#it just doesn't really speak to me idk
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ngl the only part of the barbie movie i enjoyed was weird barbie. if they made a whole movie about kate mckinnon playing the visual representation of my childhood feelings on femininity i probably would have enjoyed it. i always loved my fucked up buzzcut leg missing barbies the most.
#idk i gave them to my sister when i was like...less than 5 so i don't actually rmbr playing by myself ever#i played with her though for some sibling bonding time#and she always FUCKED up that fake hair and i ended up cutting it off#...and hiding it in a box that my mom found which made her worried that i was the female ed gein or somesuch#although she did a good job of NOT projecting that fear onto me and didn't tell me until i came out as trans as a like#hey was that related#...anyway yeah idk its just the only part i could relate to as a trans person#never have really been perceived as a man or a woman by people nor did i really have a male or female childhood so#it just doesn't really speak to me idk#its mostly also just bc its a very simplified view of gender in that movie#like yeah i didn't ever experience strict expectations based on being AFAB because#once i got old enough for that to matter to people i was recognizably a lost cause (PCOS + budding transgenderism)#similarly i have yet to been handed the world on a platter for being a man. maybe one day.#so. yeah. ostracization from femininity without any of the perks of masculinity is all i got#which that character did do a decent job of representing... probably mostly on accident#im attributing that more to kate mckinnons acting than the actual script ngl
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Man of words
#s16 spoilers#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#always sunny#macdennis#analysis#parallels#I didn't exactly know how to name this thread but i had some scattered thoughts on it#dennis is the one mac depends on to define things. he's the man of words. but this situation is very limiting#firstly because mac can't read subtext. and dennis will rarely be open in his words. but he also doesn't know everything.#cant define everything. and by forcing the situation to have dennis speak for both. what actually happens is mac gets silenced#and when mac cant speak. no one besides dennis can ever possibly understand him. and that is very isolating. because den wont be open. cant#but they trust each other. theyre following each other's lead. and they're missing the right words#den defines his own self worth in the relationship by being able to have the right words. mac is the man of action! after all#but if mac learns to speak for himself. if mac doesn't depend on den (chokes). if mac is noticed for his appearance as den becomes insecure#(''what if my shirt falls off?'') what does den have left for mac? but mac will fall for him no matter what.#''make up or not you are the golden god! it's all about what's in here💗''#maybe words arent necessary anymore. dont ask just do. and mac's the man of action... OR IS HE.#mac doesn't really act now does he. they got it backwards. don't they? mac got a lot better with his words in time...#idk lots to think about let me know what u think lolll#threads
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"
This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:
Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.
Just. A weird amount of obsession.
Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.
Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.
It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.
Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).
And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.
#wish there was a way to search for all italicized text in a wordpad document... cause tumblr de-italicized it all lol#anyway jon manages to be an eye-aligned Freak even when the eye doesn't exist#worried this is ooc tbh but fuck it we ball ig.#anyway hope you enjoyed.#i am. i am so unbelievably nervous about posting this in a way that invites the scrutiny of people beyond my trusted mutuals.#anyway i'm personally deeply entertained by the idea of elias trying to be the most boring version of himself possible.#like just for fun. he's having a great time and nobody else is sure that he has a personality. idk it just speaks to me#also i made them accountants because that's my destiny. there are spreadsheets in my future. the stars have spoken.#but that's ok because i like them. they're kinda soothing honestly.#i really enjoyed principals of accounting tbh.#i barely know what i'm typing at this point i'm super tired lmao.#but this isn't about me this is about Them.#jon saw elias (barely talks to anyone. has never mentioned a personal life. primarily focused on Work.) and went 'wow. freakish.#i've never seen this behavior in anyone before. anyway i'm going to avoid speaking w/ my coworkers whenever possible#and move into a storage closet so i can stay late whenever i want.'#elias 100% knows about that btw. i imagine its the sort of thing that would be difficult to hide. he's not gonna say anything tho <3#anyway sorting tags#jonelias#joneliasweek#joneliasweek2024#sparkwrites#anyway time for sims4 i think.
