#is this the bitchiest post of them all?

[sigurism]

I miss sharing my LOVE for these four. I extend that same love to those who made it impossible for me.

And the heart-warming flip side to this ugly outcome?

I will say that the fandom for my man Luca Marinelli has been the most true, the most loyal, the most respectful group of people I have ever encountered in all of my time here and it's been quite a while. I have gone through many fandoms and this one tops them all. Sometimes I'm completely in awe at the levels of respect this whole fandom gets into.

Hand to heart, thank you to the fans of Luca. He is truly blessed to have such incredible people behind him, supporting his work. He would be proud.

American Gods... or should I say fans for my Mad Love, you may just be second to none. You have actually appreciated my contributions to your MADdeningly sexy and wondrous Sweeney fandom and I have gotten the most loveliest feedback and gained the most wonderfullest of fans. Pablo, you have the best of the best on your side.

At least I ended this on a good note. I think.

[wwillywonka]

"A lie?" "An error."

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

[blooky8]

one panic attack and breathing excercise later,,,,,,,,, i think i need to write some of my thoughts down before moving on

first of all, as i said in the notes earlier i honestly should've expected something like this to happen. even if the king sounded pathetic each time we fought him, i should've kept in mind how powerful he is and that he still froze a bunch of people in time and was going to do that with the whole country, no matter the reason. but the most important thing to recognize is probably the fact that perceived emotional weakness didn't mean that it would be possible to convince him, didn't mean that he wasn't cruel. it's not like anything could've been changed with my knowledge, i just feel silly for walking right into that with no suspicions. well, lesson learned, can't stop the king with words

second of all - the king was talking about something called wish craft, saying how he smells the sweet scent right before that, and claiming that sif's using this craft right after. i guess this is what it's actually about, huh? not time craft, but wish craft? while i still know nothing about it the only assumption i can make is the symbolic one - you know, wishing upon a star? jhhgfk

but could sif really wish for something that would cause the loop, or is it someone else's wishing's fault, or both? even if sif could, i doubt they'd be able to remember. i mean, they congratulated themselves on reaching the 20th loop at the 24th, and i don't even know if it's a bug or a feature💀

third of all - no matter how much i pretend like i'm unfazed i think i still need to address that. HOLY SHIT was i terrified for a second there. especially for those few seconds when i thought i actually WILL have to watch everyone get violently murdered, with no easy way to loop back in sight...... the moment i saw the unusually big-fonted laughter i knew i did something wrong......... it was almost a feeling of amusement with how much i did not expect any of this to happen, with how unbelievably cruel the scene had became in such a short time, the kind of terror that you don't believe at first because well there's no way, right?

but i guess this wish craft is really a thing sif can control, since thinking about looping very hard really did loop us back! i don't think this was like any other loop, it was definitely directly from a wish. the king said that he "wished" to be like this as well, does that mean he wields wish craft rather than time craft, or perhaps both?? lots to think about

also, funny how sif assumed that loop is going to be an ass about this:

right before this dialogue option popped up i thought "i know you told me all about how the king can't be trusted but don't you dare to go i-told-you-so at me right now, that would be The Bitch Move ever--"

.........aaaand they did it! cool🙂 "rude to them" how about RUDE TO ME

[allisamemory]

Keter suppression is basically just

A: I hope I don’t have to fight my evil shadow self today (again)

Abel, Abram & Adam: hey

A: No fucking way

[neverthebabysitter]

Adding to this post, imagine them being famous in the future.

Eddie becoming a rising star as soon as he gets out of Hawkins, his band corroded coffin entering the music scene and having massively popular songs. People are getting more intrigue for his past murder charges, but he gets easily defended once he gets a solid fan base (and the fact that he was absolved of those charges).

And Steve entering the acting scene at the same time, him and Robin being just some extras in a movie for the extra cash, but the director falls in love with the sibling-like duo, making them a cameo where Steve acts like a buffer, making the male character jealous so he can make a move.

It was a simple role, just a few minutes of screen with one-liners of dialogue, but to the surprise of everybody—except for Robin—Steve killed the role. Maybe it was his eyes that enamored everyone, his kicked puppy look or his smile, but he became the nation's sweetheart. 

After that, he got cast for more minor roles, and little by little established himself as an actor, to the point of being the lead more frequently. 

With that, the two of them are well established in their own fields, working hard and being well-known. So it's not rare that at some point they end up in the same event.

It could be anything, a festival, some awards, just a party of famous people—the point is, they are in a public space, surrounded by people that have no idea they know each other, and like an instinct, they act like swore enemies.

Their minds are so used to associate:

"being in public" + "hide true relationship and have fun" = "fake hate each other"

Becuase years of pulling that stunt in their teenagehood that like reflex they spit second-hand insults. 

Like– they lock eyes on each other and instantly looked up and down in the bitchiest way possible. Honestly, at this point it has become their own weird way of flirting, the more vicious the comment the more they will drive the other crazy.

Of course, neither of them realize what they were doing until they both were making out in the bathroom, squirreling away from the vent, going to the closest hotel and waking up the next day with friends/acquaintances from their own jobs field asking for the latest gossip of the industry.

The way Robin would laugh her ass off, only to act like a toddler, pointing fingers and giggling at the two dinguses when they realize what they have done.

