#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024

[randomingoftherandomness]

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[wonderofwillows2]

A Minor Thing

   It’s hard to describe the how you felt when you were young, especially hard to do it accurately. It’s enough of challenge sometimes to describe how you feel now. So without further ornamentation I suppose I’d better get on with it here. My father met my step-mother when I was only nine. My oldest sister was twelve my other eleven. They were happy for him, happy he was kind to her and happy she was kind to him. I was just happy to have a mother, there was something about having a woman’s voice in my young life that soothed a deep seated need. I loved the high and lilting songs she sang in her native language, the sweetness of the words that always seemed hover just that evanescent bit longer when they ended in a vowel. I loved the colorful clothes she wore and the high spicy notes of the new food she cooked for us.

It was two years later than they had the wedding, our family was small as my father was a bit older and his parents modern. Hers was vast, she had seven brothers and they all joked about their baby sister growing up even though she was thirty-six, an age I still can’t imagine myself as I write this. They claimed it was long overdue that she marry, her mother claimed so also and was glad she’d have grandchildren. It was an obvious point of pain that their daughter, our step-mother, could not conceive on her own. Her mother and father were both adamant that we would join the faith but she and her brothers interceded on our behalf. The wedding was a dry, but that didn’t affect me, I was drunk instead on the stories my new uncles told of a seemingly free and idyllic childhoods spent chasing one another through twisting streets and burdening the adults they met. There was no honeymoon, both claimed to be too old for that. Instead a few days after the wedding my father and new mother went to out for nearly a day and my father spent a few days out of work. It seemed he was in some pain. I thought nothing of it until a few weeks later. That was when they explained to me that there was one holdover of my new mother’s culture she could compromise on. My father had been circumcised. It was a practice I had never heard of and I asked them, in my innocence, what they meant by that new and strange term. My mother took the lead then and leaned close to me and took my hands in her own. They were soft and surprisingly warm as if she’d been wringing them in the anticipation of a difficult but necessary task, the kind so often avoided until it was doubtlessly time to undertake it.

She explained to me then, in her calmest voice, an almost tense voice of thinly veiled energy, that in her culture young men have their foreskins removed. She explained that it was cleaner, that it was harmless, that it was an act of beautification and health. My father then interjected that while it was not part of our own culture he had no regrets at such a small change. He placed his arm around her and looked me in the eye as he told me he had no regrets, that it really was a small thing to please her and how worth it it was to please my new mother who he loved so deeply and certainly. He explained also how she’d asked him to have this minor surgery if they were married and how he’d nearly abandoned the prospect but decided to go through with it. It was then my new mother shocked me, her sweet voice almost breaking with nervous awareness, that she had asked to have me circumcised as well. I processed this slowly and then with fear and looked to my father but he maintained a stoic silence and I new I would undergo this treatment. I would be cut in two weeks time. It is said anticipation of the thing is greater or worse in some measure than the thing itself. I am not sure of that myself but I can say those two weeks were spent in fear. Worse yet they were spent with my sisters knowing my impending fate. My mother had made sure to announce it to them and in front of me as well. They had been shocked themselves then curious, asking a flurry of questions to our new mother. She silenced them then but made sure to mention she’d explain more in private. She did not think it appropriate to cover the topic with me present. It was an objectification I would never quite get over. I was not to be privileged by her explanation, I was only to have my father’s for the time being and he was difficult to pry information from. He would merely tell me what a small matter it was, how little I should worry. Perhaps it was a happy thing that I was only just discovering the pleasant sensation my foreskin could give me, I might have missed it more then

My sisters were quite around me for the next few days sharing only greetings and giggling between themselves. Though they had always done this it felt like it was always about my looming appointment. I once overheard them call it a “penis trim” and then laugh short stifled little laughs. That hurt me to the point of tears and I cried in my room to avoid them. I once asked my mother if the girls would have to have any special treatments or surgeries. She simply assured me that girls were pure and clean, that there was no need to change them at all. I burst then and yelled in indignation that I was fine too, that my father was fine, we did not need to change. She barely reacted then, she merely paused then turned maternal and assured me it would be better to be cut, I’d be better than the other boys then. She ended the conversation then with a stern admonition that I should be brave and just accept my cutting, that all her brothers were done and they were fine. I dropped the conversation then.

The day before my cutting I was advised by her not to eat or drink that night. It was a brief but unpleasant fast. My parents were strict in watching me, my sisters in contrast to their previous behavior were kind and offered supportive words. My oldest sister, now a teenage offered that she had looked up what would be done to me and that she thought that circumcised penises were much nicer and that it would be good to be cleaner. She even went so far as to say she was sorry she would not get to meet more boys who were cut but that she might try to do so in the future. My other sister agreed they were nicer but also offered most girls would find it a nice surprise. This was little consolation and I cried then and begged them to intercede on my behalf. They held me and then said just to accept things. Our mother had explained it all and it would be better.

The next morning I was awakened by my father who advised me calmly but firmly to dress in athletic clothes and come downstairs, my sisters were to sleep through the whole affair. My mother waited dressed in her finer street clothes, she smiled and asked if I was excited. I could only mumble that I was frightened. She told me she knew I would be brave but her demeanor suggested it was a command as opposed to statement. It was not long before we were off. We rarely drove much as my parents took the bus to work but that day we took the car to the clinic. It was a small unassuming building of brown brick and marked only by a small sign. We parked and got out, my parents walked with me towards the building. It felt like a monumental structure though in reality I doubt it had more than six rooms. The name on the sign in the front seemed to be one from my mother’s homeland. I had no doubt it was her choice.

When we entered we were greeted by a receptionist in clothes like my mother’s. They spoke in my mother’s native tongue, her voice still so pleasant and sweet. It seemed they knew one another and there was even a bit of laughter exchanged after a pause where both looked at me. I felt once more like the mere subject of another person’s whims and felt then what I only now can identify as a feeling of diminishment. I never wanted to feel that way again. My father was silent the whole time, he seemed far away as if he were imagining another place. Eventually we were called and my mother and father walked with me to the room. I was made to undress and dawn a robe. A young woman native to my own country came in and took my vital signs, height, and weight. She and my mother chatted briefly in my language. She seemed indifferent to my plight. I thought she might raise a point against my forced acculturation but she said nothing. Finally the doctor came into the room, he was an older man – probably in his late fifties with a snow white beard. He spoke to my mother in my native language. Then in my own he advised me lie back and relax. It was then the nurse returned with some a cup of water and a pill. I was advised to swallow it and did so. The effect was profound and I soon found my anxiety at the whole thing abating though it seems likely that it affected my memory to as things soon started to blur at that point. My mother told me I was lucky, many boys in her country had no pain killers or pills. She told me to be brave. They all left for a few minute and I heard them speaking nearby though I didn’t terribly care about what. Only the doctor and nurse returned then, with a tray of tools. They moved a screen over my midsection. I felt the cold of the numbing agent then the pain of three shots. They left again and returned a bit later. They tested my sensation and asked if I felt pain, I told them I did not. The they went to work. The process was short I barely remember it, only the shock when they moved the curtain and a clear plastic ring was bonded to my penis behind the now bare glans. I felt no fear then due to the medicine. I only felt shocked.

I dressed and then left the room and was greeted by my smiling mother who hugged me and told me I was brave. We returned to the waiting room and the doctor invited my parents into his office. They returned with some papers and a small bag and we left and returned home. It was only at night the pain started but it was manageable. I refused stubbornly to show I was affected though I think it was naive to believe it did not show. My sisters were especially kind to me in those few days. It felt like a dream to me. I suppose that is a blessing as it lessened the humiliation of my mother and father checking my wound before I bathed. The rest of that week was spend with mild pain and itching. School was difficult then but I got through it. The next week the ring fell off and I was confronted by my new penis in its singular form. It seemed so naked and vulnerable encircled by the bright red line just behind the glans. The skin was tight and the glans a deep and unhappy mauve. I was acutely aware of the glans rubbing the fabric of my clothes. I hated my new penis then, I felt ashamed when I saw it. I felt like I would always be less of a man though my mother claimed I could now be one, that it was the skin that was boyish. The same week we returned to the same clinic for a check. The doctor happily pronounced me to be healing well. My mother was happy and my father relieved. I was told then I no longer had to bathe as carefully and could return to sports the week after. It was a relief that I could have at least some normality again. On the way out my mother and the receptionist spoke again, then looked at me and giggled girlishly. It was only when we got home and my parents were out of the room that my oldest sister informed me that the rim of my glans, my corona, was visible through the thin athletic pants I had worn. I felt utterly humiliated then

As time wore on I healed completely and began to grow up in a literal sense. I hit mu growth spurt and my voice deepened. I was proud of my new need for deodorant and tiny excuse for a mustache that graced my upper lip. My penis grew too and I began to get frequent erections. They were tight to the point of nearly being painful but this soon subsided. I learned also that my penis provided new unknown pleasures though something always seemed a bit off, like there was just a tinge of pain when I played with my bare glans. It didn’t stop me but I soon discovered through conversations at school that I needed lubricants to get the same from my self pleasure that the other boys did. It was one of the few time that I recalled my circumcision and truly thought about it. I delved into researching the topic and learned that my own glans, and my father’s, had likely been desensitized by our surgeries. The fact that it was very little was not comfort and I wondered how such a thing could be called “small” or “cosmetic”. I once raise my concerns with my step-mother, she merely laughed and admonished me for my greed. She told me men get plenty of pleasure. I raised my concerns with my father and he merely told me there was no undoing what was done.

It was another year and a half before I met my first girlfriend. She was a friend of my middle sister and a bit younger than her but still older than me and more experienced. I was not her first and she delighted in the comparison between my penis and that of the other boys she knew. She liked the look of it and claimed it was much prettier than the others and said she cut her own sons. I do not know if she was serious. I had my first experience at oral sex with her and she claimed she much preferred to perform the act on me as she had easy access to the glans with no skin to move. I was happy enough then to be cut. I supposed it was not so bad. I did not learn until a bit later that part of my intrigue to her was that she had learned I was cut from my sister. I would have been upset had I learned before hand and was glad I did not. I soon learned a few who knew my sister were similarly interested and I wonder if she had intentionally promoted me as a learning experience. I asked her about sharing the information but she simply played coy and apologized, saying it had “just slipped out.

   So now as I look back, ready to graduate college, I think It was best that I was cut. It is true it cuts down a bit on my pleasure but the women I have known were always pleasantly surprised by my penis. My current fiancee is from the United States where I learned that male circumcision is a normal practice. I was surprised by that but happy at her happiness. She told me she did prefer cut men and would have insisted I have the surgery if I were not. I suppose it is a strange confluence of events that I would wind up in a situation so similar to my own father’s. I would never have guessed it, or that one day I might well consent to cut my own son at my wife’s request. There is no moral to this, it is only a recounting of events. However those events are ones that have influenced me for my whole life, I still feel a tinge of powerlessness from time to time and I still feel the humiliating sting of first seeing my altered penis. My step-mother – my mother – is so fond of my fiancee, I suppose in the end my circumcision was really for her all along. I’ll never ask of course but I’ll always believe it was more than just a cultural preference that led to my father and I being cut.

[miracleonice87]

Make You Feel My Love with Nathan MacKinnon

a Nathan MacKinnon song fic

a/n: season outcome, timing, and stats = totally fake. based on Nate’s public mentions in past interviews of seeing a sports psychologist, which is really inspiring to me. seeking professional advice is a GOOOOD thing! also, wasn’t originally intended to be a song fic, but Adele’s version of Make You Feel My Love (originally by Bob Dylan) came on while I was finishing it up, so I went with it! last note: pretending Tyson never got traded to the Leafs is the best part of writing hockey fanfiction. 🥺

summary: Angry/Sad Nate loses in the playoffs and takes his frustrations out on his girlfriend Sam, who gets comfort and advice from his teammates and friends.

warnings: swearing; isolated, individual outbursts of anger but NO physical violence; mentions of counseling/therapy and the practice of sports psychology (obviously, like I mentioned, this is a good thing but just something to know); crying Nate (I feel like that deserves a warning)

_____

Deflated, I sat in a bulky black chair in the team family room deep in the recesses of the Pepsi Center for several minutes after leaving the wives and girlfriends suite, needing a moment away from prying eyes and cameras to process what had just occurred.

The Avalanche had been one of the highly favored teams in the West all season long, yet had just been swept in the second round of the playoffs. My boyfriend, Nathan MacKinnon, widely regarded as one of the best players in the NHL, had totaled only one point in the 11 playoff games the team had played this year, earning a single assist on a Mikko Rantanen goal.

Needless to say, that hadn’t been sitting right with Nate.

He’d been short with me since the first few games of the postseason; even shorter than he typically got when he was in a drought. I had tried to give him space, but he snapped about the smallest questions I asked or requests I made of him: what he wanted for dinner, or to be sure he called to wish his sister Sarah a happy birthday. He sometimes mumbled an apology in my general direction, but more often than not, he simply left the room in a huff. I tried my best to be patient — to give him space.

It was abundantly clear that the pressure that always loomed heavy over Nathan like a thick, dark cloud had now intensified. I knew, without him ever verbalizing it, that he felt more burdened than ever before to live up to the hype — to the expectations he had for himself, and to those placed on him, either explicitly or implicitly, by the entire hockey community and the media.

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

I sat still with my head in my hands for what seemed like forever, until sweet Mel Landeskog, whom I had become so close with over the last four seasons of watching our significant others play together, came and rubbed my back gently through the custom Avs denim jacket that hung on my shoulders. I lifted my head to look at her, a sympathetic smile etched on her beautiful features.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” Mel offered. “I know he’s gonna be so hard on himself. But he had such a great season — he needs to be proud of that,” she reasoned. I nodded.

Mel was right. He had had a truly remarkable regular season — he had scored 95 points in 82 games after a enduring a considerable slump for much of the previous year. This year stood in stark contrast to last. He had been riding high for many weeks; that is, until playoffs hit.

I stood to wrap Mel in a hug, appreciative of her gesture of support but unwilling to reflect on Nate’s play right now. “Thank you, Mel,” I told her as I squeezed her tightly. “I’m gonna miss you so much this summer,” I added, gesturing to the car seat on the floor beside her. “And Nate and I will both miss that little one, too,” I said as I blew Linnea a kiss, making her giggle, a welcome sound after a heartbreaking display on the ice. Mel glanced down at her baby daughter, beaming.

“I know, honey. We’ll miss you too. But it won’t be long until we’re all back here together, plus we’ll see each other for a couple of these bachelorette parties and summer weddings and get-togethers, yeah?” she said with a nudge.

“Yeah, that’ll be nice. Until then, you guys be safe,” I told her. With one last hug and quick kisses to each other’s cheeks, Mel picked up Linnea in her seat and exited the room. I realized that she and I had been the last two wives or girlfriends to leave, with most of us having exchanged quiet goodbyes in the suite before making hasty escapes to the parking area to console our respective sad hockey players.

With a groan at the depressing thought, I pulled my jean jacket tighter to my torso and walked slowly out the open door.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

The locker room doors stood maybe ten yards down the hall. The usual rambunctious ruckus that so often echoed off the cinderblock walls was tonight exchanged for a thick silence. It seemed that most of the guys had already left, and those who remained were noiseless. I softly greeted a few of the familiar men who made their way out the doors, offering only a sad smile and a few words of comfort to each, knowing that they weren’t in the mood to engage. They were, however, still polite, with several of the players embracing me briefly or kissing my cheek as they left the building.

Gabe Landeskog was among the very last to leave the room, unsurprisingly, as he was ever the responsible and respectable captain. He spotted me immediately and enveloped me in his strong grasp.

“Hi, friend,” I whispered into his shoulder, worried that my voice would break. “Hi, söt flicka,” (sweet girl) he countered.

“I’m sorry, Cap,” I told him quietly. He pulled back and shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Wasn’t our year,” he replied with a shrug. “As you can imagine, Nate is taking it pretty hard...” his voice trailed off. “I just want you to be prepared,” he finally added, carefully.

My stomach knotted. I tucked some of my hair behind my ear and swiftly licked my lips, feeling anxiety pool in my gut.

Gabe placed a firm hand on my shoulder. “Just remember it’s not you he’s upset with. It’s himself,” he said softly. I quickly glanced up at him and nodded. “Thank you,” I choked out. “Now you better get going. You’ve got two beautiful girls waiting for you,” I told him, feigning a bright grin. He tried to mirror my expression, but fell short. It was unnatural to see such sadness in his normally joyful visage. He squeezed my upper arm.

“That I do,” Gabe agreed. “We’ll see you soon, Sam.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Bye, Cap.” He gave a solemn nod and disappeared down the hallway.

My unease only multiplied after my exchange with Gabe. I began to pace slowly in a circle. I jumped a few moments later when the door flew open with a screech, Nate emerging from behind it, a bitter, dark expression on his face.

I greeted him softly, tentatively, reaching a hand toward him.

“Nate, baby, I —“

My boyfriend brushed past me in a flash, causing a literal draft of air to hit me as he held up his hand, never even making eye contact with me as he practically stomped down the corridor.

My blood ran hot — how dare he not acknowledge my presence after I had attended how many home games, and even road games, supporting him and cheering him on, no matter what? And that was just this season — what about the three prior? Why was he shutting me out? My heart thumped against my ribcage.

“Nathan,” I called, my voice firm this time, whipping around to face his back and then fumbling with the chain of my Louis Vuitton bag as it fell from my shoulder. Discombobulated, I threaded it back over my arm clumsily and took two hurried steps in Nate’s direction, but he was already out of sight.

Just then, I noticed our close friend Tyson Barrie standing a few feet behind me. I could infer from the way he was approaching me gingerly, which was highly unlike him, that he had witnessed our exchange, or the lack thereof. I sighed and pressed a hand to my forehead, his hand coming to grip my other elbow.

“Sam, sweetheart... you okay?” Tyson asked softly. Hot tears pricked my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall, blinking them back with a sniffle. My hand fell back to my side — I was shaking now.

“I knew he would be mad...” I began. “But what the fuck, Tys?” My voice wavered.

Tyson instinctively pulled my waist to his side, giving me a quick, protective kiss to the temple, before pulling away and offering me his hand.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he volunteered. With another sniff, I shook my head. “No, it’s okay, Tys. I drove, thank god,” I spat. “Besides, you’re dealing with the same disappointment. You need to go home with Em and unwind,” I insisted, smoothing one hand over his suit jacket. His head dropped and he offered a weak nod.

“I guess. But listen, if he’s still not acting right, call me, okay? You know you can come over. You’re always welcome, especially when he’s being such an ass,” Tyson said, the end of his sentence turning into a growl. We both sighed; I nodded.

“Thanks, Tys. I’ll let you know. And listen, I’m sorry... about tonight. I know it hurts,” I told him, hugging his neck with one arm. He spread his fingers over my back and gave me a squeeze before stepping back to look into my eyes.

“It’s just hockey,” he said quietly. I smiled weakly and nodded once. “Bye, Sam. See you soon,” he said, rubbing one hand over my shoulder as he turned and made his way down the hall to find Emma.

If only Nathan shared his friend’s logic and sentiment.

I dropped my head back at the thought, tears once again collecting in my eyes. I forced them closed in an attempt to stay composed. With another sigh, I slowly started toward the private parking garage where my vehicle waited.

Unsurprisingly, as I stepped through the glass door and into the garage where I spotted my Audi, the spot next to me where Nate’s Porsche had been was empty. I unlocked my car, tossed my bag and scarf into the passenger side, and slammed my door shut before giving the steering wheel two firm bangs with the palm of my hand. My body still hadn’t stopped trembling.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

I rested my forehead against the leather steering wheel for a moment before drawing a breath and finally backing out of my spot and exiting the garage, apprehensive of the scene I might find at the condo Nathan and I shared.

_____

I stepped through the front door tentatively, chewing on the inside of my lip. I was careful not to make a sound, walking on tiptoes to avoid clicking my heeled boots on the white tile floor. I dropped my purse onto the table in the entryway and reached to hang up my keys on the rack by the closet when I heard the distinct sound of glass — a lot of glass — shattering.

I froze.

The plans I had formulated in my head during my drive to confront Nate as soon as I arrived home suddenly seemed too unnerving to carry out.

My knees were nearly knocking together as I zipped through the living room and tucked myself behind the wet bar in one corner of the room. I hid myself in a partially-enclosed area where the wine and beer fridge stood, then felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I fumbled to answer it, not wanting to make too much noise.

Sidney Crosby, the onscreen caller ID read. I tapped the green button.

“Hello?” I was caught off guard by how frightened my own voice sounded as I answered.

“Sam, hi. Are you home?” Sid’s usually calm and collected tone was now bathed in concern.

“Hi, Sid. Yeah, I just got home. He’s, uh... it’s not good,” I said quietly, glancing at the staircase as I heard another thud upstairs, this time what sounded like a pair of shoes against Nate’s closet wall. On the other end of the call, Sid heaved a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, I figured,” he said tensely. “I tried calling him thinking I might catch him on his way home and talk him down a bit, but he ignored my call. I’m sorry, Sam. Are you alright?”

I glanced down at my free hand which rested on the oak wood of the bar. I was still trembling, my fears of coming home to chaos having been realized.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I choked out, lying through my teeth. “It’s just hard to watch.”

A deep hum of understanding came from Sid’s throat. “I bet. Have you talked to him?”

I shook my head, despite the fact that Sid was nowhere nearby to see the gesture. “No,” I vocalized weakly. “He uh... he kinda... he didn’t wanna talk to me at the arena... I don’t think.” I fiddled with my promise ring on my left hand as I made the admission. It didn’t even sound like Sid was breathing on the other end of the line.

“You’re telling me he blew you off?” he asked gruffly. I could envision Sidney running a hand over his face before gripping his neat curls atop his dark hair, as he often did when frustrated. I opened my mouth to confirm, but couldn’t actually bring myself to do so, knowing what his reaction would be. I also didn’t want to confess to the commotion I had just heard upstairs, knowing that it would further upset my concerned friend, on my behalf. Instead, I let my silence do the talking.

“Goddammit, Sam,” he growled. “I’m so sorry. He’s young. He- he... I used to do this shit, too,” Sidney admitted with a quick breath. “It’s bullshit. He’s just angry with himself and he’s taking it out on you and it’s not fair. I had hoped I had set a better example about how to deal with these things when they happen... but apparently not.”

