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thinkin abt a guy (but specifically my trials verse)

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so im reading sonic comics

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we could be rats.

dialogue prompts from we could be rats by emily r. austin.

that's the most insensitive thing you could have said.

i never say the right thing.

i wasn't the type of kid who wanted to be a teenager.

there were times i thought i hated you.

maybe if we'd met as adults, things would have been different.

i was the kind of kid who believed toys had hearts and souls.

nothing is ever purely good, is it? there's always a rotten piece.

i'm not depressed. i feel great.

i'm not the same person you knew.

did you feel like you knew me, the last couple of years?

i don't think i've ever been described as 'smart' before.

would it help to hear a joke?

why didn't the skeleton go to the party? because they had no body to go with.

am i getting too morbid?

i have you listed as my next of kin.

do you think i'm being insensitive and gruesome?

just bury me in a garbage bag.

i never really honed being well-mannered, did i?

i think i've accidentally made up white lies that were ruder than the truth.

creeps like us have to stay alive.

we haven't put a label on it.

i think your definition of 'creep' might be different than mine.

say i was abducted by aliens, or something.

are you mad at me? it's okay, if you are.

is my tone making you madder? i bet it is.

i don't plan to haunt you.

____ is like a comic book villain. like a caricature of a bad guy.

listen to people who have different experiences than you do.

you're being an asshole.

we're supposed to examine what's wrong, or it festers.

i used to think i could do anything.

what happened? are you hurt?

do i look normal to you?

the actual experience is never quite what's promised, is it?

it feels like i'm not the target audience for a lot of life.

tell people to fuck off more. take what you want. stir shit up.

everybody knows you.

i feel like i'm still a kid here.

i always cared about you.

everything will be fine. we'll find our way.

it didn't occur to me that not panicking was an option.

i feel sort of reborn.

it's hard to balance being both happy and considerate.

it's kinder to lie sometimes, right?

i'd rather be a pig than a cop. pigs are adorable.

being grown up feels like playing a board game with no instructions.

masks meld onto your face.

let's egg their car.

remember swinging, when you were a kid?

'to thine own self be true', or whatever.

people judge others by their own standards.

i don't remember how i got here.

i feel like i was cast as a character i'm not able to play.

i wouldn't want to live forever. would you?

i'm not sure there's a way to be alive without upsetting people.

inaction is an action.

dying is less scary than growing up.

is this actually happening? am i dreaming?

the trick to lying is to convince yourself.

i don't want you to feel sorry for me.

i feel like i don't know the things i'm supposed to. i feel like i'm pretending.

revolution is about creation, not destruction.

sometimes it's kinder to let people believe they're helping you, even when they're not.

i'd like to see where you grew up.

it sounds like a lot of people want to help you.

do you have people who want to help you?

did you egg my house?

there's no way the moon is a dude. she's got a soulful face. she's gorgeous.

we don't actually get much choice in life, do we?

i think i'm gay.

thinking about _____ sort of knocks the wind out of me.

if i hadn't met you, i'd be a totally different person.

i know i'm unbearable, but what else can i be?

i have a history of bad judgment.

what the hell did you just call me?

i'm not interested in small talk with people who offend or insult me.

i used to believe everyone was good.

i thought everyone felt that way.

did you hear it was on the news?

deep down, we're all who we were when we were kids.

being an adult is about re-finding who you were when you were eight years old.

i don't want to be someone who hurts people. i don't think i was meant to be that.

have you been outside today?

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send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character.

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i’m a clove of garlic and God is crushing me under a knife so i add flavour to the soup

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i've smoked more than 1 million cigarettes

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do i even need to say it

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i’m at work but trying so hard to produce thoughts, moots should hmu <3

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@oddsfavorcd, blight said: i know you. i can tell when you're lying.

' DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF, YOU KNOW ME ABOUT AS WELL AS MOST PEOPLE DO. ' which is to say, hardly at all. at least, that's what jake would like to think, empty bored gaze sliding from blight to the living room window, mask of indifference forcing down the rising panic at the approaching victory tour date. two weeks. fourteen days. soon, his prep team will return, chiding him about bruises and scars and the length of his hair, scrubbing 'til too-tight skin is raw and no longer his own, every last flaw finally hidden from the capitol's prying eyes. when they're finished, strangers with cameras will invade this house that has yet to become a home, and before he knows it, he'll be whisked away onto another capitol train to begin his victory lap through the districts, as if they need to be reminded of their losses.

wow, i am so deeply, truly sorry that your children died and i had a hand in killing so many of them! i'm still here though, and my life has been fucking awesome thanks to president snow and the lovely people of the capitol! feels fucking rough, huh? well, better luck next time!

he thinks of axel, of having to see his teary-eyed family while he delivers some generic speech about the games, about their sweet, bizarre son who he'd only been able to know for a short three days. how do you say that you wish you could've been better / done more / saved him without being accused of inciting a riot? sorry doesn't even begin to cut it.

he doesn't realize that he's been biting the inside of his cheek until the taste of copper floods his mouth.

the mask falls, if only briefly, as jake sinks further into the sofa, dark eyes still trained, unfocused, on the window. ' sorry. i'm just . . . tired, ' he quietly admits. ' i just want it to be over already. '

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YOU HEAR THE CONFLICT BEFORE YOU SEE IT, a small voice begging as prey fumbles through the forest. his breathing is coming quick, bordering on hyperventilation. it isn't long before he comes crashing through the foliage below you, stumbling, foot catching on the gnarled roots jutting this way and that. skinny limbs flail as he desperately tries to catch himself before his face smashes into the dirt. heavy-footed predator is soon to follow - an older, taller boy wielding a spear; you immediately recognize him as kai, one of district four's tributes ( and part of the career pack, surely in cahoots with that loathsome augustus braun ).

from your spot in the trees, you have a clear view of the two tributes below you, the scene barely illuminated by slivers of moonlight filtering through the leaves. this is the perfect hiding spot.

no. it's the perfect advantage. you remember kai well; arrogant and unbearable, his taunting voice and grating laughter is incredibly familiar. you remember the ten kai had scored, too; he was immediately filed away under distinct threats in your mind. with both tributes completely unaware of your presence, you have the perfect opportunity to take kai out of the game with very little consequence.

you ready your axe as kai readies his spear. unflinching, unblinking, you send it flying. with a sickening thunk, the blade finds its home in kai's skull. the boy below him cries out as blood drips down kai's face, district four's tribute swaying and sputtering before crashing to the ground. it isn't until the canon finally fires that you make your descent.

now able to get a closer look, you finally recognize the younger tribute as

' you're axel, yeah? from district six? ' you firmly plant your boot on kai's lower back as you pull your axe free, wiping the blade clean on his shirt. axel is certainly one of the lesser threats; quite short and skinny, with an unimpressive training score of four.

when you turn back to him, he's still on the ground, terrified, wide eyes brimming with tears. ' wait, you- you remember me? '

' don't feel too special. i remember everyone. ' it occurs to you that you could take him out- quite easily, too. he's prone; he hasn't moved an inch despite having plenty of time to take off. he's got little more than a hunting knife gripped in his unsteady hand. at most, he'd swing it blindly at you. might manage to nick you before you bring the axe down into the center of his skull. it would be so easy.

kai must've thought the same exact thing. axel is a wisp of a boy, no older than thirteen. there is no advantage that he holds over you, or any of the remaining tributes, for that matter. it would be so easy.

instincts are screaming for you to disappear into the shadows, leave axel to sort his own affairs, but the thought of seeing his portrait in the sky by the end of the week makes your chest ache. with a quiet sigh, you're securing your axe in its holster and approaching axel, hand outstretched. ' jake, district seven. ' he's lowering the knife, terror turning into confusion. ' don't just stare at me, kid, c'mon. we need to clear out before the rest of the pack comes looking for him. '

his trembling hand grasps yours like a lifeline, and you haul him to his feet. still, he remains suspicious. ' why're you helping me? '

because you're scared and helpless and you weren't built to last this, you're just a damn kid. ' honestly? i don't know. ' you begin to make your way farther into the forest, not bothering to check to see if axel is following you or not. ' do not make me regret this. '