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i know i've posted abt this before also but i did not have screenshots to demonstrate just HOW gently passive aggressive ingo is to volo when they talk. i have no idea if they intended it this way but he sounds so "sadly my strict standard of conduct will not let me tell you to fuck off for asking weirdly personal questions just so you can share your theories but with the subtext toolkit available to me i am VERY much shooing you out of the way so i can get back to what i was actually trying to do."
#the nemesis speaks#pla analysis#idk if it really comes across without the context of volo's whole ramble#but he really did just sort of rock up to you while you were TRYING to get through this quarry#just to be like ''hi ingo. hey tell me about your memory loss. great now listen to what I think about the whole thing''#though the exchange does also make me feel like they have had prior conversations to this effect#ingo feigns not recognizing him at first but the way he says ''continue to prioritize'' specifically makes me feel like#this is not the first time they've tread this particular ground#volo also greets ingo pretty familiarly at the start of it imo#these tags are getting long but one other thing that sort of strikes me atm and i'm curious to see if it continues#is like. this is the rudest (by his standards) ingo gets with mmmost everyone in pla#-except melli. who he is actually fairly direct with. and melli in turn doesn't rise to it really at all#for a guy who bitches at literally everyone just saying ''well guess we don't always see eye to eye!'' is like. WILDLY notable#and then ingo asks you to say hi to him later#they're friends i think. thanks for ur time
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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i have so many thoughts for so many different fics maybe that's my problem
#🎐maddie speaks#jesus christ#i should've finished parfum d'etoiles before starting bllk#cos now i wanna write for bllk#oh man#i feell ike i haven't written for hq in ages (two days ago)#i think i just need to finish one fic at a time#cos i keep on thinking of new ideas while i write#nto to mention that writing requests is like the hardest thing ever im not JOKING#like i feel like i need to cater to what they asked but it really just doesn't resonate with how i've imagined the character#idk it's hard for me to write outside that imagination#i wanna open requests up again so bad but i really need to finish these ones first#god#i wanna js finish parfum d'etoiles asap#but it requires so much effort#i think i like writing one shots more but like#ugh#ppl r expectant of parfum as well#whatever i'll write tomorrow
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just discovered that I seem to have been kicked from a server I spent more or less a decade building? like I was the founding member. must've happened overnight, cause I was looking at it just yesterday.
I've been relatively inactive for the last year or so because I decided I could no longer casually interact with someone who used to be my best friend, but I did still have other friends in there and I would occasionally check in on them through the server. we'd also never kicked anyone for inactivity like this before; people have been inactive for years that we kept around in case they wanted to come say hi.
really I'm just confused about who made this decision/when or how it was made, why nobody bothered to message me about it? ten years and some of the most important connections of my life. these people kept me alive when I first moved out of home. and I'm just kicked without warning? what did I fucking do?
#we survived the transfer from skype to discord for this?#i know some of y'all still follow me. if you see this I'd love to know if like... you knew i was getting kicked?#like what's going on I'm just fucking confused#i don't want an invite back in that bridge seems thoroughly burned by now#i just want to know why i woke up to a fucking gut punch#this really hurts.#and i do miss most of you.#i went inactive because i couldn't say anything in there without criticism from i****o#just no positive interactions with them after a certain point#became very dismissive of other peoples' experiences imo#and i couldn't be around that#but i was still checking in and i always miss what used to be#and i made a point not to shit talk where their other friends could see it#and i just don't know what i did that prompted being kicked out from a server that doesn't kick fucking anyone#especially when it was MY server. tbh.#idk. fucking ouch.#the system speaks
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Yayyyy a solid design for my vampire oc yayyyay
Idk what they do and any kind of story line but I really love them so I'll think of something somehow jsnrkaksjsj also, in my last post, he looked really young but I changed them to an adult. Soooo that first drawing is what they would look like as a child I guess? I had already finished coloring it when I realized how childish they look djjsjdjsjs also they have a cat. Maybe they'll have a cat ranch and rescue them and find good homes for them.
