#it was scary !!! i am traumatized but im okay :>

[cherrysnax]

havin the weirdest crisis of my life

[willlmesh]

i’m home and safe and took my meds <3

here’s sena nui with me in the ER (they’re here for emotional support)

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand how people can be hazbin hotel fans and just know everything vivziepop has done and dont care or they choose to pretend they dont know so they dont have to feel guilty about it. Shocking news, you can be INCREDIBLY critical of media you enjoy parts of. I enjoy parts of this show but I’m not going to go buy shit to watch it and support some random lady using a closed religion to make her tumblr sexyman character look “scary”.

I saw someone say vivziepop misgendering someone (allegedly on accident) after getting mad, was a “nothing sandwich” which 1. No the fuck it aint. And also 2. Are you actually off your rocker nuts. I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident heat of the moment thing. Sure you can apologise for that, not me who you misgendered so I cant accept it, but misgendering anyone is never a “nothing sandwich”. Same guy also said that vivzie demonising and appropriating vodou was okay because “Alastor can do it” That… doesn’t fucking matter? VIVZIE can’t practice vodou and neither can her weird red suited deer man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I think everyone thats scrolled even a few inches on my blog (cause really thats all I have) can tell I like Angel Dust. Lots of people like Angel Dust. But apparently half of those people can’t comprehend you can dislike aspects of a character while liking other ones. I mean this directed toward fans by the way. Id sure as hell prefer if he wasn’t fucking fetishised for being a gay man but its vivziepop so literally what can I expect from the lady that makes merch glorifying his abuse. “Yes vivzie! Id love to purchase merch of a traumatic situation ive also been in! Thank you so much for making it look pretty!” I will literally eat glass and drink battery acid before any of this shit actually comes outta my mouth.

It’s so fucking weird how her spin-off show has better representation, humour, writing, and more than her actual main show. Im super glad Helluva Boss is good. Im glad there isn’t any stupid racist representations in there or overly fetishised gay men. Fizzaroli and Ozzie are a cute couple thats written very nicely but even they have elements of vivziepops unsavoury interests that you can see sometimes, but oh my god. Put some of that care into your MAIN show. I am holding out so much hope that vivzie continues the good writing of episodes 7 & 8 so much I am not going to stop noting that, but I am also fully ready to crash and burn from those hopes and that is so fucking disappointing.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

time for bad's cucurucho interview!!!!

Bad asked if this was cucurucho, cucurucho responded with "yes" onto the questions

what is your biggest accomplishment on the island?

"I am an inventor" (pomme told him to answer this)

2. what is your favorite memory in the island?

"When i adopted my eggs!" (pomme told him to say this)(he didnt understand this)

3. Have you ever felt like the protagonist of the story? If yes, when? if no, why?

"Maybe!!!! yes? maybe no? yes? yes maybe? whos asking???" "hahaha!"

"Can i get a ticket out of here?" "no"

4. if you were to be recognized for something you did, what would it be? would it be something good or bad?

"Ive done so much of both of those things, but apparently something definitely good!" (pomme told him to answer that)

5. would you be more motivated into completing something with a premium recieved at the end?

"Yes! probably!" (pomme told him to answer this)

6. if there was a future out of the island, who would you take with you to continue your journey?

"umm.. is skeppy an option?" "maybe. No." "I mean i guess id take pomme and dapper! And richas, doesnt richas live with us? Id take him too"

7. you win a huge nomination, what message would you give your supporters?

"Well, hi! nice to meet you, and thank you!"

8. what advice would you give others into continuing and pursuing goals, what is the first and most important step?

"The first step.. is to think about the best way to pursue it. i have a goal i want to pursue, how do i pursue it? and uhhh follow your dreams. Do what makes you happy."

9. how are you feeling in general?

"Good i guess! A little confused but other than that im doing great"

10. are you okay?

"Im feeling pretty good! Are you okay?" "Yes." "Thats good. I had a traumatic experience not too long ago but im doing good, i like your office its very cozy. its one of those things, its just a day"

[towards pomme] "What are you doing?" [pomme] "your bunny over there is trying to buy me"

[long silence]

"Pomme is this the scary guy you were talking about? he seems kinda beaurocratic?"

[cucurucho] "cough cough" [passes bad a candy and then leaves]

"oh thank you!"

[cucurucho] "I have no further business with you at this time. Please enjoy the island"

"bye bye!"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking about a regular/Ex-coworker behind their back?

🌿🕹️🧼(so I can recognize)

I(ftm 19) am very uncomfortable with a regular/ex-coworker (Ollie 31M) of my coworker (John 24M) (fake names obviously)

So background: I work in speciality retail Ollie used to work there but quit before I started, John still works there. I became good friends with Ollie and decided I'd go to a christian "church" group with them to see how it went (I use the word church lightly its more of a discussion group ) After going I decided it wasn't for me and was in fact still a little traumatizing ( I was raised vaguely catholic )

But I still hung out with John and Ollie from time to time outside work (sometimes Ollie would even visit me at work since the store is often very slow) and this is where it gets weird I apparently look almost exactly like Ollies Ex who was also transgender and abused him

Ollie often sends me texts unprompted asking if I'm okay I say I don't want to talk about it and normally he leaves me alone after that but two of these instances were different

One time during one of these conversations he sent me a text saying he had a dream about me where I kissed him and healed him (completely unprompted), for the record I am married and he is *well aware* of that fact

The second time he asked me to get coffee with him "1 on 1"

Other things Ollie has done that me uncomfortable

-Constantly asks to meet my husband

-preaches at me while im on the clock despite me being a practicing pagan, and very happy with that path

-talks to me and john about his sex life while we're both on the clock (specifically said he really wants to fuck a lesbian)

so I showed these text conversations to my female coworker at a sister store and my husband (and told them about the other stuff above) they both said it was very creepy and not okay , I also said I feel like hes trying to manipulate me or other wise groom me, to which they both agreed

John called me an asshole for talking about Ollie behind his back with my female coworker by calling him a "bad guy" I never said he was for the record I just asked my female coworker and not John first because we both have experience with being SAed, so I felt safer talking about Ollie to her. John also said that I had to understand how scary it is for Ollie to see me because I look so much like his ex

Keep in mind Ollie does not have to see me ever! I rarely go out with the group, and I only work in the store 3 days a week

So AITA for talking about a regular/ex-coworker behind their back?

