#lets befriend the tourists next to us

[oldtreeinanalley]

come with me. lets go to russian karaoke bars by the beach and sing bad 80s pop music

[foone]

A world of friends

In the late 2030s, a research lab discovers how to travel to alternate earths. And what's even better, they've figured out how to best monetize it too: tourism.

See it turns out there's not a lot of variation. There's a nearly infinite number of earths, but it's not like you're traveling to an alien planet or Narnia. They're all pretty... Earthy.

And they turn that into a positive: all earths are similar, but the small differences are what counts. And they're always searching for worlds with interesting divergences from our own, as potential destinations.

Spend a weekend with Netflix on the world where Walter Disney became a little-known architect, and the face of children's media is completely different. Visit the world where the US Revolution failed, and most of the Americas remains part of the commonwealth.

Safari through the world where humans died out or never evolved, see the megafauna we weren't around to extinct.

The world where the planet's population is 97% Christian but they're also nudists because they associate nudity with the innocence of the Garden of Eden.

And if you're looking for a challenge, visit the world's where climate change has already melted the ice caps, the world's where the cold war went hot, the world where the first world war is also the last one, and it's still ongoing.

There's just one minor problem with their plan of setting up an industry to portal people to other worlds:

Someone else is already using it.

Their interdimensional tech relies on creating wormholes using a complex arrangement of superconducting magnets and there's a characteristic burst of neutrinos when the event horizon forms.

They have to monitor them to properly "aim" the wormhole, but their early work is thrown off by seeing spurious emissions coming from outside their facility, which they later realize are exactly matching their technology.

They're just seeing the wormholes from the other end.

They partner with a government agency, explaining their discovery, and express worry that the country (and the world!) may be getting infiltrated by an off world power.

They build sensors in major cities, and triangulate where the off-worlders are appearing, and follow them.

They seem harmless enough. Often skittish, taking lots of pictures, asking odd questions... These aren't security agents or an invading force.

They're just tourists. They're from another world's interdimensional tourism business. One that set up before ours.

But why are they here? What's so odd about our world among the trillions they have access to that makes them come here with cameras fully loaded with film and memory cards?

The security agents pour over surveillance tapes of them wandering around random cities, and finally spot (no pun intended) why they're here.

It's dogs.

The tourists are skittish around seeing people walking their dogs, they're taking pictures of corgis and greyhounds, they're visiting petstores and ignoring the cats and iguanas and tropical fish to go look at the most boring mutts, eyes full of wonder and fear and excitement...

One of the tourists is picked up by the security services, but hits their panic button and vanishes before they can be questioned. They leave behind a Daguerre Inc 2090 DSLR camera full of slightly blurry photos of dogs, and a pamphlet that fell out of their bag in the scuffle

The pamphlet is for this interdimensional vacation, and describes the weirdness of our world: The strange universe where humans somehow befriended wild wolves and let them into their homes and lives.

The pamphlet plays up the scariness of canines, showing Tibetan mastiffs and angry pitbulls biting into meat. Police dogs with titanium teeth replacements. There's very few pictures of chihuahuas and corgis and poodles.

So the next time you're at an animal rescue or a petting zoo, and you see someone looking on in fear and wonder at the amazing sight of a golden retriever puppy, their camera shutter clicking away...

Maybe ask them who the president is. And what year we landed on the moon.

And don't be too surprised if they answer "You mean the Prime Minister? It's still Thiers, right? I haven't been reading the papers much recently. And 1956, unless you're one of those pedantics who say it only counts if it was successful, in which case 1958"

(reposted from a twitter thread from 2022)

[hannahbarberra162]

hOrnithology for Beginners

On Ao3

Next chapter

I know I said it was a one shot but I lied. I think it will be 4 chapters.

Marco X Reader, no use of "y/n." Fluffy fun.

Summary: You spend your days waitressing, using all your free time working to become an ornithologist and hunting poachers. You meet and befriend a rare mythical bird, with clear intelligence and astounding beauty. At the same time, an annoying group of pirates are docked at the island. One of them with a stupid haircut keeps trying to charm you, but you hate pirates and especially this one. He’s persistent - can’t he just leave you alone so you can hang out with your new Phoenix friend?

Marco isn’t sure what to do - you love him in his phoenix form, but you hate him in his human form. It's a tough spot for birds and bird watchers alike.

Notes:

I think that it could reasonably be assumed that the mythical Zoans are not the only of their kinds. They are the just only humans who can turn into mythical creatures. Rob Lucci is not the only leopard, Jack isn’t the only mammoth, Yamato isn't the only kitsune, etc. For the purposes of this story, there are more than one of each mythical creature, but only one Devil Fruit user who can turn into one. So reader isn't totally off that it is a phoenix, she just doesn't know it's The Phoenix.

~~~

You tightened your apron ties and scanned the patrons coming in for the lunch rush. Looked like the usual groups - some tourists, some bird watchers, some locals. You didn’t see any obvious waterfoul - your punny code word for pirates. One of the reasons you kept this shitty job was that it gave you a good peek into everyone coming and going on the island. Your island was famous for its stunning bird migrations. It was the southernmost island before the longest landless stretch of sea in the Grand Line. Flocks of birds would often rest at the island in preparation for the long journey to the next set of islands. It was also a wonderful location to try to spot rare and mythical birds. You’d seen a few and captured their essences in your sketchbook. 

Unfortunately, waterfoul weren’t interested in capturing images. They wanted to catch and kill rare birds for easy money. Poaching was a huge problem on the island, one that you frequently fought against. It was your personal crusade to try and stop as many poachers as possible. You’d caught some others - a few Marines, some local boys - but the primary offenders were almost always waterfoul. You carefully watched when crews came to the port, listening for signs that they were going to look for avian treasures. It usually took a week for log poses to set, so you had a good chance of seeing anyone suspicious. You didn’t care to keep track of any specific crew or pirates - they were all the same. Same arrogance, same swaggering attitude, same cocky assurance that they could do anything they wanted to with no repercussions. You hadn’t met any halfway decent pirates, and you didn’t think you ever would. 

Satisfied that you wouldn’t have to worry as much today, you began your shift. It was grinding your soul to shreds being inside and talking to customers when you could be spending it outdoors, watching and drawing birds. But you needed to make money to afford art supplies, new ornithology books, and poison for your dart tips. So inside you stayed, taking orders from idiots who didn’t know if the mashed potatoes were mashed or fried. After a grueling shift, you were finally able to leave. You chucked your apron into the dirty bin and left immediately, turning down your coworkers requests to hang out as a group after the shift ended.

“C’mon, you never hang out with me. Let’s go grab a drink,” Etta said, giving you puppy dog eyes. Etta was your work BFF, and your only real friend on the island. 

“I can’t, I’m going to try to catch -”

“The next bird migration, I know. But there’s always a bird migration on this island, that’s the deal here. You can see one tomorrow, the next day, next month, next year even! But there’s only one 2 berri marg night per week…besides I heard there are some hot new pirates in town.” She waggled her eyebrows at you, while you pretended to barf. 

“You know how I feel about pirates. But I do wanna hang out. How about this? Tomorrow after our shift I’ll buy you a margarita, even if it costs more than 2 berri.” You really did like Etta so you compromised - one night out would be OK, you probably wouldn’t miss much. She stuck her tongue out at you.

“Fine, but you can’t flake out. If you do, I’m leaving you to do side prep all by yourself. Think of all those lemons you’d have to cut.” She rolled her eyes, but it was a plan. You were truly excited - she was the first friend you’d made since you were a child. People often told you that you were “intimidating,” or “prickly,” or “difficult,” which was all just code for “bitchy.” You didn’t care - you wanted to be yourself, not try to dull your edges for people who wouldn’t like you either way. So you were happy to be friends with Etta, who liked you despite your “poor attitude” (as your boss called it). 

You changed out of your work clothes and into your hiking gear, taking your day pack with you. This is what  you liked most - going into the wild to watch for birds, especially legendary ones. You walked down to the forest edge and started on a well trodden path. It didn’t take you long before you had diverged from the path and were going rogue. You’d never see anything really good on the tourist paths - people were too loud and startled the birds away. Besides, you’d been on the island a long time now and you knew the best places to wait and watch. 

You picked your way through the dense forest towards the hidden waterfall. It was your slice of heaven on earth. It was secluded enough that you’d never seen anyone else there. The area surrounding the waterfall was more open than the forest floor, making it easy for camping overnight. The water was always cool and clear, wonderful for swimming on a hot day. The waterfall wasn’t terribly large or loud, bringing a pleasant sound of rushing water. There was an alcove behind the waterfall, large enough for three or so people. Leafy trees lined the banks of the river the waterfall fell into, bringing shade on hot days. It was your happy place, where you retreated both physically and mentally when stressed. Today was no exception.

You reached your destination and put your pack down on a familiar flat rock under the shade of a tree. You took out your pencil, sketchbook, and binoculars and started your stake out. You were already mentally tallying the different bird cries you heard. So far, nothing out of the ordinary, just local birds trilling. You also delighted in the ordinary - you enjoyed seeing the same species day after day, learning more about their habits and manner of living. You were sketching a local starling that was imitating the sounds of transponder snails - pretty well, actually - when all of a sudden, your ears perked up when you heard alarm calls. It wasn’t a call for mobbing - when smaller birds would form a group to ward off a predatory bird. These were definitely alarm calls - short, high pitched, loud cries to warn their flocks that a predator was near. 

You were excited, this was great news for you. Hearing these calls meant that something big was coming your way. It might be a more common predator, but maybe not. You’d seen a lightning Secretary bird once that caused the exact same alarm cries. You’d barely caught sight of it before it was gone. Another time, the cries alerted you to an ice Roc perched in a tree a little farther down the river. You’d carefully stalked the bird and were able to get a few sketches of it done before it flew away. Those were the rarest ones you’d ever seen, and you were hoping for another. 

Straining your ears listening to the bird cries, you grabbed your sketchbook and followed them towards the source. You crept along as quickly as you could deeper in the forest, silently walking on the sides of your feet. The cries weren’t quieting down, meaning the predator was still in the area. Scanning, you inhaled a gasp as you saw the apex predator at hand. Perched on a branch overlooking the river was a phoenix. A blue fire phoenix, with dark blue almost purple accent markings that made it look like it was wearing glasses. You could barely remember to breathe in its presence.

You stood there agog with your mouth open until the bird moved slightly to shift its feathers. You opened your sketchbook and drew quick sketches of it before you missed your chance. You jotted notes of the colors, wanting to remember exactly what it looked like. Seeing the phoenix was like seeing a god in the flesh. It was a blur of blue flames, ending with wisps of yellow. The movment of its body was like watching the waterfall, endless and yet each moment fleeting at the same time. You could scarcely believe that you were able to see one, much less sketch it. You must have been making too much noise because it looked straight at you despite your hiding spot in the brush.

You weren’t worried about it hurting or killing you - that would be an honor. Well, not really, but you typically found predatory birds disinterested in humans. You kept on sketching even though your hands were shaking. The bird cocked its head to the side and continued to watch you. It almost felt…awkward, like you had intruded on a private moment. After a minute or so it seemed to have gathered whatever information it wanted and flew away. Even watching it leave was magnificent, tail feathers like a chain of golden coins dancing in the wind. When it finally left your sight, you exhaled a breath you didn’t know you were holding. That was almost orgasmic for you. You rushed to pack up your things so you could go home and sketch with detail and notations before you forgot anything.

On your way back, the only thing on your mind was the phoenix. You thought about its elegance, its restrained power, its understated intelligence. It was the most striking bird you’d ever seen out of the thousands you’d cataloged. You thought more about its coloring, trying to think of the exact shades of blue and yellow you’d use to describe it. But now that you thought about it, seeing a blue fire phoenix was peculiar. Everything you’d heard about phoenixes depicted them as yellow bodied with red accents. But not much was known about any legendary bird so perhaps this one was rarer or maybe hadn’t been discovered yet. It had some kind of marking on its chest - but unfortunately where you were standing obscured your ability to see the marks directly. The glasses markings were a little funny - almost like a spectacled owl. It did give the phoenix a distinctive and distinguished look, like a scholar or a doctor. You were practically skipping with delight towards your home, thinking of all the little details you wanted to remember.

~~~

The next day, you went to work with a smile on your face. Not even the sight of waterfoul in your section could dull your mood today. You’d spent hours sketching and coloring drawings of the phoenix you’d seen, writing every possible memory you had down to preserve it forever. Etta wasn’t in yet - she was starting a shift staggered an hour after yours- but you’d have to tell her about it when you saw her again. Smiling, you walked to the table of waterfoul getting your pad out to take their order. As you got to the table, your smile dropped and your bitch face turned on. You set it to extra sour just for your own fun. 

You looked at the assembled men - you saw two stupid hairstyles, two stupid hats, and one well...there was nothing stupid looking about the last man. He was absolutely gorgeous with black glossy hair set in a classic style and incredible geisha style makeup. Whatever, even if he was good looking he was still a pirate. The man with the stupidest hairstyle smiled warmly at you, like he knew you. You dropped your neutral face into a frown.

“What do you want?” you said in a flat tone.

“Aren’t you supposed to greet customers with a friendly welcome?” said stupid hairstyle two with a smirk. You wanted to dump a cup of water on his pompadour. Or maybe soup.

“Of course! Whatever would you like today, my fair patrons?” you replied in an overly sweet and simpering voice. You even curtsied at the end to hammer the point home. The point being - fuck off. As soon as the words left your lips, you went back to frowning. Pineapple Hair looked at you curiously.

Cowboy hat laughed and said “I’ll start with three steaks, rare. And a beer.” Pineapple Hair, Pompadour, Twirly Mustache and Glamor Man also placed their orders. When they were done, you turned on your heel and went to put in their orders. You attended your other tables and customers, servicing them all while thinking about your phoenix. 

After a while, you saw Etta enter through the staff door. Before she could get to the floor you quickly pulled her to the kitchen. You both spoke excitedly at the same time.

“Guess what - “

“Guess what - “

“You go first,” Etta said, listening intently.

“I saw a legendary bird last night! It was everything I could have ever dreamed of! It was absolutely incredible…I can’t wait to show you the sketches.” Etta was one of the only people you showed your drawings to. You loved the art of drawing but felt self conscious about your ability.

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you,” Etta’s eyes lit up. She always liked when you shared your ornithology information with her and dutifully listened to some of your ramblings..

“What’s your news?” Maybe 2 berri margs were available again tonight?

“So I went out to the bar last night and met someone for a little fun. They’re in town until their log pose resets. I was talking to them for a while and mentioned that you are a real bird expert, not like the shitty tour guides who don’t know anything.” You narrowed your eyes. This wasn’t heading in a direction you liked.

