#it honestly got really bad tonight
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Me: Feels the depression creeping in fast
Coping mechanism: Remember… there is still good in the world!!
THERE IS STILL NANAKI RIDING A CHOCOBO!!!
#mental health#randomness#nanaki#ff7#it honestly got really bad tonight#if you notice the fic being gone#that’s why lol#self-esteem really plummeted#but ngl#I don’t think it was even close to my best work#so unless someone’s really really really really curious#I think it’s a safe one to keep for myself
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rock Trolls shouldn't of been the ones to want to "unite" everyone by making everyone the same as them
said this earlier on twitter but seems easier to say/explain on tumblr idk why anyway
on twitter i said:
"can i speak for a second and say I wish in the second movie it wasn't the rock trolls trying to make everyone the same? its exactly what punk irl isn't about (rock came from punk) idk, I feel it could've been more interesting too if it was a diff type"
(i think some of the things i said there was incorrect like rock coming from punk but who knows i get my timelines mixed up sometimes LOL if that is incorrect ignore i sowy) anyway
i was thinking abt that again bc i think its interesting and like... to talk about it more here like- hm... idk
(click read more or something if you're genuinely interested in this lol)
i wish in the second trolls movie that the rock trolls was not the ones to be trying to make everyone the same as them, i can't begin to describe that is the entire opposite of what "rock" really is, or at least the type of rock they was displaying is the opposite of what it is
they was leaning a bit into the "punk rock" typa vibe with them due to their designs and such, the music not so much but design wise they feel like they lean towards punk rock, and if thats the case we can assume that "rock" in the movie also encapsulates "punk"
so with that being said it bugs me just a tad bit, that rock of all of them was used to be the ones to be like "we want to make everyone like us! make everyone the same to unite us!" bc thats so far from what actual punk is, in fact the whole thing about punk is to go against authority and express ourselves (yk, our differences)
ik im probably nitpicking a bit but i grew up with a punk for a dad (as in he was literally around when punk was formed, 1970's) LOL, its been apart of my life it is apart of my life so i know a bit about punk culture and what they stand for
SO IDK at the end of the day i dont really care, its a kids movie and i can see by default why they chose rock out of their options to be such a role for the movie, but idk! it just makes me a wee tiny intsy bit :( as punk literally does not stand for uniformity, it fights against systems that wants us to all be the same, it fights for individualism
but w/e, punk has that "aesthetic" that makes it easy to be like "wow theyre intense" bc visually they can be intense LOL, they're also easy to paint as """the bad guys""" due to their aesthetic (big quotes around the bad guys as more near the end as we know barb wasnt really trying to be evil, nor in general are the rock trolls aggressive and/or evil inherently)
anyway to end this off i love barb and i love the rock trolls, theyre so awesome i wish we had more time to develop barb a little bit more felt like she didnt get the screentime she deserved imo, live laugh love barb i dont express my adoration for her enough
if i delete this sorry i got anxious i dont expect this to get attention but if it does (positive or negative) im going to delete it (i have bad social anxiety)
soz if you did find this interesting and i delete it blehh
#issak.txt#trolls#trolls dreamworks#rock trolls#barb#queen barb#anyway dont take this so seriously bc at the end of the day idgaf enough#its a kids movie with a REALLY good message about differences along with history and much more#and i loveee it <3 i love the second movie sm its REALLY good#dont think people give it enough credit sometimes honestly#but yeah just a very minor small nitpick of mine#at the end of the day i dont care that they chose rock trolls for that specific role#im just overly aware of punk and what it means to be punk#im going to delete this post if this gets too much attention btw i got bad social anxiety#and im not up to debating/discussing things tonight. im tired#k bai
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay
#a decent ending to a Rough fucking day#my favorite manager offered to treat me to a dinner cause i always wait (i close) for them to lock up and get to their cars and stuff#and tonight was exceptional cause i waited for an extra hour tonight cause she had more to do than she thought she did#and its#its just so so sweet#idk how to react when people are so kind to me like this#i aint used to it#but#its so so so so fucking sweet i might end up crying over it#honestly i feel more appreciated by these folks at work than i ever did/still do with my ex#it really puts into perspective how bad things got and how much i was tolerating#whoof#shit to think on i guess
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right