[effieandtim]

jonathan bailey’s new interview is an extremely difficult but must read

TW: extreme homophobia and threat to life

i’ve been thinking about this since the interview was released and have so many thoughts and all of them leave me terrified

every part of this horrible incident has shaken me up so much and this is when this happened to someone whom I personally don’t even know. i cannot imagine what jonathan and his family went through.

it’s terrifying that this happened not even two months ago and RIGHT AFTER the hrc gala - it sickens me that such a brazen incident of homophobia happened in the US which calls itself such a progressive country but is full of bigots

and like this happened to a white man who doesn’t ‘look’ queer - i shudder to think what queer women, trans folks, and poc go through??

like there are so many things that could have gone wrong - what if the man actually had a weapon on him? like he would have most probably acted on his words if he had it on him. and that is so, so scary. thank god for angela who genuinely saved jonathan’s life there

and the fact that jonny tried to negotiate with the man and tried to calm him down by asking where he’s from and probably other things as well shows that they had no idea whether he was armed or not

i know he tried to joke whilst telling this story but you can clearly see how affected he was and really i would be so scared to leave my house after this, it’s such a traumatic incident

anyway, i really hope he’s doing okay, and glad to see he’s channelling the aftermath into making schools a safe space for queer kids to grow up in bc he’s right - that man is probably a child’s father or relative or acquaintance and there are so many people like him in the world

im sorry if this triggered or upset anyone, i felt like i needed to vent bc i honestly am so shaken by this

[bunnyreaper]

oh my god i,,, 🥺 i know i was JUST here but i am once agin. sliding into your asks to propose more father things--

the teenage/older child brings home their first partner, how would gabo handle it, and what do you think would be able to win him over? 👀

notes: angel hi!! im ngl this took me a while bcs i was half convinced this ask only happened in my dreams sksksk, i also struggled so if it's bad im so sorry, i went for a lil fic rather than hc's???

warnings: f!reader, slight overprotective gabe.

The second Gabriel lays eyes on the young man, you know he doesn't like what he sees. 

Josh, as he introduced himself, holds himself with far too much confidence for an awkward 17-year-old, yet he tries to pull it off all the same. 

When he smiles as he shakes Gabriel's hand, you begin to worry.

Your own greetings are much more friendly than your husband's, as you're intrigued to see your daughter's choice of guys. Seemingly a little different from your own at that age. 

Motherly instincts take over, and you pull everyone to the kitchen, so you can get Josh a drink and see if he's hungry. 

"Mama, he doesn't need feeding." Your daughter sighs, seemingly embarrassed by your maternal display.

Gabriel stands quietly, watching Josh from the corner of his eye as he makes himself at home at your kitchen island. You quietly watch Gabriel, ready to mediate at any moment. 

"So Josh, I hear you're on the football team?" You mention, hoping to start the process of getting to know him somehow. Your daughter has been very tight-lipped about her boyfriend, even with you.

You can practically feel Gabriel's eye twitching as his brain makes all sorts of assumptions.

"Yes, Mrs. Reyes." He responds politely. "I'm a running back. Did you play football, Mr. Reyes?" He turns his attention to Gabriel. While you sense Josh is a well-mannered boy, you can see he's desperate to win Gabriel over. 

"Basketball, mostly, but a little bit of football too." Gabriel offers a forced smile, and you can tell he's really trying to adjust to the newness of this scenario while fighting all his papa bear instincts. 

"And please call me (Y/N)." You chime in, approaching your husband for a moment as you stroke his arm. 

"I'd be scared to see you on the other team for sure." Josh laughs good-naturedly. 

"He didn't always look that mean and scary, he was a lot dorkier in high school." Your daughter interjects, ignoring her father's scowl. "What? I've seen the pictures! Definitely not as big and burly as he is now." 

Gabriel crosses his arms over his chest, sending your daughter a playful glare. "Well, a life in the military builds you up." 

She rolls her eyes in the way she usually does. "Mom doesn't look like a tank." 

"I know I've let myself go a little, but I'm not that out of shape!" You gasp, pretending to be offended by your daughter's comments. 

"You're perfect, mi vida." Gabriel whispers, softening for a moment.

"Gross." She declares, her nose crinkling in disgust. "I'm gonna go change, okay?" Your daughter sends you a pleading look that begs you to keep things calm while she's gone.

She leaves the kitchen, and the room falls quiet before Gabriel fills the silence. 

"So what are your intentions with my daughter?" 

"Gabe!" You gasp, smacking him playfully. The poor boy was going to be traumatized. 

"Uh, I just really like her, I swear." Josh's smile is soft and genuine. "She's sweet, she's been tutoring in Spanish because I've been struggling, and I help her with physics." 

"She hates physics." You comment, knowing that the help would really be doing a lot for her. 

Josh looks somewhat nervous, though entirely truthful. "We just realized we have a lot of fun together." 

Gabriel simply nods. 

"Happy?" You ask, brow raised. Time would tell what was to become of Josh, and what his intentions were--he really didn't need the interrogation. 

"I understand." Josh offers. "My mom gave her a grilling too. She handled it really well, though." 

You chuckle, though your chest flares with your own protective streak. 

"As parents, we can't help but be overprotective." Gabriel adds. 

"Some of us are better at keeping it to ourselves, but my husband is a barbarian." You nudge him with your hips teasingly. "I'm not going to pretend to understand you men." 

"He's hardly a man." Gabriel comments and then is fixed with a sharp look from you. "No offense, kid." 

"It's okay. When I heard her last name, I knew that if I hurt her, I'd probably end up in a ditch... sorry." Josh cringes, realizing that's probably a little too blunt.