“He’s actually interested in beetles, not birds. But I said that beetles are an important part of several bird’s diets,” she said, hedging around something.

“That’s true, you’ve been listening to my rants,” you said, still on guard. There was something she wasn’t saying and you had a feeling you weren’t going to like it. 

“So I might have volunteered you to come on a double date with him and his friend birdwatching and looking for beetles,” she said in a rush while starting to steeple her hands in a begging motion.

“What aren’t you telling me? There’s more to it than that.” you asked suspiciously. 

“Uhm. Well, the thing is. They’re pirates -”

“Etta! Oh my god. I knew it was something -”

“No, no listen! Listen. They seem actually nice and reasonable. The one I met yesterday, Ace, was so sweet and hot! I really like him.”

“Ohmyfuckinggod. Pirates? Etta they’ll probably kill us and take our stuff if we go to the woods with them. Or worse.”

“No! They’re like, high ranking pirates, so you know they have to be good.”

“That is not at all what that means.” You crossed your arms, and waved at the little window in the kitchen door that looked into the dining room.

“Look, there’s shitty pirates out there right now. They’ve already annoyed me and it’s only been like half an hour. Think about what a few hours would do to me.” Etta looked out the window. 

“Oh, actually he’s right there! Isn’t he hot?” Etta ducked down so he couldn’t see her.

“Who? Which one?” You really hoped it was Glamor Man, but he didn’t seem outdoorsy. You looked at the table where Cowboy Hat was asleep face down in his food. Could you drown in peas? 

“The one wearing the cowboy hat, that’s Ace. Isn’t he just so fine?” Of course that was the one she liked. He was something alright. Etta was practically drooling. Ace was too. 

“Etta, as my only friend, I have to tell you-”

“Please please please please please please -”

“I really don’t think this is a good idea and I really don’t want to go on a double date with -”

“Please please please please please - I’ll take your shift tomorrow so you have two days off in a row! It’s the weekend too! Just come out with me tomorrow with these guys, please!”

You sighed. You didn’t want Etta to get herself killed, and two days off was very appealing during busy season. You could go camping overnight and see if the phoenix ever returned. 

“Fine. But we’re going on the popular trails and I will absolutely not be kissing any pirate. And you have to roll my silverware tonight.” You barely even cared who you were set up with so you didn't bother to ask. You'd find out tomorrow anyway.

“Thank you thank you thank you!!” Etta squealed and hugged you tightly. You gave a small smile, knowing you’d made your friend happy. And looking for beetles did actually sound like fun. Who knew pirates liked bugs?

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Let's see what Clover did (yeah i had to play the whole game again):

Decided to find out what happened to the five missing children and bring them home to the surface

Complimented Froggit

Comforted Flier

Distracted Penilla from drawing so she could take a break

Left the exact amount of money on the lemonade stand despite there being no attendance to take it

Gave Sweet Corn a hug

Helped Rorrim fulfill his purpose (make others not criticize how they look)

Respected Decibat's need for silence

Joined Crispy Scroll's excited yelling over anime so he wouldn't feel lonely

Complimented Micro Froggit

Played count the dust with the dust bunny monster

Didn't disturb Decibat while he was asleep

Even when helpless and wrongfully attacked, decided to befriend Dalv, thus causing him to give up on his lonely lifestyle and start making friends

Because the monsters in the Ruins finally got to go outside, all this happened: 1) Sweet Corn got to open a free hugs booth 2) Penilla got to draw things outside of the Ruins, see the big corn cob picture she made for Dalv, and realize that she and Dalv ARE friends 3) Crispy Scroll got to go to the dump and find more anime tapes 4) Flier could learn new dance moves and (maybe) buy a beach house 5) Rorrim could go on adventures

Took their time to get to know Dalv and explore his house

Didn't invade Pops' privacy and waved at him before closing the wardrobe

Danced with Frostermit and got it out of its shell (literally and metaphorically)

Put Insomnitot to sleep

Ended up buying Mo's poor quality products because they knew he was struggling financially x1

Patiently explained the dangers of an open fire to Know Cone

Believed that the remnants of the snowman were full of potential for new life

Played a game with the Shufflers and became their friend

Got the Honeydew Resort band to play that furry monster's favorite song

Found one monster's mitten

Got another monster a coffee and matches so they wouldn't freeze

Found a map for the lost tourists

Freed Slurpy from the pole

Spent time chatting with the Honeydew Resort shopkeeper and learned more about Dalv, who ended up fulfilling his dream of having an organ concert in the end credits

Got Trihecta to split up and literally and metaphorically get off each other's backs so all three could be who they wanted to be individually

Begrudgingly insulted Martlet so they could spare her

Forgave Martlet for fighting them and trusted her to keep them safe

Gave Martlet the highest scores on her questionnaire

Pat Dunebud

Ended up buying Mo's poor quality products because they knew he was struggling financially x2

Made Cactony feel love for the first time

Fixed the elevator in the mines

Helped Bowll put his guard down and discover his true self

Found the mine worker's hat, causing him to get a promotion in the end credits

Did their best to dance with El Bailador despite being bad at it

Sat next to Kanako's friend on the swing

Told Violetta she had nothing to fear

Forgave Martlet for abandoning them

Saw potential in the sapling to grow into something beautiful

Hung out with Starlo and the Feisty Five despite the gang kidnapping them

Was worried about what was bothering Ceroba while she was checking out Starlo's movies that Kanako used to watch with him

Proved to Blackjack that humans can be good

Didn't attack the FF even though they unfairly ganged up on them

Even though they were unfairly attacked by Starlo, they surrendered to him

Didn't make fun of Starlo's true face

Didn't get upset with Martlet for yet again abandoning them

Cleaned Jandroid

Helped Goosic produce music that's actually pleasant to listen to

Ended up buying Mo's poor quality products because they knew he was struggling financially x3

Calmed Guardener down to the point she stopped attacking them and Ceroba

Helped Telly-Vis work together

Calmed Ceroba down while she was yelling at the Steamworks robot

Spared Axis, knowing that he was the last thing left of Chujin, and trusted Ceroba with her plan

Overall took their time to talk to everyone they met so they could understand their situation

Changed Martlet's entire perspective on humans

Tried to understand the deeper reason as to why Ceroba was doing what she was doing, hugged her and forgave her

Decided not to hide underground and willingly sacrificed their SOUL for monsterkind even after being hurt, attacked, and killed so many times (also during the 100+ runs)

Knew the sacrifice might mean nothing but went along with their decision anyway and put faith in whoever would come after them

Waited for their friends to leave before they died, in a lot of pain

Before that reassured Ceroba they'd be okay so she'd be at least a bit comforted

Delivered true JUSTICE

[langernameohnebedeutung]

@claw00 Excuses to talk about my crowfriends? Hell yes!

To be clear, this is all based on my field study based on specific 2 crows but my findings so far.

I think it's important to keep in mind that crows are non-domesticated prey animals. And as humans we are enormous compared to them. So they're understandably skittish. (It's a bit like befriending a cat, but with less hissing and more stalking. Seriously. They watch everything. They're a two-winged surveillance apparatus. They will learn everything about you.) But this is also a matter of personality (Omen is a lot more confident than Eggnog, but neither is as confident as one sweet crow I once met who immediately ate straight from my hand. But that one was living right next to Stonehenge and is probably very used to tourists sharing their meals!). Anyway, some tips based on that:

NO SALT! This isn't so much a tip for befriending crows but a tip for when you do it: Treats are obviously the best way to start an interaction with them. Nuts are a good starter, cat food, the occasional egg - they're omnivores and you will find a lot of guidelines online as to what you can feed them and what's healthy for them. There are also some wonderful reddit communities for crowfriends where people share their personal experiences. Peanuts and cashews are a giant hit in my experience. But: A lot of the nuts that you see in the supermarket have insane amounts of salt on them. Because we crave that mineral. Birds cannot metabolise salt at the same rates we can. It's highly toxic for them and can cause neurological damage. So if you buy nuts or seeds for them, make sure that you're buying the unsalted version. Shelled peanuts and bird food from the pet shop are some good ways options to make sure it's healthy. Generally, check the label.

They don't like direct eye contact. Remember, again, we are giant noisy predators with front-facing eyes! A brief moment of eye contact is helpful to indicate that you're "talking" to them and that what you're doing (e.g. placing a treat) is something you're doing for them. But prolonged staring is a thing to build up to. (This doesn't go both ways, by the way. They will stare. It's their favourite hobby)

Some feeding techniques: Throwing food is a good way to communicate very clearly that you are giving food to them. But it also can be scary for them, to see a human throw something in their direction! (imagine a giant walking up to you and throwing a peanut the size of your head at you. You would be worried too) So, small movements and maybe just throwing it in their vague direction, a little to the side or just throwing it halfway is better than throwing it straight at them the way you might to a dog. Or straight up placing it for them in an accessible spot to snatch at their own time (especially early on in the friendship - I also have a little magpie in my orbit at this point but she only takes it in secret. I know she's gaining a small amount of trust because she will sit in my line of sight to ask for food, but she will never let me see her take it. Eggnog was very similar at first. Just because you don't see them take it, doesn't mean that the gift isn't well-received or that you're not building a relationship.

They don't like a rapid descent swooping, most of the time. At first, I would throw food straight below the spot they were sitting in, straight under their tree or the street lamp they were perched on to make it very clear that "yo, here, for you!" But I noticed they would be more hesitant when I did that - and usually, they would hop down in several "steps" to get it (usually finding a slightly lower spot a little to the side and then swoop to the ground. This seems to be less of an issue when they're swooping from higher up - but generally, it seems to be a lot more comfortable if you throw it a few metres to the side so that the descent is less steep). On that matter, they also walk a lot more than you would expect, once they're on the ground,

Being patient. As I said, they're prey animals and they're not domesticated. They might not even really understand what you want from them at first (but they're quick on the uptake and they remember your face). I started befriending my two guys because there is a very sick, very crappy walnut tree in front of my house where they go looking for nuts (which are also small and sickly). I first started feeding them by buying a back of walnuts from the store (really big ones) and placing them under that tree for them (and often cracking them open a little). They started to see me do that and got curious. That's when I started using eye contact to indicate that it was for them - and later I transitioned to feeding them directly and further away from the tree. We got to the point where I could just drop a walnut when I saw them somewhere and they knew it was for them. This also worked better than feeding them peanuts at first (they love peanuts now but at first they didn't even touch them because it was Weird and Strange) or feeding them elsewhere: Find a method that is within their frame of reference. It helped them make sense of what I was doing and from there we extrapolated: I started feeding them further away from that tree and started giving them other things.

Finding a routine! At this point, I have a pretty well-established rapport with my guys - we know where to find each other, what food I have and where I leave it for them when I'm not around, I know exactly how many steps I have to take back for Eggnog to take something (Omen doesn't really care about personal space as much), they know how to get my attention, what times I'm out and what times they go back to their night tree and all that. For some people, there are different routines. On reddit, some people talk about using a whistle to call them, my grandmother used to knock on the roof to call her crow friend back in the day. Some people talk to them to get them used to their voice and establish some expressions they might remember (I do that), some don't talk at all to avoid sounding scary. Some imitate crow noises, some avoid that at all costs. (I also think this depends on the crow. Some seem to react very positively to crow noises. some are scared off by it) But overall, I think the important thing is to remember that crows are some of the smartest animals around. They get used to you. They remember you and your behaviours and what they mean. And you will learn what these specific crows want (they have very unique personalities). So once you're in a "dialogue" with some crows, it's really a bit of a negotiation and you learn about one another - and it's fun! They will tell you how to befriend them, in their own way.

This might be me reading human behaviour into them - but based on crow personalities and the similarities between the way humans and crows think, I do believe that part of the reason they "keep me around" is...because I'm interesting to them. Crows are insanely curious, even if they're shy. I'm a bit of a novelty to them and so are the weird foods I give them. Where else would they get peanuts? One risk in feeding wild animals is that they might become overly dependent on the human doing it or lose their distance. From what I read and witnessed, crows stay pretty well on top of that - they're clever, they know how to procure food in their territory and whatever you feed them is bound to be only a small part of their daily foraging. Sometimes they will be gone for a day or two because they got better stuff to do (someone on reddit once called that "they're out on crow business") and just right now, during nesting season, they're clearly giving me some sort of "courtesy visit" once a day to stay in touch but they do know how to take care of themselves. Sure, I'm also a convenient and reliable food source (and a target for them to extort from) but they're also just straight up curious. So - use that to your advantage: Showing them new foods (make sure they're good for them!) is a good way to learn what they like AND to be interesting to them.

[emilythedog661-tf2]

TF2 Cat AU and Dog AU

So, i've decided to a alternate universe story for the drawing i did of the TF2 Mercs as Cats and TF2 Mercs as Dogs, as i realised i never did a AU story for them so under the cut is the backstory

First up is the ages as these ages apply to both the Cat AU and the Dog AU

Scout - 3

Soldier - 6

Pyro - 4

Demoman - 5

Heavy - 8

Engineer - 6

Medic - 5

Sniper - 4

Spy - 7

Now to start with the Cat AU

Backstory - In new Mexico, there is a cat cafe called 'tewfort cat cafe' and the cat cafe is run by a middle aged woman called helen administrator, she also has a assistant that helps her out called fiona pauling or miss.pauling as she likes to be called, the pair have been running the cat cafe for 5 years and it's had become a popular tourist spot, the cats in the cat cafe which are 9 in total aren't adoptable but loads of people love the cats and the cats even have a group name as they like to hang out a lot called 'the mercenaries' which people seem to adore.

now for the cats

Scout - Ginger and White Cat - Scout was born to a stray mom cat and he was one of 9 kitten, all being boys also he was the youngest, Scout got on well with his brothers and they all lived happily in a alleyway but one day, Scout who was now 8 weeks old with his mom and brothers were all captured by some people where they were planning to spay/neater the cats then see if they are suitable to be put up for adoption, Scout ended up going up for adoption with his mom and siblings in a cat shelter and his mom and siblings ended up getting adopted except for him as he had an issue where he liked woman over men, then a week after all his siblings were adopted, helen and miss.pauling came in and found Scout who adored miss.pauling so they took him in to the cat cafe and he ended up being the last addition to the cat cafe mercenaries, since being in the cat cafe, Scout has loves to mess around with Pyro, sleep next to heavy seeing him as his protector and hate Spy because he feel familiar to him (Spy is his dad but Spy doesn't want to tell him).

