#it is the responsibility of adults to avoid doing harm

[cwicseolfor]

The creators I feel bad for and want to support right now were working for Warner in 1999-2011, who developed an iconic visual style for a fictional wizard school, fabricated setpieces and matte paintings and costumes with love and care, scored the music to create ambiance, poured themselves into styling and executing visual effects...

all of which are now used in propagandizing and funding horrific bigotry, including pushes against human rights in the antisemitism and anti-trans fascist quarters, to equating Scottish independence efforts in a post-Brexit era as equivalent to fictional nazism.

Imagine having gotten your dream job as a creative, living out what most of us could only ever hope to glimpse from the sidelines: working in concert on a major project with some of the best peers of your craft toward something that seemed so innocent and kind and needful ... and ten years later the work of your heart and soul has been turned against your own children. And their classmates are lapping it up.

[fragmentating]

Honestly not much radicalized me in regards to bodily autonomy the way being a chronic selfharmer for 10+ years has. And one of those things that really are so awful to deal with is a lack of privacy.

When I go inpatient and they ask me if I have wounds, and I answer honestly, they dont just write that down. They make me undress and show each single one, otherwise I wont be "processed" and let into my room.

In the underage psych ward I was in they would sometimes search the rooms of known selfharmers while we were away at a therapy appointment, or seeing family in the visitation room, etc. They wouldn't tell you. They would lie about it if you asked about it. But all your shit had been moved around slightly, enough for observant people to notice. If they found blades, or any other sharp object regardless of it you had used it to selfharm though, you would obviously be punished.

One time I cut and went to the nurses for help, I was scared because it had never been that deep before and their response was tossing my room after I had voluntarily given them the two blades i had, while a male nurse kept saying how uncomfortable he was that he "had to" inspect my pads, saying "why would you need that many", ... they had metal detectors. They could've just swiped it across everything. But that wouldn't have been humiliating enough like seeing a nurse dig through my underwear and pads and diary.

Outside of the psych ward, my family kept up a similar approach. They did not search my room at least, knowing it was futile because there were always knifes in the house if I was desperate anyways, and a store down the street that sold razors. But locked doors were my mothers enemy. If I locked my door to masturbate, and she noticed it was locked? She would knock and yell until I opened it. If I simply wanted to relax in a bath but she decided it was suspiciously long ? The same.

When they couldn't catch me in the act but my scars kept getting more and more theyd threaten me with being hospitalized again.

When the hospital ER would send me to the closed ward for cuts that had nothing to do with suicidal ideation, but they decided I must be lying because it was deep enough, no matter how often I said I simply "messed up" because of adrenaline and blades that were sharper than expected. They had no legal ground to lock me up again but who cares, right. Its just one of those freaks who cuts themselves anyways.

And none of this kept me safe. None of this prevented me from cutting majority of the time. It made me distrust the ER. It made me distrust nurses. It made me hide my body even around my family. And when it did momentarily work I simply started harming myself in other ways. I ended up covered in bruises, with minor concussions, increasingly starving myself, depriving myself of sleep, ...

No one ever went "let's really try to figure out why you do this." Instead they went "why the fuck wont you just chew some bubble gum and roll a spikey ball on the soles of your feet you depressed fuck" or some shit like bro I am being severely traumatized by the world and this is my reaction. It's all "you are the problem".

And as an adult whos decided that I'm not interested in quitting, who "only" practices harm reduction I know that absolutely no one wants to accept that as a choice I should be allowed to make. Doesnt matter that I'm an expert at taking care of wounds and I have not had a single infection in 10+ years aside from once on wounds that got fucking stitched at the hospital. that I actively do my best to avoid lasting damage. That I try to keep the frequency low. They put me through years of surveillance and shame and threats without ever trying to see the root cause, only ever treat me as a bratty problem child who's being difficult just to fuck with them, and can not understand why that wouldn't make me want to stick to the goals they have set for me.

Therapists genuinely lose their mind when I tell them I don't want ~sobriety~ I just want to reduce harm and get on with my life. Their teachings do not allow for this to be but a short term compromise. I do not care.

[selfharm-harmreduction]

Reducing The Risk: A Guide To Harm Reduction For Self-Harm

[Pt: Reducing The Risk: A Guide To Harm Reduction For Self-Harm]

Disclaimer: I do not encourage self-harm. I am also not a medical professional.

**Warning! Crisis lines/hotlines/etc. in resources linked below may call the cops or other emergency services on you without permission**

Harm reduction is something everyone does. You probably engage in harm reduction all the time without knowing! Vaccinations are harm reduction, wearing a seat belt is harm reduction, using contraception is harm reduction, and so much more. Harm reduction can be used to reduce damage before it occurs, aka prevention, (i.e. wearing a seat belt), reduce damage as it occurs (i.e. emergency response), and reduce damage after it has occurred (i.e. rehabilitation). How does this apply to self-harm?

Prevention;

[pt: prevention; ]

Prevention dose not always have to mean delaying or stopping self-harming, this is not a possibility for everyone but is the most reliable way to prevent harm. Here are some resources if you want to reduce or stop self-harming:

Calm Harm (link), an app that helps provide alternatives and distraction to help you "ride the wave". Free in the UK, charges may apply else where.

'Delaying Self-Harm' (link) & 'Distractions and Displacement' (link) from Self Injury Support.

'Distraction Techniques & Alternative Coping Strategies' (link) from Cornell University

You may also want to call a crisis line (warning! many crisis lines and hotlines will call the cops or other emergency services on you without your permission (such as 988 in America), this can be very dangerous. You can find lists of crisis lines that do not do this in your country online)

If you don't feel ready too or don't want to stop self-harming that is also ok, and even if you are relapses happen and most people cannot stop 'cold-turkey' so it is always a good idea to be prepared for if/when you self-harm. Here are some ways you can prepare too keep yourself safe:

Prevent infection; make sure you are up to date with you Tetanus vaccination (link), adults need a booster shot every 10 years. Learn the signs of infection (link) and when you need to go to hospital. Make sure your tools are clean.

Prepare to treat wounds; make sure you have a fully equipped first aid kit and basic knowladge of first aid and anatomy. 'Cutting The Risk' (link) has information on a first aid for self harm, as well as other useful information.

Have safe(er) tools; this means, if possible, always have new tools on hand. If you can not access new tools you can disinfect used tools with rubbing alcohol or boiling. Remember to dry well. Always check for rust and dispose of your tool properly if any is found.

Plan for emergencies; Who will you ask for help if you can not care for your injuries alone? Do you know how to get to your local Accident & Emergency`? Do you know how to get there without driving (can you take a bus, can a friend drive you)? What will you do if you get an infection? It can be useful to have this written down, too.

As Damage Occurs;

[Pt: As Damage Occurs; ]

When you self-harm there are things you can do to keep yourself safer;

Keep your phone nearby. This is in case of an emergency and you have to call for help.

Be mindful of where you self-harm; some areas on the body are more dangerous to harm because of arteries, major nerves, and other things you can not see on the surface. This resource (link) has lots of information on how to harm safer, including safer locations and where arteries, veins, and major nerves are located in the body. Generally more fleshy parts of the body are safer, do not cut/burn/etc. your wrists, neck, groin, on or near joints, your face, or palms. Avoid cutting/burning/etc. on scars.

Think about anatomy; because ligaments, connective tissue, and muscle go vertically across the body it is safer to cut vertically instead of horizontally. Vertical cuts are less likely to damage your mobility, nerves, etc. because they go with the grain of muscle and connective tissue.

Try and reduce severity; this means lessening the depth of cut, the degree of burns, etc. and time you spend self-harming. Try making less injuries as well (i.e. 8 burns instead of 10). This makes it easier for your body to heal.

Make sure you can see what you are doing; this means clearing blood out of the way as you go. This is especially important if you multi-swipe.

Tend tend to wounds as you go; for cutters this means stopping the flow of blood by applying pressure before continuing and for burners rinsing the burn in cool water (warm water for a chemical burn). This makes it easier to tell what you are doing and asses damage as you go.