A couple of hot tears fell to my face as I responded. “This isn’t your fault, Sid.” He retorted immediately, “Well, it’s sure as hell not yours, either.”

We both sat in contemplation for several moments, neither sure of the next step to take. Then, Sid decided.

“I won’t call him again because he needs to talk to you first. But I am going to text him and urge him that he needs to let you in,” Sid insisted. “He needs to let somebody in,” he repeated. “And it needs to be you first.”

More tears were falling now, and I glanced up at the chandelier overhead and pulled my phone from my ear for a beat to try and settle myself. I wiped at my face with the bottom of my thumb.

“Okay,” I finally whispered. I hadn’t ever really cried around Sid, and while he was one of the nicest and most genuine human beings on the planet, I knew he wasn’t quite accustomed to emotional encounters like this one, and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by letting him hear the sobs that were bubbling up in my chest.

“It might not feel like it right now,” Sid broached, speaking in a soothing tone reminiscent of my father’s or brother’s when trying to console me. “But you’re right where you need to be. So is he. He needs you, Sam.”

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

“Sam?” Nate suddenly called out from the balcony above me, his voice not sounding heated, but doleful instead. From where he stood upstairs, he couldn’t see me.

“Was that him?” Sid asked. “Yeah,” I said softly, somewhat in response to both men. “Good. He’s coming around. Trust me. I’ll let you go. Text me later, eh?” Sid requested, sounding slightly relieved. “Yeah, I will. Promise. Thank you. Bye,” I said hurriedly before ending the call.

“Sam?” Nate’s voice echoed off the walls once more, sounding desperate this time. My pulse quickened.

“Yeah. I’m coming,” I said softly. I stuffed my phone back into my pocket, took a steadying breath, and turned to walk upstairs and face him.

By the time I arrived on the second floor only a handful of moments later, Nate was already back in our bedroom, seated in the oversized Queen Anne chair near the center of the room, elbows on his knees, chin almost to his chest. I was shocked to hear small sobs escaping his lips. He glanced in my general direction, not meeting my eyes, and cried harder.

“I can’t even look at you right now,” Nate finally spoke, somewhat coarsely. My heart seemed to shatter right then, and I felt my body steel in self-defense, preparing for war.

“I can’t even believe how I treated you back there. I’m such an awful fucking human. I’m a monster. I’m so sorry,” Nate added tearfully, catching me off guard.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I immediately let out three sobs that seemed to have been lodged in my throat for almost an hour now and, in an instant, closed the gap between us. I dropped to my knees in front of him and laid my head in his lap, hugging his calves. Never before had we shared such an intensely emotional moment. Above me, he covered his eyes with his hands and drew shallow, gasping breaths in an unsuccessful attempt to calm himself.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he cried, not touching me of his own accord. “I’m so sorry.” I picked up my head and looked at him, urgency coursing through my veins. I needed him to come back to me.

“Nathan, baby, hey,” I coaxed, rubbing his big thigh with my hand, which looked so small in comparison. “Look at me. Please? I need you to.”

After a beat, Nate finally lifted his head from his hands, his pale skin slightly splotchy and tinted red, blue eyes shimmering behind more tears that threatened to fall.

“There’s my handsome man,” I said softly, combing my fingers through the neat hair near his ears, watching him slowly return to me.

“Hey, I want you to listen to me, okay? Tonight you’re allowed to cry it out, or punch our pillows, or run on the treadmill all night to blow off some steam. And then I’ll give you a couple more days to swallow this. But after that? We’re gonna check in with Dr. Butler, both of us, so she can give us some ways to cope with this.”

Nate’s shuddering breaths had finally started to slow as I spoke, referencing one of his most trusted allies, the Denver-based sports psychologist he had been seeing now for a few seasons to help him deal with not only hockey-related challenges and mental blocks, but also general anxiety, in order to boost his mental health. I was careful not to allow my tone to come across as if I were babying him, but instead offering comfort and, more importantly, suggesting help. “Because tonight? These last couple weeks? This can’t be it. We can’t deal with things this way. I don’t want you shutting me out, or Sid, or your family, okay? You wouldn’t let me do that — I’m not gonna let you,” I added.

Nate nodded quickly. “Absolutely, babe. I was just gonna say, as soon as I heard you on the phone downstairs, it really just hit me. I realized I needed to text her and set up an appointment,” he told me, his voice no longer shaky. “And that I needed to apologize to you,” he added softly. I nodded, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me to my feet and then back down to lie in his lap. I threw my legs over one arm of the chair and settled against his chest.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to find comfort in Nate’s heartbeat for a moment, as he pressed soft kisses into my hair, before I looked around the room, assessing the damage. I noticed that his suit coat lay crumpled in the middle of his closet floor, his shoes having bounced off the wall there as I suspected, and they sat out of place atop his neatly assembled collection of footwear. Across from us, I noticed the source of the shattered glass — a shadow box display from Nate’s unforgettable rookie season hung just slightly crooked on the wall, the glass in the front completely broken out, save for the shards along the inner edge of the frame.

Nate followed my gaze to the mess and sighed. “I’m really sorry about that, Sam,” he said, shame creeping into his tone. I nodded knowingly. “What did you throw?” I asked. “That puck they gave me from the last game of the regular season. It was on my dresser when I set my wallet down and it just set me off,” he admitted sheepishly. “It was stupid.”

“Yes, it was stupid to break something that’s valuable to you, but it’s not stupid, what you’re feeling,” I told him firmly. “Besides, we’ll get a new glass panel and it’ll be good as new.” His grip around me tightened, appreciative of my response. “Thank you,” Nate whispered into my ear. I turned to kiss his lips slowly and deeply. He finally pulled back, only to murmur, “I don’t deserve you. I’m so grateful I have you.” I smoothed my thumb across his cheekbone. “I’m always going to be here for you, Nate,” I promised. He gave me one more solemn kiss.

“Listen, I’m gonna carry you into the bathroom so you don’t even get close to any shards of glass, and I’ll clean all this up while you run us a bath,” Nate told me. “I’ll join you soon. I think it’ll be good for both of us, eh?” I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck as he easily picked me up bridal-style and headed toward the en suite.

Things were far from perfect, but I was prepared to do everything in my power to get us as close as possible. From the change in his demeanor, I knew Nate was, too.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

[riversofmars]

That last one-shot prompt made me realize I really love the interaction of outsiders to River and the Doctor's relationship. I'd really love more of that type of thing. I've no idea if this even counts as a prompt or not but just saying.

Hi! I promise, I've not forgotten about the prompts i have yet to do, though I might be getting a bit distracted with World Enough, And Time :D Yeah I guess this wasn’t exactly a prompt but here are more reactions to their relationship as Yaz learns more about River in the next instalment of Big, Vast, Complicated and Ridiculous! :D

Chapter 7: Lake Silencio

“Blimey, you do have a mind of your own today, haven’t you.“ The Doctor huffed as the TARDIS came to a halt.

“Where are we?“ Yaz asked sounding a little worried.

“Could be anywhere.“ The Doctor sighed. “She’s been all over the place. Surprised she managed to take me to you on time when you texted…“ She skipped to the door and Yaz followed, curious to see where they had ended up. The Doctor stuck her head out the door, then pulled back and glared at the console. “Oh you silly machine, you could break time…“

“That’s your TARDIS over there?“ Yaz asked taking a step outside the door while her friend hung back. She found they had landed on a cliff face in the middle of the dessert. The sun was blazing down on them, reflecting off the azure blue lake that stretched below. The could overlook the entire valley from their vantage point and Yaz had immediately spotted the other blue box.

“Earlier model, this was some time ago.“ The Doctor answered slowly, eying the younger version of her TARDS across the ridge. There was probably a reason for why the TARDIS had taken them here.

“Well, this is nice.“ Yaz put her hands on her hips enjoying the sunshine on her face. It made a change from dreary Britain.

“Great time for a picnic…“ The Doctor mused as she looked down into the valley, to the beach by the side of the lake. There she was, so much younger, drinking wine with Amy, Rory and River. The Doctor smile a little to herself, she missed her family so much.

“Are you down there?“ Yaz asked curiously, following her gaze.

“Yeah…“ The Doctor nodded with a melancholy expression.

“And River?“ Yaz recognised her head of hair, even from a distance. It was distinctive to say the least.

“And her parents, Amy and Rory.“ The Doctor smiled wistfully pointing them out to her. She hadn’t seen them in such a long time. She missed them dearly.

“But they’re… younger than her?“ Yaz stated, bewildered. They were relatively far away but she could make out enough to pose the question.

“First thing you should know about River, I guess… she’s a time traveller.“ The Doctor chuckled. The TARDIS seemed to want her to fill Yaz in so she obliged.

“Right, that makes sense.“ Yaz sighed, shaking her head bemused. This was just like the Doctor. Of course her wife was no ordinary woman. She was intrigued to find out more.

“This was the day…“ The Doctor hummed with a bittersweet smile.

“What day?“ Yaz prompted and the Doctor chuckled:

“My wedding day.“

“Really?“ Yaz’s eyes widened in shock. She looked back down to the Doctor’s younger self.

“You did ask, didn’t you, about my history with River? Think the TARDIS is trying to fill you in.“ The Doctor smiled. She shrugged off her coat and put it down on the ground before sitting down. She always kept her cards so close to her chest, not allowing anyone, not even her friends, to really get to know or understand her. Maybe she was going about it the wrong way. Perhaps it was time to let people in again. She didn’t need to carry all these burdens by herself. And maybe, just maybe, if she let other people see, shared her past with them, maybe she would feel a little closer to being the Doctor again.

“So that’s you?“ Yaz pointed at the young Doctor again as she sat down, surprised at the inviting gesture.

“Look at how thin I was, ugh. How did River fancy me so much back then?“ The Doctor mused, looking her old self up and down.

“Look at the lake.“ Something in the distance caught Yaz’s attention and she pointed towards the shore line.

“I know, I was there, remember?“ The Doctor chuckled, amused.

“What’s happening?“ Yaz asked. It looked as thought something was emerging from the water, a figure. The others had noticed it too. The young Doctor on the picnic blanket got to his feet, as did his friends.

“Well, it’s not just the day we got married, it’s also the day she killed me.“ The Doctor answered matter-of-factly.

“What?“ Yaz’s head flung around as she looked back to her friend and the Doctor laughed a little.

“It’s complicated.“ She admitted and pointed to the figure that was walking out of the lake. It appeared to be wearing an astronaut suit. “That’s also River, in the suit, a younger version of her. The Silence, an order that was trying to kill me, are controlling her. I knew that already at the time, that’s why I asked her older self here. All of them actually, Amy and Rory too.“ She explained as they watched the Doctor below make his way towards the astronaut. “I knew I had to die - or so I thought at the time - and I didn’t want to do it by myself. And I wanted River to know that she would always be forgiven.“

“That’s so sad.“ Yaz took in her words, mulling them over.

“You wondered why she’s a wanted criminal? This is why. She got sentenced for my murder.“ The Doctor tried to create context for her.

“So she’s innocent?“ Yaz confirmed, feeling a little bad for her previous snap judgement of the Doctor’s wife.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. She did try to kill me, several times. And she’s knows her way around a weapon, I’ll tell you… and she’s not afraid to use them. So innocent? Of this particular crime, but in general?“ The Doctor shrugged, amused. She couldn’t deny, she liked a bad girl.

Far below, the astronaut shot the Doctor. The Pond family rushed towards him. River shot and missed the astronaut as it walked back into the lake…

“So how did you escape?“ Despite knowing that she would survive, Yaz felt her chest tighten as they watched.

“I was wearing a suit that saved me.“ The Doctor answered.

“Soooo…. when did the marriage happen? Did I miss it?“ Yaz asked after they sat and watched in silence for a while.

“Oh you won’t see it.“ The Doctor laughed, realising only then that she was waiting for it. “It happened in an aborted timeline. The first time around, River couldn’t bring herself to kill me and therefore create a paradox. This is a fixed point in time.“

“So you’re not actually married? If it happened in another timeline?“ Yaz exclaimed. This was getting more complicated at every turn.

“All of time was happening at once for all eternity. Every moment that ever was or ever would be. That’s how I see it, from the beginning to the end of the universe. That means we’re always married, wherever and whenever we are.“ The Doctor gave a soft smile.

“That’s very sweet.“ Yaz smiled, realising it was all a matter of perspective.

“And incredibly stupid.“ The Doctor sighed. “It hurts, Yaz…“ Yaz looked at her surprised at the uncharacteristic confession. It didn’t seem like the Doctor at all to speak so openly about her feelings so she remained quiet, allowed her time to phrase her thoughts. “It hurts when… no matter how much you love each other, no matter how much you’ve done and overcome together, you still can’t be together.“ She got to her feet. She had seen enough. She didn’t want to be a witness to the Pond family’s grief any longer. Even though she knew it would all come right in the end, it didn’t change the fact that they truly believed her former self to be dead. Their pain was real, as was her own.

“Where is she now? I mean, I get that we can travel and see her wherever but where is she really? At the end of her timeline?“ Yaz asked, getting up as well so the Doctor could shake out her coat and put it back on.

“She died…“ The Doctor answered quietly. “The first day I met her…“ She turned back towards the TARDIS.

“Doctor I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…“ Yaz felt like she’d been punched in the gut. That was not the answer she had expected and she regretted the question. She hurried after her back to the TARDIS.

“It’s fine.“ The Doctor managed a thin smile as they stepped back inside the blue box. “I always knew it would happen, that was the deal…“ Slowly she made her way to the console while Yaz closed the door.

“If you always knew it would happened… couldn’t you do something to change it?“ Yaz asked, feeling terrible for her friend. There had to be something they could do.

“I already did everything I could, spent lifetimes thinking about it…“ The Doctor answered. “She’s not completely gone… I managed to save her mind, her consciousness to a super computer.“ She explained. “Best I could do.“

“I guess that’s something.“ Yaz felt a little better and the Doctor managed a smile:

“Better than the alternative.“

“So does that mean I could meet her?“ Yaz asked after brief consideration. “The version of her that had had all her adventures with you? I bet she knows you like no-one in this universe.“

“I guess that’s true…“ The Doctor hummed, thinking back to her visit at the Library. “Maybe some day.“

“Do you not go and see her?“ Yaz frowned, surprised by her reluctance.

“I did when I needed that bit of space to think… like you said, she knows me like no-one else.“ The Doctor revealed.

“And not before then?“ Yaz asked and the Doctor shook her head.

“It’s hard when there is so much… guilt and regret. And when you’re so close and you still can’t touch them… sometimes it’s better to just keep yourself busy and try not to think about it.“ She admitted and Yaz understood.

[niuniente]

TATTOOING GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS

Congratulations! You have decided to take the leap of faith and have your very first tattoo! By this time, I assume you have already found your artist and made sure their style fits the tattoo you had in mind (you wouldn’t order a wedding cake from a bread bakery with no cake expertise, even when both do baking, right? So, choose an artist who naturally does the tattoos and the styles you want to have on your skin. A well chosen artist is better and cheaper than cover up tattoos or laser treatments)

Here’s a little guide for you to help your journey from the beginning to healed tattoo; from a tattooed woman who has also worked in a tattoo shop.

BEFORE TATTOOING 

- I recommend moisturizing the about-to-get-tattooed area daily for a week. Healthy, moisture skin absorbs ink better and is easier for the tattooer to work with. When tattoo heals, it will dry your skin anyway, so it’s nice if the skin already has some head start with the daily moisturizing.

-  Be healthy! If you are sick, do not go to get a tattoo. Contact your tattooer and change your appointment. This includes hangovers. 

- For ladies on periods, I recommend not to go get your first tattoo just before periods, when your skin is sensitive. It is possible (been there, done that), but it hurts far less without this extra hormonal burden. Of course, not all women get these symptoms and you know your body the best, so if your periods are easy ones, you might not hurt any more extra whilst getting tattooed on this time. 

- Take a shower! Seriously, go wash yourself. 

- Shave the tattooed area. Tattoo shops can do this for you but it’s faster if you do it yourself.

ON THE TATTOOING DAY

- Eat well before tattooing if possible. It is important to keep your blood sugar levels good.

- If you didn’t shower or shave the previous day, do it now.

- Take, if possible, ibuprofen before you sit under the needle. Ibuprofen prevents swelling, which makes you feel more comfortable, helps the tattooer’s work and also helps with the pain and healing afterwards.

- Put on comfortable clothes, which can be easily removed from the tattooed area. You can pack with you clothes which you change into when you get into the tattoo shop. The longer the tattooing takes, the more comfortable you want to be in your clothes. No one’s there to rate your looks, and if they are, the place is full of jerks. 

- Take sugary snacks and drink with you! Very important! Your body will naturally react to the pain with a panic, which causes jumps in your blood sugar. Have sips and bites of your snack whenever you start to feel uncomfortable, dizzy or nauseous, as it is the first sign your body needs some sweet help. Fruit juices, baby smoothies, energy bars and chocolate work wonders. 

- It’s OK to bring some entertainment with you, like a book, a tablet, comics or a handheld console. Would you prefer to watch a movie while your tattooer works on your tattoo, go ahead! 

- Let your tattooer know if you are prone to nausea or dizziness when you feel pain or are nervous. It is OK to admit this! The tattooer knows then to keep an eye on you and take breaks with you if needed. Your tattooer is there to serve you, not to judge or mock you (and if they judge and mock, they are an asshole and should have their tattooing machine pushed sideways up to their rectum)

- Would you get shaky while being tattooed, eat & drink something. If this doesn’t help know that it is most likely just your anxiousness/nervousness/fear leaving your body, as you have now faced the fear and are starting to relax. (Would you for some start to shake heavily while feeling really, really bad, inform your tattooer about it.)

 - Speak honestly about your tattoo to your tattooer! If you don’t like the tattoo size or its placement, inform your tattooer about it before you start inking. The place and the size can be fixed as many times as needed. There’s rarely need for more than tiny adjustments with a good tattooer, but if you want adjustments, ask for them. Remember, your tattooer is there for you. 

AFTER TATTOOING

- Follow the instructions you get from your tattooer and contact them immediately if something seems to be wrong. Would you get a full-blown infection (you need to be super uncaring and sloppy to get this), go first to doctor to get medication for it. 

- Wash your tattoo with a mild soap as often as instructed. I prefer organic baby soaps, as they are mild and often contains 100% or almost 100% natural ingredients only. 

- After washing, tap your tattoo dry. I prefer to let my tattoo air dry a little before I put on lotion. For lotion, I recommend Tattoo Goo’s products. Tattoo Goo salve is especially good for dry skin, but it takes time to apply it. Tattoo Goo products are available in multiple countries. 

- When you tattoo starts to itch a lot, you may apply pure 100% coconut oil on it. Coconut oil is antibacterial and very good for dry skins, like mine. But first 3 days or so I always use a proper tattoo salve.

- If itching gets really bad, take allergy medication. It helps some people. Would you tattoo itch a lot and be clearly infected, go to doctor. 

- Your fresh tattoo will sting and burn after you remove its cover. It is normal. Small redness with slight warmness is also normal. Below is a fresh tattoo of mine, taken yesterday. Notice the swelling and redness around left side of the pic. The area is also swollen from liquids. 

- Tattoos gather liquid around them, especially in legs. Your leg/arm might get swollen due this (the bigger the tattoo, the greater the natural swelling) and the leg tattoos tend to hurt when you stand up and go to walk. This is normal, too, and will go away from a few days to a few weeks. We all heal differently.

- It is OK to take pain killer if the tattoo aches a lot afterwards.

- LET YOUR TATTOO BE FREE WITHOUT ANY CLOTHING AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. Oxygen really does miracles for healing. Just avoid bumping your tattoo on different surfaces to avoid infection. Wash often. You can sleep without covers, too. I would recommend changing sheets before, though, especially if you have a big tattoo which comes easily in contact with the linen. 

- Avoid excessive drinking, smoking etc. if possible, as healthy life style -> a healthy body -> your tattoo healing faster.

WILL TATTOOING HURT?

Yes. It will. But I’d say mostly for the first 5-10 minutes. After that, your body’s natural alarm reaction goes off and at least gets more quiet. It’s like “OMG WE’RE GETTING KILLED WHY DON’T YOU DO ANYTHING OH NEVER MIND IT’S NOTHING”.

How much it hurts depends on the area, your personal pain endurance and are you are a man or a woman (and for ladies your hormonal cycle). For some reason, men tend to hurt more while getting tattooed. Sensitive areas for men are neck, chest, back,  stomach and sides, for some also back of legs. For women, there are generally no super sensitive areas aside the areas which are already sensitive naturally, like crook of arms, neck or groins. This is probably due childbirth’s evolution. 

Does it hurt also depends where the tattoo will be located. I have big piece done on outer side of my right leg, running from knee to ankle. I almost fell asleep while getting it done! However, the tattoo I showed you above is at the back of my leg, near angle, and it was a lot more painful! 

Good areas for a first tattoo are legs (esp. lower legs and outer thighs), arms (esp. lower arm and outer upper arm), shoulders and upper back if you are unsure of the pain.

When people, who take big tattoos like a sleeve, say that they can’t take tattooing any more but need to stop, it’s mostly not because it hurts but because it feels annoying. Like, ANNOYING. Like a sound which first alarms you, then you get used to it but eventually it starts to annoy you so much that you just want it to shut up. It is personal how long you can take tattooing before the annoyance gets too irritating. My first annoyance is after 3h, so I think I might survive to 4h-4,5h mark only. My friend can sit for 6-7 hours. It is OK to let your tattooer know if your limit has been reached or if you’d want to have your big piece done in multiple shorter sessions.

HOW DOES IT FEEL LIKE?

I saw someone comparing tattooing to a really tight and strong clothespin pinching you with only a tiny piece of your skin in between its hold, and I find that rather accurate. Stinging also happens.

I wouldn’t compare tattoo needle to any needles, not to doctor&nurse needles, not to vaccination needles, not even to piercing needles. It is really a feeling of its own!

