#the various ways they layered up to cause a deeper harm

[microcosmiclymbic]

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[inkspiredwriting]

The Mind’s Maze

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: none

Y/N had always known she was different. From a young age, she could sense the emotions of others, feel their thoughts brushing against hers. As she grew older, her abilities became more pronounced, evolving into the power to manipulate consciousness itself. She could delve into minds, influence thoughts, even alter memories. But with great power came great fear—fear of losing control, of unintentionally causing harm.

That’s where Number Five came in. He had experienced his own struggles with his powers, and he understood the burden Y/N carried. They had met during one of Five’s missions, and their connection had been immediate and deep. Now, they were inseparable, and Five was determined to help Y/N master her abilities.

One crisp morning, Five and Y/N stood in the training room of the Umbrella Academy. The room was spacious and bright, filled with various equipment designed to test and hone their unique skills. Y/N looked around, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety.

“Are you ready?” Five asked, his voice steady and reassuring.

Y/N nodded, taking a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Five smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Remember, Y/N, the key to controlling your powers is to stay calm and focused. Your mind is a powerful tool, and you need to trust yourself.”

Y/N nodded again, closing her eyes and centering herself. “Okay. What’s first?”

“We’ll start with something simple,” Five said. “I want you to focus on me and try to sense what I’m thinking.”

Y/N took a deep breath and focused on Five. She felt the familiar sensation of her consciousness reaching out, brushing against his mind. It was like dipping her toes into a cool stream, the thoughts and emotions flowing around her. She concentrated, trying to tune into his specific thoughts.

“I can feel you,” she said softly. “You’re thinking about... me. About us.”

Five smiled. “Good. Now, I want you to go a bit deeper. Try to influence my thoughts. Just a small suggestion.”

Y/N hesitated. This was the part that scared her the most—using her powers to change someone’s mind. She didn’t want to hurt Five, didn’t want to overstep her bounds. But she trusted him, and she knew he wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

“Okay,” she said, focusing again. She reached deeper into Five’s mind, feeling the layers of his thoughts. She concentrated on a simple suggestion: “Raise your right hand.”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly, Five’s right hand began to lift. Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise and relief. She had done it. She had influenced his thoughts without losing control.

“Excellent,” Five said, lowering his hand. “You’re doing great, Y/N. Now let’s try something a bit more challenging.”

They spent the next few hours practicing, with Five guiding Y/N through various exercises. He encouraged her to delve deeper into his mind, to influence more complex thoughts and emotions. Y/N’s confidence grew with each success, her fear gradually giving way to a sense of empowerment.

After a particularly intense session, Five called for a break. They sat together on the floor, leaning against the wall. Y/N was exhausted but exhilarated. She had made more progress in one day than she had in months.

“You’re a natural,” Five said, handing her a bottle of water. “You just needed to believe in yourself.”

Y/N smiled, taking a sip of water. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Five. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I can do anything.”

Five’s expression softened, and he reached out to take her hand. “You’re stronger than you realize, Y/N. You’ve got an incredible gift, and with time and practice, you’re going to master it.”

Y/N leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling a deep sense of contentment. “Thank you, Five. For everything.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, simply enjoying each other’s presence. Then, Five stood up, extending a hand to help Y/N to her feet.

“Ready for one more exercise?” he asked.

Y/N took his hand, pulling herself up. “Always.”

Five led her to the center of the room, his expression turning serious. “This time, I want you to try something different. I want you to enter my mind fully. See if you can navigate through my memories.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “Are you sure? That’s... that’s pretty invasive.”

“I trust you,” Five said firmly. “And I think you’re ready for it. Just remember to stay calm and focused. I’ll be right here with you.”

Y/N nodded, her heart pounding with a mix of fear and excitement. She closed her eyes and reached out with her consciousness, delving deeper into Five’s mind than ever before. She felt herself slipping into his memories, seeing flashes of his past.

There were moments of pain and loneliness, scenes of him wandering through the apocalypse, struggling to survive. But there were also moments of joy and love—memories of their time together, the bond they had formed.

As she navigated through his memories, Y/N felt a profound connection to Five. She saw the world through his eyes, understood his struggles and triumphs. It was a deeply intimate experience, one that left her feeling closer to him than ever before.

When she finally pulled back, returning to her own consciousness, she found Five watching her with a look of awe and affection.

“You did it,” he said softly. “You really did it.”

Y/N smiled, tears of relief and happiness in her eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Five. Thank you for trusting me.”

Five pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her close. “I’ll always trust you, Y/N. You’re stronger and braver than you know.”

As they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, Y/N felt a sense of peace and confidence she had never known before. With Five by her side, she knew she could face anything. Together, they would navigate the complexities of her powers and the challenges of their lives, stronger and more united than ever.

[groutwork]

Shower Tile and Grout Cleaning: Preventing Soap Scum Buildup

Keeping your shower tiles and grout looking pristine can be a challenging task, especially in areas with hard water. Soap scum buildup is a common issue that can make your beautiful tiles appear dull and dirty. However, with the right strategies and, if needed, the assistance of the best tile and grout cleaning services you can prevent soap scum buildup and maintain the cleanliness and beauty of your shower. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore various techniques and tips to tackle this issue effectively.

Understanding Soap Scum

Soap scum is a stubborn residue that forms when the minerals in water react with soap and body oils. Over time, this mixture can accumulate on your shower tiles and grout, creating an unsightly and unhygienic layer. Soap scum not only affects the appearance of your shower but also provides a breeding ground for mould and mildew, which can lead to health issues. To prevent soap scum buildup, it's essential to adopt a proactive approach.

Regular Cleaning Routine

The first step in preventing soap scum buildup is to establish a regular cleaning routine. By cleaning your shower tiles and grout regularly, you can prevent soap scum from becoming a stubborn problem. Here are some steps to include in your cleaning routine:

Daily Wipe-Down

After each shower, use a squeegee or a microfiber cloth to wipe down the tiles and grout. This simple step can remove excess water and soap residue, preventing them from drying and forming soap scum.

Weekly Cleaning

Once a week, give your shower a more thorough cleaning. Use a mild, pH-balanced cleaner that is suitable for tile and grout. Avoid harsh chemicals that can damage the grout or tiles. Scrub the surfaces gently with a soft brush or sponge, paying extra attention to grout lines.

Monthly Deep Clean

On a monthly basis, consider a deeper cleaning session. You can make a natural cleaning solution by mixing equal parts of water and white vinegar. Apply this solution to the tiles and grout and let it sit for 15-20 minutes. Then, scrub the area and rinse thoroughly. This will help remove any mineral deposits and soap scum that may have built up.

Grout Sealing

One of the most effective ways to prevent soap scum buildup on grout is by sealing it. Grout is porous, which makes it susceptible to absorbing soap, water, and other contaminants. By sealing your grout, you create a protective barrier that repels liquids and prevents them from being absorbed. Consider resealing your grout every 2-3 years or as recommended by the manufacturer.

Choosing the Best Tile and Grout Cleaning Services

While regular cleaning can help prevent soap scum buildup, some situations may require professional intervention. If your shower tiles and grout have significant soap scum buildup, mould, or mildew, it's best to enlist the help of experts. Here's how to choose the best tile and grout cleaning services

Research and Recommendations

Start by researching local cleaning services specializing in tile and grout cleaning. Ask friends, family, or neighbours for recommendations. Online reviews and ratings can also provide valuable insights into a company's reputation and quality of service.

Experience and Expertise

Look for a cleaning service with experienced technicians who understand the intricacies of tile and grout cleaning. An experienced team is more likely to tackle stubborn soap scum effectively without causing damage to your tiles or grout.

Eco-Friendly Cleaning Solutions

Choose a cleaning service that uses eco-friendly cleaning products and methods. Harsh chemicals can not only be harmful to the environment but may also affect the health of your family. Eco-friendly options are safer and more sustainable.

Inspection and Estimate

Before hiring a cleaning service, ask for an on-site inspection and a detailed estimate. This will ensure that you receive a customized solution that addresses the specific needs of your shower. It also helps you avoid any hidden costs.

Guarantees and Insurance

Ensure that the cleaning service offers guarantees for their work. If you're not satisfied with the results, they should be willing to address any issues promptly. Additionally, verify that the company is fully insured to cover any accidental damage during the cleaning process.

Schedule and Pricing

Consider your schedule and budget when selecting a cleaning service. Some companies offer flexible scheduling options, including weekends and evenings, to accommodate your needs. Request competitive pricing quotes and compare them with other local services.

Maintaining clean and beautiful shower tiles and grout requires dedication and a proactive approach. By implementing a regular cleaning routine and following the tips mentioned in this guide, you can prevent soap scum buildup and extend the life of your tiles and grout.

If you encounter stubborn soap scum or need a deep cleaning, don't hesitate to reach out to the best tile and grout cleaning services in your area. Their expertise and professional techniques can restore the luster of your shower and ensure a hygienic bathing environment for you and your family. Remember, a clean shower not only enhances the aesthetics of your bathroom but also contributes to your overall well-being.

[safethaw]

Unraveling The Cost Factors: How Much Does A Driveway Cost?

