#it still hurt of course
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ATLA
azula but both sides :)
why do i do this to myself
#azula#ursa atla#ursa was a bad parent#ozai was also bad#ozai sucks#ozai#on parents#and abandonment#it still hurt of course#on not being good enough for her to try#atla
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Happy Thistle Debut Day!
#dungeon meshi#Thistle#Old dungeon meshi fans remember the days when it was ambiguous what gender Thistle was.#Now we know Thistle uses he/him pronouns but in my heart Thistle is still non-binary. Clowngender elf with poor coping skills.#I hope the anime-only watchers know that this is a character to keep an eye on.#Love (in it's many forms) and desire (in it's many forms) is the main course of Dungeon Meshi and THIS silly jester?#My goodness. What a perfect encapsulation of how one can hurt other's so deeply in the name of love.#The actions we take to 'protect' other's is often the route to doing the most harm.#Love is letting go. Sometimes that means control and sometimes that means saying farewell forever to someone.
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To relive a death
@williamvapespeare commissioned me to draw anything with the boys being gentle to each other and Edwin comforting Charles in general, so we went with this!
The idea of a character who is dead having to go through it once a year is very dear and near to my heart (how many dead blorbos do you have, I hear you ask. Too many) but at least these two have each other
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#i imagine it's not as bad for edwin#maybe he gets a little bit sleepy and his wrists hurt where he was restrained#perhaps he can't talk? since i think he had something in his mouth? can't remember#and of course he can only appear with his sleeping clothes#which is a bad reminder of hell#but other than that#it's not as bad as internal bleeding and hypothermia as far as manifestations of your trauma go#i mean he can at least do something other than shiver#also i once wrote a fic for a different fandom with this whole premise. still proud of that one#(it was j*dtavius)#censoring it so this doesn't appear in the tag lol#anyway what do you think they're reading? do they pick a different book each year or do they always read the same one?
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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin
#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it#but then there’s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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Perceptive kid, I wonder just how much they pretend not to overhear.
#ignooore that a5 bonnie doesnt get the nice resolved versions of their discussions with sif.. i still think they can navigate it eventually#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#the dialogue in this kicked my asssss. trying to balance loop's evasiveness and layered meaning...#to spell it out: it's not that loop is actually *that* worried they'll hurt bonnie. it's that they think siffrin is being a fucking idiot#and being extremely sloppy in their protection of their party by trusting them to not be a loose cannon. THEY simply wouldn't#be that irresponsible if it were them!!! hmph!!! ... because they care. and because they maybe Are a little worried.#they don't want that responsibility. they gave that all up. stop making them responsible again. stop stop stop#and as for the other half of the meaning here: get called out idiot. not on purpose of course. bonnie doesn't know (yet).#but it's a brisk reminder of the hypocrisy (since even if loop makes sly reference to their identity to sif all the time... one must wonder#how often it actually sinks in that that's true....? it must be hard to get your head around when you refuse to admit that your habits and#demeanor have changed so drastically since then. like wtf thats not what i would do! clearly a different guy ! faker !! and yet...)#but yeah idk i think about loop and bonnie's relationship a lot. the one party member i dont think loop could ever bring themselves to be#mean to. because cmon. thats a kid. but still... the emotional distance probably stings even worse than usual.#and once bonnie finds out.... ! well. that emotional distance probably stings. even worse. than usual.
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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so, would you?
nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha
#inspired by the random youtube short i saw about how these types of questions are not really about logic but about emotion and reassurance#doesn't matter if the question doesn't make sense. you say 'yes' because you love them no matter what. not because its a worm or a bug or#or anything. its a way of saying 'i will love you when you've changed and when you're different. because it's still *you*.'#idk something about it just felt so gentle and genuine. like a pure display of affection through a silly question...#and of course fnc was the first thing i thought about because i got brainworms#jrwi fish and chips#jrwi riptide#jrwi chip#gillion tidestrider#my art#sketch#also im back from a vacation! and i feel so awful i got sick the first day home and im sitting here at 6am drawing fishes and chips#the dialog feels a little ooc but i cant figure out if it really is or if its because my head hurts and i cant think#tbh it doesn't really matter.......... but it matters to me augh#ALSO yes the under the cut bit is about episode 109. i dont know if its clear or not
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My eyes are up there ^^ keep going, at the top. 👀
Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me
#It's a good hat. We're all looking at the hat.#But also my hips look very nice. Someone should get their hands on those.#cheeky#satans knitwear#girls with piercings#alt pinup#pinup girl#Mesh lingerie#bi girl#uk girl#Pupdate: my babydog is still poorly and not eating. Am up every hour giving her water with a baby syringe#She threw up bile a bit last night but she has managed to eat some yoghurt today. Her course of meds ends tomorrow so we shall see#My poor little baby is not having a good time. My heart hurts so much.#She still wags when she sees me tho so she doesn't hate me for forcibly hydrating her or inflicting gross medicine on her
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Steddie x female!reader thought 18+ only
Eddie blinks his eyes a couple of times to make sure he is actually seeing what he is seeing. He must be living in a nightmare.
You're laying back on one of the pool loungers. One leg dangling over the edge keeping your foot on the warm cement ground, the other spread over Steve's lap as he absently rubs his hand up and down it while he bitches to you about something from work. Your hand rubs up and down Steve's back in comfort. But that isn't the nightmare.
Your bright red bikini bottoms covering enough, but with your legs spread a bit more skin is shown then intended. Spread in such a way that makes Eddie want to just dive in. Get on his knees and worship you, rub his face over your mound as he licks and nips and sucks. Moan as the curly thatch of hair brushes against his face.
Except the curls of hair he is expecting to see peeking around your bikini are gone. Just smooth bare skin. And that isn't the only nightmare. Steve's chest is smooth like when he was in school on the swim team. Not a speck of that beautiful chest hair Eddie would curl into after getting hot and heavy. Not a single curl of the "love rug" he jokingly called it.
Eddie wants to weep. To throw himself down like a little kid and thrash his arms and legs around. Yeah, it's your body and you can do what you want, but he still is sad its gone. Eddie doesn't like change, and suddenly walking in to see both of his partners change something without any warning? Uncomfortable. It makes Eddie feel itchy.
Eddie can barely speak as he walks over and sits next to Steve. He doesn't respond to Steve's warm greeting. Doesn't respond to you asking how the day is. Just stares with big wet eyes at the sight in front of him. A pout on his lips.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Steve's brow furrowed in concern, your wide eyes blinking at him.
"Shaved?" Eddie asks in a quiet voice, eyes darting to Steve's chest and then your clothed pussy. Steve lets out a huff of laughter, "Fuck, thought something was wrong man." Eddie glares," It is."
