#like the whole series is centered on a group of sisters and this pregnancy story happened to the youngest one

[welcometogrouchland]

Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong

[justreadingfics]

Looking For a Heartbeat (17/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left.  It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Chapter Summary: New bonds.  

Word Count: 5,2K

Warnings for this chapter: fluff again (don’t get used to it), children, mutual pining.  

 A/N: @suz-123 is my angel and I love her. Here I am writing fluff again. I suspect this is why I’ve taken longer than most times to write this chapter, lol. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.  Links are ruining posts, you can find the masterlist link on my description.

 It´s been four weeks since Bucky has shown up unannounced to the ultrasound appointment- that he discovered by himself after some private research, he told you- and you still can’t shake off a stupid smile from your face.  Without a doubt, these have been the best weeks of your pregnancy so far. Everything seems to be great with the baby, who, according to Doctor Nadine and her team, is healthier than normal, developing better than expected. It seems to be so because the serum Hydra has used on Bucky altered his genetics system and its goodies have passed to the baby.

Bucky has been present in all of the appointments, right at your side the entire time, listening carefully and asking every single question he had.  His presence, soothing and grounding, keeping you steady throughout the whole thing. You know he had been worried to death about the possibility of being responsible for any complications to the baby. The news that everything was ok was a huge relief for him too, despite you still sensing in him a deep worry about how the enhancement on its system would affect the baby's life in general.  A concern you both share.

However, for now, you both have been trying to stay positive and focusing on finding a pace – the right one- to reconnect and shape your relationship as parents of your child. Aside from the appointments and some occasional times he drops by to see how’s everything with you and the peanut, you have also been talking on the phone, whether through voice calls or text messages.  Not a day goes by without you talking to each other.

You’re not gonna lie, it still feels awkward at times. You’ve never been friends to Bucky. Before your intense and passionate relationship, you two were nothing but acquainted co-workers. And after that, you’re not sure what the two of you have become. Now, on top of that, it’s not like you two can just turn into friends. You’re going to have a kid together, for God's sake. Yeah, it’s still awkward.

The conversations have been centered exclusively on the baby and anything that concerns them. That's why you don’t know if something has changed between him and Anna, if they have talked or anything. You prefer it that way. It’s a sensitive topic to him, but it’s the same for you. You’ve taken the part of trying and being the bigger person, saying you didn't blame her, that you understood her point of view, giving him advice about his relationship with her… and it was in good nature, but… thinking about him and her together has never been easy and you suspect it never will be.

Oh, well… It's hard. Something you should discuss more with Heloise in therapy. She gave you a strawberry lollipop saying it was positive reinforcement for your civilized conversation with Bucky. You wonder what she would have in store for you when you truly become able to talk about and live through the jealousy that takes over you every time a thought of him and Anna together pops into your mind. 

You continued going to the support group encounters, you feel like you’re not completely alone anymore, but the group, giving justice to its name, has truly become an important support system for you. Plus, it’s an easy way for you to see Harry regularly, who was pleased to know about things taking a turn to a better path with you and Bucky. You and Harry ended up going to the Hot-Dog trailer next to the group’s place - the one you missed because of the car accident - and then you scheduled for you to finally meet his kids, which you were excited and anxious about, you had heard so much about them you felt like you already knew each one of his little chipmunks, like he called them affectionately.  

You had planned for a picnic in their favorite park, but the rainy day forced you to move the party over to the common room at the Tower’s living quarters. Wanda has helped you set everything up, moving the furniture to place the big cloth in the center of the room, spreading pillows to accommodate everyone as you prepared the snacks with all the goodies Harry had told you the kids liked. You also put some toys and games for the kids – and for the adults, who are you kidding? You live amongst children.

That’s where you are now, along with Harry and the vivacious Luna and Jon, the three year olds that make sure to remind you every five minutes that they are turning four in a week. Luna is the spitting image of her father with her dark curls falling graciously over her big brown eyes laced with curiosity as she keeps them glued on you. Jon must’ve taken his looks from his mother, with a lighter tone on his straight short hair and his eyes are green with shades of blue. He seems quieter than Luna, who takes the lead and asks all the questions and tells all the stories, allowing her brother to make a comment or two. In his shyness, he reminds you of his father.

Wanda joins you, and soon so do Steve and Sam, who had arrived from a mission the day before. Tony’s absent on a solo mission of his own, much to the kids' disappointment, which is reinforced by the Iron Man images on both of their shirts. Crazy for kids as much as she is, Nat is there, but she has mostly been giving you the silent treatment lately, as a result of your decision of making the baby’s sex a secret. You can only wonder what she’s been putting Bucky into.

You keep a huge smile on your face as, right in front of you, across the picnic cloth, Wanda uses her powers and the red mist to make moving drawings in the air, prompted by all sorts of excited and loud requests from the kids, whether it’s a dog, a sheep- no, a bigger sheep, an elephant, Iron Man fighting that big purple monster, or daddy with those colored swords he likes…

“They’re called lightsabers. God, how many times do I have to tell you this, guys? Show some respect…” He sighs at your side, looking at you and shaking his head in frustration as he’s completely ignored by his kids, who keep the row of requests to Wanda. 

You chuckle; prompting him to smile at you, “They’re really awesome,” you whisper, bumping his sides with your elbow, as everyone else around the cloth seems drawn by the kids energy and interested in Wanda’s little performance.

“They are, aren’t they?” He beams at you, “Thanks for this by the way, they’re having so much fun.”

“Oh, no. I’ve been wanting to meet them for so long,” You dismiss him with a wave, before grabbing a handful of popcorn. Chewing on it, you cackle at Wanda’s latest art:  a Chihuahua pulling The Falcon by the wings while Captain America tries to catch them. Sam shots some protests, but the burst of belly laughs from the kids is undeniably contagious.

When you look back at Harry, you’re still laughing as the others, but he is not. Instead, he’s observing you while holding a half smile on his lips, “What?” You frown at him.

“You look happier. I like it. It’s a great look on you.”

You offer him a wide grin as you feel a wave of warmth overcoming your chest… and rushing to your cheeks.

“Daddy,” the high-pitched, but sweet voice makes you both turn to Luna, now directing her narrowed eyes and full attention to both of you as she stands on her knees over the pillow.

“Yes, chipmunk?” He says, bringing a plastic cup of orange juice to his mouth. 

“Is Y/N the girl you’ve been talking to on your phone all the time and then stay with that funny smile on your face and does like this?” She exaggerates a deep and long sigh to show what she’s talking about.

Harry chokes on the juice, as all eyes snap to the direction where you two are seated. Wanda hides a laugh with her hand and Nat sips on her coffee, but you glimpse the devilish smirk on her lips. Sam and Steve pretend to focus on the little checkers board they’ve been playing with when you glance at them.   

“Luna!” Harry shrieks, trying to glare at the little girl between coughs.

You frown at his embarrassment, a disproportionate reaction on your opinion.

“What? What have I said wrong?” Luna pouts adorably and stands on her feet, crossing her arms in front of her little body.

“Daddy didn’t want us to know, yet, Luna.” Little Jon whispers loudly, pulling the hem of his sister’s shirt.

Wanda laughs fully and loudly while Nat sports a proud smirk at the two siblings, probably pleased by the spying skills the kids are showing.

“Jon!” Harry exasperates, eyes roaming around everyone in the circle, before turning to you, dumbfounded and red as a pepper, “That’s not-this isn’t-”

“Calm down, Harry.” You laugh, placing a hand on his shoulder.

You’re sure you’re not the girl the kids are referring to, that’s not what your relationship with Harry is about, but he hasn’t told you anything about someone that makes him sigh and now you’re curious, especially because he’s acting like a deer caught in the headlights. Before you can torture him with teasing you hear someone cleaning their throat, catching your look. 

Bucky stands by the door, with a bag in his hands and an unreadable expression on his face.

“Bucky,” you exclaim, feeling the inevitable tug at the corner of your lips, but trying to ignore your heart skipping a beat. How long has he been there? Has he heard anything? As happy as you are to see him, you can’t help the hint of apprehension at the  pit of your stomach that makes your heart falter, you know he still has reservations towards Harry and you really don’t want him to assume anything, which is bullshit, of course, you and Bucky have nothing and if you wanted you could date whoever, of course, that’s definitely settled between the two of you. Was the room this hot before?  

Bucky nods timidly at you and at the others, who chant their greetings all at once:  “Hey, Buck,” “Hey, Man,” “Barnes”. 

“Come on in, we ́re having a picnic,” You wave him in from your spot, swallowing down any trepidation and kicking the inner rambling off of your mind, focusing on his presence only.

“Oh no, it's ok. I can come another time,” He answers in a small voice. Recoiling his shoulders, he presses his lips in a tense line. 

The protests from everybody – except from Harry, who seems to be trying to make himself invisible at your side- resound around the place while the kids fasten their curious eyes on the new person in the room.

Knowing damn well how uncomfortable Bucky is capable of feeling when he’s in the spotlight, you raise your brows at Wanda, which is enough to make her promptly go back to entertaining the kids, now lifting the food over the cloth to the air. The sounds of bewilderment coming from the tiny little creatures distract everyone else as you get up, using the sofa behind you as a support for your growing body.

“Come on, Barnes, you made a pregnant woman get up from the floor just to drag you by the ear. I’m a mom now, I can do that,” You taunt, getting closer to him, twisting your expression into a mocked scowl.

Letting out a heart-fluttering smile that ignites one of your own, he relents, stepping into the room and shooting that fondly look at your growing belly, like he does every time he sees you.

“Hi,” you softly say when he stands inches from you.

“Hey, I called you a couple of times, and you didn't answer my messages, I got worried,” He cringes.

“I must’ve left my phone in my room, but it's ok, Bucky, you don't need an excuse to drop by,” You assure in a teasing manner, before your eyes drop to the bag in his hand, “What do we have here?”

“Oh, on my way over, I saw this and I couldn't help it.” With a broad smile on his face, he pulls the object from the bag.

Your eyes go round and you practically squeal, grabbing the little colorful unicorn, “This is amazing, Bucky, so damn cute. And fluffy.” You squeeze the soft little stuffy against your chest.

He chuckles, brushing a lock of his own hair behind his ear, “I bought it for the peanut, but I suppose you can play with it, too.”

You roll your eyes and pull your tongue out playfully.

“Hello.”

At the tiny voice who takes you and him out of your little bubble, you see his eyes going comically round, before he lowers his head to follow the sound. Luna stands beside him, with her hands laced behind her back and mischievous interest plastered on her sweet features.  

“Hi.” His stumpy answer is a bit more than a whisper.

“I’m Luna,” the girl says her name proudly to him, “I’ll be four years old in a week. What’s your name?”

“Bucky.” He replies shortly.

As little Jon runs to stand beside his sister, you choose to remain a silent observant of the scene with great curiosity, and from the corner of your eyes you catch the rest of the adults in the room doing the exact same thing. 

“This is Jon. He's my brother.”

“We’re twins,” Jon announces.

“But I’m older,” Luna reminds him.

“And that’s daddy.” The boy points at Harry, who quickly and shamelessly looks up to the ceiling, trying to cover up the fact he’s been watching them.

“Ok.” Bucky purses his lips and nods, seeming ready to bolt away from the interaction.

