#it was honestly such a long day - I was in need of a good reason to open my docs
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˚₊‧꒰ა ed tips ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
( in depth…)
(skip don’t report pleasee)
- diet soda (not a very healthy choice)but a tasty one
- gum! i love gum especially when ik i just wanna eat something because im bored 🤔
-safe foods!!find ur fave low cal food heres some of mine⬇️
tuna packs (70-120 cals) i love adding stuff to these! also a good source for protein
pickles for obvious reasons (0-5 cals)
popcorn!!! there’s so many low cal options its kind of a “volume” snack to me (80-160 cals)
club crackers mini aghhh i love theses another “volume”snack in my opinion cmon 34 pisces for (140 cals)
gold fish LOVE (120cal)
shrimp is a nice choice each shrimp is like under 10cals (70-100 cals)
LIGHT string cheese i honestly like it way better that the original (50cals)
monsters or any other low cal energy drink(also not a very good choice) (5-20 cals)
cucumbers i rec adding something on top like lemon pepper/juice, Chamoy, tajin or any other low cal topping (10-45 cals)
pita crackers!! another must for me✋i’ve found that i’ve cut out corn chips since i’ve tried pita crackers they’re great for dips or just a side snack(130cals)
(i have lots of more food recommendations if y’all want more!!)
- check your weight daily or a few times a week i find this helps motivate me especially when i eat more than i should and start gaining.
-make sure you’re taking some kind of vitamin/supplement every day!!(you don’t wanna develop any more of a deficiency)
-do something that burns calories like walking, an at home workout, just dance,etc.
-TEA try making a cup of tea instead of feeding into ur hunger pangs
-read!!(one of my personal favs;) distract yourself with a book, especially if you’re a ao3/wp girly🤭(iykyk)
-music🎧 i love listening to music and just scrolling through pinterest or organizing my phone
-SCROLL ON TUBLR(like the last tip ^)
-go outside. you can find a place to sit get some fresh air i like to go out on my trampoline and watch videos/music:)
-hobbies!!!find yourself a hobby i like to distract myself by making kandi bracelets i also like to paint or any other arts and crafts.
-FASTING!! fasting is a major part of my daily life now i fast every day for at least 15-20hr a day
-watch yt,a show, or a movie. i like to distract myself with long forms of media. (i recommend watching some lolcow commentary on yt 💀)
-clean/organize! you can clean or organize things in your room,bathroom,kitchen,etc..
-self care🌟 i recommend taking care the outside of your body<3 (cause girl I know the inside ain’t doing too well😣) if you need motivation or ideas go on TikTok or YouTube watch some sc video:)
-make sure you have a meta day(basically a day for your metabolism where you eat at a normal calorie intake this is to make sure ur metabolism doesn’t crash)
-after a long binge when you decide to restrict again, make sure you do it slowly (restricting your calorie intake too fast can also cause your metabolism to crash)
#3ating d1sorder#tw ana rant#low cal meal#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#low cal restriction#mealspo#meanspø#tw 3d vent#anor3c1a#tw ed not ed sheeren#tw ana mia#anadiet#i just want to be thin#thinspø#tw skipping meals#3d blog#b0n3sp0#tw edtwt#3d but not sheeren#3d f4st#3d not sheeran#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#3d relapse#3d diary#tw 3d diet#@n@ meal#meal$p0#mealspø#mealsp0
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Hi,
So, I have written expression disorder and dysgraphia, which means this might be a bit rambly or unclear but I’ll try my best to stay on as clear and as brief as I can.
I’m currently writing a fanfiction for Wynonna Earp as a way to improve my writing skills without needing to stress about it. Background on the show: It’s a supernatural show based around a descendant of Wyatt Earp who was a legal officer in the wild west and got involved in a massive feud. It also has his friend Doc Holliday becoming immortal and being a love interest for the main character. The primary reason I’m doing this is because I dislike how they portrayed Doc Holliday in the series (often outright the opposite of the reality) and also because they just left out the fact he was disabled completely. Due to a gunshot wound when he was fairly young, probably along with weakness due to having tuberculosis for most of his adult life, which did eventually kill him, he used a cane part time. He also had a cleft lip and palate that was surgically corrected and he got surgery for it as an infant and had speech therapy, which doesn’t really seem to have impacted his adult life much in what I’m writing.
I do have chronic pain due to an injury which was pretty bad when I was younger, so having a character who’s portrayed as dealing with that and continuing to be brave and selfless would have meant the whole world to me at that point in my life and still will. But as I was doing research I ran into a few things I knew very little about.
My own disabilities are invisible, which means that I don’t have much experience with how people respond to seeing mobility aids. It would be interesting to show people’s responses, especially since he pretty famously took offense easily and didn’t leave things alone. There’s a fun scene there but I’m not sure what a common response to set it off would be. The biggest problem I have, that I haven’t been able to find a lot about: according to a medical article I read even when it’s cured people who had tuberculosis typically have some lung damage. I haven’t been able to find a lot on how that would impact someone day to day. He was cured of it magically but the idea of there still being damage makes sense based on the in universe rules and also someone being magically cured is generally considered not good. So how would it impact someone on a daily basis?
There’s some things in the research I did that make me think he was autistic (namely literal thinking to the point where he almost killed someone due to not understanding that a duel was meant to be a joke as a teen). Or maybe I’m just projecting because I am. Any ideas for how somebody who grew up in a time where nuerodivergence just wasn’t known would accommodate himself and be helped by friends? How would they understand it at that time?
How in general do friends respond to disabilities and try to help now?
There’s a few other things but they’re mainly just me being a beginner writer who doesn’t honestly. Thank you so much for reading through this even if you don’t end up responding!
[part 2] clarification: I meant the cleft palate wouldn't come up in what I'm writing because he's an adult and it didn't seem to have huge bearing on his adult life. I'm so sorry I left out part of that sentence in my ask bc I have a learning disability! didn't mean to! I'm so sorry and thank you again!
Hello!
People respond in many ways. In the modern west a lot of it involves random strangers being intrusive as shit ("what happened to you??") but in historical times I think it would be more of avoidance, especially if he has visible symptoms of tuberculosis. People still think that "visibly disabled person coughing = plague". If you're going for historical accuracy, it wouldn't really surprise me if strangers didn't want to sit next to him.
Long tuberculosis (affecting 25% of those who had TB) seems to be very similar to COPD, so the main day-to-day effect would probably be fatigue, being out of breath after physical exertion, etc. COPD is an incredibly common disability so you should be able to find a lot of info about it and how it can be managed.
Friends will also respond in many ways, and it also depends a lot on the disabled person. This guy sounds like the "hyper-independent physically disabled man" type and in my experience most of them don't talk about their needs much, especially not with the boys. In this case the accommodation is often just silently agreed on after spending some time together (e.g., after a few times going out they can see how annoyed he gets when they suddenly change plans so they learn to tell him as soon as they know, if he drops something they pick it up for him without saying anything since they know it's tiring for him to get up, etc.). If they know him well enough to know he takes offense easily they probably wouldn't bring up his inability to do something to not upset him and try to work around it instead.
I don't have enough historical knowledge to answer the second question, so I'll leave it to other mods. But I think it'd make sense if they just thought he was eccentric or weird rather than having a medical condition.
Hope this helps,
mod Sasza
Hello, thank you for your ask! In regards to the second question, it would depend on his symptoms, how well/if he could mask, and how other people view(ed) him.
I'm assuming he's level 1 / low support needs, as you don't mention him having a caretaker or difficulty doing tasks. Some of the examples include specific autistic traits that he may or may not have/used to have, they're mostly there to be examples. These are also assuming you're writing him as an adult only, if you want some info on how it would be like growing up during this time let us know!
Without good knowledge of autism, most people would think he's very strange if he cannot [fully] mask. Flat affect, lack of social understanding and other symptoms would make most allistic people uncomfortable, with responses ranging from thinking he's just weird [and would want to avoid him] to believing he's angry at them specifically [and would either want to avoid him or get aggressive themselves]. Most people will probably just see it as character quirks rather than symptoms of anything, or even think he's choosing to act the way he does. His friends would most likely be other neurodivergent people who either experience the same symptoms or don't have enough of a social understanding to realize he's not acting 'correctly' if he doesn't mask.
