#max absolutely has a type
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ashleeofjupiter ¡ 20 days ago
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Yeah, okay.
I just finished Life is Strange: Double Exposure and, despite my apprehension in the lead-up to its release... it's safe to say that I'm back on my LiS shit.
I have so many thoughts and feelings fja;vnrisfjkd;
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frogeyedape ¡ 1 month ago
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I am so unbelievably pissed off. FUCK HOAs
Oh, my trash/recycling bin can't be visible except on pickup day? Ok whatever fine I hate you but I can deal with this
Weekly inspections?????? FU FU FU FU FU
SECOND NOTICE ALSO WE'RE CHARGING YOU MONEY TO SEND YOU CERTIFIED MAIL OF THIS TOTALLY LEGIT TOTALLY SECOND NOTICE OF WHAT IS ACTUALLY A VIOLATION cue me: checks notes. Hmm. My recycling bin was. on the curb. on recycling pickup day. You know. The day it has to be out. The day it is motherfucking ALLOWED TO BE FUCKING OUT AND VISIBLE.
so. 1) not a violation
I have sent them the trash AND recycling pickup schedules, which are DIFFERENT, btw
I have disputed the fact of the violation
I have disputed the linking of this "violation" to a previous violation MONTHS AGO--their "first notice" in this case was a "Courtesy Notice" LITERALLY 5 MONTHS AGO and they've done so many inspections since then and my bin CLEARLY WASN'T OUT IN THOSE INTERVENING MONTHS so WTMFH
So I am posting like a crazy person here instead of sending the absolutely deranged email I almost sent (I did send a slightly less deranged version with the disputes, and requesting a hearing)
OMG. It has been. Less than one hour since I learned this fun fun news. My bin was out YESTERDAY, y'all. YESTERDAY. I am going to blow a gasket
#it's a relatively privileged problem to have (omg i have a home truly i am grateful) but it's still a goddamned problem and i'm allowed#to fucking complain about it#in case it needs to be said#*rolling my eyes*#i advocate for free/actually affordable housing for everyone who needs it because we ALL deserve a safe secure stable home#whatever type of home that may be#it is absolutely goddamned ridiculous that megacorps can buy all the housing#rent it out at extortionate rates and evict people willy nilly#and we're talking about a “housing crisis” and not a “STOP LETTING CORPORATIONS AND BILLIONAIRES HOARD ALL THE HOUSING” crisis#goddamn.#ha elect me president (ahaha don't do this i am not a good public speaker) and I'll push congress to pass some really neat legislation#hey be more direct: elect me to congress (ahaha don't do this) and i'll WRITE some goddamn nifty legislation and yell about it as long and#as loud as i can until people start to just fucking say yes to make me shut the fuck up#(i know that's not how it works. again. don't actually elect me to a government position)#exemplia gratis:#No individual person shall own more than 6 homes UNLESS they pay a Housing Market Shrinkage Fee for removing viable housing from the market#why 6 and not 2? 2 is a lot! it's excessive! but having A vacation home shouldn't be a crime. Having 5 vacation homes is ridiculous and#awful and whatever but it's not likely to be the source of all our greatest “housing shortage” problems. no. I'm aiming for the absolutely#monstrously greedy and egregious motherfuckers who---ok#hang on. how many homes does the average min and max homeowner own? I would like to see data on that. but anyway#the next part of the legislation:#Homes owned >6 shall be charged X% Housing Market Shrinkage Fee UNLESS they are rented for affordable (15% or less than renter net income)#housing and are actively occupied by said renters. Rented out and charging more than 15% of renter's net? still gotta pay up.#EMPTY housing >6 shall be subject to an additional Y% Housing Market Shrinkage Fee (tax? should I call it a tax?) which increases with ever#month that the housing goes unoccupied. no one living in it? sell it rent it or pay the fuck up. and still pay the fuck up if you rent it#for way too goddamn much money#but like. less. we only REALLY hate you if you sit on empty houses that you don't even let anyone use#ok that's individuals. now onto BUSINESSES#ok so immediately it gets a little complicated cuz like presumably there's rental management businesses that don't own the rental propertie#that they manage BUT there are also companies that just outright own a shitfuckton of housing and THIS is the truly egregious monstrous sid
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moe-broey ¡ 3 months ago
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Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.
And by kitten-pile I mean This
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I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡
How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?
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Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."
If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!
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Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"
Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!
Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?
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Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."
Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...
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Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"
Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.
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Moe: "aw, so cutes!"
Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.
#fire emblem#feh#STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch#esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved#and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually#is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to#which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea#that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent#BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect#triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write#she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues#she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore#the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble#(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis#sharena#fe peony#fe triandra#fe plumeria#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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randomcanbian ¡ 2 years ago
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Finally got the potionomics art book 😭 also hope it isn't too bad to show a screenshot (I think it's a page they used in the twitter announcement anyway) but yeah just had to put it in this post
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her 😍😭
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meowloudly15 ¡ 2 years ago
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The recent addition of Leonie Fire Emblem to my favorite characters list is proof that I have a type, and that type is "tough young women with a boatload of tenacity and also So Many Problems Like Good Lord Girl Get A Therapist"
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twinklepuzzle ¡ 3 months ago
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I feel like there was another long thread going around a while back about how the current designs for trucks and SUVs (being taller and larger and having a flatter/more vertical front end rather than a sloped/pointed one) were more dangerous for pedestrians?
Like even aside from the mindset of the drivers. Even someone who was very mindful and was a good driver was more likely to kill a pedestrian, because the front end of the vehicles were at chest-to-head height. So if one hits you it's running directly into your very squishy and vital organs, as opposed to shorter vehicles, which are more likely to hit your legs (still causes injury, but it's more likely that they'll be survivable).
And the sloped fronts of most sedans (a word I'm using here as a catch-all for non-truck and non-SUV vehicles, for convenience) would allow the person to roll up and off of the vehicle, whereas the flat fronts of trucks and SUVs would push the person to the ground and/or under the vehicle, causing further injury.
And that's without taking into account how the design of trucks and SUV reduces the driver's visibility of the area immediately surrounding the vehicle and the actual pavement of the road (being higher up allows them to see over other cars, and therefore see more of the condition of the "road", here meaning traffic/ other cars, not the surface of the road itself).
I can't remember if it was real or just perception, but there's also the idea that the passengers and driver of a truck/SUV are safer in a collision than they would be in a sedan, which makes people want to buy them, especially with there being so many trucks and SUVs on the road. It's easy to look at and SUV and a sedan and think "if these two vehicles crashed, the sedan would be destroyed/the sedan would 'lose' and the SUV would 'win' the crash", so it feels like you're on more even footing with other drivers if you also get a tall car.
So trucks and SUVs become more popular due to the perception of personal safety (the safety of people outside your vehicle be damned), which leads to other people buying the tall cars to level the playing field, but it also leads to car manufacturers making more of the tall vehicles, and offering fewer sedans.
With fewer options for sedans, people are less likely to find one that they like, and more likely to look into SUVs. So even more people buy the bigger cars, and even less people buy the sedans, so car manus lean even harder into making more tall cars and fewer short cars.
It becomes a cycle, and the sedans are straight up disappearing.