After Damage Occurs;

[pt: After Damage Occurs; ]

After you have self-harmed it is important to tend to your injuries;

Assess the damage: after you are done self-harming assesses the damage (How deep are the cuts? What degree are your burns? Are they clean? Are you bleeding heavily? etc.). If the wound is spurting blood or you go into shock (link), chemicals went into your eyes or mouth, or another emergency that needs immediate medical attention call emergency services (999, 911, 112, etc.). If you cannot stop the bleeding, the injury is on a joint, your face, or palm, something is lodged in the wound, you lose sensation or movement, or you do not think you can take care of the wound by yourself seek immediate medical attention.

First aid; if you have called emergency services follow the operators instructions. This (link) resource and this one (link) have useful information on first aid.

1. Stop the bleeding or burning; For cuts, apply pressure with a clean cloth that is not fuzzy (such as a t-shirt or clean tea towel), if the bleeding does not stop after 10 minutes of applying pressure seek immediate medical attention. For burns, remove any clothing or jewellery near the burn, if they are stuck to the burn do not attempt to remove. rinse with cool water for 10+ minutes. Do not use ice. For chemical burns, remove clothing surrounding the injury, rinse with room temperature saline if available, if not use warm water, for 30+ minutes 2. Clean the wound; For cuts, rinse the wound with clean warm water to remove any derbies. For chemical and heat burns, rinsing the wound will have cleaned it. Do not attempt to remove anything stuck to the wound, this will lead to more injury. 3. Dressing injuries; For cuts, if the cut is gaping you need to get stitches, seek intimidate medical attention. If this is not possible use steri-strips (link) or butterfly bandages (link) to pull the edges of the wound together and then apply a plaster or bandage on top. For wounds that are not gaping, apply a sterile plaster or bandage depending on the size of the injury or injuries. Use of antibiotic ointment is optional. For burns, loosely cover the affected area with cling film or other clean plastic. Using medical tape can help keep it in place. Never use a cotton or cloth bandage on a burn. For chemical burns, loosely apply a sterile dressing that will not stick to the wound after you have washed ALL of the chemical(s) off with warm water. 4. Wound care; For cuts, dressings need to be changed about once a day, change them if they become wet or dirty as well. Check for signs of infection (link) (see below for first aid for infections) when you change dressings. There is no need to clean your cuts again unless they become dirty. Never reuse wound dressings. For burns, dressings need to be changed about once a day, change them if they become wet or dirty as well. Check for signs of infection (link) (see below for first aid for infections) when you change dressings, burns are much more likely to become infected then cuts. There is no need to clean your burns again unless they become dirty. Never reuse wound dressings. For chemical burns, dressings need to be changed about once a day, change them if they become wet or dirty as well. Check for signs of infection (link) (see below for first aid for infections) when you change dressings, burns are much more likely to become infected then cuts. There is no need to clean your burns again unless they become dirty. Never reuse wound dressings.

Infection; if you believe a wound is infected after looking at symptoms of infection (link)...

1. Assess damage; Infections are similar across cuts, burn, and chemical burns. Symptoms of mild infection; spreading redness, heat, or swelling near the injury, increased or new pain, increased fluid leaking from wound. Some redness, pain, and fluid leakage can be normal. Symptoms of serious infection (seek immediate medical attention!); confusion or disorientation, feeling faint or dizzy, irregular heartbeat and/or breathing, cold, clammy, pale skin, fever (body temperature of 38c (100.4 f) or higher), fainting, severe muscle pain, painful muscle spasms, stiff jaw (lockjaw), and more (link). If you are unsure how severe your infection is talk to a medical professional. If you don't think you can tend to your injuries alone seek medical attention. 2. Treat infection; If you have symptoms of a series infection seek intimidate medical attention. If you do not feel able to get to A&E by yourself call an ambulance. If you do not feel that you can tend to your injury alone seek medical attention For mild infections, clean the wound with warm water and unscented soap, then soak in warm water. Apply antibiotic ointment to the infected wound(s) and re-dress the wound. Do not reuse dressings. Repeat 1 to 3 times a day daily until infection subsides. If the infection worsens or does not go away seek medical attention.

Resources;

[Pt: Resources; ]

**Warning! Crisis lines/hotlines/etc. in resources linked below may call the cops or other emergency services on you without permission**

Here is a list of resources for harm reduction, some of these might also be linked above.

Cutting The Risk (link), a (free) book all things self-harm , including lots of information on harm reduction, for any by self-harmer. From The National Self-Harm Network. (this one's my favourite)

Harm Minimisation (link) by Self Injury Support is a short guide to the basics of self-harm harm reduction. PDF version (link), I find this version easier to read.

Self-Harm: Limiting The Damage (link) from the NHS, main focus is on firs-aid.

Calm Harm (link), an app made by a mental health charity designed to help you "surf the wave" of self-harm urges.

Exploring Alternatives (link), by Self Injury Support provides a lists of alternatives to self-harm.

Distractions and Displacement (link), by Self Injury Support provides a list of things to do instead of self-harming.

Delaying Self-Harm (link), by Self Injury Support provides a list of ways to avoid self-harming.

How to tell someone about self-harm (link), from the NHS

Talking To Your GP About Mental Health (link), from Mind (a UK mental health charity)

First aid info;

Signs of infection (link)

Burns first aid (link)

Cuts first aid (link)

Chemical burns first aid (link)

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.

[thousand-winters]

Something I love about TOH is how it lets adults be wrong and make mistakes and be whole messes that do not have their shit together because... yeah, that's just life. Adults aren't so put together as one believes when they're a child, and of course they can act rashly and fuck up because of their emotions and generally experience the entire spectrum of human emotion.

It would be lovely if the fandom would be less racist about it tho.

It keeps driving me mad to think about because with characters of color, one mistake is taken and generalized as their entire behavior despite having proof that it was a one time thing, a extreme born out of emotion or after many things have happened, while for white characters it's well understood it was a one time instance.

Nobody took Eda's "I'm going to break every bone of your body" toward King (who, mind you, is like 8yo and the kid she raised since he was a baby) seriously, nor said "Eda totally threatens King with bodily harm every time she's angry". It wasn't a serious threat, King wasn't bothered by her because he knew that, and the world kept spinning, nobody made a bigger deal of that than it had to be, despite the fact that it's objectively a horrible thing to say to your kid.

Nobody said either "every time Eda is feeling unneeded, she avoids talking to her kids and ignores them for days and then attempts murder-suicide on the name of good", although the avoidance aspect of it at least IS more in tune with her general lack of coping mechanisms.

Now, Camila making Luz go to camp? Suddenly she was the devil and evil, and Eda should take full custody of Luz, despite the fact Camila was shown as gentle and loving since moment one, and your kid endangering other kids by bringing live snakes and fireworks to school is objectively something alarming that can't be swept under the rug. There was no point at which Camila was depicted as anything but loving and concerned, even during Grom, Luz's fear was about hurting Camila rather than Camila hurting her and yet people insisted she was abusive until Thanks to Them.

Even after Yesterday's Lie. I mean, Luz is 14. I don't know about you, but if I had a kid known for being a bit careless and reckless and act first before thinking, I would be worried sick knowing she's in a land where half the things alive try to eat you and it's also ruled by a genocidal emperor. Hell, even if my kid wasn't reckless, I would be clawing at the walls about it. Camila wasn't being evil for wanting Luz to stay by her side, especially since they only had each other.

Then, of course, there's Darius.

I'm so sick of people being condescending to people who like Dadrius, even in art posts, all like "guys, but don't forget Darius was shitty to Hunter for years", because it's exactly what I'm talking about of taking one event and extrapolating it toward his entire behavior despite the fact the information we have been provided indicates that was a one time thing. Not only we have the Palisman Logs that confirm Darius usually didn't pay attention to Hunter, which, mind you, isn't a crime because he had no responsibility over Hunter and everyone thought Hunter was being treated well by Belos, but we also have the hint of Darius reacting so viciously because of Hunter sewing the Golden Guard's sigil on his cloak and reminding him of his mentor, which is not something that happened every thursday.

