#is your / blood authentic? is your blood / authentic? is your blood authentic? / can you prove it to me?

[ro-sham-no]

QUESTIONS FOR AN ABOMINATION, a poem by me.

[barksback]

@grimerse said: [ . . . ]

THE SNITCH HAS BEEN EXECUTED, fried to absolute oblivion as instructed. he’d begged and bargained the entire trek across the police station; with every key found within staged corpses, the man became more desperate, fighting the restraints despite knowing his fate. burlap-muffled sobs were quickly replaced with agonized screams as lever was pulled, electricity surging through the execution chamber, crackling through meat and bone until the screaming finally stopped. lever was released, and corpse sagged against its restraints. he’s nothing more than another prop to be strung up somewhere in the station, now. another trophy . . . or perhaps a warning to those who dare to question easterman’s truth.

IT’LL BE YOU IN THIS CHAIR SOMEDAY. YOU- YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

jake can still feel / see / hear it, even from the safety of the shuttle. hair on blood-caked arms stands on end, residual from the exposed nerve that is sergeant coyle and his damned shock baton. the snitch- he could’ve been anyone in the facility. now that jake really thinks of it, he did see someone being restrained over by the pharmacy not too long ago. if he tries hard enough, will he remember that face?

he isn’t sure if he wants to.

i’ve decided we’re going to be great friends, by the way.

reagent blinks back into himself, dark eyes snapping from the screen ( solid A; much better than he thought ) to the woman sitting across from him. she looks the same as he imagines himself right now: blood smeared this way and that, covering her hands and arms; hair a completely frazzled mess; various cuts, bruises and burns sprouting across pale skin. she’s staring expectantly, searching for something he now keeps contained; he’s eerily calm, expression cold and unreadable despite his aggression in the station ( favoring bricks and glass bottles above all else when coyle put his rig on the fritz ). you’re shit out of luck, i’m not interested in making friends here.

the shuttle halts, and jake stands. ‘ mmh. i’m sure you have, ‘ he mutters, before slinking past alessa and through the door.

[troubldacademic]

Is your sheep authentic?

[buttercuparry]

It is deeply sickening how even privacy has become a luxury for palestinians who are fundraising on this website. Since October 7th, Gazans have had to document their own genocide at great cost to themselves for no fault of their own;  they have had to risk their lives to show you the bombings; they have had to record themselves bleeding. 

They have had to show the tremendous personal loss they have suffered and their grief of it - all so that the Zionist narrative wouldn't be the only thing that gets peddled around in the digital space. But it seems like the more the months pass, and the atrocities keep mounting - the more people in the online space become desensitized to the suffering, and in fact are convinced that they are owed these documentation to even begin to care ( it has become especially clear after the recent smear campaign that put the entire demographic under horrible scrutiny ). 

It is honestly so disgustingly voyeuristic to me- this demand to be allowed into someone’s grief so that you can be convinced that they too are of flesh and blood, to demand that they put their suffering on display for your judgement on their authenticity, to put the burden on THEM to do the work of breaking you out of your easy apathy towards their suffering.

For months, my friend Siraj Abudayeh ( @siraj2024 ) has tried to protect his and his family’s privacy. For months he has talked of Gaza and given you updates as is his capacity as a journalist. He thought that this would be enough for the people to understand just how much his family has to fight everyday to survive. But it seems like that didn't really cut it for a lot of users on tumblr, because his fundraiser stagnates every 12 hours when his updates stop circulating around tumblr. 

So as much as it pains him to share this with an apathetic audience that may very well scroll past this post- he has agreed to talk a bit about his precious son, Amir, who has fallen sick with an infectious skin disease. 

So don't you dare ignore this!!

You have demanded that Siraj perform; that he prove that he is a real person with a real family to protect- so here is Siraj with a story about his son. It is a reflection of how desperate he feels to willingly give up the privacy he fought to protect for months. So you better pay attention now!

Siraj's son Amir is a stubborn boy. It is impossible to move him from his position once he is convinced of something. This also makes him competitive and Siraj is proud to say that Amir had been on his school’s swimming team. “First level in the swimming course,” Siraj tells me with obvious pride. Amir has an exceptional ability to memorize too- quickly moving through his lessons and thus almost always having a place in the school celebrations of outstanding students. 

Amir is stubbornly kind too. Amidst the bombings - this little boy didn't think of only saving himself. He carried his cat Jimmy all the way from the North of Gaza to the South. In Siraj’s words: He did not leave Jimmy for a moment, not even to take his shoes off, when it tore after hours of walking. 

The two month old cat died a month into their displacement - with no food available, Amir had to watch his beloved pet waste away, desperate and yet unable to help in anyway. Tell me now, is this horrifying tidbit sufficient documentation of Amir’s unchilding? Is this enough? 

Or do you also want to know of the shock Amir received on learning that his cousins have been martyred? Will you make Siraj describe this in all of its horrifying detail too? How his child has lost so much of his childhood to this war when he should be studying, going to school, and playing with his brothers and friends instead?

Their books, their school, their pet, their toys have all been lost in this genocide. Do they have to lay out all the indignities they are facing at your feet, do they have to lose the litle privacy they have left in that cramped, pest-ridden tent of theirs to convince you to not turn the other way?

Tell me what will finally be enough to make you pay attention?? What would be enough to convince you that Siraj’s survival fund is as much an emergency as all the other evacuation funds ?? I will ask him to share and we can all lay it out for you, because apparently some of you need a record of all that suffering presented to you like its a portfolio to give a fuck.

Siraj is tired, his wife Halima is too. Amir and his siblings have lost so much of themselves during these past 10 months. None of them are the people they used to be, and it is something they will carry for the rest of their lives!!

So please!

Please if Siraj has performed enough for you, then fucking donate to his campaign.

He has been fundraising from June!!! He has talked to hundreds of people and has bonded with enough of them to be considered a personal friend of theirs. Many have even agreed to share his story and many others have offered to hold commissions and raffles for him- but despite this, he still hasn't even crossed the halfway mark of his campaign yet!! What can a handful of friends do? When the mass of tumblr population isn't convinced of his suffering!

Amir is in constant pain right now due to the infection- and his brothers are beginning to show similar symptoms as him. They are all very unwell. 

The money would go to helping Amir and his brothers survive!!

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see this everyday when i personally know just how much Siraj sacrifices to make his presence known here- from braving the 3km route when he can get caught in crossfire- all so that he may have a hotspot connection at an exorbitant price. It burns away the money that might have gone into acquiring food and water.

WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!

SIRAJ NEEDS TO GET TO 40K WITHIN THIS WEEK SO THAT WE CAN BEGIN TO WORK TOWARDS THE LATTER HALF OF THE CAMPAIGN.

THIS IS URGENT. SIRAJ NEEDS TO MOVE ONTO HIS NEXT GOALS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO GET HIS KIDS TO SAFETY!

PLEASE DONATE ANY AMOUNT YOU CAN SPARE, THIS CANNOT WAIT.

Every MINUTE, every  SECOND we delay meeting his goal, it costs siraj and his family more than some of us will ever understand.

Please help him out. It is the least we can do right now-> vetting at 219 on Hussein's spreadsheet.

[devosin]

— LATE NIGHTS & FLASHING LIGHTS !! prologue : a series of unfortunate events . .

♡. Spotify playlist | Updates, every Friday !! — Vil Schoenheit x reader | Vil pov . .

