#it wont ever be like when they were kids
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i thjnk that in the end what bothers me about a lot of ragbros reconciliation fan content is that it seems to treat their making up as a single event. as if they just need to have one heartfelt conversation and apologize and hug each other and then they will be officially reconciliated. as if they wouldn't need to rebuild their relationship slowly! (as if they haven't already started to, albeit tentatively). as if they wouldn't need to first let go of old grievances, both the big ones and the little ones. let go of the guilt they place on both themselves and on each other. it cannot possibly happen in one night! it's learning to talk to each other again until it isn't awkward anymore. until the smallest annoyances stop bringing back all the bitterness to the surface. it's learning to open up to each other again! this time with no awful secrets between them! it's discussing those secrets! discussing their shared grief and making an effort to understand the sorrows they do not share. i cannot stress enough how much i want you to understand it needs to be a very painful very saddening but also very hopeful and maybe cathartic process
#this is perhaps overly long and convoluted but you know how i am. i have kaeya diluc disease#brothers tag#kaeyaposting#diluc#ragbros#kaeya#my posts#like!!! do you even get it!!!#also content where they are in the middle of that process is so dear to me#when it's still strained and feels like treading on thin ice#but theyre working on it and theyre getting somewhere#and maybe there's this underlying feeling in both of them where it's like they are saying ''please. can we go back to how we used to be?''#and the answer is no. they cant#it wont ever be like when they were kids#but it can be better!! better than how things are now than how things were after that night#better even than how it was when they were young. it would be truer now i think#less of a weight hanging over kaeyas shoulder#bites my fist im so normal
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
Re-watching the scene where Kant and Style talk outside the diner makes me wonder if Style only suggested Kant's dad's car because he thought Kant wouldn't agree to that deal.
The way he says it, all gleeful and teasing, it's clear he's not expecting Kant to say yes to this.
When Kant agrees, the expression on Style's face is almost fond amusement, like "Oh damn, bro, you're really agreeing to this?? You're THIS gone on him already? After one night??"
He even checks again, to see if Kant's serious, like he's half trying to talk Kant out of the deal.
(Love how the whole time Kant is So Serious. Every frame in this scene is Kant serving Soft, Sad, and Wistful eyes as he gazes longingly at Bison through the window.)
But I love what this shows of their friendship. Style will do this crazy thing for his friend just because Kant is in love (as far as Style's knows) for the first time and asking him to help. And yes, some of it is the car and his own ego/desire to put the hot jerk who refused his attempts at seduction in his place -- but its also kind of sweet. Style is presented in ep 1 as quite selfish and self-centered (not maliciously, but in a careless kind of way), but here we see him agreeing to something quite inconvenient for the sake of a friend.
There's some hints at how sweet their friendship is earlier in this episode actually. In the bowling alley, when Style is acting like a brat:
Maybe its just cuz First is too damn pretty for his own good, but his expression reads as slightly exasperated but very fond. It feels like Kant indulges Style's quirks and brashness a lot, so I can sort of see Style agreeing to get involved with a relative stranger just because his friend asked.
This also fits more naturally into my headcannon for Style being the most naive and therefore vulnerable character in the main cast. He's doing everything for (mostly) genuine reasons and I really hope we get to see an explosive reaction when he finds out that Kant didn't tell him about the whole police pressure situation, not to mention the assassin issue.