I know everyone understands actions born out of emotion in adults, no matter how wrong they are, because of Eda and even some of the other adults who objectively speaking did way worse in the matter of mistakes toward their children, like Gwen or Alador. Yet, people keep refusing to believe that Darius only did that once but nobody ever says "yes, here are the examples and clues that he was this way for years" (because they do not exist) and just keep repeating that he did or that he has the vibes of someone who did (bestie, that's just racism).

It's so strange because Hunter is not stupid. He knew to be on guard of Kikimora and Kikimora was always shitty to him. He can take a clue, he's not a baby. He refused to accept the help of the Owl Fam and the Hexsquad for a good while because they were "the enemy" and in his head he had the idea that he shouldn't trust them even if he wanted to. Hunter's behavior is affected deeply by Belos' abuse, but he wasn't reacting to everyone in the way he did to Belos, excusing their behavior and generally letting them all walk all over him.

If Darius really had picked on him for years, he wouldn't have been so quick to trust him after Any Sport in a Storm, and we got a bunch of little mentions and hints that point to how their bond started to grow behind curtains, which would be really weird if Darius had always been an overly hostile presence in Hunter's life before. Can you imagine him being all chill with Kikimora if she had hypothetically went "oh, well, I guess I was wrong for trying to murder you"? Hell no.

Even Perry and the Parks didn't got spared from this.

Of course their reactions to their kids getting expelled could have been more graceful, but they were evidently not thinking super clearly at the moment and every other moment we've seen them with their kids, they have been loving and supportive. Hell, even in that same episode we saw how the Parks were, if anything, more concerned about Willow's education to the point they were willing to change their whole life to be able to stay to homeschool her.

Adults make mistakes. People make mistakes.

Stop acting like people of color can't make mistakes without being the epitome of evil.

[enemywasp]

Alright so someone on tiktok sent me a link to a compiled list of arguments against proshippers and so I wanted to put a sort of brief response of my own thoughts of each point.

Long post warning!

"Proshippers are non-offending minor attracted people in a fresh paint of coat"

What a start, am I right? Okay so first off this is a huge generalisation, not every proshipper engages with or is even comfortable with anything that sexualises fictional children, or ships them with adults. And of those that do ship adult/minor ships, it doesn't always mean they're attracted to the character themselves or gains any sexual pleasure from that.

They then went on to say that although they might be non-offending, they still fantasise about and romanticise children- in the case of proshippers by creating art and stories. And I am not personally educated enough on how people's minds works to go in depth here, but I do know a lot of pedophilic thoughts can be intrusive and unwanted. And I would much rather people engage in this and deal with their thoughts through fiction where no actual children are harmed, than actually go touch a real child or engage is any form of CSEM.

“People can draw and ship whatever they want!”

Here they went on to say that surely to ship and create content you must justify these things in some capacity regardless of them being fictional. And immediately I'd argue, the justification it that they're fictional. And that sometimes you want to read about things you'd never approve of in real life, it's a natural curiosity. And again, regardless of what the dark content is I would take someone engaging in fiction over harming a real person any day.

They compared this to alt-right groups and dark humour justifying racism and transphobia, etc. And whilst I think something we should always be aware of in fiction is stereotypes and how we may be representing people. Youtube videos like this are usually a type of propaganda that AIM to change people's mindsets and turn them against groups. Whereas fiction tells a story, some may have meanings and connections to real life, be a political piece, etc. Not everything is that serious and has a clear distinction from reality.

Think for example, reading/watching about murder and gore. More on that in a second.

"Fiction doesn't affect reality!"

I'm going to be honest I rolled my eyes at this as their main example was slenderman. If you don't know about that, those girls were schizophrenic. Anything could of set off and caused delusions, it just so happened to be fiction. Those girls needed help- not to just read purer content. They also basically brought up propaganda again, which is again deliberate and designed to warp peoples perceptions. Its based of lying and spreading misinformation and passing it as facts. The only thing I strongly believe can be directly harmful is stereotypes if not handled with care. But I think that's something for anyone who writes and consumes content should be aware of regardless of their stances.

Again here they implied that all proshippers are peodophiles. And that they normalise abuse of children. I'd also like to point out that most proshippers I've interacted with online have age boundaries to avoid interacting with minors depending on how graphic or sexual their content is.

"What do you think all stories about murder should stop existing?"

Here they basically argued that killing in media isn't the same as its not romanticised or condoned. YA Novels disagree- mafia stories being the most immediate example to spring to mind. Furthermore, morally grey villains. One of my favourite films is Mr Right. It's about a hitman killing people. Anna kendrick falls in love with him and its framed as a romantic comedy. Funny how its only fanfiction that's criticised like this? I actually have more thoughts on this if anyones interested.

Again they bring up kids not knowing adults pursuing children is wrong, and I'm questioning why children this young are unsupervised on the Internet. How young were you when you were allowed to watch anything with graphic blood or violence? This content isn't made for kids! Especially not anyone so young they can't seperate fiction from reality as most sites have a specific age you have to be to join. And I'm sorry to say it, but on websites and social media where adults can interact with kids, anything can be used to groom kids. (The real thing you should be mad about here is how there's no websites aimed just for children and safe spaces on the Internet anymore cause it can't be monetised as easily)

"Artists are allowed to draw and write about dark people"

They basically said, yes but it's not the same as promoting. Writing something under a romantic light and not saying "Don't do at home!" Isn't promoting. No ones encouraging these things in real life. Or rather, if they are its not because they're a proshipper but rather who they are as a person and their intentions.

The trans example they used is very extreme and honestly something I agree with a little more, fiction can definitely be used as an excuse to say and act out hateful and discriminatory things. Whilst I do think it's something we should discuss and unpack more, I'm not certain of my view on how I would fix this without risking silencing people talking about their experiences.

"Its not my responsibility to look after other people, just block me and the tags"

Here they threw all kinds of accusations. And says that we're making traumatised people jump through hoops to avoid getting retraumatised. I hate this argument, you know people have actual triggers they may not be able to avoid in real life? The world can't bend around you. And I am very sorry if any content online is traumatising to you, but someone could also be traumatised by a certain breed of dog and not want to see it. Should no one post dogs online ever again? A bald man reminds you of an abusive ex? Bald men get off the Internet! You see how this thing can just keep escalating? The tags and warnings are important because they're the best you can get. You can't control the world to protect everyone from everything ever. No ones forcing you to interact, and if you're on any algorithm based content that will encourage that content on your for your page more.

The only thing I think we should take from this is the reminder that warnings and tags are always important.

"You only care about censoring creativity"

Here they defend themselves that oh wouldn't you want freaks out the community! Which again immediately makes me lose respect for you, if you're just going to brand us all as freaks as an argument and generalize us.

No comment on that first line when you can easily argue antishipper do the same.

"Proshippers are not remotely innocent of targeted harrasement" Neither are antis. There's people who take things too far both sides and I'm not going to defend either for that.

"Real kids get assaulted and all you care about is censoring people online!"

Here they shout "oh I can care about both!" But what I don't think they realise is censorship can make it difficult for kids and to learn about how to speak up and to look for signs, or to speak up about their experiences. How do you plan on removing the topic from the Internet whilst also letting victims speak up? And people may want to write fiction based off their experiences. Who are you to go through it and proclaim what is too far, what romanticises it too much? More on this later.

"Antis are reducing my trauma"

They compared this to saying "date rape victims are reducing my trauma because they weren't taken advantage of in the same way as me" which is a disgusting parallel?? Date rape is still rape. Someone writing about something isn't the same as it happening. Although it can be used as harrasment, grooming, etc if directly addressed to you or being constantly sent to you, written about you. But the content existing in general? No.

"I'm coping"

Compared it to self harm, and such. Poetry and diaries are also used to write about your experiences and unpack trauma. Some of which may write it in an unrealistically positive light cause that's how they want to unpack it or explain those thoughts. And yes these things get posted online.

