#it was like people’s best friends had personally betrayed them instead of people making a questionable business decision

[ebp-brain]

.

[mothwingwritings]

Hrnnnngh because the whole Yujiro stepdad mindset will never leave me, I keep getting possessed with this thought: What if Baki and Jack had misguided feelings for their little step sis just like their father does???

(Warning for stepcest and noncon mentions, proceed w/caution)

Baki would be in deep denial over it. His feelings over you are natural. He just wants to protect you. That’s why he fantasizes and plots about luring you over and caging you in in his underground training room. He knows firsthand how threatening the outside world is, how much danger lurks around each corner, and now that Yujiro is seeking you out specifically, that just makes everything THAT much more dangerous.

You’re so pretty and kind, trusting of people even when they don’t deserve it. He was an absolute idiot for not seeing the dangers that put you in earlier. Living with him you would be safe and cared for, gluing himself to your side to personally assure that. He could barely contain himself when he thought of you nestled in his arms each night, snuggling close, so incredibly thankful to have such a loving and strong brother to protect you. With how much you revere and care for him, surely you’d have no objections to his hands roaming your body, or his lips stealing a kiss as a small show of thanks. You’re so sweet and he loves you so much that all he wants to do is give that affection back to you tenfold, even if you struggle to accept it.

Jack is much more cognizant that his feelings towards you are abnormal, but he warps it in his head to fool himself into believing that his intentions towards you are just that of a loving (albeit overprotective) older brother. Though not by blood, you are still his little sister. It’s natural for you look to him for protection and guidance, and truly that is all he is trying to provide. And as your elder brother he knows best, so you really shouldn’t be questioning just how much he hovers and inserts himself into your personal affairs. How else would you have known that that guy you were crushing on was a complete asshole, or those friends of yours were talking about you behind your back? No need to hurt yourself further by looking into his claims, just believe what your big brother says. He would never betray you like that.

He loves you and would never want to cause you intentional harm or discomfort… But when he thinks of another man touching you, holding you, kissing you, fucking you it sends him into a spiraling rage of all consuming jealousy. No one loves you like he does, no one can protect and provide for you like he can, and he’ll be damned if he lets someone else try and take you from him. The world isn’t deserving of the light you bring to it, and he’ll do whatever it takes to lock you away from the cruelties of the world, even if that makes him an even crueler person in the process.

And when Baki and Jack find out what Yujiro had done to you, how he had staked his claim and had his way with you while they remained none the wiser… Enraged doesn’t even cover it. How DARE he assault you, their precious and perfect little sister? How dare he ravage you, rip you apart in a torrent of carnal desire, violating you and forcing you to the brink of unwanted pleasure… It made their heads spin, their skin crawl.

There was no doubt that the sins their father had committed against you made them furious, delirious with hatred over how he had hurt you. But more than anything the distress they felt stemmed from the single sickening belief they both shared-that instead of Yujiro that night forcing himself inside you, fucking you to oblivion, it should have been them.

[exculpateinteractivefiction]

"All suffering originates from craving, from attachment, from desire." - Edgar Allan Poe

Exculpate: The Fall from Grace is an upcoming 18+ action packed and fantastical interactive fiction novel. Loosely inspired by media like “My Hero Academia”, “Bungou Stray Dogs”, “Jujutsu Kaisen”, “The X-Men” and “Titans”.

Tags: [Urban Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Romance, Drama, LGBTQIA+, Textbased]

The Astra. In the years after the war it was a name that had grown familiar. A select group of individuals who had gained special abilities after the…incident. They are powerful. They are talented. They are gifted.

And you’re one of them.

Or at least you were around a decade ago. Before you made the mistake.  The type of colossal fuck up that blows up your apparently  flimsy life in a matter of minutes. The kind that has you running away and starting completely over. That kind.

Now instead of using your worthless ability to save people, you are stuck using it for much more…aggressive work. More effective work. Or at the very least work that pays better. The only cost seems to be your sorry excuse for morals. Trading your soul and sense of justice for a paycheck. What could go wrong?

It was manageable. Meaningful even. Something that gave purpose to the now shattered pieces of your life.

Everything was great.

...until you got a hit for the strongest hero in existence. Wonderful.

Play a former hero turned assassin turned…“hero” but not really .

Customize your character’s name, appearance, personality, and gender identity.

Develop a better understanding of your dreadful ability.

Explore and navigate complex relationships with six unique romantic options.

Kill your former best friend and betray old allies and new ones alike!

Come face to face with your past (both the choices you’ve made and the people in it).

Repent for your mistakes…or continue making them.

The Hero (Your Target): Maverick “Mav” Kingston (He/Him)

Maverick Kingston, your current target and the strongest member of Astra. The strongest, period. He is unstoppable - unreachable - unattainable. You would know as his (former) best friend.

Appearance: Maverick is the embodiment of “perfection” and that crosses over into his looks. He is roughly 6’1” and is quite lean. He has vibrant light blue eyes and a head of messy blonde hair that seems to always fall perfectly into place.

Personality: Maverick’s greatest flaw is undeniably his personality. To put it bluntly, he’s the best and he knows it. He manages to come across as nonchalant and egotistical on a good day - often just messing around or teasing both his enemies and coworkers alike, and while he can be quite charismatic, his laidback and annoying disposition tends to steer most people away. Although, you get the feeling that there seems to be something deeper lying beneath the surface even after all these years…

The Strategist: Carmen Reyes (She/Her)

Carmen Reyes, lead strategist of the Astra and to put it bluntly the only one with any common sense. She is an intimidating presence - although that might just be due to her title of the best hand to hand combatant of the Astra. You used to be co-workers and classmates but that was a long time ago.

Appearance: Carmen’s beauty is just another thing that adds to her imposing nature. She is roughly 5’11” and has spent years building up her muscular physique. She has curly dark brown hair that rests just below her chin and surprisingly sharp hazel eyes that seem to track your every move…

Personality: Carmen can be considered reserved and wise at best and completely distant at worst. She has a professional air to her that most officials and authority respect, but it can come across as aloof or boring especially when comparing her to the loud personalities that the rest of the Astra has. That’s not to say she is uncaring though - in fact she is arguably the most moral of the group - or at least she was back when you were a member…

The Heart: Silas Jones (He/Him)

Silas Jones, arguably the kindest member of the Astra. He’s excitable and naive - if not a bit endearing. He tends to act as the mediator between the public and the other members of the Astra when necessary. You don’t remember being particularly close with him back when you were in the Astra so it’s surprising how desperately he seems to want your attention now…

Appearance: Silas is roughly 5’8” and has dark brown skin with glowing silver marks scattered across his body. He has black locs that have been dyed red at the tips and dark brown eyes that seem to pull you in wherever you go…

Personality: Silas is easily the nicest of the group and can be quite soothing especially compared to the harsher personalities of the other members and higher ups of the Astra. He is incredibly open and energetic, if not a bit naive. He cares very deeply for the people around him and that clearly extends to you even after all these years. It does make you wonder why he is so interested though…

The Healer: Juno Aceso (She/Her)

Juno Aceso, head of the healing and medical department at Astra. She isn’t what most people expect when they hear the words “doctor” but she is a breath of fresh air compared to the rest of the group. You were close with her back when you were in the Astra…or at least as close as you can be with someone like her.

Appearance: Juno is roughly 5’5”. She has deathly pale skin and dark eyebags that frame her murky green eyes. Her straight chestnut colored hair lands right at her chest, though she usually keeps it up in a bun.

Personality: If Carmen is distant and Maverick is nonchalant then Juno is on a whole other level. She is practically apathetic with her laidback nature and tends to be quite removed from everyone else. That’s not to say she has no personality though. She can be incredibly snarky and sarcastic when she wants to be. Unsurprisingly, she seems the least invested in your return. Although you get an odd feeling whenever she glances your way…

The Star: Payton Monroe (They/Them)

Payton Monroe is nothing if not a star. They embrace the celebrity status that comes with being a member of the Astra with open arms. You weren’t particularly close with them back when you were in the Astra but you heard the rumors of their exploits…

Appearance: Payton is roughly 5’7” and seems to make it their life’s goal to make themself as appealing as possible. They have ivory colored skin and dazzling lavender eyes. Their hair is shoulder length and white with streaks of pink going through it.

Personality: Payton is someone who has no issue embracing the finer things in life. They are far more interested in the public image aspect of being a member of the Astra and that comes across in nearly every interaction. While they are quite flirtatious, they seem to hold no interest in pursuing an actual relationship. Maybe you’ll be the one to change that…

The Newbie: Amari Gray (Gender Selectable)

Amari Gray, the newest member of the Astra. Not much is known about them - they joined after you left and they don’t seem exactly interested in getting to know you. They tend to be annoyed with you more often than not but you get the feeling that they are that way with most people. Although, their constant avoidance towards you specifically is quite odd…

Appearance: Amari is roughly 5’3”. They have tan skin and sharp gray eyes that seem to be set in a perpetual glare. They have thick white hair that is currently styled as a short undercut. They have a few piercings and tattoos.

Personality: You don’t know much about Amari but one thing you do know is that they don’t like you. They are either actively avoiding you or are going out of their way to pick fights with you. They seem incredibly familiar which makes their determination on making your life miserable even weirder…

DEMO TBA

[tubbytarchia]

Wild Life Session 4 smallidarity thoughts (+ some Scar and Lizzie)

See it was all fine, nothing to worry about!! Joel couldn't bring himself to kill Jimmy, he barely even harmed him. I'm pretty sure he shot him just once (after Jimmy trampled their crops so. fair)? Joel calmed down, he rebuilt his car, everything is fine. He says at the start that he's wary of Jimmy because of him going after Joel last time, and that's about it for the time being

Jimmy dies and Joel makes a deal out of it and calls him a muppet. As per usual. Meanwhile Jimmy is still adamant to get at Joel whilst Scar tries to deter him because they want to be an alliance

He and Jimmy meet up at some point after their brief interaction at the start where Joel shot him, and they just banter. And Gem and Scar are just standing there like "guyss we're a family come on" meanwhile Joel and Jimmy's exchange goes as follows: Jimmy: "you're the ones with tasty lives!" Joel: "yeah bet you wish you could have a chunk of me!" "Oh I'm having a chunk out of you!" "Yeah and you know where to take that chunk out of!" "Oh I'm gonna take it! I'm taking it!" "You should!" And then Gem and Scar tell them to break it up and Joel goes "we're just flirting!!" ? what the fuck? Genuinely WHAT are they talking about. is this an innuendo of some sort. is this another ambiguous smallidarity sex scene sorry who said that

Jimmy gets a double kill (in the most adorable way btw. The way he weasels his way in there and backs off and comes back to try again all crouched. animal) and goddd people hyping him up is so so sweet. He deserves this. He's also a little bit evil, he's getting the murder rush but I'm happy for him. He needs to kill more people, he needs to get this out of his system, he deserves this, things need to get worse before they get better. ANYWAY Scar all "that was the greatest kill ever on the life series" is so cute. And man I gotta agree. There's more unique and funny and impressive kills but I would not mind calling this the best just for the fact that it's Jimmy. He's competent, he can do shit like this, but it feels like most everyone and the world is continuously against his survival, but here he is... my son...

And then Joel coming up to congratulate him... Really blummin cute. In Joel's POV also, he says "I went to congratulate Jimmy and we had a moment" which I wager he might be referring to the creeper incident as 'the moment' but that'd make no sense to call it that. With that tonation. Why did he say it like that. Stop being cute

But yeah Scar tries to blow Joel up with creepers only for Joel to save him from his own creeper and he's so casual about it. He is incredibly kind to the bamboozlers, it's really cute...

And then Jimmy does it!! He gets Joel!! And he gets him real good!! And can you believe that the first person to kill either of the family duo is Jimmy, of all people. Scott has died by this point too and Jimmy is the one to make a dent in the full 6-life alliance. Crazy. I'm so proud of him. It was seriously really good too, see, when Jimmy puts his mind to something and is able to focus he excels, he really does. And Joel, oh Joel is such a good sport about it. He keeps saying how it was good and fair and that he still wants an allyship with him. Tells him "welcome back to green" aww. And they make a truce, Jimmy got it out of his system and now they can be friends and go kill other people instead and Joel is proud of him... Jimmy "Joel, I finally got you, so I will stop now, so let's do the perfect dap" and then they both count down and clap their hands to simulate slapping palms. Awesome. All of Joel and Jimmy is just really cute this time around. Very happy about them being a more proper alliance now, but we'll see if it sticks... Joel can only be so mean to Jimmy at this point though I don't think he has it in him to betray him or anything lol. Can't speak for the rest of them but not too worried for the smallidarity, it's a plentiful crop...

Also a very important exchange between Lizzie and Jimmy at some point: "I just finangled a load of diamonds off of Joel" "Oh? How did you do that?" "I asked him just really nicely" (lie btw she was moreso extorting Joel) "Oh, that doesn't work when I... I guess... you are his wife, I guess..." "Yeah..." "Lucky for some I guess- right (unrelated topic)" I'm not 100% confident that's what Jimmy said at the end, it's a bit hard to make out but. what? Hello?

I also extend gratitude towards Lizzie for being so nice and supportive of Jimmy, she was the one to suggest the cobweb creeper trap that ended up taking Joel out, but she also insisted that he drink a health restoration stew beforehand in case anything went wrong. Jimmy didn't end up doing so (he was full) and Lizzie is all "why?" and "something could have gone wrong". man. Nice to him...