#Robin wanted to try waxing her legs but was scared it would hurt so Steve was the test subject#Steve then didn't like the random bald spot so he got rid of the rest#The leftover wax you were like huh wonder what that feels like and maybe the tequila didn't help#Well it did cause you were out of it#Eddie is sitting there with the biggest wettest eyes whimpering and shaking like a chihuahua#Just absolutely pathetic and sad#Of course getting kissed makes him feel a BIT better but he's still upset (also why wasn't HE invited to this event huh maybe HE would have#Liked to be the one to inflict pain- no he has to stop he needs to be SAD not HORN-)#Eddie isn't going to deny you making it up to him though...getting to just lay back and get some smooches?#Maybe just don't spring sudden change on him again#Or maybe do as long as Steve and you come kiss him like this and take care of him like this#He's boneless and melting into the bed and how did he get inside his brain is gone#Anyways I was given wax and did one strip on my leg and chickened out#So that's what created this thanks ok#Maybe I'll write a full fic idk#Jade is Talking#Steddie x reader#Steve Harrington x reader x Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson x Reader#Female!reader#Steddie x Female!reader#Steddie/female!reader#Steddie/reader
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THE HEART KILLERS (2024) episode nine
#the heart killers#thkedit#kantbison#khaotung thanawat#first kanaphan#firstkhao#boyslovesource#asianlgbtdrama#thai bl#bl drama#thai drama#may.gifs#making this in part because i think this scene was extremely sweet!#but also because i still am not entirely confident where the show is planning on ending up re: the power dynamics here#(bison was so so sweet about asking to hurt kant :((( it would make me sad if he didn't get to now there are no more lies between them....)#and yet! it's impossible not to be charmed by bison's obvious delight when kant splashes him#i dearly love the way they're flirting-challenging-teasing-aligning with one another through the whole conversation....#again wishing we had a few more details (what do you Mean spoils you in bed. what all have or haven't they discussed post ep3.)#but as a whole it feels less like bison wanting to upend that dynamic entirely — bison very clearly enjoys being spoiled —#and more like asking kant to be a participant#it's interesting too bc something i found striking about the previous episode was that kant *was* constantly pushing back and teasing#and also not ever once actually refusing to do what bison told him to#i would very much like to see them talk about it explicitly and i hope this is a sign we'll get that!#the fact that this conversation is happening in the water could of course fill a whole post
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Call me crazy for reading so much into a show like House MD but I think the main theme of House is that despite doing everything perfectly and being a good person, shit happens.
Sickness and pain will be inflicted on you and your loved ones and there's nothing you can do about it, but to persevere, to fight for your life, to keep living despite it all - to love is a part of the human condition; our capability of love is what makes life worth living, despite all the pain that you will inevitably experience.
This show exemplifies the pain of living and the needs and desires of human beings to keep going despite it all
And idk... There's something beautiful about how a show with so many stupid whimsical dumb scenes can impart something so profound in my stupid little brain
#im crying btw#ugly crying thinking about how much i love this show#shit happens and its normal and itll be okay#heph is being sappy again#this show giving house 1000 bad omens and giving him happiness only to rip it away and im just sitting here#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#it is of course not the only theme of this show#but its the main one#theres also everybody lies#and theres also YOU CANT! ALWAYS GET! WHAT YOU WA AAAANT#anyways the yaoi is great but i love the interpersonal relationships between the doctors in my doctor drama show the most#its easy to obsess over hilson but like#its not just about hilson for me#heph.txt#btw im still on s4e13#im scared of the season finale everyone keeps telling me to brace myself#also even from the start this show is very much about pain (house and his physical pain and also his emotional scarring#and every season and episode we watch him cope with his pains with drugs and destroy himself and it hurts so much :[#houseypie
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I'M GOING TO LIVE
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#it was intended for 100% abno codex though technically...#library of ruina#angela lobcorp#angela lobotomy corporation#angela lor#eep.. enough tags i hope#the smile she had during the cutscene stuck with me. i got spoiled on what it looked like but the context of it still has me pause#i wanted to try and have it look hurt? a desperate wild thing thats burning with loneliness. a laughter you make when youre rejected by the#very thing you desired and sought after#its hard to describe the feeling. it hurts so much and feels like its eating you inside but it just feels so laughable#it was such an earnest want... to live. project? greater good of humanity? Sickness? What does it matter? what does any of that mean to her?#unable to even see the humanity they wanted to save. only seeing and suffering the horrific steps the project entails. not even having#anyone to call a friend in that eternity. of course... of course she wouldve. oh baby bird#anyways enough semi coherent yappin. the piece still feels like its missing smthn. ehh...
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)
Bonus:
Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c#As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around!#Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins#Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol#But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship!#And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots#Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own#Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪#He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes#''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly''#I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her-#Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person#''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :)#Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't#It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot#Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time#Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently#I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe#And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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sorry for every arthur fans loss today btw. but its fine i can imagine anything. including a world where arthur has a grabbable tummy
#arthur nightingale#warframe#warframe fanart#tennocreate#warframe drifter#oc: frey#frey/arthur#glaive draws#augh ok. head hurt n i have course work still. bye
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