Homeownership is a complex journey fraught with many decisions that will significantly impact your overall lifestyle and financial situation. One such decision is the installation of a driveway, a seemingly innocuous feature that, surprisingly, comes laden with many considerations. A question that often niggles at homeowners is - "how much does a driveway cost?" This article aims to elucidate the various factors influencing driveway costs, offering a comprehensive guide to navigate through the maze of options and budgets. Concrete Versus Other Driveway Materials Embarking on this journey, we first encounter a junction of choices - driveway materials. Your options range from concrete to asphalt, gravel, brick, and even cobblestone. However, concrete stands as a popular choice amongst many homeowners. Now, you might wonder, "How much does a concrete driveway cost?" Concrete driveways are renowned for their durability, aesthetic appeal, and relatively low maintenance. However, the cost of a concrete driveway is a complex variable influenced by numerous factors. It isn't merely the concrete; costs associated with labor, installation, the geographical location, and the size of your driveway significantly impact the final figure. Hidden Factors: More Than Meets The Eye Digging deeper into the economic layers of driveway costs, we uncover other influential elements. These include excavation costs, the complexity of the terrain, and the intricacies of the driveway's design. For instance, if your property's landscape requires extensive leveling or clearing of trees and boulders, the excavation costs will scale up. Likewise, if you desire an artistic flair with a winding driveway or intricate patterns, the design costs will reflect this complexity. Maintenance: The Silent Guardian Of Your Driveway's Lifespan Once your driveway is installed, cost considerations do not cease. Like all infrastructure, your driveway requires maintenance to ensure its longevity and preserve its appeal. This is particularly true in regions that experience harsh winters. Frozen driveways are not just a safety hazard but also a potential threat to the driveway's durability. Herein lies the value of a product like Safe Thaw, an environmentally-friendly ice melt product that works without harming your concrete. The Value Of Prevention Safe Thaw's superior technology de-ices your concrete driveway, preventing the freeze-thaw cycle that often causes cracks and damages. Additionally, its eco-friendly formulation ensures that your surrounding vegetation and pet's paws remain unharmed. Incorporating a maintenance routine with Safe Thaw can greatly extend your driveway's lifespan, translating into significant cost savings in the long run. In fact, preventive measures such as these should be factored in while considering the overall cost of a driveway. Considerations For Future Resale Value Your driveway is more than just a functional feature of your property; it contributes significantly to your home's curb appeal. A well-installed and maintained concrete driveway can increase your property value, making it an investment that can yield returns when you plan to resell. Conclusion: Paving The Way Forward The journey into understanding "how much does a driveway cost" is riddled with complexity and variation. Numerous factors tug at the purse strings, shaping the final expenditure. Concrete driveways, while possibly a significant initial investment, can offer long-term value both functionally and aesthetically. By considering both upfront costs and maintenance routines using effective products like Safe Thaw, homeowners can make informed decisions that align with their preferences and financial capacities. Navigating through this complex process requires an understanding of these nuances to make the best decisions for one's home and financial peace of mind. Read the full article

[pfdentistry]

Fighting Back Against Oral Bacteria - Paris Family Dental

Even though you may not be aware of it at this precise moment, a battle is taking place inside your mouth to determine the fate of your teeth. This battle has been going on for quite some time. You, fortunately, are the one who is in charge of this fight; you are the one who has the power to swing the tide of battle in your favor, decide how things will turn out, and emerge victorious.

Who is the Guardian, who is the Invader, and who are their allies?

Your tooth enamel, the substance in the body that is most resistant to wear and tear, is your best defense against dental decay. It protects the dentin and pulp of your teeth, which are the deeper layers of your teeth. Even though this enamel is strong, acid can wear it down. Even though this enamel is strong, acid can wear it down.

Bacteria are always trying to get into your mouth and hurt you. Bacteria have partners in their fight to take control of your teeth, and those allies are the sugars and carbohydrates left in your mouth after you consume a meal or a snack. These sugars and carbs give bacteria the food they need to grow and make more copies of themselves. Sugar and carbohydrates set up the ground for bacteria to wage war by leaving acid on the teeth, which will result in eroding the enamel. It makes the teeth more susceptible to decay. Because of this, it is much simpler for bacteria to enter the more sensitive parts of the tooth and cause decay there.

It might worry you, but enamel has a friend—a built-in protector that works like the barrier around your teeth. Many harmful bacteria are eliminated and washed away before they can cause damage to the enamel by the enamel’s friend, which is the saliva.

The Battle Against Bacteria Also Includes These Other Allies

Since saliva can’t clear all the bacteria that cause tooth decay, you’ll need to take other steps to protect your teeth.

You should limit the amount of junk food you eat. As you may or may not know, sugar has a high acid content. When you consume sweets, beverages, and processed meals that include sugar, you are providing an environment in which bacteria can grow into bacteria that are on steroids. Choose more nutritious snacks, such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, whole-grain bread, fish, meat, cheese, and eggs, instead of foods that contain high amounts of sugar, such as cookies and candy. The tooth enamel is fortified and strengthened by the minerals and vitamins you can get in various foods.

When you brush your teeth, use toothpaste that contains fluoride. When fighting the bacteria that may be in the mouth, fluoride is an excellent ally. In addition to this, it helped to reinforce the tooth enamel that you already had.

Giving up is not an option.

It is up to you to ensure that you win the fight! Because the quality of your teeth impacts your physical and mental well-being, you should continue to protect them as best you can by using fluoride toothpaste and eating foods that are good for them. Keep in mind that it is essential to schedule routine dental checkups as another way to safeguard and defend your teeth.

We are grateful to all our incredible patients!

Paris Family Dental encourages you to get in touch for any of your family’s dental requirements, whether cosmetic or restorative. Call (903) 732-0061 to set up your appointment! Visit us at 2333 Lamar Ave., Paris, Texas 75460, to get more information about our staff, our dental practice, and the superior dental care we offer patients in the surrounding area.

https://dentistparistx.com/dentist-paris-tx-dental-fighting-back-against-oral-bacteria/

[wondercementpvtltd]

What are the repair and restoration options for concrete spalling

Concrete Spalling is the process of chipping or flaking of the surface of the concrete, which usually occurs due to natural or chemical reactions. Concrete Spalling results in the development of small or large pieces that break away from the surface, leaving the concrete rough and uneven. Spalling typically occurs when the concrete is exposed to moisture or extreme temperature changes, including freeze-thaw cycles, corrosion, and excessive wear and tear, causing the concrete to expand and contract. Due to repetitive cycles of expansion and contraction, the concrete gets weakened and breaks apart, leading to spalling. Therefore, it is crucial to repair and restore spalled concrete at the earliest. In this article, we will discuss some of the repair and restoration options available for concrete spalling.

Surface Patching

One of the best methods of repairing concrete spalling is by applying surface patching material. For surface patching, you just mix up some sand, a little hydrated lime, and Portland cement and trowel this onto the concrete. It is the most affordable and quick way to repair small areas. To patch the concrete, the damaged area is first cleaned and cleared with safe water and masonry cleaner. Then the surface patching is applied to the affected area, and the surface is levelled off to match the surrounding concrete surface. Though Surface Patching is very effective for the smaller areas of spalling, it is not suitable for more significant or deeper spalling damage.

2. Resurfacing

If the damage is much deeper, then resurfacing becomes the best option so that the concrete can be evenly applied. It involves applying a thin layer of concrete, effectively giving it a new surface layer. The surface is first cleaned and prepared, and a bonding agent is applied to ensure that the new layer of concrete will adhere to the old surface. After that, a fresh coating of concrete is poured and polished over the top. The look of concrete surfaces that have been harmed by spalling can be effectively restored through resurfacing, but this is not a long-term fix.

3. Overlaying

Overlaying is another option that is much similar to resurfacing. The only difference is it involves a thin layer of portland concrete which should be at least 1.5 inches to ensure proper bonding and durability. If there are no major cracks, a thin overlay of 1.5 to 2 inches (38 to 51 mm) may be sufficient to enhance its appearance or improve its performance.

4. Chemical Treatment

To tackle the corrosion issue, it is important to use epoxy-based chemicals. Epoxy is generally used for small cracks ranging from 0.02 mm to 6 mm in width. Steel bars are coated with epoxy-based chemicals to increase their corrosion resistance capacity. It can also be applied to the surface of concrete, forming a protective layer that resists abrasion and chemical damage.

5. Replacement of concrete

In extreme instances of spalling, where the damage is too serious to be fixed with surface patching, resurfacing, or overlays, replacing the concrete may be the only choice. The injured concrete surface is removed, and a fresh coating of portland concrete is then poured in its place in the process of replacing concrete. In situations where spalling has jeopardized the structural stability of the concrete, concrete replacement is a more involved and expensive option, but it is frequently required.

The best option for repairing spalling depends on the severity of the damage, the location of the spalling, the desired outcome, and the type of cement used for repairing. Various cement companies such as Wonder Cement, Ambuja Cement, Ultratech Cement, ACC cement, Bangur Cement, etc. provide the best quality cement to repair and restore spalled concrete. Surface patching, resurfacing, overlays, epoxy coatings, and concrete replacement are all effective solutions for repairing spalled concrete. It is essential to address spalling damage as soon as it is noticed to prevent further damage and ensure the longevity of the concrete surface.

[himanshilavish]

How to Reduce the Appearance of Wrinkles

How And Why Do Face Wrinkles Happen?

There are various reasons for getting face wrinkles; some of them are under your control and some are not:

Age

Your skin naturally becomes less elastic and more delicate as you age. As the natural oils that keep your skin moisturized decrease in production, your skin becomes drier and wrinkled.

Your skin's deeper layers of fat get thinner. Skin becomes saggy and loose as a result, and wrinkles and crevices become more obvious.

Ultraviolet (UV) light exposure

Early wrinkling is primarily caused by ultraviolet light, which has the effect of hastening natural aging.The connective tissue in your skin, which is composed of collagen and elastin fibers and is located in the deeper layer of the skin, is destroyed by UV radiation exposure (dermis).

 Your skin becomes less flexible and strong without supporting connective tissue. The skin subsequently starts to prematurely droop and wrinkle.

Frequent Facial Expression

Fine lines and wrinkles develop as a result of facial expressions and movements like squinting or grinning. Under the skin, a groove develops every time you exercise a facial muscle. And as skin ages, it loses its suppleness and is no longer able to spring back into place. The creases on your face become an indelible part of you.

Smoking

Smoking damages your skin and hastens the aging process, especially with smoker's lines, which are raised lines around the lips. Not all of those lines' causes involve smoking.

Sleeping Positions 

If you end up in the same position every night while you sleep on your side or stomach, the skin may become wrinkled. In essence, you're producing facial creases or wrinkles as a result of external pressure on the skin rather than a change in the texture of the skin from within.

Food And Exercise

Unhealthy habits, such as poor eating and a sedentary lifestyle, can exacerbate premature aging and skin damage. Your skin's texture, tone, and potential for breakouts are all impacted by a diet high in fat and processed foods. By failing to exercise, you are denying your skin the many benefits exercise provides, including increased oxygen delivery, increased collagen creation, and the promotion of new skin cells.

Skin Care Regimen

Your skin changes as you age, becoming more sensitive, dry, and prone to irritation. Maintaining a regular skincare routine will help you keep your skin looking healthy and radiant. skin care regimen

Your skin changes as you age, becoming more sensitive, dry, and prone to irritation. Maintaining a regular skincare routine will help you keep your skin looking healthy and radiant.

How to Get Rid of the Appearance of Wrinkle

Wrinkles don't require treatment because they are a normal component of aging. There are treatment solutions to help you look better aesthetically if you don't like the way wrinkles look on your skin.

Put On Sunscreen

Sunscreen can help prevent wrinkles and other signs of aging. Even though you probably already use sunscreen when you go to the beach, making a routine of using moisturizing sunscreen on your face every day will improve the condition of your skin over time.

