#it all just makes me so frustrated
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one day i will write a very long post about the great big fat lie sold to women and girls that submission is empowering and why that lie is so preferable to the truth but then i will need to go and claw off my own skin
#the pattern of self-harm in women and girls is a sense of lacking in power and control#specifically control of our own bodies#there is my thesis statement#essay to follow someday maybe#it all just makes me so frustrated
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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idk, i just feel like if your primary argument against transandrophobia/antitransmasculinity theory is that you think it's transmisogynistic you're not being intellectually honest. who does it hurt when trans men and mascs coin a term to describe the intersection of transphobia and sexism as it most frequently affects them? because it does hurt trans men when they're told that they're not entitled to speak on the discrimination they themselves face.
what I'm hearing from people who oppose the antitransmasculinity movement is that transmisogyny is when trans men talk about their problems 👍, but obviously that's not true. i know that's not true. you know that's not true. so then what is the issue? genuinely, enlighten me. you want trans men to shut up and listen? I'm listening.
#transandrophobia#anti transmasculinity#trans#transgender#maybe whacking a hornets nest but I'm really frustrated#it just makes no sense#how one can in the same breath be upset by tmascs “derailing” discussions about tmisogyny to discuss their own issues#and then also condemn tmascs for creating their own space specifically to discuss their issues#so as not to step on the toes of the (minority group of) transfems who insist our very existence is owed to them#as though we have not literally existed just as long#pedestalizing an already hypervisible group#vs shutting down a historically hypovisible group#effectively doing the terfs' work for them by dividing us when we should be one another's strongest allies#how is that fair to either of us#this does not help trans women#if you think it is you're lying to yourself idk !#antitransmasculinity#transemasculation#<- fucking hate that term btw#miss me with that shit#that's not what this is at all#transphobia#transmisandry#transandromisia#transandrodorks#transandrobro#tmra#<- tagging these because i do in fact want the people who use these terms derogatorily to see this post#i will not be debating anyone i just want to see what people have to say i guess
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Considering that there’s another post going around that lands on this conclusion, I think it deserves its own succinct post:
When transmascs share instances of positivity to remind each other that the way we are treated isn’t all bad, it’s then used as proof of the whole of transmasc experiences being this way, and that transmascs are not oppressed as a whole.
When transmascs share instances of harm done to transmascs to raise awareness that transmascs are harmed directly within our societies, it’s used as proof that we are taking up too much room in conversations because the harm we face “isn’t bad enough”.
When transmascs share instances of outright murder of members of our community to show that no, transmasc issues are not somehow “lesser” because “we aren’t dying” because we are dying, it’s used as proof that we are trauma dumping and trying to make other people feel sorry for us—look at these AFABs being whiny and hysterical and trying to portray themselves as victims. Or that it isn’t specific enough to us so we should shut up and let other people speak for us.
Transmascs cannot speak about our experiences without being touted as an example of why transmascs as a whole should shut up.
This is erasure.
#my post#noooo I didn’t just make this post because I don’t want to interact with that other post because of personal hangups that no one else#should have about the post. truly it’s entirely a Me and My Personal Situation thing#the post is fine#I just was a little frustrated about how much I wanted to reblog and also like#not interact with it at all at the same time#so I made this post#shhhhh#transandrophobia#transmisandry#anti-transmasculinity#erasure through silencing
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The Quest Continues...
(part 1- part 2)
#Fourfold Soul#<- That's the title of the project I've been working on!#I am very excited to finally show off the cowboy (gender redacted) I've been cooking in a slow boil!!! Yeehaw!#Yes this is the game project. YES I am commited to the bit of having the main character go through a long running pronoun-quest.#This character does not have a name so I cannot formally tag them...#(Okay. Technically they have an internal name for coding/scripting reasons...and I have a nickname for them.#But the important part of making a video game character you get to eventually name is that the name must come from *you*!)#The girl here is a npc so she has a temporary name. So I also cannot tag her. Hmm...#I have several FFS comics thumbnailed out. This one got made first because it's the funniest without context. Lore wise it's weak.#I would love to post the sexy clown but you have to wait just a few more comics.#Fun artist woes moment to share: This is the first time I've had to colour these characters traditionally. *That* was NOT fun.#Going from a specific digital colour palette to being at the whims of my limited colour choices in markers? Hell! On! Earth!#I might also be extra frustrated because this sure is 3x the length of what I usually do for comics! I spent a Whole Day on this.#Past me thought it was soooo funny and needed all the extra panels for pacing. I hate past me. That guy needs to be exploded.