I can't imagine a single therapist or professional psychiatrist of any kind disapproving of creative writing because, again, it's much better than any alternatives of doing real harm to yourself or people around you. Although I do agree that if something is traumatising for you to read about and just upsets you further, be aware of your own boundaries but not everyone is the same so how are you going to police people's own thoughts and emotions.

Also I can't remember who or where as it was years ago now, but I have heard of people who actually realised they were being groomed or abused and just how bad it was through reading about it in a fanfic and seeing it in an outside perspective.

They also say to do it in private, but doesn't everyone on the Internet now have an understanding of finding a community and looking out for eachother and sharing experiences?

"There's more nuance here than just calling proshippers peodophiles"

Here they say no matter what it still comes down to whether it's ever okay to sexualise minors in certain contexts. And again, not every proshipper does this or is even comfortable with engaging in this kind of content. And further, no one is sexualising real minors in this context.

"I'm a proshipper and a minor tho!"

I'd agree minors should be wary of the spaces they're in but proship spaces aren't always necessarily sexual, graphic or 18+. Saying they're being groomed feels like you're watering down that term. I was a proshipper at age 13, I didn't interact with anyone online about it though, I didn't even know that was the term. I just came to the conclusion that it's just fiction all on my own. Minors aren't idiots.

At then end they talk about their own experience being groomed and I'm obviously not going to nitpick or criticise their experiences. I will point out that one person being bad and taking advantage of you and using content to do so doesn't mean everyone is like that. I am sorry to anyone who has been taken advantage of by someone who claims they're a proshipper though. There are people who have turned out to be horrible on both sides.

I am ill and it's late but I want to get this up sooner rather than later so please ask for clarification on anything. I'm always up for a discussion on this topic as I do believe some of these points do have merits at times and that this whole topic is not black and white

[konigsblog]

I’d like to direct those sending hate to people simply writing dark content to holding adult video sites accountable if they want to achieve some kind of moral victory.

There have been multiple instances of sites like 🌽 hub taking genuine footage of rape/SA and refusing to remove it even when requested multiple times by the victim. Some of their heavier ‘consensual’ bondage vids etc have been said to involve deliberately pushing expressed boundaries by female actors that have do things they didn’t originally agree to for fear of loosing their job. These are real people- their experiences are REAL and have a lasting physical, social and mental effect.

Ghost, König etc are not real. Y/n, is a reader insert of course, but you are never in genuine danger. Everything you ‘put yourself’ into in these fics, can stop at the press of a button. You can hate it, hate the author and never interact with them again- problem solved (If only y’all would do that). In real life? A SA/rape survivor has lived through it, suffers from it forever and might have the disgusting burden of having to see their assaulter in the flesh at work, home etc.

To insinuate that a piece of fanfic that can be ignored, that you CHOOSE to engage with is as equally abhorrent as the real act is disgusting. It’s downright offensive. It’s a great discredit to us victims and shows you don’t actually give a damn about us at all.

You’ll be silent when it’s time to hold a harmful industry accountable/silent in the face a thousand men saying that 🌽 actresses ‘deserve it’ but will continually send hate to what is a largely femme community for typing words on a screen that you could avoid so easily. Yeah, I know why, there’s a word for it starting with M :)

On that note, most of these people are dead silent on other fandom issues which proves it’s vendetta, not justice based. They don’t actually care about making it a ‘safe place’ (which is impossible, that’s no one else’s responsibility but your own). Not a peep about racism, for example- can’t be assed making fandom more accessible and less exclusive to POC, gotta go out of their way to harass authors though!

You don’t have to like dark content, or even the authors. You can have limits, disdain bad tagging practices, question respectfully why someone might want to read/write such content, but don’t you dare use victims as a scapegoat or insinuate that you are in any way justified if you choose to harass or bully. Do better; focus your energy somewhere actually productive and deserving of criticism, or shut up and move on.

I agree with absolutely everything you said. These are the same people that consume pornography via porn sites, then sit and complain about people having rape fantasies and consuming dark fiction (key word: fiction). They care more about people's kinks and fantasies and decisions in the bedroom (where both parties have consented beforehand), then they do about the REAL rape tapes on porn sites. It's not just rape either, there's a lot of incredibly fucked-up, illegal, and sickening things on these sites that I won't get into. People have their trauma published, profited off of, and are violated for money, and these sites never take these videos down either.

They care too much about their comfort character being portrayed in a way they don't agree with to focus on the poor souls who have had their trauma uploaded online – and to make money off! Are the COD characters real, or am I missing something? They're fictional characters. Just because you don't agree with a headcannon doesn't mean that everyone else also disagrees. It doesn't determine their morality. And honestly, do I really think these hateful and spiteful people are victims of some form of assault? No, I don't. Because victims of SA/rape (who cope differently) filter things out to prevent themselves from getting triggered. I don't think that these hate anons are actually triggered by the content I upload and just want to judge others for coping differently. They just want to seem more moral – as if your mortality depends on your coping mechanisms/fantasies are. If you don't want to watch a video, you wouldn't choose to watch it anyways. You wouldn't force yourself to watch the entire thing, then come to the comment section and cry about how you're not interested in the topics featured in the video. You watching that video was a decision you made, a choice. You wouldn't take a kid to a horror film that's clearly 18+, then scream at the film directors for creating it in the first place. If you're not the intended audience, then don't stay. There is an audience of people who do enjoy dark fiction, and just because you don't, doesn't mean that it can't exist. The world doesn't only revolve around you. It's selfish and small-minded.

You get taught about fiction and non-fiction in Primary school, and yet here we are, have to tell adults (or at least people who claim they're 18+) the difference between the two. If you can't draw a line between fantasy and reality, then you shouldn't have access to the internet. That's irresponsibility. It's people wanting to be saviours, act as if they have the moral high ground because they disagree and think that it makes them a better person, when it doesn't. If anything, them constantly harassing innocent writers is worse than what they try to portray us dark content writers as. These are the same people wishing rape, death, and doxxing towards writers who have done nothing but be respectful and give out warnings before a story. Dark fiction writers have more empathy and sympathy than these puritans who think they're on top of the world for coping differently, because we actually understand that there are different mechanisms to cope after being sexually assaulted.

I will never apologise for writing what I write. I refuse to walk on eggshells around these anons simply because they can't act mature and manage their own triggers. These people won't bother reading the articles that I've linked countless times, or listen to this entire post. Because they're narrow-minded, that's what narrow-minded folk do. They don't hear other opinions or think for a second, that maybe, just maybe, they're being disrespectful. They claim we're romanticising rape by writing it, but don't bother learning what romanticising actually is. I've said countless times that rape is a disgusting, violating crime that deserves years of punishment. I don't describe what these characters do as IDEAL or something to WANT, if anything, I describe them as horrible people because that's how I see them. They're in the military for God's sake...

When they send hate to an author's askbox, do they think for a second about the effect it'll have? Victims go through years of self hatred and disgust after being traumatised, and when they find a coping mechanism, do you think they want to be told that they deserve to be raped again, or that they're disgusting, or that they're supporting the vile crime? Of course they don't, because they don't support victims at all.

These people are too illiterate to read this entire post. If anything, it'll go right through them. In one ear and out the other. Am I also responsible for the media they consume? As in, horror films? Will I hold their hand and cradle them, rock them to sleep because they don't want to take responsibility? That's life. You have responsibilities. You can't just drop them because you feel like it and then put it on a writer's shoulders because YOU weren't thinking.

And sure, I can see how dark fiction can possibly affect reality. But, that's not my responsibility. If someone is has the urge to rape someone, that's an issue on their behalf, caused by mental illness. I can't control what people do, just like how film directors can't control the effect that their work will have. If people get themselves off to my content, that's not my responsibility. Writers and film directors aren't responsible for the effect it'll have on others, because there are a plethora of factors that can change a reaction towards certain content, like mental illness, for example. Mental illness plays a huge factor.

[sillysiluriforme]

So glad you liked the other Chloe submission, thanks for the informative and entertaining response and the kind words from the comrades!

