#it just feels incredibly raw
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Oh God I wish you were here.
Credits: @/scrireteipsum_ on tiktok
#can you tell I love clips where you can really hear the crowd singing along?#FTRB will always have a special place in my heart and I'm pretty sure with each new clip I see it gains more space#paino versions of any sort of song just have something special to me. While it's not a cover I think it's why Atlantic is among one ->#of my favourites#it just feels incredibly raw#doesn't help that it's Fall For Me either#sleep token#st#vessel#vessel sleep token#mel's rambles#fall for me#song fall for me#tpwbyt#this place will become your tomb#from the room below#ftrb
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I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️
#i talk sometimes#art talk#i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately#also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!!#I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me?#i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details#and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself.#it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that#instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder.#i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!!#i just luv art man!!
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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FIRST TIME GIVES INEFFABLE HUSBANDS VIBES AND I DONT THINK I CAN HANDLE IT 😭😭😭
#hozier#the hoziest#good omens#ineffable husbands#unreal unearth#im cryinf#idk what to tag im just happy y'all#i was reading it whilst listening to it skshsjhsjshsksjs#MR GAIMAN IM GONNA NEED AN APOLOGY AND ALSO A SEASON 3 VERY SOON#SIRS I DONT THINK ANY OF YOU HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO BE MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY#PAIR THAT WITH DAVID TENNANT AND MICHAEL SHEENS INCREDIBLE PORTRAYAL OF THE EMOTIONS#I CANFT BREATHE#IDGAF IF NONE OF THIS IS REAL#MY AND EVERYONE ELSES FEELING MAKE IT REAL#DJSJSHSJHS LN SBSKSJJSHSJSKSBSKBSKSJZLSJSBBDJSHSJSJSSKSBKSJSKSIKSHS#I AM SCREAMING SCREECHING AND SQUEALING#one of the many reasons i wanna do more theatre and acting because who tf are these people to be making me feel such raw emotion#from a situation which im not even insinuated to be a part of sihsksjslsjsksn#ITS TOO INTIMATE I FEEL LIKE IM INTRUDING#BUT I FEEL LIKE THE ONE BEING EXPOSED SIMULTANEOUSLY WTF#david tennant#michael sheen#anyways sorry for the excessive tags#i need to calm the fuck down#i should take my meds#and then a nap#or read#or draw#oh and hydrate#fuck you and your tag limits ciao brothers and others
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this scene breaks my heart. Sam wants to believe so so bad that god and angels are real and that there's good in the word, and this case kinda shatters his worldview. and dean looks fucking heartbroken that he can't fix this for Sam
and sam...GOD. i mean, he just so looks defeated. like he's thinking how stupid he was for ever letting himself believe he could be saved.
and after he's flayed himself open in front of dean? and he takes dean's silence as confirmation that dean knows he can't be saved? he thinks he's gone too far and puts his walls back up bc he doesn't wanna cause dean any more worry over this than he already has.
#knockin on heaven's door is used to great effect both here and in dark side of the moon#it just makes these scenes feel so...idk /raw/ i guess#this scene really makes my heart hurt#sam just looks so incredibly small and vulnerable here#one of those scenes that makes you see how dean can look at 6'4 sam and call him baby brother#gonna go let the empty hole of angst in my chest consume me brb#emma rewatches spn#2x13 houses of the holy#spn#wincest#samdean
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these moments™️ in the Only Friends Trailer
#ofts#only friends#only friends the series#neo trai#force jiratchapong#book kasidet#khaotung thanawat#first kanaphan#mark pakin#okay - putting this in the tags because it is going to be rambly#(1) force's fuckboy smirk? yes. nailed it.#(2) neo absolutely giving me self-righteous hurt and livid at the same time? so happy we get to see him ACT#(3) khaotung and first just have incredible chemistry and since the kiss at the bar in the teaser i have been waiting for this - they are s#in tune and comfortable with each other that it translates to such tender intimacy and i cannot wait to get that paired with all the cruel#hings they will hurl at each other#(4) just neo giving it his all. he always has a good presence in shows but he really dominates here and while i don't know what is happenin#i like the energy he is bringing to this trailer. this is the guy who suggested kissing to force to see whether they would fit in the show#(5) neo and mark getting to play off each other: just the disbelief in mark's face - the shot feels so tender and raw. paired with neo#as boston looking like he also cannot believe what he is doing but with a determination of someone who thinks he can only be right and that#there is no turning back for him#(6) sadly gmmtv logo got in the way of the shot in the beginning of them in the car but i adore first's dimply smile and khaotung softly#looking at him with the kind of mischief in his eyes that says 'yeah#- i'm keeping him'#(7) iconic already but yeeting neo into the pool is fantastic and even better that book gets to do it#(8) love that this snippet of the pool side captures the seriousness alongside the pathetic-ness that seems to run through everyones relati#nships#and they are giving me mark pakin crying in a bear hug?? and khaotung also crying in a hug?
