#it is. hard to let myself hope
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mmmmmMMMMMMM
#sigh#I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing#just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles#but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s#it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford#this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m#trying so hard#I’m not well#things aren’t letting up#I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable#nothing feels enjoyable#I just#I want to sleep forever#I don’t want to deal with this anymore#I still can’t seem to get a job#Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to#but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April#I#no longer feel any hope that things will get better#Christmas?#I feel no Christmas joy#I feel no joy#I picked a shit time to get off my meds but#I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills#there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just#I didn’t want that anymore#sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind#I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be
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._.
hey fictionkin? uh quick question
how did you find out about your kintypes? please boost this around i need answers
#“lets cosplay sammy lawrence” he said#“sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me”#me 40 seconds before staring at myself in the mirror like oh. oh no.#i thought I just had a normal regular bendy obsession and the obsession with the music in game.#and in general.#um.#otherkin#alterhuman#fictionfolk#fictionkin#batim kin#hi i need help haha#boost#alterhumanity#nonhuman#therian#we aren't gonna think about this too hard until we get some other fictionkin confirmation#what do yall have going on#casposting#batim#sammy lawrence
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KinnPorsche + Text Posts: Breastie Edition
[Shoutout to @kinnbig because I totally stole the idea for the Ken one from a reblog tag 😂❤]
[Character Editions: Pete Part I & II | Vegas Part I & II & III | Tay | Tankhun - Part I | Big | Porsche Part I & II | Kim | Porchay | Chan | Kinn Part I & II | Macau | Pol]
[Themed Editions: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | ?]
[Episode Editions]
#I took way too many outift screenshots in the past weeks - so I had to...compensate a bit#that's it. that's the one and only excuse I have for this very special edition.#I hope you enjoy and feel free to judge me <3#ohhh let me add one last thing: I'M SO PROUD of the first one - I made myself laugh really hard with that 🤣✌🏻#kinnporsche the series#thai bl#kinnporsche + text post#text post meme#kinnporsche meme#kinn x porsche#porsche kittisawasd#kinn theerapanyakul#kinnporsche arm#vegas theerapanyakul#pete phongsakorn#kinnporsche ken#because the kinnporsche brain rot is still real
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Sidestep: this story is a tragedy.
Ortega: not if I have anything to say about it
#finally pinned down my favorite part of their dynamic#sidestep is genre-aware (if the genre is tragedy) and genre-blind (if the genre isnt tragedy)#ortegas the opposite in the way that they are genre aware of tragedy but so fucking stubborn they refuse to accept its a tragedy#like they know. they know its a tragedy. they just wont let it BE a tragedy#they hope their love and effort is enough to move mountains and move genres#bc it might be a tragedy. but they wont accept it until they have to (as with many things in ortegas life)#ugh made myself cry like. ortega works so goddamn hard. hoping inevitability wasn't expecting them.#hoping that all it takes is one person telling fate to go fuck itself. bc if theres one person who will say that its ortega#fhr#fallen hero#ricardo ortega#julia ortega
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Fixing history using the power of editing and my editing skills!!
For today we have, New Titans (1980) Issue #100
✨ Wedding Special ✨
@robstarblog @robstaryeah pinging yall just in case so that this doesn't get lost in oblivion (It'd be painful since I worked 5 hours non stop on it lol)
I think the most time was taken by the final panel and adding in the finishing touches since I pretty much had to change everything to the pixel level, quite literally lol (I'm serious, I did)
Welp I hope the results were worth it! And with that, another one gets a good ending!!