Unless his friends/family experience similar symptoms to him, they probably wouldn't understand why he does/reacts the way he does. This isn't to say they wouldn't try to accommodate him still, that moreso depends on the individual, but those who don't understand might try to push him to 'get over it' more than someone who gets it. Like Sasza said, over time his friends would be able to accommodate him by noticing what makes him upset/happy and how to help. 'Doc likes to keep his hands busy so I gave him my butterfly knife to spin' or ' the yelling in the hall was bothering him so I asked if he wanted to go to outside with me' could be ways of accommodating him without realizing, basically seeing his symptoms and trying to find an easy solution to help, wether or not they understand them. They could also give him unhelpful solutions while trying to accommodate, which would probably just further stress Doc if given in a stressful situation. Essentially unless he knows what helps and tells them it would be a guessing game for them [if he does that or his friend[s] respect it depends on them]. Try to think of his symptoms and what might be available at the time to help [like stim toys didn't exist back then but butterfly knives did, and ear defenders weren't a thing but he could walk away if needed].
As to how he'd accommodate himself, he wouldn't know words like 'stim' or 'overstimulated,' but if he doesn't care about/understand social norms he would be more likley to 'move in odd ways' or exit an upsetting area. A more socially conscious person might try to hide it, like using small tactile stims [i.e. rubbing a cloth or tapping his foot] or making excuses to leave an upsetting area. He might also be able to mask and try to just bear it, only unmasking around friends or in private.
Also the wiki said he was born in 1851 but died in 2020, and although autism would be named during his lifetime I'm not sure he would identify with it. The first medical documentation of autism was in 1877, and at the time it was called developmental [r-slur]. I doubt he'd want to identify with that, and even later on autism was only ever studied in children, and of course was not thought of well. It was thought to be caused by cold parenting or a form of psychosis/schizophrenia exclusive to children in the early to mid 1900's. For many, many years the only idea of autism he'd have would essentially be that. Because most studies at the time thought autism could be 'grown out of' [with exception to higher support needs people] he'd have lived most of his life at that point believing it was a child only disease. Even if he hadn't heard about autism until the late 1900's-early 2000's, it was still thought of as a stigmatized childhood disease by the public until recently [even by people today, hence the blog's existence]. If he's the type of character to be less set in his opinions at an old age then maybe later he could read on modern autism and identify with it, but I find older people tend to prefer dismissing disability for the sake of avoiding any change.
I hope this was at all helpful!
Mod Rot
#mod sasza#violethunter0816#mod rot#historical fiction#tuberculosis representation#autism representation#historical setting#disability history#ableism
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HII NORTH ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) do you know a lot about manifestation/how to practice it? if so what has ur experience been with it? i have a follow up question but i dont want to sound like im interrogating you 😭 ill probably ask it after this question/in the comments of this question
Honestly I'm not good at it all that much 😭 besides shifting and actively experiencing a change, I almost never try any other methods of it because of how weird/complicated I make it on accident while trying.
In my personal experience, manifesting is like boomerang, you throw out your intention and you receive it back physically. It's sort of unpredictable, like sometimes you experience results immediately, or not for a long time. Sometimes it's not exactly what you envisioned, or maybe it's EXACTLY what you envisioned - but it's not what you needed in that instance yk?
I don't do it a lot, because unfortunately I get demotivated extremely easily. If I don't see results immediately then the doubts make it almost impossible to keep faith in my own intentions. Which is why whenever I shift, I make sure to have whatever I desire in mind so that way I don't need to go through all of this trouble for it.
When I was a younger kid, I would listen to subliminal messaging RELIGIOUSLY. Like every single day for at least a few hours at a time. I did this for probably around 3 years, starting when I first found out about subliminals and not stopping until I experienced something that had kinda made me realize the gravity of doing so like I did.
Nothing bad, at least not this first experience anyway. I remember back then, I was obsessed with werewolves specifically from twilight. It crossed my mind every single day so of course I was willing to jump into anything that could promise my own experience in such a life as a twilight werewolf 😭. I looked and explored all over the internet for different subliminals made by different sources and different affirmations, and no results at all. Eventually though, I just found I grew extremely patient with the results I was waiting for, I found that I genuinely just enjoyed the couple 3 or 4 main subliminals I had found enough to listen to them without the anticipation in my belly making it hard to be in the moment. Of course, back then I didn't realize this, nor did I realize what happened because of this newfound relaxation until one morning I woke up and the teeth in my mouth had all changed shape entirely. I looked in the mirror getting ready for school and vividly remember just standing there with my mouth open and frozen in my spot. My teeth were absolutely a different shape before this morning. I had fallen asleep that night to a subliminal and coincidentally, one of the affirmations were fangs and sharp k9's. This took the relaxation and turned it into slight intimidation. Made me realize that whatever I was doing, was working somehow. It was intimidating.
Second experience, years later in 2020 I had picked up subliminals once again after a year or two break from it, and instead of wolf subliminals - it was shifting subliminals. I won't name the account because honestly I can't remember but they're extremely problematic. I'm not the only bad experience with this account and their subliminals. I had fallen into the same routine, falling asleep to the subliminals daily, everything was fine enough at first that I didn't realize anything was wrong. Just chalked it up to my brain being an asshole.
Over time, and continuing to listen to those affirmations religiously, I started to experience some scary shit back to back, more than normal. Nightmares that weren't lucid but felt more vivid than reality, where the contents were nothing but darkness and pure malicious invasion of my mind and dream state. It was disgusting. I stopped after I realized what the reasoning for these things was, and eventually even heard the same exact stories from other shifters who used that accounts subliminals.
I don't use subliminals at all anymore, but only because I know I don't need them. However, if I did, I now know for a fact that this shit is serious, manifestation is real and you need to take caution with what you're trying to make your reality. This was my second time being shown this, and now my main form of manifesting is just shifting, so I'm sorry if that's not helpful. Feel free to ask anything else!!!
#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting blog#shiftblr#shifting to mha#quantum jumping#manifesation
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Waaaahhh I'm so happy you're back, I was worried I'd never read you again!
If you don't mind and since you're back could you do a scenario of Hakkai falling in love with Mitsuya's girlfriend? and to make it more interesting, ¡both yandere!, take your time.
Again, I'm so happy you're back.🤗
OK SO Mitsuya is always kinda yandere for both you and Hakkai and i do like a good poly soooo....
MINORS DNI
WARNINGS: DUBCON WATCHING, MANIPULATION, POSSIBLE CHEATING, DUBCON, YANDERE BEHAVIOR
HAKKAI SHIBA AND MITSUYA TAKASHI
Mitsuya is a great boyfriend. You think. Honestly, it was hard not to argue that he was perfect.
He was so devoted to you, taking time out of his day to always check on you, making sure your needs were met before you even had to state them. It was almost like he could read your mind or something.
It felt weird to have such a wonderful partner in your life and yet still feel uneasy. You honestly had started to feel guilty for having any doubt in your mind that Mitsuya was anything but perfect. It's not like he gave you any reason to question.
Yes. That's right. He wasn't the reason for your nerves. It was Hakkai.
Mitsuya had swore up and down that his friend was amazing. Harmless even. In fact, Your boyfriend had always come to his friend's defense whenever the other needed it. Mitsuya would invite him over, include him on outings and even justify him being a third wheel on your dates.
"He gets lonely. He's a nice guy. Just give him a chance!"
And you'd always cave despite the nerves and anxiety that plagued you. Hakkai was just... he was so intimidating. You're not sure what it is but he really liked to... stare.
More than once your eyes had caught one another and you'd see him quickly look away, flushed and even ashamed. In fact, you'd always feel his eyes on you. That weird burning sensation in the back of our head telling you that he was staring.
Honestly, you'd catch him doing it to Mitsuya too! Hakkai would always have this weird look in his eyes, this longing that you couldn't quite place. It just unnerved you.
But of course telling Mitsuya anything would just result in him defending Hakkai's actions.
"He's just shy. He can't talk to pretty girls, can you blame him. You're gorgeous. Don't be bashful, Hakkai just want's to watch."
That day in particular had been hard. The day Mitsuya had gotten handsy, touched you in the all the right places. His hands traveling to the sensitive parts of your thighs while you straddled his lap. His lips sucking on the pulse point of your neck, gentle enough to feel pleasurable and hard enough to leave marks.
"B-baby, please," you begged, shame coiling with the pleasure, "He's right there."
The he in question, Hakkai, had been sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring silently like always. His eyes glazed and his face flushed. He had to know you were uncomfortable with him being a witness to an intimate moment shared with your boyfriend. Why couldn't he just take the hint!
