsid conversation about the “heroes”

Now before they posted these screenshot, they stated that not only that Nomura purposely put in here to draw the player attention, thus makes you focus on it. but they also say and I quote (or rather screenshot);

Where I don’t think that is a case, remember, Yinsid stated that there is (supposedly) some keyblade wielders that use the keyblade to defend the lights or rather conquer it. And we all know that Sora had always been protecting the lights, but doesn’t that mean that they (the writers) saying that Riku wants to conquer the lights? Now I know that they haven’t straight out stated word for word that Riku wants to conquer the light, but the fact that they say whenever Riku clenching his fist it most often had to do with Sora and they purposely put these screenshot in, I think they’re implying that the “heroes” Yinsid was talking about is Sora and Riku, where that can’t be true, because the closest thing that Riku was close to “conquering the light” was Kairi from KH1, other than that, there hasn’t been any proof that Riku was to take the light, the one who DO want to take the light was Xehanort. if that not the case, then Yinsid basically explain both Sora and Riku future that one of them will defend the light while one wants to take it, meaning that Sora and Riku will have to fight against each other soon. what I do think that Riku is clenching his fist is because he knows that the “heroes” that Yinsid was talking about was both Master Eraqus and Xehanort and the fact that Xehanort, the same man who separated Aqua, Ventus, and Terra, and basically the one who created Ansem and Xemnas was once called a hero. moving on to the La Cite des Cloches screenshots;

Now this one is an interesting part, even though I haven’t seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame (The names of the movies where the world take place) I do know that Quasimodo is a “unique” person who many people stated that he was a monster or ugly thus was sned in the tower order by the Judge, but saved a women from that Judged, where I can get the morel from the movie “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Even though I agree that Riku was most thinking about sora at those moments even when he said to Quasi that a friend should accept him, no matter what. but the whole “wall built around the hearts” sound kinda familiar;

Remember, Riku gave up his light so that he can use that darkness to help Diz to revive Sora, but the fact that he was walking away from Sora and Kairi without telling them, (mostly sora) the truth, Riku can relate to Quasi so much, which is the reason why Riku had a hard time to say “I was speaking from personal experiences” And I think that Kairi and Sora helped Riku and because of that, he already knows what to say to Quasi. plus, the fact that the Captain was to tell that he still has those wall locked inside could bring parrel to Riku dialog in KH2 and DDD;

(plus the fact that DDD take place after KH2 should speak volume) So I think that Riku clenching his fist, isn’t about Sora, but rather the thing he regrets causing to Sora and Riku, and the fact that he hasn’t at all don’t dislike the darkness, but rather the one who uses it (thus explained why Riku still uses any dark related magic in DDD and in KH3) and I think Riku doesn’t want the same regret he felt happened to anyone else, thus Quasi. And I think Riku still have those regret until the end of DDD. Onward to the Symphony of Sorcery;

Yes, I know that both YMX and Riku is talking about Sora of course, but before all of that, YMX knowledge that Riku was suppose to have the Kingdom key until it's now Soras’ Keyblade. I believe that he said this, just so Riku can get mad, since we all know that Riku has been jealous of Sora, thinking that he(Riku) was always better than him(Sora), and the reason YMX does this, so he expected Riku to use the darkness, and this proves my point, when YMX said this;

which also explain why they went after to Sora, not to Riku since Sora isn’t immune to darkness. YMX want Riku to use his rage to summon the darkness, but Riku acknowledge that, but still, want to change for the better. And finally, the last time Riku Clenches his fist in DDD

I think that in this part, its the same thing as YMX, in YMX cases, he want Riku to use the darkness to get back what is rightfully his, aka the Kingdom Key, and for Ansem cases, and the way Riku said that its almost like he want Riku to use the darkness to save Sora, kinda like he did to Sora with Xemnas in KH3 when Sora want to bring Roxas back. I would talk about the KH3 one, but I think many people had already debunked those, plus I kinda tired-out from the rest of the point, I talk about; (seriously, took me 11pm to 2am to finish this lol) also (and Sorry if I’m being a dick) isn’t it a bit funny that before they posted the DDD screenshot, they stated;

but after they finish posted DDD screenshot, they THEN say;

basically, debunk their whole “Whenever Riku clenched his fist, its mostly about Sora” headcanon Plus, to make matter worse, they forgot to mention the last time we’ll see Riku clenched his fist (until Re:Mind come out)

But of course, that just my opinion/headcanon/thoughts I hope you have a good day and thank you for reading!

[mellz117]

Mellz plays KH Re:Com on PS2, Reverse/Rebirth (Riku’s campaign) Part 2

Yeah I hate Larxene. She’s mean for the sake of being mean, she has no redeeming qualities. Xemnas at least has a goal, Larxene is just an asshole just to be so. She reminds me of Agent South from Red vs Blue, whom I also can’t stand lmao.

Now that THAT’S out of the way....

Check out part 1 of Riku’s campaign if you’re joining me for the first time! Also linked there is the beginning of my time with Sora’s part of the game. Otherwise, let’s continue.

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Snibbs shout out to you for warning me about Wonderland. LETS GO THERE RIGHT NOW!

Ok I think I know that you meant. I have like 20 cards but only 9 show up in battle.

Oh wow ok. I only ever have 9 cards to work with in Wonderland which sucks against the boss. So I died.

I'm getting so mad right now. I died 4 times. Ok. After reaching the next floor a cut scene plays and Lexaeus tells Zexion that Vexen is dead, which he already knew because "his scent is gone". Some convoluted bullshit gets talked about, if the hero of light loses his path the Organization might find use for the hero of darkness. If the hero of light goes astray YOU STILL HAVE ROXAS.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

So I'm at the Olympus Colosseum and after a while I started wondering out loud

"Can Dark Firaga heal Hades?"

And my sister, who's been eating Ferrero Rocher says "Dark Ferrero?"

Thanks, Rose. Do they make Ferrero Rocher with dark chocolate? I kinda want that.

I do not struggle with Hades at all. Ever. Especially when I don’t have a stupid DUCK casting fire spells.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

When we finish the Colosseum Riku meets Lexaeus, who's already got his tomahawk out. He's ready to kick ass and take names. Nobody here has any time to stop and smell the white, ceramic roses do they?

He calls Riku an infantile coward (a wussy baby) and battle ensues.

Oh ho-ho on battle attempt number 5 we both had one hit left in our HP bars. Guess who won!

NOT ME!

Death count with Lexaeus was 6 after a bunch of grinding. My card count wasn't a problem it was my HP.

Jesus christ, Lex. Hes 15, give him a break. No, not shatter his back on the ceiling...

Well now you done it. Ansem took over and kicked your ass for Riku.

Rose: "Sorry, Ansem, I don't think you're his type"

Please stop talking. Seriously. Someone call the feds omfg

Zexion laments Lexaeus’s defeat. He sounds so sad about it. Were they close?This melancholy mood is quickly shoved aside when Axel appears. They both casually discuss who of the remaining Org13 members in this castle is gonna die next. Zexion leaves to confront Riku himself.

It doesn’t take long before Marluxia's dead, which is enough power to SHAKE THE WHOLE CASTLE and Zexion shows himself to Riku. "Sora's destiny is to fight the darkness, including you, Riku". he says and peaces out until we get the Destiny Islands.

Poor Riku, constantly being bombarded with reminders of his mistakes. These bad guys REALLY like to give him a hard time. LET HIM LEARN WITHOUT HURTING HE’S TRYING HIS BEST.

The Darkside is also a super easy boss. Especially at this point in the game. It's like a bull against a mouse, and the mouse wins. The mcguffin card showed up at the end when it wasn't necessary but I used it anyway.

There’s a door. Oh I get a choice? I don't remember that door. I always just went up to "Sora". What happens if I pick the door?

God damn imagine how BEYTRAYED Riku feels, thinking Sora has turned against him. Hm, well Sora sure knows how it feels now Riku does too!

He looks so sad...

A figment of Kairi appears before Riku. “There is no power than can defeat you” she says. So Riku is OP? She means like, one nor the other has to be his downfall. She tells him the darkness will make him stronger but that’s what ANSEM has been telling him this whole time. And Riku just believes this illusion of Kairi… why? She’s parroting Ansem and Riku’s like “...Yeah that sounds legit”

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What does darkness smell like? Like a damp towel? Stale potatoes?

Battle ensues. So I didn't realize Zexion was stealing my cards to use against me. So what a surprise when I paused to do something and he's got Soul Eater in hand!

Upon exiting the Destiny Islands a cutscene in the darkroom plays. Zexion is scared half to death by Repliku before he realizes Axel is there too. Oh how short that wave of relief lasts... Axel manipulates Repliku and has him kill Zexion. Axel is a bastard. How would killing Zexion help Repliku? What does he know too much of? Isn't he still loyal to Xemnas? Or did he defect like Marluxia and was considered a traitor? Is AXEL even still loyal to the Organization at this point?

Poor Zexion.

The disembodied voice of Ansem Seeker of Darkness calls out to Riku. "Who's there?!" Riku asks, totally forgetting the fact he has seen this man talk with this voice. Canonically it's the same voice. It may be different to the audience but in canon it's the same!

Mickey is at full opacity.

I really like seeing this side of Riku, more silly and cute.

Riku just really needs a hug.

Riku is just completely overcome with relief and his legs give out on him. He’s not alone anymore. When did they get the time to bond between the end of KH1 and CoM?

I'm reading this aloud and Rose says, when I'm done. "No, no, you have to do the voice”

Ok so I went back and reloaded the save before the Darkside fight and the door just leads you to the previous room in case you want to save. Now with that over with, we go to Twilight Town

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DiZ tries to be all "ooh Im evil, I’m Ansem, be very afraid Riku". They battle pose and nothing happens for a too long an awkward moment of time and Riku sees right through this farce.

"You're not the true Ansem" ACTUALLY HE LITERALLY IS THE TRUE ANSEM THE ANSEM YOU KNOW IS TERRANORT’S HEARTLESS LMAO. Look if any of you reading this don’t know Diz and Ansem the Wise (not seeker of darkness) are the same person, what are you doing here?

Oh look it's that ho. I know I keep dragging Repliku but I'm just remembering his death scene and I'm really sad again. I honestly feel so bad for him. He needs a hug. He's super distressed and it's just so heartbreaking. Help!

“Your own darkness doesn’t scare you anymore”

“How can you tell?”

How many of you have played Sonic Adventure 2?

Repliku’s feelings of existentialism hurt me. 

I stop feeling bad for him with every death I face

I was grinding for level ups and this happened

I’m barely within its despawn range lmao

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I did it! I don't know how but I beat Repliku! Guess a lot of dueling is the technique? Because I ended up doing that a bunch.

So Repliku is dying. I gave him a lot of crap and drug him through the dirt but the fate of Repliku is a heartbreaking one. He's just laying there and accepts his fate. HE DIED SO YOUNG.

I’m suddenly reminded of this omg

Let’s get back on track.

What DOES happen if a replica dies? Riku ponders as well, perhaps they go to the same place as a normal person. THIS SCENE MAKES ME SO SAD [video]

After all this anger and drama I'm glad that Riku feels pity the replica. He's not heartless. We now enter the mansion and into the... Basement? Is the pod room in the mansion’s basement?

Omg shes so cute.

She shows Riku the pod Sora’s in and Riku's wigging out, thinking Namine's done something wrong with him. Riku, you’re scaring her!

She explains what he's doing there and offers to use her power to make Riku forget the darkness. Riku is concerned he could forget his loved ones as a result. 

Riku is king of sass

God damn I love this kid. Little shitlet half the time but I love him. My son. My boy. That stupid finger waggle

DIZ! YOU'RE 3 FEET I FRONT OF RIKU. JUST HAAAANNND HIM THE CARD LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING. THIS AIN’T YU-GI-OH!

GEE I WONDER! Think back what, 10 years ago? Is that when BbS took place?

Riku is ready once and for all to fight Ansem and tells Mickey to stay behind because there’s no point in fighting him if Riku can’t win with his own power.

He’s like “Hey do me a solid? if I don't defeat Ansem, just kill me.” 

Riku-interrupting Mouse interrupts him “Sure I’ll save you if that happens”

“No, no. If I lose, DESTR-”

-”Nope!”

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Here’s [part 3] of Reverse/Rebirth, as well as my final thoughts.

[pandadoesawrite]

hüzün (turkish, n.) - a melancholy resulting from inadequacy or failure and weighing so heavily that it becomes communal, resigned, and even curiously poetic for vexen and/or ienzo in father/son depression solidarity

me, finishing a prompt from months ago and also putting it on ao3??? its more likely than you’d think

When Ienzo came into the castle’s kitchens, still littered with debris but clean enough to function again, he saw Even pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Good morning, Even.”

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; Even’s terrible habit of working long hours hadn’t been lost on Vexen, and with the Organization’s world being trapped in a perpetual state of night, time lost whatever vague relativity it had for them in the first place. Watching one of his guardians abuse his daily caffeine intake was just rudimentary by this point, and Even knew that as well as Ienzo did--so much so that he did not acknowledge Ienzo with more than a simple nod, hand over his mouth mid-yawn.

