#it feels nice being desired
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kajaono · 1 year ago
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I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠
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pepperpixel · 5 months ago
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Yadda yadda yadda jinx is generally seen as a loose canon, does whatever she wants type of character, totally unpredictable. When in actuality, up until the last few episodes all of her choices and actions r motivated by wanting to please someone else. Hell. Even in the last couple episodes, the very Last thing we see her doing is ENTIRELY MOTIVATED by devotion and love and grief for silco, she’s taking out her frustration at herself and the world, and also honoring his wishes and dreams. By shooting a fucking bomb at piltover, she’s ensuring his life wasn’t in vain, she’s honoring him. In that moment
Her entire, self!!! is centered around love and loyalty. Is centered around other people, She’s motivated by an insatiable urge to prove herself, to be useful to those she loves, to show that she can help them and be there for them and be WORTHY of there love. That they haven’t made a mistake in loving her. To prove that she can be as pivotal to them as they r for her. She goes to the ends of the fucking earth to do this. And it ends. Terribly.
She puts the people she loves on pedestals and supplicates at there feet, she has no motivations most of the show outside of making the people she loves happy… she yearns for connection and love and safety. For a home that will never leave her behind, or crumble under her feet, (an indestructible home, That she can’t destroy just by being her…)
Which is why.. it’s so. Interesting and intriguing. How now, she has no one on that pedestal to worship, no one to drag sacrifices and offerings to the feet of, no one to spiral around and build herself off of. She is a person so *affected* by her relationships w others, but there is no relationship now, no one is stepping up to the plate to love her. She’s too much. For anyone. The one person who seemed to have unlimited patience for her is dead, because of her. and maybe vi could still love her.. but. She’s already soured that relationship. Already broken that one too. Broken all her favorite toys that made her so happy. That were there for her. And scared all the rest away. (There is a limit to what vi can support and forgive to reconnect w her sister. And I believe terrorism is crossing that limit ghgh)
And maybe, jinx is cutting that part of herself out on purpose. To be stronger, she’s realized she just. Isn’t made for love. That she ruins it all in the end. That it just makes everything worse. Messier. More complicated. She’s better off on her own, but for what PURPOSE! Who will she be now! What choices will she make!?! Almost all of her actions in the show were for others, what is driving her now, now that she has this gaping void at the center of her being. Where love used to be… what kind of person will she become, Without a guide to follow… a sun to orbit around. it’s sad honestly ghghg-!!! like yeah it’s not healthy that she is this way but there’s no THERAPY IN ARCANE. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS! And now. She’s alone… it’s rough. But also intriguing…!! And I honestly have no clue how she’s gonna act in season 2,,, or what sorta shit she’s gonna get up to. but I’m excited.
#arcane#jinx#arcane jinx#jinx arcane#pepper words#sorry for waxing philosophical about jinx’s mental state I just. WANTED TO#she is so tragic to me…#and I see a lot of myself in her. albeit. like. since there’s no therapy she’s just deteriorated#but. idk. seeing a character like hers portrayed in fiction. and so accurately and like.. painfully#it’s cathartic#??? and I wanted to talk about her lol. leave me alone#ok now I gotta get ready for work lol#sOMEBODY GET THIS GIRL SOME THERAPY#but also DONT. cuz it’s cathartic to see the worst thoughts tendencies and feelings of myself come to life so unapologetically in her#like… it’s. nice to see somebody go apeshit like this. when ur own brain and desire to live a normal happy life prevents u from going#apeshit urself.. jinx is raw and unfiltered pain and misery being taken out on the world and I love that about her… but#I also want her to be happy.. and. I don’t. actually think going apeshit will make her happy… in the end ghghg-#but I will still always support her going apeshit regardless. like u go girl! this might end up fucking u up worse then u already were#but if u wanna do something fucking do it girl! don’t let shit like laws or morals hold u back..#edit: I WANT to edit the bit about supplicatting cuz it was mostly jus me trying to be wordy but.#so I realized I was projecting too hard lol. jinx is willing to snap and go against and put pressure on her fav ppl#mostly for possessive reasons ghgg- but! yeah that parts kinda innacurate for her#other bits of this might be innacurate too! this is just me thinking out loud lol I don’t claim to be a jinx expert.#merely a jinx appreciator…