Quit Smoking

Smoking is harmful to your health for a variety of reasons, but many people don't know that it can age your face prematurely. Even just being near secondhand smoke can increase your risk of developing numerous cancers and other illnesses, and it can also damage your skin.

Change Your Sleeping Position

Your sleeping position can really contribute to some facial wrinkles. Compression is what happens when your face consistently presses on the pillow as you sleep. Your skin becomes weaker in some areas than others as a result of this compression over time, and a wrinkle develops. By sleeping on your back, you can stop or slow the development of compression wrinkles.

Frequent Face Washing

It's never a waste of time to wash your face for an additional three to five minutes at night. The majority of makeup that is left on your face overnight is absorbed by your skin. The stress your skin experiences is exacerbated by the fact that the majority of cosmetics include harsh chemicals. Therefore, it is never a waste of time to wash your face for an additional three to five minutes at night. Do not scrub your face too hard. To end your face wash, spray some cold water on your skin after using a water-based wipe to clean your face before bed.

Natures Lavish Skincare is on a mission to raise awareness and educate people about the significance of incorporating skincare into their daily routines and improving the general health and radiance of their skin through 100% natural and vegan products that are kind to your body and providing long-term benefits rather than using products with harmful chemicals for temporary results that can result in acne, irritation, and other dangerous skin diseases.

We feel more assured and a part of our environment when we consume organic items.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

 Q1. Do wrinkles ever disappear?

A1. While wrinkles can be reduced, they will never be completely removed. Everything depends on your skin type and the amount of effort you're willing to invest in skin care.

Q2. When do wrinkles first appear?

A2. Around the age of 25, the first signs of aging appear on the skin's surface. Wrinkles, a loss of volume, and an elasticity loss become apparent over time after fine lines first develop. 

Q3. Do wrinkles result from stress?

A3. Your skin loses suppleness as a result of stress-related alterations to its proteins. The development of wrinkles may be influenced by this lack of flexibility.

Q4. How Nature Lavish Skincare is the best option for treating wrinkles and aging?

A4. Our moisturizers, serums, and face wash for pimples and dark spots are successful remedies for skin types with greasy or acne-prone blemishes. The potent organic compounds efficiently prevent pore infection by acne-causing bacteria and skin aging.

[snapeaddict]

I was fairly certain Remus did regret his actions though. He literally tells Harry that he often stood aside and watched it happen without saying anything, and that he wishes he had. In the Prisoner of Azkaban, whenever Snape gives a dig at Lupin or insult him and Harry tries to stand up for Lupin, he repeatedly excuses Snape's actions. Hell, even when Snape tries to reveal Lupin is a werewolf and eventually causes his loss of job, Lupin never hits back, or even tries to defend himself.

I’ll divide my answer into three parts. 

1 - Repentance vs Regret 

So, you are right. I do think Lupin regrets some of his past actions - but the thing is, it seems to make you think he understood the seriousness of his actions/has grown up/is now a better person. And I strongly believe it is not the case regarding the subject of bullying. 

“In repentance, there is a retrospection of the past mistake and a search for a better way so as to not commit the mistake if such a situation arises in the future. In repentance, there is a commitment towards change. Thus, repentance is an act that intends to make one a better person. If you are repenting, it means you are learning from your mistakes and willing to change to become a better person.”

This, does not apply to Remus. We know from the books he never understands and/or refuses to acknowledge what he and his friends did wasn’t justified or deserved; he doesn’t address it as bullying as I explain in this post. Lupin’s behaviour pattern is quite clear throughout the saga: he never or only partially acknowledges his faults and they are always someone else’s doing for the most part. 

“Regret is a feeling of remorse that is a negative emotion as it leads one to think continuously about his past action or behaviour and causes more shame, guilt, anger, disappointment etc.

On the other hand, repentance is a positive emotion as it makes one learn about his mistake, and he vows not to repeat it in the future.”

Lupin gives the image of a kind, understanding and mature person who knows how to put into question is own behaviour when necessary when he tells Harry and Sirius he knows he should have prevented them from tormenting Snape (Chapter 29 of OOTP). But then, as the conversation continues, if you closely analyses his thoughts - he keeps indulging into self-beating and talking about his own behaviour. He is completely self-centred and cares more about the image he gives than about the consequences of his actions and this clearly is the way he functions:

- He is willing to risk Harry’s life by not telling Dumbledore Sirius is an animagus rather than confess he betrayed his trust as a teenager: he cares more about what the headmaster thinks of him than about the consequences of his actions.

- He finds the time to acknowledge he should have behaved better - what a mature reaction - but never acknowledges Snape’s trauma or the seriousness of what was done to him. He thinks of it as a “rivalry”. 

- He puts a lot of effort into burnishing his and his friends’ image by justifying bullying with “rivalry”, “jealousy”, and agreeing with the fact “it was a mutual hate and those are things that happen” rather than admitting they behaved terribly.

So yes, Remus regrets his actions. But it is clear to me he firstly regrets them because it gives him a bad image in front of Harry and Dumbledore, and to himself; he never learns from his mistakes nor can make sure to not repeat them in the future, because he simply refuses to acknowledge them and put his energy into minimising them or making them, for the most part, Snape’s own fault. I find Remus to be a self-centred and cowardly person, and this behaviour goes along with it. 

However, I am not saying this makes him a bad man and understand this is directly linked to the fact he is a werewolf and giving a positive image of himself is nearly vital for him. But clearly, the fact he regrets his actions means nothing besides what I just explained, in my opinion, because Remus refuses to acknowledge what they did. He never repents and we must not mistake regrets for repentance. Remember that being critical of a character doesn’t make him less interesting or likable and has nothing to do with your personal liking of him. Snape isn’t a saint either, it’s actually interesting to have characters with layers. However, Remus was written kindly and “loved” by the books’ narrative and POV; Snape was not.

2 - He still behaves, in his thirties, like a bully

...which shows he does not repent or feel sorry for what was done to Snape and their other victims. I had the chance to discuss this with @ottogatto and she was very helpful and gave me a very interesting insight on Remus’ behaviour as we see it through Harry’s eyes in the books. 

As she explained, nearly every time the subject of Snape is brought up, Remus will subtlely put the fault on him. “He was jealous”, “Your father was more popular than he was and he hated it”, “He was jealous of James’ talent for Quidditch”, “Sirius and James were good at everything and everyone loved them, unlike Snape” are embedded quotes from HP5. Why was Snape furious against him at the end of HP3? “Because he wanted the Order of Merlin”; not because Remus had nearly killed him again as well as three students, just as he had done when Snape was younger. He keeps dismissing the consequences of his actions and justifies (to both Harry and the readers), the abuse Snape went through at the hands of the Marauders. He uses a florilegium of excuses commonly used by bullies that are both very vicious and even pervert in their aims (pervert = lead someone away from what is considered acceptable. Distort or corrupt the original meaning or state of things. Exactly what he does repeatedly). This is still the behaviour of an abuser. If @ottogatto finds the post she made about it, you may like to read it as well. Remus refuses to acknowledge Snape is right to act in the way he does regarding the bullying he went through and thus deepens the hate that already exists between Harry and Snape.

From the (wonderful) @ottogatto: You see, when you tell people how your target is jealous of you, it demonizes them in a shameful way. It tells how they are a pathetic person attacking you wrongfully, oh poor innocent human that did nothing wrong. Jealousy, after all, is a fault that remains completely on the jealous one. It gives your listeners the image that your prey is a mistrustful person while putting you in the position of someone who can be envied -- supposedly for your goodness. Because that prey is framed as mistrustful and ill-intentioned, it allows people to doubt whatever accusation your target might have: either "they're lying", or "exaggerating", or "making things up". Only those who are versed in the mechanisms of bullying -- the easy or the hard way -- will spot the problem. Otherwise, people will find a pretext, a rightful excuse, or an innocent, well-intentioned goal, to keep your prey alone, weak, and "punished".

3 - It is absolutely normal Lupin doesn’t defend himself or hits back when Snape reveals he is a werewolf

...because he is in the wrong. Snape doesn’t even cause his loss of job and you may want to reread the books while not taking Harry’s perspective for the unbiased truth. Dumbledore is obviously the one who asks Remus to resign. Remus just nearly killed three students and a professor, and roamed freely onto both Hogwarts grounds and Hogsmeade as a werewolf, risking many deaths and infections because he forgot the potion Snape had been brewing for him (he depended on Snape, another reason not to fight with him). Dumbledore just learns it isn’t the first time he betrayed his trust and he did the same for two years as a teenager, risking Hogwarts’s closure and reputation and his position as headmaster, breaking the promise he made to him when he was accepted as school. The worst thing is, it is Sirius who tells Dumbledore. Not Remus. Remus clearly demonstrates he is dangerous in spite of himself - Dumbledore learns as well he hid a very important information from him (Sirius being an animagus) during the year, supposedly risking Harry’s life. Dumbledore doesn’t apologize for Snape’s behaviour when he tells him goodbye and it is reasonable to suppose it is because he is fine with Lupin’s identity not being a secret anymore. 

I understand Snape’s decision (and certainly Dumbledore’s as well, as read in Snape: A Definitive Reading and various clever posts on Tumblr) may seem cruel and negatively impacted Remus in a society full of prejudices; but I understand Snape’s decision as well. Lupin was a walking danger and had proved it countless of times, nearly killing him: I’ll always argue his decision wasn’t a bad one but you may disagree. I’m sorry for Lupin and what happened to him- but I also am lucid and acknowledge the fact he continuously risked people’s lives and was a danger to society at this point (because said society didn’t help him in any way, don’t get me wrong). But to come back to your main point, Lupin was the only one who caused his loss of job, and he had no legitimacy to call out Snape for revealing his true nature to the public, because clearly only this knowledge would prevent him from doing harm in the future. It’s a complicated situation that goes deeper than Remus and Snape’s relationship. 

Lupin could also be deemed as dangerous on another level: he spreads around pro bullying rhetorics and makes it look okay if it was "deserved". He makes bullying less serious if the victim isn't likable. He makes bullying less serious because he is likable. And this is very wrong both in and outside the books.

[sagasofazeria]

My Attempts at Unique Nonhumans Part 1: Elves!

Felt like making a worldbuilding post for wbw since I haven’t done it before! Thought I’d do this ‘cause it was on the mind. (@hellishhin You said you like this sorta stuff so hope you find it interesting!)

