#i will try though or so help me god
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No spoilers dont worry
I havent entirely finished shadows campaign in sonic x shadow generations but oh my fucking god
We are so FUCKING BAAAAACK
Once i get back from my errands imma finish this game and imma cry tears of joy (again)
#the controls are GODLY sonic frontier has NOTHING on this bad boy#ian flynn imma kiss you silly and stupupid you are an actual angel sent from heaven#OH MY GOD MY BEAUTIFUL BABYGIRL KINGDOM VALLEY I MISSED YOUUUUU#the way shadow sits down on his silly little chair or his motorbike in the trophy room OH MEIN GOTTTTT#the way i SCREAMED when rouge appeared#while were on the topic that fucking cutscene with city escape???? hello???? that was the coolest shit ever#this game is so fucking cool i feel like a little kid again#the orchestral version of all hail shadow playing in the overworld OOOOUUURGHHHHNNN#i drove home from work (which i left early i specifically did overtime for shadow the hedgehog) like a madman sonic playlist on max#screeming every lyric and giggling like a little girl which i am btw#this game deaged me by like 14 years or so#this is everything to me#i will actually 100% the show campaign just watch me#jk i suck at sonic games this mf wont get every s rank even if she sold her soul to black doom himself#i will try though or so help me god#also i play on switch but the game still looks soo good with sonic frontiers you really noticed the lower graphics but here? not that much#the cutscenes look pretty too#i am SO glad i preordered this game and i would have finished it yesterday if sitting too long wouldnt assassinate all the joints in my body
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY NENE 🐠💚
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#Le fishe.#noposts for like 2 weeks sory i havent really been drawing other than trying to finish my last comms lined up. worlds slowest drawer#actually i forgot to post one of the finished comms here...? i feel embarassed postingthem. maybe later#MY BAAACK HUUUUUUURTS#MY FRIDGE BROOOOOKE#LOATHESOME . JICE#um but i rethreaded my sewing machine and fixed it a bit and found out it came with a twin needle...!! waow ! so cool!#its a hand me down form a very nice old lady it gave up on me like 10 hours before i left for a con i crode#i hotglued SO much of my daibanana cosplay together. help. i dont have an iron though so not doing much with it yet#am gonna make my first project sekai cosplay... heheh.....#Dont tell wnyone. I love talking in my tags OMG ACTUALLY#MANIFEST FOR MEEEE. alos OHH MY GOD NO SEKE NO FIND IS MAKING ME EPXLODE I CANT PULL AUUUGUH SAAAKIIIIIIIIII AAAAUGH#emu. cgo rmu... im sorry. emu is lim saki os forever
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part of that "raising a kid au" i was working on, this is almost definitely not how skill checks work and i don't even know if i'll include this, but for now i think it's. so funny kjkgj
#task: when two skills love each other very much#inland drabbles#SHE WAS JUST BORN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HER!!!!!!!!!!!#ITS SO STUPIDLY SELF INDULGENT KJGKJ i have constant baby fever and kid fics are very dear to me kjkjg#i love the idea of all 24 (26?? 27??? 28?????) of these idiots raising a syskid together#i have many thoughts but its not a coherent story at all haskjsj#i know her name and her role as a skill (she's a psyche) and i think the concept is adorable though i won't reveal spoilers#echem and volition (either not dating yet or new to their relationship) start to understand her better due to their roles.#but all the skills try to help raise her together :'] coloring with concept and hand/eye tossing her in the air and catching her again#i wanna have a lil arb and limbic thing too..#oh this shit is gonna be absolutely ooc im so sorry in advance i just want them to raise a kid together jlkgjlk#i want to make it a comic but augh. god jkgljkj#all of my fics are just like. hey what if the skills are friends. and then i write that over and over again lmao
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IMAGINE. working at ur stupid uhhh job or whatever. pulling into your drive way and ready to work on some crazy project in your garage. opening the door to the most unfamiliar silence. did your wife and kid leave for something? could you imagine knocking on your kids door, hardly getting an answer, and opening it to find the splattered remains of your wife across his room your child is scared! hes hardly consolable, in a state of shock and terror. you are too, but youre the adult here. you need to take charge. you need to protect him. you need to do something. you need to do something.