It was not intentional, and now everyone who was in the event thinks they hate each other's guts like old times.

The public doesn’t know yet, the reporters still not hearing about this until well-respected journalist, Nancy Wheeler (who has already written about each of them, one for Eddie and one for Steve), makes an article about their long complicated story.

(No, she isn't being petty, Mike, she just thinks it’s funny, and it’s not like she is lying, they do have a long and complicated story, it’s just a little to the left, she just isn't saying some things)

The next time someone interviews one of them, they are asking about the other, why they hate each other, if there’s some drama, why they didn't know they knew the other, etc.

Long story short, they pulled the same bit they did in school, but now by accident and to the whole country (and the world when they start getting more international).

They tried to clarify but fell on deaf ears, people thinking is just to safe face or keep appearances, after all the habit doesn’t quite go and they always ended up flirting with insults in every event they are together.

They definitely start to enjoying it and play along after a while.

Not only that, but they enjoyed it even more when years later, in a random day, they posted their X years wedding anniversary photos with their family.

Everyone lost their shit after that.

[mizzfizz]

A COINCIDENCE | -> touya todoroki

touya is fuckin' nervous. insanely fuckin' nervous. he's finally meeting your parents for the first time since he started to date you— the love and light of his life.

he knows his burn scars are a little... unsightly, even if you tell them they're not. he knows you're not lying, but you're probably the only one who thinks that way.

he doesn't make a lot of money, and you deserve way more than what he gives you. he knows you get upset when he tells you that because you tell him with a frown, "touya, you give me everything you have and can give me."

he's an ex-con, and no parent wants their daughter dating an ex-con and oh lord why is he still going?

he really wants to leave a good impression on your parents; he's very serious about you with plans of proposing and marrying you in the future.

you tell him your parents won't mind his scars, and that he is a hard-worker, and he's turned over a new leaf. you tell him they'll welcome him with open arms and they'll love him like you love him.

he feels like he's sweating even though he can't, and his scars feel itchy, and his stomach hurts, and his legs feel like jello, and the door is getting closer, or he's getting closer to door, and maybe, he should just explode.

you ring the doorbell to your parents house and squeeze his hand with a smile to try to comfort him.

honestly, it doesn't make him feel better. it makes him feel worse because you look like an angel and he can't believe he's dating someone 100 leagues above him, and your parents are gonna hate him.

but, he appreciates you trying to make him feel better.

he hears a "coming" from who he assumes is your mother. a few moments later the door opens and he comes face to face with—

oh.

oh, this cannot be fuckin' happening right now.

karma is a fuckin' bitch and has decided to be the bitchiest bitch at the worst time ever.

"officer," he starts with a gulp and a nervous laugh, followed with your last name.

"how've you been?"

— all rights reserved © MIZZFIZZ 2022-2024. do not repost/redistribute to any other platform, copy, steal, or claim as your own post.

[greatunironic]

eddie wakes up in a strange room. this was not particularly unusual for him, historically: he’d spent most of his twenties waking up in new and interesting places (including a handful of jail cells). but after eddie, the label, and the los angeles superior court system decided it would be best if he stopped drinking and doing blow, it stopped being such a regular occurrence.

so it’s almost alarming to him, now, to be blinking up at an unfamiliar cement ceiling with the raging bitch of all headaches and generally feeling like he got hit by a truck, got whiplash in a crash with the way his neck aches. he’d think he was hungover like all those times before except for how sharp the pain is, bright.

he worries, briefly, he’s relapsed, or someone’s slipped him something. but he remembers what him and the boys had been up to, before this, and he thinks it’d’ve been a strange night indeed if someone roofied a c-list (b-list if he’s feeling charitable) musician at a fucking frozen four game.

because yeah, eddie remembers: they’d been third row, watching the wisconsin ladies clean up and cheering for jeff’s kid sister like she was about to get olympic gold. (she probably would, someday. her and that mayfield girl who played defense were looking down the barrel at a 2026 run apparently.

eddie’s been to a handful of games over the years, when touring and recording allows them to go. he’s resolutely never been a sports guy but he’ll admit, when pressed, that live hockey is pretty dope. to say nothing, of course, of how jeff would probably murder them all in their sleep if they didn’t rep the red and white for lottie.

(and also — and this is between eddie and his god alright — but lottie’s coach? standing back there in his suit, hair styled and dialed, snapping his gum, yelling at the refs? kind of doing it for him, okay. worth the price of admission, even if the tickets weren’t free.)

when he thinks harder — which hurts too — the last thing he clearly remembers was someone from the beavers scoring, bringing their lead to 5-1, and a slapshot from the other team getting out over the boards and nearly taking out some lady’s popcorn. someone behind them in the seats said, “jesus they’re getting desperate, eh?”

then shit goes dark on him, not even a fade to black, but a full on smash cut, roll credits black, and the post-credits scene is where ever the fuck eddie is at the moment. it smells like human and cold and icy hot, so obviously, he thinks, he died and went to hell like all the church ladies said he would back in hawkins, or probably just a locker room. what the fuck?

he blinks at the ceiling, at an interesting water stain on the cement texturing. he’s in the middle of wondering where the rest of his band has gone if he’s here alone, fucking abandoners, when a sweaty redhead with the bitchiest expression he’s maybe ever seen enters his field of vision.