In fact, you can’t recall having seen him talking to a kid before, except for maybe Clint’s and Scott’s kids, but he always preferred to remain at least one arm’s length away from them. You know this has everything to do with the fact he still struggles to think children would want anything to do with him...   

“Your hand is shiny.” Luna states straightforwardly. 

As you feel Bucky freezing beside you decide to step in, but probably not in the way he would want you to, “His whole arm is shiny, Luna.” You whisper, leaning down and half covering your mouth like you were telling her a secret. You choose to ignore the betrayed look you receive from Bucky.  

The information makes the little girl gasp and stare longingly at said arm, covered by the long sleeve of his Henley.

“Oh, you ́re the Winter Soldier,” Jon yells, pointing at Bucky with astonishment  as  his jaw drops.

The nickname Bucky used to dread so much, but which in time - as he formed his name as an avenger - got a different and more positive meaning to everyone else, sounds nothing but adorable in the kid’s soft voice when said in such an enthusiastic way. It doesn’t go unnoticed by you the phantom of a smile that threatens to curl Bucky's lips.

“Oooo, I know you,” Luna grins, bouncing on her little legs, “You're Captain America ́s boyfriend.”

 “Oh, my God! Luna!” Harry mortified attempt of reprimanding his daughter is muffled by the thunder of loud laughs filling the room, including one of your own.  Horror twists Harry’s features as Bucky and Steve share widened staggered looks.

“Don ́t laugh,” Luna turns to the party, putting her hands on each side of her waist and stomping her little foot to the ground as the laughs are swiftly held back at the respect the small figure imposes, “Daddy said it’s ok that boys date. And girls, too.” Her features turn into a scowl.

You glance at Harry and you glimpse the pride which his daughter’s words brings to his expression being swiftly replaced by apprehension when he spots Steve.

“And your daddy is right,” Steve straightens up his posture for Harry’s relief and then putting on his Captain voice, he turns to Luna again, “But Bucky and I are not boyfriends, we’re buddies.”

You think Sam will explode when he puts his hand over his mouth to hold back the laugh even harder.

“Maybe it's a secret, Luna. Just like dad ́s.” Jon innocently shrugs and that's what kills everybody’s strong will and the sound of multiple laughs bubbles into the room again.

Even Bucky has given in and sports a small but beautiful smile on his face as his head shakes slowly and warm heartedly. You smile right back at him when your eyes meet and you notice how much more at ease he seems.

“Aright, alright. You two get back here.” Harry commands.

“Ok,” Luna answers and starts to move towards the party again, but not before she laces her chubby little hand with Bucky’s metal one to pull him with her, being followed close by her brother.

When he looks back at you, being pulled by the girl, there’s no plea for help or embarrassment on his face; he only keeps smiling and shrugs. Your stomach flutters inside you as you take a deep breath in. 

Luna makes Bucky sit in the middle of her and Jon, as you sit where you were before, beside Harry, placing the little unicorn between you and him. Everyone catches on conversations or eating and drinking.

“Oh, Bucky. Have you met Harry, already?” You ask, trying to act cool, especially about the fact he has seen him before at Steve’s party and not mentioning all the times Bucky has asked you about your relationship with Harry.

“Hey,” Bucky nods and extends a hand, leaning over to catch Harry’s from across the cloth, “We’ve seen each other before, but I think we haven’t been introduced yet.” He says, pressing his lips in a polite smile.

“Hi, yeah, that’s right,” Harry answers in a matching polite tone, “It’s such a pleasure, I’m a huge fan, of course. I’m sorry for my chipmunks-”

“Ugh, daddy.” Luna, huffs.

Before any of the grown-ups could add anything else both the kids launch on Bucky. Leave it to kids to dissipate any kind of awkward situations… 

“Is your arm heavy?” Luna leans on Bucky’s shoulder, resting her chin over her hands there.

“A bit, yes.”

“Are you strong, Mr. Bucky?” This time Jon asks from Bucky’s other side.

“Of course I am.”

“Stronger than him?” Luna cocks her head towards Steve, who snaps his look up from the checkers board.

“Sure, he’s all jacked now, but deep down he’s nothing but a skinny little angry man…”

The super soldiers make a face to each other and you chuckle.

“What about him?” Jon points at Sam.

“Kids, please…” Bucky’s eyes roll as he lets out a smug snort.

“You wish, tin can,” Sam shots a handful of pop-corn on his direction.

“And them?” Luna points at Wanda and Nat.

“Well…”

Attentive to the scene so far, you spot the red mist Wanda casually pours from her elegant hands as Nat cracks her fingers, staring blankly at Bucky.

“Definitely not.” He turns widened eyes at Luna, enticing a little giggle to come out of her lips and a laugh of you.  

“You’re not stronger than Iron Man.” Jon affirms, rather than ask.

“Hey!” Bucky playfully yelps, as the boy places his little hand on his chin, furrowing his eyebrows as if he’s concentrating real hard to come up with Bucky’s next challenger.

“Oh! Are you stronger than daddy?” He finally yells, partnering up with his sister as the two people who made her father choke on his juice that day. 

“Ahm… I don’t know-I,” Bucky fumbles with his answer as Harry keeps struggling for air.

“I know how we can find out,” Luna swiftly raises her hand, looking excitedly at Jon.

You pat Harry’s back as he coughs harder.

“Daddy can lift me and Jon on each arm, I bet you can’t.” She cocks a daring eyebrow at Bucky as Jon eagerly nods his head and gets up.

“Oh, yeah?” Bucky raises his eyebrow back at her, before turning his eyes at Harry asking for permission, which is granted with a nod and a smile. Now that the latter knows Luna’s idea doesn’t involve him getting his ass kicked he seems a lot more relaxed.

Then, with an exaggerated grunt, Bucky grabs and lifts the two little creatures by their feet using only his metal hand. The squeaks and giggles bubbling out of their lungs mingle with Bucky’s groans as he tosses the twins around as if they weigh nothing.

“Who’s the strongest person in this room, huh?” He challenges, as he holds them by their behinds and presses them into the air as a couple of dumbbells in each hand. 

“You, Mr. Bucky,” They both yell in unison between little screams and loud giggles.

Your heart melts and the smile on your face is wide when you realize that, just like that, he also becomes their favorite person in the room. You totally get it, who can be better judges of character than kids? Besides, falling in love with Bucky is that easy and inevitable, you're one to talk...

The kids keep themselves glued on Bucky’s side all the time, asking questions, proposing games that he promptly accepts, offering him food, telling him stories about themselves and about their father – to Harry’s very dismay… They even get him to show them part of his arm, gaining claps of admiration from Luna.

At some point you reach for the jar of juice to find it empty, but before you even think of standing up to go grab some more, you feel the jar being promptly stolen from your hand.

“I got this,” Bucky winks, getting up, as Sam and Nat finally get a bit of the kids attention, doing some magic trick with a few cards for them as Harry watches.

“It’s ok, Bucky-”

“Na-ha. You stay comfortably there.” He gets up, glaring at you to show he means business.

You let out an annoyed huff – only a stunt to hide how you’re secretly loving the attention coming from him. Wanda calls on your bullshit aiming you a teasing smile that you choose to not indulge.

“Steve, get your lazy ass here and help,” Bucky calls, walking inside the kitchen, as the kids giggle at his choice of words.

~~~

Bucky places the jar on the sink and, before he could walk to the fridge to grab more oranges to squeeze, a wall of enhanced muscles captures him in an impossibly tight hug.

“Ugh, what’s that for, punk?” He grunts, but promptly hugs his friend back.

“You’re gonna be a dad,” Steve croaks out.  

Bucky lets out  a quiet laughter. He hadn’t seen Steve yet, not after the ultrasound when Bucky’s real feelings towards the news became clear. He guesses his friend wasn’t really sure of what his decision would be to actually congratulate him and express his emotions about it before, “And you're gonna be an uncle.” Bucky beams.

Steve only whimpers and tightens the hold around his friend.  

“Alright, alright,” Bucky pats his back and let goes. “This is why everybody thinks we're a couple.” He adds, without taking the smile off his face.

Steve chuckles and shakes Bucky by his shoulder, with his eyes clearly red, the Captain wipes a tear with the back of his hand “You deserve this,'' he says.

No more words need to be said as Bucky’s smile falls but his eyes remain soft and he only nods as an answer. The two friends exchange meaningful and watery gazes before they move to go grabbing the oranges and the necessary utensils, forming a team side by side by the sink to slice the fruits and squeeze the juice using the squeezer. 

“I know Y/N has banned you from telling anyone what you two are having, but you won't deny this information to your oldest pal here, are you?” Steve nudges Bucky as he slices the oranges.

“By the image on the screen, it sure looked like a kid.” Bucky keeps squeezing the oranges, unaffected.

“Ah, come on, Buck.”

“Not a chance, pal. If I didn´t give in to Nat, you won’t make me talk, either.” He turns to Steve, “And stop with the damn puppy eyes, you’ll have to wait, like everyone else.”

“Spoilsport,” Steve grunts his displeasure of being kept in the shadows about the baby’s sex before the smile comes back to his face, “You´re happy, aren´t you?” He softly asked after taking a good look at his friend.

“Like I’ve never thought I would be. Not even back in our days. It’s funny…” Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as a small breathy laugh comes out of his lips, “A couple of days ago I had no idea this kind of feeling, this sweet agonizing happiness, existed. Now it’s all I feel, all the time.”

“Sounds intense,” Steve chuckles, clearly pleased, “You and Y/N? What’s the deal with the two of you now?”

Bucky clears his throat and bites the insides of his cheeks, “We agreed we should focus on the baby. Let go of what happened before in the past.” He keeps his eye focused on the task of squeezing oranges.

“Oh…and how ́s that working out for you?”

“Good”

Steve stops what he’s doing altogether and turns to face Bucky, placing the hand holding the knife on his side, “Are you lying? Is this something we do now? Lie to each other?” He waves the knife on the space between them, “You couldn’t even be around her before, it can ́t be changed all of a sudden.”

Bucky shakes his head as he huffs. The damn punk…  “It’s… I don´t know,” He turns to face Steve as well, “A mix of heaven and hell. Fighting with her was easier, to be honest.” He snickers, “I could handle that. And now, we talk, actually talk without fighting or anything… I get to be around her without jumping on each other’s throat and now I can really, really see her. She’s still her but, I don’t know…different,” He turns back to the sink, grabbing another half orange to squeeze as he talks, “She seems more content, level headed, elegant…” He sighs, “She looks even more beautiful each day that passes… fucking sexier…” His whisper is barely audible as his eyelids close for a moment, “It must be the pregnancy, I don ́t know, haven't you noticed it?” He looks back at Steve to find the latter holding back a smile.

“Seems the same good old Y/N for me,” Steve shrugs, “Maybe a little more… joyful?” He asks himself, “Yeah, but what do I know, I ́m not in love with her.” He resumes slicing the oranges, acting nonchalantly.

“Stop it.” Bucky glares at him.

Steve throws his arms to the air and scrunches up his chin as a sign of resignation.

After a few moments more of silence as they work together, Bucky briskly stops and turns to his friend again, “It's just, it's complicated,” His eyes shut as he scratches his eyebrow, “With the baby, and all.” He sighs, looking down, “I don´t wanna ruin the peace we’re finally achieving between us by trying again with her, but God…” He looks up to the ceiling before and his eyes close before he looks down at Steve, who has stopped his work to pay attention on the man beside him, “I have to physically restrain myself from kissing the fuck out of her every time I lay my eyes on her, every time she comes closer and I smell her perfume...goddammit…” He confesses for the first time out loud, before turning to the sink to lean his hands on the marble taking in a deep breath, “She said we didn ́t work as a couple, and she’s right, isn’t she…” He murmurs.  

Steve places a kind hand on his shoulder, “I know the way it ended was rough and then everything else that happened after that, but everyone could see how you two loved each other, Bucky…” He softly says as Bucky remains silent, staring down, “And I don ́t know, you both seem like growing from the place you’ve been, when you’ve hurt each other…”

Silence lingers between them as Bucky feels his jaw clenching. He loves you. Of course he does, he always has and everything he did to try and deny this only resulted in pain.  And that’s what scares the shit out of him. He knows you two agreed on trying to not focus on each other as anything more than parents, and as much as he agreed on it, the all-consuming love he feels for you only grows each day he stays at your side, each time he talks to you and he watches you becoming the mother of his child…

Fuck, he doesn’t want to ruin everything. Not again.  

“Buck, everything will be alright, I’m sure,” Steve seems to hear his thoughts as he tries to comfort him.

Bucky forces a smile at his effort and squeezes the last orange, before wiping his hand with a knapping hung on the wall. Giggles coming from the living room catches their attention.

“Do you think there's something there,” Bucky tentatively asks, eyes stuck on the door that leads to the living room, “With Harry, I mean.” He clarifies in a low voice, when his eyes meet Steve’s.  

Steve sighs before shrugging, his forehead creasing, “They seem close.”            

Bucky nods slowly, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, “I heard his little girl,  Luna, asking if Y/N was the girl he’s been-” He sulks down a harsh intake of breath, “I wouldn't blame him…” His lips form a taut line.

When Steve presents him with silence and something that resembles empathy in his eyes for him – old Steve Rogers’s style- Bucky clears his throat and moves to pour the juice on the Jar.

“Come on, I’m gonna say goodbye to them, I have to go.” He adds, turning  towards the door with the Jar in his hand.

“Where to?” Steve cocks his head, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m gonna meet Anna in a few.” Bucky mutters as his shoulders round downwards, “I called her yesterday.”

“Oh.”

“You think I shouldn’t.” Bucky states.  

“No, not at all.” Steve shakes his head. “I just wasn’t expecting to hear this now after-” Steve licks his lips and nods once, “I do think you should talk to her, though, Bucky. Set things straight. I know how important she’s been to you and I know it hurts you how things played out between the two of you. Now that you cleared your head a bit, maybe it’s the right time to really listen to her and tell her how you feel, too.”

Steve… always the voice of reason. Of his reason.

“I know.” Bucky nods. He needs to set things straight once and for all.  