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lostburgerprince · 2 months ago
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seeing an improvement in how bioware handles decisions in past games and making them “matter” in subsequent ones was on my wishlist but also inquisition had an entire subtext/dlc about the inquisitor’s individuality and personhood being consumed and erased so like—
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fxrmeldehyde · 4 months ago
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made a playlist about being aromantic after a deep talk with oomf ☝️ it's a little short rn but I'll add more songs as I find them
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desire-mona · 2 months ago
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i really wish i knew how to like people a normal amount and not feel like a giant freaky weirdo whenever i want to be friends
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thepoisonroom · 6 months ago
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i think growing up i fantasized a lot about being loved and adored but i think for me it is getting to love and adore people that's infinitely more exciting and interesting
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thedrotter · 6 months ago
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as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit
it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now
#re:kinder#fanart#aya re:kinder#aya hibino#i state shes my daughter NOW because before i didnt pay too big of a mind to her#but honestly in each different playthrough of this game i gain new appreciation for each character#because fun fact ryou was my favorite character at first just because he seemed nice and was a healer and was nice#second playthrough brought in rei and shunsuke in my mind because they ate it up wirh their roles in the story#meanwhile as time passed yuuichi started to grow on me as i realized he was a little too relatable BASICALLY THINGS LIKE THAT#and spoilers for the unspecified project mentioned in the text just because i feel like it#i also did this because having a transcript of every line just spurred me on becquse of how easy it made things#its much more fun to start doing these kind of line based doodles when you dont have to manually go througj hours of gameplay to find stuff#so just being ablr to ctrl f through a document made me very glad HEUEHEHEBEHR#im still working on it it needs proofreading and polishing on some sides but overall it should be here soon i hope#if anyones interested in it do let me know HUEHEHEBRB i will post it regardless but it would be nice to know if anyone is interested#ANYWAY#as to why Aya seems to have a purse when her sprite doesnt its because her equipment mentions her carrying a yellow pouch#its meant to be that!!!#she looks very goofy with it on made me giggle ngl#(as in. amusement)#it adds more interest to her visual design so its nice to have it there im glad its there#OH YEAH SOME COMMENTARY ON ONE OF HER LINES HERE THAT REALLY PIQUED MY INTEREST#if sayaka dies and shes there to see it (thus. you chose to bring her with you) she has this line#where it implies that shes afraid of dying which makes things sad when she's suicidal#she already states i think her desire is more to disappear than to die exactly but even then it's quite sad#like even if she wants to disappear with how gloomy she's feeling and all the things going around with her parents#shes just a little girl who doesn't want to die😭😭#it really adds a sense of realism to how depression is tackled in game at least for me#that when one is depressed and suicidal a lot of the time it's the wish for this state of suffering to end rather than to actually die#SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER ITS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT UPPED MY APPRECIATION FOR HER
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moeblob · 7 months ago
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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butchhansolo · 2 years ago
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in-universe "logistics" aside, i think it's good that echo has the permanent scomp arm instead of a hand for like. real-world representation reasons.
in star wars sure they have fully articulated replacement prosthetics but we very much don't have that in real life, and i feel like echo with the scomp is good rep for that. he's one of the most competent characters and i think it's good to show that he can do All That as he is, especially with how irl people with only one hand usually are very capable, even more if they've been living with it for a long time, and very rarely do we see that in media.
