#it hurts to type this right now
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haha you know those days when you wake up and it hurts to breathe
#i can barely walk right now#ohhh boy#it’s fineeee i’ll thug it out#idk how but i’ll find a way#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck#it hurts to type this right now#ANYWAYS we ball
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Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!
#personal#my art#Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears.#do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse#to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!”#and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them#i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair#every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW#NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS#people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money#my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.
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hi its me ur all in danger (the kind of post where ur meant to be listening to spring breakers by charli xcx while looking at it)
#DUDE IM GETTING TATTOOED RIGHT NOW LIKE AS IM TYPING THIS!!!!#its hurts..#thomas sanders#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#remus sanders#remus sanders fanart#tss#tss fanart#sasi#sasi fanart#mob psycho tattoo IF u even care……
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.
The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.
That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you.
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away.
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative ×2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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plot bunnies about an idea i don’t have enough motivation juice to write. red hood identity reveal variety
smol jason
So, Red Hood reclutantly working alongside the Bat to take down a child trafficking ring when he is hit with a de-aging spell. It even isn’t the first time Batman encountered the end of this particular spell so he already knows the victim would have no recollection of their memories, so he protects the now child (he guessing 11 estimate age) and guides him through the panic of not being able to take off the Red Hood helmet. the one that canonically has a bomb in it (cause older Jason is a dramatic bitchTM) so like, Batman catches the child’s prying fingers and takes them away from the latches because Hood has implied the existence of a bomb and that’s enough for dread to set in his gut. Bruce gently coaxes the child to let him confirm this with a device he takes out of his belt and raises it eye level to the kid’s head. It beeps. And B feels the ground sweep out under him. Because indeed this child has a bomb to his head. (and he’s suddenly hearing another bomb go off in the distance and a warehouse and —)
anyways, B ends up taking (read kidnapping) this twelve year old to the Batcave so they can pry off the helmet and I can only picture the ANGST because this is Jason and Bruce each unaware of who the other is. Jason still lives in the streets in his mind according to him and well, according to B, he’s dead. So they start bonding, kinda awkwardly at first cuz of the helmet’s voice modulator, but Jay at that age (at any rlly) was a spitfire and like he genuinely makes B forget this is a crime lord for a second (kinda difficult to that when the kid is stuck in the helmet) but whatever. I can only see Jason being his cautious self but kinda being at ends here because he kinda does need Batman’s help to get this thing off him, so he can only, just like narrow his eyes when the Bat approaches him for a blood sample. (“Need to check for magic residue, lad.”)
(Jason’s only allows this because he has a knife he found in the clothes he’d was drowning in earlier)
As u can guess, Bruce was obviously lying and wanted to run the blood sample to see if it matched any from his database (as the Red Hood has also implied that they have met before)
Anyways Bruce just gets the alert that the blood reading was finished almost at the same time they can pry the helmet off, and because he got a little attached, he just wants to see the face of this lively if wary teenager that has the same name as his (dead) son. (he managed to pry it from him earlier, how, i dunno) It’s literally Bruce’s martyr and huge guilt-complex that goes like ‘ah yes let me see the face of a child that was failed so throughly by the people who should’ve taken care of him’. So they pry off the helmet and then Bruce feels like he’s been doused by cold water. it’s like he’s staring at the ghost of his dead son again, the image completed with ruffled hair, slightly upturned lips and blue guarded eyes that look up to him with recognition but not recognition.
Bruce immediately hardens, shuts down any hope he can feel rushing in and desperately tries to close the dam and let his confusion and rage turn into anguish. “Who are you?”
The boy—the imposter quickly tracks the 180 demeanor change and immediately goes defensive. A painfully familiar scowl appears in his face.
“I’m Jason, I already told you that, what, your old age catching up to you?”
Batman stalks closer and then the boy’s taking two steps back for every one the Bat takes. He tracks the loose outline of a hand closing in tightly around the hilt of a knife in the boy wearing his son’s face and he can only think how dare he.
“Lies! You’re not my son! Who are you?”
Heart in throat, Jason struggles to keep distance between him and the towering black shadow that’s so angry he can sense it in his very bones. He doesn’t understand.
He doesn’t.
“I-I my name’s Jason. Jason Todd. My father is Willis Todd, not—not, Batman.”