But I could also see Style finding out that Fadel is a dangerous assassin and being like, "Wait, and the worse you did to me was prick me lightly with a pin and drag me outside your diner?? Yeah you're definitely attracted to me." Which would be. So Hilarious. Imagine Fadel's face. xD
#also i love how flirty kant and style's banter is#style and kant def hooked up in the past and it shows#my hc depends on whether they've known each other since they were kids or if they met as adults#if they met as adults i bet it was when kant needed a mechanic for his stolen car side hustle#style seems the type to be quite unconcerned about petty crime so he may have been like 'dont tell and i wont ask' about it#so they become friends and probs one night when alcohol was involved but they were too lazy to go out they end up sleeping together#the sex was great but they realised they liked each other as friends more than they liked each other as bedmates#maybe they would've fallen back into bed together if either of them had ever faced a dry spell -- but look at them#no way either of them went home alone unless they wanted to#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#style#kant#kantbison#fadelstyle
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
50 notes
·
View notes
Note
isnt this whole wilbur thing a huge warning sign against getting too attached to ccs, because we can never truly know them? why are we celebrating a few fans putting /150/ dollars + whatever the commission fee for the artist was into a birthday present for a guy who just.. doesnt know them? its not like merch or supporting a creator, its literally money in the wind. between this and merch dropping like clockwork but sapnap being the only one actually doing content (and hes clearly just doing it for the kick quota.. sorry but the streams are so lackluster), im getting really disillusioned with the dream team. theyre literally just coasted by because of a hyperdedicated fanbase they dont really seem to give a shit about. people talk about how amazing and kind they are but are they really? we dont know. why are we monetarily supporting millionaires its literally just charity but for rich people at this point, they dont provide any value in exchange. i think people should really consider why theyd rather drop ~180 dollars on a billboard for a rando instead of charity or buying something they want or need. sorry idk i just feel fed up with how much time and money and love i poured into these guys and in response were getting nothing. sapnap didnt even bother to denounce the abuser he used to interact with. i could have donated and actually helped someone instead of buying a fucking hoodie i cant even wear to school because id get bullied.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little wake up call. They are just some guys that stream and make videos. You’d think the last few Situations™ would teach people to simply not put cc’s on pedestals and expect perfection from them. But you must realize that if you’re going to argue against people giving cc’s money, then you need to go all the way back to every single sub and donation they’ve gotten through twitch as well. It’s always been a luxury some choose to do because they get something out of it. They were never forced or tricked into doing it. And I don’t know how the Sapnap billboard was funded, but I donated to the George b-day billboard. Gave up $5 because I thought it was a fun community idea, and it did not impact my ability to donate or buy things I needed. It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. It’s not a streamer's fault that you chose to spend money on them instead of donating.
If you’re upset by the lack of content, then entertain yourself with something else. People have been saying that for ages. If you think their intention is to continue promising content and never delivering just to squeeze money out of fans, then leave. I personally don’t believe that.
Dream believes he does owe us content, but we don’t get to decide when it comes. And you don’t have to give them a dime for it.
#vault talks#discourse#sorry if im a little blunt. i dont usually get anons like this lol#and yeah school kids can be mean :( im glad i didnt have to worry about this when i was in high school#if it helps at all. i wear my blindingly neon green dream hoodie out sometimes and no one has cared in the adult world#but anyway. i dont like to entertain regret. one day they will fully retire and that wont take value from anything they made before that#even if youre unsatisfied right now dont let that effect the good times youve had prior#edit: forgot to add: in case anon still sees:#also let’s not pretend sap and wil were ever close lol#geor.ge was the closest to him out of the three and he hasn’t said anything either. and he doesn’t need to. it’s gotta be hard :/#look at poor to.mmy#demanding responses is not the way
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
And today on hsr-hi3 expy stuff that sounds extremely concerning and suspicious if you know the right context, but normal otherwise: Sushang is at it again!
Apparently, she was taking sword lessons before she was even taught how to read. I was curious about whether her mom was going to be abusive towards her like in hi3 after she talked about her in the Aurum Alley event, and between her ch story part 4 and this, I'm leaning towards yes.
I was also wondering if Suyi would ever be playable, seeing as she basically has the same amount of character depth as Feima (hi3 Yanqing), and the fact that Sushang is bringing her up the moment Yaoqing characters were added gives me some hope.
#ever since playing the 7s vn#(not that im done yet but still)#my interest in sushang has skyrocketed#from not giving a shit about her#to being super interested in her#its amazing#how much sus stuff u can catch#about her and suyi and that dam sword#when u know li sushangs lore#my only worry with playable suyi#knowing hoyo#is that it could mean not acknowledging#that she abused her#on the other hand#i would love it if suyi was still huas kid/disciple#like they were in hi3#and thats why her parenting is that shitty#bc it would be fun to explore#i could honestly make a full analysis#on sushang and suyi#and their hi3 related stuff#but this blog was always just supposed to be#a dump for my negative thoughts#so probably wont#honkai star rail#hsr#sushang hsr#hsr sushang#hsr suyi#suyi hsr
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
🎬: About Es being a past prisoner and the secret 11th prisoner in your AU. But advance apologies if I'm overstepping into your AU!