#cw gore#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#ashe winters#LOOOORRRD HELP ME THIS IS A YEAR OLD AND I HAAAATE LOOKIN AT IIITTTT ALL I CAN SEE ARE MY MISTAAAKESSS RRAAGHHHGGG ITS FINE THOUGH#ITS FIIIINE ITS ALL FIIIIIIINE!! IM HARSHER ON MY ART THAN ANYONE ELSE ITS FIIIIIINE IIITTSFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE#ANWYAY SO I THINK ALOT ABOUT THE FACT HE KILLED HIS MOM. FUUUUCKED UP. POOR GUY.. i wish i could learn more about what that day was like#the lil scenario wrote is my own silly little headcanon. but what really happened on that day? was mark there? or did he come home to it?#how violent was it really? was ashe awake the whole time? does he remember exactly how he killed her? does he remember?#who was mrs winters? what was she like? i like to think she was the one that gave ashe the book. taught him what she could before. yknow.#did ashe or mark try to destroy it afterwards? i could imagine mark throwing it into a fire. only for it to reappear with ashe#maybe ashe couldnt destroy it but i could imagine him hiding it. hiding away from it. and yet when we find him he holds it so close#its the only thing he can do! no super powers or anything. this was it. why would he ever throw away the only thing hes good at?#AND GOOD GOD MARK... TURNING TO MERCENARY WORK OVER IT ALL... SELLING HIS SOUL TO A LAbortory that changed him in immense ways#when did it get bad enough for him to start covering his face? what was ashe thinking? he knew his dad was up to something but what?#maRK HAS SUUUCH A CRAZY KILL COUNT TOO. I THINK THE HIGHEST IN THE SERIES IF WE'RE NOT LOOKIN AT THE GODS OR WATEV#MASS MURDER. MAN HAS COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND BROKE OUT OF SUPER VILLAIN PRISON WITH A PEN. MAN BUILDS IRON MAN SUITS IN HIS BASEMENT#OKay okay enough of my ramblin okayokay i just REALLY LOVE THIS SSHHOOOOWWW DUUUDEE EEUUGHTHTHHRHGHGH I LOVE THE WINTERS FAMILY...
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i muade this in like 20 minuts and i refuse to spend anymore time on it. heres the video that possessed me to make it
#i might spruce it up more for a doodly page later#who knows#in the meantime though this can try to break containment if it wants to#this fuckin video was crackin me up so hard i HAD to make it real#i love emizel tucker so so fuckin much UUGGHH#ALSO I JUST FINISHED WATCHING EP 9 BTW. AND OH MY GOD. OH COME ON. WHAT THE FUCK. IM SO MAD ABT GABE#THEY COULDVE BEEN BOYFRIENDS. WHAT THE FUCK. CMOOON#also i gotta leave in a while to work a shift at 2 am and im NERVOUS. AND ITS MANIFESTING IN WAYS#AND THOSE WAYS INCLUDE SCREAMIN ABT BLORBOS ON TWITTER#HEEELP ME HEEELP!! HELP MEEE!!!
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I was pouring a promised libation out to Hermes, Apollo, Aphrodite, and Dionysus this afternoon (I'd asked them for help with a personal matter involving a sibling) and as I was looking up at the sky talking about the situation I saw three hawks start to circle something a little ways in the distance. Hawks aren't exactly uncommon here but it had been a while since I'd seen any, let alone three at once, so it caught my attention.
And while I was trying to figure out what type of bird they were (not an eagle, too short a neck to be a vulture, etc) one of them swooped down into a neighbor's backyard and back up along the tree in my backyard, close enough that, if a branch weren't in the way, I would have been able to see its feather markings. While hawks were somewhat usual, experiencing that certainly was not. So, of course, when I got inside I looked up if any Greek gods are associated with hawks.