And there’s that for the little snippet. Sorry this is so disjointed😭. After that’s just the mental image of Dick cutting in with Zatanna trailing closely behind him and being all “Hey I got your message about a de-aging spell and—“ and just stopping at the scene.
Because that’s Batman towering over a clearly scared kid. Said kid using the distraction to try and stab Batman. The action clearly enraging Batman—that doesn’t make any sense?! B would never— Dick immediately sprints into action and steps in between the two.
like Dick just giving his back to the kid and not seeing. Batman clearly shaking his head in denial and snarling, treating the kid like his crime lord self and Dick not understanding. Having to receive help from Zatanna to get the kid the hell out of here (but like where would they even take him? The manor??)
Zatanna just takes them to the other side of the cave and takes note of the teenager. How he has a dead grip on a red helmet and his gaze is stuck upon it.
Meanwhile Dick has to physically restrain Batman from going after the kid and he raises his voice just enough to demand what the hell is happening?? Why is there a kid in the Batcave? …Batman??? Report. As he is demanding answers Dick had slowly loosen his grip on his dad only to now found him staring at his gauntlet’s data hologram.
The information displayed? 99.98% Match confirmed to Jason Peter Todd.
So as this is clearly pure angst, I want Jason to lash out, sticking only to Zatanna only to realize she’s the magic user that’ll quote on quote will return him back to normal.
Jason is just like on really uneven ground here, even though he doesn’t think he’s ready to retur. But then Batman is just like “Jaylad” … “Jay…” and taking off his cowl and reaching up to him and looking at him like he knows him, like he’s something fragile and precious. Which is sooo fucking jarring you can understand. Jason internally is all what the fuck
Jason just wants them to back off. Jason is an overwhelmed bean. He looks up to Nightwing for help but the man is also mirroring the Bat, domino off and eyes suspiciously bright.
Zatanna is literally the only person in the room not emotionally compromised. She’s with Jay in the ??? train.
Suddenly she looks down and there’s the little boy whose eyes are pleading in helpless confusion. Eyes practically conveying the question you can return me back to normal right?? he pointedly doesn’t rip his eyes from hers as Zatanna puts a hand on his shoulder, pretending she doesn’t notice how he trembles and wordlessly asks if he’s sure.
cut scene
Bruce interrupts because information overload and he can’t compartmentalize this is too important and he and Dick stop Zatanna to which she too is ?? because that was literally what she was called for here. Dick is no help.
Dick is torn.
#jason todd#additional angsty route the sequel#B honest to god debating over returning jay to his normal age#turning the question round and round over how the hell did his baby boy turn into a crime lord???#(he’s having a moral battle with himself)#me: *wacks him* because his SON is right there HUG HIM#instead of asking irrelevant questions tt#but yeah triple angst for Jason because it’s a whole different type of hurt that his dad wouldn’t want him as he is#he’s not twelve anymore he died and he deserves to make amends with that#he came over the other side and he deserves people who accept him ragged over the edges as he is now😭😭#seriously I super apologize for having u guys read this disjointed piece of an outline#if you made it all over here that is#JSJ is cause i first put this on discord and so on tumblr format it got a little skewed#anyways#the plot bunnies attack again and i can’t write the movie#and i got a whole saga stacked#batman#dc#bruce wayne#dick grayson#zatanna#they’re all having a bad time your honor#fic outline#red hood#de aging#de aged jason
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first time i watched 'no exit' i was 100% in jo's corner like oh great it's sexist dean time . wheeee let's all watch her learn a lesson about hunting and he can be 'right' in a factual way but he'll be as obnoxious as possible about it the whole time . now i think what's happening here is that he has pretty much instantly samzoned her, as a college dropout from a hunting family who has a contentious relationship with her one surviving parent. EXCEPT that she's a five-foot-something twiggy barely-out-of-her-teens woman who has a crush on him and has never been on a serious hunt before, and he's dismissive/over-vigilant enough with the actual sam, a powerfully-built man with clairvoyant powers and over a decade of experience. bearing that in mind, his behavior towards jo is barely outside his normal realm of bossy and overbearing, and since he knows a little something about how sams will respond to direct orders, he still tells her mother she's not on the hunt with them so as to avoid the fallout until it's over. basically i think the whole dean thing, his most consistent characterization over the course of fifteen years, is his tendency to express even genuine protectiveness through the medium of 'bossy older sibling', and this makes him come off like the worst person on the planet. he frequently IS, but it's actually because of other things and has nothing to do with that habit in specific
