#is this the bitchiest post of them all?

[wwillywonka]

"A lie?" "An error."

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

[blooky8]

one panic attack and breathing excercise later,,,,,,,,, i think i need to write some of my thoughts down before moving on

first of all, as i said in the notes earlier i honestly should've expected something like this to happen. even if the king sounded pathetic each time we fought him, i should've kept in mind how powerful he is and that he still froze a bunch of people in time and was going to do that with the whole country, no matter the reason. but the most important thing to recognize is probably the fact that perceived emotional weakness didn't mean that it would be possible to convince him, didn't mean that he wasn't cruel. it's not like anything could've been changed with my knowledge, i just feel silly for walking right into that with no suspicions. well, lesson learned, can't stop the king with words

second of all - the king was talking about something called wish craft, saying how he smells the sweet scent right before that, and claiming that sif's using this craft right after. i guess this is what it's actually about, huh? not time craft, but wish craft? while i still know nothing about it the only assumption i can make is the symbolic one - you know, wishing upon a star? jhhgfk

but could sif really wish for something that would cause the loop, or is it someone else's wishing's fault, or both? even if sif could, i doubt they'd be able to remember. i mean, they congratulated themselves on reaching the 20th loop at the 24th, and i don't even know if it's a bug or a feature💀

third of all - no matter how much i pretend like i'm unfazed i think i still need to address that. HOLY SHIT was i terrified for a second there. especially for those few seconds when i thought i actually WILL have to watch everyone get violently murdered, with no easy way to loop back in sight...... the moment i saw the unusually big-fonted laughter i knew i did something wrong......... it was almost a feeling of amusement with how much i did not expect any of this to happen, with how unbelievably cruel the scene had became in such a short time, the kind of terror that you don't believe at first because well there's no way, right?

but i guess this wish craft is really a thing sif can control, since thinking about looping very hard really did loop us back! i don't think this was like any other loop, it was definitely directly from a wish. the king said that he "wished" to be like this as well, does that mean he wields wish craft rather than time craft, or perhaps both?? lots to think about

also, funny how sif assumed that loop is going to be an ass about this:

right before this dialogue option popped up i thought "i know you told me all about how the king can't be trusted but don't you dare to go i-told-you-so at me right now, that would be The Bitch Move ever--"

.........aaaand they did it! cool🙂 "rude to them" how about RUDE TO ME

[allisamemory]

Keter suppression is basically just

A: I hope I don’t have to fight my evil shadow self today (again)

Abel, Abram & Adam: hey

A: No fucking way

[neverthebabysitter]

Adding to this post, imagine them being famous in the future.

Eddie becoming a rising star as soon as he gets out of Hawkins, his band corroded coffin entering the music scene and having massively popular songs. People are getting more intrigue for his past murder charges, but he gets easily defended once he gets a solid fan base (and the fact that he was absolved of those charges).

And Steve entering the acting scene at the same time, him and Robin being just some extras in a movie for the extra cash, but the director falls in love with the sibling-like duo, making them a cameo where Steve acts like a buffer, making the male character jealous so he can make a move.

It was a simple role, just a few minutes of screen with one-liners of dialogue, but to the surprise of everybody—except for Robin—Steve killed the role. Maybe it was his eyes that enamored everyone, his kicked puppy look or his smile, but he became the nation's sweetheart. 

After that, he got cast for more minor roles, and little by little established himself as an actor, to the point of being the lead more frequently. 

With that, the two of them are well established in their own fields, working hard and being well-known. So it's not rare that at some point they end up in the same event.

It could be anything, a festival, some awards, just a party of famous people—the point is, they are in a public space, surrounded by people that have no idea they know each other, and like an instinct, they act like swore enemies.

Their minds are so used to associate:

"being in public" + "hide true relationship and have fun" = "fake hate each other"

Becuase years of pulling that stunt in their teenagehood that like reflex they spit second-hand insults. 

Like– they lock eyes on each other and instantly looked up and down in the bitchiest way possible. Honestly, at this point it has become their own weird way of flirting, the more vicious the comment the more they will drive the other crazy.

Of course, neither of them realize what they were doing until they both were making out in the bathroom, squirreling away from the vent, going to the closest hotel and waking up the next day with friends/acquaintances from their own jobs field asking for the latest gossip of the industry.

The way Robin would laugh her ass off, only to act like a toddler, pointing fingers and giggling at the two dinguses when they realize what they have done.

It was not intentional, and now everyone who was in the event thinks they hate each other's guts like old times.

The public doesn’t know yet, the reporters still not hearing about this until well-respected journalist, Nancy Wheeler (who has already written about each of them, one for Eddie and one for Steve), makes an article about their long complicated story.

(No, she isn't being petty, Mike, she just thinks it’s funny, and it’s not like she is lying, they do have a long and complicated story, it’s just a little to the left, she just isn't saying some things)

The next time someone interviews one of them, they are asking about the other, why they hate each other, if there’s some drama, why they didn't know they knew the other, etc.

Long story short, they pulled the same bit they did in school, but now by accident and to the whole country (and the world when they start getting more international).

They tried to clarify but fell on deaf ears, people thinking is just to safe face or keep appearances, after all the habit doesn’t quite go and they always ended up flirting with insults in every event they are together.

They definitely start to enjoying it and play along after a while.

Not only that, but they enjoyed it even more when years later, in a random day, they posted their X years wedding anniversary photos with their family.

Everyone lost their shit after that.

[greatunironic]

eddie wakes up in a strange room. this was not particularly unusual for him, historically: he’d spent most of his twenties waking up in new and interesting places (including a handful of jail cells). but after eddie, the label, and the los angeles superior court system decided it would be best if he stopped drinking and doing blow, it stopped being such a regular occurrence.

so it’s almost alarming to him, now, to be blinking up at an unfamiliar cement ceiling with the raging bitch of all headaches and generally feeling like he got hit by a truck, got whiplash in a crash with the way his neck aches. he’d think he was hungover like all those times before except for how sharp the pain is, bright.

he worries, briefly, he’s relapsed, or someone’s slipped him something. but he remembers what him and the boys had been up to, before this, and he thinks it’d’ve been a strange night indeed if someone roofied a c-list (b-list if he’s feeling charitable) musician at a fucking frozen four game.

because yeah, eddie remembers: they’d been third row, watching the wisconsin ladies clean up and cheering for jeff’s kid sister like she was about to get olympic gold. (she probably would, someday. her and that mayfield girl who played defense were looking down the barrel at a 2026 run apparently.

eddie’s been to a handful of games over the years, when touring and recording allows them to go. he’s resolutely never been a sports guy but he’ll admit, when pressed, that live hockey is pretty dope. to say nothing, of course, of how jeff would probably murder them all in their sleep if they didn’t rep the red and white for lottie.