"I wouldn't put you in a ditch. Too easy to find your body." 

"Gabe!" You chastise, but the two are sharing a laugh regardless.

Gabriel is warming up to him, even if it's just a little bit. You know it'll take some time for him to truly trust Josh with your daughter's heart, but for now, it's a step in the right direction. 

"Uh, Mr. Reyes," Josh begins the conversation again. "I was actually wondering, would you have any advice for someone looking to join the military?"

"Don't." Your husband replies without missing a beat.

"Hey now, if we both hadn't ended up in Overwatch, we never would've met." You add.

"I suppose." He says, before taking a moment to think of some actual advice. You can almost see him slip into Commander mode. "Whatever ego and pride you have going in won't get you anywhere. Leave it for your civilian life. And get a therapist sooner rather than later. 

"Right, sounds good." Josh nods, a little taken aback. 

"You know, if you're still together through your training, it's going to make things really difficult. Being with someone in the service isn't easy, and my daughter doesn't deserve to be hanging onto some guy who just comes and goes." 

You cringe at Gabriel's harsh words, even if you're right there in believing your daughter deserves the best. "That seems slightly hypocritical of us to say." 

Gabriel raises a brow at you. "It's not the same, you were right there with me."

"Don't go giving them ideas." You mutter. "But, it was still hard, as all relationships are. You can figure that one out for yourselves, though, I'm sure." 

Josh seems to be absorbing the information. "Yeah. Thank you both for your honesty, though." 

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat?" You ask, practically desperate to offer more hospitality. 

"No, I'm okay, thank you." 

"Piece of advice, if you're going to be sticking around." Gabriel begins, his voice not brash or challenging. "Accept the woman's cooking. She'll feed you one way or another." The words serve as a small olive branch.

"Yes sir." Josh nods, and you and Gabriel share a look. 

"Everything okay?" Your daughter asks, returning to the kitchen with a skeptical look. 

"Everything's fine." Her father replies, yet she looks to you for confirmation. 

"It's good. I'm putting a pizza in the oven." You add. 

"Of course you are, we're gonna go watch movies." She says, tugging Josh off of the stool.

"Not in your room, you're not." Gabe adds, ready to follow them both. 

"Dad!" She cries. 

"... I just wanted to spend some time getting to know the kid. Cálmate, chica." He smirks. "Besides, if we're all on the couch, you can cuddle up between your two favorite guys." Gabriel pulls your daughter into him, embarrassing her with kisses smothered all over her face. 

She squirms, pretending to hate the attention. "Cállate la boca, papa!" 

[jaegersmoon]

hello aim,

I just wanted to remind you how much "okay, bambi" means to me (also it just hit me that I've been reading this for literally years now? omg! I'm soooo happy to see how much people have come here since you first published it💕). I said this a long time ago but it remains as true as ever and it's just that, having so much in common with y/n, is both super weird and interesting. Sometimes it feels like you open up my skull to take a little peak inside at some of my most traumatic or special moments and then, somehow you pour them on your magnificent work. It's VERY healing but also scary due to the accuracy, hence why I have to build courage sometimes to sit and read a chapter in case something triggers a memory or a feeling I might've forgotten. However, to get my pain kissed away by Jean and all your wonderful characters (along with this growing community) is so comforting❤️‍🩹 I'm extremely grateful.

Currently, I'm 6 chapters behind yeah, I know. I can't believe I allowed so much time pass by but I hope I'll be able to finish them next week- Anyway, I hope you know how much your work has helped, comforted and entertained me and many others. You're amazing Aim. Thank you for sharing this with us, keep the great work and please take care of yourself💕

hi baby !!! im so sorry to know that you relate to some of the different things that i have written in my book but i am also glad that have been able to find comfort in it. for you to consider it healing and to feel seen and hurt within your trauma and hardships truly means everything to me.

thank you for taking this time to write out this message to me. you’ll never know how much joy it brings me and how much it pushes me to keep writing. love you forever and ever and wish you nothing but the absolute best in this crazy world 🤍🤍🤍

[grepfrutmeat]

very messy and probably a little misheard notes from liquid mercury twitter space below the cut

the return of kyler and marter twitter space, later changed to liquid mercury (and possibly something else idk)

was kinda late not sure by how much. maybe 10~ minutes

martin is still blown away by something

-kyle says he cant wait for thing to happen (evil laughing)

-its one guy (..) suit

-talked about terrified fansong, martin really dug it

-felix felix you motherfuckwr (twf the musical

-we should make a really bad walten files musical

-we did that- “felix where are my kids da da da”

-joke twf musical

-fucking. imagine dragons okay martin.

-??? SET IT OFF WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING OKAY MARTIN

-eva mentioned about the three characters holding beer bottles together how she made a joke that its norman felix and Rory and people thought it was serious

-but rory is not real..

-martin “who the fuck is that”

-”you gotta stop listening to me. i lie” -eva

-it is now revealed lily is charles daughter

-it was so hard to keep it a secret

-accidentally mentioned on space but nobody noticed until like one person

-he dies on her birthday …

-knowing what happens to this character,

-being able to talk about “bon” is weird.

-martin loves this spectre

-g man comparisons

-martin had 2 inspirations for spectre, one being calculated how hal 9000 (i have no mouth i must scream guy??) expresses emotions like batman riddler, (the batman)

-eva made it subtler

-I WAS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT THE BON FELIX PARALLEL IM WINNING IN WINNING

-”perhaps what i am is not as important as what i can offer you” pinnacle of bon

-handing boozoo mask to charles?

-what if bon is from the futureeeee (okay martin.)

-most of episode 4 was made a couple weeks ago lolll

-this episode is a miracle

(missed a bunch here)

-charles lines are really good

-the scene ;) the highlight of the episode

-episode 6 at his best

-progression of susan + charles va improving

-episode 6 is a turning point, traumatic event for characters one specific one.