"Its ok," Mitsuya whispered, pressing another soft kiss onto the corner of your chin, "He just wants to watch, he loves looking at you. My pretty baby."
And you're filled with shame as a shaky moan leaves your breath, something hot rolling into your stomach as you felt a blue pair of eyes grow hotter by the second.
You hear your boyfriend chuckle underneath you, "I knew you loved it, I told him you would."
You don't really have time to process or question his words, not when he's slipping his fingers into your panties and playing with the wet mess in your folds.
"See? I knew you wanted him too. Always complaining, but that's only cause your shy. The both of you are just shy."
Behind you, you swear you hear a whimper, a shuffle of clothes and light footsteps approaching you.
"You two are so cute, so alike. He tried to fight me on it too, but you both know better than to argue with me. Would I ever do anything to hurt you?"
It's embarrassing how quickly you let yourself falter, how you just cave as another set of hands fall to your hips. You cant help but moan at the soft and almost timid kisses you feel on your shoulder.
"I've been working for months to get you both here," Mitsuya breaths, leaning back to take in the view. His pretty babies, finally together, with him. Where you belong.
"You're gonna love the way Hakkai gets teary eyed when you ride him."
"T-taka-Chan!"
"And you're gonna love the way Y/N begs for it when she's close. She's so loud when she wants to cum."
Your head is reeling, you want to scream and fight. But more than anything you really want to see Hakkai cry underneath you... Maybe Mitsuya was right. Maybe you really did like him.
A hand that's rougher than your boyfriend's dips into your panties, and calloused pads tentatively rub at your folds, meeting Mitsuya's much softer hands.
"S-so wet," Hakkai whimpers behind you, "S-so pretty. Wanted to touch you for so long. I-I wanted to be good! But Taka-chan,"
"Shhh," Mitsuya soothes, his free hand coming up to stroke Hakkai's cheek, "It's ok. I told you it would be. Let me show you how to make our girl feel good."
#yandere tokyo revengers#yandere mitsuya#yandere mitsuya takashi#yandere hakkai#yandere hakkai shiba smut#yandere hakkai shiba
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Link Click Bridon Arc Episode 5 Thoughts
These are a mess. I wrote as I watched the episode loll.
I'm going to be so fr. Lu Guang casually admitting he had a a father is amazing. So long of wondering what he was like as a kid, if he had parents at all, just for him to so casually be like "was 7 once. Had dad. Dad noticed powers."
Cheng Xiaoshi is having the same reaction I would have to learning I have powers. I, too, would believe I was an anime hero.
"We won't be able to bear the consequences." Sounds like they were definitely changing the past in the first timeline and were found out.
THE RULES!!! Why are his pink sunglasses back 😭😭😭.
Lu Guang is casually lying about how he knows all this information lmaoo. I do really want to know how long it took them to figure everything out the first time. Did they high-five one day, and suddenly Cheng Xiaoshi was gone???
NOT THE SAD ROMANTIC MUSIC KICKING IN THE MOMENT HE BRINGS UP HIS PROMISE.
Love that we're already setting up the plot point that Cheng Xiaoshi cannot have a nice time while diving. Just immediately being bullied.
Cheng Xiaoshi you're lovely, but your English skills are not good enough to pass this exam at the level you need to I am so sorry.
Using C for all is a viable strategy, Lu Guang is a killjoy.
WAIT. WHAT. THAT WAS SO HIS DAD. HELLO???
IT IS AHHHHHH. WHAT. WHAT THE FUCKKK. Bad news about his mom's guidance, btw.
Honestly, pop off Cheng Xiaoshi. You have every right to be angry.
IS THAT BABY XIA FEI?!?! THAT WAS TOTALLY BABY XIA FEI!!!
WHAT!!? Do not go to Vein???? Lu Guang, that guy is the reason you're HERE.
LMAOOOO. YOU LOOK TASTYYY. Nvm stick with Vein I'm having a great time.
"Involved" as in super gay? Yeah, they are. They really are. You should see the way they pushed the beds in their hotel room together.
VEIN NO. He's a taken man. You have Xia Fei.
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AHHHH HIHIHI !!
just wanna start by sayinh youre like one of my fav people on this platform i live and die for every post 😭💞
And i finally caught the requests so !!
Headcanons for various jojo characters with a reader who has a healing stand mayhaps?
Feel free to put whoever else in, i dont mind, but i'd love it if you could do bruno and diego, my bbgs fr 🙏
Hihihi!! Aaaaa thank you so much I am SO honored!!!! And when u mentioned Bruno and Diego r your bbgs I had a “did I just send MYSELF a request??” Moment lolol literally I had to physically restrain myself from calling Bruno my wife when Jojo came up while I was chatting with some people irl the other day lolol-
I love him and Diego so much! And YES, I can do this! Sounds interesting~
Bruno’s takes place before Giorno joins the squad
Content: for Diavolo and Diego: possessive and controlling behaviors, light depiction of injury
Various jjba characters x reader with a healing stand:
“Doctor! Doctor!”
Characters: Rohan Kishibe, Bruno Bucciarati, Diavolo, Diego Brando
Rohan Kishibe: You cannot BELIEVE he sometimes argues with you over healing him. Rohan has had a difficult personality for as long as you’ve known him, but really…you must insist you accompany him on his travels despite his protests. You’ve seen on more than enough occasions he’s liable to put himself in dangerous situations and get hurt. So you’re going with him.
He’ll always fight you on it, claiming it’s much easier to travel alone; but he has SOME nerve saying you in particular are difficult to travel with, because he always has some sort of grievance about almost everything when you go anywhere together.
You tell him if he didn’t put himself in harm’s way all the time you wouldn’t have to follow him around.
And even if he claims he won’t this time, you both know that’s not really a claim he can make. His inquisitive nature will Always get the best of him, so you will be there for when that curiosity inevitably gets him terribly injured in some way.
Thank goodness your man is difficult to kill…but he really needs to stop pushing his luck, it’s bad for both of you.
And despite him pretending your presence doesn’t change anything on his trips, he will try to be a little bit more careful when you’re involved. He thinks it’s because your constant worrying is irritating, but honestly he can’t bring himself to willingly lead you into something too dangerous. Most of the time.
Bruno Bucciarati: He will always consider himself responsible for the safety of his team, and the nature of your stand ability means you ease his mind when you’re near. You’ve seen his gang. They’re reckless, quick to get into fights, even with each other-there’s no need to worry about him but PLEASE do whatever you’re willing to do to make sure the others aren’t bleeding out from stab or gunshot wounds, or limping around with broken bones.
At Bruno’s request, you would always prioritize healing the injuries of the people he’s in charge of, but when the opportunity arises you will offer him some healing too.
He might not get nearly as bloodied and beaten as Mista does all the time…but you’ve noticed your dear Bucciarati seems to get chronic headaches, that especially intensify when he’s stressed about his work or managing the team. You never make a big deal out of it, don’t even mention it really, when you use your stand to ease his pain.
But he’ll always make a point to thank you. And gently remind you that he’s fine and you should focus your energy elsewhere.
You can only try to respect that for so long though. I mean, the reason your stand heals is because it’s in your nature to severely hate seeing your loved ones suffer.
And it’s not like he can be mad at you for caring about him. It’s just an unfamiliar feeling for him…he’s used to focusing all his attention on others and shouldering their burdens and taking care of them…so having you around trying to ease his pains…very unfamiliar, but not unwelcome.
It will take a while, but eventually he’ll grow comfortable enough to even ask for your healing touch when his pain is a little too much to bear on his own. But more often than not you’ll have to nag him to not push himself too hard and let you help him.
Diavolo: He considers it very fortunate you stumbled into his path. You consider it very Unfortunate. The Boss of Passione is an extraordinarily demanding partner, expecting absolute obedience and loyalty from you in return for his “love” and protection.
You’re not sure when you even wanted to be in a relationship with him, but you’re in too deep now. Defying an obsessive and paranoid man like him at this point would only get you in even more trouble.
He’s smothering, constantly breathing down your neck and making sure you’re not planning anything, and when he does let you leave wherever he’s decided to hole himself up, Doppio is always accompanying you. You’re expected to heal him if anything should happen, but you know Diavolo only says that in a weak attempt to veil that Doppio is actually the one watching you.
Daring to reveal your stand in front of anyone that is not him or Doppio will get you in hot water with the entire Italian mafia.