[ultimategenshintournament]

Ultimate Genshin Tournament: Round 5

Propaganda below cut

Venti:

calls the Traveler "his warrior" plus he's like our long-time friend??? He basically asked us out during the alchemy event???? You can choose to bring him up during the fight with Signora????? He's the best idc

He. Is. Amazing. So many layers, so interesting...So much trauma and potential...Not to mention look how AWESOME he is generally!!! He's kind and caring towards everybody, and also carefree and mischievous!!! How can you not love him??

he’s TOO GOOD for this world- he’s just a little guy!! Like he cares for his nation and the people of Mondstadt SO MUCH it hurts when people say he doesn’t. Like, my poor trauma-driven little mega-powerful war god who’s actually just a tiny little wind spirit honoring his dead friend!!!! I love him so much

his lore means he gets brought up almost every patch. he convinced a bunch of the most lethal women in Teyvat to have tea instead of screwing him up. he would always rather take the path of least resistance. he’s the three time best bard in Mond. he never seeks glory, only wishes to offer it to others. he was a better father to Diona than her real one five minutes into meeting her. he gives Glory whispers of what the world looks like so she can navigate. when a nun of his own church denied his identity he decided to run a heist to steal back an item that is only holy because it is his. he keeps his misery and loneliness trapped within, and does his best to bring joy to every person he meets. how can you not love him? 

He's Venti. How do you beat that? Answer: you don't. You can't. 

they say that an nation is most like their archon but is the anemo archon a god that took after the people's traits or did the people take their archons traits (the only correct answer is that venti took after old mond's people traits and it's so disgustingly sweet, he's a lil baby who cared so much that he kept old mond's wishes heard and their dream a reality — of freedom (without a god, as much as he could) where humanity leads trust. he left mondstadt because he trusted that humanity would do that right thing always but then he got betrayed by the Lawrence clan but he forgave them???! the anemo archon gave them no punishment , but mondstadt did . venti has me ugly crying

Kaeya:

He's cool, he's mysterious, he wears an eyepatch, he has a super tragic backstory, he's good with kids, he takes care of his friends, what's not to love!!!

despite all the hardships he’s suffered, he’s still such a kind person 

This is the character of the everyman. Everyone should love Kaeya because he's with you no matter what. He has the great mystery of his origins and his damage with his family and his brother, but he is with you til the end. That's what makes him so special to me

Furina:

girl deserves therapy and hugs and the best life in the WORLD because oh boy she went through a lot!!!! wouldn't pretending to be a god for 500 years with no support mess you up? and yet she still kept on going for her people!! she wanted to save her nation from a doomsday prophecy and she DID

After act 5 she deserves the world :(

“If all the people of Fontaine are on one side, and I am on the other…is it not obvious where the scales of suffering should tilt?” NO IT ISNT YOU’RE JUST ABNORMALLY SELFLESS AND INCREDIBLE AND PERSISTENT. Even the Archons praise Furina’s name and say she is a human with strength and capability worthy of an Archon. That’s not even to speak of Focalors. She snapped at Arlecchino only when the Harbinger implied that Furina had done nothing to preserve her people from the flood. Meanwhile every minute she was working to prevent the prophecy. A month after we took her to court and almost got her killed she agreed to help us direct a play, a favor for a favor

[maleyanderecafe]

When Jasy Whistles (Webcomic)

Created by: Cibeles

Genre: Fantasy/Romance

You probably have seen this one around, but I did find it very unique in terms of the worldbuilding. It can be admittedly fairly slow in some points in terms of pacing though actually the thing I enjoyed the most out of the series was seeing Jasy's siblings and learning more about them. Currently as of writing this, the story has finished its second season and the creator is working on it's third and final season.

The story starts out with Hela, a girl who lives in an traditional/ relatively isolated town outside of modern things who wants to take after her grandmother and become the chief of her town one day. Hela's best friend Rodri is one day taken away by one of the demigods, Jasy, and Hela goes to get him back. Jasy needs a human to help him get through the gate as a demigod like himself is not able to, and promises that if he makes a pact with Hela and gets through, she will be able to get Rodri back. Hela is very suspicious of Jasy as not only did he kidnap her best friend, but there are folk stories about how you should not follow Jasy's whistle, as it lures them somewhere bad. However, with no other way to get Rodri back, Hela accepts the pact and they go on their adventure. They are attacked by one of Jasy's half brothers, Ao Ao, a beast that eats everything and gives birth to children with only the desire to consume. As Jasy is not able to hurt his siblings, Hela must be the one to protect him using her skills in archery. They are able to escape and slowly walk through the land itself. There they meet other people there, trapped under strange circumstances. All of them are cursed to grow until they are adults and are never able to grow old, all while still having to sustain themselves on the few resources they have in the land. Hela wishes to open the gate and free the people there, as they are all fighting over the resources, while Jasy doesn't seem to care whatsoever, as he has a distrust of humans after the previous one betrayed him while trying to open the gate. Despite this, Jasy is able to mostly have amends with the people there, and even meets another sibling of Jasy's, willing to give her face to him so as long as they can go through to the gate safely. In the end, this brother instead wants to have Jasy's face, something that he willingly trades over Hela's, so as long as Hela can stay alive. Hela eventually reaches the gate where she sacrifices herself to open it and allow the people into the land. This greatly affects Jasy as he suddenly realizes how much he had cared for and loves her. To get her back, Jasy goes into the spirit realm to try to save her, and he's able to see her past with Rodri. Jasy is fully willing to stay with her in this forever loop of her childhood, but the two of them eventually come back into the world, and now having opened the world so the humans can go in, recover there afterwards. Jasy and Hela continue to love each other in their honeymoon phase, until Jasy is captured by humans. Hela finds out the humans that caught him are under the leadership of Rodrigo's mother, who had been missing for a while, chasing after treasures. We find out that she is the human that betrayed Jasy initially and attempts to get Hela to shoot him, only for her to free him. The last couple of chapters reveals that Mboi Tu'i, the sibling that has taken care of the realm is actually Rodrigo in some way and wants to take Hela away.

So I will say right now I don't really know that much about South American mythos, so there's a lot of things that go over my head in terms of references or how each type of god acted, but I do feel that I did have a good understanding on how each of Tau's children acted and the kind of possible personalities that they have. It's definitely a unique take on mythos that we don't normally see. The artwork as well is very gorgeous, the characters are very pretty and I'm a fan of the more monster designs of the siblings as well, seeing how each of them came to be and just how much they have to suffer. The world that Jasy and Hela go into is very cool, the idea of humans that basically can live forever is both a blessing and a curse, as they cannot reproduce and they still have to eat and fight for territory. I think my favorite of his brothers is probably Kurupi because I really do like sad monster boys that are shunned because of their appearance. Compared to his more real life depictions in myths he's a lot more sympathetic and tragic, so it's nice to see those incorporated in there. The entire plot seems to eventually go to deal with Tau, Jasy's father, in some point in the future.

Still, despite this, I feel like the plot at times can be really slow. There are good moments like when Hela helps out the people who are in stuck fighting each other and we see the dynamic of the world, as well as the aforementioned lore of all of Jasy's siblings, but the actual development of Hela and Jasy's relationship is slow, all things considered. Initially, Jasy and Hela are more like enemies, as Hela is extremely suspicious of Jasy and vice versa, only cooperating with each other because they need each other's help. Still as the story goes on the two of them fall for each other and slowly develop feelings for each other. This isn't necessarily done in a bad way, but it is incredibly slow and honestly lost my attention a lot of the times. I'm also a bit surprised that Hela wasn't more resistant considering Jasy actually did kidnap Rodri and only promised to give him back if she cooperated. While again, the romantic moments were fairly cute, they aren't all that interesting to me and to be honest, I'd rather see the actual worldbuilding that the two go through rather than their relationship. Hela as a main character focuses mostly on her desire to run her tribe, and while she initially is fairly competent and active in the story, shooting a lot of Ao Ao's children, she ends up having to rely a lot of Jasy to save her, especially since she ends up losing her bow and arrow after a while. I actually straight up forgot that she could do archery at the end when Hela was forced by her aunt to kill Jasy, which is probably not a great sign. I don't think she's the worst MC in these stories because she does have a lot of interesting points to her, but it does feel like she was hamstringed after a bit, with a bunch of chapters after Hela dies and is revived pretty much being carried around by Jasy as she recuperates. She does have a fairly strong conviction of not only bringing back Rodri but her connection to her grandmother, as well as the development to allow herself to finally decide things for herself without having it taken away from him, but I still feel like she could have used a bit more agency in the story itself.

Jasy as a yandere doesn't actually start out as one so we actually see the kind of decent he gets into. He is a rather light yandere all things considered, but it is always fun to see them descend into yandere behavior nevertheless. Like I said before, Jasy and Hela have a bit of a tumultuous relationship at first with the two of them begrudgingly forced to help each other, while slowly learning to understand each other a bit more. Jasy doesn't understand why Hela would go so far to save Rodri and later the humans that are trapped but has to go along with her anyways since she's the key to him getting through the gate. By the time he does reach the gate, and Hela sacrifices herself, he starts to realize the error of his ways- while initially he viewed her as a tool to open the gate, he now starts to realize that he actually did care about her, and more deeply love her, even to the point of going to the realm of the dead to find her. He even so much is willing to loop over and over Hela's favorite childhood memories forever so as long as they are together. When Jasy does finally retrieve her, the two of them basically have a honeymoon together, where Jasy is extremely doting on her. We do see some of bits of jealousy earlier with Jasy, such as when one of the guys of offhandedly suggests that Hela is actually pretty attractive, but it doesn't really come to full fruition until after she dies. It's a bit hard to say right now exactly how far he'll go considering it feels like it's just the beginning of the yandere arc for Jasy, but it at least is a start. Not sure how far they'll ramp it up in the third and last season, if at all. Like I said though, it's still pretty light and it's very possible that it might stay that way, though with Rodri's reveal, it could also very well go on a darker path.

Overall, I was pretty surprised at the story, but I do have split opinions on it. The worldbuilding and the mythos of the monsters are really interesting and a definite unique take that I haven't personally seen as much before, but I find that the story and pacing for the characters are pretty tedious and dragging at times. Still, it's extremely beautiful and the story itself is something unique to experience if you are interested in such things.

[gilbirda]

Friendly neighborhood vigilante. Chapter 29

BatmanxDP crossover. JasonxJazz

[Read on AO3] [Read on FF.net]

Based on this post

First chapter || << Previous chapter || Next chapter >>

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“We have to go.”

“Do we?”

Jazz giggled against her better judgment. Jason’s breath tickled her cheeks.

“Bruce said—”

“He can wait.” His chest rumbled as he spoke. She could feel it through his suit and hers. “They all can wait.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the touch of his cold lips on her throat ripped a sigh from her lips instead. Her hand squeezed his bicep and didn’t move to push him away as she knew she should.

It felt weirdly exposed to be doing this in a random alley, but at least they weren’t out in the open. She’d seen worse things happen in the dark alleys of Gotham, and it was somewhat exhilarating to be part of that mystery herself.

Jason’s hand grabbed her face, pulling her back to the present.

“We have to— Mhmp!”

Jason hummed against her mouth, kissing her with enthusiasm. Jazz rolled her eyes, but responded to his kiss and very obvious attempt at shutting her up.

They were supposed to be on their way back to the Cave and meet with the others to discuss the whole “Lazarus Pits in Gotham” conversation they had to have.

Once they were alone, Jason had other ideas. It was in his eyes, in the way they were bright with concern that turned into something else once he made sure that she was completely fine after her encounter with the Spirit of Gotham.

He had always been a little hesitant before, even after she came clean about her secrets and her fangs. She thought he maybe wanted to make clear he wasn’t pressuring her into something she’d regret, which was nice but completely unnecessary. She wasn’t afraid to stop things if she didn’t want to do something.

Jason bit her lower lip. She did want this, she discovered. Oh yeah, she did. It was maybe not the best moment or the best place; but it was so enticing having this tank of a man so desperately seeking her lips like his life depended on it.

Jazz grabbed the back of his head, reveling on how soft the curls were and being thankful once more that he chose to forgo the helmet for tonight. She felt more than heard him moan in the kiss when she pulled the hair she managed to blindly grab there.

Loud beeping interrupted them, making her jump. He groaned, pulling away from the kiss slowly and with all the intention to ignore the phone asking for attention.

He had already disconnected his comms but they didn’t check that his phone was not on silent.

“Answer the phone.” She whispered against his lips, fighting against the impulse to lean in and continue kissing him like she wanted to.

The whine that came out of him was unbecoming of the demon of Crime Alley.

“Don’t wanna.” He turned it off and put it back in his pocket. “Where were we?”

She rolled her eyes. “Someone is excited.”

He hummed against her lips before kissing her again, carefully grabbing her face with his gloved hands.

“The fight did something for you, huh.”

He chuckled. “What can I say? I love my women strong and independent.”

She playfully slapped his chest. “You silly man.” Her nonchalance was betrayed by her red cheeks.

When she confronted the Gotham Spirit she wasn’t sure what she was thinking. Her thoughts were set on staying in Gotham no matter what, and how frustrated it made her to deal with the Spirit. She had dealt with stubborn people in her life, but the Spirit was its own kind of thickheaded nightmare.