And, of course, Apollo is.
I've been thinking a lot about the difference between "this is just a Thing That Happens" and a sign so it was nice to see a direct example of how something differs when it's coming from a god.
#to be clear: i confirmed both today's instance and the last one (the sun coming out from behind a cloud directly after pouring a libation)#via divination. im checking my work#i said i needed direct & outside (aka not from within my own head) communication and apollo went 'on it'#i appreciate it. he's been the most communicative so far but hermes has too#got another whopper of a tarot pull during today's check-in after asking hermes for help w/ communicating like i did last time#they've been pretty intertwined so far. ive been focusing a lot on getting my etsy up & running though so it makes sense as an intersection#of their domains#aphrodite and hestia have been a bit more subtle so far but still there#also: im not trying to do augury here. not touching that w/ a ten foot pole it's scary & im still trying to wrap my head around when to use#the alphabet oracle im not ready for that level of complicated. i just took the type of bird & the fact that it's behavior i havent#seen before. and when i say it swooped over my backyard i mean it was *directly* over my head. it was wild#i wouldnt have gone to 'hm this may be an acknowledgement/sign' if it were just the hawks circling over head#i also appreciate that hermes hasnt tried to fuck with me yet. trying to parse that while im still getting my pagan sea legs would be#a nightmare and may have just put me off paganism entirely. i was drawn to hellenic paganism *because* there wasnt a constant warning about#potential tricksters looming overhead#coriander says#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#apollo#hellenic community#theoi#pagans of tumblr#paganism#hellenic gods#ill remember all the associated symbols/animals/plants eventually#lowkey thinking of making flashcards lol. could be fun
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man i remember when my time at sandrock was still in development and there was some dev update introducing the town doctor character, fang, with his pretty delicate facial features and long shampoo-commercial hair, looking like every cliche of a "cold, reserved anime pretty boy" distilled
and then the update where they said they would make him romanceable/expand his backstory due to popular demand, and i rolled my eyes in utter disinterest at what looked like the same cardboard cutout love interest we've all seen a million times, cuz that is just not my bag, personally
and then i played the game and well fuck, so he's actually disabled due to deep childhood trauma, and you help him through his struggles to a place where it's less debilitating, learn he's extremely, passionately motivated to help others not suffer the way he did, and is in fact kind and awkward and a little bit of a dork
and oh no, whoops, i've tripped and fallen and married him
#my time at sandrock#mtas fang#babygirl has been fighting through something like 2 decades of aphasia#constantly being misunderstood and disliked and treated as weird because he can hardly speak#and mostly communicates through his support animal (talking crow)#been abused and abandoned and lost a loved one far too young in a slow and terrible way#spent years on the streets starving#i swear i would absolutely believe if the devs came out and said he was autistic#and you get to help him tentatively begin to relate to others again and work on his aphasia#(his OWN choice based on his OWN motivations and desire rather than you trying to fix him)#and see him blossom and warm and relax into his life and achieve his goals#and he's always always shaped by his trauma and always will live within certain limitations#but it's never all that he is and it feels like a privilege to learn that as you play#oh man i was so pissed the game didn't give me an option to punch his dad in the throat though#and my god the EXHILARATION when they didn't force fang to forgive#a+ character writing sandrock dev team well done
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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My coworker (football bear) was in my department all day and he kept picking up his shirt hem to wipe his sweaty face and his entire fuzzy tummy was out every single time 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 life is full of wonders
#he did it once while talking to me and I almost swallowed my own tongue#q if you're out there i PROMISE that looking away from your tumy wasn't revulsion. i was trying to not pass out and also to remember words.#also tho q if you're out there i don't date coworkers and I don't wish to make you uncomfortable at all#i do think you're very handsome though. if nobody has told you so recently then I'll say it. you're gorgeous. it isn't fair for me to lead#you on in any way#so i won't#hope this doesnt make u uncomfortable buddy you're a good coworker and you communicate what you're doing and you look for whatever needs#help and then you do it. i will be normal about you at work.#anyway phew let's all move past this#except the fact that tummies are cute#tummy hair is a gift from God#and I want this to be a widely held societal belief. too many people are sad about their tummies and it must end.