“Are you sure you should be having that much so soon?” Ienzo spoke with a quiet amusement, but with fair concern. It’d been troubling to have Even and Dilan bedridden for so long, but Even forcing himself to stay awake wasn’t going to do anybody any favors. Least of all him. But Even acknowledged the worry with a slight shrug, and a sigh.

“It’s not ideal, I admit. But I don’t think I could stand staying as lax as I was for much longer, either. Far too still--you understand.”

“Mmn.” Ienzo did, in fact, understand. And despite the context clues, Even knew his limits, that he was in no condition to work himself ragged, so he supposed it was alright. And to that end… “Would you pour me a cup, as well?”

“You’ll stunt your growth, child.”

Ienzo was hardly a child anymore, but even he could feel the way his face scrunched up like one. “You and I both know that’s just a myth,” he paused a beat, and added, “And we’re almost the same height, anyway.”

Even gave him a silent, curious look--and if Ienzo didn’t know better, he’d say Even looked puzzled, almost alarmed, by his retort--but he was quick to relent after a brief debate with himself. “A fair point. Here, take this mug.”

“Thank you.” And so he did.

While Even retrieved another mug for himself, Ienzo cleared off a space at the kitchen’s island table. It was much easier now than it had been, only now needing some dust cleared off the counter and chairs, but Even had been right about one thing--keeping busy was helping.

Speaking of which, behind him, Even chuckled to himself. “Strange.”

“What is?”

When Ienzo turned around, he saw Even glancing out a kitchen window. The view fell upon one of the many castle gardens--renewed of life, thanks to the efforts of Aeleus and a young lady from the restoration efforts--and Even looked out on it with a face that betrayed both fondness and self-deprecation.

“I never thought I’d be so glad to see flowers again.”

Ienzo followed suit, with a smile and a sigh, as he took his seat at the table. It wasn’t a very difficult double meaning to deduce. “He did have that effect on people.”

“To put it mildly.” A pause followed, and then Even managed to pry himself away from the window, new mug in hand. “Well--never mind that for now. There’ll be time to reminisce later.”

“Is that what we’re calling it, now?”

“If only to keep the all-consuming resentment at bay.”

He’d said it casually enough, and Ienzo couldn’t deny that Even was more composed than Vexen was, but there was enough lingering distaste in all their mouths at the mere mention of Castle Oblivion that he couldn’t imagine that as just a simple hyperbole.

Well, if nothing else, small victory that Marluxia wasn’t from around here, at least.

Even took a seat at the table, stifling back another yawn. “I trust cleanup has been going… as smoothly as possible.”

It was meant to be a statement, but he’d left his tone hesitant enough where it could have been heard as a question. Ienzo took a sip of coffee, and answered. “As well as can be expected, I would think. The Restoration Committee really did most of the heavy lifting, before our arrival.”

“The gardens notwithstanding.”

“A matter of priorities. As I understand it, their first objective with the castle was to forge a way into the study. Aesthetics could wait.”

Even brought a hand to his chin, deep in sudden thought. “Understandable. There’s an abundance of valuable information and resources about the town here. Accessing that would have only benefited the restoration process.”

“If anything, it’s a testament to Lord Ansem’s coding that Tron had still been operational all these years.” Granted, they had used the MCP to power the laboratory in the short time before the world’s fall, but that hardly meant computers were infallible. Even didn’t seem too surprised by that, though.

“Mm. It would take more than the apocalypse to stop the processes on that piece of hardware, I can assure you that.”

The tone of that sentence gave Ienzo the impression there was a story behind the computer--highly probable, there was still much about the castle’s lore he hadn’t known when he came here as a boy--but when he thought to ask for clarification, he was distracted by the more sullen expression that had come across Even’s face. It was a face Ienzo knew well at this point, one that had much more to say and ask, but withheld its comments for reasons unknown.

But a scientist wasn’t exactly known for a lack of curiosity, mind you. “Is something wrong?”

Even paused, and breathed in deep. It wasn’t very often that he seemed a loss for words, and this was not that, but rather, he was choosing those words carefully. In retrospect, that was something else that perhaps Vexen might have benefited more from.

“Before I came here, I stopped by the study. Just to check on things.” Even paused again, and then added, “I saw the portrait had been covered.”

“Ah.”

It would only have been a matter of time before it was noticed. Ienzo knew that. Aeleus, no doubt, had seen it already, and kept quiet, as was his nature, but just the same it was in Even’s nature to question, and to fret. Ienzo knew that as well. Still… that didn’t mean he was necessarily prepared with an answer for his actions.

When he was a child, he had shown extraordinary talent in conjuring illusions. Master Ansem had been delighted (if not concerned, over why Ienzo would have developed that skill to begin with), and part of his rearing in the castle had been to better understand and control this magic of his. As a test of his growing skill, Ienzo had turned that portrait--once a portrait of the true Ansem the Wise, into one of the man they knew as Xehanort.

It had been a perfect enchantment for one so young to produce, but inexperience left Ienzo unable to revert the painting back to its original state. For the short while there had been seven people in the castle, it had been something of a joke among his guardians, a tease for Ienzo to pout and have his hair ruffled over. And despite all odds, it had stayed transformed for all these years.

Now that he was older, Ienzo was sure he could revert his magic on it now; he was no longer a greenhorn, after all, and had long since mastered his gifts. It stood to reason he had the power. But power was nothing without will or resolve, and sadly, he was not skilled enough in his craft to be able to place those illusions on his heart.

So he covered it with a tarp instead. Like a child, trying to hide broken glass from a parent. He glanced down at his reflection in his coffee, mug clenched tightly between his hands, and suddenly, he felt so very, very small.

A hand fell on his shoulder, and Ienzo jumped slightly from surprise. Even’s grip on him was firm, and a bit cold physically, as was natural of him, but the look in his eyes was gentle, and understanding. Perhaps even, if Ienzo was seeing things correctly, the slightest bit sad.

“You needn’t worry so much.” Even’s voice, too, sounded so… soft. Soft, and laced with the most distant traces of guilt and heartache. “Not that your worries are inconsequential or irrational, of course. Rather… you’re alright, and ultimately, that is what matters. It isn’t something you need to work yourself into an early grave over.”

Ienzo, still shaken from his earlier anxiety, paused to let the words sink in, before finally letting his emotions settle on a short sigh, and a wry smile. “It’s perhaps a bit too late for that hyperbole, isn’t it?”

“You stop that, Ienzo.” The hand on his shoulder was quick to turn into a finger pointed in his face, the command sharp in the way Even’s reprimands always did, melting away as soon as it came. Ah, that was more like the Even he knew, forever with a word or two against Ienzo’s smart mouth. “Our circumstances notwithstanding, but we’ll get nothing done feeling sorry for ourselves.”

“With all due respect,” Again, Ienzo’s voice came out dry. “It’s arguably better to feel sorry, as opposed to nothing at all.”

If it were Vexen, Vexen would have sputtered, agog, aghast at his ward’s rebuttal, and gone on ad-infinitum to assert himself; Ienzo remembered that well, and also that Zexion found such banter between the two of them more enjoyable than he probably should have. Even though, ever more composed now whole, gaped for but a moment, before shaking his head, smiling despite himself.

“Clever boy. I’ll concede to that.”

“I thought you might.” Unlike Vexen, Even could accept defeat with a tad more grace. “Though I also suppose all we did then was feel sorry for ourselves, however detached it may have been.”

“It was rather hasty of us to take “no heart” at face value.” Even spoke in a tired mumble, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Five of Radiant Garden’s leading researchers, and not one of us raised a brow over our condition. It’s very telling of Xehanort’s prowess for manipulation, if nothing else.”

“How do you suppose he managed to do it, exactly?” It was a question he hadn’t planned on asking, but now that Even brought it up himself, Ienzo couldn’t help himself. “As you said, it’s strange that none of us ever asked questions about it.”

The thought crossed his mind that perhaps Braig never needed to ask questions in the first place, but he pushed that thought away as quickly as it came.

“I would assume,” Even didn’t seem to notice his brief contemplation, and answered, “that Xehanort took our early stages of only base coherency as Nobodies as an advantage. We’ve seen it plenty of times on others, what blank slates a newly born Nobody is. Come in at the right time, and you can condition someone to believe anything.”

Even paused a moment, taking another sip of coffee, then continued, “I considered it once, when Namine became a factor, that a heart’s true form lay within memories--and again, we saw it happen with Sora in real time. Alter a memory or two, and the person you are now could change entirely as a result. But even then, it was never more than a fleeting possibility, and I never dared to question it further. That, too, I believe, is proof enough of the trick.”

“I agree, it is odd; it isn’t like you to just drop a hypothesis like that.” Even was, with certainty, the most persistent of the apprentices in his studies, and Vexen had only been more so. Biased as the proposition was, it was sound. “But how would Xehanort have conditioned us so? He wouldn’t have had the time.”

“On the contrary. As the one who actually turned us all, comparatively, he had all the time in the world.”

Even’s voice sounded so distant, yet bitter, and his eyes were off looking somewhere far, far away from the castle kitchen, as he said, “Someone had to be coherent in order to exile His Lordship, after all.”

Something about that sentence gave Ienzo pause, and then all at once, the realization hit him. For ten long years, it was a truth they’d all accepted without much thought: Ansem the Wise’s six beloved apprentices, turning coat and banishing their teacher to the darkness. It was a fact of the situation, and their mutual sin to bear. And perhaps, at the time, Ienzo just attributed it all to being young, but with Even’s theory at hand…

“Even,” He heard himself say, before he could stop himself, “do you remember sending Master Ansem away?”

“As a matter of fact, I do not.” Even was confident in his answer, as though he’d been mulling over it for much longer than Ienzo could imagine. “By the time I fully came to--as Vexen, mind you--he was already gone, and all of us were just going through the motions. Our behaviors and beliefs for the next decade were already ingrained in us. Brick roads laid out from the start.”

The room went silent while Ienzo processed the proposition. His leg bounced quietly under the table, hopefully hidden from Even’s eyes. “...when you say ‘us’--does that include Master Ansem, as well?”

Even exhaled heavy once more. His shoulders seemed to sink along with his breath, and he ran a hand through his hair, as though trying to stave off having to confirm the obvious answer.

“...In order for the ruse of a Nobody’s perpetual state of incompletion to work, particularly with the subjects used as the control and their environment… a state of newly formed incompletion had to be witnessed by an outsider. So that the assertion that a Nobody was, in fact, a lifeless husk, could not be disputed. Master Ansem was banished sometime between us being turned, and sometime between us coming to a sense of self-awareness. Without having the memory ourselves, I can only hypothesize on what he saw in all of us then, but…”

Even trailed off, but the implication was plain as day. “While his path of revenge was wrong, and wronged many, I can’t say I don’t understand how he reached that point.”

“Right.” Ienzo said, a little too quickly, a little too quietly, “Of course.”

He clutched his mug in his hand like a vice grip, and on reflex brought it to his mouth, and chugged whatever coffee remained.

It burned his throat, and he coughed when he came back for air, but it was numbing. Ienzo couldn’t bring himself to care about the scalding of his tongue. It was simply another reminder now that he was alive, and was feeling, because he’d seen what Ansem saw all those years ago. He’d seen the soulless eyes of a newborn Nobody, seen a shell of a human that could only do as it was told. He’d seen it on Demyx, on Luxord, on Marluxia and Larxene and Roxas, so many times, over and over, again and again and again--and Zexion had never had any reaction to them.

And why would he have? Blindly following orders, until they were the ones to blindly give orders, and so on and so forth--what was happening to them was all they knew. It was unnatural, but natural all at once. The perfect deception before he’d even recognized his own talents in creating deceptions, and for ten years, he’d sacrificed his childhood to a delusion he’d never known it was in.

The thought made his stomach churn.

“Ienzo--”

“They were just words.” Ienzo cut in, disbelieving of himself. Even’s voice sounded even further away now, drowned out by the sound of Ienzo’s heart beating rapidfire in his ear. “Empty syllables, carried on whispers. That’s all they were. They said much, and meant nothing, just like every other illusion.”

Xehanort had always taken interest in his powers as a child. Had he done all that on purpose? To see what he was possible of? To learn from that, and devise the one thing he wouldn’t question, to prevent Ienzo from seeing through the trick?

‘The Cloaked Schemer’, Xemnas had dubbed him. A title meant to lift Zexion’s ego, and leave him confident in his abilities. Empty praise, artfully placed onto a child, to keep him quiet, and complacent. And it worked.

Ienzo let his head fall into his hands. He felt dizzy, short of breath, unable to swallow. One insignificant ripple in an ocean far beyond his comprehension.

“How did I--how could I not see that?”

And then he felt Even’s hand on his ear. And then that hand tugged hard.

Ienzo yelped; whether it was from the cold of Even’s skin or the force of the tug, he didn’t know, but it was enough of a distraction to pull him out of the throes of despair somewhat. His heart still pounded, and his mouth was still dry, but the room wasn’t spinning anymore. Ienzo was back on earth, and face-to-face with his guardian, who was looking at him not without sympathy, but also with the logic that was eluding Ienzo now.