But it’s not like Diavolo needs your healing…he’s never around anyone who can hurt him anyways! You really are some just in case tool he keeps in his pocket; so your life is incredibly boring, even if it’s safe. And moving around all the time for his anonymity’s sake is annoying and uncomfortable. What’s the point of your stand if you can’t use it to help people?! He Really hates that compassionate nature of yours. Makes sense, given how thoroughly selfish he is…The two of you do not click at all, but he doesn’t care. You don’t need to like him, but he’s not letting you leave as long as you’re an incredibly useful tool.
Diego Brando: He does so adore how useful his partner’s stand is…To cure any sort of fatigue and injury…such a boon to him! He wants you all to himself and he will NOT be sharing you. So don’t even THINK about flashing your stand to anyone other than him, he won’t forgive you if you do that! He’s definitely using you a bit to his advantage. But he takes care of you in turn, making sure you live a comfortable life and giving you whatever you ask for. All you have to do is follow his easy rule and he’ll be a sweet and doting husband for you. Simple, right?
It tugs at your conscience sometimes though. To sit quietly on the side while someone suffers, simply because your husband demanded it. But a part of you can’t bear even the thought of upsetting Diego, after he’s been so good to you…and all he asked for was one simple thing.
And he was just looking out for you by telling you to keep your gift a secret…He cupped your cheeks in his hands so gently as he reminded you how bad it would be if an evil person found out about your powers. You could be in a lot of danger, and he might not be able to save you. So please, don’t needlessly endanger yourself like that. He couldn’t bear it if anything bad happened to you.
Deep down you know he’s just saying that to keep you under his control, but you love him…and you honestly believe at least a part of him also loves you.
So you’ll bend to his will usually. But what Diego doesn’t know can’t hurt him. If you mend a broken bone or ease a sore throat on occasion he might not find out. And even if he does find out, how mad can he really get at that? (Pretty damn mad, but you have too much value in his eyes for him to deal Too harshly with you, despite what he might say in the heat of the moment).
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Ngl I kinda blanked when coming up with additional characters, so I just went with some more faves, haha, the POWER of: “feel free to put whoever else in”!
#jjba x reader#jojos bizarre adventure x reader#thus wrote mrs zeppeli#rohan kishibe x reader#bruno bucciarati x reader#jjba diavolo x reader#diavolo x reader#diego brando x reader
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Flames of Fate
Most of you followed me from my Viktor arcane smut…I have a feeling you won’t be interested in my Enji works so please just pretend you don’t see these ones thank you 😊
Your Fuyumi’s new work best friend you go to her house one night to drink and talk boys that’s when you meet her dad…
Female reader, age gap, daddy kink, size difference, smut with plot, fluff, etc
MDNI
Yeah so for some reason my Enji obsession always gets so bad when I’m ovulating…I had to give in and write Enji again for my own guilty pleasure. Hope you like the fic!
Fuyumi is 25, Enji is 45, you are around the same as as them in this story. (In my head y/n is 23-25 but you can make the reader whatever age you wish)
Song I was thinking of while writing “guys my age” by hey Violet
Fuyumi work’s at a hero day care. It’s nothing too special but it pays really good and it’s secure. Her dad gave her a good recommendation so she knows for sure they’d never dare fire Endeavor’s daughter.
She’s been working there since she was 20. Fuyumi went to college for about a year then dropped out. Enji didn’t mind as long as she was able to find a good job which she did. She hasn’t been able to make friends at day care because most of the women working there are far older and have little to nothing in common other than good cooking skills. That was until you started working there a few months ago.
Fuyumi was so happy to have someone close to her age working there with her! You are a bit shy so it took a few months for you guys to start being close. Finally you both got close enough for her to ask you over for drinks.
Fuyumi wanted to talk boy problems. She didn’t have anyone to vent to about stuff like this. She definitely couldn’t talk to her brothers about this sort of thing. You honestly found it amusing you had always thought Fuyumi was the innocent type you were eager to learn more about her.
Fuyumi had picked you up from your apartment to bring you over to her house.
When she had parked outside a massive house you were confused. You didn’t know she was Endeavors daughter. She doesn’t ever talk about her family aside from her brothers. You had thought she lived alone. You felt a little underdressed now. You were wearing a black fitted long sleeve shirt with a long skirt, still a nice choice but still.
You “Hey um, this is where you live?”
Fuyumi “Yeah! Sorry I forgot to mention. I still live with my brothers and dad! Though my brothers all live in school dorms so mostly just my dad.”
You “No worries. I now feel a bit underdressed for such a nice house haha”
Fuyumi “Don’t worry about it, you always look great y/n! If anything you always make me feel underdressed at work with all your natural beauty. Well here we are! Do you have any drink preferences?”
You “Nothing too strong I can’t handle alcohol that well.”
You both walk into the house. It’s absolutely beautiful and spotless. You wonder if her father hires a cleaner or if Fuyumi does this all herself. She leads you to the living room, it’s almost the size of your apartment. You can imagine she must get lonely being in such a big house all the time with her brothers at school.
Fuyumi comes back with a few bottles of wine and some glasses.
Fuyumi “Stealing some of my dad’s fancy wine tonight. But don’t worry he won’t mind. It’ll be just us for a while dad doesn’t get back till late.”
You smirk while pouring a glass “So…what are these so called boy problems you were so eager to tell me about mm?”
You both spend a few hours chatting about boys. Turns out Fuyumi had been sleeping with two men at the same time. They found out and now she doesn’t know who to choose. She’s considering being polygamous with them. So unexpected but you figure she needs some excitement in her life. After all working at a daycare isn’t really all that exciting even if they do all have quirks.
Endeavor had arrived back home from work earlier than his daughter expected. It’s around 7 she wasn’t expecting him till 10 especially since it’s a Friday. Fuyumi was laughing so loudly talking about the sex she had last night neither one of you heard Endeavor come in. He knew when his daughter was laughing so loudly she had to be drinking again. Enji knew whenever she drank she forgot to eat he wouldn’t let her go to bed on an empty stomach. Trying his best to Ignore the topic she was talking about he walked up to the living room and knocked gently on the already half open sliding door.
Enji teases “Fuyumi are you stealing my wine again?”
Fuyumi “Oh my god dad! I- I thought you’d be home later.”
Enji “Oh, hello, I am Fuyumi’s father. Sorry I didn’t know anyone else was here. I’m Mister Todoroki. Have either of you girls eaten? If not I’ll order something. What do you both want?”
As soon as he walks through the door you lock eyes with him. He’s the largest man you’ve ever seen. He looked so sexy and intimidating at the same time. Then when he opened his mouth, oh my god. You’d never known someone could speak that low. His voice had too big of an effect on you. You had to gently press your legs together hoping no one would notice since the table was in the way. You shouldn’t be thinking this way about your best friend’s father. She’d probably hate you if she found out. It’s even worse that both of you hadn’t broken eye contact since he walked in. You were desperately waiting for Fuyumi to answer. The only thing you wanted to eat right now was her dad.
Fuyumi “No not yet, Chinese takeout is good. Is that okay for you y/n?”
You smile and nod at Enji “Yes thats fine. Thank you sir.” before turning your gaze back to Fuyumi.
You were the first thing Enji noticed when he came in the living room. You were striking. He knew Fuyumi had mentioned making a new friend at work but he never thought she would be this breathtaking. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. You were smaller than most women. A little smaller than Fuyumi who was also already small. He wanted you to look up at him like that forever. Enji was going to call to get a pickup order but instead heads right out to get it himself. He needs time to wash those thoughts out of his head. It didn’t help the whole time he was gone he thought about how beautiful your hair looked. How cute your flushed face was when you weren’t expecting anyone to come home. He figured he just needed to get fucked. Though it hadn’t been that long since he had a one night stand. Something about you was different, more intriguing. It didn’t help that he knew he probably wouldn’t think anything was more beautiful than you. He shouldn’t be thinking about his daughters only friend like this.
As soon as Enji left the awkward tension left and the two of you got back to chatting as if he was never there.
Fuyumi “I’m sorry i should’ve told you who my dad was! I didn’t think he’d be home at all he usually works really late Fridays. I didn’t want you to just be my friend because of my dad a lot of girls in college used to talk to me only because of him.”
Oh, you hadn’t even realized it was Endeavor for a few minutes the only thing you could think about was how attractive that man was. He looked so different out of his Hero costume.