Soldier - Grey Tabby Cat - Soldier was taken in by a family when he was 8 weeks old and he ended up hating them as the kids kept abusing him, so, he ran away at the age of 2 and has been living on the streets since surviving on his own and defending himself from strays and wild animals, when soldier was 5, he was taken in the cat cafe after he befriended miss.pauling and he's been happy at the cafe since, his favourite cat to play with is Demoman but he adores Engineer as he sleeps with him, cuddles him, grooms him and the pair are mostly inseparable.

Pyro - Black Smoke Cat - Pyro is a very rare form of cat as a black smoke coat colours on a cat can only be found with maine coon cat breed and being a rare form of cat, loads of people wanted to have him but he has a few tricks over 2 years of being a stray to not trigger traps and steal food from people who wanted him, one day, he met miss.pauling and she ended up being kind and sweet to Pyro so Pyro let her near him and she took him into the cat cafe after getting him neutered, soon, he was integrated with the other cats and he ended up loving scout as a playmate he adored the others and he saw Engineer and Soldier as parental figures as they took care of him like parents.

Demoman - Black and White cat with a missing left eye - Demoman used to live with a elderly lady after her family brought him to her as a birthday present after her previous cat passed away, Demoman adored the elderly lady and she adored him, one day, he got into a fight with a neighbour cat and the neighbour cat scratch his left eye hard causing it to be removed, everyone now called Demoman 'pirate cat' due to his missing left eye but he was still loved by heheh elderly lady, then, the elderly lady suddenly passed way from a sudden heart attack and Demoman felt abandoned as nobody payed attention to him as they tidied up the elderly lady's home leaving it empty and up for sale, Demoman had to end up running away and he ended up being found by helen who took him in the cat cafe, Demoman now lives happily in the cat cafe with a good playmate with soldier, he ends up snoozing a lot by the window and he cuddles up with Spy who pretends not to like it when he loves it.

Heavy - A Siberian Mix - Heavy's mother who was a siberian cat was from russia and she was ported to america to be with a rich family, they adored Heavy's mom but one day, she escaped while in heat so she ended up mating with a stray cat before coming home, she soon gave birth to Heavy and he was a very fluffy cat, the family decided at first they wanted to keep Heavy but then they decided they wanted to give him to a family member so when they tried to give him to the family member, he escaped and ran away from home and his mother, he ended up running for days until he was caught by miss.pauling and helen where they took him into the cat cafe and he was first a little frightened as he was the first cat in the cat cafe but soon with time and more cats coming in the cafe, he ended up loving the cafe becoming settled and happy, he liked the other cats in his own way, he sees Medic like a brother and they hang out sometimes, looks after Scout as he's the youngest cat and he gets the most attention by guests.

Engineer - Ginger Cat - Engineer was raised by a man after he found Engineer as a day old kitten with no mom in sight, the man went out his way to make sure Engineer grew up happy and healthy and Engunerr adored the man in return, soon, the man realised he could take care of Engineer after he was offered a full time job in a different state and nowhere in the state near his work allowed pets, so, he ends up finding the cat cafe and handing Engineer over to the cafe where both helen and miss.pauling took Engineer in and helped him to settle in, Engineer is now happy at the cat cafe with Soldier mostly never leaving his side, he's become good friends with medic, hates Spy as he sometimes ruins his fun but luckily Soldier is there to put Spy in his place and he with Soldier happily look after Pyro like he is their kitten.

Medic - White Cat - Medic was found by someone when he was 12 weeks old after they saw him catch a pigeon on his mouth while being in mid air, he was then taken to a shelter where he stayed for a month and then he was adopted by helen and the miss.pauling to be added to the cat cafe, Medic ended up loving the cafe and he liked Heavy as a brother, he loved hanging out with Sniper as the pair got on well as they were both good hunters and the pair were sleep together, groom each other and play together.

Sniper - Black Cat - Sniper is a hunter Cat and when he was a stray, he would easily cat birds, rats, mice and any other smaller animals with ease, he was soon befriended by helen and taken into the cat cafe where he was sceptical at first but soon grew to like the place, he got on well with all the cat even if he was a loner cat but the one he got on with the most was Medic as they sat together, slept together, played together, groomed each other and everyone who saw the pair always say they the pair are the ying-yang cats.

Spy - Grey Cat - Spy was a house cat who was adored by the family's teen daughter but then when they moved house, they left Spy behind so he became a stray, while being a stray, he met Scout's mother and he mated with her before she scared him off, Spy then wondered around some more eating anything he could find or catch until he was caught by miss.pauling where he was taken to the cat cafe, spy didn't like it at the cafe at first but then he grew to like it even if he was hiding it from the others, he liked to bully Engineer and Sniper, he liked Demoman even if he pretends not too and he was happy at the cafe.

That's it for the Cat AU, now for the Dog AU

Backstory - The Teufort dogs were a group of 9 dogs that ran around the countryside of teufort and they would go into town sometimes to get food and water from the humans, they were all considered straysby the humans in teufort town but in reality, they all belonged to a lady who lived in the mountains called helen with her granddaughter, fiona pauling, helen and fiona use the dogs to guard the area from strangers, wild animals and other strange things, fiona is usually the one who take care of the dogs if they are hurt, wounded or injured while helen just keeps an eye on where they are going with the trackers attached to their collars, all the dogs do a good job guarding the area and they have been doing it for 5 years now.

Scout - Boston Terrier/French Bulldog Mix - Scout is mostly a Boston Terrier but he also has some French Bulldog in him from his dad, Spy, Scout is the yappist dog out of the 9 dogs but he bark alerts the other dogs quickly to danger, Scout's backstory was that he use to belong to a couple then when they broke up, the man dumped Scout before leaving him behind and he ends up getting taken in be fiona who he adores, Scout also gets on with Pyro as they play together, he also plays with Heavy which he doesn't mind unless there's danger and he doesn't like Spy very much.

Soldier - American PitBull - Soldier grew up being used as a fighting dog before he ran away at a young age, his 'owners' never came to find him so he was taken in my helen and fiona, his ears were cropped and his tail was docked by his 'owner' and he had loads of marks on his body from the dog fighting which soon healed after a while, he was now one of 3 dog that was used to fight off wild animals, humans and other things while the others barked and nipped, Soldier at first didn't know how to bond with other dogs as he was used to fighting them but then he was showed kindness by Engineer and the pair have been inseparable since, they lie down together, they eat and drink together, they play together, they sleep together and Soldier just feels calm and safe when he's with Engineer, he also got on well with Demoman as the pair played tug of war together and he okay with the others.

Pyro - Dalmatian - Pyro use to be a firefighter dog who loved riding in the fire truck and being a mascot for the teufort fire station, but then, the fire station got burnt down and the station had to be relocated leaving Pyro on his own, he was taken in by fiona and he was put with the others dogs where he got on well with them, he got on the most with Scout and the pair would play around when it was calm, Pyro also looked up to Engineer and Soldier like they were his parents and they didn't mind him when he hanged around with them.

Demoman - Scottish Deerhound - Demoman used to belong to a farmer and helped him by guarding his sheep and chickens, then one night, he was attacked by a mountian lion where he lost his left eye and the farmer had to retire him afte his eye was removed, Demoman was then taken in my fiona and he was now part of the dog pack being the second of the 3 dogs that does the attacking, he wears a eyepatchon his left eye that was specially fitted for him, he gets on well with the other dog but he liked hanging out with Spy the most, he loved to play tug of war with Soldier and he was happy to be with the other dogs.

Heavy - Caucasian Shepherd Dog - Heavy used to be a livestock guardian dog but was retired early when the farm he was working on got shutdown from bankruptcy, Heavy was placed in a shelter but then was adopted by fiona about 2 months after being dropped off and he became the leader of the teufort dogs as he was the biggest and the strongest dog, he is the third dog that does the attacking and he all so got to keep his livestock guardian dog duties but this time was with other dogs, out of all the dogs, Heavy had a good brotherly bond with Medic and he also looked after Scout as Scout looked up to Heavy as a father figure.

Engineer - Pembroke Corgi - Engineer was the shortest dog but he was also the most intelligent dog, he would come up with ideas to get food and water from the humans and he also came up with plans to scare off intruders, His backstory was that he taken in by a family when he was 8 weeks old and sadly. the family ended up neglecting him as they only saw him as a play thing for the kids which they soon grew bored of so he ran away one day when the door was open, he ran and ran until he couldn't run anymore then he hide in random places so he wouldn't be found, he was soon taken in by fiona after she gained his trust and he was now happy living in the country side with 8 dogs, he got on well with all of them with both him and Medic being buddies but the one he ended up getting on with the most was Soldier, Engineer felt sorry for the ex-fighting dog as he always looked lonely but wanted to be friends with the other dogs so Engineer showed him kindness by giving him a ball to play with then holded up a tug of war rope hoping that would get Soldeir to play, it did and now the pair are inseparable.

Medic - German Shepherd - Medic was born and was meant to be raised to be a police dog but he somehow failed he training so he was going to be a pet instead but then he escaped his new owners the first day he got to the house, he ran to the country side where he was spotted by helen and he was taken in and put with the other dogs, he was a little unsure about the other dogs but then he was shown brotherly love by Heavy and the pair were buddies since, he then met sniper and the pair ended up being really close being miserable like with Soldier and Engineer, the pair would sleep together, eat together, play together, play together and sit next to each other a lot, the pair were also the ones who went food hunting and they always come back with some sort of food for them and the other dogs to eat when the humans didn't have any food for them which was rarely.

Sniper - Australian Cattle Dog - Sniper ended up being with the teufort dogs after he fell out of a camper van while his family were on a camping holiday, they then just forgot about him and he ended up being taken in by fiona and helen when they found him wondering around the road, he was a bit of a loner at first as he wasn't really use to other dogs but then he warmed up to Medic after Medic wouldn't leave him alone as he forced himself next to Sniper then lick his face, Sniper ended up liking Medic but he didn't like Spy very much and he soon got on well with the others.

Spy - French Bulldog - Spy was a strange case on why he was with the teufort dogs as he didn't really do anything, he was sassy, lazy, stubborn and a little antisocial but he seem to be second in command after Heavy, he would give good advice in how to attack the enemy, he was very smart and he was cunning, his backstory was that he is fiona's dog but he decided he would join the teufort dogs as he kinda liked being with them but that didn't mean he hated fiona as he liked fiona as she was the one who introduced him to Scout's mom, Spy also knows that Scout is his son as he has the same tail tip like what his mom does and Spy is a little annoyed that his son unknowingly found him, Spy gets on well with the others but he gets on the most with Demoman even if he act like he doesn't like him.

Well, That's all, i hoped you enjoyed and i have done some more AU if you want to check them out, there is a kids AU, a fantasy AU, a Morden AU, a Cowboy AU and some others, hope to see you all soon! 😋

[chaletnz]

Medellín: Comuna 13 Tour

As there were only two of us and the guide on the tour, Cristian hailed a taxi and we drove up the hill closer to Comuna 13. We were taken into a small souvenir shop and Cristian pulled out his binder full of area maps, he introduced his tour and explained why Comuna 13 used to be the most dangerous area in Medellín. A highway that connects Medellín to the northern port cities of Colombia runs right along the top of it so therefore they were able to control the flow of guns and drugs from here making it attractive to gangsters. He told us his mother owns a hair salon, his father owns a grocery store, he and his sister own a chicken shop and his sister used to be a nurse but he convinced her to become a tour guide instead as the money is so much better. There are about 400 tour guides based in Comuna 13 whose livelihoods depend on tourists visiting this area but they are coming - this was the most visited place in Colombia in 2023 with over 1.5million tourist visits. We visited a viewpoint to see the huge scale of this comuna, stretching from the highest mountains down to the edge of the skyscrapers in the central city. Our next stop was an art gallery to learn to differentiate between street art and graffiti. I was apparently correct in saying that graffiti is tagging and street art is more of a mural with artistic aspects. Cristian then told us about the violence in the comuna in 2002 when he was only 6. He doesn’t remember much but the details he does remember are chilling. His parents forced him and his sister to hide in the very back room of their house on the floor, they had mattresses covering all the doors and windows. He said he remembered the helicopters were really loud. When Cristian was a bit older, guerrilla groups were invading the area and trying to expose paramilitary members. Around this time his father had a gun pulled on him at the grocery store and was shot three times, in the cheekbone, the corner of the mouth and in the neck just .5mm from his artery. He was rushed to hospital for treatment and survived but has never returned to his home in Comuna 13. Next we got to a lighter note in the tour - the escalators. The escalators were installed to help the locals get up and down the steep and narrow streets to improve their living conditions and accessibility, and create opportunities for businesses. Gradually the tourists started coming and haven’t stopped! We walked around the main plaza area and admired the central artworks there, a monkey, a giraffe, and pachamama (Mother Earth) the creator. Every escalator was completely full as we travelled up. We stopped in at a gallery showcasing the art of his friend Jordy who was the same age as Cristian. The Indian guy and me went in to look around and ended up heading up to the rooftop. He paid and got his bracelet and walked through and for some reason the girl made it really difficult for me. She was asking me for more money and telling me I couldn’t go up. I was trying to explain that I was with the Indian guy who she just let up but she didn’t understand my broken Spanish. She was just laughing like an idiot while I argued with her to take my 10,000 pesos and give me a bracelet to go up. Eventually she caved and let me go and join the queue of people waiting to take photos on this huge rooftop sculpture. We befriended a Colombian guy and his girlfriend in the line and we agreed that we would say we were all together so we could all go through at the same time since it was taking so long for everyone to get their photoshoot. Cristian took us down a side street where he pointed out a yellow house that his sister lives in. At the very top of the escalators we entered a rooftop bar and were given a shot of chicha (fermented sugarcane) and invited to spray paint our own tag on a piece of wood. We passed some sleeping cats on a shortcut back down to the entrance street where Cristian bought us an ice block each, I chose the lulo pina one. The tour wrapped up here with one final gift of a bracelet from Cristian and we went our separate ways.

[rhonddaandallaneuro]

The long haul

With five days with no land Rhondda had little faith in my patience but I have proven her incorrect. Haha. Well so far that is.

First day we got to experience the “ crossing of the equator” which while a good laugh I just feel sorry for the poor bastards trying to get the chocolate, flower and tomato sauce out of their hair.

If you want to get a deck chair in the shade, a priority for us, you have to have claimed a chair by 7am at the latest. This is accomplished when I do my 5am top deck walk allowing us to sit in shade all day.

Keeping up my steps is a challenge but so far so good. As today is Friday we are not drinking until 4pm, keeping in line with our normal Friday nights. A few of the people we have befriended started very early so I guess we will be meeting newer friends this evening. Haha

The food on the ship is okay as long as you stay away from the beef. The drinks are relatively cheap (package) while the coffee is very strong and served in worlds smallest cups. Life is good and Rhondda is getting to catch up on her reading.