He blinked. “E… Even?”

“Calm yourself, child.” Another command. Given the circumstances, Ienzo didn’t feel like correcting him this time. “What you’re thinking now is nothing the rest of us haven’t dwelled over ourselves. You are not the only one at fault here. This is a cross we all have to carry.”

“But for me to only notice just now?” Ienzo retorted. “It doesn’t… there’s no excusing that, Even. I had so long to notice something was amiss--anything at all! It just doesn’t add up.”

“Hm. And that is where you’d be wrong.”

A part of Ienzo almost wished it was Vexen speaking to him here. If nothing else, Vexen might at least reprimand him for his lacking observations, even if they were both guilty of the same crime. Ienzo wasn’t sure he could handle such understanding from Even right now, but unfortunately for him, it was all Even continued to offer.

“There’s a pivotal difference here, Ienzo, between you, and the four of us.” It was hard to discern any obvious emotion in Even’s voice, but he was clearly troubled. Less at Ienzo, and more at himself. “You were… and frankly, still are, the future of this world. We were supposed to be the ones who would guide you and your heart to that future, and instead, we led you astray. Irrevocably, I might add.”

Something in Even’s scent stilled his breath. It was far too similar to how it was before, when he was still bedridden. Wildly fluctuating. Unstable. And it was only then that Ienzo realized that Even truly was just as shaken by these revelations as he was. Perhaps, even more so. He was just better at hiding it.

“If you truly believe that you should have seen through Xehanort’s lies all those years ago, then the fault for that is on our heads, not yours. Your only crime is that you were a child that wanted to learn.”

He said it with such firmness and with such sorrow, Ienzo didn’t think he could argue it if he tried. As much as he tried to not let his age excuse everything, it was the only thing that made sense. Children were simple, one-track in their thinking, and while his memories of his youth were scattered and repressed in places, one thing was still true: Even wouldn’t lie to him. If Even told him learning was his only reason, then that was the only reason. If Even told him he was not at fault, then no matter what his mind told him, he was not at fault. It set Ienzo’s heart at ease.

Of course, all of that didn’t mean Even had to put himself down to make it true.

“...’Irrevocably’ might be bit too harsh, don’t you think?” Ienzo wasn’t used to seeing Even be so self-reflective, so remorseful, so… apologetic. He wasn’t sure he liked it. “You said it yourself, more or less, that we’re all bearing the same sin. And isn’t our being here again proof of that hope, in and of itself?”

Even snorted into his mug. “A normal childhood certainly couldn’t have hurt you.”

“I was to grow up in a castle, raised by a group of researchers.” He meant to say that with a bit more bite, alongside the humor, but even Ienzo couldn’t hope to hide the fondness in his voice. “My childhood stopped being normal long before we did anything morally repugnant.”

“Hm… I suppose so.”

Even paused for a moment, mug still at his lips, as though contemplating his movements--then placed his free hand atop Ienzo’s head.

He made no move to ruffle his hair, like Dilan or Braig would have done, but patted his crown once, and left his hand there like a weight. Confused, Ienzo let it happen; it pushed his gaze downward slightly, but Even made no sound, no sign of pulling back. It felt strangely intimate for reasons he couldn’t quite place. “Even?”

“Conscience is a burden.” Even said at last, and when Ienzo glanced up through his bangs, he saw that it was with a tired, fond smile. “But all worthwhile gifts have their price.”

Ienzo opened his mouth to speak, to clarify if that double meaning he heard was truly there, but decided against it, and closed his eyes once more. The hand on his head was a welcome weight, and as his heartbeat began to still, he sighed, at peace, and smiled.

If there was a secret hidden in Even’s words there, it was one he could afford to keep hidden.

-

Outside the room, on the other side of the open doorway, out of sight, Demyx waited, and he listened.

It was so weird, looking in on the room like this. Had Vexen ever been so gentle, or wise before? Had Zexion ever broken down, or smiled like that? He couldn’t think of a time for any of those things, and it only made what he had been sent to do all the more reproachful.

When first given this assignment, he thought it’d been a boon. Sure, he didn’t want to do it--who would want to be the one to blame for this dirty work?--but it wasn’t combat, so it should have been… not okay, but not… this.

The first Organization may not have been model citizens, but they hadn’t been this bad.

He’d been waiting for a chance to cut in, but every passing second watching the two of them talk only made it harder and harder; he regretted not stepping in and getting this over with before Ienzo entered the kitchen, but that was his problem. There would be other, safer times, he supposed. A castle this big was going to have plenty of dark corridors he could follow a white coat into, and whisk them away without much thought. He had… some semblance of time on his side for this task.

Not that it made it any easier. Maybe Xehanort had a hold over Demyx now, but not even that hold could change the way his chest tightened and twisted, watching Ienzo and Even air their grievances to one of the few people who could understand them.

“...I can give them a little longer.” He muttered, and ducked into a different hallway, giving father and son one more hurrah.

[memoriashell]

idiosyncrasy

Characters: Even & Ienzo

crossposted on ao3

Notes: Just some disgruntled dad Even having to look after Ienzo, more or less. This is pre bbs because I definitely wrote Ienzo younger than eight in this. Thank god canon is vague about when and how Ienzo ended up with the rest of Ansem’s apprentices.

Summary: Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, in Even’s case

( Or, Ienzo makes a habit of disappearing, much to his chagrin )

( a peculiar habit of your being )

“Ienzo!” Even calls the child’s name, a grumble under his breath as he receives no response— since when had he been left in charge of the child? He has much more important things to be doing than babysitting brats. It was a task beneath him that should have been delegated to guards like Aeleus or Dilan instead. His footsteps increase down the hall, irritated; he hopes the boy has not managed to wander out of the castle, he has no time to search outside of the grounds.

If he cannot find him soon, he’ll have one of the others go after the child. He has already spent more time on him than he’s worth. Quite seriously. He respects his master, but he does not understand why the duty of looking over his charge has been handed over to him.

On the bright side, it at least appears like he has not been getting into places he isn’t supposed to— there has been more than one occasion they have had to scold Ienzo for getting into things that a child should not be touching— and if he were not so clever, he is sure the repercussions would be worse. But as it is, he is a sharp child, so they tolerate it, when something is likely to come of it. Even thinks they are fostering a bad habit in him, but he’ll digress; it is no concern of his, what manners they raise the boy to have.

He takes a moment to think about where he is ( he would prefer his search to be efficient, since checking every small room would be pointless, and worth more time than he would like to spare on such a meaningless task ). When he stops to actually put some thought into it, there’s one place that would be particularly likely at the moment; sets off with revigorated step and a scowl on his lips.

( For a genius, he could certainly be a downright moron at times )

For one, it should be important to note that Ienzo did not speak very much at all. Secondly, when he did, it was generally when he found it to be something important— well, in the realm of what children find important, like needing to relieve themselves or feeling irritated by something— and sometimes, it is rare they get even that much out of him; half the time the boy seems to have accepted that his guardians are too busy and independently fends for himself ( and they all wonder why Ienzo always seems to disappear on them ). And perhaps most importantly, he had a clear hierarchy in who he preferred to speak to. Master Ansem was his top preference, unsurprisingly, Even himself was second for some incomprehensible reason, and any of the others was dependent on the boy’s mood. Generally speaking though, Aeleus was preferred over Dilan, and Braig was usually only if no one else was around—what was the reason for his particular aversion, he did not know nor did he care to try and reason with the child’s thought process.

He remembers the boy had been trying to get his attention for something— he had brushed him off rather forcibly when he started tugging on his sleeves and getting on his nerves. He was pretty sure that was the point he had wandered off to find one of the others. Braig. He knew the boy hadn’t stayed with him long, mostly because again, Ienzo was usually averse to Braig, and when he did ask the man, he hadn’t a clue as to where the boy was. Of course he did not, Even had grumbled under his breath, how convenient; when did Braig know anything useful, honestly, it was unsurprising— that’s not the point, though.

If he really, really tries to recall what Ienzo had been asking about, the child had been complaining about being hungry. By process of elimination, it was logical to conclude that it was likely that Ienzo was still somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen. Which meant he was probably fine— for a child, he was capable ( admittedly, that was probably less of a good thing than any of them would like to admit )— and while not out of trouble, most likely knew better than to try and do anything dangerous.

“Ienzo?” Even calls for the boy once again, as he steps into the kitchen; though he does not even need a response to know that he has found the boy, because there is enough of a mess that it is clear that he has been there. Unsupervised. He’s going to blame this one on Braig.

That said, despite the evidence present ( knocked over bowls, used utensils, the fridge door left half open ), the boy himself is not to be found obvious— he withholds a groan because he is not in the mood to play hide and seek with the child. Although that would imply Ienzo would willingly playing such a game, which ( as far as Even was concerned ) he was not likely to do.

Thankfully, the messy trail he has left in his wake is a pretty clear indication of where he has wandered off to. Even grumbles under his breath as he crouches down ( only for this boy would he be willing to do this, he swears ), annoyance in his features as he finds himself in something sticky. Sure enough, Ienzo sits underneath the table, looking upset for some indiscernible reason.

“There you are, child.” He is terse with the boy— he does not have the time to spare for niceties, grimacing when the hand that grabs onto his own is sticky and wet with something. Cleaning up is the first order of business, then; he won’t stand for the kitchen to be left in this state, nor can he let the boy stay dirty either. “Do you want to explain this mess?”

As expected, Ienzo does not utter even a word of explanation, barely indicates his thoughts with a shake of his head; a sigh as he puts the boy on the counter and reaches for a rag to clean him up with. He still cannot tell exactly what got everything all sticky, but there are other matters at hand— a quick observation tells him that the child has managed to get peanut butter in his hair, there are crumbs stuck to his face in what he suspects to be dried ice cream remnants ( given that he’d found more than a few wrappers when he’d walked into the kitchen ), a stain on his shirt that Even doesn’t even want to start guessing at. At least, even as the child sulks, he is cooperative in letting him be cleaned; though he suspects that is probably only because he has no desire to do so himself and will happily let the adults do so in that case. He whines a little when he’s a little too harsh with the cloth; apologizing to the boy without a second thought and attempts to ease up a little, what little he can.

And then there is a matter of cleaning the kitchen— he would love to track Braig down and force him to clean up the place, but Even fears it would never get done, if that were the case. Ienzo seems no rush to go anywhere, anyhow, so he can probably spare a quick clean up without worrying about him disappearing on them again ( if he’s lucky, the child might even doze off for a nap in the meantime ).

The time he spends cleaning is peaceful, all things considered; being back to working on his things is a more preferable task, but his desire to keep their living environment tidy is somewhat more overwhelming. It is perhaps only because of the silence that he hears the soft whimper that Ienzo lets out— a noise that demands his immediate attention, despite himself. Even puts aside the broom he had been using to clean before approaching the boy. “Ienzo?” He is not a gentle person; but all the same, his usual curtness with the child is absent as he kneels to be on level with him. “Are you well, child?”

“Even.” He whines, a small shake of his head in response as the boy latches onto him; and now that he is paying close attention, he can tell the disgruntled expression on his face is not that he is sulking, but upset by something.

“Are you hurt?” Yes-no questions are the best way to get an answer out of a child who speaks so selectively, who nods to confirm as much; the pained crease of his eyebrows helps convey that much. There’s a gesture that he makes with his hands that Even has to ask him to repeat—it takes less than a second for him to connect the way he gestures to his stomach to figure out the meaning he is trying to convey. His lips purse as he lets out a breath, posture relaxing ever so slightly as he peers down at the boy.

( He certainly had not been concerned that it was something serious plaguing him, of course not, that was a preposterous notion ).

“I can’t imagine what else you expected to happen after you ate so much. A stomachache is hardly anything to fuss about.” He chides, but decides to take pity on the child. Some tea should help settle his stomach, at least.

Besides, though he might loathe to admit it, he was partially to blame for the situation at hand; so he should take responsibility for the repercussions, despite the fact he did not see it his duty to be his caretaker. If he had spared even a brief moment to tend to what Ienzo had wanted, the boy wouldn’t have any reason to act like a starved child because none of his guardians would take care of his needs. In all fairness, Even would like to reiterate that it was beyond his comprehension why their master thought it was a wise idea to have him around adults who were far too busy to pay attention necessary for a child.

“What did Braig let you eat to get yourself this sick, boy?” He asks while he waits for the tea to brew; he can use his magic to minimalize the cooling time, but he can’t do anything to speed up the steeping time. For a moment, he does not think he is going to get an answer ( nor does he expect to, truthfully ), but he sees the slight movements of the boy’s mouth as he tries to voice thoughts.

“Not just Braig.” He mumbles, just barely audible. “Dilan and…”

Even doesn’t really need to hear the rest to have a good idea where this was going, and withholds a groan. He is not sure if he should be impressed Ienzo managed to get ( at least ) three different people to feed him, or concerned that they all deferred to his wishes so quickly.

