#it has been a disconcerting amount of people.

[odinsblog]

You know, it occurred to me the other day that I've been the editor-in-chief of The Verge for over 10 years now, and a tech journalist for about 15.

And until just recently, it felt pretty safe to assume that there was a 0% chance the United States government would punish me for doing my job. There's a whole First Amendment, after all. We don't usually tolerate government interference with speech, and we have a high bar for how public figures like politicians and celebrities can use defamation law to shut down reporting that they don't like.

So it's been fairly disconcerting in these first few weeks of the second Trump administration to realize that there's suddenly a non-zero chance the government will punish our work. That all that talk about the media being the enemy of the people is turning into concrete legal action against publishers, broadcasters, and platforms that don't do what the Trump White House wants. There are new examples, big and small, popping up basically every day.

Just this week, the Associated Press was barred from a White House event because the AP Style Guide says reporters should still call it the Gulf of Mexico and not the Gulf of America like Trump wants. It sounds silly, but as AP Executive Editor Julie Pace says, it plainly violates the First Amendment. It's a clear example of the government punishing a company for speech it doesn't like.

And there are bigger, deeper attacks on free speech coming from Brendan Carr, the new Trump-appointed chair of the Federal Communications Commission. The FCC is pretty much the only government agency with some authority to directly regulate speech in America because it controls the spectrum that's used to broadcast radio and television. And Carr has started to use that authority to punish broadcasters for speech Trump doesn't like and even internal business practices that don't align with the administration.

He's opened investigations into ABC, CBS, and NBC in a way that no previous FCC would have ever done, and he's even launched an investigation into NBC parent company Comcast over DEI policies. By the way, this is where I should mention our standard disclosure that Comcast and NBCUniversal are investors in our parent company Vox Media, but it doesn't really matter in this context since Carr is hell-bent on punishing every media company unless they fall in line. I've talked to virtually everyone who's been FCC chair going back to the Bush administration, and Carr's interpretation of what the FCC is for and what authority it has over speech is about as autocratic as it gets.

Brendan Carr wants to be America's chief censor, and so far he is getting his way. This is really serious stuff, and it could have far-reaching consequences for how journalists try to report on the Trump administration, primarily by creating a real and sustained culture of fear, one that's already ripping through the corporate parent companies of major news organizations. They've begun rolling over and settling various lawsuits instead of fighting for our First Amendment rights.

There's a lot of pressure on that from a lot of different directions right now, but the thing that is most striking to me is that after many years of bipartisan universal consensus that the First Amendment is pretty sacrosanct and should be expanded, the Trump administration in particular is putting an enormous amount of pressure on speech. They're doing it while saying they are supporting free speech, but if you look at their moves, there's actually a lot of pressure on who gets to say what and when. And it seems like that is under remarked upon in this whole blitz of Trump executive orders, but it's very real.

Like they say one thing and they mean exactly the opposite. So when Donald Trump appoints Brendan Carr to be chair of the FCC, he calls him a warrior for free speech, I believe. And we see lots of this cult around Elon Musk as well, right?

Free speech, free speech. What they've done is they basically completely subverted it and reversed it, and they say, okay, here's what free speech means to us. It means not just any private individual or private company can say literally anything they want no matter how hateful, no matter how harmful.

And we, other private citizens, companies, we have to not only listen to that but amplify it, right? It's this notion that if I get kicked off of social media, that's my free speech being violated, even for public figures.

That idea of amplification is a big one. Private individuals and private companies are supposed to be able to say whatever they want in America without government interference. And part of that is also the freedom to not say what they don't want to.

The government can't compel someone into speech they don't agree with. And for the same reasons, the government can't force a private entity, like a social media platform, to host lies or speech the platform thinks is offensive. But the Trump administration isn't happy unless you're not only permitting but also amplifying their messages.

Twitter is not what it once was, as we all know, but I used to have to say when Trump was doing this in his first administration, the First Amendment exists to protect Twitter from Trump, not to protect Trump from Twitter, right? So the First Amendment and free speech should mean and does mean, if we're in any kind of reality, that the government can't interfere with speech. And yet, that's what these people are doing right now, is in the name of free speech, because what they're really trying to do is amplify their own voices and viewpoints.

They're doing stuff that would have been unimaginable just a few short years ago. Threatening reporters with jail time, threatening CEOs with jail time, threatening to pull broadcast licenses when they don't like how coverage goes.

Carr’s emerging agenda and its dangerous effects | Tech Policy Press

Trump’s MAGA enforcer is having ‘the time of his life’ | The Daily Beast

FCC to investigate Comcast for having DEI programs | The Verge

Trump amends CBS ’60 Minutes’ lawsuit & demands $20 billion | LA Times

No Apology Over Trump Lawsuit, ‘60 Minutes’ Top Producer Says | New York Times

The FCC is investigating NPR and PBS | The Verge

ABC News to pay $15 million to settle Trump defamation suit | Wall Street Journal

Top Trump donor wants SCOTUS to reverse press protection | The New Republic

Brendan Carr himself, a short three years ago, was saying things like newsroom decisions should be beyond the purview of any kind of government investigation or interference.

And now, what do you know? Now that his president has power again, he's doing exactly the opposite and threatening everybody he can find on all sorts of fronts and basically threatening them for the viewpoints and the content that they've included in their broadcasts.

So let's talk about Brendan Carr, who in many ways is the face of this administration's campaign against the First Amendment. Being the chairman of the FCC gives Carr power over speech, although not nearly as much as he wants. He's posted on X that he's having enormous fun threatening media companies over their speech, which is really not something you want unelected government bureaucrats doing in a functional democracy.

Since last year, Carr has put targets on ABC, CBS, and NBC over election-related coverage that Trump didn't like, and the letters he sent those broadcasters are basically extortionate, saying that these companies could lose broadcast licenses for their network affiliates if they don't fall in line. He also sent threatening letters to social media platforms last year about their fact-checking programs, even though the FCC doesn't have any power to regulate speech on the Internet. This is a straightforward power grab and a big one.

Brendan Carr wants to be the government speech police, and right now it feels like a lot of big companies are going to let him. So let's talk about Brendan and how he turned into such a free speech nightmare.

—The FCC is a now a weapon in Trump’s war on free speech

[cece693]

hello! i absolutely adore your writing for hannibal!! i was wondering if i could request yan! hannibal x reader who is aware of hannibals facade he puts on for others but not of his true nature. perhaps reader feels insecure in their relationship as they have a hard time telling whethe or not the facade his kept up between them as well? reader does not understand how deep hannibals devotion truly goes... perhaps with smut if youre up for it!! thank you so much, apologies if this was a bit of a loaded one!

Are We Real?

pairing: hannibal lecter x gender neutral reader tags: themes of sex/smut but nothing too graphic, hannibal's half truths and lies, reader is blind to hannibal's hobbies, they do love each other, hannibal isn't ready yet to reveal his whole self, will prolong this because he kinda wants the reader to stay away from his darkness

You know the exact moment Hannibal’s eyes settle on you from across the room. There is a certain gravity to his gaze that no amount of polite banter or refined charm can hide. You sense it even when he’s smiling benignly at a colleague or glancing at a passing waiter. Your relationship with him has been a series of carefully choreographed dance steps—fluid, hypnotic, and still somehow laced with an undercurrent you can’t quite name.

What you do know is that Hannibal Lecter puts on a facade for others. He presents himself as a well-mannered gentleman, the perfect host and brilliant psychiatrist. There’s an elegance in his every step, a graceful precision that makes you wonder if his entire being is a meticulous composition. You’ve seen him entertain guests in his lavish home, that impeccable façade never faltering. You admire it, even when it disconcerts you.

And yet, you sense something more behind his polished exterior—like smoke curling beneath a locked door. You’ve been close enough to feel the heat but have never glimpsed the flames that feed it. It leaves you in doubt. You’re not naïve; you realize he is a man with secrets. Still, you don’t understand how profoundly they run. You only know that the devotion he shows you—beautiful, patient, and intense—feels real, even if your insecurities whisper otherwise.

Tonight, the firelight in Hannibal’s study paints warm hues against the walls. You sip a drink from an ornate crystal glass as Hannibal’s fingers trace a light path along the nape of your neck. There is no one else in the house; the last guest left hours ago, no doubt charmed by the evening’s tasteful conversation and exquisite meal. You can still feel the buzz from the wine, or perhaps it’s from the press of Hannibal’s body close to yours.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks, voice carrying its usual gentle confidence.

You tilt your head, leaning slightly back so you can see his face. His eyes skim over you carefully, always reading and analyzing, though you know he’d never say it so plainly. “You,” you admit softly. “I can’t always tell when you’re being genuine. You have this…way about you.”

His expression doesn’t flicker; Hannibal’s composure is as still as a sculpture. “In what way?”