HAPPY TATTOOING AND REMARK MY WORDS; YOU GET ONE AND AFTER THAT, YOU WANT TO GET 10 MORE :D

[roggenmuhme]

Exam Season

The Diamonds x Reader Summary: As the semester draws to an end, finals are approaching and you struggle to balance studying and your relationship with the Diamonds. Wordcount: 4.3k More than open to criticism; this is my first time writing in years and I’m ESL, so I’ll take everything I can get.Feel free to chat me up on discord and on here … I'm happy to exchange sketches and wips, I got plenty! imbutahumblefarmer#5583 "You guys, I'm fine!"

It was your third time saying this exact same sentence while White Diamond strained herself to take up the whole screen in front of you. 

Coupled with an awkward laugh, everyone would have figured out that you were lying by now. Everyone except for the Diamonds, of course.

They were a strange trio; completely unrecognizable from when you first had met them. In the place of the terrifying space dictators who had tried to squish you like a bug at Garnet's wedding were now three socially inept women with too much free time and nothing to do. 

And they were endearing in their own way. Just like now.

An exasperated sigh could be heard through the connection, the screen whisked away by large, yellow hands. (White's stunned gasp was pointedly ignored, however.)

Yellow Diamond's face appeared in full on your little gemtech tablet, a curious Blue peeking over her shoulder. Her features were rough as always, one could be quick to assume that she was bored, but you knew better. 

By the way her eyes narrowed, she didn't buy your shtick at all. A cool, calculated gaze met yours and you prepared yourself for the scolding that was about to come.

"... If you say so", her answer sounded oddly clipped, even for her. 

Letting out a deep breath, you tried your best to smile at her and you could feel how fake it looked. Yellow just blinked at you, a hand leisurely supporting her cheek.

"Haha, yeah", you said in another attempt to calm them. They barely understood what university was, and if they caught wind of you being miserable, they would come and flatten your faculty. Or something. You didn’t want to deal with that. “It’s all over in two weeks, then I can come over… if I pass, that is”, you mumbled the last part under your breath, mentally freaking out a little. Only two weeks left … it felt like forever and nothing at all at the same time. “Two weeks?! That’s so long!”, White’s whine sounded off-screen, prompting Yellow and Blue to give her curt look, Yellow’s face contorting for a split second. “Are you serious?”, you had to suppress the laugh that bubbled in your throat. Whatever they did, they always put you in a better mood, intentionally or not. “You guys are thousands of years old, this should be like a minute for you, theoretically.” Yellow blinked at you again, her full attention shifting back to you. “We are aware. But every moment without you is torture.” This time, you laughed for real. Despite Yellow’s deadpan, she could be the cheesiest one of them at any given time. “Guys…!”

“Oh, but it’s true!”, Blue’s soft brogue interrupted your fussing. Yellow turned the device to face her, giving you two a moment. “You know we love you”, she smiled at you. You could feel yourself melting at the sight. “I miss you, I really do. I’ll get Steven to warp me to you immediately after the last exam, I promise.” It was the most you could do and it would already complicate things. But you couldn’t stand to see them like this. This seemed to be enough for Blue at least. She gazed at you in silence for a moment and nodded. With a flurry of colors, your eyes were burned by White’s pouting face again. “If you must, but not a second longer!” You sighed, grinning at her. “Of course.” A gaze at your wrist watch nearly made you recoil in horror. It was way too late already and you still had to do some revisions on unit 23! “Anyways, I really have to sleep now. Y’know, my organic needs and all...” You were a bad liar, but it did the trick on White. She looked like a moping child after their toy had been taken away. She made the most disappointed, dramatic noise while pushing the device from her to give you a look at the others. Blue gave you a little wave, still smiling sweetly. “Okay guys, I’ll call you the day after tomorrow, alright?” They nodded in unison, biding their goodbyes. Before you could switch your screen off, Yellow opened her mouth for one last message. “If anyone is giving you trouble, tell us.” With a hasty bow of your head and one last wave, you pressed the off button, your room now considerably darker again.

Your wrist watch beeped. Back to work.

Nervously tapping your pencil on an old worksheet, you tried to figure out a way how to solve the problem - you didn’t understand it back when you discussed it in class and you still didn’t understand it now. Your wrist watch gave a short beep, your signal to call the Diamonds in fifteen minutes. The break was more than welcome, maybe thinking about something else would give you a fresh eye. Tugging at your hair with a hairbrush, you hummed absentmindedly. You hadn’t really done anything today or yesterday that was worth reporting, but that never stopped the diamond’s from calling you. They simply did the talking themselves. Checking your appearance one last time in the mirror, you gave yourself a satisfied nod. Your eye bags had seen better days, but there was nothing you could do about it right now. Your thoughts were interrupted by a sudden, stark white light coming from your window. Turning your head comically slow to the source, you had a gut feeling who this could be. One of White Diamond’s eyes peaked excitedly into your studio apartment. It widened when you gave a hesitant wave. Your gut was right. “Hello, starlight!”, her voice was loud, too loud for 10 pm on a weekday. If the sudden arrival of three giant aliens didn’t get you in trouble, this would. When you didn’t answer, she brought a nail to the glass, impatiently tapping it. You were lucky it didn’t shatter on impact. “Darling”, she sang. “Come out, we came all the way to see you!” You had to shake yourself out of the trance you were in - you knew how clingy and protective they were, but this was new. Making your way to your window, you could already hear the noise rising in your neighbor’s apartment. Great. You just hoped they wouldn’t terminate your lease for this. When you finally opened the window, White’s massive hand plucked from the ground and plopped you into her other one. Indeed, all three stood in your parking lot, now hunched over to get a better look at you. “Hi guys”, you squealed, straining your neck to meet their eyes. Three faces beamed back at you, their total lack of situational awareness really showing. “Instead of calling you, we decided to visit you instead! A nice surprise, isn’t it?”, proclaimed White proudly as if she had just solved all of mankind’s problems single handedly.  Blue and Yellow nodded enthusiastically next to her. You probably should be mad, but how could you? “Look, I really appreciate this”, you sighed. “But we really have to go somewhere else - people are already waking up. And it might get me in trouble.” That got you a collective ‘oh’ out of them. “Where is the ship anyway?”

You didn’t know how they managed it, but they had found an empty space large enough for the leg-less space giant. Apparently, they had walked the rest of the way and without damaging anything at that. You felt a little proud. The mental image still made you chuckle. “Okay guys, why did you come in person?”, you crossed your arms, while they sat around you in White’s head. “I thought we had a deal - I call you every 48 hours, you stay on Homeworld.” Blue and White evaded your eyes at your scolding tone, but Yellow held your gaze steadily. 

"It was fairly obvious that you were not well at all despite your insistence otherwise",  she offered her hand for you to climb on, and you did. "You have to take care of yourself, you are very fragile."

Now it was your turn to avoid her stare, feeling guilty. She was right, but you just didn't have the time. There was so much material to go through, so much to memorize. What could sleeping two hours less a night do? It was only for a short period of time, anyway.

And even if you struggled with anxiety and exhaustion, you didn't want to burden them. It was bad enough that you were gone for the semester, telling them how you really felt would be overkill. 

But now the jig was up. You should have known that Yellow was an expert when it came to observation and you had probably hurt them even more with your lie.

"I'm so sorry", it was like someone had opened the valve and now you were pathetically blubbering. "I just… didn't want to worry you, is all."

Seeing your distress, Blue immediately pulled closer to you, a tentative finger rubbing the crown of your head. 

"Little one, you know you can tell us everything. We care for you and want to help you", she cooed at you, shooting you a smile.

"You organics are so weak to stress, apply a little pressure and - poof - you just break", declared White, a finger up in the air to call attention to her great wisdom.

The stroking on your head stopped abruptly, replaced by shaking. 

"Don't… say that", Blue voice was trembling, clearly on the verge of crying. As if on cue, you and Yellow scrambled to console her.

 "Don't worry, I'll be fine. It's just a little difficult right now", you turned to her, smiling.

"She is an excellent specimen and very durable, Blue", Yellow's tone was a bit more pragmatic, but honest. It was also a nice compliment, coming from her.

"Yes, this isn't the first time I'm dealing with exams", you reached out to pat her finger. "It's going to be okay, even if I don't pass."

"... really?", Blue looked at you with big, questioning eyes. "Please don't lie, you know I couldn't stand to see you - "

A shuddering breath followed. "Stars, I can't even say it."

You were scooped up by her hands and pressed against her soft cheek. 

They were all experts in dramatics, but Blue was especially sensitive when it came to your mortality. The first time you had explained your lifespan and the many ways one could die to her in detail, you weren't allowed to leave her for a week. She had known how short human lives were, but this! Unacceptable.

She even made you eat nothing but mush during those seven days, too afraid of this 'choking'. 

In the end, you talked her out of it. But it was a big factor when it came to your living situation. They wanted to spend every moment with you, savoring your presence. 

You tried to reciprocate the cuddling by embracing her as best as you could. She let out a soft sigh, holding you a little closer. After a minute of silent embracing, she reluctantly put you back in Yellow’s hand. “We’re always there for you, no matter what”, she told you in a gentle tone, the other two nodding in agreement. “If you need me to talk to one of these organics, darling, don’t hesitate to tell me!”, exclaimed White, a smile stretching her cheeks in the most unnatural way. A mental image of her hunched over one of your professors in their office made you a little… uneasy. “Thank you, but I can do that myself”, you laughed nervously. White didn’t look too satisfied with your answer, but seemed to accept it.

“And if it becomes too much, you’re always welcome to move in with us”, added Blue, making you flush. It wasn’t the first time you got that offer, but it was just too sweet. “M-maybe in a couple of years”, you stammered, which earned you a grumble from them. You coughed, feeling a little awkward to change the topic so suddenly. “Ehm, thank you guys - I don’t want to be rude, but I have to get back to studying pretty soon.” “But it’s already dark outside! Isn’t that when humans sleep - oh”, Blue said, suddenly struck by an epiphany. “Oh no, we kept you from sleeping!” You shook your head vehemently. “No, no, we don’t go to sleep the second it gets dark, guys. I think I might have explained this to you before. But I still have some stuff to do.” Of course it was White who interrupted the stunned silence first. “You don’t have a little more time for us? We came all the way...” Yellow joined in, her voice a little louder than anticipated. “Can’t you study here? With us?” “Guys, you can’t just park your ship here - without asking anyone - and keep it in this place for days! I’m gonna get in trouble”, you panicked a little at the thought. The only spot where this gigantic humanoid vessel could be placed was Beach City. Nobody would call the police or worse, the government, over this. “So you have to leave,” this hurt more to say than you’d like to admit. “Or you have to go to Steven, if you want to stay.” All three of them pulled incredibly sad faces, and Blue was close to crying again. You would be lying if it didn’t pull at your heart-strings. “We’re here to make sure you take care of yourself, spark. You’re packing your things and then we’ll stay at Steven’s house and help you study”, Yellow nearly shouted at you. It wasn’t malicious, just her expressing her genuine concern. A relic of times now gone. You thought about it for a second - you could take your books with you, as well as your laptop and notes. Classes were over for now, you only had to attend the exams in two weeks. Technically, you could do it. And with the look they were giving you and all their efforts to make you feel better, you agreed. How could you say no to your giant space ladies? Especially when they were bending over backwards to comfort you. Steven was even more surprised to see the four of you two hours later. You had texted him on the way, but it had been left unread. The Diamonds didn’t really care for announcing their visits, but even this was a bit sudden. After White had explained everything to him, he simply slinked back to bed, planning on discussing the logistics of the situation in the morning. You were allowed to sleep on the couch, but not without the protest of the Diamonds. You loved falling asleep with them around, though regarding the circumstances they would probably dote on you until you were wide awake. They also tended to fight over who got to be the one you would sleep on, and you didn’t have the nerves for that right now. When you left the beach house the next morning, you were greeted with the sight of the three of them practically camping in front of the deck. They had missed you that much, it seemed. 

“Good morning, guys!”

You were greeted by various nicknames and excited faces, White the first one to scoop you up. Behind your back, Steven groaned in his cup. “So, what have you planned, darling?”, her voice was chipper as ever, her bright eyes burning your retinas. Maybe Steven was right and it was just a little too early, but no take-backs now. “About that...”, you scratched your cheek in slight discomfort. “I have to study the whole day.” White’s fell immediately, clearly stunned. “I told you yesterday - I have things to do, but you can keep me company. Maybe even help me?” She blinked at you once, the gears in her head clearly turning. Then she gave you an eye-watering smile. “Whatever this studying is, we’ll help you!” You groaned internally. How many times had you explained it to her already?

 It went better than you initially expected. The weather outside was nice and warm, the beach calm enough to simply set up a little picnic blanket with your books and notes. (You left your laptop inside, not wanting to get sand into it.) Surrounded by three (surprisingly silent) giant figures watching your every move, you got to work. It was a little awkward at first, but you fell  into a routine soon enough. Each of them had her own unique way of helping you; Blue would simply nod and smile when you tried to regurgitate the material to her, White would go on a tangent whenever she recognized something you were talking about, earning her a warning glare from Yellow. Yellow herself would try to quiz you on whatever notes you had pulled up on your gemtech tablet (they were surprisingly resistant to sand). It quickly became one of the most successful days so far, you were impressed. Being with them kept you grounded, they were like a calming aura to keep your anxiety at bay. And they were extremely helpful. It was almost comical, you had to admit. At the end of the day, you were finally able to pack up your books and enjoy the evening with them. It felt good to know that you had managed to get so much done today. You were strangely at ease, their presence strengthening you. You did worry however, that this routine might get boring for them - it wasn’t like the nice things you did usually, it wasn’t playful, entertaining or relaxing. You didn’t want to force them into staying with you, you didn’t want to bore them. With a sigh you shouldered your tote bag, still too caught up in your head. Your sudden shift in mood didn’t go unnoticed. “Little one, are you alright?”, Blue crouched down next to you, her soft eyes glowing in the dusk, her form crowding you in shade. 

You looked up to her, a little unsure on how to word your feelings.

"It's just", you opened and closed the fist around your bag straps. "Did you enjoy today? Was it dull? I-I still have two weeks to go and it's gonna stay the same, pretty much."

She sighed, her tense shoulders slacking. 

"We enjoy your company", she gave you a smile. "We haven't spent time with each other in such a long time, starlight. If we were able to accompany every second of your life, we would."

She offered you a hand and you happily jumped on it, a little flustered at her words. They were so serious, so heartfelt. Sometimes you did forget that they were older than civilization on earth, that they would outlive you by eons. 

"Thank you, Blue", you peered up at her, a relieved smile appearing on your face. "Your company helps me so much, you know? It would mean the world to me if you stayed with me until the exam."

Luckily for you, Steven had given you permission to stay on the beach - you were also allowed to sleep on the couch, but you knew you'd have to stay with the Diamonds. It was the least you could do to pay them back, even if it was just this little thing. 

And this was exactly how you spent the last days leading up to your finals, either sprawled on the picnic blanket on the beach, sitting on the deck with your laptop or, when the weather didn't allow it, lounging on the couch or on the ship. You were surrounded by Blue, Yellow and White at all times, each of them trying her best to help you with the material. They kept you on track, making sure you didn't procrastinate too much (even if that meant less cuddles) and nipped any self-doubts you had in the bud. 

Even as the date got dangerously close, they still patiently calmed you down. When your panic got too bad, one of them made sure to keep you close, either putting you into her lap or patting your head. At night, they talked to you until you fell asleep and woke you up better than your little phone alarm could ever do. You knew that even if you didn't pass, it wouldn't be the end of the world. 

Still, you were an anxious mess when the first exam rolled around, your mind a thousand miles away as you got ready to go to uni and to give it your all. Not even the Diamonds were able to calm you down, but you knew you just had to get it done and over with. The week was a blur, days blending into each other, your head always buried in a book. You were lucky that they had stayed behind with Steven, only calling you at the end of the day. While the fussing had been helpful beforehand, now it would only hinder you. 

Before you could really settle into a routine, finals were over, leaving you with a weird emptiness and a restless feeling. Now all you had to do was wait for the results, a special kind of torture in itself. 

The Diamonds noticed how absent you were, but no amount of well-meaning words could shake your nervousness. You didn't mean to cause them any further stress, but it was tough to keep your mind off things.

When the results were finally posted online, your heart threatened to burst out of your chest, your mouth dry and your hands shaking. You knew there was nothing you could do now, but the thought of weeks of studying going to waste was nearly unbearable. A dozen scenarios ran through your head, not one overly positive. 

Once the browser had pulled up your account, the answer was a simple click away. You had to steel yourself by gripping the edge of the table - the Diamonds were waiting outside impatiently, you knew they would lose it if they saw you like this. 

With one last breath, you closed your eyes and did what had to be done.

The page was on full display in a matter of milliseconds, your eyes frantically searching for the right column, moving erratically up and down. 

Finally you found what you were looking for: you had passed. In a moment of disbelief, you reread the page again, but it was there in tiny black letters.

It was like someone had knocked all the air out of you with a single hit, your heart wasn't done with beating fast, but at least some of the nervousness slowly dissipated.

The realization took a while to settle in as you deflated in your seat like beach ball slowly losing air. You stared at the wall, a smile cautiously spreading on your face as if you were afraid that too much joy would nullify your results. But after a solid minute, not even your stress-addled mind fog could hold you back from jumping out of your seat in joy.

Busting through the door, you cheered loudly while you ran across the deck, immediately focusing all attention on you. Steven had distracted the Diamonds to give you some time and space, but at the sound of your happy shouting they instantly turned around, faces unsure for a second.

You raced through the sand, arms in the air, relieved laughter pouring out of your mouth like a steady stream. It was probably not the most flattering or mature look, but you couldn't care less. 

"I passed!", with one last cry you came to a grinding halt in front of them, only to jump up into the air. "I did it! Ha!"

 Blue's face was the first to soften into a tender smile, her expression clearly full of pride, followed by White who looked at you in excitement. 

Yellow only blinked at you for a moment before she erupted in delighted laughter and scooped you up without a word, her eyes beaming with glee. It was rare for her to lose her composure like this, but that made it all the more sweet. You shot back the biggest grin you could manage, positively vibrating in her palm.

"We're so proud of you, little one", Blue's voice came out as a gentle sigh, stress falling off her back you didn't even know she had felt. It made you stop for a moment, finally grasping how your situation had affected them and how much they cared for you. 

You teared up in an instant, the sudden change of feelings giving you whiplash, your heart suddenly bubbling with love and gratefulness. It was unbelievable how lucky you were, you realized.

At the sight of your sniffling face, Yellow brought you closer to her, her eyes full of warmth. It was as if she was shielding you from the others for just a moment of privacy.

"No reason to cry, spark", her tone was as soft as the look she gave you and did exactly the opposite: you couldn't help but let some tears slip down your cheeks, babbling about how happy you were to have passed and to be with them, while she smiled at you in slight amusement.

The moment was interrupted by an awkward Steven coughing not-so-subtly into his fist. 

"Okay, I’ll, uh, leave you guys to it?", his voice reached a clumsy high, he clearly felt like he was disturbing something. 

The Diamonds didn't really notice however, they just happily sent him off and turned their attention back to you. You were showered in affection and soft words, they were genuinely happy for you and even more ecstatic to have you all for themselves for a couple of weeks. As you listened to White ramble on and on about what she had planned for you during this break, you felt the pressure lift itself from you. All this stress had been worth it and now you were rewarded with all the love you could ever ask for. You knew that this was where you belonged.

[thenovelartist]

An Impromptu Proposal, 17-18

<<Previous Next>>

17. Oblivio

Adrien really wanted to forget this day ever happened.

His secretary had set up a meeting with Lila about her buying the company. Throughout the entire thing, she’d made subtle pass after subtle pass at him. He did everything he could to encourage her with sly looks and smiles, as well as allowing her to rub her foot on his calf under the table.

He hated it, but he was able to set up a lunch with Lila later this week to continue this ruse.

He tried to imagine how life would drastically change after they retrieved the butterfly miraculous. How they would be so close to retiring as superheroes, meaning life could return to normal. Though, Adrien had to admit that after nine years of this, he wasn’t sure what “normal” looked like any more. In his mind, at least, normal looked like a two-week vacation sans any form of communication as far away from civilization as possible that would serve as not only one heck of a honeymoon but as a celebration for retiring and to make up for every other trip and vacation they missed while fighting Hawkmoth, Mayura, and Butterlie.

After that, he and Marinette would come home and start on building a family. Raising three kids sounded like a piece of cake compared to playing superhero. It also sounded really nice and normal and simple.

But for now, Adrien was seriously considering a couple glasses of wine and a hot bath.

And a profuse apology to his wife for flirting with Lila even though it was Marinette’s idea in the first place.

He tossed open the door to see Marinette sitting on the couch, curled up into a ball with her bottom lip between her teeth.

Uh-oh.

“What’s wrong, bugaboo?” he asked, mentally upping the glasses of wine from two to three.

When he got closer, he could see her eyes were red and puffy. “Um… my mom… she caught sight of my wedding rings this morning.”

He sighed, collapsing on the couch next to her and pulling her into his lap. She came with no resistance.

“And,” she continued, resting her head on his chest, “and she just… she didn’t say anything, but I knew that look on her face said she was confused and hurt and so I said I would explain everything tonight.”

“So, we’re going to your parents tonight to clear everything up?” he finished.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m mentally preparing for revealing myself to them.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

She nodded. “I… I’ve been talking with Tikki. And I don’t like it, but on the other hand, Tikki has a point.”

“I’m sorry, Marinette,” Tikki said, appearing before them. “And I understand your reservations. I don’t exactly like it, either. But at the same point, this has been putting a rift between you and your parents for years, first with school and all the tardies and unexplained absences. Do you remember when they grounded you?”

Marinette sighed. “Three times.”

“Exactly. And now, this is the final straw for them. I see how much it burdens you, and I just don’t want you to be burdened any longer.”

With a sigh, Adrien gave his wife a reassuring squeeze. “Honestly, I think Tikki makes a good point. I still remember the few times you came to me back when we were still in school, and you were in tears because you hated lying to your parents. As hard as it is, I think that it would be best for you to come completely clean.”

Marinette whined. “I know. I know it’s the best option. I still don’t like it. I still don’t want to do it. I kinda just want to forget this day ever happened.”