( Ah, for a group of rather intelligent people, they really are all just fools in this child’s eyes, aren't they? How easily he had figured them all out )

He sighs, tea done brewing and now cool as he passes the cup over to the child; mulling over what to say to that. He buys himself a few moments to think while he brings a hand to check his face— even if they had established that this was a stomachache, it was probably best to be sure the boy wasn’t actually catching something ( and he pays no mind to the way Ienzo peers up at him silently, face partially obscured by hair and the mug that he’s holding up to his lips ).

They were all aware of how clever the child could be, although he’s not quite sure if this was particularly his intentions; nonetheless, this is not something they need a repeat of in the future. A normal scolding probably wouldn’t quite cut it, but he also can’t act like this had not happened.

“Child, I don’t suppose you feel like explaining what you hoped to gain by doing all that?” He huffs, tone dry; and of course, the boy simply just stares at him blankly. Very helpful of him. Alright, a different approach, then. “You can’t just do that every time something like this happens. You could have actually made yourself sick today? This is not something healthy to get in the habit of doing. And I cannot stress enough that there could have been actual risks that you exposed yourself to, Ienzo. I will acknowledge that, as your caretakers, we have clearly failed you, and for that, I have no excuse. Let us figure out a better way to see you taken care of without you going to such drastic measures, yes?”

Ienzo nods twice ( which is to say, more enthusiasm than is normal for him ), and he almost snorts at how ridiculous he is being;  but opts not to say a thing at all instead, waiting for him to finish his tea. His work is still calling for him, but he clearly has other priorities at hand and work unfortunately will have to wait. There is a tug on his sleeve as the boy holds out the now empty mug and he accepts it, turning towards the sink to place it there with the rest of the dishes— he freezes in the middle of doing so when he feels two lithe arms wrapping around one of his legs. Even spares a glance down towards the boy as he puts the cup away, something quietly being uttered from him; he doesn’t need to hear the words to know what he is trying to convey, nonetheless ( he appreciates that the child has better manners than most of his guardians, for he cannot name the last time he’s been thanked for anything ).

“That is hardly anything worth being thanked for. It is quite frankly, rather appalling that you have to set such low expectations of us.” He sniffs, reaching down to untangle him from around his leg; a sigh when he seems set on not letting go. “I still have work to do, boy. Besides, I believe Master Ansem would like to see that you are alright.”

He can tell the boy is still reluctant, so begrudgingly, he lifts him into his arms as he heads back towards the lab. “You are too old for these kinds of things.” He grumbles, but it is no use; Ienzo has already settled against him and hums to express his content, a warbled mumble that vaguely resembles his name. “Yes, yes, I know.” He sighs with a certain fondness— disgruntled as he may be, he cannot deny that he holds a softness for him.

That’s fine.

Even can make an exception for him.

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 5

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  Ienzo and Riku's friendship begins to deepen, raising questions about what they might feel about what another. Time passes.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Ienzo was exhausted.

The walk back from town felt longer than it ever had. Cid had tried his best to offer advice, but as it were, he couldn’t do much. Ienzo’s limbs felt heavy, the soles of his shoes worn thin from so many hours on his feet. I really should get new boots, he thought.

At least he was able to identify this feeling now, unlike the first time it had happened. He needed to try and sleep, if so for an hour or two. He didn’t want to collapse again. It was not a very flattering look. The first time it had happened, Aeleus had panicked and contacted Even, and the lecture Ienzo had received afterwards was not pleasant.

He knew better now. Rest first; at least a little. He forced himself to lay down and was so burnt out he slept dreamlessly, almost breathlessly, waking up just after dawn with an unpleasant crick in his neck. The notion of waking up for once not in a nightmare-induced panic was a bit disorienting; he blinked.

Ahead of Ienzo was another long day of no progress being made. He knew in his bones that was what would happen, but couldn’t justify doing much else. He took a shower, put on some clean clothes, and went to the communal kitchen to go get a cup of coffee, hoping that someone had filled the pot already.

Someone had, but not the someone he’d thought.

“Oh… sorry,” Riku said. “I figured I’d just… make some for all of us.”

Ienzo shook his head a little. “So you got in.”

“Yesterday. I helped Aeleus with some painting.” There was something jittery, almost nervous in Riku’s expression. Ienzo thought back to their last encounter and bit his lip.

“Oh. That’s good. Oatmeal? I was going to make some for myself.”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

It was still a bit uncomfortable, admittedly, to have his back towards him. Ienzo’s face was burning, and his heart was beating hard again, but not quite with the same panic as before. “I know Aeleus isn’t exactly the chattiest if one doesn’t know him well.”

“...Actually… he and I kinda had a good conversation. About…”

“Castle Oblivion.”

“What else?” he chuckled.

Ienzo dumped in the oats and turned to look at him.

“It’s just hard for me to pretend that never happened. Not since I’m here.”

“And since you quite literally live there now,” Ienzo added.

He shrugged. “Well. Staying there, anyway.”

He stirred their breakfast. “Is it very strange?”

“It’s eerie,” Riku admitted. “I’m the only one there.”

“...No wonder you’re looking for any reason not to be there.”

After a moment, Riku added, “it wouldn’t be so bad if I actually had things to do.”

Ienzo added some honey and sugar. “You don’t like being bored, do you?”

“I already think too much,” Riku said. “With nothing to work towards… I feel useless.”

“I know that feeling well.” He smiled a little despite himself. At least these were instant oats, so there wasn’t much awkward faffing around while he waited and waited for it to cook. He spooned some out for each of them and sat.

It felt a little odd, sharing a meal. Something too mundane and too human. “Thanks for cooking,” Riku said.

“Thank you for the coffee,” Ienzo said back. “Really. You don’t need to be so stiff or so polite around me.”

“Sometimes I’m not sure what else to say.”

“You don’t always have to say anything.”

“What if I want to sound smart like you guys?”

He laughed. “We’re not smart. We’re educated. There’s a difference.”

“I don’t know about that. Hearing you guys talk about--data, and principles, and heartlines, and all this other stuff… sometimes it just sounds like gibberish to me.” He chuckled. His grin was a bit lopsided, Ienzo noted. He liked the character it brought to Riku’s face, different than the obvious mask he’d been wearing. And I’m probably doing the same.

“Sometimes it is gibberish,” Ienzo said. “I swear Even likes hearing himself talk.”

“...I think you do too.”

His eyebrows shot up; it took a moment to realize he was teasing him, and even longer to come up with a response. “...Perhaps theatricality is part of my nature,” he said lamely. He wished he could stop blushing. “What of it?”

“But yet I also so don’t get you.”

He blinked. “How so?”

Riku cocked his head. “I dunno. There’s just something… I can’t put my finger on. Some people are just such open books. Like Sora. But you… I thought I understood Zexion. And when we met, I thought I got Ienzo . But now I’m not so sure.”

“May have something to do with the fact that I don’t get myself ,” Ienzo said dryly. Then, “Do you like that sort of intrigue?”

It was a rather bold statement, and it slipped out mostly by accident. He wasn’t sure why he said it, just that it felt natural in the moment. He realized this was less bantering, more… something else.

“Jury’s still out on that one, I’m afraid,” Riku replied equally.

“Then maybe I should try harder.” It was like a game, different than their earlier enmity. He almost wanted to know how far he could go, how hard he could push it. If Riku would snap at him for his impertinence. Or maybe Riku was so bored he wanted that impertinence.

Maybe Ienzo did too.

Riku flicked his eyebrows once. “Maybe you should,” he said. He stood to put his dishes in the sink. “As much fun as I’m having… I should do what I’m actually here for. Apparently I’m helping Dilan today.”

“Good luck to you.”

“Though--” He looked back. “Do you happen to have… any bobby pins I could borrow?”

---

It was odd, and confounding, to have him around more often. Running into him during or after meals. Seeing him around Dilan or Aeleus or even working on his own, his brows furrowed in concentration. Dilan reported--with something like confusion--that he was very good with his hands after all.

“I think it’s nice he’s being so helpful,” Ienzo said. “I was hoping I’d get to stop hearing you complain about having to do this work.”

“There’s so much to make habitable that it’s going to take far more than adding one to a staff of two,” Dilan said. “Perhaps if you got off your butt and did some work too.”

Ienzo rolled his eyes. “I am working. Quite hard.” On a mostly fruitless project, true. Every morning he walked into that lab and Kairi was still asleep, he felt a stab of guilt. They were wasting days of her life. But everything was coming out so-- ordinarily. Ansem insisted they had to trust that she was working with the process. But it had been nearly four months. And seeing Riku’s concern and disappointment whenever he found out no major strides had been made didn’t help.

Ienzo felt… useless. He found himself thinking more often of his days as a Nobody, when he felt like he was doing something, getting somewhere. Making discoveries.

Committing atrocities. Causing worlds to fall. Et cetera.

But this didn’t feel much like atonement either. He pulled his eyes away from the computer and looked at his hands, which to this day still looked rather naked without those black gloves. All I’ve done and I’m still here. Is there a reason for that? Or is this another of the universe’s jokes? Much like Xehanort had ascended rather than simply dying. Maybe he wanted karma, he wanted consequence, and vilification--

He looked back at the sleeping girl. He wanted to do good so badly . But he didn’t seem very “good” at that. “Excuse me,” he said to Ansem. “I need to walk for a minute. Clear my head.”

“By all means,” Ansem said, with a smile.

Ansem’s kindness made him feel guilty, too. Maybe Ienzo hadn’t been the one to usurp him, but after all, he had been the one to persuade Ansem into building that lab. Everything that happened after that was his fault. Staying busy… helped him keep on top of the memory. If he didn’t try to make up for what he did, why even have this life at all? It didn’t make sense.

But he couldn’t try to work like this.

Ienzo started walking. His eyes were hurting from all the time spent in front of screens. There had to be something he could do, something major all of them were missing--maybe he should go to the library, pull a few texts, something older than their research, a bit more mythic--

His head was starting to ache. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You--ah--okay?”

Riku startled him; he felt that jolt of accompanying panic and had to take a breath to settle himself. “Riku. I thought you were away.”

“...I just came back a few minutes ago. It turns out a self-cleaning castle doesn’t need a whole lot of babysitting.”

“I-I’m glad you’re motivated.”

“Idle hands make the devil’s work,” he said, with a trace of sarcasm. “Really, you okay?”

“I’m a bit frustrated,” he admitted. “When it comes to our work.”

“With Kairi,” he said, his face falling.

“Yes. It’s been… months, and we have… very little to show.”

“Ansem said this would be a long shot,” Riku reminded him.

“But I’d hoped for more than quite literally nothing. It makes me feel…” Why was he telling him all this?

“Let me guess. Useless?” he offered.

“Wholly and completely. I left to try and clear my head. If you’d like to talk to Even--”

“That’s alright.”

Ienzo smiled a little. “I think I just need to get out of here for a few minutes. Get coffee… or something. That is, if the weather isn’t awful.”

“It kinda always is lately, isn’t it?” Riku said, with a sigh.

“You must miss the warmth.”

He seemed to go far away for a moment. “I guess so.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

He jerked. “What?”

“On my walk? For coffee? Or…” Checking his watch. “I should probably eat…” He scowled.

Riku chuckled. “What’s that mean?”

“Right… you wouldn’t know, would you?” He shook his head. “Nobodies don’t have to eat. Or sleep, for that matter. That is to say… I’m not quite used to it. Which I’m sure sounds very strange.”

“Huh,” he said. “You know, I think I sort of get it. When I was… possessed by the seeker of darkness, I kinda felt the same.”

“Isn’t it bizarre?” Ienzo asked. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to talk about this.

“...I guess darkness is hungry in other ways,” he said. “Though… I never fully lost my heart the way you did.”

He hummed. “Well. I’ll get my coat and boots, and then we’ll go?”

“Alright.”

---

True to form, it was snowing, fat white flakes falling from the sky. At least it wasn't so painfully cold, and Ienzo's wool coat kept him warm enough. "I guess there aren't seasons on Destiny Islands," he began, feeling the need to chat.

"I thought you'd been," Riku began cautiously.

"...No," Ienzo said.

"But your… illusion of it was so spot-on."

His heart was beating hard and fast. "That's partially due to your and Sora's memories, and partially due to the nature of Castle Oblivion," he said. "Usually I can't-- couldn't, " he corrected, "make something so intense without experience. I think that's the only reason Xemnas let me onto the field, in the end." He cleared his throat. "No, I've never been. How do noodles sound?"

"Um, fine."

They got some from a stand and sat at a table under a covered courtyard. Despite outdoor space heaters, it was still rather cold. They ate in silence for a moment.

"It does have seasons," Riku said, in a low voice. "Not like here, not the four. But… yeah. The dry season, the wet rainy season, hot, and… slightly less hot."

Ienzo chuckled. "Do you miss it?"

Riku didn't speak for a moment, and he wondered if he'd hit a nerve. "More than I thought I would," he said. "I guess… part of it is the simplicity of life, that I had. I hated it, though. The thought that I would spend my whole life confined to a handful of islands."

"...It must've felt suffocating."

"It did," he admitted. "Though now I want to go back to the way things were. ...At least until I get sick of it again."