(and also — and this is between eddie and his god alright — but lottie’s coach? standing back there in his suit, hair styled and dialed, snapping his gum, yelling at the refs? kind of doing it for him, okay. worth the price of admission, even if the tickets weren’t free.)

when he thinks harder — which hurts too — the last thing he clearly remembers was someone from the beavers scoring, bringing their lead to 5-1, and a slapshot from the other team getting out over the boards and nearly taking out some lady’s popcorn. someone behind them in the seats said, “jesus they’re getting desperate, eh?”

then shit goes dark on him, not even a fade to black, but a full on smash cut, roll credits black, and the post-credits scene is where ever the fuck eddie is at the moment. it smells like human and cold and icy hot, so obviously, he thinks, he died and went to hell like all the church ladies said he would back in hawkins, or probably just a locker room. what the fuck?

he blinks at the ceiling, at an interesting water stain on the cement texturing. he’s in the middle of wondering where the rest of his band has gone if he’s here alone, fucking abandoners, when a sweaty redhead with the bitchiest expression he’s maybe ever seen enters his field of vision.

“you’re alive,” she says.

eddie blinks again. “why do you sound so disappointed?”

“yo coach!” she shouts, already on the move away from him. “he’s alive!”

he tries to sit up, but that makes the pain in his head worse, and also draws attention to the fact that his back also hurts. he squeezes his eyes shut and makes a truly embarrassing noise of pain — if pressed, he’d call it a whimper — and a pair of big hands land on his shoulders.

“out, out ladies i got this! hey!, hey, man, don’t move just yet,” says big hands.

“yeah, no problem, i don’t want to anymore,” eddie says. he stirs up the will to open his eyes again and very nearly slams them back shut. because of course the person staring down at him is fucking coach hottie snackycakes himself. he’s even better looking in person, too, big droopy eyes, lips as pink as his bubblegum, and shiny, jesus christ. he’s still got eddie by the shoulders, hands warm through the thin cotton of his flannel and tee — because eddie’s always been more fashion than sense, wayne always said, and it’s even worse now that the paps are on him—

“oh, fuck this is gonna be all over tiktok later, isn’t it?” he moans.

“maybe not.”

“don’t lie.”

“listen, eddie — it is eddie, right?” asks coach hottie. “i’m steve. coach harrington. faughnsie — lottie, i mean — she said you’re eddie. her brother’s guitarist? what do you remember?”

“more like he’s my singer,” he says, “but sure. and not much.”

“well, you’re gonna be okay,” says coach hottie — steve. “it really wasn’t that bad, and it was probably too fast for anyone to get it, unless they already had a camera on you. you took a puck to the head when one popped up. i’d apologize but it wasn’t one of my girls who did it, so. anyway — you weren’t out for long, which robbie says is good — she’ll get a look at you in a second — but you got your bell rung pretty good. and you’re gonna have quite the shiner, trust me.”

“speaking from experience?”

“oh, yeah. closer and faster too.” he gently raps his head with his knuckles. “too many concussions too early ended my nhl days, in fact.”

“oh. oh shit, sorry, i—“

“don’t worry about it, man, it happens,” he says. “and if it hadn’t, i wouldn’t be here.”

“at the frozen four.”

“yeah, sure, that too.”

“what?”

“what?” steve waves him off. “anyway, i’m just glad to see you up, ish, and talking. looked pretty scary, from the bench.”

“i really don’t remember,” says eddie. “but i’m sure i’ll see it on tiktok later, like i said — at least, my unconscious, bleeding form.”

“i got up there pretty fast, so i doubt it,” says steve.

eddie blinks, twice. “you—?”

“you were behind my bench, and you. well,” he says with a shrug, but he’s clearly a little embarrassed, finally putting those hands away — weapons of eddie destruction, he thinks — and shoving them into his pockets of his tight slacks. “i should be getting back out there.”

“do you? you’re murdering them pretty good, unless i black out and missed them getting four more goals,” eddie says.

the corners of steve’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. eddie thinks he might just pass out again. “no, we’re still gonna cinch it, i think. looks bad, though — first time coach missing the final period so’s he can hit on the cute musician who got his clock cleaned by the biscuit.”

“oh,” he says. swallows. “uh.”

steve’s crinkly, smiley eyes go wide. “unless—“

“no less!” eddie shouts and then immediately winces. at a better, less damaging to his more than slightly concussed noggin, volume, he says, “more, actually. because pretty sure i shouldn’t be left unsupervised, and i’ve clearly been abandoned by the band, so—“

“so,” says steve.

“coach, two minutes!” someone calls.

“so, i was hoping maybe i could keep hitting on the hot hockey coach back at his?”

“i’m at the ramada inn,” he says, “and i got tape to watch for the finals.”

“i live for room service,” eddie tells him seriously. “and i’m suddenly very into wisconsin sports teams.”

“coach! go time!”

“yeah?” he asks.

“yeah.”

“COACH!”

he jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “i gotta — but, uh, later?”

“pick me up in twenty?”

“probably more like half an hour, with stoppage,” he says.

someone bangs on the door. “COACH!! let’s boogie!!”

with one last look, wide eyed and smiling, steve leaves. eddie watches him go. he’d heard hockey players were caked up but lord — eddie is about to convert to a new religion, or maybe found one, over the stretch of those slacks.

“damn,” he says quietly.

“gross,” a woman says. eddie startles and looks to the side, where a lanky brunette with a bob and an undercut is staring at him, unimpressed. she’s in some get up that screams athletic trainer, and there’s a white board in her hand.

“how long have you been there?” he asks.

she raises an eyebrow. “long enough, and honestly, i don’t know if that counts as a you rule for him, or a you suck for you,” she says and does not elaborate when he asks. “also don’t look at him like that. it’s steve. he’s basically my sister.”

“yeah? any tips then?” asks eddie. “i promise i’ll only use them for good. well. mostly.”

“god,” she says with an expansive eye roll. “you’re gonna be a nightmare, aren’t you?”

a cheer goes up outside the room as the teams, presumably, take the ice again. eddie, head throbbing, concussed, embarrassed, grins. “sure hope so,” he says.

[hana-no-seiiki]

Hi! Could I be ✨Anon? (Im not sure whats been taken already) I've been on a big Batfam kick these past few days and have a v indulgent request if it interests you.

Could I request something for a (gn) civilian reader who is friends w/ the Batfam, but recently got superpowers that are magical girl-esque? Neither of the parties knowing of the others Alter Egos. Here are some of my thought, but write the post however you'd like.

Reader was accidentally caught up in some commotion that involved stealing specialty cargo. One of them being an alien artifact, and reader uses it in desperation to save themselves. But now they have these sparkely, pretty, and showy powers that they never asked for. (And maybe a magical animal companion that insist they bring light and justice to Gotham)

Reader is reluctant to be a vigilante, but keeps finding themselves in situations to help people anyways.(Maybe its a side effect of being a magical girl) They end up fighting alongside the Batfam at some point, but they feel embarrassed to interact w/ them. Reader feels completely out of place with their colorful and over-the-top powers when next to the cool and brooding batfam.