-episode 6 gets as close as it can be to being a nightmare

-not analog horror scary, but like a chaotic nightmare that shouldn't be happen. horror movie-esque

-everything that can go wrong goes wrong, like a real nightmare.

-arin hanson nightmare. barnacles.

-episode 6 high stakes

-”bon” - fe lix (bon says felix at some point? woag maybe) , martin says he likes how bon says felix

-eva (spectre( has a monologue in 6

-episode 6 is awe some

-maritial status. divorced

-martin talks about charles divorce

-in 1974 he's divorced, recently divorced.

-his ex wife is named emily. divorced a few months before shit happens

-if Charles didn't go missing they might have resolved their relationship

-small bit talking to Emily in one episode. charles still loves ex wife but it didn't work out.

-charles close friends with ex wife but don't work as a couple

-martin says charles feels like what jack and felix could've been.

-charles is selfless,

-felix and linda split up would be better as friends cus they're not good as a couple

-charles knows this about his relationship but felix doesn't think this about his

-martin loves charles ;3

-he's already my favorite

-eva likes charles susan dynamic (i hear u)

-theyre two sillt friends having fun!!!

-dynamic war.

-(joke) “heyt guys. in the next episode. rory appears. and kills bom” “it was all a dream” “susan marries linda and Charles raises his kid and jack finds his kids. and is found” he was hiding in a box” (trumpet sounds)

-susan and charles are better friends than jack and felix

-jack and Felix don't get along as well as real friends. business relationship.

-kyle quotes jerma lolll

-felix and jack written as people that seem friendly and social but are isolated in their own ways

-jack is only entirely honest with rosemary

-felix just doesn't

-felix tries to hide addiction from jack and

-felix sees jack as someone he'd like to be, looks up to jack, affectionate to him and envious, wants to be on his good side so doesn't say anything to him. which is why jack didn't know.

-sophie jophie and jenny jophie joke…

-theyd rock paper scissors over last names

-jenny is better than sophie at rock paper scissors. lettersons.

-sophie would change to sophie Letterson like 100%

-highlight of the month was liking jelix art and everybody noticed …

-”jelix sloppy making out” “DONT SPOIL SIX” (joke)

-joke about charles looking horrified cus jelix making out in felix office lmao

-boozoos voice slightly tiny tim-ish COOL

qna part

-spectre is freakishly tall, skinny michael meyers

-spectres voice changes a lot, sometimes silly, depends on what he's saying/who he's talking to.

-spectre wont hide his motivation but he won't reveal it outright, he won't sit down and explain what he's doing, he’ll just do it.

-chris appears in photos, isn't really mentioned. Chris is someone who knows how to turn a situation in his favor, go-getter. has interesting dynamics with main characters later in series

-kyle can't wait for people to see what happens with Chris

-long way to go to show it, but chris apparently has a really cool design later on (1982)

-cant wait for people to see his role in 1982 . martin can't say why

-no correct understanding of chris but some people have very different expectations of who he is.

-chris is a silly-serious blend, similar to charles, less naive

-all they can say

-charles fact: something really fun about charles, he will always put his kid first more than anything. he brings her to work a lot (not gonna see this in series tho) everyone would play with her. dress up as pirates. :)

-felix would tell lily santa doesn't exist. LOLLL

-cant say something spoiler…

-G ROUND BREAKING REVALATION: FOR CONTEXT. Brian stells was the first human character to speak in twf. back in 2020. people would ship brian stells and sophie walten. but it was wrong angle. because yesterday. came to the realization. that brian would be into middle aged single mothers (technically rosemary…)

-brian would try to hit on rosemary??? and jack would grab his shotgun and shoot at him. okay martin. jack is a good shooter ??

-canon brian is jesse pinkman

-chris is more season 4-5 jesse pinkman.

(missed a lot)

-showstopper lore bon and banny friends but like. only cus bon wants to save face

-cybertelly would be the showstoppers lawyer

-felix fursona with glasses and suits (kyle says bon is just like felix)

-sha js rose’s fursona. rosemary is a furry.

-4,5,6

-linda only talked to susan cus they were good friends but not rosemary. linda would've told susan she was leaving.

-felix scene on the river was hardest to animate cus it was in a lighter place, but with felix its lit up middle of day

-potential actual showstopper show ?? 11 minute episodes

-rosemarys favorite character was sha. but billy if not sha, rosemary loves clowns

-ed molly fun fact: they liked playing pong. martin thinks ed would be mischievous and do pranks, between sophie ed and molly he'd be the most rebellious. molly would be more like “ed you cant blow up the school that's not right”

-molly was very behaved. best behaved walten child.

-rosemarys sister laura in season 2. rosemary doesn't like her family and doesn't really speak to her mom or sister much.

-jacks favorite drink is ramasote or wine, rosemary likes champagne, sophie likes mojito “i think drink does not just mean alcohol”

-mollys is pepsi. eds is liquid mercury. jacks favorite drink black coffee or rumcoke. jack would have a gallon of rootbeer.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP44 SPOILERS!

aTONYment??? what does pepperoni tony have to so w this. oh my god are they gonna visit him in heaven or something. wtf is happening. guess i gotta listen and find out (im scared)

- BETH PLAYING AS NPC BETH MAY

- "ron... what ARE we?" WTF IS HAPPENINGGG

- ROGUE TAYLOR??????

- MORE GOOFY FREDDIE NUMBERS IM EXCITED

- NO NO DONT SAY THE LINCOLN FACT AS LINCOLN THATS GONNA MAKE ME SAD

- WILL IS SO SILLY i love that man

- i like the energy at the start of this one its fun

- wait is anthony doing a regular dad fact

- ANTHONY. 😭

- FREDDIE DEATH SOUND MY BELOVED

- DID LINCOLN JUST CALL HIS GRANDPA ZADDY. NEVER AGAIN

- "i had more fun in the other place" GREASE CAR FLASHBACKS.

