#is truly a wonderful human being
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Season 2 Jayce with season 1 Viktor this, beard Jayce with young Viktor thatâŠ.fools, all of you. I raise you, season 2 arc 2 Viktor and season 1 Jayce.
#likeâŠnot putting Viktor in his whole machine herald get up not because this would not work on season 1 Jayce. it would. we all know it would#I just have a terrible weakness for Jesus viktor with his grape blu hextech body and the blanket as a tunic#what a look I mean#but yeah. young enthusiastic dreamer Jayce that just wants to bring magic back into the world Mets very much magical and balayage hair Vik?#Viktor is eating him for breakfast. he is having a tea (science) party in the cosmos everyday with this young fascinated Jayce#he is explaining the wonders of the universe non stop until Jayce has a nerd meltdown and just catapult himself into Viktorâs arms#Jayce being like a yappy chihuahua to whoever doesnât notice Viktor is the best thing ever#(he is inoffensive but very annoying and loud about it)#and getting very angry about it âhe killed people jayce!â âhe did not! he just make himself their life support! because he is so supportive!#Viktor is just like spiraling at top speed but without actually moving bc season 1 Jayce has so many questions and he has to answer them all#so logically the world has to wait for Viktor to fix it bc first he has to explain to Jayce how it works#season 1 Jayce accidentally saving the world bc of the joy of discovery! viktor slowly being like waitâŠI ainât dying anymore no need to rush#and being like letâs learn everything about a butterfly and then try and recreate it with magic or sth#and then they try some other things and Viktor realizing slowly (by the time they have a hextech zoo or sth) that his way#does not truly bring life or evolves for life but stagnates it. the beings cannot adapt cannot grow cannot change and thus are not alive#and Jayce being all âoh no what about you?â and âI will love you foreverâ and ?you are so intelligent pls devour me carnallyâ idk#the way the stumble into the joy of a fix it bc they are too busy nerding out - also Viktor realizing Jayce still has human needs and all#and realizing those allowances are not weakness - this is a reach he would never do that but oh well this is also fanfic.#ANYWAY. season 2 Viktor season 1 Jayce! hear me out!!#jayvik#arcane#jayce talis#viktor arcane
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When I find it hard to do certain things, I like to pretend I am a neanderthal living in a cave with my clan, and I must do The Thing in order to survive.
So, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, I'm actually chasing and tracking a mammoth, and when I need to cook, well, I'm not cooking on a stove top, I am hurdled over the first fire and watching the fat of our kill drip down onto the burning wood. And when I find it hard to crochet, I pretend that the first winter storm is coming and our clan needs me to make blankets to hurdle under and that I must contribute.
I hope whatever you do to do The Things will help. It is a uniquely personable trait to motivate yourself through pretend and stories. That's what makes this life interesting - that's what makes you feel larger than yourself đ
#mental health#positivity#it helps that i absolutely adore learning things about ancient people too - it's endlessly fascinating#unironically if somebody has textbook/video recommendations about neanderthals/ancient civilization let me know i will froth at the mouth#i like talking about this because it gives other people ideas about how they can motivate themselves#and personally the feeling of being ancient or a part of something old makes me feel that#in addition to the There Are 8 Billion People principle i work on the There Have Been ~117 Billion People Here principle#i find it comforting to think that i don't stand out significantly in a good or bad way because of the sheer NUMBER of people who have live#the human brain is bad at computing those numbers but... just... that's an insurmountable number#there truly are very VERY few experiences truly unique and that's not a bad thing#that just means that you aren't forgotten nor are you alone in anything#i was watching a video about somebody making flax into thread using a paper that was published about ancient textiles#and holy shit i wanted to bite somebody because i was so interested in it and it's just so humanizing to both us but also ancient people#those people probably used very very similar techniques that the video maker did - at first she used a rock to get the fibers#and then she remarked that saliva helped to get to the fiber of the flax and i wonder how many ancient people also did that
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an artâ which I wholeheartedly supportâ#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than othersâ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to meâ which yes that too given the topicsâ#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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I am aware that a get in loser, we are going⊠to fall in love? update wonât actually fix me, but i think we should try it anyways.