“you’re alive,” she says.

eddie blinks again. “why do you sound so disappointed?”

“yo coach!” she shouts, already on the move away from him. “he’s alive!”

he tries to sit up, but that makes the pain in his head worse, and also draws attention to the fact that his back also hurts. he squeezes his eyes shut and makes a truly embarrassing noise of pain — if pressed, he’d call it a whimper — and a pair of big hands land on his shoulders.

“out, out ladies i got this! hey!, hey, man, don’t move just yet,” says big hands.

“yeah, no problem, i don’t want to anymore,” eddie says. he stirs up the will to open his eyes again and very nearly slams them back shut. because of course the person staring down at him is fucking coach hottie snackycakes himself. he’s even better looking in person, too, big droopy eyes, lips as pink as his bubblegum, and shiny, jesus christ. he’s still got eddie by the shoulders, hands warm through the thin cotton of his flannel and tee — because eddie’s always been more fashion than sense, wayne always said, and it’s even worse now that the paps are on him—

“oh, fuck this is gonna be all over tiktok later, isn’t it?” he moans.

“maybe not.”

“don’t lie.”

“listen, eddie — it is eddie, right?” asks coach hottie. “i’m steve. coach harrington. faughnsie — lottie, i mean — she said you’re eddie. her brother’s guitarist? what do you remember?”

“more like he’s my singer,” he says, “but sure. and not much.”

“well, you’re gonna be okay,” says coach hottie — steve. “it really wasn’t that bad, and it was probably too fast for anyone to get it, unless they already had a camera on you. you took a puck to the head when one popped up. i’d apologize but it wasn’t one of my girls who did it, so. anyway — you weren’t out for long, which robbie says is good — she’ll get a look at you in a second — but you got your bell rung pretty good. and you’re gonna have quite the shiner, trust me.”

“speaking from experience?”

“oh, yeah. closer and faster too.” he gently raps his head with his knuckles. “too many concussions too early ended my nhl days, in fact.”

“oh. oh shit, sorry, i—“

“don’t worry about it, man, it happens,” he says. “and if it hadn’t, i wouldn’t be here.”

“at the frozen four.”

“yeah, sure, that too.”

“what?”

“what?” steve waves him off. “anyway, i’m just glad to see you up, ish, and talking. looked pretty scary, from the bench.”

“i really don’t remember,” says eddie. “but i’m sure i’ll see it on tiktok later, like i said — at least, my unconscious, bleeding form.”

“i got up there pretty fast, so i doubt it,” says steve.

eddie blinks, twice. “you—?”

“you were behind my bench, and you. well,” he says with a shrug, but he’s clearly a little embarrassed, finally putting those hands away — weapons of eddie destruction, he thinks — and shoving them into his pockets of his tight slacks. “i should be getting back out there.”

“do you? you’re murdering them pretty good, unless i black out and missed them getting four more goals,” eddie says.

the corners of steve’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. eddie thinks he might just pass out again. “no, we’re still gonna cinch it, i think. looks bad, though — first time coach missing the final period so’s he can hit on the cute musician who got his clock cleaned by the biscuit.”

“oh,” he says. swallows. “uh.”

steve’s crinkly, smiley eyes go wide. “unless—“

“no less!” eddie shouts and then immediately winces. at a better, less damaging to his more than slightly concussed noggin, volume, he says, “more, actually. because pretty sure i shouldn’t be left unsupervised, and i’ve clearly been abandoned by the band, so—“

“so,” says steve.

“coach, two minutes!” someone calls.

“so, i was hoping maybe i could keep hitting on the hot hockey coach back at his?”

“i’m at the ramada inn,” he says, “and i got tape to watch for the finals.”

“i live for room service,” eddie tells him seriously. “and i’m suddenly very into wisconsin sports teams.”

“coach! go time!”

“yeah?” he asks.

“yeah.”

“COACH!”

he jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “i gotta — but, uh, later?”

“pick me up in twenty?”

“probably more like half an hour, with stoppage,” he says.

someone bangs on the door. “COACH!! let’s boogie!!”

with one last look, wide eyed and smiling, steve leaves. eddie watches him go. he’d heard hockey players were caked up but lord — eddie is about to convert to a new religion, or maybe found one, over the stretch of those slacks.

“damn,” he says quietly.

“gross,” a woman says. eddie startles and looks to the side, where a lanky brunette with a bob and an undercut is staring at him, unimpressed. she’s in some get up that screams athletic trainer, and there’s a white board in her hand.

“how long have you been there?” he asks.

she raises an eyebrow. “long enough, and honestly, i don’t know if that counts as a you rule for him, or a you suck for you,” she says and does not elaborate when he asks. “also don’t look at him like that. it’s steve. he’s basically my sister.”

“yeah? any tips then?” asks eddie. “i promise i’ll only use them for good. well. mostly.”

“god,” she says with an expansive eye roll. “you’re gonna be a nightmare, aren’t you?”

a cheer goes up outside the room as the teams, presumably, take the ice again. eddie, head throbbing, concussed, embarrassed, grins. “sure hope so,” he says.