She didn’t like pulling rank and doing shows of power to threaten people, that was more in Danny’s and his friends’ wheelhouse, but she knew how to do it when the situation required it.

Apparently, Jason did like her display.

Not that she was complaining.

They did have to go meet the others back at the Cave, though.

Their impromptu make out session got interrupted by her phone this time, the ringtone being a guitar riff that she set as Danny’s personal ringtone. It was a song he enjoyed and joked should be his theme song.

“Don’t.” Jason took her phone from her hands and hung up.

Jazz knew Danny would call again, as many times as it took. Also she knew he would hold it against her if she continued ignoring him like this.

With a tired sigh that channeled all her older sister woes, she made an attempt at getting her phone back. Jason extended his arm away from her.

She raised an eyebrow. So that’s how he wanted to play.

Jazz spared a thought and felt her arms grow stronger under her command over her armor, giving her enough juice to quickly grab her boyfriend by the shoulders and switch their positions, slamming him against the brick wall with maybe a little bit more force than she intended. She quickly checked he was okay, but scoffed when she saw his red cheeks and how a choked “huh” filled the dark alley.

She kissed him one last time, deep and intense, playfully biting his lip before pulling away, her phone in her hand.

Just in time, Danny was calling again.

“I’m no longer asking.” Was the first thing she heard when she took the call. She bit her lip, glancing at Jason recovering from what just happened. “Move your ass to the damn Cave and let’s get this done tonight. Some of us need our beauty sleep.”

“What happened to ‘I can go weeks without sleep, Jazzy’, huh?”

Danny grumbled on the other side of the call. “Just stop having kinky sex with your boyfriend.”

A chorus of “oooohh” could be heard in the background. She closed her eyes, embarrassed and mortified that this was probably happening on speakers.

“I am not—”

“Didn’t ask, don’t care, lalalalala~!” Her brother sang until she stopped trying to explain. “You have fifteen minutes before I go out there and drag you here. See ya!”

Jazz did a few deep breaths to prevent her from crushing her phone in her hand. Because that was the third phone she destroyed in her time in the Living World, and she didn’t want to spend the money on another one.

When she opened her eyes, Jason was looking at her.

“Mood is ruined, huh?”

She could tell he rolled his eyes under the mask. “Told you not to answer the phone.” He still leaned in for a quick peck on her lips. “Let’s go.”

They grappled back to their apartment in comfortable silence, just listening to wind in their ears and the city noises even so late at night. Jazz enjoyed the trip more than she let on, even if it was weird compared to flying with her siblings. Jason didn’t defy gravity but fought against it, and she could feel it in her gut every time he swung up and down. It was different and new and not at all how she imagined it.

He landed them on the roof of the building next to theirs, right at the alley where the bikes were stored.

Bikes. Because Danny had finally given back her modified ecto-motorbike since his own was finally done. He brought it over when he arrived, expecting to find her in her apartment to show her his gift, but that was when he panicked and went on a hunt to find her. With the excitement he forgot about it, but the shiny black and teal machine was parked in front of the apartment building when they arrived on Saturday afternoon.

She decided to keep it next to Jason’s in the alley and out of the way, but hadn't had a chance to drive it yet.

“Wanna drive tonight?” Jason asked her, pointing at the bike with his chin.

She nodded. “Actually, yeah. Barely had time to try it when I got it.” And could be a good chance to re-learn what all the functions were.

After a quick debate, they decided to each drive their own bike, and she’d follow Jason to the hidden entrance of the cave. He watched her get on the seat, waiting for her to turn it on. She just twisted the accelerator handle, the motor roaring to life as green fire was expelled from the exhaust.

“Oops.” Jazz giggled.

She focused a bit and recalibrated how much power she directed to the engine, satisfied when it went back to a soft purr that was within normal performance and there wasn’t more fire coming out.

“That’s pretty rad.”

She hummed in agreement at Jason, watching as he got into his vehicle and turned it on. “It doesn’t work on gasoline, just ambient ectoplasm and the driver’s power.” She tested the accelerator, keeping the gear neutral, nodding when everything sounded right. “Only people with enough ectoplasm can even get it to work.” She tested the brakes. They were good. “I think you could do it, actually.”

He walked the bike to the alley opening, considering. She watched carefully in case she said something wrong — Jason was still a bit touchy about not being fully human, and after Danny’s confirmation they haven’t addressed it. She definitely made it worse when she fed him pure ectoplasm, even if it saved his life. She knew they had to talk about it, but the moment simply never came up.

“Maybe.” Was all he said. “Let’s go.”

Jazz swallowed the discomfort and got ready to make the drive to the Cave.

Gotham that night was tamer, and as they got out of the Narrows and into the nicer parts of the city it was quieter and quieter. She was still mesmerized at how beautiful the city could be from up high, it didn’t matter how many times she would make this trip or climb the tall buildings — it was just so different from what she was used to, be it Amity Park or the Infinite Realms.

They quickly made it to the secret entrance for vehicles and into the Batcave, the temperature rising slightly now that they were away from the chilly fall night.

“Finally!”

Danny, still in ghost form, didn’t look pleased as he floated closer to the parking area of the cave. He had his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, as if he was the parent catching a child doing something they shouldn't.

“Oh, shut up.” She rolled her eyes, turning off the bike with a thought. “Like you haven’t been late for a meeting because you are too busy making out with—”

“Nuh-uh,” Danny interrupted her, cheeks slightly green. “We don’t talk about that.”

“Then you can’t talk about me and Jason.” Jazz smirked, looking down at her brother, knowing she had won.

Danny scoffed, glanced at Jason, who was biting back a smile, and floated back to the others with an eye roll.

Jazz hummed when her boyfriend looped his arms around her waist. “That was pretty hot too.” He softly whispered against her ear.

“Ancients, stop!” Danny’s voice echoed from the other side of the cave.

Right, the couple remembered. Superhuman hearing.

They held hands as they walked closer to the Batcomputer, where the Bats plus an annoyed Danny were waiting.

On the screen there were multiple recordings playing — Jazz was mortified when she saw her own face from multiple angles as she got the beating of her life by the Spirit of Gotham. She froze, watching herself fending against the colony of bats that bit her and carried her towards the sky, remembering the feeling of getting shocked by her own weapon.

She rubbed her arm, not really liking how it felt.

Jason pulled her hand and made them walk closer towards the table with a hologram map of Gotham, where Bruce was mumbling under his breath, typing something on his wrist computer.

“So,” Jason started, “what’s this about a Pit under Gotham?”

Jazz looked away from Bruce as he looked up. She knew she was supposed to pay attention — this was her mission, after all — but she got distracted watching the video of herself facing the Spirit and releasing her power. Ancients, it felt so ridiculous now, making a huge speech about her titles and her accomplishments. She had tried to aim for what Fright Knight would say, channeling how the ghost always felt so sure about himself; but all she could see was how scared she had been in her eyes, how desperate she felt about staying in Gotham, and staying with—

“Earth to Jasmine.”

She blinked back to reality, looking back to the table. Everyone was looking at her.

Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. “Sorry.”

A few smiled, knowing what she had been distracted with.

“That was a pretty cool thing you did there.”

“So you did end up fistfighting the city for Jason’s hand in marriage.” Stephanie nodded in agreement at Duke, crossing her arms. “I would have liked to see it from up close.”

Jason didn’t acknowledge the comment, just rolling his eyes. Jazz’s cheeks got warmer.

“I didn’t—”

“I am Crown Princess Jasmine. I’ve protected the Keep against invading forces for seven days and seven nights straight.” Now it was Dick who chimed in, fists on his waist, striking a pose. His eyes glowed and his smile was blinding. “You kind of reminded me of Starfire for a moment there.”

“I know right?” Jason chimed in, nodding enthusiastically.

Jazz tilted her head. The name was familiar, but she didn’t know who this person was. Probably a hero, given how familiar they seemed to be with her.

Dick saw her confusion and opened his mouth to comment.

“Focus,” Bruce interrupted the conversation, finally stopping typing in his computer, “we have a task at hand.”

Jazz giggled, but didn’t say anything about Dick sticking his tongue and imitating the older man’s expression behind his back.

“I have investigated the Lazarus Pits in the past—” he barely paused when he said it, but they all noticed some kind of hesitation — “and I got readings inside Gotham. I know the general location and have a few guesses on where to start looking, but I never had enough time to actually do it.”

Or, Jazz considered, he abandoned the project when something related to Jason happened. She squeezed his hand, but didn’t turn to look at him.

“Ok. Where do I start?”

Bruce nodded, his tense shoulders slightly relaxing. Jazz didn’t miss how he tried hard to not be too obvious that he was glad she kept on topic and didn’t ask what they were all thinking.

The hologram of Gotham in front of them moved around and separated into layers like some kind of an exploded view showing the underground levels. She marveled at the tunnels that could only be the subway system, and what she guessed was the sewers.

Before she could ask more about the amazing and detailed show of technology, the hologram focused on a part of Old Gotham she wasn’t familiar with, down and down, way under the first subway lines that had been abandoned when the city grew in a different direction.

“My readings concentrated somewhere deep under Old Gotham, and I have a few ideas of using the old metro station and starting from there.” He paused, looking up at her. “I’m… not sure what could be down there. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Somehow she understood that Bruce not being sure of something meant really bad news. Fortunately for everyone, Jazz was used to bad news and even worse odds.

She smiled. “Sure! What could go wr—”

“Don’t jinx it.” Danny slapped a hand on her mouth. “Remember our curse.”

“Curse?” Damian perked up, interested.

“We are not cursed, Danny,” Jazz groaned, removing the hand. She was half tempted to lick it, but she didn’t think it was proper for the situation. “It’s a silly family joke.”

“It’s no joke. We are cursed. Who knows, maybe our great great great grandpa pissed off the wrong witch.”

That raised a few eyebrows and a pair of chuckles. Jazz sighed, exasperated.

She wanted to agree so badly with her brother. The Fentons sometimes felt like they were cursed. She spent so long trying to find a logical answer to why things seemed to always happen to them; but even after she discarded bad luck, meddling ghosts, hubris and clumsiness, she had to agree there were unexplained situations. Specially when the words “what could go wrong?” were uttered.

She remembered thinking that before her first date with Jason.

Huh.

Maybe Danny was onto something.

Bruce cleared his throat and decided to pin the conversation for another time. “You should wait before venturing down the tunnels.”

“Why?” She asked.

“You need to be prepared.”

Jazz waited for a moment, trying to understand what the man probably meant to say. She had already gathered he was not very good at communicating his thoughts, but she thought she was owed an elaboration.

Of course, that never came.

“Prepared for what.”

“Gotham is not— You are clearly trained, but you don't understand what you are up against.”

She frowned, trying to follow.

Besides her, Jason sighed. “What Bruce is trying to say,” he rolled his eyes, like he couldn’t believe he was acting as the other man’s translator, “is that Gotham is its own kind of weird, and you should get used to moving around before facing the unknown.”

“But I’ve lived here for months…” She trailed off, seeing almost everyone around the table shake their heads or purse their lips. “Okay. Okay.” She sighed, pulling back her loose hair. “You are the locals. I made a deal. Gotham’s rules, Gotham’s way.”

She clearly wasn’t excited about it, but she knew that if she wanted to stay, she had to be on her best behavior. Making the Spirit mad was the best way to get banished from the city forever.

Jazz felt Jason squeeze her hand in solidarity. He understood the city, he had talked about it plenty of times. She always thought it was kinda cute how he went on rants about the people, the flow of the city, the way things worked around. He loved it, but he also respected its dangers.

In a way, Jazz wondered how much of Jason she’d understand once she got to understand the city.

“Very well. Your training will start tomorrow.”

“Training?”

“Training!” It was Stephanie who jumped to hold her other hand, practically shaking with excitement. “Welcome to Batfam 101: speedrun edition!”

Some of the others chuckled, but by the way their smiles hid their secrets, she wasn’t sure if this “training” would be anything like she had known before.

---

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[night-market-if]

Answering some bulk questions

I am getting the same kind of questions in my inbox and instead of answering them all individually, I thought I would just make one long post. Hopefully that can clear some things up.

Why is m!pen white and f!pen black?

Mostly because the character of Pen is death. They have no form. Not a real one. Much like the MC, the image they are presenting is a construct. So, when I thought about that, I kind of thought it would be fun to play around with two very different aesthetics (I think in the final edit I might even write them a bit different). I did this for two reasons. One, because I haven't really seen this in ifs. And two, I kind of liked the duality of it. Opposites, really. It sat well with me for the character of death.

2. Why does nothing bad ever happen to Milo? Stop playing favorites.

Bad things have happened to Milo. More so than the other characters, I would argue. I have a feeling this is more from people annoyed that a very specific bad thing won't happen to Milo. Because Milo has watched Malcolm and MC die. Was beaten as a child. Orphaned. Didn't know where his real home was or who he was. Has a ghost for a sister. (who he also watched die). Has been responsible for keeping his best friend sane for quite a few years. And got the shittiest job in the world. He has also been stabbed at quite a bit. Betrayed. And used.

I do a lot of bad things to Milo. Favorites would be if nothing bad happened to him. And defending your characters decisions is not playing favorites. It is just knowing your characters as a writer.

3. Who is your favorite RO?

I have said before that Milo is not my favorite to write. So inevitably I get asked who is. I don't answer this question because I don't want the complaints.