Vil sighs, scrunching his eyes shut, which proved to be more difficult than it appeared with the mud mask that he applied over half an hour ago still on his face, currently drier than the gluten free bread he bought last week. He melted into his couch, feeling an overwhelming sense of boredom settle into his otherwise restless body. 

Before he knew it, he found himself mindlessly scrolling through Magicam, looking through the self proclaimed critique’s 30 to 60 second reviews on his new movie or the finale of some show he was in, for a hit of dopamine. Which clearly wasn’t working, as each video was the same thing washed over and over again repeated with new synonyms bundled together to sound authentic (Which it rarely was) and of course, there was those few criticisms here and there, nothing uncommon. 

Vil lays his head back, scrolling some more, “Influencer Tartaglia joins the new soon to debut boyband, D!CKZ—”, he shuts his phone and tosses it to the side carelessly . . Did he ever mention his distaste for influencers moving into the entertainment industry? . . It makes his blood boil, just a tiny bit, since most of the influencers tend to ruin it for a lot of genuinely talented and lesser known actors out there, not to mention they’re so-called talent is usually mediocre at best. 

And he could go on and list all the reasons why influencers do not deserve a spot in the spotlight with the elite, and they may all seem reasonable at first, but it’s a cover-up for the real reason.

He feels some weird sort of envy, towards those individuals who put in zero effort and somehow make it, and get all these big protagonist roles right away, and how they aren’t criticized for their faults or terrible acting skills, just because they have a huge built fanbase of delusional fangirls ready to defend them from the get-go. 

Or how they aren’t criticized when they look less than perfect on screen, although he appreciates that current age viewers can acknowledge that it’s only human to get acne or maybe a pimple here and there, he didn’t meet the same fate when he was younger . .  It just makes him feel bitter . . and he’d never speak those feelings into existence, but deep down he does feel a bit hurt by the shift, it sometimes makes him feel like all those previous breakdowns were for naught. 

Vil snaps out of his pity party for one, getting up and stretching, going into the bathroom to wash off the mask before it dries out his skin (It probably already has), burn-out has hit him hard, and as much as his love for acting runs-deep, he’d rather take a break before his audience starts noticing his shift in acting. 

Which is why he agreed to hosting the show in the first place, he wanted to switch up his career, for awhile at least, he’s taking a break from acting but doesn’t want to directly leave the industry, because it’s difficult to fit right back in place once you leave, as there's always someone who could come and steal your position, and maybe even do better . . that’s why this industry is so hard to survive in, and as pitiful as it sounds, he’s practically married to his work, he can’t exactly risk it, in peace. 

Vil dries his face with a towel and then moves to grab his moisturizer, when his work phone rings. 

“Hello, this is Amanda from Descendants. Inc. We talked before reguardinging ‘Late nights & Flashing lights’ . ” . . . “So, due to a multitude of reasons, we’re kind of in a time crunch to get the premiere launched, by the end of this month actually . . . but, we’ve received confirmation on who’ll be co-hosting with you, Y/n L/n!” 

“ . . . excuse me?” 

“This must be such a shock, but Y/n has actually been our top pick for this role, and the internet seems to really want to see the two of you on-screen together, considering your screen presence, I honestly think you two will be a perfect match for the show.”  

“I—”, Vil’s voice was hoarse as he tried to mentally wrap around all the information that was just dropped, “Ah—That’s time, we’re so excited to see you on set next week.” . . . “If you’d like, I could send you y/n’s number beforehand, so the two of you could talk things through?”, that seems to snap him back to reality, as the professionalism seeps right back into him, “That would be lovely, thank you.” 

The doorbell rings, informing Vil that his takeout that he ordered about two hours ago had finally arrived, but he didn’t feel like eating anymore.

Drinking is completely legal at 18-19 in my country, so I'm just putting that over here before someone tries fighting with me about it (This has happened before), also Vil is currently in his late 20's.

Don't expect everything to play off of Vil in-game, since this is placed like a decade into the future, so things will be changes and messed around with to fit the current age and setting more. <3

Profiles | Masterlist | Next chapter . .

— LATE NIGHTS & FLASHING LIGHTS !! ♡. Synopsis : VIL SCHOENHEIT recently signed a contract under Descendant. Inc for his very own late night show, only to find out his co-star and fellow co-host is none other than Y/n L/n, someone he hates despite knowing very little about them and never having met them, previously. Y/N L/N, an actor who made their debut 3 years ago and hasn’t been able to catch a break since, recently decided to sign a deal with Descendants. Inc to host their new late night show “late nights & flashing lights”, as a break from acting . . Only to find out their favorite long-time actor will be co-hosting with them. Tune in every Friday, for a new episode of “late nights & flashing lights” to see if these two hosts can find a peaceful work-bond amidst their judgements . . and quite possibly even love? . .

♡. Want spoilers ?! . . Join my server . . !! (or for updates)

— taglist ♡ ; @well-look-at-this , @honkai-freak , @kingnem10 , @merviolet-asks , @katzline , @pebble-bb , @meigalaxy , @lordbugs , @crowbird , @yuus3n , @azriel-sama , @reivelmin , @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 , @eliza-be-t-h , @feverish-dove , @yejiswifex , @l0v3r666 , @cece-cherries , @frootloopscos , @abell2029cluster , @ephemii , @alienlatteinspace

♡ . Ask to be tagged... (If you don't see yourself up here, I cant tag you)

© devosin , do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work without prior permission and or confirmation.

[somewhereincairparavel]

my favourite character exchange of all time between the hoo gang will always be this particular line from jason to nico in house of hades.

“Nico, you do choose how to live your life. You want to trust somebody? Maybe take a risk that I'm really your friend and I'll accept you. It's better than hiding”

jason doesn't say something like 'i'll make sure to prove myself to you' or 'i'll do everything I can to make sure I earn your trust' because they are empty words. especially considering that this was before jason knew about nico's past, he can't exactly do anything to make nico trust him, apart from offering support, because in the end, it was nico's choice whether to trust him or not.

yeah, some people might think jason was being 'cold' and 'shallow' for saying this, but jason genuinely MEANT well. he told nico that he's WILLING to be his friend even before he knew nico's past. this was before jason knew an OUNCE of nico's backstory. he gave some slightly harsh but brotherly advice to him.

jason didn't deliver any false promise to nico that everyone will love him no matter what and that everyone will always be kind to him in camp half blood (this strangely parallels w percy deliberately choosing to NOT promise nico that he'll keep bianca safe because percy knew that death is a possibility and didn't want to make any fake promises just because nico is a kid, percy tried his hardest to be honest with nico, that certainly caused problems of course, but we can see the pattern between how percy and jason both hated fake promises.)

also, in boo, will says “Oh, please. Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends or at least, people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you'd get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once”

i know I've seen alot of people use this excerpt as consensus of saying that will is super 'tone deaf' and 'insensitive'. but can you guys see the pattern here? will came off a lot more agressive bc of his romantic feelings, but we can see how will, jason and percy were sort of 'reality checks' that nico NEEDED. he had an inferiority and victim complex (which is very justifiable and valid considering how much trauma he faced, on the contrary i thought nico was being considerably calm with everything he's been through and deserved to yell way more. I quite related to nico a lot when it comes to the personality sometimes so jason's words definitely struck a nerve for me) but nico was always drawn to honesty.

nico had some of his earlier memories washed away by the river lethe to 'protect' him from more trauma, and nico was so attached to bianca that the thought of her leaving for the hunters of artemis felt like a personal betrayal. he was made to beleive that he and his sister were safe in camp half blood, and combining that w the whole lethe thing and hades generally trying to protect the di angelo family from the gods, you can see how much nico needed honesty and not coddling. because coddling and sheltering ruined his life and took away his light.

jason saying that nico needed to take risks as it comes with the package of love and friendship, and overall giving him authenticity, telling him that heartbreak and family can coexist, causes nico to be drawn to him and genuinely have him an eye opener.

jason knew what it was like to be held with fake promises his whole life, and even mentions it as a reason as to why he made sure he kept the promises he made. because he would never turn out to be like his two faces mother beryl.