I had this idea from a story that pretty much did the same thing. Going off there are novels/manga on Milgram and there being another Es and their own prisoners running another Milgram (but differently) I imagine this Milgram projects has been going on for a while, and our Es was from a previous project who might have gotten the worst verdict (or the most spared out of everyone), and was given this final task as a warden for the next group of prisoners. This is why they so readily agreed and had their memories wiped for this Milgram project instead of being weary on a shady project on judging an almost crime, they've already been through this.
(BTW is it bad and worrying for one of our ten fav prisoners to be the next Es if this is legit...)
Anyway, that's why Es is in Milgram in your AU, I guess? And the lore drop that Kotoko picks up on them being the 11th prisoner, I can imagine her also talking to Kazui since he's a policeman to see if she could cross out any theories on who Es is (Did they look familiar. Possible missing child. Any cases to do with an almost crime by a child other than the 10 of them here). Kazui knows Kotoko wants to investigate, but reminds her that, like in their prison while the trial is on, the facilities they're in have high security too. They do have the freedom to move about, but still limited.
If they're trying to investigate Es, maybe Fuuta, Kotoko and Mikoto can try to do the hacking on the comp Mikoto's allowed to use to Photoshop some shots for the MVs and photos (Fuuta and Kotoko seem to be able to search up info they need I think...). Yuno, Mahiru and Muu can work on charming the staff to see if they can spill more deets on Milgram. Not sure how much the group can gather, but oh boy fun times in Milgram can turn into another sort of stress in this AU...
No worries!! Like I said before, this whole au has been a fun collaborative project, so there's no overstepping :) I am sorry I won't be writing a lot on the ending until we get more info, but that's just the perfectionist in me who doesn't want to be proven wrong 😅 Still, I love tossing around and digging into ending scenarios, I really love this!
Because that would make a lot of sense why they're so willing to subject themself to the whole experiment! They remember how tough their experience was, and are confident they can care for the new set of prisoners while doing their job. I'm imagining they get the opportunity to return as guard, and get to have a nice talk with their own guard first. Once they fully understand what it's like, they're know they can handle it and sign up. It adds a bit of drama, too, since they must have been really young committing their crime in order to complete a years-long experiment prior to this one. They would have been like 10? Oof. (Now I wanna see their three trial songs 👀)
And like you said, that also brings up the question of the new warden. Though I think it's based on verdict results, I can just picture Jackalope keeping an eye on everyone during filming. He studyies their interactions and personalities, keeping his own set of notes on who would make a good successor. (I'm not going to go through every character but there are pros to any choice, it's very fun picturing them all taking the job.) Haha, on the other hand, maybe the reason Kotoko keeps bringing up her role as Es' partner/bringer of justice is because she did discover the truth. She drops as many hints as possible so she can be chosen next 😅
Ooh, I love her working with Kazui on an investigation! The fact that eh may know details on recent crimes (and almost-crimes) is super fun to work with. He's the last person who's going to spill a secret, so the group could go several trials without realizing Kazui had actually heard all about their situation this whole time.
(Getting sidetrack for a sec, I'm suddenly realizing that he and Kotoko may have heard things about the crimes in canon, too. They're a bit unclear about how much time passed between the murders and arriving to Milgram, so maybe he heard some things. I don't know how well-connected Tokyo police departments are, but Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Shidou are all nearby. There's definitely a chance he caught word of the vigilante nearby, and she heard about the odd policeman's suicide. Both of them could have heard about the tragic housefire, the disgraced doctor, or horrible schoolgirl murder nearby.)
Anyway, I like that idea of Kazui wracking his brain for any similar cases. Though, if he had, Milgram may have had the foresight to wipe parts of his memory, too. Maybe he does end up using his call to reach out to Hinako and have her look into it from the outside. Sadly, Kotoko seems the type to sacrifice her personal call to reach out to a connection who can help as well. I'll have to think about how closely Jackalope monitors those calls, hm.
I'm going crazy over prisoner investigation team !! Kotoko and Fuuta had the online knowledge to find some good info, and Mikoto and Kazui seem like they'd have a huge network of people they can ask for info and favors from. Haha, I'm torn whether Mahiru would have flirting down to a science or if she'd refuse to do it since it wasn't real love 😂 Still, she's very good at reading people and could definitely help the others charm and bribe their way into some restricted areas. Amane and Haruka can also charm with their innocence/cuteness (though I'm not sure Amane would). Shidou seems very organized, he'd have a plan and backup plan and backup-backup plan ready, no matter what happens. I think it's even funnier, then if Milgram had run several experiments prior. Jackalope would think this was just another runthrough, and for the first time the ten subjects decided to organize together and Cause Problems.
