#it makes me feel weirdly hopeless

[gxlden-angels]

I hate hearing about the Quiverfull movement. I hate hearing about it politically. I hate hearing about it from people who don't know anything about it. I hate hearing about it from people who only know the Duggars. I hate hearing about it from people who grew up next to it, but not in it. I hate hearing about it from women stuck in it right now. I hate hearing about it from women who were stuck in it. I hate the Quiverfull movement and I hate hearing about it.

[pyrotechnicarus]

Scale of 1-10, how emotionally devastating was I Saw The TV Glow?

I can't express how important it is for you to watch it right now immediately. Maybe with a friend to cry about it after.

11

[harrykim]

not havin a good one folks ill admit!

[imgonnagetyoubacktv]

sometimes i miss talking to that one person who didn't NEVER turned it into a competition about who has it worse and never told me well atleast you have [x]

[femboty2k]

Oh

[furuu]

your writings are so incredibly warm and cozy i love you😭 can i please request a drabble with king of curses sukuna around his pregnat darling? like he doesn't know how to act! each uncareful word can make her upset and her behavior changed so weirdly and she seems so fragile now!

𐔌 . ⋮ Sukuna was the King of Curses, feared and revered for his ruthlessness, his might, his absolute power. But faced with his you, a strange sensation took hold of him—something that almost felt like nervousness.

He was out of his element, to say the least.

You were still you, but… different. Your moods swung wildly, and the smallest slip of his tongue could send you into tears or a heated lecture. And, on top of it all, you seemed so delicate, like even the most careful embrace might be too much.

Today was no different.

He’d been watching you out of the corner of his eye, taking in how your hand rested on your belly, the way your eyes softened as you absently rubbed small circles. His heart unexpectedly lurched at the sight—an emotion he’d long since abandoned, reserved only for you, and now… the child.

“Do you want anything?” he asked carefully, a touch hesitant. It was strange for him to be asking anyone what they wanted rather than simply deciding, but he didn’t want to risk accidentally upsetting you.

You looked up, a slow smile gracing your face. “I think I’m fine.”

He huffed, almost relieved, crossing his arms as he tried to keep his own voice steady. “Good,” he replied simply, trying to appear nonchalant. But your smile faded, and immediately he tensed. “What? What did I do now?”

A pout formed on your lips. “That’s all you’re going to say? ‘Good’? I just thought… maybe you’d say something sweet for once.”

His eyes widened. Sweet? He was… bad at sweet. His hands itched with an unfamiliar sense of inadequacy. “What do you want me to say, woman?” he asked, almost pleading. He took a half-step toward you, then hesitated, unsure if he should come any closer.

Your face softened, a slow chuckle escaping you. “You’re hopeless, aren’t you?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Me? Hopeless? For being careful around my pathetic, fragile wife?” The words tumbled out before he could stop them.

The faintest wobble in your lip had him freezing in place. “Pathetic? Fragile?” you echoed, blinking up at him with wide, glassy eyes.

Oh no. He had really done it now.

Instantly, he was at your side, his arms hovering awkwardly before he dared wrap them around you. “I didn’t mean that,” he muttered, panic rising as he forced himself to soften his tone. “You’re… you’re strong. Stubborn, maybe, but strong.” He took a breath, feeling like he was fumbling through every word, yet determined to get it right.

You looked up at him, sniffling, and he felt a strange twist in his chest—a knot of guilt he’d usually ignore but now couldn’t bear. “I just…” he started again, almost helplessly. “I don’t know how to do this. You’re acting different. I don’t want to… hurt you, or the kid. So… just tell me what you need. I’ll do it.”

A soft laugh bubbled out of you, and you rested your head on his chest, reaching for his hand to press it gently against your belly. He went rigid at first, but he didn’t pull away, feeling something beneath his hand that could almost be described as… precious.

“You’re doing fine, Sukuna,” you whispered, smiling up at him.

And in that moment, he felt something swell within him. It wasn’t fear, wasn’t frustration. It was new, strange, but not unpleasant. For once, he didn’t try to brush it away .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

[hyewka]

idk if you’ve done this but fwb yeonjun who gets jealous of you being too friendly with other men

warnings; fwb, semi public, a little toxic, not proofread

“Why does Yeonjun keep staring at you? Wait no…glaring at you. Girl. What. Have. You. Done.”

You groan, squeezing your eyes shut, deciding to drown out your thoughts by finishing your drink in one swig. This entire party you’ve been trying to ignore it. His weirdly possessive behavior.

Throwing his hand over your shoulder and snuggling you closer to him than usual, “accidentally” introducing himself as your boyfriend, then the accident turns into an “inside joke” where he just keeps introducing himself as your boyfriend like its the most hilarious thing ever—it’s all too obvious.

But then it’s not.

Not when you decide to look over at him, only to find that his arms are wrapped around a new girl. You roll your eyes. “I fucked him Yunjin. That’s what I did.”

You expect the gasps in horror and “I told you to stay away from him”, “he’s literally a manwhore!” but Yunjin only rolls her eyes making you blink rapidly in shock. “What? I already know you guys are fuckbuddies babe, that doesn’t explain why he’s been attached to your hip the past three hours. Until, well, now.”

You snap your fingers. “You noticed it too right? It’s weird! It feels like he’s jealous but then he goes and sucks another girls face right in front of me—God.” You cut off your tyrant as you feel the sudden urge to vomit watching the girl and Yeonjun get more and more handsy right across from you.

You don’t miss Yunjin’s mutter as she drags your hopeless ass away from the scene, “Fucking manwhore.”

—

Of course the pious Choi Yeonjun, lining up with his behavior the entire night, pulled you by the wrist to a quote secluded area at the party. It’s dark but not entirely…private.

Yet you always fall back into it, you’re always in his arms, despite the setting, not anyone else’s despite being far from exclusive. It’s not your fault he finds you when you’re most horny. Which is why he has you pinned against the wall as he fucks you with the same, if not more eagerness in him.

“Shh baby, we don’t want an audience now do we?” he whispers, taking the lead—you blink away tears, slightly making out the dyed hair had plastered onto his forehead.

You nod frantically as his hand pressed over your mouth, no doubt smudging your lipstick, slowly slips. You squeeze your eyes shut when he rolls his hips against you, thrusting sharply into you, making you slightly jolt up against the wall.

“No, no don’t shut up completely, wanna hear you. Moan my name princess. Only for my ears.” he slurs, the tipsiness evident in his voice.

“Yeonjun.” you gasp for air, “Yeonjun—no, f-fuck.”

“What?” he breathes, busying himself with pressing kisses all over your neck, stably holding you up against the wall with his arms, pressing his body flush against yours.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

It’s like he didn’t expect the sudden aggression, pausing his hungry attack to your neck for a second—until you feel his lips curl up into what you assume to be a smile against your skin again. He’ll always be a cocky prick.

You feel his breath fan, as he picks up a more rhythmic speed. “Hm?” he hums, like he’s innocent. Sly fox.

You scratch at his back, curling his shirt’s fabric into your hand, breath hitching the more he hits a spot, like he’s brutally digging into your cervix. “Don’t—don’t act dumb. Pulling me away like a child from Juyeon like that was so-” suddenly, he drives his cock further, having your body bounce like a fucking ragdoll. It’s like he’s trying to shut you up.