•

General:

Besides the typical D&D things, I’ve come up with these: Their ears are articulated, and can swivel around, and are very expressive. Elves are also always double-jointed and more often than not have an extended range on all their joints (equivalent to joint hypermobility in humans, but it doesn’t harm them). Additionally, a large amount of elves are born with the ability to make slight changes their physical features and/or change their physical sex after a full night of sleep (as opposed to the usual half-a-night trance thing). Also, their babies develop even slower than human babies do, and they reach full maturity at about 30, then their development slows way down and they live anywhere from 500-1500 depending. Most don’t make it to 1500, it’s very rare. The average is probably somewhere closer to 700.

High Elves:

They come in rainbow now. I don’t make the rules. High elves will also take on characteristics of the magic around them. This can manifest in a million different ways, because magic is weird, but it lends itself to fun character design. Additionally, it’s common for high elves to have up to 7 fingers on each hand, or even an extra set of eyes/ears in some cases. These extra eyes/ears actually sense magic rather than being normal organs (as if they were on a different wavelength). Definitely went with a highly magical theme here.

Dark Elves/Night Elves:

Their pupils and eyes in general tend to be huge. Skin tones range from blue to purple to black to translucent white for those that live even deeper underground. Also, they’re bioluminescent! Not only does their blood glow but they also have nearly invisible markings that glow when exposed to the right light conditions. (*chanting*: glowy elf rights, glowy elf rights, glowy elf rights)

I also altered the lore here a bit! I always like the night elves from Warcraft, and I wanted to make them into D&D, but there wasn’t a good place for them, so I wasn’t sure. Plus, I didn’t like the um... questionable... lore behind the Drow, so with a sprinkling of Fey fuckery and kinda smushing the Drow and Night Elves together I came up with a species of elf that lives underground, but close enough to where they come up at night to hunt and travel and etc etc. (They can’t come up in the day, because of the sunlight sensitivity). Their magic is far closer to the Fey than the high elves, hence all the illusions and things. Some of them obviously live Underdark deep (the translucent ones I mentioned above), but in general they’re a bit closer in my world. I like to think they’re a bit more in tune with the Fey ancestry, even the darker sides. (Many dark elf cultures, that is. Obviously this doesn’t apply everywhere.)

Wood Elves:

Wood elves can sometimes have wax-like coverings (like a leaf), small antlers, tiger stripes, quills in their hair like a porcupine, tails of various sizes, or any number of cool little features. (*wild gesturing* It’s about the character design! The endless possibilities!) Wood elves are also able to do a form of photosynthesis if they rest in direct sunlight (will work in a pinch, but isn’t their primary source of energy, and not as efficient as plants). Also, their ears are even bigger than other elves, nearly double, and their eyes have an extra membrane for darkvision. Their bodies are also extremely light, so they can walk on leaves without them crunching and walk on snow/sand without sinking. Despite all of this they usually look the closest to humans, bc of all the earth tones. Although they do have very long prehensile tongues.

Ice Elves:

The ice elves are actually a creation of mine, so they’re pretty different than all the other elves anyways. (Unfortunately they don’t show up in either of the stories I plan on sharing here, which is sad cuz they’re pretty cool.) The ice elves are not only light enough to walk on snow (obviously), they also have facial markings that protect them from snow blindness. (Even then, they usually prefer to hunt at night because it’s just easier.) They usually have fangs and are primarily carnivores due to the lack of plant life in the places they live. They also have a thin layer of fur and don’t sweat (all to keep warm). The fur is usually lightly colored to help them camouflage. They also store energy and their bodies for a long time, so they can stay warm/go without food for longer than the average elf (or human). Lastly, and possibly my favorite detail, is that they hibernate during winter. It depends on the specific civilization of ice elves what rituals are involved in this, but it’s always a big cultural thing.

Desert Elves:

Also a creation of mine, and pretty much the opposite of Ice Elves. They have an extra vein-like structure across their body that is usually invisible (unless they drank a lot of water recently, then you can see it well) that they store water in, and can go for a very long time without drinking thanks to this adaptation. They also have special muscles they use to quickly close their noses/ears to prevent sand getting in them, and have an extra protective membrane to do the same for their eyes. Some desert elves have scaly-skinned areas to help soak up/release heat (as they are a sort of semi-cold blooded species). Also, they’re usually nocturnal to avoid the heat of the day.

•

The reason all the elves are so different, is because in my world, elves are highly adaptable, and they can take on adaptations and characteristics far faster than other species. This is in part due to their descent from the chaos of the fey, and so they retain a lot of that ever-changing nature.

So anyways lemme know if y’all wanna see more of this! Might do dwarves next if so. I enjoyed sharing it, because I so rarely get to share this stuff, so I hope you guys like it too!

(link to part 2)

[shadowsfiguresfigments-blog]

A good place to die Chapter 26 (smut)

Warning: Harsh language, violence, smut

He was all over me, literally. Whilst he kept my lips and tongue busy with his, his hands roamed across my body, gently caressing every square inch of it. The last tattered remains of my clothes fell off, but his silken gloves kept me warm against the cold air. I sucked on his lower lip to encourage him further, and in response he leaned into me. The sensation of his touch multiplied, and during a breath pause to draw breath I opened my eyes. Penny had sprouted another two pairs of arms, giving him a slightly spider-like appearance.

Whilst he played with my hair, he simultaneously worjed my erect nipples, kneading them; pinching them just enough to illicit a sweet stinging pain. And all the while his hands wandered down further, along my hips, in between my thighs. I pressed harder against him, the familiar desperate yearning overcoming any sense of self-control I had left. There needn’t be any more barriers between us, nothing to separate us – I had been inside him, literally, for fuck’s sake – and I tore at his clothes, fighting against the last veil of silk that stood between us.

His chuckle was barely audible, more of a deep rumble that went through his body right into mine. The hands in my hair disappeared and the pressure against me lessened, but before I could protest his fingers slipped inside me. My insides clamped down on him in an unconscious effort to pull him further along, and their effort was rewarded; Penny’s finger went deeper and deeper into me, as if they were growing in length. The weirdest sensation filled my stomach – his gloves, he must have popped his gloves – and a heartbeat later he touched that sweet, sweet spot.

I screamed as the orgasm hit me like a sledge hammer, but Penny was nowhere near done. His body pressed back against mine, finally rid of clothes and all decency, and he held me so tight I was no longer able to breathe properly. He was still mercilessly working my pussy, but another hand made its way between my ass cheeks. I briefly and very feebly thought about protesting, but in response he pressed against my G-spot again. Whether it was because I was dripping wet or by some transformation of his, his fingers quickly spread some hot liquid around my asshole. Then he inserted one.

One moment, there was the sensation of having soiled myself; then he pushed through the barrier and there was some pain. It didn’t last long, though, as having him inside both front and back quickly overwhelmed me. Still, it wasn’t enough for him. His tongue swelled up, almost forcing my jaws apart, and picked up the rhythm of his fingers as it thrust deeper and deeper into me. As he had swallowed me whole, enveloping me completely, he now filled my up with himself in every way possible. I no longer could feel any ending to my body, nor the beginning of his; all of my senses were filled with him alone.

Again, there was a brief pause as he withdrew his fingers from my pussy, then he shoved his dick into me. I came immediately, and this time it lasted. Wave after wave hit me, eroding my sense of self further and further. Something was different from all the times we had had sex before – something inside me had changed. It resonated with Penny in a way that was difficult to understand – like two sound waves with just the right frequency to suddenly amplify each other.

That resonance almost tore me apart, and I screamed on the top of my lungs as Penny shuddered and came.

The following week was entirely governed by the last minute preparations for both Bee’s return as well as the store opening, which would coincide. With Auntie’s help I fought my way through the rooms and seemingly unending layers of garbage and dirt. Thankfully Bee had already declared her intentions to renovate the whole apartment by herself, and she had spent countless hours picking colors and some new furniture from catalogs. The little insurance money she got wouldn’t allow for much more, but her DIY-attitude had significantly improved over the last days. We just made sure the dirt was gone and that the facilities worked; which they did. Still, by the time I was done every evening I did little more than hit the shower and fall into bed.

Penny found his own way to keep me company – he usually waited in my room, made good use of the phone I had gotten him, and occasionally accompanied me on my ways in the form of a big orange tabby. At night he would cradle me in his arms, making our fight seem like nothing more than a bad dream.

I didn’t have the energy to discuss it any further, either; nor could I bring myself to tell him I still felt rather overwhelmed by the sex we had had. It was a weird, uncomfortable balance that I just couldn’t deal with.

He had carried me home that night, wrapped into silk-like sheets he had miraculously produced, and he had washed me in our tiny shower. I was still entirely beside myself – I didn’t even spend a thought on auntie – and just stood there as he rinsed away his cum that poured out of my body.

He even tucked me into bed.

When the big day finally arrived, I was too tired to feel the least bit excited. I almost fell asleep twice during school, but fortunately no one noticed. It was Friday, and I was excused for the last lesson (P.E.), so I got to leave early. That also meant there was no chance of any potential bully waiting for me, and I didn’t bother checking my bike for any manipulations, as there hadn’t been any for quite a while. Of course, that didn’t turn out too well – somebody had opened the valves of my tires, and by the time I got to the shop, there was no air left in them. I didn’t care, though, as I had to prepare the little buffet auntie had organized for me (nothing major, just some tea and coffee, and some cupcakes she had surprised me with in the morning). After I finished that, I went through the registry and my documents for the last time, in a desperate attempt to not think about Penny and focus on the task at hand.

A quick glance at my watch told me that I had about fifteen minutes left before the official opening hours started. I briefly wondered whether anyone would show up at all – Auntie and I had invested in some flyers, and we had distributed them both at her working place as well as my school. I had also thrown the remaining ones into random mail boxes on my various ways. Despite that, my reputation might very well end up keeping any potential customer from actually seeking the store – my store, I reminded myself – out.

For the first time in a long while I thought back to Yaneesha, Shot and the other idiots that despised me so much. The reason for their unwavering hate was still very much of a mystery to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to wish them harm. After all, they had ultimately suffered bigger losses than I did, and ever since Yaneesha had left school, I hadn’t been physically attacked anymore.

At least not by humans.

I sighed and unlocked the doors.

To my big surprise a couple of people entered while I was putting out the huge board I had painted. They roamed around the shelves, and a tiny silver-hair lady even told me how happy she was that the store was open again. I vaguely remembered her face and came to the conclusion that she was one of the very few somewhat regular visitors. Didn’t she have a fondness for novels? I directed her towards some new arrivals, which prompted my first successful sale.

It was somewhat difficult to believe, and the whole situation felt unreal. Something about the ordinariness was quite at odds with the crazy circus my life had become. I answered questions, recommended books, and made a couple of other sales. It wasn’t much, but still a whole lot more than what I’d expected – nothing.