I'll always believe that jason played a huge part in nico's overall character, and his death even more so.

[blessed-by-saturn]

Astro Observations (1)

These notes are really just based off of my observation of my personal placements as well as people close to me. This is a mix of natal placements and synastry placements

Natal Placements

Cancerian energy if underdeveloped can be domineering emotionally sometimes. A lot of the cancer dominant people around me that are underdeveloped tend to be emotionally unstable and rely on the people around them to ground them.

Wherever Neptune and Pisces is placed in your birth chart is where you experience the most projections/expectations from other people, but also where it is hardest for you to fully conceptualize about yourself. For example; having Pisces energy in the 7th and 8th house can cause you to experience people making assumptions about your relationship status or how you perform in the bedroom or manage money. At the same time you yourself may have a lack of understanding in how you present yourself as a potential partner or if you’re good in the bedroom or handling money.

Leo Risings in 20-29 degrees tend to attract attention much like other Leo risings, however they are more reserved and I feel more intimidating than a Leo Rising at 0-19 degrees.

Scorpio IC/4th house does indicate some issues with the home life, however if it’s healthy it’s not as bad as it could be. I think that some Scorpio 4th housers may feel an obligation to their family [doesn’t have to be strictly blood related]. They’re also pretty secretive about their home life and about personal information in general.

12th house dominant people tend to get bullied and outcasted a lot, seemingly for no reason. However they are one of the most authentic crowds out there. If I had one message to say to them it would be this: The people that are meant to be in your circle will prove themselves to you.

Eros and Aphrodite Natal Placements

I feel it’s important to note that I am inexperienced sexually, and that some of these placements can indicate why.

Eros [433] opposite Ascendant natally can cause you to feel like there’s two wolves inside of you /jk. Essentially, your sexual personality/fantasies differ from your regular image. For example, I have Eros in Scorpio in the 7th house. This translates as me desiring very intense and intimate sex with one special person that checks off all my boxes. I’m very particular and picky about who I want my first time to be with. It’s opposing my Ascendant in Taurus which causes me to come off as very laid-back and “nonchalant”, enjoying the finer things in life and going with the flow.

Eros [433] conjunct Sun both in the sign of Scorpio natally can cause you to be near constantly thinking about sexual fantasies. For me specifically with it being in the 7th house, I have the sexual fantasies of being with that one special person and engaging in various... activities.

Eros [433] square Moon can come as feeling guilty or just complex in general about your sexual nature. I used to be envious of the women who were sexually expressive because I didn’t know how to emulate that energy, especially being a virgin in a sexual society. The challenge to overcome with this placement is essentially creating your own form of sensuality/sexuality in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident.

Eros [433] in the 7th house conjunct Sun in the 6th house can cause people in the workplace or daily living areas to project their sexual fantasies onto you. I’ve had many people get flirtatious or handsy with me or make comments that honestly were not appropriate. But they all still have to do with the theme of “If we were together I’d do xyz with you./ You look like the type of partner who’d be into these things.” etc. which aligns with the 7th house theme of partnerships.

Aphrodite [1388] in 6th house can cause you to attract strong connections either romantically or platonically originating from the work place or routinely/daily living locations. I’ve also noticed that my work ethic is what tends to draw these people in or one of the main things that they compliment outside of looks.

^This is another one of those placements that I’ve noticed people get very flirtatious and needy with me - more specifically women. There are a lot of women who claim me as their “girlfriend/wife” and get very physically touchy with me (i.e. sitting on my lap, giving me unprompted massages, forcing me to touch them in intimate places).

^I personally believe this is because Eros [433] and Aphrodite [1388] are conjunct each other, as well as my Sun, very tightly and oppose my Ascendant. I also feel that because these asteroids are in Scorpio and, like I said prior, I’m very selective with who I want to give myself to intimately these people are literally sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to give them the greenlight on having sex.

Aphrodite [1388] square Moon can cause the native to be emotionally repressive with their crushes or to be neglectful of themselves in general. While I personally do not neglect my self care, I do tend to get emotionally withdrawn from people I have crushes on. I also can confirm that I feel I can’t fully embrace my beauty and that I have to downplay it in fear of garnering negative attention from women. However, as I get older I start to care less and less about outside opinion.

Synastry Placements

Having your Venus in someone’s 2nd house can cause the Venus person to be more of a gift giver. It’s not necessarily expensive things, but more of those “I saw this and it made me think of you so I got it.”

Having someone’s ascendant in your 5th house does not always indicate sexual/physical attraction. I personally feel more comfortable around the ASC person, like I can be more carefree and embrace my inner-child without being judged. The ASC person may also feel as though they can relax easier, but seem to be less likely to join in the antics every time.

Having your sun in someone’s 3rd house can make for fun and stimulating conversations. As the sun person, I tend to be the one doing the talking, initiating the conversations, and trying to get the house person to think outside the box. The house person is a good, active listener [usually], and contributes to the conversation in a way that makes me feel like I can talk forever. Yapper x Listener dynamic if you will. The House person feels as though they can communicate freely without being judged, and that the flow of conversation is pretty chill. There’s pretty open-minded discussions that go on with this placement

Having your ascendant in someone’s 9th house can be the Ascendant person teaching the House person new ways of thinking and introducing them to new philosophies. Alternatively, the House person helps the Ascendant person to evolve and grow through their own personal philosophy by prompting them with questions that forces them to reflect.

Having your Juno in someone’s 12th house can make you feel slightly obsessive over them. The love you have for the 12th house person is pure but all-consuming. You can be dismissive of the House person’s flaws because they make you feel so good and happy. However, the 12th house is also the house of hidden enemies, so when the connection starts to fall apart and the rose tinted glasses are off you start to feel like you were deceived or betrayed by the 12th house person, and possibly vice versa.

^ The 12th house person typically feels relaxed in the Juno person’s presence, depending on chart layouts, like they can be their true authentic self and the Juno person won’t judge or criticize them. The 12th house person can burned themselves by trying to live up to perceived expectations of the Juno person

[lieslab]

The look of love, the rush of blood

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Hyunjin X gn reader

Summary: You're enjoying the sunset and reminiscing outside when your boyfriend wakes up from a nap and joins you.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9K

A/N: I'm currently fighting a fever, but I saw a TikTok edit of Hyunjin and an idea sparked. Please tell me if this is a jumbled mess. I love that man, I hate winter, and I crave the colors and warmth of spring/summer. That's where this all started. He's so just pretty and talented, I hope he lives forever.

_ _ _

The edge of your nail bit into the soft skin of a peach with ease. One knee curled to your chest and the other knee was extended out towards the ground. Your bare foot pushed off the porch and you gently rocked yourself on the wooden swing. 