I kinda didn't add sleeves in the first two panels of the final page because it didn't look good and looked janky with how I was editing it so yeah please ignore that-
#teen titans#robstar#dick grayson#koriand'r#starfire#dickkory#Changing history#using the power of editing and my own skills!#giving the good ending to characters who truly deserve it#it took me 5 hours to complete all the editing to the miniscule level#i paid attention to every detail to match each panel#it took a lot of effort but it was worth it!!#but damn man there have been so little dickkory content that I really had to search hard to get myself a suitable pic to edit out of#we have a lot barbara content with dick but barely much with Kori honestly#anw hope this is nice#self editing#also#Donot remove my watermark while reposting otherwise I'll consider it as stealing >:(#dont steal#that damn priest took so much time to edit like holy cow#I really went above and beyond to get all the details right and consistent throughout#I let my perfectionist nature manifest#but yea#now Dick and Kori can have an uninterrupted happy wedding <3#im so happy#I may try another one of these fixie thingies if I find anything^^#this was really fun to work on#i fixed canon#but fuck the actual canon#cuz most comic writers cant even do just one job right
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struggled a lot with tweeks pose unfortunately. love how kenny turned out!! if only it was their week but its NOT!!!
#TweekWeek2024#hohoho!!!! HOHOHO!!!!#it begins!!!!!#tweek tweak#kenny mccormick#south park#sp twenny#twenny#tweek x kenny#when i saw this prompt like 2 months ago i grinned SO WIDE#I SMIRKED AT THE 4TH WALL COMICALLY#got some stuff planned for this week#its kinda not a very cool week for me personal lore wise#but im hoping tweek week can help with that#ofc…. i have some personal art planned……#smirking#lets just say#im forever a crazy ex girlfriend#i LOVE being a crazy ex girlfriend#but this was fun to draw#i was gigglin and shit#mu anatomy is actually visibly improving kinda???#might share some sketchbook doodles ive been doing eventually.. donf count on it#rrying SOOO hard to make this one project work rn#not gonna reveal anything because i dont really want to pressure myself into doin it#itll come natural#but taylor swifts music has been a huge inspo lately#been hyperfixating a LOT on hermitcraft/life lately. thats where ive been. practicing and binging hc#been happy though!!! doing SO much better mentally!!!! <3333#thats the life update i shuppose
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I dont care about the odds of womens liberation happening because I dont solely focus on "winning" per se. That's not to say I dont want or aim towards it but freedom isn't just about the end but the journey too. Cultivating a lifestyle as a single childfree woman is something bigger than me and something I hold onto to get me by.
One thing about conscious is that we all know we're going to die. This terrifies some; but in some cases it gives a purpose to existence. Death becomes a metric to measure the things that are worth it in life, things to dedicate life towards for fulfillment in existing. Whether the end goal actually comes to fruition or not is irrelevant because the hope and purpose carries you as you live.
To get by the hardships of life and inevitability of death: dedicate yourself to something bigger than you. Having a sense of purpose beyond yourself drives innovation & delivery. It's not just about how long you live but what you live (& are willing to die) for. This is how cults, religion, charity, activism, natalism etc affect people. It gives them a sense of purpose greater than themselves so they devote their lives to them even in extreme cases where it'd kill them. They suffer & work in the name of their cause.
Many women regret encountering feminism & seeing maIes for how evil they are but I dont. I see things more clearly & more importantly it's given me a purpose in life; something to orient how I carry myself as long as I live: To pour my energy into myself & other likeminded women, to live beyond serving a maIe, to trust myself & not let the claws of maIe supremacy sink into me, to be the subject of my life instead of the object, to know I'm ending the line of suffering and not giving maIes what they ultimately want - another soul in the chain to continue the suffering, etc. That's the direction I'm taking my life.
I'm saying all of this because with things like separatism, 4B etc if you're serious about it think about these things as something bigger than yourself let it be something that you devote yourself to that goes beyond you. In the end it isn't just about you, it's about the future children you're saving from experiencing the hurt & suffering of this world. For me, no matter what happens as long as I dont give birth before I die that's a W for me - when I die the suffering in my line ends with me. So that's how I see this as something bigger than myself, it's not just about me but my (potential) future offspring. And before anyone tells me about how there's good in this world; good isn't guaranteed but suffering is.
When you give yourself to something bigger than you you're able to commit to things for the greater good & not just doing things for the sake of it. I dont refuse to date, reproduce, wear makeup, etc to stick it to anybody; it's just freeing for me. I think the lack of seeing these things as something bigger than yourself is part of why many women struggle to commit to this or even think of the idea (there's obvs many reasons but I wont get into them to stay focused). I commonly to hear things "I'm not doing x for some fringe online movement" because they dont see a greater good, sense, or purpose to it so instead women will get in pro woman spaces demanding it caters to them & their existing habits rather than working within these spaces towards a goal greater than themselves compared to dating which is why they're willing to inconvenience & risk more in that regard.