~~~

Chapter 18 coming soon. 

[shannen-writes]

Underrated ships meta series - #1 Rick and Lori (The Walking Dead)

This post is the first in a new meta series I’ll be writing about my favourite and most underrated ships in fandom. All posts in the series will be tagged as #underrated ships. To kick it off this series, I’ll be discussing Rick and Lori Grimes from The Walking Dead.

I think I’m one of a small handful of people that actually loves Rick and Lori as a ship. Generally, I think their relationship is very misunderstood and because it’s not the typical “passionate” or “fiery” relationship that people tend to fall in love with in fandom, the depth and complexity of their love is overlooked. 

Rick and Lori were married for many years (although we never found out exactly how long, we can assume it was around a decade, if not more) so from the pilot episode, their relationship is already very developed. I’ve seen a trend in fandom whereby ships of this type aren’t very popular. I assume it’s because as shippers we love to see the process of two characters meeting, getting to know each other, falling in love and witnessing all the emotional ups and downs that go with that. However, I think there’s a beauty and realness to ships like Rick and Lori. There were issues in their relationship - they argued and there was a distance between them - like there are in most long-term relationships. It was no doubt a result of the pressures of everyday life as parents having the responsibilties of a child and a home. Rick likely worked long hours as a deputy sheriff and over the years people can change and grow apart. But what’s always clear is that there was always love between Rick and Lori during that time, no matter how hard things got between them. 

When Rick woke from his coma he was driven by a singular desire to find his family. Believing her husband was dead and that the world was coming to an end, Lori fell into Shane’s arms and developed a sexual relationship for him. This is something that I’ve always felt Lori has been unfairly hated for. Her actions were completely understandable given the circurmstances and I’m sure many people in the same situation would behave the same way. It was clear that she was never in love with Shane and her actions were those of a grieving woman in a highly emotional state. Her love for Rick was shown immediately by the fact that she still wore his wedding ring around her neck. 

Also Rick told Lori that he knew she and Carl were alive because when he went to the house all of their photos were gone; photos that she kept right by her bed. Yet another indicator of how much Lori still loved Rick. Not to mention that the blue flannel Lori is wearing in the first episode is actually Rick’s. 

The second Lori saw Rick for the first time and realised he was alive her love became even clearer. 

Lori thinking Rick was dead and thinking they’d lost each other forever was a wake up call for them both. It made them realise that all the difficulties they’d been facing in their relationship leading up to then weren’t important because they still loved each other. 

I remember when I first watched TWD I was so sure that Lori would carry on with Shane behind Rick’s back, but she didn’t. The second she knew Rick was back there was no hesitancy or doubt, Rick was her husband and he was the man she loved. Rick knew very early on what had happened between Lori and Shane, and he accepted it because he saw it for what it was. He understood that Lori didn’t cheat on him or ever stop loving him, she slept with Shane because out of grief and because she thought her husband was dead. The certainty and security of their love was something they shared; Rick knew how much Lori loved him and Lori knew how much Rick loved her. 

Rick and Lori’s relationship was never thrown in our faces, but they shared moments of tenderness and affection that showed how much they loved each other. 

They were also a partnership. They leaned on one another and communicated openly. When Carl was shot, in particular, the way in which they united and relied on one another for strength was clear.

But it wasn’t always plain sailing. They disagreed sometimes - Rick did things that Lori didn’t want him to, putting himself in danger in the process and Lori didn’t tell him immediately about her pregnancy or her decision to have an abortion (which she then changed her mind about). 

Yet there was still an honesty between them, even if that honesty wasn’t always immediate. And through everything they were always each others’ anchor. Rick, in particular, with all of the pressures that was placed on him as the groups leader, turned to Lori for support and she acted as his voice of reason. Lori and Carl were what kept him centered, his reason for living and his strength.

As Andrew Lincoln rightfully said, Lori and Carl were the two engines of his life. He was also right when he said the below quote: 

“They are their first loves. They're almost at a cellular level. They love each other and they can't help that. Even though they're broken, they're the last memory that they have of their life before.” (x)

Rick and Lori’s relationship is rocky and it’s far from perfect, but their love for each other is in their DNA. After the events of season 2, Rick and Lori become estranged and their relationship breaks down in season 3 leading up to her death.

But once again it’s so obvious that these are two people that are in love but that have been through so much shit and are stuck in such horrendous circumstances that they simply can’t make their relationship work. In their final scene together, Lori’s says “I thought you were coming out here to talk about us”, which shows that she wanted to get things back on track with Rick. And her reaction to him walking away from her is the look of a woman who is broken hearted to be losing the man she loves. 

When Lori dies, we see that Lori’s love for Rick wasn’t one-sided. Despite how closed off and cold he seemed to be towards Lori, her death completely broke him. 

Not only does he wail in despair and fall to the ground sobbing, he then goes into a catatonic state and a fit of rage as he kills every walker in sight and repeatedly stabs the walker that ate Lori. Rick’s mental state is so affected by Lori’s death that he hallucinates a phone call with her and proceeds to have multiple hallucinations whereby he sees Lori and even interacts with her.

(my gifs)

The phone call is so heartbreaking because we finally hear everything Rick has been thinking and feeling about Lori. He admits that he still loves her and says he couldn’t put it back together. The regret of not being able to make his marriage work and not telling her exactly how much he loved her before she died was eating him up inside.

It confirmed that Rick never stopped loving Lori, and that deep down inside he always hoped and believed they could find a way to be together again. His hallucinations were the only way his mind was able to deal with her loss and the devastating regret of never saying goodbye and telling her all the things he wanted to say. 

By the point that Lori died, Rick had already been hardened by the new world and experienced loss and death, but losing his wife is by far the most profound loss he suffers up to this point and we really see how deeply it affects him. It’s not the kind of death where he cries once and then moves on. His entire mental and emotional state is detroyed and the impact of it takes its toll on him throughout the whole of season 3. Even in the final episode of the season, when he’s leaving the prison, he looks up to the gate where he last spoke to Lori before she died. 

It’s really no surprise that Rick reacted this way to Lori’s death. She’d been his partner for most (if not all) of his adult life. She was the woman he had shared everything with for decades; his wife, his best friend, his confidante, his anchor, his comfort, the mother of his child, his safety. She was everything he’d ever known and regardless of how distant they became or the circurmstances that pushed them apart, she was his constant. Rick would always, no matter what happened or how much time passed, love Lori. 

Even in death, his love for her is clear. He continued to wear his wedding ring for a long time after she died and dedicated his life to raising Judith as his own. This is something that’s taken forgranted by fans. It was almost a given that Rick would care for Judith and be her father, when in reality, he could’ve refused. He could’ve resented Judith because she’s Shane’s daughter and a living reminder of his best friend who who murdered and that slept with his wife, betrayed him and tried to kill him. He also could’ve resented Judith for leading to Lori’s death. In fact, I think part of him did initially and that’s why in the immediate aftermath of Lori’s death he couldn’t bring himself to see her or hold her. But the second he did, he loved her and knew she was and always would be his daughter regardless of biology. 

There’s no doubt in my mind that Rick loves Judith partly because she’s Carl’s sister, but it’s also because she’s Lori’s daughter. He lost his wife, but he has Judith who is a piece of Lori just as Carl is. But more importantly, Lori specifically told Rick that no matter what happened he was always going to be the father of her baby. 

Rick loves Judith because she’s daughter, but everything he has done for Judith and every ounce of love he has for her stems from his love for his wife. It’s so easy for people to forget that, but if Rick didn’t love and respect Lori as much as he did, it’s possible he may have never come to accept and love Judith as his own daughter in the way that he did. 

I love Rick and Lori’s relationship because I think it’s a real relationship. It’s not the kind of great epic love story that draws people in, it’s more subtle than that and more alike to relationships that ordinary people have. They had their ups and downs, neither of them were perfect and their relationship broke down more than once, but through all of those downs, their love remained strong. They were always connected and there was an inevitability to them. Even when they were at their worst, they still believed in their hearts they’d be together again. They had a mutual respect and understanding, and they were a partnership. Rick turned to Lori for support and advice when he was at a crossroads and didn’t know where to turn. Lori leaned on Rick for strength as her husband and father of her child. She trusted that he would always keep them safe and act in their best interests. Unfortunately, their story ended tragically. Lori died never knowing how Rick truly felt and Rick had to suffer the soul-destroying pain of losing his wife and live with the guilt of her death and regret that he didn’t tell her he loved her whilst he still had the chance. But even in death their love lives on and no matter how much time passes or what changes, Rick will always carry Lori in his heart because they were the love of each others’ lives. 