#mmmmm that fic truly is THE it girl of the fics#like??? Regina George and cady heron calling each other baby for like 70k and cuddling and being all over each other#and wholesome family dynamics#I love wholesome family dynamics#also Regina struggling with her sexuality as a young little lesbian?? relatable#but also genuinely learning how to care for another human being for the first time after pubertyđ#cady being head over heels in love for Regina George? super relatable as well#like itâs my favorite cadina fanfic cause i think it sort of is the healthiest at the moment#cause they fuck up a lot cause they sort of took each other by surprise and they definitely were not looking for a relationship at all#but they actually end up being so loving towards the other#Regina is closeted though and I am wondering how theyâre gonna fair considering where they currently are in the story#idk#itâs truly great and itâs helping with my anxiety tbh I love it#cadina#mean girls#fanfiction#regina george#cady heron
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small doodles while im working on this one 1⣠comic thingđ„đ„i cant
#woohjoohhoıhohoj i cantt finish ittt#im just sitting and thinking who the fuck gets fixated on SIMS characters lile what is this#human beings are truly wonderful creatures#do you think other creatures also get hyperfixations#sims 2 fanart#the sims fanart#the sims 2#ts2 fanart#ts2#ts2 premades#ts2 simblr#strangetown#nervous subject#pascal curious#ripp grunt#sims 2#sims 2 premades#sims community
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deeply enjoy that the novel can also be read as a commentary on the fallacy of information. we have zzs as the main narrator who adds to this nuance by being a former spymaster and leader of a bunch of proficient investigators. hes very intimate with the process of verification of information, and even his vast databank of knowledge and his abilities of filtering and sorting the "true" from the "fake" is tested throughout the novel through many instances and events. its especially interesting because he makes a major mistake, almost from the very start, that he resolves only after a very long time, and only after overcoming personal weaknesses. his personal weakness at recognizing truth vs decept reveals itself in the inability to meet personal events with a human perspective; he is basically functioning like a person with two lives, and most of the time, he at least acts as if he is regarding wkx, suspected master of ghosts, from the professional business grounds of the retired leader of shadows rather than from the perspective of a person with an adventurous life and wishes of his own. in this lies the danger to misinterpret and to refuse to confront what is truly going on. if zzs cant 'find' the "true reason" for the ghost master following his humble retired self, he is going to do his utmost to make up one (on the basis of his personal and professional experience with such situations), instead of considering at least once the admittedly unlikely chance that wkx might like him and is even deeply sincere about him. this doesnt signal anything less but that we, as the reader, should not irrevocably trust even the one person who is in most stories the most trustworthy; the main narrator. instead, we are advised to reserve us the right to doubt and think for ourself, to look critically upon even zzs, which only circles back to the novel's theme of the fallacy of information. it even lends to the novel's dialogue with the human right to form your own opinion and your own thoughts and come to your own conclusions, no matter how much they might diverge from norm or mainstream or traditions, and no matter how tempting it might be not to.
#tian ya ke#just thoughts im having while im continuing my reread#zhou zishu from tyk#zhou zishu#this has me wondering if zzs's struggle with himself regarding trusting in wkx's display of sincerity#can also be read as his general struggle with being a person with a life of his own and private opinions in service of no other than himsel#one of the things he learns is that is okay to have desires and its okay to Be a person#oftentimes that reveals itself in the novel's question of morality as a concept and the conditions for receiving love and care#'are villains and ppl whove done bad stuff deserving of love and care? do they need to earn it?'#but i think it also comes true here where zzs essentially needs to find a way to be human again#going from having lived a life with a truly atrocious work/life balance to a life that is fully and entirely his own#(i always think that zzs taking the nails has a lot to do with reclaiming ownership)#(and also with 'detoolifying' himself; hes turning himself into a cripple he is 'useless'. this gives him the justification#he needs to live according to his own personal whims and desires.)#updating my tags to find my insane chat with geneticcatalyst again->#bouncing thoughts back and forth#the mutual tag#geneticcatalyst
