#i screamed in the car this morning.
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Vent: TW: ( disordered eating in tags.) (probably)
i wish I would have stayed up stairs and had eaten the cake my Grandma made for me.
It's what I wanted all day.
Now I can't.
#cheeseburgerboy#i still want it.#i have a full roll of paper towels in my room. so i could wrap it#i didn't know we would have this much food in the house.#because of my birthday. and my Nana and Pop left most of their stuff. specifically food and a few items.#i wasn't prepared#ive been forcing myself to eat everything. but i feel afraid at the same time to take too much.#my brother has his phone taken.#my dad is doing his mocking voice of my brother#i started screaming again.#i screamed in the car this morning.#i screamed twice at an appropriate time actually. during the pep rally#and then i screamed more at home. because my dad was criticizing my posture#he brings it up often.#he doesn't want people to be off put by me.#if this is the one place i can be let out. why am i not letting outm#its almost like that not true??? idk🤔🤔🤔#no one will listen. so i don't always try and talk. it seems unnecessary.#why i haven't said much lately.#5 day weekend didn't start well. but i want to do some more stuff tomorrow. i should at least try#i try a lot. i get tired. i am tired#but i have 1 last assignment to do tomorrow. its not hard. but im not good a focusing. ill probably be able to get it.
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the best part of this whole "do nudes post nudes take titty pics *fart noise*" is that you've already said "okay. say a number then if you want it so bad" and nobody has. because they don't actually want to buy "content" from you, the harassment is the whole point. they just want to tell a woman to show her tits, for the sake of saying it.
#DUDE!!!!!! PERIOD!!#I was literally just talking to my friend abt this this morning#sergle answers#they just wanna scream 'show me your tits' from the window of a car and that's it.#and they don't want to pay money they just want me to sell pics somewhere so people can leak them for free#like i'm over it
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so many people around me are mad or fighting and so many of them vent to me about it. I am absorbing outrageous amounts of conflict, and I am not letting any of it get further than me because that’s what Jesus would freaking do but it’s all building up inside of me as combative energy which has nowhere to go. I need to fistfight the devil or something
#I wake up reciting counter-arguments in fights that AREN’T EVEN MINE#I full volume screamed in the car this morning and I have still had a scream bottled up inside me all day#I need to pick a fight about something stupid
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:(
#txt#my nephew who is one#has started saying. bye to me and blowing me a kiss when I leave for work and this morning he did it. and then I start to left#leave *#and he screamed for me to come back#for like the first time ever#and it made me cry walking to my car#like I know he’ll be fine he’s a baby#but that shit made me sad lol
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hkkjhhhh i really hate my dad
#not him screaming at me at 6:30 in the morning in the car like pookie calm down#just because i wake up too late and we miss the bus he start ranting about why we moved to the countryside and i still go to school in the#city etc like??? girl😔😔😔#maybe ask yourself why i can't sleep and why om so tired in the morning first??#but that's another subject#james takes a break from slaying#<new vent tag ya'll#mini vent
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#I think I’m genuinely going crazy#not sure if it’s like a menstrual thing#or the sleeping 4 hours a night for several weeks in a row#but regardless I feel so Ass it’s gross#I went to sleep in my RV and woke up in my car#I don’t think I drove it but like???? idk#between that and the hallucinations I feel so absolutely fucking dead#I’m so tired and I’m doing my best to be what I need to be but it literally took me hearing g*nsh*ts and screaming that wasn’t happening#and then sobbing for my girlfriend to see I wasn’t doing well#and like now THREE different people have told me to smoke#which is crazy because last semester everyone was mad at me for being a stoner#and now one of the people that was mad about that is telling me to fucking do it anyways.#but I’ve been sober for two months and I’m so mad because how dare you shame me into quitting and then turn around and tell me to turn to#it when shit hits the fan???#like I was in this position when I was a stoner and you blamed me calling me an addict which#I WASNT#And now you’re like “you should turn to drugs!’’#like tell me how the fuck that makes any sense#I’m so tired#I’m so fucking tires#for the past like six mornings I’ve woken up and prayed#I’m not religious#but I keep praying for fucking anything to go right#I just need one happy moment#I’m genuinely so fucking sad and mad and tired#idk how to even properly express my emotions#I’m crying in a truck stop bathroom#that’s how I’ll sum it up#idk if you made it to the end sowwy my metaw heawth is the the shittew uwu#I don’t have anywhere else to put this so 🤷🏻♂️ it’s just me talking to the void