[hana-no-seiiki]

Hi! Could I be ✨Anon? (Im not sure whats been taken already) I've been on a big Batfam kick these past few days and have a v indulgent request if it interests you.

Could I request something for a (gn) civilian reader who is friends w/ the Batfam, but recently got superpowers that are magical girl-esque? Neither of the parties knowing of the others Alter Egos. Here are some of my thought, but write the post however you'd like.

Reader was accidentally caught up in some commotion that involved stealing specialty cargo. One of them being an alien artifact, and reader uses it in desperation to save themselves. But now they have these sparkely, pretty, and showy powers that they never asked for. (And maybe a magical animal companion that insist they bring light and justice to Gotham)

Reader is reluctant to be a vigilante, but keeps finding themselves in situations to help people anyways.(Maybe its a side effect of being a magical girl) They end up fighting alongside the Batfam at some point, but they feel embarrassed to interact w/ them. Reader feels completely out of place with their colorful and over-the-top powers when next to the cool and brooding batfam.

Sorry if this idea is a bit out there, but ty for letting me be indulgent in your ask box 💕!!

NO CAUSE I FEEL THIS DYNAMIC SO MUCH.

I either have the friendliest vibe or the bitchiest vibe and no in between. Meaning that people either come to me for everything or think I’m a snob/will bite-

and sure non! i don’t really keep track of my anons nowadays so people can be whatever as long as it’s not listed in my pinned

BAT X MAGIC ✨

IN ANY CASE

I’m gonna mix Sailor Moon, Miraculous Ladybug and Onimai for my inspo with this ask if you don’t mind

Magical Girl/Boy/Person! Reader is really close friends with Tim and Damian. If there was one thing all three could agree on it’s that they loved superheroes in manga/comics.

And Reader? Boy did they adore the Batfam. There was just something about their dark, brooding aesthetic that they couldn’t get enough of.

So it was a tad bit ironic that they stumbled upon the most “girly”and “bright” power ever known to Gotham.

It didn’t help that your abilities had to be activated with cutely yelling things like “Sparkle Blast!” or “Smile Hurricane!”

I like to headcannon that you have a familiar or Kwami like creature that in exchange of keeping your identity magically hidden, absolutely bullies you by making the one above a requirement.

I headcannon that Damian has the PHATTEST crush on you. Like even moreso than the stalker, otaku Tim. Like he is just head over heels. You’re strong, you’re capable, you’re adorable?? But that mostly extends to just your magic persona rather than your real self. He’s super obvious about it to anyone but you too (similar to the og miraculous ladybug w/ felix instead of chat).

Tim is more interested on who tf you were. Like yes!!! Magical Person Hero!!! You were basically his childhood crushes incarnate!! But his inquisitive mind really needed to know who you were in order to calm himself down.

Jason is honestly a bit overwhelmed by your whole getup, but grows to love you the most in terms of how kind you are and how you help them even in the most dire of situations (not knowing that you were basically forced to)

He’s very much Tuxedo Mask type wherein he’d be very annoying to you when the disguises are off but an absolute Casanova with em on.

You and Dick are the most close when it comes to patrols and fighting. I feel like you, being the big fan you were, would make him look even more flashy and handsome during battle with sparkles and whatnot. I have a feeling he’d be the first to ask you out or fully romance you, as well as be the first to befriend you/contact you as a vigilante.

Bruce is definitely perplexed by how you always evade him in terms of your secret identity. It frustrates him to no end that whenever he gets close to finding out something either gets in his way or his mind just goes blank.

Once you explain how your magical persona works tho he’s pretty quick on the bandwagon, especially since he sees that his boys love you.

Also cause you look way too adorable to really be heinous.

…Right?

Once you break one of your familiar’s rules though, they do share your identity with the bats and well…

All hell breaks loose.

[sillylotrpolls]

(Relevant text below the poll)

Inspired by this post by @roselightfairy and replies by @herrhasen, @enide-s-dear, @unnamedelement, @dragonfirez, and @carlandrea.

If you'd like to refresh your memory of the Fellowship at its bitchiest (and Boromir at his best), the relevant text is below the cut.

Excerpted from The Fellowship of the Ring, Book II, Chapter 3: The Ring Goes South

Gimli looked up and shook his head. 'Caradhras has not forgiven us.' he said. 'He has more snow yet to fling at us, if we go on. The sooner we go back and down the better.'

To this all agreed, but their retreat was now difficult. It might well prove impossible. Only a few paces from the ashes of their fire the snow lay many feet deep, higher than the heads of the hobbits; in places it had been scooped and piled by the wind into great drifts against the cliff.

'If Gandalf would go before us with a bright flame, he might melt a path for you,' said Legolas. The storm had troubled him little, and he alone of the Company remained still light of heart.

'If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch the Sun to save us,' answered Gandalf. 'But I must have something to work on. I cannot burn snow.'

'Well,' said Boromir, 'when heads are at a loss bodies must serve, as we say in my country. The strongest of us must seek a way. See! Though all is now snow-clad, our path, as we came up, turned about that shoulder of rock down yonder. It was there that the snow first began to burden us. If we could reach that point, maybe it would prove easier beyond. It is no more than a furlong off, I guess.'

'Then let us force a path thither, you and I!' said Aragorn.