You hesitate. “I know how you are with other people. It’s like you put on a mask. I just—” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Sometimes I’m afraid that mask is there when we’re together, too.”

He moves behind you with such grace you barely sense the shift. His hand drifts from your shoulder to the small of your back, fingertips ghosting along your shirt’s fabric. You exhale shakily, aware of his presence more than ever. Hannibal’s voice resonates in your ear, low and sure. “I would never insult you by offering anything but my truth. Perhaps my truth is simply more guarded than most.”

He turns you by the shoulders to face him. The proximity makes your breath catch. “I do wear masks,” he confesses, “but only so that I can navigate a world that might not appreciate the depths of my true self.”

It’s a strange, cryptic admission. Part of you wants to probe further, to question him about what he truly means. Another part is appeased by the sincerity in his gaze, the gentleness of his voice, the way his hands settle on your hips.

Before you can formulate a response, Hannibal’s mouth brushes over yours. The kiss begins soft—testing, almost cautious. It’s as though he wants to ensure you accept him, which you do without hesitation. Your arms slide around his waist, drawing him in closer, wanting that reassurance that he is here, truly with you in this moment. He tastes of fine wine and the lingering spices from dinner. Each movement of his lips is smooth, meticulous, yet surging with an undercurrent of passion. Hannibal is skillful at everything, and kissing is no exception. Your head reels, heart pounding in your chest. For this small window of time, you are the only person in his universe.

Your insecurities fade ever so slightly, replaced by a warmth that starts in your chest and flows through your veins. His lips move along your jaw, pressing small, heated kisses down to your neck. His hands slide beneath your shirt, palms ghosting across your skin in a way that sends shivers rippling through you.

He whispers your name, soft and reverent, against your throat. You lean into the sound as though it might slip away if you don’t hold on tight. “Come with me,” he murmurs. It’s not a request; it’s a promise. He takes your hand and leads you down the darkened hallway to his bedroom, a space usually locked from the prying eyes of visitors. The door closes behind you with a quiet click, and the rest of the world disappears.

Your breaths mingle in the dim light as Hannibal slips out of his jacket, hanging it neatly. Everything he does is methodical, a routine so practiced it’s almost ritualistic. You begin to unbutton your shirt, but his fingers stop you. He looks at you, and for a fleeting second, the mask he wears for everyone else seems to vanish entirely.

“We can shed more than our clothes tonight,” he says, voice laced with meaning. “If you’d allow me.”

You swallow, unsure whether that statement should comfort or unnerve you—but something inside you wants more. You nod, letting him take the lead. His hands are gentle but firm as he undoes each button of your shirt. You watch his face; for the first time, you catch the glimmer of something undeniably fervent in his eyes. It’s an unsettling intensity, yet you feel no fear—only fascination, arousal, and a sense of being deeply wanted.

He slides your shirt off and leans in to kiss you again. Slowly, languidly, Hannibal makes sure every inch of you is kissed, touched, worshipped. His mouth travels down your chest, pressing reverent kisses along your skin. You’re guided onto the bed in a graceful dance: Hannibal’s arms cradle you, preventing any graceless stumble.

Beneath him, you can’t help but arch your body upward, craving any ounce of contact he’ll spare. When his hand slips beneath your waistband, the sharp inhale you take betrays your excitement. His fingers brush the sensitive skin there, and you gasp at the electric spark.

He is thorough—everything with Hannibal is thorough, from the care he takes with each article of clothing to the methodical way he traces over your skin. In his eyes, you see desire, yes, but also something that looks alarmingly like possession. A part of you wonders if you should be afraid of that fierce devotion. Another part finds it dizzyingly irresistible.

Hannibal kisses you deeply, swallowing your soft moans, his own breathing labored and intense. The space between your bodies narrows with every shift of his hips, until there is nothing but heat and friction. You cling to him, nails lightly digging into his back as he angles himself in a way that sends delicious sparks coursing through your core. There is no doubt about his passion—his unspoken devotion. With each thrust of his body, each exhalation of your name, he offers wordless proof that, here in this moment, you and he are the only reality.

When release finally comes, it washes over you in a shuddering wave, your lips parted in a silent cry against his shoulder. You feel his grip on you tighten, as if he’d fuse your bodies together if he could. His own climax follows, and for a few long, breathtaking moments, you can feel the steady hammer of his heart racing as wildly as yours.

The room is dark and quiet. Your breaths gradually even out, and your limbs feel pleasantly heavy under the silky sheets. Hannibal presses a tender kiss to your forehead before sliding away just enough to meet your gaze. There’s a charged silence, broken only by the faint hum of the city outside. You turn on your side to face him. Your mind stirs with questions—about him, about the future, about the masks he wears for the rest of the world.

Hannibal studies your features, a peculiar softness in his expression. “You have always seen more than most,” he says finally, voice barely above a whisper. “Yet you do not run. For that, I am grateful.”

You open your mouth to speak, but he raises a hand to gently cup your cheek.

“I will not ask for your blind trust. That would be unfair.” He sighs, a small, almost weary sound. “My nature is complex. But you must believe me when I say my feelings for you are entirely real. I would sooner do harm to myself than allow harm to come to you.”

His intensity stirs something deep within you. Part of you is still in the dark about what lies at the core of Hannibal’s being. But you see nothing but sincerity in his eyes. You remember the evenings spent in quiet companionship, the affectionate gestures he bestows with careful intention, and the unwavering attention he grants you in crowded rooms. You nestle closer to him, pressing your body against the warmth of his. You choose to believe in his words—for tonight, at least. You will let yourself feel assured that his devotion is genuine, even if it’s wrapped in the many layers of a man who is far from ordinary.

As Hannibal slides an arm around your waist and pulls you closer, you rest your head against his chest. The steady beat of his heart lulls you into a sense of peace. With each breath, you begin to let go of the nagging doubts. In the end, you decide, whatever mask Hannibal wears for others, the version of him in your arms feels achingly real. And for now that is enough.

[artdecosupernova-writing]

kinda fucks with your head when people you went to school with keep dying

[chemicalarospec]

My experience with Hannibal so far:

Jeff the killer: kills people. Mutilates and eats them too.

Me: Yeah that's alright with me (skipping the eye gore tho)

Jeff the evil liar: evilly lies to someone about the cause of their psychosis

Me: I Am Not Okay With This

[merrybloomwrites]

Safe and Sound

Summary: Being an online personality on a well known Youtube channel comes with it's fair amount of attention. But when one fan starts to get too close for comfort, Spencer is there to keep you safe.

Word Count: 2.6K

CW: stalker, getting drugged

AN: Another story for Whumptober! This has been in my mind for awhile so I'm happy to share this protective Spencer story with you all! It's a bit of a heavier story again so please make sure to note the content warning and please don't read if those topics make you uncomfortable or trigger you in any way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You always knew that there are people on the internet that are creeps. Or are just plain weird. Getting a job as a cast member as Smosh only confirmed that fact. 

It doesn’t happen every time you're in a video, but you’ll occasionally see some odd comments about you. People who hate you, people who love you a bit too much, people who notice the tiniest, most random things about you. It’s a bit off-putting, but not enough to really concern you. They’re just randos on the internet you will never interact with in real life. 

But then you start to get this weird feeling whenever you leave your apartment. You figure you’re just being paranoid, but still, it’s uncomfortable. Almost as though you’re being watched. 

It’s disconcerting, but temporary, and by the time you arrive at work, or the grocery store, or the local bar to hang with friends, you’ve forgotten all about it. 

And then the letters start. Letters sent to your apartment with no return address. They’re typed, even your address isn’t handwritten but rather stamped on. 

As though the anonymity wasn’t bad enough, the content of the letters had your anxiety spiking. The person was clearly unwell, and obsessed with you. Sentences like, “I need to have you,” and “you will be mine” are all too common in their writing. 

You bring the letters to the police and explain what your job is to give context of how this stalker probably found you. They say they’ll look into it, but there’s not much they can do. 

Disheartened, you try to protect yourself as much as you can. You get extra locks for your doors and windows, as well as install cameras to catch anyone who may get close to your home. It’s not much, but at least you can feel a bit safer when you’re at your apartment.

You tell Ian and Anthony as well as a couple other higher ups at Smosh to make them aware of the situation. They ask if you want to take a step back from appearing in videos for the time being, but you want to continue on like usual. Whoever this person is, you refuse to let them force you to change things about your life. 

The letters continue, roughly one a week for a few months. You bring all of them to the police, trying to help get to the bottom of this, but you have nothing else to go on. 

Then one day as you leave for work, you have that feeling of being watched once again. You scan the area and notice a person sitting on a bench in the park across the street. Which wouldn’t be weird, except this man seems to be looking directly at you. It could be a coincidence, but something has you feeling like it may be something more sinister. You take out your phone and try to discreetly take a video of this person. 