"You have options now," Ienzo said.

"I guess so."

He picked at his food with his chopsticks. "Did you have a happy childhood there?" He asked

Riku smirked. "Why do you ask? I thought we didn't always have  to say anything."

Ienzo's heart stuttered again. This game was getting deliberate, he realized. "How dare I seek to get to know you better."

"I'm just honestly surprised you're asking me that. "

"Why? Considering I spend my waking days examining old memory… I think I deserve a conversation about it."

He leaned back in his chair. His jacket pulled a bit tighter across his chest, revealing a bit of definition Ienzo definitely noticed, and he found his mouth dry and his head a bit empty. It took a moment to recover. He realized, coldly, he was ogling him with interest , and his breathing picked up a bit.

Oh no.

Riky raised an eyebrow. "Ienzo? You okay?"

He'd never felt this way. Was this supposed to be how it felt? He didn't deserve this sort of thing, he wasn't even sure he deserved friends--

He leaned back over the table. "You're breathing kind of hard. Why are you anxious?"

Ienzo felt so beautifully and so awfully seen. He wasn't used to feeling and he wasn't used to anyone recognizing what he was feeling--how could he ever be good enough--

"Ienzo. Look at me. It's okay."

He shook his head, keeping his eyes on the table.

"Was it a memory? Did you remember something?"

He shook his head again.

"Look at me," he repeated. "Look up. You're alright. It's only anxiety."

"Only," he spat. His chest was tight and he was nauseous.

"I know. Believe me, I know. It sucks. It's the worst. But it's not forever."

"This is humiliating."

"Why? It's just me. No one else is around. The weather is too shitty." He offered a smile.

"I don't want to--I'm not used to--" He couldn't think clearly.

"Breathe. Nice and deep."

He tried; it hurt. His eyes were watering. "You… you feel like this?"

"...A lot, actually."

"So many things I don't understand." He'd studied mental illness for years and he couldn't even recognize an anxiety attack that wasn't triggered by memory.

"It's okay. It doesn't usually make sense." He felt pressure and realized Riku had taken his hand and, moreover, he was squeezing it hard. Ienzo jerked his own back.

"What were you thinking about? Can you tell me?" He asked.

Ienzo swallowed. "Do you ever feel…" He shouldn't say this, he should say it was too personal, and Riku wouldn't pry. "Undeserving?"

"Of?"

"Everything, the people around you, your friends, just--having a body--"

Unflinchingly, he said, "yes. Always. But you know… I'm starting to learn that just because I did bad stuff in the past doesn't mean I have to make myself pay for it forever."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How do you realize that?" He needed the answer.

"Look, you want to be better, right? And you're working hard on that? Why punish yourself? I…" He exhaled. "That's hard for me to grasp most of the time too. But for whatever reason we're here. That has to mean something. We were given second chances. Chances to make choices."

"What kind of choice?"

"Who we'll be."

It felt like a weight was leaving him, though how or why he wasn't sure.

"No Organization. No… Ansem, or Xemnas. Just us."

"I guess so," he said wearily. “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Just… forgive yourself. Move on.”

Riku laughed a little. “Well I’m not done, exactly. Not even close. I just… I don’t know. At some point suffering gets… pointless. It doesn’t help anyone. It just… wastes time.”

Ienzo blinked back the tears. “That actually makes sense.”

“I’m not going to pretend to understand everything that happened with you. But I think…” He exhaled. “Dunno. If you ever feel like you need to talk about it, you can start with me. Cause I know how much it sucks to try and do this all alone.”

Ienzo looked him in the eye at long last. He seemed to mean it, really and genuinely. “Right,” he said softly. “Right. Okay.”

“Why don’t we walk for a little while? That might help.”

“Alright.” Ienzo cleared his throat. They went to give back their empty bowls. Finally he made himself say it. “Thank you, Riku.’

He shook his head. “It’s the least I can do.”

---

Riku found himself looking forward to his time in Radiant Garden, even though the winters there were wet, cold, and generally miserable. The castle didn’t have adequate heating; this was part of his repair job, actually. They’d been using mostly fireplaces and space heaters, but it would be more effective--especially seeing the literal ice rain down from the sky--to have the central heating up and running.

Riku was used to working with Aeleus now, his quiet calm demeanor. They didn’t talk much, but this suited Riku. Sometimes, depending on how hands-on the work was, his left wrist would ache for hours. Dilan wasn’t as pleasant of a partner. And sometimes, Riku worked totally alone.

But at least if he were working here he was close to Kairi, and it was something constructive to do . It made him feel just the slightest bit less lonely, even though the ache of missing them never went away.

He dreamt of Sora often, usually nightmares of Sora lost, injured, or worse. At least with Kairi here he knew she was physically okay. (Though there were, admittedly, dreams of her turning up braindead from being asleep so long.) Sora must feel so alone, wherever he was. He was so dependent on his friends. Riku just wanted him back home, safe and sound.

Though at least he had someone to talk to, now.

Over the days and weeks that followed, through the worst of winter, he and Ienzo actually spent a good amount of time together, even if they just sat down for a cup of coffee or went for a walk. Riku guessed they were both lonely, but as their conversations evolved, he realized… he and Ienzo were actually a lot alike. Their relationships to darkness and their pasts. Their general reservedness. The dark humor.

Riku… liked spending time with Ienzo.

Every now and again he saw the other boy staring at him, his head slightly cocked, his eyes running so lightly against Riku’s arms, or his jaw. He’d first noticed the day Ienzo had that anxiety attack. And on some level, Riku knew he himself was attractive, if the behavior of the girls and some of the guys at his high school had meant anything. Even if that “attractiveness” came from unusually colored hair and symmetrical features and simply taking care of himself. At first, the notion that Ienzo might find him attractive too was terrifying.

But ever since he’d felt that first jump in his pulse, he… started to feel it, too. Ienzo’s delicate face, the gracefulness of his hands. The glint in his eye. Would it be so harmful to flirt with him? They already had several times.

Yes, said the voice in his head that sounded like Kairi. For one, it’s a huge conflict of interest. You need him to do his best work to help me , right? Which he can’t do if he’s distracted by you.

Riku felt a stab of guilt. But they weren’t getting much done anyway, he thought. Ienzo had explained the process to him a few times (it had sort of become white noise every time, even though he had tried to listen and understand, instead watching the way his lips moved and trying to keep his expression neutral), and the data they were receiving wasn’t conclusive. She might still be digging through her deeper memory. Considering she had sixteen years’ of it, this might take… a long time.

And the three of them worked more or less around the clock, too. There had been a few times when Riku went down in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, hoping to sit with Kairi for a little while, alone. Someone was usually down there--usually, in fact, it was Ienzo, or a bit more rarely Even. He saw the bags under their eyes, their pale skin, the yawns and the endless cups of coffee. It wasn’t for lack of trying.

Winter coasted to an end, and spring seemed to pass quickly, too. His hair was finally long enough to pull back without the use of pins, and he was grateful because they always fell out or slid around. As the tepid heat that passed for Radiant Garden’s summer began to bleed in, Riku realized it had been nearly nine months since Kairi was asleep.

And it hurt. Here he was, awake, alive , alone , and almost a full year had passed. Sora’s birthday in March had been agony to get through, almost like he was dead and not missing. Now he was faced with the prospect of Kairi’s.

“...Are you alright?” Ienzo asked him during their customary walk. Even though it was summer, he still wore a button-up, done all the way up to the top. At least this one had short sleeves, the muscles in his arms more pronounced than Riku might’ve thought. Books were heavy, he decided.

“I…” He trailed off.

Ienzo smiled. “Riku, we’ve talked about this,” he said in a slightly scolding tone (Riku tried to ignore the way his heart beat faster). “Lying and saying we’re fine gets us nowhere.”

“Pot calling the kettle black,” he said instantly. “Look, I’m just thinking… it’s August, right? It’s… almost Kairi’s birthday.”

“Oh,” Ienzo said softly. “I didn’t know.”

“It just… makes me realize how much time has passed.” He looked away from Ienzo, back out at the cobble roads in front of them. “And I know you guys are working as hard as you can--”

“It’s been endlessly frustrating and disheartening for me to have to tell you time and again there’s no progress.”

“I know. I know. I just…” He swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat.

“You miss them.”

“They’re my best friends. And working around here helps , but I’m just so… I don’t know how much more waiting around I can do.”

Ienzo frowned. “I think of it this way, and this may help you,” he said. “Naminé was able to restore Sora’s memories in a year. He was only fifteen, and she was only one person. But there are the three of us, and Kairi, working hard on this memory dive to see if we can find any connection to Sora. I think… I just have a feeling that something might happen around that year mark. Try not to lose hope just yet.” He gave Riku’s hand one small squeeze, enough to make him nearly stumble over his words.

“I’m trying. It’s just… not easy. It feels like… it’s been so long since I was able to just be friends with them, like there hasn’t ever not been a time we were all separated looking for each other. Sometimes I wonder if it’s ever going to end.”

“I’m sure it must feel that way,” he said, a bit more gently. “But… knowing what I know about the three of you, the bonds are too strong for that separation to be final.”

“You really believe that,” Riku said dryly.

“I really do.” He lifted his chin a bit defiantly. “And seeing as I’m your source for all things scientific… you have no choice but to believe me.”

Riku chuckled.

“...Besides, if enough time passes, we can attempt to release her from her sleep,” Ienzo said. “Actually talk to her. That might be helpful.”

They’d brought this up before, briefly. “But it’s her heart that’s asleep, right? We can’t just wake it up until it’s ready.”

“A good friend of mine has a power that has something to do with that,” Ienzo said, raising an eyebrow.

He pressed a hand to his forehead.

“Did you forget?” Ienzo asked.

“I didn’t… forget . I just didn’t think it would work.”

“Well, to be fair I’m not completely sure it will,” he said. “But it’s worth trying, I think.”

Riku nodded. “Some expert you are,” he said, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Ienzo rolled his eyes.

[themattress]

Ah, see, a chapter from this crappy book was put online.

Many comments down below argue against it, point out what’s wrong with it, and deconstruct its main thesis....but I feel I can do it better, so that’s what I’m going to use this post to do.

When I played Kingdom Hearts II for the first time, one moment stuck with me above all else.

Wow, OK, so this one moment (the Sora/Riku yaoi bait moment) stood out above all other of the many magnificent, memorable moments in the game to you, did it now? Goes to show where your priorities are, and they are NOT where most KH players’ are. But yeah, you’re such a KH “expert” whom we should totally take seriously. After all, you wrote a book! 

Before the final string of boss battles, after reuniting with Kairi—a brief hug and the murmured words “this is real”—Sora prepares to continue his trek through The World That Never Was to find Xemnas. Ansem, tall and ominous in his black coat, watches this exchange from a dozen feet away. Silently, he turns and begins to walk away, only for Kairi to run after him and demand, “Riku, don’t go.”

LIE! This is NOT how the moment went at all. The hug was not “brief” - Kairi throws herself at Sora out of pure emotion, hugs him, says “this is real”, and then Sora, recovering from the surprise, closes his eyes dramatically and emotionally as she hugs Kairi back, tightly. This shared hug lasts long enough for Donald and Goofy, our resident in-game Sora/Kairi shippers, to nonverbally react to it with happiness. This moment is given respect and weight, and it only falls flat for you because you don’t care about Kairi or Sora/Kairi.  Sora also does NOT “prepare to continue his trek”, he and Kairi both only get snapped out of the hug when “Ansem” tries to leave. Also, let’s see how long it takes for you to gloss over Kairi’s role in making the reunion happen, even when you admit Riku would have left if not for her. 

(Btw, the hug and Sora crying on his knees both lasted the same amount: 20 seconds.)

Sora spends every free moment he has in Kingdom Hearts looking for Riku, inquiring with everyone he meets about his whereabouts and lamenting his absence.

LIE! This is NOT what Sora does with “every free moment” he has. There are other friends he genuinely wants to catch up with, other people he doesn’t particularly need to help but does, mini-games he wants to play...oh, and after Kairi is kidnapped, he also asks about her in addition to Riku, even to the point of getting on his knees and begging Saix to take him to her. Nobody’s arguing that Riku isn’t very important to Sora, but you are very deliberately and dishonestly slanting things to make it look like he’s all he cares about to boost your argument.

But the moment Kairi speaks Riku’s name, Sora’s face twists, displaying a confusion and pain we haven’t seen before. 

LIE! Sora’s face is first one of “WTF!?” surprise, and then of just-plain incredulous confusion - he doesn’t immediately believe that “Ansem” is Riku and is likely wondering if Kairi’s lost her mind. And really? We haven’t seen these expressions from Sora before? You need to replay this game which you believe yourself to be such an expert at that you write a book about it.

A slow, almost mournful song plays in the background as Sora closes his eyes, and looks past Ansem’s guise to Riku, the friend he has so desperately searching for. 

Aaand you neglect to mention that it’s because of Kairi’s powers that he is able to look past Ansem’s guise to Riku, and that as the song plays in the background, we see all three friends joining hands. Heaven forbid you imply that Kairi means anything to Sora and Riku.