Aragorn was the tallest of the Company, but Boromir, little less in height, was broader and heavier in build. He led the way, and Aragorn followed him. Slowly they moved off, and were soon toiling heavily. In places the snow was breast-high, and often Boromir seemed to be swimming or burrowing with his great arms rather than walking.

Legolas watched them for a while with a smile upon his lips, and then he turned to the others. 'The strongest must seek a way, say you? But I say: let a ploughman plough, but choose an otter for swimming, and for running light over grass and leaf or over snow-an Elf.'

With that he sprang forth nimbly, and then Frodo noticed as if for the first time, though he had long known it, that the Elf had no boots, but wore only light shoes, as he always did, and his feet made little imprint in the snow.

'Farewell!' he said to Gandalf. 'I go to find the Sun!' Then swift as a runner over firm sand he shot away, and quickly overtaking the toiling men, with a wave of his hand he passed them, and sped into the distance, and vanished round the rocky turn.

The others waited huddled together, watching until Boromir and Aragorn dwindled into black specks in the whiteness. At length they too passed from sight. The time dragged on. The clouds lowered, and now a few flakes of snow came curling down again.

An hour, maybe, went by, though it seemed far longer, and then at last they saw Legolas coming back. At the same time Boromir and Aragorn reappeared round the bend far behind him and came labouring up the slope.

'Well,' cried Legolas as he ran up, 'I have not brought the Sun. She is walking in the blue fields of the South, and a little wreath of snow on this Redhorn hillock troubles her not at all. But I have brought back a gleam of good hope for those who are doomed to go on feet. There is the greatest winddrift of all just beyond the turn, and there our Strong Men were almost buried. They despaired, until I returned and told them that the drift was little wider than a wall. And on the other side the snow suddenly grows less, while further down it is no more than a white coverlet to cool a hobbit's toes.'

'Ah, it is as I said,' growled Gimli. 'It was no ordinary storm. It is the ill will of Caradhras. He does not love Elves and Dwarves, and that drift was laid to cut off our escape.'

'But happily your Caradhras has forgotten that you have Men with you,' said Boromir, who came up at that moment. 'And doughty Men too, if I may say it; though lesser men with spades might have served you better. Still, we have thrust a lane through the drift; and for that all here may be grateful who cannot run as light as Elves.'

'But how are we to get down there, even if you have cut through the drift?' said Pippin, voicing the thought of all the hobbits.

'Have hope!' said Boromir. 'I am weary, but I still have some strength left, and Aragorn too. We will bear the little folk. The others no doubt will make shift to tread the path behind us. Come, Master Peregrin! I will begin with you.'

He lifted up the hobbit. 'Cling to my back! I shall need my arms' he said and strode forward. Aragorn with Merry came behind. Pippin marvelled at his strength, seeing the passage that he had already forced with no other tool than his great limbs. Even now, burdened as he was, he was widening the track for those who followed, thrusting the snow aside as he went.

They came at length to the great drift. It was flung across the mountainpath like a sheer and sudden wall, and its crest, sharp as if shaped with knives, reared up more than twice the height of Boromir; but through the middle a passage had been beaten, rising and falling like a bridge. On the far side Merry and Pippin were set down, and there they waited with Legolas for the rest of the Company to arrive.

After a while Boromir returned carrying Sam. Behind in the narrow but now well-trodden track came Gandalf, leading Bill with Gimli perched among the baggage. Last came Aragorn carrying Frodo. They passed through the lane; but hardly had Frodo touched the ground when with a deep rumble there rolled down a fall of stones and slithering snow. The spray of it half blinded the Company as they crouched against the cliff, and when the air cleared again they saw that the path was blocked behind them.

'Enough, enough!' cried Gimli. 'We are departing as quickly as we may!'

And indeed with that last stroke the malice of the mountain seemed to be expended, as if Caradhras was satisfied that the invaders had been beaten off and would not dare to return. The threat of snow lifted; the clouds began to break and the light grew broader.

As Legolas had reported, they found that the snow became steadily more shallow as they went down, so that even the hobbits could trudge along. Soon they all stood once more on the flat shelf at the head of the steep slope where they had felt the first flakes of snow the night before.

[keto-keyes]

Singularity

- Batmom!AU Batfam fanfic (OC ver.)

[Based off this post] [Please listen to this while reading]

It was as good of a night as it could be in Gotham city. No violent murders making waves on the news, or dangerous criminals for the richest and bitchiest of the city's 'nobility' to worry about. Everything was under control, for once. Batman was on rest, for once.

Speaking of Batman, his alter ego, Bruce Wayne (we shouldn't let him know we know), was attending the very party that captured the attention of Gotham's richest. He had no reason to be there, except that he was being held 'at gunpoint', as his kids called it, and his long-time friend, Rowan Cassius, was also going to be there. Like him, she was also enjoying a break from the crime and grime of the city of gangsters. She was usually the first to a crimescene, and not because it was usually her own crime, but because she was a reporter. That made her popular. And rich.

Almost as soon as he entered the gala, Bruce was cornered by the oldest millionaires in Gotham city. The lovely old ladies had become vicious of recent, having apparently caught his kids committing crimes, and were demanding that he 'get himself a woman' to straighten them out. Without breaking a sweat, Bruce daintily removed the fragile elders' hands from his biceps, smiling awkwardly. "Ladies, a little calm would do all of us a world of good, I think," he murmured, unable to face their piercing eyes, "How about, we all go get a drink, and then I will introduce you to my wife, whom I recently married."