“It was so—mmf-embarrassing.” you manage to mewl, trying not to let yourself fall into a headspace.

“Aw. Was it?” he mocks, scoffing, hand slipping down to rub at your clit, making your legs weak like jelly all the more as they tremble to keep wrapped around his waist. “You know what’s embarrassing? Everyone knowing you’re mine yet you still having the audacity to whore yourself out.”

You gasp, scandalized—though the shock doesn’t linger on for too long—not when he’s practically splitting you open.

He hides his face between the junction of your neck and shoulder, suddenly biting down having your body jolt in pain— you let out a string of hissed curses. “Laughing at every dumb joke Juyeon makes? You know he’s not even that funny right?”

His tongue licks, then he sucks, over and over again.

“God, and then slapping his shoulder, smiling at him like he’s the shit.” He dryly laughs, getting rough the faster he rubs, “So fucking annoying.”

“Yeonjun.”

It’s like he knows what you’re going to say, and he’s trying his absolute hardest from getting you to say it, so he immediately presses his lips against yours, your moans drowned out against his. It’s sloppy, but he doesn’t stop. He kisses you, again and again and again, finding your hands to intertwine with his, pinning it against the wall. It’s so…oddly intimate.

You don’t get it, you don’t. The last time you had seen him, he was about to fuck a girl right then and there for all to see then the next he’s pulling you away like an angry boyfriend who caught his girlfriend cheating.

In fact, this isn’t even the first time. Hes always acted like a boyfriend, so much so everyone was sure you guys were together for a period of time before he was off fucking some other bitch again.

It …pisses you off.

Your orgasm washes over you, the tightening finally snapping as you finally get to breathe, heaving, seeing white as you catch your breath while simultaneously feeling Yeonjun cum in you, again. Was that the issue? Letting him keep doing that? Was that your first mistake?

“Fuck, that was nice.” He says, out of breath, staying inside for a couple more seconds before finally slipping out of you.

But you’re out of it, staring at the ground. “Hey, you good?” he asks, as he pulls up his pants. “Want me to get tissues real qui-”

“Yeonjun. We’re not exclusive.”

He pauses for a second.

Then, he laughs, buckling his jeans, “No shit?”

“So…why do you act like we are?”

note: lol has anyone noticed how often i cut off with some dumbass cliffhanger 😭 yup thats just me not knowing how to end a fic properly ijbol forgive me 🙏🏼

[lenny-link]

i LIVE for your sniperscout art they're so silly it feeds me so well :'') mind sharing headcanons or just random thoughts you have abt them?

sorry anon for taking a whole year to reply to this i took all the time to ‘study’ them and write what i like about them or basically how i hc this ship :,> (also trying to come up with new hc that i haven’t read before)

My Sniperscout headcanons/thoughts:

- Sniper, the stoic assassin with a heart as cold as ice, had never expected to have his life turned upside down by a ball of energy and bad puns named Scout. He was the first one to develop feelings. His job consisted of a lot of staring, and well his sniper rifle wasn’t the only thing with a long scope, Sniper’s gaze would linger on Scout, tracing the messy dirty blonde hair, his athletic form and the way his lips moved like a silent film, noticing details about him more than a simple teammate would.

- The loudmouth, messy-haired kid was everything Sniper wasn't: impulsive, loud, and always looking for trouble. Yet, somehow, Scout would find his way into Sniper's quiet life, his laughter chasing away the monotony of Sniper's days, filling the silence with his made up stories and infectious enthusiasm.

- Sniper refuses to admit his growing fondness for the ball of energy that had invaded his quiet world. Scout’s jokes might have been bad but they chased away the deafening solitude of Sniper’s days.

- Scout, on the other hand, being the you youngest and loudest, craved attention he barely found from his brothers let alone the 8 mercs he worked with. But with Sniper, he wasn’t ignored he was listened to, Sniper listened really listened. He would even laugh at his lame jokes! In Sniper’s silence, Scout didn’t have to fight for space or attention. He was simply allowed to be himself, bad jokes and all and Sniper would just smile. Slowly a different kind of warmth would blossom into Scout chest, a warmth beyond friendship.

- Sniper actually enjoyed learning about American culture from Scout. He would develop a surprising fondness for baseball and apple pie, though he’d never admit it.

- Regardless of the fact that they have only a three year age gap (yes my hc is that Scout is 26 and Sniper is 29) they felt like creatures from different planets!: Sniper, the farm boy raised on outdated ways, and Scout, the city kid with a modern swagger (lol) yet this difference somehow only strengthened their bond.

- A bond that was fueled by shared laughter, puns, Aussie slangs, and a mutual dislike for Spy. They loved to elaborate pranks on him and call it a date, much to the Frenchman's chagrin lol.

- Despite his "Professional with Standards" persona, Sniper would feel like a lost puppy when Scout wasn’t around during their off hours, subconsciously fidgeting and always looking for him. Yet refuses to call himself soft.

- Sniper, a man of action, would expressed his affection through whatever small gifts he can give, he would bring funny-shaped rocks, odd plants or flowers he found in the woods to Scout as a souvenir of his lil adventures in the woods, and Scout would usually mock his weird finds playfully yet would collect them all on the shelf of his dorm.

- Scout, meanwhile, being the hopeless romantic is, had his own unique way of flirting, his goofy sweetness and awkward affections (0 rizz, but weirdly endearing) melting even the frostiest corners of Sniper’s heart.

- He'd always make up excuses to be alone with Sniper, "accidentally" forgetting his backpack in the van just for an extra ride back. (i was actually working on a comic about this as a continuation of Scout forgetting his necklace at Sniper’s van). He'd linger in doorways, his hands brushing against Sniper's in a clumsy attempt for physical contact.

- The first time their skin met in a hug, Sniper, being a touch starved man, melted like a hot candle. He became addicted to the warmth.

- He never initiates contact himself since it never was his style, but eagerly cling when Scout did. He'd hold on like a koala bear, clinging to the warmth like a lifeline lol.

- Scout, on the other hand, thrived on physical connection. From fist bumps on the battlefield to playful slaps on the bum (earning a hilarious reaction from Sniper every time), he craved it all

- Although Sniper hated PDA, a weakness exposed by Scout's touch. Scout, initially confused by the battlefield indifference followed by clingy cuddles in their private moments, eventually understood and learned to cherish this weird rhythm of intimacy.

- Sniper had a secret passion for knitting, he often knits sweaters, hats and socks for Scout, another way to gift Scout and to silently demonstrate his love. (i think this one is basically canon lol)

- Sniper’s van had become their mobile love nest, cuddling under the moonlight, sharing stories and dreams until they fall asleep.

- Whenever Scout's boasting gets out of hand, Sniper would silence him with a quick, playful kiss. Scout, flustered but secretly delighted, pretends to be annoyed but can't hide the blush creeping up his neck.

- Sniper who loves to show his gruff stoic exterior, gets all flustered and shy when Scout gives him genuine compliments. He’d mumbles something under his breath and hides behind his hat not used to being complimented, revealing a new weakness for Scout to exploit.

- Scout, despite his outward bravado, secretly worries about Sniper when he's on dangerous missions. He would hide it by throwing playful punches and jokes, but his eyes betray his concern.