Also close ups because yayyyy
#i was thinking they own a hair salon#but it doesn't really match their aesthetic i think#idk#but i like them#all the story line ideas i had ended up being really similar to other vampire characters 🥲#owing an inn was too much like hotel Transylvania (kill me)#beings a guardian of animals reminded me of the bat queen from the owl house#and being a scholar kinda reminded me of lilith from the owl house even though they aren't the same species i think they kinda look similar#also they're nonverbal btw#maudiemoods art tag#they dont speak at all but can mentally connect with people and send them signals that give an overall vibe of what they're trying to say#i just don't know what to do with them djsjskkak#Nerium is a poisonous plant btw so thats their name
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everybody claims to be a kashiwagi enjoyer but the only time anyone ever talks about him is to say he's the hottest piece of meat in the series
#this goes for a lot of characters but he's the one i pay the most attention to#this probably isn't even remotely profound to most people who follow me but it really feels like a massive proportion of fandom nowadays#only cares about fanwriting if it's within 1500 words and rated E#there are some notable exceptions of course but fuck there just doesn't seem to be any real feedback on anything anymore#unless it comes from people i share small discord servers with and chat to every day#the number of times i've linked my textual analysis pieces to people who say they're fans of the character it's about#only to get brushed off in favour of the next off-model drawing of him with his balls swanging#it's demoralising#i don't want to be the elitist ''nobody likes him the way i do'' jerk but this is a lot of the reason i haven't been as active on tumblr#on top of me (mostly) running out of games to play then going on holiday and coming back to my steam deck's display not working#(it's still in for repairs)#maybe when i get it back i'll liveblog yakuza 4 but i'm starting to wonder if there's a point in using tumblr#when the only people who engage are people i speak to directly on discord anyway#like why not just cut out the middleman at this point yknow?#well. guess i'll get back to my sawamura ikki rabbit hole#expect arai posting when i get my steam deck back#me#text#kashiwagi osamu#idk lol i don't want to put negative fandom commentary into the character tag but i DO want this to be in the tag on my blog itself#i don't think there's a way to do that anymore
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one of the things that gets me about fanon lens - especially when you entrench yourself so much in a fan version of a character - is how a character can just slowly be stripped of what they are and who they are because of the self referential nature of fanworks (which isn't inherently bad, don't misunderstand; neglected characters can have new life breathed into them)
which is a long way of getting to: where did people get the idea that estinien's not one to talk, or is bad at effectively talking? I don't mean selectively mute hcs, i mean just very curt. like he's not as flowery as many of the scions or even compared to aymeric, but he's still dramatic and talks a lot. he's precise when he needs to be and extremely blunt, but just because of that doesn't mean he won't ramble
like his whole tangent about where he is today because of the wol right before the Dead Ends in Ultima Thule. his chattiness seems to fluctuate with how comfortable he is with someone, so i'm not really sure where "estinien's bad with words" came from?
he's no politician, but he's good at saying what needs to be said and saying it in a way that matters. yes, there is the whole aymeric thing but avoiding a difficult conversation rooted in guilt isn't the same as being bad at talking. he clearly knows how to get to people - especially to antagonize them into action (see: tiamat, azdaja) - so where did this come from?
#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#estinien#original#again: this is not knocking mute or selectively mute hcs. this is about the people who think he's bad with words#i really suspect it has a lot to do with the similar thought of him being illiterate must mean he's stupid#we don't know his literacy level. he was a farm boy so its not aymerics level but hes not inherently illiterate#and even if he was that doesn't mean he's dumb. he's extremely emotionally intelligent and how he communicates shows that#but in order for it to show he has to be good at word intentionality and this fanon idea is the exact opposite#he's not dumb? he also talks a lot but he's very good at saying what needs to be said#none of that says bad at words or speaking like fanon thinks#its p squarely the opposite. he just has interpersonal communication issues#which is an entirely different thing and screams neurodivergent but leave me alone#im just saying like#idk give him a break and stop finding ways to make him stupid because you think rural means uneducated and uneducated adult funny
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its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so
Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.