This might sound extreme but many people whether they're aware of it or not have a purpose for themselves at some point & legacy they want to build to leave something behind or it fulfils them. For me the way I see all of this is that I want to succeed as a single childfree woman as my legacy. That's what I build towards. I occasionally ask myself that if I was to die now would my life & the things I did reflect what I believed in at the end of the day. Now obviously people have different motives & legacy aspirations which causes conflict (even with maIe supremacy it's about legacy which is why maIes live & die for it. It makes it easier for them to reproduce & steal labour from women to pass off as their own & that's something added to their legacy - something that lives beyond). Ofc not everyone gets remembered but in the grand scheme of things as I mentioned it's not about the end goal but the journey there.
The thing with fulfilment is that it is so strong if this thing wasn't there people likely wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Despite the criticisms of religion, part of why it's so powerful & popular is bc many people wouldn't know what to do without that framework shaping their lives. Something they can lean on in hard times, something that directs the way they go about their daily lives so people take it very seriously with its ups and downs as it gives them purpose & they'd be lost otherwise. Similar thing with patriarchy, if you remove the benefits it comes with; maIes wouldn't have a purpose to work towards & existence wouldn't be worth it for most of them. This is why many of them dont care about going on rampages even if it costs them their lives to uphold the system as they have nothing to live for out of maIe supremacy. A loss of those structures would be a net negative as they have to work harder for the same or less results.
For many women, romance is something that fulfils them & adds purpose to their lives (remember having purpose to something means you're willing to struggle for it). In my previous post I addressed the argument of how there'll be violence when women reject maIes en masse but even when women choose to date maIes the risk of violence is still there (which there's endless strategies on how to 'vet' and mitigate) but they still go for it because a having relationship is something bigger than themselves. These things fulfil them so much so that many women refuse to take maIes as they are & actively shut out news about their violence bc it'd make them hate them & they dont want to do that bc losing romance would be losing it all. It isn't just about them, they're looking for someone to explore, build, and create life with as it fulfils them so they'd be willing to take risks to find that. Hell even out of dating, many women will risk their lives & livelihood to advocate for maIes politically as they see the cause as greater than them.
I've provided examples to put this concept in context so for the more relevant part: as a single childfree woman where does this leave you? Find a sense of purpose & fulfilment to it. This is something that has to come from within for it to stick, a sentence I say isn't going to give you purpose bc you dont know me & I dont know you. To a degree, typical things that give people purpose & fulfilment are messages that have been instilled into them from childhood. As people grow & face challenges it's something they lean on and it works for them to get by life. Many religious people look to their creator when they're going through hard times in addition to everything else they do surrounding religion as they devote themselves to that. So having a purpose & sense of fulfilment is important bc when adversity inevitably comes up it will help you overcome it.
TLDR: We're always taking risks depending on what we find purpose & fulfilment in. These things tend to be bigger than ourselves. Find purpose and fulfilment to being a single childfree woman.
This is the final part of my series of posts about the popularity & rise of single childfree women:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
#finally got this out lol this took a while because I had a lot going on in my personal life but it's been on my mind to get this finished#find purpose as a single childfree woman#so good luck to y'all & I hope more single childfree women find purpose to this. One thing I'll say is dont feel pressured to find purpose#fulfilment. Not everyone will find purpose but at the very least find a sense of fulfilment that isnt rooted in sumn like getting back at x#in the end this is something that should be fun it's not a punishment. Enjoy yourself ! Be happy with your life it should let you feel good#& add meaning to your life. Have this bc it will keep you strong through hard times. I personally see no alternative I will go down fightin#I refuse to continue an xys legacy through me. I reject the life where I'm a wife & mother in every dimension even if it means I go down#that's a risk I'm willing to take for freedom. You'll notice I talk abt myself a lot bc it's something that has to resonate with you.#It can inspire but ultimately this must grow within; good luck gyn.#female separatism#female separatist#4b#6b4t#single woman#childfree women
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I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!