#raiiot#it hurts so bad rn i wanna just cry and break down but i have work tonight#it hurts to breathe too which doesnt help me#i honestly dont even know if my pain tolerance is high or if i just got told my pain didnt matter#so much growing up and by docitrs and everyone that Im just not reacting to it#bc the reality is my wanting to die because of pain has been a constant since i first got my period at like 7-9 years old#and being told by doctors and my parents that im faking it for attention or i need to get over it or that idk what pain is jhst means i#started not saying anything bc being in pain and crying a lot was already bad since id get yeled at for crying#but being called a liar and being in trouble for it and the additional suffering just really sucked on top of it so it was ‘easier’ to say#nothing and try to ignore it and pretend i wasnt in pain for others benefit since they thought i was lying anyways#which is even funnier since now if i mention it theybsfill think im lying#so if im ignoring it or honest abt it i#still apparently a liar ig lol#the only pain other ppl in my fam have experienced is the oral pain funnily enough but they screamed abt cried abt how nobodys ever felt#pain like they have over a need for ONE root canal. i needed 9 and numbing didnt work#thats the first time they ever realized i maybe wasnt lying avout the pain. was when they got told thaf. but they still treat me like i am
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
also tomorrow i need to tell some really nice dude i went on a couple of date with that it's just not gonna work out and not trying to be dramatic or anything but the stress of it kinda makes me feel like a piece of charcoal in a burning bbq
#and it's the only free day in the entire year at the museum so it's gonna be crazy busy all day right before i meet him so that's nice#i knew dating was a mistake lmao#btw i'm not afraid he's going to hurt me or go crazy or anything but i really hate hurting people feelings#also oversharing supreme mode activated but like...#i just realized that i actually never had to reject someone after actually going out with them#my teen/super young adult self just kinda ghosted people until they got mad and then i was like well fuck you i guess (yeah that's bad)#and now i usually just straight up reject every attempt at dating me and immediately put people in the friendzone#and my whole problem is that i actually really only feel friendship for this guy after all#so i'll be quite sad if he don't want to interact with me at all anymore and it might makes things slightly awkward#since we have common acquaintances#but it is what it is#i'm probably overreacting tbh#like we went on 3 dates and i honestly feel like i'm gonna ask this man for a divorce#like i'm sure he'll be kinda sad and maybe a bit mad but i'm out there with the level of guilt i'd have if i left him after 20 years#your girl is NOT ready to date i need more time more healing and another break from weed#do I even want to go back into dating like ever is another question but let's not go there tonight i'm already fatigued enough
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly i'm so sad for this guy i met on the train earlier i wish we'd had more time to talk. and i hope he's able to figure it all out
#i was with my two friends and he got on a few stops before we got off#he was an eshay looking guy so my friends and i were sorta wary mainly bc one of my friends is very alternative#and eshay types tend to jeer or just be generally not nice#he sat down in front of our seats and honestly looked pretty sad#i kept talking to my friend a bit#eventually he asked me 'are you gay?'#and i felt pretty nervous at first but i just said yeah#and instead of asking anything bad he just asked me how i knew#he looked so sad man i just really feel for him#he asked when i figured it out and said he was 14#i wish we'd had more time on the train together the only thing i really got to say was that it takes time#and talking to other gay people a bit#like fuck poor kid 😭😭 i really hope he figures things out and is surrounded by good people#but if his friends are all eshays i doubt it#but anyway ig it's good i have work tonight to ponder
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok ok ok everything got better thanks to a few friends 💕✨
#sorry sorry i was actually having a panic attack#but ended up going to a mellow little potluck with a few artist friends#then hung out and listened to music and spent the night drawing together#and talking about life and it was really really nice#I think we’re also going to another Halloween carnival?? depends on one of my friends but it’s okay I’m just glad tonight got better 😭#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#still decompressing a bit it was such a bad panic attack honestly like#also slowed my queue so I can catch up on adding stuff but#I rlly just wanna sleep rn so gn 💛
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
youtube
#diana's music diary#good evening I slept all day n.n#had a very very good night last night... been feeling so happy#last night and the whole day really... so comfy and cozy...#just a very nice night with some really chill people 😊#my sleep is messed up a bit but really it was already bad so it's whatever honestly can't make it any worse ehehe...#I do plan on trying to fix it a bit tonight.. I never got much sleep so I can try and sleep earlier!!#once again not much is planned today but I did want to make sure Ophelia is ready for lancer tomorrow.. that will be fun...#excited to see the consequences of Ophelia's fuck up :3#let's try to make today good however we can#also I've been on a cats milly streak again and ohh this song has been hitting me so hard this time round...