#'you sound like my mother' 'oh that's a bad thing?' < dean thesis statement of the episode. yeah he sounds like that bc he is a mother jo#like. maybe because i was eighteen when i first watched it i was like he is being SO dismissive to her! she's grown! she's an adult!#but i'm nearly thirty now and alona tal is SO young in this episode . you could snap her like a twig#and she's like. i mean i have a twenty-one-year-old sister and the things i would and would not approve of her doing#based on my perception of her ability to not get hurt in the process. whoof#it's weird . not saying dean winchester can ever be valid but maybe for this one he's just correct in a rude way after all#and then he gets right into the other dean thesis: she has OPTIONS. why is she doing this when she could be doing literally#anything else. he never gets to the point where he considers he could just go do something else. that will never occur to him#but when it comes to sam-type people he assumes they should want the other options. and he is TERRIFIED of this with sam specifically#jo isnt his actual sister so she can and should explore the other options. but if sam does he thinks he'll never see him again#his evidence for this is that when sam went to college they didnt talk for four years. but he also never thinks#'we're better about communication now and if he went back to school we would definitely still talk'#because he assumes all things that have happened in the past will happen that way again. and he's in supernatural. so it's a fair assumptio#spn#q
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Sabo still struggles with memory loss. He had his childhood back, of course, he remembers Ace and Luffy and everything they did together. But he doesn't remember some stuff. Some anecdotes Luffy tells oh so excitedly? He can't recall that those happened. And if he does, it's all blurry and never at all like Luffy says. But he never says anything because that would break his brother's heart, to know his older brother isn't fully back with him, so he nods and smiles and pretends he knows what Luffy is talking about every time.
His room is filled with Post-it notes. Stupid, really. Dumb stuff. But he has all the meetings he needs to remember and the missions he has to do, along with everything he wants to write down at some point properly. The walls are covered in pictures of the people he loves (Luffy, Ace, Koala, Robin... All the others that have ever meant something to him because he refuses to forget somebody again).
He keeps writing dumb stuff down. Anything. He refuses to forget. He denies the possibility of doing it again.
But he forgets. Sabo keeps forgetting important dates. Important parts of his life, like his past with his brothers (he forgets a random adventure they had that he swore he had talked about the day prior) and crucial things he has to do. He has a hard time picturing his memories. Putting them in his brain. Turning them into images. Saying it's frustrating is a huge understatement.
Koala helps him out, of course. She's hard on him so he finishes his paperwork, but she knows it's difficult sometimes. She's his personal calendar and diary. She informs him of what he has to do during the week and always tries to talk and talk about anecdotes that she knows he still remembers but knows he loves to hear again.
His mental health isn't the best either, but he refuses to acknowledge it. There's a revolution at hand, he can't stop working. And fighting. And doing more and more and more. But sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes he goes into depressive episodes he can't control, and the medication is either addicting or the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Sometimes he's a bit too intense. Koala says he needs to calm down, that he has a problem with his fixation on the revolution and his past. Sabo keeps saying that it's fine. But he sometimes forgets or has blurry images of the fights and the people he has killed, filled with energy and excitement and like he has the power of a God. He doesn't like those. Enjoys the moment. Hates to forget it. Hates to know what he did during it too, even if it was for a good cause. Despises the look Koala gives him, also. Makes her promise not to tell Luffy about all of this.
But it's fine, he keeps saying. Sabo will keep trying to never forget anything ever again.
#hello i am very sad#i struggle with memory loss because of depression and shit and i thought wow yOU KNOW WHO ELSE STRUGGLES WITH MEMORY LOSS???#this post is kind of like 'guess the disorder' type of thing#it's bipolar disorder btw i just didn't get too much into it#i mean i think sabo is bipolar that's a personal headcanon of mine#which btw the only info i know about it is deep research and two years of psychology in high school#something something i wanted to know if i was bipolar bc i haven't gone to therapy in........... uh.... a while. but i highly doubt it#now i just have a lot of info#anywayyy got real dark real quickly right#sabo i love you i don't want to hurt you but you're just so angst material#one piece#revolutionary sabo#koala one piece#asl brothers#monkey d. luffy#tw mental instability#tw depression#tw medication
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but what if pizza = religion?