Auntie joined me after I had been open for ninety minutes, and I could tell how tired she was. We both forced smiles, and despite my best efforts, she insisted on staying with me, though her face grew paler by the minute. Just when I had convinced her to sit down and stop fussing, her face lit up with recognition.

“Oh, you didn’t tell me he was coming. How nice!”

I whirled around just to see Benny-Penny standing outside the store, a red balloon on a string in his hands. For some reason that really touched me – I was just glad auntie sat behind me, so she couldn’t see the stupid smile spreading across my face. I rushed out and grasped his hands.

“I’m so glad you’re here”, I gushed. “I can’t believe you’re willing to go through this… Are you okay?”

He nodded, a familiar twinkle in his eyes, and handed me the balloon. It even read “Congratulations” on it. After quickly wiping my eyes I ushered him inside, ignoring the weird vibrations that built up in my stomach.

Penny looked utterly out of place, a wonderful mixture of awkwardness and otherworldly beauty that was just a tick off – probably not enough for anyone to realize but enough to cause the other visitors to show signs of unease. It was almost comical – a guy in a rather fancy suit started fiddling with his tie, a young girl put her jacket back on, and a group of teens moved closer together. Despite the fact that it wasn’t a good thing unnerve the people who I was supposed to sell to, it was still entertaining to observe. And I couldn’t help myself but marvel at his human form; the way his muscles visibly moved beneath the thin, tight sweater he was wearing; the way that ass looked in that pair of jeans; the way his movements were still the same as in his clown form.

I quickly went into the back room and tied the balloon to my backpack, not wanting to leave Penny alone for too long; but by the time I had returned he sat beside auntie and they chatted away merrily. He laughed – that wonderful, over-the-top crazy laugh of his, and shook his head. Auntie smiled, said something and started chuckling. For a moment she looked much younger, the stress lines fading, and my heart started hurting again.

How I wished I could see her like that every day.

I joined them, but I admittedly didn’t pay much attention, nor contribute much to the conversation – I was just content to see auntie and Benny-Penny happy. My odd behavior wasn’t noticed, though; Benny told one joke after another, and soon, my costumers had circled around us, joining in on the laughs. From time to time I could have sworn I saw a glint of something in Benny’s eyes, but it always disappeared so quickly I couldn’t be sure.

It was a rather pleasant experience to have him around. Time flew by quickly, and making sales felt like something I did on the side whilst I was mainly focusing on Benny. Finally the last pulk of people left the store, and I waved after them. Auntie stood up and started cleaning the buffet table; throwing away crumbled napkins and stacking plates. I offered to help, but she refused me; so I started counting the money I had made. When she left to bring the plates upstairs to the apartment, I dropped all pretence and threw myself into Benny’s arms.

“Thank you for coming”, I whispered, somewhat at a loss at how to convey the deep gratitude I felt.

He just patted my head, but I could feel how exhausted he was. I understood all too well – being around other humans and having to act normally was difficult enough for me, and I was part of their race. I reached up and cradled his cheek in my hand.

“I will make this up to you, I promise.”

Benny’s head shot up so fast I didn’t realize he had moved for a second.

Something was wrong.

His face had become devoid of emotion, the smile that had just been there completely gone, and there was an orange hue in his eyes. He stood utterly still.

“What’s the matter?”

“One of them is coming closer.”

“Who?”

“One of them.”

It took me a second to put his words and his behavior together.

“You mean… the ones that hurt you?”

He nodded, his eyes turning ever more orange. I took his hands and pulled him around to face me.

“Listen, if you need to get out of here, go. But I don’t think you’re in danger – you look like a human, you’re in a fucking bookstore, and besides, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, okay?” That had absolutely no effect whatsoever. He was still as tense as before. “Penny, I promise, you’re safe.”

He slowly lowered his eyes, exhaling loudly. Not even a second later, he tensed up again. This time, he was watching someone outside. I turned around and saw two young men walking down the street. They held brown paper bags and yelled loudly, pushing each other constantly. My somewhat rusty instinct for bad situations told me they were trouble.

“They want to trash your shop.”

I didn’t even question him; I was too focused on the fact that they had changed direction and were now clearly walking up to us.

“I won’t allow that.” I reached into my pocket for my phone, with every intention to call the cops, but this time, Penny grabbed my hands. He had the weirdest little smile, and his left eye started drifting to the side. For some reason, I got goosebumps. I could only watch as he left me and stood in front of the duo. They shouted something, he replied, and the three of them walked away.

What was I supposed to do? I still had my phone in my hand, and I contemplated dialing 911. But what should I say? That I had possibly evaded big trouble? That my killer clown boyfriend had just left with the troublemakers and they’d better start searching for the leftovers, if there would be any? And that Pennywise might be in danger? Hello officer, you know, there’s this creature that kills and feeds on humans, and I love him very much, and he got spooked, so could you please start an investigation, and by the way, clean up after him?

“Where’d he go?”

Auntie had come back to me and looked out the door. I shook my head, gathering my jumbled thoughts.

“Oh, his mom called, he’s supposed to help her with something.”

“It was nice of him to stop by.”

“Yeah, very nice.” I still stared at the corner around which they had disappeared, as if I could make my gaze bend around it to follow them and make sure everything was okay.

“Is everything alright? Did you quarrel?”

“Oh no, I guess I’m just… a little overwhelmed with everything.” My attempt at a reassuring smile was bad at best, but somehow auntie bought it.

“Oh well, it’s been some hectic weeks for both of us.”

I nodded. A quick glance at my phone told me it was time to close down. That, thankfully, wouldn’t take long. However, there was still-

“Look who’s come!”

For the second time that day, a very welcome visitor approached the store. This time it wasn’t my favorite alien killer clown, it was Bee; with a large suitcase in hand and a warm smile on her face.

[the-river-person]

Worldbuilding Tangent Part 4

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 Since I have all the tabs open still, I’m just gonna hop straight into Hotland. (A reminder that these are my own observations and analysis of the Game’s text  it is still only my interpretation of how this area MIGHT work if we attempt to apply real world systems Undertale’s world. It’s possible that I misunderstood or don’t know enough about the natural systems described and that things couldn’t work that way without some kind of magic, whether that of the Monsters or some natural source of it.) I’ve already covered the idea that Ebbot is a Stratovolcano and that it pushed up through limestone layers in a gigantic explosion that not only formed the mountain, but also pushed lava flows up through the rock and formed numerous lava tubes that intruded upon slowly forming caverns and caves. However the area of Hotland itself is rather weird. When you catch your first glimpse of it over the bridge while being chased by Undyne it appears to be free flowing lava. But later once you’ve crossed the Labs, it seems more like a still lake of it. Other areas are clearly hotter than others by far, such as the area seen in the distance surrounding the base of the core compared to the area where Frisk can walk up on ledges and roads not too far from the surface of the lake. The only way this might work is if you had a Permanent Lava Lake, a rare occurrence where a lava lake has a continuous source of heat, possibly due to magma flow rates in the volcanic conduits below. Some might suggest that this is actually the magma chamber of the volcano, but if that were the case... No one could possibly survive that. Also Magma Chambers are much further down and subject to immense pressure and heat. Most Monsters couldn’t survive, and no humans could either unless they could reset time upon death and choose not to enter the magma chamber or get anywhere near it. So a Permanent Lava Lake. But most of the time you can’t actually see the surface of the lake, as the game simply shows blackness on either side of your arid and red rock formation path or various mechanical platforms. This might suggest that you are much higher up and away from the surface, possibly in areas where the flow is much faster and the lava much hotter. Lava is actually quite tolerable and isn’t likely to cause serious burns to you unless you get really close. 8 feet away for slowly flowing lava as demonstrated by geologists trying to get a close look at the formations of lava toes. But while some parts of this lake might be slow and cool enough to get close to, most areas probably aren’t. Which is why it makes sense for a lot of the areas to be elevated high up, away from the surface of the lake. The biggest problem with lava heat is actually due to Radiant Damage. Essentially, if you can see the lava, that means its light is hitting you and can possibly cause burns if you’re too close, or blind you. Have you ever been near a bonfire and felt the heat sear your face even when you were far away? Yeah, lava is a LOT worse. Which is another good reason to be far away from the surface most of the time, so that even if you do glance over the edge, you won’t have your face burned off by the light. If we’re thinking of Undertale’s fire or volcano based monsters, this probably isn’t a big issue. But any of the game’s other monsters might face some of the same issues as a human who wanders the area. However, human bodies are remarkably adaptable, and despite the intensely inhospitably conditions present in the caverns containing Hotland, its likely that Frisk would be able to linger for some time in the extreme heat before it started doing major damage to their body. However they wouldn’t survive living there. Some might point out the issue with the water dissolving from your cup if you try to take it beyond the area where Undyne collapses, but aside from an in game gag where the rules of physics are broken, I’m unable to find an explanation for this that still allows a human to survive the area for any period of time at all. Fortunately we have a number of instances through the game where physics and reality are broken specifically to stop us from causing errors big enough to crash the game. If you head the other direction the water simply “returns to the cooler” while heading deeper into Hotland causes it to “Evaporate” away. It’s unlikely that it really did so and can probably be safely ignored as the proper actions are to give the water to Undyne or leave without getting any. We even have proof that it’s not hot enough for water to truly evaporate, since Undyne, who is already sensitive to heat, doesn’t even die but only suffers because her armor heated up far too quickly, and later caused her to develop heatstroke which leaves her weak and in bed. We see a similar phenomenon with other armor in the area that is not protected by a “cooling dirt”. However there is one main problem that would make things difficult. Lava produces poisonous gasses through a process called degassing. This process is normally quite volatile in ordinary Lava Lakes, but in Permanent Lava Lakes its more constant and less explosive. But the actual gas is incredibly harmful. Even in open air areas it can present a hazard depending on where you are and where the wind is blowing. More frustrating is that both the red formations the path is on and the blackish formations that make up various distant walls we can see are basalt, which means the lava is Basaltic. Basaltic Lava produces more poisonous gasses by volume than any other type. But Frisk is wandering through a cavern where there is no weather to blow away gasses. One possibility is that to make the area more accessible for Monsters who had lungs (unlike the skeletons) or who weren’t fire or volcano based somehow, an artificial method of sucking out gasses and pulling in fresh oxygen from the surface. This wouldn’t be too difficult if you were willing to draw away the air near the surface of the lake as it begins to rise and out through some kind of vent, possibly to outside or maybe to where the gas can be collected and used. And we already know the Underground has numerous holes in the ceilings where things like airflow and sunlight are possible, but not living beings with souls. If air were being pulled away from the lower areas, then new air would rush in from the openings to take its place. This would also keep upper areas cool and cool the surface of the lake a little, but not enough to totally solidify it, since its kept heated by geothermal cycles below. Another frightening point is that if there is lava this high above the lower Magma Chamber at all, even in a relatively stable Permanent Lava Lake, that means that Mt. Ebbot is not permanently dormant and could, in fact, reactivate at any time.