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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genuine question: is it normal for me to have such intense negative moods the week before my period (+ its Super Hot) 🧍🏽♀️
#cryptic ramblings#also people dont know how to Fucking Drive on the freeways and my coworkers are Annoying Me and i Hate My Fucking Job and im Overstimulated#and i feel like ive been on the verge of a breakdown/panic attack since i got into my car this morning so like. grahhhhhahahahh#like is that normal? or should i like. bring it up w my psychologist?🧍🏽♀️ im supposed to call them abt possibly changing my meds anyways#soooo... (the reason is for the Sweating but like i can add this on if i gotta ig)#its like. at the point where im torn btwn screaming in my car or bashing my head in a wall (non-lethally) ykwim???#i be wondering why my dentist prescribed me a night guard way back n then This is my life. like girl. ofc ur grinding ur damn teeth blergh
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It's a weird feeling to be officially called my beloved ex-colleague's successor in his last emails and his absence note. Like. People are Actually gonna contact me regarding this journal now huh,
#i'm sorry my dearest colleague#i will never be able to replace you#but i will do my best to carry on your legacy#that's like. my main motivation rn.#do i wanna do this well for myself? idc. not really#but i don't wanna ruin what he's built#so i have to do well#also today was his last day and he actually took the train? so i got to spend my commute with him one last time 🥺#ngl i almost screamed when i saw him on the train this morning#i was fully expecting him to take the car#it was so nice to get to talk to him alone again for a bit#it also gave me a feeling of closure if that makes sense#anyway#emails huh? uncool#i feel ✨️overwhelmed✨️#but one day at a time. let's get that funeral behind us and then start some university projects ♡#to distract myself from the horrors of work which i chose to distract myself from the horrors of university ♡#it makes absolute sense don't question my terrible life choices#void screams#work stuff
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never be a manager, kids
#currently overstimulated from a baby screaming in the dining room#trying to figure out a new schedule that works with everyones availability#one of which someone told me verbally would be completely different and much more manageable than what was actually submitted#sent six emails before 7 this morning#my boss gave me four extra tasks to do today#I'm only scheduled another three hours today and it's been busy customer wise so this should be fun#don't mind me#but also seriously avoid management positions#especially for only $17/hour#“why dont you have a car? you could do more events”#oh do more for the same pay? because i can barely afford rent 😀
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I’ve spent the whole year grieving. I want nothing more than to live again but I don’t even know where to begin. I feel smaller than ever.
#88% sure i died in the spring. not directly after her i held on for a bit but as soon as i quit my job.#i don’t know why i have to linger around so long but i keep waking up in the morning in spite of it all.#just sniffing around for any semblance of purpose or will to live. i just want to mean something. maybe tomorrow i will scream in my car.
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#ooc || [out of character]#wow what a way to start my morning. I've been at this summer program since 7/2 & why these#past two weeks I apparently haven't been on the payroll. its Friday and I should be getting paid today but#nothing is in my account. I’m going to fcking scream#the sxhool dxstrict is so full of hot garbage.#someone gotta run me my check i got my car in the shop that needs to be paid for#im really not doing this again next year this is so fcking ridiculous#kids been wearing me out for three weeks. i know good and goddamn well someone owes me some money
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WILLOW CAN I JUST SAY AKSNSKDN when i found out the news of His Return ONE OF MY FIRST THOUGHTS WAS i wonder how happy willow is 😭😭 cos for real when i think of bkg i rlly think of you 😭😭 and ur icon change in the server too omg 😭😭 i am so happy he’s back but also so happy he’s back… fOR YOU 😭😭
PLEEEAASEEE SEL AMFNFUSKAKALALAL cue me so scared of what was happening with all might. refreshing twitter. eyes glued to the leaks discord channel. biting my nails. for some reason the connection at my house has been a little flimsy, so when i navigated back to twitter to look at one of panels a little closer, i got a notif for the server with the preview message "HE'S BACK...." AND THEN WHEN I WENT TO CHECK MY DISCORD WAS JUST CONNECTING AND CONNECTING AND CONNECTINGAND INWAS LOSONG MY MIND !!!!!!!! AND THEN MERMIE SENT ME KEYSMASH AND THE PANEL AND IT WAS JUST CONNECTING AND CONNECTING !!!!!