And *that* isn't taking into account that, being larger and (often) having more features than sedans, manufacturers can charge more for an SUV/truck, so they make more profit if they sell more big cars. So there's even more of a financial incentive to produce more trucks/SUVs than sedans.
So even if you aren't one of the people with a "run the fuckers over" mindset, it's easier than ever to get a car that you're more likely to kill someone with (even in the case of a genuine accident), and harder to get a more reasonable and safer-for-the-public vehicle.
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#sorry to commit the sin of adding to the body of a post rather than talking in the tags#i ended up running out of tag space lmao#personal anecdote that i didn't want to include in the main rant tho:#i wrecked my car last year (slid on ice. went off the road and into a ditch and smashed ass-first into a tree. which totaled my poor boy)#so i needed to replace it. and i didn't have a ton of time to find a good used car#and i did have the luxury of a paycheck that could afford certain new cars#so i ended up looking at the current vehicle options. and there were like. max 3 sedan options per manu#i ended up getting a subaru crosstrek which is technically an SUV (a 'crossover' which is like. a compact SUV?)#because leasing it was cheaper than most of the sedan options for other brands#(and i absolutely couldn't afford to buy anything but the lowest end cars. and i wanted all wheel drive!)#i *could* have gotten an impreza for less but for personal reasons I didn't#but even then. they had fewer options on the lot for imprezas 😭 there were like 5 imprezas#and 15+ of each of the SUV models lmao it sucked!!#the point is. there were soooo many more big cars to choose from that even if you pulled a random make and model out of a hat#youd be waaaaay more likely to pull an suv than any other vehicle type#i feel like out of the suv options i got one of the safest. bc its still fairly low to the ground and has a more sloped hood?#like its similar in shape and size to my old car (2009 nissan versa hatchback)#and while its ground clearance is higher the top of the hood is still fairly low#but I'm still like. UGH about contributing to the SUV 'popularity' problem#but yeah. manufacturers are favoring SUVs and trucks for multiple reasons#and they probably are pandering to the 'run em over' selfish pricks to a degree#bc lets be honest. richer ppl tend to have more of that mentality anyway#and also the assholes are WAY louder and have more of a consensus on what they want than the more reasonable folk#as is often the case#there are many ways to be. so reasonable ppl take many paths. but being a selfish prick usually follows a smaller number of paths#so each of the relatively small number of asshole paths get more traffic than any individual reasonable path
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throughdarkeningskies ¡ 2 months ago
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I write a lot of au stories for my 2 ocs, but I never write any where they knew each other as kids. this is not!!!! a story about that. this is about being so lonely for your entire life that you are sure no one would ever love you or show you kindness or understand your experience or show you the patience you need. and then meeting a person who WILL give you that. and having them inspire those traits in you. about suddenly finding your centre of gravity, that absolute conviction that everything will be okay. I want to be by your side. I want to know what you think. I know that's the first time you've ever been asked that. tell me about how you see the world. I know its different to everyone else. I don't know how i ever lived before you, or ever will after. I love you. do you want to get breakfast with me?
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mariocki ¡ 2 months ago
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I predatori di Atlantide (The Raiders of Atlantis, 1983)
"It's terrible, Mike. It's like living something unreal."
"Unfortunately, it's all very true."
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dravidious ¡ 1 year ago
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You're more amazing than :)
One of my favorite series is Etrian Odyssey. I love kinda everything about it, except for one crucial detail: All the crucial details. The game adamantly refuses to tell you the numbers behind your abilities, which is very important information to have because of the impacts it has on not just mid-combat strategy, but on long-term character building.
For example, one of my characters in EO5 is a Pugilist with attack skills that bind enemy body parts. I unlocked a skill for him that sets up a counterattack that attacks and binds an enemy body part. Question: Why would I ever use this unreliable counter skill instead of the regular binding skills? Answer: Because it has DOUBLE THE DAMAGE AND BIND CHANCE!! And the game just didn't tell me that! I had to use this awesome online tool made by fans in order to figure that out! How the fuck did the devs expect players to magically intuit exactly how the skills were balanced? Just TELL ME WHAT MY SKILLS DO!
#asks#if you're curious the skill is Cross Counter under Pugilist specialization Type A#by the in-game description it looks terrible compared to Concussion/Arm Crusher/Low Blow#because the game gives absolutely no indication of how powerful it is#another obnoxious hidden detail is that passive skills give a big boost at level 1 but then upgrades give way less#so it's really good to just grab 1 level in every passive skill#but going further than that is useless unless it's a really helpful skill#oh and if you were thinking “well of course the counter is stronger if you assume the skills are well-balanced”#good news: they aren't!#there's another skill called Clinch that attempts inflict all binds on both the user and a single enemy but does no damage#the bind infliction rate starts LOWER than the normal bind skills and takes until max level (10) to be significantly higher#and it also has a high chance of binding the user#can the class exploit getting bound? not really! it has a skill (Breather) that removes binds and charges up for next turn#but it's not worth it. you're better off just using actual attack skills instead of wasting a turn binding yourself#the fact that Clinch (potentially) binds all enemy parts is useless against most enemies because usually only 1 part matters#at max level Breather gives x2.5 damage but you could just attack 3 times to deal even more damage and still attempt 3 binds#which is often even better for binding because you can attempt the same bind 3 times to bind an important body part#anyway my point is that sometimes a skill is Just Bad and there's no way to tell unless you know the numbers#so TELL ME THE FUCKING NUMBERS!!!
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answrs ¡ 1 year ago
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asking my heart which is what it wants and the answer is not forthcoming: does Calaba join the wardens and her noble in marching in rank on jubilife, as is tradition for her position? does she stay with ingo as the head healer and ursaluna goes as a show of force/intimidation? or does ursaluna, seeing how sneasler almost lost her warden, refuse to leave calaba's side if she stays to monitor his raging infection-induced fever? he could technically be replaced by Arcanine, with the added note that it would leave a noble guarding each of the clans' territories/camps? but idk the young lord doesn't seem... idk, grown? enough? to fit the seriousness of the act, if that makes sense? like a fuckin bidoof holds the village hostage with fear his appearance would absolutely be intimidating dgmw but like. mentally. I still see him as a puppy that hasn't fully grown into the role enough if that makes sense?
idfk. I was hoping writing this down would help but now I'm even more conflicted rip
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checkeredflagggs ¡ 2 months ago
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Three Hearts Left
Pairing: max verstappen x fem!gamer!reader
summary: fans (and friends) are shocked when they find max is married and to who
a/n: I’m only a casual gamer so take it with a grain of salt
a/n 2: sorry it’s a really late - the weather hates me personally (it is actually September and doesn’t need to be 85* 😡) and it drained my creativity also I got hella sick so 🤷🏻‍♀️
a/n 3: I know I use the name Twitter when talking about that site. I’ll stop deadnaming it when musk rat does too
a/n 4: still not feeling 100% but I wanted to get this out for max’s bday!!
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catpawsgaming
Welcome to the CatTree with the paw prints 🐾 ! I’m just a cat 🐈 mom Lady™ who loves the gaming but not the camera 📷. I’ve been playing games all my life and have been streaming for 3 years — as a hobby, not a full time job. I love my 2 cats, my handsome man, and you 🫵 all my lovely fans. You most definitely make all this worthwhile so mwah mwah 💋💋 (video)
catpawsgaming
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liked by user, user, user, and 6,583,455 others
catpawsgaming: here we go! Baldur’s Gate 3 has been highly highly requested — so I bought it! …yesterday and forgot about it cause curse of capitalism I still have my day job 😭 but away we go!