4. Why don't you have stats?

Because I don't like them. I come from much more of a storytelling perspective than a game mechanics one. And don't get me wrong. People that do game mechanics are awesome. I admire them a ton and enjoy their games (though my field is more video games). But that's never what I wanted the Night Market to be. I just want people to be immersed.

5. Do you feel you have to have inclusivity as a writer?

I don't know why I've been getting this one a lot. Might be something going on in the community. The honest answer is no, I do not. I have never felt pressured to have a certain representation within the Night Market. That all being said, maybe I don't feel that way because I tend to have an organically more diverse cast of characters? But I can't say I have ever felt like I have to put a certain representation in. And I don't believe writers should feel pressure for that. Because a lot of times, if you are just putting in a token character to do it, it becomes a bit problematic.

6. What are your favorite IF's and do you have recomendations?

I hate to say this, but I don't read IF's. I've dabbled occasionally in the past but I find when I read IF's, it messes with my head and my ability to write. Now, I read a lot of novels. That is my preferred vehicle of reading. But as for IF's, I probably won't read a lot of them until I am officially done with the Night Market. I struggle to enjoy stories when I feel like it is a part of my day to day job.

7. Why don't you ever speak out politically?

Because that is private for me. I don't want to. I want to provide an escape from the world. Not add to discussions that are being had by people far more adept than me. I leave my political feelings and responsibilities at home.

8. Why can't you provide (insert numerous topics) to the route?

Because coding and writing are a bitch. There is a lot of work that goes into this stuff that isn't always fun. And sometimes, as much as I would like to put something in or have a new route, I just can't. I am one person. A person who has a pretty hefty personal life. I am doing what I can.

[blackholesun321]

@mega-ringsandthings-world we were talking about Mihawk, as we do, and we came to the conclusion that he has never had someone love him for himself in all his ugly humanness. The world looks up at him and sees the world’s greatest swordsman, a warlord, or a man who can go toe-to-toe with an emperor. But they don’t ever see him. Know him—learn him. Because, well, it’s his fault for building that wall between himself and everyone else. For forcing everyone on the outside of his shell his whole life, and then he reaches the top alone, and... it’s everything he’s ever wanted, everything he ever said he wanted. He isn’t weak; he’s the best in the world, and he’s all alone.

And it’s empty—all of it, every second of it—empty, lifeless boredom. And he searches for something. Maybe he tries peace and lives within that state of half alive, half dead because he’s now convinced himself that peace is something he wants. Peace at all costs. But he’s still bored and alone, waiting for something, someone, anything to happen, and it never does.

Because, ladies and gentle-beings, Dracule Mihawk is a coward. He’s a coward because he chooses the easiest path of least resistance instead of charting a course in his own life and trying to make meaning in the meaningless. Mihawk is a coward, and he’s depressed. And these two things are not mutually exclusive; they are the driving force, the reason for each other. And because he will always choose the easiest path, he will never go after what he really needs, which is companionship.

That boy was good with a sword. He reeks of a gifted child, and maybe he even fell in love with swords and swordplay, but he was good at swords and then worked to be great at them. Somewhere in his history, we know he was betrayed by someone he trusted, and then he decided to never trust again. And, oh look, he runs away from everyone and everything, using the excuse to focus on his dream above everything—except when he achieves his dream. Instead of doing the hard work of trying to find meaning again or reaching out to others, he gives up and chooses the path of least resistance. He becomes a warlord for his so called peace of mind bored with hunting marines but trying maybe to have meaning or fights come to him. And he’s still bored and he’s still depressed.

Mihawk is a coward of a man who refuses to see that what he needs in his life is others to make the boredom bearable. And he doesn’t realize this for years—until Zoro. Even then, in Zoro, he sees a suicide; he sees meaning because he sees his end. But also, he sees how Zoro promises Luffy, how his crew gathers around him. He sees that and knows Zoro won’t fall like he did, won’t reach the top and then stop because he’ll have others reach it there with him.

And that’s why him giving Shanks Luffy’s poster, after years of holding a grudge against Shanks, is such a momentous act in his character arc. Because he’s reaching out to the man he personally probably views as someone he could have let as close as Zoro does with his crew. Now, he still views Zoro as a means to an end for his suffering, not yet as the character motivator to make friends and maybe open his heart up a little bit to others. No, that’s the time skip arc with Zoro and Perona. But still, that moment is him trying for the first time in forever, and it happens to be with Shanks.

In conclusion, Mihawk has hang-ups a mile long, but Shanks will always and forever be someone he loves and can imagine himself opening up to and standing at the top of the world with. But instead, he ran away when his vision of that ending was shattered by Shanks refusing to climb with him anymore and giving up his ability to do so—thus leaving Mihawk heartbroken and, in his eyes, betrayed once again. But the power of gay-autism-stupidity moss ball showed him he was the problem and needed to actually talk to people if he wanted to feel anything.

Also, Shanks and Mihawk made out sloppy style, on the beach after.

[rachetmath]

Favorite Jaune Ship

Okay, let me do this. My Jaune ships. Other ships I’ll do later.

Lancaster/SilverKnight (Jaune x Ruby);

This ship still holds a special place in my heart and to me was supposed to be one of the factors of the show. Jaune and Ruby's relationship started at Beacon. Jaune was Ruby’s first friend and was the first thought of being a part of a team besides her sister. Unfortunately, she was stuck with Weiss and Jaune had a crush on her. Ruby has times when she and Jaune talk but were always cut short for reasons. However, after the fall of Beacon, I was happy to see her and Jaune team up. But my hopes were short-lived when Weiss and Oscar came onto the scene. Now, because of them, the one relationship I could support died because the story tries its damndest to push Whiteknight and Rosegarden together. (Like seriously, this is one of the reasons why I hate Oscar to this day. Volume five, to this day, I believe Jaune should have unlocked his semblance for Ruby instead of Weiss.)

DragonKnght/GoldenKnight/DragonSlayer(Jaune x Yang);

Now normally this is a crack ship. This ship is just two people boning for almost no reason, but I can see a story behind this ship with Jaune and Yang being an alternate version of Tai and Raven. Jaune is Raven because both  have supportive semblances, use swords, and have a distaste for Ozpin’s methods. Yang is Tai due to mainly being raised by him alone. Throughout the story, we see how Jaune and Yang interact and how their relationship differs from Tai and Raven’s. How Tai and Raven fell apart and what they should’ve done to maintain it. How Jaune and Yang handle situations differently they’ll always find a way to bounce back by talking it out and giving each other space. Though I believe Bumblebee fans would be offended and probably say, “Blake could add that same effect”, I still stand by this.

SilentKnight(Jaune x Neo)

Cute, deadly, and very sad. I haven't read the book but I have heard about it. Also, I wish they made a movie starring her or gave us an episode but… okay. Back on topic, I find this ship enduring. They have only one thing in common but that's enough to create a dynamic between them. However what makes the ship sad is that Neo will be the only one hurt. Image Neo trying to be Ruby just to be with Jaune only for him not wanting to be with her. Loving and caring for Ruby more than Neo. Neo hates and becomes jealous of Ruby because unlike her Neo has no friends. Roman died. And Cinder betrayed her. Jaune probably being the best thing in her life but she will never have. So sorry folks, Silentknight was a no-go.

Topaz (Jaune x Emerald)

Same as Silent Knight except it's Emerald’s loyalty to Cinder getting in the way of her having any relationship with anyone. Jaune probably would talk to her but trusting her could be too much of a stretch for him. Emerald might as well be one of the few who could talk to Jaune one-on-one and be real with him but still, I don't think neither of them is looking to like each other.

Knightshade (Jaune x Blake)

These two never had a single one-on-one conversation. Like really they barely interact with each other. I would not be surprised if they both got drunk somewhere and were found sleeping in the same bed by accident. But I believe they are good friends.

Knightfall (Jaune x Cinder)

Okay, this can go either way. Jaune is done playing the good guy to a bunch of girls who are favored by everyone and want to destroy the world. Cinder decides to be a good person and wants to redeem herself. I highly doubt this would happen but I love the concept. Imagen Jaune has to tell Cinder to chill out all the time. Then having to be the most patient with her especially when following a plan. Cinder trying to be nice but pushing her feelings down so she doesn't show weakness is funny, sad, and insane.  

Martial Arc and Nora's Arc(Jaune x Ren x Nora)

You two do not deserve him. You had four volumes to talk with this man but you didn't. Ruby knows your leader better. Yang treats your leader better. Shit Weiss treated your leader better. Ya’ll barely maintain a relationship with each other. How will you two be in a relationship with this guy if you can't contribute or commit to it? F*** the both of you.

Whiteknight(Jaune x Weiss)

Okay, now this may be my f*** all worst ship. First, I’ll admit Jaune was just a fanboy seeing his female idol for the first time in real life. But as he continues he eventually gets over her a bit. Then in some way, he does try to get with Pyrrha, who was an upgrade. What I don't like about this ship is unlike Lancaster it feels forced. Like in volume five Weiss got stabbed by Cinder for no reason. It should have been Ruby considering Jaune traveled and spent more time with her than Weiss. And Cinder hates Ruby. Then in volume seven she basically used the man to get away from Bumblebee. And the only time she ever acknowledged this man was in volume nine when he turned out to be her favorite character in a story. I may be wrong but no, this is not my favorite.

[anneapocalypse]

Demands of the Qun, or How the Inquisitor's Choice Answers the Iron Bull's Most Important Question

I was having a chat about the Iron Bull and his personal quest with some friends and one person said in response to something I said that I should make it a Post, so here it is! And a usual disclaimer: this is not about which in-game decision is "correct"--it's an RPG, there's no wrong way to play the game. I just want to talk about the meaning of this decision for Bull's character and for his future.

Dragon Age: Inquisition’s “Demands of the Qun” is, for me, one of those quests where the RPG format of “player character makes major decision for companion character” really works. I do not see this as an example of game mechanics taking away agency from an NPC. I think Bull has agency in this situation.

The Chargers are not Inquisition soldiers. They are mercenaries, and Bull is their commander. If the Inquisitor makes a call he doesn't like, he is free to say "Screw you" and take his people and leave, because they are not soldiers, they're independent contractors, so leaving isn't desertion, it's just quitting. If he were already certain he wanted to leave the Qun, he could simply call the retreat himself, take the Chargers and leave. Similarly if he were certain of his loyalties and willing to sacrifice the Chargers for that purpose, he could do that, regardless of what the Inquisitor says.

He lets the Inquisitor make this choice.

The Iron Bull has had one foot out the door of the Qun for a long time now. But he's gone back and gone back, submitted himself for re-education and done his best to keep serving the Qun, because he believes he needs the Qun. To him, becoming Tal-Vashoth means losing himself, his identity, his purpose, his very sanity, and as the Fade tells us in "Here Lies the Abyss," this is quite literally his greatest fear. Bull could never bring himself to leave the Qun with nowhere to go instead, nothing to give his life purpose and meaning—and no one to entrust himself to should he doubt his own sanity.

But in his work in the south, the Iron Bull has found community and identity and purpose outside the Qun. The very name he has given himself speaks to that, as does his close relationship to the Chargers.

Right from the beginning, there is tension in "Demands of the Qun." Bull remarks that he's gotten used to the Qunari being "over there" during his life in the south. I think Bull has a very potent anxiety when he meets Gatt again on the Storm Coast, and introduces him to the Inquisitor and their party. To me, it very much has the vibes of introducing two friend groups, where you're not only pretty sure they won't get along, but you're also very aware that they know very different sides of you—and neither of them are going to like seeing the other side. Bull's discomfort is visible both when Gatt speaks freely about Bull's work in the Ben-Hassrath, and when the Inquisitor's other companions make disparaging remarks about the Qun. His two worlds have collided, calling into conflict two sides of his sense of self that he has thus far managed to avoid confronting.

And this is likely part of the point. The Qun does not truly respect alliances with any outside the Qun. I wouldn't say for sure that the Qunari set up this whole situation just to test Bull—it's possible they knew exactly how many Venatori would show up, but they couldn't have known precisely how the Inquisition would respond. That, and their desire to root out the Venatori is no doubt sincere. But I do think they are watching Bull's actions very closely throughout this proposed alliance, gauging his loyalty. Gatt tells him outright that many already believe he has betrayed the Qun.

Bull's internal conflict quickly becomes an external one when the Venatori reinforcements show up, and Bull is faced with the decision of whether to withdraw the Chargers or defend the dreadnought at the cost of their lives.

The thing is, Bull is not neutral on this. He tells the Inquisitor what he wants. He wants to save the Chargers. If the Inquisitor says that the Chargers still have time to retreat, Bull agrees. When Gatt tells him they need to hold position, he says in a low, intense tone, "They're my men."

And then, when Gatt tells him in no uncertain terms that calling the retreat will make him Tal-Vashoth, the Iron Bull looks to the Inquisitor.

Again, he is not neutral. He knows what he wants. He is standing there basically begging the Inquisitor with his eyes to save his boys.

So why doesn't he just make the call himself?

Because just as this whole situation is in part a test of Bull's loyalty, this is also a test of the Inquisitor.

What Bull needs to leave the Qun is not simply for someone else to make the choice for him, but to believe that there is a future for him outside the Qun. That he will still be himself, that he will have purpose, and meaning, and that someone else is worth trusting. Bull cannot bring himself to leave the Qun if it means he will be left utterly alone with nothing but his own mind and his deepest fears. And if that's what leaving the Qun means… then in his mind, it would be better to stay.