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don't mind me just dethorning the bramble in my stick insects' cage because a CERTAIN beautiful old lady
managed to snag her wing on one and got stuck there until I saw and detangled her and I am not eager to repeat the experience!!
ALSO I finally managed to get a picture of the whole family as it is now :DDD
1 adult Indian stick insect, 1 adult Pink Winged stick insect and three Pink Winged stick insect nymphs at various stages of development
(I also have an Indian stick insect nymph but she lives in a separate enclosure at the moment and is so tiny getting her out would be way to stressful for both her and me)
#ik what you're thinking 'theyre just lines' EXACTLY#keeping baby stick insects is way too stressful man I'm constantly terrified one's escaped and I haven't noticed#thank god they seem to be growing quickly the biggest one's only a month old#and is way more chill than she was#mine#I love my adult pink wing so much she's literally ancient she's outlived her sister by like 3 months#her wings aren't meant to look like that but it's also not all from the accident#she's always had trouble foldng them properly and it's got more pronounced as she's got older#that's why it happened the thin papery part of her wing that concertinas out for flying isn't tucked away safe against her body#not that she flies those days are long gone although she was never particularly enthusiastic about it#hence why she's probably lived so long#live fast die young and all that#I love her sm#a miracle I actually managed to get them all in one photo#last time I attempted it I finally managed to get the babies settled down in one place in a little group#then put old lady down#and she literally ploughed straight through the middle of them#littlest one went flying#another just climbed up her leg and clung to it#ma'am they are your children or your nieces#they literally do not perceive each other as sentient beings I swear it's hilarious#sorry for the background it's the only surface they'd settle on#there's a tag for it isn't there#trypophobia#trypophobia tw#fr though it was so horrid finding her all tangled up#and she did not take kindly to me trying to help her#but she ok now 😊
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oh to have a patron god who unconditionally loves you to bits.....
//
#s-class heroine spoilers#a transmigrator's privilege#the perks of being an s class heroine#voice that shapes the world#the one whr ailette says 'please protect me by my side' always makes me tear up a little ngl#its the part whr voice takes a while to respond. and the fact that they say theyll be overcompensate. it gets to meeee#i love voice theyre almost as cute as hestio to me. which is saying a lot#and the self-assured 'thats my god' arg 🥺#i wuv them....#ailette is voice's favouritest little blorbo#except theyre treating ailette soooo well#like honestly this story is full of soooo many deux ex machinas#esp no thanks to voice spending divinity to save ailette / just make her life easier#its truly the transmigrator's privilege except she kind of only has this much privilege bc shes so likeable#and so good at maintaining social relationships that ALL the gods like her and try to find ways to help her#and bend and break rules for her#which i think makes the story more enjoyable bc it feels like SHE did all that. no other protag in her place couldve done all that#bc they wouldnt have been able to form such friendly relations with the tm gods#so it doesnt feel like a power fantasy even though it very much is a power fantasy. do i make sense#bc the power ailette has to bend the plot to her will isnt inherent in her... its granted to her by the tm gods#who are written to feel like they have their limits and therefore when they do bend the rules it feels like a lot#rather than just any old deux ex machina or flimsy plot point#like. this story is sooo orv-esque in that deux ex machinas keep happening but it doesnt rly bring you out of the story#bc the story requires those plot points to happen. bc the general narrative has so much more gg on in the background#and not simply just boss fights#do i make sense....