I think there's a beautiful irony in a story featuring ten prisoners planning a jailbreak to save the prison guard...
#milgram#as always thank you for sending 🎬!! these are so fun and big brained ough#lol yeah a fun fact about me is im Such a stickler for canon even in aus like this#the pain of writing a mahiru x boyfriend fic and doing the whole thing without ever saying his name 💀#so i wrote the last chapter of the au as vague as possible so that it had a nice ending but i may go back to make things more accurate when#t3 ends and we (hopefully) find out who es is#i love that this eases some of the pain knowing that es knew exactly what they were getting into :')#and wont be too fucked up upon getting their memories back since they knew it was faked#while also adding extra angst that theyve been there for so long -- theyve spent so much of their childhood within milgram#i was just recently looking at that post about their character locations and had it all marked out on a map#i swear i dont just know that off the top of my head asdfsd#i never realized kazui and kotoko would have outside knowledge >:0#i really love that concept#between the ten of them they hit so many skill sets -- theyve got the brain and the brawn and the people skills#theyve got intimidation and innocence#theyve got the experience of 40yos and up-to-date kids#theyd be unstoppable -- rip jackalope 😂😂😂#lights camera sing your sins#ask
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Must be rough losing them so young huh?
shadowbelly looking at lil memorial graves of his parents ft itty bitty roachkit unaware of sad things
#shadowbelly#roachshade#lakeclan#warrior cats#warriors oc#hidden lore#i found out today that the man who basically was a second father to me passed away and i guess this mindless doodle was a way for me to cop#some pond lore for you: my dad was an addict when i was growing up and he didnt always know how to properly deal with that#and also be a parent at the same time when i was visiting him + he was in an abusive marriage#so when things were just really bad he would take me to the house of my 'aunt' and 'uncle' who very much helped raise me and take care of m#i have very fond memories of them#and my 'uncle' actually made sure he got a motorcycle so i could ride with him specifically at my dads own memorial ride#he had since stopped riding bikes but it was important to him that HE be the one i ride with because ive ALWAYS been like his fourth kid#he also is the only adult on my dads side that i came out as nonbinary to#i didnt even have to come out he just asked if i was trans/nonbinary and i said yeah and he just said cool ill always love you#idk they think his death was sudden like a heart attack or something but we wont know till after today#my 'aunt' is letting me keep some of his ashes in a necklace so i can have one for both my dad and my “dad”#ill be okay but it just feels really strange right now#we didnt see each other much after i grew up but he made sure i knew that if i ever needed anything i only had to ask#doesnt seem fair to lose two dads in less than three years but i guess it is what it is
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
12 notes
·
View notes
Photo
this wasnt supposed to be a page about oakworthy scenes but thats what ended up happening lol. dialogue i havent seen in fanart as much but cant stop thinking about!!!
like. hello?!?!?!?