Day two and three at sea saw us with light curfews on outside decks

from dusk until dawn with all outside areas locked down and curtains pulled shut. This apparently is a safety measure due to threat of pirates as we sail along the Somalia coast line. Laughed at first until you saw the armed guards patrolling the upper decks. These guys had massive weapons so I guess a lot more serious then we had imagined.

The entertainment has been good with the cruise ship dancers amazing. A Brazilian couple have to be the best we have ever seen. They just seem to fly. Not so keen on the sand drawing lady. Yes a skill but not entertainment worth being on the cruise ship but each to their own.

All in all though this has been a great time out for us both with lots of nanny naps mixed with learning to play Monopoly with cards. Hard to understand at first but once you learn the rules it is a huge laugh with lots of strategies involved. Given I am only person who has won two games straight I am claiming to be world champion. Hahaha so far there are only eight players on board we are aware of.

Finally we landed at Jeddah but we had elected not to leave the ship as getting a visa just simply to hard. The city from the ship looks quite modern but with Ramadan taking place nothing was open from dawn to dusk with most tourist attractions closed. Saved our money big time.

Back on board another day at sea saw us join a lot of Aussies in the Irish bar where an African musician played “pub with no beer” which excited everyone to where the bar quickly became choked with dancing and laughter. One of our fellow travellers, Kylie (youngest at 48 on tour) led the way and this was one of the best nights we have had. Old style pub music with everyone letting their hair down.

The next morning was a different story with massive winds making it impossible for the ship to dock so those who were intending to do the “valley of the kings” tour forced to miss out. This was a 14 hour tour so a lot of unhappy people.

Currently as I write this we are sitting downstairs just chilling out. Hopefully we will post this story in our next port of call.

[dotcie]

「1」 ━ you let all your love riot inside you.

》 PAIRING: simon 'ghost' riley x afab!reader 》 NOTES: no use of y/n, no mention of name, weight, hair style, or skin colour 》 WARNINGS: church setting | p-in-v smut | reader wears panties + a skirt/dress 》 CHAPTER: 2.8k | 1/3 [masterlist] | AO3

"Didn't take you as the religious type."

"As if," you reply in a tone that promises a backstory, but the two syllables fade between the expressive statuettes, wooden benches, and prayer candles of the small chapel without any further explanation. 

Orange-red impressions of the low-lying evening sunshine through the pale mosaic windows, immersing the scenery in a warm, nostalgic light. It smells of candle wax, cold stone, and potting soil. You—slightly tipsy from the wine Gaz had found in the safe house's cellar—declined another card game with Price and Soap to take one last walk before tonight's exfil. 

Somehow, the intel about the arms dealer hiding out in Sicily's southern mountains turned out to be wrong. Shepherd had been livid, but you can't really complain about a few quiet hours spent with the last sunbeams of the day, surrounded by nothing but trees, blue skies, and breathtaking views. 

The safe house is well hidden in the nook of a mountain range, about two hours away from the nearest town. You had spent two days roaming back alleys and streets of the closest clusters of civilization; trailing along pathways built after the American occupation of Sicily—uneven streets and soulless concrete buildings with stained facades; now belonging to the country, just like Simon and you now inevitably belong in each other's lives.

His approaching footsteps echo through the high walls of the chapel until they stop at the front row. He slowly sinks down on the wooden bench next to you, not asking any follow-up questions about your personal beliefs or what exactly you are doing here. You always liked that about him; he doesn't waste his breath on unnecessary words.

"Was looking for you," he says instead, crossing his legs. One over the other, left foot perched on the edge of the stone steps leading up to the chancel. By the look of all the dust, you doubt that anyone has been in here for a while. The last entry in the visitor book out front goes a few months back, and the small bouquet of wildflowers on the small altar had long withered. 

Your smile stays undetected as you gaze at the decorated ceiling. "And you found me."

"Hm," Simon hums, casually wrapping an arm around the back of the bench—around you. 

He smells like bar soap and aftershave; fresh out of the shower. While you were roaming the streets in civilian clothes, dressed like a tourist, he had spent all day on scabby rooftops and sun-lit balconies, watching your every step through his scope. You didn't get to work together often. He was busy, so were you, and the merits of your assignments usually followed different directions. It was sheer coincidence that you had business with the arms dealer the team was after, and an even bigger coincidence that you weren’t already working on another mission, in some other part of the world.

In this line of work, you rarely get to spend time on the same continent as him, so the thought of parting ways tonight doesn't bother you as much as it used to. 

Goodbyes—as Price once told you—are part of the job. 

"Found this yesterday and thought of you," Simon says quietly. There is an off-tone in his voice you can't quite recognize; it's low, almost hesitant. His posture straightens ever-so-slightly as he holds up his fist over your lap and waits until you open up your hand, before he drops a silver charm into your palm. 

It's tiny, the metal tarnished and dull, but you recognize the shape of an evil eye surrounded by beam-like notches. It's beautiful, old, and you smile at the gesture. He has done this before; bringing little trinkets to you like a befriended crow; to show that he was thinking of you.

"A goodbye gift?" You look up at him, tracing the fine lines with your index finger. 

"More of an apology." 

"What for?" — "Y'tell me."

He is quiet for a long second, then adds: "Didn't return any of my calls."

It takes you a moment to understand what he is talking about, but when you do, your shoulders sag a little under the weight of his words. 

"I was seeing someone," you say slowly, watching his reaction. "Just for a few weeks." 

He scoffs, shifting in his seat. "Tosser got sick of you that fast?"

"No," you deadpan, smiling up at him all casual and loose and horribly unfazed. "Felt wrong to pretend to like him when I am still thinking about you."

The words sweep between the two of you like a wave; they fall from the tip of your tongue and crash under the heavy truth behind every syllable, before sizzling into a deafening quiet. 

You don't mean to stir things up, these days are long behind the two of you; your committed relationship is dead—has been for a while. You tried the whole dating thing. You tried living the lives of two normal people in love, but there was always another job, always another issue, or trigger, or simple miscommunication, and never enough time to figure things out. 

You and he were once more than what you are now, but it's okay, you tell yourself. It's okay. Sometimes things just don't work out. 

"Thanks for the charm, Simon." 

It is perversely satisfying to see that he still shivers at the sound of you saying his name. 

He nods, and a burst of words builds up inside of him, but he stays quiet—he always does. You used to hate that about him, but now there is nothing left to say. There is nothing he can do to make it work, nothing he has to offer, so his hand slowly moves to your thigh and slightly squeezes your flesh. 

"Enjoyed watching you through my scope today," he murmurs, his thumb swiftly sliding over the texture of your sun-kissed skin. 

"Creep," you return half-heartedly.

It's not his fault, you think, that he wants to show love through touch and all he knows to do is kill. You're not averse to it either; your relationship didn't fail because the love and attraction wasn't there—in the end, it just wasn't enough. 

You move to knock knees with him, but your hand instinctively reaches for his face. Your fingers cub his jaw, slide down the side of his neck, and trace the skin between the collar of his black t-shirt and mask, skimming over his pulse. It's soft. Gentle. A light brush that has no other meaning or purpose except to test the water.

He lets it happen, heavy half-lidded eyes fixed on you. The intimacy is heartbreaking; swallowing you whole. It's easy to forget where things went wrong when the memories of him still linger on your fingertips. So you dip your thumb below the seam of his mask for a second—give him enough time to protest—and once you are sure he doesn't mind, you pull it over his head. You place the mask next to you on the chapel bench and gently put down the charm on top. 

The air between the two of you is thick with feelings—sexual tension, anticipation, a hint of hope—that he wants to bottle up, but can't. Not with you. 

"Hi," you whisper, and he is there immediately; breathing hot air against your lips, kissing the corners of your mouth. It's familiar in the softest, most heart-aching sense, and you lean into the gentle kiss he places on your lips. 

He pulls you onto his lap, mumbling—"C'mere"—in that soft but growly voice of his. It's a gravelly, promising tone that sinks straight to your abdomen. All this time has passed, and you still have a weak spot for him.

You meet in the middle, somewhere in the space that doesn't divide you anymore, and his arms wrap tight around your waist as you sink onto his thighs. He's already hard. You move against the bulge in his pants for some long-needed fiction, but it's not enough—you desperately, greedily want more of him. 

Simon's hands move up to your ass and squeeze hard. His soft kisses turn into impatient demands; he's all over you, grabbing and squeezing, and kissing, as if he has to convince himself that this is in fact happening—as if he wants to savour every second of you. 

"Simon," you plead breathlessly, and he finally backs off just to look at you. His eyes are dark and burning, leaving you with an almost painful longing for more.

"Should have taken my calls if you're that desperate for me," he murmurs, and you can hear the berating tone resonating in his voice. It echoes slightly off the tall chapel walls while your heart beats rapidly in your chest. 

He grabs your thighs with both hands and manhandles you to sit up in his lap, pressing you against his chest. You can hear the buckle of his belt, as he fumbles with his pants below you. He's too eager—reaching for your covered cunt at the same time, sliding his fingers over the fabric of your panties, dipping into your wet slit until he can feel how ready you are for him. 

You groan into his shoulder, planting wet, hot kisses onto the flexed muscle on his neck. 

"I'm sorry," you pant. "I shouldn't—shouldn't have ignored you."

He doesn't answer, but his movements become more frantic. He pushes your panties aside and then slowly, without a warning, slides a finger into your throbbing cunt. 

"Was worried about you," he admits with a shaking breath, then: "Christ, you're wet for me."

Your head is spinning. You want to feel close to him again—need him to fill you up. It's been too long, and the anticipation makes you whisper pleas against his hot skin, toes curling in arousal. 

Simon doesn't waste any time. He pumps into you one, two, three times. He adds one more fingers, curls them inside of you, and then quickly tries to line himself up with your drenched entrance. The position you're in is awkward; he can't see shit and your legs start to burn from the effort it takes to hold yourself up, but you both curse and laugh at the eagerness between the two of you. He guides you through it—lean back for me, yeah, that's—fuck—that's good, love—and you tilt your hips until your body makes a path for his length. 

When you finally sink down onto him, he meets you from below. 

His head falls back immediately, eyes squeezing shut at the feeling of you clenching around his cock. You curse as the full length of him fills you too quickly.

The feeling of being so full of him—so stretched out by him—twists you and pushes you towards the dooming realization of how-fucking-much you have missed him.

The feeling is overwhelmingly satisfying. Red-faced and heavily breathing, your forehead sinks against his with a sigh. For a moment, all you can do is slump against him; lightheaded and drunk off the intimacy. You hold still. Your hands cling to his neck and shoulders, his arms wrapped around your back, his cock buried deep inside of you. 

Simon's fingers gently hold the back of your head. He gently brushes some hair out of your face, before lifting your chin to pull you into a deep, mind-numbing kiss. It's too much now, and you're clamping around him, slowly starting to move your hips against his. The motion is lazy—the friction minimal, but more than enough—and he moans into your mouth at the sudden stimulation. 

"That feels good for you, baby?" he mutters against your lips, eyes half-lidded and hazy. 

"Yes," you choked out quietly and uncharacteristically desperate. "Fuck I—I missed you. Missed you so much." 

He places kisses on your collarbone while you roll your hips on top of him. His hands wander to the small of your back—gently rubbing and tracing fingertips over your soft, warm skin. You stay like this for a hot minute; fucking slow and deep—whispering sweet nothingness to each other—while dust particles dance in the last sun rays of the day. You lean on his shoulders for support, smelling the familiar scent of him, listening to the deep, shaking breaths he lets out. 

A new wave of heat washed over you, climbing up your spine before returning to the crest of your thighs. It's just you and him, lost in a moment of shared bliss and togetherness. 

Your head flies back as he reaches for your clit, providing his fingers to rub against. You're chasing your orgasm now, it's creeping onto you with every rolling motion of your hips. Simon can tell you're getting close, so he grabs your sides and pulls you deeper.

"Missed you too," he blurts out in the heat of the moment. "Always miss you." Inhaling deeply, his eyes shut. "Did you think of me while he fucked you?"

"All the time, always" you choke out, digging your nails into his shoulders. "Never felt as good, Simon."

The sheer thought of you being with someone else makes him livid—all rational thoughts about your non-existent commitment to him are abandoned. 

"Say it again," he demands with a grunt, and you meet his eyes.

“No one fucks me as good as you."

The words spill into the quiet of the chapel and something within him snaps. He shakes his head—questioning his sanity—and suddenly digs his hands under your thighs. Simon is not thinking straight; he abruptly stands up and lifts you up with him. 

"Simon—," you want to protest, but he already lifts you up with ease and carries you to the chapel's altar in three large steps. 

Here you are now; hands clinging to his neck and shoulders, your legs wrapped around his waist. His fingertips digging into your thighs. He puts you back down on the altar's edge, lifting one of your legs over his shoulder, and briefly kisses your ankle. 

"That okay?" His voice is dark, worn—fucking irresistible—and you nod impatiently.

The sight alone nearly tosses him over the edge.

"You fuckin' ruin me, y'know that?" he spits out, his hands gripping you tighter. 

You moan and arch your back when he presses his cock deeper into you. He knows how to touch you, once he starts to rub circles around your clit while pounding into you; feverish and rushed. 

"Gonna make you cum now," he mutters under his breath. "Right here."

He's pushing into you, using the new angle and leverages to fuck you like he pleases. You lock eyes as he picks up the pace, creating wet sounds with every thrust.

You are getting close, your walls clench in desperation, and he knows you—he can tell you are peaking—so his mouth meets yours and muffles your moans. You feel completely senseless as he fuck you until finallyfinallyfinally you tip over the edge at the sound of his moans vibrating in your mouth.

Soft, bright pleasure washes over you, while Simon presses his forehead into yours, twitching and rutting through the wave of his own orgasm.

"Fuck me," he breathes, ragged and harsh.

You both are panting as his grip loosens on your body. His sweaty forehead lays heavy against yours, messy hair tickling your face. His hand lifts to your cheek; knuckles brushing over the blush on your skin. It's more intimate than it should be, but you don't back away—you never do. 

"That's—" you breathe out shakily, "why I need to stay away from you." 

It earns you a dry scoff and the barest hint of an eye roll. At another time, another place, he would tell you that you are wrong. He'd collapse on your shoulder and press his face into your neck and he wouldn't have to say anything else because you would just know and he could just be—but he knows better, and lets you deny him.

He accepts it because he loves you, and he understands why you can't love him.

"Just call me back next time, yeah?" he says. "So I know you're okay." 