like, mark hamill once said he talked to a kid for a make a wish thing who was about to have his arm amputated, and the kid said that he wasn't worried because luke did it too. i think that's important
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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bookinit02 · 3 months ago
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
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gideonisms · 7 months ago
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I feel like I should get a different name for every occasion like I should just be able to pick one for a day and put it on like an outfit. taking embrace of change to its most extreme conclusion or something
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aroaessidhe · 27 days ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 2 months ago
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my 1 (one) stardew opinion is shane should not have won the bachelor poll
#stardew valley#like i love shane but his storyline is not improved by him being a marriage canidate#if anything his bland post-marriage dialogue and 14 heart event dampen the message#and clint would have been a GREAT bachelor#linus not so much because he would have suffered from the same post-marriage dialogue dampening as shane#and he's too much of a free spirit to be tied down to your farm#like maybe he'd have a similar romance path as krobus? like you don't get MARRIED married but you have a commitment ceremony!!!#and the wizard... need to be in a love square with the witch and caroline...#his hidden dialogue. the situation with abigail. his adulterous past. his condescending behavior towards the player.#i also don't think he'd marry the player though. would probably make you soul bonded or something#maybe it increases your health or smth? and if you get divorced your health gets cut in half for like a week while you slowly recover#idk i really like the idea of him cursing you if you divorce him. 'not a very mature way to express anger' my ass#clint... i need to marry him...#there's a mod which makes his storyline WAYYY too similar to shane for my liking#with him going to therapy and stuff#but it DID make him realize being around emily makes him uncomfortable which i really like#i think a good route for him to go down would be him recognizing that what he feels for emily is not love or even desire#it's anxiety. emily is nice to him which makes him uncomfortable because no one is nice to him#which he confuses for attraction and he confuses her kindness for reciprocation#i think if emily ever asked him out he would turn her down#like emily would come up to you and be like 'hey i realize clint has a crush on me and i think it's really sweet so i'm gonna ask him out'#and then she does and he just goes 'O-O erm... no thank you...'#which confuses emily but she accepts being turned down and later on#clint talks to you about it like 'i thought that was what i wanted but her asking me out made me really uncomfortable and i don't know why'#and in a romance route he gets with you specifically because you make him feel calm :)#originally i wanted to say this was my most controversial stardew opinion but a LOT of people hate shane. so#also emily shouldn't have won the poll either!!!#sandy would have been a MUCH better option to flesh out her character and the desert more#marnie would have been interesting considering her relationship with mayor lewis#and i hate penny so i would fuck her mom out of spite lmaoooo
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ilovemylawyer · 3 months ago
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i love the EVIL part of EVILIVE btw. i find fucked up, unnameable unobtainable obsessive life-ending love extremely romantic and delicious. it’s the way things are in the evilive world! things are messy! and bad! and i love it! i (at least currently!!!) do not plan on writing anything pure fluff happiness because that is not something that i wish to extract from this show.. it isn’t there! i have no interest in erasing these harsh realities of evilive in my fics. happy lalala is not fun for me to write, and i won’t do it without a heavy underlying feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty and dread and despair and inevitable death. i like pain :/ and half of this couple is one of the most greedy selfish motherfuckers i have ever come to know and he’s oh so beautiful. so i am sorry if you finished evilive and wanted some kind of fix-it happy gays but i am NOTTTTTTTT the guy for that.
#ilml#idk.#lol.#sorry feeling a little defensive this sunday evening!#reqs are open indefinitely and if you need some kind of fix all you have to do is ask :]#but i will not write anyone from this show (intentionally) OOC because i respect them too much as human beings from my TV show.#from my little kdrama that takes up a huge portion of my brain.#my reason for writing at all for evilive is to explore aspects of it that we didn’t get to see on screen#anyways whatever sorry please be gentle with me ❤️#i am just a serious and passionate guy writing about a crime noir#it’s a tragic lovestory and i am not inclined to turn it into a kissing loving understanding relationship#like srsly han dongsoo? u know him yes? he wouldn’t be down for all that#he’s hetmarried in case we forgot#SORRY im so 😵‍💫. but please god be gentle with me. i am baring my soul to you through my writing and i need it to be handled with care#if you wish that evilive was nice and happy you could make it that way! but i will not!#maybe someone else already has/will!#but ILML (me!) is into evilness. i like weird evil lawyers who are evil and bad. and i have no desire to turn evil lawyers nonevil#and i have no desire to take away the joys of violence and power from the other half either#and idk how many of my readers are weird/offputting queer men who have been helplessly in love with a straight guy#but it is no easy event… it is no simple doing… it can perhaps even be an EVIL thing…#STRAIGHT UP RAMBLING AT THIS POINT. APOLOGIES!#<- guy who might be a little sensitive and need your understanding
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