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im still applying for jobs, ive applied for state assistance as well but theyre taking their time with approving it. i have bills coming up soon, at the very least i need enough to pay my electric bill bc theyre threatening to shut it off 😬 if anyone has anything they can spare itd be greatly appreciated. im transmasc and i have no family to rely on for this kind of thing. i also have commissions available, dm me for info
vnm: tobias_leviathan
pp: paypal.me/bewearr
thank you 🙏💕
#idk what the secret to applying to jobs is but something is fucked up lately and i cant even get a stupid fast food job#ive applied to so many and got rejected by all of them or just straight up ignored#and thats WITH calling every few days to check up on it#i get either ignored or sent to a bot that just tells me to apply online or the manager has no clue whats going on#ive applied to at least 50 jobs this month and last month not a SINGLE one has given me the time of day#ive been to 4 interviews and got a few callbacks but theyre all dead ends#i dont know what to do anymore. ive been focusing hardcore on art so thats something but ive been working on my backlog and not making money#im just so frustrated and hopeless idk what to even do anymore. ive signed up for temp agencies even and they never have any jobs#its stupid that i HAVE a job but they refuse to give me hours. this is genuinely worse than being unemployed
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can’t stop thinking about soap being the kind of boyfriend that takes you on arcade or carnival dates. he definitely takes all of the games WAY too seriously. absolutely smokes everyone at skeeball. probably does those stupid punching bag/hammer strength tests just to show off in front of you. he doesn’t even let you win he’s that competitive. but it’s kinda funny and endearing. he wins a TON of tickets and then gets you the biggest fucking stuffed animal they have even as you protest and tell him that you have no place to put it.
his little mohawk popping around the head of the giant puppy stuffed animal he won you boyish smile plastered on his face while he ignores your protests. you’re stuck with the thing forever now.
#sometimes i yearn for cute corny romance#it can’t be helped#he makes me so unwell#also just the thought of him being a try yard on all the games cracks me up#geniunely gets all frustrated and worked up if he loses at something#he still wins a ton of tickets and always gets you a ridiculous gift them#i just know he’d pout if he comes over and see you’ve got the stuffed animal tucked away in a storage closet#cod#soap#soap drabble#john soap mactavish
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having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????
#listen I was forged in the fires of garrusmancing. I went through two whole games just to get a gentle headbutt and some tender words#before me3 comes along and rewards you for your tenacity more fully#me? the reyes romancer???? I have the strength and headcanon game to bear the relative lack of content before the end#when the endgame is this good I am willing to hold out for it haha the way he looks at rook towards the end......#I also really liked taash' (it's really sweet) but I don't think I have any rooks ready to go right now who would go for that vibe#emmrich for sure is going to be my either crow or shadow dragon romance it really is very good! and extremely goth not unrelatedly#undeniably that old man has the most game out of anyone in this story. the move with the flower??? I'm sorry????#I actually like that lucanis' romance blooms out of the safety of an established friendship more than anything (again. avowed garrusmancer)#but emmrich... he's got some next level romantic stuff going on and is being both so wholesome and such a freak about it lmao#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#all jokes aside I totally respect and understand that people are a bit disappointed and frustrated -- they're not wrong to feel that!#there really are some gaps in content there for the midgame#however I was personally custom built by experience to get the most out of this scenario as possible and by god I will#just as I feel that ryder and reyes go off and have some soul-shrivingly good sex after the first kiss#(it makes that arc make a lot more sense to me haha)#I think rook and lucanis Get Up To It after the second coffee date. weird of them to not show us that but okay I'll fill it in myself then
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my favorite ship dynamic is "I've had to watch you go into the path of no return and I love you" and its just blonde boys watching dark haired guys literally make the worst decisions known to man
#mattfoggy#sebinis#bagginshield#emphasis on And instead of yet/but#theyre so prime angst material#but u know these bitches also know how to have fun#matt murdock#foggy nelson#bilbo baggins#thorin oakenshield#ominis gaunt#sebastian sallow#two of the characters make poor decisions bc of An Item#two characters are blind#all blonds have the sass equivalent of wtv mass the entirety of jupiter has#the fluff these guys have but the agape sort of love. sometimes it doesnt even have to be explicitly romantic#im aro i just like the intense emotional trust and dynamics these people have with each other#but also id like to put each dark haired guy in these ships in a jar and just shake them bc they frustrate me (affectionate)#shipping dynamics
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his smile could cure the world ♡ [for @morshiberna ♡]
cr. 0613data
#btsedit#btsgif#jimin#park jimin#bangtan#bts#mine#mine:gifs#mine:pjm#comp#userdimple#annietrack#rjshope#userpat#raplineuser#this coloring is all over the place dkfjfkfgjfkkhj but it doesn't matter because#IT'S MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!#HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I HOPE YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL DAY <333#wishing you so much happiness and love and luck and fulfilled dreams and laughter and comfort and warmth#i can't believe how grown you are where has time gone :(#thank you for always being so lovely and kind#and for all the giggles and love#and also for letting me vent frustrations and matching my energy djgjfghjkffjfg#you're really just like our jiminie it makes so much sense he's your bias <3#my wish is that life lights your path with the brightest sunlight#and that you always know how amazing you are#how strong and resilient you are#and that you are capable of achieving anything you want#i'm proud of you and you should be too <3#happy birthday sweetheart 🥹💗
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Fiddauthor doodles
*leaves this politely on the floor and scurries away*
yeah. enjoy ^_^