1 note
·
View note
Text
This has been one of the worst days this week I better do everything perfect at dress rehearsal tonight or im gonna cry
#rehks rants#woke up#got triggered (honestly probably because I've been watching like only hannibal all week)#still went to class while feeling bad and insane#fell asleep in calc#went to my lab despite really not wanting to and got called stupid by my ta for literally nothing I was using logic#just not the exact answer he wanted#and then I watched ofmd and it wasn't perfect but god I'm so tired I should've taken a nap#and I'm still watching hannibal#and I have to go to practice in an hour and a half#and I better fucking so perfect tonight if the kinda mean director gets kinda mean with me I might finally cry
1 note
·
View note
Text
The human mind is a beautiful and complex thing
i wish i could see this picture for the first time again
#I am screaming#holy shit dude#That's so bad#I am absolutely sent my guy#Exuse me Xir?#This is truly amazing#Roach man#Roach guy#WHY IS HER NAME OGATHA#The gull#I'm trying to think how I'd deal with it#And honestly?#Dead wife is the only way to go#I was married for a year or so to Ogatha and unfortunately she's not with us and I don't really like to talk about it#That's literally the only out I could see but he's in a on fire building#This is like the weird thing guys do idealizing a spesific woman or type and then dialing it up to Roach mode#Absolutely wild#I almost want to blaze this#holy moly#Sis this wild#The presses are not hot enough#This shit steemy my aquarius#I forgot the orginal post because this got so derailed#They reduced her volume like exposing them to unsurvivable depths#They took her color and forced it into freckles heavy enough to weigh down air balloons#They gave her cataracts#They even made her Christian#The wrongs here cannot be forgiven#But that's not what tonight's about#Tonight is about Ogatha
149K notes
·
View notes
Text
Haven't watched wildlife finale but I'm really going through it r n. I said I wasn't gonna post anything wlsmp related but y'alls keep yapping abt it in the Pearl tag.
I'm really going through it this week.
So many personal shit is going on (both of my last surviving grandparents, one from mom and the other from dad's side are hospitalized). I also have to deal with finals and other missing requirements this week while my body is still recovering from fatigue.
I was extremely hesitant over whether or not I should watch the finale but most from what I've seen in the tags seem alright. Yeah, sure, all or most of Pearl's allies are dead. But it's not about seeing your allies dead but on whether or not you had closure before death.
Even if it's a little bit. Even if Gem and Pearl became allies for an extremely short while before Gem died. Idk, again I'm really going through it r n.