*none of the gifs are mine (except the two I’ve stated)*

[santamonicaroleplay]

Secrets Masterlist

GROUP A

Marco

━ Marco suffers with OCD, but keeps it well hidden most of the time. He’s had periods where it’s been so bad that he’s washed his hands until they were red raw, though —- usually when something’s happened to upset his normally happy life. ━ When he was sixteen, he stole his best friend’s girlfriend. It was unintentional, but she was also a surfer and they spent every day together, things just “happened”. ━ Marco totalled his dad’s car when he was 18 and DUI. His dad still thinks it was the other driver’s fault.

Jason

━ He is a half sibling but is not aware of it yet, his mother had an affair. ━ Got in a car crash with a friend when both fell asleep and it resulted in the death of an old man. Luckily the mans family decided not to press charges. ━ Overdosed in his sophomore year of high school and nearly died but his family kept it under wraps.

Phobe

━ Use to be a drug dealer ━ Became a camgirl for a while to pay bills ━ She only thinks that she knows who the father of Dani is. Phobe is still completely uncertain even if she has a hunch of who it is

Beckett

━ sells drugs ━ made out with his 27 year old college professor when he was in his junior year of college ━ has always claimed he’s had sex but is actually a virgin

GROUP B 

Amy

━ Amy sold weed in high school and college. ━ She accidentally killed her daughter’s fish and replaced it with an identical one. ━ She still has feelings for her ex-husband (Nathan)

Enrique

━ Enrique has hired a private investigator to locate his estranged mother. ━ Contrary to the ‘bad boy’ image that Enrique exuded throughout life, he is actually very intelligent. ━ Enrique watches a lot of cartoon reruns before he falls asleep at night.

Olivia

━ Once kissed her sister’s boyfriend when drunk at a party ━ Is quite the nerd when it comes to fantasy movies/television, though she'll pretend she's not ━ Suffers from intense nightmares sometimes

Gemma

━ She lost her virginity while drunk. ━ Feels like she’ll never measure up to her family. ━ Still has a stuffed animal her parents won for her at a fair that she sleeps with when she’s having a rough night.

Summer

━ summer tells everyone her movie genre of choice is romance (drama, comedy, all things romance-related). but truthfully, she has a soft spot for dark psych thrillers with a tinge of horror - a little known fact that hardly anyone but the people closest to her know. ━ summer has only ever been in one serious relationship her whole life. they dated for two years in high school and saw a future together past graduation and into adulthood. however, summer had a pregnancy scare at the end of their senior year, prompting her to end the relationship. since then, she’s avoided dating anyone steadily and has stuck to short-term flings. so far her older sister is the only person who knows about the pregnancy scare. ━ summer used to thrift-hunt for rare designer finds and vintage clothing at the local secondhand shops in monterey, freshening them up and selling them online  for a profit. it was a hobby she took to when she was still a kid, but she’s refrained from telling anyone given her current status as a well-reputed stylist.

GROUP C 

Wes

━ there have been a few songs written by him that have made it onto Reckless albums about the relationship between him and Sutton Barnes and the aftermath of their relationship ━ had to take depression medication which he has been off of for 3 years ━ attended therapy twice a month for two years after his mother’s death

Alondra

━ She is afraid of crows. ━ She is a cosplayer but does really extravagant cosplays that always cover or modify her face ━ She has an insane funko pop collection, she keeps them in her spare bedroom along with all of her other nerd things

Brooklyn

━ Dealt with breakdown after fiance left and before moving to L.A ━ Stole a CD back in high school ━ (Was wrote down in Diary) Holds resentment towards her brother Jason for leaving her.

GROUP D 

Hannah

━ Got pulled over for ‘drunk driving’ when she wasn’t even drunk. Just a bad driver ━ Hasn’t had sex in over 5 years ━ Still in love with her ex-fiance Hanson

Ivy

━  she has embarrassing videos she made with her friends online when she was young and in Australia ━ she's not sure if she's really over her ex like she thought ━ she's planning on dropping out of her last year of vet school to use the loan money with the home and grandmother

Caroline

━ Got a secret tattoo in HS without parents knowing ━ Suffered miscarriage after husband passed away ━ Learned how to kiss through a female friend back in HS

Hunter

━ Hunter often lies about his relationship with his family. He and his father have always been at odds and they haven’t talked since Hunter left home to move to LA, though when asked about his relatives, he’s publicly stated that they get along well and are very close, not to cause a bad impression. ━ Hunter has grown to despise the show he stars in, (which I have terribly named) “Dead or Alive”. Another thing he constantly lies about, after all, it would be terrible publicity for both him and the show, but he can’t wait for either the series to be cancelled, or his contract to be terminated. ━ Hunter has struggled with depression, and still struggles with anxiety. It’s not something he particularly lies about, but definitely tries to hide. Hunter has never really recovered from any of his past traumas – from the loss of his mother, to his father’s abuse, he’s always tried to ignore his pain until he couldn’t, and now his mental health is at an extremely fragile state, in desperate need of constant medical assistance.

Christopher

━  Toph is dyslexic, and even though he’s invested hours and hours into tutors and therapies   ━ Topher has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome so his joints are hypermobile and weakened from a lifetime of various sprains and dislocations. He originally took an interest in yoga in an attempt to quell fear that his body would start irreparably deteriorating from his progressive injuries, and while he’s found that it’s offered him some relief and reassurance, he’s still prone to stretched ligaments and dislocations. Though he wouldn’t deny it if asked, it’s not offered knowledge about the gardener. (Save for a handful of rec center yogis who once watched his shoulder pop right out of socket mid one-handed tree pose.) ━ Every now and then, he’ll pull the curtains and open up all of the windows in his loft apartment to let the sunlight and fresh air in, turn on a good song strip totally naked, and enjoy a very relaxed and unhindered yoga / meditation session to refresh and realign his chakras and reconnect with his body. He’s pretty sure his windows aren’t visible from the sidewalk several stories below anyway, but his cat has walked in on him in compromising positions once or twice.

GROUP E 

Skyler

━ Searches for his birth family online when he's drunk ━ He can quote Pretty Woman word for word ━ Once cried for an hour straight at a Cher concert because he thought she was so wonderful

Mai

━ She has the biggest crush on her best friend Beckett and it terrifies her. ━ She suffers from nightmares, so she chooses to use night time for writing or going on walks to avoid sleeping. ━ Though she says she has, she still has yet to let go of her mother’s death after almost nine years of the event passing.

Zahra

━ When Zahra moved to New York, her parents thought she was enrolled in university, but she actually dropped out to become a singer. ━ The night before the day her brother went missing Zahra ignored several phone calls from him because she was auditioning for a gig. ━ Since her return to Santa Monica 2 months ago, Zahra and her parents have been seeing a therapist.

Ophelia

━ The summer before college, Ophelia had a fling with one of her father’s associates. ━ When she was 7, she accidentally melted the face off her sister’s favorite Barbie doll by trying to blow dry her hair. Her sister thinks the dog mangled her doll to this day. ━ When filming her first television show, Ophelia had a crush on her co-star.

GROUP F 

Nathan

━ Before making it big, he had a very brief fling with his boss at the magazine he was working for, who had promised to help him with his career. They lied and he soon realised he needed to do it all himself ━ During his time on the football team in high school, he spent most of his time smoking weed under the bleachers than actually putting the time into practise. ━ Despite still being a major flirt from time to time, Nathan’s avoided dating and everything that goes with it since his divorce for fear of messing that up just like he did his marriage.

Adelaide

━ Has struggled with anorexia for years. ━ Cheated on an ex boyfriend with his best friend in high school ━ Was a bully/mean girl in high school

Alexandra

━ Former worked as a dominatrix Madame Mercy ━ During a weding reception she made out with the groom while everyone else was dancing. ━ Gave her panties to a random guy in order to get a cab, then had sex with said guy in order to get a free ride

Diana

━ Has never learned to drive ━ Will always take the stairs instead of the elevator as they suffer from claustrophobia ━ Walked out on her last boyfriend while he was unconscious in hospital

GROUP G

Iris

━ cried once in order to get out of getting a ticket ━  is obsessed with watching old 90’s cartoons and anime at odd hours of the night ━ had a miscarriage courtesy of her abusive ex-boyfriend

Noah

━ Was actually born in to the Aldridge family, but was kept from the truth his whole life. ━ Failed his drivers test multiple times ━ Used to be bankrupt when taking care of his siblings and had to take loans that took him years to pay off.

Ava

━ Lost her virginity to Alex’s boyfriend at the time ━ Still sleeps with a stuffed animal dog ━ Tells people she graduated from college even if she never attended

RJ

━ RJ is not over his last relationship because he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend. ━ RJ once ran a popular twitter update account for Rihanna when he was in high school. ━ Before he struck fame with Reckless, RJ was a featured artist on a song, the collaboration was horrible; they also had an accompanying cringey music video produced; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX6IhJ8wAKw

GROUP H 

Jackson

━ Kissed Kourtney Kardashian  ━ Almost got caught trying to shoplift but played it off as an accident ━ Lied on his resmue about knowing how to tap dance. 

Bianca

━ plays pokemon go religiously ━ truly believes in the supernatural ━ is a published romance author under the pen name Veronica Vanburen

Kaden

━  Never disclosed the fact her parents are criminals and drug addicts to the police academy. ━  Had an affair with a married man ━ She constantly uses hot sauce on any food she can--pasta, sandwiches, burgers, etc.

Abigail

━ In the week before her wedding she had one too many and kissed a girl in a bar restroom. ━ Still rings home once a month and leaves a message despite her parents never returning her calls. ━ Once drove 36 hours to the house she’d once shared with her fiance only to lose her nerve and turn around once she saw he was home.

Jack

━ From age 5-12, Parker has swallowed every piece of gum he's ever chewed. ━ He hates needles and faints very easily at the sight of blood draws ━  He slept with a girl who had a boyfriend four times in one night and then fell in love with her although she decided to stay with her long-term boyfriend.

GROUP I 

Emre

━ purposely let his academic progress go to waste while attending Dartmouth and was put on academic probation twice ━ had a relationship with a woman that was a close friends to his parents when he was 21 and she 42; the relationship wasn’t serious and they only saw each other for about three months ━ one of his first investments fell through with two million dollars on the line from his trust fund

Breeland

━ She is aware of the fact that her drinking has gotten out of control and has been talking to someone about it quietly. ━ Agreed to go on a date with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket. ━ Almost had a drunken hook up with the head of the label she works for even though he’s married

Spencer

━ She catfished a guy on Tinder after he broke one of her best friends’ hearts. ━ Spencer was arrested for assaulting a classmate in high school and had to do counseling and community service. ━ Spence was being stalked by an ex-boyfriend last year and had to get a restraining order against him.

Logan

━  Likes pineapple on pizza ━ Enjoys fruity alcoholic drinks. ━ When he goes out he loosen the salt shakers tops so it spills on whoever is after him/around him.