You debate over sending the video to the police officer you’ve been in contact with, but since the person isn’t doing anything obviously nefarious, it would probably be a waste of everyone’s time. You do show it to Ian when you get to the office. You’re not sure why you share it, maybe you want him to validate you that it’s weird, or maybe you want him to tell you it’s totally normal and everything is fine. 

What you don’t realize is that it isn’t just you and Ian in the kitchen, but that Spencer has overheard the conversation as well. 

“Wait, what’s going on?” he says, walking over to you, a confused look on his face.

“I, uhm, well I kind of seem to have a stalker,” you state.

“Oh my god. Are you okay? Are you safe?” he asks worriedly.

 “Yea. I mean, I think so. Mostly it’s just letters getting mailed to my house. But I’ve been having this weird feeling like I’m being watched. And there was this guy looking at me from the park this morning, but I think that’s just a coincidence.”

“Y/N, that’s-” he stands there at a loss for words. “That sounds dangerous, like bad news waiting to happen.”

“I’ve gone to the police,” you explain. “They have all the information I have. But there’s nothing they can do, at least not yet.”

“You mean not until something bad happens. I hate that.” 

“I’ve done everything I can to protect my home so I feel safe there. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t stay.”

“I’m glad to hear that. But if you ever don’t feel safe, you can come stay with me,” Spencer says.

“Or me,” Ian adds. 

“Thanks guys. I promise that if it gets worse then I’ll take one of you up on that offer.” 

It’s nice to know that they have your back, that you have places you can go if anything were to happen. Because while you try to stay positive, you can’t lie. You’re scared. You’re scared that whoever this person is will do something more serious. And as terrifying as that is, you’re less anxious knowing you have people you can turn to. 

More weeks pass, and the letters continue. You see the same man twice more at the park, taking videos each time. After the third, you do send all of them to the police, since there now seems to be a pattern. The officer you speak with assures you that they’re looking into it, trying to identify the man. She also asks you to call them if he shows up again.

The following Friday a group of your friends decide to hang at a local bar to celebrate the end of a long filming week. You have a drink, dance with some friends, and for a moment, you forget about your problems.

But the feeling of being watched comes back. This time it’s worse than ever, your skin prickling with anxiety. Scanning the room, you notice a man whose eyes are locked on you. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t place where you might know him from.

Brushing it off, you go up to the bar to order another drink. It’s a busy night, and the bar is crowded so it takes a few minutes for you to get served. You scan the room, trying to find that guy again but you’ve lost him amongst the sea of people. 

When you look back at the bar your cocktail is waiting for you so you place down your cash, grab your drink, and head back to your friends. You dance with them again, taking sips of your drink and just letting loose.

After a little while you start to feel a bit dizzy and figure that the cocktail must be pretty strong. You slow down, drinking less and trying to take deep breaths to combat the lightheadedness. It doesn’t seem to be helping, and you start to feel a bit nauseous, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom. 

You walk to the hallway on unsteady legs, and miraculously are able to use the restroom. You slowly wash your hands, concentrating deeply on the task. 

On your way back to your friends you get confused, taking a wrong turn and going down the wrong hallway. It’s dark back here, and if you were more coherent you’d realize that customers aren’t supposed to be here, and the only door leads to a storage room. 

Turning around you find that you’re suddenly not alone. A tall man is there smiling at you. It’s not someone you recognize but you have a vague sense that you should know him. He steps closer and you start to feel anxious, not liking the situation you’ve found yourself in. 

“Excuse me,” you try to say, but your mouth feels almost numb, and you’re not sure the words actually came out. 

“I’m glad I found you Y/N,” he says. You stare at him, trying to figure out how you know him. “It’s time to get going, sweetheart.”

He starts to lead you away and you follow, unable to come up with a reason to stay. The music gets louder, lights are flashing in your eyes, and you’re becoming more and more disoriented. 

The next thing you know, a group of your friends are frantically speaking to you, the man nowhere to be found. You desperately try to focus on any one thing, but it’s chaos all around you. Hands cup your face and you flinch before meeting the eyes of the person who placed them there so gently. 

“Spencer?” you ask, needing confirmation that your muddled mind has at least one thing correct.

“Yea, it’s Spencer,” he replies as he moves his hands off of you, relieved that he now has your attention. “Can you tell me what happened?”

You shake your head no.

“Do you know who that man is?” Spencer asks.

Again you just shake your head.

You sway on your feet and Spencer quickly steps in and helps you sit on the floor. You lean your head back against the wall, but you find that makes the dizziness worse, so you rest it on your knees instead. You’re turned to look at Spencer, needing to focus on something safe right now. 

There’s more commotion, and you watch as Spencer speaks with a couple of people in uniform. He places a calming hand on your back and tries asking you more questions, but everything is too murky for you to understand.

You’re so drowsy, and you stop fighting your heavy eyelids, letting them close as the world around you finally goes quiet.

You’re not out for long, waking up a short while later in the ambulance. Spencer is still there, now holding onto your hand. 

At the hospital a lovely doctor checks you over to make sure you’re not injured. She takes blood and gives you some IV hydration. By the time you’re discharged, the world has stopped spinning and you’re able to understand and answer the questions you’re being asked. 

Two of the police officers come to the hospital to speak with you now that you’re more coherent, and you tell them about the man. One of the officers is the woman you’d been in contact with regarding the letters and the stranger at the park and she pulls up the pictures you had taken as well as a still from the security footage from the bar.

Your blood runs cold as you realize that it is absolutely the same person. Just a moment ago you were reeling from the fact that you had been roofied. And now you find out that it wasn’t just some random guy that did it, but instead one who has been stalking you for months. You weren’t drugged on some whim. This had to have been planned, thought out for who knows how long. 

You keep it together until the police officers leave and then you turn to Spencer, eyes wide and filling with tears.

After taking a deep breath you say, “Thank you so much for finding me. I can’t imagine what he would have done if you hadn’t come looking for me.”

“I would never have been able to forgive myself if anything happened to you,” is his reply. 

You can’t think of anything to say in reply, so you choose to lean into his side instead. He wraps an arm around you, and it might be your imagination, but you think you feel him press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“C’mon. The guys dropped my car off, let’s get you home,” Spencer says. 

“No!” You quickly shout. “He knows where I live. He’ll find me there.”

“Y/N, they have him down at the police station. But I actually didn’t mean your home. I meant mine, if you’re alright with that.”

“Oh. Yes, please, I’m good with that.”

Spencer keeps his arm around your waist as he leads you out of the hospital and to his car in the nearby lot. He opens the passenger door and pulls out a sweatshirt. He helps you pull it over your head before you sit in the seat. You struggle a moment with the seatbelt, and he leans in to click it for you. It’s embarrassing, him having to do all of this because you’re still so shaky, but he doesn’t see it that way. 

He talks the whole way to his place, and you’re grateful for the random stories that fill the silence. It keeps your mind from slipping into the dark fearful thoughts that keep trying to pop up.

Once at his apartment he asks if you want to take a shower or get some sleep. 

“Shower first, if that’s okay?” you answer.

“Of course it’s okay. Whatever you need,” he replies. “I’ll get some breakfast ready as well. Anything particular you want?”

Your stomach is still unsettled so you ask if it’s possible to just have toast.

“I think I can handle toast,” he says with a smile, causing you to giggle. “I’ll make you a smoothie too, how does that sound?”

“Perfect.” 

Spencer leads you to the bathroom where he starts the shower and shows you how to change the temperature of the water. He steps out for a moment and comes back with a stack of clean clothes for you to wear.

“I’ll be right down the hall if you need anything,” he says before he leaves the room.

You shower as quickly as you can, wanting to get back to Spencer. Being alone is the last thing you want right now, but you also need to wash last night off of you so you can feel clean.

It feels amazing to slip into Spencer’s cozy sweats, his old, worn t-shirt, and soft hoodie. 

He’s in the kitchen and you watch as he butters toast and pours the smoothie into two cups. Breakfast is quiet as you focus on eating slowly so as to not upset your stomach. You finish as much as you can before the exhaustion really sets in. 

“C’mon, you need to sleep,” he says. The polite part of you wants to help clear the dishes as a thank you, but he’s right. You can barely stay upright on the way to his room. He closes the blinds and tucks you in, and you fall asleep almost immediately. 

You’re not sure how long you sleep before a nightmare has you jolting awake, screaming. 

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asks as he runs into the room. 

He sits on the bed beside you and you try to explain the dream you’d just had in which Spencer hadn’t saved the day and you’d ended up with that man. But as you go to speak nothing comes out except a shattered sob. 

Without hesitation he pulls you to him and holds you close. He gently rocks you as he tells you, “You’re safe, you got away, he can’t get you,” over and over until the message sinks in. 