Taking Riku’s hand in both of his, Sora falls to his knees. “It’s Riku. Riku’s here!” he cries, weeping and visibly shaking. “I looked for you! I looked everywhere for you!” The scene reminds me of a moment earlier in Kingdom Hearts II, where Saix kidnaps Kairi. Saix calls Kairi “the fire that feeds Sora’s anger,” assuming that harming the girl will rankle Sora, leaving him emotionally vulnerable. This statement is wildly incorrect: Sora’s fervor for Riku far outweighs his fervor for Kairi—or for anyone else in the game. Riku is Sora’s fire.

LIE! The scene it SHOULD have reminded you of is when Saix tells Sora that he has Kairi, at Hollow Bastion. Sora pleads with him to take him to her. Saix asks if she’s that important to him, and he replies “Yeah! More than anything!”  Saix says “Show me how important” and Sora...falls to his knees, pathetically prostrating himself before Saix, whimpering “Please.” 

When Saix then replies “No”, Sora jumps up, visibly shaking and with a sob in his voice as he yells “YOU ROTTEN...!” Very clearly, Kairi IS Sora’s fire just as much as Riku is, and harming her WILL rankle him and leave him emotionally vulnerable, which it did seeing as he had to fight his way through Heartless, despite knowing the consequences of doing so at this point, in order to reach her, and when he saw Kairi again he got distracted and was ambushed by Heartless that Kairi has to rescue him from. Leaving this info out is dishonest as fuck.

Sora and Riku’s reunion is the big emotional payoff of Kingdom Hearts II, while meeting up with Kairi doesn’t even get a fraction of this attention.

Because Sora and Kairi’s reunion in the original Kingdom Hearts was already ITS big emotional payoff. It receiving as much attention this time around would make no narrative sense given that Kairi was only until recently safe and sound, whereas Riku has been missing and presumed dead for a long time, and Sora never got to fully reconcile with him before this happened. You need to consider the context when making your conclusions.

That’s because there is no traditional romance in Kingdom Hearts.

LIE! See here. Note that it includes Sora/Kairi and Roxas/Namine.

Rather, we get a picture of intimacy between two young men, two best friends. It’s exceedingly rare that any kind of media portrays non-romantic love between two boys so deeply

Except for literally almost every shonen manga/anime/game in existence ever, you clod.

As Kingdom Hearts’s main storywriter, Tetsuya Nomura seems keen on positive portrayals of male intimacy. He worked on the main premise of Final Fantasy VII, which featured a handful of close and complicated relationships between male characters. Cloud’s relationships with Zack and Sephiroth—two former brothers in arms—color our experience in his shoes. In Final Fantasy VIII, the rivalry between Seifer and Squall is borderline flirtatious, with Seifer’s antagonism towards Squall nearing obsessive. These male relationships would continue to play a role in future Final Fantasy games even without Nomura’s involvement—the camaraderie between Braska, Auron, and Jecht in Final Fantasy X, for instance, or the budding mutual reliance and respect between Snow and Hope in Final Fantasy XIII.

Nomura DID have involvement in Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy XIII, you CLOD!

The relationship between Sora and Riku is not the only intimate male friendship featured prominently in Kingdom Hearts II. There is also the bond between Axel and Roxas.

Oh, boy. Now you open up THIS can of worms. Why am I not surprised?

Throughout Kingdom Hearts II, we see the same flashback a handful of times: Roxas walking away from Axel and saying, “No one would miss me.” “That’s not true!” Axel shouts behind him, then drops his voice and murmurs, “I would.”

Um, we literally only see that flashback twice, and the part you referenced just once.

After encountering a brainwashed Roxas in Twilight Town, he is saddened to hear that his friend does not remember him. He becomes increasingly upset when Roxas continues not to cooperate with him, and in Roxas’s second fight with him it feels as though his anger is turned more on himself than on his former comrade. 

You just point out that Axel becomes increasingly upset when Roxas does not do what he, Axel, wants / needs of him, without considering at all whether it’s what Roxas himself wants / needs. That’s not a good thing. And no, Axel’s anger is absolutely on Roxas in the second fight. There is a glimpse of self-loathing as well, but he is able to overcome it and perform his duty as an assassin, willing to kill his friend so that he can avoid punishment from Xemnas. 

When we watch Roxas’s flashbacks of Axel pleading with him not to leave the Organization, we hear the sorrow in the latter’s voice as he says he’ll miss Roxas. Counter to everything the Organization has been led to believe, Roxas inspires true emotion in Axel: friendship, sorrow, understanding, compassion, love. If Nobodies can regrow their hearts, what emotion more powerful than love can jumpstart their reconstruction? Roxas is the driving force behind Axel and influences his every decision, even when Roxas no longer exists as a separate, complete human being.

First off, who said Nobodies can regrow their hearts? That’s not part of KH2.

Secondly, while it’s true that Roxas inspired those feelings in Axel, the fact that Axel lacks a heart means that he still is completely self-centered about them. Roxas himself is not Axel’s driving force, AXEL is Axel’s driving force. That’s the fundamental point of his character: that he pursues his own agenda above all else, and Roxas now being the main component of that agenda doesn’t change this. Your romanticized, whitewashed view of Axel is not canon.

While he calmly accepts responsibility for Naminé from DiZ

He accepted responsibility from RIKU, not DiZ, who wanted them dead. Clod, clod, CLOD!

Axel’s behavior shows that he sees his self-worth only within the context of his friendship with Roxas. Without Roxas, Axel does not value himself or his own existence, as evidenced by his readiness to sacrifice himself to save Sora.

This is partly true, but you’re a little off the mark. Axel doesn’t value himself only because of Roxas personally, but because of how Roxas makes him feel. Roxas inspiring feelings within him makes him feel like a complete being, like he has a heart. And like he says, Sora makes him feel the same way, so if he wanted to, he could have just stayed alive and stayed with Sora in order to get his feelings fix. The reason he sacrificed himself was because he had realized at last that his selfishness was wrong, that friendship is a two-way street, and after having screwed up with Roxas to the point of trying to kill him, he now wanted to redeem himself by giving to Roxas (and thus Sora): giving his life. This was a redemption, yet you’re skewing it to be “There’s no reason to live if I can’t have my boyfriend Roxas back!”

We never see this level of emotion in Sora’s reunion with Kairi.

You do remember that Sora pretty much killed himself to save Kairi in the first KH, right?

Roxas, who you were just talking about, wouldn’t have been a thing without that happening?

Are you that misogynistically averse to Kairi that you zone out whenever she’s a factor?

Sora crying for Riku, Axel crying for Roxas. The boys are the only ones who cry because their vulnerability is tied up with their dependence on each other. These are the believable relationships. These are the characters whose relationships players are never supposed to doubt. The emotion is raw and crystal clear in both of these scenes. We never see this level of emotion in Sora’s reunion with Kairi. It just isn’t there.

So boys crying ultimately places these relationships above all others, and every other relationship in the game (Sora/Kairi, Roxas/Namine, Roxas/Hayner,/Pence/Olette, Sora/Donald/Goofy, Mickey/Donald/Goofy, Mickey/Riku) can all be swept aside as irrelevant, doubtful and not believable because no visible tears are shed? That’s your argument?

Part of what makes Roxas and Axel’s relationship so beautiful is this outright rejection of their Nobody nature—they feel for each other and they let each other know it.

Here’s the problem - aside from that Axel crying scene which was not in the original version of the game, we actually NEVER see Roxas truly let Axel know that he feels for him. We literally NEVER see their friendship. It is a totally informed statement. We only see Roxas leaving and coldly saying “no-one will miss me” to Axel, and Roxas fully remembering Axel and being touched but still surprisingly blasé over what looks like (and originally WAS) Axel’s death in front of him. Yet this one-sided relationship is one of “the believable ones” to you?

And OK, let’s move away from KH2 and bring 358/2 Days into the equation. Even in that game, Roxas’ feelings of friendship toward Axel, while undeniably sincere, are nowhere close to the intensity of Axel’s feelings of friendship toward Roxas. Roxas actually has stronger feelings for Xion, and is willing to sever all ties with Axel, TWICE, because of something bad he does to him and Xion. This is not the paragon of m/m love you fangirls make it out to be!

Also, Roxas is 15. Axel is in his 20s. Just pointing that out.

Which is why the game’s ham-fisted implications of a romantic love triangle between Riku, Sora, and Kairi are so unconvincing. 

WHAT romantic love triangle!? There isn’t one at all in KH2, and in fact there never was one in the original game! It was always Sora and Kairi who liked each other that way. The official Character Report book confirmed that Riku did not like Kairi that way, knew Sora did and teased him about it, often acting as a potential romantic rival just to push Sora further and make Sora stronger - he’s the big-brother figure, it’s what he does. He only became posessive of Kairi and fought with Sora over her after he thought Sora abandoned him for Donald and Goofy (and the Keyblade). It was basically his way of saying “you throw away our friendship, then I take away your friendship / romance with Kairi, and she’ll stay MY friend!”

The implications are unconvincing because they’re a product of your deranged mind!

While the narrative wants you to believe these two are destined to become lovers, any implied Sora/Kairi mutual affection comes off simply as friends bound together by happy childhood memories. 

Right, because the Paupu Fruit (called “so romantic” by Selphie) is totally just a friendship thing, Sora killing himself in order to save Kairi and Kairi being able to bring him back because they are that close (in the present, not just in “happy childhood memories”) is totally just a friendship thing, the whole plot of CoM hinging on Kairi as Sora’s most important person (which he later re-iterates to Saix) is totally just a friendship thing, Sora imagining himself and Kairi in place of Jack and Sally slow-dancing is totally just a friendship thing, Sora and Kairi’s connection being able to bring Sora and Riku back home is totally just a friendship thing, Xion having Kairi’s face because Kairi is Sora’s most precious memory is totally just a friendship thing, this is totally just a friendship thing...I could go on. You. Are. DELUSIONAL.

Riku and Sora spend all of the first Kingdom Hearts looking for this girl, but at the start of Kingdom Hearts II it’s clear they are more invested in one another.

Which is probably because their goal in the first game was completed and Kairi is safe and sound on Destiny Islands at the start of KH2, while Sora and Riku are still in precarious situations. Once Kairi is put BACK in danger, Sora and Riku both become invested in her as well. Your constant lies by omission are bordering on sociopathic now!

Kingdom Hearts II begins with Kairi on Destiny Islands without Sora and Riku. Despite Sora’s promise during the ending events of the first Kingdom Hearts that he would find her again, he has still not returned home or even bothered to contact Kairi. 

LIE! His promise was NOT “to find her again”, he knows where she is, his promise was to come back to her with Riku, something she agreed to since, contrary to hateful fangirls’ portrayals of her, she cares about Riku too. At the end of KH2, he is finally able to keep that promise, plus the other promise of returning her lucky charm to her once his task was complete. Why the fuck would he return home without Riku, thus breaking his promise?

Instead, his search for Riku led him to Castle Oblivion and the events of Chain of Memories

Which, as mentioned above, his feelings for Kairi were instrumental to.

Meanwhile, that someone else is hopping from world to world looking for Riku, taking no time to stop by Destiny Islands to let Kairi know he’s okay. Everywhere he stops on his journey, he asks the same question: Has anyone seen Riku? Why not ask for directions back home to Kairi? Despite the game’s flashbacks and shoddily shoehorned-in visions of Kairi, she’s just not Sora’s priority.

Because, again, he KNOWS Kairi is safe on the islands so she’s not a priority, and his promise was to bring Riku back home so that the three of them could live happily together again. Why the fuck would he ask for directions back home when he’s made it repeatedly clear that his objective is only to return once he has Riku back, since that’s what Kairi wants as well? Also, once Kairi is kidnapped, she DOES become his priority and he asks about her / a way into the Nobodies’ world to rescue her just as much as he asks about where Riku is.

Sora’s constant search for Riku makes it clear that this is the relationship we need to be paying attention to. 

No, it’s ONE of them. Kingdom Hearts is made of MANY important relationships. His constant search for Kairi in addition to Riku once she’s kidnapped shows that his relationship with her is another one, and Donald and Goofy’s continuing quest for King Mickey shows that their relationship with him is another one. And let’s not forget the core one of Sora! Donald! Goofy!

You pushing Sora/Riku as the end-all, be-all is your agenda, not the game’s.

If there is supposed to be romantic love between Sora and Kairi, it’s not present in the writing. 

LIE! I’ve already pointed out why.

Their reunion is brief, and their conversation is clipped and bland. Kairi tells Sora she came looking for him because he never came home, and Sora’s reaction lets us know that he knows he screwed up. Sora apologizes to Kairi, and even as she hugs him, his response to her presence is anemic compared to the complete emotional breakdown he has when Riku is revealed.

This is your take on it, not a fact like you are presenting it as. Other views may differ.

Even after Riku’s abominable behavior, and even as he spends a majority of Kingdom Hearts II desperately avoiding Sora, his friend is still overcome to the point of tears when they meet. Sora does not rebuke Riku, he simply asks him why he has been avoiding him.