You “I guess it explains the house haha. It’s alright Fuyumi don’t feel bad for not telling me. I get it, I do. When I was younger both of my parents were drunks. They left me to fend for myself. I had to live out of random guys houses until I had enough money for my own rent. I never told anyone that because I knew they wouldn’t want to be my friend. They’d think I was too troubled. Some people found out in highschool and well let’s just say that’s the reason you’re my only friend right now.”
Fuyumi “I would never judge you for that. I’m glad we both know eachother better now. You could probably already tell but you’re my only friend too. I was so happy when you started working at the daycare!”
Fuyumi “So tell me about your boy life now, I’ve basically told you all of mine. It’s only fair y/n”
You “Well about those “guys” I used to live with in highschool. I guess those were sort of relationships if you want to call it that. I didn’t have any money so they asked me to sleep with them to “make up for it” I didn’t really enjoy it. None of them could make me cum but it was fine at least I had a roof over my head. Thank god for this job now. Pays for a decent apartment.”
Fuyumi had no idea why you lived in such a small apartment with your job. It was the size of her bedroom. Granted her bedroom was bigger than average and due to her dad being Endeavor she gets payed more than everyone else but she doesn’t know that.
Fuyumi “Very glad you have an apartment now. Were there better guys after that?”
You “Well I dated two guys after that who were our age. The first one, horrible in bed, and had such a major cheating problem. Fuck that many girls and you still don’t know how to make one finish? Funny because he was the one that left actually. The second guy was so sweet. I tried to like him I really did. I figured if I was with someone nice then I’d actually be treated well and able to finish for once. No luck there. He was so boring he couldn’t even make me laugh once. I felt bad because I knew he was a good person but after two years I just had to end it. I thought the relationship would get better as it aged but I only grew more tired. Recently I started talking to someone new. We aren’t dating yet. Still the talking stages. He can’t seem to remember a single thing about me though. He even called me the wrong name last night. But I’m bored so I guess I’ll date him. It’s not like there’s any other better men out there right now for me. Maybe he can be useful and go down on me. Speaking of, why are so many men so scared to do that nowadays as if they don’t shove themselves down our mouths not caring if we like it? So annoying!”
Fuyumi smirks “Can’t finish? I can give you some toys later to help with that. Maybe plastic can treat you better than a man.”
You “Fuyumi!”
You both laugh so loud after that. Both of you even more drunk now and unaware that Enji had been back to hear that conversation. He shouldn’t have been listening but he couldn’t help it. You seemed so sweet with the way Fuyumi always talks about you. You’re drop dead gorgeous too he couldn’t believe you’ve had such bad luck with men. Before he waits too long that someone awkwardly sees him he makes his way to the living room. He walks a little heavier so you both can hear him.
Enji “Hi girls. Here’s your food. Don’t drink too much you’ll make yourselfs sick.”
You were so embarrassed hoping he didn’t hear any of the conversation. Fuyumi was too drunk to care she started filling her face with the food immediately.
You “Thank you so much Mister Todoroki sir, you didn’t have to. I really appreciate the food.”
Enji “You’re welcome y/n, I hope you like the food.” He points to Fuyumi “Did she drink too much?”
You chuckle “Yeah i think a little.”
Fuck her laugh is cute
Why is he looking at me like that did I do something?
Enji “I’ll leave both of you be, I’ll be in my office if you need something.”
I hope I didn’t stare too long I don’t want her thinking Fuyumi’s dad is a creep.
A little while after eating it’s midnight now. Fuyumi was supposed to drive you home but she’s passed out on the couch now. You loudly stumble your way all to the front door. You’re going to call a late night cab once you’re outside. Enji hears the noise of your heels walking about. Right before you can open the front door you feel a strong heat radiating behind you and feel a hard push on the door. Oh fuck. Endeavor is standing behind me isn’t he. You look up and see his hand pressed against the door. You turn around to look up at his face. “I was going to call a cab sir-“
Enji “It’s far too late and you’re far too drunk to go home. We have spare rooms. I’ll make you a bed. Don’t try to argue I won’t take no for an answer. I know Fuyumi will be happy to talk more with you in the morning. Now let me show you to your room.”
Was he always this hot when he was stern? All you can do is nod and follow him. Just as you thought the house couldn’t get any bigger the upstairs was even more beautiful. There were so many rooms you wondered what they were all for. He couldn’t stop thinking about what you were telling Fuyumi about men. He should be more nervous to say anything but he feels like he has to.
Enji “I know it’s not my place but I overheard a little. A nice respectable young woman like you should not settle for awful men. You should drop that fool who can’t remember simple things about you. Y/n you can find much better.”
You “oh- I um. Thanks I will.”
You had just met did he really think that highly of you?
Enji “Here’s the bathroom. Please brush your teeth while I bring you something to wear to sleep.”
He would’ve got something of Fuyumi’s for you to wear but he wasn’t sure what clothes she was okay having borrowed. He got one of his sons old sweatshirts and instead.
Enji “Here’s a sweatshirt it should be comfortable enough for tonight.”
Without thinking you start to undress infront of him to put the sweatshirt on. He should really look away but you don’t seem to notice. You’re too drunk to care. He can’t bring himself to look away anyways. Your breasts look so soft. He could fit both of them in one hand. You’re even shorter without your heels on. And the sweatshirt, oh god. The sweatshirt goes down long enough that he can’t see anything more as you undo your skirt from under the sweatshirt.
You looked so small in it. It came above your knees. He wants to see what you look like in one of his shirts next. Maybe next time you sleep over he can lend you one of his.
Enji “I’ll wash your clothes tomorrow morning. I brought some of Fuyumi’s makeup remover too-“
You wine in protest “Ew no! I don’t want you to see me without makeup you already are seeing me drunk!”
Enji “Come on, don’t be bad. It’s not good to sleep in your makeup.”
The way he said that so sternly yet so calm is making you feel more wet than you want to admit. You immediately submit and grab the makeup wipes away from him to wipe off the makeup yourself. As you do you are a bit wobbly standing up, you feel so dizzy. Your reflection in the mirror is fuzzy from a mix of wine, makeup in your eyes, and tiredness.
Enji sits down and pats his lap. “Here let me. You’re too drunk. I’ll help you.”
You sit in his lap. He immediately praises you with a “good girl” thinking nothing of it. His touch was so warm. If only he knew what he was doing to you.
You’re soft, so small in his lap. Much smaller than his ex wife ever was. Fuck the thought of splitting your little cunt open on his cock..no wait why is he still thinking that. He can’t think that. Not about his daughter’s friend. Why did Fuyumi have to make friends with someone so tempting?!
Enji helps take off your makeup as you sit in his lap. The way he wipes it off so soft despite being so strong was surprising. It was nice. Maybe he’s helped Fuyumi with her makeup when she’s been drunk before or maybe..a wife? Fuyumi didn’t mention a mom, does she have a mom? Oh no if you’re feeling this way about your best friend’s dad AND a married man that’s awful.
Enji finishes removing your makeup. Fuck, I really didn’t think someone could be more beautiful without makeup he thinks to himself.
“You’re just as beautiful without makeup. Now, don’t drink as much next time please. It’s bad for your health.”
He gently brushes your messy hair with his fingers after setting the makeup wipes aside. You’re too far gone and sleepy to have any more self control over your words. You drunkly say “Why didn’t Fuyumi ever tell me her dad was so hot?”
Before he can even say anything like he would anyways he’s too stunned to speak, you fall asleep in his chest. He gently lifts you up and lays you down on the spare bed. He places some blankets over you so you won’t fall cold. He stays there for a moment watching you sleep. He questions your words. Could she really find me attractive? An old man like me, I’m a pro hero yes but women only ever want me for my wealth not my looks? Maybe if I touch myself tonight thinking of her I’ll get over it. She’s probably just drunk. Yeah that’s it, she’s just drunk. She won’t even remember it tomorrow. It definitely didn’t mean anything.
When he goes to his room he’s already hard. He touches himself to the thought of you. Little did he know it would only make him want you more.
When you wake up you shower before putting on the sweatshirt again. You go downstairs to see if Fuyumi is awake yet. When you go down stairs you instantly lock eyes with Enji in the kitchen. He’s sitting down drinking coffee. Somehow he seems hotter than last night. His hair is slightly damp from a shower you want to run your fingers through it. You don’t remember anything from last night after he started to take your makeup off.
Enji “Good morning. I heard you showering and made you some coffee. Fuyumi just got in the shower she should be out shortly with some spare clothes. Your clothes are outside hanging to dry.”
You take a sip of the coffee. Your head is aching. “Thank you Mister Todoroki and thank you again for letting me stay the night.”