[blackwoolncrown]

Hm this is a long shot but do u have any readings on the topic of spirituality in organizing? Or spirituality by another name, but the behavior u are getting at ig. Growing up the closest religion I had at hand was Catholicism thru my grandma, and my mother was ‘spiritual’ but used it to confirm her own biases in a weird way. These made me wary of religion (well like a type of christianity and white co-option of spiritual practice, but I didn’t realize that growing up) but I definitely think in “religious” ways like u described, however because I haven’t considered myself a spiritual person, I’ve left it unexamined which I’m sure is leading to problems. Got into organizing last year with a prisoner support group and it would be nice to develop a way to critique/understand our approach to the work in these terms but wouldn’t know where to start.Thank you and if this isn’t something that can rlly be learned thru reading like I kinda expect, no worries and no need to answer this ask! Have a good day!

Hmm.. Nothing wrong with a long shot. I'm a believer in high aim.

So the thing with this is yeah, you're right, you can't really learn this through reading. Largely bc what you need is to unlearn something and partially because it's very difficult to unlearn something in the same medium or framework you learned it.

FIrst off though let me say congrats on actually, like, following that thread of self-reflection. It's incredibly important to have that level of self-awareness and perspective especially when your aim is compassion and social work- if we are not aware of ourselves we continue to do harm to others even when we intend otherwise.

You're definitely not alone in your position. Two main points:

1. This is actually sort of the first step in the Ancestral work I mentioned, something largely left out of mainstream western culture because aside from patron saints and black church traditions, ancestor veneration is largely absent from this culture specifically due to the practice having been persecuted by xtianity in other cultures and also because the traumas of war and colonization lead to people not wanting to go back and learn their histories or not knowing, or only knwing hugely inaccurate sensationalized versions of who their ancestors were. Asking yourself "What beliefs and behaviors did I inherit from my parents?....and where did they get theirs from?...And where did my grandparents get theirs? (and on all accounts how did the lives they lived affect this, and how does that relate to me today..?)" is the very beginning Ancestral Work. This is how you find out about deeper layers of yourself in order to decide what to do with them. But I don't wanna say more on this bc it's a whole huge thing.

2. And here is my second biggest gripe with xtianity: Aside from the whole persecuting and killing people thing, and the upholding a separation between self and spirit (so fucking dangerous), the fact that xtianity caused so much damage and trauma has been sufficient to cause a significant number of people to become avoidant of not just religion, not just spirituality, but even belief in general.

This has robbed humanity of so much and caused so much violence.. ugh but that's another rant. Anyway it's the source of this really ironic but common thread of people who consider themselves Atheist or anti-religion when they're really anti-xtian, but in doing so cut themselves off from meaning-making and deeply human forms of connection and self empowerment. And this has wrecked culture and mental health and so on and so on.

So anyway to come back around, I would, as ever, point you to the work being done around decolonization. In my experience, which began from an agnostic scientific-philosophical lens, moved through buddhist practice and philosophy for years and grew all the way into reclaimed indigenous animist practices of my lineages, I find that decolonization is the most efficient and accurate key path, because knowing what, specifically, was imposed upon and persecuted out of various cultures and why will tell you precisely where, culturally, you got your preconceived notions from and- very importantly- what other meaningful notions or worldviews preceded them.

It's one thing to say "well I don't wanna be religious like my family" it's another thing entirely to actually replace that empty space with informed, personally aligned meaning. Nature abhors a vaccum and that space DOES get filled with shit if you don't organize it yourself.

Happy life journey.

[elmidol]

The Shackles of Fate - Two (NSFW)

Dark Faerie Tale AU

Read on AO3

Read Chapter One

Summary:  If one misses curfew it is not only their life that is on the line, but their very soul. You are unlucky enough to encounter the fallen faerie prince when you miss curfew. He decides to claim your soul for himself rather than turn it over to the Master he has been enslaved by. As you are drawn further into his world, you learn more of your own past and how it is connected to the stories of your childhood.

Pairing: Kylo Ren/Reader Ben/Reader

Warning: dark fic, dub con, oral

The Shackles of Fate

Two

It smelled of damp soil in the place that you awoke. Your eyelids fluttered open and you discovered that there was an extreme lack of light. Darkness pervaded the area—was it a room? Normally when you were in bed there were traces of shadows that played along the walls. There was none of that where you now were. You inhaled deeply and worked to rely on your other senses in order to ascertain your current location. It occurred to you that this could well be limbo. Purgatory. The pit of Snoke’s stomach after he had consumed your soul. There were countless phrases and terms that would equate to the same thing. If not for the feel of moss under your fingertips, you would have truly believed that you had met death for your failure to make curfew. You sniffed the air once more, however, to reaffirm that there was a distinct lack of a gastric aroma.

 One unfortunate fact of your childhood was that, as the dark faerie had stated, you had had no parents to comfort you. They had abandoned you as an infant, leaving you behind to be raised in the orphanage owned by the Plutt family. That was where you had met and befriended Rey. She had been there only a little while longer than you had. Never once did she give up on the possibility that her family would return for her. You, on the other hand, had escaped into the faerie tales and rejected the possibility that your parents had loved you. It hurt you more to think that they had wanted you only to leave you there.

 Of the many household chores that you had been assigned, it was cleaning the toilets that had forever instilled the memory of regurgitated stale beer. You had done all that you could to ensure that the outlook you had on life remained overall positive. That was the very reason you had embraced and adored tales of faeries in your youth. Your becoming a nursemaid had been due to your growing desire to bring laughter into the lives of children as a means of preventing them from experiencing a similar childhood to yours and Rey’s.

 Present circumstances did not dissuade you from believing that you had chosen the correct path for your life. The governess that you worked alongside, a woman by the name of Rose Tico, had quickly become a dear friend; and she, too, believed that you had a gift for working with the younger children in the household. Though Rose was only twenty-two years of age, her word held much weight in your opinion. She had always been wise in repeating the rules regarding surviving Snoke’s power. If you had given more heed to them, such as the at morning ensure the clock is not broken portion, you might not have wound up there.

 Where there happened to be.

 In darkness where not even the white material of your nightgown could be seen, that was where you were. You touched your hands to the clothing. You could not help but wonder how filthy it was. When you returned home—you firmly believed that you would be returning; you were willing to fight tooth and nail to do so—you would invest in a nightgown that was a darker shade. The current one would undoubtedly need to be tossed out. Allowing yourself to think of these mundane plans helped you to keep a level head. You had since risen to your feet and had started to tiptoe through the darkness. One hand outstretched in front of you, wiggling your toes between each step in search of anything that might bring harm.

 You froze when light broke through the darkness. You squinted and shielded your eyes. A silhouette emerged, obscuring a generous amount of that brightness. You gave a quick sweep of the room to survey your surroundings in case you were again sealed inside. A shout for help lodged in your throat. You did not know if you could trust the individual. Were they yet another prisoner of the faerie? One of the guards?

 Perhaps, despite his words, the faerie prince did intend on carrying out his duty of ripping your soul from your body. Not wanting to do something did not always equate to refraining from committing oneself to the dreadful task. Much as it had been in your room, there were no weapons that you could use to defend yourself. Except, of course, your fists. Your childhood had resulted in you knowing basic defensive maneuvers as well as how to properly throw a punch to break someone’s nose. Rey had also instructed you on other techniques that she had picked up during her travels.

 “I can deliver you no harm. You are his guest.” Guest was certainly not the term you would have used. You clenched your teeth in order to bite back any retort you had for the female speaker.

 All the same, you stepped nearer to the light when the other being shifted towards the left in a gesture of welcoming. You repeatedly blinked as your eyes struggled to fully adjust to the brightness. Something touched your shoulder, prompting you to jump. You spun around, your hands lifting to touch the material that had been placed on you. Relaxing, you tucked your arms into the sleeves of the travel shawl. You were grateful to have an added layer to your attire given that the wetness from the moss was causing portions of your nightgown to become rather transparent.

 The faerie standing in front of you was dressed in earthly colors. Her wings were different than those of the dark creature that had entered your bedroom. These were a translucent pink. The faerie’s face was obscured by a mask and every bit of her flesh was hidden by her clothing.

 “Should you find yourself in need of nutrition, provisions will be provided.” The faerie offered a brief bow of her head then walked around you, leaving you to your own devices.

 You knit your brow in confusion. You twisted at your waist one way then the other, searching your surroundings once more. There were wooden shelves that held filled bottles and glass jars. Curled up in a corner underneath those shelves and observing you was a small feline. Its tail reminded you of a lizard, as did the tongue that flicked out from its mouth. The sound that emerged from it was a coo.

 Upon closer inspection of the jars and bottles, you discovered the contents were things that made your stomach turn. You fought off the urge to gag upon noticing the pinkish organs that you strongly believed were human. One of the jars held coagulated blood and another ashes. Recoiling from the collection, you were relieved to find that the feline did not move to follow you when you walked in the direction of a different door than the one the faerie had exited.

 Lanterns lit your path in the garden that the door opened to. You looked back over your shoulder, wondering what the hut you had just left was normally used for. It had not been a prison cell as you had started to fear. The stench of damp soil gave way to the various perfumes offered by the flowers in the garden. They mixed together to produce a calming aroma. You had never seen such plants in your life, although they did bear a certain resemblance to some of the illustrations in picture books.

 The lanterns did not illuminate your path near as much as you would have preferred. They were spaced apart enough where shadows played on the ground and the darkness threatened to drown you every few inches. One bush of the bushes that was easily visible had berries you could have plucked off and eaten if you had wanted to.

 You knew better than to allow anything too close to your mouth. Stories had long told of humans becoming trapped as servants to the fae when they ate or drank from this realm. Governess Tico did not neglect her duty to keep the entire household, including the staff, informed of these precautions and rules. The children that you looked after knew more about imps than faeries; those more malevolent creatures specialized in stealing children away to serve in the demon king’s army. Their souls were kept in a constant state of agony until they had worn out their use, at which point the imp would officially harvest the soul for Snoke’s meal.

 You considered yourself lucky that you had been met with a faerie instead of an imp. You did have a strong dislike of faerie dust though, or at least when it was used to assist in your abduction.

 Guest my ass, you thought, your lips puckering forward in a sour expression.