- OMG EARLY HERMIE APPEARANCE (i choked on my food)

- "no! we cant! my scene partner!" they are so besties (worsties)

- "MY FUTURE LIFE PARTNER" HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OAKWORTHY CRUMBS. OH M GOD . FUTURE LIFE PARTNER.

- MEATBALL SCARY

- TERRY JR SOON. GUYS

- oh wow beth hasnt cast unseen servant since. goth

- ANTHONYS BABY VOICE

- so lincoln is looking for the eleanor shellstrop okay (this whole heaven/hell stuff has just constantly been reminding me of tgp)

- "he looks up at them asianly" has the same energy as the "cries in spanish" meme

- FREDDIES LITTLE SONG HAS ME SCREAMINGGGG

- ARE TJEY ACTUALLY GONNA FIND TONY. OH MY GOD

- WOW ALL U GUYS THAT WERE JUST TELLING ME HOW U MISS PEPPERONI TONY. HOW ARE YALL FEELING

- SCARY HAS A CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE.

- 4:30 MILE IS ACTUALLY INSANE. MATT.

- HOW DID WILL FORGET THAT SOCCER IS LINKS WHOLE THING

- GOD LINK CALLING NORMAL OUTTT

- HERMIE. FUCK OFFFFF

- SPARROW OFFERING NORMAL A HUG????

- FUUUUUCK. NORMAL

- help i would like to interrupt for just a sec to say that in the middle of the episode just now i got hired at spirit halloween. dndads reference GAKDJD

- TONY WAS WAITING FOR MARGARITA WAAAAA

- SCARY SOUNDS SO NERVOUS NOBODY HMU

- IM GONNA CRY. I CANT DO THIS

- PLZZZZ LET THEM SEE MARGARITA AGAIN PLZZZ

- SCARY WHY WOULD U ASK IF IT HURT :[[

- WHAT IS THE VIBE OF THIS SCENE. HELP

- NOOOO I NEED SCARY AND MARGARITA TO INTERACT AGAIN. THEY ARE GFS

- SCARY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT....

- THEY ARE BEING SO AWFUL TO NORMAL. QUIT IT

- SCARYS TALKING ABOUT TERRY. END ME

- "he never knew me when i was someone to be proud of" OOOUGHGHHH

- IF THAT FUCKING SWORD GOT INTO HERMIES HANDS. THEY WOULD BE UNSTOPPABLE

- NORMAL. BURIES MY HEAD IN THE FUCKING DIRT

- ooo normal dragging the sword would make cool fanart

- i honestly love salty normal but it also makes me really sad

- SCARY DIDNT INCLUDE HERMIE AMONG HER SPOUSES????

- TY WILL FOR REMEMBERING NICKY

- TAYLOR DEFENDING HIS DAD AWWW

- WTF IS THIS FIGHT???? HELLO??

- IS NORMAL FINALLY SNAPPING. IS THIS HAPPENING

- "I AM JEALOUS I DONT HAVE ANY COOL DYNAMICS W ANYBODY!!!" FUUUUUUCKK

- i cant do this i feel sick im SICK

- "why are they arguing i thought they liked each other" WHAT IF I BURST INTO TEARS RN.

- THE NORMAL ANGST IN THIS EPISODE IS TOOOO MUCH FOR ME

- NORMAL PUT THE MASCOT COSTUME BACK ON. FUCK. FUCK

- "ME AND MY THREE BEST FRIENDS AND MY FUTURE BOYFRIEND" GUYS. GUYS I CANNOT DO THIS

- THESE KIDS ARE SOOOO TRAUMATIZED WHAT THE HELLLL

- OH RON WAS IN SCARYS POCKET

- TERRY IS IN THE "PLANES OF MISERY"????

- "maybe he saw what u could be" BETH.....

- LINKS TRYING TO TALK TO NORMAL AGAIN PLZ END MY SUFFERING

- TERRY AND GLENN ARE FUCKING FIGHTING EACH OTHER????? WHATTTT

- OH NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA BE WIIIIIILD DUUUDE

[gayhenrycreel]

in the wake of the Abuse in Care report, i want to share my own story

for context, i am a young kiwi. im autistic and adhd, and struggle with violent meltdowns.

tw for all sorts of abuse

a few years ago, my meltdowns got very severe. i was dangerous. i got sent to the psychward 3 times. the first 2 times were scary, but i was okay.

the 3 third time nearly killed me.

i was 13 and they didn't have any spaces left, so they put me in a solitary confinement area of the asylum. yes, modern psychwards are insane asylums. if you had a good experience at one you are an exception. the wall were concrete and my room had a small outdoor area attached that was lined with barbed wire. the toilet did not flush. i was not allowed out, except for a few times when i was allowed to see the other inmates.

i was trapped for 11 days. i still remember exactly what date it was. i called my mum every day. neither of us knew if we would ever see each other again. i had been kidnapped by the state. i was fed green sludge and something that may have been extremely dry and cracked fish or chicken. this was my only meal i regularly got. getting breakfast was a hit n miss.

on day 9 i snapped. i tried to hit a nurse and my punishment was to be strangled half to death. i couldn't breathe. they nearly dislocated my shoulder. my vision turned black. i vaguely recall being injected with a sedative.

when i have flashbacks i can feel the physical pain again. it feels like my arms are being torn off.

i only went back home when my mum showed up, unauthorised, and demanded to bring me home. i never thought i would see my family again.

something i didnt mention earlier, i am medically recognised with a complex dissociative disorder. im not sure if that big traumatic event caused my alters or if Doc had already existed, but it certainly split my sense of self to some degree. Doc saved our life. Daniel, the alter who presents as the original, could not handle existence. after the psychward, my system almost achieved final fusion. Daniel went dormant. Doc was the only alter. later that month a new alter split and it took 4 months for Daniel to return.

afterward my horrible psychiatrist with the tiny shorts decided that my meltdowns were because of my adhd, which has been successfully treated since i was 4. he put me on ritalin, despite my bad history with it. ritalin gave me a panic attack that lasted 3 days without stopping. my mum immediately took me off it as soon as she noticed the heightened anxiety. a microdose of magic mushrooms of all things, cured my anxiety for a week while also treating my adhd while i had no adhd meds, so do with that what you will (mushies may have saved my life).