As always, if you didn’t manage to catch my livestream it’ll be on my page and I’ll be uploading it to my YouTube channel tomorrow! My YouTube will have the 3 usual versions (one unedited with my reactions, one with just the game play, and one with no sound at all but with closed captions)
Next stream date and game tbh announced but will probably be this Sunday with Animal Crossing (fingers crossed 🤞🤞 I finally get a good turnip price 😭😭 Daisy Mae hasn’t been kind to me lately…)
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user1: guuuurrrrrrrllll it’s about time you got bg3! We been waiting
↳ catpawsgaming: definitely worth the wait though! I had so much fun and it was so hard to stop for the night
↳ user2: for sure it was 🤣 your reactions to shadowheart and astarion were hilarious
↳ catpawsgaming: they clocked my type on point
user3: glad we convinced you to become a bard! You’ll rock it 💙
↳ catpawsgaming: ok but this the closest you will get me to actually performing so enjoy it while it lasts
↳ user3: not gonna sing along?
↳ catpawsgaming: 🤣🤣🤣 🫵 🤡
↳ catpawsgaming: absolutely not.
↳ catpawsgaming: also handsome just bust out laughing at the thought of me singing so…🙄🙄🙄 he’s lucky I love him
↳ handsome: I am very lucky liefje
↳ user3: ahhhh we were so close to her singing but also awwww cause handsome is here!!
handsome: liefje this was amazing
↳ catpawsgaming: thank you 🥰🥰
↳ catpawsgaming: but also you were laughing at me the entire night so…
↳ catpawsgaming: not sure how much I believe you
↳ handsome: well I didn’t say it was good…
↳ catpawsgaming: 🤨😒😔😢
↳ handsome: 🥰🥰🥰
user4: oh to have a man that will spend hours with you doing separate hobbies together…
↳ catpawsgaming: gotta admit it’s the dream
↳ handsome: you’re the dream liefje
↳ user4: ok there handsome, no need to get sappy here on MY comment thread
Private Messages
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mv1updates
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mv1updates: Max was streaming today! Just a short one but highly entertaining. Jimmy (or Sassy? I’m honestly baffled and for the life of me can’t tell them apart 😢) caused a small disturbance in the middle of his stream then slept the rest away in Max’s lap 😍
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user5: that was sooooo adorable!! Love seeing more cat dad Max
↳ user6: same! And don’t feel bad admin - I can’t tell them apart either
user7: to be Jimmy…🥵
↳ user8: right? What I wouldn’t give to be sleeping away in his lap…
↳ user9: blessed be. His damn thighs man 😳
user10: ok but am I the only one that heard a female voice in the background?
↳ user11: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INSANE?? Like there was definitely someone there
↳ user12: wait when?
↳ user10: when max turned the camera to show jimmy on top
Private Messages
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catpawsgaming
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catpawsgaming: and Daisy Mae delivered this week! Sunday I got a price of 90 and today!! Selling price of turnips is 658 this evening!! Woohoo!
I've got my usual set up going to allow visitors to sell and I’ll be playing for about 4 or 5 hours so let’s make some cash today! I just ask you be respectful of my island.
As always, if you didn’t manage to catch my livestream it’ll be on my page and I’ll be uploading it to my YouTube channel tomorrow! My YouTube will have the 3 usual versions (one unedited with my reactions, one with just the game play, and one with no sound at all but with closed captions)
My week is looking pretty busy (a lot of traveling happening) so my next stream will probably be sometime next week and I’ll be playing Horizon: Zero Dawn! Its sequel will be coming out soon and I want to replay the first to refamiliarize myself with the game!
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user13: yeessssss! I’ve been holding out that someone would have some fantastic selling prices this week! New house upgrade here I come!
↳ user14: oh don’t I know it! It’s been a downward slump all week for me — the high was 105 😭😭
↳ user13: ouch 🤕
user15: did anyone else hear the cat meowing in the background!
↳ user16: yes! Catpaws has got a couple of cats — they’re almost never on stream (they don’t like staying in one place for long) but catpaws got them right before they started streaming!
↳ catpawsgaming: 2 of them! They’re my babies! 🐈🐈
↳ user15: awwwww 😍😍
user17: can I say something? Is this a safe place?
↳ user18: it is not but say it anyway
↳ user17: it totally looks like she’s got a wedding ring on in the beginning of this stream
↳ user18: nurse! She’s out again
↳ user19: no no no let her cook. I totally thought the same. It was literally just a glimpse but I swear that she had a ring on
↳ user17: thank you! I knew I wasn’t crazy
↳ user19: but! That does mean our catpaws is married!!!!!
↳ user17: 😱
↳ user18: 😱
↳ user19: 😱
↳ catpawsgaming: 😉
↳ handsome: 💙
↳ user17: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?
catpawsupdates
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catpawsupdates: we’ve had a couple of requests lately asking about catpawsgaming and her cats! These are the first and last photo we’ve gotten — she’s incredibly secretive about them so we don’t know if this is the same cat in both photos or if she has 2 bengals (peep also handsome in the first photo. Catpaws was laughing when she posted that photo cause she’s usually the passenger princess)
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user20: I LOVE THEM
↳ user21: same! Insert that meme. “I’ve only had them for a day but if anything happened to them I kill everyone else then myself”
↳ user22: extreme but agreeable.
user23: that’s sassy - I’d bet money on it
↳ user24: sassy? What? Who?
↳ user23: sassy verstappen! F1 world champion max verstappen’s cat
↳ user24: ummm? This is a page for a small time gamer catpawsgaming
↳ user23: listen. Torture couldn’t get me to admit how long I’ve spent staring at pictures and videos of jimmy and sassy. But that is absolutely sassy!
↳ user17: I’m connecting the dots as I type
↳ user18: you’re not connecting shit
↳ user17: CONNECTING THE DOTS AS I TYPE
Private Messages
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Twitter
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Private Messages
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catpawsgaming
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catpawsgaming: tonight’s stream is gonna be a little late — I’m currently being held hostage by the cutest kidnapper ever
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user24: awwww
user25: your right. You simply can’t move!
↳ catpawsgaming: completely pinned down!
↳ user25: I don’t think anyone is gonna have a problem with your steam being late tonight
↳ user26: I’ve spoken to the council and we don’t! In fact we all vote for a stream of literally just the cat
↳ catpawsgaming:…you know that is an idea
↳ user26: omg. OMG. OH MY GOD!!
user23: THATS JIMMY!! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE
↳ user27: ok grandma. Let’s get you back to bed
handsome: so that’s where the little troublemaker is
↳ user28: omg hi handsome! Where’ve you been?
↳ catpawsgaming: ok I love all my fans but plz stop flirting with my man
↳ user28: can I flirt with you instead?
↳ catpawsgaming: 😳
↳ handsome: no
Private Messages
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Twitter
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user29: ITS MAX VERSTAPPEN AND CATPAWSGAMING!!!! I TOLD YOU ALL
↳ user30: ok but are we really gonna take a gossip page as the truth?
user31: OH MY GOD THAT CRAZY FAN WAS RIGHT?!?