Outside, Bruce smiled charmingly, but on the inside he was sweating. He figured he could probably just ask someone to pretend for the night, and then never speak of it again. He ignored the ladies' gasps of "WIFE?" and directed them towards the punch table. That was when he recognised the beautiful woman standing across the room in her blood-red gown, talking to the younger ladies. Rowan. She was the perfect cover: his oldest friend (who wasn't Clark) and a woman. Instantly his feet started to move him towards where she stood chatting with her fellow high-achievers.

Rowan Cassius was a multitasker by trade. She could easily, skilfully even, seduce a man while watching him slowly die from a spiked drink of her own doing. She could silently murder someone while making small talk with a friend over the phone. So surveillance of a ballroom mid-conversation was child's play. Rowan was an assassin, that was how she earned her living. But in the eyes of the law and the public, she was a crime reporter, and thus she was gratefully invited to all of the city's finest galas. "Ooh, speaking of Mr. Wayne, here he comes!" squealed one of the six rich nobodies she'd been mindlessly babbling with, breaking her train of thought, "And he's got Gotham's richest and bitchiest with him, poor thing."

'A distraction,' Rowan thought gratefully. She had found the target the registry was looking for. 'Just what I needed.' She twirled around to greet her childhood friend with a grin as fake as the colourant in her sugary drink.

"Ladies," Bruce announced in his deep, velvety voice, "I'm sure you've all met the lovely Ms Cassius." His arm snaked around her waist, stopping her from leaving. Rowan simply smiled at him, somewhat unsure where the play was going and completely dubious where the conversation was headed. Bruce leaned down to whisper in her ear as the ladies swooned and giggled, probably thinking he was kissing her ear. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, "They cornered me. I told them I was married and I couldn't think of a better partner than you. If you'd be happy to pretend for an evening."

Rowan nodded slightly. "Good evening, darling," she said grandly, "It seems this will turn out to be a party for the ages."

One of the older ladies grasped her forearm lightly. "Is she the one? The woman who finally leashed in dear Mr Wayne?" she asked, glancing between Bruce and Rowan.

Rowan attached her hand to his bicep, making it seem loving and natural. "Rowan Cassius," she greeted with a grin, "Though legally, it's now Cassius-Wayne, I suppose."

The night went practically effortlessly. Bruce and Rowan were attached at the hip throughout the dinner, except when Rowan left to 'relieve herself' and complete her job. The woman was down for the count pretty quickly, since Rowan was a pro and all, and then she returned to the start of the dessert courses. Bruce knew, of course. They'd crossed paths a few times over the years, a way of keeping up with each other. But, he knew.

They stuck together to leave, but Rowan surprised herself even in insisting that he take her back to Wayne Manor with him, assuring him that she wouldn't upset the balance of his everyday life.

Fin

Taglist: @whatsleftofmeandmine @yazz-frost @crazytechpersonzreal @aurastel @tearval @star-wars-lycanwing-bat @leesbian42

[omgwhatchloe]

MODERN AU RDR2 CHARACTERS GETTING BROKEN UP WITH:

arthur

-he is always expecting something serious with his relationships no matter his age so he is DEVASTATED

-spirals into thinking hes completely unloveable and just hates himself

-makes up a million reasons why it was all his fault

-will not date again.

sean

-immediately looks for a rebound

-just gets annoyed at the situation until he finds some other girl to talk too

-until lenny and him temporarily broke up.

-he was absolutely broken, he locked himself in his room, drained his bank account on uber eats, gained 20 pounds, dyed his hair, shaved it off, and pretended on social media that he killed himself (his da called everyone in the gang crying and yelling at them to check if he was alive)

john

-very likely he had no idea the person who broke up with him actually saw them as being together together because he did not (bastard)

-only disappointed for a minute before going to the club

-ofc when abigail left him he did a similar thing to arthur, except started to rent the house she’d been wanting and get an actual job

-begged to see jack and abigail kept telling him it wasnt her that wouldn’t let jack see him, it was jack not wanting to go

mary-beth

-absolutely heartbroken over every SCUMBAG she falls in love with (they all cheat on her)

-lives on the bathroom floor crying until someone comes to get her

-cheers up when karen says she’ll burn his house down

-opens snapchat and obsesses over another boy on her quick add

lenny

-tries to force himself to move on by pretending he was never with anyone in the first place

-secretly stalks their social media because he cannot get over them

-fights with himself not to go back to them at the same time as doubting ever reason he left them

-only left sean because of drunk arthur convincing him too

karen

-immediately starts making posts to make them jealous, pretending shes on dates and living her best life

-finds their stuff and BURNS IT in their garden

-immediately goes on a bender to try convince herself life is better single

-will get absolutely furious over their new partners despite being ‘over it’ in a week

molly

-becomes a stalker.