i already had a traumatic life, and the asylum was the hammer that finally shattered my cracked mind. i never really had a sense of self, no individuality, so its no wonder i have OSDD.

the trauma didn't stop there.

couple years later i ended up in E Puni, a jail for children who cant live with their families. i mean it when say jail. concrete walls and floors, cameras everywhere, doors that cant be opened from inside, stale food. i cant eat a lot of thing due to being autistic, so i starved. they did not not accommodate my needs.

i had another meltdown, so i got violently picked up and literally thrown onto a concrete floor in solidarity confinement. water all over the floor. i dissociated so much i could barely stand. for some reason they didn't take my belt so i tried to hang myself.

they damaged the nerves in my left arm when they threw me. i couldn't use my arm for 3 months, and when i explained why i was struggling with arm strength, they said i was faking nerve damage. i thought i would be permanently disabled. thank god it was temporary. i was forced to participate in being around screaming teenagers who made sounds i cant handle because of sensory processing disorder. some of those poor kids had been there for 5 years.

the only 2 staff there who cared for me left because they couldn't handle seeing the organized abuse the children went through. i couldnt take it either.

im in a different place now, though still in state care. its been rough, but here its only bad if i have meltdowns.

as for the cops, the most notable thing theyve done is tell me that they "can restrain [me] without reason".

if anyone ever asks why i am an anarchist, this is why.

[meet-at-tycho]

sorryyy its late and i am filled with joy and whimsy. i love them so much, my sibling always gets annoyed with me cuz theyre all i talk about.. can you blame me? to have that vast boring nothingness shift into excitement and happiness and real true love? if you were me, youd talk about it too

its so funny cuz my life seems to move in cycles, familiar patterns that ive grown really sick of.. traumatizing and terrible, horrible bloody mess.... and then the most long drawn out boring slice of life youve ever witnessed. trauma! nothing! trauma! nothing! really tired of that.. i never thought that my nothing could be broken with joy, isnt that strange? for once, im not really hurting anymore. when i do hurt, i can handle it on my own and let go, and if its too much then i know im safe to express it

ive come such a long way, i dont tend to see myself positively, but.. its hard not to be proud. guys it turns out all you need to be happy is like. LOVE isnt that so corny isnt that so unbelievably predictable... APPARENTLY its true, i guess it feels different when yr actually experiencing it firsthand

im like on the verge of tears right now but. theres no sweeter joy than this, its so fucking BIZARRE. how did it happen this way? all the little bits and pieces that fell into place, delivered me angels and made me whole again.. cheesy, i know im being cheesy but i cant help it!! im sweet on them as often as i can be but theres still a lot of things i just.. dont have the strength to say directly. so i say them here, im sure only one of you will see this anyways. but i dont need either of you to see it, just speaking my feelings out into open air eases my mind a bit more

sometimes im like wow! theres no way this is healthy im . can i really experience true love? love that doesnt hurt? love thats REAL? as much as im tempted to deny it, im living it every day!!! i wake up and theyre both there to greet me, isnt that sweet? the first people i speak to when i wake up, the last people i say goodnight to when i go to sleep

i think i just need someone, i think im the kind of person that just.. ive been alone for a while, its OKAY its whatever, ive definitely grown used to it but. i thrive when im with them, its so? maybe all i need is someone else to keep me here.. ive got two!!!!!

maybe thats not clear enough

the way id get through that droning loneliness is escapism, nonstop daydreams and dissociation, i was barely here. only to eat and take care of my body a little bit, then its back to fantasy, because .. theres people who love me in my dreams! but.. im honestly finding it so hard to slip back into that habit now. its scary, because its whats kept me safe. hiding in fiction has kept me safe, kept me calm, happy.. but i cant shake it out of my head!!!! any time i try to fall back into those routines, the only thing i can think of is THEM.. like yeah this is great and all but.. i dont want to be trapped in my head anymore!!! theyre out there, i want to be out there..

if im honest? its terrifying. im forced to come to terms with ME as a person, who i am, something ive neglected to acknowledge for my entire life, but. im so completely wrapped up in my love for them that i hardly think about that!!!!! for once, it sorta almost feels like time is moving how it should be.. like every day that passes is different, every day that passes is SPECIAL. it hurts me to say this, but i think i love being alive? can you imagine that? how is it possible that two strangers could just.. fall into my life one day and before i even know it, im healing, im happy, im whole. MAKE ME SICKK its so foul. its almost pathetic!!! is that really all ive needed? this whole time, and i couldnt find ONE proper candidate throughout 20 years of life? its hard to really be upset about it, cuz.. ive got them now. thats all that matters

idk, i just. i think its really telling the kind of people they are, i know im only me, but.. for what its worth, theyve improved my life so drastically, i wouldve never thought id see myself happy like this. they do that for me, they do that and so much more. i love you 💞

[lanwangjiismyreligion]

Warning: This post ist about personal experiences with emotional and narcissistic abuse in families. Please be aware that this content can eventually be triggering, thank you.

Yesterday I got an e-mail and it was written in regards to an article I posted on my small German blog last month. This article was my personal attempt to talk about a phrase I heard a few weeks before:

"Aren't we all a little bit narcissistic?"

Here is the link to my article. It is written in German but feel free to share anyway:

I took this phrase and made it the title of my article. I wrote about how such a phrase minimises and trivialises the harm of certain personality traits and in the end shifts the blame to the victims of emotional narcissistic abuse. This kind of societal gaslighting is often used in Germany, unfortunetly.

And this e-mail was such a touching feedback that made me think like rather spontenious: perhaps I should write some kind of memoir where I can collect and share some of my experiences so far? It would be so much nicer to have a book than just posting short articles on my blog ...