GROUP J 

Richie

━ The first ever guitar Richard has, he stole. He didn’t want to ask his parents to keep buying him things when they disagreed with his chosen career path, so he went out and stole it so he could write music. ━ Richard cannot remember most of the women he’s been with, by not remembering their names; he came up with a system so that he tells them apart by numbers. ━ Although it may not appear so in every day life, Richie sometimes struggle with his self image while under the pressure of social media comments and expectations for what he should look like.

Mara

━ had a miscarriage when she was 22 ━ she knows that Noah Sinclair is their half brother ━ she used to write fanfictions

Freya

━ she is still a virgin but secretly wants to have sex. ━ she still suffers from partial memory loss of certain major events but tries to act like she knows what her family is talking about. ━ she’s having blackouts and sleepwalks to random places.

Kessa

━ Spent a week in a mental hospital after finding out about her biological family. ━ Constantly feels disconnected with her biological family/because of that disconnect she’s forced to do therapy twice a week by her moms. ━ Was a married couples third for over a year.

GROUP K

Faye 

━ While back in the UK, she made the decision to track down the child she gave up at birth and was rather swiftly denied any contact. ━ Faye recently found out that her family is broke following her father’s scandal. She was the only one with any money, most of which she used for her education in Washington.  ━ She returned to the US stressed and feeling out of control, so her friend took her on a vacation to Vegas where she could be out of control. The weekend ended up very messy and she ended up married to someone she’d only just met.

Sutton

━ Was aware her ex-fiance was cheating, but was too scared to be alone so she pretended to not know.  ━ Skinny dips every third Sunday of the month before dawn.  ━ Even though she should have gave the ring back, Sutton actually paid and kept her engagement right after her engagement ended, it is now in her jewelry box. 

Thalia

━ When she was a tween, Thalia tried and failed at becoming a popular ‘youtuber’. At the time her channel featured vlogs, dancing, baking, and makeup tutorials. ━ Thalia cheated during monopoly at her family’s game night and still feels guilty.  ━  Thalia uses popular hookup apps for the attention she gets, but she never actually meets up with anyone.

Leyla

━ Slept with one of her professors at Harvard ━ Still watches Disney films when she’s having a bad day ━ Once escaped a one night stand by climbing out of a top floor window

[9lph9tr0n5s]

Meet Rohan and Valkyrie (aka my take a stand au)

So, everyone in the zootopia fandom has seen all sorts of OC’s, fanships, stories, fanarts and other stuff that would be too much to remember. But, i’ve never seen someone create a fusion OC (even though they exist in other fandoms). So, without further addo, may I present you zootopia’s FIRST fusion character…

ROHAN WILDESAVAGE!!!

This beauty is the merged character of Robyn and Hannah by @crewefox . After eight months of wait i’m finally glad and proud to introduce you all to my OC. what follows will be a bio of her charachter. Then I’ll put a link to her backstory and the whole series of events that led to her birth. Beware that the read more option may not work, both in the app and in the computer

BIO:

Full name: Rohan Marheather Wildesavage

Species: fusion, fox/rabbit hybrid

Fusion components: Robyn Heather Wilde and Hannah Marian Savage

Date of first fusion: 28th of june 20344, Canary Islands

Jobs:

-Robyn: mechanic

-Hannah: radio host and ballet dancer

-Rohan: fitness and MMA trainer

-common jobs: superhero leader, dimensional traveller and peacekeeper

Physical description

-Age: same as Robyn and Hannah

-sex: female

-gender: bisexual with more intrest in females due to Hannah being lesbian

-height: 8.2 feet (around 2.5 meters)

-fur density: soft and smoother than silk, can get winter coats

-fur color: overall ginger with darker spots on the fingertips and the eartips, black eyebrows and tail tip and black and white stripes following hannah’s pattern. Rohan can change her fur color in any possible color scheme: from plain tan, to cream with red spots or patches, to black with yellow stripes (as a chevron) to even purple or shining blue silver

-paws: all have paw pads like a fox, the feet are as long as a rabbit and can stand up digitigrade and both hands and feet posses retractable, sharp claws

-tail: long, wavy, poofy, soft and capable of moving as a third arm thanks to more muscles in it. Rohan usually likes to smack unsuspecting targets to prank them

-Body shape: slender like Hannah with wider hips and strong muscles taken from Robyn

-eyes: right one teal and left one turquoise normally, can be changed in any color like the fur in any combination possible: red, green, pitch black, blue with orange shard… the eyes can also assume a plain colorization

-ears: longer than Robyn’s, slighty wider and capable of hearing further than any other mammal.

-muzzle and mouth: the muzzle lenght is between Robyn and Hannah’s and the nose has a very sharp smell range. The mouth is composed by sharp teeth and a razor buck tooth

-other peculiarities: Rohan can assume a feral form, standing on four legs, or just with her hind paws digitigrade; unlike most hybrids she’s fertile and this fertility has been transmitted to the components; her body is very flexible, but it can’t stretch like plastic

Character

-personality:

Robyn’s side:

-rash: Rohan can trip into dangerous situations without thinking twice, but always manages to get out alright, mostly

-crass: when Rohan is angry or really pissed, she can swear as instant reaction to an insult or a bad comment

-loyal and trustworthy: like Robyn, Rohan is loyal to her friends and, in no case, she can be corrupted or turn with the bad guys. She’s also extremely careful in respecting a promise or keeping a secret

-respectful: despite having the habit to center herself in rare situations, Rohan knows who’s in charge or is the most experienced on something. Many times, she asks for constructive criticism or honest thoughts about a certain subject and acknoweldges when she’s wrong

-hot tempered: strictly related to having a coarse tongue, Rohan has robyn’s short fuse when being pestered, mocked or scolded. This can occasionally lead to a fight when it happens and the one who insulted her heavily won’t go back home without a bruise… or a broken bone

-gold heart: deep inside, she cares about who she loves and is always willing to help for any problem

-energetic: Rohan as a carefree and upbeat personality just like robyn

Hannah’s side:

-empathetic: Rohan, like Hannah, instantly recognizes what somebody else feels and either joins someone in their happy moments or comfort sad mammals

-polite: from Hannah, Rohan has inherited her calm and collected demeanor, which strangely enough, doesn’t clash with Robyn’s short fuse

-focused: Hannah’s focused mind is another trait that distinguishes rohan: she can elaborate a good startegy, study someone from the outside and guessing the inside and never lose track of an individual or lose control of the situation

-clingy: when Rohan gets attached to someone, it’s hard to take said attachment away, and this can lead to rohan putting first him/her than her team if he/she’s in danger, just like Hannah with Robyn

-emotional: while this is mostly a trait taken from Hannah, Robyn has also a tender side: when sad, Rohan can easily burst into tears while trying to keep herself collected and this leads many people to believe she’s a crybaby

-romantic: Hannah’s romantic side shows up in Rohan when being courted by someone; this unfortunately has led to episodes of boys and girls chasing her for a date because they found Rohan “lovable as hell”

Common traits:

-dorky: both Robyn and Hannah are dorky af, so it’s normal to see Rohan being silly in a playful way

-adaptive: wheter the situation is a long wedding or a hard strike againts a crime lord gone wrong, Rohan quickly adapts to the situation and keeps up, just like Robyn and Hannah

-smart: although many see Robyn as a normal C student and Hannah as a top A mammal, both girls are extremely intelligent. Just don’t overestimate her

-loving: is there much to say about this? Rohan deeply cares about anyone and is always available for comforting or cuddling someone

Unique traits:

-tricking: Rohan seems dumb from shallow and small-minded individuals, but 75% of the time she’s just faking; she’s a cunning mammal and this shows in her ability to pull of tricks or turn the tide of a situation in a way neither robyn or hannah are capable of. This seems to be a recessive trait taken from Robyn’s father Nick.

-charismatic: this charismatic side the wildesavage couple has doesn’t show up very often; things change when rohan is in the game: thanks to her charisma, Rohan is a natural born leader, and everybody follows her or ask for her advice; this trait seems taken by both Nick and hannah’s father Jack

Favorite things in groups

-Favorite foods and drinks: everything KFC cooks, turkey meatballs, spaghetti with tomato sauce, masala cod, fried ginger crickets, pepperoni pizza, crispy mcbacon, oven pasta

-favorite movies and TV shows: Enter the dragon, the princess bride, Star Wars: the last jedi, black panther, karate kid, the big bang theory, steven universe, every disney princess movie, fantasia, the incredibles

-favorite games: the uncharted series, the last of us, overwatch, call of duty black ops 3, rise of the tomb raider, destiny 1, Star Wars battlefront 2 (the old and the new one), titanfall 2, horizon zero dawn, GTA 5, team fortress 2, god of war (the 2018 version)

-fandoms: disney princesses, Star Wars (the sequels side mostly), MCU, love stories, Overwatch (not the porn, nor the toxic side)

-favorite music: punk rock music, dancable music, Green Day, Ed Sheeran, Queen, the Pirates of The Caribbean, Star Wars, star trek, back to the future and the incredibles themes, Cole Rolland, Imagine Dragons

General Likes and dislikes:

likes:

-being petted, cuddled or having her fur stroked

-crude humor

-dancing

-being a dork

-topping herself

-being nurturing and kind to everyone

-friends and family

-protecting zootopia for good

-dancing

-comfortable clothes

-travelling

Dislikes:

-bullies

-being pressured

-having a fight with a loved one

-hypocrites

-being harassed just because of who she is

-small minded mammals

-corrupt people

-whoever threatens her city

-heavy junk food

-strobo lights

-nudity in public

-toxic mammals and fans

Family:

Robyn’s side:

-father: Nick Wilde

Occupation: mayor of zootopia

Status: alive

-mother: Judy Hopps

Occupation: police chief of the first precinct

Status: alive

-grandmother: Marian Wilde;

Occupation: former vigilante known as “the maid”, now hero trainer and supporter, mostly for hacking and I.T. professor at the zootopia university

Status: formerly dead, currently reanimated and alive

-grandfather: Robin Loxley Wilde

Occupation: former vigilante known as “hood”, now hero trainer and couple advisor

Status: formerly dead, currently reanimated and alive too

-Grandparents (Judy’s side): Bonnie and Stu Hopps

Occupation: carrot farmers

Status: alive

siblings:

-Ryan, Ronan and Reginald (reggie) Wilde: Robyn’s triplet brothers; Ryan is a laid-back lover of yoga, Ronan is a pro gamer and Reggie is a panmusical mammal

Status: stillborn at the beginning, now brought back to life

-Luna Wilde (Robyn’s half sister)

Occupation: surgeon at the zootopia hospital by day and patroling zootopia by night as the vigilante Andraste

Status: alive

Hannah’s side:

-father: Jack Savage

Occupation: MCB agent (major crimes bureau)

Status: alive

-mother: Skye Winter

Occupation: MCB agent, works with Jack

Status: alive

-known grandparents:

Hannah Savage

occupation: pensionate

Status: deceased then brought back to life

-siblings: none

Others:

-Victoria Todd (luna’s mother)

status: dead, then reanimated

-Alice Kirabito-Wilde (Robyn’s sister in law)

Occupation: videogame and anime reactions youtuber, superhero, quartermaster and weapons assistant

Status: alive

CHILDREN:

After a year Robyn and Hannah adopted their first son Aaron, he wished to have siblings like her moms (who also wanted biological kids on thier own); this was possible through a pregnancy pen: a device invented by olivia dawson and crafted by her and luna which allows two blood drops and a drop of seed of each couple member (gay or hetero) to mix and create full embryoes and literaly plant them into the one who wants to be pregnant, but the “carrier” has to be female; from this union, five kits were concieved and born from robyn as aaron’s birthday gift, who decided to carry on the pregnancy and aaron welcomed to the family his new siblings. Also, after a foster home was shut down due to cruel personnel and heavy mistreating of the orphans, robyn and hannah decided also to adopt two mammals who were unwanted and left without a family. Needless to say: all those children made judy go on cloud nine… and it gave nick a heart attack.