The stubborn-blue sky was finally fading away. Paint smears of lilacs and corals lined the sky’s canvas tonight. Long cotton clouds stretched until they pulled away from one another in layers. You learned that the sunset was the best time to wind down. 

Across the way, birds littered the backyard. Swiping their curved beaks through the grass, they searched for the last squirms of worms. The end of a worm, the hardened-shell of a seed, just a nibble of something to satisfy their evening hunger; even the smallest creatures get hungry before bed. 

Cold peach juice dripped down your chin. With each knock of the pit against your teeth, you were reminded how much you enjoyed the simplicity of it all. The soft breeze, the distant chirps, the sky of colors that you’d taken for granted so many nights before. 

It was Hyunjin that introduced this magic to you. You laughed as he tugged you to the back porch, but he insisted you needed to live in the moment. To look around and truly and authentically see it all. Away from electronic screens and the constant bright colors of advertisements. 

“Get out of your head and look around once in a while.” 

You laughed at how insistent he was. You couldn’t take him seriously, at first. The dropped sides of his lips and the poked out pout, it was childish. To make it better, you grabbed his hands, reached up, and pressed your lips against his. 

He tasted like wild citrus. It was a certain kind of rare sweetness. You didn’t know how to put it into words. When he plucked fresh-ripened oranges from a tree in the backyard, his kisses always tasted different. Something was lighter, the juice was sweeter, the kisses were better. 

Maybe it was because the trees were grown with your own love. When the sky was stubborn and the drops of rain refused to fall, Hyunjin was there with a small watering can and a voice of reason. He dubbed the tree a she and ran his hand over the grooves in her bark. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Hydrating our baby. What’s it look like I’m doing? Have you seen the weather report lately? She needs water.” 

The rich soil contained enough moisture, but letting the days tick by without watering her, Hyunjin swore it felt wrong. He personified one tree and then another. Another and another. 

As the summer season stretched, so did his love for the trees. The two of you didn’t plant the trees, but the previous owners did. A couple from the 60’s grew with those citrus trees. The lemons, the limes, the oranges; they were all grown with love. Not a day went by where they didn’t experience some sort of it. 

They heard it call out from the front of the house when you waved Hyunjin good-bye and blew him a kiss. The mere seconds in which you kissed one another was too short. Wanting to prove that his love would go with you, he was the first to blow you a kiss. When you did it back, he panicked. 

“Don’t send my love back to me, you idiot! Keep it! Keep my love! I don’t give it out freely, you’re supposed to cherish it!” 

The citrus trees caught glimpses of love beneath their sprouted leaves. They saw through sheer curtains and watched the two of you sneak kisses during mundane activities. Whether it was a drive-by kissing or stopping to grab the other’s hand. Lips pressed against fingers and the invisible print stained palms. 

They heard it when French ballads drifted through the open windows. At the top of your lungs and with the wrong vowels, you sang the songs poorly, but passionately. No matter how touching the lyrics were, you loved to spice it up with the wrong kinds of dance moves. Hyunjin laughed and laughed and laughed. In your pajamas, with your hair pulled back, love looked good on both of you. 

Your love fed their growth. Hyunjin’s love, more specifically, fed that specific citrus tree. The sweetened fruits appeared early this season. He swore they were bigger and sweeter this year. 

Sunlight reflected in his eyes as he dug against the first fruit of the season. You watched with amusement as he dug at the peel and forced his nails beneath the stubborn skin. Success never tasted sweeter and he saved the second taste for you. 

“Hey, you! Come here, you’ve got to try this! Look what we did!” 

He waved the fruit high overhead. The wafting sugared scent caught the attention of a nearby bumble bee. The fuzzy thing drifted closer and closer until its fuzz brushed against the side of Hyunjin’s hand.

“Um, babe, I think that was all you this year.” 

He didn’t hear you over the sound of his terrified scream. 

The citrus was sweeter with his presence. After escaping the bee, he held the fruit to your lips and watched as you took a bite. As you bit through the stringy fibers, his thumb wiped away a dribble of juice from your bottom lip. 

“Have you considered becoming a citrus farmer?” 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. He brushed off your words and turned to the side to hide his growing smile. Your compliments knew how to slip beneath his skin and warm his heart. Even if you never meant it, he was enamored by your attempts to express your love. 

Love was never boring with you. 

Shuffling footsteps drew your attention like a moth to a flame. You pushed back a stray piece of hair, licked excess peach juice from your lips, and glanced up to find a sleepy Hyunjin padding through the back glass sliding door. Messy bits of dark hair stuck out in every direction. Half-lidded eyes captured the expression of the near sleep that once was. 

“You finally made it out here.” 

He didn’t respond right away. The golden chimes across the way swayed in the breeze. The soft chiming and the brush of warm air across his face, it was so calming. He wanted to wrap this moment in time and stick it in his back pocket. At a later date, he’d pull it out and be able to truly cherish the details of it all. 

His fingers curled into his fists and stretched overhead. On his tiptoes, every muscle in his body stretched towards the sky. A yawn began to grow and your eyes wandered down to his torso, knowing what would happen. 

The white fabric lifted and revealed the single mole that sat near his hip. How could someone doing something so domestic cause your heart to pump so fast? The honeyed skin was there and then it was gone; a quick peek that was lost to the blimp of time. 

“Why are you eating a peach?” His voice came out groggy. He padded over, crawled up next to you, and nuzzled into your thighs. His eyes slipped shut while he cherished the skin-to-skin contact. “I just picked more oranges this morning.” 

“Because I like peaches better than oranges.” 

“The oranges I grew with love?” 

“We’ve been over this and I’m sorry.” A non-sticky finger on your free hand brushed a strand of dark hair from his face. “You know that I like peaches just a little bit more than oranges. Even when they’re grown by you, I prefer peaches more.” 

His eyes reopened and found your gaze. You brushed at a stray drip of peach juice that slipped across your wrist. “I love that about you.” He whispered his words softly while he gently grabbed your wrist and brought it to his mouth. 

The warmth of his tongue hit your quickened pulse and your breath hitch. He was constantly doing things like this and catching you off guard. His actions of intimacy were about as soft and sweet as the oranges from the citrus tree he grew. Nobody to watch or judge, just the two of you, and your skin. 

Quickened hearts, gentle touches, and the supple sweetness of fruit. Sewn into kisses and tangled into one another. To be loved was to be known. Nobody out there knew you better than him. 

“I love you.” 

Your words leapt from your mouth before you could stop them. Embarrassment warmed your cheeks and a chuckle fell from his lips. You felt it vibrate against his soft lips and it vivified your life. 

You swore the brown in his eyes lightened and for a brief moment, something exchanged between the two of you. A love so pure and one so rare, it was unheard of these days. Through the thick and thin, you two were glued together at the hip. 

He coaxed and hydrated your own soul. His touches fed you in ways you’d never known existed. This house wasn’t just a house, it was a home. Your roots wrapped around one another and the two of you would continue to grow here. 

Through the sideways sheets of a spring rain, the overpowering heat in the summer, the mourning of fall, and the death in winter; you were certain you could do it all beside him. As long as your roots stayed intertwined and the leaves never died, you could do this until your final breath. 

When rot carved out your insides and your limbs began to wither, you’d do whatever you could to stay afloat for him. Another season, another month, another day, and another hour. 