You expected he would have Fuyumi wash your clothes. You think it’s sweet he took the time to do that. You wonder why she never talks about her dad when he’s such a gentlemen.
Fuyumi lended you some clothes to wear shortly after. You’re a different bra size than her so that was the only thing you couldn’t share of hers. Unfortunately for Enji he would be able to see your hard nipples perfectly in that tight sweater. The second he saw them he nearly choked on his coffee. You were too nervous to look at his face much with worry you’d get too obviously flustered so you didn’t notice much his gazes. Anytime you did notice you just assumed he was observing you and Fuyumi talking like any dad would. Fuyumi on the other hand noticed exactly what her father was choking at. She assumed it was just because he was more old fashioned. After all he did always used to make Rei dress proper when they were still together. She didn’t want to embarrass you by explaining to her dad why you were without a bra especially since you didn’t seem to notice he was looking so she decided to change the subject.
Fuyumi “Um dad. Have you eaten yet? I was going to start breakfest what would you like?”
Enji “You can make whatever you wish. I have some work to do so please put it in the refrigerator. Thank you Fuyumi.”
He quickly gets up and rushes off to his office locking the door behind him. He was suppressing himself from getting hard just long enough until he left the kitchen. Why were you having this effect on him? He’s not a teenager anymore. Once again he touches himself to the thought of you. It would be so fun to fuck you on his office table. Or even have you soaking on his cock while he’s working.
While Enji is away Fuyumi takes this opportunity to give you the sex toys she mentioned last night before making breakfast.
Fuyumi giggles “While dad’s gone come up to my room let me give you some things.”
You “Oh god girl why do you have so many?”
Fuyumi “Some guys I slept with before bought me some but since i already had so many I figured you could use the ones I haven’t opened. Can’t let them go to waste. Here I’ll give you a bag to hide it in so dad doesn’t see. Have you really never used them before?”
You “No but I guess it doesn’t hurt to try. Most guys got insecure anytime I even suggested them.”
You knew exactly what you were going to think about next time you used them. Maybe once you came to Mister Todoroki you’d stop thinking about him so foully and could get under someone else.
While the two of you are eating together Fuyumi says “So what did you think of my dad I know he can be a little intimidating.”
You “Well at first i thought he looked a little scary but I think he’s sweet actually. He helped me take my makeup off last night.”
Fuyumi “Oh good! I was worried you’d get scared and never come over again.”
You “Fuyumi definitely not even if he was awful you’re still my only friend and I’d still find a way to hangout with you.”
A bit later Enji walks up to the both of you. “Whenever you’re ready to go home y/n I can drive you.”
Fuyumi “Dad I-“
Enji teases “Don’t let Fuyumi drive you home when she’s hungover she’d end up driving you to a random house or getting my car crashed.”
Fuyumi “Finee dad. Well are you ready to go home then? I can text you a few dates I was thinking we could hang out next.”
You “Okay yeah, that’s great thanks.”
Enji walks away for a moment bringing back a coat. He gently places it over you. “Alright let’s go y/n. I’ll hold your bag.” It’s one of his coats he definitely did that to see how small you’d be in something of his. It did not disappoint.
You were expecting Fuyumi to come with you even though she wasn’t going to be driving. To your surprise she stayed perfectly still enjoying whatever she was looking at on her phone. She hadn’t thought about going with you not after you told her you thought her dad was sweet. You’re just hoping more alone time with her dad can help you find one ick about him. So you can stop thinking about your best friend’s father like this.
Unfortunately the more time you spend alone with him the more charming he gets. First he asked your music preferences for the ride back. Then when he saw how small your apartment was he told you a job at his agency was always welcome. Not just so he could see you more but also so his daughter’s friend could have a good life. He knows how caring she can be about people close to her for better or for worse. Then when he saw nearly all your light bulbs were either flickering or out in your apartment he changed them all without being asked. The second he left you immediately headed straight for the sex toys. How the hell was just thinking of him getting you off more than being with an actual man. You’re definitely cutting off that new guy you’re talking too, thinking about Fuyumi’s dad having his way with you is much better.
Enji comes back from driving you home.
Fuyumi “Heyy dad y/n called you sweet. Thanks for taking care of her last night. She’s my first friend I’ve had in a while. Most of my friends were usually scared of you. I’m glad she isn’t. She’ll definitely be coming over more.”
Oh she thinks I’m sweet? Could she be thinking about me too? No. No, definitely not. She’s just being a kind young lady.
Enji “All your old friends thought I was scary?”
Fuyumi “I- oh um- sorry! It’s just, you can be intimidating but I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it’s just-“
Enji “It’s alright I’d rather them not think I’m too inviting. I don’t want people all over me like they are with Toshinori. I’m glad you have a good friend now. Although I didn’t realize that job pays most of their employees so poorly her apartment is quite small.”
Fuyumi “Is it? I haven’t been yet but she’s told me about it. My pay is good…wait..that’s not because of you is it?”
Enji “I’m sorry I-“
Fuyumi “it’s fine, thank you dad.”
Fuyumi looks over at the clothing rack “Oh are those her clothes? Are they dry yet? I’ll text her to come get them tomorrow. You could’ve asked me to wash them”
Enji “It’s alright I didn’t mind.”
Mainly because he wanted to use your panties last night. Sucking on them while he got himself off. He could wash away any evidence of his own saliva on them himself. No one would know, no one would get hurt.
Tomorrow you come over to get your clothes. You’re expecting Fuyumi but Enji answers the door.
You “Oh hi Mister Todoroki, where’s Fuyumi?”Enji “She’s out getting groceries for this week she won’t be back for a couple more hours.”
You “Oh alright. I brought Fuyumi her clothes back too.”
She just loved leaving the two of you alone didn’t she. It’s so awkward being alone after you practically came to the thought of him last night. Maybe you should’ve told her you were scared of him. His bright blue eyes nearly blind you everytime you look at them. It doesn’t help that looking at the rest of him also makes you flustered as well too.
Enji “Your clothes are laying on the bed in the spare room upstairs. Fuyumi also left out a few clothes she didn’t want anymore on the bed too. I can discard whatever you don’t want.”
You follow him upstairs to the spare room. He stands behind you giving you space to look over the clothes.
You “Thank you again for washing my clothes Mister Todoroki.”
You bend over on the bed to fold your clothes, your skirt rides up a bit. Your thong is showing. Enji was going to do the right thing and look away until he noticed it was wet. You were soaking wet. You weren’t trying to be but the more he talks, the more you’re around him, the wetter you get.
You were wet. Did he do that? He groans quietly “fuck” oh he didn’t mean to say that out loud
You turn your head around “Sorry?”
Against his better judgment he says “Your skirt is awfully short. Paired with those panties as well? I can see how wet you are that’s awfully naughty. Did you do it on purpose?”
You “No! Sir I’m sorry. I just saw Fuyumi’s text this morning and I didn’t have anything else to wear I need to do laundry. It won’t happen again.”
Is he mad at me? He talks way too sexy for being so mad.
He shouldn’t go further but he does.
Enji “Do you want to feel what it’s like to cum?”
You “Mister Todoroki- What about your wife?”
Enji “Divorced. Yes or no.”
You should be saying no but the only thing that can come out of your mouth is “Yes please.”
He pushes your stomach back down on the bed harshly. Leaving you ass up forcing you to arch your back. “Good girl” he says before he rips your thong off completely. It took such little force for him to break the fabric it makes you weak. He uses the broken fabric to tie your hands behind your back. Who knew Endeavor was so kinky?
Enji “Fuyumi would hate me if she found out can you keep that pretty mouth of yours shut?”
You “Yes sir, I won’t tell. Promise!”
He moans so loud it sends shivers down your spine. Oh? Does sir turn him on?
He pushes your back to the bed harder making you arch. He puts two fingers inside you he knows with how tight you feel on him now you wouldn’t be able to comfortably take his cock but this is enough for him today.
You gasp forgetting how to breathe. You’re drooling onto your clothes. Two of this man’s fingers are thicker and longer than any dick you’ve ever had inside you before.
Enji growls “Fuck so tight for me! Let daddy rub your pretty pussy so you can take it better okay?”
Oh fuck, he likes a lot more than just sir. You whimper at his touch. You can tell he’s doing his best to be gentle. If you could take any more you’d be on your knees begging him not to hold back. You feel closer to cumming from his voice than you ever have from anyone or anything else.