i'm going for it i'm doing the thing
this is the pizza antichrist post i threatened to make. Incoherent ramblings and pseudo-christian imagery under the cut
so pizza, the food, the round delicious thingy, is obviously pretty important to the Pizza Tower lore. Peppino makes it, Gustavo probably does too, almost all enemies are themed after it, etc. There has to be a reason for it, right? (ignore the fact that the reason is most likely a joke please)
so let's focus on two entities in particular: the priest (also the exorcist) and the pizzard
the priest can remove status effects from you, one of which is um DEATH?? dude can straight up resurrect you. Where does he get the power for his miracles? Well, if you look at his hat (and ignore the crosses they sometimes pull out as generic iconography), you can see a red pizza symbol. So what if, right, WHAT IF the main religion of this world is pizza based?
listen. Why else would there be sentient toppins running around. Not only are they deemed to be dangerous/important enough by the inhabitants of the Tower to get put into cages, but they also have an inherent monetary value. That or they all carry $10 on them idk. But i really think they're integral to the divine art of pizza making somehow
Following from this, What if pizza making is less of a trade and more of a holy ritual that allows you to harness the godly powers of this dish? And what if - hear me out - Peppino himself is a rogue pizza priest who's cast away his robes in favour of serving the common folk. Kind of like a renegade paladin
was this just an excuse to draw peppino as a priest? maybe
ok back to pizzards. These buggers are described as practicing "pizzamancy". Don't think we need to wonder too hard where this arcane art draws its powers from. But here's the thing - while priests are generally helpful to the player/Peppino and seem to be working against the Tower and its occupants, pizzards are your enemies. There are two warring sides to this divine power. And if the pizza priests can be assumed to ask the pizza god for miracles and be under the jurisdiction of the pizza pope, why would the same godly entity help pizzards? Well, what if there's also a pizza satan. No not the one with the super hot pizza. Altho wait. Maybe? idk. Let me sleep on it.
POINT IS. whoever they are, the devil is probably off in hell somewhere, but someone else might be on earth in their stead. Someone immensely and seemingly nonsensically powerful. So pizzards serve Pizzahead - he even rents one to Noise as a minion in the comics - and they appear to be coded as this world's equivalents of satanic cultists. Pizzahead has access to vast reality bending powers for no apparent reason but is still firmly rooted in this world. Conclusion? Pizzahead is the pizza antichrist
thank you for coming to my TED talk
#pizza tower#pizza tower theory#pizzahead#pizzard#i should not be typing this right now my head hurts and i feel like i'm not making any sense#but i've spent too long on this to delay it any further#cw religion#i hope nobody gets offended this is supposed to be mostly a joke ;;;#another explanation i had is that Pizzahead is an eldritch abomination#his true form is too horrifying to percieve lol#that's why he turns himself and everything around him into pizza#shhh it makes sense i promise
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"just give them an aac device!"
"just teach them sign language"
"body language and facial expressions alone are good enough for communicating what you need"
Nonononono f*!k off. Stop acting like nonverbal people have easy solutions to their lack of verbality. Not everyone can use an aac device- some people struggle with spelling or can't spell at all, some people have motor skills issues that makes typing a nightmare that takes a long time, some can't articulate themselves without outside help. Learning sign is hard if you again have motor skills issues or struggle to make facial expressions that convey what your feeling (flat affect applies to more than just a person's voice- some people really struggle to make facial expressions and have stilted or strange body language- you people can understand why autistic people get burnt out from masking all day- you know often having to control their body language and make certain facial expressions etc yet you can't understand why nonverbal autistics can't just learn sign- a language very heavy on facial expressions and expressive body language?) also again spelling and motor skill issues are a pain and also a lot of families with deaf or nonverbal children refuse to learn sign for said children and I'm sorry in day to day life I haven't met many people who speak sign- yeah you can move to a community with a lot of deaf or nonverbal people that use sign but that's not always possible and its very limiting. And do I even have to explain the third one- autistic body language is confusing to neurotypicals and I hate the stereotype that its just so blunt and obvious/better than neurotypical communication- maybe that's what its like for you and your 'smart sheldon cooper/Wednesday Addams' style autism but not every autistic person 'says exactly what they mean' often times autistic people struggle with semantics and articulating sentences that make any sense! and all these misunderstandings surrounding stimming are annoying to!- spinning can be a 'happy' stim but it can also mean your overwhelmed or understimulated, a lot of people with autism have voices that lack inflections, mix that in with being unable to use words and no it does not help communicate their needs- f!*k off with acting like its easy not all autistic people who are nonverbal can spell, not all autistic people w are nonverbal have good motor skills and body language alone is never enough to convey a persons needs. Before anyone comes after me yes Sign is body language but its also actual symbols and can convey full thoughts and ideas and sentences and also body language is hard for a lot of autistic people to convey like stated above.