Citrus trees didn’t grow overnight, but it sure felt like your love did. Hyunjin pushed himself from the swing, causing you to shift, and he jerked away. “Hang on, I’ll be back.” 

You waited and waited and waited. Your foot gently pushed you and you rocked in the settling sunlight. When the door reopened, the scent of citrus bloomed. You glance over to find an orange half-peeled. 

He slumped onto the other side of the swing and let both feet touch the wooden deck. Your single foot followed the gentle rhythm. You watched without a word as his slender fingers dug into his own fruit. 

The sympathy of birds, the wind-chime, and dwindling sunlight. Love was gentle and kind. Tranquility sat between the middle of your bodies and made itself at home. After a few tugs and discarded orange peels to his side, he handed a slice of orange out to you. 

You stared at it for a moment and your eyes went back to your own fruit. Dripping with peach juice, it was impossible to pull out a neat slice. Instead, you dug your thumb into the soft flesh and jerked a chunk off of your half-consumed fruit. 

A half-smile appeared on his face as the two of you traded your respective fruits. You nibbled on your piece and let your head rest back against the edge of the swing. Your eyes went over when Hyunjin uttered your name. 

“Let’s never change for the other.” 

“I agree.” 

Every peach has a pit and, although some oranges come seedless, that doesn’t take any value away from the peach. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lia-linny @seungnishi @stellasays45 @emilyywhyy @rockstarkkami @flightlessackerman @danihwang882

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

Ko-fi

[asoftepiloguemylove]

i think my body is falling in pieces i think my blood is passing me by

Micah Nemerever These Violent Delights / I.B. Vyache Excerpt 07.01.21 / Silas Denver Melvin excerpt from Grit: A Poetry Collection / Christa Wolf excerpt from Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays / Ethel Cain Family Tree (Intro) / unknown / Fiona Apple Left Alone / Richard Siken The Worm King's Lullaby / Gwen Benaway Holy Wild

i. Micah Nemerever, These Violent Nights

[ "I don't think you've ever felt anything that didn't hurt you. / We've found each other, out of everyone else in the world. Does that hurt, too?" ]

ii. I.B. Vyache, Excerpt 07.01.21

[ "It's time to forgive my hands for being hands. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow." ]

iii. unknown

[ "have you shot a gun? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? can you prove it to me?" ]

iv. Christa Wolf, Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays

[ "You looked at me / (did you still see me?)" ]

v. Ethel Cain, Family Tree (Intro)

[ "The fate's already fucked me sideways / Swinging by my neck from the family tree / He'll laugh and say, 'You know I raised you better than this' / Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me" ]

vi. unknown

[ "I fight. I resist. It doesn't even matter what I resist; there is simply something in me that tends to resist things as they are. I have been fighting since I was very small." ]

vii. Fiona Apple, Left Alone

[ "[Chorus] / How can I ask anyone to love me / When all I do is beg to be left alone?" ]

viii. Richard Siken, The Worm King's Lullaby

[ "Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." ]

ix. Gwen Benaway, Holy Wild

[ "I am tired of explaining the fire, / it burns because it must." ]

[ruruumin]

blisters on the wall

₊˚ ᗢ college au! alhaitham x gn! reader.

⤷ when the noise gets too much, he reaches out to catch you.

it was rather common for the average college student to be stressed. it just came with the job, some would say. for every class, you must maintain perfect attendance. every hand raised must be accompanied by irrefutable fact. all while paperwork flood the hall as seasons pass. desks become messier by the day. loose pens and coffee cups left abandoned. liquid having dried into a crude crescent.

from corner to corner, wall to wall, there will always be a new bundle of words waiting to be solved. a new equation. a new theory. a new thesis. a new idea. the world is filled with mysteries that you must uncover and reveal. and it can't be anyone else. not the adults or elders in your life, it must be you. it had always been you.

you forced a smile as your professor raised your hand, presenting your essay in front of the class. sounds of awe echo alongside joyous claps. but your cheeks were beginning to hurt. with teeth clenched so tightly, you thought your gums might split.

you must uphold this standard. if not for yourself, then for your parents, friends, peers, and instructors. eyes will always be on you when the spotlight follows. the weight of the world's future comes down to you. change must be produced. sacrifices must be made. with blood, sweat, and tears, you rip through the fabric of this earth, desperately reaching for answers that could prove you worthy. searching endlessly through space to deliver what you think the people need.

you have a test next week. one that you estimate will take a four days to fully prepare. a paper is also due this friday, cutting your time to study short. your thesis is right around the corner. you're so close to breaking through and showing it to your advisor. your club was depending on you to manage the event organization. you had friends to take care of and spend time with. family to attend to and see. dreams to fantasize. and all this work, you don't know what to do. where to start. where to go. what will you do when everything is done?

where is the end?

in the corner of your eye, you failed to see a familiar, silvered-haired student slowly clapping. unimpressed by the fake smile that you've taped across your face.

he reads you so easily. he knows you like the back of his hand. he knows the bad habit you have of biting the tips of your fingers, the uneven surface having dragged across his skin with a hiss. he knows when you're stressed, you become quieter and distant. replying less and less to his messages, he knows this all too well.

he has always seen you, even if you've never looked back at him. it was like that since you were children. only a few months older than him, he trails behind you in every park. you were one step ahead of him. sports, science, math, english, art. everything.

you were his light.

and yet, he can see you flickering on and off. the radiant brilliance you've always surrounded yourself was beginning to fade in front of his eyes. you were dancing between uneven ships, struggling to keep afloat in this never-ending storm.

when he places a cup of coffee beside you, will you see his support? when he lets you lean your head against his shoulder, will you see the authentic smile he gives as he brushes your hair? when he lets you study at his apartment because you were locked out of your building, will you understand how much he cares?

when your friends approach you, dragging you through the busy mall to buy you new clothes, will you see how much you mean to them? or must you be so blind that you cannot see how brightly everything is when you're here?

how much longer will it take for you to see, what you were doing is enough?

standing in front of your club, you stare in shock as each person raises their voice. shouting over one over the other. arguing over simple plans, something you were in charge of. they were pushing and shoving. screaming insults that they can never take back.

and you try to pull them apart. trying not to lose your voice as theirs grow louder. the buzzing in your ears is an explosive firework that is going off. and your heart was pounding at the forefront of your chest. you could feel it bouncing off of your ribcage and into the back of your throat.

things were going horribly wrong. it was just a plan you pitched in your half asleep state and now everything is plummeting downhill. oh, how you wish you could turn back time and rewrite those words. maybe they wouldn't fight anymore. instead, because of your careless mistake, your desperation to finish your papers, you failed to foresee this.

you feel tears threaten to break your happy facade. oh god, everything is your fault, isn't it? they're fighting because of you.

getting off the floor, you run through the halls. shoving through crowds to search for the familiar pathway to your home. clutching your ears in the hopes of deafening the noise, you pray that someone could take you away from this hell you've created for yourself.

it's all your fault.

if you had more time,

if you were better,

it wouldn't be your fault.

in the blur of tears, you see your friend's face.

"alhaitham!"

you crash into him with a heavy sob as he wraps his arms around you tightly, catching you a mere seconds before your knees buckled. squeezing you close to his heart, he holds his hands over your ears. his name is like a breath of fresh air, your head creeping out from the waves that drown you.

the world goes quiet.

for once in his life, he pleads for you to ignore the flushed pink color of ears and see how much you mean to him. move past these papers and see him. hear him when he tells you that you're enough. feel the warmth in his skin so you know the way he burns for you.

