#it hurts my heart to see her this way

[cafemilk-tea]

Did Evie travel with the boys for gda?

she did not :(( jeonghan had mentioned in his recent live that evie had came over to his apartment and stayed with him for a while

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[yashley]

Did she keep you trapped?

[wistfulwatcher]

You've been here for me in a way that no one has.

[finisnihil]

I feel like we as a fandom have misunderstood Jingliu a little bit. Like, she's usually characterized by fanon as like this stern, serious, no-nonsense woman who never smiles and has no humor when that's very much... Not the case?

Like yeah we usually see her with this very cold and stoic attitude but ultimately it's born out of two things: Focus and Mara.

Before the mara, we usually see her in situations where discipline and seriousness is needed. Training young Jing Yuan for military work, steeling herself to kill a mara-infected friend, etc. Those are situations where you need to be focused and on guard.

Post-mara meanwhile, it's literally canon that the mara feeds on emotions and memories. She keeps her's under control using the blindfold and Luocha, but fluctuations in her emotions can make her lose control. Blade is the same way too, when he's not in a situation related to his past he's just kinda chilling, because with Kafka's help, he can keep his emotions and memories under control.

There are times we see Jingliu unwind, like in Ichor of Two Dragons, where when Dan Heng remembers them all drinking together, Jingliu playfully goes "want a rematch? I'm always available!" at Jing Yuan teasing Yingxing and Dan Feng for being sore about losing to her in a match. She's passionate about swords because its her hobby, she enjoys it, that's one of her main parallels with Yanqing.

She isn't some cold and unfeeling monster, she was a woman who lost everything she loved and then lost her humanity. Blade was lucky he was found by the Stellaron Hunters, who see him as human even when he sees himself as just a weapon and try to be gentle and compassionate with him because they care about him. Jingliu had to run after Jing Yuan nearly killed her and wandered by herself for centuries, in pain and lashing out like a wounded animal, until she met Luocha.

We don't see much of Luocha and her dynamic. She sees him at the reunion and says "Take this man away" sure, but she follows it up with "This does not involve him". This is a situation with people who could make her Mara flare. She could be harsh with him because she doesn't care for him or because she's trying to protect him. Maybe she just can't extend the energy to worry about Luocha while trying to keep herself and the situation under control.

Jingliu was a kind woman and if Blade can continue to extend little forms of kindness and love with the SHs, I think she can also care about Luocha just as much. They are in this together for better or worse, and she has to put some trust and faith in him to let him accompany her this far. I'm sure we'll see more of their dynamic going forward, but it's clear she looks upon Luocha with understanding and sympathy, because as she says in one of her voicelines, he's like her and they're both lost and lonely people finding solace in each other in some way.

The overall point is, I wish there was more Jingliu content where we see her laugh, smile, and reach out for somebody because she wants to experience human warmth and connection again.

She wasn't always the mara.

[mylastmoleculeofserotonin]

Wait! How did I not realize this earlier: the first and last thing that Omega does in the show with the Batch is escape a prison using maintenance crawlspaces. Both prison breaks started with Omega using a crawlspace to get everyone out of the cell, ended with a stand-off/shoot-out featuring Omega and Crosshair and getting help from one of the facility’s top scientists. Also, I cannot believe that it was a coincidence that there was a storm on Wayland for their escape and that it wasn’t a deliberate callback to Kamino.

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[ashleeofjupiter]

Yeah, okay.

I just finished Life is Strange: Double Exposure and, despite my apprehension in the lead-up to its release... it's safe to say that I'm back on my LiS shit.

I have so many thoughts and feelings fja;vnrisfjkd;

[i-am-a-hog]

Anybody know how to get rid of a curse 😭

[cyarsk52-20]

what i hate is that ppl tried to play this as ohhh sympathy this sympathy that, BTCH SHE WAS GETTING TORMENTED! Like she was called a DEMON! for getting shot.. her mom just died and she didn’t have any other family members to support her like these ppl are evil

the way men band behind abusers is fucking evil like you really can't trust any of them I'm sick

patriarchy is Femicide

Misogyny is Femicide

Misogynoir is Femicide

the worst part of all of this is that the tory fans and men in the industry were almost happy to become extensions of tory’s abuse. y’all literally helped him abuse her. i will NEVER forget that.

diddy, Chris brown, LeBron: I hope you burn in hell and the same goes for everyone else who dehumanize her to slut out for her abuser and tormentor!

Megan is too kind for me I would have turned into a serial murderer

like I would’ve crashed out sooooo bad like all those niggas who have been exposed would be dead

[solitaireships]

I'm not huge on the ending I'm pretty sure I'm getting for Wyll here and will be rewriting it in my head, but this was sweet

[little-shadow-club]

SL Rag spoilers below

just another Haein ramble post don mind me.

Look man I love Haein as much as the next person but I feel like, even with the new content of her coming out (from SL Rag to Arise to the anime) she's still lacking in something of her character. And, as I began to look more into her I kinda saw that the main culprit of her characterization is that: She is perfect.