↳ catpawsgamingfan: I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOOOOUUUUU
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maxverstappen1
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tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: liefje I know this is not how we wanted to share our love with the world but a light in the darkness is now I get to talk about how much I love you and how you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. These past 5 years have been a dream come true — and it’s been a dream I never knew I had. Seeing you that first time, you took my breath away. Forget the trophies and the victories, the world championships and titles I’ve won — becoming your husband has topped every single one of them. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore and I wouldn’t ever want to
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yourusername: oh my handsome man…you are the light of my life, the moon in my night, the stars in the sky, the best husband ever and the most loving cat dad I could have ever wanted to spend my life with. Thank you thank you thank you for picking me and staying with me and fighting for me and with me 💋💋
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helaintoloki ¡ 3 months ago
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hello, I would like to make a request, a story based on the last episode of yours, Five talking to another Five in the final conversation and they talk about his wife and Canon Five doesn't have one, thanks if you want
a/n: i absolutely loved writing this ty for sending this in ! <3
warnings: language, slight angst, spoilers
summary: Five discovers his missing piece
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When Five stumbled into Max’s and came across an entire diner full of alternate versions of himself, about a million different questions raced through his mind. However, the most pressing issue he found himself wanting to address was the context behind the lovingly placed portrait of a woman on the wall.
“Who’s the girl?” He asks his counterpart, his eyes remaining glued to the painting. The woman’s smile was gentle, her eyes kind, and her face the most beautiful he’d ever seen. He almost felt drawn to it in a way, as if there was some type of magnetic pull gravitating his focus to her and only her. It was like seeing a ghost or a familiar face from a dream that you’re not quite able to place.
“Don’t you recognize her?” The other Five retorts perplexed, confusion clearly etched on his features. “That’s y/n.”
“Can’t say I’m familiar,” the Boy confesses with an apologetic sigh as he finally pulls his attention away from the painting and sets it back to the Five in front of him.
“No wonder you’re such a mess,” server Five notes with a diverted smile as he tops off their coffee. Calling over his shoulder, he announces to all Fives, “The poor bastard doesn’t have a y/n.”
Murmurs of surprise and astonished laughter fill the cafe at the news, prompting Five’s face to heat in embarrassment at being the butt of a joke he has no grasp of. What do these Fives know that he doesn’t?
“Could you please be so kind as to fill me in on who this y/n is,” he requests agitatedly through gritted teeth. Reaching into his pocket, his counterpart pulls out a weathered photograph and slides it across the table for Five to see.
“Y/n is the missing piece that completes every Five. We all meet her in different ways at different points of our lives, but every time she manages to anchor us back down to earth. Y/n is the glue that holds us together when everything goes to shit. She believes in us, sees the humanity in us despite the horrors we’ve seen and the atrocities we’ve committed. She gives us unconditional love even when we think we don’t need it, when we think it couldn’t possibly exist.”
As Fives look down at the photo before him, he sees himself- or rather, another version of himself- enveloping y/n in his arms. They stand in front of a beautiful home with a picket white fence and a garden full of flowers smiling with pure bliss. It’s clear that the woman loved this version of him by the adoring look in her eyes, and it’s even clearer that she meant everything to the Five sitting across from him.
“She means something different to each of us, but I was one of the Five’s lucky enough to make her my wife,” his companion notes with an evocative smile. “That photo was taken on our honeymoon.
“Where is she now?” Five asks somberly after handing back the photograph.
“Dead,” he replies quietly, releasing a mournful sigh as he sinks back into the booth. “Lost her in an accident while I was trying to stop the apocalypse for a third time. That’s when I decided it was time to hang in the towel.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“We had a good run together, I wouldn’t change any of it,” the replica admits with a reminiscent smile. He takes another look at the photo, committing it to memory before handing it back to Five. “I think you need this more than I do. You may not have had the chance to know your y/n, but judging by the look on your face when you spotted the portrait I have a good feeling you would have loved her just the same.”
Gingerly taking the photograph back, Five stops to admire her gentle features and adoring smile before tucking it safely into the pocket of his suit. “Thank you.”
“You know what you have to do to fix the timelines,” the other Five firmly instructs him. “Just promise me you’ll do by right by my wife. She deserves a safe timeline to live in, one where she can grow old and be happy.”
Rising from his seat at the booth, Five takes one last longing look at the portrait on the wall before returning his gaze to the boy in front of him.
“You have my word.”
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mirohlayo ¡ 20 days ago
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F1 DRIVERS AND THEIR
FAVORITE TYPE OF HUGS
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( include piastri, norris, leclerc, sainz, hamilton, russel, verstappen & ricciardo )
warning : none, fluff is fluffing
─ OSCAR PIASTRI
Comforting hug. Ohh, if there's one thing he loves, and that you especially love too, it's the way he hugs you. There's nothing sweeter than feeling his arms wrap around you, your bodies warming each other, and simply letting yourself go into each other's hold. Oscar's hugs are special, unique and intimate. It's a cloud of comfort and happiness, of pure softness, as his lips caress your hair.
─ LANDO NORRIS
Waist hug. It will always be his favorite type of hug. He always starts the day by wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his large hands on either side so you can't escape from his arms. You can only giggle quietly, returning his embrace by resting your head on his muscular chest. You just feel safe, maybe a little too loved by the curly haired guy. And to end his day well, he will start the same routine again, his arms wrapping naturally and perfectly around your waist, as if ultimately his arms were made just for that.
─ CHARLES LECLERC
Passionate hug. His hugs mean everything. It's his way of expressing how much he loves you with all his heart, and how much he can never imagine his life without you. He particularly likes to hold you tightly, passionately in his arms, after a nice race from him. After a podium, a pole position, or simply when he notices that you look at him with that magnificent proud look. There is nothing in the world that makes him want to be happy more, other than hugging you tenderly and passionately. A little tighter every second.
─ CARLOS SAINZ
Back hug. You would always jumped a little as you felt a pair of arms wrap around you, and a muscular body gently press against your back. But you eventually learned that this is how Carlos likes to cuddle, and you have no problem with it. Well, yes, your only problem is that you always ask for more. He loves, he adores seeing you relax quietly in his embrace, while he makes sure to hug you tightly so that you can't escape. But could you honestly escape? Oh, you already know the answer.
─ LEWIS HAMILTON
Bear hug. It's perhaps the simplest of hugs, but undoubtedly the best and truest. There's no better feeling than feeling close to each other. Lewis can't help but almost attack you with hugs when he sees you. You look just... so cozy and beautiful, he can't resist. But your body always willingly accepts his big hugs, and even more his little caresses that he gives you on the back, or even on the tip of your shoulder. The closer he is to you, the happier he is.
─ GEORGE RUSSEL
Long hug. What's more comforting than a long hug from your boyfriend. He likes to take you by surprise, and hug you for no good reason. He feels like he needs it to function properly. However, he will always prefer long hugs. The ones he gives you when you feel bad, when he wants to share time with you, when he simply wants to show you all his love. So staying longer in each other's arms is like a quiet promise. A promise to love each other no matter what, forever. And it's just... sweet.