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just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.
#that boy should have been in therapy from ages 2 on up like.#i def hc that carole took him to someone when he was younger but bradley probably stopped going once he was older and was given the choice#but like. idk. picturing carole trying to bring up him going back after she gets sick because she KNOWS he needs to talk to someone#and maverick cant be there all the time. but bradley says no because hes a teenager and hes started thinking about how to make himself +#appealing to the navy and that opens a whole other can of worms where carole sees that but doesnt want to deny him#because she can see hes already having a hard time with things as they are.#mav trying to convince him to go and bradley pointing out it’s hypocritical because maverick doesnt like talking about his feelings either#i just think people ignore his trauma So Much. they only pay attention to the maverick and goose bits#but they fail to consider how even before the maverick stuff happened bradley had a lot to deal with from a very young age#he spent most of his life on his own! he lost the people he loved most OVER and OVER…#the amount of trauma that must have come flooding back when phoenix (&bob but phoenix is clearly bradleys closest friend) had to eject#i think thats why people painting him as angry & agressive because of the scene where he yells at mav never sits right w me#that moment is so incredibly raw for both of them. bradley lashing out when hes just been triggered is not that surprising????#anyways.#carolcore#bradley rooster bradshaw
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idk what's wrong with me but i've cried more times in the past week than i have in the last year
#my posts#anything and everything sets me off especially coverage about the student protests#i just feel so incredibly edgy and raw and tired and sad#also if you've responded to any of my personal posts lately i saw & i love you & i'm sorry if i didn't respond
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Days since last cried in class: 0
#my bilingualism class is fine and good and great and easy whatever until we get to exams in which case it is hell on earth and the most#stressful thing ever and i break down#its not even that i do bad i got a 100 on the last exam and have a 100 in the class but it is just the most stressful experience ever#this time was less bad then before bc i didnt have a girl coughing in my ear and everyone talking DURING THE EXAM but it was still hell#she brought in earplugs and i took a pair of those but jesus christ#i just hate the way she writes them its confusing and shell ask for small details from fucking forever ago#like literally “what does this word mean” in a language i dont fucking speak. ok it was a spanish creole language and that was one of the#examples when we learned abt it but i got my dates mixed up and didnt study that unit and FUCK!!!!!#just supreme talent to make me feel stressed and terrible. and i think she thinks im a stressed test taker now which is not true lol im#great at tests. i only start crying when i dont know the answer lol or feel stupid#which is crazy bc i do good on her tests. just think she has the unconscious talent of writing a test that makes you feel like youre#not doing it right and are going to do horribly as you do incredibly well#or maybe im just crazy#or maybe she needs to stop fucking scheduling her exams the same day as my fucking portuguese exams theres literally 2 of them how did she#go 2 for 2 because it turns my entire morning into a study craze with pockets of exam taking and crying#and once i start im raw all day so i end up crying like 3 times before noon#anyways need to get off tumblr im burning time to cram for my port exam in 2hrs hate you all goodnight
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#the fact that he caused harm and immediately addressed it once it hit him what had just happened#holy fuck I have never been through something so healing#the depth of his shame not whisked away by internalized bullshit but just open ans raw for me to see as he apologized#for the various impacts on me#the various ways they layered up to cause a deeper harm#the choices that led to that harm#the ways he needed to take accountability in the future#“I'm sorry” was spoken in a thousand languages of grief as i cried deep within my heart in shock#in fear#in heartbreak#I'm sorry carried my grief on it's back through paths of processing I could not see. could only feel#FUCK#how incredible is it that i can l look back at such a vicerally painful thing with tenderness?#I'm sure there will be more processing to do over the coming weeks#but thank gods I was able to walk away from that without new trauma#👑#micro.log
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trying to remind myself that sometimes you try really hard to stitch yourself back together but you can’t quite get it to fit back where it belongs. i tried my best and i’ll be okay
#i got to a new diagnosis today and i’m feeling very raw#i guess it’s not necessarily new and it’s not shocking but i just feel. incredibly discouraged#i think i need to start paying someone to play with my hair and do all of my executive functioning tasks
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i don't make resolutions, but if i did
it would be to finish this fic
(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)
#i'm finishing it if it kills me#i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever#if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement#and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written#which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos.#but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum.#this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering.#happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship?#(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.)#but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you#not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish#and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened.#so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it.#kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature.#so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work)#anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping#to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy#and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished#come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers.#(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)
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WAVERLY: “Even though you were in the thrall of a powerful, super-evil demon and her unearthly baked goods, you said…”
NICOLE: “I said… that you are the only luscious, funny, hot as hell baby that I need. And she got super pissed and threw me into the dresser and that’s when the ring fell.”