also lincoln and taylor are here :3
#dndads#normal oak#hermie the unworthy#oakworthy#taylor swift dndads#lincoln li wilson#dungeons and daddies#should i even tag lincoln and taylor if theyre like 10% of this page. SURE#cereal tries to draw#anyway. hermie said he thought they were special. SPECIAL!!!!!!#and the little bitter 'i knew it >.>' IS SO FUNNY TO ME#HES STILL JEALOUS god . jskdlfjs#sorry im just rotating these little guys in my mind at top speed i cant stop thinkin about them#hermie barely is ever on screen but when he is. omg. shakes him sdkljfsdlkj#funny little theater kid#and his weird mascot will they wont they partner#THEY WILL. I BELIEVE IN THEM.#ik they probs looked more beaten down in like.#well really all of em but especially ep 22#but im laaaaaaazy and didnt wannaaaaaaa im sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#mostly i just couldnt remember what exact context of fights theyd been thru for each#or like what they were wearing#im so so so lazy about clothes im SORRYYY
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
what if i-
best friend clears her whole schedule before she even reads where
-Love is your second nature, love is your language. Love! or whatever that one uquiz said about me
#i love her truly and fully#she bought me so many small things which just reminded her of me in our absence#it was this cute candy that was questionably edible and cute sticky notes and cute small popcorn#and we are both so serious but when it comes to cute little things they mean something to us especially when they come from one another#and she got us these kids friendship bracelets in shape of cats to put on our bags#and i just love her#we dont talk often but every time we do its like a hug#its finally seeing somebody loving me as much as i love them#friendship is sacred and i know ours is to her#0 notes to me#sometimes the love of your life is the friendship we made along the way and i know she would leave her comfort zone for me and i for her#but i cant just........ its pathetic bc i have met her when we were in middle school and i feel like crying sometimes just still seeing her#in my living room#and i dont know i just know she will never abandon me#and only death and pride will make me abandon her and my pride is huge and a monster i would kill just to speak with her if it ever comes#between us#sorry for gushing about one of my closest friends she just wont let me be lonely and dramatic on here today i guess lol
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
p.s. people lacking reading comprehension and approaching media in bad faith is NOT ONLY a result of public schooling, or even of social media
For kids and teens, many are rarely shown that it is fun to read. They get forced to read books for class, or as a thinly-veiled punishment for hobbies and grades a guardian doesn't approve of. Or they get called stupid instead of having a learning disorder/neurodivergence accomodated for.
If a kid's only association with the library is "the place where my parent loudly tells librarians I'm dumb and don't read" and reading as "the thing my parent makes me do when my grades are too low" can you really expect them to develop a respect for literature? To grow up into adults that enjoy it?
Punishment is anathema when developing someone's curiosity. It is anathema even when just developing someone's reading comprehension skills.
If no one around a child has their own healthy relationship with reading, or expresses interest in the child's interests, that child is far less likely to see reading as a good thing. If I never see grown ups around me reading, if they actively deride my curiosity, how long until I internalize their opinions and give up?
psa: if you think your kid doesn't read enough when was the last time you talked to them about a book you liked? or hell, talked to them about any story in any media you liked?
psa2: even if ur not a parent, you can be the shining example for a sibling, relative, or friend!!!
#many relatives have asked my mom (reading teacher) why their kids' reading levels are so low#or why they wont read#and my mom always replies 'well did you ever read with them like i told you to do before they were born'#the answer is usually no or sometimes (every few months)#like school and social media have a huge impact but healthy reading habits start from birth#even if you dont read. if you encourage curiosity or make it seem like something you wish you did more#or plain just ask people about what theyre reading with no agenda#you can foster an appreciation for reading in someone. or at least a level of respect#also librarians dont hate you damage an item#you are hated instead when you performatively march your kid in and loudly make them feel stupid#reading#uhhhh idk tags
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
some people really still treat drugs like it's a fun little thing and im trying SO hard not to get mad about it
#like okay so the set-up is this my flatmate (F) is chronically ill and is on immunosuppressants as well as a fuckton of other stuff#and she started smoking weed bc it's the only thing she's ever found that even touches her pain#ive NEVER had a problem with that ive never had a problem with WEED even IVE done it a couple times#but me and her have VERY different attitudes towards drugs#i came from a hometown where we were between two notoriously drug-high towns/cities and we get caught in a lot of the trading#between those towns so naturally my town just generated a fuck ton of dealers starting when they were like. thirteen years old#i saw it through my entire year i was exposed to class A drugs when i was like. fifteen at parties and shit#it's HUGE in my town i seriously can't express how much it's crippled the youth of my town#like my childhood best mate's brother literally got glassed bc he got into debt with dealers it's just everywhere#so that alone makes me very wary of drugs and like. the novelty of them is just NOT THERE for me at all i actively dislike them#AND THEN there's all the kids in my year that have died bc of substances. there's the phone call when i was AT A PARTY#that my seventeen year old cousin had OD'd. like that just summed it up for me it's so prevelant that i was at a party with drugs#while he was dying. so yeah