 You drew the gray travel shawl more tightly around your body. In the distance you could hear voices and the occasional laughter, some of it dry and humorless. You ignored those sounds. You used the lanterns as a guide; they carried you deeper into the garden and farther away from the voices. With any luck, you would find a portal to take you back to your realm.

 “You’ll be disappointed—the portal will not open for you.” The yelp that left you had your cheeks growing hot with blush. You recognized the voice and turned to its owner.

 An absence of his helmet had not been what you had expected to find. Your eyes darted about the features of his face, which were far different than you had believed they would be. Despite having seen his jawline while he had been on your bed with you, you had not expected the rest of his countenance to also look human. His brown eyes had an intensity to them. You could not decide if you would refer to them as fierce or deep. They drew you in rather than repelled you. Because of this, you chose to think of them with the latter term. His hair was longer than you had seen on men where you lived. Your fingers twitched at the thought that those locks could very well be as soft as they appeared. The light curls looked much like feathers to you.

 “You’ve been watching me,” you said, your tone less accusatory than the situation might have warranted. His jaw twitched. You watched his lips begin to purse only to settle back into their former frown of indifference. When he failed to reply verbally, you tried once more. “I hadn’t thought that your eyes were made for a darker world.” Instantly you felt a sense of regret over your poor word choice; faeries had not always been denizens of darkness.

 His wings stretched out an inch to either side. They folded in a similar manner to a bat’s, although their texture brought to mind a moth. “The helmet?” His natural voice caused you to relax. You nodded a single time in response to his inquiry. “There are obstacles that exist between realms.” The way he spoke had changed, his tone adapting a sardonic quality. It was akin to the moments you found yourself explaining the most basic of rules to the younger children for the umpteenth time. You wondered how old this faerie prince was. That information had not been readily available in any of the tales that you had heard.

 You digested the minute amount of information he had willingly provided. First, there was a portal, likely nearby given that he had felt a need to comment on it. Second, as he had stated, it would not open for you. Faerie magics were strong and it had been such forces that had once held Snoke back from your realm. You were not arrogant enough to believe that you could break them.

“Why did you bring me here?” you asked, your level of impatience winning.

When he spoke, it was not to answer your question, but to pose another. “You truly don’t know what you are, do you?” You, having glanced in the direction of the voices of the other faeries, laid your eyes on the faerie prince. His lips were curled at the corners in amusement, his eyes pinching. It was clear that he was holding in his laughter, though a breathy exhalation from his nose managed to break through. You waited for him to tease you while revealing whatever it was he believed he was going on about. You were left disappointed.

With a huff, you decided to change tactics. “Why did you put me in that hut?”

“To carry you over my threshold would have ramifications I doubt you would be prepared for.” He had worded his reply well. Your eyes widened. The prince’s smirk appeared once more and he turned his back to you. Each time he spoke, your gaze had lowered to his mouth. His canine teeth were more pointed than a human’s, although you would not refer to them as fangs since that brought to mind a vampire. You were beginning to believe that, in his own way, he had been merciful. When he had stated that he did not wish to kill you, he had meant it and acted in a way to prevent your death.

If things were as simple as that, he would be able to break free from the demon king. There has to be more.

You ran the fingers of your right hand through your hair, tucking some back behind your ear. The faerie tilted back his head. You could hear him sniff the air. Shoulders rising, you took a step in retreat. You were at a loss how to handle this behavior. The obvious statement of it’s not human would have made you roll your eyes; understanding this, though, did little to help you from feeling self-conscious.

The faerie twisted around, closing the distance between the two of you before you had a chance to react. His wings extended their full length. You turned your head to the left so that you could take in their full size and design. You had barely enough time to react to them closing again, this time wrapping around your body and pulling you against their owner. You braced your forearms against his chest, looked up at him, and glared. You would have verbally protested his actions had he not spoken first, informing you that he was masking your scent with his own. After the female faerie had referred to you as a guest, you had dismissed the idea that others in this realm might be interested in targeting you.

Your soul, according to the treaty signed by those who summoned the demon king into the human realm, belonged to Snoke as an offering. It had never been known for certain how it was that the faeries, imps and demons were able to sense who had failed to meet curfew. It was not as though those marked lived long enough to learn this secret.

A breeze rustled the leaves in the trees and bushes. The faerie’s wings shifted off of you to once more wrap around only their owner’s body. You looked down at your clothes and found that dust coated the material. The same dust that had previously knocked you unconscious. It seemed to have more than one use. You pinched the front of the travel shawl, rubbed your fingers together through the material, and inspected the digits. None of the dust had clung to your flesh.

“It will soon be morning.”

You looked up from your fingers and met the faerie’s gaze. “You will take me back to my home—I haven’t eaten anything.” His shoulders shook in silent laughter, one of his gloved hands concealing the lower half of his face. “I…” You released a strangled noise, temporarily at a loss for words. Recovering, you tried again. “I refuse to remain your prisoner!”

He lowered the limb from his face in unison with stepping around you. The faerie circled you, his eyes in constant motion. You tugged at the hem of the shawl’s sleeves. Did wearing their clothing seal your fate? The tip of his tongue peeked out from between his lips. The faerie took a step towards you and you took one back. He repeated his actions, you yours until you felt the hard surface of a tree trunk against your back, blocking you from going any further. His hands cupped you through your nightgown. You grabbed at his wrists, your eyes wide and glued to his face. He was meeting your gaze. “Don’t fight it.” He bent two fingers at the knuckles. Straightened them and bent them again. Short, slow strokes. He teased you through the thin layer of clothing that you wore.

You trembled at his touch and averted your gaze. You knew that you had not outright rejected him. What if you did? The words refused to form on your tongue as the warmth of pleasure blossomed in your stomach and pooled lower. Your panties were becoming damp. The faerie prince prodded at you, his gentle strokes coming to an end.

“Have you ever touched yourself?” he asked. You bit down on the insides of your cheeks to keep from answering. “Some go to bed early to do so.” Teasing you, reminding you of your failure. You shrunk in on yourself then straightened as his fingers resumed petting you. “I cannot take their souls.” An admission that he played the role of voyeur. He applied more pressure, managing to work open your outer lips. He fucked his fingers into them. Your wet panties were now making the front of your nightgown wet. “I can smell you like this. You like it.”

A part of you wondered why he was doing it given his prior actions, that he had worked to mask your scent.

“You said you ate nothing?” You nodded. The smirk on his lips was a filthy promise that he sunk to his knees to deliver. “I will.” Once more you were stunned to silence. Your eyes wide, you watched as the faerie prince lifted the front of your nightgown and pulled it over his head. The fingers that had been stroking you now hooked into your panties, tugging them out of his way. His warm breath crept over you. You buried your face in your hands as your body reacted. The wetness between your legs trailed down your thighs and had undoubtedly dribbled onto his face.

Your mind conjured up the memory of that pink tongue between his lips as you felt it dance along your folds. The faerie prince sunk the tips of his fingers into your thighs, working them open, and flattened his tongue against you. You felt it undulate then curl. He pulled all that he could into his mouth, noisily slurping and groaning. If it hadn’t been for the tree, you would have collapsed. Your hands dropped away from your face and you held the back of his head through your nightgown. Tilting back your head, you closed your eyes and rocked against his mouth. The grip he had on your left thigh lessened. He hooked that leg over his shoulder then plunged his tongue into you. You gasped at the intrusion, at the way he felt inside of you. Your hands tugged at him in a futile effort to get him closer. He opened his mouth around you then slowly closed his lips, dragging them along your folds while his tongue again swirled, this time on your clit.

He repeated the act, only this time he flattened his tongue and dragged it up. Moved it in reverse so that the underside gathered more of you. Another lick from that devilish tongue. He started to draw lazy designs that may have been words. As he delivered a final stroke down with the very tip, you were brought over the edge. The world around you seemed to disappear, all sounds drowned out by the pulse in your ears. His hand was on your stomach to keep you from pitching forward. His mouth still on you, tongue greedily lapping up all that he could.

Once he was satisfied, the faerie prince withdrew from your nightgown, your panties shifting back into place. You wiggled to help them. All the while you worked to catch your breath and tried to remember why you had allowed this stranger to touch you. Not that it hadn’t felt good. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

“The portal will open and I will return you to your home—until night again comes. Your soul is marked. If you wish to keep it, you will not attempt to escape my protection. The imps can smell humans best of all. I will ensure your scent is masked.” He gestured in a wide arc to the many bushes in the garden. “In here you shall play while I serve the demon king.”

While you murder and ripe out the souls of others, you thought bitterly. Reality hit you hard and you felt physically ill. No matter how merciful appeared and alluring this creature was, he nevertheless was a murderer. A monster, twisted from whatever former beauty he may have been. You pressed your legs closer together and mentally berated yourself for giving into desire.

Turning, you toyed with the flower nearest to you. It was a red blossom with yellow streaks on its petals. You bent down, smelling its sweet scent, which reminded you of a hard candy that had always been your favorite. You lowered yourself onto your knees then sat on your legs. Your hands were in your lap and your eyes did not leave the flower. Resigned to your fate, until you could find a loophole, you asked for the faerie’s name. It came as no surprise that he failed to answer.

“What should I call you?” he asked. You rubbed your thumb along your leg, swiping it back and forth. Four seconds elapsed before you decided to humor the faerie prince by giving your name.

For this you earned nothing more than a grunt of acknowledgment. You rose to your feet and faced the faerie. “Are you...Ben?”

The dark winged creature flinched, drawing back from you as though you had given a great insult. “He was weak and now slumbers.” It was not exactly a no, not in your opinion. “Kylo.” He held out his hand to you. “I will take you home.”

That voice, those words, echoed in your head as you opened your eyes to find yourself staring up at the ceiling of your room. Had any of that truly occurred? Heat exploded across your face at the memory of that tongue. A dream? You touched your shoulders. There was no travel shawl. You sat up enough to push aside your blankets and examine your nightgown. It was clean, perfectly so. Your eyes shifted to the clock on the bedside dresser. It ticked, properly counting each second that passed. You started to convince yourself that it had all been a dream. Which would explain the ease with which the faerie had seduced you. Laying your head back on your pillow, however, you saw something in the corner of your eye.

You shifted on the bed, turning onto your side and staring at the small object that looked to you like a cocoon. Its design was familiar. They were… Your lips parted in a silent gasp. Kylo’s wings had the same pattern, but this was so tiny. You gently touched the tip of your index finger to the cocoon. It opened, one wing sliding down to reveal the face of a slumbering young man. He was nearly identical to Kylo, although his features were softer. More peaceful. Instead of the dark robes that Kylo had worn, this faerie was adorned in white with golden designs. He was curled with his head nestled on his crossed arms and his legs drawn towards his stomach. You carefully nudged the wing aside to see the remainder of his body.