#THEY MAKE ME ILL WHAT THE SHIT#I AM GOING TO EXPLODE#fiddauthor#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleauthor#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#ford pines#gravity falls fiddleford#stanford pines#gravity falls#normal about them.#the first occurs in the comic btw.#doomed yaoi#no because ford get your head in the game. there’s a married man that wants you more than he wants anything else.#I’m just as oblivious as him though. I can’t be talking.#also fiddleford how does it feel spending all your college years hopelessly pining for your roommate#and feeling frustrated with the lack of romantic progression because neither of you can read signals for shit#so when you inevitably don’t amount to anything and are forced to just ignore anything that may have ever existed between you two#you spitefully get hitched and have a kid to prove to yourself that you’re a) straight and b) not just some loser coward#but all along you’ve just known he was the right one for you. nobody could ever compare to what he gave you#everyone else has simply acted as a replacement or substitution for what you felt for him. you can’t shake the feeling ever.#and when years later you get a call from him you justify immediately leaving to work on the project as a) your entitlement to him and b)#a desperate and hopeless attempt at rekindling your college days#HOW DOES IT FEEL FIDDLEFORD
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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its not hard to click someones profile before you follow them btw
#Ok i know u guys are probably tired of me whining aobut this#but like almost every single follower i get i look at their profile and its this exact scenario..over and over...#and im starting to wonder am i doing something wrong? like is there something i can do to prevent this? is it on me???#because like. this many people can not be so... oblivious to clicking one button? before you follow me? or are you just ignoring it#im tempted to just give up on monitoring this but i know thats a bad idea#i really dont want to have to put a warning on all of my posts cos thats annoying and i just dont like having to do that/the look of it#whatever ill be 18 in 2 years so its only a matter of waiting and it wont be like this for long but. come on.#its so unbelievably irritating to have this happen over. and over. and over#i dont mind reblogs/likes from 18+ blogs on my posts! but following me is stupid!#SO i dont know if making a little frustration induced comic will help this cause but oh well#after this i suppose ill just go back to blocking people........#i hate blocking people!! its really tough but like. You did this to yourself following me#facepaw#my art#doodles#oc: rory
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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I woke up this morning still thinking about Fadel waking up in Style's bed.
I wonder what was running through Fadel's head as he turned to look at Style, eyes still squinting against the too-bright morning light, the unfamiliar comfort of the shape of Style's name on his lips for the very first time. I wonder if he was too sleepy to process how strange it was that he didn't really mind being pinned down by the weight of Style's thigh thrown over his hips; that the sensation was grounding and reassuring rather than being confining or suffocating. I wonder if the thought crossed his mind that he wouldn't mind waking up like this again, wouldn't mind letting someone into his space, wouldn't mind giving someone the bared vulnerability of lying naked and unprotected with all the implications of unwavering trust that has -- not if it was with him.
I wonder if Fadel registered the way his heartbeat is steady and calm despite the strange surroundings and unfamiliar bed, because something in him has already labelled the person lying next to him as safe.
I wonder if Fadel even understood that this, right here, in all its quiet and unacknowledged stillness, was the moment he fell in love?
#the implications of a trained assassin whose own parents were murdered in front of his eyes and who has been burned by love before#CHOOSING to stay the night and then waking up naked and vulnerable and being ABSOLUTELY CALM AND AT PEACE with it!#yeah i'm calling it -- THIS is when fadel actually fell in love. it's why the rest of the episode gives us:#fadel being able to say out loud “i want him to accept me for who i am”; because a part of him already felt like style HAS#fadel telling style “you don't have to do anything to impress me”; because style has already earned the right to fadel's trust and heart#fadel answering style's plea of “promise?” with a kiss because he'd just lied to style with his words#so he tries to tell style the truth with his body instead#because he doesn't realise that a single phone call would be all it takes to turn his reply into an unintended deception once again#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#fadel#thk meta#fadel meta#thk ep 6#hui talks thai bl#hui talks thk#i've been staring at this particular screenshot for a while and the way there's NO CONFLICT AT ALL on fadel's face just...#*sits in the corner with my head in my hands*#you guys are probably all really sick of me by now#I know I’m somewhat reiterating my point#but it hit me that this really is LOVE now…like I’ve been holding off on that conclusion for so long#because episode 4 gave us a confession of frustration#and episode 5 gave us a confession of fear#but this episode is fadel finally recognising the the has truly fallen in LOVE#and that makes epsisode 6 so much worse because it comes because fadel thinks style doesn’t love him in return
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Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - Traverse Town
#kingdom hearts dream drop distance#khddd#traverse town#scenery#my gif#trying my hand at giffing the worlds of this game despite the lack of a first person view (something i'm very upset about)#so i have to obtain and edit these shots in a very awkward manner#all while constantly being shoved around by my dream eaters#i'm so serious when i say making this set was really really frustrating lol#i can't find a free roaming camera mod or anything else that would be helpful for me#but i'll keep at it because i love looking at still shots of video game environments#and being able to share it with other people who enjoy it too#ANYWAYS traverse town is so beautiful in this game they added so many gorgeous areas with pretty glowing lights#i like the wacky whimsical mail room too and how there's this entire secret workshop hidden beneath that weird mailbox haha#the world really does feel magical and dreamy especially with its updated music#just realized the stars in the first gif are moving which is strange
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