─ MAX VERSTAPPEN
Eye contact hug. There's a good reason this is his favorite type of hug. Admiring your face, and seeing you blush because you can't make eye contact, that's what makes him lose all his senses. Just feeling you warm and safe in his arms makes him absolutely happy, but being able to admire your beauty, that of your eyes and seeing you all flustered makes him so weak. It's like a teasing game for him, and it's not for nothing that it's his favorite game. Obviously he'll never stop, except when it's you who reverses the roles and makes him... all shy and flustered.
─ DANIEL RICCIARDO
Neck hug. Daniel probably has a wider neck than yours, but that doesn't stop you from continuing to hug him by wrapping your arms around his neck. And that doesn't stop him from kissing you all over your face, delicately placing his hands on your forearms. He just likes to feel loved, and feeling your arms around his neck is like the best feeling in the world. Maybe this hug is extremely intimate, flirty and sexy, but he asks for nothing less. It represents you and it represents him perfectly, so why want to change perfection.
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leclsrc ¡ 1 year ago
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wanna be nearer ✴︎ mv1
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genre: 18+, fuck buddies ahhhaha, smut, porn w/o plot basically...
word count: 3.6k  
It seems every time you tell yourself to stop, Max comes back into your life and all sense of resolve crumbles. title from this
auds here… hiii :) req'd by SO MANY PEOPLE i can't even start compiling all the asks hahah but if u asked for this here it is! writing's been tuff for me lately but this was the one thing i could continue daily (weird) also there is a case to be made re: max's hottest pictures being like 1 pixel in resolution... hope u all like it!!!
nsfw warnings under the cut!
18+ because... sexual tension, penetrative sex, some vague sexting/a sex tape being watched, praise/dirty talk central, size kink, unprotected sex, handjob (f receiving), max being a meanie
It’s busy today. You haven’t seen him all day. 
To be fair, you weren’t necessarily looking—not at first, anyways. How many days had it been since the last time, now? The one in your hotel room? Almost two weeks, you think. The real answer’s blurry in your head, especially when you count the close calls, but this should be a record for you two at this point. Neither of you acknowledge that the only reason you’ve been so good at staying away from each other is because when you’re not roped into the same media junket, you avoid each other at all costs.
The media pen is full; everybody’s shoulder-to-shoulder because a few other networks bought their way into the space for the Singapore race. Right when your mind settles back into the focus of work, though—
“Here,” he says, his voice rough and tickling your ear. You nearly stumble forward, shocked at how his voice almost vibrates through you, a low trill that ripples top to bottom.
His hand settles at the small of your back, like his verbal confirmation wasn’t enough on its own; it’s big and his thumb rubs softly at the smooth strip of skin in-between your low skirt and your top. “Passing through.”
“Sure,” you say, dry. “Sorry.” You clear your throat and cant backwards into his touch—briefly, before you step forward and allow him to pass fully. Across you, Lissie looks up from her phone and you sense her trying to gauge why you’re so close to Max.
You blink and wait for him to disappear, wondering what you’ll tell her—how, more like. How the conversation even opens. How you’d phrase the truth, which in itself is a horribly grey area. Well, Lis, if you must know, Max and I have casual sex. A lot. It’s actually not very casual. We stopped now, but—yes, Max. That Max, yes. 
“What about Max?”
Your eyes snap upward and then to your left, where you can see Max’s figure disappearing into a crowd of engineers. They return to Lissie and you feign confusion to mask panic. “What?”
“You were spacing out and then suddenly said his name.” She presses the tip of her pen onto her chin, humming. She doesn’t look at you and you thank God for it—eye contact would’ve rattled the truth out of you in seconds.
“I…” You shake your head. “I was irritated with—I’ve been irritated with him all morning. It’s. Yeah.”
“Oh,” she says, nodding, looking away for a second but not pausing. “Oh, okay. D’you wanna go over this edit again?”
—
The stale air of his hotel room, alleviated only by the vaguely fragrant linen spray they use when he’s out, is what greets Max when he arrives in the afternoon.The first thing he does—the only task he’d even thought of en route here—after the door clicks shut is pull up his Messages app and type.
Just got to hotel. He tosses his phone onto the bed while he waits, tugs his cap off and rakes reckless fingers through his hair. His new stylist’s got him onto jeans that don’t “look painted on” (you once said, verbatim), but he’d rather die than lounge in denim, so he swaps them out for just his Calvins.
His mind’s lethargic, but even his version of lethargic is high-drive for others—his brain has the silly tendency to work in absolute overdrive. He itches for a drink and orders a Scotch on the telephone. He checks his phone, which is lying facedown still, and as soon as he picks it up it chimes with your reply.
OK, nice. Did u need something?
No, just wanted to let you know. He hits send, then adds another. You’re off @ 8?
Ended early, I’m in the car. He’s in the middle of drafting a response when you send a follow-up.
I thought we agreed no contact unless business
He scoffs out a dry laugh. Despite himself, he reads the text in your voice, his brain completing the image of the bossy tone with crossed arms and a wickedly arched brow. In response he types: Can’t even update a friend nowadays? I am very tired you know.
Rules are rules, he reads. Then, Get some rest.
Yeah. Got a drink.
I said rest, not drink. Even then he can hear the exasperation in your voice.
How was work? I hurt a muscle doing training. That’s why I’m at the hotel early.
Feel better soon, you send. Had some press stuff today. Boring shit
Yeah? I missed you today.
Really?
A lot. He hums and leans backward, lets his head settle into the pillow, the smell of the linen spray consuming his nostrils. He waits for his phone to buzz, vibrate softly on the hard surface of his chest. It does, after a few minutes, after he’s let his eyes shut and let himself rest them for a bit, after the room service comes knocking and gives him the Scotch he’d requested while ago.
He’s back sitting on his bed when it vibrates. He picks it up and reads: How much?
You’re awfully easy to rile up. He smiles around the rim of his glass—he knows exactly where this is heading. 
So much I think I’ll watch some videos of us.
The only caveat of casual sex as two people who essentially dislike each other is the fact that it’s all under wraps—which means if you two try to sneak off together, or are even caught in the same vicinity, people raise suspicions. And that means there are weeks where you barely get to fuck.
And that means you both grow antsy for it. He makes fun of you for being needy, when you’re tipsy and palming at the denim of his jeans or when you bend over when you know he’s looking. But the truth is he grows needy for it, too, craves you like you’re all that matters—he gets extra handsy, drops another innuendo when he knows you’re listening. There is a case to be made that he’s worse, in fact, because fans sometimes skirt around his words and wonder why he sounds so flirty when you’re the reporter in the room.
It was difficult but eventually he found a minor workaround: sometimes he films the two of you. There’s none of those propping his phone up kind of stuff, he just fishes for it in the middle of fucking you so he can store it for himself. It’s locked on his phone and he only has a few (the few has grown in number lately), but God it gives him release when he needs it and you’re not there.
I’ll call you when I’m at the lobby, comes the response. It’s always futile, the attempts to stay away from each other.
He pulls up the folder and lets his eyes skate over the thumbnails, squeezes himself through his boxers. Fuck. He can’t seem to decide what he wants to watch—the ones of you sucking him off, the ones of his fingers stretching you out. He recalls the whine in your voice in each of them, the pleads that escaped you for him to fuck you harder.