Enji “Pretty girl likes when her pussy gets rubbed? I can tell you just opened up for my fingers so nicely. They’re all the way inside now. I can feel you pulsing all over them baby. Does it feel good, does daddy make your pussy feel good?”
All you can manage to get out in response are nods and soft moans. He suddenly increases the pace he’s rubbing your clit.
Enji “Be a good girl use your words.”
You “Yes, d-daddy it feels so good. I think I’m going to- oh my god.”
Enji “That’s it cum for me sweetheart. Let go for me.”
You’ve never came so hard in your life. He doesn’t stop thrusting his fingers despite your body shaking uncontrollably. Nobody will ever be able to satisfy you after this.
Enji “Say thank you daddy”
You “Oh fuck- thank you daddy!”
Enji “Good girl”
He licks his fingers clean. “tastey”
He grabs your ass spreading you apart before kneeling on the ground below you, eating your pussy out from behind. With his deep groans and thick tongue you’re so overstimulated you feel like you could cum again. He’s eating you out like he’s starved. It only took two minutes of Enji working your folds with his tongue for you to cum all over his face. The moans he lets out while lapping up your juices sound like he’s getting high off your taste. Your only hope is that Fuyumi doesn’t come home and walk in on this.
When he’s finished he grabs a warm towel to clean you up. Then unties your hands. He puts the broken thong in his pocket. What is he going to do with it?
Enji “Next time I want you stretched out on my cock. Would you be alright with that?”
You “Yes, Mister Todoroki I would be more than okay with that.”
He grabs your phone to give you his number. he puts his contact in as the letter E. He places his phone in your hand for you to do the same.
Enji “You can call me Enji outside of the bedroom, text me if you want to feel good again.”
I might make another part but I suck at being consistent so don’t take my word for it.
Notes:
Endeavor is such a guilty pleasure I need to sort the daddy issues out but i don’t want to. I hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry I know I’m not the best at grammar or spelling I hope you still like my works regardless. Comment down below any future endeavor fic ideas you’d like to see from me in the future.
Help?
I’ve resorted back to using apple notes to write all my work ahh. I was using google docs but people I know keep getting their accounts closed for writing fan fiction it was scaring me. Do you guys know any free things I could use to write on for my work? I was thinking about maybe trying word. Not sure if it’s good! I’m really bad with computers which is why I still use my phone haha. It’s so much easier to copy and paste my work than try to figure out how to use files or whatever. I need to start writing on the computer eventually though.
#smut#bmha#endeavor#enji todoroki#fanfic#mha#endeavor x reader#enji todoroki x reader#enji x reader#my hero academia#enji todoroki smut#endeavor smut
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Are you still doing the WIP thingy?
If so maybe.……….maybe? Or hope? Or stop? Or blue?
I found all four!
Maybe
Her head tilted ever so slightly as she studied him. Roy refused to let his grip on the arm of the chair tighten under the weight of scrutiny. Maybe it was supposed to be like this, the wait of her silence asking unspoken questions while he slowly but surely carved himself open, holding up the pieces for her examination.
Hope
"'Cept about ten minutes in, I'm really on a roll, and I'm partway through telling her a story, and she stops and asks me why I said... Christ, I don't even remember now. It was just a joke, but she took it really seriously. Like she was concerned about why I was talking about meself that way." Roy made a noise in his throat. Hoped it communicated 'I'm listening' instead of the futile lack of control that was churning in his stomach.
Stop
At nine. He was fucking nine. Phoebe was weeks off from turning nine, and Roy still didn’t trust her to know when to stop eating ice cream before it made her sick. And maybe that was a little unfair to his niece, who had improved a bit on that front--she'd start watching him warily around the second scoop, when she knew he was about to take it away... She was so fucking small. He'd never send her away at nine. But you would if she really wanted to, said the same voice that always let her enjoy the second scoop. If she really wanted to, if she wanted it more than anything in the world... No, the rebuttal hit him in the face like a bucket of of ice water. The truth of it trickled in shivers down his spine. No, I'd move with her.
Blue
“Is that tweed?” Jamie asked curiously, and Roy prayed to whatever god would listen to spare the world from Jamie Tartt experimenting with woven fabrics . Isaac rolled his shoulders; the suit jacket whimpered where it circled the bulk of his shoulders. “Sure is. Sustainably sourced, too.” The intrigued glint in Jamie’s eyes warned Roy that sometime soon on a morning run he would be held hostage by a very annoying tangent. Sam, a normal person dressed a stylish blue silken suit, surveyed Isaac's suit thoughtfully. “The tailoring is wonderfully done.” He said nothing about Jamie’s outfit. Smart lad.
#thank you for this!#it was honestly such a long day - I was in need of a good reason to open my docs#i hope you enjoy!#fic: oh god you're gonna get it (you have not been given love)#writing progress#roy kent#jamie tartt#phoebe kent#isaac mcadoo#sam obisanya#dr sharon fieldstone#ask box is always open
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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ANTI CHORAL SYMPHONY??? BLOCKED???
joking but omg I can't believe mahler 2 doesn't do anything for you it reshaped my bones
maybe if i heard it live or studied it i would change my tune but so far at least mahler 2 does very little for me. i tend not to be a huge fan of late romantic works in general, and the overwhelming length/size/expansiveness of these gargantuan symphonies from the likes of mahler tend to strike me as tedious more than majestic. and as for choral symphonies, i think in pretty much every one of them i've heard post-beethoven 9 i've not been terribly impressed by the addition of vocalists. (honestly, one of the things that frustrates me so much ABOUT beethoven 9 is that it really is the one that makes it work, and beethoven's legacy/impact was such that he made so many other composers think they can do the same things he did just as well if not better, which i think succeeds in very rare cases only...but i digress.) in its smallest form (ie a soloist or two added to a movement or two) it just feels like an unnecessary addition to me, and in its largest form (full choir in every movement that is the true focus of the work, a la vaughan williams' sea symphony) i kind of think these works cease to be symphonies at some point. like, apologies to vaughan williams, but that's just a cantata. you can just call it a cantata. it's okay. i know it follows traditional symphonic structure to some extent but it's vague enough and totally dominated by the singing to be a different genre to me. and returning to mahler for a second, a symphony like mahler 2 feels very much like the precursor to something like das lied von der erde, which is more of a song cycle with orchestra (or a "song-symphony" but you can probably guess by now my feelings on that name). mahler 2 of course isn't quite that voice-heavy but it bears strong resemblance to what would come later in his output, i think; i'm still comfortable enough calling it a symphony, but i'm not entirely convinced that the choir ultimately adds to the genre in mahler 2 or in any other late romantic-modern choral symphony. personally, i'm not convinced that we should even cling so fast to the genre label of symphony for all of these works; many of them i think can (and probably should) be classified with a different genre label, whether it's something extant like "cantata" or "song cycle" or something newly coined and retrofitted (it's not like musicians have never fiddled with the naming of past works without the blessing of the composer before). idk, maybe i'm biased as to accept a much narrower definition of "symphony" than most, but the distinction matters to me.
#at any rate mendelssohn 2 should NOT be considered a symphony oh my gd. that one actually gets on my nerves lol#'cantata-symphony' 'choral symphony' THAT'S JUST A CANTATAAAAA JUST SAY CANTATA#MENDELSSOHN WROTE THOSE. IT'S FIIIIINE#okay anyway.#sasha speaks#recapitulation#hope you don't mind this. fucking essay of a response#most of this is personal taste so please don't think i'm like anti-mahler 2 (or its fans) in general#honestly calling myself anti-choral symphony is kind of tongue in cheek to begin with#dvorak is like my one exception to the 'no beloved late romantics' but he doesn't deviate very far from the established symphonic format#so much as he expands from within it like a lot of the earlier post-beethoven romantics did. and that's just more to my taste personally#(dvorak and tchaik actually even though i'm not as keen on some of tchaik's later symphonies)#anyway i'm not so opposed to mahler 2 as to write it off entirely maybe some day i'll hear it live and have my bones rearranged too#but i think if a single piece is Going to be that long it needs to be really truly spectacular from the first listen to be worthwhile#which it just isn't for me...#mvts ii and iii are good tho. mahler is great at inner movements in particular for some reason#sasha answers
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of all things, seeing goro and sumi interact makes me wanna work on the next ladue chapter more than anything else the past like 2 weeks
Wild
#speculation nation#brain is just 'vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood' etc etc etc#endless reading of trigun fanfic. no time for my own writing endeavors#but. im so close to finishing chapter 3 of ladue... so close... i just need to get back into it#... not rn tho. or the next few days probs. not a good time.#honestly tho it's making me remember how good writing is for my health overall#bc when i want to write i Have to take care of my health. get proper sleep & eat regularly & dont drink alcohol#bc i have to be in tip top condition to have writing brain. it keeps me in line.#the past week and a half has just been me Relentlessly pursuing my current hyperfixations#to the point of neglecting my health. case and point: me getting 3 hours of sleep for NO fucking reason (aside from trigun focus)#writing brain hasnt mattered so ive only been eating one or two meals a day. and ive been drinking a bit more often#though that also might be bc of my mental state 🤔 still no more than 2 drinks at a time#but ive gone from drinking Maybe once a month to like once a week. if not more often.#idk. it's meant as a relaxing kinda thing. god knows i need the stress relief. but it's still not great for me.#i still havent done my dishes and my fingernails r too long but i have no energy to trim them#aka. the experience of being actively in the throes of a hyperfixation is both Wonderful and terrible. my body is falling apart!#and this is with TWO!!!!! hyperfixations. trigun is definitely the more powerful but the fe:engage is there too#im. gonna go to bed early tonight. i have therapy in the morning :P#aka this is my 'i am alive' post but like only barely lmfao. ugh im so fucked with this lab.