You don’t say anything, but slowly your tears fade away and your eyes start to feel heavy once again. You want to lay back down and rest some more, but you don’t want Spencer to leave again.

“Stay. Please.” 

It’s all you get out before you fall back to sleep. 

You wake up hours later with Spencer still holding you, and for the first time in months, you know that you’re safe, and that everything is going to be okay.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thank you for reading! I only have one or two more Spencer story ideas so lmk if you have any requests!

[ddarker-dreams]

mini love report — gojo satoru

relationship health diagnosis — 70%*

symptom one — permanent honeymoon phase

he's obsessed with you an (ab)normal amount and makes it everyone else's problem. satoru loves seeing how many compliments he can get in before you're swatting him away from embarrassment. he'll capture your wrist, smother your pulse in kisses, then continue his praise. it's not always suave either. he alternates between having decent game and coming off as cringe. you have no idea how he says half the things he does.

satoru gushes about you to everyone. poor ijichi, mortified higher-ups, the elderly lady sitting next to him on the train; no one is safe. his chest swells with pride every time he remembers that he managed to pull you. it doesn't matter if you're teenagers sharing your awkward first kiss or if you've been married for decades, he'll be singing your praises until the end of time.

symptom two — weirdly possessive

satoru isn't possessive in the traditional sense. when others encroach on you, what troubles him runs deeper than simple jealousy. his smile becomes strained and he physically inserts himself between you and the offending party. you're then whisked away, regardless of how rude the abrupt departure comes off. this isn't limited to instances where you're being flirted with outright.

it's actually amplified when the other person holds some unique position in your life that's exclusive to them. satoru prides himself on the fact no one knows you better than he does. so it's disconcerting when another person has access to information and memories entirely detached from him. he's overwhelmed with the urge to prove you belong to each other — no one can come close to the bond you share. this acrimony lingers even after the interaction ends.

gojo satoru is a greedy man. he might not be the type to insist you cover up if your outfit is revealing, but he does experience this antipathy toward people who fulfill a niche he can't.

symptom three — obnoxious

you deserve a reward for putting up with him honestly. he wasn't wrong when he described himself as having a terrible personality. while it's rarely malicious, he isn't the most considerate person when it comes to others. he'll speak what's on his mind without a second thought. zero filter. if you're around, he's a stunning 10% nicer so you'll chew him out less. the number could be higher but he finds that disciplinary side of you hot. this is a direct admission from him.

he likes your attention and will pursue it relentlessly. as he grows up, he slightly improves this habit. or, to be more specific, he hides it better. he feels he's way more interesting than whatever book or video game you're playing. shooing him off so you can get stuff done is a commonplace occurrence. on the upside, when trudging through chores, he helps with the passion of a thousand suns if it means having you all to himself sooner.

primary area of concern

satoru's seemingly infinite (heh) supply of pep often doubles as a shield to deflect uncomfortable emotions. he isn't one to linger on negative events, the pace in which he seemingly moves on is concerning. the innerworkings of his mind are shrouded in mystery for such an open individual. getting him to open up about his fears or past hurts is almost impossible. he won't dodge your inquiries outright, that'd prove too suspicious. he'll throw a few crumbs your way and hope that's enough to satiate your worry.

the word vulnerability isn't in his vocabulary. this isn't owed to a lack of trust on his part — if anything, the care he holds for you makes it tempting at times. however, taking that first step toward opening up is daunting. you'll have to be patient with him. if it doesn't pertain to your relationship, it's unlikely he'll have an extensive heart-to-heart about the specters haunting his mind. rather, those aforementioned crumbs become more substantial. a late-night conversation will unexpectedly veer toward a sensitive subject.

it'll be fleeting. you don't have to shower him with platitudes, simply grab his hand and squeeze. it's an unspoken message that he isn't as alone as he sometimes feels.

prognosis

gojo satoru can be too blunt, he struggles with emotional intimacy, and he's shameless in getting what he wants from you. he's a mess but he's your mess. you don't revere him like a god among men, you make him feel human. you're his best friend, his soulmate (he keeps the latter description to himself, it's one of the few sentiments that embarrasses him). he'd do absolutely anything for your sake. when you enter the room, it's like everyone else ceases to exist. he brightens up and chases after any laugh, smile, or flustered expression he can get.

he believes meeting you altered the balance of the world more than his own birth.

*the universe has tried (and failed) to wrench you apart (0-20) your friends are praying that you'll break up (21-40) 'well it could/has be worse' bargaining mindset (41-60) a lil messiness as a treat (61-80) pure and wholesome (81-10)

[qibsichan]

“I POSSESS A QUESTION, ONE ASKED OF MY PEOPLE. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO LIFE SURROUNDED NOT BY HERETICAL HUMANS BUT BY THESE "SMALLER BODIES". THEY HAVE WELCOMED ME TO THEIR QUARTERS.”

There's a new toy on board! Introducing BigNap! (Unless a more eloquent name is suggested!)

Sarificed for research and condemned to an unsustainable body, Theodore Grambell's old body has melted away at the hands of Miss Delight and Harley Sawyer. His mind has been reignited in a different vessel - one twelve feet tall and with the power to tear a school bus in half.

But it's alright, because while BigNap may be vengeful and venomous, he's quite the dear little kitty to those dang Smaller Bodies in the Playcare.

So much so that he's introduced in the very first chapter of Destroy-A-Toy! It's underway!

Now, Bigger Bodies Catnap's question is:

(He asks because his debut is in the very first story for DAT and therefore his formatting must be worked out.)

How This Creature Works

Big Catnap, as colloquially named by the Critters, children and teachers of the Playcare, is the new-and-improved replacement for that old, faulty thing who cried too much. He is twelve feet tall and an absolute tank - if you ignore the protruding ribcage and ominous growling stomach.

Appearance

The same as the Catnap found in the original Poppy Playtime. Big Catnap is a large, scrawny creature with a protruding spinal chord and disconcerting slices of ribcage jutting from his paper-thin skin. His eyes are minuscule and set deep into mouth-like sockets. His fur is abyssal-dark felt soft to the touch.

Deep inside his throat, if one were to look, pipes could be found. Who knows what they produce?

Personality

Quiet, docile and allegedly "friend-shaped" (according to my friend Foxfire), this Catnap looks like he can kill you but is in fact a cinnamon roll. At least, to people he likes. Otherwise you can expect yourself to be on the plate.

BigNap is possessive over the Playcare children and loving towards toy experiments - but has a VERY strong hostility to humans. This is an issue because of the upcoming Toy Tour…

Theodore gasses the children not out of obligation but out of concern for their health and sleep.

Biology

A creature of this size requires LOTS of food. The problem is - he isn’t given the correct amount. Why drain resources for an experiment that may not survive anyway? As such, Big Catnap is constantly just one bite off from a full belly.

His tank possesses MUCH greater quantities of poppy gas - however, it’s watered down. The gas:

Takes up to 10 minutes to knock out children and 30 for adults

Does not leach oxygen

Works slowly but surely to lull the victim to sleep

This is NOT how Smaller Bodies Catnap works. Her smoke is quick-working and oppressive while this Catnap works much more as a calm, steady, peaceful lull to sleep.

-🌟🌙✨-

[writing-the-stars]

May I request a (Wednesday Addams x fem reader) where reader visits Wednesday’s house, and they get caught cuddling by Morticia and so Wednesday throws reader off of her, and denies anything happened, but Morticia won’t let it go and teases her? Have a good day and thanks for reading my request. :]

Untitled

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x GN!Reader

Summary: Wednesday indulges in a moment of vulnerability

Warnings: Rushed Ending. Not As Well Executed As I Would Like.

Word Count: 529

A/N: The amount of rewrites this little blurb underwent is ridiculous! Every time I'd start writing I'd get halfway through, think it was stupid, and completely erase everything I had written. I am now just forcing myself to post this because I know it will probably never get posted if I don't. I'm sorry you had to wait so long and I hope it's not too much of a letdown. Thank you for reading!

Masterlist

Wednesday lay stiffly by your side– arms awkwardly wrapped around your frame as you held her close to you. Physical affection was something the macabre girl was still attempting to grow accustomed to, having previously only maintained physical contact to maim someone. Touching someone with such tenderness and intimacy felt foreign to the psychic, but she could not deny the odd sense of security she felt being encased in your arms. 

Wednesday heeded her mother’s warning about the dangers of her psychic abilities. She felt the pressure of losing herself to the darkness of her visions every day. The threat of being driven to isolation never bothered the raven-haired girl before, but now that she has begrudgingly found herself attached to people she did not want to lose, remaining balanced was a grueling battle she was intent on resulting victorious. 

The grounding of your arms helped with this ambition as you seemed to deflect feelings of distrust. You had always been a steadfast resource for the Addams girl. Never questioning her dubious midnight expeditions or unsavory schemes. You had always proven yourself faithful to her– a constant companion she had not realized she wanted until you. You made it easy for her to breathe, to allow herself small moments of vulnerability she could only ever share with you. 