#I know most people enjoyed shinyduo divorce this season but now's a bad time for me#It was frustrating to watch#I could not take any of it seriously I couldn't take Gem or her lore seriously#I do not care about her beef over the 1v2#maybe on a different time but I can't handle that stuff r n#but I'm glad they were sorta allies in the end. Sorta.#I'm gonna be watching Pearl's episode later tonight while I have dinner#this might still be my least favorite season but at least I got to see Pearl reconcile with Scott#bread.txt#I had a week it is monday#I don't really care abt who won honestly and unless it was lizzie#but good for joel#c!gem neg#wlsmp neg#neg#gonna post more abt pearl later#my comfort cc is pearl and I some how find comfort in her oc from the life series of all places#I think it's the projection of healing and the catharsis of her character#makes sense why slsmp is my favorite season#mounders for life#me I'm the mounder
0 notes
Text
.
#these cravings are killing me right now#ive been off alcohol for so long now#but tonight of all nights i can just taste the drop#i want it to bad#but i can't#i must stay strong#i cannot waiver#i do not want to release again#the last time i did it took me months and months and months to finally stop drinking#i dont want to stop my progress and stumble again#but this urge is killing me so bad right now#yesterday really did trigger something inside of me to want to open up a bottle and take a shot of whiskey#so much of me has been craving a single drop a sip but i just can't i have to be strong have to have to have to#i try to tell myself this but I can't keep it out of my mind#i would be playing video games but i got off cause my friend was being hella rude so i didn't want to take the disrespect and just got off#now im just laying in bed staring at this screen typing away like its a friend i can vent to#but i don't have any friends im capable of venting too its always them venting to me and asking me questions for my perspective of things#honestly have been pushing them away for the most part cause of the way they've been acting.#like even when im asked if I'm okay its ina trolling demeanor its not even a serious are you okay its literally just them trolling me#idk but i need better friends#i just wonder where i will be in the next 10 years... no where good if i continue this way thats a fact#personal#about me
1 note
·
View note
Text
i can’t believe i managed to get fucking mono and didn’t even get it by doing anything fun
#mono glandular fever whatever the people who will see the joke will call it mono and it’s less clinical sounding#I need to shout about a lot of stuff now and if you do not know a bunch about what’s been happening already this will not make any sense#I’m just fucking. so [static] about how this term has gone bc this isn’t how it was meant to go#this year was meant to be good! it was going well enough already! I was genuinely happy and would’ve recovered from the bumps!#and it’s my last year in this fucking place and a good chunk of that time is just Gone now. eaten by this bullshit#I had so many plans! and I was actually doing them! and that’s collapsed now!#just on the kind of basic level there I was gonna do dnd and while we might get a few sessions Nobody least of all me#will have time to do much. and I was gonna try to do Some Kind Of Exercise I don’t know why the phrase work out sounds bad but that and like#didn’t happen! and now I have mono :) and I can’t even do ice hockey anymore#worst part abt that is that I didn’t and wouldn’t have noticed that I’ve been so much more tired than normal for the past month if it werent#for the fucking throat swelling#but like! I’m going home in two weeks bc I can’t stand being here any more than I absolutely have to now and I hate that! I want to be here!#I want to get back to my fucking life but that just Isn’t Happening now because of all this bullshit#and everything bar the mono has been stupid and preventable but I’m also pretty sure I Got the mono bc I was so stressed + run down already#I need things to be normal again when I come back in January but I don’t know how much it will ever be normal again in this flat#and on top of that I am So Behind on work. I can’t tell how much I should have done but I’m barely working. I’ve probably done no more than#like 10-15 hours a week? for the past three weeks and that’s honestly optimistic because it’s so hard to even get out of fucking bed#I wanna see my fucking friends but I haven’t been and the last time I saw someone was turning down a guy who surprise: Still Into Me#I was gonna do shit this weekend but then storm and being plagued so not wanting to go out in the storm#and this weekend was nice I had some time to myself which I haven’t had in ages but. I think I just miss everything really bad#I need to cook and it’s getting late and before I can cook I need to do a bunch of cleaning I’ve been putting off and I can’t Not do either#tonight I need to do both bc I don’t have food left and I literally can’t cook until I clean so I should go do that now#I’m terrified I’m losing something I can’t get back and will be later making decisions based on short term bullshit that fucked it all up#I’m gonna go clean while I still have something left in me#luke.txt
0 notes
Text
Went to take my exam bc the syllabus says it'd be available at 9 am today. No sign of the exam tho. Under the quizzes tab it's listed as being available on July 31st at 9 am... in 2023 though.