- They fit together like puzzle pieces. Sniper, the touch-starved soul, finds solace in Scout's constant physical affection, his warmth a contrast to the coldness of his sniper's lonely lifestyle. And Scout, the braggart with a hidden insecurities, finds comfort in Sniper's quiet protectiveness.

hope that wasn’t too boring to read :>

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

On David Tennant and Aging

So, I’ve seen a lot of posts in response to Tumblr users’ habit of affectionately calling their favorite middle aged dudes “old men”, David Tennant in particular, saying things like “clearly you’ve never met an actual old person”, “omg you talk about these guys like they’re 80”, “please be normal about people aging”, etc. And on one hand, all of these statements are objectively right and true! But as someone who’s always been really fascinated by and found a lot of beauty in getting older (which I’ve explored in some of my writing on A03 because nobody else is going to do it for me), I’d like to provide a bit more nuance on how I think this label applies to David in particular.

David, obviously, in literal terms, is not “old”, at least not to me- I don’t personally consider people old until they get past 60. 52 is middle aged, simple as that. And yet, when I see David stuck with the “old man” label, it still somehow feels weirdly right, for a number of reasons.

It annoys me so much when people say David “hasn’t aged a day since Doctor Who”, because, well…

He clearly has. A lot. He’s got forehead creases, deep crows’ feet and eyebags, and I think that post-Fourteen we’re gonna see him rocking the grey temples a LOT more. He also has the voice of an older man now, his upper range is still there but the default is much more deep and rich, with a gravelly, rumbling quality that just goes straight through you. I personally think Broadchurch was when David finally started to embrace looking his age- Alec Hardy just wouldn’t have been served by Ten’s fresh-faced boyishness.

Obviously, these are the kinds of changes you’d expect any 52-year-old man to have, but something about David just makes it all seem a bit more… intense? The expressiveness of his face combined with his almost gaunt frame makes his wrinkles very prominent, and when he works his voice to its emotional extremes, his lower register can sound positively ancient, to devastating effect.

David, I think, is someone with an old soul- I don’t think he could be as good as he is at playing ancient characters like Crowley and The Doctor if he weren’t. He has lived so many lives, given so much of himself to so many characters, often incredibly tragic ones, and I think it wears on him. David also has five kids. FIVE. Do you know how exhausting it is to be one of the hardest working actors alive and be a present, loving father to even ONE child? But David somehow does it anyway! Nowadays I see him and my heart breaks because he looks so tired, so weary and fragile. But he’s all the more beautiful for it to me because I know that that is because he is kind. He’s a deeply empathetic person who feels and lives to the absolute fullest, and that story is written so clearly on his face, along with every other story he has ever been a part of.

There’s other things about David that make the label endearingly fitting- his utter hopelessness when it comes to technology, for instance. And he’s just got that warm, wise, grandpa energy too sometimes- look at that above Fourteen picture and tell me I’m wrong!

I once showed my friend who’d only seen David in Doctor Who and Harry Potter a picture of David from Around The World in 80 Days. It was a particularly emotional scene, and his face had just the most beautiful expression of compassion and sadness, every wrinkle on full display. And she said, in a less than complimentary fashion, “he looks so old!” Which, of course, offended me quite a bit at first. But to me, referring to David as old almost feels like a badge of honor, something he’s earned by living fully and selflessly, working hard and being wise and compassionate beyond his years. I think David himself is secretly more than a little insecure about the fact that he’s getting older. There’s sadness behind every jovially self-depreciating remark he’s made about his age in the past year, particularly in comparing himself to Ncuti Gatwa. I know how much David struggles with his impostor syndrome and how people perceive him, and I can clearly see in his eyes the fear of being discarded, the anxiety he feels about if he’ll still be as loved as he was back in 2007 now that he’s closer in age to King Lear than he is to Romeo. So I hope David knows it’s a privilege to watch him grow older, to watch his soul and talents deepen with the crinkles around his eyes. If I, in my silly goofy tumblr girl-ness, call David Tennant an old man, it’s because it’s a label that suits him beautifully- even if it isn’t TECHNICALLY an accurate one yet.

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #24

Diavolo: I think we as a species should go back to saying “alas”

Leviathan: It’s like “yikes”… but with culture

Simeon: Yikes, poor yorick!

•

Leviathan: Guys I just realized the last supper was the first murder mystery dinner!

MC: My Roman Catholic parents did not find this as funny and thought provoking as I did

•

Solomon: I will cast a spell to make you have a good day

It is done

Raphael: Burn the witch

•

Solomon: There are five frogs staring at me right now

Asmodeus: But only one can be America’s next top model

•

MC: Bone massage…I want soft bones

Thirteen: No you don’t, bitch

MC: *jiggles and flops towards you* what? Huh?

•

Asmodeus: I have HRE (Hopeless Romantic Energy)

Solomon: I have HRE (Holy Roman Empire)

Beelzebub: Hambu Rg Er

•

Luke: Um u “like classical music” but you can’t even name any 2012 one direction songs? Okay

Mammon: This post physically hurts

Leviathan: Looks like we got a fake fan here fellas

Raphael: *sighs* should we exorcise them or just simply baptise them?

Leviathan: Are you calling me fat?

•

Mammon: You know what? I like you guys

Luke: Hey thanks! Can’t say the same for you

Mammon: I will chew the legs off your chair

•

Leviathan: I can’t be trusted with a large stick

Lucifer: You simply aren’t strong enough to handle the power of the stick

Leviathan: The power of the stick corrupts my mind with thoughts of bonk

•

MC: I swear to god middle school is a terrible concept. You trap all the angriest, most hormonal teens at their angriest age in a box and let them fight to the death and then Ms. Allen, the bitch makes you learn MATH, right after you got done watching two kids shank each other in the bathroom, like I can’t focus on this is just saw to kids go gladiatorial combat in front of people pissing

Diavolo: You live in the US don’t you

MC: OBVIOUSLY

•

Leviathan: Imagine if we all just started ignoring celebrities tho

Solomon: I can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. Imagine Kylie Jenner posting a selfie n it gets 12 likes

•

Mammon: Country road

Leviathan: Let’s-a-go

Solomon: It’s-a-me

Luke: Mario

Satan: I admire and hate this simultaneously

Belphegor: Mamma miaaaaaaaa

•

Belphegor: Sometimes I think it would be beneficial to my self-growth to get lost in a cave for 7 days, surviving on moisture algae and my own thoughts until I find a dim light against the black stone and make my escape. I think I’d figure some shit out in a cave like that.

Mammon: That is WEIRDLY specific

Diavolo: I can arrange this

•

Leviathan: I don’t understand, are are you implying being trans in better than being a Kpop star?

Asmodeus: I’m not implying it, I’m saying it explicitly

Satan: This post feels like when you’re walking down a street and catch a glimpse of a conversation. What the fuck lead up to this?

•

MC: Behind every girl boss is another bigger girl boss

Leviathan: They call this a pyramid scheme I think

Mammon: I think they prefer the term MLM

Asmodeus: I think you’re thinking of wlw

Mephistopheles: Wulti level Warketing scheme

Thirteen: Good work, gals

Last • Next

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Many Tiny Idiots, Some Irreverent Hotness & an Engagement

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Oct 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 4 of 16 - OK so Hill has really been trying to pick him up from the beginning? I don’t understand why there’s any doubt around girls at all. He Gay everyone. Why is Tatch (2 Moons Ambassador) the only seme in Thai BL history allowed to actually just say "I don’t date women.”