“You aren’t the only one, bug,” Adrien added in. “I had the meeting with Lila today.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. How’d it go?”

“She’s a master in the subtle art of flirting, and I seriously don’t know how I managed to keep a straight face while she was practically petting my leg with her foot.”

Marinette cringed. “Sorry for making you do this.”

“I’m just waiting for the second her guard goes down and I’m able to snag the butterfly miraculous off her neck. I have to play my cards right or else things are going to get ugly.”

“Ugh, that’s another day I’d like to forget,” Marinette grumbled.

“You mean the first time we thought we had her cornered but she slipped out of our grasp, only to detransform and run crying to her security guards who consequently tried to shoot us because she was crying harassment?”

“Alya had to do so much damage control that I’m certain I’ll be paying her off for life.”

“I remember that. Vividly.”

“I’d say break out the wine, but we have to get to my parents’ house because I promised we’d meet them for dinner.”

Adrien sighed. “Okay. Here’s the plan. We go have dinner with your parents and hope it all goes smoothly knowing that no matter what happens, we come home, pop open a bottle of wine, and take a nice, hot bath together.”

“Ooh,” Marinette cooed, smile growing on her face. “I like the way you think, kitty.”

 ...

18. A Ticking Clock

When Marinette had married Adrien, she knew that it was only a matter of time before her parents would find out. She’d been trying to cheat that ticking clock as much as she could by putting off the inevitable conversation. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to keep it secret as long as she would have wanted to. And now she was having to face the music.

And it was not fun to listen to.

Her husband parked in front of the bakery, and Marinette’s nervousness doubled. She felt like she was drowning and there was no hope for her.

Adrien reached over the center console to grab her hand. “We’re gonna get through this.”

Marinette took a breath before clinging to Adrien’s hand. “Thank you for being here with me.”

“I’ll always be by your side, bugaboo,” he assured, his warm grin steadying her.

After taking another breath, Marinette let his hand go. “Let’s do this.”

Together, they marched to the entrance to the house, and Marinette unlocked the door to open it. “Maman!” she cried. “Papa! I’m home.”

Marinette led Adrien up the stairs to the kitchen, where her parents were waiting for her. “Welcome home,” her mother said, her smile clearly strained at the sight of Adrien.

Marinette took a fortifying breath. “I know I said I would talk about the rings on my hand when I got home,” she began.

Her parents glanced at Adrien, clearly putting things together.

“This is Adrien Agreste,” she explained. “My husband.”

“It’s nice to meet the both of you,” Adrien greeted.

Marinette’s papa extended his hand with a smile. “Nice meeting you, Adrien. I’m Tom, and this is my wife, Sabine.”

Adrien took his hand to shake.

“Can we sit down?” Marinette asked. “Because I’d like to explain everything to you.”

Her parents nodded, guiding them over to the dinner table.

When they sat down, Adrien slid his hand into hers, squeezing in reassurance.

Marinette needed all of that she could get. “I think the easiest way to start explaining everything is just admit… I’m Ladybug.”

The silence that captivated the room was deafening.

“I’m sorry,” she continued, tears already starting to form in her eyes as her parents stared at her with wide eyes and slack jaws. She brushed her hair behind her ears to show off her earrings. “I’m really, really sorry for keeping it from you for so long. It was because I didn’t want to put you in danger or have you worry about me, but now, I have to let you know because it’s just not fair to keep that secret from you anymore because I don’t want it to strain our relationship like it did back in school when you were mad at me for skipping school to be Ladybug, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I couldn’t even though I wanted to and so I’m so so so sorry for lying to you all this time.”

Her maman had her hands over her mouth, still clearly in shock while her father rubbed his wife’s back soothingly. “Marinette…”

The tears came out. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was married. It wasn’t exactly planned, but I realized I didn’t want to not be married to him because I’ve been dating Chat since I was seventeen.”

Papa looked to Adrien. “So, I’m guessing that makes you Chat Noir.”

“Yes,” Adrien confirmed, showing off his ring. “But I’m also—”

“Her boss,” Maman said. “Yes, I realized that. She’s talked about you for some time. I’m assuming you two have known who each other were for a while, then.”

“Actually, we only just recently revealed ourselves to each other with this whole wedding business,” Adrien admitted. “When I proposed to La—your daughter, we didn’t know, and I had hopes that she’d reveal herself then, but really, I was prepared for a long engagement if she wasn’t ready. Like she said, we’ve been dating since we were seventeen, and after being partners for nine years, I knew I wanted to marry her. I hadn’t expected our engagement to blow up and cause an uproar among our fans, though.”

Silently, her parents nodded, clearly trying to process everything.

“I’m sorry,” Marinette repeated again. “I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you anything. I just… I didn’t know how.”

Papa rubbed his chin. “I guess that explains the absences in school,” he said. “And a lot of other things, to be honest.”

Maman nodded. “I’m not sure if it’s better than what we thought you were going to tell us or not.”

Marinette frowned. “What you thought I was going to tell you?”

Her parents looked at each other. “Well,” Maman admitted. “We thought you were going to tell us that you got married because you were pregnant.”

Instantly, Marinette’s cheeks turned red. “Maman.”

“We’re sorry, honey,” Papa said. “But we didn’t know what to think. We didn’t even know you were serious with anyone, and suddenly, you’re wearing wedding rings? We thought we missed something.”

Marinette bowed her head in shame. She supposed she could see how her parents could come to that conclusion. “I’m sorry for making you think that way,” she said. “Really, I am. It wasn’t my intention to make you worry or anything. I’m really, really sorry.”

With a soft smile, Maman reached across the table to take hold of Marinette’s hand. “It’s… going to take some time to absorb,” Maman began. “But, I understand why you didn’t want us to know. We’re sorry if we did anything that made you think you couldn’t trust us enough to tell us.”

Marinette’s heart stopped short. “No!” she cried, letting go of Adrien’s hand to grab Maman’s tightly. “No, you have been nothing but supportive to me. Even when I was in school and my grades dropped and I was missing classes left and right, you two were always there and open, and it killed me to keep it a secret from you. I didn’t want to. It was a safety precaution. I’m sorry I hurt you, anyway. I never wanted to do that.”

Papa reached over to put his hands over Marinette’s and Maman’s. “We love you, Marinette. And like your maman said, it’s going to take some time to get used to. But, you are our daughter, and to learn you’re Ladybug and what you’ve done over the years and knowing what you’re capable of… we’re really proud of you.”

Those words hit her hard, making it suddenly very hard to breathe as tears began pouring from her eyes. “You are the best parents ever,” she said through the tears.

Maman was crying, too. “I guess my biggest issue now is that I have to worry about you whenever I see Ladybug fighting in the news.”

“Don’t worry, Sabine,” Adrien cut in. “That’s my job. Your daughter is very precious to me, and you have my word that I’ll do everything in my power to protect her.”

Papa reached out to place a hand on Adrien’s shoulder. “We know. We’ve watched enough battles over the years to see that with our own eyes. I owe you a big thank you for what you do to protect her. Particularly with some of the hits we’ve seen you take, son.”

“Your daughter always fixes me up with that miraculous cure. I’ve got her back, and she has mine.”

Adrien’s eyes locked on Marinette’s, and she reached over to loop her arms around his.

“To know my daughter married a man like you is what every dad wants to see,” Papa continued. “So, welcome to the family, son.”

“Thank you, sir,” Adrien said. “I really appreciate it.”

“Do your parents know, Adrien?” Sabine asked.

Marinette then tightened her grip on her husband’s arm. “No,” he said. “And they never will. My mom passed when I was thirteen, and my dad… his health has declined over the past couple years, and he still thinks I’m eighteen. If I tell him, he’ll probably yell at me for being too young and then completely forget by the next day.”

Her parent’s expressions were pitying. “Oh, dear,” Maman said, reaching out to take Adrien’s hand. “We’re so sorry.”

He gave them a smile. “Besides the miraculous team being supportive, Marinette is the most family I’ve had in a long time,” he said. “Forgive me for being so desperate to take her from you.”

“We can’t blame you for that,” Papa said.

“We would understand even without that story,” Maman added. “Ladybug and Chat Noir always seemed very close. Watching their—well…  your wedding felt very genuine.”

“It was,” Adrien said, a light blush on his cheeks. “I’ve had a crush on your daughter since we met, and it was really hard not to fall in love with her.”

Marinette felt her own cheeks heat up.

“Well, you’re part of our family, now,” Sabine said. “We’re happy to have you.”

Adrien’s smile was a little warbly. “Thank you.”

Tom patted Adrien’s shoulder. “Well, with that all being said, I think we should break into dinner and spend the night getting to know our new son-in-law.”

To Marinette, that sounded like a really good plan.

…

“You’ll come back for dinners often now, right?” Sabine asked as they were leaving.

Currently, Tom was helping Marinette pack up a chunk of her things into Adrien’s car. She’d been slowly bringing over clothes and necessities over the past week, but now, with everything out in the open, there was no reason for Marinette to not start bringing all her stuff over.

“Of course,” Adrien said. “I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do considering how out of order we did everything.”

“Well, it could have been a worse scenario. This one, though going to take some time to absorb, is one of the easier realities to accept.”

“Considering that you’ve been told your daughter is a superhero and just married her partner yet kept it from you for about a week and a half, the fact you’re able to accept that at all is surprising.”

Sabine chuckled. “Well, all things considered, it’s understandable to believe. Better than thinking she was dating some man that knocked her up then decided to elope out of fear of judgement. Speaking of which, on the subject of kids, I’m assuming you two will try to avoid it until you’re able to actually settle down?”

Adrien nodded. “The last thing we need is to bring a baby into this mess right now. Actually, the last thing I need is to try to keep a pregnant Marinette away from the akuma fights.”

Sabine hummed, nodding in agreement. “That would be a wise course of action, then. For your sake, I hope that you’re able to take Hawkmoth down soon.”

“Actually,” Adrien whispered. “We may have an opportunity here soon.”

“Then our fingers are crossed for you,” Sabine said with a smile.

Marinette and Tom emerged from the house with two boxes of clothes and things that they put in the back of Adrien’s car.

“That’s all that will fit for now,” Marinette said, shutting the door. “We should head out, now. We’ve both had a long day.”

“Come back for another dinner, soon,” Tom said, taking his daughter into a hug.

“Don’t leave me out,” Sabine teased, slipping under her husband’s arms.

“Come here, Adrien,” Tom called, beckoning him closer.

Adrien would not turn down the chance to be in a family hug, having fully forgotten what those were like. Tom’s strong arm around his shoulders meant more than words could describe.

“You take care of my daughter now, understood.”

“Yes, sir,” Adrien said, grin on his face.

“Good.” Tom and Sabine then stepped away. “Have a good night, you two.”

“Thanks, Papa and Maman. You, too.”

With one last round of waves, Adrien and Marinette got into the car and drove off into the night.

“That went surprisingly well,” Adrien said, reaching over to slid his hand into Marinette’s.

“It really did. That was a best case scenario.”

“Your parents are awesome, by the way,” he said. “No wonder you’re so amazing.”

She giggled. “They really like you, too.”

“I’m glad. Last thing I want to do is tick off your dad.”

���Nah. That’s not gonna happen. You have other things to worry about.”

His brow furrowed. “Like?”

“Like them trying to adopt you.”

Adrien couldn’t help but laugh. “Honestly, I’d be plenty okay with that.”

[nexstage]

LIMBO SILVAM - EPILOGUE (1/2)

Inside the Beach House, everything and everyone were silent. Pearl was drying the dishes with a somber expression, Amethyst, sat in one of the seats in front of the kitchen island, played with her hair bitterly, and Connie was on the sofa looking at her sword, red and puffy eyes trying to holding back more tears. At her left was a gemstone placed over a pillow: Peridot's gemstone.

There was also Lion who watched intently the little gem in her comatose condition like waiting for a signal to act.

If silence had a name, it would be unbearable or hell. Utter, endless hell. The tension between the members of the Crystal Gems could be noticed even for the most oblivious individual in the whole world. Though that didn't matter not the fact that no one in the Beach House had the mood or the guts to 'break the ice' with a single comment. However, what could they say after the torment they were put through?

Amethyst sighed, fed up with the uncertainty, and looked at Pearl and Connie. Both her friends were too immersed in their own way of grief that it seemed they had forgotten the only person who was in the shadows. "Hey," she started but no one listened "Hey, guys" Amethyst was met with the same silence.

Irritated and with her patience to her limit, she resorted to her best tactic. A very high whistle took them by surprise, Pearl caught one of the plates she was drying before it broke into pieces and Connie accidentally dropped her sword to the floor.

"Amethyst, what the heck?!" the veteran gem glared at the quartz "Why did you do that?!"

"Because we're wasting time, P!"

"Wasting time...with what?" Connie asked, her voice a bit hoarse due to the crying. She coughed a bit to clear it. "What do you mean?"

"What are we going to do with Peridot once she wakes up?" Pearl caught the meaning of Amethyst's question faster than Connie and grimaced, trying to think a good answer. "Well..." hesitation stopped her from a moment before continuing "Obviously, we're going to check on her. Verify if she can remember what happened after she was poofed... And cracked... Almost killed..." the last thing was said in a trembling whisper "Then when we're sure her memories are intact, we'll tell her the truth".

"Really, Pearl? Like, for real?" Amethyst sent her the best, most unimpressed stare the old gem had seen in her quasi-immortal life "You're the smartest gem I've known, and this is your best shot?"

"Amethyst, I understand your reservations about my methods but, what can we do? There is no option for Peridot"

"There IS one and that is not waking up. Ever"

"You can't be serious, Amethyst!" Connie yelled outraged and approached the quartz while glaring at her "Have you forgotten that Steven is still in the hospital waiting for an answer about Peridot's condition? Hoping for her to stay in a coma forever is too cruel! Steven can't lose someone else!"

"Well, what's your plan then?!" losing her temper, Amethyst sat up from her seat of the kitchen island and glared at Connie as intensely as the girl "Are we going to tell Peridot 'Hey P-Dot, glad you're awake. Remember that crazy gem, Spinel, who wanted to poison Earth with a giant injector and tried to kill us all? Well, you and Lapis really got into serious trouble with her and almost got crashed, except that you got lucky and Lapis is a bunch of shards inside a bubble. Anyway, want some consolation cookies?'. Do you really expect anyone to say that?! Even after we saw how heartbroken Steven was when we told him?!"

"Ok, enough, both of you!" Pearl put herself in the middle to stop a fight between the pair and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sighing heavily, she gazed at them "Look, this is a compromising situation and there is no way out of it unless we are honest with Peridot. Praying for an endless coma to save everyone from giving the bad news isn't possible and to top it all, it's even selfish"

"How can that be selfish if Peridot is going to suffer again, P?! Should I remind you that Lapis left her homeless and depressed and now is unable to come back like the last time?!" Pearl glared at her as if ordering her to not lose her temper, but Amethyst looked away angrily while crossing her arms. The purple quartz wasn't a fan of Lapis, and her opinion of the blue gem went to total disapproval after Steven told her about Lapis and Peridot's disagreement that ended up with the first one taking the barn to space while the second one was left sad and lonely.

Despite Lapis' sudden return to Earth and her saving them from Blue Diamond when she crashed Ruby and Sapphire's wedding, Amethyst was still wary with the ex terraformer.

"That incident is something between those two, Amethyst. If they've talked things through, fine, if not, it's up to them. We can't mix something from the past with what's happening now"

"Still, it's better if we spared her from more hurt feelings. We have lost too much thanks to Mrs. Revenge Noodle Gem who wanted to give Earth a piece of her mind"

"What we need right now is to plan the best way to deliver the news, Amethyst. We're her friends" Connie intervened after ordering her thoughts while still holding back the tears "Everyone here is in the same position as you because no one can be as close to Lapis like Peridot, Bismuth or Steven. Besides, what if she finds out about Lapis' demise on her own? It's not like it's impossible for someone to discover a gem or her remnants inside a bubble hidden in a secret place! I mean, Steven could find Bismuth and discover what happened to her, and Peridot is too smart for her own good!"

"That was luck. Pure luck and Lion was living with us. But anyway, what do YOU expect us to tell her? No matter if we are too careful or go straight to the point, nothing will save Peridot from the heartbreak!"

"She isn't the only one!!" Connie cried, anguished tears finally running down her cheeks "I. Was. There!! I was there when I saw Lapis' gemstone shatter. I-I-I was so goddamn close t-to... The fountain was in front of me, just some steps and she would be healed and safe... But... I wasn't fast enough. She broke into p-pieces in my own hands. I can still hear the crack, see myself trying to put her back together just to--"

Pearl immediately hugged her close to her chest and the girl cried, holding tight on the gem she considered a second mother.

For the veteran gem to see her apprentice falling apart like that, it tortured her mercilessly. No one had any idea of how to approach Peridot with the fact that the gem she was closest to died after both were defeated by Spinel. Connie was right that only Steven, Peridot and Bismuth -at some extent- were close to Lapis, and she and the blue gem had a rocky history between them concerning the mirror and Pearl storing her inside her gem without checking if the object was gem-powered or if a gem was imprisoned in it. However, that didn't stop her from being horrified and saddened by Lapis' shattering.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only concern. Spinel and her reasons to destroy Earth with them in it were the second priority which she didn't want anything to do with. Despite having defeated her, Pearl couldn't grasp in her mind -full of good and conflicting memories of Pink- how the deceased Diamond could have been so cruel, thoughtless and self-centered to abandon Spinel while deceiving her with a 'waiting game'. Advanced equations or building a robot were tasks Pearl could do easily; understanding Pink at all, that was another story.

And to make it worse, they have suffered because of another careless decision of her. Steven had to fix another mistake that even took one of his friends' life. She could get that Pink needed to grow up and prove herself to the Diamonds back then, that running a colony required too much time and work to spare in other activities or fun, that her interests and Spinel's were completely different, but just look at what her lack of guts has caused!

She could've left Spinel with the Peebles in her palace on Homeworld or tell her the truth kindly that they were growing apart, heck, put her in charge to take care of the garden with the aid of some gems. She could have done something better, anything!

But no!

Pink just played with Spinel's head and prayed at everyone's backs that this never 'bit her in the butt' as humans said. Technically, it didn't blow up in her face but it did with Steven's. Pearl just hoped her little boy could heal appropriately and not be burdened by more of his mother's screwups.

"I'm sorry" Connie and Amethyst glanced at the thin gem who lowered her head in shame "I know I didn't cause this mess, but... But if I had known Pink was going to left Spinel, if I had known the abandonment was going to break Spinel mentally, I would've tried to stop Pink or tell her to take another course of action. If I had acted, things would be different now. Again, I failed to change the future for the better"

"Come on, P! Don't be ridiculous!" Amethyst punched her in the arm, not to start a fight but because it was her way right now to give comfort "You can be annoying sometimes, but your heart is where your friends are! That's why you're thousands of times much better than Pink. You have grown, you changed, you're the best! But her? She cheated and lied to get her way! Sure, Rose, Pink, -whoever she was- played a part in saving the Earth and if it weren't for her, we wouldn't have Steven, but if it weren't for YOU, the Crystal Gems would've never existed. I mean, you were the one with the idea of pretending to be another gem, and that led to both of you to explore the planet, fight for it and then for the gems who wanted to be free, dude! Besides, YOU are part of the heart of the Crystal Gems, and then Garnet, and me, Steven, Greg, Lion, Connie, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and the gems we healed from corruption and live in Little Homeworld, but not Pink. She may have tried, but she didn't try enough. Not like you, Pearl. So, stop that bullshit about feeling guilty for someone else's mistake!"

"She's right, Pearl. You've done so many great things, heck, you're like a second mother to me. Besides, don't take offense of this, but even if you'd tried to convince Pink to talk with Spinel or to leave her in Homeworld where she would be with other gems, I doubt Steven's mom had listened. She didn’t stop to consider the consequences of faking her shattering after all" Connie rubbed at her teary eyes, her face becoming more serious "I don't know what to feel anymore, but that doesn't mean we have to fight each other like moments ago. Peridot will need us more than ever when she knows about Lapis. We have to tell her the truth and give her our support. And even if we'll never have the chance to get to know Lapis better, at least we will pay her our respects while taking care of Peridot. It's what she had wanted us to do. It's the right thing to do. For Lapis, for Peridot and especially for Steven"

"Yeah, you know, even when I never liked her that much, even less when P-Dot was all alone after she left, I could see how much those two were meant for each other. Sure, maybe I can't see it that well because I'm more defensive on Peridot's side, she's my friend after all, but I know there was something more than a closeness between them. But once Peridot wakes up, it'll be gone"

"And that's where Spinel didn't have luck enough to heal" Pearl explained though the others didn't get it at first "Peridot has all of us. Spinel only had Pink, but when she abandoned her, there was no one she could turn to for comfort and hope. Losing Lapis in this way, I can't imagine the devastation in Peridot's face, but at least she won't be alone. So, no matter how we approach her with the news, we'll never leave her side"

Amethyst and Connie nodded determinedly and joined hands with Pearl in silent camaraderie and solidarity.

The sound of the warp pad being used startled them, Garnet's silhouette visible despite the blinding light, then the stoic gem got out of the warp pad, a scowl on her face. Pearl gulped a bit and separated from the other two to talk with her comrade despite the nervousness "Glad you're ok, Garnet... How'd it go?" She asked, her voice almost shaking.

"Really. Exhausting" she hissed, her teeth were gritted strongly, barely containing the urges to punch something or yell. Whenever there was too much frustration to deal with, Ruby made herself noticeable via angry growls and tense seriousness. The fusion massaged her temples to alleviate herself from the high-level stress and exhale a big sigh "We have 5 minutes before Peridot reforms so, I'll be quick. Spinel's new prison in Homeworld will take some preparations, the Diamonds are still in disbelief about what had happened to her and what she'd done, but they at least understood that Spinel is a huge danger to Steven as long as she is free so they'll take care of her while she's still in the bubble until the prison is finished"

"Wait a second, some preparations?" Pearl was the first talking before the others intervened, "What do you mean by that? Garnet, it has been two weeks since the attack and people are still paranoid about another gem wanting to destroy the planet. I know this is going too far but Spinel is seriously obsessed with her senseless revenge, she needs to be shattered"

"But what about Steven?" Connie asked concerned. Shattering was a quick option that could save them from more work, but her best friend would never agree "Are we going to lie to him if he wants to know what we did with Spinel? Even if she deserves that punishment, he will be against that idea"

"Yeah! 'Sides if the Diamonds think they can replace Pink with Spinel and keep her in check by putting her on a royal pedestal then screw them! They'll make it worse and Spinel might escape and try to kill us again!"