Biological:

-Ash, Sarah, Iris, Dylan and Mitchel Wildesavage (respectively M,F,F,M,M)

Species: fox/ rabbit hybrids

Date of birth: 8th of december 2039

Adopted:

-Aaron Wildesavage (this character is also by crewefox, he was so adorable i decided to keep him in my AU too)

Species: male koala

Date of birth: 31st of december 2033

Adoption date: 21st of december 2038

-Skylar Wildesavage

Species: non-binary otter

Date of birth: 24th of august 2033

-Penny Wildesavage

Species: female black labrador

Date of birth: 15th of february 2032

Both skylar and penny were adopted the 27th of october 2040

Side notes:

-i know dogs shouldn’t exist in the zootopia universe, but in mine they do

-Robyn and Hannah originally wanted one or two kits, but Robyn’s bunny genes let her have five kits in the end 

Since Robyn and Hannah are both superheroes, there had to be Rohan’s superheroine alter ego so, i present you VALKYRIE 

 Now it’s time for the superhero part

SUPERHERO SHEET

Alias name: Valkyrie

Alligned to: team Ceartais, ZPD, MCB, Camelot

Role: leader

Hero suit: red carbon fiber jumpsuit with white parts, a dark red hood and cape made for gliding and flying when necessary, a dark turquoise chestplate, blue and white shin and forearm guards, a blue and white checked mask and a gem storage in the middle of the chest for the infinity fragments protected by a small sheild. The suit itself has tron-like lines as an attire choice. The suit, the cape, the armor plates, tthe mask, the lines and the weapons can change colors into everything and every pattern. The suit itself is resistant to fire, shocks, electricity, cuts and explosives; the problem is that some parts are left exposed and rohan has to be careful to those weak spots

Power level: supermammalian to god-like

Steel blood powers: Robyn and Hannah’s originary power both originate from some nanomachines called “steel blood” which helped them survive a severe case of sepsis and other damages occured during a tsunami that nearly killed them

Robyn:

-healing factor: Robyn’s primary power consists in a powerful healing factor which repairs and wound or damage instantly. This also renders her, and by proxy Rohan, immune to poisoning of any kind, by simple alchol and cigarettes to vast amounts of cyanide in her body. Unfortunately, the more poison enters her body, the more it takes to rohan to process it. Also, the healing process takes more time if Robyn or Rohan are shot to the head. Another good side though is that Robyn and Rohan can survive being grinded, having their head chopped off, being squashed by two walls and being liquefied

-super strength: the steel blood also strengthened Robyn’s muscles, giving rohan an immense physical force, at the point of being five times stronger than robyn normally is

-high jumping: strong muscles and an energic, athletic attitude is the perfect match to jump high. Rohan can jump about

-high stamina: the nanites powered up her whole skeleton and inner system, which means that rohan, and robyn in the first place, can fight for a long time, running over 100 miles, training in a gym for 24 hours straight without getting tired if put under pressure. Eventually in the aftermath of one of those things, Robyn (or Rohan’s) body feel and become more tired than usual and require more amount of sleep to return in shape

hannah:

-faster reflexes and speed: since hannah was blind when she received the steel blood nanites, those should have supposedly healed her sight; instead they went on powering up her reflexes and speed. This makes rohan agile and fast on the battlefield

-ability to become blind and go back to full sight on command: this power was mastered during a time when Robyn and Hannah were left stranded. Hannah managed to get her sight back, but also practiced between shifting in full sight and blind. While seemingly useless, this power can come very handy if someone generates a strong light and rohan can still fight without necessarily closing her eyes, especially if she doesn’t have a protection

-super senses: when Hannah or Rohan go blind, all the other reflexes (hearing, taste, contact and smell) heighten up to compensate the lack of sight. Those senses can become handful depending on the situation

-pulse field generation: Hannah’s trademark power consists in “seeing” while blind. While tecnically what hannah sees is a blank world with no writings or images but just the primitive shapes of her surroundings, the nanomachines allow her heart to generate a pulse everytime it beats that detects all surfaces and objects in five miles. Rohan’s area is wider and can arrive up to 20 miles

-healing factor: Hannah also has a healing factor, but it works slower than Robyn’s. Rohan partially compensates this with a faster regeneration in case of sight or hearing loss

common:

-memory link: Rohan’s memory is made up of all memories from robyn and hannah and her own, which are all stored into a neural, indestructible cloud. If one member loses all memories, just one tap on the body or fusing can make the lost memories come back. By proxy, the wildesavages share rohan’s memories and their own, this means no secrets between the couple in normal life

-feral state: if robyn is shot to the head, all her strenght and speed multiply by nine, but, as the name suggests, the nanomachines while healing the damage awaken her feral instincts, making her a savage beast. If this should happen to rohan, she would turn savage for a shorter time than robyn. Only few mammals and beings know how to tame while savage

infinity gems powers (they’re much more than the listed ones and some must be discovered): after being found out by Robyn and Hannah, six fragments of the infinity gems linked with them and grant more powers. while these powers are mostly used by rohah, robyn and hannah also use them separatly, abeit with less efficiency than their fusion. The fragments after rohan unlocked the infinity state, transformed into full gems

power (red):

-energy control and manipulation: the power gem allows rohan to manipulate all sorts of energy in any form, from kinetic to nuclear, and any way: force fields, power sharing, recharge, power overload…

-laser, maser wave or pulse energy blast: most importantly, rohan can use that enery to mimic and use a certain energy primarly for a laser blast; said power can manifest in a powerful shockwave or a presence that burns and slowls incapacitates everyone near her. Rohan could kill someone with her powers, but she chooses not to unless there’s no other choice, or her foe is unpowered and defenceless. In that case, she uses the power for knockback

-energy and power share: Rohan can gift some of her power to anybody else who needs it to strenghent him or her. This also applies to electronic devices

-maximum power state: when rohan unleashes the full power of the power fragment her body becomes glowing red in color and physically a pure manifestation of energy. In this form rohan is surrounded by energy vamps like a sun and is totally invincible. This form consumes a tremendous amout of energy, leaving her helpless when she stops, so rohan must use this as a last resort

Time (orange):

-time manipulation and travel: thanks to the time gem, Rohan can control time around her and with others. She can freeze a single moment, create a loop, rewind her own time or a recent situation and even age or de-age every living being. With the right amount of focus rohan can also travel through time

-time mastress state: at full strenght, the time fragment turns Rohan’s body orange and magical gears appear. In this form rohan’s time powers are amped up to ridiculous heights at the point rohan BECOMES time itself and is able of creating or erasing some events or a complete timeline. In the aftermath Rohan dissociates temporarly for three hours before her molecules line up

Reality (yellow):

-reality manipulation: the reality gem allows Rohan to bend the primary shape of everything around her at her will, always turning the situation to herself, like a wizard using magic. But if the power is used without limits, rohan could alter reality for a long time before fixing it, thus she has to be very careful when using the reality related powers

-creation of everything: this superpower allows Rohan to do everything she imagines: she can materialize a toy in front of her, turn water to fire of give herself new powers; the only things she can’t do are: copying powers related to the other gems (unless she temporarely gives new powers to other beings) and bring people back from the dead

-illusion and hologram control: rohan can create multiple copies of herself or turn temporarily a place in what she wants to with hard light

-reality bender state: this state renders rohan yellow and the surroundings in an area of 10 meters constantly shape. All the afromentioned powers are strengthened at the point rohan can create multiple universes at once. This state doesn’t consume much energy and it’s currnetly rohan’s most used super form

Soul (green):

-soul dislocation: with the power of the soul gem Rohan can either exit her body becoming a green ghost or force the enemy’s soul to exit the body, leaving both, rohan or the foe, numb and defenseless

-control and power over life: the soul power can also heal wounds, physical and broken morales, temporarely take back the dead as zombies or trap other souls into the fragment

-soul detector: Rohan can discover and make visible all ghosts (souls of dead beings), talk to the and even command them if necessary

-ability to travel to the soul realm: the soul gem hosts a pocket dimension called soul world; here all the souls of the dead live a neverending life of joy. Rohan can enter this world and take whoever she wants without turning them into ghosts and her soul powers within the world increase even more

-soul guardian state: in this state Rohan gets engulfed by green light and has total control over the spirits: she can evoke hordes of ghosts againts her foes, catch easily all souls within a certain range and gradually weaken everbody. The aftermath leaves Rohan internally weakened and unable to move, though she still can see everything happening around her with the same perception as someone in a dream

Mind (blue):

-mind control and other abilities: Rohan’s most basic abilities with the mind gem include: controlling the mind of the weak, shutting their mind down leaving them open for attacks, creating false memories, breaking brainwash and telepathic control on others and reading memories. Rohan is also immune to all mind-based powers; for example, she can’t be brainwashed

-mind link: Rohan can connect minds withan ally and see through its eyes. She can also talk to them in their mind by giving them advices and makes them immune to mind control. Usually though, Rohan uses this tecnique to calm down scared mammals since she can also alter emotions

-memory share: just by touching on the head somebody, Rohan can share her memories to other mammals

-brainstormer state: Rohan becomes all blue by entering this form and becomes able to access all the minds of a single planet she can go into. The aftermath isn’t as bad as the other, but it does leave her with a huge headache that lasts for five minutes after she exits this form

Space (purple):

-teleportation: Rohan can teleport herself in any place she wants. Where she goes depends on her memories of the place, or where she looks at. She can also teleport enemies or teammates away or where she wants too

-ability to control space and movements around: the space gem also allows Rohan to speed up, slow down or stop movements in a maximum area of three miles, usually by bloking foes in mid air or speeding her time up becoming faster from the eyes of the spectators. Rohan has also total control over gravity: she can increase it or decrease it to the point of nullification in a certain spot

-molecular dislocation: Rohan can phase out her molecules becoming intangible; while dislocated phisically, she can’t be hit or touched and can pass through any solid object. She can also phase out her opponents and stick them into solid objects, but she doesn’t use that power very often on normal, powerless criminals since she finds it brutal

-traveller state: Rohan’s last normal final state covers her body in purple light and nullifies gravity in an area of 50 miles. Rohan’s space powers heighten up exponetially at the point of teleporting an entire population on another planet or move planets herself. Rohan can also create gravity wells or black holes and dislocate entire armies. The aftermath leaves rohan intangible for one hour

common:

-immortality: since the infinity gems are part of the universe itself, Rohan and by proxy Robyn and Hannah can’t die in any way. If they should be disintegrated, their bodies would simply regenerate and their aging becomes stuck at the age of 25