⤷ notes; mainly a vent/comfort post. it feels way more unpolished and raw but i think it sort of matches the overall tone.

[celestialprincesse]

𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧 𝐆𝐨 - 𝐓𝐰𝐨

Pt2 to this Nik x Hyperfem!reader because I couldn't leave it alone and it's been gnawing at the back of my brain all day

You don't hear the first knock at the door. It's no surprise with the way you're wrapped up in the blissful comfort of your own little world. Being able to tune out to the soft sound of your playlist, the feeling of gently applying your favourite lotions and creams, the moisturiser you'd spent far too much on that leaves you smelling like coconuts and caramel. The second knock snaps you from the pretty pink haze you've drifted into, sending you bounding down the stairs, not even bothering to check the peephole as you fling open the front door.

It's him. He has your plate in his hand, the sharlotka plate, and not only is it clean, but it bears a slightly odd, misshapen cake. You look up at him with hopeful confusion. "I brought you back the plate." He states, as though you're blind, or just stupid. "I can see that." Your attempt at a dismissive, uninterested tone, falls entirely flat when you look up at him like an eager puppy. "I also made cake." Said cake looks distinctly like an attempt at a Victoria Sponge, although you're not quite sure.

Under his scrutinising look, you can't help but rock on your feet in your impractical little shoes. He barely manages to refrain from scoffing at the sight of them. "Would you like to come in?" Nikto's eyes hone on the way you open the door just slightly wider in a tentative invitation.

Barbie would recoil at how girly your house is. It's pink and frilly, gauzy with satiny ribbons and bows on everything. He feels so incredibly wrong here, like he'll stain your fluffy white carpets with blood, darken the soft lamplight with the shadows that cling relentlessly to his back. "Would you like some tea?" You mumble, indicating a nervous hand to your pink smeg kettle as though to prove the authenticity of your offer. "Do you have Russian Earl Grey?" "Uh -" You mutter as you root through your cupboards, filled with all sorts of fruity infusions. "I only have regular."

The two of you sit quietly around your dining table and whilst you sit forking pieces of crumbly, somehow simultaneously soggy, Victoria sponge into your mouth, Nikto sits there trying to find a way to drink his tea without showing you his face. "I am sorry." He murmurs softly, having stewed for the last week about how foolish he'd been in treating you so dismissively. It hasn't helped that he's fucked his hand every night for the past seven days at the image of you and your silly little doll clothes in his head. "If you would still like to, I would like to take you for a meal."

Temporarily fixing their situation!! like using pink glitter glue on the cracked hull of a ship!! 💕

[thebisexualdogdad]

Summer road trip with the batfam (batfam x GN!reader)

● so Bruce rented an RV for the batfam to go on a three month coast to coast road trip

● no crime fighting, just family time

● with you, Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Barbara, Duke, Cass, Stephanie and of course Haley and Ace it was a bit of a tight squeeze

● Alfred was back at home taking a much needed work free staycation

● Kate was also invited but she refused to be stuck in an RV with ten other people all summer, she and Alfred are happy having breakfast together once a week

● Bruce drives the entire time with Damian as his navigator

● mostly because Damian and Jason would kill each other if they weren't separated

● Jason has purposely instigated fights with Damian by eating his snacks clearly labeled 'Damian' on them

● and sometimes Jason gets accused when it was actually Cass who took Damians snacks

● Barbara has every kind of first aid or bug repellent you can think of

● you stop to go kayaking and she pulls six different kinds of sunscreen out of her bag

● Cass is the one delegated to documenting the trip

● and she takes her job very seriously

● she never not has her camera in her hands either taking pictures or videos

● Stephanie "no Cass we do not need photos of the gas station bathroom"

● and she has photos of everyone sleeping in weird positions on the rv

● and a video of Jason snoring to prove to him that he does in fact snore

● you all take turns on where you guys sleep

● there's one queen sized bed in the back that fits three and the two couches turn into a bed that fits another three and the rest are in sleeping bags on the floor

● Ace and Haley however always sleep cuddling someone in the nice comfy queen bed

● Tim has researched every single place you guys are stopping at

● Bruce thought it would be fun to just wing it and see what happens

● but Tim would not let that happen, he has the entire trip planned out down to what towns you would need to stop in for gas

● places everyone requested to go that Tim denied

● Bruce: the world's biggest ball of yarn because it's a classic road trip must see

● Dick: the corn palace

● Jason: vegas

● Damian: probably like a sword museum in the middle of nowhere that he somehow knows has an authentic ancient sword the museum thinks is a replica

● Barbara: the mothman museum

● Stephanie: Roswell

● Duke: the first taco bell

● Cass: dinosaur world

● you do stop at multiple national parks

● going hiking and swimming in little lakes with their own waterfalls

● Jason tries to sneak a snake he finds back onto the RV

● Duke "Oh no, absolutely not, get that thing out of here"

● Damian "you afraid of a little old snake Thomas?"

● Duke "that thing is not little, it is a deadly creature and I do not want it anywhere near me!"

● the RV breaks down outside a town in Wyoming with no cell service

● you all argue about who has to walk the five miles into town to get help

● Bruce and Dick are the two that end up having to do it

● when they return Damian has Tim in a headlock and Cass is taking video of it

● the random guy with the tow truck they brought back "uhh are they okay"

● Bruce "Oh yeah this is normal for them"

● you and Stephanie ended up breaking the no crime fighting rule when you went into a convenience store for more snacks and walked right into a robbery in action

● you two kicked their asses with ease, tied them up for the cops and bought your snacks like nothing happened

● Barbara back at the RV "Y/N is that blood on your face?"

● "nope don't worry about it!"

● Dick brings lots of board games to play while on the road

● Tim and Damian go way too hard trying to win which you have to play mediator for before they try to throw each other out the moving RV

● Jason still loses even though he cheats

● and Stephanie pretends not to know the rules just to mess with Tim and Damian

● you also stop at a bunch of campgrounds, telling ghost stories and having s'mores around a fire

● Barbara "has anyone seen Jason?"

● Dick "I'm pretty sure he said something about being excited to finally cross off peeing in the woods off his bucket list"

● Duke "he has the weirdest bucket list"

● a lot of you are big readers so there's books packed everywhere

● Duke "ooh we should have a book club"

● Jason "absolutely not you're lucky I even participate in Grayson's lame board games"

● Damian "for once I actually agree with Todd"

● you guys finally make it to the west coast and you all stumble out of the RV

● Tim "thank God this trip is finally over"

● Bruce "Tim we are only half way, we still have another month of driving back to Gotham"

● Stephanie "I should have stayed home with Alfred"

[barksback]

@frfld said: i'm too certain that you can do better. i want you to do better.