The discussion went on and on, too caught up in finding out what to do with the Diamonds' sudden affection towards the homicidal gem and the repercussions of telling Peridot about Lapis' demise that they didn't notice Peridot's reformation until Lion growled at them.

"Shit! She's coming back!" The four Crystal Gems saw her comrade's light projection getting out of the gemstone and then the little gem plopped on the ground, dizzy and confused.

"Ugh... My head... What happened?"

Suddenly, she was engulfed in a bear hug by Connie and Amethyst while Pearl and Garnet watched from behind. Peridot's appearance had changed: her visor now had the shape of the upper body of the star; she was wearing a mix of boots and sandals, both brown with some golden lines decorating them and a jacket of three tones of green with the Crystal Gem's symbol emblazoned in the middle of it; her hair didn't have her classic triangular style anymore but a star style, complementing with the visor.

"Wow, dude, you look awesome!" Amethyst's compliment broke her train of thought. With a single look at herself, Peridot gasped amazed at her new appearance modifiers "That's what I am talking about! This is how I, the unbeatable ruler of the skies Peridot, should look in front of her enemies!... Still, Ummm, guys do you know what happened? Because there is only one way I could change my appearance and that is by being poofed"

Her friends' joy for having her back was quickly replaced by uncertainty and concern. Before she could ask what was wrong Connie was the first one speaking "Peridot, what's the last thing you remember?"

"What do you mean? Wait... Are you implying I was poofed during a mission or an accident and brought here?"

Pearl looked at Garnet as if asking her if her future vision had some plan B to help the little gem to recover her memories. The fusion decided to take action and approached her comrade whose face had turned into a pensive frown while searching in her confused mind.

"It seems that what she had done to you have shocked you to the point of not recalling anything" Peridot glanced at Garnet and when she opened her mouth, the taller gem stopped her raising a hand to explain herself "You mentioned your suspicions of being poofed during a mission. They were right, you indeed were poofed while protecting Beach City from a gem. Peridot, does the name Spinel sound familiar to you?"

The former technician pronounced that name silently, the core of her gemstone was tingling with the sole mention of Spinel. However, her mental repertoire was useless in giving her the information she wanted. Images ran through her mind with such velocity it was difficult to process what they meant and the collage of sounds and voices didn't seem to have an end.

Then a headache. Oh how loving! Now she had to deal with that!

"Peridot... Can't you remember anything?" Connie's tone of voice was a mix of concerned and pleading, but right now it grated her nerves. Since when human children sounded so annoying?!

"Shhhhh! I'm trying to concentrate!" Peridot hissed. Closing her eyes, she delved in the deepness of her memories just to find... Nothing. A complete mess.

"Ugh! This is useless! I kind of have the answers at the tip of my tongue but they don't come any closer!"

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Pearl stopped the distressed Crystal Gem before she got more frustrated "It's alright, Peridot. Maybe we can find another way to revive your memories without you fainting for the exhaustion"

"More like going insane for the headache" the little gem mumbled angrily.

"But, anyway, Garnet, you said a Spinel attacked Beach City right? I have read about that kind of gem: they're jesters, entertainers. Not warriors or weapon-experts gems. So, why one would want to invade Earth?"

"It was for very personal reasons" Pearl intervened, shame and anger painted on her facial features.

Peridot started formulating many theories around that. What kind of personal reason would a Spinel have to attack them? Was it because of the new statu quo of Era 3? That might be, after all, now with the Diamonds out of leadership and all the gems being freed, there was more space for new purposes, but that also meant that many gems would feel lost and angry for their sole job to be questioned and for some of them to get revenge at the responsible for those changes. Wait! If that was true, that means Steven was the target and he wasn't in the Beach House. Where was he?!

"Where is Steven?" that question surprised the rest of the group, and strangely enough, she perceived some relief in their eyes but didn't have time to ponder about the source of their reaction "Where is he? Is he ok?"

"Hospital" Garnet's response got her attention though not in the way she wanted "He is recovering at the hospital. Let's go, he needs to see you"

"Garnet, wait, our only way to get there is by Lion and hospitals don't allow any animals much less magical ones!" The fusion went to the wireless phone, grabbed it and gave it to Pearl "Call Greg, tell him we're coming to visit with Peridot now reformed. Ask him if there are humans in Steven's room so we can be prepared to go when they're gone."

The veteran gem nodded and dialed to him.

The former technician was left observing everyone's behavior, even feeling a subject of it. Pearl's voice was trembling, her posture rigid but with some freaking-out urges escaping from the seams. Garnet was at her side, the stoic manifestation of leadership though more bitter and somber than any time she had seen her like that. Meanwhile, Connie and Amethyst were looking at her and at each other conspicuously. If there was something she disliked was to be left in the dark. It was much better when data was delivered to her so she could make a plan or get to a conclusion, but Connie and Amethyst weren't helping which irritated a bit. And every time she glanced at her friends, the girl and the quartz looked away as if not knowing how to talk to her. Did they know something Peridot should remember or being informed about but didn't have the guts to tell her? The most concerning thing was Connie's eyes, they were so puffy and red, it must have been related to Steven's condition which worried her more because if the girl had cried that much it meant Steven's life was in peril.

Then an alarming realization crossed her mind, "What happened to that Spinel? Is she still free wreaking havoc?"

Amethyst tensed slightly at the mention of her name, that wasn’t a good signal. "Poofed and bubbled, dude" the quartz said, Peridot sighed internally. So there was no danger or enemy ready to kill Steven. That was good.

"You can't still remember what happened to you?" Peridot tried again, but her mind was as uncooperative as ever.

"Nothing. Ugh! This is such a mess. A Spinel with a vengeful agenda against Steven, him in the hospital, my memories too disorganized and fragmented to make sense, all of you acting so weird around me"

"We're not" Peridot raised an eyebrow not buying that. "Really? You two are sending secret messages by looking at each other and then you glance at me with a sort of pity which I don't like. At all"

"We're just worried about you. You were in a coma for 2 weeks"

TWO WEEKS?!! Was she kidding her?!

Connie froze, Amethyst glared at her for letting that bit of info escape from her mouth, but it didn't matter now that Peridot was digging harder than ever every corner of her mind something to put the images and sounds together so she could remember what happened to her exactly. Protecting Beach City from a revenge-thirst Spinel who tried to kill Steven wasn't context enough for her. A little voice told her that her friends knew more but couldn't explain or were afraid or...

Ugh! Whatever, she needed to know!

However, just when the green mechanic was going to demand answers, Pearl interrupted "Time to go. There are no nurses in Steven's room, so we can use Lion to warp there"

Amethyst shapeshifted into a little monkey, holding onto Pearl's shoulders; Garnet sat on Lion's back after Connie and Pearl, whose appearance was weird with a primate-sized Amethyst on her. "Peridot, time to go" Garnet commanded. The green gem fulfilled the order numbly, her mind too full of many questions and few answers to process correctly what was happening in those moments.

---------------------------

Hospitals were now the bane of existence for Greg. Before he never thought of them unless his son's health was in peril whether for a serious illness or severe injuries and with the dangerous lifestyle Steven had because of his mother's actions, the concerns just grew stronger, despite having the Crystal Gems as Steven's best defense.

Then, with Greg's unhealthy eating habits like hotdogs, donuts and anything with too much sugar or fats, the urgency of going to a hospital became a priority, especially after almost having a heart attack during a family barbecue.

"Dude, even a heavy eater like me knows that too many burgers and other carbo stuff can be the death of you" Amethyst commented when she caught him fighting to breathe and clutching his chest as if it were going to explode.

The purple quartz looked scared, sounded scared, though she tried to lessen the tension in the air with her joke-y tone. Greg asked to not tell this to Steven because that would ruin the fun for him, Amethyst was against that idea but complied with the condition that Greg took better care of himself, that meant fewer snacks and more exercise.

It was a fair deal so he tried hard.

However, now he felt that temptation was going to overtake. The stress and fear were so dense that maybe a snack or two might alleviate those feelings, but Greg refused. His son's condition was more important which just increased his distaste for hospitals.

He couldn't believe this mess was hitting them again, hitting Steven of all people, again!

They should've been rid of Rose's mistakes already, but it seemed that her series of wrongdoings got larger and more infuriating by the second.

He could understand the need to lie and keep secrets because, hey!, he even kept some like his real name, but for Rose to deceive Spinel into playing a 'waiting game' just for her to not deal with the fact of telling the other the truth of them growing apart, and for that to blow up in Steven's face when Spinel found out Rose abandoned her...

It was nauseating. He didn't have the heart to act in that way, though why delving in the past when Rose wasn't there to defend herself or receiving a piece of everyone's mind for putting them, especially Steven, through another hell of her problems.

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he really knew his lover.

"I barely know you"

"That's a good thing"

What did Rose mean by that? That she even was aware all her progress and growth were insignificant compared to the cost and it was better being all ignorant about it? Or that thinking of her as a perfect person was the best option despite the obvious consequences of the festering secrets and wounds?

Anyway, that didn't change the outcome: Steven got hurt and had to fix this as any other problem Rose caused.

Just recalling the agonizing pain his son had gone through when he was told one of his friends, Lapis Lazuli, was shattered by Spinel during her revenge tore his heart apart. The anguished weeping, the shaking body, the horrified eyes, it was like seeing another person, no, the embodiment of sorrow taking over Steven.

Greg shook his head, trying to rid of those horrible images and just focus on being there for his boy. The teenager was sleeping a bit easier now that he had been informed Peridot was ok, although the many machines hooked to him make Greg believe his son has a terminal illness.

However, there was no time to grimace at that prospect because suddenly, a warp portal appeared in the middle of the hospital room and Lion got out. In its back were Garnet, Pearl, a monkey-sized Amethyst holding the pale gem's shoulders, Connie and Peridot.

The Pink beast flopped on the floor, exhausted. Steven opened his eyes slowly due to the noise and his eyes sparkled after seeing the green gem. "Peridot! You're alive!"

The former technician was shocked at Steven's appearance. The once confident and strong savior of the universe had terribly pale skin, huge bags decorated his eyes who were a bit red and puffy, many machines were connected to his body and his voice sounded so small and weak. Was this person really Steven?

"Steven, what on stars happened to you?!" Garnet shushed her for talking too loud, Peridot ignored the fusion and ran to be on her friend's side. Connie was the second, being on the right side of Steven's bed, hugging him tightly just to make sure he wouldn't disappear.

"I'm glad you're ok, Peri" For some reason Peridot couldn't explain, the nickname gave her a familiar sensation though she felt it came from someone else "I was so worried about you. I thought you'd never wake up"

"Me being in a coma doesn't matter as much as your condition, Steven! What happened? I mean, the only things the others have told me is that a vengeful Spinel attacked Beach City, I was there protecting it and she poofed me"

"...They didn't tell you?" Steven's eyes directed to the rest of the group with a secret message 'Why you haven't told her?'. Garnet decided to take action before the tension got worse "She still can't remember what happened. But we will show her the proofs and deliver the news"

"News about what?" Everyone except Peridot grimaced or winced at that question. The little gem didn't like the prospect of her friends lying to her or leaving her in the shadows as if she couldn't take some bad news "Come on, guys! This isn't fair! Now Steven is acting weird, there are still details I want to know about Spinel's attack and to top it all, there is bad news which you don't want to tell me! Wait, is it Little Homeworld, isn't it? Is everyone there ok? Are Bismuth and Laz alright?"

"We'll show you, Peridot" Pearl's voice could barely contain the grief "For now, don't push it too much. Your mind needs to be well-rested if you want to process everything that is to come"

The mechanic wasn't satisfied with that response. It sounded like Pearl was pitying her, but if it took patience to get to the bottom of this, then it would have to be whether she liked it or not.

During the 15 minutes of the visit, it was hinted many things concerning Spinel and how Beach City was dealing with all the damage inflicted by her. Sometimes, Steven let a bit of information escape on purpose to help Peridot's memories to resurface just for the little gem to still find her mind a collage-like mess which just left her confused and frustrated.

"You guys should go to Mask Island" Steven suggested, everyone tensed up at that option while Peridot wondered what the island had to do with Spinel and Beach City in ruins. Unless the destructive gem was bubbled and put there so no one has to be burdened by what she had done, but no, it wasn't possible. They had the Temple for storing bubbled gems after all.

"Dude, are you sure about this?" Amethyst hated to admit it but showing Peridot the remnants of her and Lapis' battle against Spinel didn't sound like the best idea. What if it didn't work? What if it was too much and Peridot fell apart on herself?

"You have to. Peridot," the look on Steven's eyes unnerved every immaterial inside of her hard-light body. Whatever it is that happened was serious, at least concerning to her due to how everyone was behaving "I'm so sorry"

Sorry... Sorry for what?

"I don't like the course of this conversation" Both Garnet and Pearl lowered her heads somberly. Connie and Amethyst led Peridot to where Lion was resting so they could come back to the Beach House, not without wishing Steven a good recovery and bid Greg farewell. The group returned to the house, the silence a heavy layer of apprehension and sadness. Before using the warp pad Garnet wanted to check if Peridot's memories were still too fragmented to make sense of them "Peridot, try to remember what was the last thing you heard, felt or saw. Don't push yourself though. Just pick what you think you can understand". The green engineer inhaled and exhaled then closed her eyes and dug deeper than ever. Then freeze frames popped out of nowhere, though they looked pixelated to the point of being unrecognizable. The voices inside her head weren't as overwhelming as before, but now they sounded fragmented and too far away for her to understand what they were talking about. However, Peridot was able to number the people who were speaking. There were Connie, Bismuth, Lapis, herself, but there was also a high-pitched, cruel stranger. Wait, was that Spinel?

"It's still confusing but not so much. It seems that I can recognize some voices, maybe they are part of my memories. Connie, Bismuth, Lapis, even me. There is another one but I don't know her. It must be Spinel"

Garnet's stoic face didn't show any emotion, or that is what Peridot believed. There was a tension barely visible in the fusion's posture as if she was trying to keep herself together. It was pretty worrying, but the green gem didn't have time to ask if Garnet was alright because the fusion spoke "It seems your memories from the time Spinel attacked are coming back, though slowly. I know where to start but I want you to know, Peridot, that if it's too overwhelming for you, we can postpone this until you feel better"

Annoyance and irritation sparked in Peridot's gemstone for a while. She appreciated her friends caring about her and being thoughtful about whatever they were going to tell her, but she was starting to feel pitied by them. As if the former technician didn't have what it takes to face the truths they knew.

[multi-fandomfanfics]

Truth and Drunk

Dimitri drinks too much and confesses everything he hides to Byleth, Dreams for the future and Nightmares from the past.

part1 part2

Dimitri x Byleth

Words (1781)

Funny/Angst/Fluff.

She let a yawn go.

All these documents get her tired. But at least she was with Dimitri to share the pain.

She smiled when looking at him so concentrated on the documents.

How did she get a husband so handsome…

“It’s something the matter love?”

She was so lost in his face that she didn’t notice when he got away from the papers to look at her.

“Nothing at all, just looking at the most beautiful man on Earth”

He got all red and flustered.

“P-please don’t say that so suddenly”

“But is the truth!”

He kept silent for a few seconds, he was still red as a tomato.

“W-well… It’s only fair as I have the most beautiful wife ever”

Now she was red.

“Oh, Dimitri” she took his cheeks between her hands and got closer so to kiss him.

He loves when she does that, it lets him feel her hands.

He got closer too, her sweet soft lips just a few mil-

“Dimiiiiiitri!!!!”

And all was gone…

They both looked at the door where the voice came.

Sylvain… Of course…

“Oh hello teach!”

“Sylvain… What a surprise to see you…”

“And I’m glad to see you both, and I know I came without announcement”

“I’m glad you’re aware of that…” Dimitri took a pencil which he easily broke, he felt her hand over his that tried to calm him down.

“But I had great news about the people of Brigid”

Well now, if it was important maybe that will save Sylvain from a punch.

“What is it”

“Remember when the empire technically took Petra as a prisoner? Well Petra’s Father accepted it wasn’t your fault nor anybody’s except for Edelgard’s father”

That name…

She holds his hand a bit tighter now.

“And decided to accept the peace treaty, the political’s affairs and the trade ones too”

He got surprised.

“They…they did?”

“Yes, it looks like the Secretary reaaaaally hated us and give fake information to us and him, but of course Petra was there to help, by the way never in my life I’m going there again”

He surely made someone mad…

“Well, those are really good news!” Byleth said to lighten the mood Dimitri had.

“They are! And that’s why I came to offer your Royal majesty for a celebration drink between friends”

“I have a lot of work to do Sylvain even though I’ll like to i-”

“Go”

He looked at Byleth.

“Huh?”

“I’ll do the documents, You worked hard for this and put a lot of effort into it, you deserve to go and enjoy yourself a bit”

“That’s right! What the professor said!”

“But-”

“No buts Dimi, go and enjoy a night with our friends”

“Are you sure?”

She smiled.

“I said I do so I’m very sure”

He got a bit of blush and took her shoulders then kiss her.

“I love you”

“And I love you”

“Well now I didn’t come here for a cheesy moment between lovers, let’s go your highness!” Dimitri sighs. Well, just this time he will forgive Sylvain…

~~~~~~~~

It was probably 3 am or so when Byleth finally decided to go at her room and get some sleep, she still had a lot of things to finish tomorrow and maybe all the documents weren’t finished yet, but well she and Dimitri could look at them in the morning.

She go to the room which was clean as ever, she let the maids go and start changing. She gave another yawn. How tired she was, but well this is the outcome Dimitri go for.

Mh… Edelgard… She was sure Dimitri had one more ghost that day. No one knew but she consoled him the night he killed Edelgard, he cried as waterfalls had been on his eye, he cried so much at one point his other eye starts bleeding, and she helped him, she also cried that night, not as much as him but still, there was pain on it. The next night he proposed to her and sometimes she sees Dimitri  looking at Embarr. She shocked her head. She had to stop those sad thoughts, what’s done is done…

“Help!” she looked at the door was that Felix?

“Your Grace open up please”

She goes to the door and opens it. She found Dedue and Felix taking Dimitri from his arms.

And got to one side when they tried to enter.

“Uh…what happened?”

They walked to the bed

“The boar can’t control his drinking that’s what happened” they leave him all over the bed.

She still looked confused at this Dedue looked at Dimitri then her.

“His majesty got in a drinking bet with Sylvain”

Ah…of course…

“I see…”

“He won if you’re asking yourself that”

She wasn’t

“Well thanks for bringing him ”

“It’s nothing, your Grace”

“Tell him I expect him tomorrow morning for the training and to not skip it”

They start going to the exit.

“I will”

They closed the door and she sighed looking at Dimitri. How much did he drink?

Then she saw his body shake.

“Heheheheheh”

“Dimitri?”

He moved and looked to the roof of the room

“God- hic dess, she’s gonna get mad…”

She smiled at this, he had his eye closed so she got on the bed and carefully give him a little kiss on the lips.

It was mean to be romantic but suddenly she was below him with her wrist at each side of her head, Dimitri looked with a frown at her.

“Dimi-”

“Don’t. Ever. Touch me”

Was he mad? What did she do? And in any case, he would nev-

“Only my wife can hic”

Oh…he was that drunk.

“Dimitri, it’s me Byleth”

“Byleth?”

She nodded, he opened his eyes a little bit more and blinked a few times.

Then he smiled strangely, not like when they’re going to do it, Smile-drunk way like. He let her wrist go but took her waist and hug her to his chest.

“Ah~ I hic missed you” he put his cheek with hers then got away and look her in the eyes.

“I’m sorry beloved”

“Mh?”

“A woman kissed me…”

She giggled.

“Oh Dimitri it’s fine”

“No is not! I hic gave you a vow to only-” she kissed him again.

“It’s fine really, I know you didn’t mean it” he looked like almost crying and hug her again this time he put his head close to her chest.

“I only hic- love you”

She smiled and start caressing his hair.

“And I only love you, Dimitri”

“And and hic” he got his head up looking at her again deeply in her eyes.

“You’re so beautiful and..hic.. if we had a child I know he’ll be the hic the best kid ever so cute and adorable hic” he looked like he was going to cry

“Dimitri…”

“Can…can we have a child?”

She felt her heart skip a beat.

She has thought about kids, yes but normally it got her mind to her father, which made her sad, but making a family with Dimitri that… That made her happy just the thought made her day.

She took his cheeks.

“We can have as many children as you want”

“Ten then”

“W-what?!!” Okay maybe not as many as he wants

She shook her head.

“Not that much but three, maybe MAYBE four”

He got on her chest again.

“That’s fine…even just one is fine as long as it’s ours, I’m…so happy”

She hugged his head and smiled.

“I don’t deserve any of this…” He said suddenly with a tone different from the other.

“Dimitri?”

“I don’t deserve this happiness”

“I killed so many people, my hands are painted in blood, I destroyed so many lives and sometimes… Sometimes I ask myself… Maybe I could have come to an agreement so Edelgard just killed me and let the others live… Maybe, I should have died instead of her… And yet… I want to be greedy and ask for more, you and I to be together and to have many children… I’m a horrible person… I’m a monster” he was shaking on her while he said all that.

She hold his cheeks again and made him look at her, she had an angry face.

“Listen to me and listen well Dimitri, do you think that everyone could have let you just die for them without doing anything?! Of course not! That burden would be with them for the rest of their lives, my life! We fought for what we thought was right, and we won, the only thing we could do was live, live for those who died and live to prove those who we fight against there could have been another way. Dimitri, you may have killed a lot of people, you cannot die now, you have to live, for all that people, you have to make this place great again, and we both know it’s going to be hard… But we will make it through, together with no matter what, that’s what we promised in our wedding remember?” She finished with a smile. And he let tears flow out.

“I’m sorry”

She hugs him.

“It’s okay, don’t worry”

“I love you”

“I love you too Dimitri”

“One day, I will tell them all I did, to our children and I will have to ask them to forgive me too”

“I’m sure they will, I’m sure they will love you anyway”

She pats his head and felt him put all his weight on her.

“L-love you’re a bit heavy”

Silence.

“Dimitri?” She falls at the bed and saw his face, his eye closed.

“Are….are you asleep?!”

More silence.

“Dimitriiiiiii you’re heavy!”

She tried to move him but to no avail then tried to move, only her chest free. She sighed.

“Suppose I can sleep like this tonight” she looked at his face one more time, at least he was having a peaceful sleep. She kissed him on the forehead and go to sleep.