-self awareness: this doesn’t mean rohan has total control over her senses, instead, rohan is fully aware she is an original invented fusion character by me, that their components were born from the mind of an irish, bisexual assistant surgeon and that their parents come from a very beloved disney classic movie. In few words, she can break the fourth wall

-SECR (acronysm for supreme energy coalescence ray): rohan can channel the power of the six fragments into a powerful, multi colored beam which can totally erase existance where it hits; she swore to use this power only if the enemy outranks her or in apocalyptic, near failure scenarios as her goal isn’t to cancel life. Rohan doesn’t need to enter the infinity state to use the SECR

-the snap: Rohan’s most powerful move definitively constist into the snap, where rohan uses all six gems and snaps her fingers to make every wish of hers come true. This time the aftermath is a mix of all the other aftermaths of the singular powered state of the fragments: namely, rohan becomes intangible, dislocated in time and soul, physicaly and mentally weakened for eight hours. The only way to carry her to safety is trapping her into an electrostatic box. When the “hangover” effects vanish, rohan wakes up with a giant headache. The snap has a cooldown of a year

-infinity state: even if the snap is indeed powerful, Rohan can enter the ultimate state by unlocking all the ultimate power states of the fragments and combing them. In this form, Rohan becomes totally white in color with gold shades. her powers heighten up to god-like levels and she’s able to use any power, steel blood or infinity based, heightened up, while accessing to every mind in the universe, bending all matter and reality at her own will, moving entire galaxies, controlling time while also having vision of future and past events and powering up every ally, no matter where they are or which species they are, temporarely gifting her powers to them. The aftermath effects are the same of the snap, but the time for the relocation lowers to two hours, and there’s no headache

weaponry, gadgets and arsenal:

-mega nightstick: Robyn uses a titanuim telescopic baton 1 meter long in combat, formed by two nightsticks and two handles which can simply split in two or also form two tonfas with the two handles. When Rohan plays the baton (which becomes 2 meters long with her) and it’s subweapons become harder than diamond. Each stick also has a hidden blade made out damascus steel with a diamond tip in case of tougher opponents

-constructo guns: Hannah’s primary weapons are two guns which can combine into other weapons after their upgrade: for example, a simple machine gun, a shotgun, a grenade launcher, a minigun and a small crossbow. They can also fire traquilizing pellets, laser shots or normal bullets

thanks to the realty fragment both weapons can combine into five other weapons, which also have powered up forms

- a baton with guns on each end; this doesn’t have a powered form, but it can still split and form two tonfa guns

- a javelin with a ninjato-like blade and a double barrel gun where the blade is placed. When powered, the guns spin in a circle and fire faster than a minigun while the blade knocks back enemies up to three miles

-a double sword with the central handle curved, a blade with an axe tip (like megatron’s sword on TF5) and a long barrel for sniping as long as the blade on each sword; normally it can also split up into two blades with curved handles, turn into a hi-tech bow or a giant boomerang. Powered up the guns shoot bullets and laser that pierce through everything, the blades cut even more (but not everything), the bow shoots further, its arrows strike harder and the boomerang locks onto the enemies until it gets them

-a halberd with a giant blade and a grenade barrel on top; this could be considered as a more brute version of the javelin since Rohan uses it for larger opponents. The powered form grants two additionals grenade launcher barrels and allows every strike to cut enemies or generate slices of pure red energy

-a baton that turns into a whip with a flick of the wrist and a double gun separated from the melee weapon unlike the previous four; the baton can let the tip and the rings of it’s whip form exit and let a yellow energy blade come out of the handle while the rings and the tip form a small shield. Powered up, the whip can generate small quakes where it lands, the shield assumes the aspect of a circual saw and the energy blade becomes able to slice through everything

(if you are confused and don’t know what the weapons look like, i can say that for some i got inspired from the weapons the praetorian guard from The Last Jedi wields)

volcano comet: while the nightstick, the guns and their combo forms are more than a match for any enemy, rohan wields a red, double bowed crossbow which can shoot tranq darts, arrows and laser beams at ligthspeed, for sniping attacks

concussion grenades: these grenades developed by Robyn and Hannah’s friend Olivia Dawson, create a shockwave that pushes everyone meters away from the explosion point

hacker spine: in honour of Marian Wilde “the Maid”, Robyn asked to graft into her suit a short-range hacking device which activates only whey she and hannah fuse and allows her to enter the enemies’ computers and devices, thus controlling them or shutting everything down

hyper goggles: Rohan’s domino mask contains many options into her lenses: x-rays, heat vision and ray beams

-fighting styles: boxing, MMA (mixed martial arts), blood ballet (a style invented by hannah which mixes dance styles and MMA), cloak and dagger strikes, teräs-kasi, shien, djem so and yuvo

small side notes:

-when dressed in civilian clothes, rohan sports her gems combined into a single rainbow gem embedded into a jade bracelet

 As for her backstory, the link is here

And there she is; after months of working on her bio i’m finally proud to welcome the first zootopian fusion to the fandom. I hope you like her and if you wish to use her for a story or a fanart, message me first. I may add extra info later.

And to finish, here are the credits:

thanks to @crewefox for allowing me to use robyn, hannah, scarlet, bullet, aaron and other characters (too many to name) and helping me with the correction of the post

thanks to @jafethortiz who made the arts and the coloring

special thanks to  @chickwithdreads and this post for giving me inspiration about the charater sheet

And last but not least, thanks to the whole zootopia fandom, who dedicate a bit of their time to admire the first zootopian fusion character

thank you and see you soon 

the infinity gems, iron man, namor, mister fantastic, black bolt, doctor strange, professor x, the skrulls, the super skrull, the kree and ronan belong to Marvel®

[remembertae]

East Los High  - Jessie’s Story

(Photo: Hulu) S1 E13 - 24, released 6/18/13 WRITTEN BY: Mary Feuer, Chris Franco, Zoila A. Galeano, Evangeline Ordaz, Joaquin F. Palma, Carlos Portugal, Shelley Acosta Smith, and Sasha Stroman SYNOPSIS East Los Angeles High School junior Jessie vomits before her dance group performs. Afterward, she approaches choreographer Cristian -- with whom she had a secret one-night stand -- and tells him she might be pregnant. He blames her for not using birth control and denies having any responsibility for her situation. Jessie later learns she is pregnant and visits a clinic to get some advice. The doctor presents her options - raise the baby, give it up for adoption, or terminate.

At home, Jessie's mother Lupe is livid after discovering her daughter's pregnancy test. Lupe guilt trips Jessie for getting knocked up as a teen (just as she did) and ruining her college ambitions. When Jessie says it's still early and she has "options," Lupe says, "You mean an abortion?.. You know we don't believe in that." Lupe's one consolation is that Jessie's nice boyfriend Jacob (who, like Lupe, has no idea Jessie slept with Cristian) will be a good, responsible dad, unlike Jessie's father. Meanwhile, Jacob is planning to break up with Jessie so he can be with her cousin Maya, who lives with Jessie and Lupe. Jacob is shocked when Jessie tells him she's pregnant. They had sex only one time (he assumes she'd been a virgin until that point) and he used a condom. Jessie says it must have broke. Jacob asks her to consider terminating, as he was planning to attend the University of Indiana on scholarship. Jessie is torn. Later, Jacob's disappointed father Hernan tells his son he'll have to step up and take care of the baby. Then Lupe -- who's been diagnosed with terminal cancer -- begs Jacob to marry Jessie as a favor to her. He agrees and later proposes to Jessie, though he is actually in love with Maya. Knowing how her fiancee and cousin feel about each other, Jessie begs Maya to leave her home forever. In the weeks leading up to the wedding, Jessie must reckon with the possibility that she may not finish high school, much less attend college. Jacob's heart breaks over the loss of his scholarship and Maya's sudden disappearance. With nowhere to go and no other family to take her in, troubled Maya turns to stripping, drugs, and alcohol; she eventually overdoses and winds up in rehab. Meanwhile, Lupe's doctor speaks to Jessie about her pregnancy in private and tells her she needn't go through with it. But Jessie can't imagine acting against her dying mother's wishes. Even after Lupe passes away, Jessie intends to marry Jacob, especially once she learns it's too late to have a pill abortion. Jessie and a newly sober Maya reunite for Lupe's funeral, along with Lupe's sisters Paulina (a successful fashion exec) and Reina (Maya's drug addicted mom). Reina can tell Maya and Jacob have a thing and encourages her daughter to forget about him; the two make plans to leave town the day of Jessie and Jacob's wedding. But before they leave, a heartsick Maya sneaks into the church just long enough to see Jessie walk down the aisle. Shortly after Maya bolts, Jessie stops the ceremony and tells Jacob she needs to speak to him in private. She finally admits to him that she had unprotected sex with Cristian, who is the actual fetus father. Now off the hook, Jacob immediately leaves the church to find Maya. Jessie later confesses her situation to Tia Paulina. Paulina tells her niece it isn't too late to have an abortion. Jessie says, "Good girls don't have abortions." Paulina responds, "Yes, we do," and tells Jessie all about the abortion she had as a teen, which she never regretted. A few weeks later, Jacob and Maya graduate high school. Paulina delivers the keynote address at their commencement, which is all about life being a series of choices. As she speaks, we see a montage in which Jessie visits a clinic with Maya at her side and has a surgical abortion. In an epilogue, we learn that one year later Maya and Jacob are still together and Jessie is going to college to study medicine. KEEPING IT REAL QUOTIENT I watched the whole first season of this series because I had no idea where the abortion story would begin or end. It's usually easy for me to glean that information just by scanning reviews, but this program (which features an entirely Latino cast) doesn't appear to get a lot of English-language press. I had no idea that Jessie's unplanned pregnancy would stretch over 12 episodes, or that so much drama would hinge upon whether or not she births this child. Beginning in the first half of the season, there's this other unplanned pregnancy story about Jessie's friend Ceci, a homeless teenage girl who gets pregnant by accident and faces enormous struggle after she decides to keep the baby. When Ceci speaks to the same clinic doctor whom Jessie would later visit, the physician explains California abortion laws in clear, non-judgmental detail. This was when I began to notice that East Los High isn't just a steamy teen soap. It's also full of these handy public service announcements about preventing and dealing with unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. In fact, this production is bankrolled by a nonprofit organization called Population Media Center, whose mission is "using entertainment-education for social change". Essentially, PMC commissioned a group of producers to create an engaging scripted drama in response to high rates of teen pregnancy among Latinas, While exploring the sex lives of these young characters, the writers sprinkle in useful facts relating to sexual health, such as how various forms of contraception work, the difference between medical and surgical abortion, and how to use Plan B. Oftentimes the delivery of these messages can be a bit clunky. Sometimes the action pauses abruptly so the producers can deliver an important public service announcement to the teen viewing audience. But it helps that the action surrounding these messages is very entertaining in ways you'd expect a teen soap to be, with all the sex, love triangles, and dark family secrets that keep viewers like me hooked. But unlike a teen soap in the vein of Beverly Hills 90210, which focuses on the lives of wealthy, white teens living in one of the country's poshest zip codes, East Los High is gritty and sometimes very harsh in realistic ways. My favorite thing about Ceci and Jessie's stories is that, in both cases, neither fetus father has any interest in raising a child. I find it odd that in so many TV depictions of unplanned teen pregnancy (see 21 Jump Street, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Parenthood, Friday Night Lights, and the aforementioned 90210) the boy wants the girl to keep the baby. On East Los High, the boys' responses to their sex partner's unplanned pregnancies range from, "That's not my problem," to, "Please have an abortion." Not one fetus father on this show wants to get stuck parenting a kid they didn't plan, and that sentiment certainly tracks more with my personal experience and the real life abortion stories I've witnessed. I also love that we see an unflinching portrayal of how an oops pregnancy can upend so many lives. Obviously, Jessie and Jacob are sacrificing their ambitions to do the "right" thing. And of course, their impending marriage quashes Jacob and Maya's chance for romance, which is sad because they have this intense bond forged by their working relationship (talented cook Maya has helped revive Jacob and his father Hernan's failing taqueria). When Maya leaves her family's home and dives into this other work situation that makes her miserable, her disappearance not only breaks Jacob's heart but also threatens his family's business. Some of these melodramatic developments can feel a bit contrived -- it is a soap opera, after all -- but none of it is unbelievable. In Jessie and Jacob's case, this fetus is causing lots of problems for both them and their love ones. The only person who is at all relieved at the thought of these two kids marrying is Lupe. To be honest, she really got on my nerves. As an ex-Catholic, the scene in which she confronts Jessie about her pregnancy made me angry in a very familiar way. Here we see the cycle of guilt and martyrdom at work. Lupe is enraged with Jessie for getting pregnant young, because she assumes her daughter would have learned by her example of constant suffering and sacrifice. At the same time, she won't even consider "allowing" Jessie to abort (though as physicians on the show repeatedly note, Jessie doesn't need her legal permission).  When Jessie tells her mom, "I didn't know what to do! You never told me what to do," Lupe ignores her, saying, "At least you won't have to raise this baby alone." As far as she's concerned, Jessie must resign herself to a life of working multiple, low-paying jobs as punishment for having sex. There is no joy in her daughter's situation. According to Lupe's worldview, her daughter is damned if she aborts, but she's also damned if she becomes an underage mom. Jessie's only chance at redemption is sacrificing her dreams by bearing a child she doesn't want, and setting her own kid up for future guilt trips by marrying a guy she's not that into. I find Lupe's martyrdom rather self-serving, in a demented way. But again, it's familiar to me and very real. Given all this, it makes sense that Jessie pretends Jacob is the fetus father. When she confesses the truth to him, she admits, "I wanted it to be yours so bad. I even convinced myself it was." And why wouldn't she? Especially after her mom dies, his presence as a spouse and father would be the main difference between her and Ceci, who has to live in a shelter for teen moms because she doesn't have anyone to help her. 