So Max, for the life of him, can’t even count how many times these videos have made him cum. But there’s one he hasn’t seen yet—the one he took the night before you two parted. You’d become extra needy on this night, preceding the season, he supposes, the separation. You already were anticipating the deprivation, starved for him more than usual. He’d have kissed you pretty, given you one orgasm after another and still you’d want more. And on this night it was you who asked him to film, you who wanted all of them on tape, so you’d both have something to tide you over until he got to fuck you again.
He pulls his cock out and strokes over it. And with his other hand, he presses his thumb on that video.
In it he’s fucking you in the dark, keeping the phone’s flashlight on your pussy as he sinks his cock into you. When he pulls back out the light reflects on the slick coating his dick, makes it glisten. It looks so wet, sounds so wet, with each thrust into you. He remembers just how it feels; he imagines that he’s back in your bed, fucking you again; that his fist is your pussy, and the spit lubricating it is the wetness that’s drooling out of you on camera.
He can see how tight you are—the way your pussy grips the shaft each time he pulls his cock out, greedy for him. Just like you.
The two of you were supposed to be quiet, too. You were at a hotel, your room beside another driver’s; you were supposed to be careful not to stir anyone. But your moans are louder than he remembers; so is the way you say, breathily, between gasps, Right there, Maxie, m’so close. Max inhales through his teeth, his cock throbbing at that—that Maxie, the cute little whimper out your mouth.
He strokes himself faster, watches the way your fingers slip into frame to rub at your clit, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier. He can see, hear—feel how wet you are, the sound of your cunt growing wetter with every thrust. He hears his own voice again, mutter out So good for me, yeah? And your babbled affirmation in response.
You cum hard, your slick getting everything wet and shiny and Max watches himself cum next. His dick’s already spurting when he pulls out and lets himself release on your lower stomach, some of it shooting onto your tits. He blinks, anchors himself back, quickens his wrist and digs his heels into the bed to keep himself from coming. Just a second longer. He knows what comes next and he needs to see it.
Like clockwork, he watches two of your fingers swipe through his cum, bringing them up to your lips. You blink up at the camera and smile. Quit it, your lips mouth, pink and cum-slick. Put it down, Maxie… fill me up again. He releases in weak spurts over his fist, a damp, flushed grunt escaping him as he does. He feels like the air’s been knocked out of him.
His phone rings and he presses it to his ear. “Hey, angel. Come on up.”
One week later
“Vodka,” you say to the bellboy when you get to the elevator. “To my hotel room. Very cold. Please. And thank you.”
The guy scurries off to fetch it for you, and five minutes and one elevator ride later, you're wrestling himself into your room, flexing your sore foot. Japan does hotel rooms well. The leather of your Manolo digs into your foot the way it does after you’ve walked the entire day and you can feel a blister forming on the back of your right heel but it doesn’t really matter, you guess, if you’re already home. Hotel-home, anyway.
You expect to find solace lounging on your bed, waiting out the hours to your morning briefing for the race and throw back a glass or two of vodka. 
Instead, you find Max on your couch. He’s sipping ice-cold vodka—your ice-cold vodka.
“Hey, pretty,” he says. “Good vodka. I got staff to wire my FIFA on the TV.”
You just stare. “My TV. What,” you say, your eyes spotting the bottle of frosty vodka by his glass, “are you doing here?”
“I hadn’t seen you all day and I wanted to,” he explains simply. “Do you want food or something?”
“Food? I—nevermind,” you shrug. You’re frozen by the door, only just warmed now from the cold air that bit at your bare legs. “Max, how long have you been here?”
“Since Will Buxton started the post-FP debrief,” he huffs. He fiddles with the remote in his grip and extends it to the TV, where FIFA comes to life. “Aw, come on, angel. I know, I know. No sex and all that. I just like your company, you know?”
“Please. Go fuck yourself,” you scoff, toeing off your shoes and wiping your hands on the fabric of your skirt. He says one thing but you expect another—it’s only natural, given all the other times one of you had failed to keep a similar promise. But still you walk yourself beside him, fix the strap of your short dress, and allow him to pour you a drink.
“You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?” He asks absently. “About how you’re always having these talks with me about… about not having sex anymore, but you never even last two days.” He raises you the glass. “What is it, relapsing?”
“Fuck you,” you mutter. “It’s only because you keep trying to get me all hot and bothered.” You recall each time: in Monaco, in Madrid, in France. “Maybe if you got off my back once in a while, we’d be back to normal.”
He shrugs. “You just don’t have strong resolve.”
“Excuse me?” You scoff, irritation scratching at your throat.
“Wanna test that out? Come play.”
Your eyes flit over to the bright screen, all exhaustion cleared from your system. An animated Kylian Mbappe kicks a football in a loop. “Fine. One round and you’re out of my room.” He throws his hands up in surrender and you make a move to sit next to him. Max puts his hands out towards you then, nodding. You mistake it for some handshake, accept them, and then he’s wrangle you onto his lap facing outward. You feel your pulse at your throat as he pulls you tight against him.
“This is cheating,” you say, your voice dry.
“You got it wrong. Teaching.”
He moves his fingers atop yours, explaining what to press, what goes where, what to do for this or that. He can smell your perfume, hear your stilted breaths, and when he peeks over your shoulder he can see where your dress falls loose, showing the lace of your bra and your tits underneath them.
If he had it his way, he’d hike your dress up and have you ride him. But he’s given you a challenge.
You play a practice round and end up scoring a few goals, fingers making quick work of the buttons. Behind you, Max watches, content, answering your questions when you ask them hurriedly—how do I do this? That? Did I just score?
You score once, then twice, then three times, and before you know it you’re scoring in quick succession. The game is fun—it’s easy. If Max was trying to give you a hard time, he failed. You grow determined, competitive within seconds (something he really should’ve anticipated), and you’re scoring goals with skill that you’d confidently say rivals Max’s.
Max. You almost—almost forget he’s there, and then you sit up straighter and you’re hit with the sensation of his dick pressing into your ass. You inhale sharply and the controller clatters to the floor.
“You okay, pretty?” His hand comes up to rest on your knee, inching closer and closer with every hitch of your breath. Your hand, now free of the controller, seizes his, stopping it right at the middle of your thigh. 
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah? You look stressed.” He doesn’t move. “You were so close, too, weren’t you?” The score stares you right in the face: 4-5. “Maybe you just need to get your mind off it.” It’s so bullshit, so extremely obvious, but he’s right in your ear and his hand is so near where you’ve missed its presence.
You’re usually competitive. You can usually hold your ground. But with this and him—
“Maybe,” you breathe, loosening your grip. He spreads his legs, spreading yours in the process, and brings his hand closer, running slender fingers over the lace material of your underwear until you’re squirming. It grows damper the more he touches, your mouth hanging open with stunted whimpers.
“You always come back to me, schatz, don’t you,” he says, whispers against your ear. You wrench a moan out. “Remember the first time? You interviewed me in Abu Dhabi… you teased me the whole day and begged to come thrice in my room. The time in Monaco you touched yourself to me when I was in the next room. The time we almost hooked up in Miami…” He groans, to himself more than you. “You’re a dirty girl.” He’s curling two fingers inside of you now, grazing against the sweet spot pulls the most delicious moans out of your innocent mouth.