~~~~~~

“My head hurts…”

“You shouldn’t have to drink too much last night”

“I thought that was the point”

“Mh, what did you bet with Sylvain anyway?”

“Who could drink ten jars faster, ugh… I regret it now…”

“Suppose you would…now… Tell me Dimitri…if… We had kids, how many would you like?”

“Mh? If we had…well t-two would be fine…”

“Dimitri”

“Yes?”

“I’m your wife”

“I’m glad you told me, I didn’t notice”

“How many kids do you want?”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

“Ten…”

“WHY WOULD YOU WANT TEN??!!!”

“THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T TOLD YOU”

Yes the next few days the King and Queen shout’s could be heard outside their room

[rabid-wolfchild]

The End - A Metalocalypse Multi-Chapter Fanfiction

Excuse the long title, but it’s like the preview. Here’s my Metalocalypse story, I’m posting it here and on AO3, so read it wherever you like! here we go;

Chapter 1

It’d been ten years since Dethklok split. After everything that happened at Doomstar Requiem and with Murderface in a coma, they couldn’t keep themselves together. It wasn’t a bitter breakup, though, everyone seemed to be on the same page; it was time for a break.

Skwisgaar was the first to leave Mordhaus. It was a rainy September morning when he walked out of his room, a bulging suitcase in one hand and a guitar in the other, and announced he was leaving for Sweden to teach master guitar lessons. No one tried to stop him, and this might’ve hurt Skiwsgaar’s ego a little, but he’d never show it. They said their farewells and Skiwsgaar disappeared out the door.

Next went Pickles. He met a girl and decided to get married. This was unexpected, especially since it was Pickles. Toki was the only one to disprove, “I didn’ts even thinks you likes the girls.” he’d said, but the wedding went on without a hitch. The day after Pickles left for the honeymoon and never came back.

All that was left of the once fierce Dethklok was Nathan and Toki. Nathan often wondered why Toki stayed. He was young, and any band would be ecstatic to take the famed rhythm guitarist from Dethklok into their group. Toki would have it easier than the rest of them. He wasn’t old or hospitalized. In fact, Nathan would argue that Toki was in the prime of his life.

But there he was, sitting across the table, munching on granola and fresh fruit. Nathan watched him. He’d seen Toki grow up. He’d watched him go from some small, nervous kid that showed up late to his audition and got hired by the skin of his teeth to, well, Toki. It amazed him that he’d stayed so long, depending on how they treated him all those years. What was the pull? What kept Toki here like glue?

“Yous are all likes the brothers to me.”

That’s what Toki said after that day. Seeing him lying there, bloodied and sallow-skinned, it made Nathan want to tear Magnus in half. But then Toki said that, a summarization of everything they all felt but were too scared to say. They were brothers.

And now they were all leaving. Nathan, too.

“Toki,” Nathan coughed, catching the attention of his breakfast partner. Toki looked up, his mustache granola stuck in his mustache. Nathan continued, “I, uh-- I need to talk to you.”

“Sures, what is ups?” Toki said between mouthfuls, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Nathan just watched him. The fact that Toki seemed so calm was not helping. “Look, you remember Abigail, right?” Nathan said, and Toki nodded his head. “Ja, that’s yours girlfriends.”

“Yeah, yeah. My girlfriend.” Nathan was nodding with Toki, like he was trying to also agree that Abigail was his girlfriend. Which she was, but that wasn’t the point. “And you, uh, you remember what happened with Pickles’ and his girlfriend? Y’know, how they got married and stuff?”

Toki shriveled up his nose in disgust. The marriage had been a rocky one, with Toki objecting multiple times before, during, and after. It wasn’t until the bride’s father threatened to sue Toki for “disturbing the peace” that’d he’d finally calmed down. “Yeahs, I remembers.” Toki huffed, shoving another spoonful of that God-awful breakfast in his mouth, “The cakes was gross. It tasteds like dildos.”

Nathan nodded but didn’t say anything. It was quiet except for Toki’s chewing. Nathan knew he should say something, he had to say something, but how was he supposed to break it to the kid? Should he just come right out and say it? Should he try and explain? Should he--

“You twos are gettings the hitched, ja?”

Nathan shot up to look at Toki, who was looking at his bowl. “Goods for yous,” Toki said, idly stirring his breakfast, “I knews you woulds. I saws yous packings last nights. I hopes you two are very happys togethers.”

“Toki, I--”

Toki raised a placating hand, shushing Nathan. He looked up from his breakfast for the first time that morning and smiled bitterly. “ I knows. Yous is sorry. You cans goes.” Nathan didn’t move. He just looked at Toki, unblinking, shocked and ashamed beyond words. Toki looked back at him.

“Why’s are yous still heres?”

Nathan stood up. That was all Toki had to say.

He took his time getting his things together, packing away the pieces of his old life to start a new one. He walked by the empty, despondent rooms of the old members, and then Toki’s, which was still well-kept and lived-in. He walked to the exit before turning to look at Toki one last time.

“I’m sorry.”

Nathan liked to think he was grown and past the ‘feelings are totally unmetal’ part of his life. But this tight, burning feeling in his chest and the lump in his throat was totally un-metal.

Toki smiled. “I knows.”

And so, the lead singer of Dethklok left. Toki watched the door shut behind him and then, staring from the window, his motorcycle drive off into the distance.

Then, he lost it.

He wrecked the dining room. He flipped the table and smashed the chairs, sending food and dishes flying into the air and smashing on the ground. He ripped up the furniture, punched the TV, hell, he even beat up a handful of klokateers. He sobbed violently through it all, screaming until his voice was hoarse and he could taste blood from his ruined throat.

Then, Toki lied down amongst his carnage. He stared up at the ceiling, remembering his band, his friends, his brothers.

Toki cried.

~

“Breaking News: World-Renowned Death Metal Band Dethklok breaks up!”

Violette was sitting in the rec-room fiddling with a guitar when the TV blew up with the announcement. She was a short, plump girl with unruly blonde hair and a small case of vitiligo. Being the lead singer of Glitterbabies meant she had to stay up to date with the world’s news, and today Dethklok was just that.

She turned up the volume as the announcer explained that after the events at what was known as Doomstar Requiem and William Murderface falling into a coma, the band fell into a state of unrest. Skwisgaar Skiwigelf was the first to go after he started a business in teaching guitar in Sweden. Next was Pickles The Drummer, who married America’s Top Model Irene Desjardins and left to live in France. Lastly was Nathan Explosion, who married his longtime girlfriend and producer Abigail Remeltindtdrinc. Apparently, the only one left was Toki Wartooth, who refused to comment.

‘Huh.’ Thought Violette, watching as the announcer explained the rising number of suicide rates caused by this break-up. She always knew it would happen. All empires must fall at some point or another. But never like this, never in such a simple way.

Distracted by her thoughts, Violette didn’t hear her band walk in. Tonya was the first to catch her attention by jumping onto the couch next to her, causing Violette to yelp and nearly fall off.

“Hey, no need for the freaking out! Only us.” Tonya laughed in her heavy Russian accent, lying her head on Violette’s lap. The rest of the band joined, piling on top of one another like cats. “You scared me,” Violette huffed, “Just jumping in on me like that, what if I had a knife or something, huh?”

Tonya snickered. “But didn’t, so vhy vorry?” She said as she took her guitar from Violette’s hands, idly strumming without a beat. Violette sighed deeply, she could feel a headache coming on.  “What do you guys want anyway?”

“Boss called ‘ya,” came Honey, who sat on the far end of the couch. Violette furrowed her brows. “Called me? He hasn’t called on me in what, like, a month?”

“Weird for us too.” Kathleen mumbled, sprawled between Honey and Tonya like a lounging cat, playing on her gaming console without care. Violette sighed and stood up, pushing Tonya’s head off her lap and onto the floor with a thud.

“Privet! A little varning next time!”

“Tonya, darlin’, I thought ‘ya said y’all Russians were durable? Why you complain’?”

As the band erupted into another argument at Honey’s blatant prejudice, Violette left to see the boss. This was another one of her duties as lead singer. He never called on the others, never batted an eye when they asked to speak with him through the microphone he had installed outside his office. It was only her.

To some, that was a privilege. To Violette, it was her burden.

She knocked gently on the office door. A gruff voice told her to come in, and once she did the door slammed shut behind her.

“Violette.” The Boss said, sitting at his long, impending desk with his hands folded. He motioned his head for her to sit. “Come in. We have much to discuss.”

Violette walked carefully to her seat, making sure to keep her bubbling anxiety off her face. She sat down, digging her nails into the palms of her hands. Sweat was beading on the back of her neck. No matter how many times she did this, she was always nervous.

“The girls said you called for me.” “That I did.”

Silence. The Boss shuffled some papers on his desk.

“You’ve heard the news about Dethklok.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Violette nodded her head. “Yes, I have.”

“Then you know about Toki Wartooth.” Toki Wartooth. The last remainder of an era that would change the world forever. “A little, yes.”

The Boss hummed. Whether that was good or bad, Violette couldn’t tell. He tapped his pen on the table, that tapping becoming the only sound in the room.

“You’re going to recruit him.”

Violette shot up immediately. She stared at The Boss, wide-eyed. “I’m going to what?”

“I said you’re going to recruit him.” The Boss sneered. In the darkness, Violette could see his beady, green eyes staring at her. Violette fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze. “You’ll go to Toki Wartooth, you’ll offer him a spot as lead guitarist- not rhythm, lead. If Tonya has a problem with that, send her to me.”

“But boss, I-”

The Boss raised his hand, and Violette was immediately silenced. In the dark, he smiled. “You may go now, Violette. Tell the others.”

Violette stood up from her seat. She bowed, thanked The Boss for having her, and left without another word.

It was until she was back in the safety of the dog-pile of her band that she unclenched her fists, her palms were covered in small, crescent-shaped cuts.

[writersblock2point0]

Twilight, Alec LS. Seeing Nightmares (Chapter 24-25)

Hey guys! Sorry for the long ass time to update. I’m on spring break right now, and I’ve had some time to myself. This is a little shorter, but I’m getting there! 

This is set about two years after the last chapter. 

Chapter 24

-Isadora POV-

It’s been almost two years since me and my brother’s birth and we now look about ten. My mom and dad are mates, as they’ve finally decided to get married. That was within a few days, and my mother was a nervous wreck. I tried many times to console her, try and get her to talk to me, but she just shoos me away and I find myself with Jane.

Aunt Jane was the best person ever! She always did my hair, told me funny stories about the other vampires here in the castle, and she didn’t mind playing dolls and tea party with me. We also looked alike, which I loved, because I admired her greatly. Eli says that I am a wannabe, but I’m not-I couldn’t be Aunt Jane, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t get tips on being a ‘true lady’ from her-or Heidi, but that’s a different type of lady.

“Mother’s worrying again.” Evander whispered quietly, both of us are pressed against the door, hearing our mother’s graceful feet pad against the wooden floor of her room. After our powers were shown to the three masters, Aro gave us each a gift-our own rooms. Mine was across from Jane’s. Evander and Eli shared a room, mostly just because they always wanted to be together. Their room was the last room down the hall.

“We should leave her be.” I whisper, glancing at Evander’s worried eyes. I took his hand, knowing he’s always been a little more soft hearted than Eli or me, “She’ll be okay-I promise.”

“How can you be so sure?” Evander asks once we got down the hall, and turned to enter his and Eli’s room. Eli was sitting on their bed, back against the headboard, reading a large black book.

“Dad said she was fine, just normal wedding jitters.” Eli sighs, sounding bored and not at all concerned about our mother.

I placed my hands on my hips, cocking my hip and narrowing my eyes at him. “You aren’t worried?”

“Nope.” He replies, flipping a page.

I growl, “Meanie.” I muttered as I walked out, leaving the two buttheads to themselves as I walked down the stairs, quiet as a church mouse, stopping when I heard my mother’s name. Pressing myself against the stone wall, I peeked around the corner to see Felix and Demetri both conversing with Chelsea.

“She’s been in her room all week.” Chelsea says, her voice light and quiet as she looks between the two. “She’s worried.”

“It’s her wedding.” Demetri rolls his eyes with a shrug, giving her a smile. “She’ll ease up after they say ‘I do’.”

“Not about the wedding.”

“I’ve noticed her...reluctance to feed with us.” Felix comments, making my brow furrow, what did that mean? Mommy wasn't hungry. So what if she stayed in her and Daddy’s room?

“I think it’s because she’s not showing a power...she thinks Aro is going to get rid of her.”

“But Alec wouldn’t allow that.” Demetri says, and I feel myself nodding. Yeah, neither would I, nor would Evander or Elias.

-Emberly’s pov-

I paced my room, one of Alecs silky black shirts around my shoulders. The collar was pulled up and I took long breaths of his scent, making chills run through me as I turned and paced the room some more. I was restless, and I wasn’t hungry, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think.

Alec wasn’t here, as now that I was a vampire and didn’t need 24 hours worth of protection and nourishment, he was back to his regular duties of the castle. I usually spent my days reading or playing with my children, but I haven’t seen them for a day or two.

I sighed and walked into the bathroom, maybe a steamy bath would help? Get some candles and roses? I turned on the water, turning it to the hottest temperature possible before gathering some roses and and placed small red candles around the bath and shut the lights out. I got my Iphone, putting it on the doc that Demetri got for me for a small little ‘newborn’ gift and hit the ‘bath time opera’ playlist I had.

Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven played, Nov. 14 ‘Quasi Una Fantasia’ to be exact. It was beautiful and I slipped off my clothing while locking the door. It felt nice, even though the water didn’t feel that different. I closed my eyes, smiling as my body and mind relaxed. It was silent for a moment before the door bursts open. I jumped up, covering myself as two guards came in, their faces covered by their cloaks. They didn’t speak, only stalked towards me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, backing away as they grabbed my arms. “Let go of me! Stop!” They dragged me out, and I was thrown to my knees in front of the three masters. My body was wet and I was dripping on the rug, my hair in my face as I struggled to get free.

“Emberly, child.” Aro says, and I look into his eyes. They aren’t red, but black. Completely black, as if he had black holes inside of his head. He’s smiling, his mouth splitting his face as his head tilts to the side. He steps forward, reaching out to hold my face with long claw like hands, however they were dripping with blood. Why?

“A-aro?” My voice won’t work.

He holds my head up, “We told you Emberly.” His smile seems to get bigger and the room is darkening. Shadows dance on the walls, and whispers are around me. His hand forces me to look to my left, and I see a pile of mangled bodies. I make out the faces of my children, and of Alec. They’re bloody and lifeless. I feel a sob rake through me. “You will lose them. All of them. They’ve left you, Emberly.”

I’m taken to the dungeon, and I was thrown into a cell and chained to a wall, it was cold and dank. The door shuts with a loud thud, and I can hear them. The voices, the laughter. The sound of scurrying along the stone walls. I can see them. The black figures walking and crawling around, stopping and staring with blood red eyes.

“Alec!!” I scream, my voice breaking as I forced the name out as loud as I could. “Elias! Evander! Isadora!” I keep calling but they aren’t replying. No one is there, no one is helping. I hide my face in my knees, holding my body as I sob and shake.

-

Chapter 25

“Emberly?” The voice is far away. I squeeze my eyes shut, not watching the shadows dance. “Emberly!” Hands are on my shoulders, shaking me.

My body is jerked, and on reflex I open my eyes as see my own reflexion. Alec was standing beside me, his face twisted into pure confusion. I blink, my chest heaving with unnecessary breaths. If my heart could beat, it would be at a dangerously high level. I hold my chest, not sure what is wrong with me. I look at Alec, his eyes never leaving me as he holds his arms out, as if he was waiting on me to collapse.

“Alec?” I asked, seeing he was alive, and perfectly fine in front of me. The image of him dead, along with my children was horrifying.

“Did it happen again Dove?” I nod, closing my eyes and allowing him to lead me to the bath. “It’s not the wedding that is making you upset, is it?” I shake my head, and the sound of his sigh hits me before the tuft of air that left him does. “You should not worry. You are my mate, you do not need a power.”

His hands are quick at bringing the robe off my shoulders, and I feel it fall to the floor. He mouths at my shoulder, teeth scraping along my skin. His arm wrap around my waist and pulls me close. “Dove, you must relax.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“The children are worried.” His voice is hushed in my ear, “Everyone is concerned, even the masters.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes, I doubted they were worried about me. He pats my hip with his right hand, “Come.” He gets me into the bath and starts to take off his own clothes. I look away from his body, not wanting to stare. He slips in behind me and holds me to his front. I close my eyes, letting my mind wander as the music picks up a happier tune.

He ran his hands over my shoulders, pressing into my skin gently. Being a vampire was so strange. On one hand, it made everything more enhanced, and on another, it seemed that nothing was able to cause me pain unless it was another vampire. If I were human, the amount of force Alec uses now would bruise me. Now, it’s almost like he isn’t touching me hard enough for me to feel him.

He places a kiss to my neck, “Dove, I promise you.” Tingles danced down my spine, and I sigh, looking down into my watery reflection.

“I’m sorry.” My voice was weak, throat raspy from lack of use. I hardly spoke to anyone, save for Alec and my little ones. I felt like no one would understand if I told them how I felt. I was not showing a power, which bothered me. The Volturi are known for the vampires having abilities. All useful abilities. What use am I to the only family I have if I do not have a power? I do not want to be a burden, and I do not want to make them weak. I want to be useful. Alec says he understands, but I feel that he doesn’t. Not really. He’s been one of the prise guards and assets of this coven for over a thousand years. He’s always been one of the most respected and highest members, so how could he understand?

“Hush,” Alec’s spoke in my ear after a long silence, arms wrapping around my waist to pull me back into his chest. The water lapped around us, the heat dull but somewhat there.

“I didn’t say anything.” I answer, turning so my head rested under his chin.

I feel him smile, “You were thinking too loud.” I hum, closing my eyes and allowing myself to drift off into an almost sleeplike state. Alec purrs, vibrating under me as he holds me closer. I’ve come to know that when Alec does this, it is a way for him to be affectionate, but also his way of trying to relax me and keep me content. A vampire thing, one I never really understood. He only purrs when we are together and alone, in a setting such as this.

[wildbloodcd]

𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚊𝚔𝚔𝚑𝚘𝚜

his conception and early childhood -— ( this is a difficult read, please heed the trigger warnings ) 

     Iakkhos and his twin brother were born to the Titaness Aura, fathered by Dionysus Bromios. 

Aura was the titan goddess of the breeze and the fresh, cool air of early morning. She was described as someone who was “unacquainted with love”, “aloof from the notions of unwarlike maids”, and “a manlike maid...who knew nothing of Aphrodite”. To put it plainly, she was a virgin and very willingly so. She was increasingly proud of this fact and even highly egotistical due to it. So much so that she said the following to Artemis: 

‘Artemis, you only have the name of a virgin maid, because your rounded breasts are full and soft, a woman's breasts like the Paphian, not a man's like Athena, and your cheeks shed a rosy radiance! Well, since you have a body like that desirous goddess, why not be queen of marriage as well as Kythereia (Cytherea) with her wealth of fine hair, and receive a bridegroom into your chamber? If it please you, leave Athena and sleep with Hermes and Ares. If it please you, take up the bow and arrows of the Erotes (Loves), if your passion is so strong for a quiver full of arrows. I ask pardon of your beauty, but I am much better than you. See what a vigorous body I have! Look at Aura's body like a boy's, and her step swifter than Zephyros (the West Wind)! See the muscles upon my arms, look at my breasts, round and unripe, not unlike a woman. You might almost say that yours are swelling with drops of milk! Why are your arms so tender, why are your breasts not round like Aura's, to tell the world themselves of unviolated maidenhood?’

Because of this Artemis set up a plot with the aid of Nemesis and Eros to "punish” Aura’s transgression. The unfolding of this plot ends up in Aura getting drunk on a stream of wine disguised as/glamoured to appear to be water after a long day of hunting. While drunk and asleep from intoxication, Dionysus (shot by several arrows of love/lust from Eros: “Eros (Love) drove Dionysos mad for the girl with the delicious wound of his arrow, then curving his wings flew lightly to Olympos”) violates the sleeping titaness. This results in her getting pregnant and absolutely losing her mind in grief of her stolen maidenhood:

“she shrieked in distress, held in the throes of madness; she chased the countrymen, slew shepherds beside the leafy slopes, to punish her treacherous husband with avenging justice--still more she killed the oxherds with implacable steel . . . still more she killed the goatherds, killed their whole flocks of goats, in agony of heart, because she had seen Pan the dangerous lover with a face like some shaggy goat; for she felt quite sure that shepherd Pan tormented with desire for Ekho had violated her asleep: much more she laid low the husbandmen, as being also slaves of Kypris (Cypris) . . . The huntsmen she killed believing an ancient story; for she had heard that a huntsman Kephalos (Cephalus), from the country of unmothered Athena, was husband of rosecrowned Eos (Dawn). Workmen of Bakkhos about the vintage she killed, because they are servants of Lyaios who squeeze out the intoxicating juice of his liquor, heavy with wine, dangerous lovers. For she had not yet learnt the cunning heart of Dionysos, and the seductive potion of heady love, but she made empty the huts of the mountainranging herdsmen drenched the hills with red blood.”