WAVERLY: “And it burned her?”
NICOLE: “Yeah. Then she got even more pissed and tossed me into the closet. Ironically.”
WAVERLY: “Ugh.”
NICOLE: “Hey, she’s gone now. That’s what’s important, right?”
WAVERLY: “Right. But the ring coming back to you was…”
NICOLE: “Yeah, kind of creepy boomerang vibe.”
WAVERLY: “Mm. But it kept you safe from her. I’m sorry. Sometimes things are so completely nuts. And you, you… Well, you seem okay. And sane. Safe. So I forget to give you the completely-nuts update.”
NICOLE: “Yeah. How about you just… update me later, okay?”
You’re all nuts. So you all need to keep each other in the know-how of the nuttiest updates. Stop hiding things from each other. It’s never a good thing. Even when it’s out of love or the need to protect each other.
Be transparent. You’re all warriors. Proven many many many times. You can handle the pain of the truth. So always give each other the cold hard truth. No matter how much it hurts - because when you have each other, the hurt can be comforted and the wounds made from it can heal. That’s what it means to love.
#wynonna earp#jolene#waverly earp#dominque provost chalkley#nicole haught#katherine barrell#this is a very beautiful raw scene between them#the actresses have insane chemistry#jesus#see this is why you have to have both be main characters in the WLW relationship#because you actually feel the interactions of what is displayed on screen#because you went through the story of it with them#foundation is incredibly important#you can’t just throw two characters together and expect it to work because there’s chemistry#the narrative has to wrap around that chemistry for it to truly be impactful#this is why xena and gabrielle work so well and are so iconic despite not being textually canon#they’re both main characters that deal with difficult shit both individually and together#and you see the entire journey of it start to finish because they’re the only main characters
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re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask
but i love haterism…..
#truly i really don’t care if ppl like those artists. they do so for good reason#but it’s just impossible to see it as like. particularly noteworthy and countercultural or anything anymore?#like obv it’ll never be on the same mainstream level of like taylor swift or w/e#but as far as being ‘weird’ or ‘fringe’ it’s like. safe weird. safe fringe#mainstream weird or mainstream fringe to use an oxymoron#there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something with a large community that makes you feel something#but it just isn’t particularly striking as far as making a statement about how unique you are#not that you need to be unique to be cool#but i think a lot of people truly do see it as a thing that makes them special or even superior#it’s not harmful at all just a little silly#and truly when every young neurodivergent well-off internet dweller is doing it. well it’s not totally weird is it#safe and sanitized weirdness#either that or to get back to the point if it is true weirdness then it’s like yeah are you sure this goes on that character playlist LOL#maybe the other bigger threat is when stuff is genuinely good and raw and unique and strange#art that’s screaming something out#and it gets watered down into something incredibly generic#like this lament about the singer’s very real life is like ‘woagh this is just like these two fictional white men who have never met’#less ‘morally wrong’ and more ‘hardcore cringe at best and in poor taste at worst’#or like. what if it is an EXTREMELY specific situation genuinely#why is it on every playlist 🤔#the answer is bc it goes hard of course so who am i to say they’re wrong for having fun#but behind the scenes in secret i’ll be laughing sinisterly#like everybody in the world thinks Their Artist is the most freakish unique and special artist. including swifties#fact of the matter there’s always something weirder. even the stuff i listen to i am well aware could be so much freakier#is there really any point in making it a competition of how weird you are#just listen to what appeals to you and stop acting like you’re the main character idk#asks#dj-of-the-coven#ok i’m done now. hope none of this sounded too bitter and judgmental
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firm believer in the fact that if more people gave wrestling a chance they'd like it
#ESPECIALLY MY RPF WRITERS ON HERE#I feel like some ppl think of it as an obnoxious guy thing and just a lot of men fighting#bc I lowkey used to think that#but its SO story based#minus the ppvs#if you watch RAW and Smackdown and stuff-#yes they fight but there is so much story#and so much lore#and mentioning stuff that happened like ten years ago#the bloodline#the shield#drew and cm rn#you can watch it for two seconds and immediately find something thats lowkey pretty gay#the fanfics#its so incredible I just need more ppl to give it a chance
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ok guys i dont wanna be a hater but im gonna be 100% honest i didnt rlly like the nimona movie 😭 I MEAN IT WAS FUN. it was nice. but i feel like it was missing everything that made me like the original graphic novel and honestly by the last like 30 minutes i was kind of just waiting for it to be over so i could read the book again 😭 NO HATE TO ANYONE WHO RLLY LIKED IT believe me when i say i dont think it is bad or anything. but i feel like just sooooo much was changed that it didnt feel like nimona at all to me. idk how to explain it, im sure once i reread the book i’ll be able to put it into words since the original will be more fresh in my mind. i think it was good but as someone who was literally obsessed w the og graphic novel it was honestly kinda disappointing. but i dont rlly care honestly its still rlly cool it got a movie!!