i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨
love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻
#rin rambles#i dont want to bog this with negativity but i do want to share stuff so imma do it in a way that makes me look forward and not backwards#honestly this wasn't the place that i actually wanted and got excited for several months ago#i had to make adjustments because unfortunately the landlord was a huge red flag and i decided i didn't want to sign#and sure enough she never returned my security deposit of 1.5months until this day despite saying she would every day for like a whole mont#and though it is hard and devastating i don't want to potentially sabotage my own future so i've decided to not take any legal action#i just hope. that that money can be of use to her in some way. get her out of a tough spot perhaps#it was a struggle to get to this point of actually feeling fine letting go without breaking down but!!! it's fine. i'm fine#and karma will find a way if it was truly done out of purely malicious intention!#i'm closing that book and stowing it away lovingly into a shelf because if anything it was. a powerful lesson.#as much as it sucks. never. ever. trust a person when it comes to business or transactions. no matter how 'put together' they seem#always have everything on paper and never EVER pay something until they demonstrate that they can be trusted#anyway#the people helping me move today were super friendly and nice and it made my day!!#and so far i love love love the privacy so much. a bathroom all to myself? a kitchen countertop?? for myself??? that's so crazy#i had to battle thru cobwebs and (fored to) cured my arachnophobia by force /j#and there was a power trip unfortunately but overall everything seems nice! i would have liked having the room on a higher floor but ah wel#ough my back........... _(;3」 z)_
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Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.
Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.
It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.
And if you had a hard time doing it?
Do it again. And again. And again.
I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.
I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.
But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.
It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?
Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.
It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.
So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.
Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.
It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?
#personally...#I mean I am disabled and I am not conventionally attractive#I have PTSD now from the kind of childhood abuse that makes you feel... broken I guess#so I have spent an awful lot of my life finding it difficult to imagine truly being loved#when there are so many 'easier' choices in this world it is hard to imagine someone picking me#so believe me when I say I know it's hard#but I also know that I closed myself off to love once I stopped being able to imagine people doing it#I lost the vocabulary for people loving me so when people did it I could no longer describe it#I didn't notice or worse - it stressed me out#but... I have started doing this visualization exercise and it does help#sometimes I have a spark of... well yes this person in this fantasy does deserve to be loved#and I am that person#so there's a spark of hope to it#hope can be good and hope can be bad but... I guess it's necessary too isn't it?#so let's do our best to make our brains stfu when they're being mean and instead focus on self-love
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me: i’m gonna read Rodney McKay fics
fandom: we have lots of McShep
me: McShep is good, i like that ship
me: so, McShep fics with Rodney feels, please
fandom: sure thing, lots of Rodney feels here 😇
fandom: *bombards me with unexpected John feels*
me: hey, uh. why is my heart all fucked up?
#don't get me wrong i love it#but it is not what i signed up for x'D#i fell so gd hard for Rodney when i watched Atlantis and while i really enjoyed other characters too (John included)#Rodney was the one i just did not want to let go and the one i really wanted to read#so since McShep is a fairly big ship that i did like i figured it was easier to go there than to find Rodney heavy fics based on tags alone#and now here i am with a ton of John feels i wasn't planning on (and a brand new otp...)#Smowkie talks#McShep#John Sheppard#Rodney McKay#i'm planning a couple of McShep fic rec posts btw#(the fic that made me write this post included)#not sure when but they are coming. at least two of them#i've read a lot lately and i've actually mostly remember to save the faves so i can share them which feels very nice#i love fic rec posts but i've always been horribly bad at making them myself#but after that summer reading challenge i've gotten better at it and i'm hoping it can result in some future fic rec posts#well it will result in at least two for McShep xD
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Sparkstember Day 28: The Sparks Brothers
I'm not a movie person... So when I do actually rewatch a movie (I mean, even watch it, at ALL, haha) it must really mean that something is up. I mean, well, it also IS a thorough, highly enjoyable and visually appealing movie about a band that I've been so incredibly invested in for the past several months. So maybe it's a surprise that I don't watch it more often actually. Because one beautiful side-effect of seeing it each time was getting an unexpected and very strong surge of motivation to keep on going towards the things that matter to me the most, despite any and all obstacles that could appear on the way. Another side-effect of it is being happy and joyfull and being filled with warm feelings and thoughts for the whole following day at least. Usually up to 3 days afterwards actually.