Sorry if this idea is a bit out there, but ty for letting me be indulgent in your ask box 💕!!

NO CAUSE I FEEL THIS DYNAMIC SO MUCH.

I either have the friendliest vibe or the bitchiest vibe and no in between. Meaning that people either come to me for everything or think I’m a snob/will bite-

and sure non! i don’t really keep track of my anons nowadays so people can be whatever as long as it’s not listed in my pinned

BAT X MAGIC ✨

IN ANY CASE

I’m gonna mix Sailor Moon, Miraculous Ladybug and Onimai for my inspo with this ask if you don’t mind

Magical Girl/Boy/Person! Reader is really close friends with Tim and Damian. If there was one thing all three could agree on it’s that they loved superheroes in manga/comics.

And Reader? Boy did they adore the Batfam. There was just something about their dark, brooding aesthetic that they couldn’t get enough of.

So it was a tad bit ironic that they stumbled upon the most “girly”and “bright” power ever known to Gotham.

It didn’t help that your abilities had to be activated with cutely yelling things like “Sparkle Blast!” or “Smile Hurricane!”

I like to headcannon that you have a familiar or Kwami like creature that in exchange of keeping your identity magically hidden, absolutely bullies you by making the one above a requirement.

I headcannon that Damian has the PHATTEST crush on you. Like even moreso than the stalker, otaku Tim. Like he is just head over heels. You’re strong, you’re capable, you’re adorable?? But that mostly extends to just your magic persona rather than your real self. He’s super obvious about it to anyone but you too (similar to the og miraculous ladybug w/ felix instead of chat).

Tim is more interested on who tf you were. Like yes!!! Magical Person Hero!!! You were basically his childhood crushes incarnate!! But his inquisitive mind really needed to know who you were in order to calm himself down.

Jason is honestly a bit overwhelmed by your whole getup, but grows to love you the most in terms of how kind you are and how you help them even in the most dire of situations (not knowing that you were basically forced to)

He’s very much Tuxedo Mask type wherein he’d be very annoying to you when the disguises are off but an absolute Casanova with em on.

You and Dick are the most close when it comes to patrols and fighting. I feel like you, being the big fan you were, would make him look even more flashy and handsome during battle with sparkles and whatnot. I have a feeling he’d be the first to ask you out or fully romance you, as well as be the first to befriend you/contact you as a vigilante.

Bruce is definitely perplexed by how you always evade him in terms of your secret identity. It frustrates him to no end that whenever he gets close to finding out something either gets in his way or his mind just goes blank.

Once you explain how your magical persona works tho he’s pretty quick on the bandwagon, especially since he sees that his boys love you.

Also cause you look way too adorable to really be heinous.

…Right?

Once you break one of your familiar’s rules though, they do share your identity with the bats and well…

All hell breaks loose.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Writing Pinned Post - Please Read

Hewwo. :3

I am currently on hiatus from fanfiction.

I am not quitting fanfiction forever! But my writing the last five or so years has been 90% fanfic while I worked on getting the rest of my life together, and my attempt to write both fanfic and original novels at the same time led to a really bad burnout. So I'm going to take this period to focus on getting my original novels off the ground. I deeply appreciate everyone's support, understanding, and patience!

Currently I am working on my Horsemen Quartet which I described once on a poll as:

An unholy (heh) mashup of horror, science fiction, and fantasy, this quartet follows four women in the middle of the zombie apocalypse who die and are mysteriously brought back to life. As they try to learn what happened to them, they discover they are not quite human anymore, and that they are being forced to play roles in a much larger game between Heaven and Hell. Featuring a 5th dimensional genderless being crammed into the body of an ant, the world's bitchiest trans man, the cutest war criminal you ever did meet, a woman who insists it's not mental illness if the voices in her head are correct, a woman determined to replace God, and the guy whose superpower is caring about other people. Basically what if I took Supernatural and The Walking Dead and chopped them up for parts. If you liked my Buddie Zombie AU, my Dark Codependent Buddie AU, or my angstier fics, this one's for you.

While I have, will, and do blab about my original novels on here I also have my author tumblr under my pen name @lincolnchristie if you just want more info and to see all my novel-related posts at once. The pinned post on there also has bullet-point updates on my novels.

I also have a Patreon (remember to sign up on desktop, not mobile!) if you would like to support me and get things like:

bonus stories

character playlists

chapter-by-chapter postings of the novels I'm currently writing.

I've been incredibly lucky to have such a large and devoted fic readership, and I hope that some of you will take the chance on my original novels as well! Thank you all!

[sillylotrpolls]

(Relevant text below the poll)

Inspired by this post by @roselightfairy and replies by @herrhasen, @enide-s-dear, @unnamedelement, @dragonfirez, and @carlandrea.

If you'd like to refresh your memory of the Fellowship at its bitchiest (and Boromir at his best), the relevant text is below the cut.

Excerpted from The Fellowship of the Ring, Book II, Chapter 3: The Ring Goes South

Gimli looked up and shook his head. 'Caradhras has not forgiven us.' he said. 'He has more snow yet to fling at us, if we go on. The sooner we go back and down the better.'

To this all agreed, but their retreat was now difficult. It might well prove impossible. Only a few paces from the ashes of their fire the snow lay many feet deep, higher than the heads of the hobbits; in places it had been scooped and piled by the wind into great drifts against the cliff.

'If Gandalf would go before us with a bright flame, he might melt a path for you,' said Legolas. The storm had troubled him little, and he alone of the Company remained still light of heart.

'If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch the Sun to save us,' answered Gandalf. 'But I must have something to work on. I cannot burn snow.'

'Well,' said Boromir, 'when heads are at a loss bodies must serve, as we say in my country. The strongest of us must seek a way. See! Though all is now snow-clad, our path, as we came up, turned about that shoulder of rock down yonder. It was there that the snow first began to burden us. If we could reach that point, maybe it would prove easier beyond. It is no more than a furlong off, I guess.'

'Then let us force a path thither, you and I!' said Aragorn.

Aragorn was the tallest of the Company, but Boromir, little less in height, was broader and heavier in build. He led the way, and Aragorn followed him. Slowly they moved off, and were soon toiling heavily. In places the snow was breast-high, and often Boromir seemed to be swimming or burrowing with his great arms rather than walking.

Legolas watched them for a while with a smile upon his lips, and then he turned to the others. 'The strongest must seek a way, say you? But I say: let a ploughman plough, but choose an otter for swimming, and for running light over grass and leaf or over snow-an Elf.'

With that he sprang forth nimbly, and then Frodo noticed as if for the first time, though he had long known it, that the Elf had no boots, but wore only light shoes, as he always did, and his feet made little imprint in the snow.

'Farewell!' he said to Gandalf. 'I go to find the Sun!' Then swift as a runner over firm sand he shot away, and quickly overtaking the toiling men, with a wave of his hand he passed them, and sped into the distance, and vanished round the rocky turn.