And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.
I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)
Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues
2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)
3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue
Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous
Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#SA ment#Ask to tag#Idk I will say with the Anya thing: I'm a little bit speaking from personal experience#Of. There are things that I think about like ''ppl say These Things (that I experienced) are Very Bad but I don't think that's the case#For me'' like. Not consciously ''oh I'm over reacting'' but more ''well maybe my situation is different'' and it's really hard to figure ou#How much of that is genuinely the case and how much is denial y'know. 👍#Also Curly is a trans guy to me bc I'm hungry for characters who are trans men and just as culpable of willful ignorance and harm#As cis men. Anyway if anyone has a diff take on Anya's situation and)or mindset I'm open to hear it this is just my thoughts#Based on how the scenes read to me.#Also like the situation is delicate and this isn't like A Perfect Fix but genuinely Curly should've given Anya the gun#I don't think she would've shot it but it works as a Defensive Threat in a way that would give her security and also deter jimmy from being#A fucking problem because he doesn't experience consequences for his actions due to a mix of Captain's Friend and#''we can't really do shit to him or we lose our co-pilot'' (even tho he fucking sucks at his job they don't learn that until he#Is The Captain so they likely assume he's at least fucking. Functional and they would be worse off with him out of commission. Y'know)#But then again Jimmy's allergic to responsibility and consequences to the point of murder suicide so maybe Anya wouldve had to shoot him#Idk. Imagine me pacing full of rage. Imagining a universe where Anya can just fucking go to med school and doesn't have to deal with#The pony express. FUCK THE PONY EXPRESS
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Speedrunning Dune by watching Dune Part 1 for the first time yesterday and then going to see Dune Part 2 in theaters tonight. LMAO
#Shima speaks#The first one was okayyy??#I feel like it was all just setup for the second one#And like. They probably could have cut that movie down by half#Like there was SO much lore. And plot. And a lot of it felt kinda unnecessary#Maybe it's just my shit attention span but there were parts of it where I was sooo bored#Literally the actual action doesn't even start until like. An hour and a half in#Me: FINALLY things are getting interesting#Anyway yeah they could have cut half of that movie and it would be way more. Easy to digest?#Idk idk. A lot of people really love Dune so. I mean I get it. It's just not for me personally#At least not yet anyway#Maybe the second one will be more fun <3
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okayokay here are my Thoughts that no one asked for aljgdh
i LOVE bloom's boots and her wings!! the hair will definitely grow on me. i don't like her outfit though. i do see what they're going for! it's very reminiscent of her og magic winx and one of the earlier promo designs we saw but to me, this doesn't feel very,,, bloom. it's so sharp, there are so many angles and layers (which feels like the Theme rn for most of them). IF they're going for more of a dragon warrior vibe for her then i can def see it, but the stiff fabric just isn't doing it for me. i do like the shoulder guard look though! idk there are aspects i like and i can see the vision, but i'm hoping the final design is a bit more refined and feels more like Bloom
like i said before, aisha's design feels very one-note compared to the other girls and i think it's because she's basically wearing one color. i love that they put her in blue!! but i hope they introduce a secondary color like her og green or yellow/purple to help balance her out. as for the actual outfit, love the boots! it feels more believix to me but i concede that this transformation is meant to feel more modern so i'll deal. the actual outfit,,, not the Best. the cuts are interesting, there's a lot of symmetry which is weird to see on aisha since most of her transformations before were very asymmetrical. i'd love to see more flowy fabric with her! the little hip things just aren't doing it for me. i like her wings! but they do look a little too similar to bloom's for them to really stand out. i love the gold on them though!! AND HER HAIR >>>>> best part!!