There is no longing in his voice, just loss, and you think, perhaps, old love just dies hard, and you need to carry this one with you a little bit longer.

— NEXT PART. — SERIES MASTERLIST.

[lowtaxsa]

Down and Out in the Big City

Greetings, my fellow seekers of self-improvement! Dr. Fred Malalavich here, back again to enlighten you with tales of the bizarre, twisted, and downright ludicrous. Today, we'll be taking a deep dive into the seedy world of one Lowtax, a down-and-out eternal grifter who's made it his life's mission to con, swindle, and bamboozle his way through life. As we embark on this wild ride, let us extract valuable lessons from Lowtax's misadventures and apply them to our own journey of self-improvement.

Our journey begins with Lowtax, half-asleep in his dingy apartment, already cursing the cruel world that forces him to wake up before noon. He scowls at the peeling wallpaper and contemplates his next move. "Dot coms, e-businesses, gotta make that internet money," he mutters to himself, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

Heaving his lanky frame out of bed, Lowtax stumbles toward the mirror, scrutinizing his scruffy visage. "Gotta look sharp to fleece these suckers," he thinks, scraping a dirty razor across his chin. "Today's the day, baby. Can't let the seedy underbelly of this town get the best of me."

On his way out the door, Lowtax spots a fresh eviction notice. He snorts derisively, crumples it up, and tosses it aside. "Good luck collecting from me, losers," he smirks, as he steps into the shady streets, teeming with shady characters and even shadier opportunities.

As Lowtax navigates the urban jungle, his mind races with possibilities. "Alright, first things first, gotta find some desperate chumps with cash to burn," he muses. "Maybe I can convince 'em to invest in a new line of artisanal vape pens, or a subscription service for designer burlap sacks. Yeah, that's the ticket!"

Lowtax spots a group of gullible-looking tourists snapping selfies by a graffiti-covered wall. "Perfect," he thinks, sidling up to them with a grin. "Hey there, folks! Ever wanted to own a piece of the hottest new trend in eco-fashion? Just hand over your cash, and I'll make you a partner in my revolutionary burlap sack empire!" The tourists, bewildered and intrigued, hand over their vacation funds, buying into Lowtax's absurd pitch.

Flush with cash, Lowtax slinks into a seedy dive bar, looking to score some cheap booze and cheaper company. "Alright, gotta keep this train rollin'," he thinks, nursing a warm beer. "Maybe I can swindle the bartender into giving me free drinks if I promise to promote his rat-infested hellhole on my super-popular blog."

As he sips his beer, Lowtax spots a shifty character in the corner. "This guy's gotta have some dirt on the mayor or something," he thinks, sauntering over. "Hey there, buddy, you look like a man who knows things. What do you say we team up and blackmail the bigwigs in this town, huh? We'll make a killing!"

The shifty guy, it turns out, is an undercover cop, and Lowtax's plan to make a quick buck by blackmailing the powerful quickly falls apart. He's dragged off in handcuffs, cursing his rotten luck, and vowing to bounce back even stronger.

At the police station, Lowtax finds himself tossed into a dirty holding cell. As he sulks in the corner, he notices a deputy leaning against the wall, absentmindedly spinning a set of keys around his finger. The deputy introduces himself as "Spoons" and seems to take a perverse interest in Lowtax's misfortunes. "So, you thought you could pull a fast one on the mayor, huh?" Spoons chuckles, not quite maliciously, but with an unmistakable air of schadenfreude.

Lowtax, never one to miss an opportunity, decides to befriend Spoons, thinking he might be a useful pawn in his grand escape plan. "Hey, Spoons, you ever feel like you're stuck in a dead-end job, bossed around by idiots with shiny badges? I've got a proposition for you. Help me outta here, and we can both stick it to the man and make a fortune in the process!"

Spoons, intrigued by Lowtax's offer and secretly nursing his own grudges against the higher-ups, agrees to consider the proposal. "Alright, I'll think about it," he grumbles, "But if you're just jerking me around, I swear I'll make your life hell in here."

As Lowtax and Spoons plot their grand escape, a sudden explosion rocks the police station. A group of Antifa activists, determined to free one of their own from the clutches of the law, have blown a literal hole in the wall of Lowtax's cell. Seizing the moment, Lowtax yells to Spoons, "Now's our chance! Let's get the hell out of here!"

Spoons hesitates, torn between his duty and his desire for revenge against his oppressive superiors. Finally, he makes a decision, grabbing Lowtax by the arm and pulling him through the hole in the wall. "You better not screw me over," he warns Lowtax, as they sprint out of the police station and into the chaotic night.

Lowtax, grinning like a madman, can't believe his luck. He's managed to escape the long arm of the law, and he's got a new partner in crime to boot. Together with Spoons, Lowtax dives headfirst back into the seedy underbelly of the city, ready to concoct even more outrageous schemes and swindle his way to the top. It's just another day in the life of Lowtax, the eternal grifter, always looking for the next big score.

So, my dear misguided miscreants, that was the dark and twisted tale of Lowtax's adventures in the seedy underbelly of the city. A man whose mind is as tangled as the schemes he concocts, and whose interactions with the world around him are as off-color as they come. What have we learned from this journey, you might ask? As we strive for self-improvement, it's essential to recognize the pitfalls that come with pursuing shortcuts and dishonesty in our lives. Let us take Lowtax's story as a cautionary tale, reminding us to stay on the straight and narrow path to personal growth and to resist the temptation of instant gratification through deception.

Moreover, it's important to surround ourselves with positive influences and to distance ourselves from people like Lowtax, who lurk in the shadows, ready to swindle you out of your hard-earned cash. Embrace the power of honesty, integrity, and perseverance, as these values will ultimately lead you to a more fulfilling and successful life.

But before I go, let me introduce you to a revolutionary product that will absolutely change your life: Dr. Fred Malalavich's MindMender™! This incredible mental healthcare product uses patented brainwave technology to soothe your troubled mind and unlock your true potential. With the MindMender™, you'll be able to rid yourself of negative thoughts, alleviate stress, and develop an unshakable confidence that will propel you toward your goals. It may look like a simple headband with flashy lights and buttons, but trust me, it's so much more. In fact, if you call now, we'll even throw in a bonus MindMender™ pocket edition – perfect for on-the-go mental rejuvenation!

Until next time, dear readers, this is Dr. Fred Malalavich, signing off and wishing you all the best in your journey toward personal growth and success.

[duckybarnes1917]

Your Eyes Outshine the Town....Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes x Black Female Reader

18+ ONLY.

GIF by theseromaniansarecrazy

Chapter summary: You and Bucky arrive in Brooklyn, ready to spend some quality time together. But trouble is looming both in the city and with his next door neighbor, Nicki.

Warnings: Smut, reader is jealous but she's working on it, Zemo is a friend to both Reader and Bucky but he is currently in The Raft.

New York City. On the surface, it’s a bustling city of opportunity–a place where dreams come true. But underneath the shiny exterior lies the unforgiving reality of the city that never sleeps. And you were far too familiar with the grimy underbelly that the tourists never saw. Fuzzy memories of your various missions across the city threatened to break through your walls, demanding your attention. That life, your violent, morally gray past was behind you now. You were an Avenger–kind of. Sam had been your best friend since childhood, and helping him with the Flag Smasher mission had given you a spot on the good team. As well as introduced you to Bucky. Your relationship was new, the beginning had been rocky, with him falling for you instantly and you constantly rebuffing his advances. You loved sleeping with him, but you were scared of anything more. Until you couldn’t ignore your feelings anymore, and finally gave in to what your heart wanted. It had only been a week since you told him you loved him. Through the whirlwind of hunting down the Flag Smashers, befriending Baron Zemo and sending him back to prison (with promises to write), and your continued search for the Power Broker, you and Bucky had managed to create something great. And now, you were taking some much needed time off, putting the search for the Power Broker on pause, and spending Christmas with Bucky in his Brooklyn home. 

The bright lights and Christmas decorations were a great distraction from your intrusive memories as you sat in the back of a yellow taxi with Bucky. Your nose was practically pressed against the window as you tried to take it all in. 

“You know we’ll be here for a while, right? You can blink.” Bucky pinched your side. 

“Hey!” You twisted away from him. “That tickles, and your hand is freezing.” 

“Not my fault you’re not properly dressed for the cold.” Bucky wrapped his arm around your exposed midriff and pulled you back to his side. 

You snuggled against him until your phone started ringing—an unknown number you ignored twice and finally answered on the third ring. 

“Who is this?” You said into the phone as you let Bucky help you out of the taxi. 

“Hi, draga.” 

You froze, your mouth agape. “How?” 

“The right price—I don’t have much time. You’re in danger.” 

“What?” You waved Bucky off and stepped a few feet away. “What are you talking about, Helmut?”

“I’ve heard things in here–are you still in Wakanda? It’s the safest place for you right now.”

“How did you know—never mind—we literally just got to New York. What’s going on?” You glanced back at Bucky, standing outside of his building with your bags and a frown on his face. 

“The Power Broker isn’t above using your past enemies to hunt you down.” 

You clenched your jaw, quickly forming a shortlist of the most likely suspects. “Who is it?”

You heard Zemo make a frustrated noise before he spoke again. “I’ve got to go, I don’t know who–fill James in.” 

“I—" You looked back at Bucky again; you had promised him a vacation. “I can’t tell him; I’ll handle it on my own.” 

“No—don’t be stupid; he can protect you.” 

“I’ll be fine—it was nice to hear your voice. Merry Christmas.” 

You hung up as Zemo continued to argue with you. You took a moment to reset your face, you were not going to let anyone ruin this Christmas for you, and you certainly weren’t going to ruin Bucky’s. Neither of you had had a proper Christmas in so long. Growing up in foster homes meant you never really celebrated, and when you told Bucky you never got gifts from Santa you could tell he was close to tears. But that was nothing in comparison to his last Christmas being in the 1940s. No, this Christmas was too important. 

“Everything okay?” Bucky asked as you approached. 

“All good,” you said with a smile as you tilted your chin up, asking for a kiss that Bucky granted. 

“Hmm, okay, come on, let’s get inside before you get frostbite.” 

You started rattling off a list of all the Christmas activities you guys needed to do as you took the elevator to Bucky’s floor. Bucky could tell something was off—you were distracted. 

“This is us,” Bucky let you get off the elevator first and followed behind with the luggage. “I’m the last one on the right.” 

You skipped the rest of the length to his door and waited excitedly for him to open it. 

Bucky sat the bags down. “I gotta get my key from my neighbor; I don’t have a spare.” 

Bucky knocked on the next door over as you leaned against his door frame. 

A homely redhead pulled the door open and greeted Bucky with an excited smile. “I thought you were never going to come back!” 

“Yeah, sorry,” Bucky shrugged. “Thanks for watching my place, Nicki.” 

You could tell the woman wanted to touch him—her hands were hovering awkwardly. You wondered if she had touched him before and where. 

“Wanna come in? I just made dinner.” 

You crossed your arms and appraised the woman from head to toe. She was average height, older than you were—you could tell by her clothes. She looked like the housewife type, but she wasn't married based on her flirting—and the lack of a ring. 

“No—no, I just came for my key. Um, my—girlfriend—" Bucky hesitated as he glanced at you. “—is here, and we’ve got to do some shopping, but thanks for the offer.” 

“Oh,” Nicki’s voice went slightly higher-pitched as she tried to hide her look of shock and utter disappointment. 

You gave her a small wave when the woman turned to look at you. 

“Hi, so lovely to meet you—I didn’t know—um, I’m Nicki.” 

You internally gagged at the huge smile on the woman’s face but introduced yourself with a tight smile.

“Let me go get the key.” Nicki hurried off.

“Girlfriend, huh?” You teased, making Bucky’s face flush. “I don’t remember you asking me.”

“I would have, but I was afraid you would make a joke about how old-fashioned I am.”

You nodded in agreement as you both stared at each other like love drunk idiots. You seemed to have blown past all the typical new relationship milestones. At this point, worrying about such trivial labels seemed ridiculous. You quieted the voice in your mind that told you this was dangerous—that you needed to slow down. You didn’t want to hear that; it was too late. 

“You know I’m yours, though, right?” 

Bucky didn’t get a chance to respond before Nicki was back in the doorway. But he didn’t need to. You saw the flicker of emotion in his oceanic eyes—looking at you as if you hung the moon. Bucky wore his heart on his sleeve, and right now, he was telling you  it was yours. 

 “Here you go,” Nicki dropped Bucky’s key into his gloved hand.

“Thanks again, goodnight.” 

“Yeah—have fun.” Nicki quickly shut the door after Bucky turned his back. 

“She seems friendly,” you said sarcastically as you followed Bucky into his dark apartment. 

“Yeah, she’s cool. I don’t really know her, but she’s the only one on the whole floor who’s said more than two words to me.”

You made a noise that said, gee, I wonder why? 

Bucky flicked on the living room and kitchen lights, and you forgot about Nicki completely. The sad state of his apartment gripped your heart. His living room consisted of only a few pieces of furniture. A tv, one chair, and one dining room chair–no dining table. As you walked into the tiny kitchen, you were saddened even more. He didn’t have a coffee machine, a microwave–the counters were bare. You were sure if you opened the cabinets and fridge, they would both be empty. 

“I know it’s not much—I’m sorry.” 

You turned to him with a sad smile on your face. “Why are you apologizing?” 

“It’s just—" Bucky rubbed his neck nervously. “I know you’re used to a lot more than this.” 

“Oh baby,” You moved his hand off his neck and brought it to your lips. “You know what I’m used to?” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow in question as your lips left gentle kisses on his knuckles. 

“I’m used to moving around, being on the run, never being comfortable. I just want to be somewhere stable. Doesn’t matter where.” You slid your free hand under his shirt and settled your palm over his heartbeat. “I don’t need anything other than you—and maybe some food.” 

Bucky grinned and lifted you up onto the counter; he stood between your legs and let you kiss him until you both had to take a breath. “Food can be arranged.” 

“And maybe a table.” 

“Okay, fine. A table. But only because I wanna fuck you on it eventually.” 

“Oh my god, duh.” You giggled and wrapped your arms around his neck. “And we have to get a tree and Christmas lights, and garland and—" you paused to look at him seriously. “Show me the bedroom.” 

Bucky reluctantly led you to the one bedroom in his apartment. He had a bed—he just hadn’t ever used it. 

“Okay, Christmas bedding has been added to the list.” You flopped down onto the bare mattress. “It’s comfy; you’ve never slept on it, have you?” 

Bucky shook his head. “I’m looking forward to it, though.” He laid down next to you, stretching his sore muscles.