“Every time… you go, that was the last time.” While your mind recaps the memories he’s busy spelling into your ear, Max’s fingers are curling inside of you against that sweet spot just right, and your moans are getting louder and louder.
“Fuck,” he huffs, watching your flushed face get more and more euphoric.
“Aw, pretty, look at that,” Max laughs. He’s looking at your thighs, watching the way they tense and shake as his fingers stroke your g spot. Each pump and curl into your twitching pussy feels better and better, and your dripping walls are starting to clench around his fingers.
“Wait, I—I can’t,” you pant, lolling your head onto his shoulder and involuntarily bucking your hips upward. 
“Yeah you can,” he orders. “It’s so easy to get you to cum, isn’t it? Or is that just for me? The driver you hate the most?” He laughs. “Get all wet for the guy you couldn’t care less about. Say you hate me and get my dick nice and wet the next day.” You’re grinding onto his three fingers now, shameless with it.
“Are you gonna cum?” He asks.
“Oh,” you whine. “Yeah, fuck—yes.”
“Tell me what you’re gonna do,” he says wickedly. You can hear him smile.
“I’m gonna—please—I’m gonna cum,” you pant, tension coming to a halt and then bursting all at once out of you. His other arm holds your hips down against him, and you spend a minute and another twitching, your skin sticky with sweat and slick.
It’s not long before you’re whirled back to face him, your hands making quick work of his jeans. It’s a skill you’ve both mastered, the art of the quickie—in closets, hotel rooms, with sweaty, open-mouthed kisses pressed along the column of your throat, moans swallowed. 
He hikes your dress up and your panties to the side, immediately bullies his cock into you—the glide is slow, but easy. You’re so fucking wet.
“Fucking big,” you gasp out. “Jesus, Jesus—fuck.” Your head drops and presses against his; he uses the opportunity to kiss you. You moan into it, feeling the stretch, your slick wetness dragging down the length of him as he thrusts up, up, further. “Been a while.”
“Feel good, though, yeah?” Your toes curl and you nod; you’re flushed all over and you need him to hurry up. You grind downward, onto him. He does, then, fucks you hard and fast, like he’s thirsted for this for way longer than he did. You’re squirming, all wet, and it tempts him to go harder. Your face is shiny with sweat, lips drawn in between your teeth.
“Slo—slow down,” you manage, babbling; he doesn’t, speeding up his thrusts until you’re moaning his name. “Max—wait—fuck, you’re so mean,” you whine, wrapping your arms around him and letting him take control. 
“You’re fine,” he grunts, pulling out almost all the way. “You take my dick so well, schatz, every fucking time. Don’t you?”
“I do,” you gasp out, and he’s slamming into you gain. You cry out loudly, sniffling from the overstimulation—you’d barely recovered from your initial orgasm and already you’re hurtling into what feels like three at the same time. 
“For someone who doesn’t like me,” he sneers, “you sure do moan like a slut, huh?”
His words get you more turned on than you’re willing to admit, but you shake your head.
“No?” He laughs, breathy from the effort. “Maybe I should film you now. Send it to your boss, let him see his stellar reporter’s getting Verstappen’s dick wet.” 
Finally, the tension building inside of you reaches a head, and your pussy starts to twitch around his dick. He notices, grunts sharply and leans forward, shuddering as he releases into you. Your moans are choked and tapering into whimpers as you release slick all over him, and you attempt to catch your breath, collapsing onto his still-clothed, now-sticky chest. You scratch at the dri-fit material and inhale him, the smell of his cologne, his sweat. You bite at his earlobe, laugh when he flinches.
“That,” you say into his skin, “was the last time.” It’s both seriously and as a joke, playing off of what he’d remarked earlier.
“Jesus, princess. I’m still inside you.” 
You giggle and drum lightly along the plane of his chest. In a few minutes he’ll pick you up to shower, but now you’re content to inhale him in. Quietly you wonder why you just can’t get enough of him—if you were in better senses, you’d have realized he was thinking the same thing about you.
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willowsnook ¡ 2 months ago
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Fake Boyfriend (LN)
lando norris x friend!reader
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To say your ex had done a number on you would be a gross understatement. You went feral when you found out he was sleeping with your former best friend and your actions probably should have gotten you locked up. You smashed all the windows of his car, filled your own with his stuff and then drove down the streets of Monaco tossing it out the window, and then went and got your nipples pierced.
Your friends were very worried about you back then but it was better now. Now your blood pressure only skyrocketed every other time you heard his name. Which is why while you were all hanging out, your friend Rachel was looking at you very nervously.
"So you know how we are celebrating Matt's birthday tomorrow," she started and you nodded along. Matt was her boyfriend of a couple of years. "Well Eli is going to be there."
The paper cup you were holding crushed in your hand and your friend Max (F) snickered.
"That's fine," you said, your voice a higher octave than normal. "Not sure why everyone thinks it would be a problem."
"Probably because we are all convinced you would stab him if you got the chance," Max said looking up from his spot on the couch. "Can someone let Lando in?"
You'd met Lando through Max last year and liked him so far. He was definitely your type but you were still with Eli and then Lando watched your psychotic break so you didn't view him as any kind of prospect.
"What's up?" He said walking into the living room.
"Oh nothing Lando," you said cheerily. "Absolutely nothing!"
He shot a look to Max who was laughing and sat down next to you on the couch.
"I'm guessing this has to do with Eli," he said and you slapped his arm.
"He who must not be named," you hissed and he smirked.
"It's literally been 6 months babe," he teased and you rolled your eyes.
"Look, I would never get back with that rat, but it is now my purpose in life to make him suffer whenever our paths cross," you said confidently.
"You need to get laid," Rachel said and Max seconded that. Lando didn't say anything, looking at you to respond.
"Probably," you sighed. "What are we going to do about the party tomorrow though?"
No one said anything as they all contemplated, then Max quickly sat up.
"I know, you need a fake boyfriend," he said and you thought about it.
"That could work but also maybe not because he wasn't really the jealous type," you replied.
"Well would he be jealous if he saw you with someone way hotter and more successful than him?"
"Yeah"
"Perfect, Lando will do it," Max said grinning and both your and Lando's heads snapped up.
"What?" You both said.
"Lando is perfect," Rachel said. "How could someone not be jealous of you being with a Formula 1 driver?"
Chewing on the inside of your cheek you looked over at Lando who was already looking at you.
"If you're okay with it ?" You trailed off.
"Yeah, I could do that," he said. "Just one night." He shot Max a look that you couldn't decipher but it made Max grin.
"It's settled then."
----------------------------
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Walking towards Lando's car that was parked outside your building, you watched him hop out to open your door for you. His gaze lingered on you, taking in your outfit, specifically the top half.
"I didn't know you got your nipples pierced," he said, settling into the car.
"Hmm yeah, did it a couple of months ago," you said looking through your phone. "You can see them later if this goes well."
The words spilled out of your mouth so naturally catching the both of you off guard. You snapped your head up looking at Lando whose mouth was slightly agape. He quickly closed his mouth, eyes darkening as he looked down at your chest again and you felt yourself getting warm, the tension high.
The rest of the ride was silent as you fidgeted with your rings, looking out the window. Lando passed the keys to valet as you arrived and held his hand out to you before you entered.
"Ready?" He asked and you flipped the switch giving him a big smile.