Not every form autistic communication is being 'logical' and unoffended because 'we're just more logical than those superfluous, shallow neurotypicals that let their feelings control them and are never direct about what they want-we value facts and logic unlike those butthurt neurotypicals' and being overly blunt- no a lot of autistic people find that communication is messy and the ways they can communicate are ineffective and your 'logical, facts dont care about your feelings' style of communication isn't as amazing as you think it is. Stop speaking over nonverbal autistics- their is no real perfect solution to them not being able to speak. And I'm gonna say it- while not all nonverbal people are low functioning or high support needs or whatever the new term is-being nonverbal is a massive disadvantage and having your disability be visible like that is scary in many situations and being unable to communicate your needs can make it impossible to meet your needs-
#ableism#nonverbal#autism spectrum disorder#autism#asd#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#autism is a disability#autism issues#I'm verbal but as a child I wasn't and I am so happy that I can speak now because damn the shit people who need to use alternative-#Communication go through is fucking ridiculous#accessibility#Isn't always as accessible as you think#Part of the reason I don't interact with other autistic people is because of shitty attitudes like this#We need to stop acting like autistic communication is logical and blunt all the time a lot of the time we don't make any sense#Out ways (and I mean ways cuz there are multiple types of autistic communication) aren't inherently superior your just assholes#Even as a verbal person unless I've really studied a person communicating with them in a way that makes any lick of sense to anyone is hard#It's not just brutal honesty! Stringing together sentences is hard. Also brutal honesty isn't the cool strength you think it is#language processing#Is hard for people#Autism communication isn't just brutal honesty and being 'rational' its dangerous stims and poorly strung sentences and so many other thing#Also when someone is hurt by your brutal honesty they aren't always being overly sensitive and 'illogical'#Sometimes your being a bitch and the person you where being 'blunt with' has every right to be mad at your tactless#And again there's more to autistic communication than being 'a pure logical being's#Idk where this idea we're all super logical and superior comes from#I might come off as emotionless and dry to a lot of people but like my emotional regulation is shit#I am not logical and a lot of other autistic people aren't logical
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I just realized Arlecchino doesnt even use polearm arm at all, she was more adept at using the sword😭 the one that uses polearm is CLERVIE
And the fact that the current arlecchino uses polearm makes me uUHEUGH-/pos
#genshin impact#brainrot#ramble#blurb#arlecchino#arlechinno genshin#im sorry all i can think about is them right now#oh it hurts me knowing she doesnt even use polearm and im sure shes very aware it was clervie who does#but her growing up and using polearm instead heuegugh#i might be just over thinking it and it was just design preference#but i just like to imagine she just misses her sm tht she doesnt even realize wht shes doing until she just-#one day has a realization like “oh”#oh to be loved is to be changed type thing#and grief makes you do all sorts of odd things
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Still not over Tobias actually managing to redeem Nihil to me. Turns out I'd been reading the character wrong this whole time. (He's not an asshole, just a dumbass)
#me prior to the ghovie: Nihil is a selfish asshole#my after the ghovie: Nihil WAS a dumbass who keeps accidentally hurting his family bc he doesn't think shit through... but hes trying now#at least hes trying#thats miles more than other deadbeat dad types#the band ghost#ghost#rite here rite now#rite here right now spoilers
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self-indulgent because i'm having a Riotously terrible evening pain-wise but i'm very fond of hunter being a waify little chronic illness/pain boy post-canon and like. for a while, just. no one.... notices.....?
not even because he's actively Hiding it, like. he would 100% tell people he's in pain if they asked. it just. doesn't occur to him to share. he'll sometimes quietly withdraw and lay down in the dark to conserve his energy and the others very reasonably assume it's a grief thing.