If he were to stand his full height, he would have been just a little larger than your middle finger.

You spoke softly to the small faerie, urging him to wake up. He did not stir. You bit down on your bottom lip. If you were to leave him, there was a chance that one of the cats would enter the room and eat him.

Now slumbers, you thought with an outward groan. You had not even considered that the curse placed on the faerie prince by Snoke ran more deeply than being trapped in servitude. By night his slave, by day…

“I hope you don’t mind living in a pocket,” you muttered, rising from the bed and grabbing fresh clothes. You could already hear movement from the upper floors. The children were waking and within the hour you would once more be Nursemaid. Your predicament would have to wait until lunch hour, at which point you would be allowed to confer with Governess Tico.

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie, so re-reading diamants and the chapter where Eliott has stopped his meds and almost melts down was so heavy. I relate alot to Eliott because of mental health so it wasn't triggering but more nostalgic if i make sense. 🙈 But i could feel the weight and match his anxiety as it's a constant with me. I loved you exploring the psyche and you really understood that nuance with MI and being unsure if it's just you or your illness speaking. That ch moved me and it hurt more when Lucas pushed

Cont... him away because you could track the spiral within the narrative. Like the almost mania and then crash and embarassment. When Eliott was in the appartment with his friends and the therapist (love her) and he just isn't sure of himself. And he's also heart broken from Lucas. 😭 it's the intricate details Ellie not just Elu. The dissection of the characters is so interesting. I love Valles. I actually loved Valles with Eliott. That dynamic was great. I can't praise you enough. 😘

Hey anon ! Love that you are rereading and you still have things to tell me ^^

I remember that chapter was very heavy to write - and it was my first real foray into angst. I did research on what it was like to have bipolar disorder and I took inspiration from people's testimonies, looking for personal experiences beyond the diagnosis list & psychological manual. For instance something that came back often was the near constant anxiety about relapse that can be almost worse than the thing itself, spurred on by often quite traumatic memories of past episodes. And at the same time an extremely ambivalent relationship with it because having (hypo)mania can feel really good at times and like you're a braver/stronger/more creative etc version of yourself. On the whole the experiences of an episode don't suddenly disappear when it is done ; it stays with you. So this is something always present in Eliott's character, living with that self doubt and ambiguity. In canon, too, you get the idea that he can't always tell when he is relapsing or not.

Plus there is this thing that people with any mental illness can probably recognize somewhat - like, when is it you and when is it your disorder and where is the separation? And it's not always clear cut. Eliott during an episode is still Eliott, just an exaggerated version of him. At the same time, he can act in ways he probably would not usually and feel deeply regretful/ashamed of afterwards and that he didn't feel like he fully had free will over. So he needs to protect his sense of self from that and accept that in a sense it wasn't his fault. But it's still part of him, and that is just so difficult.

This is something I have been thinking a lot about through my own experiences. Being mentally ill and/or neurodivergent can make you keenly aware of how much concepts like choice/willpower/selfhood/free will etc are not as simple or as obvious as most people think. And are very much the result of a thousand bio/neurological and chemical processes and if one or more don't line up, it can go awry and it's a terrifying reminder that we are all bags of meat animated by electricity who cling to concepts like the soul or the mind to reassure themselves and forget how precarious everything is. (Sorry that got dark lmao.) Anyway !!! The self is a result of constant negotiation between your memories, concept of identity, emotions, impulses, conscious goals, needs, habits and reflexes, values and biases, interests and survival instincts ; and ultimately making a specific final choice is what shapes you, not necessarily all the thoughts and ideas and impulses sloshing around your brain. But when that final ability to pilot yourself in the direction that you want, for various reasons like executive dysfunction or in Eliott's case, certain emotions/more rash parts of his brain taking over - first of all it's the worst !!! and also it can feel like a deeply alienating loss of control. You develop very intricate ways of coping with that. For Eliott this is why he is often overthinking so much.

In this chapter I wanted to show all that and how complicated it is for Eliott to fall for Lucas because it's a very reckless thing to do so he suspects it might be informed by his disorder but he can't let that take all the space either and force him to always make the most safe boring sedate choices. So he focuses on the more hopeful parts of their relationship instead - that he feels he is helping Lucas and Lucas is helping him, that they have this deep human bond that is based on a need for truth and justice in a very complicated context and being able to communicate on a deeper level. But then Lucas pushes him away and all that is yanked from under his feet and he feels like a reckless fool again. And I think that despair pushes him, consciously or not, to do things that he knows could cause an episode - not sleeping, not taking his meds - it's a sort of "appel du vide" / being tempted by what scares you, might as well go all the way then sort of impulse. Like having an episode could almost be a relief because being so anxious all the time is horrible.

It's also a form of self harm, honestly. It's that impulse to hurt yourself when you have been hurt by somebody you love ; as some sort of weird way to prove the intensity of your feelings ; as a retaliation both against the other (to make them feel guilty) and one's self for having needs/emotions/vulnerability. It's not healthy !!! And he wants to do something drastic to attract Lucas's attention. He feels like he can't be free of all the worry/expectations/fear/pressure without having the excuse of an episode ; this is an Eliott who is being constantly monitored by his girlfriend and his family and feels deeply trapped. He almost wants the clarity of disaster. And it is forcing him to confront and accept the intensity of his feelings so it's almost liberating. It's a very layered situation. But a lot of that is unconscious. So I wanted to give some hints that he is letting himself spiral while not being entirely aware of it. And that he might very well have made the same choice to go into that bar down the line even if he wasn't spiraling. This is not something he regrets later on ; and so there is an element of reconciliation with his more...unhinged parts, let's say, that it doesn't only bring purely bad things.

At the same time I thought it would be very interesting to have this ambiguity over Eliott's entrance into the Shadow. We'll come back to that later.

Sorry for rambling lmao but yeah I feel that is a very important chapter for Eliott and I'm glad it spoke to you 😂😂😂

[wisdomrays]

TAFAKKUR: Part 53

Why do we turn over during sleep?

Our skin is not only a means for our body to look nice esthetically, but it also acts as a shield against negative external effects. For instance, it helps protect us from mechanical and chemical injuries or rashes, harmful waves of sun, and virulent microbes. Even though millions of microorganisms inhabit the surface of our skin, they cannot easily cross that barrier. But when the skin is scratched, these microbes can reach deeper parts of the body, causing diseases. If investigated under a microscope, we see that skin is not a mere cover but also an organ in charge of important duties. That is to say, skin is a very important organ which helps us sense hot and cold, pleasure and pain, regulates body temperature by relaxing and constricting blood vessels. It terminates microbes via giant Langerhans cells, synthesizes vitamin D, heals of wounds, and removes toxins via perspiration.

Skin is composed of two main interwoven layers of dermis, on the inside, and epidermis, on the outside. The epidermis, which is composed of five sub units, possesses the most important sign of our identity. Each thin layer is arranged in a way to carry out different tasks. A significant amount of elasticity and flexibility is provided to skin via these five layers. These layers can glide on each other slightly and can also be compressed under pressure. They are compressed when we sit on a hard surface. This situation can be similar to the compression of the spring in a click pen, or the suspension of a vehicle under a load. They regain their previous state upon termination of the pressure, like standing up. This elasticity is crucial for skin’s integrity.

The thin construct of our skin contains sweat glands that are embedded in the fibrous connective tissue. There are sensory receptors, hair roots, and hair muscles connected to them, and also loose nerve endings, and a network of capillary vessels. Free nerve endings are created to specialize in various functions so as to sense hot, cold, pressure, and pain. Likewise, the continuation of blood flow relies on very intricate calculations that are hard to explain. When blood vessels arrive at the skin, they are dispersed like a net in the form of capillaries.

The blood pressure of the arteries located at lower section of the skin is higher than the pressure of pulmonary veins. If pressure is applied to skin for a long duration from outside, the pressure in the pulmonary veins builds up and regional blood flow is disrupted. Therefore oxygen, glucose, and other nutritional substances cannot be delivered to these areas; along with inhibition of waste product removal, it leads to a nutritional abnormality in the tissue.

Sensory cells within our skin detect and report nutritional abnormalities of tissue to our brain via various chemical substances (like acetylcholine, bradykinin, and histamine). Thus we change our position consciously or subconsciously with the intervention of our brain to avoid the danger of a nutritional abnormality, and therefore the area regains normal circulation. In this stage, the process is still reversible; however, should the pressure continue, skin cells will start to die from, from the outside in. These systems do work well in healthy persons but in cases of stroke or coma, the intervention system does not work.

This critical picture can be understood better with an example. Just like roads need to be used in order to carry goods and remove trash, the transportation of minerals, vitamins, and many other life saving substances to the distant parts of the body and removal of waste products requires blood vessels to remain open. This must continue in a perfect balance without any interruption throughout our lives.

If a pressure ulcer occurs, it is like being exposed to external dangers in a house if a door or window breaks. It is like a free entrance visa is granted to germs that were blocked. Our back and pointy areas, like, thighs knees, heels, and shoulders are under more pressure, and therefore at more risk when we lie down. Two to six hours of pressure to one of these areas is enough time to disrupt skin integrity. Our daily sleep requirement is around 6-8 hours, therefore we need to switch positions a couple of times during our sleep. Therefore we face this risk everyday in our sleep; however, thanks to the perfectly functioning protective systems, without noticing during our sleep, our position is changed and this dangerous situation is avoided. Intensive care doctors and staff know better what a great blessing that is are since intensive care patients are mostly unable to move. Despite the use of many preventive efforts, like turning the patients in certain periods or the use of air beds, pressure ulcers still occur and a significant portion of patients die of the microbial infections caused by these wounds.

The story of sleepers

“The Seven Sleepers” story in the Christian tradition is retold in the Qur’an as “the People of the Cave.” The story is about a group of young believers who took refuge in a cave fleeing the oppression of the pagan Roman emperor. Both traditions narrate that they fell asleep in the cave, where they stayed asleep for hundreds of years. The Qur’anic account, however, mentions that they were made to change position during their centuries-long sleep: “You would have thought them awake though they were asleep. We caused them to turn over to the right and the left…” (18:18). It is an interesting nuance that they were made to change position, for it sounds rather irrelevant to the rest of the story. However, with the medical conditions of our skin that were explained above, this nuance makes perfect sense as advice to us on how we should treat patients who are unable to move.