Aura also began to lament at the gods in grief, threatening them all for what had been wrought upon her:

“What god has loosed the girdle of my maidenhood? If Zeus Allwise took some false aspect, and forced me, upon my lonely bed, if he did not respect our neighbour Rheia, I will leave the wild beasts and shoot the starry sky! If Phoibos Apollon lay by my side in sleep, I will raze the stones of wordfamous Pytho wholly to the ground! If Kyllenian (Cyllenian) Hermes has ravished my bed, I will utterly destroy Arkadia with my arrows, and make goldchaplet Peitho [Hermes' wife] my servant! If Dionysos came unseen and ravished my maidenhood in the crafty wooing of a dream-bridal, I will go where Kybele's (Cybele's) hall stands, and chase that lustmad Dionysos from highcrested Tmolos! I will hang my quiver of death on my shoulders and attack Paphos, I will attack Phrygia--I will draw my bow on both Kypris [Aphrodite] and Dionysos! You, Archeress [Artemis], you have enraged me most, because you, a maiden, did not kill me in my sleep still a virgin, yes and did not defend me even against my bedfellow with your pure shafts!’ // She spoke, and then checked her trembling voice overcome by tears. And Aura, hapless maiden, having within her the fruitful seed of Bakkhos the begetter, carried a double weight [twins]: the wife maddened uncontrollably cursed the burden of the seed, hapless maiden Aura lamented the loss of her maidenhood; she knew not whether she had conceived of herself, or by some man, or a scheming god; she remembered the bride of Zeus Berekyntian Plouto (Berecynthian Pluto), so unhappy in the son Tantalos whom she bore. She wished to tear herself open, to cut open her womb in her senseless frenzy, that the child half made might be destroyed and never be reared. She even lifted a sword, and thought to drive the blade through her bare chest with pitiless hand. Often she went to the cave of a lioness with newborn cubs, that she might slip into the net of a willing fate; but the dread beast ran out into the mountains, in fear of death, and hid herself in some cleft of the rocks, leaving the cub alone in the lair. Often she thought to drive a sword willingly through the swelling womb and slay herself with her own hand, that self-slain she might escape the shame of her womb and the mocking taunts of glad Artemis. She longed to know her husband, that she might dish up her own son to her loathing husband, childslayer and paramour alike, that men might say--‘Aura, unhappy bride, has killed her child like another Prokne (Procne).’” 

It wasn’t till she was very pregnant and near giving birth that she found out that it was Dionysus that had wronged her. How she found out was also deeply heartbreaking. Artemis at this time appeared to Aura to mock her for no longer being a virgin and being with child. It was also Artemis that delivered the news of Dionysus being the one that had raped her: 

“‘I saw Sleep, the Paphian's chamberlain! I saw the deceiving stream of the yellow fountain at your loving bridal! The fountain where young girls get a treacherous potion, and loosen the girdle they have worn all their lives, in a dream of marriage which steals their maidenhood. I have seen, I have seen the slope where a woman is made a bride unexpectedly, in treacherous sleep, beside a bridal rock. I have seen the love-mountain of Kypris, where lovers steal the maidenhood of women and run away. Tell me, you young prude, why do you walk so slowly today? Once as quick as the wind, why do you plod so heavily? You were wooed unwilling, and you do not know your bedfellow! You cannot hide your furtive bridal, for your breasts are swelling with new milk and they announce a husband. Tell me heavy sleeper, pigsticker, virgin, bride, how do you come by those pale cheeks, once ruddy? Who disgraced your bed? Who stole your maidenhood? O fair-haired Naiades, do not hid Aura's bridegroom! I know your furtive husband, you woman with a heavy burden. I saw your wedding, clearly enough, though you long to conceal it. I saw your husband clearly enough; you were in the bed, your body heavy with sleep, you did not move when Dionysos wedded you. Come then, leave your bow, renounce your quiver; serve in the secret rites of your womanmad Bakkhos; carry your tambour and your tootling pipes of horn. I beseech you, in the name of that bed on the ground where the marriage was consummated, what bridegifts did Dionysos your husband bring? Did he give you a fawnskin, enough to be news of your marriage-bed? Did he give you brazen rattles for your children to play with? I think he gave you a thyrsos to shoot lions; perhaps he gave cymbals, which nurses shake to console the howling pains of the little children.’ So spoke the goddess in mockery, and went away to shoot her wild beasts again, in anger leaving her cares to the winds of heaven.”

Eventually Aura went into labour, but refused to call out to any of the goddesses of childbirth. She didn’t call to Artemis for help because she hated her, and she didn’t call out to the the Eileithyiai (daughters of Hera) because she worried that “lest they as being children of Bakkhos's stepmother should oppress her delivery with more pain”. To make matters worse, Artemis actually did mare Aura’s labour worse so that it was even more painful than it had already been. “Artemis delayed the birth, and gave the labouring bride the pain of retarded delivery.” Aretmis also returned during the labour to taunt Aura. 

Eventually Aura gave birth to two twin sons, but despised them both as they were a living symbol of what had been stolen from her:

“And in deep distress beside the rock where they had been born, the mother in childbed held up the two boys and cried aloud--‘From the sky came this marriage--I will throw my offspring into the sky! I was wooed by the breezes, and I saw no mortal bed. Breezes (Aurai) my namesakes came down to the marriage of Aura, then let the breezes take the offspring from my womb. Away with you, children accursed of a treacherous father, you are none of mine--what have I to do with the sorrows of women? Show yourselves now, lions, come freely to forage in the woods; have no fear, for Aura is your enemy no more. Hares with your rolling eyes, you are better than hounds. Jackals, let me be your favourite; I will watch the panther jumping fearless beside my bed. Bring your friend the bear without fear; for now that Aura has children her arrows in bronze armour have become womanish. I am ashamed to have the name of bride who once was virgin; lest I sometime offer my strong breast to babes, lest I press out the bastard milk with my hand, or be called tender mother in the woods where I slew wild beasts!’”

She left the twins in the den of a lioness so that she might eat the infants. This perhaps would have succeeded “[b]ut a panther with understanding mind licked their bodies with her ravening lips, and nursed the beautiful boys of Dionysos with intelligent breast; wondering serpents with poisonspitting mouth surrounded the birthplace, for Aura's bridegroom had made even the ravening beasts gentle to guard his newborn children.” Dionysus knew that Aura would kill at least on of the children she bore him and so he tried to guard them. He even asked the nymph Nikaia, at the time of their birth, to save them saying “I beseech you, hasten to lift up my son, that my desperate Aura may not destroy him with daring hands--for I know she will kill one of the two baby boys in her intolerable frenzy, but do you help Iakkhos (Iacchus): guard the better boy, that your Telete may be the servant of son and father both.’

Eventually Aura does succeed in killing the twin of Iakkhos by eating him. She would have killed Iakkhos too but he was saved by Artemis as she was moved to action by how horrified she was at seeing a mother kill her own children: “The maiden Archeress [Artemis] was terrified at this heartless mother, and seized the other child of Aura, then she hastened away through the wood; holding the boy, an unfamiliar burden in her nursing arm.”

From here Iakkhos was taken to his father who delivered him to Nikaia who would be his wet-nurse. He grew up for a time in his father’s cult until he was delivered to Eleusis, to become a part of the Eleusinian Mysteries as leader-in-chief. 

[nalladragewrites]

August 31st

My mom died when I was ten.  I struggle every day trying to make sure I remember her.  It’s hard though, considering I never got the chance to know her as a person.  I was too young to realize she was more than just my mom.  Everything I know about her or remember are just hard facts.

She had dark brown hair.

Her hair was naturally straight but she had a perm.

Her forehead was always covered by bangs.

She was Italian and Irish.

She was anywhere from 5’2”-5’4” depending on who you ask.

Cows were her favorite animals.

She had a cow oven mitt; it had a tongue.

She pierced her tongue and couldn’t talk for the rest of the day because of it.

A naked, green-haired plastic troll stood on a desk in her room.

Green was her favorite color.

Sometimes she wore a New York Yankees baseball cap.

We used to watch Gargoyles together.

She listened to Babyface, TLC, Boyz II Men, and Garth Brooks.

One thing that’s almost tangible for me, the main thing that really brings her to life, is our laugh.  This booming sound from within is an exact replica of hers.  I hear myself and I picture her sitting at the dining room table, on the phone, with her voice carrying throughout the apartment.  

It’s hard for me to know if I even look like her, mostly because she isn’t around for people to compare me to.  I like to think that if my mom were around and we went out together, people would tell me how much I look like her.  Here I am with my blonde hair and blue eyes, writing with my left hand, being the complete opposite of what my mom was, and not knowing if I’m anything like her.

Girls surround me bleating about how their mother is their best friend and I bite my tongue to keep from crying.  They talk about how their mother is their rock and that they wouldn’t know what to do without her.  Sometimes they remember that I’m mom-less and turn to me with big eyes before saying, “Oh.  Sorry.”  

All I can think about is how much my mom is not here.  I’m smothered by my need for her.  I needed her to tell me what to do when I first became a woman.  I can’t think if she would calmly explain what to do or if she would laugh about it to make me more comfortable.  I needed her to reassure me that I wasn’t dying when the blood wouldn’t stop and the cramps left me crumpled on my bed.  On the days where I couldn’t uncurl myself from the fetal position, I see myself lying on her bed with her watching Gargoyles.  

When I first got my heart broken, and I was sobbing into my pillow, I like to think that she would be getting ready to drive to his house and giving her a piece of her mind, or telling him how stupid he is or that he would never get anyone better.  Most of all, it would be her consoling me and feeling what I felt, instead of my dad’s cold hand and vacant reassurances.

I imagine her at my graduation, her smile wide enough for the both of us, screaming in the crowd as I walk across the stage.  Afterward, I would tower over her, diploma in hand, and she would be wearing heels so she didn’t look so short next to me.  At my wedding that I never imagined having, she would fix my veil and tell me I was making a huge mistake with the corners of her eyes crinkled by her smile.  She would cry but tell me there was something bothering her eyes as she tried to hold back tears.  

It’s the little things that make me realize how much I need and miss her.  I watch in awe as my roommate cooks, telling me everything she learned was from her mother.  I cringe when people talk about what their first words were, knowing that I’ll never know mine.  I try to imagine what our relationship would be like if she was still alive.  I like to think that I could talk to her about anything and being able to have that companionship so many others seem to have with their mothers.  I stretch my imagination to the brink when I try to think of who she really was as a person.  