cue me in agony just wanting to witness him for the first time in over 400 days. AND THEN IT CONNECTED AND I WAS literally so happy omg. i'm getting so happy just thinking about it again......HIM COMING IN AT THE FINAL HOUR. WHEN ALL HOPE WAS LOST. HE DESRVES THAT. HE DESERVES THAT MOMENT TO BE A PILLAR OF HOPE TO NOT ONLY HIS BEST FRIEND DEKU BUT ALSO FOR ALL MIGHT. HE'S HERE HE'S BACK.
SEL I CANT I'M LITERALLY SO UNWRLL I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE SO SWEET !!!! WE ARE DANCING AROUND SCREAMING CRYING !!!! HOLDING HANDS !!!!!
#ironically enough i changed my icon before i knew bc i couldnt have a serious conversation about all might dying while having#that little guy grin at me LMAOOOOO#AND THEN HE CAME BACK AND I'M SO GLAD I CHANGED IT#relieved sigh#literally on my drive this morning i started thinking about it again and screamed in the car LOL#he's so good 🥺 he's going to save the day with deku 🥺 they're going to do it together 🥺#he got to come in at the final hour 🥺 he's going to be a hero 🥺#i'm dead i have to stop before i go absolutely insane in public rn i'm ao happy#you're so sweet for thinking of me sel i'm so heart warmed !!!!!!!#bnha leaks#bnha manga leaks#bnha spoilers#✿ ask willow
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come with me. lets go to russian karaoke bars by the beach and sing bad 80s pop music
#lets run out and feel the waves brush against us#feel a fish swim by#be kissed by the last rays of the sun#hear the laughter from inside#lets befriend the tourists next to us#talk about their dogs#.#we'll be awaken by screams of seagulls and the buzzing of the few cars outside#youll feel the cool of the morning#and see the sky turn more blue with each passing second#youll return to your hotel room#see the city through the bathroom window#the construction site nearby#the sea beyond#we'll drive through narrow streets#the radio will be playing songs youve heard coming from the nearby taverns#youll see my village and a cat will try to steal your sandwich#we'll eat souvla and dance to no music and particular#the sun will set again#together. out on the porch of an old beat up house older than both of us c combined#feeling the smoke and sweat set it#life will be good#sorry yearning moment#i cant wait for summer#<)
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you guys ever wake up evil
#im a little better now but i probably could have killed this morning tbh#my dog woke me up four times last night#i got up and my brothers had trashed the bathrooms so they desperately needed done before i left for work#i picked up my water bottle and the lid wasnt screwed on??? so it dumped everywhere#my dog couldnt wait for me to handle the water spill and peed on the floor#the trash bag i was carrying out broke#was about to pull out of the driveway and realized i left my phone in my room#and i was gonna have my tomato soup i didnt get to have Saturday today for lunch#and for some godforsaken reason there was bacon in it#what the FUCK#i have never had a 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed' day quite like this#and immediately upon clocking in got a call from some lady whose son's truck had been hit and she was just screaming at me#bc SHE had to file a claim and i couldnt for her#i almost lost my job bc of her (was gonna tell her to khs then go home) (only barely held it together)#if i hadnt just bought a doll yesterday i would be buying a doll rn to make life worth living#and i left said doll at home!!! i want her to be in my car so i can stare at her!!!#EVILEVILEVILEVULEVUL#says kenna
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Why does my family disappoint me so much
#woke up early in the morning and my sister drops me off at work but before that tells me how she hates her life so much and she wants to kil#herself and I try to offer solutions she screams that she doesn't want my advice she just wants me to listen#just like my twin lmao they both are so emotionally controlling and just want to shit on other people when they're life sucks#but would rather complain month after month than change anything#I need a car but I can't afford one and I'm so tired of being under someone's thumb my whole life#I made spelling mistakes but I don't even care :(
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