#it wasnt true to me because it was things like this

[thefinalwitness]

i don't know if it's because i started playing mmorpgs with one whose fanbase was generally HOSTILE to people becoming invested in their characters as fully fledged members of the story being told (insane, i know), but one thing that environment DID teach me is how to bend the canon story to MY needs and the needs of the character i wanted to play, and i see a lot of ffxiv players, specifically those very invested in the "rpg" part, that don't... seem to grasp this idea?

i instead see a lot of (joking and serious) demands that the wol be portrayed differently in the source material, that we hug more characters, scream and cry over more events, and i think the mismatch happening here is you're supposed to WRITE IN any of those moments or divergences yourself. the portrayal of the wol cannot meet everyone's expectations about who the wol should be; they are, within the game, a narrative tool, as all characters in a story are. they serve a function in order to progress the story squeenix has chosen to tell.

but things like dialogue choices and an ambiguous timeline are MEANT to provide YOU with the option to rewrite the details yourself. they can't possibly provide every way every wol could react, so it's up to YOU to put an asterick in things and say, ok, this is how this scene went in MY version...

and the same is true of how other npcs treat your wol! op is completely right: the formula squeenix used in ARR is "you are an adventurer, and adventurers typically agree to crazy dangerous shit for money, and that's the agreement you and the scions began with". i think minfilia saying "we are family" is a two-fold thing: one, i think minfilia DOES care about you more than the average employer of an adventurer, just because she cares about people in general.

(the secret second reason is, if you were a 1.0 player, she RECOGNIZES YOU in ARR and thus already has a particular relationship and bond with you. ARR is weird because, if you're a 1.0 wol transferred to 2.0, you get lots of different story beats to reflect that—but also, a couple of those beats seem to persist in the non-1.0-transferred version of the story? remember when cid said you gave him his goggles despite never doing that in 2.0? yeah.)

but all of that is just the baseline, default version of a story YOU are meant to and encouraged to rewrite as needed. your wol WASNT the typical die-for-money-or-glory adventurer? you can rewrite the reasons the scions sought your character out, AND their treatment of that character to reflect the new circumstances! that's what an rpg IS: you MAKE the story YOURS.

to be fair to the scions regarding their arguable lack of concern for your wellbeing, despite minfilia's 'we are a family' hr spiel in arr they clearly hired* you in your function as an adventurer, people who by canon die like flies and who's job is to do the worst and most dangerous things ever for glory and shit money and maybe some used shoes. somehow i don't really blame them for taking you at your word. you clearly are off your nuts already

*allegedly we are paid

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[piercingnovember]

let's give him a name. we must. if i don't give him a name then our discussions will become far too complicated and i don't think i deserve the confusion upon rereading. let's call him ross.

let me also preface this and say that, i do love my true love - who also needs a faux name. let's call him a martyr, he is after all. i love martyr with all of my head and heart, it's borderline all consuming. so i feel guilt in the post i am about to write. i feel guilty even putting it into a space where no one will ever read it except myself. but despite my all consuming feelings, there exists an arrow stricken into my hip by ross. he appears and takes my mind away. he's taken residence but he was never invited in the first place. was he?

anyway, all things must come out or they eat us alive. maybe i'm just saying it so i can develop a sense of shame. anything other than action. please god anything other than action.

please just let me say it. if there are higher powers do not strike me down for i am about to sin. forgive me. but as they say, there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

my mind is in a whirl regarding ross. he's everywhere, he's taking up everything. i want to taste him. it's been so long since i have craved the touch and taste of another, it's been so long since i've had it too. i imagine his lips on mine, his hands wrapping around my body, hair pulling, teeth biting, bruises from lips left too long on skin. he went away for the summer, i finally knew peace and honestly, i finally let him go. i wasn't thinking of our secret glances, our smiles and eyes searching each others faces. i didn't think about it after the first month or two of not seeing him. i think i may have even stopped looking; at least not frantically. not the way i do now that he's back. maybe it's simply the back and forth. i can feel it frantically coming off of him too. the urgency to see me, to talk to me. to taste. i know it's not in my head. i've got a sixth sense.

and of course, he's just there now. present. existing. beautiful. it's nauseating. i hate that there's no one to talk to this about. no one hates someone more than a cheater; everyone takes it personal and offensive. i tried to talk about it last year with a friend, i couldn't keep it in, but i can tell she thought less of me from it, she was shocked i could even utter the thoughts out loud. but what does anyone expect from me when he's tied a rope around my thoughts. how am i supposed to act with something this heavy on me.

i can try not to stare and try not to smile too big and resist the urge to reach out but how many times can you resist something before you just give in? it has to be over one hundred times by my measures.

i just want him. his new hair is breathtaking too. it compliments his smile well. it looks so soft i wish i could touch it. he looks tired too, like this summer has taken a toll on him. god, i want to ask him about it, i want to know everything. tell me all your secrets, i beg of you. but in typing this i may realize that i have to gain some control. i can't ask. i can't keep laughing and smiling. i can't compliment him, even when it aches to keep the words in.