Why is that so hard?

This show is definitely frustrating me, but I must admit that it’s the one I look forward to the most each week.

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 15 - I am now only watching the uncut version, and I gotta say it makes all the difference. Please don’t watch the cut version of this show if you can possibly help it. It’s like cliff's notes of cliff's notes. I love the tiny side couple of tough kid + the dork of the music club. Ah the beach sequence. Condenced WAY DOWN, I see. We lost one of the most iconic lines in all BL but i think everything is improved by how much tighter the plot is in the remake (6 episodes became 1!). So I’m enjoying it. Weirdly, I'm not sure I would be enjoying it, if I hadn’t seen the original.

Is anyone watching this on iQIYI who hasn't seen the original? Just out of curiosity. Tell me how it's going for you, would ya? 

I'm doing a face-off style watch along of this new version versus the original 2014-2015 version.

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 8 of 12 - I don’t entirely get it. They were apart for approximately 11 minutes. I would’ve thought GMMTV would’ve drawn it out for longer and more angst. Smiley face kiss was cute, but the star of this ep was that gorgeous pale blue waffle sweater on Q. What a great color for Leng! 

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 7 of 12 - I do like that we’re seeing an honest exploration of poverty and hopelessness. I’m not sure how I feel about it inside my BL, tho I’m willing to persavere for this pair.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 12 end - Someone said recently "just imagine what TutorYim could do with an actual script." And you know what? I agree. Because they sure as shit haven’t gotten one yet. And it’s getting quite frustrating. I’m having JaFirst flashbacks. Frankly, 2024 has been a year of unmitigated BL nonsense narratives. And I’m tired of it. I know it’s bog standard for the genre, but it feels like there’s been more than normal faff this year.

Summary 

An incredibly convoluted, disjointed, and badly-paced drama that is about(?) some writers writing a thing and some boys who knew each other when they were kids, lots of pretty sexy times, and not much else. The visuals are gorgeous, the side couples are overly appealing (with little to no screen time), the dubbing and sound is absurdly bad, and the fantasy novel (play within a play) makes no sense whatsoever while also managing to be the show that we all actually wanted to see instead of what we were given. 6/10 

In conclusion, I have no interest in attempting to understand or revisit this show, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend it, but if you have nothing better to do…… the sex is good (frankly I have exes that satisfy all the same criteria). So there it is: this show is like a bad but still hot ex.  

Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Nice to see Fiat in something again. Namping is very angel baby.  This episode made me think that this pair would do a great Thai remake of Love Tractor, and now that’s pretty much all I want in life. I enjoyed wardrobe in this episode. It looks like we get the same characters next week. Cool. 

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I guess everyone is messy slutty bisexual in this show? Do I care? Not even slightly. BLabies, I don’t think I’m gonna make it. I might have to drop this one.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 1-2 of 13 - I adore it, what a wonderful meet cute. I love a Taiwanese BL that starts with a gratuitous kidnapping, some chasing, and a bit of a fight sequence. We in OLD fashioned territory. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 5 of ? - I continue to enjoy it very much.

My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) eps 4 of 7 - Oh! Is the sleazy boss gonna turn out to be actually a sleazy player? That would be an interesting twist.

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 8 - I’m really not a big fan of my pain coming from Korea. I’m getting a whiff of To My Star 2 from this one. And that does not make me happy. I know: high quality high angst yada yada blah blah blah. But also unnecessary pain? No thank you. 

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 12 end - Of course, I love the part where Reese and Orca spoke each other’s languages.

Conclusion

Had this been produced a mere 3 or 4 years ago, I would’ve been quite enamored. But by comparison to what we’ve been getting, this is a lackluster offering. A has-been musician and a much younger composer meet, fall in love, and attempt to rectify his stalled musical career. Cute side couple of a Thai popstar + his Korean manager. Everyone is very fine and it was a fine show. I wasn’t disappointed, but I wasn’t impressed either. 8/10 

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 6 of 10 eps - It was a fun little confession and climax, there was crying, and a bridge kiss (been a while) all of this appeals to me even if they are tiny idiots (in the immortal words of @heretherebedork )

Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 5-6 of 12 - More tiny idiot boyfriends who don’t realize they’re boyfriends. That’s it, that’s all that’s happening. Ostensibly there’s some kind of murder. But it seems to be acting more like set dressing than plot.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) 10 eps - Supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

In case you missed it

Mew & Tul legit engaged.

Love in the Big City (Korea Viki) 8ep - Vicki dropped them all at once which means I did what I do under such circumstances and skipped to watch the final episode. (I am well aware that this makes me a monster. ) Anygay, that told me that I’m not gonna be bothering to watch the series. Now y'all can tell me how amazing it is and what I’ve missed and blah blah blah. But I’m comfortable with my choice. It’s ICRY 2.0 + HIV. And I’m not willing to play its literatti game. At some point I might watch it on fast-forward for the sex scenes, but I’m not at that point yet. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming:

10/27 Perfect 10 Liners (Thai Sun YouTube?) 24 eps! - New directing yet another university BL with engineers + their mentees. Based on a Jittirain novel. with a massive cast and massive run time. We will be watching this until APRIL of 2025!

ForceBook playing the same old characters = enemies to lovers tsunder/sunshine jock/nerd thing.

PerthChimonSanta are doing the cohabitation cool guy/dork trope.

JuniorMark are doing popular sunshine meets lonely sad boy (the only interesting pair IMHO).

I think Blue Canvas of Youthful Days has started on iQIYI but I only get it on Viki and that doesn't drop for a few days, plus...... CBL......? Not sure I'll report on this one unless it's really good.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

From Uncle Unknown which is truly terrible but this was so SO funny. I'm still chuckling when I think about it.

The first representation of shipping in a BL that I actually enjoyed. Also Dat's clear approval of being shipped didn't hurt. (Judge)

(lask week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[ot9snumber1]

rabbit hole

sana minatozaki x reader

summary: sana dislikes—no, hates your idea of love.

warnings: suggestive, angst, fluff, roommate!sana, emetophobia very briefly mentioned, reader is an idiot

notes: inspired by 'rabbit hole' - deco*27! i've been getting into vocaloid recently 🤓

also i wrote this overnight? i've never written so fast before im scared dove what did u do to me (lovingly) (but seriously im finally free from writers block hooray!) (also this means its not proofread sorry)

wc: 4.1k

—

the loud slam of the door jolts sana awake, nearly falling off the couch as she sat up. her heart sinks, thinking that someone had broken in—but when you emerge from the dark hallway, she sighs out of relief.

sana checks the clock, 1:30 am. "you're home late. again." she mumbles, standing up and keeping the blanket wrapped around herself as she stopped you from going up the stairs. you groan, just wanting to take your clothes off and sleep.

"are you drunk?"

"no."

sana doesn't believe you. she steps closer, leaning in to smell your breath. you ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at that. instead of smelling liquor, her nose scrunches at the scent of perfume. it wasn't yours, nor hers, nor from the girl you slept with two days ago.

somehow, that made her feel worse than if you had actually been drunk.

