#how to do anything without feeling like youre doing it wrong

[thewritingfairy]

↪ 11. Something is wrong

PREV PART trigger warning: medical + physical + emotional neglect, 'humor' filler chapter (not my best chapter), the Penguin makes an appearance, shouting, cursing main m.list       series m.list

You feel suspicious, you can’t help it. Not only is Damian following you around like a chick would follow their mother, Duke has moved in but is acting strange towards your family. The tension between them higher then you have ever felt, however you’re also being followed (not that you told Duke, he would absolutely try to find whoever is following you and try to fight them. And you would like to keep him alive) to your work and back.

For example, you sneaked out of your room and now you’re walking to your work plus being followed. “You know,” you say as you turn around, stopping a street before you arrive at the restaurant. “if you want something, you can just ask. But I would prefer it if you didn’t stalk me to my work.”

When no one came out of the trees or make themselves clear to you you just sigh, adjusting your uniform to sit just right as you continue your walk. This time you saw your mysterious supervisor at the door and when you pass him you say; “I’m being followed, look up on your left.”

He says nothing, but you can see his eyes narrow and harden. You’re correct, you’re being followed, and it’s not a friend of your boss. Matter of fact, it’s someone he must hate. Because just 2 hours in your shift you’re called to the back by your supervisor, and there he is. Cobblepot, but he’s here as the Penguin. He has to be with that look in his eyes, he looks like he’s about to rip a head off and you just hope it isn’t yours.

“Mx. (Last name),” he greets you, his eyes heavy with contempt. But not for you, no never you. The person who had brought normal civilians into his establishment by being so open, by gushing over the working conditions, strengthening his front. You’re a great employee, beyond expectations, all without breaking the law. “you’re being followed by Nightwing.”

A groan leaves your mouth, you couldn’t help it. You had heard he was back in town, but to think he’s following you? Now that just pisses you off. “Why me,” you whine, making it clear that you are quite pissed. “if he doesn’t stop I’m calling the cops on him.”

Your supervisor laughs behind his hand, obviously trying to stay professional and he’s failing immensely. Then shouting is heard from the front, you frown as you look at the two. And when Cobblepot sighs and goes out there to check it out your supervisor and you follow him. You seriously hope the waitress subbing in for you wasn’t being shouted at, she’s too sweet to be yelled at, and you’ll absolutely fight whoever yells at her.

Turns out it’s Nightwing who was panicking about the fact he couldn’t see you.

And the moment he did he rushes towards you, checking you all over for any visible injuries until you smack in his hand away in shock. “What the fuck,” you curse, kicking him in the shins (which obviously did nothing, but hey A+ for effort). “don’t touch me you ass.”

“How can you be so reckless?!” Nightwing suddenly shouts, which makes you look at him like he’s crazy and the patrons to look over. Especially the villain ones. “You shouldn’t be here at all, especially in your condition!”

You roll your eyes, but then it hits you. You don’t know Nightwing, how can he know anything about you? “I’m sorry, do we know each other?” You ask, looking at him like you would at Bruce. Your eyes harsh and if looks could kill Nightwing would be six feet under. He freezes and shakes his head, which makes you scoff; “Then why the fuck are you stalking me? Aren’t you supposed to be a hero?”

Well that shut him up real quick, he’s looking at the ground and keeping a half-smile on his face as he tries to look for a way to bullshit his way out of this. “Go bother active criminals,” you say as you take in how he’s standing. “these folks are here to eat a nice meal. And you clearly got an issue with me, not them. So bother me when I am not on the clock.”

“But-”

“Uhuh,” you say, putting your finger up in front of you. Looking like a sassy English teacher that’s about to give him detention, if he didn’t feel so awkward he would absolutely love this interaction. It’s almost like sibling banter! “absolutely the fuck not, fuck off. Jesus, you remind me of someone-”

“Awh thank you,” he gushes, thinking it was positive. And he could hear the family groan in his ear.

“If (Name) finds out about our identity through this I am quitting,” Red Hood mumbles through the comms and Nightwing just ignores him.

“It’s not a good thing, he’s a dick.” you say, and you can see your boss back off with a grin. Bringing your supervisor back to the back. And the patrons are enjoying the show, as well as your co-workers. Great. “Now could you kindly leave if you’re not going to order food? Thank you~!”

NEXT PART this is absolutely a filler chapter for the next one, so yes, I tried to humor my way out of this chapter. Did it work? Not really- is it a great set up for the next part of this story? Yes (well I hope so).

Taglist (closed): @prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue, @bunniotomia, @devotedlyshamelessdetective, @princessbonnie-bell, @seemee3, @pix-stuff, @venomsvl, @amber-content, @stove-top96, @frank-vanderboom, @leeiasure, @1abi, @shadowytravelerlover, @chericia, @lithiumval, @lingxio, @cssammyyarts, @marsmabe, @foolishseven, @kore-of-the-underworld, @bunbunboysworld, @homeless-clown, @miashico, @alwaysholymilkshake, @1cxndy, @kittzu, @rtyuy1346, @exactlynumberonekryptonite, @hopingtoclearmedschool, @artistwithcreativeburnout, @alishii, @vanessa-boo, @holylonelyponyeatingmacaroni, @91-kya, @ryuushou, @jjsmeowthie, @justthere1956, @depressed--therapist, @xzmickeyzx, @cheappremingerfromdelululand, @plsfckmedxddy, @itsberrydreemurstuff, @trashlaternfish360, @leogf, @dirtydiavolo, @lilyalone, @welpthisisboring, @kenman00001, @nxdxsworld, @icefox8155, @ironsaladwitch, @holderoflostmemories, @asillysimp, @wisefuncherryblossom, @eyeless-kun, @marina27826, @muggleloveralways, @ironsaladwitch, @shyenemyperson, @iamaunknownsecret

[himasgod]

Can you do 2nd year's where u stop giving them attention? 🩷

SECOND YEARS X READER

Where you suddenly stop giving them attention

FIRST YEARS HERE

How would the second years react if you suddenly stopped pampering them due to lack of sleep because of your studies?

Floyd was addicted to your attention.

Just like that. No sugarcoating.

He loved it when you looked for him, when you hugged him in public, when you called him “my baby” Because only you could do that without making him mad. Only you could calm his tide of emotions with a smile.

"Shriiimpy~ you're super cuddly today, I looove it."

He was happy. So happy he didn’t even try to hide it. He became calmer when you were around, more cheerful, less chaotic.

But when you stop showing up, when the “Floyd, come here” turns into “sorry, I have to go,” Floyd starts acting weird.

At first, he insists.

"Shrimpy! Are you ignoring me? Are you playing hide-and-seek without telling me? So boring!"

But when he realizes it’s not a game, that your eyes look dull, that you don’t even notice you’re pushing him away, something inside him churns. His smile fades. He stops going after you. He just watches you from afar.

And inside, he feels like a forgotten child.

Until one day, he gets fed up.

He corners you against your locker with his arms on either side of your head, his face more serious than ever.

"What’s wrong with you? You don’t love me anymore? You got bored? Did I piss you off?"

You don’t know what to say. You’re so tired you don’t even have the strength to lie. You just lower your head, murmuring a soft “sorry, I’m exhausted.”

And Floyd… goes still.

"You’re sad? You’re tired and didn’t tell me?"

He looks at you in silence for a second. Then wraps his arms around you tightly, hiding his face in your neck.

"I don’t care if you don’t hug me or look for me… but don’t disappear on me like that. Don’t leave me without you, Shrimpy."

And that day, Floyd doesn’t let go of you for a second. He carries you like a blanket and takes you to his room, lets you sleep against his chest like a plushie and sings you a song softly, no teasing, no sarcasm.

"Sleep. I’ll take care of you. Even if you don’t spoil me, I’ll spoil you now."

Jamil wasn't used to being the center of anyone's attention.

His whole life revolved around obeying, caring, and repressing. Emotions were dangerous. Affection… even more so.

So when you started doting on him—for real, without expecting anything in return—he refused to believe it.

Every touch of yours made him tense; every sweet word forced him to look away.

But he got used to it. Or rather, he allowed himself to depend on it a little. On you. On your silent attentions. On how you noticed when he was overwhelmed and simply held his hand without saying anything. On how you reminded him that he was valuable beyond his usefulness.

And then, one day, all of that stopped.

Without an explanation. Without a fight. Without an "I'm tired." Just… absence. Averted glances. "Sorry, I don't have time right now." Entire days without messages. And he, silent, swallowing his doubts.

"Did I dream it? Was it always a lie? Have they had enough of someone like me?"

He doesn't tell you. Jamil would never admit it. But he starts acting drier, more evasive. He avoids you so you don't notice how much it hurts. Until he sees you asleep with your head on your notes, your back hunched, and your breathing heavy with stress.

And in that instant, the anger collapses. All the accumulated venom turns to worry.

He approaches silently. He covers you with his jacket. He sighs deeply, as if crushed by the weight of something he can no longer contain.

"…You're not the only one who's tired of pretending everything is okay."

He wakes you gently, almost fearfully. When you open your eyes, you see something different in his: not anger, not reproach… but contained sadness.