The Inquisitor's choice will answer that question.

To sacrifice the Chargers leaves Bull with nothing outside of the Qun. He has just watched his closest friends die, and he cannot trust the Inquisitor. With Krem and Rocky and Skinner and Stitches and Dalish and Grim, the new sense of self that the Iron Bull has found in the south also dies.

Of course he turns back to the Qun. He has nothing else left.

But if it's the Inquisitor who makes the call to save the Chargers… Bull can leave. He has friends who care about him. He has purpose. He has someone whose command he can trust. He has hope. None of this makes the choice easy for him. It is quite clearly very painful and difficult, and I don't think there's any way it could be otherwise. But he has a way forward nonetheless. The choice makes leaving possible.

The Inquisitor doesn't force the Iron Bull to become Tal-Vashoth. Instead, Bull implicitly asks a question, and the Inquisitor by their choice gives him an answer.

[yuri-is-online]

Insomnia questions but what happens if there are multiple yuus instead of just 1, what would be their dynamic with each other?

Like what does Riddle! Yutu think of Ace! Yutu? Would Jade! Yutu use Floyd! Yutu as distraction when he wants to get away from Jade when they were still in the future? Princess Tamago being carried around by Uncle Lilia! Yutu

(into the yutuverse lol)

Hmmm. Multiple Yuus who are related in some way, or maybe they're just friends. The sort of people who definitely would have gone missing together, everyone was so happy when they re-appeared so many years later, I could see them being the subject of a lot of cryptid theories. Poor Yutu and Yutuutu get linked a lot of youtube videos about their parents missing persons case.

Jamil! and Epel! Yutu who have a really normal friendship all things considered. I could see this being very positive for Jamil! Yutu actually, I'm in the middle of editing his multiple mental breakdowns for his post but if someone like Epel! Yutu was there to help ground him he probably would hate himself a lot less. Since Epel is still alive he would have been able to answer the questions his Yutu had about him in a much more satisfactory way. Epel seems like he'd be a good dad and Jamil! Yutu could use one of those lol

Jade! Yutu and Floyd! Yutu probably got a long like a house on fire until being transported to Twisted Wonderland. If Jade lost both his spouse, Floyd's spouse, their kids, then Azul and Floyd I think his mind might might have genuinely broken for a while. Floyd! Yutu takes that incredibly seriously when he learns about it, but Jade! Yutu still isn't able to see past how protective his dad is of him. Jade! Yutu feels betrayed, Floyd! Yutu is his cousin and his supposed "best friend" so why is he constantly snitching on him to his dad? Meanwhile Floyd! Yutu is pissed because hello? He has a living fucking father to hold onto why is he being such a little shit?

You already know what Riddle! Yutu thinks of Ace! Yutu:

They have one of those childhood best friends dynamics where they annoy the shit out of each other and are constantly fighting but when someone else tries to join in they team up because hey. Only I'M allowed to make fun of my cousin D:< Riddle! Yutu plays baseball but that sounds like too much effort for Ace! Yutu so I could see him being the team manager. Riddle! Yutu hates it because he keeps making sports anime references that "aren't funny."

Malleus! Yutu who did genuinely think of Lilia! Yutu as an older brother like figure but is so done with him insisting on being called Uncle. Princess Tamago absolutely adores her Uncle and doesn't understand why big brother is so pouty about it. She has two hands and she wants both big brother and uncle bats to attend her tea party (•̀ᴗ•́ )و

Azul! and Deuce! Yutu who were really good friends when they were kids but had a falling out when Deuce! Yutu started being rebellious and formed his gang. Azul! Yutu refused to join and beat the shit out of Deuce! Yutu for making his parent cry, but didn't snitch about what he was doing. When he gets sorted into Savanaclaw and winds up the Dorm Leader Deuce! Yutu makes fun of him for the rest of their time at school. Oh so big boy was too good for his little gang huh? He wanted to be the big boss- hey stop putting him in a headlock it's just a joke!

I had some more but these were the most fleshed out ones in my head lol (into the yutuverse indeed)

[z0mbiew00d]

Life Series Scott is fiercely loyal.

In Third Life, he devotes himself to Jimmy and stays by his side no matter what, even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with his actions (him burning the red banner, etc.)

He makes an alliance with Scar and Grian, and refuses to break it to team up with Cleo even though he loves and trusts her as much if not more than them. However he refuses to hurt Cleo and is loyal to her as well.

He dies stranded and alone anyway.

In Last Life he teams up with Pearl, and immediately is devoted to her. They’re best friends through and through and do everything to keep each other alive. Cleo comes to him asking for shelter and an alliance after she is betrayed, and Scott welcomes her into his home immediately. She dies and becomes red life though before the alliance can be properly sorted, but while she’s a red life Scott doesn’t fear her and still trusts her not to harm him (whereas Pearl runs in fear the moment she spots her, not trusting her despite their previously arranged alliance.)

Cleo joins back in their group once she goes back up to yellow and the three are fiercely loyal to each other until the very end. While fighting Ren he shouts the words “you killed Pearl.” Despite the fact she’s gone and dead, he’s still fighting *for her.*

He wins that season, all he has left of his alliance is Binky but other than that he’s lost his allies and his friends, and he’s alone.

Then comes Double Life, the one season where you’re given a no-choice ally to be loyal to until the end, and Scott understandably is excited and wants to find his soulmate. But they don’t come looking for him. He finds Cleo, and they team up as they search for their soulmates. At the end of the session they meet up with their soulmates, and it’s none other than Pearl, and Martyn.

Pearl who he’d been allied with last season, who he fought to his last breath to avenge. And Martyn, who’d had a hand in his death in the first season.

But Pearl wasn’t loyal, she didn’t come looking for him like he did for his soulmate. So he teams up with Cleo, and is loyal to her and her alone for the entire season. Sure he’s friendly with Martyn and Pearl towards the end, though less so Pearl, but not the unwavering loyalty he has to Cleo.

When it’s just the four of them left, Martyn turns on Pearl and Scott but Scott runs off instead of fighting, because hurting Martyn would mean hurting Cleo and he’s too loyal to do that.

Then Pearl takes out Cleo and Martyn, and what does Scott do? He takes himself out to give his teammate the win, because that’s what he does.

Next we have Limited Life, and it takes Scott a little bit to find a permanent ally but then he teams up with Martyn. Martyn who tríes to kill him in the first episode, Martyn who betrayed him at the end of the last season, Martyn who was part of the final four in Last Life, Martyn who was there as he died in Third Life, letting Ren kill him.

But Scott welcomes him back in the second episode, trusts him completely. All while Martyn is planning to betray him. He lets Martyn have his time on his green life, letting him kill him so the time stays between their pair.

All through Limited Life also, Cleo and Scott are on good terms and are allies.

Martyn betrays him at the end, and Scott is simply happy that his Mean Gill won. The person who he was devoted to and trusted betrayed him and killed him, but he’s happy for him.

And last but not least, we have Secret Life. This time he’s not teamed with any of the Divorce Quartet, he’s made his team with Gem and Impulse, two people he’d never previously allied with. And yet once again he trusts them completely.

When Scott’s tired of being a green life with only one heart, he goes to Martyn. The man he teamed with last season, the man who betrayed him two seasons in a row, and gives himself up to him.

Gem gets the boogeyman curse and warns Scott to stay away, and Scott does as he’s told. When she dies and becomes red, he trusts her not to hurt him. But she does. And after that session, he STILL trusts her. Also during the boogeyman curse apocalypse, he hides Cleo with him up at his, Impulses and Gems base, still loyal to her all the way from the first season.

He gives up his yellow life to her, so she gets the hearts (alongside Impulse). While on red life Gem & The Scott’s and The Mounders team up, finally putting Scott and Pearl on the same team again. But it doesn’t last, his team and Pearls team are the last two standing, and neither of them want to hurt the other but it must be done.

“Do it cowards” comes through the chat, from none other than Cleo. And do it the two teams do, with Joel doing the first hit the two teams are broken apart. Scott is still loyal to Gem and The Scott’s, and still loyal to Cleo.

He gives his life to Gem in an attempt to get her to win, giving her those extra hearts, only for her to be taken out by Scar and Pearl.

No matter what, Scott is fiercely loyal to those he allies with, but also his past allies. Cleo, Martyn, Pearl, even Jimmy (though I didn’t mention him much in this post, I have a whole other ramble post I wanna make about him and Scott at some point). He keeps them in his heart, and is loyal to them until his demise.

[sweetsugarcakes]

Hi! I liked the last one so much I thought I might just request, like, another one??

An Azula x gn reader again. So, Azula and reader are childhood friends, and reader is the exact opposite of her. They are kind, compassionate and believe in the good of people. And that belief is the only thing that kept reader from deserting Azula even when she turned more cruel over time; they hope that Azula will find her good side some time. Azula is very dependant on reader's friendship as it's one of the only ones she's got, and over time she has developed some more serious feelings, but she doesn't tell reader. However, at one point, probably after a battle, it's enough. Reader can't take Azula's cruelty anymore and, under tears, tell Azula how much they detest her cruelty and want her to change her ways and that they know she has good inside of her, because (drumroll) they have loved her for years but think they will have to leave her once and for all if she can't change. Of course, Azula is devastated. She is happy her feelings are mutual but still, there is drama because of reader's accusations and threat of leaving.

Again, a happy end would be phenomenal.

This is a long ask! I hope you like this one too!

Have a great time :))

hii I’m so glad you enjoyed the other one :)

I love this scenario I’ll totally write it❤️

Azula x gn! reader

How much you saw the good in people, even if they were a bad person. You know there must be a reason why they are the way they are. Ever since you were kids you, Ty lee, Mai Zuko and Azula were all friends. At first you noticed in the small cracks of Azula you saw her a bit mean towards the group. She pushed Ty lee when she did an amazing cartwheel instead of her. She almost set Mai on fire for Zuko to save her. You noticed but brushed them off because she wasn’t so bad. But she’ll get better you hoped.

You also noticed that she never was that mean to you. Sure she’ll give you attitude and make snarky comments at you but you definitely got special treatment among the others. You remember having that conversation with her when you were little.

“[Name], promise you’ll never leave my side? I feel that you’re the only one that understands me.” Azula grinned as she looked at her used to be innocent face.

Your little self smiled widely and nod. “I promise Azula I’ll never leave your side!”

So…you never left her side which meant you saw what she had done. When she tricked her uncle and her brother. Almost burning Ty lee alive and forcing her to join her team. Making Mai abandon her baby brother. Even more things which involved her trying to catch the Avatar. But you stood by it all still thinking “She’s going to be good.”

You even thought that when she burned down innocent peoples villages. You saw how miserable the nations had been because of her doings. Not only the nations but Mai and Ty lee were as well. You can tell by the looks of their eyes, they don’t want to do this. They were so scared to stand up to her. You wanted the Avatar to restore the peace between nations and maybe Azula would be better.

One day, at the boiling rock Mai betrayed Azula by saving Zuko. You watched whole scene unfold with Ty lee. Before the two were about to fight each other, Ty lee chi blocked Azula making her fall. Ty lee looked at you, “Come on [Name].” She stuck her hand out as you hesitated and looked at Azula at the floor . You called the guards over to take both Mai and Ty lee away. The two girl were shocked as you chose Azula over your freedom. You helped up Azula since she was still paralyzed. You looked at as she smiled at you. “I know you’ll pick the right choice” hee eyes were filled with love for you and you had it too. She made the guards take Mai and Ty lee away to be in prison.

You thought about how she was ready to kill Mai and make her two best friends rot in the cell. You and Azula come back from trying to catch Aang as it failed but in the process, Azula had hurt other people, you saw children hurt and crying. You saw their parents crying as well or they were deceased from her ordering the soldiers to get information from them and if they didn’t comply well…

Your head was pounding and your hands were shaking you don’t know what to do. You were holding back from crying. Azula still mad about Mai and Ty lee but having you by her side was everything she needed anyway. You two were back at the palace as you finally spoke up…

“Azula I-i can’t do this…” you muttered out. Azula turned to you.

“What?!” She shouts and confused.

“I can’t do this. I’m can’t be by your side. T-this is too much…” you looked down.

“What are you talking about your staying with me! You promised me you’ll always be by my side [Name]! Why are you doing this?! You’re going to be a traitor just like them huh?” Azula was angry you can tell but then stunned seeing you crying and glaring at her.

“I’m done Azula. I did promise but I saw the good in you. I thought everyday that you’ll change into a good person. But seeing you doing these horrific things… it’s awful but I still stayed because I loved you for years. I-I still love you but I can’t if you’re going to be like this. T-this is just cruel…I’m sorry if you can’t change…I don’t think I wanna be by your side ever again.” You saw her panting hard trying to take all this in. She couldn’t believe you loved her and she never noticed. She gritted her teeth about to attack you but she hesitated. Her love for you was too much to hurt you. She just mumbled “Get out! Get out!” You were stunned as she told you get out. You nod as you left. The woman you loved pushed you away you know she didn’t mean it but you needed to do what you said…you knew it was the right thing to do.

You were nearby where Azula’s coronation was being held you saw how horrible she looked. Her hair cut uneven and her makeup smeared a little. You couldn’t help feel guilty about you making her crazy. You then saw the fight with Zuko and Katara with Azula. You saw Azula getting defeated by Katara as you saw her balling as blue fire came out of her mouth. You couldn’t hold back anymore you ran fast to Azula as Zuko and Katara watched you. You hugged her. “Azula please…” you whispered into her ear as you felt her body all hot as she was surprised you were here.