"Of course baby," you said and he smirked. His hand tightened around yours as he led you through the crowded club and you pointed to the VIP section where you saw your friends. You gave Matt a big hug wishing him a happy birthday before going to grab a drink at the bar.
While waiting, you felt someone slide in next to you and you turned towards them just as they opened their mouth.
"Y/n"
"Eli," you greeted with a mega watt smile. "So good to see you."
He took you in smirking, especially when he could see your piercings through your top.
"Nice piercings, would love to see them later," he said hungrily and you started to reply before you felt an arm snake around your waist, a hard chest on your back.
"Aren't they nice? Taste even better," Lando said from behind you making you blush. Eli's smirk dropped instantly as he took in the new guy, recognition on his face.
"And who are you?" Eli asked and Lando scoffed.
"Ah come on mate, you know who I am, I mean who doesn't," he said cockily and you could tell Eli was getting pissed. You turned to look up at Lando smiling lovingly.
"Hi baby," you greeted, meeting his lips in a short kiss. Starting to pull away, Lando squeezed your ass causing you to gasp, letting him deepen the kiss. Flustered you pulled away, grabbing your drink to take a sip.
"You know she's fucking crazy right?" Eli sneered and you rolled your eyes. "She's definitely just using you for your status, that's her thing." You laughed out loud at this causing Eli to look at you.
"That's my thing?" You laughed. "Like I've done that before? Sorry remind me again where a failed crypto investor lands up in the social hierarchy?"
Eli reddened as Lando laughed.
"Enjoy my sloppy seconds man," he bit out. "Hopefully she's half as clingy with you as she was with me."
This struck a chord in you as it was something you had always been insecure about. Lando noticed and let go of you, getting in Eli's face.
"That's enough," he said gripping Eli's shirt. "If I hear her name come out your mouth ever again I will bury you."
You had slipped away to head back to your section, a little overwhelmed.
"Hey," Lando grabbed you turning you around. "You okay?"
Looking up at him you grabbed the back of his neck and brought him down for a heated kiss. One hand rested on your waist while the other gripped your jaw as he aggressively kissed you back, bruising your lip. Breathing hard, you pulled away.
"What was that for?" He asked catching his breath.
"Just needed to feel something," you replied before turning and heading back, not before lacing your fingers with his. Rachel's eyebrows were raised as she watched your spectacle and you gave her a smirk.
Joining her on a couch you filled her in on what had just happened while throwing back a couple of shots.
"You guys actually look like a real couple," she said smirking. "A very hot one."
"I wish," you replied looking over to where Lando was engrossed in a conversation with Max. He looked over at you and shot you a wink. "He's definitely my type."
"Then why don't you go for it?"
"I don't know it's hard," you said looking down at your drink. "It's hard to come back from walking in on the person you thought was the love of your life bottomed out in the person you thought was the platonic love of your life."
"Lando is a good guy though, you know that," she said and you gave her a small smile. "Speak of the devil."
You looked up to see Lando standing there holding out a hand for you.
"Come on," he said and you let him pull you up. He dragged you over to the DJ booth, greeting the man who let the two of you slide in.
"What are we doing?" You yelled at Lando over the noise.
"DJing" He yelled back with a boyish grin. He placed you in front of him, putting his hands over yours to help you control the board. You felt yourself letting loose, laughing along with Lando's antics, and having fun. The actual DJ eventually took back over and Lando led you back to your section which was now empty.
"Hmmm, looks like they didn't last," you mused. "Ready to go?"
Lando nodded, grabbing your hand again to lead you out of the club. Insisting on the night not being over you found yourself walking along the docks giggling at Lando's stories.
Slowing down you came to a stop, enjoying a pretty view of the moonlight over the water. Feeling Lando's eyes on you, you turned to meet his eyes. He inched closer to your face and your breath hitched. Giving you one last look he closed the gap, slowly moving his lips against yours. Kissing him back you tangled one of your hands in his curls bringing him even closer to you.
"You don't have to pretend anymore," you murmured in between kisses and he pulled back chuckling.
"Trust me, I'm not pretending," he said before bringing you back in for another kiss. Smiling against his lips you relaxed. You smirked at his swollen lips when he stepped back and his eyes flickered down to your chest.
"So about getting to see those piercings?" Lando said cheekily and you laughed, pulling him back to the car.
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cyberm4n ¡ 9 months ago
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OK, I NEED SO BAD Adam,Alastor and Husk smut hc's with a hypersexual fem!Reader 😭. Maybe after both finished a round (One of all they had lol), a few seconds pass and she says smiling "can we do it again?" But they have already crossed their own limit.
Sorry for my Bad English 😿
BAHAHA I LOVE THIS IDEA
i had to do a little research on being hypersexual to make sure i was doing this right but if i got anything wrong/inaccurate please let me know!!
cw: smut, reader gets eaten out, reference to rough sex?
alastor —
■ looks im imagining this to be so funny cause alastor is big on rough sex so like moments after fucking you senseless only for you to be like "again? :D" REALLY MESSES WITH HIM
■ like especially cause he feels spent, like he put a lot of effort in there and like??? you're just straight back to normal?? you want more??? how?
■ i think if he's completely spent he'll summon his like shadow self and then it becomes a mental thing
■ cause he's still controlling that but he's not having to do the physical work
■ but otherwise i think he'd probably have a toy for after in the future
■ hear me out but like he's JUST filled you up with his cum and hes immediately pushing a vibrator into you that's on max, making sure you stay all marked up and too stupid to beg for more
■ he'd adjust just fine
adam —
■ this is even more funny to me cause like he's 100% the type to slump over on you after hes cum, still sheathed in you.
■ he seems the type to want multiple rounds so let's say this is like round 3 just finished
■ so when you're like "again please?" literally less than a minute later his eyes snap open
■ like, he knows women typically come back faster than men from this shit but like he's pretty certain he's gonna start shooting blanks if he goes any more
■ there's a beat of silence before he's like "are you fucking serious" and you pout a little, assuming he's making fun of you
■ but like it's adam, this man LOVES sex so the fact you're like so down all the time is great
■ i dont see him being the type to have toys for you (he definitely owns one of those men's masturbaters tho) so he'd find other solutions
■ it's 50/50 he either has you cock warm him until he's ready to go again or he's eating you out like there's no tomorrow
husk —
■ okay he'd be so confused
■ he's a 1 round kind of man but like, he's barely even pulled out and you're like "can we do it again?" with a smile
■ and he's shocked to hear you mean like, right now
■ he'd adjust fine to it though
■ again, don't think he'd have toys but he's cool to go down on you
■ his favorite is rubbing your clit though, just his fingers
■ maybe he'd eventually get a little vibrator or something for you
■ just wanting to make sure you're happy <3
■ i think husk would be the only one to really ask questions abt it, yknow kinda figure out your preferences and stuff
■ he knows he doesn't work the same so he wants to make sure he's treating you well
■ but if you let him eat you out it's like a perfect wind down activity he definitely gets sucked into
■ eyes closed, going to town in making you moan and quiver. like he'd get soo pussy drunk
■ and he's ripping orgasms out of you with no problem, you'll probably have to tell him to stop.
long story short, all 3 absolutely love the fact you're hypersexual and they embrace it :)
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