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which subtle way of saying 'i love you' are you?
doing things for them without being asked to.
you're observant and you know your loved ones so well, you know when to do things for them without having to ask (or be asked) what they need. they don't always know how much you do for them; there's no need pointing it out, you're just happy to help.
you do things simply to make others feel better and lighten their burdens, and expect nothing in return: their happiness is enough for you, even if they don't always know you're the one who caused it. still, as good as it might feel to give and give and keep on giving, please allow them to do things for you in return.
people feel better when they're being helpful (you should know this, more than anyone) and no matter how hard it might feel for you to accept help from someone, you should take it when they readily give it to you. you deserve to be loved in the way you love them, too. you won't be a burden -- and remember: a real friend will love you even when you're not constantly being useful, because your company is more than enough.
stolen from: @raisedcold (thank you for introducing me to this <33)
tagging: @question-marked, @twcfaces, @adamanteine, @markhit, and anyone else who might like to complete this quiz!
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#rp memes.#oh... oh so i see uquiz is still breaking hearts to this day huh JSJSJ 😭 nooo but the parts where it said 'no matter how hard it might feel#to accept help from someone you should take it' & 'their happiness is enough for you even if they don't always know you're the one who#caused it' are just. They're SO true in relation to barton because let me tell y'all i'm not trying to claim that he is a good person and#will never do so because that would just be a lie but i feel as if there are times where barton actually does show some humanity + does#things for people that he doesn't have to especially for people like his family or those he cares about in general buttt...#he doesn't like to accept help from other's so it's like GAHHH just stop doing this to yourself man and let other people care about you#in return even though this man feels this need for punishment sometimes in regards to the bad thing's he's done which. yeah there is a#lengthy list of but he loved marceline & he triesss to love his kids but god damn is this guy REALLY not good at it sometimes#either unintentionally or intentionally but yeah. he does try whenever he can so although that doesn't excuse his behavior...#that does say something about him
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Is it normal for a therapist to be like "Aww but you are so young and pretty, things can't be that bad :)"
#do they just get so overwhelmed with everyone having struggles that they try to make it as if some don't as much as possible?#yes i'm known to lie at therapy but i do tell the truth at times#he asks me if i have friends and do i go out#i say “no i'm having a hard time connecting with other people”#and he is like “but it's by choice right? :)”#my sir would i have been there if things were all smiles and sunshine...#also he listened to a voice recording from a patient/acquaintance at some point and asked me my opinion#and was watching reels when i was taking a test that measured my concentration and even showed one to me while i was taking the test#despite all that i cannot say it was a bad experience though as it was really reassuring to see i was perceived as so normal by a stranger#because i always assume i must come off as a weirdo#so for me it might have been better than a proper therapy seance#but god help other patients...#“don't worry you are at very trust hands! i'm one of the best psychiatrists in the city!” he said#i should take him as a role model for confidence#but i wonder if i should go again or look for a sharper psychiatrist
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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I have a confession to make, I haven't seen a single scream movie in my life in fact the only horror movie franchises I have seen are Saw and Chucky... I vibe with both for different reasons.
This spooky season I am slowly rectifying this, but I feel so bad because I feel like such a poser. I talk about loving horror, but I don't know the classics hell even my horror games are abysmal. I only got into horror things as an adult after leaving the cult I grew up in, but there is so much out there it's borderline overwhelming. (Well I have been watching Markiplier since 2014, but that barely counts) If anyone has any good recommendations I'd love to hear it.
#horror#any horror recommendations#I am baby horror fan#horror fan#horror movies#horror recs#slashers#my IRL bff went on a 2 hour rant about the best Scream movie and I just sat there like a child trying to digest her thirstiness#Danny Johnson is technically original to DBD so I at least know all the info for him is available in game or on the wiki#but oh boy do I need to watch the scream movies#my lack of knowledge for certain licensed killers is a big factor in me not writting about them#like i enjoy mastermind#but outside of RE9 I haven't seen or played any of the games though it doesn't help that I only play xbox or PC#I also would love to write about the shape#but again haven't seen the Halloween movies#does anyone read the tags?#gods I hope not#fishy is rambling
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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