but in my mind at least it proves that some things dont need to be made into a movie. ppl act like movies are the best form a piece of media can take and if something gets made into a movie then that’d be the peak form of it. but i honestly think nimona works wayyyyyy better in its original graphic novel form. most of the early stuff is way more slice of life lowkey stuff that lets you get attached to ballister and nimona as characters and get invested in their relationship w each other, BEFORE all the angsty final act stuff happens. also there honestly was just a ton of stuff that felt to me like it worked better in the original, like jousting tournament thing instead of the knighting ceremony, nimona being captured and being forced to turn into her “true” form rather than this new version with it just sort of happening bcuz of Emotions, etc. also the movie suffered from a lot of pacing and tone issues imo but the former i think is just from that lack of the slow buildup of their friendship, and the latter is something that i think just worked better in the book. idk again I’LL BE ABLE TO SAY THIS STUFF MORE CONCRETELY WHEN I ACTUALLY REREAD THE BOOK but i dont remember there being so much jokes and goofy shit DURING serious scenes. like iirc in the original during serious scenes it was SERIOUS. but in the movie theres so many unnecessary unfunny jokes and stuff. idk IDK i probably just had too high expectations idk. anyways
#also im kind of mad they changed the ending i know it works similarly but like THE TONE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT#in the movie ballister goes back to the lair and you hear her voice and he gets all excited and goes ''HOLY SHI-'' and then it cuts to title#which seemed rlly lighthearted and played for laughs and srry but THE ENDING OF NIMONA ALWAYS MADE ME CRY SO IT LOWKEY PISSED ME OFF ToT#IN THE ORIGINAL. he wakes up in the hospital and the nurse like talks to him or whatever and then she comes in again and hes like ?? u were#just here. and shes like no?? and then he sees on the clipboard the nurse left behind the firsttime theres a shark drawing (or smthn)#clearly drawn by nimona. and you see his eyes widen and he rushes out of the room and he runs through a crowd desperately trying to find her#and then he sees her there. in the crowd. and he just stares looking sort of heartbroken. and she gives him a quiet bittersweet little wave#and then she disappears into the crowd. and thats the last you see of her#I FUCKING LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE THAT ENDINGGGGGG IM ACTUALLY SO MAD THEY CHANGED IT#also sorry i will die mad about the climax THE CLIMAX OF NIMONA IS WHAT GETS ME EVERY FUCKING TIME.#THOSE PAGES WITH THE HUGE MONSTER AND LITTLE GIRL NIMONA JUST RIPPING INTO BALLISTER MAKE ME CRYYYYYYY DAWG THEYRE SO GOOD#idk. idk. i cant put it into words but just the overall vibes of the book are so much better imo. i think nd stevenson's style fits the#story reallyyy well and idk if the movie's style rlly does the same. also i wish the movie wasnt as sanded down like the original wasnt like#INAPPROPRIATE. it wasnt adults only. but it had a lot more like. blood and rude humor and stuff. and i miss that#i think the best way i can put it is. the original is the scratchy ever evolving style of nd stevenson it feels raw and unfiltered#and thats why i love it and why it moves me so much. while the movie is much more polished and round and soft and im gonna be honest:#I DONT LIKE IT! sorry. having my hater moment#<- lightheartedly again I DONT THINK THE MOVIE IS BAD i just think that by comparison the book is way better#still incredibly happy for and proud of the whole team that made the movie i think its awesome!!!!#just my personal opinion#serena.txt#nimona spoilers#<- idk if anyone actually needs this but jic
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