i should be a better girl. but it's so hard when the bed at home feels so empty and cold.

edit: i masturbated and honestly it’s not even that serious he’s not all that im just ovulating… he is very charismatic tho

[ube-bluebay]

i have a problem

really long rambling in tags

[woobifykamukura]

hi. i dont care if you like v3 or not. i like v3 as a concept and i do agree it had interesting themes in it. i slander it a lot because i wish it was better. you took one post i made where i offhandedly mentioned v3 and took it in... pretty bad faith

The argument being made here is actually kind of crazy to me. "The first two games in this series were about this thing, so the third one has to be about that too, and because it isn't, it's bad." God forbid franchises try new things!

that's not the begining and end of my critique of v3, it is just simply that this post was a) about something else and b) a bit tongue in cheek. my analysis of institutional critique was true but me touching on v3 wasnt The Point

i actually wrote up a LONG post detailing (some of) my critiques on v3 and i actually plan to do a full beat for beat writeup with more coherent thoughts at some point and mmmaybe make a video essay?

https://www.tumblr.com/kindlyre/763251748052860928/im-glad-you-liked-it-and-yeah-i-had-that-same?source=share

here it is. i don't check that blog anymore so if you have a response please respond here. and please don't treat me like i'm stupid and take my words in bad faith

i am not particularly interested in having "a debate" about why v3 is or isnt a good game. you can like v3 if you want, i certainly do despite all my critiques. i'm not responsible for tumblr pushing this post onto you algorithmically and i honestly wish youd respect that i just. have critiques on the game and not have to class trial me while also acting like my argument is reductive because you only saw a fraction of it, and not feel like you have to "tear into" a guy making a post because an algorithm spat my post out.

my pet theory is that any danganronpa media worth its salt has to be a little bit about a corrupt bullshit orginization and how much it sucks. the first 2 games are literally about how the punitive justice system sucks fucking shit. first game shows this by every blackened having a Reason for kilking outside of "murder yaaayyy," yes even celestia, her desire for money is explained in depth from her free time events and how she grew up, everyone had a Reason. sakura's suicide was the result of societal punitive justice instead of institutional and how people who think their moral outrage is good bc its aimed at the "correct targets" will just end up hurting people. second game takes this even furthur and goes "in the first game, punitive justice was bad because all these people were victims of circumstance. can you keep those same morals when the people being subject to punitive justice ARE actual criminals of their own free will?" with the added part about the nwp explicitly being a rehabilitative justice program. kamukura's inclusion and honestly dr:0 as a whole since the whole catalyst was kamukura is just a little bit about how any kind of exceptionally smart child is propped up as Something Amazing and is basically forced to use that talent for the greater good despite any feelings the child themself may have about it or how stuck they feel or how traumatized or tortured they become in the search for and nurturing of that talent, and any child thats not that is constantly told theyre inferior to the former and Why Cant They Be Like That and are seen as lesser-than by everyone around them. ultra despair girls is also kind of about that with the warriors of hope and their backstories. dr3 and v3 fall short because they are not about that at all. dr3's future arc is a bit stronger than despair because it actually is about an institution that sucks and despair's feels too much like an interpersonal thing and All Junko's Fault when the whole point was junko just took advantage of unrest that was already there. v3 is about an Institution That Sucks however the institution is "what if you loved a murder game so much you made it real" which doesnt fucking happen. you can make approximations like comparisons to true crime, reality tv, and for a more specific example that squid game reality show. but they didnt even kill people on that. v3 is critiquing something that does not measurably exist and also it doesnt connect to even a single theme from the rest of the series. my other pet theory is that kodaka is scared of the number 3 and thats why the ones with 3 in them are like that

[bericas]

isaac & scott / mason & theo | sometimes all i think about is you

[sophiethewitch1]

Maybe it's the gender is an illusion or a spice of life in me but I gotta say the gender bends are transphobic discourse stuff sounds a lot like nonsense to me. Before you shoot me between the eyes I use they/them pronouns so therefore I am allowed to have an opinion about this lmao

[kacievvbbbb]

Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.

Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.

[al-luviec]

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[fleshdyk3]

god i fucking hate my dad

[tommygotwrittenoff]

guys no what would be the funniest way for t to get dumped

[bunnihearted]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

[m00ngbin]

I always thought it was so odd that in Steven Universe they have a whole episode where Steven like projected himself into Lars' body and then him being able to do that was never mentioned again

[minwilder]

show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw

[boimgfrog]

slowly learning that things you say/do when you're mad are still your fault because you said/did them. this was not the case in my household growing up and is such a weird rule my family has so its been so strange realizing that yeah no actually, calling someone a mean name over text when arguing is still something i have to apologize for. getting snippy with my boyfriend because I was having a bad day is still rude and I need to take accountability for that. weird weird weird. but I'm learning.

[kitaava]

trigger warning. do not read if you dont want to read something triggering.