“[N-name]…Please [Name] don’t leave me! I’ll change! I’ll change for you! I love you too! Please just don’t leave my side! I’m sorry” She said between sobs as she just cried harder and clung on to your clothing tight. She didn’t want you to let go. “I promise Azula I won’t leave you again. I’ll be there to help you.” You whisper as cupped the back of her head to make her let it all out. Azula then spoke into your shoulder. “I’ll be good. I have you. I love you [Name].” She said still sobbing. You pulled away for her a little still close as you cup her cheek. “I knew you would turn to be good. I love you too.”

and they lived happily ever after and Azula got her redemption and didn’t go to an insane asylum bc reader was there for her🤭

I hope you enjoyed this one. sorry making this a bit angsty😭 you also have a great day!! <33

[i-will-go-with-you-five]

My Five Lore

Heyyyyy I thought it was finally time to make this post! I've been doing ZR for about nine months now and have been posting from the sidelines so I figured it was about time to introduce myself and Five. Just a little rundown on what my Five is like and her story and stuff. She's basically me, but with a couple things changed.

Apperance:

She’s on the shorter side- Sam is always putting his elbow on her shoulder to annoy her but she secretly loves it :) And pretty stocky but really strong. Simon challenged her to a lifting competition once and while he eventually won, she had him sweating and it was a close thing. She wears her hair in really long double Dutch braids, and has a round face with bright hazel green eyes and a big smile. She also wears really brightly colored gear, especially shoes, its a long-lasting joke with her and the other runners. She's unreasonably attached to axes and baseball caps, and is pretty much constantly wearing something Jody made her.

She has a couple of pretty faint nicks and slices on her hands, from before the apocalypse. She got those was first learning to butcher as a teenager. But since the outbreak, she's gotten a stab wound on her left shoulder, and permanent bruising on her shins. She's very susceptible to shin splints, but its the apocalypse, so it's not like she can properly rest and treat them.

UPDATE: she has new scars now from the ending of Season Two. They are Pretty Important.

[One day I will make the most beautiful drawing of her ever. One day.]

Background:

Five is basically me, with a couple things (appearance, where she lived, some family details, etc) changed. She lived in Northern Montana, a stone's throw away from Canada, and was doing college remotely while working on a farm that raised big animals, and took care of her nieces and nephews while her siblings were at work. That's why she's such a jack-of-all-trades, with book and street smarts, she had a very diverse range of skills due to how she grew up. I consider Five as an AU of myself if I had been thrust into the apocalypse, so personality and history-wise Five and I are similar, except for the trauma of the apocalypse, where she was on her own for almost four months after Z-Day, and hardened her a bit. Five's real name is Lydia, but not a single person besides her knows that.

Early Outbreak:

She went on a rare vacation with her best friend, Nina, and her best friend's family to London two days before the outbreak, in early November of 2023. The worst timing. One day she's on a plane, the next she's seeing Big Ben for the first time, and the day after that hundreds of people have turned, including Nina's family, and they're fleeing for their lives in the chaos.

The plan was for the two of them to try and contact Lydia's family and try to find a way to get home, but the phone lines were all down within a day. So they decided to just get out of the city. Nina got bitten when they were on the outskirts of London, after a week of them surviving together. Lydia stayed with her as she died. Nina begged Lydia to kill her zombie-self, but Lydia just couldn't do it- she fled instead. She decided to kill her name, Lydia, along with her friend's death. It was the only way she felt that she could mourn.

She was then on her own for about four months, and her circumstances really changed her. She'd always been a a happy and trusting person, but each person she tried to group up with ended up betraying her, in a multitude of ways. She threw up mental barriers and became pretty grim and trusted no one. She can talk, but only to people that she likes, and only to one or two people at a time. The bigger the crowd, the quieter she is. But when she gets in a place of being comfortable, she has a lot to say. But in those four months, she said less and less, to the point where some people assumed she was mute. She had to stifle who she was in order to survive, and it took a huge toll on her. The pain of her bottled-up emotions was buried deep.

She's a Christian, and the only thing that kept her going in the apocalypse was clinging onto Christ with all of her might, even if her faith had been shaken by what seemed like the end of the world. She just kept running and fighting for something greater than herself. Save the next person stuck in a building, even if they stole her supplies. Run supplies to different groups of people, even if they then beat her bloody and left her for the zombies. Lead a pack of zombies away from a guy trapped in a tree, even if he then throttled her neck and made it even harder to speak. Give a message to a radio outpost, even if they then dishonored their side of the agreement and held her at gunpoint, rather than just attempt to send airwaves to the States in search of her family. Because if she couldn't do the right thing, and try to stay faithful to her values and Jesus, what good was left in the world?

She ended up at Mullins because, once again, she got betrayed. A group of highway robbers caught her unawares, and she literally ran into some soldiers, who promised to just help her get out of the tight spot, but instead brought her to Mullins and enlisted her. Sour and panicked, she was so uncooperative to the point where they shipped her out to Abel for Project Greenshoot so they wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.

Getting to Abel:

While the apocalypse has been The Worst Thing Ever, getting her helicopter shot down was probably the best thing that ever happened to her in the apocalypse. It was the last thing that she expected, a rocket launcher barreling towards her, after everything she's already been through, and it shook her. For the first time since when she had a depressive episode as a preteen, she just simply wanted to die. Death seemed like the best option as she fell through the air to the sound of hungry zombies beneath her. Everything hurt too much. God wasn't answering her sobbing cries of help every night. She'd given it her all and it still wasn't enough. Gave far more than she took and got hurt every time. If she gave up, everything would just be easier. She was about to accept her death and simply let go of life. It wasn't like she had any friends or family left to love her anymore.

But when that voice crackled into her headset, urging her on and giving her a name, Five, which felt right in a way she couldn't explain, encouraging her- she knew she had to keep going. Life wasn't over yet. There was still hope. So she ran. And the longer that voice, Sam, spoke, the lighter she felt and the less emotionally exhausted she became. A voice in the back of her mind told her that this was the answer to her prayers for a friend, and for help. But she was still incredibly cautious. This seemed like the nicest person in the world, but what if he hurt her? What if she got betrayed again? After all, she knew nothing of who this Sam Yao was, beyond being awkward and sweet and kind of adorable. Wait, adorable? Where had that thought come from?

She wanted to be mistrustful of everyone at Abel when she got there, that was her intent. Especially after the doctor threatened to not let her in. But having those people show her kindness that she hadn't seen in months crumpled her barriers like wet paper. By the time her 8-week training was over she'd sunk right into Abel perfectly. Jody was her good friend who was always up for a hug and a story, Janine was smart and practical and reminded her of her older sister to the point where she started to treat Janine like an older sister, Eugene was a goofball who made bad jokes with her while sympathizing with what she'd been through, and Maxine was a God-send for figuring out how to turn off her survival mode again.

And during that time, she wanted to become friends with Sam, the voice who saved her, so badly. But he was wrapped up in grief from Alice's death. Which she understood. Nina's death still ate at her. Not to mention having no idea if her family was dead or alive. So even though it killed her, because this was the first time she'd wanted to have a friend in forever, she kept her distance to protect him from her brokenness. Because even though she'd lightened up, she still was a woman of few words who held all of her pain back from everyone. Even if that voice in her head saying Sam was God's answer to her problems got stronger and more insistent every day. And even if Maxine told her multiple times that Sam relied on her more than he could express or she could realize. She had to hold back.

Being a Runner: falling for each other

Until the night run in the dark. [fanfic one shot here that will eventually become a twoshot once I finish the post-run debrief.] Where all that slammed through Sam's head was I need a miracle for Five, and all that slammed through Five's was I'm running for Sam. And the moment she crashed into Sam's arms, him sobbing with relief and her sobbing with exhaustion and delirium, was the moment that she realized that she did, in fact, love Sam Yao. And for Sam, that was the moment he realized that he had to become her best friend. And the rest of that night was the first time Five told anyone about her past and her pain and what the apocalypse had been like for her. And Sam was there. As they talked and listened to one another was the moment they firmly became best friends.

Five’s love for Sam only grows in the next few months. But… she doesn’t know what to say, or even think honestly. She’s never been in love before. Ever. She’s, well, she’s scared. Which she knows is stupid. But what do you even say about something like that? ‘Hey Sam, you've chipped away at the hardened exterior that I was forced to adopt bit by bit, and I've become myself again, and you push me to be even better than I was every day. Also I am totally in love with you.'? So she says it in every way besides words. With each moment with Sam. Each gesture is her way of saying I love you. And she runs. For the same reasons as before- her faith. Her trust in God. Her putting goodness back into the terrible world. But now for another reason too. For Sam. For his voice. And even if he doesn't understand it, how he pushes her to trust in her faith even more. Her faith and trust in God are stronger than ever now and she's very strong in it and tries to shine that light to others.

Sam realizes that he loves Five when someone sends Five to die out of spite, as revenge. She's coming back into the gates, angry but not as angry as he is. He's ready to throw down with the person who did that to his runner. Then the way she just grasps his shoulders, locking eyes with him, and reminding him to breathe, he just- falls. So hard and so fast. He knew that this was coming. He's felt it growing since she came back brandishing supplies with the biggest smile in the world for the DnD campaign he was starting. But he ignored it. And now he can't anymore. Because it's Five. His Five. But what do you even say about something like that? ‘Hey Five, you mean everything to me, actually. You've given me something to fight for each day, given me hope when I've had none, and have helped me grow so much and overcome my doubts. I really, really, really love you, more than anyone or anything.’ So he tells her with his words, with every single thing he says. Every voice crack of fear or excitement over comms. Except those three, which are coincidentally, the most important ones. He talks, for the same reason as before. To protect the people he loves. But now for another reason too. For Five. For her running. For who she's pushed him to become. How she's taught him to fight for something even bigger than before.

There is an ending for their story (its REALLY good) but you're just gonna have to wait to read it until I'm done writing it tehehehe! It's more climactic that way. I'll link it here when it's done.

And there we go! A little bit about my Five and her story <3 Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!!

@stellar-collective made my pfp! It's from this fanfic dabble

Ao3

[riotwritesthings]

An Agony We Deserve (Throwing Off Sparks)

WinterIron, M, 5.8k, WIP - reluctant soulmates, angst, drinking, mentions of past ships

There are legends. Soulmate bonds have started and ended wars, they used to reshape the world without any warning. People would change in an instant, abandon and betray everything, become completely unrecognizable, but those are just legends- It can’t be- But they are.

This chapter suuuure went a direction. I really hope you enjoy and don't want to burn me at the stake ahaha