-goes almost delusional in a mix of convincing herself shes worthless to she deserves everything and they should die

-making sure they havent found anyone else by following them around (cue restraining order)

-gets drunk and completely fucks up her hair

charles

-absolutely no crazy business, he just becomes very depressed

-reinforces his entire idea of the fact he was made to be alone

-never ever wants to date anyone again

-well no crazy business until he gets drunk and starts messaging them desperate to know what he did wrong

micah

-kidnaps them.

-back to jail he goes

abigail

-a complete mix of being furious and being respectful

-one minute she “understands” the next shes trying to get them fired

-shes pretty mature in the end and forces herself to move on

-cries while deleting pictures of them together

javier

-the messiest, bitchiest ex you could ever have

-spills all their secrets on his snapchat story then promptly throws up when they do the same

-announces the breakup by scribbling their faces out on pictures and re-posting them

-calls them names to every single gang member

-dms them on several different accounts calling them a traitorous cunt (he cheated 3 times)

[luckykiwiii101]

The Blair Bitch Project

And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me. XoXo - Gossip Girl 💋 💌

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♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious, but I’ve got a feeling this winter could be your last season on this app. Let’s face it, I’ve been at this a long time. But age breeds wisdom. And this I know: the best is yet to come.

From all around the world our favourite Upper east siders are asking the same question. “How do i get what i want?!”

“Why can’t I have it?!?! ughhh this isn’t fair!!!”

Well, call me crazy, but bitching about it, won’t get you to your final destination. Only if you use it the right way………

Think fast B, bitch about it? or BITCH about it?

Yes, I’m talking about the Blair BITCH Project.

Since the Blair Witch Project is SO LAST SEASON, I’ve got something new to bring to the table. And no, it’s not a 5 star meal, it’s much sweeter, or should i say sour.

No one said being a Bitch would be easy.

Well……I could make an exception if your name is Georgina Sparks or Serena Van Der Woodsen. But the Bitchiest Bitch of all Bitches Is our Queen B, Blair Waldorf. It’s the season to put on your louboutons and do what you do best, Bitch about it.

They say history repeats itself. But looks like B is charting a brand new course to success. Who knew being such a B-word would get you so far? Gotta take a few notes from Queen B herself!

As Blair said “You can’t make people love you but you can make them fear you.”

Yes i’m talking about those pesky little negative assumptions you hold in that thick little head of yours. Holding on to the seats on the limousine like Blair and Chuck. Speaking of Chuck, let’s Chuck those assumptions away, far far away.

“How am I going to do that?”

Just be yourse-

Oops. The inner Georgina jumped out just there. I was going to say be a bitch, but I guess there’s no difference……… (Just kidding……or am I? XoXo. Nothing Gossip Girl loves more than a little mystery).

It’s B’s party, and she’ll cry if she wants to. Everytime you open this app, you will bitch about how easy it is for you to enter the void state and how you always wake up in it. It’s your choice really. Vaunt about it in your posts, or the replies to any void related post you see. Bitch about it randomly in your mind everytime the void state comes to mind. Shouldn’t be difficult for a Stage 5 Bitch.

Careful ladies and gents. It’s easy to fall into the valley of overconsumption. Maybe you’ll even come across a faux bitch claiming to own a Chanel purse, but when they’ve been caught red handed, you may even start to think that you can’t have a Chanel purse. How tragic.



Fuel that energy into full bitch mode and vaunt your anger/frustration/sadness/irritation into bitching all about it, and replacing those ugly assumptions with prettier ones. They need a serious MAKEOVER! Ew.

SPOTTED: B taking what seemed like a innocent little stroll down central park, but we all know everything B does is NEVER innocent. She’s been caught RED handed, drowning her two-faced wannabes (negative assumptions) in a lake in central park, after crying them a river (vaunting) and drowning them in it. A classic Blair Bitch move. I like it.

Wait……? Can you hear that? It’s B. She’s at it again. OH EM GEE! Cover your ears. It’s a full blown bitch attack!!!!

Blair:

“OH MY GOD, I SWEAR I CANNOT EVEN CLOSE MY EYES WITHOUT ENTERING THE VOID STATE! I EVEN HEAR SOME STUPID BITCHES GOSSIPING ABOUT HOW I ALWAYS ENTER THE VOID STATE WITHIN 2 MINUTES! IT’S SO FRICKING ANNOYING! WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!???!! UGH THEY WISH THEY WERE LIKE ME, THE PERFECT VOID MASTER! AS IF THEY COULD EVER! THIS IS WAY TOO EASY, IT’S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO STRUGGLE! LIKE HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH THE EASIEST THING ON THE PLANET! THAT’S LIKE BELIEVING THAT IT’S DIFFICULT TO BLINK OR SOMETHING!UGH IM WAYYYY TOO GOOD AT THIS!IT’S EASIER THAN FRICKINF BREATHING! UGHHHHHHHH!!!”

Negative Assumption:

“No you can’t hahahah ur so ba-.”

Blair:

“BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP! DOROTA!!! COME CLEAN THIS LITTLE SHIT UP! IT’S PISSING ME OFF! IM TOO GOOD AT THIS LMFAO! WHY IS IT SO EASY?!UGHHHH I COULD LITERALLY JUST SLAP SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! MY POWER COULD PROBABLY SEND THEM INTO THE VOID STATE OR SOMETHING!!! I ALWAYS WAKE UP IN THE VOID STATE. IT’S LITERALLY NOTHING. NO BIG DEAL. I’M USED TO IT ANYWAY!!!”