LOVE musa's hair!! it's so cute i'm crying :') i feel like the hair is definitely a strong point of these designs!! i think the wings will grow on me once i see them in action. right now they feel a little awkward but i see the vision. i think so far musa's whole design is looking really good. Very similar to her og winx with just enough of a new change to not feel exactly the same. and her boots!!! LOVE seeing that more edgy side of musa reflected in her clothing! idk i think this is one of the stronger designs good for her!!
we didn't get to see the bottom half of stella's look so i'm not sure what that's going to be like! i love the sun ray collar but i will say it def feels more Fairy Warrior so,, i like it but i would want to see that reflected in the actual fighting and plot too. if it's not then it's not the Best design choice imo. her wings,,, like musa, i think they'll grow on me once i see them in action. it's lovely to see blue on her! not sure how i feel about the hair but since stella's ponytail is in her casual look instead, i understand why they didn't put it here too. i'm looking forward to seeing more of this design!
we also didn't get to see the lower half of tec's design so,, idk but i think it'll end up being pants going by the look of her boots? i don't Love the boots, but again, i see the vision and i do think it'll look better animated. her wings,, i like them but i would've liked to see a more interesting overall shape! the design on the inside is great, but tecna's wings were always sooo interesting and didn't feel like generic fairy wing shape. idk,,, we will see.... LOVE the hair, love the glowiness. it's like a solid 6/10 for me. i think there are certain things they could still play around with to enhance the design but it's going in the right direction
okay,, first, LOVE the braid!! she's finally beating the "never changes her hair" allegations good for her. and the little flowers in her hair are MWAH the wings are cute! they look good with the design. love the petals on the top! it def blends more and isn't as overwhelming as the previous design. the flower arm bands are also a classic. the skirt is really where it loses me. i like it In Theory - i understand the goal. it's very flowery, very much like petals, it reminds me a lot of a tulip. so i get it! However, the layers,,, idk man it just looks off to me
it Def looks better in action! it's not as stiff, the edges are going up, there's an overall more graceful, flowy vibe to it. but the layers,,,, i Get it but i don't love the execution. but to fair, i don't really know what would make it look better so maybe this is the best they could come up with
OVERALL, i do think it's going in the right direction in regard to pleasing old fans and appealing to newer, younger audiences! i do think a lot of the fabric looks really stiff rn But seeing flora's animated transformation is giving me hope that it will look better in the actual show. the 3D rendering just looks off when it's a standalone piece. so far, i think the best designs are musa's and flora's. they feel a lot more balanced, capture the winx vibe, And still feel true to the characters. imo the other designs are missing one or two of those elements.
bloom's design needs to feel more like bloom. aisha's needs more dimension. stella's is nice in theory but doesn't quite match her more carefree, fun-loving attitude and feels more like a Royal Warrior thing so it really depends on how she's being characterized i guess. tecna's is good but i want to see the whole thing lol also i think her wings should be more unique
Now. as for the casuals.
tecna looks great i think we can all agree on that!! very boss babe i love it!! aisha,,, i think her pants should be baggier. the tight fit and hip cuts just,,, i see the vision but i think they need to reel it in and make it more Aisha. stella's skin is way too light she looks sick. her outfit,,, Bad. her entire design just feels so pale and desaturated?? like just up the saturation on everything and it'll look ten times better even with the wacky outfit choice.