But ok, of course, what I'm getting at is that the Maels' story is so incredibly inspirational. Seeing how they persevered through all those years and NEVER lost their spirit or their vision, never gave up... is not only moving but also something that reminds me that wow, so much *really* is possible. I spent so many years fully convinced that there are things that I'll never be able to achieve. And sure, some of them are indeed pretty unlikely to happen. But if you told me from even one year ago that I'd be making art daily and not dreading being so much as perceived anywhere in the great world (so, including the internet)... well, I would have not believed it at all. I really mean it when I say that I used to believe that there are things that I'll just never be able to do. It's like it was simply not meant for me to be able do it and have those experiences. And yet...!
There's a lot I owe Sparks and this is one of the biggest things I'll always be grateful for. They really changed my life for the better. Truly nothing else before them reaches the same degree of how much it helped me. And well, I'm saying this on TSB day because this is where this feeling of gratitude and feeling SO lucky becomes the strongest. And the beautiful thing about it all is that they were always just themselves. They had their vision, they knew what they wanted to do and didn't care about how it would be received. Which is such an important and meaningful message to me, I can't even express how huge it is to me to see these two people who only really had themselves and their endurance and got exactly where they wanted to be.
Alright, some less grandiose observations now. Well, let's start with the fact that this was by no means my introduction to Sparks but it still really cemented my love for them even more. I loved being reminded of their whole journey and learning more about it, and even moreso I loved being able to see more of their beautiful brotherly bond and their wonderful personalities. Truly no other people in this whole world make me as happy as them currently. And the brothers' sense of humour hits super close to mine, so this is also a time filled with genuine laughs (I die laughing at the absolutely true Sparks facts at the end EVERY TIME). And since I'm a huge fan of animation and mixed media art and such things, this was simply a joy to view for my more artistically-inclined side too.
And damn, those two hours and 15 minutes really fly by so fast. When I have to arrange a huge timeslot to watch it all in one go, because that's the only way to do it for me, and then it feels like no time has passed anyway. And even with so much being said there, it feels like there's still so much more to get to. But it's still enough to lift my spirits completely for a pretty long time. And to make me cry a lot of the time too... Absolutely impossible to not shed a tear by the end of it all. It's moving, it's funny as heck, it's super fun and it's absolutely beautiful and truly lifechanging. 💖
#once again had no inspiration to write for hours. but at least i managed to finish it before midnight#(this was supposed to be short btw)#and anyway i guess that this is the point when i can't help but get even more personal than usual#but fuck it we post anyway. i wouldn't let myself just not post so far into the month#maybe someone else can relate or someone can also gain hope that yes there are goals that you really can reach actually#if you really want it you know. i know it's easy to think that it all sucks and leads you nowhere. that's how it USUALLY feels to me anyway#but there are at least those moments when i can finally realize that man i've come so far#like. for real. it's true. i actually did the thing!!!!! you know#but uh well. not entirely happy with this post as usual but this is the best i could come up with today#well it's such a good thing that i can actually think and talk about sparks literally always#so this doesn't have to be some kind of final statement about it all from me. yay!#and yeah as i said the maels' bond is very touching to me so i had to highligh it a bit today#so have some good-spirited big brother bullying lol. and wow making it look like an old photograph was actually not that hard#but the poses WERE a struggle to get right i'll admit#and now just to find something more in me to say still on latte day and on the final day...#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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[hand up] I'd like to know what Tai Su is! I've almost read all of MXTX's books and I see withdrawal looming on the horizon so I'd love to be sold on a new rec. What's the premise? Does it have an official translation?