The others waited huddled together, watching until Boromir and Aragorn dwindled into black specks in the whiteness. At length they too passed from sight. The time dragged on. The clouds lowered, and now a few flakes of snow came curling down again.

An hour, maybe, went by, though it seemed far longer, and then at last they saw Legolas coming back. At the same time Boromir and Aragorn reappeared round the bend far behind him and came labouring up the slope.

'Well,' cried Legolas as he ran up, 'I have not brought the Sun. She is walking in the blue fields of the South, and a little wreath of snow on this Redhorn hillock troubles her not at all. But I have brought back a gleam of good hope for those who are doomed to go on feet. There is the greatest winddrift of all just beyond the turn, and there our Strong Men were almost buried. They despaired, until I returned and told them that the drift was little wider than a wall. And on the other side the snow suddenly grows less, while further down it is no more than a white coverlet to cool a hobbit's toes.'

'Ah, it is as I said,' growled Gimli. 'It was no ordinary storm. It is the ill will of Caradhras. He does not love Elves and Dwarves, and that drift was laid to cut off our escape.'

'But happily your Caradhras has forgotten that you have Men with you,' said Boromir, who came up at that moment. 'And doughty Men too, if I may say it; though lesser men with spades might have served you better. Still, we have thrust a lane through the drift; and for that all here may be grateful who cannot run as light as Elves.'

'But how are we to get down there, even if you have cut through the drift?' said Pippin, voicing the thought of all the hobbits.

'Have hope!' said Boromir. 'I am weary, but I still have some strength left, and Aragorn too. We will bear the little folk. The others no doubt will make shift to tread the path behind us. Come, Master Peregrin! I will begin with you.'

He lifted up the hobbit. 'Cling to my back! I shall need my arms' he said and strode forward. Aragorn with Merry came behind. Pippin marvelled at his strength, seeing the passage that he had already forced with no other tool than his great limbs. Even now, burdened as he was, he was widening the track for those who followed, thrusting the snow aside as he went.

They came at length to the great drift. It was flung across the mountainpath like a sheer and sudden wall, and its crest, sharp as if shaped with knives, reared up more than twice the height of Boromir; but through the middle a passage had been beaten, rising and falling like a bridge. On the far side Merry and Pippin were set down, and there they waited with Legolas for the rest of the Company to arrive.

After a while Boromir returned carrying Sam. Behind in the narrow but now well-trodden track came Gandalf, leading Bill with Gimli perched among the baggage. Last came Aragorn carrying Frodo. They passed through the lane; but hardly had Frodo touched the ground when with a deep rumble there rolled down a fall of stones and slithering snow. The spray of it half blinded the Company as they crouched against the cliff, and when the air cleared again they saw that the path was blocked behind them.

'Enough, enough!' cried Gimli. 'We are departing as quickly as we may!'

And indeed with that last stroke the malice of the mountain seemed to be expended, as if Caradhras was satisfied that the invaders had been beaten off and would not dare to return. The threat of snow lifted; the clouds began to break and the light grew broader.

As Legolas had reported, they found that the snow became steadily more shallow as they went down, so that even the hobbits could trudge along. Soon they all stood once more on the flat shelf at the head of the steep slope where they had felt the first flakes of snow the night before.

[keto-keyes]

Singularity

- Batmom!AU Batfam fanfic (OC ver.)

[Based off this post] [Please listen to this while reading]

It was as good of a night as it could be in Gotham city. No violent murders making waves on the news, or dangerous criminals for the richest and bitchiest of the city's 'nobility' to worry about. Everything was under control, for once. Batman was on rest, for once.

Speaking of Batman, his alter ego, Bruce Wayne (we shouldn't let him know we know), was attending the very party that captured the attention of Gotham's richest. He had no reason to be there, except that he was being held 'at gunpoint', as his kids called it, and his long-time friend, Rowan Cassius, was also going to be there. Like him, she was also enjoying a break from the crime and grime of the city of gangsters. She was usually the first to a crimescene, and not because it was usually her own crime, but because she was a reporter. That made her popular. And rich.

Almost as soon as he entered the gala, Bruce was cornered by the oldest millionaires in Gotham city. The lovely old ladies had become vicious of recent, having apparently caught his kids committing crimes, and were demanding that he 'get himself a woman' to straighten them out. Without breaking a sweat, Bruce daintily removed the fragile elders' hands from his biceps, smiling awkwardly. "Ladies, a little calm would do all of us a world of good, I think," he murmured, unable to face their piercing eyes, "How about, we all go get a drink, and then I will introduce you to my wife, whom I recently married."

Outside, Bruce smiled charmingly, but on the inside he was sweating. He figured he could probably just ask someone to pretend for the night, and then never speak of it again. He ignored the ladies' gasps of "WIFE?" and directed them towards the punch table. That was when he recognised the beautiful woman standing across the room in her blood-red gown, talking to the younger ladies. Rowan. She was the perfect cover: his oldest friend (who wasn't Clark) and a woman. Instantly his feet started to move him towards where she stood chatting with her fellow high-achievers.

Rowan Cassius was a multitasker by trade. She could easily, skilfully even, seduce a man while watching him slowly die from a spiked drink of her own doing. She could silently murder someone while making small talk with a friend over the phone. So surveillance of a ballroom mid-conversation was child's play. Rowan was an assassin, that was how she earned her living. But in the eyes of the law and the public, she was a crime reporter, and thus she was gratefully invited to all of the city's finest galas. "Ooh, speaking of Mr. Wayne, here he comes!" squealed one of the six rich nobodies she'd been mindlessly babbling with, breaking her train of thought, "And he's got Gotham's richest and bitchiest with him, poor thing."

'A distraction,' Rowan thought gratefully. She had found the target the registry was looking for. 'Just what I needed.' She twirled around to greet her childhood friend with a grin as fake as the colourant in her sugary drink.

"Ladies," Bruce announced in his deep, velvety voice, "I'm sure you've all met the lovely Ms Cassius." His arm snaked around her waist, stopping her from leaving. Rowan simply smiled at him, somewhat unsure where the play was going and completely dubious where the conversation was headed. Bruce leaned down to whisper in her ear as the ladies swooned and giggled, probably thinking he was kissing her ear. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, "They cornered me. I told them I was married and I couldn't think of a better partner than you. If you'd be happy to pretend for an evening."

Rowan nodded slightly. "Good evening, darling," she said grandly, "It seems this will turn out to be a party for the ages."

One of the older ladies grasped her forearm lightly. "Is she the one? The woman who finally leashed in dear Mr Wayne?" she asked, glancing between Bruce and Rowan.

Rowan attached her hand to his bicep, making it seem loving and natural. "Rowan Cassius," she greeted with a grin, "Though legally, it's now Cassius-Wayne, I suppose."