musa's is okay. i get the vibes - i understand the choices. but like aisha, i think her design could just use a little more thought. it's similar to her og outfit but kind of in the wrong way imo? like it has the same sort of look and cuts, but it's also tight and uncomfortable. musa's og look was very much about comfort over fashion so this feels a little,, hhhrrrrmmmm yknow? i do like the direction though! i think for me, it really is the top part. like why is she wearing a skin tight bodysuit. who told her that was comfortable for day to day wear. it's very much aesthetic over comfort which isn't Bad but it doesn't feel very s1 Musa yknow? she loved her baggy, comfy clothing for normal days
flora's is okay too. again, i like the direction. i don't love it as her Official One Casual Look for the season; i think i would've preferred it as a secondary look for one episode. but it's not the worst! it Is very flora so i concede lol
#long post#oh my#i think rn tecna and flora are tied for best overall looks for both#musa is a VERY close second/third. i just think her casual needs to be reassessed#the others just need to feel more like themselves for me to like it#clearly they are capable of that because Look at musa's and flora's transformations yknow?#i feel like theyre trying to keep stella being the fashionista but theyre also basing their knowledge on like#currently outdated tiktok trends#fashion trends are moving Really fast rn!! it's better to stick to a specific vibe for characters and not try to make it Too Modern#they will end up looking outdated lol#like the other girls kind of have those vibes but there's a lot more individual personality and hints of their og designs#that's Kind of there with stella like she has certainly worn dresses with that kind of fit before#but the entire thing as a whole just does Not feel stella#same with her transformation actually like i Get it but it's not Stella#at least not in s1 yknow? it feels a little too mature man we've been through a lot for a s1 transformation#same with bloom's! like it's Okay but it doesn't feel like a first transformation for a young fairy#and listen i dont hate the idea of their looks being more armor-like But that needs to be reflected in the fights and vibe of the show#AAGGGHHH idk maybe ill change my mind about bloom and stella's transformations once we see them animated#so many thoughts..#im gonna wait to speak on bloom's casual until we get a more clear shot of her!#But from what i could see it looks good lol very s1 bloom
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reread the first 3 volumes of berserk (aka the black swordsman arc) today and started Really paying attention to guts this time and my takeaway is that he is TERRIFIED way more often than i thought. like puck mentions fear in the mix of emotions he's sensing from him but he is truly wide eyed quivering princessmoding his way through a lot of this ordeal
#could not resist the urge to call him princess i don't know where it came from and i just know he'd hate it. and yet#like the first times (2) i read thru black swordsman the anger and sorrow were kinda the things i got the most but really stopping to think#about the fear and what's causing it and where it's coming from has been so deliciously upsetting. so sorry bestie <3#god. when he first sees griffith-as-femto he's absolutely furious but when he first speaks guts' reaction is just like. desperate#idk if im remembering this wrong since i've only read thru the eclipse once but doesn't griffith not speak at all once he's femto in that?#so theoretically this'd be the first time he heard griffith's voice in a LONG time. so no wonder it kinda fucked him up. not to mention#what he actually said#(unless they met again in the meantime and i just haven't gotten far enough for that to be depicted/mentioned :p)#berserk#guts berserk#yes i read that even knowing that our copies of the next like 12 volumes are with someone in another state#no im not sure if i'll just read them online or something in the meantime#i swear i really want to actually catch up and not just read the same bits over and over i swear but for various reasons it has not happene#and also berserk just kinda hits that harder than most things for me. i need to rake through it over and over and sometimes that means#putting things into chunks. it also means my analysis is very limited so eh grain of salt
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thoughts on saavik?
I don't know anything about Saavik v_v I really love these two posts about her though! X and X I think about these posts often and whenever I do I feel like I want to draw!
#Q&A#I think this is the third time someone's asked me my thoughts on Saavik#which is interesting since I thought she was a fairly niche character - is there just something about her that makes people go#'Oh Bea would like this guy'#Or is it just that I'm on the more 'underrated yet prominent Vulcan' side of tumblr with my Tuvokposting??#anon#all I know about Saavik comes from other people who draw art about her I haven't seen any of the actual material#so I do like her but I don't have actual personal substance in my liking of her!#I think she's in one of the movies? I'd watch it but 'Watching ENT for T'Pol Knowledge' is kind of next on my 'Do It For Her' list#and has been for several months so you know - it's hard for me. When I could just be rewatching Voyager v_v#ENT really is so tough to watch. It's really hard going from VOY to '3 white guys and 1 sexy girl' and the whole series feels like army#propaganda somehow...like uh 'top gun' or something. Something about the distinctly American Machismo?#Like these three men are hardcore Patriots#I'd say 'these four men' but they don't let Travis speak bc he's not white or a hot lady so I don't know what his deal is#Idk it just doesn't feel like Star Trek to me it feels so cold and gray and hostile but I'll work my way through it I'm sure#got way of topic in these notes but that's alright v_v
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