"who was it this time?" she asks, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the kitchen. sana hates that you struggled to keep up with her. "doesn't matter, i've done better."

she cringes at your words. "you can't just say that." sana mumbles frustratedly, letting go of you to get you a glass of water. her blanket falls by your feet. "what? that i've done better? because i have! this girl was, like,—"

"no! that it doesn't matter!" she whisper–yells, not wanting to wake any nosy neighbors up. sana forces you to hold the glass of water before picking the blanket up off the ground. "you don't even know her name, do you?"

you bite your lip, desperately trying to remember who you were begging to earlier. "uh.."

"you're–so—" sana looks like she wants to kill you. understandably so, but you think she's just being weirdly overprotective. she sighs, shaking her head. "i'm going to bed." is all she mumbles before pushing past you.

you watch as she disappears into your apartment. shrugging, you lean against the doorway and drink your water.

"what's her problem?"

—

"i don't know! i have to snap her out of this or something. it's getting worse every night!" she was watching you from the corner of her eye. it wasn't like she didn't trust nayeon or the people she invited over, she just didn't trust what you'd do in a room full of strangers.

(a room full of nayeon's really attractive friends is how she'd describe it.)

momo puts a hand on sana's arm, her other hand taking her cup. she frowned, worried for her best friend as she grew antsy just talking about you.

"okay, first of all, that's enough drinking for you." momo mumbled, downing the rest of sana's drink despite the angry pout on her face. "second, you need to tell her that this shit's unhealthy."

"i've tried!"

"angrily taking care of her when she comes home isn't confronting her."

sana's pout gets deeper. she hadn't even said anything that would make momo think that... but she knew she couldn't argue with her. that did happen to be what she was doing after all.

"either way, she's either drunk out of her mind or smelling too much like someone else for me to even think of telling her to stop." sana sounds hopeless at this point, leaning against a wall and throwing her head back against it. "i don't think that second thing should stop you from confronting them...?" momo's eyebrows furrow, trying to make sense of what sana was saying.

she gasps, "unless—you're jealous?"

sana freezes, attention going to momo. "no? no! that's—i'm not like that—i care about them—" she stammers, trying to deflect what momo just said until her eyes land on you. you were across the room, rolling your eyes at something chaeyoung said.

she looks back at momo, then you, then momo. "maybe i am? that's not the main point, though! what she's doing is totally unhealthy!" sana spews out, her words almost faster than momo could comprehend. (she had years of experience in sana-speak, though. sana could make unintelligible noises and she'd still understand what she was saying.)

"calm down, sha. i'm not saying you're only doing this because you're jealous." momo reassures, but sana could tell she was biting back a laugh. "i'm just saying that it's bugging you more because you care so much about her as a friend and because you've had feelings for her since she moved in."

sana sighs. "you're right. sorry for getting defensive."

momo shrugs, giving her a reassuring smile. "don't apologize. i'll get us some more drinks."

sana watches as momo walks away, trying to shrink into the wall while she was alone. she liked meeting new people but not when she felt unease build up in her stomach.

she should just talk to you, she thinks. if she can hear that you're doing fine right now then her nerves will be completely gone for the rest of the—

"who is that?" sana asks, entire body tensing up when momo comes back with two cups in hand. momo looks to where sana was glaring at and winces.

you were talking to one of nayeon's friend's friend's friend. she was a bit all up in your face for someone you just met.

"chaewon i think was her name? she came here with sakura. sakura's mina's friend and—" momo purses her lips when sana storms her way over to you. she sighs, looking down at the cups she was holding. "more for me."

—

"i can't." you whine as chaewon wrapped her arms around your neck, bringing you even closer. she laughs, throwing her head back. you stare at her neck and lick your lips, wondering how good she'd look when you leave your mark on her. "my roomie's driving me home." you pout, "she doesn't like when i bring girls over."

"tell her you're going home with me, then." she shrugs, retracting an arm to take a sip of her drink. "kkura can catch a ride with someone else, she'll understand." chaewon's offer sounds way too good to turn down, especially when she props the cup against your lips for you to drink.

you accept, eyes locking with hers as you accept the alcohol happily. "how's that sound?"

"perf—"

"excuse me." someone interjects, using all of her strength to separate you and chaewon. you groan, about to shove the intruder away until you realize it was sana. that makes you groan again. "sorry, i have to take this one home." sana says, an arm wrapping around your waist as she stared chaewon down

your eyebrows furrow. "what? no you don't!" you hiss, trying to push sana away from you. she just tightens her grip around you. "i'm going with chaewon."

"no you're not." sana replies through gritted teeth. "sorry about her," she smiles, false sweetness all over her demeanor. "she's like this all the time. she's not what you're looking for."

sana practically drags you away from chaewon and out of the apartment. on your way out, she mouths a 'gotta go!' to nayeon, who takes one look at you and nods understandingly.

needless to say, you're pissed.

you were about to have the night of your life! the best sex you'd had in.. well, a few weeks, you think. your last handful of partners were nothing but time killers. ugh, that made it even worse. why was sana so mad about your sex life anyway?!

you were sulking the entire ride, arms crossed and refusing to even have her in your peripheral vision. sana notices and it drives her crazy.

she quickly pulls over, driving you equally crazy. the tension in that car was thick.

"what is with you?!" sana nearly shrieks, turning to face you. you gasp, finally looking at her. "what is with me? i'm not the one unnecessarily inserting myself in my roommate's sex life!"

"what the fuck are you talking about? i'm trying to protect you!"

"from what, sana? hot girls?"

sana let out a big exhale. you were being so frustrating—more so than usual. if it weren't for the seatbelts and the fact you both care about each other, you probably would've been at each other's throats by now.

"from doing whatever this is!" her words are accompanied by gesturing to you with both of her hands. you still didn't get it. "don't you realize how unhealthy this is?"

you blink, tilting your head in confusion. "unhealthy would be the last word i'd use to describe love, sana."

her eyes widen. "love—?" she leans back in her seat, exasperated. "you've gotta be fucking kidding." sana mumbles, her hands finding their way to the steering wheel. her knuckles go white at how tight she was holding on.

"what?" you were genuinely puzzled at her reaction. "aren't you like, the number one advocate for loving in your own way?"

"this is not love!" her eyes are back on you. you frown, she was genuinely intimidating now. "you are hurting yourself! you're letting these people take advantage of you... i don't know! you wanting to be held?"

you scoff, rolling your eyes and leaning back. "you don't get it. it's not my fault miyeon broke up with your sorry ass." the words leave your mouth before you could even process that you had the guts to think about sana like that. "wait, no—i'm sorry—"

"fuck off." sana mumbles, shifting the car back into drive.

you stay put the rest of the ride, feeling a pit grow deep inside your stomach.

—

sana wasn't home the next morning. you weren't sure if she had plans or work—she'd always tell you beforehand. it made you feel even worse, it took a miracle to get through breakfast without throwing up. the same went for the rest of the day.

by the time the sun set, you were shaking from nerves. you didn't want to face sana when she came home. you didn't want to keep thinking about her and what she said and what you said and what you've been doing.

instead, you get the brilliant idea to respond to your ex's text that you'd left on delivered for three hours.

y/n: pick me up in 10

do not reply: knew you'd come around ;)

you throw up in the toilet before you leave.