"If you're exhausted, tell me. Don't leave me alone imagining that I no longer mean anything. Because you don't know how much it hurts when the only place where I felt free… disappears too."

That day, Jamil accompanies you to your room. He forces you to eat, to drink water, to sleep well. He doesn't ask you for anything in return.

But as he strokes your hair with trembling fingers, he whispers softly:

"This time, it's my turn to take care of you. But don't go away. Not again."

Kalim adores you. There's no other word. For him, your love is like the sun after a sandstorm, like a laugh in the midst of silence.

He's always been generous, always giving love without asking for it. But when you started pampering him, it was as if for the first time he received without needing to give. Your spontaneous kisses, your texts reminding him to drink water, your way of saying "I miss you" even though you'd only seen him two hours ago…

"It makes me so happy to know you're thinking of me!" he would always tell you, hugging you tightly.

So when that disappears, Kalim doesn't know what to do.

At first, he tries to cheer himself up. "I'm sure they're busy. Everything will be okay."

But as the days pass, uncertainty eats away at his smile.

He starts looking for you more insistently. Laughing louder. Proposing plans.

"Let's go carpet flying! We haven't been out in a long time!"

But you just tell him, “I'm sorry, Kalim, I can't today.”

And that day, when you walk away without looking him in the eye, something in his expression changes. His smile freezes.

He follows you with his eyes until you disappear into the hallways. Then he sits alone, in a corner of the garden, hands clasped together.

“Maybe… I did something wrong. Maybe I was too intense. Maybe… they don't love me like they used to.”

When he finally finds you asleep in the common room, exhausted and murmuring words in your sleep, his heart breaks.

“Oh… that's it. You're tired. You're so tired, and all I thought about was myself.”

He approaches carefully, tucks your hair behind your ear, and in a low voice, with that pure tenderness that characterizes him, he speaks to you even though he knows you're not listening:

“You don't need to be strong for me all the time. It's okay if you can't pamper me. I love you the same. I'll be here the same. Always."

That night, Kalim tucks you into the softest blanket he can find, leaves a cup of tea on the nightstand, and a note written in his big, cheerful handwriting:

“Don't miss me. Don't pressure yourself. Just rest. I'll be here when you wake up. I love you always, even when you can't show it.”

And yes. He keeps his promise. When you open your eyes, he's there, smiling brightly, holding your hand.

“Did you sleep well? It's my turn to take care of you today, okay?”

Riddle was so nervous at the beginning of the relationship that every gesture of affection from you left him silent, blushing, confused. But over time, he began to crave your attention as if it were afternoon tea: part of his routine, a sacred ritual.

You organizing his schedule, reminding him to rest, kissing his forehead when his headache ached—it was your way of caring for him, and he accepted it like a blessing.

But when that disappears, Riddle panics.

He doesn't show it right away, of course. He denies what he feels.

"Theyre probably busy. I shouldn't bother them. I shouldn't show weakness…"

Until anxiety consumes him. Until he accidentally explodes.

"You didn't reply to the text I sent you three days ago! Did I do something wrong?! Why are you ignoring me?!"

And when you turn around, your eyes tired, unable to even stand completely, Riddle feels his heart sink.

"Oh… you're… you're exhausted…"

He sees you trembling. He sees the dark circles under your eyes. He sees you like a castle about to collapse.

Then he takes a step back, swallowing. He lowers his gaze. He approaches calmly and takes your hand, his tone infinitely softer.

"Forgive me. I didn't know how to see it. You don't need to explain anything to me. Just… come with me."

He takes you to his room. He changes his schedule. He suspends his studies. He makes tea. And when he sees you asleep, tangled in his blanket, he closes his eyes with guilt and tenderness.

"You taught me to be loved… now it's my turn to learn to care for you as you deserve."

And that night, Riddle Rosehearts doesn't sleep. He stays by your side, watching over your sleep, like someone tending a beautiful garden that has flourished even in the harshest spring.

Jade is a man of subtleties. Of long silences, gentle smiles, and eyes that observe more than they say. When you started pampering him, at first he thought you were just playing around… but over time, he understood that your attentions were sincere. You made small braids in his hair when he rested with you, brought him new herbal teas to try, told him how much his presence calmed you.

And he, silently, became addicted to it.

Not because he needed it—or so he wanted to believe—but because it made him feel human, and not just another servant of his brother's capricious emotions or a mere executor of orders.

So when that warmth disappears overnight, when you stop texting him, stopping by the lounge, touching his hand for no reason… Jade doesn't say anything. He doesn't pressure you. He just observes.

But behind that apparent serenity, a restlessness begins to grow in his chest.

Until one day, when he notices you in the greenhouse, half asleep, lying on a flowerpot, your face covered in dirt and your hands trembling, he approaches silently. He doesn't say "I missed you," he doesn't complain.

He just crouches down beside you and begins to wipe the mud off your fingers with a white handkerchief.

"I was wondering… if plants also stop blooming if their gardeners forget themselves."

And then, without warning, he looks into your eyes, very close.

"I don't need your touch to be with you. But I can't bear to see you like this… as if you'd vanished without realizing it."

He helps you to your feet. He leads you to his room. He makes lavender tea. And that night, he sits beside you, silent, gently touching your hand, as if afraid of breaking you.

"When you're ready, I will once again receive each of your caresses with gratitude… but for now, allow me to take care of you."

Azul is used to transactions. To giving in order to receive. To measuring affection in terms of utility and results. But you… you broke his logic from day one. You gave him attention and affection, without conditions. You hugged him when he frowned. You defended him when others saw him as just another merchant.

And Azul, for the first time, didn't know what to give in return. He felt awkward. Exposed. But happy.

"Are you sure you don't want anything? Not even a symbolic contract…?"

And yet, every time you looked at him with genuine love, his insecurities faded a little. Your affection transformed him.

So when you stop pursuing him, when your messages dry up and your visits to the Monstro Lounge cease, his first reaction is to panic.

"Did I say something wrong? Is she angry with me? Did she regret it?"

He starts replaying conversations, looking for signs. He locks himself in his office, checks his magic mirror to see you from afar (blame it on jealousy, blame it on anxiety), and what he sees isn't contempt… it's exhaustion.

He watches you drag yourself between classes. Fall asleep over your notes. Walk like a ghost.

And something in him snaps.

The next day, a note arrives, delicately folded.

"Come by the Lounge this afternoon. I've reserved the place just for us. It's not a formal date. I just want to see you."

When you arrive, Azul is waiting for you with a warm cup of your favorite beverage and a blanket draped over the shoulders of the most comfortable chair. He invites you to sit. He doesn't try to talk business, or magic, or anything. He just watches you, with unusual calm.

"I don't need your daily flattery to know you appreciate me. But if you're losing yourself, then I… I can't stay still."

His voice trembles a little. Azul isn't good at showing vulnerability. But he tries.

"You gave me more than I ever expected to receive. Let me give you back at least a part of it."

And that night, there are no contracts. No exchanges. Just Azul holding your hand as you sleep on his couch, a barely audible whisper in the air:

"Please… don't disappear again. You don't know how much I need you."

Ruggie never considered himself someone worthy of much luxury or attention. He comes from what's fair, what's scarce. He’s used to giving more than he receives. But when you came into his life and started spoiling him —with food, sweet words, casual affection— at first, he got defensive.

"What’s up with you? Are you bribing me or what?"

But then… he got used to it. And without realizing it, he became addicted to it. To the way you looked at him like he was special. To how you remembered the things he liked. To how you hugged him for no reason and called him “my boy”

So, when all of that stops suddenly, Ruggie doesn’t take it well. And he doesn’t express it with sadness, but with forced humor.

"Hey, did you replace me or what? 'Cause you don’t even throw a “hi” my way anymore. I feel like a forgotten veggie in the fridge."

He says it with a lopsided smile, like it’s a joke, but his hyena ears are drooping. His laugh sounds weak. He’s hurt, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

When he finally sees you collapse in the cafeteria, your head buried in your arms, not even touching the food given to you, something changes. He doesn’t joke anymore. He pulls you out of the place without asking, takes you behind the kitchen, puts a bun in your hand, and makes you eat.

"You know I don’t mind if you don’t pay attention to me… but this isn’t okay. You can’t keep going like this. I don’t want to see you falling apart from trying to carry everything alone."

And when you look at him, for the first time in days, with eyes glassy from guilt and exhaustion, he sighs.

"Dummy. You got me used to your affection and now you take it away. That’s not fair, is it?"

But he hugs you, without resentment, with the tenderness he keeps only for you. And that night, without you asking, he cooks your favorite dish and sits down to eat with you, talking nonsense until you laugh.

"Come on, boss. You spoil me, but now it’s my turn to take care of you, okay?"

Silver isn't a demanding person. His calm, almost ethereal nature makes him seem as if he's above common emotional needs. But since you've been with him, there's something that keeps him more awake, more grounded in the world. Your attentions, however small—a hand on his cheek, a loving whisper before he falls asleep, a smile when his eyes close—are what remind him that there's someone who chooses him every day, even when he's lost in his dreams.

That's why, when you start to distance yourself, he notices… even though he doesn't say anything.

At first, he thinks maybe he's imagining it. That he shouldn't be selfish. That you have your own problems too. But the days go by, and your greetings become automatic, your hugs are absent, and you're no longer there to wake him with affection when he falls asleep in the garden. And Silver begins to dream uneasy things. Dreams where he searches for you and can't find you. Where his world is silent and empty.

One afternoon, as you watch him from afar, he pauses, approaches with a serious look—serious, not angry—and offers you his hand.

"Come. I want to show you something."

He takes you to a corner of the forest where the sun's rays filter through the trees and the sound of water gently flows. There he sits with you, and for a moment he says nothing. He just listens. He watches the dark circles under your eyes form. How your shoulders slump with exhaustion.

"You always take care of me. You're always there for me, even when I can't stay awake myself. So now I want you to rest."

He takes off his coat and places it around your shoulders. Then he sits beside you, lets you rest your head on his chest, and closes your eyes.

"I don't need you to pamper me all the time. Just for you to be well. That's all I want."

And when you finally allow yourself to let out the silent cry, he doesn't move. He doesn't speak again. He just holds you. Like you did so many times.

[im-human-i-matter-i-exist]

@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT  STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS YOURE EVIL YOURE VILE VILE VILE!!!!

This panic happens like every few months.

[911onao3]

"I did what you told me to do," Eddie says, the second he hears the other door being closed and the person on the other side sit down on the creaky bench.

"And that is?"

Eddie closes his eyes. "I stopped punishing myself."

It's quiet for a moment before Father Brian answers again.

"Do you want to take this outside of the booth?"

"Sure."

Eddie stands up and opens the door, and the priest does the same. He looks at Eddie with a raised eyebrow. "I see you updated your look, Eddie. Let's sit down."

Eddie absentmindedly touches his lips and sits down next to Father Brian. The Priest. He barely know what he's supposed to call him even if it's inside his head. "I miss it, actually. Just a little."

"It was very handsome."

Eddie laughs, "Yeah, I've heard."

"You stopped punishing yourself. Do you want to tell me more?"

"I went after my son. I got him back. I took him back. And I danced in my living room."

"I see."

"And I figured out the juice thing, I think."

Father Brian scrunches his face before answering, "The juice– Oh, the... juice thing."

Eddie looks at him. "You know. The juice. Joy."

Something clicks in Father Brian. "Ah. And what is... this joy you found, then?"

"It's Buck," Eddie says with no hesitation.

"Buck?"

"He's– He's my best friend."

Silence.

"I think it's been him the whole time."

Silence again. Eddie continues.

"I never let myself think about it. And then he took over my lease and helped me get Chris back and– And he did it, without expecting anything in return, because all he wanted was for me to be with my son, who he basically helped raise, for the record," Eddie says, and raises a pointed finger. "He has been there all this time and I haven't... I haven't seen it, not like I should have. But when he took over my lease behind my back, I got this feeling that I couldn't put my finger on and when I moved to be with Chris, all I could think about was why it all felt so wrong."

"You moved?"

"Yes. I moved back to El Paso to live near my son, and I couldn't have done it without Buck, who was so obviously in pain about it but again, just wanted me to be with my son. He accused me... or, well... I accused him of making me choose between him and my son and I told him that he would lose every time. But I'm starting to think that... That I could have both. That I want both."

"So you've decided to stop punishing yourself."

"I decided to try that, yeah."

"I still feel like there is more things you want to say."

"I–" Eddie opens and closes his mouth. "I haven't told him yet. My flight back to El Paso is tomorrow and... I want to stay. But I can't stay."

"Why?"

"Christopher is still in El Paso. I'm just here because of a funeral. My captain... Old captain..."

"... Bobby?"

"Yeah, how did you– Oh."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Eddie." He looks genuinely sad. "He was a good man."

"I should have been here." It comes out as the confession he probably was here for in the first place. Which it probably was. Loving Buck isn't something he needs forgiveness for.

"Why do you think that?"

"They are my family, all of them. And I wasn't here. And if I had been here, I would have been with them, and I could have saved him. I could have helped."

"But you're here now."

"I have to go back."

"Do you?"

"I– Yes, of course I have to. My son is there."

"I thought you said to stop punishing yourself."

Eddie takes in a deep breath. "Yes."

"So why don't you just bring your son back here, with you? You said you got him back?"

"I–I did."

"So, stop punishing yourself."

Eddie looks at Father Brian again, who looks back at him with a small smile. Eddie stands up, "Okay. Oh, and I have one more thing... I'm sorry I lied to you before." He gets a raised eyebrow in reply. "I'm actually not straight."

"And I'm still celibate."

Eddie laughs and leaves the church. He gets into his car, takes a deep breath, starts the car and calls Chris who answers immediately.

"Hi, dad!"

"How do you feel about moving back home?"

-

Eddie parks outside his– Buck's– their house and feels something warm spread in his body. It's not an unfamiliar one, but he can finally put his finger on what it is. He smiles and gets out of the car.

He knocks on the door, two, three times, before it opens.

"Eddie. Why are you knocking?" Buck says, still looking so exhausted after everything.

Eddie can feel his face flushing. He drags his hand through his hair and scratches his neck. "Hi."

"Hi?" Buck looks so confused.

"I–"

Eddie doesn't get to finish the sentence. The earth is moving.

[lilhughesy]

Everywhere Inside My Head | Luke Hughes x Fem!Reader

part one. part two. (her perspective)

warnings! mentions of break up and angst!, and I think that's it! word count: 3.5k

summary: the first week post-breakup is said to be the hardest, which isn't wrong when you've been dating the same hockey player since the start of college. you try to find yourself again and how to live a life without him in then picture — but it feels nearly impossible when he's everywhere inside your head.

req: omg please i need a happy ending // Oooof chefs kiss👩‍🍳🤌✨ I can just see reader living her best life and luke seeing her having fun from a distance before groveling and pleading for her back a/n: hi guys! sorry for the wait but here it part three to look at you now and I remember everything! I hope you guys like it!! I lowkey hit a major writers block during it, it's not my best work... lmk if you want one from his perspective! mwah ily all sm 🩷

You laid on your childhood bed, staring up at the ceiling for hours. You weren’t listening to anything, nor were really thinking of much. You were just existing in that moment. You reflected on everything and how much your life had changed in the past week.

It was difficult for you to pack your life in New Jersey into a few suitcases and move back to your hometown in Michigan. All you thought about was him and how your entire life was surrounded by him. He was like the sun and you were one of the planets that revolved around him.

He was your yesterday, today, and your tomorrow.

But now he’s nothing at all.

You knew deep down that you made the right choice, even though it felt so wrong. You knew you deserved more than the crumbs he gave you. You deserved more than eating alone at dinner with his made plate staring at you. You deserved more than staying up late at night wondering if he was coming home or staying at Jack’s, at Nico’s, or at Jesper’s place.

You had grown used to falling asleep alone before leaving him, even though it wasn’t the most comfortable or pleasant feeling. But it felt wrong to go to bed without curling up with his pillow, or to hold his hoodie that smelt so strongly of him close to your chest, or to go to the store and not pick out the ingredients for his favourite meal.

It felt wrong to only make one cup of coffee instead of two.

People always say the first week is the hardest, and they weren’t kidding. You found yourself crying at the smallest things and very frequently. When a song would play on the radio or if you saw the devils post about him — tears would blur your vision. Your parents tried their best to keep your mind off of it but it was difficult when everything in Michigan reminded you of him. It was difficult to get out of bed or to eat or fall asleep, everything seemed to move so slowly or maybe it moved too fast and you couldn’t quite keep up.

You slowly got out of bed and moved to get ready for the day. You had reached out to Ethan and Mark, your closest friends from college, to see if they wanted to spend the day with you.

Ethan and Mark were originally friends with him but inevitably became close friends with you in the process of your relationship forming. They kept your spirits high while you were doing long distance with your boyfriend and provided a great support system for you.

When you pulled out an old UMich hockey t-shirt from your dresser, you remembered vividly the day that the two of you had a flour fight in the kitchen while attempting to bake cookies.

“I hope you know that Ellen never let me in the kitchen to bake.” He chuckled behind you as you pulled out the ingredients from the cupboards. His arms were wrapped around your waist as his face was tucked into the crook of your neck.

You giggled, “I promise you that you can bake. Plus I’m right here anyways!”

"You're going to distract me by having my last name on the back of your shirt y'know," He mumbled against the skin of your neck, his curls tickling you.

"You act like I don't regularly wear your clothes." You teased him, leaned down to kiss his temple. You could feel the smile that grew on his face from your words.

"Okay, little miss baker, tell me where to start," He said to you before finally pulling away. You guided him through the different measurements and ingredients to add to the bowl. His country playlist hummed quietly in the background as the kitchen was filled with your lively conversations and the common laugh here and there.

It was all tame until it came to mixing the ingredients, "Luke!" You gasped as flour went flying out the edge of the bowl, "You're spilling it!"

"It's not my fault that I'm just that strong, have you seen my biceps?" He joked as you tried to scoop the flour into your hands. Your hands were covered in white when a mischievous smile drew across your lips,

"You mean these big biceps?" You smirked while planting a large handprint on the sleeve of his black crewneck. HIs jaw dropped at the sight of your hands on his clothes,

"You did not!" He cried out dramatically, releasing the wooden spoon that he held, "Oh you just started something that you're going to lose."

Your eyes widened while he grabbed a small fistful of flour directly from the bag and tossed it at the front of your (his) navy t-shirt. The cloud of white caused you to cough a bit before bursting into a fit of laughter. Yeah, so much for a peaceful cute afternoon of baking cookies with your boyfriend.

The memory that played in your head caused a flood of tears to flow from your eyes. It left you crumbled on your bedroom floor with the same shirt clutched to your chest as sobs shook your body. You didn’t even hear the two boys come into your room.

Ethan held you close as he let the tears run their course, while Mark had quietly cleaned up your room — knowing that you were never a fan of a messy space. He sorted your clothes into their designated drawers and tossed garbage into the trash before returning back to you.

“Oh you poor thing,” Ethan mumbled into your hair as you tried to regulate your breathing, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m trying so hard to not think of him,” You choked out as you wipe away the tears, “But everything reminds me of him.”

“You don’t need him,” Mark said to you, sitting down at the foot of your bed, “He’s been hurting you and he doesn’t deserve all these tears.”

Ethan nodded along to Mark’s words, “Exactly, plus you’re hot and sexy so like you can pull any other guy in the world.”

You let out a weak laugh through your sniffles, “I can’t even imagine dating someone who’s not Luke.”

“Have you spoke to him since you left?” Ethan asked, his arms resting to his sides. You shook your head,

“I told him not to reach out to me and he hasn’t said a thing since.”

“Good for Hughesy,” Mark mumbled, “I’m surprised that he actually listened.”

“You deserve so much more, you know that right?” Ethan said to you, while wearing a sad smile on his usual happy face.

You wiped a rogue tear from your cheek, “I know. That’s why I left in the first place, I couldn’t keep doing what we were doing.”

“You’re so strong,” Mark told you, rubbing slow circles on your back with his hand, “We’re both really proud of you. We love Lukey, he was our teammate but we also love you too.”

“Thanks guys,” You replied, finally calming down. Mark gave you a hand up from the bed before the two of them guided you out of your house for the first time in a while. You got into Ethan's car, you in the passenger seat while Mark took the back seat. Ethan started driving to who knows where while you just rolled down the window.

You leaned your head towards the window and enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing through your hair. The sun was warm on your skin, your body most definitely soaking up every bit of the sunlight. Music played from the stereo but you didn't pay much attention to the lyrics, only reflecting on the thoughts that played in your head.

It was a strange feeling from having a constant in your life for the past four-ish years in the shape of your boyfriend to not having him at all. It would be a lie if you said that you didn't miss him because in reality, every fibre of your being did.

You told yourself every hour of each day that you deserved more than what he gave you, but you missed him. The version of him that you fell so deeply in love with all those years ago. His soft eyes that were adorned with love and his cute crooked smile that fill your body with butterflies. All of the sweet words he would say to you when you were having a rough day, and how safe his arms felt.

It is never easy to date a professional athlete, but boy was it ever so easy to love one.

"You okay?" Mark asked quietly as Ethan parked the car, his voice pulled you out of your trance.

"Yeah, I'm okay." You offered the two boys a smile, "Just thinking, that's all."

Ethan's hand brushed over your upper arm, "C'mon, let's get some ice cream. It's the solution to everything."

You followed the two hockey players into the ice cream parlour, each of you choosing a flavour before paying. Ethan paid for yours after claiming that it was the least he could do after what his idiotic best friend did to you. The three of you sat outside on the bench, laughing at whatever story Mark was explaining to you.

The boys were right, ice cream does seem to solve every problem. The cold sugary sweetness of the dessert dancing in your mouth as you grinned at your friends in front of you seemed to bring the happier side of you out.

And just for a moment, it did feel like everything is finally okay. That everything does happen for a reason and the end of the emotionally tolling relationship, you would be okay. Until your phone vibrated.

Luke: Hey, do you have time to talk?

Luke: I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now, but please this is important.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach, and you assumed the smile on your face dropped too as you read the notification.

"Everything okay?" Ethan asked cautiously, his eyes bouncing between you and your phone that you were intensely staring at.

You swallowed hard, "He just texted me."

Mark's lips tightened into a thin line, "I guess I spoke too soon... Are you going to reply?"

"I don't know," You mumbled, rereading his texts again, "Should I?"

"It's up to you honestly," Ethan responded, glancing over your shoulder to see what the devils player sent to you, "Do you want to hear what he has to say?"

"Sort of... But I think it's because I feel bad for just leaving him without saying anything."

"But you did say something to him!" Mark commented, "You told him how you felt and how you saw things, he should've changed his behaviour right after you spoke to him. Not after you finally left."

"He's not wrong," Ethan hummed, agreeing with Mark, "He's probably going to say something like... I'm so sorry, I miss you so much baby, I love you, and I promise I'm going to change or at least some sort of bullshit like that."

You frowned, knowing that they had good points. You decided that you would make your decision later and opted to head back to your home with Ethan and Mark. You were enjoying your time with your friends and you refused to let him ruin that for you.

Besides, did you actually want to hear from him? Is he going to ask you to get back together with him? Is he going to tell you that he's going to change and promise to not treat you like that again?

More importantly, what are you going to say? Would you take him back? Would you fall for his empty promise about changing yet again?

All these thoughts danced in your head as you laid in bed that night. You had yet to respond to his two text messages. You knew in your gut that you physically could not handle the feeling of being a second or third choice to him. Not again. You knew that you deserved to be loved and cherished so loudly and proudly, which he failed to do on multiple occasions.

But him talking to you was important to him, and it was going to mean something to him. So you replied,

You: does a phone call work with you?

His response was immediate.

Luke: Yeah, if that's what you want. Is now okay?

You looked at the top right corner of your phone screen, seeing that it was 8:13PM. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, debating if you were ready to hear his voice again. But if you didn't do it now, it would probably keep you awake all night.

You: ya, now is fine

In seconds, your screen lit up with his contact photo that made your stomach twist. You had yet to change it and it was one of your favourite photos of you two together. You pressed the pick-up button to his call, taking a sharp inhale as you did so.

"Hey," You heard his voice and suddenly the walls that you had built up seemed to crumble a bit. His voice was shaky and you could tell from his tone that he hadn't been sleeping. He sounded exhausted.

Your hands trembled slightly as they held the phone to your ear, "Hi."

"I wasn't sure if you would actually pick up," He breathed out, you could tell that he was trying to suppress the shakiness in his words, "But, I'm really glad that you did."

You only hummed in response, you didn't know what to say. What do you say to your now ex-boyfriend after pulling an Irish goodbye on a random Tuesday afternoon.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," He continued after pausing for a moment, "I wish I could tell you this in person because you deserve an apology face to face, rather than over the phone."

"I don't think I would fly to New Jersey for an apology." You replied with a slightly harsher tone than his and harsher than you anticipated.

You heard him stammer at your words, then hesitation as he seemed to be calculating the right words to say next, "Then I guess right now would be a bad time to tell you that I'm at your front door."

You sat up from your previously lying position, your hand clutching onto your phone even tighter, "You're what?"

You scrambled from your bed, in your oversized t-shirt and small athletic shorts, running down the stairs of your parent's home to the front door. You peeked from the glass to see his tall figure standing on the front porch.

You hung up the phone call and opened the door slightly. The air in your throat hitched as you took in the sight of him. He wore his sweatpants with the black Artizia hoodie that he had 'borrowed' from you. His curls were hidden under a Yankees cap that you knew he loved so much.

His eyes that were typically so bright, were dull. He had signs of the lack of sleep he's gotten, evident in his dark under eye bags and his paler skin. He looked just as exhausted as he sounded over the phone.

"Wha- What are you doing here?" You stuttered out, still in shock that he was standing in front of you rather than in your apartment back in Jersey.

His hand rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous tick that he had, "You didn't respond to me when I first texted you and I got worried that something might have happened to you... So I called your mom and she told me that I can come over to try to fix it."

You were at a loss of words.

"You called my mom? No wait, you flew from New Jersey this afternoon to check on me?" You repeated his words, in somewhat of a state of shock from the information you were still processing.

"I know you told me to not come and find you or talk to you," He swallowed hard before stuffing his hands into the pocket of your sweater that he wore, "But you deserve an actual apology for what I put you through. You didn't deserve any of that."

You slowly nodded, still catching up on the situation. You opened the door further, welcoming him into the home that he had visited on multiple occasions. You guided him to your childhood bedroom, with you sitting on your mattress while he opted for the chair by your desk.

"I'm sorry for just showing up," He said to you, pulling off his hat and resting it on the desk, "It's just- It didn't sit right with me that I made you feel unwanted and unloved and that I didn't care about you and that you never got to hear me say sorry."

Your focus was on your hands and twisting the rings that you wore, and only briefly glancing up to look at him as he spoke to you.

"I am so sorry," He started, his voice regaining the slight shakiness that it had over the phone, "I never meant to hurt you like that and I know that's so stupid of me to say after doing all of that to you. You didn't deserve to feel that way ever and it makes me feel sick that I did that to you after everything- after everything you have done for me."

Your heart clenched and twisted at the way his voice got heavy as he tried to bury down his tears. You could hear it. Your chest felt tighter as he rambled on and your vision blurred as your eyes glossed over.

"You've done nothing but love and support me through everything and you're the best thing to ever happen to me," You finally pulled your eyes away from your rings and locked eyes with his blue ones. The same blue ones that you fell in love with, now brimmed with tears.

"Hockey has always been a big part of me and it's a part of who I am but you, you are my future and you are what I live for." He told you, a singular tear escaping from the corner of his eyes as he slowly approached you.

You stayed sitting on your bed as he lowered to his knees and carefully took your hands into his, "I don't deserve your forgiveness. Not after everything I put you through. But I love you. I love you so fucking much. You are the reason that I am where I am and I am who I am."

"I love you and I've done a shit fucking job of showing it lately and you deserve so much more than what I have given you," He said while pressing a kiss on your knuckles,

“You’re the love of my life, my every feeling is controlled by the look of your face,” Luke confessed with his hands running through his curls as he started spilling the emotions he wanted to desperately show you, “Fuck knows I can’t sleep without you.”

“I exist for you,” He breathed out, looking directly into your eyes, “If I could take it all back and make sure that you never doubted your position in my life, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“Luke…” You mumbled out, your voice soft as you sat frozen in place. 

His large hands cupped your cheeks as he looked up to meet your downward tilted face, his thumb gently brushing away the loose strands that had fallen over your eyes. 

“I know,” He whispered, “It kills me every day knowing that you are far away from my life and it kills me to know that I could have prevented it."

You slowly nodded with your glossy eyes and a small smile starting to etch onto your face, “Oh, Luke.”

“God, I fucking love you and I can’t ever see myself with anyone else because you’re it for me. I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that's what it means to keep you, I love you."

“I love you too, Luke” You smiled as tears finally started to fall from your eyes. He smiled back at you,

“Don’t say too because then you’re just agreeing with me." Luke teased while wiping away your tears.

You giggled, “I love you Luke Hughes.”

You grabbed his biceps and pulled him to his feet as you stood up from the bed. Your arms immediately wrapped around his neck while his instinctively looped around your middle, "Let's never do that again." You said to him and he let out a breathy chuckle,

"I don't think I can handle being away from you." He whispered before kissing your lips softly, "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," You mumbled against his lips.

[dannyriccsystem]

Hiii can we have No.3 and 50 for Lando? Thank youuu

I DON’T WANT TO LIE, I’VE BEEN RELYING ON YOU.

1K SPECIAL - LN4

Soft make out session + “I want your hands on me. You won’t break me, I promise.”

SUMMARY: Lando needs some help when it comes to touching you.

WORD COUNT: 1.1K

WARNINGS: Suggestive, fluff, slight comfort

FEATURING: Lando Norris x Reader

IT WAS A MINOR MISHAP. Not even something you thought twice about, but Lando’s been carrying it like a heavy weight on his shoulders. During an act of intimacy, your body had frightened him, bleeding upon penetration. You quickly explained it was a normal thing, but Lando politely excused himself and the night was over before it even started.

Your feelings weren’t hurt then, because you could understand being a little bit shaken, especially if you didn’t know that was something that happened from time to time. He was under the assumption he did something wrong— That he hurt you. So no, it didn’t make you feel bad, but the following days certainly did.

You could tell he was avoiding being too touchy with you again. It was a stark contrast in comparison to the way your relationship worked before. He used to always have his hands on you, desperate for your attention and praise. Now, he seemed distant, and it was really frustrating. It started to feel less like concern and more like disgust, and that wasn’t fair to you. You didn’t get to control things like that.

Your breaking point was during movie night. Every Tuesday, on his weeks off, you both stayed in to watch a movie of one of your’s choosing, alternating each week who got to pick. This week it was your decision. The lights were dimmed, the couch covered in blankets and pillows for extra comfort. You subconsciously threw your legs over his lap, not even thinking about it.

Normally he’d put one hand on your calf and rub slow circles into you. It was a comforting sensation, having him constantly and carefully caressing you. But tonight you felt him tense up and shift with discomfort, his hands lifting to rest on the back of the couch. He was acting like a goddamn virgin.

“Lando,” You snapped firmly as you pulled your legs back, sitting up on your knees. He jolted, making eye contact with you, his gaze uncertain. It wasn’t fair that he always looked so pretty, because you were meant to be scolding him when all you wanted to do was kiss his stupid face. You were deprived of his love. “What’s going on with you? Is this about the other night?”

He blinked slowly and you could practically see the gears turning in his head, looking to churn up some sort of excuse or dismissive answer. “What are you talking about?” Just like that, yep.

“You’ve clearly been avoiding me. Deny it all you want but there’s something different about you, and it’s making me feel shitty. You won’t touch me, you won’t kiss me, you barely hug me anymore.” You took a deep breath, needing some air after spouting all of that word vomit. “I just- Is it something I did?”

He softened, his hypothetical tail tucked between his legs. His hands were clasped over his lap while he gently twiddled his thumbs. “No,” He started with a huff. He broke apart his hold on himself, his right hand running through his hair while the left pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, you didn’t do anything.”

“Then what is causing this?”

“I’m just scared of hurting you,” He admitted quietly— Vulnerably. You could see the uncertainty in his eyes, and your cold exterior melted away to harbor some sympathy. “I know it was natural, but I got to thinking about how rough I’ve been, and about how- how I could easily hurt you without meaning to, and that’s just…” He trailed off.

“Scary?” You finished for him. He looked at you, finally looked at you like he was actually listening, and he nodded. “It’s okay to be scared. You’re meant to trust me like I trust you.” You grabbed his calloused hand, smoothing it out with both of yours. He squeezed your palm. “But I know you’re not going to hurt me, and if you do, I know it’s not intentional. This was one little slip up— And, I mean, it wasn’t even really that.” You looked down at his hand in yours. “I don’t want things to stop because of that.”

Lando always felt like he wasn’t allowed to be weak around you. Around anyone, for that matter. He always had the media on his back, reminding him time and time again that he shouldn’t be so frail mentally. He needed to toughen up to have that champion mindset, but he couldn’t help the way his brain was constantly tearing itself apart.

But right now, it was a breakthrough moment. You were too sweet and too genuine, because the way you looked at him, like he hung the moon and the stars for you, made his heart thunder in his chest at a nearly concerning rate. Not even racing kicked up his adrenaline this fast.

“Then… Will you show me how?” His query was vague. You tilted your head and that prompted him to follow up, “Show me how to love you.”

You grinned, and it sent that sinking feeling in his chest packing. With that beautiful smile of yours, it was impossible for him not to mirror it. “Of course I will.” You pushed yourself up, climbing over onto his lap. He was still tense, and it was obvious, but you figured it would melt away as you went on.

You placed his hands on your own hips, firmly pressing them down to let him know you were fine. His fingers curled in slightly, hot palms pressed against your shirt. “Good,” You praised softly. You leaned in for a kiss, your lips connecting in a sensual peck. That’s how it began, a series of one peck after another, followed by noisy ‘smooches’.

But it started to develop further, where he’d have to pull back to gasp for air before diving back against your mouth for more. His hands had fallen back, and his actions were still extra tender. There was a barrier between you two, and it was obvious. Longer kisses didn’t equate to passion.

“Touch me, Lan,” You muttered against his plush lips whilst grabbing his wrists, almost aggressively. You placed his hands right on your ass, holding them there. “You’re not gonna hurt me— I’m not fragile.”

When you looked at him, you could tell he wanted to argue his insecurities again. So instead you just didn’t give him the opportunity to. You crashed into osculation again, releasing your hold on him. This time he kept his hands there, firmly gripping your backside.

“I love you,” he mumbled between kisses, replacing his air with words. He was smiling against you, the passion in his words evident.

You ran your fingers through his curls, gripping the soft locks to pull him further into you. He chuckled at your desperation, making your cheeks flush with warmth. Yes, this was what it should have been like. “I love you too,” You mused, shortly followed by, “I hope it stays that way forever.”

[heartyluv]

Note: Just thought about being friends with benefits with Caleb…. I really can’t stop writing about him. HE WON’T GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!!

Word Count: 1,080

Rating: Explicit - !!Minors DO NOT Interact!!

Warning: Smut

FWB&Jealous!Caleb/Reader Headcanons

❃ He texts you past like 12 in the morning at least four times a week. It’s always, “Hey. You up?”

❃ Of course you’re up. Partially because you rarely get to bed at a decent time, but also because you know you’re going to get that message from him asking if you’re okay with him coming over at some point.

❃ You say yes every time and because he knows you’re going to say yes, he’s already outside your door. Like I believe he gets ready, comes to your house, and then sends the text.

❃ Caleb is a really good friend. Like besides the mind blowing sex, him coming over like this isn’t something out of the ordinary. In fact, it’s expected. You just never know if the night is going to end simply with you two falling asleep on the couch with the TV on or in your bed with his cock still nestled inside of you because both of you are too lazy to get up.

❃ Caleb settles for FWB…for now. Like duh, he wants more with you, wayyyy more. But in this scenario, I feel like you’ve mentioned how you’re not ready for a relationship or something like that, so he refused to confess what he really wants so that he can keep you. He’s ready when you are, really.

❃ He definitely is the one who suggested that you two start sleeping together. You’ve told him how curious you were about sex, but how you feared giving yourself to some guy who didn’t deserve it.

❃ And he was your first. Once that happened, oh you were stuck with him without even knowing it.

❃ “I can show you, if you’d like. I promise to take care of you like you deserve. Doesn’t even have to be anything weird, you know? Just one time so you know what it feels like. I don’t mind, really.”

❃ But you became addicted and you never wanted to acknowledge if it was because it was Caleb or just sex in general. A big part of you already knew the answer, but you’d never admit it to yourself. So when you told him what you were craving, he was more than ready to be your fuck buddy.

❃ When he comes in this time though, he seems tense. Being his friend, you’re genuinely concerned. What Caleb doesn’t want to tell you is how he found out from a mutual friend that you were planning on going on a date with some guy you met at work. He told Caleb this, thinking nothing of it, because Caleb has never told anyone how he felt about you.

❃ He tried to ignore it, tried to think that you wouldn’t even be interested. But the more Caleb thought about the stipulations you put on your… “situation”, the more it became impossible for him to sit with.

❃ I think you’d say something like if either of you started dating, you’d cut it off. No more sex, just friends, and if someone couldn’t deal with that, it was healthy for the both of you to end it all entirely. He couldn’t have that. He’d never allow it.

❃ So he’s going to show you through his actions how serious he is about you.

❃ Caleb doesn’t even want to beat around the bush. He’s grabbing on you, kissing you, breathing into your mouth, just making you take him, soon as he walks in. And he’s done this before when he’s been stressed with work or when he’s just really eager to take a load off.

❃ Because of that, you let him pull your clothes off while you strip him of his, and you never ask him what’s wrong until he gets his fill. And he’s making you ride him right there on your couch with only the light from the moon streaming in, he doesn’t give a DAMN!

❃ He’s stroking himself while he waits for you to sit on that dick I’M TELLING YOU!!!! IMAGINE ONLY BEING ABLE TO HEAR HIS HEAVY BREATHING, THE WET NOISE OF HIS COCK!!!! I’M SPIRALING.

❃ And when you start whimpering his name like a prayer while you sink down onto his cock…. He. Is. Losing. His. Mind. He’s spilling everything, he doesn’t even careeee what you’re thinking right now, all you need to do is listen.

❃ “I’m so in love with you. The thought of you letting anyone else but me get the privilege to see you like this makes me nauseous. Could you deal with me killing a man for you? Because if you ever let him experience this, I wouldn’t hesitate. Tell me what you need from me and I’ll become that and more to fulfill your every desire.”

❃ He’s hitting in you so deep, biting your skin, committing the way your walls soak him, suck him up, embrace him, to memory. It’s engraved in his psyche…

❃ He gets tired of feeling like he’s not close enough, not deep enough. He knows your space like it’s his own, so he easily navigates to your bedroom in the dark, all while he’s STILL SEATED IN YOU TO THE BRIM..

❃ He’s putting you in that bed, spreading them legs so wide, and he is nailing you THROUGH THE DAMN MATTRESS TILL IT HITS THE FUCKING FLOOR! AND HE’S BEGGING!!!!!!

❃ “I’ll make you see. I’ll make you realize how much I belong to you. I want to live in your body, I want to stay a part of you forever. I’ll do everything in my power, baby. Please take me, please, please don’t make me have to know what it’s like without you.”

❃ Kissing your jaw, sucking your nipples, rotating his hips so you feel his cock, all the way to the VEINS…

❃ “I’m not pulling out, I want you to feel my cum, baby. You’ll let me, won’t you? You’ll let me spill into you? Please tell me yes.. I’m so fucking close…”

❃ And yes… he’s on the verge of tears. And when you start running your hand through his hair while he’s WHIMPERING IN YOUR NECK…. The man doesn’t even know he’s coming until he’s COMING.

❃ He doesn’t stop either. Even when both of you come, he’s still rocking into you sloooowwwwlyyyy. CAN YOU FEEL IT?!!? Like back and forth, in an out, cum is spilling out of you, sticking onto your skin, staining your bed…. Like your clit is SCREAMING.. but you don’t want him to stop.

❃ You two just start making out. I’m talking sloppy, tongue everywhere, and he moves his hips ever so slightly just so you know how he’s still right there… AND YOU CANT STOP CLENCHING MY GOD…

❃ I NEED TO STOP BECAUSE I CAN GO ON ABOUT THIS FOREVER…

[gay-dorito-dust]

how do you think vergil and dante try to make up after an argument with reader? especially if they were wrong in the first place :) ?

Dante

He will give up half of his pizza for your forgivness. He doesn't like fights, hell he doesn't like raising his voice either, so arguing with you was his least favouirte thing and he will do in order to get back into your good books.

He didn't even like it when his parents showed signs of irritation or annoyance, the two people whom he wanted a love like, he doesn't like the idea that one day you two could get into a full blown argument that will ultimately end in you two seperating. It was his worst fear and the moment he knows he's in the wrong and you leave the room, he immedilty hopes there was hope for him to make up for his stupidity, anything in hopes of having you stay with his dumbass.

So Dante was more then willing to do anything he could think of that he knew would make things okay, he wants things to be okay again, he can't loose you he just can't. He’ll do whatever you want him to do without question. So if you want him to clean then he’ll clean, you want him to be more careful on missions then he’ll be as careful as possible and come home unscathed for you, if you want him to share his sundae he’ll do it because he’s secretly scared that you’ll leave him and never look back.

Just talk to him because he needs clarity after all is said and done becuase his mind isn’t the best place and he’s frantic in ways of making it up to you, he’ll even be more affectionate with if you if that’s even possible and telling you he loves you and how sorry he was for being an idiot, a fool, so on so forth. Seriously this man needs a massive hug for his fear of people leaving him run deep it’s not funny. He’s pulling out all the stops for you and still doesn’t think it’s enough until you say it’s enough, this is a side of Dante you didn’t know existed until your first argument. It’s heartbreaking and sad to see him with the face of a frightened boy when he thinks you’re about to walk out the door.

Vergil

He's a stubborn mule that will not move, he will not appologise even if he was the one in the wrong, the man almsot has an hesitance to admit it in the first place. So forgivness from Vergil is going to take a while and it will be gruelling and exhausting at times, but soon enough Vergil will come to realise that life is too short to upkeep a mindset that will only hurt and damage the best thing he’s had in a long, long time.

Vergil doesn’t change his mind once it’s made up, it’s impossible to make him see otherwise as he thinks he is absolute in his ways, it’s borderline annoying and can get on your nerves to the point where a break is much more then needed. So the moment you walk out the door Vergil believes he’s won the argument, it’s some weird demon trait to never back down from anything even a silly argument is considered a victory.

Yet Vergil waits for you to come back and when you don’t after a certain time, he’s on his feet as his hand reaches for the Yamato, and just before he could slice open a portal in your living room you would return but not give him any closure on where you went. You were tired and didn’t feel the need to start another argument over where it was that you went, before retreating to your room and shutting the door without another word.

Vergil’s tune will have changed slightly as he realises that anything could’ve happened to you while you were out, that the argument was soon to be an omen if it was to be the last thing you ever did or said to one another. Vergil would be compelled to think like a human for once and actually consider that he was in the wrong and that he needed to make it up to you, in hopes that the fear that shot through him wouldn’t ever dare be repeated.

To earn back your forgiveness Vergil would plant notes here and there, notes that contained moments where he realised that through you there was more to life then gaining power, how he’s an foolish man for ever having started an argument with the love of his life. He knew that an apology through notes wouldn’t make up for much of how the argument had affected you both, so he’ll say everything he’s written down to your face along with so much more. His demon instincts have always told him that winning was everything, but his human side tells him that it wasn’t everything if he lost everything; if he lost you. So Vergil was now determined to say everything that he had kept under lock and key within himself, being more open and spending more time with you than he normally did after missions.

His actions have always spoke louder and he’s more than willing to prove that he’s sorry by prioritising you and emphasising just how much you had changed him and how he will forever be grateful of that, because much like his brother, Vergil feared being alone again.

[blackbat05]

Opposites Attract

Congressman Bucky x Library Staff Reader

Plot: You were never really one for politics, but when Congressman James "Bucky" Barnes and an Avenger comes to grace the library for work, he may just prove you wrong...

Genre: PG-13

A/N: Super self-indulgent (yet again). Watched Thunderbolts over the weekend and despite being very partial to the MCU, this movie seriously impressed me! I love my rag-tag team~ Please excuse the subpar writing as I feel like I'm still in a funk.

He absolutely regrets this.

Yeah he should have never agreed to this.

“Congressman Barnes?”

The secertary snaps him out of his anxiety hazed stupor. “Sorry Linda, you were saying?”

“As I was saying, your appearance at the public library has been shifted up to 2pm. There’s a kid’s program and they’re hoping you’ll be able to grace them with your presence.” Linda informs.