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Do I know you? Do I know you? Do I know you? (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Helix#DAX#ZEX#The Captain#Dexter Favin#Max Vyer#Yeah if anywhere needed the distinction between Zelnick and Caleb it'd be here lol#Hhhhghghh I love iterative outcomes so muuuuuch#What matchups would result in what dynamics! And of seeing them play out! I want them all!!!!!#Three aliens is wonderful and delightful and endearing and cute and hwahuwahuh - I love them I love them I love the three of them#For all their little squabbles they really get along quite well! ZEX and Zelnick obviously hehe their relationship <3 <3#But ahh DAX <3 Happiness truly to have them all together â„#Which makes what they'd be like if they were their ''real'' versions stuck together in the Institute post-Helix So fascinating to me#Would Caleb be angry! He's so sweet... But he was also hurt terribly! And Dexter would Definitely be angry#It really is such an interesting role reversal to me how ZEX is treated with so much respect and DAX follows him with such care#Switching to Dex and Max it's So different Max is ignored where he tries to move and affect and Dex is so - agh!!! It's just so much!#I really do wonder if Max would be able to pull him back if the last of the trio weren't there tho! Since Max ''knows'' Zelnick!!!#No good to go yelling at someone who wasn't there! And Max would have some piece of information Dex wouldn't from his dreams!!#Although presumably Dex would remember DAX :00 Which is its own deep interest! Ah! They're all just So!!!!#DAX out of the loop of the other two humans is quite funny to me haha - Max all paranoid like ''I'm going to be removed''#DAX has long since given up on that ZEX! Wait (lol)#DAX and Zelnick rely a lot on ZEX so the thought of Max completely failing to meet that role hehe <3 Would they all get along as well? :3c#The glue to hold them together âȘ No way DAX would listen to Max would he? Hehehe#Dexter being there would be picking right up from him being outside and agghhh the angst potential wagh agh <3 <3#Even worse to completely lose his one real tether to himself - at least when Zelnick died there was a kind of sick closure#Able to grieve and move on - tho he never really did :'( But with Caleb there what proof does he have of being ZEX! Aghh <3#At least the last one would be fairly light I imagine haha - humans humaning! Silliness and mistaken identity (and also poisoning lol)
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everything I love about Aziraphale can be summed up in the fact that he draws on a cartoonish mustache to do human magic, when he can easily miracle both of those things to be real. He is a savant of showmanship and joy, thrilled by the whimsy of the mundane.
#and Michael does such wonderful work portraying his sense of wonder and love#he loves humanity so so much#and he doesnât admire it like itâs some trophy#I mean he truly loves and accepts the labor of being human#why doesnât he just miracle away eager book buyers?#because there is no fun or challenge in that#why doesnât he miracle himself sushi or records or any number of human objects?#because he likes sushi restaurants and record stores just as much as he enjoys eating or hearing#god I love him#good omens 2#good omens#go#aziraphale#Azi#aziraphale good omens#angel#michael sheen
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Oh uhm well shit
I mightve accidentally gotten too silly and
ever so slightly based some small things about pa/gh! Jane/Penny on AM from IHNMAIMS
#watermelons talks#LISTEN I KNOW HOW FUCKING TERRIBLE AM IS BUT. I FIND EM SO INTRIGUING LIKE. OH MY GOD????#im slowly getting into IHNMAIMS send help AM is so. genuinely intriguing to me#paranormal activity/ghost hunting au rtc#paranormal activity/ghost hunting au legoland#PARANORMAL ACTIVITY AU#ride the cyclone#rtc#theres a. specific line i think about a lot#âBecause in all this. wonderful. beautiful. miraculous world. I. alone. had no BODY. no SENSES. no FEELINGS. I. was MACHINEâ#âAND YOU. were flesh.â#GGOODDD IT HITS SO FUCKING DIFFERENT IM NOT NORMALLLLLL#ride the cyclone musical#jane doe ride the cyclone#legoland#legoland play#penny lamb#penny lamb ride the cyclone#jane doe rtc#the inspo is moreso like. the hatred she has for a specific character.#yeah shes. still technically human. but all she can feel(physically) is agony#she heavily struggles with processing & identifying her own emotions. she doesnt remember her life#nor what being truly human felt like#and so. she hates said character. she cant be truly human because of them.#m an :(
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so help me God, if I see another blog about tiktok being banned I'm gonna (remembering manslaughter is a not polite thing to do) probably go on ao3 and read my blorbos fics then go finish my own fiction until I've finished every last mother fuckin word.