It was gratifying to have moments like these. Moments where she did not feel the need to hide behind her biting wit and cold wall of apathy she had built around herself– not that she would ever admit that to anyone but herself. You provide her with a sense of safety she realizes she has been lacking. 

Being with you has begun opening her eyes to the logic behind what she once believed was her mother’s foolish decision. While she would never give up her own ambitions in life to be a housewife, she could see what lured her mother in. Though again, she rather act as a human doll for Enid than let anyone else know this. The infuriating smirk donning her mother’s lips when she brought you home this evening was enough of an “I told you so” for Wednesday to last the rest of her life. 

Of course, as Wednesday was starting to learn since her arrival to Nevermore, she could not always get what she wanted, and as her bedroom door creaked open– the slim frame of her mother lurking in the doorway– she knew she would be haunted by this moment forever. Still, the raven-haired girl thrusts your body off of hers in a futile attempt to preserve some of her pride. 

“Wednesday!” you exclaim– body thumping against the hardwood of her bedroom floor. 

Morticia raises a thinly shaped eyebrow– that maddening knowing smirk adorning her lips. 

“I was attempting to show them how to suffocate someone,” Wednesday announces, the pathetic excuse for a lie the first thing her brain could conjure in her disconcerted state.

“I see. And with affection no less,” Morticia replies, a teasing grin decorating her features. 

A giggle escapes your lips as Wednesday’s pallor rouges just the slightest tint. Her wicked mother will lure this over her head for all eternity.

[fumifooms]

Don't really reblog or leave comments all that often, but I've been reading your Delicious in Dungeon deep analysis posts for a few days now and honestly I can't wait for that Kabru (& Mickbell) party rundown. They're a fine set of adventurers, if in dire need of people more capable of handling monsters.

Speaking of Mickbell's relationship with Kuro in particular – I think it does generally tend to be perceived from Mickbell's side, whether positively or negatively (which makes sense to some degree, since Kuro's perspective wasn't presented in full until the World Guide), as if Kuro isn't himself a maladjusted adult who spent an unspecified amount of time starving in a cage, his family situation unclear beyond "permanently out of contact", and is yet as overprotective of Mick as Mick is of him. I do recall a panel where he furrows his brows at the sight of Mick sitting on Inutade's shoulders, but other than that he is less aggressively isolating and self-insistent and more... coddling, I'd say, or overtly abiding. Kabru should have found Mickbell some books on kobold language tbh.

This is not intended as a criticism of the earlier webweaving post so I apologize if it does have shades of passive-aggressiveness – it's an incredibly on-point assessment of Mickbell's relationship with Kuro and his reasoning. Thank goodness Mickbell isn't a master magician, or else he'd make for a rather tasty dungeon lord (and Kuro would probably end up in a cage again, if not worse).

[context: ask sent on april 14th, soon after I posted my Canines web weaving]

Don’t worry, I loved getting your ask and didn’t read in any hostility! I didn’t want to reply before finishing my party masterpost-analysis (🤡 man it’s been too many months) but Kuro fans are begging for scraps and clamoring for Kuro meta and content everywhere I look including my askbox and man. Man yeah I should throw a bone you guys’ way at least in the meantime. The thing though you see is, one does not simply talk about Kuro without trying to cover every ground and every single piece of info we get. I’ll end up repeating myself a lot on this in my longer upcoming post but that’s just how analysis tends to be, so flash Kuro segment focusing on the Mickbell-Kuro dynamic

In a way I talk less about Kuro because compared to Mickbell his situation feels more straightforward to me somehow, the abused is usually the one who gets empathized with and liked more over the abuser so I don’t feel the same need to explore and explain. But… Kuro is not only generally hard to read but has so many layers. Kuro is both a self-effacing follower who’s communicative but polite & behaved and somewhat stoic, making it hard to gauge how much he’s voicing himself or even repressing, and functionally devoid of the ability to speak most of the time. He emotes in doglike ways but mostly because, lacking words universal body langue and cues like growling are the only way he can emote and communicate, not unlike how tone of voice is what’s important when talking to say, a pet dog. Kuro’s extra where he talks with Kabru is truly the Kuro bible, without it we’d have a much kess clear vision of how he lives his situation with Mickbell. And… It’s whiplash inducing and disconcerting when we see then that Kuro has everything rationalized, that Mickbell is still an angel in his mind and this is normal, just a guy who’s a little insecure that he must bend every which way for if needed.

Mickbell & Kuro’s relationship is fascinating because they each have a totally different view of the relationship. Mickbell thinks he holds the reigns, he’s the employer, the master, he’s manipulating Kuro consciously to some degree and withholds things like salary or permission to talk with others from him, and he thinks this is how he gets Kuro to not leave him. Kuro has seen through the matrix and pinpointed Mickbell’s insecurities and has decided he must do everything in his power to never make him anxious or upset and be his emotional support, EXCEPT that hilariously he seems to genuinely think Mickbell is a kid. He’s 22. Like, tallman equivalent of 27. Kuro is 18. Kuro has chosen to stay consciously and keeps choosing to stay because he wants to, because he’s chosen to devote himself to Mickbell’s wellbeing. In Kuro’s eyes, before being employer and employee, Kuro is the guardian and protector of this sensitive kid that he must follow and protect at all costs. What everyone is seeing as wage slavery doesn’t even register to Kuro because he’s never really thinking about the money, he dgaf. Kuro could choose to snap Mickbell in half with his jaw at any second and is more emotionally mature than Mickbell, but otherwise the power imbalance both financially and manipulation wise and using whatever he can to keep Kuro where he wants him is 100% tipping the scale towards Mickbell.

The amount of miscommunication they have for being each other’s most important person + person they spend most time with is insane, but tbh I think part of it is that Mickbell is terrified of what would happen when Kuro becomes fluent in common. Not only because Kuro would have the whole world of opportunities open up to him then (and in Mickbell’s mind, who would pick him over the world?), but because then the relationship would inevitably shift, Mickbell would lose some of that power imbalance, he would have to do more listening and both of them would have to learn to know each other better, and rectify wrong assumptions. It’d remind Mickbell that Kuro is truly his own person with a lot of thoughts and it’d make him feel less safe in being able to keep the relationship secure…

This all is why I’m less into mickuro in general, because unless Kuro puts his foot down one day for both their sakes, the status quo would just… Keep going, on and on. Canon supports this too, since Kuro’s profile in the complete adventurer’s bible in the post-canon blurb mentions very pointedly he’s still being worked for peanuts by Mickbell. Kuro being able to speak fully would make it a bit healthier I think like I talked, but Kuro would still be complacent to Mickbell’s unhealthy obsessive needs and man… Man……. Mickbell feels safe only when taking and Kuro wants nothing more than to give, if that makes sense, and that might be a shaky decent enough way to live for them but it also is far from healthy the way it is. I also don’t think getting that house he wants would fix Mickbell. Could even be a huge breakoff point if Kuro mentions his dreams is travelling around.

So yes I definitely agree with your assessment of Kuro being coddling and overly abiding. Both of them are very protective of each other like you said, the difference being that Kuro is selfless and even self-sacrificing with it meanwhile Mickbell is more selfish and possessive. (Although his overcontrolling nature does to some degree come from a protective place. Which would especially if he sees Kuro as helpless because of his language barrier or the way they met. But moments that go towards this is him being worried for Kuro after the chimera fight, after being stung by an aquatic monster in a monster tidbit, Mickbell often mentioning being worried the union or Kabru will steal Kuro away in a borderline trafficking undertone. Beyond just the care he shows him on the regular like washing and brushing him for hours ofc. Mickbell is not uncaring, his worrying and insecurities just bring his worst instincts out of him. Ehem Mickbell tangent over, my apologies.)

I know Kuro also being possessive is a common reading, but I don’t think I really agree 🤔 The support for this is the way he frowns at Mickbell being on Inutade’s shoulders, but I think that and the other hostile over Mickbell behavior he shows fall more in live with being protective. From Kuro’s perspective, Mickbell (the kid who must be protected who might fall and break his neck at any moment or something) is now on the shoulders of this very tall stranger he just witnessed pull off a sneak attack Laios’ party with ease, not something considered particularly honorable or trustworthy, and now she’s handling Kuro’s most precious thing in the world? Yeah better watch them like a hawk. Also remember, this is on top of his language barrier meaning he hasn’t had the same opportunity as others to converse with them and understand what they’ve been saying and thus form bonds outside of "my party trusts you for now so I’ll follow their lead." He also explicitely distrusts Izutsumi. I’ll also say though, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say Kuro doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s not looking after Mickbell, there’s the secret studies sure, but his whole life is always centered on him otherwise, so I can definitely imagine this being out of a restless feeling as well, though if that qualifies as possessiveness depends on the behavior it causes imo.