The night went practically effortlessly. Bruce and Rowan were attached at the hip throughout the dinner, except when Rowan left to 'relieve herself' and complete her job. The woman was down for the count pretty quickly, since Rowan was a pro and all, and then she returned to the start of the dessert courses. Bruce knew, of course. They'd crossed paths a few times over the years, a way of keeping up with each other. But, he knew.

They stuck together to leave, but Rowan surprised herself even in insisting that he take her back to Wayne Manor with him, assuring him that she wouldn't upset the balance of his everyday life.

Fin

Taglist: @whatsleftofmeandmine @yazz-frost @crazytechpersonzreal @aurastel @tearval @star-wars-lycanwing-bat @leesbian42

[justaz]

ur right percy would so bitch to drew

Ever since posting that, I have seen so much more Drew appreciation and defense and I’m so happy but I’m on my knees for Drew and Percy fics 🙏🙏 please they’d be so mean and hot together 😫

Anyways I’m gonna respond with headcanons because this is my post and I can - and yes they are all over the place and not chronological what do you want from me

Drew came to camp during the SOM and was claimed before Percy got there. She saw him getting picked on for having a cyclops as a brother and then him pouting about it by the lake and she called him a loser and bullied him until he bullied her back and she was like. Yeah. He’s my friend now.

Shes used to people treating her differently because she’s pretty, she sees right through the pretty privilege and hates having fake friends who just want to hang around the pretty girl - especially guys who just want her for her looks. So she’s mean and cruel to see if people will be like “ur being a bitch” or if they just let her do her thing because she’s pretty

When Percy was mean back to her it like won him some points with her. Plus he can match her wit. And he read her to filth she’s not gonna lie and she needs more people like that around her

She was like his only friend that summer - I know Annabeth was his friend but they were fighting and on rocky terms so he would hang out with her in his free time.

She laughed when Percy told Tantalus to chase a donut and she had to go clean the stables as punishment

Drew adored Silena and looked up to her as her older sister and camp councilor. She thought it was cool for a child of Aphrodite to go against the rule in cabin 10 and date Beckendorf without breaking his heart. She related to it as like a child of Aphrodite going against the grain since she is you know daughter of love and is the most bitchiest person on the planet

When Beckendorf died and Silena was practically catatonic, Drew became her fill in, taking care of her siblings while Silena mourned and trying to take care of Silena when the other kids weren’t around so they wouldn’t worry - she truly has such a soft heart but only for a select few

When Annabeth was kidnapped in TTC, she wasn’t at camp and heard through the grapevine what happened but she didn’t know where Percy was so she couldn’t Iris message him. She tried Iris messaging him at camp but it didn’t go through. She wasn’t worried tho (yes she was)

She called him a grandpa the first time she saw him after that quest though because of his grey streak

She tried to teach him makeup during one of their hang outs but he already knew make up pretty well - she didn’t push on the why, she just helped him hone in on his skills (he stole his mom’s make up to his bruises from gabe)

Percy confided in Drew about Nico being a son of Hades because she’s like the central hub or headquarters for gossip at camp so she can put down rumors of Nico’s parentage and start up new ones to distract people. Also because she’s his friend too and he wanted her opinion on the whole thing

She’s almost as ignorant to the Great Prophecy as Percy is since she came to camp after him but she’s heard things here and there about it and when he tells her that he’s taking on the prophecy to protect Nico, she looks at him like he’s already dead just like Annabeth and Grover do and he can’t stand it so he pulls away from her, Annabeth, and Grover to spend more time with Rachel because she’s the only one who doesn’t treat him like a dead man walking

Drew found Silena’s scythe bracelet but since she wasn’t a camp councilor she didn’t know that there was a spy in their midst so she just thought it was some weird gift Beckendorf made her and put it back without saying anything

Since they were in the midst of a war with like fifty kids on their side, they could waste man power gathering the bodies of the fallen and showing them proper respect until after the fight was over. Drew stumbled upon Silena’s body, still smoking and melting from the acid, scythe charm in hand. After having seen Kronos wielding said weapon, things started to click for her as she stared down at her dead and disfigured sister.

That was the first time Drew actually fought in the war and wasn’t helping the wounded in the hotel. She was so enraged with Kronos, with Luke, with Silena, with Percy, and with herself

Percy found her and fought alongside her to protect her from enemies that almost broke through her defense since she was so angry and emotional she wasn’t even thinking about it

He tried to talk to her after the fact but she just threw the scythe charm bracelet at him without saying a word. That was the last time they spoke until Percy disappeared

She didn’t care when Percy and Annabeth got together. Distantly, she thinks she may have been proud and happy deep, deep, deep down but it was overshadowed by her rage and grief. Will understood that all too well as they had both been in the infirmary seeing all the gore and damage and death, all the lives they couldn’t save. Will blamed Percy for Michael, Drew was angry with Percy for not telling her anything about a potential spy that ended up being her sister who she KNEW! She KNEW she had that damn bracelet, but she didn’t have the information to put it together!

Now whispers of Silena being the traitor float around and she hears them as central hub of gossip but she can’t put them out. She’s enraged with Silena. She was everything Drew admired, she felt like her and Silena were the in the same vein of Aphrodite children, different, going against the grain. She helped Silena mourn. She took over for her as camp councilor. The whisper became about her and how if Silena, one of the sweetest girls in camp, could turn on them, then Drew, one if the meanest, probably already has.

She became a bit paranoid looking for potential traitors even if there wasn’t a war to be fought. She didn’t want what happened with Silena and Percy to happen to her again. So when Percy went missing and this new girl was claimed by Aphrodite with the power of charmspeak who seemed to stand against the cliche version of Aphrodite that people expected - Drew saw Silena.

Speaking of charmspeak, Drew never really used it until after the war. She never felt the need to until she was camp councilor and Silena was gone and she was paranoid and she needed some way to ensure that she knew everything that was happening so she got her cabin under her control and put her ear to the ground to catch every little whisper of gossip so she wouldn’t be surprised like that again

She only stopped being mad with Percy when he went missing. She thought it would be some short stint until Hera gave Annabeth a vision and she went out in search of him but returned with three random kids. Again, needing to feel in control, she but in and tried to wrangle the situation under her control by grabbing the boy who looked like he wielded power who may have known something who said weird things. She was trying to get info on what they were doing here and if they knew anything about Percy and his whereabouts

She can immediately clock sexualities. She knew TLH trio were all queer in some aspect. (Valgrace & sapphic Piper is real and true to me)

It used to be a little game she’d play with Percy where she’d point out some kid and go “pansexual” and he’d look the kid over and go “ehhh…demi” and it was more like a test honestly. She’d throw out right and wrong labels depending on the day and Percy would either agree or offer a counter label.

It led to Percy being kind of alright at clocking queer people and also led to a huge miscommunication between them and Jiper. Piper called Jason her boyfriend and Percy whipped his head around to look her over, having already clocked her as sapphic, and asked real skeptically “boy…friend???” And it happened to come across more scathing like along the lines of “You have a boyfriend? How could someone ever like you?” rather than “I thought you were gay?”