2 Seconds later, a shrieking voice screamed in my head: Am I out of my mind??? How could I think I had the skill or the guts to pull this of? How dare I'm that arrogant to think that this is a good idea? Do I want to be the next Stefanie Foo? How insolent, how prespumptous, how overbearing, how absurd and irrational ...

After my inner selfabuse faded a bit, it dawned me: It doesn't matter what I start writing the anxiety of trying and potentially standing out in the open is always there. It scares the hell out of me to be successful doesn't matter how small this success is.

And here ist are some more crazy thoughts:

I don't really think that, well, I know it sounds ridicules, but I don't really know if my experiences are qualified enough to justify writing a memoir.

I'll be blunt: Perhaps on an absurd level of self gaslighting I am not sure if I'm "traumatized" enough. Yeah, even as I write this, I feel that I must be crazy to think that my parents had been that bad.

Because its all so fresh, I mean that I' m able to recognice the possibility that I could be a narcissistic abuse survivor. After I published my fantasy book in September 2023 I started to feel fatigued and anxious instead of being happy. But I couldn't stop writing and I wanted to be a selfpublisher, so I fought. I was live on Instagram, reading chapters, I found an real life writing community were I'm active and do readings, I'm now a member of the team that runs the community, yes, I am successful in a small way.

But marketing was and is so, so scary, the thought of making my book - and in the end myself - public alone was and is terrifying. Yes, I did some things but it was far, far less then some "normal" selfpublisher does in a commercial writing carrier on average. Really far, far less.

I have not an official C-PTSD diagnosis.

I just discovered that in my family was some strange sickening pattern between children and adults that seemed to come from parts of my grandparents and that my parents showed the same behaviour, perhaps a little bit of a variant. My father showed this entitlement, he did the silent treatment, showed impulsive rage, one day something was okay, the other day not, so there were no rules, the jealousy he showed toward my friends and male lovers, he did the triangulation thing with me and my older sibllings, like I was the golden child but later I turned into a scapegoat within days and so on.

It took me until last year to recognize that depression, burnout, immune system problems, heart and blood preassure problems and anxiety where all normal illnesses we younger ones are dealing with until today. Some of these things I associate with PTSD or C-PTSD now, but actually I cannot say for sure because no one diagnosed me or the others. But depressioen and Burnout were diagnosed but it wasn't put into a connection as consequences from emotional abuse.

But this e-mail showed me that it seems there are people out there without a chance of getting a diagnosis who can identefy with my experience and now I'm sitting here thinking in circles:

[candycoffinss]

when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) <3 <3

DEW. dew. answer this RN!!!!

Whaatg…. Shit ok smh….

1. I guess I like how I make my s/o laugh a lot??? Idk it’s cute and I’m glad I can make them laugh as much as I do

2. My ocs r pretty swag, I guess those too :L

3. Chat im so strong I’ve been traumatized so many times and now I’m living out of SPITE I think that’s cool??

4. Uh…. Uhhhhhh…. My knowledge of a bunch of different media, I still think I’m cool whenever I can tell someone the exact date and time of someone’s death just off the top of my head or be able to quote the introduction of a movie… (proof below the cut)

5. Yaaaawns, this made me think too hard so now I’m sleepy so my sleepiness is cool too

And now… the movie quote……

Hello? Hello. Yes? Who is this? Who are you trying to reach? What number is this? What number are you trying to reach? I don’t know. I think you have the wrong number. Do I? It happens. Take it easy. Hello? I’m sorry I guess I dialed the wrong number. So why did you dial it again? To apologize! You’re forgiven. Bye now. Wait wait don’t hang up. What? I want to talk to you for a second. They’ve got 900 numbers for that, see ya.

Hello? Why don’t you want to talk to me? Who is this? You tell me your name I’ll tell you mine. I don’t think so. What’s that noise? Popcorn! You’re making popcorn? Uh huh! I only eat popcorn at the movies. I’m getting ready to watch a video. Really? What? Just some scary movie. You like scary movies? Uh huh! What’s your favorite scary movie? Uhhhh I don’t know. You have to have a favorite, what comes to mind? Uh… Halloween, you know the one with the guy in the white mask that walks around and stalks babysitters… what’s yours? Guess. Uh… Nightmare on elm street! Is that the one where the guy had knives for fingers? Yeah, Freddy krueger! Freddy, that’s right. I liked that movie. It was scary. Yeah, the first one was… but the rest sucked. Sooo, you got a boyfriend? Why, you wanna ask me out on a date? Maybe. Do you have a boyfriend? No. You never told me your name. Why do you want to know my name? Because I want to know who I’m looking at. …What did you say? I… want to know who I’m talking to. That’s not what you said… what do you think I said? What? Hello? Look, i gotta go. Wait, I thought we were gonna go out. Nah, I don’t think so.

Don’t hang up on me. Shit. ….Yes? I told you not to hang up on me. What do you want? To talk! Dial someone else, okay? Listen asshole! NO YOU LISTEN YOU LITTLE BITCH, IF YOU HANG UP ON ME AGAIN I’LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH YOU UNDERSTAND? …Hahah, yeah… Is this some kind of joke..? More of a game really. Can you handle that… Blondie? Can you see me? Listen, I am two seconds away from calling the police. They’d never make it in time… we’re out in the middle of nowhere. What do you want? TO SEE WHAT YOUR INSIDES LOOK LIKE. Who’s there? Who’s there? I’m calling the police! You should never say “who’s there,” don’t you watch scary movies? It’s a death wish! You might as well just come out here to investigate a strange noise or somethin. Look, you’ve had your fun now… So I think you better leave or else… or else what? Or else my boyfriend will be here any second, and he’ll be pissed when he finds out. I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend… I lied! I do have a boyfriend and he’ll be here any second so your ass better be gone. Sure …I swear… He’s big and he plays football and he’ll kick the shit out of you! I’m getting scared… I’m shaking in my boots. So you better just leave. His name wouldn’t be… Steve, would it? How do you know his name?