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Literally I think my parents must be a little bit insane to still think they're good parents. They pushed me to the point of being actively suicidal not even 2 years ago like hello????
#sep talks#tw suicide#found out recently that my grandpa has depression and my great grandpa likely did too#my great grandpa died from being hit by a horse and cart and it is heavily suspected that it was a suicide#my grandpa is only alive today because he takes antidepressants#like you'd think!! With a family history like that!!! That they'd perhaps take their child's mental health into consideration a tiny bit!!!#my uncle has depression as well iirc. Like good lord#like literally the only reason I made it through 2020 was bc I was sneaking around behind my parents backs and lying to them#idk. I just think it's kind of funny#I've pretty much stopped caring abt my parents now. They're just some ppl I live with until I can leave and then we'll never talk again#but honestly....they still think they're good parents???? Really????????#anyway this post inspired by my mum getting stroppy abt me 'ruining mothers day'#I sure hope it's ruined!! Hope it's bad enough u decide to kill urself!!!! Lmao!!!#I'll delete this later probably just needed to say it somewhere#I'm fine btw. I don't feel great rn but I haven't let my parents send me down a spiral of self loathing in a good long while#and I don't intend to start again now
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How I learned to write smarter, not harder
(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)
A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.
The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.
As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!
2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)
Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.
Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.
I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.
Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD
People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.
What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!
What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.
You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.
And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.
And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.
If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?
And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD
In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)
And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)
#creative writing#writers block#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writers and poets#writerscommunity#fanfic writing#writeblr#writing advice
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Just watched the substance last night and gen z will literally gag over anything, that shit was ass
#the pyre#the fact that I've seen ppl theorizing about simple shit we should have the answer to like if Lizzy and Sue shared a consciousness or not#and I get why bc there are a lot of dumbasses nowadays that if I said that I wanted the film to make this clear'#I risk being lumped in with idiots who need the characters to turn and face the camera and tell you what they're feeling/what they're doing#or the group of ppl who think that any story that isn't typical and formulaic = bad#but also that fucking movie was 2 hours and15 minutes long and it absoutly did not need to be#if you're given a lot of time to tell this story and the audience unintentionlluy still have a lot of questions at the end#that's just bad storytelling#also wtf was up with ppl saying that this movie was SO gorey ppl were walking out after 20 minutes#there were maybe five total gory scenes and they're all over the top to the point where even a scaredy cat who can't handle gore like me#thinks that it's more ridiculous than disturbing#I honestly think that the only reason why gen z is calling it this campy cult classic movie is bc they don't know what that actually is#movies def arent as good as they used to be seeing as every other day a reboot or continuation of an old film/show gets annouced#bc everyones too afraid to pitch new ideas and even formally famous has been actors are poor and need a job#yet another reason for me to stop taking recommendations from yall
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ok lock in time
#i’m gonna give myself until the weekend after the deadline to come out bcs it would be so inconvenient on a weekday#which gives me 11 days#ok i’ve heard enough repper horror stories to transition bcs i really don’t wanna be like that#i’ve looked on the mirror enough to like be ok with my shoulders??#ideally my face will get improved by hrt bcs estrogen will atrophy my masseuses and tigheten skin#realistically when i want ffs i just want forehead/hairline shit#eyebrow ridge and tracheal shave hopefully my jaw and nose should be fine#thankfully i have a reasonably small midface#apparently there’s no way to completely stop me growing without proper surgery (drilling growth plates) but if i go on estrogen mono therap#on a high dose apparently it lowers growth which would be good to do#i really don’t wanna have to diy but i just don’t see any other solution#if i diy only blockers i’ll just end up tall bcs blockers make you taller#mono therapy also means injections which is just#ughhhh#in terms of other surgery i don’t really need a lot#i have luckshit waist and ribs#i have decentish weight distribution and it’ll only get better on hrt#my shoulders r a bit broad for cis girls but nothing crazy like even consani and schafer have broader shoulders on my and they r youngshits#plus baggy is in rn so i don’t have to show off the parts of me that i don’t like#ugh if i had just started blockers a little earlier i wouldn’t have this damn adams apple#oh i also need to start voice training ughhh#anyways if coming out goes well and mum and dad let me diy life should be set#i get brainworms to keep me disciplined i get fem socialised by being faggy#i can go stealth in uni ideally i should be passing before graduation but that might be a bit idealistic#then i still have science or finance paths ahead of me#not having male privilege is gonna suck tho#esp in finance#honestly the biggest issue to me passing in the future might be my hair#it’ll take so long to grow out and i’ll probably have to striaghten it#for coming out to the rest of the family it’s kinda a mixed bag
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January 2024: well, I can’t get my antidepressants anymore and this withdrawal makes me want to kill myself. From now on I’ll just raw dog these feelings so I never have to deal with these side effects again.
June 2024: I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. The world is ending. We’re all walking through the end times and whether I die soon or the world collapses in on itself, I can feel the simultaneous emptiness and crushing weight of the end. There is nothing.
#this isn’t really funny is it?#anyway so yeah going back to the dr tomorrow to ask for antidepressants#which ones I don’t know. I’ve been on so many that I don’t know if anything really works#THIS IS NOT A SOLUTION FOR EVERYONE. THIS IS JUST ME. I NEED TO BE MEDICATED. I LOVE YOU. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.#a whole nothingburger of a roadblock hit me earlier and I ended up having to sit outside for an hour#basically ‘hey can you maybe go to your appt a bit earler just in case they can see you sooner’ and I was like… why bother w/ ANYTHING!#one of those stupid things that’s so easy to work with in retrospect but at the time I honestly felt so hopeless and pushed around#what a fucking baby#anxiety and depression can just turn you into a fucking baby#I SAY THIS SO EMPATHETICLY! You are NOT a baby! your brain just doesn’t work right! I’m so sorry we gotta deal with this.#some people don’t need meds. some do. this post is about me. my chemicals have been caustic for years. I gotta balance the humors my liege#so basically I’ve been antidepressant free since mid jan. it’s sucked. it’s getting WOOOOORSE.#so as much as I hate adjusting to new meds. as much as I say ‘I don’t notice a difference’#about that. THIS is the difference you dumb bitch (me)!#I’ll be on meds and kinda mehhhh. but this. without meds. I’ll take meh and functional over months of meh and then suddenly DEATH!#I’m not in a position where I can just go out and get a bunch of healthy food and go work out and change my environment and blah blah blah#I’m poor and disabled boy!#but god… I know there’s more I could reasonably do. I know. I don’t need suggestions. I’m sorry. to myself and everyone I’m annoying.#just… for right now. for this week. let me try to rebalance.#I got some antianxieties to last a week maybe but they’re not cure-alls.#I wish I could say oh I popped an Ativan and I felt so good but NO! it makes me sleepy and a bit calmer and it’s NOT sustainable!#I can’t be drowsy all day long. I definitely CAN’T handle a benzo problem. fuck I am always worried about withdrawals with this stuff.#oh dang. I’ve just been sitting here rambling for maybe half an hour now in my little chair. doofus.#okay sorry to bother you#I love you and I love you and also I love you#you can ignore this#text
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