Jason tried to defend her like “Watch what you’re saying to my girlfriend” or some other alpha wolf shit and Percy looked him over the same way like “girlfriend???????????” even more incredulous. The ghost of Drew cackled loud as fuck for that btw oh my god they’re so lucky Drew wasn’t on that ship

When they eventually broke up and Piper came out and Jason and Leo started getting closer Percy was. Not surprised in the slightest.

Hot take: Percy clocked Nico as gay but he couldn’t clock his crush on him because of his shit self-esteem

Drew lives in New York in some rich neighborhood idk New York I don’t live there. Google says Upper East Side so I’ll just put that here in hopes it makes sense to someone.

Drew and Percy (pre-second titans war) used to hang out outside of camp. She’d drag him to go shopping with her and carry her bags and as payment she’d take him to buy new boards so whatever skateboarding terminology fits here. He’d end up dragging her to the park and trying to teach her how to skate and it’s the most fun she’s ever had even if her knees and elbows are banged up from falling over and over again, the only thing she can feel is the ache in her abdomen and face from laughing so hard and smiling so wide

She teaches him an Aphrodite tactic of warfare in using your looks to your advantage. She teaches him about pretty privilege and is like “a pretty face will get you almost anything” and he’s like “why do I need to know this it’s not like I can use this” and she just stares at him like “jfc ur so dumb”

He ends up using it while roaming California with no memory. With no memory, his self esteem is like. Balanced out so he’s not cocky but he’s not insecure. He’s objective and he can tell that some people are attracted to him so he uses it to his advantage. He’ll smile and flirt with the cashiers and workers to distract them while he steals food or he’ll charm restaurant workers into giving him like a plate of food at the end of the night. He isn’t sure where he learned it but damn is it useful.

When (which Stoll was it? Connor?) Connor pulled the note from Annabeth out of the fire and informed them that Percy and Annabeth were in Tartarus, that was when she finally forgave him and let go of all the anger she had been harboring, worry and concern taking it’s place

Speaking of Tartarus, that scene of Percy manipulating Bob to kill Hyperion? Those are skills he learned from Drew three points up.

Being thrown back into war, Drew fought the entire time this time rather than camping out in the infirmary and helping with the wounded.

She fights like Percy since Percy helped train her. She didn’t want to train with anyone else since she knew she’d get comments like “a daughter of Aphrodite wishes to fight?” Or something along those lines but she trusted Percy not to say anything like that since he’s never been one to believe generalizations. Its part of the reason why he has such a good relationship with cabin ten, because he treats them like demigods rather than shallow children of Aphrodite

Drew and Rachel knew each other before they met through Percy. Their fathers dragged them to the same business party or some other rich man lingo here. They ended up becoming good friends and exchanging numbers. They don’t “meet through Percy” until after Rachel becomes the oracle and they run into each other at camp like “??? Wtf????”

Drew loves anime and forced Percy to watch it. He’s unamused in the beginning but soon enough he’s bugging Drew to invite him over so they can watch more because she has all the good streaming services. This is a secret to everyone else but them. The only reason it gets out is because Piper makes a reference on the Argo ii and Percy and Leo laugh at it. Annabeth is baffled. Percy keeps Drew’s involvement a secret tho. He knows how important her reputation is to her and he’s a real one.

Percy, Rachel, and Drew end up at some company party together because Rachel dragged him along because like hell is she suffering alone and Drew finally enjoys one of these stupid parties with her friends. She acquires champagne through charmspeak but Percy declines (because I’m a (California) sober!Percy truther) and he becomes Drew and Rachel’s chaperone. They run around doing stupid shit while he keeps them safe - also having fun with them.

Rachel’s father refuses to invite Percy to these parties anymore but Drew’s father is more focused on the fact that this is the first time he’s seen his daughter like truly happy so he keeps inviting Percy much to the chagrin of Mr. Dare.

When the second giant war comes to an end and the fighting is over, Drew just rushes across the battleground and throws her arms around Percy and he’s surprised until he starts to feel her tears soaking his shirt and he guides her away from everyone. She finally breaks down not just from this war or losing him for that bit of time but from all the rage and anguish and losing her sister and the second titan war and just…all of it. She just cries against him silently. She’s not a loud crier and she denies having ever cried against him even when she pulls her head back to wipe her tears.

[omgwhatchloe]

MODERN AU RDR2 CHARACTERS GETTING BROKEN UP WITH:

arthur

-he is always expecting something serious with his relationships no matter his age so he is DEVASTATED

-spirals into thinking hes completely unloveable and just hates himself

-makes up a million reasons why it was all his fault

-will not date again.

sean

-immediately looks for a rebound

-just gets annoyed at the situation until he finds some other girl to talk too

-until lenny and him temporarily broke up.

-he was absolutely broken, he locked himself in his room, drained his bank account on uber eats, gained 20 pounds, dyed his hair, shaved it off, and pretended on social media that he killed himself (his da called everyone in the gang crying and yelling at them to check if he was alive)

john

-very likely he had no idea the person who broke up with him actually saw them as being together together because he did not (bastard)

-only disappointed for a minute before going to the club

-ofc when abigail left him he did a similar thing to arthur, except started to rent the house she’d been wanting and get an actual job

-begged to see jack and abigail kept telling him it wasnt her that wouldn’t let jack see him, it was jack not wanting to go

mary-beth

-absolutely heartbroken over every SCUMBAG she falls in love with (they all cheat on her)

-lives on the bathroom floor crying until someone comes to get her

-cheers up when karen says she’ll burn his house down

-opens snapchat and obsesses over another boy on her quick add

lenny

-tries to force himself to move on by pretending he was never with anyone in the first place

-secretly stalks their social media because he cannot get over them

-fights with himself not to go back to them at the same time as doubting ever reason he left them

-only left sean because of drunk arthur convincing him too

karen

-immediately starts making posts to make them jealous, pretending shes on dates and living her best life

-finds their stuff and BURNS IT in their garden

-immediately goes on a bender to try convince herself life is better single

-will get absolutely furious over their new partners despite being ‘over it’ in a week

molly

-becomes a stalker.

-goes almost delusional in a mix of convincing herself shes worthless to she deserves everything and they should die

-making sure they havent found anyone else by following them around (cue restraining order)

-gets drunk and completely fucks up her hair

charles

-absolutely no crazy business, he just becomes very depressed

-reinforces his entire idea of the fact he was made to be alone

-never ever wants to date anyone again

-well no crazy business until he gets drunk and starts messaging them desperate to know what he did wrong

micah

-kidnaps them.

-back to jail he goes

abigail

-a complete mix of being furious and being respectful

-one minute she “understands” the next shes trying to get them fired

-shes pretty mature in the end and forces herself to move on

-cries while deleting pictures of them together

javier

-the messiest, bitchiest ex you could ever have

-spills all their secrets on his snapchat story then promptly throws up when they do the same

-announces the breakup by scribbling their faces out on pictures and re-posting them

-calls them names to every single gang member

-dms them on several different accounts calling them a traitorous cunt (he cheated 3 times)

[therandomtoad]

Nerd Headcanons because this post was only supposed to be about one but I went a little wild-

I headcannon Richie as Aroace(Asexual, Demi-romantic), so I like to imagine Grace befriending him due to his lack of interest, and then becoming borderline obsessed with him due to how completely abstinent he is, meanwhile he's just like, "Why are you even here? Go away"

I also headcannon that Ruth is the only reason Richie and Pete were even friends. The way I picture it is that Ruth and Pete had to do a math assignment together in middle school, and they weren't really working together, more like working around each other, and all the sudden Pete makes a dumb Star Wars reference and Ruth flips out. Like, she's so excited that she completely lights up and starts rambling to him about her headcannons and ships, and Pete just sits there kinda stunned until she brings up a headcannon that he actually thinks is interesting, So all the sudden the two are just having a conversation about the things that make the headcannon so good, and they get so invested in the conversation that they don't finish the assignment before the end of class, so Ruth invites Pete to sit with her a lunch the next day. So he goes to sit with her, and there's this blue haired weeb(idc if its not canon, Richie had a blue hair phase) who's arguing with her, when the weeb notices Pete and shoots him the nastiest, bitchiest look on the planet, and Pete's just like "i^i". And Ruth introduces Pete as her math buddy and starts talking about their Star Wars convo, and Richie goes on a rant about how Star Wars is stupid and Pete starts arguing his points, and is turns into an actual fight. And then later Ruth is talking to Pete later in class and Pete's like "Hey, Your friend sucks-" and Ruth is like "Yeah, he's such a bitch. Don't worry, I put pickle juice in his monster this morning" and Pete's just like "Wtf bro, what is your friendship-"

And the reason that Richie and Ruth are friends is because in elementary school, Ruth used to eat glue and Richie used to doodle girls in pretty dresses so he got picked on. So Ruth just kind of adopted him as her friend, and they just naturally developed a sibling like bond over time.

I also headcannon that Ruth's parents were also nerds, and they like nerdy shit things and are super supportive(Ruth and Esther would totally get along. They're Cousins or siblings, take your pick), But Richie has a weird dynamic with his family, where he's not really understood by them so he gets more territorial over his interests, and Ruth understands that so she lets him ramble about whatever he wants, even if he's kind of being a dick about it. I also Headcannon that Richie was actually on the swim team for a while(I grabbed that headcannona from someone else), and was way more chill being able to connect with others, but Max saw Kyle talking to Richie after swim practice before a football game, and he started spreading rumors that Richie was gay, and eventually he dropped out due to harassment.

Pete and Riche would've gotten along way better while Richie was on the swim team, and they probably considered themselves actual friends, but as Richie lost his feeling of belonging on the Swim team, their relationship would've deteriorated again, but Pete would've realized that he's just abd angst fucking bitch and hated him less for it.

Ruth totally looked into swimming the minute Richie said he was into it, and she totally helped him practice outside of school. She was the one cheering the loudest for him at meets, and she'd yell at him like a coach when they practiced together.

Ruth probably has people telling her to shut up all the time, so she's a fiesty little shit when it comes to clapbacks. She can think of them fast and on point, and likes to make a game out of it. Unfortunately, you cant do that on stage, so she feels helpless to defend herself and thats why she has such bad stage fright. She's probably a really, really good actor, too. I imagine her being able to break down sobbing like her baby was hit by a car, only to smile and bow Meer seconds later. She's probably fucking wonderful.

[luckykiwiii101]

The Blair Bitch Project

And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me. XoXo - Gossip Girl 💋 💌

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♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious, but I’ve got a feeling this winter could be your last season on this app. Let’s face it, I’ve been at this a long time. But age breeds wisdom. And this I know: the best is yet to come.

From all around the world our favourite Upper east siders are asking the same question. “How do i get what i want?!”

“Why can’t I have it?!?! ughhh this isn’t fair!!!”

Well, call me crazy, but bitching about it, won’t get you to your final destination. Only if you use it the right way………

Think fast B, bitch about it? or BITCH about it?

Yes, I’m talking about the Blair BITCH Project.

Since the Blair Witch Project is SO LAST SEASON, I’ve got something new to bring to the table. And no, it’s not a 5 star meal, it’s much sweeter, or should i say sour.

No one said being a Bitch would be easy.

Well……I could make an exception if your name is Georgina Sparks or Serena Van Der Woodsen. But the Bitchiest Bitch of all Bitches Is our Queen B, Blair Waldorf. It’s the season to put on your louboutons and do what you do best, Bitch about it.

They say history repeats itself. But looks like B is charting a brand new course to success. Who knew being such a B-word would get you so far? Gotta take a few notes from Queen B herself!

As Blair said “You can’t make people love you but you can make them fear you.”

Yes i’m talking about those pesky little negative assumptions you hold in that thick little head of yours. Holding on to the seats on the limousine like Blair and Chuck. Speaking of Chuck, let’s Chuck those assumptions away, far far away.

“How am I going to do that?”

Just be yourse-

Oops. The inner Georgina jumped out just there. I was going to say be a bitch, but I guess there’s no difference……… (Just kidding……or am I? XoXo. Nothing Gossip Girl loves more than a little mystery).

It’s B’s party, and she’ll cry if she wants to. Everytime you open this app, you will bitch about how easy it is for you to enter the void state and how you always wake up in it. It’s your choice really. Vaunt about it in your posts, or the replies to any void related post you see. Bitch about it randomly in your mind everytime the void state comes to mind. Shouldn’t be difficult for a Stage 5 Bitch.

Careful ladies and gents. It’s easy to fall into the valley of overconsumption. Maybe you’ll even come across a faux bitch claiming to own a Chanel purse, but when they’ve been caught red handed, you may even start to think that you can’t have a Chanel purse. How tragic.



Fuel that energy into full bitch mode and vaunt your anger/frustration/sadness/irritation into bitching all about it, and replacing those ugly assumptions with prettier ones. They need a serious MAKEOVER! Ew.

SPOTTED: B taking what seemed like a innocent little stroll down central park, but we all know everything B does is NEVER innocent. She’s been caught RED handed, drowning her two-faced wannabes (negative assumptions) in a lake in central park, after crying them a river (vaunting) and drowning them in it. A classic Blair Bitch move. I like it.

Wait……? Can you hear that? It’s B. She’s at it again. OH EM GEE! Cover your ears. It’s a full blown bitch attack!!!!

Blair:

“OH MY GOD, I SWEAR I CANNOT EVEN CLOSE MY EYES WITHOUT ENTERING THE VOID STATE! I EVEN HEAR SOME STUPID BITCHES GOSSIPING ABOUT HOW I ALWAYS ENTER THE VOID STATE WITHIN 2 MINUTES! IT’S SO FRICKING ANNOYING! WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!???!! UGH THEY WISH THEY WERE LIKE ME, THE PERFECT VOID MASTER! AS IF THEY COULD EVER! THIS IS WAY TOO EASY, IT’S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO STRUGGLE! LIKE HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH THE EASIEST THING ON THE PLANET! THAT’S LIKE BELIEVING THAT IT’S DIFFICULT TO BLINK OR SOMETHING!UGH IM WAYYYY TOO GOOD AT THIS!IT’S EASIER THAN FRICKINF BREATHING! UGHHHHHHHH!!!”

Negative Assumption:

“No you can’t hahahah ur so ba-.”

Blair:

“BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP! DOROTA!!! COME CLEAN THIS LITTLE SHIT UP! IT’S PISSING ME OFF! IM TOO GOOD AT THIS LMFAO! WHY IS IT SO EASY?!UGHHHH I COULD LITERALLY JUST SLAP SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! MY POWER COULD PROBABLY SEND THEM INTO THE VOID STATE OR SOMETHING!!! I ALWAYS WAKE UP IN THE VOID STATE. IT’S LITERALLY NOTHING. NO BIG DEAL. I’M USED TO IT ANYWAY!!!”

Careful ladies and gents. B might be the Big Bad Wolf in designer clothing.

Don’t become a bitch in the process……Or do, I don’t care. I see you. XoXo.

Still reading an American Horror Story? Close that damned book and open a new one. Just make sure it’s not the sequel. We don’t need a repeat of past……events.

[sillydeimos]

I love your take on jeb. He would be the pettiest, most cryptic tsundere on the block. Especially in his love life.

But i do kind wonder how jeb would end up in a relationship with hank at all. Hank seems like he wouldn't try deciphering jeb at all. If jeb wasn't the one person capable of reliably killing hank, well, jeb would be long dead.

Headcanons for how jeb and hank start their relationship?

i've been waiting for someone to ask me this for 10 years

and to be fair my stance of jeb being a petty little bitch isn't unsubstantial, he does do many petty bitchy things in canon. he had an entire note prepared announcing that he was quitting and just slapped it onto a wall before angrily leaving. that's the bitchiest little move anyone could ever pull.

anyways. let's get into the two emotionally unresponsive freaks. apologies if this gets long that's why it's under the readmore. better skip this post cuz this one SUCKS! disclaimer i'm an idiot

so... while it might not look like it at first, hank does enjoy fighting with jeb, or at the very least, fucking with him. i think he likes the reactions he gets out of him. i see a lot of people just say hank like hates him and despises him and i think that is true and obviously canon, but in the words of krinkels: 'i don't think he has hate in his head for anyone' (paraphrased)

*does a little wave that pisses you off*

i think it's more that he gets very annoyed with how jeb is and doesn't trust him.

ANYWAYS, MY HEADCANONS:

-it's definitely not a traditional way of starting a relationship, i'd say there'd be no confessions but jeb is kind of addicted to never shutting the fuck up. he's uber confrontational, so if he starts feeling a certain way, he'll probably tell hank when he deems it necessary.

as for hank's side, he definitely thinks jeb is very annoying and needs to shut up for once, but there's also something about him he can't really place. he thinks he's a good fighter for one, and he respects that, which means a lot if hank actually respects someone. he rarely gives anyone credit...but the man is good with the sword what can he say.

and like. as much as they could theoretically get along, hank is very aware of christoff's motivations and patterns, he doesn't want to aid christoff in whatever stupid plans he has, nor does he want to be a follower, so i think he would make that very clear to christoff like hey. i'm not a pawn for you. which ofc jeb is like 'i don't treat anyone like a pawn, how could you even give such a assumptive, baseless accusation' and hanks like *gestures to sheriff and hofnarr*

basically it's a very slowburn kind of romance, the worst kind especially with these fucking two. don't get me wrong i don't think they're the traditional kind of romance at all they're definitely not holding hands while skipping down the road together but also like.

could either of them ever be in a traditional kind of relationship? like i think it's just like...a relationship that would work for them, and only them. don't let anyone else know what you two got going on here

hank's not gonna cater to his bullshit and christoff is just gonna have to learn how to deal with that because he can't just get rid of his feelings no matter how hard he tries. and hank, annoyingly, can't figure out which part of the brain he has to stab to get rid of his feelings. he's trying to use brain diagrams from doc's lab but they're confusing to read :/

they both don't give a fuck about romance, and they're not really even into the idea of them but they both look at each other with a mutual feeling of 'i feel a strong intense attraction to you so much to the point where i want to kill you, go into the other place, and then permanently kill your s3lf so that you're dead forever and i was the one to do it. let's make out.'

TLDR: their relationship just kind of happens overtime, probably with christoff initiating it and hank is just kind of like oh we're doing this now. okay.

........OR MAYBE I'M WRONG WHO KNOWS! haha. um. heyyyy. thanks for reading.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

The Cat King, Edwin Payne, and Charles Rowland (Asexual Cat King & Post-Canon Ghostcat)

You know what you desire, and it isn't sex. It isn't the rub of your body against other people's. It isn't the liquids and the noises and the way that people take without giving in return, not a single one of them ever thinking about your pleasure enough to notice that you're not very turned on by any of them at all. 

Sure, you get boners. Who doesn't? It's a biological reaction. The Endless get boners. God herself probably gets a boner.

But you have no true desire to see another person's hand release you. No, what you want is the same thing that any cat wants: you want affection on your own terms. You want someone to want you as you are. You want someone to relieve your loneliness, someone who likes you at your worst and your best, your bitchiest and your most lazy, sees you as you are, for all that you are, and yet doesn't turn their head for someone else. 

Someone who understands how lonely you are because they understand loneliness themselves, understands the ache that carves beneath your ribs because you are too much and too old and too new and too nothing at all for anyone to handle.

-aletterinthenameofsanity, sometimes all i think about is you (you need something I can never give)

Last night, all I think about is you

Don't stop, baby, you can walk through

Don't wanna, but I think about you

You just need a better life than this

You need something I can never give

I don't wanna be alone

You know it hurts me too

Heat waves been faking me out

Can't make you happier now

-Glass Animals, Heat Waves

@dear-monday @dont-offend-the-bees @tw0-ravens @rexrevri

[nutcasewithaknife]

The funniest part of me watching iwtv because of all the tumblrposting is that. After every single episode I see posts about the bitchiest funniest old man who all the vampires wanna fuck even as he rips them and their complex 15-tier lies apart with sheer sass. I fall in love with him via dash osmosis and am compelled to watch the entire show just for him. And then every episode ends up having like 5 min total of him and 55 more of the vampires being the most fucked up drama queens ever. Which is great!! but definitely not what I expected from my timeline that's 90% about that old man. And this happens every episode