Too perfect, I mean she holds no flaws or anything that can set her aside from the rest (and no being an s rank and female doesn't automatically make her different), and even if she does she doesnt hold them to the extent that other characters might have them, or she just has the same thoughts as anyone else. Her personality as well never clashes with the other hunters or is too different, especially from Jinwoo-- and okay yeah that's expected bc trophy wife trope and all that–  and in a sense I think this might derive from the fact that everyone wants her to still be stuck into this mold of “perfect wife + perfect mother” that doesn't have the same level of flaws as the rest. 

She wants a comfortable life, like Jinwoo, she trains constantly, like Chiyeol, she is not burdened by trauma unlike Juhee who leaves the story or Jinah who actively tries to stop his brother at one point from entering dungeons (and stopping the MC? Clashing due to real life precautions and worries? And expanding on that? No sir we don't do that). She is strong but not too strong to be a threat (in their first meeting maybe but then Jinwoo just levels up in the castle and then bam stronger than her again) just like… yeah everyone else lol. She fights Jinwoo at one point but it's not due to some difference in thinking or to stop him from something, rather Haein just wants to spend time with him. And yeah despite wanting a comfortable life, or so told so far, she is still placed in the spotlight during her idol years, and has to deal with the most supernatural shit going on in her life constantly. She might be strong but she is still a damsel in distress, and her olympic background… I mean it's there.

I like the implication that she might have been stressed about appearing perfect during her idol life, especially pressured to do great by the adults around her just as she was pressured to be a maintainer of peace when she was an S rank (friend’s death and all), but that… doesn't get anywhere, and I admit Haein hinted to being stressed was only in the date scene with Jinwoo, the rest was expanded by Arise and Rag, still, still its not treated as anything else except ‘oh she is so camery shy’ and ‘oh she just wants a normal life being a normal wife’ (mind you Jinwoo is there as well but he even he doesn't see a problem with that except for when the cameras are pointed at him to which he just makes all the photos look black) and not, idk, dwell on the amount of pressure she would have been faced in since she was a child, the failure of not meeting those expectations in her past life and wishing to meet them when she was given the chance to become an s rank hunter, or how all of that constant training might have affected her life and social ties with other children who werent as talented as her. Or maybe how Haein has had to constantly keep people at a distance due to her nose problems, plus her almost never appearing in the news (so it was said during her hunter years, bc she had signed a contract with Jongin for this to not happen i think) leading everyone to not get to know her as well as the rest of the other hunters who were practically seen as celebrities.

No? None of that? Not even tackling the fact that olympic athletes tend to suffer from burnout, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, or how traumatic the double dungeon must have been since it was the first time Haein, an S rank, had ever come so close to dying (as far as we know in the og sl), and it cant be backed away with saying ‘oh that would be too complex for the story!’ when we’ve seen Haein trying to challenge her fears against Beru during the Ahjin guild arc. 

It's also not needed for her to be so overly complex either, I was listing examples out of the many routes in which her story could be fleshed out more. She can have a small healing moment to herself or slowly unwrap the tolls of pressure she’s been under, and that would be enough, because tbh, she does deserve some time to breathe, as a character, as herself. For the most part she’s never alone, in every scene we see other she either is with someone (mostly a guy) or thinking about someone (90% Jinwoo), so seeing her outside of anyone’s interaction, seeing her go on about her daily life or her daily struggles, or seeing how Haein fixes her own situations without the reliance on others, that I think, would be more needed than ‘just more Haein scenes’ 

Arise has one scene which I like, her talking with Chiyeol after his double dungeon incident. Both characters definitely needed something like that in my part, 1) because it highlights Chiyeols maturity over the certain years he has been as a hunter, and 2) because it emphasizes Haein’s relationship with her teacher and how she’s not only learning to be skilled but also the pain that comes with losing your comrades afterwards.

And in Rag, though I find it way too absurd to the point that its funny that Haein has managed to protect an entire village, on her own, for the past 5 years, with daggers, in her 40s, no experience whatsoever in a fight unless it was also transferred alongside her memories, and also had no qualms in protecting the race of beasts that had once pose such a level of danger Jinwoo himself rewinded time itself— I do like her interactions with Sirka,  and it posses such an interesting dynamic to see considering she is one of the few humans who has managed to maintain a connection and lived alongside intelligent magic beasts like he elves (Suho being the other which is… interesting actually when you think about it considering Jinwoo is somewhat yes and not on the list). 

Again, she is so interesting in her own right, but the thing is that we never see her act alone or be solely in the spotlight, and don't get me wrong, this also goes from the other characters too. But with her I feel like too much of what she could be or experienced is brushed off too quickly or not given enough time to expand. 

So anyways, I will like to see where she might go off from here foward, especially in rag, and the anime.

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

[faaun]

trying so hard to move thru this w grace and dignity + my actions reflect this so im ok :)

[beeholyshit]

I'm so emotional rn

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:

Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?

Me. It was me.

I made the ultimate sacrifice.

The achievement wasn't worth it.