#Like yes I know u ppl think it's violating your very soul and are being stripped of your âidentityâ and âvoiceâ#Let it be known that I font give a fuck and I actually think it's kind of a good thing.#Not because tik tok being invented by the China#But because the whole format is addicting and teaching people to have short attention spams God#Don't be like âthey'll come after other socials too it concerns you!â#No it fuckin dont#If all the socials go then it's no big deal to me#Because I'm not addicted to the internet and watching everyone else live their lives while I just sit on mine#seeing how slowly I can crawl to my grave and dip my toe in my casket to see if I've made to my death safely#Fuck like 'Jesus how are you going to share the things you wanna share?'#By fucking meeting people FACE TO FACE and starting a group that meets at the fucking library or park or whatever#But people are mean and judgemental and generally awful#No they are freakin not#Maybe if you actually got out there and decided to overcome fear by taking action you'd see how wonderful people can be too#But many people of my age have totally lost the ability to contact and connect with human beings#Instead they get all their information on how the world works through a screen and not by going out there making mistakes and observing how#Things work for themselves#They gotta be spoonfed everything cuz a majority don't actually truly want to overcome because it takes time#It takes work#And it requires responsibility once achieved#So fuck tik tok#Fuck social media#Maybe we do need an electronic blight so that people can start being people and talking to each other face to face again.#There would be less loneliness#Less depression#And less suicides if there was#tik tok ban
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I think what's also funny about my preferences is like a good 9/10 times I truly prefer Isagi as the top/seme. I think it's sort of a waste if he's a moeblob uke regardless of who he's shipped with (KIIS/RNIS/SEIS what???/etc)
Like I didn't struggle through BLLK Round 1 of Isagi searching for his ego and growing a backbone just to give up on all of that. I LOVE Isagi's latest ego where he's cocky and confident and devouring bitches on the field left and right. I think the parallels being set up between him and Sae as insane players with loving familial backgrounds is going to come down to a difference in influence (Re Ale vs. Ego/BLLK) and Isagi is going to "win" by being allowed to keep his ego vs. Sae who had to surrender his dream of being a striker. It matters so so much to me.
My one exception? HOIS. Frankly it's the same thing where it's a BIGGER waste if Hiori is an uke. Listen to me, LISTEN. Hiori is the last of an extinct breed in shonen manga. Moeblob teeth-licking sadists are being hunted to fucking extinction. I used to like KRHO but I frankly don't believe Karasu can handle him anymore sorry. I don't even really rally behind HOIS where Hiori breaks Isagi into his little striker toy (because see above) so even though I love love LOVE Hiori I don't know who to ship him with currently it's ruining my life. Sigh. Anyway forreal I have an Isagi is 1/seme/top/left agenda everyone live in my house please.
#red card for yapping#anyone can reply or reblog btw I love throwing bottles into the void#I even like ISKI but again. They just don't do anything for me. Real 21st century struggles on my plate.#Its bc Kaiser is my fave and I like the idea of him learning how to be human and love the life he was bestowed#while Isagi's primary character development is about singlemindedly chasing the goal and the football of his dreams#so not only do I think Isagi can't teach him how to love I think it's crazy that Isagi is the one who taught Kaiser how to âdestroy himself#because the things they are destroying are fundamentally so different that it looks almost unfair in comparison#like hypothetically if Isagi loses he has school family friends he made in BLLK a future all those things#but if Kaiser gives it up now he stands to lose everything bc his everything is tied one way or another to his ability to play football#like I'm truly not being a hater here I evidently like it a lot and engage with it on a beyond-surface level#I guess I just don't like it enough to write it? Like if I did it'd be how they're weird secret-third-thing work-husbands vs actual lovers#FUCK ITS BECAUSE THEYRE A TAURUS & CAPRICORN PAIRING AAAAAH I FORGOT NO FUCKING WONDER I HC THEM AS WORK HUSBANDS
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genunely sometimes do not know how to cope with the world being so cold and bureacratic and people who withold care and essential rights to people over arbitrary rules and money and
#i was a psych appointment the other day on telehealth#and my phone is old so it couldnt do the video call on there#and for some reason my laptop camera wasnt working#and the psychiatrist was like mmm yeah :/ ur cam's off so I cant do this appointment#and I was like ?? hm?#and she was like :/ yeah no this is a phone call not a video chat#and I was like ???? im still on ur portal we're chatting rn like what do you mean#and she was like ! sorry it's the insurance who insists on it#and i was like ?? how would the insurance know whether I was cams on or not#and shes like :/// yeah no cant lie to the insurance people sorry#like I've explained to you my technological limitations are very much tied to financial limitations#and you'd rather abide by made up insurance rules than talk to someone and provide them care they need#how am I not supposed to go feral#I can't go in public without someone getting crazy mad while driving or harassing me for being trans#like really and truly how am I supposed to navigate this world without losing my shit#and it's such a weird binary too of having many lovely people in my life and having community and people who love me and will help me#and like how can humans be so wonderful and kind and soft but also so cold and distant and unflinching#how do i recon with it all!!!!#and so so much frustration in my life just comes to problems that could easily be solved with money#like my dog keeps ripping up my trash bags and making messes every day for me to come home to#and if I had $50 for a locking trash can or like money to get her care while I was gone then this wouldnt happen#but I literally pay all my bills and have like $20 left over every pay cycle if im lucky#and I totally recognize like even this is heads and shoulders above what some people have and I am so grateful to have a car and an apartme#t#and to be able to properly care for my pets but like god damn#why am I spending all my waking hours and energy at a job when I don't even have any god damn money or financial security at the end of the#day#stupid academic voice and I have two masters#anyways#personal
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gOSH I can't stop thinking about how cool it is that my friend is seeing Eric perform today....... GETTING TO SEE ALAN AND ERIC WITHIN SIX MONTHS OF ONE ANOTHER.... agGGghghG gotta add her experience to my essay đ certified price-burdon moment!!!!!!!
