#and i dont know i just know she will never abandon me

[owensbabygirl]

-english is not my first language-

this is not that much of an angst one shot but I might turn this to an au if ppl will like it sooo.

matt's pov

"chris was always a night guy.

parties, drinks, and pretty girls. oh he loved them. seeing them walk around with those tight tops and low raised jeans, he was addicted.

chris is not sexuall harassing. but every girl who sits on his car, he throws her some "remark" about sex and smiles.

he's not touching her chest- but he puts a hand on her thigh. and then orders her two tequilas, maybe three- because chris don't want to get into your heart, only to your "company".

so he'll tell you about how he was hockeying in highschool and how he was rocking on the ice. he'll pay the bill- but you'll pay the price.

chris is not sexuall harassing, and he's not that horny too, but from time to time he feels empty. and every girl in the reduce turns an object. he forgot how to talk but knows how to flirt.

the end of the night is apparent, everything is in place and the path is traced. same bar same cocktail for a week ago, same topics of conversation- fidgeting some meaning for a tattoo.

until it works, he captures them. and the fact that he treats them respectfully doesn't mean that he respects them.

dont get me wrong, chris don't love women, it's deeper them that, he loves that women make him love himself.

chris has 5 girls on Instagram- same stories, same lame hook, something like:

"listen I'm not a person who hits girls usually, but with you? I decided to deviate from my norm"

it started in highschool as a way to impress man, but it now turned to a way to stick fractions since...well chris never acquired self-esteem, and the only moment he feels it is with you in the car.

chris is not sexuall harassing. he's just...sort of a murderer. and maybe I'm exaggerating I know, but chris is not that kind of a killer, he does it gently. not sneaking in the dark with a mask; he'll walk towards you with a smile, confident, and an bulge.

and what turns him to a murderer is that a woman for him is just a body. and when he used the potential, so bye.

the next day chris needs to satisfy his needs opening his phone, searching it in a swipe- tinder bumble and if that won't work so cupid, once a while.

he's not sexuall harassing but his relationship with sex is. because there's no way chris walks down the street without looking to the sides and say "fuck. she's mad hot."

shoots a glance back, checking her out. like a sniper puts the cross on the target. chris is never fine, but with a pretty girl? he's never bad as well. in the day he's were, at night he's a werewolf. when it's night time he's searching for a prey since he'll feel pain soon.

so he don't want woman, he wants them to want him. he'll cancel all his plans so they would go out with him.

let's say...the work on mornings? is going to trash. abandoning friends on their birthdays, chris plays dirty again.

and he never held himself back for any woman, yet he keeps sending them messages one after another. you don't need to sand a dick pic to act like one, chris is crosing targets he has fire in his eyes.

it's because he has grief carrying from home, between him and the man he's willing to be there's a gap that he still cant stick.

he just can't cast that spell, chris compels.

chris lies, chris flirts.

chris cums, chris regrets.

between love and lust chris gets confused. chris can't let himself be with no options, so chris mults. and chris dont want to give you nothing, he want to get.

chris is lost. what was cute at the age of 18 turned wired now when he's 30.

woman tells? it's not impressing.

chris is a thirty year old man, and never got to actually fall in love. only a love that invites, that always excites.

it's the same scenes, that one comes- the other one goes, and when chris closes the door and says goodbye...it's not his first winter alone with no one nearby.

chris knows well the loneliness, he knows it won't disappear if he won't let himself feel the emptiness. but he's not ready for it because how will he feel successed?

if he won't be with her, her, her, and probably with you too.

you need to understand this, chris don't want, he has to. a childhood full of lost created a lot of demons.

chris is not sexuall harassing but relationship with sex is. so he'll go for every girl even if she's not his type in the vibe or the right age, since he's in pain and it's friday night at the loud streets of LA. and that girl looks exactly like a painkiller.

and chris is afraid to see that under all these run away ways he's just an empty person.

and me? it scares that chris...is sort of...me."

matt paused himself after getting finished his little speech he said to himself, turning around from the pretty morning view out the window to see the random girl he already forgot her name, laying there in the bed. "nuh i need to dip" he spoke to himself again. grabbing his little bag and jacket before leaving the place.

a-n: this came out way more poetic then I thought lmao, I love writing about this, also my friends told me it was a really good plot twist, but I wrote it was matts pov from the start so...hope you liked it♡ please support by reblogging! divider by @issysh3ll

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

what if i-

best friend clears her whole schedule before she even reads where

-Love is your second nature, love is your language. Love! or whatever that one uquiz said about me

[sidesteppostinghours]

ok. question.

ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?

[shayberri789]

I'm a little hurt by some of my irl friends and have two courses of actions, but which will both have similar outcomes

Basically, I have three creative irl friends. Every time they share their writings with me (be it fics, poems, stories or creative non fic), I ALWAYS read it as soon as I'm able and give feedback + healthy amount of gushing.

But whenever I write something I am proud of and I share it with them, none of them acknowledge it. Its like they don't see the link you know. And its fine because I just say "I wrote a thing" and give a link. I'm explicitly asking for feedback or validation. I can't be upset because they're not mind readers

But sometimes I explicitly DO ask them "hey did you see what I wrote?" "Hey, what do you think of this?" And i get half assed responses at best. "Oh its good" "uh ill read it when I get home *never hears about it again*". And that's a little more frustrating.

Earlier today I needed to put together a portfolio, and asked my two best friends to please read through it, because it was important and I needed their input on (1) thing, and I needed it *before the end of the day*. It was three pages of easy reading. Its not like I was asking for concrit or editing or something time consuming.

One of them skimmed it and gave me feedback. The other one is adhd and forgot. Said she'd read it later when I reminded her. When I reminded her again, she said she forgot and had made plans, can she do it in the morning?

And normally I'd say that's fine! Because I don't expect immediacy from my friends online, esp for favours. But I had a deadline, and this was the third time this particular friend has done this. There's only so many times I want to poke someone to read my shit before I start feeling like I'm bragging/attention seeker/being entitled and demanding. So I just went and asked someone else.

I know I'm valid to feel hurt about this, and frustrated. I also know that my friends don't mean to make me feel like this, or forget. I know they want to support me. But I'm also tired of getting burned so I'm just going to fucking stop trying to share my writing with them because instead of validation I'm getting pain.

My two options are either a) telling my friends that actually their silence and forgetfulness hurt me or b) just lettint it go

Either way, I'm not reaching out again. B) seems like the option less likely to hurt my friends/make them feel bad, so I'm leaning to that. If the roles were reversed, I'd rather option A), because when people tell me these things I do genuinely try to do better in the future, and I know my friends would feel the same. But I've also lost faith in their ability to do so in this area. Idk what I should do

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[goldenhypen]

i randomly found my old blog again and WOW ,,,, TELL ME WHY IM SAD i even stalked my old moots’ blogs too and i- 😭 the way so many things have changed since then :(

[thistlekiss]

Me: starting to make lunch in the kitchen

Mother: comes in after me and makes it VERY clear that *i* am in the way

Also mother: gets pissed off when i say i'll make my food later

[quietwingsinthesky]

anthropomorphizes angel blade anthropomorphizes the tablet anthropomorphizes the bunker anthro-

[kerorowhump]

[voidscreamns]

./

[im-still-watching-anime]

all these siblings and NONE of them want to read through my boring college essays to help me decide which one to submit for this contest smh family ain’t shit

[thetangibleghost]

"give me a beer, a lullaby, and a word in my ear" -guy at a speed dating event in my dream

[silverwindptv]

.

[digitaldiseas3]

can't tell if i'm like... starting to dislike these girls because im pmsing and that's pretty typical for me to suddenly not like certain people, or if it's genuinely because they've been giving me weird fucking vibes and did smth i think was shitty :/

[andi-o-geyser]

@rat-daemon every day i must wake up and act like i am so normal

Coworker: You like Star Wars, right?

Me: