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#it almost put me off idk why
eunhos · 2 years
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bunnihearted · 27 days
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꒰୨୧꒱
#the thing is that even if i always long for a relastionship...#i've never even been in one and idk how they work & im so scared of many things#i have sm troubles and issues with touch. i've gotten to a place where i cant even stand my own sisters or mom bumping into me#and outside i cant stand when someone accidentally walks into me or touching someone's legs on the bus#i hate it. it's not only feeling uncomfortable i feel distressed and scared and sick#smth that seems very normal in like all couples is that youre 'allowed' to touch eo all thge time whenever#that scares me a lot. like touch is so scary for me. and when youre in a relationship theres just this silent agreement that you can touch#eo all the time and thats like... how it's supposed to be.... ://#thats so scary to me. that theres this expectation and demand that if im someones gf they should be allowed to touch me whnever#and like i've never been in love and been in a relationship and been touched by that person so idk#maybe it wouldnt be an issue. but just thinking that.. i dont belong completely to myself and therefore give up#the right to not be touched if and when i feel distressed or uneasy is too scary for me#maybe i could learn to feel safe with them and want their touch but rn it scares me skskks#what if they kiss me when im feeling extremely sex reoulsed and wanna kill myself bc of my inner agony#and they get hurt when i try to pull away?#bc regardless of what ppl say... it is a truth that in a relationship youre exoected to want physical touch at all times#and it is seen as an insult to your partner if there are other forces within u (like trauma etc) that makes u sometimes uncomfortable w it#but yeah idk... the problem is that... in humanity and society#consent is one of the least important and prioritized things. as a humanbeing living u will have your consent disregarded countless times#and for me personally consent is one of the most important things. & thats one of the reasons why its so hard for me to live in this society#like yes i do want to have a partner and touch and be touched#but what if we're in the store and im feeling particularly bad that day and feel like#i need to turn myself inside out and peel my skin off and feel anxious and scared#and they just casually grab my ass?? then i will go home and kill myself :) or have a breakdown in the store lol#i dont want to go thru this but i also dont wanna put someone else thru it#and like it would be different if they asked first if i was ok being touched and i said yes#and if i said no theyd respect me and not get hurt#but like be for real.... almost nobody does that. and almost everyone thinks thats lame#in most relationships nobody asks eo. youre expected to just always be ok with it. if u want to be asked youre silly and demanding#nobody asks their partner abt that. that just dont happen lmao. so idk. :((( i wish i was normal
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secondchoice-ragdoll · 4 months
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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unnamed-atlas · 3 months
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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dazzlerazz · 9 months
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I should play CF again with a fresh clear head just to see if I actually like it without fandom bullshit clouding my mind
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creaturefeaster · 1 year
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yo maybe im just having a bad morning but im a hair's width away from leaving this site man it's getting so fucking annoying & bloated with features i could not give less of a fuck about
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sillybouquetoflillies · 7 months
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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nervocat · 2 months
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I feel like it might be silly to care sm that whenever I'm gone and my mom has to do my chores, she doesn't feed or water my bird bc he tries to bite everyone but me
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batz · 10 months
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like-wuatafauq · 4 months
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Not to sound off-putting... however, the number of times I've had sex can probably be counted on both of my hands...and that was a very long time ago, and because of that, I fear that not only am i gonna go feral the next time it happens but also something much much much worse. Attached.
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steviescrystals · 4 months
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i am experiencing emotions rn and idk what they are :)
#so i got laid off in march and i have not shut up about it since bc it was a horrible experience and i’m still upset about it#and quite literally the only place i wanted to work after that wasn’t hiring at the time but they said to check back in the summer#so i just started picking up extra shifts at my second job bc i’d rather wait on this place than apply to places i have no interest in#then end of april i get a call from this girl i met at my old job saying she got fired#we were super close last year and then our friendship got super weird and tense when she suddenly became my boss#and tbh i’m not at all surprised she got fired bc as much as i like her as a person she was not at all qualified to be running that business#but anyway we’ve been talking more lately than we have in the past couple months#and i was thinking our friendship could maybe go back to normal now that neither of us works there anymore#BUT now i’m feeling super weird like idk if i’m uncomfortable or annoyed or what i’m just feeling put off#bc the place i wanted to work finally started hiring a couple weeks ago and i applied and interviewed last week#and yesterday i got the job which i’m super excited about#and this friend just sent me a screenshot of her rejection letter for the exact same job at the same location#like am i crazy or is it justified to be weirded out by that??#why would you apply for the same exact job as me and not even tell me until after you get rejected#and i know she knows i applied bc i’ve been talking about it nonstop with all my friends#like i’m so confused#it’s not even about the fact that she could’ve potentially gotten chosen over me it’s just weird that she didn’t tell me she was applying#i’ve literally been talking about this job since before they were even hiring like as soon as i got laid off i said i wanted to work here#she didn’t get fired until almost 2 months after that so she wasn’t looking for a job until a couple weeks ago#so i can’t think of any scenario where it would make sense for her to just not mention this to me#idk someone please tell me if this is weird or not bc idk how to respond to her rn#lj.txt
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miamicommune · 4 months
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thinking abt how nemesis kind of sets up what should be the most thematically interesting ambition in FL and how quickly that fades as it goes
#had a good amount of time to think abt it now and the knife price cut just hit so ive got some thoughts#nemesis puts a good amount of time into asking the player how far they're willing to go for revenge but the message dilutes as it goes#you start off and it costs you hard-earned lessons to /not/ kill someone really early on. to /not/ kill it costs you extra#and then as you go ur just given more and more cost gates and it never quite hits that same note again#not until right at the end where you can spare m_ ______ and m_ ___#but there is the feeling that you're doing it no matter the cost#and i think that's why the knifegate change has me hurting. like as much as it was a pain it also felt amazing to get through it#i think what should've been added rly was an option to get the lethean tea leaves from the esuriant smith or lilac#bc the main thing that's missing from the whole 'revenge tragedy' plot is the ability for the player to have turned away at any point#only to keep pushing on because they just can't bring themselves to forget#in the end it just feels like that early 'kill for the keys' or 'just knock them out but its harder' should've been a recurring motif#like the bodies always pile up in revenge stories. how much are u willing to do to ensure they don't??#it'd have been nice to have more options#ways around dealing with that devil other ways instead of taking red honey ways of not (probably) worsening the condition of a seeker#idk#im also at least a little bit mad abt the fact that for all that cost there's almost never fun post-nemesis things#always seeing hearts desire options (HATE u mr cards) and BaL options and what do nemesis players get. hellicon house stuff.
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I put a Pomade Wig on Nick. I didn’t even know you could do this.
Please excuse me while I go die of laughter in the corner.
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solradguy · 1 year
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hey no rush but I just wanted to ask if lightning the argent is still on your translation list, and when we could expect that by? again no rush and if you don't wanna dwbi
It is but it's taking me so long to get around to working on it that if someone else wanted to pick it up.......
Honestly I probably should've done it before starting the Comic Anthology manga because I think I would've been done with it by now lol These mostly text books seem to take about 6-8 months once I start them in earnest though.
I REALLY want/need to put a serious effort into that book. The Scrivener document is compiled and everything, I just need to stop procrastinating. I promise I'll start chipping away at it seriously soon.
With Begin I waited until the whole thing was done before posting it, but since I'm working on quite a few big projects at once this time, I think I'll share the chapters as they're done instead. Begin was posted all at once because I was still really new at translation and I'm much, much, better now so early drafts won't be as embarrassing to share. The first translation draft of Begin was ROUGH LMAO
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hey, i understand if you don't have the energy/motivation, and i don't want to force you. but i think you should consider exercising a little! even if its just 30 seconds. you might find that moving around actually makes you feel better than not moving! i personally get exercise in by (sometimes) pacing around when i'm deep in thought; maybe taking a walk outside and/or listening to a nice audiobook could work for you? (sorry if im making you uncomfortable! and feel free to call out bad behavior
i don’t think this is a weird or bad thing to say at all. thank you so much for this ask. like actually
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squirmydonnie · 7 months
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Vent: TW: ( disordered eating in tags.) (probably)
i wish I would have stayed up stairs and had eaten the cake my Grandma made for me.
It's what I wanted all day.
Now I can't.
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