“Thank you.” Bucky dismisses the secretary, immediately taking out his darned notes that Gary insisted he had to read.

“New York Public Library recently had their children’s library go under redevelopment…”

***

“Y/N!” Darcy rushes over. The young girl drags a chair to sit beside you as you’re pouring over the story time you planned for the kids coming in for the reading session at 2pm.

“Someone’s awfully cheery after lunch.”

“Congressman James Barnes is coming! To our library!” She hisses with excitement. “Gosh he’s so cute, I hope he gets to interact with the kids because that would just make me explode!”

“Okayyy, someone needs to calm down on the caffeine.” You swivel your chair to face her. “First of all, he’s doing his duty Darcy, second of all aren’t you being too vocal with your fantasies?”

“A girl can dream.” Darcy singsongs. “Good luck!”

You sigh at her enthusiasm that was bordering on naivety. The congressman was probably going to be the same as the rest, they always are. They’ll come and show their faces for photos and leave without truly understanding what they had to be here for.

Though a part of you can’t help but to agree with Darcy. Those good looks are wasted in politics.

The clock read 1.15pm. You should start getting ready for the session.

***

“You seem very engrossed in that packet, sir.”

“I find it tough how we can fund billions for weapons and nuclear warfare but it takes almost six years to refurbish the children’s section of the New York Library.”

“I can’t say anything else apart from my need to agree with you, sir.” Linda crisply responds.

Bucky stays silent, thinking about his own memories as a child in the library. A library was meant to be a safe space, away from the ruckus of life.

The car rolls to a stop and Bucky gets out with two guards trailing behind him.

“What am I? An invalid? I don’t need bodyguards, Linda. This is a Children’s Library. I don’t need them to have more things to be scared of.”

“Apologies sir. I’ll speak with the Director and make other necessary arrangements after the event.”

“Yeah, you do that.”

The trio departs from Bucky who decides to take the chance to explore the library that was as every bit as he remembered it.

He takes a random book and finds a spot that is hidden away from the public eye to do some people watching at the Children’s Library.

Mothers take this chance for a reprieve and catch up with their friends while the little ones try to flip big picture books with much effort. The older children roam around the series section, discussing in excited hushed voices the latest book that they had each read. Bucky’s heart oddly feels satisfied when he sees a little boy nose deep into a Geronimo Stilton book. Ah, a timeless classic for kids.

“Congressman Barnes?”

Bucky turns around, slightly apologetic that he had been people watching for too long.

“I’m the children’s librarian- well, technically support staff. I’m working towards becoming a librarian but of course you didn’t need to know that.” You inwardly cursed at yourself. He’s definitely going to think you’re bonkers.

Then, he chuckled.

Actually chuckled.

“I’ll be sitting in your session later? I promise not to stare as much.”

Before you can get a good word in, the charming congressman strolls away, leaving you in a mess.

***

"Good afternoon children!" You put on your best enthusiastic voice, as you greet the crowd.

"Good afternoon Ms Y/N!"

Even after doing this for too many times to count, being in front of children who were waiting to be impressed still gave you the jitters. Nevertheless, you were proud to say that you had build rapport with them steadily over the past six months.

"So, we've been reading books about values and I thought we could continue our discussion with a short but humorous story that I know will promise a good laugh." You show the book, eliciting a couple of giggles from the children.

“Today’s story is by Jon Klassen and it’s titled - I want my hat back…”

***

By the end of the story, the children were throughly amused at the simple but larger than life visuals that told a clear message. You were also glad that all that practice of different animal voices came in handy.

“Thank you for listening so well! For the last part of our session as we won’t be seeing each other for two weeks, we can do something fun! We’re going to create our very own paper hats!” You continued. “That’s not all, we’ll be doing it with a very special guest so I want all of you to help him along okay?”

Once you introduced Bucky, you offered him to roam around the tables where the children were already planning how to design the best hat.

As you helped a boy add stickers to his hat, your attention is diverted to a mini commotion at the table ahead.

“What’s all the buzz about?” You moved closer, almost bursting into unruly laughter yourself when you see the Congressman sitting in tiny plastic chair wearing a red cone hat similar to the character while the kids fluttered around to add sparkles and glitters, blissfully unaware of your presence.

Not Bucky though as his eyes widen at the sight of you. You give a slight cough to get the attention of the children.

“Alright now, let’s not crowd around Mr Barnes.” You ushered the children away, giving a couple of soft apologies on their behalf.

“Don’t be. I enjoyed it.” He appeared to have snapped out of his momentary embarrassment of being covered in glitter, back to his charming self that you had the privilege of experiencing firsthand.

The rest of the session went smoothly (and glitter free). Bucky watches you bid goodbye to each kid in a unique and special way, from fist bumps to hugs and sometimes just a simple wave of the hand to the quieter kids. The children's section is quiet once more and he is amazed how you flutter around the tables, cleaning up effortlessly.

"Can I help?" He finds himself speaking up.

"Oh, that's alright. Wouldn't want to get your suit all messed up." You respond airily, trying to ignore the close proximity with Bucky.

"I insist." He says firmly and starts helping you to gather the scissors. You can't help but to notice how there's a butterfly sticker on his metal hand.

"A little girl - Lucy, she put this on me." He explains fondly. "Can't bear to take it off, at least not today."

Lucy. She never failed to turn up for every library session. Although she wasn't the loudest in the room, she participated with a quiet determination. Which was why you found this revelation particularly surprising.

"That's amazing. She takes a while to warm up to strangers. Well, not that you aren't a complete stranger. You're an Avenger- oh I'm doing it again aren't I?"

"That's okay." Bucky reassures you calmly. "I like it."

His straightforwardness throws you off, leaving you flustered but oddly pleased.

"Hey-"

"No, you go first."

"Do you want to get a drink?" Bucky asks. Before you could respond, loud voices could be heard from the adult's section, slowly becoming much louder.

"Oh no..."

"There you are!" Bucky spots Alexi from a mile away with that strikingly bright red suit. The rest of the team hushes him collectively, with Yelena attempting to make herself as small as possible.

"We've been trying to call you! Then your assistant- and she said you were in this place of knowledge! Oh, and who is this lady?" Alexi stares at you, intrigued. Bucky steps in front, feeling protective.

"Alright, can we focus, please?" Bucky shoots you an apologetic look that you clearly understood.

You'll have to reschedule.

***

“So! Are you not going to tell us who she is?” John is the first to broach the topic. Bucky gives him one of his famous death glares. However, this only encourages him and the rest of the team more.

"She seems lovely." Yelena teases, "Though I'm not sure why she would be attracted to a grump like you."

"Opposites attract." Ava adds helpfully (or unhelpfully in Bucky's opinion).

The jet flies across the ocean, making its way back home. Bucky taps his foot impatiently. Any longer with this group and having to endure their teasing might just make him commit daylight murder.

Bucky feels a buzz in his pocket and he fishes out his phone to read the message.

"Oooooh! Someone's texted back!" The team is in sync with their onslaught on their leader.

"Someone just kill me now." He mumbles under his breath.

*** You tug on your cardigan, waiting for Bucky on the steps of the library.

"Doll!" You hear a familiar voice that made your heart skip a beat. Though you must say, you were a little shocked to find out that he wasn't alone.

"Hello! Miss Librarian!" Alexi booms.

"Oh my god Dad she has a name." Yelena groans.

"Yes but she is proud of her job no?"

"Sorry about these idiots. Hi, John Walker." The man extends his hand for a handshake before being brushed aside by Bucky.

"Hi," you decide to make yourself known. "Bucky's told me about all of you."

"Whatever he's told you, don't believe all of it. The man's too grumpy for his own good." Yelena pipes up as Ava nods.

"Ok! And it is time for you to all go. The jet does not need a parking ticket." Bucky interjects pushing his teammates away from you. "Bob's waiting!"

With a couple more goodbyes, the jet zooms away, leaving the two of you still standing on the steps of the library.

"Not everyday my date is late because he's keeping the world safe from bad guys and outer space threats." You joke.

Bucky doesn't say a word and you're suddenly afraid that you may have fried his internal circuits.

"Sorry, I wasn't mad-"

"I'm your date?" He says with a grin and your words slowly sink in.

"Oh, well... I thought... um..." You scramble for words much to Bucky's amusement and he takes a step closer towards you.

"Would it be weird to say right now that I was thinking exactly the same thing?"

The both of you laugh and your stomach takes this moment to grumble loudly.

"Someone's hungry. I know a good Japanese Restaurant."

"I'm always down for good food."

He slots his fingers in between yours, holding on to your hand firmly.

"Great, then Sushi awaits."

"You are a god send."

[im-human-i-matter-i-exist]

@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT  STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS YOURE EVIL YOURE VILE VILE VILE!!!!

dude stop trying to garner context and character traits from the objects in my room i know youre doing it. stop clicking on shit im not gonna tell you about - oh that picture is of me and my dad. yeah he's not really in my life anymore i just keep it around cause im sentimental- DUDE

[tom-whore-dleston]

Better Boyfriend

Pairing: Void!Bob Reynolds x f. reader

Word Count: 1.8k

This fic includes: spoilers from Thunderbolts*, angst, flashbacks of past relationships, arguments between reader and exes, cursing, minor violence?, drowning, unedited writing

Summary: You encounter Void and revisit ex-relationships you never recovered from.