—

you don't even make it out of the parking lot of your apartment.

lisa's parked in the furthest corner, too dark for anyone to see inside and too far for anyone to hear how you were panting against her.

you were wedged between lisa and the back of the passenger seat. she pushed her thigh further against your throbbing pussy, biting your lip with a smile. "fuck, couldn't wait to see me, huh?" she hums as she watches you grind down on her thigh desperately.

"you've been thinking about me, haven't you? dressed up so slutty.. you wanted me to fuck you in here, no?" lisa's voice grows raspy as she toyed with the fishnets on your legs.

her words fall on deaf ears. your body was enjoying this, but your mind was far away from the woman sucking on your collarbone. you're not even sure why you chose this stupid bunny outfit sana bought you for april fools.

there it is again, you were thinking about sana. sana sana sana sana. no matter what you did, she was clouding your mind!

"turn around baby, i wanna see what set you're wearing for me." lisa whispers and you obey absentmindedly, still thinking about what sana said to you while she undid the ties holding your corset together.

then it hits you.

sana likes you.

she's jealous that you're sleeping with everyone but her!

you gasp, making lisa peek from behind you. "what's wrong, baby?"

you swat her hands away from your back, turning around. "oh my god. sana's in love with me."

"your roommate?"

you nod. lisa frowns, "what does that—"

"i'm so sorry, i have to go!" you mutter, clumsily opening the door and climbing out of it. lisa's calling after you, frustrated and confused to the max as you ran back to your apartment.

the slamming of the front door makes sana flinch, immediately muting the show she was watching. her head whips to you clumsily running into the living room, kicking your heels off as soon as you saw her.

sana's eyes widen and she's furious again—"what the hell are you wearing?" she stands up, but gets pushed down by you once you make it in front of her. she hates that you look good in that stupid outfit she bought and hates that she can tell your corset was halfway undone.

"doesn't matter—i get what you were trying to tell me yesterday."

"you do?"

sana looks hopeful as you sit next to her, that sweet smile you adored gracing her face.

"yes!" you grin. the way she was smiling at you made you feel like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. "and i'm really sorry for what i said yesterday, that was really shitty of me."

sana shakes her head, "it's okay. you were mad, so was i. i think i could've been nicer but—if it helped you realize it in the end, i guess it's all in the past."

you nod eagerly, barely able to contain your excitement as you lunge forward and kiss her. you sigh, it felt so good to love h—

sana pulls away, hand on your chest to keep you at a distance. "what the fuck?"

your heart sinks. "what? don't you—i thought you liked me?"

sana blinks, looking as shocked as she did yesterday. "of all the things i yelled at you about, that's what you got out of it?"

"isn't that what you were trying to tell me?"

"no, oh my god!"

sana was pacing in front of you now while you were sat and looking up at her like a dumb bunny. (you kind of were one, anyway.)

"i don't want to yell at you again, i'm going to bed."

you watch her leave, snapping out of a trance when she slams the door.

you look back to the tv to see what sana was watching.

the bachelorette, greaaaat. you roll your eyes and change the channel. seeing someone else's messy love life didn't really make you feel better about yours.

huffing, you take your bunny headband off and stare at it down on your lap. what was so hard for you to understand?

—

you were laying face down on nayeon's couch a week later. you'd been ignoring sana, feeling guilty every time you even thought of her. it didn't exactly help that she kept checking up on you anyway.

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: u ok?

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: i won't be home tonight, staying at momo's

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: lmk if u need anything

"sana texted again." nayeon hums as she sees your phone light up beside her. you'd tossed it out of frustration onto the floor half an hour ago. nayeon was on the floor so she could comb through your hair with a comb she accidentally bought. it was one of those metal tooth ones meant to capture lice.

"you really need to talk to her, y/n."

"i knooooow!" you whine. nayeon was inspecting your hair really well, surprisingly. not that you actually had lice, she was just bored and you were miserable. at least it was relaxing?

"i don't know what to say, though! i've been a complete idiot! what if she hates me?"

"she's been sending you texts every day since you started leeching off me."

you groan. why must sana be the sweetest person ever?

"i'm not leeching off you."

"then go home tonight."

you groan again.

nayeon sits back, putting the comb away and letting you lift your head to face her. "if you're so convinced that she's either jealous or trying to control what you do, why do you care? it's not like you to be this affected by what anyone says."

you shrug, turning around to lay on your back. "i'm trying to figure that out. i'd say it's because she's my roommate but that never stopped me from going behind her back in the past."

"and it's not like i'd give a shit if anyone else told me to fuck off. or push me away if i tried to kiss them."

nayeon raises an eyebrow, "so sana's special?"

"i guess."

she grins. it was nothing she didn't know, she just wanted to hear it from you. "hope you know you've been in love with her for a while now."

you sit up, looking at her like she was crazy. "nayeon. when i say you're crazy i really mean it."

she shakes her head. "no! i'm being serious! think about it, why were you so eager to leave lisa when you thought sana liked you?"

you purse your lips, genuinely thinking about what nayeon was saying.

"and this entire thing of yours started when sana went on a trip abroad with momo! you didn't have access to the most affectionate person in your life for two weeks and you kept whining about how they kept posting each other like they were dating!"

nayeon gets up and sits beside you, rubbing your arm gently. "i didn't say anything at first because god knows you would've told me to fuck off."

"oh, and didn't one of the girls you hooked up with warn you about how bad this was too? what was her name... jihyo? and you wouldn't even listen to her."

"i think i get it, nayeon."

"shhh, no, let me have this. sana's the only person you ever listened to, or at the very least considered changing yourself for. love isn't whatever the hell you're doing to replace the lack of affection in your life—"

"ouch." you grumble, but nayeon just tells you to take it. you do, she was right anyway. "love is how you're acting about sana."

you cringe. "that was the cheesiest thing you could have ever said to me." you mumble as you hug her. "but you're right, i think. thank you."

—

you don't slam the door closed this time, not wanting to give sana a heart attack with how many times you'd done it before.

as you approach her, you take note of the fact she was watching the bachelorette again. maybe the fake messiness of it all was comforting to her.

"sana?" you whisper, taking a seat beside her. she blinks, surprised to see you home at all. apologies die down in your throat. she looked so gentle.

"i thought you were at momo's?"

"nayeon texted me saying that you might need someone to come home to."

you smile, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. "i'm sorry, sana. for everything. i've been really stupid for the past few months."

"more than stupid, but go on."

you chuckle lightly, your body feeling lighter after realizing she really didn't resent you. "i was too stubborn to listen to anyone about it. except you, evidently. you're... really special to me."

"and i'm sorry for kissing you the other night! god, i was really dumb and just jumped at the chance that you might love me too because i really didn't want to consider that you were right about me hurting myself." sana listened intently as you rambled out your apologies. you were really making sure that you apologized for anything and everything—so much had happened and you hated that sana got caught up in it.

"and i shouldn't have talked about your relationship with miyeon like that. i know how hard it was for you and i was just deflecting and being an ass. sorry."

your eyes meet hers again, sad and brimming with tears. you hold in your breath until she crawls over and hugs you tightly. you hug her back just as tight, crying into her cream colored sweater.