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YOU HEAR THE CONFLICT BEFORE YOU SEE IT, a small voice begging as prey fumbles through the forest. his breathing is coming quick, bordering on hyperventilation. it isn't long before he comes crashing through the foliage below you, stumbling, foot catching on the gnarled roots jutting this way and that. skinny limbs flail as he desperately tries to catch himself before his face smashes into the dirt. heavy-footed predator is soon to follow - an older, taller boy wielding a spear; you immediately recognize him as kai, one of district four's tributes ( and part of the career pack, surely in cahoots with that loathsome augustus braun ).

from your spot in the trees, you have a clear view of the two tributes below you, the scene barely illuminated by slivers of moonlight filtering through the leaves. this is the perfect hiding spot.

no. it's the perfect advantage. you remember kai well; arrogant and unbearable, his taunting voice and grating laughter is incredibly familiar. you remember the ten kai had scored, too; he was immediately filed away under distinct threats in your mind. with both tributes completely unaware of your presence, you have the perfect opportunity to take kai out of the game with very little consequence.

you ready your axe as kai readies his spear. unflinching, unblinking, you send it flying. with a sickening thunk, the blade finds its home in kai's skull. the boy below him cries out as blood drips down kai's face, district four's tribute swaying and sputtering before crashing to the ground. it isn't until the canon finally fires that you make your descent.

now able to get a closer look, you finally recognize the younger tribute as

' you're axel, yeah? from district six? ' you firmly plant your boot on kai's lower back as you pull your axe free, wiping the blade clean on his shirt. axel is certainly one of the lesser threats; quite short and skinny, with an unimpressive training score of four.

when you turn back to him, he's still on the ground, terrified, wide eyes brimming with tears. ' wait, you- you remember me? '

' don't feel too special. i remember everyone. ' it occurs to you that you could take him out- quite easily, too. he's prone; he hasn't moved an inch despite having plenty of time to take off. he's got little more than a hunting knife gripped in his unsteady hand. at most, he'd swing it blindly at you. might manage to nick you before you bring the axe down into the center of his skull. it would be so easy.

kai must've thought the same exact thing. axel is a wisp of a boy, no older than thirteen. there is no advantage that he holds over you, or any of the remaining tributes, for that matter. it would be so easy.

instincts are screaming for you to disappear into the shadows, leave axel to sort his own affairs, but the thought of seeing his portrait in the sky by the end of the week makes your chest ache. with a quiet sigh, you're securing your axe in its holster and approaching axel, hand outstretched. ' jake, district seven. ' he's lowering the knife, terror turning into confusion. ' don't just stare at me, kid, c'mon. we need to clear out before the rest of the pack comes looking for him. '

his trembling hand grasps yours like a lifeline, and you haul him to his feet. still, he remains suspicious. ' why're you helping me? '

because you're scared and helpless and you weren't built to last this, you're just a damn kid. ' honestly? i don't know. ' you begin to make your way farther into the forest, not bothering to check to see if axel is following you or not. ' do not make me regret this. '

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MOST SPECIES BARE THEIR TEETH AS A THREAT; AS A DISPLAY OF AGGRESSION; OF LEADERSHIP. IT IS A REMINDER THAT THESE CLENCHED JAWS CAN AND WILL OPEN YOUR YEILDING THROAT. I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS THE NEXT TIME I SMILE.

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love that jake truly is a guy just. built for survival situations

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my top hobbies are shame and embarrassment but i also occasionally dabble in envy

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yeah

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jake vs distancing himself from anything he feels at any given moment in order to survive jake vs dissociation and repression jake vs

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i’m at work but trying so hard to produce thoughts, moots should hmu <3