As before no worries if not interested but I did have a couple more thoughts, though be it these one's likely relate very specifically to teen Chloe so may not be useful/interesting but still.

Oh quick aside:

Not sure how prevalent Sabrina is, but the fact we see her dad encourage her master servant dynamic with Chloe, because it fits his definition of being "Useful" to society and how... Low key unhinged Sabrina can get about her usefulness not being utilized or acknowledge (Like with Marinette) is very interesting. Her & Chloe finding each other in canon is just like two people with hilariously complimentary but deeply unhealthy ideas forming a circular relationship of mutual self destruction.

Anyway, an interesting thing to me is how while Chloe does replicate the abusive behaviors taught (Andre) or demonstrated (Audrey,, Gabriel & Emilie) to her, she had already softened them without any real moral or empathic guidance.

Andre: He explicitly taught her cheating, extortion & threats are moral goods, and she does use them to try and win at things. But she doesn't actually utilize them that often or with as much intensity.

& like her father she uses money/gifts to compensate for shitty behavior but unlike him does, ya know, do things with Sabrina & is invested in their relationship outside of Sabrina's use as a tool.

& while she did use Sabrina as a shield in Zombisu, she also protected her in Ladybug, so its at least mote mutual as I cannot envision Andre doing anything for Chloe that really risks him.

Audrey: She's been impersonating her mother for years in a bid to earn her love but it didn't work until someone else made Audrey decide it was worthwhile & even then didn't seem to amount to much.

So while like Audrey she is antagonistic, haughty and rude, Chloe did actually demonstrate the ability to feel guilt (Zombisu but others too) & when Akumatized in the early series was not terribly murderous.

Compare that to Audrey who happily mulches her husband and daughter despite AKuma usually avoiding hurting their loved one's outside of indirect harm done by their warped attempts to protect.

Gabriel & Emilie: She clearly fucking hates that Adrien is making friends with people she hates and who hate her and is possessive of the relationship.

Yet until everything goes to hell, she doesn't really do much to try and stop him or undermine said relationships either. That is to say, she's already far less possessive & controlling than Emilie of Gabriel are.

Conclusion: So yeah while definitely not good, she had seemingly without much if any guidance, already made the abusive traits she picked up less toxic than those demonstrated by the adults around her.

Note: Also I always feel compelled to note this, but it is low key creepy Andre has been rewarding Chloe for impersonating his wife.

Like even if he's just instinctively recreating the dynamic he had with Audrey; not sure on that as they do seem to argue a lot.

Or is just using Chloe as an emotional crutch/ego-soothing proxy for Audrey's approval... Its still deeply messed up & unhealthy.

you're so smart @clemnoir was right you deserve sloppy head

I love thinking about child development when it comes to fictional characters, it's so fun...Also i don't care how much the show tries i will never have empathy for andre i hope he explodes into a fine mist

[miscling]

age gaps, and being a tmilf/older trans woman

[everything about this post is specifically about relationships between adults]

how do i feel about age gaps? well, i turned 40 a few months back and that kinda unlocked something, especially with the 20-25 year old crowd. especially since there's more than a few people who i could literally be the mother of who are down bad for me (or maybe, the idea of me as an older woman, but like, 40 is not old at all, it's not even close to old).

so, how do i feel about it? it's kinda cool, it's fun, it's also a little weird.

i mean, first off, we have the cultural view of age gaps that it's kinda creepy. normally we see it from the view of cishet couples with old guys chasing young girls. so as someone who's older, i kinda have to deal with the ick of feeling a little predatory. it makes me feel hesitant to pursue, even with clear signalling from a younger partner. i have to be pursued, but that's not all.

there's also things like power imbalances to consider, especially with kinks that involve d/s. when i look at younger people and they're just trying to avoid adulthood and trying to give up their agency by giving themselves to someone older, that's a little worrying! i can help someone figure out the direction they want to take their own life, but i'm not going to replace your parents! (personally, even if i do take a little bit of a caregiver role, i'm a sub, so i'm not looking to take control of someone younger than me, i want to be controlled!)

and like, it's important to recognise the different stages of life we're in. when you're 20 it's much easier to drop things for an adventure in a way that's much harder in your 40's. it's not just responsibilities, but energy and health. and even the things we'll be interested in are going to be different. finding things to do together and common interests is going to be a little harder!

getting to know me as a person isn't really optional, either. like most things, if it's just about fetishising the fact that i could have concieved someone twenty years ago there's not really a lot of milage we're gonna get out of things. it can be fun for a little teasing, maybe even a little play, but it's not gonna develop any further than that, and someone like me might not really wanna go there where it involves things like kink that require a lot of trust and a relationship.

so yeah, i do enjoy dropping a 'i'm old enough to be your mother' to get someone hot, and it is fun to tease a cute young thing, and it is also a little flattering to know they might be masturbating to my pics, but in the back of my mind i'm constantly thinking about the ethics at play. the last thing i want to do is harm anyone, so i am looking out for risks and vulnerabilities and minimising them.

so that's how i feel on age gaps, taken a bit more seriously. it's a complicated subject, and i'd hope that anyone on the other side of it is also thinking about these things too! i'm still working it out, and want to proceed carefully and consciously.

[eggy-tea]

I was at the beach with my sister and my niece the other day, splashing around in the water, and the subject came up (as a follow-up of a previous conversation, not because of where we were) of a guy from our area who got attacked by a shark while on vacation. And we’re in the water, not anywhere near a place where sharks have ever attacked (on account of they don’t live there), but still in the ocean, and my niece can be a bit of an anxious kid sometimes, but it doesn’t occur to either of us adults until a moment too late that maybe this topic of conversation would be better suited to somewhere, anywhere else. 

And the reason I’m sharing this story is because of what my niece did next. She immediately put her hands over her ears and said, “Mama, I don’t want to listen to that, it’s scary for me.” To which my sister replied, “That’s okay, sweetheart, you don’t have to listen,” and then finishes what she was telling me. When that part of the conversation was over a minute later, she waved to my niece, who had moved a bit farther away to help avoid overhearing, and let her know that the scary part was over. My niece came back over and we went right back to splashing and playing in the water, no harm done. 

And I can’t help but thinking, what a healthy response, actually. My niece knew that she was likely to be freaked out by the topic of conversation, and just opted out. She wanted to keep having fun at the beach, and that wasn’t going to happen if she was worrying about sharks. She expressed her boundary, showed what she was going to do, and did it. My sister’s response respected and validated her boundary, but also made it clear that the existence of a personal boundary doesn’t necessarily dictate other people’s actions when their boundaries are different. And the way it went down, so calm and direct from both of them, felt very much like a learned behaviour.

My niece is really lucky. She’s got good parents who understand her and do their best to give her what she needs. But at the same time, if an anxious 8-year-old can learn to take ownership of her experience of the world and avoid the things that will upset her without feeling the need to control everyone else’s actions and/or demanding things be completely eradicated from existence just because they bother her personally, it kind of behooves us older people to try and do the same.

[r--kt]

Kid Kakashi is getting away from responsibility! does he?

I once saw an opinion that «Kakashi adheres to the rules to avoid responsibility for his actions so that he always has a safety net», and it seems to me that this is a fairly common misconception. so here's the thing...

contents | analysis of Kakashi and Sakumo's motives, a little speculation on the topic. also the text is a bit messy

Sakumo commits suicide. the parent as a the only support in Kakashi's life has been lost, and Kakashi needs to grow up quickly, become responsible and not make paternal mistakes. a five-to-seven-year-old child must figure out the dilemma of an adult who raised him. not a bad task, huh?

the moral dilemma is as follows: should I recognize a warrior as a soul worthy of life, or as a tool used to save the majority?

a small child, by the way, should take it upon himself. he is this warrior. let me rephrase, it's "should I recognize myself as a soul worthy of life, or as a tool used to save the majority? what way should I recognise my father? what way he recognised himself by committing suicide?"

everything that happened makes Kakashi wonder if he (a shinobi) is worthy of living if he doesn't defend his homeland. a healthy little child would say "yes/idk/idc, let's go play". a child who experiences the suicide of a father deprived of honor and hounded for such humanity due to violation of military regulations chooses to consider himself unworthy. is it a fear of responsibility? let's take a closer look at the accents.