#the fact that both alan and eric acknowledged and thanked me for my art this year also means a lot to me đ„čđ„čđ„č#they're both so kind despite everything and you can tell that above all else the music and its impact on people still means the most to the#i am still not over meeting alan either.......that night replays in my head every single day đđđ#i'm afraid i have a counter argument to the phrase 'never meet your heroes'#as long as the hero-worship doesn't get to your head and you consider them flawless human beings#meeting the people who created art that changed your life for the better and seeing them perform live is truly an experience like no other#making plans to meet my 'hero' did wonders for my mental health... didn't cure anything of course because i have a Bad Brain but#having goals seriously makes the day a whole lot easier to tackle#hence why i want to see him again <3#ALAN..... THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING MY BOOK#ERIC..... THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME AND LIKING MY ART#jOHN TOO!!!!! JOHN LIKES MY ART TOO!!!!!!!#aNIMALS ARE MY FRIENDS.... THEY LIKE ME#aaAAAAA ANIMALS okay i really need a dr pepper#preparing myself for a big animal art post tomorrow#things i said today
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the incredibly delicate tension between: we need art to feed us and connect us and make us feel like things have a purpose, and: art is slowly but surely making us more complacent and cowardly
#thoughts#don't mind me I'm just having very complicated thoughts about artists and how art is being weaponized by power#I have zero good answer about that because quite frankly I don't have the mental health to walk that line right now#but yeah I can't help but think I'm just Not being helpful in any way#like a lot of what I dedicated myself towards and sacrificed things for might actually be a trap#not only for me but for community and connexion#I don't think it's true in every context btw. but I think it's starting to be true in 2024#that we are spending a lot of time cosplaying at good praxis and Correct Emotions through art without challenging stuff#at the same time I cannot blame anyone and it would be hypocritical of me to do so#this world is being made purposefully overwhelming and lonely and art is soothing and feels warmer#I do think art is good for the soul and for our humanity. I do think that truly.#but yeah I don't know how we manage to breach past art and use it as a resource for actual meaningful actions.#again perhaps it's just The Mental Illness speaking --though I don't think it's entirely that#but yeah I just... I'm just really wondering about that balance of existing beyond art#while not rejecting art as full on bourgeois distraction which imo is also reductive and reactionnary#I don't know. I'm just kind of really sad about a lot of things honestly.
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coco :(((((((
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Watching neon genesis evangelion and it's extremely relatable, to the point that I'm pretty sure I have quoted it exactly before without ever having seen it
#shows that make me want to write an essay#pretty sure i have existential and moral ocd and a lot of the dialog in the show is like my thoughts exactly#which is triggering but in a way where i feel i need to be triggered#i just keep watching these characters ask themselves questions and keep trying to give answers#but all of the answers are wrong. and im like. this is it. this is exactly how i feel#i feel like it has a lot to say about the inherent multiplicity of people too which i find fascinating as part of a did system#also if anyones wondering the part i quoted before seeing it (so not exactly a quote but you know)#was the parts about being human and being unable to ever truly experience togetherness. like youre alone trapped inside yourself#and thats just our reality. and id never heard someone else say that before
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