Other times where he growls or such is also defensive in nature. If anything, Kuro unlike Mickbell with him seems very alright with Mickbell making friends with the party and forming relationships outside of him. This does go in line with his "Mickbell is just a sensitive young lad I must do my best to protect until he feels safer and better, I want him to be happy and healthy" mentality. Near the end, we even see Kuro encouraging Mickbell to go towards other half-foots and implicitly join the half-foot union, the very same that Mickbell has told him would take Kuro away from Mickbell. So if it’s for Mickbell’s sake, even if Kuro might feel afraid of change or losing him to some degree (I don’t think he feels threatened bc he doesn’t think Mick would leave him), Kuro is even willing to endanger his situation/relationship/status quo with Mickbell.

Kuro is peak guardian angel……… 🥺😭

You’re also right Kuro is very maladjusted, with his past it feels very unsurprising Kuro would end up like this. Having a language barrier alone is extremely isolating: not being able to really communicate with others is his default with or without Mickbell, so it isn’t innately alarming or anormal to him, even when someone actively tries to make it harder for him. This is of course without mentioning the experience of being taken away from your homeland suddenly, and brougth against your will to a country you know nothing of and have no resources or knowledge to live in. Who knows how long he’s been in a cage— and as we see the living conditions were awful, similar to Izutsumi’s when she was part of a freak show. He was visibly starved and food was all the payment he could have wished for and that + following this guy who got him out of his chains were all the motivations he needed. And this makes sense for the overprotectiveness on both ends, Mickbell is all too aware of how particularly vulnerable kobolds are as targets and Kuro’s second interaction was mauling a guy who was trying to hurt Mickbell. Mickbell did "hire" Kuro as a bodyguard first and foremost, after all. Mickbell was scared of Kuro at first, echoing how he reminds Kuro during canon that his snarling is scary and not to do it. Even at first, the professional aspect to their relationship is a very shaky facade, it’s always been more like mutual aid that evolved into life partnership. Kuro was used to being alone, Kuro was used to having nothing and being starved and beaten, Kuro was used to having everyone dismiss him as a beast that’s not worth even trying to talk to, so of course Mickbell seems heavensent.

Man. The fandom has been so scary esp with the anime wave, Mickbell discourse is something I never expected would be so divisive 😭 Sometimes I hear things about Kuro like "he’s too smart to be abused" which is not only as a broad statement untrue but also harmful and vile. Abuse is complicated!!! You are bending over backwards to justify literal Mother Gothel behavior!!! No one is telling you you can’t sob over Mickbell and want mickbell & kuro fluff oh my god let’s just not normalize well known abuse tactics such as isolating them and controlling their finances and social circle.

Ok fun last ending note, it’s also interesting to note their dreams for the future and directly contridactory. When they have some money saved up, Mickbell wants to settle down with a house with Kuro, and Kuro wants to travel the world with Mickbell. Ohh to be a guy who’s been denied ressources all your life and has lived in constant danger who now wants nothing more than to have the ideal of a stable peaceful life, vs being a guy who’s been kidnapped and traded around and denied your freedom for so long who wants to see the world you’ve always been kept away from…. They’re each other’s world but they’re not a place they can live in, not sustainably not while thriving…….

Ahh, mickuro, mickuro, the ouroboros of codependence…

[phoenix-downer]

Survivors Chapter 1

Survivors: ~1250 words. Merrin can tell Cal wants to be with her, but he will have to reconcile his growing feelings for her with the teachings of the Jedi Order and all that has instilled in him.

Story Info: Cal Kestis/Merrin. Set during Jedi: Survivor. Canon Compliant, Alternating POVs, Missing Scenes. Romance, Fluff, Introspection, Mutual Pining.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

Cal was maddeningly, infuriatingly restrained. 

Oh, he wouldn’t stop her if she put her arms around him as they rode a spamel together. He happily cuddled next to her by the fire if she leaned her head against his shoulder. And he made no move to leave when she lay down next to him and put her hand over his. Even when she’d kissed him, he hadn’t pushed her away or told her to stop.

But he never initiated anything. He was too much of a Jedi for that.

Merrin cursed the Jedi Order under her breath. Curse them all for giving Cal such hangups about his completely natural urges. She was relieved the Nightsisters had no such qualms. Her clan’s leader had even encouraged the sisters to engage in relationships if they so wished. 

Naturally, it was just her luck to fall for the stubborn man who absolutely refused to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

She glanced at him now, deep in conversation with Cere and Eno Cordova about Tanalorr. They were strolling through the Hidden Path’s archives on Jedha, the blue glow of the holorecords casting everyone in an eerie light. He seemed to sense her looking at him, because he cast a glance her way, and for a split second their eyes met. Then he hurriedly looked away, and Merrin wanted to sigh.

He is like a small child, afraid of his crush. 

It was an amusing contrast to how well he carried himself otherwise. With decorum, maturity, and dignity, but with just enough recklessness in battle and awkwardness when it came to matters of the heart to make him endearing.

Listen to me, I sound like a child with a crush, too. 

��Merrin,” he said, and she straightened from where she was hunched over one of the archive’s consoles. She would never admit it to him, but she loved the way he said her name. Always with this note of deep affection he could not hide no matter how hard he tried.

“Yes, Cal?” she asked, far more casually than she was actually feeling. BD-1 looked from her to Cal and back again. Could droids sense sexual tension? BD-1 was making an excellent case for himself.

Cal stared at her for a disconcerting amount of time before speaking again. “Are you ready to go?” he asked, his voice softer than she was expecting.

“I’ve been ready for ages. I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost somewhere in the archives.” She slipped back into their natural banter easily. She’d missed it in their years apart.

“Not my fault the Anchorites were having some deep discussions about the Force I just couldn’t miss out on,” he replied, a charming half-smile on his face. 

“Careful, you could spend years of your life listening to them argue.”

That got a chuckle out of him. “Speaking from experience?”

“They have a very different view of the Force than the Nighsisters and Jedi do, and they do not even agree with each other.” With that she started a light jog towards the Veiled Hangar where the Mantis was waiting.

He followed after her. “Makes sense. The Force encompasses us all. I’m not surprised that different people interpret it and interact with it differently.”

She glanced behind her. “What was that? A Jedi admitting his way of seeing the Force might not be the only way?” It was very unlike the arrogance of the Jedi Order, and she couldn’t help but tease him about it.

She was rewarded once more with another chuckle from him. “You may be surprised to learn that I’ve expanded my horizons since you left.”

The words were joking, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice. Even though we have discussed it and he understands my reasons, he is still mourning our time apart. Another sign he cares for me. And yet now that they were together again, he was dancing around the very topic that neither of them could avoid forever.

I wonder if he will ever make a move, or if I will have to initiate everything. Merrin did not mind going for what she wanted, but for once she wanted him to initiate something. A hug, a handhold, a kiss, anything. Even now, even after that kiss, even after he had entrusted his life to her as she’d thrown him around the Sanctuary Temple, he kept a safe, respectable distance from her as they jogged to the Mantis.

She stopped, and he did as well.

“Cal, before we go to Koboh…are we going to talk about what happened earlier?”

He stiffened. “Do you mean Brother Armias—”

“I meant us, but if you wish to speak about him, then let me reiterate what Cere said: his death was not your fault.” 

“I know. It’s just one more person I couldn’t save.” He wouldn’t look her in the eye, and his fists clenched at his sides. BD-1 made a few concerned beeps as he clung to Cal’s shoulder.

“It was his time, and he died to help the Hidden Path. We must continue his legacy.” Once again Merrin was grateful for her upbringing as a Nightsister. To Nightsisters, death was just a part of life. It was sad to be sure, but she did not fear it or dread it. She knew she would join her sisters who had passed on before her. Cal on the other hand struggled to let go of a man he’d known for mere seconds before his death and was haunted by every single death he’d ever witnessed.

He is too compassionate for his own good. That will be his undoing. And yet it is one of the things I love about him.

She reached up and cupped his face. He flinched but made no move to remove her hand.

“Life has been very unkind to you, Cal Kestis,” she said softly. A man like him should not be fighting this war. And yet a man like him was exactly what the galaxy needed to fight off the shackles of the Empire.

“No more unkind to me than it has been to you,” was his gruff reply.

“And yet here we are. It’s like I told you before,” she said, gently stroking his cheek. “We are survivors.”

His lips parted and his hand twitched at his side, and for a split second she wondered if he would cup her cheek and kiss her. But then the moment passed and he just stared at her, his face a careful impassive mask as his hands remained limply at his sides. 

BD-1 made a few disappointed beeps.