Notes: The fact this is the second piece I wrote in a row just shows how I am soo back!! I feel like this character is really challenging me as a writer and I love it! With that said, I am still gonna take whatever y'all throw at me that's Bob related. On a more serious note, I should mention that the flashbacks are based on my real life experiences so writing about them felt like lifting a huge weight off my chest. Dove Cameron's Boyfriend was used as loose inspiration for the fic.

request: KINDA NEED SOMETHING FOR VOID !!! LIKE WANT HIM OBSESSED OR SOMETHING PLEASE PLEASE -Anon

The day you got trapped in the void was like any other day. 

You were taking a walk in the city, coffee in hand, when you noticed a crowd of bystanders staring up in the sky. Your curiosity got the best of you as the crowd began gasping with frightened looks on their faces. Head tilting towards the sky, you found a shadow-like figure floating in mid-air. All of a sudden, some people in the crowd turned to black shadows, causing everyone to panic and run in the opposite direction of the floating figure. One by one, civilians turned to dark shadows, yet you remained calm and unphased by the chaos around you. After being a victim of the snap, you were numb to encounters with out of this world evil.

The shadowy figure descended from the sky, landing slowly in front of you. He had these intense illuminating eyes, a huge contrast from the literal darkness that consumed his form. An arm reached out towards your face. 

You should have been afraid. You should have screamed and ran away. Anything for the sake of your life. Instead, you let this human-esque darkness touch you, caress your cheek, and you clasped your own hand over his.

Then, everything went black.

You were unsure of how long you had been asleep. You couldn’t even recognize where you were upon waking up. It felt like you had woken up from an awful hangover, except you don’t recall drinking at all.

Actually, everything looked strangely familiar. You blinked before realizing you were in the backseat of the first car you had ever owned. The leather of the interior was still brand new, the inside smelt like pineapples and coconuts. You looked forward, seeing who was in the driver and passenger seat, gasping when you realized it was your high school self with your first ever boyfriend, Neil.

“I think we should take a break,” Neil solemnly stated. 

Your high school self stuttered, “What? W-why? Did I do something wrong?” Tears began to form in your eyes as your voice started to crack. You felt your stomach churn, remembering your first heartbreak. Meanwhile, neither your younger self nor your ex paid any mind to you in the backseat. It was as if you were invisible to them. This had to have been a dream, a really horrible one.

“I’m going to the Navy, babe. I need to learn how to be without you.” Neil bowed his head down in sorrow.

“What about me, huh? Was this all a part of your plan? Join the Navy so you could leave me and forget all about me. Is there someone else? Are you in love with someone else?” You remembered every word you screamed at your ex-boyfriend as he sat there in silence, not making any attempts to calm you down, reassure you that he loved you. It was as if he had given up without a fight. The silence angered your high school self, but angered you even more that you were watching this terrible memory like it was on a movie screen.

“Get out! Get out of my fuckin car, asshole!” Your past self shouted, hot tears streaming down your face. Right on cue, Neil left the vehicle without as much as an apology nor goodbye. As the passenger door slammed after him, you violently screamed, slamming your fists against the driving wheel. It was all too much for you.

As you climbed out of the backseat, you fell down a pit of darkness, yelling out in terror. For the first time today, you experienced genuine fear as you had no idea what was happening or where this never ending pit would lead you to. The moment you landed on a hard surface, you grunted in pain.

You crawled on the carpeted floor, searching for clues as to where you ended up next. You felt like Alice in Wonderland, growing madder by the second. Your head banged against a bed frame, quietly yelping in hopes whoever occupied the bed did not hear you. Slowly getting up, you scan the scene, vividly remembering the trip you took with your second ex-boyfriend from college, Max.

That unsettling feeling your stomach returned as you peered down at you and Max lying in a queen size hotel bed. There was a space between you and him on the bed, enough to fit another person. You recalled traveling to Hawaii in hopes it would salvage your relationship. However, not even paradise could fix what was long broken. Something you and Max constantly fought about was having kids. After working in childcare for a year, you had expressed disinterest in having kids, but Max refused to accept your stance. Before he fell asleep, he brought up the topic again.

“I can just imagine us having all daughters. I’d love to be a girl dad that raises them to be basketball players. Like Kobe Bryant or something. I’d love and protect our daughters with all my might and I hope that one day you would learn to love basketball the way we all do. We could be a basketball family.” Max continued to go on about this fantasy that you could not provide for him until the blabbing turned to equally obnoxious snores. However, you couldn’t fall asleep.

The past you watched the minutes turn to hours until you couldn’t stand being in the same bed as the man you were supposed to love, but secretly resented to your core. Younger you walked ahead of you, and you followed right behind her. The Hawaiian waves crashed onto the shore, and the breeze tickled your skin as you began sobbing into the sleeve of a hotel bathrobe. Your present self tried to hug this younger version of you. Once you wrapped your arms around her, or you, the younger you snapped her head towards you, yanking you off her. Before you could react, you were pushed off the balcony, tumbling towards the beach.

You belly-flopped into the water, slowly sinking from the surface. You swam with all your might towards the light but it faded from your view. As your lungs and muscles began to give out, the darkness grew and everything turned black again.

Suddenly, you were scooped into a pair of strong arms, and you felt yourself approaching the surface at an atomic speed. As you emerged from the sea, you gasped a breath of fresh air before coughing out salt water. You were laid out on the sand, flipping over to catch your breath. Once you were breathing normally, you turned towards your savior, and you jumped back upon meeting that same dark shadow that stared into your soul.

“You!” You pointed with a trembling finger. “W-What did you do to me?” 

The dark figure chuckled. “I am The Void. I am that emptiness you try so hard to hide from the world and yourself.” 

It all made sense now. The flashbacks of your past exes were all memories you shoved to the back of your mind and eventually deep in the center of your being. You’ve conditioned yourself to believe you were the reason Neil left you and that you were the reason you couldn’t give Max what he wanted.

“I know what you're thinking, my dear,” The Void started, interrupting your thoughts. “You believe you are the reason all these relationships failed.” He smoothed a leather-clad hand over your hair and then rested it on your jaw. “However, I know that’s not true. These pathetic excuses of men failed you! And don’t get me started on the ones that you never actually dated.”

“Yeah, you know what, I’ve revisited enough of my past relationships, I would like to not dig into those now…or ever.”

The Void chuckled again, rubbing his thumb over your cheek. You couldn’t help but shiver at his touch. He didn’t even have a face you could make out, yet you found yourself intrigued with him, dare you say attracted even. Well, it’s no wonder people have claimed you have questionable taste.

“I like you, little one.” Jeez, even his voice was hot. “I can’t help but be fascinated by you.”

You scoffed. “Says the one that basically forced me to watch my buried trauma like it was a goddamn soap opera.” You sat up, curling your legs towards your chest. “What about me makes you so fascinated by me anyway.” The Void loomed over you like a ghost.

“You’re not afraid of me. Or the darkness.”

“True, but I am pissed off at you.” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms against your knees. The Void nodded, as if he was listening to you. He was even facing his body towards you. Something no normal guy has ever done with you. You may be angry with this super being, but at least he validated your anger. 

The Void continued, “I am curious about you, little one, and I know that despite your anger, you are curious about me too.” You wanted to add a sarcastic comment, but he stopped you. “You can hide behind your sass and sarcasm all you want, but eventually, you will see me for who I really am.”

Finally, you turned towards him, meeting that empty yet alluring gaze. “And who are you?”

“I am better than any man you have ever been with...because I am more than a man. I have the powers of a god. I can make you feel better, treat you better, than any other man has before. I can love you better than any man has before.” You didn’t realize how close he was to you until the last sentence fell from his lips and you could almost taste it straight from the source. Your body ached with desire and your eyes grew heavy with need. You craved to know what this being looked like behind the darkness. That darkness was only a shell of a man you yearned for.

“Show me,” you whispered, inches away from what could be his mouth. “Please.”

“I will, my dear.” You could hear the smile in his sultry voice. “But first, you must give in to me.”

With that, you pulled him by what felt like a suit, crushing your lips against him. Without hesitation, he deepened the kiss, tangling one hand into your hair while the other clasped behind your neck. In an instant, you began to levitate off the ground, still indulging in the kiss with your bodies pressed against one another. The sunrise from your Hawaii vacation transformed into the same darkness you were previously consumed by. 

All of a sudden, it was as if you found solace in the emptiness with The Void. You swore you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

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[desire-mona]

i really wish i knew how to like people a normal amount and not feel like a giant freaky weirdo whenever i want to be friends

[lunarharp]

more phoenix wright situations

[im-human-i-matter-i-exist]

@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT  STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS

[deoidesign]

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[im-human-i-matter-i-exist]

@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT  STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS YOURE EVIL YOURE VILE VILE VILE!!!!

getting really into journaling is so fucked because you will fr end up with pages like "dear diary, it's fucken wimdy today!!!!! also I might be a talentless hack with no real creative drive or discipline to speak of. xoxo ✨"