😐
So I went and emailed the professor. I still wanna take the exam today bc it's the best day for it, but it's a little late so he might not see it in time for that. Wweh.
#speculation nation#WHY IS HE SO BAD AT ORGANIZATION LIKE THIS... ARENT YOU A LOGICIAN??!?!#it's been driving me insane honestly and this rly takes the cake#i took a nap and everything in preparation for this. ate 6 eggs today. got my redbull and my watermelon.#but i CANT TAKE IT YET...?? this sucks.#guess i'll work on studying a bit but i really dont need to. it's a level 100 course and it's online#which means i can just reference my notebook fine. it's got everything i could need to know for it.#multiple choice too!!!#really i just need to go back and read the 2 sections i skipped bc they werent relevant to my homework#which i'll do that tonight i guess. but Ugh. ughhhhhh UGHHHHH i wanted to take the exam TODAY#i can take it tomorrow too but i wanted to do gencon prep then#absolutely cant take it after tomorrow. that's gencon and i will be pulling some Long days with that.#im just gonna keep being irritated by this. why doesnt he follow the fuckin syllabus? ugh ugh ugh ugh#IT'S LITERALLY MEANT TO BE A GUIDEBOOK... THE FOUNDATION OF THE CLASS... AND YOU DONT FOLLOW IT...????#hate this damn logic course so much. if it werent required for me to take....................#oh well im nearly at the finish line. just gotta do the exam and i'll be done with it.#.....sure would be nice if i could do the exam already though. :/
0 notes
Text
.
#this is gonna be pretty serious but I need to get it out bc I keep thinking about it and can't sleep#I could just write a note or something but idk I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna bother my friends at this hour either#so here goes.#my grandma passed away yesterday. it wasn't a surprise since she'd been slowly getting worse and worse#honestly I'm relieved she doesn't have to be in pain anymore#I wouldn't even be feeling so horrible about it all if it wasn't for the fact that she died of covid#and in horrible pain#so I'm just so fucking enraged about it all#she was in a nursing unit. but nurses weren't masking even though the place was meant for old people with poor health#ALL OF THIS could've been avoided if the nurses wore masks at work. or at least this happening would've been so much less likely#at first I was just sad. a little mad that it was covid but at least she could finally pass on#but then my mom called me today. she'd visited the day before and she told me how much pain my grandma had been in#like she hadn't even been able to talk anymore. she'd been convulsing in pain and whimpering. she'd barely even understood my mom was there#and she managed to reply to her telling she was there. maybe. my mom wasn't sure if she'd heard right#and I just can't get it out of my mind. the way she died#her hearing and eyesight were really bad by this point and I don't know if her mind was really all that present either.#she had her good and bad days on that front#so she was just in horrible pain. not being able to see or hear much at all. maybe not even fully understanding where she was#for hours in the middle of the night with no way to get better. no nurses to really help her#until she finally died#like hell she wasn't even able to open her eyes when my mom visited!! that's how much she was hurting!!#and I know she didn't have long left. I know she would've died soon anyway. from something else#but the fact that it was so painful and EASILY PREVENTABLE just makes me so fucking mad#she could've died so much more peacefully if the staff there just wore a goddamn mask#I'm just so unimaginably angry right now#I got shit to do tomorrow but idk if I'll be able to sleeo tonight with all this stuff in my head. I hope writing this helped#anyway sorry to be vulnerable on main I guess. gn#vent
1 note
·
View note
Text
Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh 😰#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#‘there is nothing little about your things’#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
1 note
·
View note