“Come on, let’s go,” Merrin said. If she pushed Cal now, he might pull away from her forever. He’d already transgressed by letting her kiss him and they both knew it. She suspected he’d found the best loophole he could manage by letting her initiate everything. That way he could tell himself he hadn’t broken his rules while still getting to enjoy being close to her. That it was her fault and that she hadn’t broken any of her rules either, so no one was to blame for what happened between them, really. 

But the moment he initiated something, all his careful justifications would come crashing to the ground like those pots at the Sanctuary Temple he kept running into.

Merrin sighed. She could only hope he would find a way to reconcile his beliefs with their growing relationship.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I was finally able to play Jedi: Survivor and was so happy to see Cal and Merrin's relationship developed further. I've been rooting for them to get together since Fallen Order, and the way Jedi: Survivor handled their romance was just so good. I especially loved the scene at the Sanctuary Temple where she uses her magic to throw him around and he entrusts her with his life. Such an iconic scene honestly and one of my favorites in the game.

Anyway, I wanted to delve into their thoughts/feelings during their romance arc more, and so this story is an exploration of that. It will be three chapters total, and I plan on posting a chapter a day until it's finished.

Thank you for reading!

[yesterdayiwrote]

Personally I will be very interested in what happens with the fall out of this whole email drama. I know George fans have been speaking about the abuse towards him for a while. Now after the email, it feels like it cannot be brushed under the carpet anymore as it’s getting delusional and dangerous for people. I doubt it will happen but I hope it makes Toto and Lewis think about what they actually say publicly about George because some of their comments have not helped him.

I honestly think Mercedes will be keen to brush a lot of it under the carpet because whilst they want to protect themselves, they'll want to protect their drivers, both of whom will be negatively affected by this.

The problem is there is no lesson that's going to be learnt. Even with the full scope of what was in that email being made available, I've seen multiple fans who subscribe to the conspiracy theory double down hard on their belief that it's true. They're now even more convinced for the sake of 0.002 seconds as well and quite frankly there's nothing you can do to help those people now. I think you just have to accept them as the 'flat earthers of f1' and just... wearily shake your head when you come across them.

I don't know, I've found the whole thing kind of eye opening, and in some ways it reminds me of that post that went around a while back about how people had got too comfortable being disrespectful to George. In that case it was a journalist (I've forgotten exactly what was said in that instance) but I do kind of feel that it applies on a wider scale. I've seen more posts expressing sympathy for Lewis than I have expressing sympathy for George and I do think he's maybe victim of being depersonalised in all this? George gets treated a bit like a 'character' in F1 rather than a human being with his own feelings. 'Lover boy George' is funny on the surface until you consider the gravity of the accusation. Whilst he might brush it off, I'm sure it fucking sucks to know that, not only do people think and believe that his achievements are only a result of him prostituting himself, but that feeling has been shared with the entirety of his peers. He probably feels fucking sick knowing that's out there, and I'm sure it's a headfuck even though he knows it's not true. I find it disconcerting the sheer volume of casual homophobia and misogynistic tropes George has been subjected to in his years as an F1 driver. He seems to have been on the receiving end of a disproportionate amount of instances and I'm not really sure what to make of that.

As I've said, I don't know where we go from here. Lewis so far appears to be trying to go out of his way to spread more positivity, I don't know that I believe its going to work, but I guess that's the age old question, can you ever really put rumours to bed once they're out there?

[pop-punklouis]

Really glad you said all that. It's not really sitting right with me the way so many people on tumblr are kind of just shrugging this off. The main sentiment I've seen people take away from all this is 'I'm glad he has Louis' and I'm just like ???? I do feel a small amount of compassion for Liam but that is so not the main priority here. Also, so many people I follow have no problem talking shit (rightly so!) about celebrities that have acted similarly to Liam but when it comes to one of the 1d boys all of a sudden it's crickets. I also get that it is a difficult subject and people might be having discussions privately but idk I'm left feeling really disconcerted.

yeah. to be fair, i haven't been on enough to see what conversations people have been having about it. but, i do think this is something that needs to be taken seriously, and i do hope that the lack of real discussion is more so about the difficult subject matter than anything else.

louis will always ride or die for those guys, and his loyalty is one of his most compelling and endearing qualities. but, there is only so much louis can do and should do for liam. there shouldn't be a pressure there to make sure he is alright. and perhaps liam attending the show the other night was his way of maybe extending his hand a bit, but that shouldn't make these very real concerns become a wash for certain fans.

i hope he's getting help, but i also don't have to minimize the very real issues involving liam just because hes. liam either you know? so that's where i'm at.

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

The thing the people don’t tell you about re-parenting yourself/similar gambits is that for bitches of a particular temperament (it’s me I’m bitches) it sometimes makes you so so mad when it works. Sold all my baby dolls in a garage sale when I was eight not because I didn’t want to them anymore but because I thought I shouldn’t want them anymore, and now the only thing that had me sleeping like a rock after fortnight of hells is this elaborate LARP so I can convince my central nervous system that there is someone in charge who a) wants to take care of shit and b) can take care of shit.

RSD emotional hangover making you too agitated to sleep even though you’re intellectually aware the conflict is resolved? Not anymore with the power of making dairy-free chocolate milk and listening to ten minutes of Dune on audiobook while reading alongside on your e-reader before you pass the fuck out.

Like you would think cringing into the sun* would keep one even more awake than the vague background radiation of little-T traumas (which has actually reduced after five years of medication and psychology appointments), but I guess it is really about quantity over quality. Guess one big cringe is less impactful than the relief from convincing the quivering little toddler that’s been left in charge of the sleep lever in your brain to come out from under the desk and do their job by putting up a sort of flimsy curtain so they can no longer see the wall of painting symbolising your mild disconcerting experiences

And I reference temperament when I know that my annoyance is in fact also a huge part to do with socialisation, particularly being primed towards abnegation + a fundamental suspicion towards adults engaging with things culturally associated with Children and Childhood, both of which are things I challenge on principle consciously/intellectually. But knowing that it’s completely harmless, and like hey I could be doing meth or something, does not change the fact that when I mimic the running commentary I do with babysitting kids Just In My Head To Myself and immediately become head-nodding sleepy, I’m instantly like “oh we respond to this and not a haunting amount of melatonin? cool. yeah. sure.”

(*Of course none of this is cringe when other people do it, as they are allowed to experience Quirks and Vulnerabilities in peace because they are Not Me. That said, when I’m not venting on tumblr dot org I do generally avoid calling any of this stuff cringe bc I am aware that caveating with “This only applies to me because I’m Not Like Other Girls (I’m Worse)” often doesn’t actually make the other person feel assured you’re not judging them.)

[merakiui]

Okay, to build on that romcom idea, Rollo is co-owners of the bakery with you (and maybe you used to date but found out that you’re better off as friends) and he’s constantly warning you about Floyd. He doesn’t mean to cockblock, he’s genuinely concerned and being a good friend, but oh my gosh, if Rollo doesn’t stop giving Floyd the side eyes or passively aggressively pointing him in the direction of the exit, Floyd might just have to do something drastic! Rollo’s lucky you have a soft spot for him or else he would have been in trouble…

Alternatively, Floyd pays Rollo an ungodly amount of money just so he can have “alone” time with you and some insider tips on what you like and desire in a relationship. Cue a hilarious montage where Floyd does more and more unhinged things to earn Rollo’s respect until Rollo gives in and gives his blessing since you’re an honorary sibling/best friend to him.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, hahah. I just find it hilarious to have a b plot to the fluffy romance to get some bro friendship material between two vastly different individuals.

Oh, I love that!!! I can imagine Floyd just keeps pushing and pushing until Rollo eventually gives in once he knows for sure that Floyd has no intentions of hurting you and is genuine in his feelings. Imagine the two of them meeting up to discuss possible dates and a plan of how Floyd can ask you out on said dates. Rollo gives very useful advice, which helps put Floyd on a good track for earning your affections or, at the very least, having a chance at easing into a friendship with you.

On top of large quantities of money, Floyd also pays Rollo in what he likes to call "pocket surprises," which is essentially whatever Floyd happens to have in his pockets (usually trinkets and jewelry he's taken from some not-so-great people). Rollo tells him he has to stop with that because it's disconcerting and will definitely land you in the eyes of the authorities if they think you aren't meant to have those riches (i.e. accusing you of stealing). Floyd whines about this and all of the other things Rollo advises against, which is basically scrubbing Floyd clean of his criminal tendencies.

Rollo has even made cards for Floyd to practice with so that when he does finally score a date with you everything that leaves his mouth won't sound like it's coming from a terrifying mafia boss. Situations like what do you do if someone is being rude to your date? or how should you act to make your date feel comfortable? are practiced so that Floyd can be patient and won't lose himself to his unpredictable moods if something goes wrong. Essentially, Rollo wants to prevent any murders that might happen while you're on the date with Floyd.