wholeheartedly i couldn't give a shit about drugs i wont touch anything stronger than weed and even that#im not keen on. my flatmate however? she DOES drugs like she smokes regularly and she likes edibles#but she doesn't come from a druggy place so it's a weird combo of me (doesn't do drugs) knowing more than her (does do drugs)#and bc she's the one who actually does them she pure WONT LISTEN TO ME#and do u know what happened last night? this girl on IMMUNOSUPPRESSANTS got completely fucked#like drank 2/3 of a big bottle of vodka within an hour. and then she fucking went and did ket#and i literally was like 'that would be an awful idea anyway but ket you're REALLY supposed to not mix with alcohol'#like obvs mixing any high class drugs is bad news but ket is renowned for going bad with alcohol#i think it's bc it shuts off the opposite side of the brain that alcohol does? so taking both increases risk of shutting the whole thing of#or smthn. like people forget than an overdose isn't always fatal and i think bc they associate overdosing = dying#they assume the risk is EXTREMELY low especially when ur young and feel untouchable#AND THEN she smoked some weed as well. like i literally sat sober with her and her mate the entire time and again in the kitchen#bc i thought id distracted her from the weed and sitting with her she thought i was just hanging out#like NO BITCH IM MAKING SURE YOU DONT KHOLE BC YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO LISTEN TO ME#and i hardly slept last night bc i convinced myself when i woke up she'd be dead in her room#and we had such a nice day planned today like it's super sunny and me F and another mate are spending the whole day at the park#but she's just cancelled bc she feels too shit and im just. TRYING not to be angry about it#WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO DUMB
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wonder who shes singing to
#Yakuza liveplay#you know shes singing to kiryu#like how you know kiryu sings today is a diamond in y6 its to her ... who else could it be ...#haruka saying time and time again that she never wants to leave kiryu ...#it always makes me think of that book witches .. by the guy who wrote bfg too ..#when the kid got turned into a mouse and his grandma said 'youll only live about three to four years' and her grandson says Good#I dont think i would want to live without you.#like its a sentiment that every child gets when they look up to and love someone so much .. lets die together because you were there from#the time i was born and i dont ever want to leave you by the time youre gone ..#and kiryu wants to stay with his family too but he wants her to spread her wings someday so he cuts himself away before he starts to fester#he didnt get to keep kazama and haruka wont get to keep him either#god fuck my life
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i feel jealous of cisgender people but then. i dont it’s whatever man. no wait i am. i am very jealous of cisgender people in a fucked up way. what
#i feel like jealous of them because they get to live their life at least feeling right about one thing#they can be perfectly content with their bits and their birth self. and i am so jealous that i probably wont feel that way ever#im like weirdly so envious of people who have such a usually uncomplicated and easy view of gender#this is a totally different thing but im so jealous of people who have almost over involved and cool parents#i’ll see people who like. their parents have an instagram account..and they’ll like…tag each other#and put stupid mother-daughter stuff on their story or idk. be so chill and aware of their kid’s lives#my mom is definitely involved in my life and she does love me but she just like. idk.#there’s probably a lot that goes on those behind closed doors but they’re so like supportive of their Out kids and they like post about it#so something must be going right.#i wish i could just be out to my mom and proudly say hey im your lesbian son now but i can’t because ill be killing her beloved daughter#all i am to her is her Daughter who’s like a best friend to her. and i would feel really bad if i ever kill that idea#in my mind knowing im trans i already know that that girl is dead but its like i haven’t broken the news to the family#they’re so blissfully unaware their daughter is dead and that their son killed her#i dont want to live with that guilt so i’ll have to dispose of the evidence of her body and run far away as a new man#yea theyd accept me if i came out as a lesbian. its like having a daughter but not having to worry about grandchildren#but not if i was physically something else. they wouldn’t kick me out they wouldn’t be outwardly mad.#but they’d always be disappointed that shes gone. they’d always grieve her. they’d always insist she was still here#so thats why like. i can’t. im gonna have to turn eighteen move far away transition to the man i am and never return#let them believe their beloved daughter is missing rather than dead#and these kids. this one specific person actually. can just. be out and be happy and have their parents accept and love them unconditionall#or some never have to come out because they were born right and their parents will love them still and they don’t have to be as#as in danger about their rights right now because of the government#or feeling so Wrong their entire lives or even when they figure out what’s wrong that they cant fix it yet#or having to choose between being repressed and miserable about their real self forever or running away or having to live with eternal guil#while being themself and trying to be happy#they get to feel right about their identity and can comfortably fit in with groups#some cis people anyways#for others theres a lot of other external factors not about gender that makes some people so. kinda like this#like im completely sure there’s plenty people of color who feel this frustration with white people or disabled people about abled people#the frustration that people who were like born or raised or live certain way that they get to have all of these things
0 notes
Text
aww its kinda cute finding me complaining abt my dads whole lisa thing from 2017. honestly so overshadowed by everything else and also i was so annoying when i was 12 aw .