I walk around wearing her necklaces, cozying up into her flannel and buying things that replicate hers, trying not to lose her.

~~~

“Nicole, wake up.”

My sister, Jennifer was standing over my bed in the dark of my room.  I didn’t want to get up.  I didn’t want to play school like she always did, or draw puppies her way.  I was tired.  If I got up, I’d have to listen to her and do whatever she made me do because she was two years older than me with a temper.

“Why?” I whined.

“Just get up.”

I didn’t.

“You can go eat or something.  Just stay up with me.”

She knew I wouldn’t say no to food.  I remembered the chocolate cake we had and with that, I threw the covers off of me and rolled out of bed, making sure to act like I really didn’t want to.  

We walked out into the living room and sat on the couch.  Jennifer didn’t say a word to me.  Instead, she sat with her knees up to her chin and stared at the blank TV.  I tried to sit with her but couldn’t keep myself from fidgeting.  It got to the point where I too stared at the TV trying to imagine that my favorite shows were on.  I stayed like that for as long as I could.  Everything was still and I felt like I was being a burden every time my breath got too heavy or I switched positions. Jennifer sat unmoving.  

“Can I watch TV?”

“No.”

I sighed heavily and threw my head back on the couch cushion.  I stayed like that until Jennifer was the one who broke the silence.

“Go eat something,” she said, never looking in my direction.

I pushed myself off of the couch and searched for the chocolate cake but must have only dreamt about it.  I sat sitting on the kitchen floor, staring into the pantry, boxes surrounding me like a moat.  The phone rang and I realized how late it was.  I immediately wondered who it was and why they were calling.

“No.  Nicole’s up.  I don’t know.  She’s in the hospital.  I don’t know.  Okay.  Yeah.  Bye.”

“Who was that?  Who’s in the hospital?”

“That was Uncle Tony,” she whispered, her voice cracking just enough for me to be concerned, “Mom’s in the hospital.”

Her words weighed me down and I shrunk closer to the floor.

“Why?” I asked but received no reply.  I left the pantry and sat back down on the couch next to Jennifer.  I didn’t know what we were waiting for, or who, but staring at the black TV screen seemed like the best way to do it.  Hours must’ve passed before I finally knew anything.

My grandmother walked through the front door first, with my dad trailing behind.  It was then that I realized I didn’t even notice he was gone.  Jen and I were still seated on the couch and our grandmother sat between us.  I was too concentrated on my dad, who took a chair from the dining room and pulled it over to us.  He seemed to let go at that point, falling into the chair like gravity was a puppeteer and his performance was over.  His head hung low, almost touching his chest and he seemed to shrink into himself.

I focused my gaze back at my grandmother, who was trying to pull me and Jennifer closer into her.

“Girls,” she started, “I need to tell you something.  Just sit down here.  Sit next to me.”

“No!”  Jennifer leaped from the couch, “Just tell me what happened.”

I watched as my grandmother took a deep breath, casting her eyes down.  I couldn’t help but wonder why no one would look at us.  

“Your mother,” she began, and I felt my chest tighten, “she’s gone.”

Jennifer sprang from the couch and burst into tears while I just sat there.  I looked away.  Away from my grandmother and wailing sister.  Away from my father who was just barely there.  I don’t know what I was looking for but it hit me.  My chest closed in and I couldn’t breathe.  My body became rigid and unfamiliar.  I felt the stunning silence from the blow that came after my grandmother’s words and the shock made it so I couldn’t feel anything.  Then all at once, I crashed.  Like a black hole my body buckled and closed in on itself just as my grandmother pulled me in before my head could hit my knees.  The tears came fast and hard and I was already choking on them.

I just saw her.  She was here only a few hours before.  We had a pillow fight as she was getting ready to go out for the night, her red blouse flowing against her white blanket as Jen and I rolled around the bed, pillows grasped in our hands.  I heaved with guilt, realizing I never said goodbye.  I was too busy playing with my toys.  

I half turned my head towards her as she was heading out of the door.

“Goodbye, Nicole!” she yelled from the doorway, a hint of sarcasm in her voice as she was getting ready to step out into the night, ready to leave my life forever.  

“Bye Mom!”  I bet she looked beautiful.  

“I love you.”  

“Love you too.”

I looked at my father who was sobbing into his hands.  I have never seen him cry and it frightened me.  I walked over to him and put my little hand on his back, trying to console him but also keeping my distance.  His massive paw reached around my waist and pulled me in. 

Later, we watched the news about my mom’s accident.  There were more facts:

The car broke down.

My mom and her friends were pushing it to safety.

It was a four lane highway.

Three lanes of cars were stopped.

A taxi driver came careening around the traffic.

He was drunk.

My mom got hit.

She never saw him coming.

It was a three car accident.

The news showed the car my mom was pushing as the reporter said, “The car was travelling across the highway without its lights on…”  They showed the car with the lights clearly on.  They showed the side of the road where it was littered with broken glass and a stain that looked like blood.

At the funeral, so many people came.  People I had only met once and some I didn’t even know.  They were all here to mourn my mom and say goodbye.  This was my chance to say goodbye as well but I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t want to see her like this.  I stayed outside until my grandmother and Aunt escorted me in, urging that I had to say goodbye.  I agreed meekly.

They pulled me down the aisle.  Everything in the room was too pink for a funeral.  It should’ve been green.  I resisted. I started to lean back but felt my family’s hands around my arms, my waist, dragging me closer.  Halfway down the aisle and I changed my mind.  I didn’t want to see her but I didn’t know how to say it.  The casket was getting closer and closer until finally I was looking down at my mom in a box.  Everything was wrong.  Her hair was too flat.  Her makeup was too light.  Her lips were closed too tightly.  Whoever did this clearly didn’t know my mom.  They wrapped her up with herself; her hands clung too tightly to her stomach.  Even her smell was wrong.  

I knew what they had done.  It was obvious.  They sewed her lips shut so her mouth didn’t sit agape as people came to touch her face.  The long sleeves of her shirt covered any bruises or cuts that she had and the lower part of the casket was closed for obvious reasons.  I looked at this stranger and a thought came into my mind, It was a three car accident.  Her hands were clasped as they were because someone molded them there.  Her fingers stuck together like clay before it’s burned.  My mom was clay, and this is what she looked like before they burned her.

I ran out of the room still wishing I said goodbye to her on the night she went out.  The person my grandmother and aunt coerced me to say goodbye to was not my mom.  When I’m not trying to remember who JoAnn Marine was, I try to make sure she’d at least be proud of me.  I cling to other people’s mothers like it will fill this hole within.  Not as a replacement but for an idea of what I’m missing.  It’s not fair and I can’t help but envy what it means to have your mother in your life.  I want to know what it feels like to say my mom is a rock, my best friend, and that I don’t know what I’d do without her.  Instead, I look at other people’s moms like I did that blank TV screen and try to portray who my mom would be through them.  

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

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MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[winterbaby89]

As Destiny Has Its Eyes on You Chapter 12/?

Summary:

Princess Emma Swan of Misthaven has been prophesied as the Savior since before her birth. Now with the help of a Lieutenant from her past she is going to take her destiny into her own hands, to defeat the Evil Queen.

A/N:

**I want to start by apologizing for the late update, this past weekend I went out of town with family for the 4th, and did not plan ahead, and despite some major technological issues I was able to get this out, with added smut as my way of apology. I hope you all enjoy.** 

This story is inspired by ’Destiny has its eyes on you’ by the lovely @seriouslyhooked (EmilyBea on FF), my chapters 1-4 are based on her chapters 1&2 (with her blessing).

@ilovemesomekillianjones​ has graciously agreed to be my beta on this entire project, her works can also be found on: AO3, and FF. ** I want thank @ilovemesomekillianjones for her wonderful colab, to help me make the smut what it is in this chapter.*

This story is rated ‘M’.

AO3  FF.net  Prologue/Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

Chapter 12

The cabin door opens and Killian walks in, Emma immediately runs to him wrapping herself in his embrace.

“Everything alright love?”

“It is now. I missed you.”

“I missed you too darling, but it had to be done. How are you feeling?” The concern in his voice makes her heart melt.

“I am feeling well, much better now that you’re back with me. Is it over?”

“Aye, it’s over. You will never have to worry about either of them again, or anyone else for that matter.”

She’s hesitant to ask, but needs to know. “What was their punishment?”

Killian hugs Emma closer to him at her question, then pulls back slightly so he can look at her as he speaks. “Emma darling, I’m not certain you should know.” As the hurt look crosses her face he continues quickly. “Don’t get me wrong my love, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I just don’t want to burden you with the knowledge of what happened. I don’t want you to have to shoulder the weight of my decision, or feel any guilt for what happened.”

“But I do feel responsible, Killian. The only reason they were punished is because of me-”

He immediately cuts her off with a finger to her lips, when he realizes where her words are going.

“No, Emma you are not responsible for any of this… they were punished because they decided to attack you. You did not encourage their behavior, they acted of their own volition, you did not force them into action. I don’t want you to ever think you are responsible for this. Walsh is not worthy of your time, he was a terrible human being.”

“Was? Killian, what was the punishment? I need to know. Please?”

He sighs out a heavy breath, “Emma darling, there will be no hope of dissuading you will there?”

She looks back at him with a small smile on her lips as she shakes her head. “Nope. You know me better than that, so please. Just tell me, then we can put this whole thing behind us and move onto something worth our attention.”

“Fine. I was just trying to protect you. Forgive me?”

“Always.”

“I will spare you the details, but I’m sure you will still have a pretty good idea from all of your maritime research. I had Walsh keelhauled for his crime and audacity to continue showing you and I disrespect, with no remorse. The realm is much better with him gone.” As he’s telling her about Walsh’s punishment a jumble of emotions cross her features making them hard to discern. He leans down placing a kiss to her forehead. Sighing deeply, he continues, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you my love, I didn’t want you to look at me like that… with disappointment. He got what he deserved.”

“Killian, no,” she whispers, “I’m not disappointed in you.” She takes his left hand in hers and locks their fingers, admiring how both their rings shine in the bright sunlight in their cabin. “I love you, and I know you did what you felt necessary. I won’t second guess your decision, I know you did it to protect me.” She looks down putting their joined hands on her belly. “To protect us.” She takes a moment to look at their hands holding their baby to be, to focus her thoughts, before looking back at him. “I do feel a bit responsible for the situation, despite whether he deserved it or not. It is a lot to process, but I will move forward, and I hold nothing against you, I know you did what you thought best. I love you Killian, nothing will ever change that, and now we can focus on our family and our future.” She cups his cheek with her right hand and pulls him into a sweet kiss before asking, “What did Murdoch get?”

“Ah, yes, he received one hundred lashes from the Cat-Tails. He will need to be sequestered in the crew’s quarters until he’s healed, but he should survive.”

She nods her head in response. “Seems a fair punishment. Are you still needed up on deck or can you stay?” She’s still holding his left hand against her belly, and reaches for his right hand, when he hisses quietly at the contact she takes a closer look. “Oh my god! Killian, what did you do?”

“Nothing to worry about, my love. Nothing’s broken, I just bruised the hell out of it.”

“What did you do? What did you hit?”

“About that… I may have lost my temper for a moment, and hit Walsh. I could no longer tolerate what he was saying, so I, well, you know.”

She can tell he feels ashamed as he averts his eyes to the floor while telling her what happened. “Well that must have been one hell of a hit to bruise your knuckles like this.” She giggles lightly, trying to lighten the mood, and it seems to work as he looks back up at her with a small smile on his face.

“Perhaps, but I was defending your honor darling, that cretin continued to spew horrible filth about you even in the face of certain death. I couldn’t help meself.”

She couldn’t contain her laughter now, speaking up once she was finally able to get control. “Defending my honor, huh? Says the man who took my virtue, and had me carrying his child before asking me to wed.” If it weren’t for the teasing lilt in her voice he would have blanched at her statement.

“Now my love, if you remember correctly, it was you who seduced me.” Giving her a rather salacious wink before pulling her into a kiss, he continues, “or are you still contending that I seduced you?”

“You don’t think you seduced me? Wearing all that leather, strutting around with all your flirtatious swagger? Or am I just imagining that?”

“Well darling, you did forget to mention that I am a devilishly handsome rapscallion. But it is only natural that you would be drawn to me.” He winks at her again with a smirk, and she playfully elbows him in the side before kissing him again.

“I think it was just destiny. I think we were made for each other, meant only for each other, and no other.” She has tears in her eyes now, and sniffles as she tries to keep them from falling, “Damn these infernal tears.”

He moves his right hand to her belly and hip, lifting his left hand to wipe away her tears. “It will be alright darling, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. In the name of blatant honesty, I would have asked you to be mine all those years ago, if I had thought it even a possibility. But I daresay you are stuck with me now, my love.” Killian continues to stroke his thumb across her cheek, catching stray tears as they fall.

Emma gives him a sweet smile, and a watery chuckle, closing her eyes before responding and leaning into his touch. “Well I would hope so, we are married with a wee one on the way.”  When she looks back at him, she notices he’s got a sheepish look on his face again. “Out with it Captain, what now?”

“Well my love, I may have accidentally let slip about your condition while I was dealing with the situation earlier... in front of the entire crew. I had not intended to tell anyone until we’d discussed it.”

“I see.”

“You’re angry with me.”

“No, not angry.”

“I swear darling it was not my intent to tell the crew before we decided the time was right. It just kind of came out in my anger against Walsh, with everything he was saying about you. I couldn’t tolerate him besmirching you any further. I am sorry darling. Please forgive me?”

“Killian. I’m not angry with you. A little upset yes, but that has more to do with the symptoms of pregnancy and not getting to make the announcement with you. But I promise I’m not angry. I love you.”

“I love you too darling, if it’s any consolation I believe all the men want to celebrate tonight, if you feel up to it. They were excited, once the shock wore off.”

“Oh? Shocked were they?” She smiles at the thought of a pirate ship made speechless, sorry she missed the sight.

“Oh yes, probably could have knocked over the lot of them with a gentle breeze.” He chuckled remembering glancing up to see the entire crew staring at him, and realizing what he’d said.

“Well Captain, let’s get this hand taken care of. Then, we will discuss how you may make amends for announcing our news without me, which subsequently led to me missing the reaction of a gobsmacked crew of men, pirates no less.”

“Well darling, you are a good negotiator, I think that sounds like a fair and fantastic idea.”

“Now on the bed with you, while I get the salve.” She attempts to give him a withering look, but can’t keep the corners of her mouth from twitching up into a smile.

“Aye-Aye, Captain,” he responds with a cheeky grin.

“Now be a good boy and sit still while I bandage your hand. Then we will get to your punishment.”

“Yes Mistress, as you command.”

Emma applies the salve to his knuckles, and wraps a clean strip of cloth around his hand to make sure the salve doesn’t get wiped off before it has time to do its job. Once the task is complete she puts the jar away, then walks back to Killian who is still sitting on the bed with an amused look on his face.

“Something funny, Killian?”

“Not at all love. Just admiring the most glorious woman I’ve ever met. Whom I was somehow lucky enough to marry.”

“Well get ready to admire some more Captain.” As she’s talking she starts undoing the buttons on his vest, once they’re all undone she slides her hands up Killian’s chest and pushes the vest down his arms, along with his jacket. As soon as his arms are freed Emma starts pulling his shirt from his pants.

“I can do this for you my love, I may have bruised knuckles, but I am still capable of undressing us both.”

“Nope. You lost that privilege tonight. So sit back and be patient.” Emma pauses in her efforts to divest him of his shirt, leaning forward to kiss him. They both bask in the simple affection for a moment before she continues stripping her man.

“Emma, my darling are you ever going to let me touch you?” There’s a note of whining in his tone that matches the pout on his face.

“Not yet. You will be allowed to touch, when I tell you that you may, and not a moment sooner.”

“But darling, I know that you enjoy it when I touch you, when I kiss you-”

Emma quickly backs out of his reach as he moves to grab her. Once out of Killian’s reach, she tauntingly begins removing her clothing, piece by piece, enticing her captivated pirate.

“You’re right, I do enjoy when you touch and kiss me, but for now, you may only look your fill, lover.” Emma continues her slow strip tease, taking her time, until she is completely bare, then saunters back between Killian’s splayed thighs, with an extra sway to her hips. “You have been patient enough my pirate, you may touch me now.” Emma barely has the time to comprehend Killian’s muttered finally before his lips are on hers, hands roaming over every inch of her skin, filling her with that excited buzz that only ever comes in moments when they’re together like this.

Killian continues his exploration of her supple body as he situates them comfortably on the bed. With their lips still entwined, he positions himself above Emma as her hands slide up to tangle into his hair. Killian begins to work kisses along her jaw, moving just below her ear, before traveling down her neck, and then on to her collar bone. He pays his penance to Emma, worshipping her body with his body and love. Moving to her breasts, he pulls a nipple into his mouth teasing it with his tongue and teeth as he pinches and twists its twin with his hand; he alternates between the two after a moment, loving her heightened sensitivity and responsiveness to his attentions. After a few more moments Killian resumes his trail of kisses down Emma’s body, pausing a little longer at her belly than he used to, he wants Emma to know he finds every part of her sexy, especially now that her belly grows.

Finally Killian reaches her soaked quim. He blows gently against her before kissing her wet folds just as he had the rest of her body, eliciting a moan from both of them. Killian sets a leisurely pace, wanting to take his time in loving her. He worships her body with his hands as his mouth lavishes her core. Alternating between long licks, penetrating her with his tongue, and gently sucking on her clit, he’s steadily driving her to the edge of pleasure.

Emma, now more confident in herself and knowing what she wants uses her hand tangled in Killian’s hair to push him closer as she grinds herself against his mouth. “Right there, just like that,” she pants.

Knowing what she needs, Killian uses his mouth to focus his ardor on her clit while guiding his fingers in and out of her to work her to completion. He curls his fingers to hit the spot that will make her see stars.

Emma moans as he pushes her closer and closer to that all consuming euphoria. She feels the powerful release she constantly craves from him building inside, one hand involuntarily fisting the sheets, and the other still buried in his hair tightens almost painfully.

He can feel Emma getting closer, can tell by her little noises of pleasure that she is almost there. Killian watches his princess, continuing to work her, and he gets impossibly harder when she gasps out his name as her orgasm overtakes her. He sends her off the ledge with his skilled mouth and fingers, relishing her cries of pleasure, and his name falling from her lips again.

“My love, I’ll never get enough of your nectar,” he murmurs into her core, not wanting to pull away.

“I need you inside me, now,” Emma demands.

Killian smiles as he crawls back up over her body to capture her lips in a kiss, dropping a kiss on her belly as he works his way up. Leaning back onto his haunches, he lines himself up in the cradle of her legs, when she reaches her hand out to stop him while trying to catch her breath enough to speak.

“Not like that, not right now. I need you deep, from behind.”

Killian just quirks a brow at her as she makes her request. He smirks as he replies, “If the lady insists.” He helps her get turned over and kneels on the bed behind her.

As he starts to slide into her tight sheath he makes sure to push in slowly so his needy Princess can relish every thick inch of him buried inside her. Setting a steady rhythm he pumps in and out of her, and after a few minutes he notices that she has started pushing back on him as he plunges deep within her, causing him to hit even harder. Eventually he isn’t even moving any more, letting Emma set her own pace and force, as she impales herself upon his throbbing cock. He’s doing his damndest not to spill himself too early from the pleasure she is providing him, he leans forward to reach around and stroke her swollen nub.

“Come for me Emma, I need you to come on my cock.” At his words he feels Emma’s walls shudder and constrict around him, as if she had just been waiting for him to ask her to let go. After they have both ridden out their orgasms and aftershocks, Killian helps Emma lay down on the bed, only speaking up after she has curled into him and is already half asleep.

“Gods above. I can’t even explain how much I needed that Killian, thank you.”

“My pleasure, my love. Your wish is my command, you’ve but to ask.”

“I love you.”

“As I love you.” Killian hears Emma’s gentle snores before he’s even finished speaking. He lays there holding his wife for a little while longer before gently sliding out of their bed, so as not to disturb her slumber.

◊◊◊

After his penance to Emma, Killian heads for the deck to inform the men that the party is a go. He lets Emma sleep after the physical exertion of their more pleasurable activities, that way she can enjoy tonight’s festivities. Pip and Mitchell immediately head off to the galley to prepare a feast worthy of their Pirate Queen and the soon to be Pirate Princess or Princeling. Smee gets a handful of the men to scrub and polish the deck, and decorate as much as can be done on a pirate ship. Killian is at the helm smiling at how thoroughly Emma has this rowdy bunch wrapped around her little finger, his wife will make one hell of a Queen some day, with her ability to endear herself to anyone, even the most hardened of brigands.

A few hours later, the ship has been made over in preparation for the celebration honoring the Captain and his lovely bride. Killian makes his way down to their cabin to wake his slumbering wife, because no party can rightly start without the guests of honor.

Killian sits down at the edge of their bed and watches his beautiful Emma for a moment before placing his hand on her cheek. He rubs his thumb over her cheek then says, “Love, it is time to wake up.”

Emma rubs her eyes, while trying to absorb her husband’s words. She stretches and tries to pull Killian to lay down with her.

“You don’t want to be late to your own party now, do you?”

Emma pouts at Killian’s insistence, but she works her way off the bed, and starts to dress. “Killian, I love you, but a Queen is never late, everyone else is simply early, and I’m fairly certain that applies to Princess’ as well.”

“Right you are my love, how foolish of me. And, I love you too, but what say you to getting things started? Pip even made a spectacular feast for you.”

“Aww, Pip is so sweet. Let’s not disappoint the boy then.” Once Emma is dressed and presentable in one of her dresses, she takes Killian’s elbow, and the two head to the deck to enjoy whatever festivities have been planned. As soon as the crew sees them emerge on deck a raucous chorus of cheering, clapping, and whistling erupts, causing Emma to blush all the way to the roots of her hair, as Killian breaks out into a wide grin.

A path opens to the head of the table as the congratulations die down, and they all sit down for dinner. Since they were just in port Pip and Mitchell had fresh ingredients to work with, so they created salads from some of the veggies on hand, rolls, a savory stew, roasted potatoes with butter, and a chocolate dessert. “Gods above Pip, you’ve been holding out on us, and making me think you needed my help with the usual fare,” Emma remarks as they all dig in to the delicious food before them.

“Well mistress, this is all thanks to what you’ve taught me.”

“It is absolutely divine, so thank you.” Emma notices Smee standing from his place on the other side of Killian as she speaks.

“Captain if I may, I’d like to say a few words?”

Curious where this is headed Killian nods his head in acquiescence.

“To start, I want to wish you and the mistress the happiest of congratulations. I can’t express the pure joy I, and all of the men, share at seeing you happy again sir, and that is all thanks to your beautiful bride.” Smee nods his head to Emma in a show of deference and gratitude. “I know everyone wants to get back to their meal, so I will finish this quickly. I want to say a most heartfelt thank you mistress, for seeking out the Captain, and turning this ship on it’s head, and many congratulations, and wishes for the best.” As Smee sits back down there is a chorus of here-here’s around the entire table, and Killian leans over to kiss Emma on the temple. The rest of their meal passes with jovial chatter all across the table, the crew feeling like there isn’t a care in the world outside of their happy celebration.

As soon as the deck has been cleared of all signs of the meal, Wilkinson and Harrison both pull out violins, to serenade and encourage dancing. Upon seeing this, and hearing the first strains of a beautiful melody Killian turns to face Emma extending his hand as he asks, “Mistress Jones, would you do me the honor?”

“It would be my utter pleasure, Captain.” Emma is unable to contain her smile or excitement at the prospect of getting to dance with her husband. Taking his proffered hand the happy couple sway across the deck, the rest of the world falling away, to where it feels like it is just the two of them. They dance the night away, until Killian notices the first sign of fatigue in Emma. Quickly reiterating their thank yous to the crew, they call it a night, and Killian sweeps her off to their cabin to get her rest.

◊◊◊

Once in their cabin Killian kisses Emma with every ounce of the passion surging through him. After a night dancing under the stars without another care in the world, and Emma in his arms, wearing that dress he is  about mad with desire to have her again.

“My love, do you have any idea how tempting you were all night? Wearing the same dress that we said our vows in. Was your intent to drive me mad with want for you?”

“That was not the intended goal, but a very welcome side effect my dear husband.” Cocking her head slightly to the side, with a mischievous glint in her eyes Emma continues, “The real question is, what are you going to do about it, Pirate?” Hearing the growl from low in Killian’s throat, Emma smiles in victory, knowing exactly what he is going to do about it.

Without so much as a word of warning, Killian lifts Emma from the ground, and brings her to the edge of their bed, where he lays her down with her legs hanging over the edge. When he drops to his knees in front of her and begins pushing her skirt up her legs, Emma leans up on her elbows to look at him before asking, “Killian, aren’t you going to undress me first?”

He looks up at her, still kneeling between her splayed thighs. “No, I am not. I intend to make you fall apart while you wear the dress, so any time you wear it from now on, you will be unable to think of anything else. Now, lay back my love, and let me love you.”

As soon as Emma looks comfortable laying back on the bed he sets his mouth to her exposed, and already drenched core, he is voracious, as though he is a man dying of thirst, and she is the nectar of life. He kisses these lips as passionately as he does her mouth, tongue roaming and exploring every inch of her from slit to clit. Based on the sounds Emma is making, he can tell she isn’t too far from her first orgasm, so he doesn’t let up until he hears her calling out his name in ecstasy. Coaxing her through her high he doesn’t let up. As her breathing starts leveling out, he plunges two fingers into her still quivering channel. Steadily he works her back to the edge of release, fingers pumping into her hole as he sucks her clit into his mouth laving it with his tongue.

“Killian… Killian, oh… just… just like that, gods don’t stop. Please. So close…” Emma trails off as her second release washes over her, and all she can do is fall and enjoy the ride he is taking her on. After bringing her back down from her second orgasm, Killian finally stands while working at the laces on his pants with one hand, and wiping her juices from his face with his other hand.

“Can you take any more, Emma? I need you.”

Emma is still in her blissed out state, unable to do more than nod her head, she reaches for him.

Taking himself in hand Killian lines up with her entrance, and slides the head of his cock against her sopping folds, before slowly sinking into her, bottoming out with a pleasured groan.

Emma moans her appreciation of having him inside her again, whispering how she loves the stretch and burn as he fills her completely. She takes a moment to just bask in the heaven of being joined in this most intimate of ways, before wrapping her legs around his hips.

As he begins to glide in and out of her slick and swollen channel, Killian desperately hopes he never gets used to the pleasure they create, hoping it will always feel like the first time. “You feel so perfect, Emma, tell me you feel it to?”

“Yes, Killian, I love the way you feel inside me, the way you fill me.” Emma can feel herself nearing the edge once more as Killian quickens his thrusts, keeping a steady rhythm, and hitting her just there each time.

Killian feels as her walls begin to pulse around his length, and squeeze his tip each time he thrusts into her delicious quim, he reaches down and begins to stroke her clit, enticing her to let go. “Come for me my love, I want to feel you come around me.”

His words are her undoing as she cries out his name in pleasure, the power of her orgasm dragging him with her.

Their breathing is ragged as they lay side by side trying to recover. Killian leans up on an elbow and sees his sated, but sleepy princess beginning to nod off, still fully dressed. “Let us get you undressed and into bed darling, it has been a long and exciting day. I think we are both due some rest.”

With sheer exhaustion trying to overcome her Emma just sits on their bed allowing Killian to strip her out of her dress. She crawls under the covers as soon as she is bare, and by time Killian is able to divest himself of his clothes, Emma has already succumbed to sleep. He lays down behind her, gently pulling her back against his chest, not wanting to rouse her, but wanting to have her as close as possible. He quickly follows her into slumber.

◊◊◊

Chapter Thirteen

Tagging some lovelies to enjoy: @kmomof4, @seriouslyhooked, @laschatzi, @hollyethecurious, @ilovemesomekillianjones, @flslp87, @jennjenn615, @ultraluckycatnd, @xhookswenchx

[pamphletstoinspire]

SAINT JOSEPH PATRON OF THE UNIVERSAL CHURCH AND WORKERS

GUARDIAN OF THE HOLY FAMILY, PRAY FOR US. FEAST DAYS:  MARCH 19TH (HUSBAND OF MARY) -  MAY 1ST (JOSEPH THE WORKER)

An Ancient Prayer to St. Joseph

O St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires. O St. Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord, so that having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of Fathers. O St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. St. Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for me. Amen. (Say for nine mornings in a row for anything you may desire. It has never been known to fail.) Imprimatur: Sept. 25, 1950..Hugh C. Boyle, Bishop of Pittsburgh

(This prayer was found in the fiftieth year of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In 1505 it was sent from the Pope to Emperor Charles, when he was going into battle. Whoever shall read this prayer or hear it, or keep it about themselves, shall never die a sudden death or be drowned, nor shall poison take effect on them; neither shall they fall into the hands of the enemy, or shall be burned in any fire or shall be overpowered in any battle.)

Prayer for a Happy Death

St. Joseph, protector of the dying, I ask you to intercede for all the dying, and I invoke your assistance in the hour of my own death. You merited a happy passing by a holy life, and in your last hours you had the great consolation of being assisted by Jesus and Mary. Deliver me from sudden death; obtain for me the grace to imitate you in life, to detach my heart from everything worldly, and daily to gather treasures for the moment of my death. Obtain for me the grace to receive the sacrament of the sick well, and with Mary, fill my heart with sentiments of faith, hope, love, and sorrow for sins, so that I may breathe forth my soul in peace. Amen

THE LIFE OF SAINT JOSEPH

A study of the life of St. Joseph centers around two themes. First, in Scripture as the husband of Mary and the Foster Father of Jesus; and next, his personality in order to fulfill the Divine Will of God in his life.

In Scripture, Joseph is first mentioned when Mary, is betrothed, conceived a child before Joseph took her into his home. An angel of the Lord visited him and assured him to take Mary into his home for the child was conceived by the Holy Ghost. (Mt. 1:20-24) After the birth of Jesus, an angel again appears to Joseph and tells him to take the Holy Family away to Egypt in order to escape the wrath of Herod. (Mt. 2:13-15) After awhile the angel again appeared to Joseph, telling him it was time to return to Israel, where he settled in the obscure town of Nazareth in the district of Galilee. (Mt. 2:19-23) The final time we hear of Joseph in Scripture is when Jesus was “lost” in the Temple. (Lk. 2:42-52) His name never again appears in scripture.

THE NAME JOSEPH

The name Joseph, in Hebrew, means “God will add.” He was an ordinary individual whom God relied upon to do great things. He did exactly what the Lord wanted him to do, in each and every event that went to make up his life. That is why Scripture praises Joseph as “a just man.” In Hebrew a just man means a good and faithful servant of God, someone who fulfills the Divine Will, or who is honorable and charitable toward his neighbor. Therefore a just man is someone who loves God and proves his love by keeping God’s commandments and directing his whole life to the service of his brothers, his fellow man. He faced problems, dealt with difficult situations and showed responsibility and initiative in whatever he was asked to do.

THE VIRTUES OF SAINT JOSEPH

The virtues of St. Joseph can best be summarized in the words our Lady spoke to St. Bridget of Sweden: “St. Joseph was so reserved and careful in his speech that not one word ever issued from his mouth that was not good and holy, nor did he ever indulge in unnecessary or less than charitable conversation. He was most patient and diligent in bearing fatigue; he practiced extreme poverty; he was most meek in bearing injuries; he was strong and constant against my (Mary’s) enemies; he was the faithful witness of the wonders of Heaven, being dead to the flesh and the world, living only for God and for Heavenly goods, which were the only things he desired. He was perfectly conformed to the Divine Will and so resigned to the dispositions of Heaven that he ever repeated “May the Will of God ever be done in me!” He rarely spoke with men, but continually with God, whose Will he desired to perform. Wherefore, he now enjoys great glory in Heaven.”

WHY HAVE DEVOTION TO SAINT JOSEPH?

“To the other Saints it appears that the Lord may have granted power to succor us on particular occasions; but to this Saint, as experience proves, He has granted power to help us on all occasions. Our Lord would teach us that, as he was pleased to be subject to Joseph upon the earth, so He is now pleased to grant whatever this Saint asks for in heaven. Others whom I have recommended to have recourse to Joseph, have known this from experience. I never knew any one who was particularly devout to him, that did not continually advance more and more in virtue. For the love of God, let him who believes not this make his own trial. And I do not know how any one can think of the Queen of Angels, at the time when she labored so much in the infancy and childhood of Jesus, and not return thanks to Joseph for the assistance which he rendered both to the Mother and to the Son”. (St. Teresa of Avila)

SYMBOLS OF SAINT JOSEPH

The most well known symbol of St. Joseph is the Lily, a symbol of purity.

The other is a picture of St. Joseph holding tools, St. Joseph the worker.

There are also symbols of St. Joseph in Art:

The famous painting of the Wedding of Virgin Mary and St. Joseph has three  symbols:

1. Obedience to God...the greatest is obedience to God’s instruction through an  angel that he should wed Mary.

2. Courage...The second symbol for St. Joseph in the painting is courage in the face  of possible public opposition and oppression.

3. Non-judgmental...St. Joseph’s symbol in the painting is the practice of not  judging and condemning others.

Another famous painting of St. Joseph is the world renown, Nativity Scene. Here  the presence of St. Joseph is also a symbol in three ways:

1. Joseph demonstrates civil obedience by responding to the census request of the  government.

2. He demonstrates humility by accepting the stable for pregnant Mary to give birth,  rather than causing a public disruption in the belief they were entitled to  better accommodations.

3. He demonstrates steadfastness in honoring his marriage vows, seeing the  pregnancy through to completion and accepting the new challenge of fatherhood.

PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH FOR EMPLOYMENT

Dear St. Joseph, you were yourself once faced with the responsibility of providing the necessities of life for Jesus and Mary. Look down with fatherly compassion upon me in my anxiety over my present inability to support my family. Please help me to find gainful employment very soon, so that this heavy burden of concern will be lifted from my heart and that I am soon able to provide for those whom God has entrusted to my care. Help us to guard against bitterness and discouragement, so that we may emerge from this trial spiritually enriched and with even greater blessings from God. Amen

Finally, Scripture has left us with the most important knowledge of who Saint Joseph was: “A RIGHTEOUS MAN”. (Mt 1:19) (douay rheims)