CH 240. Minato and Obito's conversation.

so Sakumo saves his Shinobi group. he does this because he knows that they will not cope with the mission and will die in vain, without benefiting the village, and, moreover, harming it with the loss of labor. and, obviously, this was done out of humane motives, which is what the emphasis is on. what does Sakumo do as a team captain? Sakumo, who is clearly a skilled strategist and/or warrior, since he's compared in strength/fame to the three Sannins. he's retreating. does he do it just like that, without having a way out and a plan to come back? well, hardly. the dude has to be damn smart, judging by the way he was introduced. but will the embittered, war-weary shinobi figure out all the subtleties of the failure of Sakumo? the question is rhetorical.

let's think (I can't assert this, but it sounds logical) Sakumo wanted to return to the village to develop a new plan with a larger team, but did not have much time, because enemy attacked the land of Fire earlier. the consequence is hundreds, possibly thousands of civilian lives and so on. Sakumo would not be a respected captain if he simply refused the mission out of fear of someone else's death. fear of the meaninglessness of someone else's death? maybe. rather, it was a sense of duty to his team, a sense of the very responsibility for his leadership to these people. these things are not the same.

Sakumo's actions are driven by risk. the mission is a failure, but it was certainly intended as a justified failure. however, there is no point in proving this to others, they will not enter the position, because «you are the captain who gave the wrong order. you're a captain who broke the rules. you are to blame for these deaths.» a bunch of rescued shinobi are nothing against the background of thousands of war dead. and even this bunch thinks you fucked up, Captain.

Interesting how, from Obito's words, we can find out that there is another opinion about Sakumo, a more positive(?) one. «in the line of duty» — that's how they call it, huh. I also want to note that Minato emphasizes the following idea: Sakumo was vilified and slandered. no one just wanted to figure out if he was this guilty.

so the whole topic was not about to be responsible or not. it's about responsibility as a duty and as a choice. It's about responsibility to a metaphorical face of the country and responsibility to specific people of that country. it's about different approaches to understanding humanity, peace, sacrifice, honour, about rethinking the duty of shinobi and the so-called will of Fire. and, most importantly, Sakumo's story is about the dishonour and disgrace that can come when no one wants to figure out why you acted that way. and no one should have, it's just circumstances. when you mess up, all your comrades stop being your friends and take on the face of a single military structure that doesn't care whether you wanted it better or not. you messed up, you violated the rules, and so many people died because of you, scum.

Naruto Shippuden. Ending 33.

and with Sakumo's death, it all falls on his child. he's the son of a traitor. of course Kakashi's behavior afterward is a defense mechanism. (which I would like to talk about separately) if he was so afraid of responsibility, then why did he rush up the ranks? he would have sat as a genin and kept his head down. what kind of irresponsibility are we talking about?

Kakashi is not about irresponsibility and the consequences of it, after which he became responsible. he was already like that, in his own way, but it led to the disaster — again. that's the point. It's about fighting disgrace, and about trying to avoid unwanted consequences by one behavior, during which he got even worse.

so, I just seemed to justify Sakumo (can do vice versa) to show the background of Kakashi's behaviour and his attachment to rules. he doesn't just act out of spite and is not protected by the rules (to some extent, but not to the one mentioned at the beginning). he really concluded that in order to prevent civilian casualties, he would sometimes have to sacrifice his loved ones. and it's better not to have these loved ones at all. as events have shown, shinobi has no right to put his interests above, because his task is to protect others. it's selfish and disgraceful. he understood that shinobi is a tool. this is what Kakashi came to after Sakumo's death, because everything pointed to this: the fact that Sakumo was harassed by the same people he saved, and the fact that he was basically slandered by the whole village, and the fact that he himself eventually committed not a simple, not some kind of, but namely a ritual suicide with his own tanto.

so many people can't be wrong, can they? well... another rhetorical question.

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

Fellow disabled people/in recovery people/suicidal people, please avoid interaction with @skylarthethompson .

I tried to kill myself last year because of my ED and chronic pain. I was in a coma for 2 days, in the hospital for 2 weeks, and am still suffering the after affects of the damage the 3 months worth of pills I swallowed did to my brain and body, and I'm still struggling with suicidal thoughts due to my many physical and mental illnesses. I just hope me exposing this cruel human will keep them from hurting anyone else who is also struggling.

Telling someone they have nothing to live for is so fucking beyond ok and I just want to warn anyone else who is suffering from chronic pain/illnesses/disabilities and mental illnesses/suicidal ideation that this person is a cruel and insensitive troll and to not let them rent space in your mind.

I reported them; anyone else who sees this please report this despicable behavior so they don't do any further damage to the mentally ill/chronically ill community here on Tumblr.

The first comment is clearly suicide baiting, and I guess they realized that and tried to seem a little less depraved; but you can't undo saying shit like this:

Also, take a look at the victim mentality at work here: "you're a smart smart nice person and I'm a dumb dumb mean person." 🙄.

And then there's the fake "do-gooder" story. So telling a very disabled person that their life isn't worth living is helping, and "a good coping mechanism"?? Anyone with half a braincell can tell you're just trying to seem less like an asshole when you've been exposed as one. Nice try to not seem like an absolute garbage person; but it didn't work.

And this selfishness: "I don't feel safe now! I don't want my virtual life ruined! I don't want gross people telling me horrible insults when my mental health can't take it!" Funny, because I didn't want your gross opinion on why I should just kill myself because my life is too miserable to be worth living with all my mental and physical illnesses. Nice ableism you got there. Also I didn't ask anyone to send you "horrible insults." I just asked my followers to avoid and report you for suicide baiting; which is a very severe problem on the internet that no one deserves; least of all mentally and physically disabled people like me and many of my followers.

"Please don't ruin my life over this!" If you say things online that you don't want everyone to see, that you can come to acknowledge are the actions of an asshole, that's your problem. Don't tell people they should just give up and kill themselves if you don't want people to see how heartless you are. If your life is "ruined" by something you said you have no one to blame but yourself.🤷

And of course the classic "I reported your post; I won't let you ruin my Tumblr life." ...are you even serious? You wrote those words; all I did was take screenshots and show them to my followers so they don't become victims of your harassment themselves- not everyone has the great support system I do, so they deserve a warning about people like you. Plus I said nothing wrong, I just told you that telling people to kill themselves is fucked up and made a post exposing your cruelty so you couldn't harm others who struggle like I do. If your "Tumblr life" gets "ruined" from this, your have no one to blame but yourself because all I did was post the words you put on my posts. I don't give a shit that you're "only 18;" you're still an adult and should know better than to tell strangers on the internet that their lives are so horrible they should just kill themselves.. also if you were actually "sorry" you wouldn't have said more cruel things after your oh-so-sincere apology.

There were even more responses they made saying they were going to kill themselves and it was my fault because I posted things they publicly said on a public platform, telling me they were going to Livestream their suicide and publicly blame me for their death, etc. (I reported those comments to Tumblr for a suicide threat but didn't get screenshots before they were deleted.) You can look at the amount of notes on said posts; this one has 27 replies with only 2 from me so they were harassing me all day with 25 comments while I went to some of my many appointments, so obviously I didn't get screenshots of them all, but the ones I did screenshot are more than enough proof that this person who told me I should just die and was trying to blame me for their mental state; saying I was guilty of something THEY actually did to ME, and that if they killed themselves it would be my fault... For simply making a post telling vulnerable people to be aware of them and their disgusting behavior because no one deserves to be told their life isn't worth living; especially when they've been fighting with those thoughts in their own mind for years and don't need some asshole online trying to push them over the edge towards suicide.

When I was a fucking child I knew that telling people to kill themselves is wrong. Not my problem that you're so cruel you can't see it that way and harassed me all day as I went to my disability appointments finding out if I need more surgery while my notifications were going off at a ridiculous rate as you were trying to convince me I'm the bad guy for warning vulnerable people about you; a person that told someone they don't even know who is a suicidal, ED recovering, physically and psychologically disabled person, that their life isn't worth living and they should just kill themselves.