#did not realize how many of my journal posts r just vents and it all looks so silly now RJRBJFBFNG aw hun. its so funny that i was#complaining abt my mom treating me like a therapist in 2017. <- his ass did notttt know. its like watching a guy standing on the train#tracks and complaining about a car driving past.#sry . i ended up on quotev just 2 look. ive never actually looked at my like activity feed very much whenever i go back but its funny bc it#rly is a more accurate glimpse into whateve was going on for miss kami (my quotev nickname).... like yasss. you hate your dads girlfriend#and her kids that is a nice problem to have#its also embarassing bc like my ex gf is just all around in here . i made a vent post like I get it im not enough and i dont matter and im#just a tool for you to use 😡😡😡 and she commented “yesss tell the world”. SO FUNNY?#and i found her being excited abt our 5 month anniversary#delightfully 12 year old activity. i do not like her very much at all and idt i ever actualy loved her#not in a bitchy way in a like. i literally questioned if i was aroace the entire time we were dating#she asked me out with a little note passed in class like circle y/n and i literally thought to myself Hm well i guess i dont have anything#going on. and circled yes. which is so funny. hun?#anyways. that all imploded bc we were 11 its whatever.#sigh. its just nice to remember the little problems i had. like obviously all this is after my dad choked me out in public and threw my dog#and etc but its still technically the beforetimes. yk. and ik the zoo isnt rly the most pressing of my things that have happened to me#anymore but its still like. Big. yk. even if i mostly just have to Be fine about it now or else everyone will think im being an awful piec#of shit asshole for still being upset. Ok sorry#also when i call my 12 yesr old self snnoying i mean it in an loving way like. its only right to be kind of annoying when youre 12 yk...#and also 12 year old kamille is Not here rn so i can be a little playfully mean to her. bc shes such a 12 year old#idk i just struggle a lot bc i am so like. far removed from everything that happened atp were on like 4th or 5th generation post that#and i struggle to put myself in That kamilles shoes and remember she was a kid yk. like obviously ik i was a kid ik i didnt deserve that#but when i try to like. put myself back in the situation and try to force myself to remember that exact day (dont do this btw . it does not#go well LOL) but i always like. i try to rebuild the events from the ground up but im not Kamille age 12 im me. witnessing everything#i wont ever be able to remember it How it acrually was i couldnt even fully remember it like a week after the fact yk. itis what itis#sorry i should prolly tag this i rambleddddd#a2t#child abuse#implied but we#animal abuse
1 note
·
View note
Text
No spoilers dont worry
I havent entirely finished shadows campaign in sonic x shadow generations but oh my fucking god
We are so FUCKING BAAAAACK
Once i get back from my errands imma finish this game and imma cry tears of joy (again)
#the controls are GODLY sonic frontier has NOTHING on this bad boy#ian flynn imma kiss you silly and stupupid you are an actual angel sent from heaven#OH MY GOD MY BEAUTIFUL BABYGIRL KINGDOM VALLEY I MISSED YOUUUUU#the way shadow sits down on his silly little chair or his motorbike in the trophy room OH MEIN GOTTTTT#the way i SCREAMED when rouge appeared#while were on the topic that fucking cutscene with city escape???? hello???? that was the coolest shit ever#this game is so fucking cool i feel like a little kid again#the orchestral version of all hail shadow playing in the overworld OOOOUUURGHHHHNNN#i drove home from work (which i left early i specifically did overtime for shadow the hedgehog) like a madman sonic playlist on max#screeming every lyric and giggling like a little girl which i am btw#this game deaged me by like 14 years or so#this is everything to me#i will actually 100% the show campaign just watch me#jk i suck at sonic games this mf wont get every s rank even if she sold her soul to black doom himself#i will try though or so help me god#also i play on switch but the game still looks soo good with sonic frontiers you really noticed the lower graphics but here? not that much#the cutscenes look pretty too#i am SO glad i preordered this game and i would have finished it yesterday if sitting too long wouldnt assassinate all the joints in my body
1 note
·
View note