GRIMY FINGERS LEAVE BLOODY PRINTS ALONG THE EDGES OF THE REPORT, reagent scowling down at the red B- tucked into the upper corner. subject shows true skill and demonstrates innate survival instinct, but brute-forces through obstacles. resourceful, but relies heavily on stun rig to navigate through the environment. had he taken longer, been less efficient, that glaring red mark would likely be much lower. like i give a damn.

glare is now pointed at mr. fairfield, sitting at his desk with his hands clasped on top, head tilted, green eyes forever probing, searching, waiting. ‘ you want me to do better than this? ‘ subject scoffs, waving the report now, resisting the urge to tear it in two, or to crumple the pages and lob the ball at fairfield’s head. you don’t need another reason for the pencil-pushers to call for security. ‘ it’s all i can do to not get fucking killed in there, fairfield, and you want me to improve upon my performance? you want me to do better? ‘ i’m not even supposed to fucking be here! they want to shout, desperate for someone to believe them, but his insistence upon never signing up for this sick joke always falls upon deaf ears, doing little more than getting them sedated and thrown back into their cell room. for his own good, of course, it’s all just apart of the therapy. let us help you. the doctor knows best.

his head is full of cotton.

he sees the way fairfield tenses, only slightly, as their voice raises. am i making you nervous? is this uncomfortable for you? boo fucking hoo. still, he chooses his next words carefully, cornered animal growling through gritted teeth, voice now strained and low; ‘ what i’m doing now is my best. i don’t give a fuck about the therapy, i‘m just trying to survive. ‘

[krispycreamcake]

If you killed someone in the Sakamaki household (part 2)

Laito Sakamaki

🃏- Ok so Laito might be the most complicated to explain so far, so bare with me I beg

🃏- He'd find it amusing that you managed to actually bring yourself to kill someone, especially a vampire

🃏- He'd use this person's death to teach you a thing or two about "discipline"

🃏- And to further dig into that, he'd basically use it as a way to show dominance over you

🃏- An example of this could be him slicing your neck enough to draw blood but not deep enough to kill you, while simultaneously feeding off of you

🃏- Seeing as he's the closest with Ayato, compared to the rest of his brothers, I don't think it'd bother him that much to be honest

🃏- He'd definitely be taken aback but like I said, find it somewhat entertaining

🃏- And remember that thing I said about him disciplining you?

🃏- He'd make sure you remember your place as prey

🃏- But internally, he'd wonder why you didn't kill him, which in turn would bring up a lot of unwanted questions

🃏- He'd question whether or not you actually might have feelings for him because of this seeing as that's the only possible outcome

🃏- On the opposite side of things, he might think that you murdered one of his brothers just to torment and spite him

🃏- And I say this because it's canon that he does crave death

🃏- So he might think that you're secretly torturing him, playing mind games

🃏- And if we go back a bit to him questioning if you really do have feelings for him

🃏- He'll think your pathetic or slow witted seeing as how he thinks he's "broken" and no longer can be his authentic self

🃏- He'll also consider the possibility that he might also be next and question your motives

🃏- He'd slowly come to dislike you because of this and other factors as well

🃏-For one, he'd wonder why this was bugging him so much and he'd try to force your motives out of you and your true intentions

🃏- This will have a domino effect which will then cascade into him reevaluating himself and thinking about how you both may be similar in a sense

🃏- Give me like a quick second to explain

🃏- By him feeling the need to "reveal" yourself and why you did what you did, he's then hit with the realization that he too hides behind a facade to trick others

🃏- In any case if he finds out you killing his brother is as simple as you being driven past insanity like he originally thought, he'll find himself a bit pathetic for delving into something so trivial as deep as he did

🃏- If it was maybe Ayato that you killed by chance, he'd be a bit devastated honestly

🃏- Him and Ayato are definitely close despite their hatred towards one another

🃏- Would probably lock himself in his room but knowing Laito, he'd pretend to be okay even if he wasn't

🃏- He'd feel as if Ayato was still yet to help him from back then and now he'll never have the opportunity to prove himself as the big brother he once knew

🃏- If you killed Yui, he probably wouldn't care as much

🃏- Like I said many times before, this is highly dependent on their current relationship with her

🃏- Like Ayato, he'd feel the need to punish you for taking away something that was his

🃏- If his and Yui's relationship was well developed, he'd go into a depressive slump and kill you out of blind rage

Kanato Sakamaki

🧸- Wouldn't care honestly

🧸- I know that's a strong start but let me explain

🧸- Kanato doesn't really hold any strong ties within his family seeing as he often isolates himself

🧸- Like everyone else, he'd question how in the world you managed to pull off such a feat

🧸- In a similar sense to Laito, he'll use this as an opportunity to remind you of your place and reinforce the whole predator and prey dynamic

🧸- He might even think you did it out of love

🧸- If that was the case, he'd be literally overjoyed and encourage you to kill the others like he did to Yui in one of his route endings

🧸- I can't honestly say he'd act any particular way if you killed a specific brother

🧸- Might ask you how you killed them and even ask you to see the body

🧸- Would be shocked if you were still somewhat sane after that

🧸- And I say that because he's one to be perceptive of others, but just doesn't voice it until he needs it as leverage

🧸- So if he noticed you were still mentally intact, he'd be glad because he loves you

🧸- I'm joking, that's not the reason

🧸- He'd be glad because this meant he gets to try breaking you, seeing as you can withstand killing in cold blood

🧸- He's also curious as to what exactly your limits are and try different things to cross your mental line

🧸- Would subtly give you hints on how to kill the rest of his brothers

🧸- Might also get an erection

🧸- Who honestly knows

🧸- Okay but in all seriousness, wouldn't care that much and would rather dive into YOUR mind and figure out what made your gears grind

🧸- Super sorry his was so short, he's just a nonchalant dreadhead 😞

Subaru Sakamaki

🥀- Surprised honestly

🥀- As much as he hates his brothers, he does still see them as his brothers no matter how annoying they are

🥀- Which in turn makes that more annoying

🥀- He'd definitely be the one to give the eulogy and tear up a bit, just a bit

🥀- If you killed out of self defense instead of just plain murder, he'd 100% understand and wouldn't even be mad

🥀- He'd ask you the whole runaround with why and how you did it

🥀- "Heh, you're a lot stronger than you let on"

🥀- He'd think a bit more highly of you and say you have more sense than a lot of the women who came here as sacrifices

🥀- Like Laito, wouldn't be able to wrap his head around why you didn't kill him

🥀- You'll probably have to explain why though if you ever want him to open up to you

🥀- Would get frustrated with you because you didn't choose to kill him despite him being a "monster"

🥀- Due to his relationship with Christa, he has a beyond fucked up interpretation of death

🥀- Would get a little jealous if he thinks you killed them out of love

🥀- He'd never show it though (he would)

🥀- Speaking of never showing things, if he was even a tiny bit sad that his brother died he'd try his best to hide it

🥀- Might criticize his brothers for not caring enough

🥀- And I say that only because the only other brothers left are siblings

🥀- So he'd kinda question how shallow they really were if they weren't even the slightest bit affected

🥀- Since we know Subaru's favourite brother is Shu, he'd honestly be sad if he was the one who died

🥀- He'd probably think about him from time to time and be the one brother who references to back when he was alive the most

🥀- The others would pick up on this but never say anything

🥀- Except for Reiji

🥀- If it was Yui, he'd be so upset

🥀- Since we all know how Subaru is

🥀- He'd never show it in case of being embarrassed by his brothers

🥀- Would be mad at you but to keep up his facade, he'd need to avoid you so it looks like he isn't affected

🥀- If he already had a bond with Yui, yes you guessed it

🥀- Death, death, death, you die. I cannot emphasize this more, you WILL die

From author: Firstly, sorry this one was kinda late, we didn't have wifi😓 Secondly, I loved this request and I know I kinda went character analysis-y with this so I apologize for that😭 Anyways hope you guys are doing good!