This person is a threat to the mentally and physically disabled and they need their blog to be terminated so they can't trigger people on the edge like me and so many of my followers and others in the disabled/ED communities on Tumblr.

[genderqueerdykes]

okay.

I’ve never seen your blog before now, and I don’t follow you.

but oh my fucking god thank you so much

as an it/its user (not my primary but I still wish people would use them) thank you so much. I’ve seen your posts on people disregarding it/its pronouns users because they just don’t want to use them and I just

thank you thank you thank you for talking about it

sorry if this makes no sense, it’s 9pm where I am and I spent all day at marching band practice so I’m extremely tired

thank you for your kind words! i really appreciate it!

i appreciate knowing how many other it/its users needed that to be said and how it has positively affected a lot of people. it's never okay for someone to put their personal discomfort over a set of pronouns over someone else being referred to correctly. this is misgendering. this is transphobia

it doesn't matter if the pronouns are "weird" or "uncommon"

i've gotten a lot of really fucked up asks about this and i'm going to keep talking about it because peoples' excuses for why they proudly and gladly misgender other people and refuse to use their pronouns are so petty and never that person's fault. it's never that person harming them, it's always that person projecting their trauma on to the it/its users. it's exhausting to read because nobody does this for he/him or she/her. it's specifically an issue with it/its beceause people overscrutinize it to hell and back and act like because they participated in the mental olympics over this one set of pronouns that they're right about it. they're not. they're rude, and anal.

people get stuck on the "it's dehumanizing" thing. this is such a divided argument, because for many people, they enjoy the dehumanization aspect of it, because they are nonhuman on some level. enough people are aware of otherkin, therians, and so on that i want people to understand that for some people this is a good thing and it is a desired effect. if you are uncomfortable with that, it's up to you to get past that, or learn to understand that you are not under attack because you are referring to someone else in a way that makes them happy and comfortable

other people just do not find it dehumanizing at all and that's fine. people often refer to babies and children with it/its, why can't we do this for adults? it's not inherently dehumanizing. it's not inherently an attack to use these pronouns for someone. some people love the ambiguity in the gendering. it really is totally devoid of gender and it is a very freeing set of pronouns to use, especially if you just refuse to see it as. not inherently dehumanizing

i am also very tired of people using trauma as a shield to enable them to misgender people. i am traumatized. i have diagnosed PTSD that i've been working on in therapy for 10 years as of this year. i have a lot of issues with being called she/her. i hate it most of the time. only select alters in my system use she/her. i do NOT refuse to use she/her for people who use only that pronoun set, or use it primarily. i would be viewed as transphobic if i said i avoid people who use she/her in order to avoid "traumatic memories from coming up." the thing is, that's going to happen sometimes and it's the trauma bearer's responsibility to deal with it accordingly.

just because you got triggered doesn't mean the other person meant to trigger you. you can't hold a trauma trigger AGAINST someone else who is not attempting to misgender you. when referring to someone with the correct pronouns, it is not YOU being called that set of pronouns. you are not being misgendered by correctly using another person's pronouns.

trauma is up to the individual to accept and overcome. hiding from a trigger perpetually for life will not enable you to accept it, cope, and move on. positive exposure to a trigger helps loosen that trauma's grip on you. you have to expose yourself to it in order to grow. hiding will keep you trapped in the situation you are currently in. you have to step into discomfort in order to learn how to overcome it.

thank you for sending this ask, you are very welcome and i'm really happy to hear you feel the same way. i'm glad you felt seen and heard, i am tired of people getting caught up on the pettiest things humanly possible. we ahve to stop reaching for every excuse to be transphobic to "weird" trans people we don't understand.

stop saying "WE NEED MORE WEIRD QUEERS LOL!!!!!!!!" if you can't even handle IT/ITS USERS !

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi

Alot of people are saying Meleanor and Maellus are the same when she shot everyone with lightening. But I think she is more extreme. At the very least Malleus hasn't hit anyone, though their have been some close calls. But he has never threatened to hurt sebek, Lilia, or Silver. Melenore and Maellus are similar, but I think Malleus is more in control. Lilia does reprimand him if he acts up or he loses thought.

Mmm, well... I don't really think it's fair to say one is considered "worse" or "better" than the other in terms of control of their powers and emotions??? They're a lot alike, but they're also at completely different points in their lives and under much different circumstances. We also get a very limited perspective of one (Meleanor) over the other (Malleus), who is very much a prominently featured character.

Both Meleanor and Malleus in their basest forms are temperamental, and their bad mood stirs changes in the weather. The old adage, "like mother, like son" is very applicable here. The main difference between them is that Meleanor, the parent and adult, has more responsibilities and lived during a warring period.

We hear tales of Meleanor acting up and letting her powers flare out of control in her youth, and that parallels what we know of Malleus's childhood (ie when he froze the castle and many servants). They are the same. However, I would say that Meleanor's emotions running high is considerably more understandable (at least during the instance when we actually physically see her in the dream), considering that she's in the middle of a war and the life of herself and her unborn child are at risk. She's not just "shooting everyone with lightning" because she's lost her temper for no real reason. Meleanor is mad at Lilia and the soldiers for not showing up to defend her and her child. She had NO reason to believe her men would be returning with humans (Yuu, Sebek, Silver, Grim) in tow (who would be much more susceptible to being hurt from her magic than a fae), so I don’t think she was shooting at them specifically; they just got caught in the crossfires. I have no doubt that Meleanor could have done some serious damage with her magic, but since she's expecting only enemy soldiers or her own to walk through that door, I do feel like she has her reasons??? Like, if it's enemy soldiers, then those humans are for sure fried. But if it's her own soldiers, then she's most likely expecting them to be experienced enough to avoid her strikes (since they are, after all, trained rigorously to protect the royal family). Seriously striking down her own soldiers in a time of war only hurts herself, doesn't it?? Meleanor's anger focuses on Lilia and Lilia alone when he refuses her order to take her baby and leave her to fend for herself. I don't believe that she seriously intended to harm Lilia in that moment; she needs him alive and well to ensure the safety of her son. If anything, it feels like she summoned that lightning (the second time) to try and scare Lilia into running or as some kind of "test" to prove his readiness to do so. (Keep in mind that Lilia at this point was ALSO holding Malleus's egg while Meleanor was trying to blast him; do you think she would honestely try to decimate her friend and her baby when she just told Lilia to make sure the baby was kept safe?) This only got messed up because Silver (bless him) leapt in the way to defend his father, because to him, the danger still felt very real. Comparatively, Malleus gets upset over what are much more mundane things simply due to being a student during a time of peace (not being invited somewhere, Lilia getting a text message from a friend, etc). He does an excellent job of self-regulating most of the time, but he also has bad days when he expresses intent to harm those that anger him or at least considers it (ie the Magicam Monsters during the first Halloween event, Rook in his PE vignette (until he realizes Rook is purposefully provoking him), Rollo in Glorious Masquerade for deceiving him). Maybe he hasn't ever threatened to hurt Diasomnia, but that doesn't mean everyone is safe. Look at book 7, he did not hesitate to turn his magic against the people he cares about to force them to comply with his desires. Malleus is immature and doesn't know a lot about the world, nor is he able to easily cope with change or things that already escape his understanding, which results in these kinds of incidents. And like... even if Malleus doesn't mean to hurt people, that doesn't negate the harm he does do, does it? Just because he "never hit anyone" with his magic (at least not that we know of) doesn't mean he can't hurt in other ways. Think of the worry he caused in Endless Halloween Night or as far back as when he (accidentally) froze various servants in the castle. All of book 7 is also indirectly hurting people; he's not allowing them to live their lives and is deciding it FOR them. Even if Malleus doesn't see what he's doing as harmful, the truth of the matter is that it IS harmful. (Mr. Shroud even surmises that without food or water in those bodies forced to sleep, the dreamers might actually die.)