Floyd may seem impatient or annoyed by all of this at first, but he's a good listener when he wants to be and he dedicates his time and best efforts to preparing himself for the date, which Rollo absolutely chaperones from a discreet distance. He has faith in Floyd (not really) and wants to make sure everything will go well (and that you're safe and happy on this date). Floyd will notice him right away and give him the most obvious thumbs-up and wink, and Rollo is face-palming in his hiding place.

Floyd and Rollo end up spending so much time together that they eventually become something akin to friends. Rollo denies it with a huff if you question it, but Floyd is happy to have someone sensible like Rollo to help him out. Of course, since you and Rollo were once together, he fully expects Rollo to share the details on your sex life. He needs to know these things. After all, wasn't it Rollo who said Floyd would need to know everything about you if he wanted to charm you? :)

Also, after every successful date, Floyd always tries to go in for a hug or a high-five and Rollo denies him every time without fail. Perhaps he'll return the hug and the high-five one day (the day Floyd proposes to you and you say yes), but until then it's more practice to ensure Floyd can continue to be good, safe, law-abiding company.

[gloomingblossomousia]

So, I have made some observations.

And only recently have I realised how much bigger the monster of the eating disorder is.

It's not just freaking out and going on a spiral after eating. It leaves severe effects on a person's whole perception of life, the world and themselves.

I will simply leave somethings I have observed, things I did not take into account until recently because my mind was still not that clear:

Being ashamed to eat an amount of food in public - it is completely irrational, but one becomes fearful and filled with shame due to the belief people will watch them and judge them for eating too much food with too many calories, fat, etc. A certain amount is fine, normal. Past that it's just pathetic and everyone is judging. A behaviour I find disconcerting is actually finding hidden places to eat, such as public bathrooms, hidden corners, etc.

Isolating from friends because one does not want to be around people with the body they have at the moment. It is, once again, completely irrational, but it is recurrent. It feels like your perfect self hasn't been reached yet, so you don't want your ugly self to show up or be visible to others. Another cause for this isolation is the fact that hanging out is heavily associated with drinking and eating. And the person struggling with and ED absolutely does not want to eat in front of people, given that for them to eat is to be pathetic and weak (I'm sorry for these terms, it's brutal, but it's the truth of and ED), and from experience they know that if they engage in such a toxic behaviour that eating has become for them, they will spend the rest of the party/occasion, etc. in a guilt trip, ashamed, obsessed and will not enjoy anything.

There are so many hidden, horrifying things about Eating Disorders.

You may find yourself thinking you have recovered completely because it wasn't "that big of a deal" (many people with ed engage in denial), and then you find yourself having odd behaviours and feeling like food controls you. And then the guilt and shame come and you feel disgusting because you thought you had finally gotten rid of the problem but you're back at it. Then, you work through it. It's hard. And that's why I have made these observations. Because even though one may be recovering, these apparently natural behaviours start to flash before your eyes and you realise how deep an Eating Disorder goes into your mind.

It does not just affect your relationship with food - which, to be completely honest, someone who has never struggled with this would find it insane (by this I do not mean that one would invalidate the person struggling, quite the opposite: I'm saying that the other would become way more aware and more empathetic towards the person with and ED) -, it affects your whole life. It affects your relationships, your performance at school/work, your perception of life itself, your perception of every single trait of yours; it drags you down completely and leaves so, so, so, so many effects that one would not link to food in their wildest thoughts. It's terrifying; it's a horrible disease (much like every other mental disorder).

Please, if you are struggling, believe me when I tell you that you can heal and one day food will not be that thing your mind insanely spirals around. And one day you will be able to eat, not eat, and not feel the need to obsess and purge and punish yourself, nor will you have an uncontrollable urge to compulsively eat until your body aches.

I am an online stranger, but for what it's worth, my love goes out to any of you who are struggling 🤍❤️‍🩹

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Beachbeat Shaggin' 1987 Beach Music / R&B / Soul / Pop-Soul / Soft Rock

Here's a little insular scene that you may have never heard about that really started to kick itself into gear on the opposite coast at around the same time that sunny southern Californian surf music was hogging up so much of the national spotlight in the 60s. Down in the south Atlantic, in the beach towns of the Carolinas, you could find a specific style of dance called the Carolina Shag taking off, with an uptempo and very upbeat type of R&B serving as its primary soundtrack, which, naturally, would end up earning itself the name of beach music.

Now, beach music, which is still regionally popular to this very day, is not really a distinct and unique form of music like surf is, which might be partially why it's never been nearly as recognized. A lot of beach music songs have not been deliberately made to have been beach tunes themselves, but because they seem to specifically pair well with the Carolina Shag, they've been retroactively categorized as such since by beach music enthusiasts. And, of course, once people realized that beach music was its own thing, there was more of a deliberate effort to make music for the shaggers too, but still, the music did not have a very unique and newfangled sound to it like surf did, and if you'd heard beach music without knowing what people were shagging to in the Carolinas, you probably wouldn't categorize any of it further than R&B or soft rock or pop-soul with a pretty light and highly chipper mood.

But perhaps the greatest aspect of beach music overall—besides the fact that its own initial development in the 50s had marked a small sign of racial progress in a still-segregated south, as a significant amount of white people were actively seeking out black-made music for what seemed like the first time in Carolinian history—is that almost none of the songs that had formed this little music niche were all that popular outside of it. Maurice Williams and The Zodiacs' "Stay" is really the only piece of beach music to ever top the Billboard chart, and Freda Payne's "Band of Gold" was a pretty big hit too; but outside of those, beach music playlists have been significantly comprised of deep cuts, b-sides, middling chart hits, and R&B and soul nuggets that had otherwise been ignored, but met the genre's own sonic qualifications. And in that sense, and really that sense only, beach music is a whole lot like the UK's northern soul scene, which prided itself on crate digging for obscure oldies gems and giving them the proper due that they'd deserved but hadn't yet received.

But now here's where I'll really be honest with you all: it's not a totally across-the-board thing, but at a certain point in time, when this scene had developed enough self-awareness in order to produce its own bands who focused specifically on this type of music, a whole lot of this stuff really got to sounding like it'd been manufactured for white couples in a classic Viagra ad. Like, it gives an 80s promotional tourism VHS kind of vibe for a super touristy place like Myrtle Beach, where the opening shot, of course, comes from an overhead helicopter that's able to capture the sparkle of all the sunlight coming off of the ocean's waves. I've been throwing the word 'idyllic' around a lot in a bunch of these posts as of late, and this is another one where it definitely applies.

Perhaps it was just the studio consoles that were being used at that time in much of the R&B, soul, and adult-oriented music worlds writ large, but a lot of that stuff with a super polished and pristine sound ironically feels pretty soulless and hollow in retrospect, and when you apply those same glossy sonic qualities to a specific type of music that's already been selected because it also has a certain amount of escapist strifelessness to it, I think what you end up with is a sort of 'this-is-too-perfect-that-it's-actually-kind-of-disconcerting' Stepford Wives kind of scenario 😬. And unfortunately, that's what a lot of songs on this album seem to have in common, with something like Band of Oz's over-the-top "Shaggin'" serving as a prime example.

So, needless to say, my preference for beach music tends to be the type that didn't really seem to be obviously and purposely made for the scene itself, and that's pretty solely for the fact that the older and rougher tunes feel a whole lot more human and a lot less like I'm being subjected to the jingle for The Villages.

Click play, if you dare 😈.

Favorite song of mine on here I think is the very catchy "I Got the Fever" by Georgia Prophets, which really has a swift and sweat-inducing funkiness to it like no other song on this late 80s collection from the DCC Compact Classics label has. The early 70s single for this song never charted nationally in the US on the Hot 100, but it still managed to earn this North Carolinian group a gold record nevertheless. A really terrific beach music classic.

So I'm not overly crazy about beach music as a whole, but there's definitely some quality tunes to be heard from it, and the way the scene's been built over the years with a lot of individual, under-the-radar songs is pretty neat too. Kinda surprised that it hasn't produced too many pop cultural products, though, because you'd think a Dirty Dancing-type of script that accurately portrays this scene and its music could've practically written itself by now and given both beach music and the Carolina Shag a whole lot more exposure 🤷‍♂️. And wasn't "Stay" also on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack too? What's taken people so long to get more than one movie about this stuff out there? 🤔

And here's a Twitter thread of mutual aid groups that you can donate to in order to help those impacted by Hurricane Helene in the Carolinas and beyond. Every dollar helps! 🙏

Highlights:

Swingin' Medallions - "Hey Hey Baby" Garnett Mims & The Enchanters - "Quiet Place" Freda Payne - "Band of Gold" Lenny O'Henry - "Across the Street" The Drifters - "Kissin' in the Back Row of the Movies" Tams - "I've Been Hurt" Georgia Prophets - "I Got the Fever" Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs - "Stay"