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

~~~

Chapter 3: the ceiling starts to swerve

“This is Colonel Rhodes.”

Rhodey sounds exhausted, and stressed, and Tony knows that as usual it’s at least ninety percent his fault. There’s a cacophony of noise in the background, and Tony’s willing to bet that he’s having a hell of a day.

He wishes he didn’t have to make it worse.

“Hey SourPatch,” Tony forces himself to say in greeting, his throat suddenly dry.

“Holy shit,” Rhodey says in a rush of air, his voice dropping in volume halfway through. There’s a shuffling sound, and then all the background noise is cut off by the heavy thud of a door closing. “Tony, what the hell happened?” He demands in a strained, tense whisper, "you- are you okay?"

“I- I’m fine,” Tony lies.

He’d hoped that hearing Rhodey’s voice would feel comforting, familiar.

Instead he feels… nothing.

No, not nothing. He is relieved to talk to Rhodey again.

But it feels more like- Some small part of him is relieved to have a link to the world. Anything outside of this weird little- soulmate bubble they’ve accidentally set up for themselves, some reminder of what’s real. But even that slice of relief is-

Disconnected.

There’s no warmth to it, no rush of calm comfort that Rhodey’s voice usually gives him. He remembers their decades of friendship perfectly clearly, but- There’s no connection to the voice on the other end of the line, like he’s talking to someone else.

Like he’s talking to a stranger.

Tony’s breath catches wetly in his throat and his eyes burn.

Fuck this stupid bond.

It’s already apparently taken most of his self-control and personal space, replacing them both with- with a stranger. It took all of his plans and goals in Berlin, and probably any remaining scraps of trust his team had in him.

And now this inexplicable thing, some weird imbalance of chemicals or something, is taking his oldest, closest relationship.

Barnes- Bucky- is still staring out the front window, keeping an eye out for whatever and pretending not to listen.

Tony is painfully aware of the distance between them, of the tension winding Bucky’s shoulders up tight. Tony can feel it like a pull in his own chest and if the phone weren’t mounted to the wall he would go over there-

He viciously shoves that thought down, shoves down the ache in his sternum.

Rhodey is still talking on the other end of the line, repeating his name in an increasingly frantic tone, and it’s a struggle to focus on that.

It’s so much easier to focus on the mere feet separating him from Bucky, the way it felt to wake up next to him. Whatever it is that’s been twisting Bucky tighter and tighter since they woke up-

“Tony-”

“I’m here,” Tony says quickly. “I’m okay.”

Over by the window, Bucky’s shoulders twitch up a little higher.

“What happened in Berlin?” Rhodey asks, sounding impossibly more freaked out than he had before.

And that’s the big question, isn’t it? Laughter bubbles up in Tony’s chest before he can stop it, high-pitched and hysterical.

“I’m- It’s- I really can’t get into it right now,” Tony says weakly around slips of laughter that he can’t contain, and he can hear Rhodey’s worry spiking.

Reading his best friend even without seeing him is still as familiar as breathing, but Tony doesn’t *feel * anything.

Not like he can feel Bucky trying and failing not to shift on his feet, painfully curious and trying to fight it. Or maybe just trying to hide it, Tony can’t quite tell but he’s sure that if he got closer-

It’s making it really hard to focus on the conversation. And fuck, he wants to talk to Rhodey. He swears he does. But suddenly it’s not as easy as it’s always been.

“Are you-” Rhodey asks carefully, his voice low, “are you still with him? Are you being held captive?”

The ‘again’ goes unspoken and Tony fights down another hysterical giggle.

He is, but not in any of the ways Rhodey would be expecting. He’s being held captive by himself, by an inability to leave Bucky behind that is so deep-set the idea hasn’t even fully occurred to him.

“Yes, but no, he- he’s here, but it’s nothing like that,” Tony says, because that’s the easy answer. “This is not a Taken situation.”

“That’s not- never mind,” Rhodey says, and things must be really bad if he’s not taking the time to correct Tony on the finer points of action movies.

Fuck, why doesn’t he feel anything?

“So- What then?” Rhodey asks slowly, struggling to wrap his brain around the situation when Tony can’t tell him anything. "Did- I mean, you didn’t- did you kidnap Barnes?"

Tony laughs again and part of him wants to say yes. They kidnapped each other, and themselves, and now they’re holding themselves hostage.

But he knows Rhodey is in no mood for vague jokes.

“Why and how would I have done that?” Tony asks with a strangled chuckle. He remembers the way Barnes had been fighting before they ran into each other, all vicious, brutal efficiency. Even if he’d had his suit, Tony’s not sure he could have gotten The Winter Soldier out of there against the man’s will. At least not alive.

"I don’t know," Rhodey says in a huff, annoyance briefly winning out over his worry, “but Rogers is convinced that you absconded with his friend for some reason.”

“Why?” Tony sputters out while Bucky twitches again.

The other man is more tense than ever, wound so tightly that he’s about to snap. Tony can feel it in his teeth and he wants to dig his fingers into the muscles of Bucky’s shoulders, feel the warmth of him as the tension slowly fades-

"You tell me," Rhodey shoots back. "I’ve seen the security footage, Tones, and no one knows what to think. It looks a hell of a lot like the two of you just- left together."

“That is-” Tony says with a wince, “the extremely short version.” He can tell Rhodey is about to jump in with more questions, and Tony really wants to get to the reason he called. “So, what are people saying, exactly? Other than Steve.”

Rhodey lets out a long, heavy sigh, but tells him.

It’s about as bad as he expected.

There are people who think Tony was captured by the mysterious terrorist, and of course people who think he went rogue and recruited Bucky for his own nefarious purposes. About half of the team thinks it’s some kind of mind control, which would probably break Tony’s heart if he stopped to let himself think about it. But he just urges Rhodey to continue.

Ross has managed to convince a concerning number of people who matter that Tony is some kind of sleeper agent for Hydra, taking back possession of their soldier. Which is an insulting angle for the man to take, he can’t even imagine Tony as a high-ranking undercover genius?

And apparently, Steve thinks Tony kidnapped his best friend. Tony isn’t sure if he should be offended or not. Honestly, he can’t figure out what Steve thinks his reason would be.

“All in all, about half the world is hunting the two of you for one reason or another,” Rhodey finishes. He doesn’t waste a second before demanding, "Now are you going to tell me why?

“I’m sorry, Platypus,” Tony says, and he means it. He wishes he felt it. “I just- I couldn’t-”

Tony knows how he wants to finish that sentence.

‘I couldn’t let anyone take him, couldn’t not go with him, couldn’t fight it.’

But he can’t say any of that out loud, it’s still too raw and terrifying even in his own mind. The power that the bond has over him is still- It’s like a light that’s too bright to look at directly, he can’t face it fully yet.

And he definitely can’t put it into words or he’s pretty sure he’ll throw himself right back into a panic attack.

“I- There was- a thing, and we had to get out of there,” Tony finally says weakly. “And I- I can’t explain it any more than that right now.”

He can hear Rhodey’s displeasure with that answer, but Tony doesn’t feel as guilty as he should. He feels guilty that he doesn’t feel more guilty.

Tony’s chest clenches and he can feel Bucky fighting the urge to turn away from the window to look at him.

“I will, eventually,” Tony promises and hopes like hell it’s not another lie. “I just- I have to wrap my head around this first,” he adds, “and- hopefully my brain won’t fucking explode in the process.”

Rhodey blows out a hard sigh and then asks, “You’ve really gotten yourself into it this time, haven’t you, Tones?”

“You have no idea, SourPatch,” Tony says, fighting down another strangled laugh. He tears his gaze away from Bucky for probably the first time in the conversation so he can rub at his dry eyes. “First I have to- fuck, figure out how to fix this.”

“Well,” Rhodey starts slowly, "it would help a whole hell of a lot if you brought Barnes back-"

“No,” Tony cuts him off, surprising everyone with the vehemence in his voice.

When he drops his hand away from his face he catches Bucky’s eye for a moment, wide and so blue, before Bucky whips his head back around to the window.

“I can’t do that,” Tony continues, trying to keep his tone normal, “he- he’s innocent, Rhodey, he wasn’t even in Vienna.”

He doesn’t need Bucky nodding at the window to confirm it, somehow Tony knows. He’s felt it in the confused tension still wound tightly through Bucky’s chest. In the quiet, terrified exhaustion that started to set in as soon as they made it out of Germany.

Bucky doesn’t know why, or how, but he knows he’s being framed. So Tony knows it too. And he knows that true to Bucky’s word, he’s so used to not having control that he’s not even surprised to be used in this new and creative way.

Rhodey sighs. "Well then, bring him back and prove-"

“C’mon Platypus,” Tony cuts him off again, “you know it isn’t that easy. Someone already got to him while he was in ‘safe custody,’ and if that doesn’t happen again then he’s likely to get ‘disappeared,’ and I can’t-”

Tony’s voice comes to an abrupt stop as his chest clenches painfully, his throat pulling tight. The thought of someone trying to take Bucky away-

The force of the fury that rushes over him knocks the air out of his lungs. Through the pounding of blood in his ears all he can think is that he can’t let that happen, he can’t- he won’t.

No one is going to take his soulmate away from him, not at any cost.

Somewhere far, far beneath the weight of that knowledge, the rational sliver of his mind that remains is terrified to find out what price he’ll be willing to pay.

He doesn’t even want a- but he won’t be able to fight it any more than he’s been able to resist the bond until now, he already attacked Natasha without thought- What else would he do-

Bucky lets out a low, pained sound that Tony snaps out of his spiraling thoughts.

The fuzz and dancing spots fade from his vision as he drags in a shuddering breath, and he sees that Bucky is still politely staring out the window. He can tell that Bucky isn’t actually seeing anything though, too caught up in his own thoughts, in the tension pulling his shoulders painfully tight.

Tony forces himself to take another slow breath, and Bucky relaxes minutely.

"Hey, Tones, Tony-" Rhodey is saying in his ear and it filters slowly into Tony’s consciousness, so much less important than watching Bucky’s hand shake as he balls it into a fist.

“Yeah, yeah I’m still here,” Tony forces out, his voice rough.

He must sound really bad, because Rhodey takes pity on him and doesn’t ask any more questions.

“Look,” he says, almost as gently as he spoke when Tony first came back from Afghanistan, “I’ve been working to clear up all the most ridiculous lies. Are you safe right now, wherever you are?”

Tony only has to stare at Bucky’s back for a second before the man nods stiffly.

“As safe as I can be in a haunted shack,” Tony replies with a weak attempt at a smile, hoping that Rhodey can hear it over the line.

“Okay,” Rhodey says, “okay, here’s the plan.”

~~~

Tony is not a fan of the plan.

He doesn’t like that Rhodey is fighting Ross and his ridiculous lies for him. He doesn’t like that he’s just supposed to wait until Rhodey can make sure that they won’t be black-bagged the second they step foot back on the grid.

And he especially doesn’t like that he’s supposed to wait here, in the farmhouse from hell. With its outhouse and its single broken bed.

Despite the size of the mess, part of him had been looking forward to cleaning it up. Arguing with Steve and rich old senators is at least familiar, would make him feel like he still has some semblance of control over his life.

He was really fucking looking forward to feeling in control again.

Instead he’s still stuck out here, just him and Bucky.

It’s like they’ve left the rest of the world behind and Tony- He needs to get back to the real world. He can’t fight the bond but maybe he could- could ignore it a little more with other people around, with all the complicated problems that he can’t- He can barely remember right now.

The Accords, the Avengers, SI and everything, it’s all so far away. And if he doesn’t get back to it soon-

He’s not sure that he’ll want to.

With a frustrated sigh Tony finally stops glaring at the phone hanging on the wall.

Bucky is still standing at the front window, resolutely pretending to ignore Tony’s conversation. Despite everything, Tony feels a tiny smile tugging at his lips.

“Okay, excellent ignoring,” Tony says with a huff, “you can stop now.”

After a second of hestiation, his fists still clenched, Bucky turns to face him again and-

Blue.

Tony’s next inhale is so much easier, like his lungs are filling fully for the first time since Bucky stepped across the shack. It’s so damn nice, all the stress of the phone call melting away. The guilt and the distance of hiding from his best friend are inconsequential.

The real world is all mistakes and panic attacks. Why does he need-

Bucky’s gaze drops to the floor and Tony’s chest pulls tight again.

Something is still tearing Bucky apart, and he doesn’t know what.

It’s been getting worse and worse since they woke up, since whatever occurred to him and ruined their relatively peaceful morning. And Tony doesn’t know what it is.

He doesn’t think it’s just Bucky taking his turn with the panic attack. It’s related to being stuck here for an unknown amount of time, the tension spiked sharply when that part of the plan came up, but that’s not the whole story.

Whatever it is, it’s stabbing through Bucky’s lungs and turning his stomach, making it almost impossible to breathe. Tony can feel it like a phantom pain in his own chest, he can feel it crawling its way up Bucky’s throat.

The silence stretches as Bucky stares at the floor and Tony stares at him. Tony’s pulse is picking up as the tension builds.

It- it’s bad. It’s hanging over them like an anvil, like a guillotine, and Tony stops breathing as Bucky takes a shuddering inhale.

Bucky opens his mouth, and Tony tries to brace himself.

But all Bucky says is, “I was tryin’ not to listen.” His tone is sheepish but his voice is tight, nearly strangled.

Tony lets out a hard rush of air. Part of him wants to pry, most of him wants to pry, but-

He shouldn’t even know that something’s wrong with Bucky. They don’t actually know each other, they met yesterday.

Without the bond he wouldn’t be able to read Bucky at all, or at least not nearly this well. If he tries to pry- It’s like he’s giving into the bond. Accepting it.

And he can’t do that.

So Tony forces himself to let it go, to tear his eyes away from Bucky’s carefully blank face.

“If we’re stuck here, there better be food,” Tony says as he turns towards the small kitchen. “I am not above eating you for survival.”

After a couple of seconds Bucky silently shuffles after him, like he just can’t help himself.

There is food, and most of it is still safely packed in cans and sealed jars. Even if it doesn’t look very appetizing. There’s no coffee, though, which means that Tony’s headache is only going to get worse.

While Bucky hopefully determines if the water is safe, Tony slams through the cabinets a final time. He’s not pouting, but he’s also not actually expecting to find anything else.

Until he discovers the large jar of clear liquid hidden in the back of a high cabinet.

“'S that moonshine?” Bucky asks, suddenly standing just close enough that Tony can feel the rumble of his voice.

“Samanė, I believe,” Tony says, already unscrewing the lid, “which, basically the same thing.”

He’s trying to ignore the shiver running down his spine. And he’s trying even harder to ignore the urge to lean back into Bucky and chase the feeling.