“I have to tell you something.” You turned on your side to face him. “I got a call a few days ago—from Stephan’s lawyer.” You cringed at the way your voice faltered when you said your ex-boyfriend’s name. Stephan had been an enigma in your life that you had trouble letting go of, until Bucky came along. The recently deceased drug-lord had been head over heels in love with you. And had met his end trying to force you to be his forever. Even though you held on to no love for Stephan–the death was still fresh on your heart, and as much as you tried to hide that from Bucky, you weren’t perfect. 

“About what?” 

You could see the concern all over Bucky’s face. “It wasn’t bad,” you quickly soothed him. “He said that I was the one and only beneficiary listed in Stephan’s will.” 

“Oh,” Bucky breathed out—not quite sure how to feel about that. “So, what does that mean?” 

“Well, if I hadn’t blown up his villa, it would have been mine. So, that’s a bummer. Same goes for everything that was inside. But, there are several cars, boats, one plane, and a lot—I mean a lot of money—all mine.” 

“Shit—what are you going to do with all of it?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. The money has already been transferred to my accounts, though. It’s freaking me out.” 

“Why?” Bucky frowned. 

“I’ve never—ever had this much money, Bucky. It’s weird. And I feel guilty—he should have left it to someone else. His mother—he had a sister and a brother, both older. They didn’t get along, but still—” 

Bucky tilted your chin up and kissed your forehead. “There’s nothing to feel guilty about. He loved you. And you deserve it.”

You turned away from him, laying on your back again. You pretended you didn’t hear those words that made you want to cry. “Anyway—I’m telling you because I don’t want you to argue with me when I pay for everything we’re about to buy tonight.”

“You don’t have to–I have money.”

“I said no arguing,” you shushed him with a quick kiss to his nose. 

Bucky ran his tongue over his teeth as he smiled. “Well, Zemo did say I should let someone spend money on me—glad it’s you and not him.” 

You chuckled, “why do you say that?” 

“Helmut would lord it over me for eternity.” 

“And you think I won’t? You think I’m not excited about making you my sugar baby?” You teased. 

“Sugar, what now?” 

“God, you’re clueless sometimes. Never mind, let’s go!” 

Bucky sat up on his forearms and watched you traipse to the bedroom door. Your simple black sweats did nothing to hide your mouth-watering curves. He tilted his head to the side as you bent over to grab your sneakers, letting his eyes unabashedly roam over your frame. When you turned back around, one hand on the doorknob and an easy smile on your lips, he couldn’t help but move his eyes to his second favorite part of your body. These crop top shirts would never make sense to him—just like the holey jeans you were fond of. But, he was learning to appreciate them on you—soft slivers of skin just begging to be touched (or licked). The constant temptation to slide his hands underneath the fabric, knowing he would find you braless most of the time, was becoming almost unbearable. 

“Are you coming?” You asked with a knowing smirk on your lips.

Bucky finally dragged his eyes up to your face. “You gotta put something warmer on; you’re going to freeze.” 

“I’ve got a coat; I look cute—come on.” 

“Cute,” Bucky muttered and rolled his eyes. He grabbed an extra pair of gloves and a scarf when you weren’t looking and followed you out the door. 

**

You returned home late into the evening, both of your arms full of bags and boxes—You wearing the gloves and scarf Bucky had brought for you. 

You stocked Bucky’s kitchen while he put together the dining table you had bought. If you had forgotten that his development was essentially cut off at 28, grocery shopping with him was a big reminder. A glance at your shopping cart would have one thinking you were stocking a frat house. You liked food more than most, but you forced him to put most of the junk back and buy real food—you had never seen him get so grumpy so fast. 

Bucky had a basketball game on tv that he made comments about every now and then. You hummed in response, lost in your thoughts. 

While you had been out, you had been on edge, trying to have fun while keeping your eye out for any potential threats. Nothing had happened—this was New York after all, it would be hard for anyone to find you here in this sea of people. You glanced over your shoulder at Bucky and started to relax. The sleeves of his snug black sweater were pushed up to his elbows, those bulging veins in his forearms on full display every time he turned the screwdriver in his hand. He had a slightly annoyed look on his face as he pushed his hair out of his eyes for the hundredth time. But he still looked more at peace than he had since you had met him. 

Everything was going to be okay—there was no reason to tell Bucky; he wasn’t in any danger. And if something did happen, you’d take care of it on your own like you always had. 

“All done!” 

Bucky’s voice broke you out of your thoughts, and you turned around, a box of sugary cereal in your hand, to admire his work. 

“Wow, look at you—all domestic—building furniture and shit.” 

Bucky placed his hand on the table and smiled proudly. “And you—in the kitchen—hey!” Bucky ducked as the cereal box flew at his head. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to test out the table, but never mind—clearly it’s that time of—" Bucky broke off into a fit of giggles as you turned and threw another box—this one mac and cheese—at him.

“You think you’re real funny, huh?” 

Bucky picked up the boxes and went to the kitchen to wrap his arms around you. “Come on, let’s at least make sure I built it right.” 

You rolled your eyes—but the gentle scratch of his scruff against your neck was heating you up from the inside out. 

You let out an irritated breath. “Okay, I guess that’s the smart thing to do. I don’t want it to collapse when I’m trying to eat breakfast in the morning.” 

You felt Bucky grin against your throat before he picked you up and carried you to the round, dark wood table. He carefully sat you down, and you both froze for a second, Bucky’s hands hovering over you just in case. 

“I think we’re good; it’s pretty.” You ran your hand over the table and then pulled Bucky closer to you and kissed him slowly. 

Bucky matched your pace, slowly sliding his hands up your sides and under your shirt, gently cupping your breasts and rolling his thumbs over your nipples.

“Been dying to touch you all day,” Bucky rasped against your lips before pulling off your shirt—gently squeezing, licking, biting, and sucking before slowly pulling your sweats off.

You tried to unbutton his jeans, but he was already sinking to his knees, kissing down your stomach to the waistband of your underwear. 

“Buck,” you whined, “wanna see you too.” 

“Soon,” Bucky murmured, looking up at you as he hooked his thumbs into your underwear. “It’s only right that my first meal at this table be my favorite one. Don’t you think?” 

You nodded quickly and raised your hips to allow him to slide your underwear off. You gasped when Bucky roughly pulled you to the edge of the table, one of your legs draped over his shoulder while the other dangled off the table. 

Bucky grazed his fingers over the leg on his shoulder, leaving a wake of goosebumps from your knee to your thigh. “Words, sweetheart.” 

His warm breath sent a chill up your spine, and you groaned. “Yes, please.” You gripped a handful of his hair and forced him to look up at you. His face—eyes so wide and innocent, pink lips wet and almost trembling with want, that scruff that was going to burn your thighs so good—made you let out a desperate whine. “God, you’re so sexy, Buck. It’s only fair that I get my favorite too, kay?”

Bucky licked his lips in anticipation; he might not last that long, his cock was already painfully straining against his jeans—maybe he should have let you take them off first. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“Fuck,” you half groaned, half growled, and pulled his face to your dripping cunt. 

The table was thoroughly christened (and disinfected) that night, and secretly, you hoped that nosy neighbor Nicki heard every noise the two of you made. 

Don't forget to reblog! 😉

*Tumblr is not letting me add links to the prev or next chapters. Please see the masterlist pinned to my page for the rest of the story!*

Taglist: @delaber @mannien @raindrcpsangel @captainsimagines @buckmepapi

[dreamrecorder]

The words we keep

Soulmate au - first words tattoed on the wrist

Includes: Venti | Diluc | Kaeya | Albedo | Zhongli | Xiao | Childe

Mentions of suicide in Zhongli; angst and brief violence for Childe

Oh you're here- I mean! I'm sorry I didn't mean to take your spot!

The bard had guessed that he'd meet his soulmate either in Angel's Share, in Windrise, or at the hands of his statue in Mondstadt. But the latter two were more unlikely. But he doesn't mind sharing his space with you really. In fact, Venti would be more than willing to let you in his space. But lo and behold! He didn't think he'd meet you at the hands of his statue!

Nights prior, you always heard a voice singing songs of various emotions. The voice eventually led you to Barbatos's statue. When you looked up, you saw the bard in green. His voice was very calming and pleasant to hear, so you always visited the statue at night. Until recently, your curiosity grew. Why does the bard always stay there at night?

Seeing your relaxed form on his statue, hair swaying in the wind. Venti just went soft. "Quite the lovely view isn't it?" 

He didn't mean to surprise but you still did become surprised. He found it endearing. "Oh you're here- I mean! I'm sorry I didn't mean to take your spot!"

Ah- you scared them. Please don't do that.

Now who did he scare and what did he do to warrant his soulmate's first words to him? Diluc has always been aware that he can be intimidating and usually he doesn't mind that. But for you- he does give half a mind.

There was a new winemaker that Connor had hired and Diluc has yet to meet them. Connor had even commented that their methods were a bit unusual. But if it's enough to get the former's approval, then Diluc will see to this newcomer.

Diluc met you during the night, just at the edges of the Stone Gate that signifies the border between Mondtsadt and Liyue. The man was simply patrolling around the area for any hidden dangers. That's when he saw you, kneeling on the ground with a group of slimes surrounding you. Seeing your plight, Diliuc quickly ran and summoned his greatsword. With a few swipes imbued with pyro, the slimes hastily retreated. He was about to chase them off, but he was more concerned of your safety.

Diluc was about to speak when you cut him off as you stood up, dusting your clothes. "Ah- you scared them. Please don't do that."

Diluc was dumbstruck for a second. He did not expect to meet his soulmate right here right now. Seeing his stupefied look, you raised a brow. "Are… you alright, Sir Diluc?"

"Those slimes were about to attack you." Diluc pointed out. His reply made you chuckle a bit and shake your head to the sides. Did he say anything funny?

"No they were not. I was trying to befriend them so that I could use their slime concentrations for the winery."

Now Diluc was even more confused. Slime? For tbe winery? "Wait- you're the new-"

"Winemaker. And your soulmate if you're not yet aware. Come on, let's go look for those slimes! We can talk on the way about our… professional and not-so professional side of our relationship." And with that, you trailed to the path of the slimes with a smile on your face. As for the wine tycoon, he was still confused- like a lost puppy, but there was this gentle smile that landed on his lips as he followed you.

Yes, I am suffering and in need of a Pyro Vision. Soulmate or not, if you don't have a Pyro Vision- shoo.

The text tattooed on Kaeya's wrist always left him laughing. He just knows, that this was meant to be a comical moment. He can even imagine the moment he meets his soulmate just from these words alone. But of course, he does worry about your well-being. Kaeya had his guesses. Maybe he would meet you in Dragonspine or maybe- you were an unprepared tourist enduring the permafrost of Snezhnaya and he'd meet you there. Well- in the end, he's still amused at your winterish pain.

Sure enough, Kaeya was tasked to scout Dragonspine for any Fatui activity. He could feel it under his skin that he'll meet you any second now. As he traversed through the mountain path, he noticed a group of warming seelies hovering over… someone? And that someone is shivering immensely. The captain grinned.

You heard footsteps approaching but you stayed in your crouched position, determined to preserve your body temperature. The seelies were helping, sure, but they were not enough to counter the coldness your Cryo Vision emanates. Damn it. Just because you're a cryo user doesn't mean you're immune to sheer cold.

The footsteps stopped and you snorted at the words the stranger spoke, "Could this possibly be my soulmate suffering in the cold and in need of a Pyro Vision?"

You huffed, you didn't want to meet your soulmate in this kind of situation. But it happened anyway, much to your dismay. Still crouched, you managed to turn to face the man as seelies continued hovering around.

"Yes, I am suffering and in need of a Pyro Vision. Soulmate or not, if you don't have a Pyro Vision- shoo."

Now actually hearing it from you made Kaeya laugh hard. If he was already amused just from the ink on his wrist before, Kaeya's now even more so deeply amused. You muttered sadist on his way. Deciding he's had enough a good laugh for today, the captain gave you his fur coat and a warming bottle. "Come on, let's get you some place warm, yes?"

You're not the only one! I actually did one for you, too!

When his mind is not occupied by hus studies, it would often drift ink embedded on his wrist. Everytime Albedo does so, he would often wonder what did the two of make for each other that would lead to you eventual meeting.

The Windblume Festival arrived, and of course, so will tourists from other lands. Usually, Albedo would simply pay no heed to the ongoing festivities and their participants. But this time- things were different. You unknowingly caught the alchemist's eye. There was this sudden itch in his hands- and Albedo knew he had to sketch you form. However, before he could even approach you- you left to another direction.

He caught sight of you again the next day. You were reading a book on a bench, with the plaza fountain giving you a beautiful background for Albedo. Discreetly, the alchemist sat on a bench front of yours and began sketching. Unbeknownst by him, you were also entranced by his form and you, too, began sketching.

Albedo was first to finish- and like usual, he would give the sketch to the person he drew of even if they were strangers. As he walked, there was this certain nervousness that found way in his stomach. This never happened before. Why was he nervous?

Once close enough, Albedo cleared his throat and handed you his sketch, "I know this seems suspicious, but I want you to have this. You have a wonderful form."

You'd be lying if you said your heart did not stop a beat at his words. When you saw the paper he was offering you, you gasped at how he caught every detail of you. Bashful, you tore the page you were drawing on from sketchbook and gave it to him.

"You're not the only one! I actually did one for you, too!"

When your words reached his ears, Archons bless you as he gave you a genuine and joyful smile.

Please... don't touch my heart that wants to disappear.

When Zhongli fully embraced his mortal form, he didn't expect the universe to gift him a soulmate. Like a snake, ink slithered into words that gave his heart a certain sadness. Zhongli knew, you were suffering somewhere... Out there...

He saw you first at the highest peak of Guyun Stone Forest. Everything happened so quickly. One second he was watching your distant form from the beaches below then the next he knew- his heart dropped, the same way you willingly fell to the hands of death that waited in the sea. The archon did what he knew is right- and that is saving you.

To Zhongli, immoratlity can both be a blessing and a curse. When your skins touched, he knew you were of immortality. He could sense it. And he could also sense the tiredness that nest in your soul from the burden of immortality.

Once Zhongli landed on safe ground, that's when he spoke. "I won't ask why, however is this truly what you want?"

The way his words reflected the ink written on your wrist made you open your eyes wide. When the realization sank in- that this man is your soulmate, you began crying. You were tired of life- but this man- this man is now your lock away from your want for death. If you stayed with him- another cycle of seeing the people you love come and go.

"Please..." you begged, "don't touch my heart that wants to disappear..."

Your voice was sad and pleading- but Zhongli was a stubborn man, just like his element. He wanted to help you but not by giving your death. He wanted you to see life in a new light, hopefully with him by your side.