Fortunately, Jessie does have another ally - Tia Paulina. As a jet-setting business woman, Paulina cannot always be there for her nieces. But when she is, she comes with clear-eyed, thoughtful advice about safe sex, and encourages these girls to envision their futures beyond locking down a husband. I pumped my fist heartily when she revealed her own abortion story. The writers did really good job of explaining how this woman of faith processes her termination. When Jessie asks her aunt what the hardest part of her abortion was, Paulina says, "I just wondered if there was a spirit that was getting ready to come and be with me. And I had to tell that spirit to wait. That was hard. But at the same time I was happy too, because there was something that I could look forward to in the future." It's really important for young people who believe in God to see examples of faithful adults who are okay with abortion. This isn't something we often see on television. For that and all the other reasons mentioned above, Jessie’s story is really special.

GRADE A- Most of my issues with this story arc are aesthetic. It drags for a long time. The abruptly interspersed Very Important Messages Regarding Teen Sex can be distracting. The slut-shaming aspect of Maya's strip club misadventures -- especially the way her surly coworkers are portrayed -- is a bit insulting and kinda square. But for all its melodrama, this first season of East Los High speaks a lot of truth about abortion, teen pregnancy, and teen motherhood. None of the principal characters are demonized for the difficult choices they make (for instance, Ceci comes out the other end of her teen mom story with more dignity than she had at the beginning). This is a very compassionate and thoroughly considered tale. And I also like that I didn't predict how it would end. - by Tara

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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/inside-the-weird-online-world-of-people-who-love-to-hate-the-duggars/

Inside the Weird Online World of People Who Love to Hate the Duggars

In 2004, the world got its first introduction to the Duggars. The Arkansas family with 14 (now 19) kids were a cartoonish oddity when they made their TV debut. They were fanatically religious, didn’t think women should wear pants, and bizarrely ate jar after jar of pickles.

During 14 Kids and Counting, their first hour long TV special, when asked why they chose to have so many children, mother Michelle Duggar looked into the camera with her wide, vacant eyes and said, “We decided we wanted to allow God to give us all the blessings he wanted to give us.”

For Kate J, host of the Duggar-themed podcast Defrauded, that moment would be the start of a baffling obsession. “But God also gave you birth control!” she snarks during an episode recap. “Yeah, those aren’t blessings,” her co-host quips back. “Those are sperm.”

Kate, who describes herself as “not religious at all,” hosts the weekly show alongside her boyfriend, Chris M. The pair asked VICE to use only their first names and last initials for their privacy. “I’m very intrigued about the Duggars,” Kate says in the first episode. “I love to hate them, and I hate when I love them.” In between gossip about the Duggars and funny recaps of the family’s many reality shows, the podcast touches on religious topics, like “the weird world of Christian colleges,” and dishes about other famous families like the Bates, who also have 19 kids and their own reality show.

“Their lifestyles and beliefs are so crazy backwards to me,” Kate told VICE in an email. “When I was in college, I started becoming really interested in religion and cults. I started reading Tumblr blogs about the Duggars, which led me down a deep (deep, deep) rabbit hole.”

Screenshot of various Duggar family Tumblrs by the author

The swath of the internet devoted to blogging about famous fundamentalist families, or “fundies,” seems mostly driven by curious, nonreligious viewers. As the Duggars rose to fame, people who wanted to learn more about the family turned to online forums like FreeJinger.org or DuggarsWithoutPity to page through episode recaps, genealogy information, and conspiracy theories. Today, those communities extend to subreddits, Facebook pages, and numerous Tumblrs. The fascination has extended to other radical Christian families, from the Maxwells to the Rodriguieses. There’s even a whole fundamentalist wiki devoted to cataloguing “mega-families.”

The time and energy people spend discussing them online is staggering. VICE spoke with a number of bloggers, and most asked us not to use their names. Some cited not wanting their employers to know their stance on religion. But many said that since they’re often critical of fundamentalism, they wanted to avoid harassment from pro-Duggar, pro-conservative Christian fans.

“It’s an odd thing and morbidly fascinating,” the creator of Duggar Data, who requested anonymity, told VICE in a message. “I think part of the intrigue is the fact that [being born] into this family dictated so much how their life would go. Like, if I’d been born a Duggar, I would probably be married with three children by now. I wouldn’t be educated. I wouldn’t have a career. I just find the whole thing oddly compelling.”

The family’s unstoppable breeding ignited the idea for a blog, which estimates how many new Duggars, Bateses, and Maxwells will be born in coming decades, by inputting data like wedding date, engagement length, and number of pregnancies into a dynamic Excel spreadsheet that makes predictions based on existing averages. So far, the blog correctly predicted which month Josie Bates would get hitched and when John-David Duggar would get engaged, plus or minus a few days. The most interesting data stories are the ones that reach far into the future. For example, the blog predicts that by the year 2077, there could be 1 million Duggars walking the earth, based on their current birth rate.

The owner of the blog told VICE they mostly run the site for fun, but there is a deeper purpose that fuels their mission. “Duggar Data uses statistics to reveal, quantify, and critique oppressive elements of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity,” they state on the site, “particularly, the Quiverfull movement and so–called ‘biblical patriarchy.’”

Quiverfull is a fundamentalist Christian ethos that encourages procreation by essentially dictating that women should have babies until the Lord shuts down their womb. It’s a hot topic in the online community; most people in the “fundie fandom” seem vehemently against it. Although the Duggars have denied being part of Quiverfull, they are followers of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a non-denominational religious organization that’s awfully similar. In addition to being called a “cult” by former followers, both Quiverfull and IBLP enforce strict patriarchal rules, like encouraging victims of sexual abuse to question whether or not it was their fault.

If their link to the controversial ministry wasn’t contentious enough, in 2015, the Duggars were embroiled by scandal when Josh Duggar admitted to molesting underage girls, later revealed as four of his sisters. A year earlier, IBLP founder Bill Gothard found himself in the middle of his own sex scandal when 34 women accused him of sexual misconduct.

TLC dropped 19 Kids and Counting after the scandal, but on their spin-off series Counting On , you won’t hear the Duggars talk about their involvement with IBLP or the molestation controversy. The juxtaposition between the Duggars’s picture-perfect TV visage and their hidden controversies became the catalyst for online fundie fandom—though people in the community prefer “observer” over “fan,” implying they watch the Duggars from afar but don’t condone or support their antics.

“I was a fan in the beginning,” the founder of Facebook group Life Is Not All Pickles and Hairspray, who requested anonymity, told VICE via message. “But when I learned more about their politics and misogynistic religion I just became an observer.” The person who runs the page describes themselves as a “retired Catholic.” Their page is a smattering of Duggar news, info on Duggar sightings, and tons of articles criticizing Trump and evangelicals. A picture of Rick Santorum on the page is captioned, “This friend of the Duggars and all who think like him are pure evil.”

Catherine Tan runs Duggar, Bates, and All Things Fundie, and she attributes her fundie obsession to her background as a religious studies major. “I personally come from an interesting angle, because in my academic life I had to be professional, and I could not make snarky comments,” Tan told VICE. “Online, especially Tumblr, I can put my snark out there with others who agree with me.”

The Bates family in 2010. Photo by James Ambler / Barcroft USA / Getty Images

Though people online are quick to criticize families like the Duggars and the Bates, they also gush about fundie wedding dresses, coo over new babies, crush on certain family members, and rejoice at engagements. It’s a contradictory relationship, to be sure. “It’s complicated,” Kate said. “While we might not agree with these people, we are interested and therefore invested in their lives.”

It’s also easy to forget that these families are bonafide celebrities. “People have been following [them] for a very long time,” said Ella, a Tumblr user who runs What the Fundie and the WTF Book Club. “So just like any popular reality star, they are a point of interest.”

But unlike the Kardashians, the Duggars and other fundamentalists are mired in ethical controversies far more serious than overexposure and botched plastic surgeries. Most members of the family were born into fundamentalism, as well as fame, without a choice. In that case, is it right to make fun of them?

“I think internet culture and discussion are very centered on joking around about serious issues,” Kate said. “On our show, for example, we’re certainly going to talk about a fundie wedding when it happens, but then add in our thoughts about courtship dynamics and how the married couples tend to often get pregnant immediately.”

If humor is the most powerful weapon, the fundie fandom is armed, loaded, and not backing down. “I think it’s important to point out the flaws and absurdities about these organizations,” Ella said. “And if that’s through snarking, then so be it.”

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Source: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/mb4yka/inside-the-weird-online-world-of-people-who-love-to-hate-the-duggars