Um, yeah. That’s Sora. That’s his character, very easily forgiving. So what?

Sora is a benevolent guy throughout these games, but it’s not like him to give a free pass to his opponents.

LIE! See Maleficent and Pete, Axel, Beast when he’s under Xaldin’s control, Riku in the first game, Riku Replica in CoM, “Ansem” at the end of KH2...heck, he’s even OK going up and talking to Hades to sign up for the Paradox Cup even after all the shit Hades has pulled. He also is known to give opponents chances to back off and survive, like Vexen and Demyx.

Despite the atrocities committed at Riku’s hand in the first Kingdom Hearts, Sora still sets out in Kingdom Hearts II passionately searching for the lost Riku. He is the only one who gets Sora’s all-encompassing forgiveness.

Yeah, because they’re best friends, close as brothers. And they already had the start of a reconciliation at the end of the original game, when they closed the Door to Darkness. Exactly what’s your argument here? That if Kairi was to inexplicably go evil, Sora wouldn’t give her a pass or forgive her? Because if you believe that, then you’re a (bigger) dumbass!

The final boss sequence of Kingdom Hearts II could have easily pitted Sora solo against Xemnas.

Um, why? The previous final bosses didn’t have him go solo. Why would this?

One of Xemnas’s most common attacks involves grabbing Sora with an electrical field and holding him in place while he slowly drains the boy’s health. During these segments, players are given full control over Riku as he makes his way across the battlefield to rescue his friend. “Rescue” is even the word used for the command you must input to free Sora. It’s one thing to have these boys tell each other how they feel; it’s quite another to see them act it out in a climactic battle sequence.

Rescuing your friend is now apparently a big, earth-shattering deal. Um, OK.

You realize any character can rescue one another in battle, right?

The team-up offers an insight into the dynamics of their friendship. Giving Riku more of the heavy lifting in their combo attacks—breaking the buildings and hurling them at Xemnas as well as having to rescue Sora from the electrical attack—sets him up as the more protective of the two. Sora is active while Riku is reactive, and in the same way he spends all of the game trying to avoid Sora, he spends the final battle allowing Sora to set up powerful attacks for Riku to execute. And by having Sora be incapacitated and requiring rescue says something about how the developers want players to view their relationship. In the end, Sora will always need Riku. Riku’s presence makes Sora more confident, makes him stronger and more sure of himself. We see more of this feeling in Dream Drop Distance, where Sora fails his mission and needs Riku to bail him out, but the first seeds sprout in Kingdom Hearts II.

FUCK OFF. You’re falling into the common “seme/uke” yaoi stereotype for Riku and Sora here. For as much as you disparge Kairi for needing saving by Sora (while ignoring the times she saves him), you seem to actually get off on the idea that Sora always needs saving by Riku. I highly doubt the developers wanted you to think about the relationship like this, Nomura even said the main reason it happened was just because a lot of fans back then wanted to play as Riku, the same reason Reverse/Rebirth mode happened in CoM. Ironically, by the time of 3D, Riku’s popularity in Japan had died out, and the game didn’t sell so well.

Setting the boys up as partners in the final boss fight—literally your final act as a player—telegraphs to us that the game is about Sora and Riku’s friendship.

No. It’s one of the big themes of the game and what takes precedence in the last act, but to say that the ENTIRE GAME is about it and ignore all the other rich content that is packed into the game does it a disservice. I again ask why you even wrote a book about this game. Was it just to push your personal fangirl fantasies? We already have Tomoco Kanemaki for that!

You can’t tell either boy’s story without the other.

Tell that to CoM and 358/2 Days...or this game, where we hardly see a “story” for Riku.

Their friendship, Sora’s desire to find Riku, and Riku’s desire to protect Sora by only helping him from the shadows, is what drives the story forward and what lays down the game’s emotional foundation.

Really? Because it had nothing to do with Roxas’ story, or Axel’s story. Or the story of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. Or Organization XIII’s plans. Or Mickey’s own quest and connection with Ansem the Wise. Or many events in the Disney worlds. Or...yeah, you get the message. Once again, you simplify a wonderfully complex, multi-layered game and boil it down to a yaoi story. I doubt you’d BE a KH fan if not for the yaoi-bait given this pattern of behavior. I hate to play the “True Fan” card, but...you’re not a True Fan. You don’t get it.

Following the final battle, as they sit on the edge of oblivion, Sora and Riku confess their feelings to each other.

And you deliberately phrase it romantically. More lying.

This climactic scene isn’t Sora and Kairi confessing their love

You realize that 1.) There’s still a series to go for that to happen, 2.) Nomura doesn’t want romance and shipping to be the main focus, and 3.) We actually get a credits scene where Sora sees that Kairi has returned his feelings with the chalk drawing on the cave wall.

We see her again in the very last scene welcoming Sora back to Destiny Islands, but the sweetness of her homecoming words is outshined by this exchange between the boys on a dark beach.

Which is a fact, not at all an opinion. And this is not sarcasm, not at all!

They’ve won the fight, and they don’t know if they’ll be able to return home. 

And who ends up being the catalyst for them coming home and not dying? KAIRI.

While Riku and Sora are not in love, the boys’ friendship is one of the deepest and most moving relationships of any kind that I’ve seen in a video game. And part of why it works is because it’s not a romance. Without sexual tension or expressed desire of any kind, these relationships appear as the deepest forms of male intimacy: mutual dependence, connectedness, and respect.

LMAO! After all this, you’re now trying to claim you’re not a yaoi fangirl and that you understand and accept that Sora and Riku are not in love and their feelings not sexual!? 

You aren’t fooling anyone, Alexa. You’re the typical obnoxious, toxic KH yaoi fangirl. Own it.

Kingdom Hearts II is the tale of these broken bonds becoming whole and being used as power against the creeping darkness. As Sora says in the first Kingdom Hearts, “My friends are my power.” Kingdom Hearts II proves that for Sora and Riku, this will always be the case.

And for Sora and Kairi, and Riku and Kairi, and Sora, Donald and Goofy, and Mickey, Donald and Goofy, and Mickey and Riku, and Riku and DiZ, and Roxas and Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and Roxas and Axel, and...OK, I’ve already made this point before, I’m done now.

Bottom line: this so-called fan lies with reckless abandon, omits key facts, presents her opinions as truth, and completely maligns the entire rest of the game just to prop up the one aspect she feels dominates all others and that other players should feel the same way about it as she does. To all True KH Fans, avoid her, her book, and future writings like the Plague!

[merilly-chan]

I feel like a lot of people are jumping to the conclusion that Aqua became a vessel of Xehanort. We cannot say that for sure. As far as I'm aware, it was never confirmed that the white/silver hair and yellow eyes combination is only limited to Xehanort and his vessels. What could have made him look like this in the first place could have been the influence of darkness itself. We don't know Xehanort's past. We don't know when he got into contact with darkness or what he may have looked like before. What we do know however is that yellow eyes are also a common color for the eyes of the Heartless. Vanitas also had yellow eyes without the hair color since he was the personified darkness in Ven's heart and it does not imply he was a vessel back then. Now, this is only a theory, but I believe the yellow eyes in particular aren't Xehanort's original eye color. In fact, I believe them to be brown. The reason for this is that in Blank Points, we see Terra-Xehanort and he has brown eyes. Terra's eyes are naturally blue, so it cannot potentially be his influence. Since he lost his memories and maybe even his connection to darkness due to the memory loss, it might have reverted back to its original color. It's only a theory, but yellow eyes do not necessarily mean Xehanort and are not exclusive to him and could simply signify an affliction with darkness. I do not have an explanation for the hair color but that does not seem to be consistent either. Larxene has yellow eyes and retains her hair color, although we can assume she's part of Xehanort's puppets. The same applies to Xigbar. Of course Aqua could have been somehow norted. Corridors of Darkness can apparently access the RoD since Xemnas and Roxas talked at the Dark Margin before. So the access was there. The question would remain though why he would go after Aqua. Being norted is not always a matter of will or how dark a heart is or Sora would never have become a candidate. Young Xehanort may have taunted him about dragging him deeper and deeper but it doesn't change the fact that the amount of darkness in his heart is likely comparably low if you look at Terra or Riku for example. Returning to Aqua, she doesn't seem like the best choice. It seems like a lot of effort for someone who may not be the ideal vessel. What also bothers me a little ahout this is why she would still be in the Realm of Darkness. While we can't know she already did it, she's the only one who can access the room Ven sleeps in. Xehanort still wants him for one reason or another, so wouldn't it make more sense to send her there to retrieve him? As I said, she may have already done so, but since it's usually Ansem SoD following Riku like a lost puppy, it makes me wonder why she would be there if she was a vessel. There would be nothing there for her. And it also doesn't make sense for his vessels to defeat them beforehand because Xehanort is very determined to make them clash (although I still think he needs the princesses and not the guardians... Well, let's see what explanation they have for that since neither side really consists of only darkness or light.) Either way, we should not take the whole white hair and yellow eyes thing as face value. There could be a dozen explanations for that. We don't know what happened after she met with Ansem the Wise. A year or so could have passed since then and while she was a little more determined at the end of 0.2 than she was in the beginning, that's still a lot of time. She might have lost faith because of something transpiring. She may have accepted the darkness like Riku did to save someone else. For all we know, it could also be an illusion since she literally emerges from a dark mass that does not look like a portal at all. And while it's no necessity, I believe she would wear a coat if she would truly be one of Xehanort's vessels. In the end, not everything leads back to Xehanort anymore. There are too many possibilities which could unfold, so I would not assume she is a vessel just yet.

[sylvermyth]

Matters of Pride - Ch 8

*sidles in*  IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS I AM SORRY AHHHH SCHOOL IS KILLING ME.

Thank you for your patience for this chapter.  If I get lots of comments (even just "!!!" or "I loved it!" or whatever) then I might be motivated to make time to work on it, yeah?  Also, reblogs save lives.   Find the previous chapters on AO3 or ON MY FIC DIRECTORY.  Cheers.

Matters of Pride Chapter 8: Ansem’s Journal

I dreamt last night.

I dreamt of the Komainu I am following. He told me he knows that I am following them, that he senses my nature. 'What do you mean by that?' I asked. He said, 'You're awakening as a souhei.'

That is, of course, a fancy on my own part. I can only dream of wielding the power that I am certain they possess. I, too, would like to make my mark on the world.

—

It was no dream, after all. I woke in the dead of night to see a huge lion standing over me. His eyes were the color of clear skies. It is not the one I have been following; this one is younger. I can feel it, somehow, like his mind is touching my own. Is this what it is to be souhei? How does one bond with a Komainu? Is it as a melding of the minds?

He says he felt me reaching out, searching. He says he has been waiting for a souhei to unlock his strength.

But how do I do it?

—

He tells me there is no longer any need to trail the pair I'd been following, my new companion.

I disagree, although I have relented for the moment. There is no doubt that those two can sense, if not me, then him.

Instead, I have focused all of my attentions on him. It is a strange ability, to touch the heart of another—I am certain it is the heart, and not the mind, less the intricate layers of thought and knowledge…it's something more primal. My companion's heart remains unguarded, eager to find a new kind of strength. It is not what I expected. The other Komainu I've encountered—studied from afar—have served some altruistic goal, traveling to where evil has settled, to exorcise it. My companion's heart is more occupied with a selfish hunger for power—to what end, I am unsure, though, I expect, so is he.

I know my own goals. I want to change the world. If I must harness this selfish lion's power for my own, then so be it.

—

Much has happened.

As souhei and Komainu, my companion and I are able to communicate through dreams. It is intimate, in a way, to invade the privacy of one's sleeping conscious, and neither of us cares for the intimacy, but it is through this that we found the doors. Perhaps it is a metaphor in our unconscious minds, and not truly doors that we found, but we opened them. And once they were open…

My senses are heightened, and often, if I concentrate, I can experience the things my companion experiences—the hunt of an animal, the sights and smells, the feeling of the life leaving it. It's heady.

More, knowledge that I have no memory of gaining comes to me. How to weave spells, for example—spells! Fire, thunder, ice, all follow my will! My companion, as well, has similar abilities, those that he can wield in a human form, and those he can harness as a lion.

He grew bold, with this new power.

He tried to ravage a small village we passed.

I would not have it. It was wrong, it was not the mark I wish to leave on the world.

I discovered that, not only can I experience his experiences—I can also influence them.

It was a contest of wills, but I won. He is weak, after all.

He follows only my will, now.

His eyes no longer reflect a cloudless sky.

—

The amber eyes of my companion haunt my dreams now.

—

It will be easier to achieve my goals if I have numbers. There are many Komainu, and few souhei. I have had little trouble recruiting more to my cause.

I will make my mark on the world. I will make it better.

—

They all have yellow eyes now.

—

Two hearts lay at my feet, still warm, only recently stilled. Only recently torn from their owners' chests. I can feel the blood on my hands, can practically taste it, though it was not I who took it.

I was wrong. The souhei would not accept my vision of the world.

The Komainu went in a rage at his companion's death. He was strong—just as his companion had been—and I could not bring him to heel. His heart…it was still bonded with his dead companion. It would not be swayed.