It may not be the best idea at the moment, but Tony does need a distraction. And if he’s stuck here then he’ll take what he can get.

~~~

"This’s strong," Bucky says, squinting into his chipped glass.

Tony hums in agreement.

He’s not sure where his own glass is. He knows he had it when he dropped down onto the couch.

Before he can work up the effort to look for it Bucky is picking Tony’s glass up from the ground and offering it to him. Tony takes it with a grunt of thanks. Bucky quickly returns to staring into his own glass.

His next swig of the strong liquor doesn’t burn, just settles nicely in the warm pit of Tony’s stomach.

The tension is being forcibly melted out of his limbs. All the problems are being drowned out by the pleasant buzzing between his ears.

He considers the other man, because through the warm haze nothing else matters. And he can’t quite remember why that matters right now.

Bucky decided to sit in front of the couch when Tony sprawled out over the entire thing. He’s been shooting Tony increasingly un-subtle looks as they drink. With the way he’s leaning back, if Tony just moved his leg a little it would press against the strong, tense line of Bucky’s shoulders.

Tony takes another sip and forces himself to stay still.

Bucky glances over him again. The faintest hint of pink is spreading across his cheeks.

They’ve been carefully not talking since they started drinking. They don’t really need to.

But Tony still finds himself asking, “Is this- is it doin’ anythin’ for you?”

Bucky looks over at him and Tony tips his glass in explanation. Bucky’s lips twitch as he nods. He returns his gaze to his half-empty glass, then downs it.

"An’ it’s disinfectin’ my throat," Bucky says with a cough and a wince.

“Good,” Tony says as Bucky grabs for the jar again, "pretty sure you’re drinkin’ most of it. And if you’re just doin’ it to feel the burn I will- I’m gonna be mad."

Bucky snorts as he refills his glass.

“And Steve can- can’t even get drunk,” Tony adds.

The words slip out before he can think them through. The way that Bucky flinches minutely at the name isn’t really a surprise. Tony feels bad for bringing it up, he feels-

A lot of things.

He slid further down against the arm of the couch at some point and he’s mostly staring at the stained ceiling. His shin is pressed against the line of Bucky’s shoulders and he doesn’t remember doing that either. It takes effort to lift his head enough to keep Bucky in his field of view.

Now that he’s started Tony can’t seem to stop talking. The words are bubbling up in his throat and he can’t quite remember why he shouldn’t let them out.

So much for their unspoken ‘no speaking’ agreement.

"Still can’t believe he thinks I fuckin’- That I kidnapped you," he says with a snort.

Bucky’s metal thumb moves restlessly around his glass. It clicks against the chipped rim.

“No of-ffense,” Tony adds. He rolls his head along the arm of the couch to stare sideways at Bucky. “You just- you seem more the kidnapper- kidnappy type.”

He watches with fascination as emotions make their way across Bucky’s face. Wondering if he should be offended followed by reluctant amusement. Tony can feel all of it.

And he can feel the cold knot that wraps itself back around Bucky’s lungs as soon as the moment is gone. Tony still can’t put a name to the feeling and he’s getting pretty sick of all the things he can’t explain.

Like what’s bothering Bucky. And the fact that he has a soulmate. And why Steve would even think-

“Wait,” Tony says, failing his way upright. He spills a good half of his drink on his undershirt and takes a split second to wonder when he lost his dress shirt. “Wait,” he says again and has to blink a couple times as the room spins, “wait, did- tell me I didn’-”

He trails off, trying to tell through the haze of liquor if what he’s remembering is real. Bucky looks up at him again, and Tony’s breath catches.

Fuck, when is that going to stop happening? He already has enough trouble breathing.

Bucky is still staring at him and Tony struggles to remember what he’d been about to say.

“Was- Is there any truth to the rumors of- of war-torn lovers?” Tony asks, alarm creeping into his voice. "Did I steal Captain America’s boyfriend?"

The way Bucky’s eyes go wide and his shoulders hunch up around his ears says plenty, even as his mouth opens and closes wordlessly.

Tony groans as he flops heavily back down onto the couch. At least he doesn’t spill his drink this time. There’s a laugh building in his chest, edged with hysteria. It certainly explains a lot.

“I think he might- he might actually kill me,” Tony says to the shifting patterns on the ceiling.

They fall into silence while Tony tries to wrap his head around just how fucked up this is. He can hear Bucky finishing off another glass. His own drink is suddenly sitting a little too warm in his gut.

“It wasn’-” Bucky says slowly and Tony cranes his head around to look at him. “It wasn’ really like that. Or- We jus’- We never-”

“Never quite found the right time?” Tony guesses when he trails off. Because isn’t that how all the tragedies go?

Bucky nods into his empty glass, his expression twisted in misery.

The hot pit of something in Tony’s stomach is getting worse, starting to crawl its way up his throat. He’d almost think he’s about to be sick except-

He’s jealous. It’s jealousy burning its way through his chest, familiar but twisted.

Which is stupid for so many reasons, but the biggest one is that he doesn’t need to be. According to all the legends Bucky can’t- They’re stuck together now. Neither one of them can leave.

Tony has to remind himself that it’s because they don’t have a choice. It shouldn’t be comforting, to know that someone can’t leave him, can never even want to-

No, he wants Bucky- Someone, he wants someone to have a choice about staying with him.

He tells himself that’s what he wants. He wishes he believed it.

“I need more- more booze,” Tony says as he pushes himself upright, "way more booze for this fuckin'- conversation."

Bucky hands him the jar, turning towards him in the process. Tony squints at the amount of liquid remaining before taking a swig directly from the jar.

"You- What’d you mean, rumors?" Bucky asks. His eyebrows are pinched and it’s-

Definitely not adorable.

Tony hums and takes another sip, stalling.

“You, uh-” he says slowly, “the two of you- may have been a brief topic. In my- Um, in my queer history elective?”

Bucky blinks slowly. Then he lets out a long groan and drops his face to the couch cushion next to Tony’s thigh.

“Sorry,” Tony says with a wince and does his best not to laugh. “Is that- Is it better or worse than bein’ a ghost?”

“Worse,” Bucky mutters into the couch.

Tony decides not to tell him about the recovered sketches that were shown in that class.

When Bucky eventually lifts his head again it’s to steal the jar of Samanė back and take a long drink. His face is distinctly more flushed and loose strands of hair are clinging to his forehead.

The rest of the room is spinning, but Tony has no problem focusing on the tired blue of Bucky’s eyes.

Bucky looks away again, embarrassment and some new flavor of guilt twisting him up. There’s no sadness though, and Tony’s pretty sure that’s the reason for at least half of the guilt.

“You- Don’ feel bad,” Tony says and nudges his knee against Bucky’s shoulder. “Who- I mean who hasn’t had a big ol’ crush on Steve?” He adds sarcastically.

He slowly realizes he’d forgotten to add any sarcasm to his voice as Bucky raises an eyebrow at him. Tony could try to play it off, but he can feel his own cheeks warming. And Bucky will see right through him.

“There was a fan club at my boarding school,” Tony says defensively. He’s not sure if it helps his point or not.

Bucky snorts out a laugh halfway through taking another drink and winces. Tony doesn’t feel bad for him. But he can’t stop talking.

"And then I met Steve, which- He’s- I mean, I guess I don’t have to tell you-" Tony finds himself saying, despite swearing he’d never admit this to anyone.

It’s easier than he would have thought. The battle of New York and everything that followed feels so far away now. He remembers all the feelings, the hurt followed by longing and the sting of rejection when Steve- when no one stayed-

But it’s like it all happened to someone else. Like he read it in a story.

Bucky is still watching him, arm propped up on the couch. The flush of liquor doesn’t hide the complicated mix of emotions moving over his face as he waits.

"Not that anythin’ ever- y’know, happened," Tony finishes quickly and doesn’t bother wondering why he needs to assure Bucky of that. “He never- And I’m me, so-”

Tony sinks his teeth into his lower lip, cutting himself off. Bucky’s eyebrows furrow. He starts to open his mouth, and Tony cuts him off too.

“And then someone came back to life,” he says with the best glare he can work up at the moment, “an’ there- there went my chance. Or my delusional dream of a chance, anyways.”

Bucky winces apologetically and offers him the liquor. Tony laughs and takes it while he watches the other man clench his jaw. This time he knows exactly what Bucky is feeling.

“Super weird backward jealousy pangs, right?” He asks knowingly and tries not to be pleased about it. He fails.

A wry smile pulls at Bucky’s lips as he nods slightly. He drops his gaze to the couch and watches himself pick at the worn fabric.

“An’- An’ what about now?” Bucky asks without looking up. “Was- I-Is there-”

It takes Tony a second to figure out what he’s asking, and then he huffs.

“No, no worries,” he says, leaning forward slightly to pat Bucky’s metal elbow. “You’re not the- the homewrecker here, jus’ me.”

For a second he doesn’t even remember that that wouldn’t have been true, a couple of weeks ago.

The breakup with Pepper had been so fresh and raw even- fuck, just a day ago. When he’d been reluctantly admitting it to Steve and fighting down a twisted mess of emotions. Now it doesn’t hurt any worse than when his first crush had laughed in his face.

The soulmate bond makes one hell of a bandaid, and at least that’s something.

Bucky is still staring at him, like he can see Tony going over all of that in his mind. And he probably can. Tony’s hand is still resting on the other man’s metal arm, and he wonders if Bucky can feel it.

The silence stretches and Tony takes an uncomfortable swig of Samanė. He should probably move his hand, but he doesn’t.

“I am- 'M pretty good at chasing people off all- all on my own,” he can’t help adding, and Bucky’s eyebrows furrow again. “Don’ make that face at me,” Tony says and lifts his hand to poke Bucky between the eyebrows instead.

Bucky blinks and his face softens in surprise. Then he laughs, and Tony grins as his heart thumps in his chest. Bucky reaches up to grab Tony’s hand and pull it away from his face. Their fingers fit together without any effort and Bucky’s skin is surprisingly soft against his.

“Why d’you- you keep-” Bucky starts and then trails off, distracted. He runs his thumb over a burn scar on the side of Tony’s hand.

Tony’s breath catches and doesn’t restart as Bucky’s thumb moves down to his palm. He can feel the swirls of Bucky’s thumbprint against his skin. Every drag sends a bolt of warmth through him that the warmth of the liquor can’t compare to.

He inhales shakily when Bucky looks up at him, caught in those blue eyes.

What had they been talking about? He doesn’t remember now.

Bucky licks his lips and Tony stares. The way they’ve been drinking, they probably taste the same- And once the thought hits him Tony has to know-

He’s not sure which of them leans forward. Maybe him, because the room is spinning again. Bucky sighs and Tony can feel the rush of air against his cheek.

Tony shifts his fingers against Bucky’s wrist and realizes he can feel Bucky’s rapid pulse. He’s pretty sure his own heart is beating in time and he’s still moving closer.

It’s like he’s being pulled in, like he doesn’t have a choice.

Does he even need a choice? This feels- Why does he need anything else when this is so-

Right.

He can almost feel Bucky’s lips against his. Tony’s eyelids flutter as he struggles to keep them open.

He wants-

Beneath his fingers, Bucky’s pulse skips. It stops entirely for a terrifying second, then starts racing sickeningly. Something cold rushes through Bucky and he sucks in a sharp breath as he jerks away.

His hand slips away from Tony’s.

It’s just like this morning. The same icy chill running through Bucky as he pulls away. The same gut-twisting feeling that’s- It’s like guilt but so much more complicated.

It's different than when they were talking about Steve, or anything else. It’s-

Part of Tony doesn’t want to know.

Bucky won’t meet his eyes. He’s curling in on himself, withdrawing.

And Tony can’t let that happen. He can’t let this keep happening. He can’t-

He tightens his grip on the nearly empty jar and swallows thickly.

“Alright, out with it,” he says.

“What?” Bucky asks, practically flinching. He pulls his arm off the couch and curls it into his chest.

“Out with it,” Tony repeats, his voice shaking. “Whatever you need to tell me, just spill. It- It’s been driving you crazy all day and that- it’s driving me crazy.”

Bucky goes carefully still. He doesn’t look up. He’s not breathing.

Tony waits. He bites his lip again so he won’t start demanding answers.

There are already so many things right now that he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand. He needs to know.

What could be so bad?

This isn’t- Bucky isn’t supposed to be able to pull away. He can’t, that’s not how it- This isn’t fair.

Tony can’t completely swallow down a hurt noise. His eyes burn. It feels like his chest is cracking open, his lungs filling with ice- with snow-

Bucky’s gaze flicks up to him and then down again, expression pained. Blue eyes haunted.

Neither of them are breathing now.

He can’t stop thinking that none of this is fair.

Tony doesn’t- he didn’t even want a soulmate and now- The thought of Bucky pulling away is gutting him. It’s not fair that something as stupid as a secret is cracking his chest open.

It isn’t fair of him to need answers, either. Part of him knows that. They’d still be strangers, if they had a choice-

But they don’t.

“Bucky,” he says, his voice a harsh croak. A plea. He wants to reach out, but he doesn’t.

The other man flinches like he’d shouted. Tony waits.

Finally Bucky drags in a shuddering breath and tears his eyes away from his own hands. He practically snatches the jar from Tony and finishes off the Samanė in one long swallow.

Tony’s stomach churns as he continues to wait.

Bucky takes another steadying breath and fixes his gaze over Tony’s shoulder. His jaw clenches. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

The crater in Tony’s chest gets deeper.

“N-Nine- Nineteen Ninety One,” Bucky eventually manages to get out. His voice is raw and his eyes are glazed, unseeing. “December n-ninet-teenth.”

That’s all he says for a long moment and Tony is still waiting.

He doesn’t even recognize the date for a split second, and then he’s just confused.

“I-I was-” Bucky continues haltingly. The feeling of cold gets worse. “I- It wasn’ an accident.”

It doesn’t makes sense. Tony knows that date, but it was- His parents died in an accident. He knows that. He-

“What?” Tony asks flatly. Blankly. He doesn’t feel anything. He doesn’t- it doesn’t make sense.

Bucky swallows thickly. His cheeks are wet and all the color has faded from his face.

Tony wants to reach out, but he doesn’t.

He can’t move.

“December N-Nineteenth,” Bucky says again. His hands are clenched together so tightly that they both shake. “It wasn’ an- I-I was there, I- I’m th- I-”

Bucky’s voice cuts off, strangled. He clenches his jaw.

There’s a sick feeling rising in Tony’s throat, and he’s not sure which of them it belongs to.

“You- what’re you-” Tony starts to ask, gasping the words out.

But he doesn’t need to.

Bucky blinks rapidly and then meets Tony’s eye. He looks so-

It-

Everything hurts.

And Tony-

He knows.