so they'll sometimes like. knock gently on the door and ask if he wants company, to which sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's no. "no" when hunter is in a significant enough amount of pain that he really can't move much & "yes" when he wants to curl up with bad TV shows as a distraction
it could be anyone in the squad who figures out what's going on but i'm gonna go with my bias and say it's luz, on a day when she's having some bad depression/grief/survivor's guilt feelings herself. bc she's still coming to terms with her own death and the loss of her glyph magic and sometimes she is. Sad
hunter having one of those Catastrophic pain days where he's planning to be an unmoving lump under 7 blankets for the entire day. n luz coming in and softly asking if she can lay down with him. which is different from asking if he wants company. hunter would say no to company bc he can't really Perform Friendship right now but he doesn't mind luz being here.
luz climbing under the 7 blankets too. n snuggling up to hunter and wrapping an arm around him. and hunter just like. goes Stiff. like beyond "hm this is mild discomfort" stiffness, his muscles completely lock up and go rigid like he's just been Shot. he doesn't make any sound or protest or flinch away or anything, he just kind of. stops breathing
luz pulls away immediately bc she recognizes that Something Is Very Wrong, i'm guessing she assumes it's a panic response bc hunter has plenty of reason to have issues with physical touch. but then she sees the expression on his face and it clicks and she's like.
hunter. dude. hey. hey. hunter.
do your scars HURT??????
#hunter: [blankly] y.... yes??? of course???#luz: DDDD: !!!!!!!!111shiftone!!1eleven!!!!#luz is like BUT THAT'S 80% OF YOUR BODY and hunter's like well. yes that is true. what is the point being made here.#luz: theres PAIN MEDICINE theres HEALERS theres DOCTORS FOR NEUROPATHY#hunter: oh. i forgot tbh. i just kind of figured i'd live like this#this post brought to you by oh my fucking god my hip and side hurt SO bad right now.#and i can't currently speak aloud. despite being perfectly able to form sentences by typing.#my brain isnt without speech but my body is too busy devoting all its energy to quietly trying not to die#more characters who dont scream or cry or anything when theyre in pain. little dudes who just breathe quietly and stare blankly#autoimmune tag#toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#hunter toh#luz noceda
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You know I had to do my own rendition of this eventually. It’s just too good to pass up :))
Attached is just the still image version (not gif) and then some behind-the-scenes initial sketch without puzzle pattern. Also the car had a nose for some reason…glad that I went back to the actual reference material to change it because the Puzzlemobile ain’t got one <<
#I’ve stayed up….way too late…drawing this stupid thing#(current time is past 12am)#this guyyyyy is ridiculous. a clown. a looser even. Would marry#THATS A JOKE I’M JOKING OF COURSE WH—it’s not my word against myself your just reading in between the lines too much#he’s got great taste in cars tho. pull up with em hot wheels on the road. who needs stoplights when you’re the cause for the slow traffic#rule the streets absolute king truly an inconvenience on everyone’s lives#gangster moment pulling up ready to pick up the boys in this slick ride#crime boss real#(sorry these are unintelligible thoughts I wrote down as Procreate titles when working on this)#(I’m just typing them out again here because why not lol)#why is he actally man spreading do you think his legs hurt from keeping them elevated off the road?#or maybe they’re just weightless#the dogs are out /j#eh I’d let him pick me up (THIS IS A JOKE A HONKING JOKE I SWEAR) /j#see the actual comedy is in the frantic deniability of the statement#and for some reason I thought it would be funny to do that same joke twice over….don’t know why probably lack of sleep taking now🧍#anyways this is the most productive I’ve been at making art wow huh. Puzzle fixation coming in clutch right now three arts in one day#achievement unlocked ✨#hplonesome art#mr. puzzles smg4#smg4 mr puzzles#puzzlemobile#smg4 Puzzlemobile#mr. puzzles in the Puzzlemobile#it’s crucial to include puzzlemobile in tags at any given opportunity because it’s just that iconic
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ok this is totally bc im sleepy and should not be up and im going back to bed now but GUESS who just got into the classes they actually want to take for the first time since starting grad school lol!!!!! was literally dissociating too bad for the last three semesters to remember to select classes and then also wake up in time to actually pick them!!!! my god is this actually why i have not been enjoying my classes
#musings#literally as im typing this post my brain went like girl is THIS why you have been fighting for your life to pay attention#n y way!!!!#i have literally had to claw my way back into the shape of a person#i sort of had to do it by wallpapering over a lot of insanity and hurt#right now it does sort of feel really worth it though#and i am glad i stayed around
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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