Excuse me... Here- for you. Qingxin.

Xiao was always resolute in his resolve that he has no need of a soulmate deemed by the universe. However, there are times that he would let his mind flutter around the concept. Specifically, around the words elegantly written on his wrist and his soulmate. Xiao would question why would you give him qingxin flowers in the first place. Other than that, there was also this underlying worry in his thoughts about you and the qingxin flowers. These flowers... they can only be gathered on high stone peaks. What if you slipped and fall?

This leads Xiao to have days where he just spends his time at the peaks of Jueyun Karst, looking out for any foolish person scale mountains just for qingxin. It's not because he's worried about you no- Xiao just doesn't want anyone die under his protection over Liyue. There has already been too much deat-

"Excuse me..."

At the voice, Xiao's head whipped to your direction with eyes wide in surprise.

"Here- for you. Qingxin."

There was this bored look in your face, but Xiao could see the worry in your eyes. Worry? Were you worried about him? Xiao frowned at the thought but still took the flowers from your outstretched hand.

"Foolish mortal... you could have gotten yourself hurt. Climbing peaks just for qingxin..."

... But still a small smile graced his lips and your heart melted.

"Thank you."

You're the only person I recognize whose eyes resemble the deep blue ocean.

The words tattooed on his wrist always left Childe questioning about his soulmate and what led them saying these words. Somehow- imagining the possible scenarios always makes him melt. This string of words- it never fails him to bring a sense of comfort in his heart. Childe learns of yoir existance during a mission.

The mission was to assasinate a captain of the Knights- you. He observed you for days and took note how you're silent and alone for the most part but kind to the people who approach you- he almost feels bad for having to kill you. The day came when he had to kill you. It was supposed to be a quick kill- but he should know better. You were a captain for a reason, so you fought back. However, in the end, Childe was stronger as he wrap his hands around your fragile neck. Another second, he'd have you dead- until a child's voice cut through- your little brother. The way your eyes watered up at the sight of your only family. Seeing the hurt in your eyes, Childe's thoughts went overdrive- No- nonononono way I'm killing in front of a kid- He simply can't- he was reminded of his little brother, too. With a wavering will to disobey orders, Childe let you go and retreated to the night,

"Don't think this is the last time you'll see me."

Like a shattering glass- the words he uttered made your heart shatter like glass...

Childe saw you again, this time in Liyue. When your gazes meet- there was a shock that passed through with tension suddenly gripping your necks. Childe swore he hid much of his identity physically that night- but he knew you recognized him. He managed to corner you in Yuehai Pavillion by swooping into an empty seat right in front of you. There was a tense moment and an oppresive air. He noticed how your hands were ready to grab your weapon. "How did you recognize me?"

You carefully thought of your words. And when you did reply, Childe have never felt so much despair until today. "You're the only person I recognize whose eyes resemble the deep blue ocean."

Back before he knew you- these words always comforted Childe- but now? Childe felt chills in his spine as despair clouded his mind. Why would the universe decide to have person he was supposed to kill his soulmate.

Similarly, his heart also shattered.

A/N: Look!!! I got meself some banners ksks---- this is all Childe's fault rawr

[knightmareaceblue]

Remember in Steven Universe, gems are usually call by their gem names and numbers.

What if humans found gems' names confusing because some type of gems having the same names only different by number. What if some humans started giving gems they befriend nicknames to tell them apart from another gems. This started trend of gems naming their friends, lovers and love ones to express that they one of a kind to them and not just another other gem.

I guess I just think it would be romantic if gem polytreat would give each another names. Not just to make it easier to tell them apart from some kind of gem but also excess that they are specials and more than their gem types.

Ooh, some nice food for thought here!

(This is a continuation of the 'What Gems would the Triple Threat be?' ask I got a while back. And that, like Steven Universe gems, all of the Triple Threat will be referred to with female pronouns.)

I decided, just now, that Nephrite! Charles will get his name from the guy who ran her over... and the guy who ran her over is Galeforce. He was sent to Beach City to pretend to be a tourist and investigate the Gems' activity, but ran over Nephrite! Charles with his car while on the phone with his superior. Thankfully she was just poofed instead of anything more serious, but he felt guilty and stuck around to help her and Gemkind out. He also gives her the headphones and stickers as gifts.

After Nephrite! Charles mournfully tells Galeforce that Steven Universe, savior the galaxy, knows her as 'Car Nephrite', because she's the Nephrite who got hit by a car on her first day on Earth. This sparks a conversation between them about Gem culture and individuality, and the conversation ends with Nephrite! Charles taking the name of Galeforce's childhood pet dog. Galeforce is a little confused about why she'd take a male name, but isn't bothered by it as long as she's happy. This starts a trend of humans giving their gem friends human nicknames.

Pyrope! Ellie is the next to get a nickname, and from Nephrite! Charles. Like mentioned in my last post, she doesn't like Earth at all. She doesn't feel like she has a purpose anymore and throws herself into catching Sapphire! Henry because it's the closest thing she has to a purpose anymore.

Nephrite! Charles helps change that. She comes to help Ellie learn about what she wants and what she's good at. Nephrite! Charles encourages her to talk to people and make friends, something she'd never really thought she needed before. I want Pyrope! Ellie to learn that she doesn't have to be useful to be cared about... and after they start chasing Sapphire! Henry down together, the two of them become quite close. Nephrite! Charles gives her the nickname 'Ellie', after a character she talks like on a TV show, which is the first thing they enjoy together.

Finally, Sapphire!Henry, that poor baby. So the thing about Sapphrite!Henry is that she, like most Steven Universe characters, has terrible self-esteem. She feels guilty for all the bad things she realizes she could have prevented if only she'd acted instead of sitting to the side and letting other's act in her stead. So when she, after spending a long time on her own on Earth after ditching her best friend, Pearl Assistant, she returned in order to prevent a catastrophe. (Still don't have any ideas for what that would be yet...)

She commits crimes in an attempt to repel it, but it isn't until she's cracked and nearly shattered in her attempts to save everyone alone that she caves and talks to Nephrite!Charles and Pyrope!Ellie about what's happening, and they work together and grow closer. It isn't until the danger's passed and Sapphire!Henry's about to leave that Pyrope!Ellie and Nephrite!Charles force her to talk and truly open up about her poor self-image. The name Henry is something Pyrope!Ellie comes up with. It's something she pretends she just came up with on the fly, but actually looked up name meanings, and chose it based on Sapphire!Henry's role as their leader. Nephrite!Charles teases her about it.

Thanks for the ask! I'm actually coming to really like this AU.

[sunflowerdaisybee]

Can I request a second part of Manhunt people x drowned hybrid? 👉👈

The boys come back to visit reader after manhunt and bring them presents from Nether and the End to because reader can't go to these place?

You sure can because I really liked that request and needed a reason to write a second part anyways :] /pos /g

Summary: The boys come back to apologize to you, and they brought gifts!

Paring: P!Badboyhalo, P!Dream, P!Sapnap, P!George, & P!Antfrost x Reader

Pronouns: They/them

[A/n]: Requests are closed, please check back later <3

“Are you sure that this is a good idea? Last time we were here we almost got killed.”

“Yeah, that thing almost killed us!”

“They’re not a thing! They are a person, sorta, with feelings and emotions, I think. Regardless they still seemed really cool and I’m curious about them, they seem like they could use a friend anyways!”

“You are way too excited about potentially dying.” Dream just ignored the lot, continuing to walk towards the area they had last seen the drowned-like creature.

“You know what, I agree with you Dream. They’ve probably been out here all alone for such a long time! A friend never hurts!” Bad moved from walking behind Dream to aside him, chatting about how they were going to befriend you. There was already brief planning that had gone into this whole plan, the lot had been forced to travel to different realms with Dream to help him retrieve gifts for you.

Dream had assumed that since your whole life was based around the water, seeing as you’re a drowned and have limitations, that you had never been able to leave the Overworld. So he went to the Nether and the End to bring some things back for you. The items weren’t anything too crazy, but for someone who had never been able to stray far from home, it would be heaven.

“We’re here! Alright, let’s try to make ourselves known rather than just barging in like last time.” The five boys slowly walked onto the small fishing dock, taking in the small changes that had occurred since their last visit.

“This place just gets cooler and cooler.”

“I suppose I should tone down the cool then, tourists are annoying.” The boys were surprised to find you standing behind them, blocking the entrance to the dock.

“Ah, we aren’t tourists we’re-”

“I know who you are. And I distinctly remember telling you not to come back.” There was no hesitation as you cut the man off, talking over him in a loud and defensive manner.

“We came to apologize for intruding last time. We uh, brought some things we thought you might like.” Dream was the first to offer his item, it was a shulker box made from End shulkers that had been dyed a light blue.

“It carries lots of items and is really useful, I didn’t know what your favorite color is so I went with a shade of blue, like the ocean.” You seemed hesitant to accept the gift, needing to set your weapon aside to fully grasp it.

“Thank you, I don’t travel much but this will be of use when I do.” You nodded a thanks to him, placing the box in your inventory.

“Here, I’d like to give you mine next!” Bad had stepped up next, pulling a small pouch from his inventory.

“Here, it’s got some different items that you can use to make potions with! They come from mobs in the Nether so I figured it was something you didn’t have access to.” The pouch was something you could hold in one hand, making it a lot easier to accept.

“Thanks, my brewing stand doesn’t get much use but then again I’ve never had much to use it with.” You placed the pouch inside your inventory as well, watching the other three shift about, none of whom wanted to go next.

“Are those mushrooms?” You pointed to the potted plants in his hold, admiring the intricate plants.

“Uh yeah, mushrooms have always been something I like so I thought I’d bring you some. These ones are from the Nether, I figured you could get Overworld mushrooms whenever you’d like.” George hesitantly stepped forward, handing you the small potted plants.

“These will look lovely in my garden downstairs. I have special lights to simulate sunlight for them.” Seeing no harm from any of the boys you sent your weapon aside, using two hands to properly examine the small mushrooms.

“I’m not sure how useful these will be for you but I brought you some chorus fruit, it grows in the End and can be grown using Endstone, which I also brought some of.”

“Aren’t these those teleporting ones? I hear about them from villagers sometimes.”

“Yeah! I think they’re pretty neat.” You thanked the man, placing the fruits and the stone into your inventory.

“Uh, here’s my gift.” Sapnap held his gift, a wither skull, out to you.

“It’s not anything super cool or useful but I noticed you collect lots of cool and rare things so I thought you might like this. Wither skeletons only spawn in the Nether so I assumed you didn’t have any skulls.”

“I never knew there were mobs besides the ones found in the Overworld, this will certainly look nice on my wall of mob heads. Thanks.” You had relaxed enough around the men to crack a smile, maybe they weren’t so bad after all.

Taglist: @joyfullymulti @minty-ghast @rokkyy @duddum-froppers @sortzz @vaxiwastaken

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

Hello! ¡Hola! Ciao! Salut ! So question: what would you do if you ever met Gilbert, Lovi and Arthur in real life? And possibly where would be the location of your meeting? 🙃

Dear Ancients are you trying to kill me? @_@

Salutations, Lovely~ I'll try to be as... realistic as I can here, I guess.

First off, I at least know from experience that I would keep my panic at bay until I was finally alone again, when I would have a full on meltdown. I don't-

How do you cope with meeting someone you've been lowkey daydreaming about for the past ten years? Silently vow to yourself to keep calm and carry the fuck on, and make sure you never let them find out that you've been writing fanfiction about them for near a decade.

As for how I would meet them?

Well, that's honestly a really hard one to answer, luv. ^_^; Despite my severe social anxiety, I casually befriend people all the time, in some of the most unpredictable ways.

I based each of these loosely off of how I actually met some of my friends, as realistically I can't even begin to narrow down just how I meet/befriend people.

Arthur I know would be the most likely candidate for actually, unintentionally running into. My ultimate goal for years has been to move back to London on a permanent basis, hopefully earn my Masters equivalent in History or Journalism. Now, I gotta be honest, I was rarely ever in my dorm except to sleep; there was a whole city to see!

I got roped into a giant game of Manhunt in Southwark with a bunch of (at that time) strangers, I wandered the damp silt along the Thames when the tide was low, bonding with some Crawlers over the cool ass artifacts we found, and there was Brazilian student I became Whats App buddies with during a weekend bus trip to Belgium, bonding over our books, the fact we were the only singles in a tour group filled with couples, and everything we thought the other should explore back in London.

I can honestly say that Arthur is... Welp, I just think out of the three of them, however we meet would be the most random happenstance. Maybe he's the punk I bonded with while in the queue outside Garfunkle's, singing along to the vintage tunes and gradually loosening up into overly dramatic faces and silly dances.

Gilbert would... As much as I love him, I feel like in real life he would probably intimidate me at first.

He reminds me of these guys I met in Montmartre that started walking with me, rambling at me in French, then English, trying their damndest to convince me to let them buy me a coffee. I thought I was in the clear when I used Italian to say I didn't understand what they were saying, and my fucking luck that one of them was fluent in Italian, too. Or maybe he's like the guy who was at the Venice airport waiting for the same flight, bored out of his mind and playing wallball with a small bouncy ball he had in his pocket, who I ended up asking to join when my roommate fell asleep on her then-boyfriend, now-husband. Or he'd be like the kid who accidentally got locked into Regent's Park after hours, and I helped him climb over the fence to get back out. Or maybe he's the guy I made laugh in an Amsterdam grocery store because of my mini meltdown over finally finding Cool American Doritos at 10 pm, who then helped me figure out exactly which pre-sliced deli meat was turkey-esque.

The thing with Gil is that he's such an extrovert that I could see him being the one more likely initiating any possible friendships.

And then there's Lovino.

If he were true to canon, he's more than likely the one approaching me. Maybe he's the guy who rescued me in Rome from the tourist trap gladiator actors, who will gladly take pictures with you, but don't tell you till after that you're suppose to pay them for each photo. Or maybe he's the guy from the flight to Roma, who was on the phone before takeoff cursing lowly in Italian about politics, and for my dumbass and smart mouth to immediately start commiserating with him, the next hour and a half spent venting to each other about our nations' mutually terrible politicians, and the woes of living in the hellishly expensive London. Or, or! Lovi could be the man I saw in the Barcelona airport at 4 am eating breakfast, who was just so beautiful that all of my party kept checking him out. My philosophy has always kind of been to regret the things that you do rather than didn't do, so as we all got ready to head for our gate, I politely approached him to tell him that he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. And his smile-

To this day, whoever that man was, he is still the most beautiful person I had ever seen. But when I said that, and he smiled at the compliment, only to return it with this earnestness that still makes my heart flutter even as I write this well over five years later-

Anyway.