[bitter-panacea]

Goultard's accidental queer coding

(And, incidentally, why I headcanon Goultard as transfem/not cis)

Disclaimer : i say goultard's queer coding is accidental because i really dont believe that gou was intended to be read as queer when tot wrote him. Nonetheless, the subtext is still present and i believe any queer person would assume goultard to be somewhat queer while reading the manga. Interpretation can be different from intention. Also, and this applies to most of what i post, i share my personal analysis and interpretation and everyone is free to have their own.

(I got lazy and don't want to format this post properly, so this mess is what you get lol)

Pariah to hero.

Goultard was an outcast since he was born. A very common trope in queer coding.

After he proves himself worthy by showing he can be of use to the village. He's respected, adored, almost worshipped. But only as long as he fulfills the narrow role people want and expect from him. He's rejected and insulted as soon as he doesn't fit into this role.

Strict traditional masculine gender roles are forced on him. The protector. Stronger than any opponent, stronger than himself and his emotions...

I also think of his condition of being a son of iop, this sword of damocles hanging over his head, as a nature that is imposed onto him over and over again when he didnt choose it and doesnt want it. Being a warrior is supposedly in his blood its what hes good at and therefore should do, settling down and having a family is supposedly contrary to this nature. Even though its what makes him the happiest.

I wonder if traditional gender roles vary from one class to another. Is there any specificity between iop men and iop women. If iop men are by default considered more iop than iop women. Is feminity synonym with weakness for iops. Must a iop woman choose to never settle down and stay a real iop or abandon her warrior status/her iopness to raise offspring at home while the iop men can keep fighting. Maybe class affects the form sexism takes.

Ive joked about gou being in a polycule with three outcast witches being proof he isnt cishet and that the three of them were waiting for gou to figure his shit out... kinda real

After being possessed by the symbiote,

(Which can also be seen as him failing at his role of protector, failing to protect his family. He blames himself for it) the way he's rejected, dehumanized, called a monster, a creature, specifically not a man, and at the same time mocked, can be very reminiscent of queer phobia.

His relationship with the symbiote is reffered as them being a couple and compared to a romantic/sexual relationship.

It feels to me like, while gou was possessed, and shortly after, he could allow himself to step out of that preconceived idea of masculinity that comes with being a "hero", and indulge in the gray areas. Not a human or a demon, not a god or a mortal, not a man or a woman. While still having deeply internalized cisheteronormativity, grasping for some "normality" whenever he's faced with someone else's opinion of him. Needing to justify and prove he is not queer, prove he's man enough, prove he isnt weak, like he needs to convince himself as well as everyone else. Hating the subject but bringing it up unprompted. Always overcompensating.

There is something reminiscent of being in a queer relationship for the first time and it happens to be incredibly abusive. You might feel like the abuse is worth it if it means being allowed to be more authentically yourself, you tell yourself your abuser understands you and loves you for who you really are even if they hurt you, and the queerness of the relationship isolates you, making it impossible for you to get help to leave said relationship.

But much later, when his reputation got better (how much did he have to do with it, how much of his reputation is what he carefuly built it to be) and he had to take his father's power and become the new iop god, the pressure to act a specific way, to fit into this box, would have come back. The whole "iops dont cry" thing with gou denying and hiding his emotions in wakfu.

He's often reduced to that image of the unbeatable warrior, the ideal masculinity, the very definition of what a iop should be... what he thinks he should be.

He gets enraged at his fans for essentially worshipping a fake idealized and shallow version of him, making money off of his image and reputation, but rejecting him as a person, his humanity. They dont want to know who he truly is. He wants to be respected for his heroic actions, not because of this fake idealized vision people have of him.

(isnt it fucking hilarious that this is exactly what wakfu and a lot of the fandom does to him too sorry I'll stop being a hater).

Goultard's reputation and how he feels about it is a fascinating subject. Very confusing but thats because he is himself confused about what he wants it to be, but it sure is extremely important to him.

In the end, goultard recognizes the only people who knew and understood him are dead.

His emotions are seen as unmasculine and ridiculous because theyre too intense (seen as hysteric, too sensitive) Vil smisse says he's "worse than a chick". They say he has his mother's character whos literally named cabotine (hysteric).

He sees himself as a poet, someone sentimental, complains that people don't see it, don't recognize it, can't/don't understand this part of him. Kills an entire village because they didnt appreciate this part of him (a little excessive maybe lmao)

The way he presents, wears dresses as a child, skirts later in life, long hair with accessories... not necessarily effeminate but kinda androgynous hes gnc af or whatever. (I dont know what other people think but he always looks super androgynous to me, except in wakfu) Hes very goth looking in the manga which is also queercoded in itself.

His entire relationship with arty like come on.

People call him a homo and assume hes a homo thats pretty queer coded to me lol

Even the text makes fun of him for being the way he is. Hes often shown to be sort of a ridiculous person. Its not just the other characters who think that. They dont really expect you as a reader to sympathize with gou for being ridiculed. There are a few moments that feel gratuitously sadistic towards gou.

Arty also gets disrespected/has homophobia directed at him but always in relation to gou

(People assume arty's queer BECAUSE he's with gou), gou is disrespected/has homophobia directed at him way more and not always because of his relationship with arty (people assume gou's queer because he looks and acts in ways that make people think hes queer)

The whole thing with arty being a dragon is pretty queer coded too, discovering his true nature and being rejected for it, learning to accept himself etc...

But its such a classic trope it also fits other interpretations. Im thinking notably about growing up mixed, hes rejected for not being "human" enough but also not "dragon" enough, too much like a "human" or too much like a "dragon" having trouble figuring out his identity and accepting it, he inherits a long, complex and painful history from one side of his origins, fights to be seen as legitimate by the other dragons, very steven universe-esque.

And it's just very much coming-of-agey in general. His body changing and having new confusing emotions that he struggles to control. Facing new responsibilities. Kind of spiderman like. They do make a little joke about artys adoptive grandpa crail being like his version of uncle ben. So its also a metaphor for growing up in general.

[blorbocedes]

that talk about self belief is really important and something I think other drivers could benefit from hearing in f1, which keeps pushing the "having that dog in you," "he has a championship mentality but he doesn't," and really just ideologies that further stigmatize mental health struggles. it's refreshing to hear a world champion say something like that actually.

you have to be able to contextualize nico is saying this NOW, almost 8 years after he retired. he has no skin in the game now.

in 2016 and before, he was absolutely saying to the media "of course I believe I can be world champion" regardless of he did or not.

because the f1 media landscape is brutal, as much as we talk about #authenticity why on earth would you hand them this insecurity on a silver platter? can you imagine how fucked his mental health would be if every time lewis won a race, the articles say "rosberg, who believes he can't win, proves it again by losing to his teammate." ???

it is ultimately a sport, and an insanely competitive one at that. you can't be saying self-defeating rhetoric in public, not when you're the face of 500 ppl who work for you and on your car every weekend. how demotivated would the engineers and pit crew feel, if the driver they're working blood sweat and tears for doesn't even believe in himself?

ultimately, in sports some people DO believe they've got it, and some fake it til they make it. but this rhetoric to the public is also a way of protecting themselves, because how can you root for a guy who can't even believe in himself?

nico saying "but it's reassuring, you can still achieve great success even without believing in yourself if you are damn committed." goes to show he DID that have dog in him. he Was that damn committed, he clawed his way to victory. he's the "do it, even if it's scary. do it scared."