"thank you," sana whispers. "i'm glad you've finally come to your senses. i forgive you." you let out the biggest sigh of relief as she rubs your back comfortingly.

"and i think i'm in love with you."

"i know."

you're suddenly pulled into her lap. sana peels your body off of her so she could wipe your tears away and hold your face. "i.. i love you too, but let me think about it first? this whole situation was so..."

"messy?"

"that's not how i'd describe it, but i guess, yeah, it was messy."

you nod, "it's okay, i understand."

the bachelorette was still playing in the background, filling in the silence between you and sana.

"can i watch with you?"

sana nods, letting you snuggle up beside her. it takes a minute for the two of you to adjust, but as soon as you do, she's talking your ear off about what you need to know about the contestants.

you listen, paying more attention to her expressions than what she's saying.

it felt good to have this again.

—

it's been two months since you confessed your love to sana.

you never bugged her about it, but she remembered to tell you that she was still thinking about it every now and then. you didn't really mind, anyway, the two of you were back to being attached at the hip and that was more than enough for you.

"have you seen sana?"

you were back at nayeon's place, celebrating her girlfriend's birthday. nayeon looks around, lips pursed. "over there!" she yells because the two of you were standing right by the big speaker chaeyoung brought. "thanks!" you yell back before making your way across the room to sana.

you weave through the crowd, nearly tripping over yourself three times before you finally land in front of sana...

who was talking to someone else.

you try not to be jealous, but it was incredibly hard when the girl she was talking to was visibly falling for her!

you didn't want to look overly possessive, especially because the two of you weren't officially dating. you start walking away, but sana catches you in the corner of her eye.

"y/n!" she calls out, her voice as bubbly as ever. you freeze for a moment but turn back to her and walk over with a tight smile. "hi, sana. hi.." you turn to the girl she was talking to, observing her.

"soyeon."

you give her a polite smile before turning back to your roommate. "did you need anything?" she asks, noticing that you've been trying to talk to her the entire time you've been here. "no... just... wanted to see you...?"

they both stare at you for a bit, soyeon extremely confused while sana blushes and giggles. you want the ground to swallow you whole—what kind of an excuse was that?!

"you're adorable, you know?"

you laugh awkwardly and decide to walk away after that. you didn't know how to act knowing other people were interested in your sana.

unluckily for you, she was being talked to all night long. one person after the other, always being stopped when you could see she was trying to make her way to you.

it pissed you off.

you weren't sure what else to do, though, so you just sat on nayeon's couch and sulked for the rest of the night.

—

sana was humming along to the song playing in the car, making sure to take the long route back home.

"can't last a night without being my center of attention, huh?" she teases, looking over to you while stopped at a red light. you blush, thankful for the red light. (sana's smile made you realize she knew you were blushing anyway.)

"you make me sound terrible." you huff, lips forming a pout. sana chuckles, "i think it's cute."

"wanna go out tomorrow?" she asks, humming as her eyes focus back to the road. you turn to look at her, partly confused and partly because you just wanted to stare at her pretty face. "are you asking me out?"

"duh."

"but i thought you needed time to think about it...?"

"if you don't want to go out with me, i have soyeon's number, just so you know."

you whine, hitting her arm lightly. "kidding, kidding." she laughs. "it's been two months, n/n. i'm sure i've had a thought since then."

you roll your eyes, you hated how much she loved to mess with you sometimes. "yeah, whatever. i expect to be pampered and be the center of your attention tomorrow." you tease, relaxing back into your seat.

"of course, your majesty."

she stops at another red light, quickly leaning over to kiss you. "only if you do the same for me on the next date, deal?"

you stare at her, completely flustered while she tucks your hair behind your ear. she's so irritating, you love her so bad.

you kiss her again, "deal."

[notbecauseofvictories]

Longtime follower and I love seeing your insights, so wondered if you had thoughts or advice on this:

I live alone and I'm not in a relationship, though I do date. I'd say ninety percent of the time I really enjoy my life, seven percent I'm a bit sad or annoyed about not having a partner yet, and three percent I get tossed into the Pit of Despair. That three percent can be tied into hormonal cycles, bad timing, etc - even when I know the cause, it still needs to be lived through. Has that happened with you? If so, how do you manage it? I do okay, but it feels like I could do better.

Ah, but the Pit of Despair and I are best friends now. I've sent pictures from the Pit, all featuring me with an absolutely humorless, rictus grin, which does make me wonder why no one else has noticed yet. I have a timeshare in the Pit of Despair. I spend some time there every six months or so, standing in the middle of my impossibly overgrown, dingy garden, and thinking to myself, how did I get here? how do I get out?

And then, as though endurance isn't enough...then your timeshare in the Pit ends. You emerge in the daylight and immediately forget how grey and hopeless that garden was, the weirdly stained, collapsing furniture in the corner and the crooked yellowing plants and that mean laughter you could sometimes hear over the sounds of waving grass. You think to yourself: that will never happen again! I am free! I am cured!

(This will feel so much worse, the next time you're shoved back into the stupid garden.)

That said, I don't think you're going to like my answer to your next question. This is because I don't like my answer; unfortunately, it remains the only answer I have to this question.

I think having some unsettled sorrow, just a touch of existential despair, is the best we can hope to do in this life.

I think that with both rueful humor and deep, deep disgust, which is typically the combo I bring to musings about being a person. Of course it's a little funny---look at the monkey, it's got anxiety!---and of course it's also frustrating, unspeakable outside of bitter cursing, a problem that will not be fixed because quite frankly it's built too deeply into us to be cut out cleanly and thrown away.

(Look at the fucking monkey, you can tell yourself through gritted teeth, standing in that horrible garden with weeks of dirty dishes in the sink and an inbox of emails and friends blowing up your phone with plans you hate to even think about. It's got anxiety.)

I do not have a cure for this. I manage it with the same sort of humor and ruefulness and bitterness that I mentioned above---I don't beat myself up anymore, when I realize I'm standing in the horrible garden again. I know it too well. Sometimes it has an okay wifi connection? I watch some movies. I get done what I can, and forgive myself the rest. I have been here before; I will get out again. I just need to be patient.

Once I'm out, there will be a whole world, I know there will---full of music I haven't heard before and stories that won't make me cringe and emails I will respond to with ease and conversations where I can be light, amusing even. There is a world beyond the Pit. There is always a world beyond the Pit, I just can't find my way back sometimes.

In the meantime, I take another terrible picture in front of the stained furniture, and caption it "Hello from the Pit!!!" with a bunch of exclamation points to indicate that it's a joke, even though it isn't.

I wait.

[moonstruckme]

Hihi!! I’m brand new here but I love your writing already!! I was wondering if you could write something for James, Remus, or Lily (you can pick!) with a reader who’s absolutely terrified of throwing up and they help her through it when it actually happens? Sorry if it’s worded weirdly or doesn’t make sense 😭😭

Thank you for requesting lovely!

cw: nausea, mention of vomit, reader has hair long enough for a ponytail

Lily Evans x fem!reader ♡ 616 words

“Sweetheart,” Lily’s perfume fills your lungs with every deep breath you take, sweet and vaguely floral. Grounding. Her hand coasts gently up and down your spine, “you’re only drawing it out.” 