To quickly touch on Lilia, he shouldn't be used to excuse or to hand-wave away any bad behaviors on Malleus or Meleanor's parts. Yes, Lilia is an important person in both of their lives. Yes, he tells them off for their actions--but 1) his words are not always taken into consideration, understood, or followed through on by Malleus (such as in the Dorm Uniform vignettes) and Meleanor, and 2) there are also instances when Lilia enables them instead of discouraging them from acting out. (Endless Halloween Night comes to mind for Malleus.) Additionally, 3) Malleus and Maleanor have a a certain amount of accountability for their own actions, since they are beings independent of Lilia. To entirely fault Lilia for Malleus’s/Maleanorms attitude is like saying Mrs. Rosehearts is responsible for what Riddle himself did to his classmates in book 1. That’s unfair and it is shifting blame to someone else in order to shield the actual culprit. As Ace says back in book 1, Riddle (/Malleus or Maleanor) may be his mother’s (/Maleanor’s or Maleficia’s) child, but he is still responsible for his own actions and should own up to them.

Malleus, like his mother, HAS to learn how to better control himself or risk repeating these same mistakes with or without Lilia. Let's not forget too, it's Malleus who Overblotted, a condition which arises mainly due to negative emotions. I don't know if I would call that a demonstration of being "more in control", but rather a sign of Malleus’s immaturity and inability to accept change 💦 ADDENDUM: it is implied later in book 7 that Meleanor also Overblotted, but not out of negative emotions but rather that she overexerts her magic when fighting.

We don’t know as much about Meleanor or how much of her childish tantrums (like the incident where she blew up part of a castle) carried over to adulthood. We also don’t know enough about her to understand if she ever compromised the safety of others like how Malleus did in his own childhood (again, the whole ice thing). When her castle is under siege, she takes control of the situation and makes a plan, then confronts the Silver Owls for a duel. She’s somewhat selfish in her insistent commands to Lilia, but then again, she has to be—she’s a sovereign with people she desperately wants to protect. Malleus is actually just as immature as his mother was as a child. It's possible to see him as "more in control" because we have so many other instances of him being calm and rational to refer to. Meanwhile, we only hear about Meleanor's destructive rampages via stories and have only one real instance of interacting with her to refer to, and she's being violent for most of it. We have very few instances of her being nice or pleasant to compare to, so by focusing only on what we physically witness, a biased interpretation of her can form. In reality, neither mother nor son is "worse" or “better” than the other—again, the standard for comparison for the two’s present behavior is not equal to begin with.

Malleus needs to be given the time to learn and grow to get to the same position and maturity that his mother reached. He’s still at a point where he’s insecure about his relationships and with the change that comes with the passage of time, not a pillar of control—and that’s just a consequence of his youth and lack of real-life experiences. That’s not to say that Meleanor is perfect or that she’s somehow “more” controlled than Malleus; they're both powerful, demanding, domineering types, which is how the Draconia family in general is described. It’s Meleanor's age and experiences have helped to temper her into a leader who knows what she most wants to prioritize in a live-threatening moment. She still uses force to get her way, but utilizes her powers with a more learned wisdom that deviates from Malleus.

[intheholler]

Do you have any tips for being more comfortable using your natural accent in front of people? I was bullied for it as a kid and scrubbed my accent away through teenhood. As an adult, I feel like I still have to put on a neutral accent so people at work won't judge me. I told one of my old bosses that I was from Appalachia and he went on about how he'd seen do many documentaries on Appalachia and what good people we were, but also added that "Wow! I never would have known. You don't have an accent at all. You're so well-spoken!" and it felt bad. I think he had good intentions, but it made me feel like a zoo animal. I always see comments on other Appalachian folks' posts about their accents too, and there's always a handful of jerks who have to say something about their intelligence or make an incest or drug addict "joke".

It all hurts a lot and makes me self-conscious, but I don't want to be this way around my friends. Do you know how I can stop letting peoples' ignorance and classism get to me? Worrying about how I pronounce words or if I'm using region-specific slang all the time is so exhausting.

hi there <3 this is a topic near n dear to my heart because i spent so much of my life trying to avoid sounding appalachian, and the last few years of it desperate to sound so aggressively appalachian that yankees can't understand me, lmao.

that is all to say: this is gonna be long as usual.

first: class solidarity, family <3 this stuff really sucks.

what inspired me to push past the discomfort of using my natural accent after a lifetime of getting rid of it was actually along the lines of what you mentioned: people being shocked that i could be from appalachia, and be articulate at the same time. there are so many nasty, hurtful implications there.

i hate to say it, but there's no easy answer to this.

something in me just… snapped one day about ten years back. i started to look inward, and i discovered this overwhelming pride and passion and love for my home that i had denied myself my whole life, out of fear over how it made me look.

i started doing the self-work and digging deeper into that. it wasn't comfortable, but once i embraced appalachia, i wanted to defend her. the best way to do that for me was to be loud. my pride in where im from outweighed the rest.

maybe you should start there, too. look inward, break down your own subconscious biases about yourself and about our home. find out why you have been made to think this way.

work on loving the appalachian parts of yourself. GET. FUCKING. ANGRY. at those who poisoned your mind with this shit, and use that fury to work on dismantling the beliefs they imposed upon you.

because why shouldn't we talk like our mamas just because some asshole thinks its funny? why should we give up ties to our community and culture, just to be respected? why should every blessed conversation be emotionally and physically taxing just to make a classist more comfortable?

it isn't my shame to carry, and it isn't yours. it is their shame, and their self-work to do. it is not our responsibility to coddle their ignorance. that is on them.

now, when someone hears me talk, it causes a sort of dissonance that they then have to wrestle with. it shifts the discomfort and emotional labor away from me, and puts it on to them instead.

every time i speak proudly, they have to confront themselves and their biases, and how it harms someone that they respect--you.

and if they aren't the kind of person empathetic enough to do that, literally who gives a shit what someone like that thinks about you.

turn those 'jokes' they make about it right back on them:

why is drug addiction funny? why is incest and sexual assault of children funny? why are underfunded schools and a failure to give children across the nation a fair and equal education something to laugh about?

framing it in my mind that i was taking back control in conversations this way helped me speak more comfortably. it made me feel empowered.

i think of it like this: by speaking in my dialect and embodying positive and "unexpected" traits from the region (leftist politics, anti-racism, things like that), i reclaim my power. i use that power to slowly shift the opinions of appalachia with the people i interact with.

it was scary, and it's still scary. but by making a conscious decision every day to speak in our dialect and be courageous even when it's hard, we are reclaiming the parts of ourselves that they took from us. we are bettering the image of the region we love so dearly.

it is INCREDIBLY empowering now to settle into my accent. but it took a LOT of self-work, courage and self-respect to be able to do it.

it ain't easy. i do still struggle with it; i catch myself code switching all the time. i don't think you or me or any of us trying to reclaim our accents will ever fully escape the weight of the classism that dictated our manner of speaking for a huge chunk of our lives, unfortunately.

but if you do that difficult work, it is so, so liberating, family.

you can do it. talk to yourself when you're home alone. let the accent get comfortable again on your tongue. start there, then let that beautiful dialect out for the world to hear <3

[proshippers-against-censorship]

People who are so severely against RPF I feel are just infantilizing real people who, generally speaking, seem to accept that this is a possibility of their fame. Some people even play into it. Generally, these people are also grown adults who are fully capable of avoiding searching themselves on the internet and who can reasonably take responsibility for themselves. Some people who shout so loudly against RPF don't seem to understand that and almost seem to want to "protect" real people who are perfectly capable of protecting themselves. If RPF was made of me, I just would not look at it.

If it was brought up to me, then that's a problem, but it isn't always the writer of the RPF doing so, and sometimes "well-meaning" people trying to prevent harm and instead... directly causing it.

I don't know. Celebrities are aware of that. Keanu Reeves thought the sex mods were cool, actually. They're not helpless babies and it's weird to act like it. It's dehumanizing.

This. This. This. This.