I'm sorry this got so long, but really I'm not quite sure how else I could go about this. ^_^;

I make friends in all kinds of situations, something that's both a curse and a blessing. I couldn't possibly guess the circumstances, couldn't even begin to imagine how or when it'll happen.

Just keep an open mind, an open heart, and find confidence in who you are, and the rest pretty much follows~

Thanks for the ask, Lovely!

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twenty Two | Another Medium (Part 2 of 4)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

"Hurry, ren. We're gonna be late!"

You smile down at Frisk and watch as they tug at the edge of your shirt to try pulling you along with them.

The door's left open, and even though those meant to pick you up for the event aren't here yet, they still urge you to go outside and wait.

"It's only seven, honey." Your thoughts drift back to your video call and Sans's most recent text message, letting you know half an hour later that he'd be here soon. "We've got a few minutes left." You grab their hand and put a stop to their energy, facing their eyes. "Are you that excited about starting school?"

They nod and grin wide. "Even more, if you're gonna be working there, too!"

Your smile falls as you remember the folder Sans had given you. It had been thrown into the farthest corner of your bookshelf that same day, and you'd been too reluctant to look at it any more ever since. You didn't want to take their kindness and help for granted, just as much as you didn't want to forget about your reasons for learning more about monsters. Your godmother was right in terms of you needing to understand them more, so you've established it upon yourself to bring that up during your first, official date night with the skeleton. Understanding the changes being made to the Underground could aid you with the slim chance of finding a way to either halt or delay it from becoming a big tourist attraction, and you could finally be more clear and upfront about your feelings related to the dream -- even if all of that was easier said than done. Not only had you crossed far too many boundaries with him already, but you were still keeping your dubious relationship with him, all while continuing to be wary of him and everyone else for their past. The subtle but no less irate light to his gaze when having your aunt bring up the the Judgement Hall had been more than sufficient for you to try something -- or at least, assist him and every other monster with that process.

In short, hypocrisy's absorbing you bit by bit, and today's your very first attempt at trying to break free from that. Whether you succeed or not doesn't matter. Giving it a shot, on the contrary, does. Even the slightest amount of closure achieved with your research could help in setting your thoughts straight, and -- perhaps -- to finally stop yourself from comparing monsterkind with Jerry.

To put it this way: you couldn't allow yourself one thing if you were allowing the other to continue happening.

After all, why were you willing to engage in a relationship with someone like Sans, when you were still far from forgiving and much less forgetting Jerry over abandoning Frisk for so many years?

Why were you willing to befriend someone like Alphys, who'd been close to ending up in jail due to the failed experiments made on those of her own kind?

Why were you willing to book a night at Mettaton's hotel, knowing he'd once set Frisk into danger greater than any other monster you knew had -- Undyne being a close second?

Even someone like Papyrus brought harm to them once!

"Ren," Frisk calls out, tugging your hand. "You look angry. Are... Are you okay?"

You nod and let out a breath, composing yourself. "I'm fine, honey."

"Are you still thinking about avenging me?"

Your eyes shoot wide open at that, and you can't avoid suspecting they might have the capability of reading your mind.

Regardless of their word choice, you were -- in a sense -- wanting to avenge them from anyone who'd once caused them harm, be it Jerry, the monsters, or the loud and nosy neighbour from next door wondering why Frisk enjoyed playing with action figures just as much as they did playing with princesses.

"Ren!"

Hearing their whine of concern, you snap out of it and look down to see they've let go of your hand, both their arms now outstretched and in wait for your embrace.

"Do you want a hug?"

Your smile returns at that, albeit a bit more melancholic compared to the first time. You get down to their height and pull them in for a hug, sighing when you have them safe in your hold; it feels right to have them close and in your care, no matter how much your mind insists otherwise. The question you brought up back at the Judgement Hall still feels like the most subconscious part of your mind had possessed you, insisting you turn back to how you used to be after Frisk's fall.

"You don't need to protect me that much!" they say, letting go. "I... I know all the monsters well, so I'd tell you if any one of them's bugging me. You don't need to hate them for my sake, and you don't have to compare them to dad, either." Without a doubt, if humans still had the capability of using magic and spells, you would label them a mind reader. "You should get to know them on your own first, and not just based on who they are to me. Because if that's really all up to me, then the only one I don't really like much is..."

At that, they stop; they bring a finger to their chin and tap it twice, delving deep in their thoughts along the way.

"Huh..." Frisk taps their chin again and their gaze turns furrowed, scrunching up the more they think about it. "I mean, I don't really know if I dislike any of them... I just know I wanna have friends!"

You're compelled -- if not, urged -- to argue against that, though your heart stops you from spilling any of those thoughts out. Still, your mind attempts to push through it. Personal feelings couldn't cloud your judgement, if that meant it could bring harm to your child.

"Even if they-"

Hearing the engine rumbling as Papyrus parks close by the sidewalk is a blessing in and of itself; the aforementioned date night with his brother can't get here any sooner. You need to sort your thoughts out once and for all. Almost half a year of waltzing with the seemingly never-ending issue of Frisk's journey and the bonds they made through it was far too much. If you were slowly making friends with those same people too, then you needed to stop this at once. No matter how much you wanted to avoid said confrontation, that had to be done -- for both CPS and reasons beyond.

"You're right." You huff, bring a hand to your forehead, and go lower to massage the brim of your nose. Not a moment after, you fix your glasses, look back to their side, and form a smile. "Thank you, dear."

• • •

You close your eyes just before the monster presses a damp cotton ball to your wound.

Isopropyl makes it sting immediately, yet you're too busy with your thoughts to care about it that much.

"You okay?" Sans asks, meeting your eyes when you open them. "You've been quiet since we got 'ere."

"I'm okay, but..." You think back to how you greeted him with a wave, right as you did with his brother. While the monster before you didn't seem to mind it, you can't avoid the thought of how you used to be with Jerry. It was easier to be more affectionate back then, and it was easier still greeting him with a kiss -- be it a simple one on the cheek or a quick one on the lips. Now, you can't so much as imagine the prospect of doing that with your new partner without overthinking or feeling stressed about it. "I was wondering if we... if we should maybe keep our relationship private -- f- for now?"

He finishes wrapping the bandages and fixes them tight before replying with, "That's fine with me. Did you watch the video?"

"No, I'm..." You grow short of breath at the thought of how many people have likely seen it by now -- how many times it's been shared, and how many more discussions and heated arguments have revolved around it. "I'm too scared to."

You can't bring yourself to look at him any longer, so his expression falls unknown as he suggests watching it together, a question you answer to with a quiet and mumbled 'sure'.

Sans proceeds with a nod and stores all the items used back into the first aid kit before taking out his phone, settling down in bed, and holding your hand with his free one. "Really sure?" he asks, squeezing it once. You reply with an even quieter 'yes' and watch in silence as he clicks on the link sent by what you assume is several people, based on how Undyne, Brenda, and even the man from the train station -- now his friend and your co-worker -- have messaged him the same information, all three left unread. The one he chooses is farther back and dated with yesterday, this one sent by Jerry.

It plays in an instant and the first thing to appear is Asgore's garden, while murmurs are what compose the audio as the one filming shows himself around a field of trampled flowers, these now a mess of broken pots, thrashed earth, and missing rocks. A few others make him company and engage in small talk, though it ends quickly when one of them shouts for everyone to 'get over here quick'. The group does as told, leading for the cameraman to rush along with them out of the garden and into the Judgement Hall. The audio grows quiet as he ventures further, steps and voices now discreet as he films a fuzzy image of two people sitting at one of the benches laid around, with the exception that one sits on top and has their arms wrapped firm and tight around the other. Multiple people urge the cameraman to approach the scene more, making him show you and Sans kissing, albeit of a blurry quality with how much he has to zoom in so as to not be caught. Even the noise is recorded with how silent everything else is, this one mostly composed of hitched breaths and clothing shuffling against each other as you hug him closer. Thankfully, no kissing noises are recorded, something you assume is due to him having a shapeable skull rather than lips, along with how slow and careful your actions are.

The video ends when the kiss does, and it leaves you in the same silence created right before clicking on it.

Regardless, Sans opens up the page it was posted on to reveal more information about the creator.

'Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this stuff? This is the future that awaits us, if we continue to act as if we can live peacefully with these people. Opposing these changes is necessary, if we wish to keep our normalcy. Casual make outs with a being so far from human shouldn't be the norm of our world', reads the caption.

Below, some of the replies read from ones saying the poster isn't the only one who shares those thoughts, to ones who've taken the time to write an entire paragraph about the situation.

'🤢🤮'

'Absolutely not.'

'No, you're not. This is outright hideous.'

'Click here to see my 👄 HOT 🔥 noods 🍝: www.uhohspaghettios.xd'

'Wow, this is just like 1984.'

'Next thing you know, we'll be the ones living in the Underground.'

'I need eye bleach ASAP!!! 😱'

'Yeah, no. Hard pass on whatever the hell I just watched. Why did you even film this?'

'That skeleman is nothing but a closeted cradle-robber. Anyone who's met (Y/N) knows how naïve and childish they are, and them dating someone like that screams bad news. Forget that he's a monster, people! What's more important here's how he's got a liking for them despite that gap -- both mentally AND physically. He should be ashamed for bringing their reputation even further down with this video. At this point, I have trouble believing they'll ever recover from all this.'

'...Ok, but...... Am I the only one who finds this kinda.................. Hot? 👀💦'

'Of course, even a monster would try to have his way with someone like them. Look at how they're dressed!'

'To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand how wrong this stuff is. The degeneracy infesting the Surface nowadays is extremely subtle, and without a solid knowledge of social sciences, most of the immorality will go over a typical person's head. There's also the skeleton's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation -- his personal philosophy draws heavily from George Orwell literature, for instance. People like us understand this stuff; we have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these social rejects, to realise that they're not just ridiculous -- they say something deep about LIFE and SOCIETY. As a consequence, people who see nothing wrong with this truly ARE idiots -- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in the skeleton's existential catchphrase "Genocide is wrong", which itself is a cryptic reference to Er*n Yeag*r from Att*ck on Tit*n. I'm smirking right now, just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our fight against this backwards evolution unfolds itself on their phone screens. What fools... How I pity anyone who disagrees with you and tries to defend this behaviour. 😂'

At the bottom of it all, a neglected comment reads:

'Not only are you and your companions trespassing in an unsafe location, but your recording shows clear evidence you were damaging former King Asgore Dreemurr's property. You have also chosen to film these people without their knowledge despite them being in a private area, and uploaded the footage to a massive social media platform, as well. This is punishable by law, and I will not hesitate to stand for these people, if they decide to file a lawsuit against you.'

What stands out the most goes beyond the commenter's name, as his profile picture is what captures your attention first, regardless of how well-dressed he appears in the image and how small it is without clicking on it. Sans seems to share the same thought as you, as he clicks on the man's account without thinking twice. It takes some time to load, but when it does, your mouth gapes and you find yourself at a complete loss for words.

'Gerardo "Jerry" Gonzalez Gutierrez del Valle. Family practice lawyer since 20XX. Co-founder of the first Alcohol and Smoking Helpline for monsters. Former quarterback for Ebott U's Football League,' his bio reads.

You're overcome by what feels like an hour of silence before you can process what you've read. The age-old experience of reviewing material from your textbook at three thirty in the morning arrives when you try to read through his profile a second time, then a third. Even his pictures are difficult to process, these a variety of him posing with his co-workers at the newly-opened helpline building, screenshots of his progress with quitting alcohol and his strike of days and months sober, images of him in different suits, and -- last but not least -- a couple of Throwback Thursdays from his glory days, featuring both high school and college memories. It's hard to decide which feeling out of multiple is stronger than the rest, as jealousy combines with the slightest thing you expect out of this discovery: being reminded of the good ol' days. Guilt arrives next when growing aware of your current relationship with the one sitting next to you, even if it's only the thought of how happy you used to be with the man in those pictures before everything went haywire.

"You're... You're seeing this too, right?"

You hear him chuckle and see him agree with a nod, though you can't exactly fall back down to Earth again; were this a dream, you would accept it as such.

"Yeah." The monster looks you over once before adding, "And am I imagining it, or did I catch you smilin' at 'im just now?" He winks.

"So you're telling me you're really not surprised by this, at all?"

"...Touché."

You stand up and give your back to him, irked by his assumption despite him being nothing close to serious about it. "But, please don't think I still like him." Your hands turn into fists at the thought of going back with someone like him, no matter his current intentions. "I still haven't forgiven him, and I still..." Bile rises to your throat as your stomach churns wildly. "I still hate him." Then, you take a pause to gather strength. "And maybe that's a strong word, b- but... It's hard for me to forget that's the same man who once accused me for every little thing that wasn't 'normal' with Frisk, from them running away the first time, to them refusing to call him dad -- even when I never prevented them from visiting him, and e- even when he stopped visiting them first." Your chest shakes as you huff. "I... I still dislike him, and I really hate that I remembered good things about him just now."

Your mouth refuses to shut up and makes you continue on with, "So if I still can't forgive him, how can I make a decision for CPS with so many of you and in so short of a time? I still can't decide what to do, no... no matter how much I've learnt about everyone else." Your throat turns dry, and you find it difficult to swallow. "Hell, it was only yesterday I finally gave into one of my doubts. I thought it twice before asking if you wanted to kiss, but it'd been in my mind for a long while before that."

"You're sayin' the kiss was you decidin' to trust me?"

"Yes."

He scoots closer to your side and furrows his gaze.

"Even after that dream, and even though I started it?"

"Y... Yes." You do the same as him and smile. "I trust you, and... And I know the dream's likely just me overthinking this. One thing's spilling the truth when you're drunk, and one thing's getting... too caught up in your fears -- to the point where you have these warped dreams about someone else, no matter how much they mean to you."

His irises soften in their light, and a hint of culpability seems to fall on him. "Then I'm sorry for bringin' your ex into this." You sit back down with him and hold his hand again. "It wasn't right."

"It's okay."

"Doesn't look that way."

Before you know it, you're held by your lower back, pulled close, and brought down in bed.

He stays on top, gaze focused on yours rather than on your lips or anywhere else suggesting something more.

"Have you found that help yet? Counseling, I mean." His gaze remains the same despite having changed topics so abruptly. "How're ya doin', puddin'?"

"Bubbles and Brenda suggested two recently, but I... I still haven't gotten around to calling either one of them."

"Want me to make you company while you try that now? We've got time."

"...Kiss me first, please?"

He lowers more and presses his teeth to your neck.

"Gladly."

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