Tears bite at the backs of your eyes, because you know. It’s inevitable, when the first wave has already passed but the nausea hasn’t, that there’s going to be more. And your girlfriend, despite her best intentions, is being so supremely unhelpful by telling you so. 

Which isn’t her fault, you know. You certainly don’t want her to go away, you’re just frustrated and panicky and a bit despairing in your hopelessness. It’s easy to be angry with her, when the true villain is formless.

“I can’t make myself do it,” you choke out, and you have to press your lips together hard right after, swallowing. 

“You don’t have to do anything,” Lily promises. She keeps her voice soft and soothing, a caress to your sensitive nerves. A piece of hair falls into your face, and she tucks it back in with the rest, confined to a ponytail at the back of your head. You focus on the gentle scrape of her nails over your scalp. “Just relax, yeah? Let your body do what it needs to.” 

You scrunch your face as another wave of nausea roils through you, squeezing a tear out of one eye. Lily coos and ducks down to kiss it away. Her lips are soft against your cheek, unconcerned with your clammy skin or how awful you know your breath must be, and you’re treated to a sight of her pretty green eyes as she stays crouched beside you. They’re kind, worried. 

“I know you’re nervous,” she says, “but that wasn’t so bad a few minutes ago, was it?” 

“I didn’t love it,” you admit, and she smiles. It’s distractingly lovely. You forget your breathing for a moment, reminded when bile pushes cruelly at the base of your throat. Lily’s expression creases like she can tell. 

“You’ll be so happy once it’s done, pretty girl. So long as you sit here thinking about it it’s still happening, but when it’s over, it’s over.” 

You think to make a reply, something along the lines of I know but that doesn’t make it easier, when your body overrules you. Lily starts rubbing your back again as you cough and gasp, tears slipping off your nose and into the toilet bowl. 

“You’re alright, baby,” she says, sweet-toned and sure. “I’ve got you.” 

You pant like a child as you spit the last of it out, and Lily reaches for the cup of water you’d set aside earlier, passing it to you. You swish and spit into the toilet. You lean back into her, and she receives you happily, adjusting so that you’re partially in her lap and brushing your ponytail to the side. She blows cool air on your nape, making you sigh. 

“You’re so weird,” she says at your reaction, the smile euphonious in her voice. “Do you feel better this time?” 

“I think so,” you answer fretfully. 

Lily combats your anxiety with sureness. “I had a feeling you would.” She brushes a kiss against the shell of your ear. “I know that wasn’t easy, sweetheart. Do you want some of your ice cream as a reward?” 

You groan. “I don’t want to eat anything ever again.” 

“Fair enough,” she laughs. “How about a shower then?” 

You tilt your head back, batting your eyelashes at her. “Will you come with me?” 

Lily clearly makes an effort to keep her smile at bay, but it shows itself in the happy squint of her eyes. “If you ask me nicely, I’ll do anything you like.” 

[eldritch-spouse]

Trying to hang out and catch up with your demon girlfriends, but the owner of the ice cream place you go to keeps butting into your conversation.

" Oh God, he's coming this way again, isn't he? " You murmur, having avoided eye contact with the weird glutton just in that nick of time where it wouldn't be seen as rude.

One of your friends snorts, then harshly elbows the succubus next to her. " Go on, get him busy. We need to have a talk. "

" Owwie... Okay, you owe me. " The mid-ranker in question groans, then gets up with a big bright smile befitting of a model. She puffs her cheeks and adjusts her sizeable breasts behind her scant dress before getting up and immediately making a b-line for Berle. You would feel bad for her, if not for the fact that you know she truly enjoys being a nuisance whenever possible.

" That should buy us time. " The demoness twice your size chuffs. She claps a hand on your shoulder and practically drags you forward on the table. " Listen up pipsqueak, you know who that is? "

" Well, I- " You stammer. " I know he's kind of a celebrity around here... "

" Kind of?! " The smaller of your friend hisses like you've disappointed her. " That right there is Vorticia's youngest son! "

Your eyes widen like dinner plates. " The Queen Vorticia's son? "

" ... 'S kinda cute he has a puppy crush on you. " The sloth currently busy with a bowl of chocolate ice cream mumbles.

" Cute?! " The tallest one growls. " No way! Having royalty after you is fucked up, man! "

She blinks, that poor brain trying to catch up. " H- Huh? Whaddya mean? "

" Think about it, idiot. Infernal royalty aren't people you simply refuse. Take our King for example, everyone's shaking in their boots wondering if a war will start with every minor disagreement... "

Your hands shake slightly on the table. " But- But that's madness. Why would he want anything with me? I'm not even... I'm just a nobody. "

" Yeah right?! So what the fuck does he want to do with you- " You know better than to answer when she pokes her big index against your chest. " Nothing good, that's what! "

" O- Okay. " She's your friend, you trust her judgement about demon royalty.

" You need to show him you're not here to be fucked with! Harden up, do a bitch face, like this- " She puffs like a wild boar and makes a truly terrifying snarl of an expression, gums showing and eyes blazing with malice. It makes you shudder.

In turn, you can only weirdly strain a grimace. It makes you feel like a clown, and judging by her cheeks now puffing with laughter, it's not working very well. " Pfff- Okay, gonna need some work, but I'm confident. Maybe. "

She's swatted by the tiny woman next to you. " You think that's going to stop him, seriously? What we need is strategy. She's hopeless on her own! "

" Thanks- "

" Oh yeah?! What's your big idea? "

" Guys- " The sloth tries to speak around a mouthful of chocolate. " We all took the cockblock oath, chill. "

A chorus of "We did"s follows.

" Right? So, let's just keep being cockblockers. "

" What- To a prince?! I know she's a demon magnet, but come on, even we have limits! "

" Well- I think we're doing okay so far. " She points a spoonful of ice cream out into the distance.

Your succubus friend is firmly wrapped around Berle, one hand toying with his right horn and the other insistently trying to weasel under his apron while she talks his ears off and the young glutton tries desperately to keep up. He looks frantic, glancing around frequently as if having lost track of something.

Your wrathful friend forces your chin her way before your eyes can meet the prince's again.

" You're never coming here without us all, okay? "

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

ENOCK

(Pomni X Caine Fic)

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(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)

( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )

"POMNI MY DARLING!"

He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.

Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.

'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'

"POMNI?"

Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again

'UH OH'

"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit

"Thank you Caine"

She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad

"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"

"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"

Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet

"I'm Fine..."

"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."

he floating down to her level

"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"

"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."

Her eyes started tearing up a little

He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself

"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"I-I don't know what you can do"

She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.

"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"

"Got What?"

Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all

"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening

"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"

"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"

Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying

"W-What do you mean?

"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"

Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her

'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'

"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"

"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"

Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced

"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"

"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"

Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself

"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"

pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before

"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"

"What was that Caine?"

"NOTHING-"

"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"

She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation

"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"

"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"

She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug

"I wanna have a Child!"

She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise

"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.

"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"

"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"

He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her

"KNOW LETS SEE!"

He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time

"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"

Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"

Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.

She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box

Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so

Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point

"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"

"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"

Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes

"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"

The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big

Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug

".....Hes perfect"

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Thanks for reading!!!

Here Enock Himself if your wondering