Oh boy do I have an answer for you
The short version of this answer is that Tai Sui is a no-romance steampunk xianxia cultivation novel about a very silly rich boy who cons and fumbles his way into discovering all the ways that immortality is kinda fucked up, actually. It's hilarious and heartbreaking and has some of the wildest, most in-depth worldbuilding I've ever seen, as well as some of the most insanely deep and compelling platonic relationships. There's no official translation, but there's an extremely good fan translation by E. Danglars.
If you'd like to know more about the story and/or why I think it's so damn good, you can click that link up above and read my much longer rec post.
Tai Sui's pretty different from MXTX's stuff in some ways, especially since it's not a danmei, but it was also basically my own first foray into the word of non-MXTX web novels, so I know from experience that transition can work out well :).
#anon you're enabling me so unbelievably hard by sending in this ask lol#the lads are gonna think I sent this to myself as an excuse to shill for my favorite web novel#<<kidding lol#anyway. thanks for showing interest and sending the ask <3#I hope you have a good time if you decide to read it!!#let me know if you do :)#ask#anon#tai sui#tai sui priest#taisuiposting
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wait does this mean you’ll be able to explore the update when it drops now? because of the new date? or is the case still the same?
no ok this answer is sooooo Funny bc uh
well apparently due to a Christmas Miracle i don't start working this week, today was just orientation. so i Would have been able to actually make it.
but now? WHO KNOWS!!!! WHO FUCKING KNOWS!!! i dont have my schedule yet!!! i'll get it by wednesday!!! so!!! with my continuously Dogshit luck! the case is still very much the same!
#my glimmer of hope has been ripped from my grasp and thrown off the edge of a very active dam#im watching its sparkle dim as it falls and falls... into that watery abyss...#man. can one thing work out. can one Single Thing-#ANSWER: NO!!! IT NEVER HAS AND IT NEVER WILL!!!#but we stay silly!!! despite it all!#i finally let myself believe Holy Shit. I'm Gonna Make It To The Festivities#and then clown comes in with the steel fucking chair-#rambles from the bog#i cant wait for them to be like 'you start On friday <3'#i bow to no god but. man. praying that i dont start working until the monday after the 8th#pleaaassseeee it wouldnt make sense for me to start in the middle of the week pleasseeee#wait for a fresh cycle PLEAAASSSSEEEE#just this one thing. ill be such a good employee please just let me have this Dear Fucking God Please-#ill work so so hard just dont make me miss it im begging u.... o employment gods... spare me...
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today, cupimon prays for your happiness too.
#digimon#cupimon#oc:elise#made myself draw more personal oc art when not working on comms haha#tbh the motivation behind this was a moment of weakness. like. wanting people to tell you you have done well and everything will be ok#but i also want to heal others that way. it's complicated. the world only seems to get harsher and harsher#holy or angel type digis are good picks for such and cupimon are adorable#imma be realistic this is a pretty tough time to be alive. let's not even try to compare with past eras or the like#the truth is so many of us are struggling so friggin hard we don't even know it anymore bc it's become so routine to our life#but it's honestly? really twisted? if you think of it that way. we're so used to suffering in life. it's so sad.#can only hope things get better someway. somehow. may good news even a little arrives to each of yall this week#btw really sorry folks. after the ai fiasco this site has gotten itself into i'm gonna post even lower res version for my newer works jic#artists writers creatives. do stay safe. keep yourselves and your work safe as much as you can#do what you need to do regardless it matters to you or not ok!#png
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feel so renewed and significantly less insane. prospective job offer. daydreaming about jerking him until he cries. pizza and alien romulus to end my night. what a fucking fantastic day after like weeks of total shit alahakskaj
#seriously im hoping so hard i get that job#and can feel more motivated in writing both fanfic and the original stuff ive been letting rot on my laptop#because nae you were right and i need to give myself a real try with original fiction#001.
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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it
#idk it's just all too much to deal w#i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish#i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months#like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk#i just dont know what to do or how to handle it#im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job#im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself#i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it#idk the list just goes on and on and on#nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help#i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all#im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc#i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable#i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city#anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk
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