Turn on the patio light. Again. OH GOD! I wouldn’t do that if I were you! Where are you? Guess. Please don’t hurt him. That all depends on you… why are you doing this? I wanna play a game!! No… THEN HE DIES RIGHT NOW! No, no! Which is it? Which is it? Wha… What kind of game..? Turn off the light. You’ll see what kind of game. Just do it. Casey! No! No! No! Casey!

Here’s how we play… I ask a question, if you get it right, Steve lives. Please don’t do this. Come on, it’ll be fun! Please… it’s an easy category. Please.. movie trivia! I’ll even give you a warm up question. Don’t do this, I can’t— name the killer in Halloween. No… come on! It’s your favorite scary movie, remember? He had a white mask… he stalked the baby sitters… I don’t know.. come on, yes you do… no, please.. what’s his name? I can’t think. Steve’s counting on you. Michael. Michael Michael. Yes! Very good… now, for the real question… no! But you’re doing so well! We can’t stop now! Please stop… leave us alone… Then answer the question. Same category. Oh, please stop. Name the killer in Friday The 13th. Jason! Jason! Jason! I’m sorry, that’s the wrong answer! NO ITS NOT NO ITS NOT

Ok I don’t wanna write the rest but that’s a good chunk of the beginning of scream

[waterdeepp]

for the first time i can say i had a traumatic day at work, but i survived!! thank you to amazing staff and nurses with legit hearts of gold. having a man scream and hit walls is the most terrifying experience for women - period. and having said man stare you down like you are meat is even scarier. i never knew how easily triggered i was by these things until i experienced it myself. I was afraid. And realizing I was afraid days later is confusing. I've been thinking about this non stop and reliving each moment, each word he said, each punch thrown at the wall, each curse screamed at me. I don't take it personally, it's not that. It's violence. It's the realization I had met a highly dangerous person who could hurt me and others - someone who has hurt others in horrible ways. And knowing this, it is all the more scary to see the attacks the walls suffered. It's visceral.

I am very aware these types of things happen in healthcare and you need to be prepared. And I was - and always am. I have been verbally abused and hit by patients but this was just genuinely so so so different. The thought makes my heart leap in my throat. I have never been so fucking afraid of someone in my life - and it is my task to watch and monitor this person. Having to bite back tears when the nurses asked me if I was okay and holding up. I was and am not okay. At all.

Physical distance was the only saving grace. Standing by security, practically hiding behind them, standing close to them, mentally begging them to stay with me. if i could shrink myself and hide by their fucking feet i would have.

I feel like Im being dramatic but words can hardly express what I felt. I think it's rare people feel genuine fear but that is exactly what I felt. True, raw FEAR. I can't describe it any other way. I was so afraid.

I'm sure I'll see him again and I dread it.

[drdemonprince]

I have read your article about the pros and cons of Seeking an Autism Diagnosis. I think it makes some very good points. I would like to add my own point of view. At the beginning, it will sound like a far stretch to autism but hear me out :)

I am a transgender woman and my egg cracked right in the middle of the pandemic, a few months after my first, but quite traumatic, ulcerative colitis flare. After many years of overworking myself and drinking way too much on the week-ends, I just reached a point where my body told me “this has to stop”, I felt completely powerless and desperate. I had to implement self-care in my life, it was a matter of survival. The tricky part is that I have been hating myself and pretending to know who I was for so long. My whole life was about alienation. Worse, now I could not use the crutches I was used to. To move on with the transition I had to dig deep down within myself and it was scary and confusing and complicated. I did not feel I was trans enough to transition and I did not feel like talking with “regular” therapists was  helping, I felt misunderstood. At the same time, my gf and I spoke a lot, we knew I had some autistic traits but were never sure. I thought I was not autistic enough to search for a diagnosis. I got even more confused the day I learnt a lot of people on the autism spectrum are also trans or non-binary. 

I was paralyzed by wanting to transition but hating change but at the same time really wanting to have the benefits from HRT and surgeries. I was just going deeper into depression and not taking care of myself. I then thought looking for a formal autism diagnosis would maybe help me with the transition. If I was autistic, it would mean it was valid enough to transition. At this point, you will probably tell me “and you got yet another crutch”. But I can reply: maybe not, if you hear the rest of the story ? 

A week after having the diagnosis, I felt relieved and decided to call my parents to talk about it. I figured talking about my autism would be a good rehearsal for my coming out. The discussion went very bad. My mother especially was very defensive. I ended up crying. I cut all communication with them, I needed time to think. I ended up realizing I had seen how my parents really are as persons. And it was the most freeing moment I had in my life. I started to understand all the BS and the power they had over me, even by appearing as nice and caring. This experience enabled me to move on with my transition and un-shackle myself. It was a rough time but I finally can start to heal. I started HRT 4 months ago, bought feminine clothes last week and I am going at my own pace. I now know I can do it, it just started to click after that discussion. I know I will never use my diagnosis for anything else and at the time I decided I needed it was for completely different reasons, but now I really know why it was useful.

Thank you for reading me, feel free to give me your perspective on that. I just wanted to say people search for a diagnosis for many different reasons.

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I guess my question would be, if you were in a country where it was necessary to get a gender identity disorder diagnosis in order to transition, would going out and getting that diagnosis have also given you the same kind of relief?

it kinda sounds to me like you took kind of a circuitous route to finding some credentialed authority who would sign off on your self identity in one fashion, so that you could feel okay about having the right to define yourself at all in any fashion. and i think you can be freer than that and deserve to be.

but like im glad it worked out! im glad you got the external permission that made you feel okay giving yourself the permission to do what you had already wanted. i hope you (and all of us) can get to the point where just wanting to do something is enough reason to do it.

i had to take a very complicated and indirect route to giving myself permission to be trans as well, of a different sort. so i do remember what those doubts were like and how impossible they are to intellectually argue away. shoutout to A Safe Girl to Love by Casey Plett and shit ton of high intensity erotic hypnosis for getting me past the point of intellect and into the realm of intuitively feeling what i had known all along