Is this the strength of a true bond? Have I made a mistake?

No.

No, it is they who are mistaken.

Can't they see that I only want it to be better?

They will see. They will see when I remake this world.

—

Sora had felt the tension growing in Riku as they read the string of journal entries together; now his eyes were slitted, the rage coming off of him almost tangible. He was silent, but the stiff shoulders, the balled fists, said it all. His coffee sat, forgotten, on the counter.

It was clear, even without reading further, that Ansem had been like Xehanort. That, in fact, he had gotten further than Xehanort had.

As far as they knew.

"Riku," Sora murmured. He hoped it was placating. "Whatever happened, it's in the past. This Ansem—"

"He killed them," Riku bit out. He jabbed a finger at the journal entry. "My kind. Dead. One of you, dead."

Sora frowned down at it, the silence between them sharp, biting.

"Xehanort—he'll do this, too." Riku's lips were still turned up in a snarl, but there was an undercurrent of something else.

Worry, fear, maybe. It wasn't just his own life—his own will—on the line, but Terra's, as well.

Maybe even Sora's. It worried him, too, a little, but he couldn't imagine abandoning Riku at this stage. It wasn't the kind of person he was.

Sora caught Riku's eyes with his own. "No. We'll stop him. Someone must've stopped Ansem, right? We'll be the ones to stop Xehanort, before he gets any further." It was hard, holding Riku's gaze, but Sora didn't waver. "We'll do it, I promise."

Riku pursed his lips. "What makes you so sure?"

Sora raised his eyebrows. "Because, Riku. You've already won, once."

Riku's eyebrows were still drawn down, mouth tight.

"We'll be stronger together," Sora nodded as he said it, conviction evident in his voice. Sora put a hand to his chin, thoughtful. "Riku…" He bent and turned the journal back a few pages, pointing at another entry. "This here. He said he could experience the same things as the Komainu, right? I wonder if it's like—like in the dream realm." Sora pressed his lips together. "After you ran off, it was like…I was feeling the same things as you, for a time. I can't explain it, but. I felt like I was running, too."

Riku's gaze sharpened, and he took a step back. "You—?"

Sora shook his head quickly, holding his hands out. "It wasn't on purpose!"

Riku's shoulders relaxed a fraction. There was a pause, and then: "So we've already started—" he waved his hands vaguely.

Sora nodded, his face brightening. "And, when we were sparring? I have never done anything like that before, either."

Riku's face softened, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I know you didn't—you weren't trying to steal control." He glanced back up. "Is it just that simple, though?" There was a look in his eyes that Sora didn't recognize. "I just…let you in?"

It was vulnerability, Sora realized, and maybe Riku realized it, too, because the look was gone almost as soon as Sora noticed it.

Sora hummed. "But what about the uh…magic? Maybe we should keep reading."

Riku sighed, shrugged. He rubbed his eyes and turned back to the counter. He picked up his cup of coffee and gestured at Sora with it. "Coffee?"

Sora stood, joining Riku at the counter. "Yes, please."

Riku obliged, producing another mug and pouring the coffee in silence, except for a soft inquiry of, "Cream and sugar?" It wasn't until after Sora had wrapped his hands around the mug that he spoke again. "I don't think Xehanort has enough control yet to use magic. Or maybe he doesn't know."

Sora lifted his eyebrows. "That's good, then, right?"

Riku nodded slowly.

Sora stirred his coffee absently. "Are there others? Like you and Terra, or like me?"

Riku stared into his mug. "Somewhere, probably. We thought there were no souehei, but we were wrong. So there are probably more Komainu than we know about." He shrugged. "I don't know how to contact them."

Sora bumped his shoulder. "That's okay."

A notification sounded from Riku's phone, and he tapped the message. "It's Yen Sid." Riku's fingers moved on the screen, sending a reply. "He said he has something for us and asked where we were."

"Did he say what?"

Riku shook his head, tilting his phone to show Sora the message. A second message appeared on the screen.

"Ah, he said he's sending it over."

"Mn." Riku tapped the counter, and Sora had a vivid image of a cat flicking its tail back and forth in thought. "Sora."

Sora blinked at the suddenness of Riku's voice. "Yeah?"

Riku opened his mouth, and then closed it, shaking his head. "Never mind."

Sora tilted his head. "No, what is it, Riku?"

Riku ducked his head, his voice low and fast. "Dating…why do you want to do that?"

Sora raised his eyebrows, bemused, and then his lips stretched into a smile. "I like you. I thought that was obvious."

Riku looked at Sora through his eyelashes. "But isn't this enough?"

"This?" Sora's smile slipped.

Riku exhaled. "This," and this time when Riku said the word, Sora felt a slight tug, like a string pulled taut between them.

Sora stared. "What was that?"

Riku huffed a sigh. "A bond. It's still new, but…"

"Oh." Sora pursed his lips, processing. "So, a bond…like…"

"I think that's what Ansem was talking about, even if he didn't know," Riku mused. "It's…" he hesitated. "Not something we share lightly." Softer: "It would make sense, then, if 'their hearts beat as one.'"

"Oh," Sora said again.

"So, there's no need to date," Riku finished, a hint of irritation lacing his voice.

"Oh." Comprehension dawned on Sora, a flush following in its wake.

Riku, noticing, let out a small laugh. "Wow, Sora, you're slow."

Sora scowled half-heartedly. "I'm still learning about all of this, you know!"

"Alright," Riku conceded. A beat later, his phone rang, and he answered it with a brief, "Yes, send him up," before hanging it up. "Yen Sid's messenger," he supplied.

It wasn't long before a knock sounded at the door, and Riku opened it after glancing through the peephole.

A young man, shorter than Sora, stood on the other side of it, shaking black hair from his eyes. "Oh, hiya guys! You must be Sora and Riku. I'm Mickey." He held out a bundle wrapped in brown paper. "Yen Sid sent me to deliver this."

Riku accepted the parcel. "Thanks."

Mickey beamed. "No problem! I have to get back, but good luck. I hope that comes in handy!"

Riku and Sora watched his hurried departure down the hall, eyebrows raised, until he turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

"Wow," Riku murmured, closing the door.

"What?"

Riku brushed his shoulder against Sora's casually. "I didn't think it was possible for someone to be happier than you, is all." His eyes sparkled as he said it, his tone light.

Sora pouted. "You're mean, you know that?"

Riku made a noise in his throat, somewhere between a purr and a laugh, if Sora were to guess.

"So, what is it?"

Riku set it on the counter, a little away from their coffees, and tugged off the paper. There was a note on top: I appropriated this, but I thought it wise to deliver it to one who can make use of it. And beneath the paper, gleaming dully, a wooden Komainu mask that matched the drawings they'd encountered in their research. It was red, stylized, with swirls of gold, and carved fangs done in bone yellow.

Riku's fingers hovered over the lacquer. "I always thought these were just masks," he murmured.

Sora studied the whorls and age-cracked paint. "Isn't it?"

Riku trailed his forefinger over a wooden cheekbone, and it seemed that the gold shone a little brighter. "No. See for yourself." He pulled his hand away, gesturing to Sora to touch the mask.

"It's warm," Sora mused. More than that, he could feel a pulse of energy, a low vibration beneath his hand.

Riku frowned. "So much of our history, lost to darkness." He made to pick up the mask, and what had been a low gleam suddenly grew in intensity, and both Riku and Sora drew their hands back in surprise. The light dissipated, and Riku reached down again, turning the mask over and studying it. "I think…" He held it in front of his face and inhaled, eyes bright. "Interesting. It makes it easier for me, to hold a human form." At Sora's puzzled expression, Riku placed the mask back on the table. "It's not a natural form for me," he explained, "So it takes energy to maintain it."

Sora poked at the mask. "Something tells me there's more to it than that, though. Don't you think? Or else Yen Sid wouldn't have…borrowed it."

Riku nodded, sipping his coffee.

"Ansem's journal mentioned that the one he was following had a mask," Sora said slowly, "but nothing about masks after that. Like…none of the…uhm, ones he controlled, there's no mention of masks. Do you think maybe it protects you?"

Riku shrugged. "Maybe there's more we haven't read yet. Or he just didn't write anything."

"Right, right. We shouldn't take any chances, right? Oh, but I could try to control you with it on?"

"We could try." Riku made a face at his empty coffee cup. "Alright, Sora." Riku took up the mask again, this time fitting it fully to his face. When he growled "Stop me," it was muffled by the mask, and yet, Sora heard the words clearly, just a moment before Riku sprang into action.

[vampirically]

My Very Personal (And Absolutely Not Biased) Theory About Xigbar And Marluxia

a lot of you asked about the theory i mentioned in my last post, so it’s time for  me to finally unveil the mystery about what i think has been xigbar’s role all along!!!!

a thing that i’ve discovered only recently, by playing kh2.5, is the existance of this cutscene right here. during the cutscene, we see xigbar eavesdropping on zexion and vexen, and then trying to gather some information about the chamber of repose. there are many weird things about this particular dialogue which caught my attention.

first of all, we get to know that xaldin and xigbar were the ones (probably the only ones) entrusted to find new members for the organization. at the time of this conversation, xigbar has just recruited marluxia, so the organization’s current members are 11. it is not much later that marluxia, larxene, axel, zexion, lexaeus and vexen would be sent to castle oblivion, as we can deduce from zexion’s age (i’m going with the ‘nobodies age’ theory) and from what he says about the “new facility”. if you have played days, you’d certainly know that the organization members in castle oblivion were sent there not only to monitor sora, but also for their loyalty to be tested. follow axel and saix’s exchange here. it shows that saix knew there were traitors among the organization, and the people who were sent to castle oblivion were “getting in the way” and needed to be eliminated. this is especially valid for zexion, according to axel’s words, the one whom xigbar reached out to… maybe, since he was very close to ansem the wise, zexion knows a very big secret about xemnas? observe this scene at the end of bbs. i’ve been a kh fan for all my life and now i know that very little things about it can be considered mere coincidences… zexion’s presence in that particular moment, together with his gaze towards braig and xehanort and the suspicion they arose in ansem the wise, must definitely mean something.

but onto xigbar and saix again. some may argue that since they’re “already half xehanort”, their will is not totally their own, but i am not so sure of that. before kh3d, at least, they still seemed to be their own people, going so far as having their own little conspiratory moments, and even in kh3d xigbar is still unequivocably xigbar, talking shit to his boss (”what now, you old coot?”) and leaving the battlefield whenever he sees fit (he’s never been much of a hard working one to be honest). that’s why i believe that both he and saix are working in the shadows to get what they truly want - we’ve clearly seen them cospirating against the organization in multiple occasions, at least while they were still nobodies (which is controversial, since according to kh3d nobodies actually had hearts all along…). now that they are humans again, since their heart is partly xehanort’s, they may be forced to be loyal to him, but this doesn’t erase what they’ve done in the past. we must wait until we get a more precise description of what being “half xehanort” means, and if that had an effect even when they were nobodies. if it ain’t confusing, it ain’t kingdom hearts.

going back to xigbar and zexion’s conversation, the fact that xigbar himself was the one who recruited marluxia, a man who arose suspicion in saix (and i believe in xemnas too) from the very beginning, is indeed quite suspicious. xigbar wants to know about the chamber of repose, he wants to know xemnas’ secret and he recruited a traitor who wanted to overthrow the organization. again, i don’t think that this was a coincidence at all. i’m not sure about his motives, but they may as well be the same as marluxia’s (the “hearts are useless, we don’t need them to conquer the world” logic seems to be very fitting for xigbar), or maybe he just wanted to be the one in command. or maybe he took advantage of marluxia and brainwashed him into doing whatever he wanted, aka overthrowing the organization! as far as we know, newborn nobodies are like children, and if marluxia’s first contact with the world was xigbar… let’s just say he knows his way around words. let’s also not forget that braig had accepted to work for xehanort for his own gain and the only thing he gained was a scarred face and an eyepatch. notice that xigbar’s second journal entry in kh2 states: “His motives and his methods remain unclear. Surely he has a greater goal in mind, but what could it be?” and although kh3d’s journal says that he is “One of Organization XIII’s members. As Number II, he has Xehanort’s trust above all others”, i argue that the two sentences don’t contradict each other. he has xehanort’s trust, but he may still have another goal. either he hides a great power too, and that’s why xehanort lets him do whatever he wants, or he’s been very good to hide him his double-crossing so far. the fact that he followed xemnas (and other members) without him finding out makes me think that he really must be something - let’s not forget that he, for some reason, controls space and can teleport, and that’s not an ability xehanort gave him!

in conclusion, since marluxia’s lesser nobodies have been confirmed to appear in kh3, i am quite sure our beloved pink-haired villain will come back as a nort, and maybe we will finally know if he and xigbar ever interacted besides his recruitment. with zexion being on the good guy’s side now, we will probably learn if he knew something we did not all along. i really hope my theory will turn out to be true - not only because marluxia and xigbar are my two favorite villains, but also because i spent too much time writing and thinking about this and my hopes are super high!!! sorry for my english and please let me know what you think of this!!!