Careful ladies and gents. B might be the Big Bad Wolf in designer clothing.

Don’t become a bitch in the process……Or do, I don’t care. I see you. XoXo.

Still reading an American Horror Story? Close that damned book and open a new one. Just make sure it’s not the sequel. We don’t need a repeat of past……events.

[therandomtoad]

Nerd Headcanons because this post was only supposed to be about one but I went a little wild-

I headcannon Richie as Aroace(Asexual, Demi-romantic), so I like to imagine Grace befriending him due to his lack of interest, and then becoming borderline obsessed with him due to how completely abstinent he is, meanwhile he's just like, "Why are you even here? Go away"

I also headcannon that Ruth is the only reason Richie and Pete were even friends. The way I picture it is that Ruth and Pete had to do a math assignment together in middle school, and they weren't really working together, more like working around each other, and all the sudden Pete makes a dumb Star Wars reference and Ruth flips out. Like, she's so excited that she completely lights up and starts rambling to him about her headcannons and ships, and Pete just sits there kinda stunned until she brings up a headcannon that he actually thinks is interesting, So all the sudden the two are just having a conversation about the things that make the headcannon so good, and they get so invested in the conversation that they don't finish the assignment before the end of class, so Ruth invites Pete to sit with her a lunch the next day. So he goes to sit with her, and there's this blue haired weeb(idc if its not canon, Richie had a blue hair phase) who's arguing with her, when the weeb notices Pete and shoots him the nastiest, bitchiest look on the planet, and Pete's just like "i^i". And Ruth introduces Pete as her math buddy and starts talking about their Star Wars convo, and Richie goes on a rant about how Star Wars is stupid and Pete starts arguing his points, and is turns into an actual fight. And then later Ruth is talking to Pete later in class and Pete's like "Hey, Your friend sucks-" and Ruth is like "Yeah, he's such a bitch. Don't worry, I put pickle juice in his monster this morning" and Pete's just like "Wtf bro, what is your friendship-"

And the reason that Richie and Ruth are friends is because in elementary school, Ruth used to eat glue and Richie used to doodle girls in pretty dresses so he got picked on. So Ruth just kind of adopted him as her friend, and they just naturally developed a sibling like bond over time.

I also headcannon that Ruth's parents were also nerds, and they like nerdy shit things and are super supportive(Ruth and Esther would totally get along. They're Cousins or siblings, take your pick), But Richie has a weird dynamic with his family, where he's not really understood by them so he gets more territorial over his interests, and Ruth understands that so she lets him ramble about whatever he wants, even if he's kind of being a dick about it. I also Headcannon that Richie was actually on the swim team for a while(I grabbed that headcannona from someone else), and was way more chill being able to connect with others, but Max saw Kyle talking to Richie after swim practice before a football game, and he started spreading rumors that Richie was gay, and eventually he dropped out due to harassment.

Pete and Riche would've gotten along way better while Richie was on the swim team, and they probably considered themselves actual friends, but as Richie lost his feeling of belonging on the Swim team, their relationship would've deteriorated again, but Pete would've realized that he's just abd angst fucking bitch and hated him less for it.

Ruth totally looked into swimming the minute Richie said he was into it, and she totally helped him practice outside of school. She was the one cheering the loudest for him at meets, and she'd yell at him like a coach when they practiced together.

Ruth probably has people telling her to shut up all the time, so she's a fiesty little shit when it comes to clapbacks. She can think of them fast and on point, and likes to make a game out of it. Unfortunately, you cant do that on stage, so she feels helpless to defend herself and thats why she has such bad stage fright. She's probably a really, really good actor, too. I imagine her being able to break down sobbing like her baby was hit by a car, only to smile and bow Meer seconds later. She's probably fucking wonderful.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

The Cat King, Edwin Payne, and Charles Rowland (Asexual Cat King & Post-Canon Ghostcat)

You know what you desire, and it isn't sex. It isn't the rub of your body against other people's. It isn't the liquids and the noises and the way that people take without giving in return, not a single one of them ever thinking about your pleasure enough to notice that you're not very turned on by any of them at all. 

Sure, you get boners. Who doesn't? It's a biological reaction. The Endless get boners. God herself probably gets a boner.

But you have no true desire to see another person's hand release you. No, what you want is the same thing that any cat wants: you want affection on your own terms. You want someone to want you as you are. You want someone to relieve your loneliness, someone who likes you at your worst and your best, your bitchiest and your most lazy, sees you as you are, for all that you are, and yet doesn't turn their head for someone else. 

Someone who understands how lonely you are because they understand loneliness themselves, understands the ache that carves beneath your ribs because you are too much and too old and too new and too nothing at all for anyone to handle.

-aletterinthenameofsanity, sometimes all i think about is you (you need something I can never give)

Last night, all I think about is you

Don't stop, baby, you can walk through

Don't wanna, but I think about you

You just need a better life than this

You need something I can never give

I don't wanna be alone

You know it hurts me too

Heat waves been faking me out

Can't make you happier now

-Glass Animals, Heat Waves

@dear-monday @dont-offend-the-bees @tw0-ravens @rexrevri

[nutcasewithaknife]

The funniest part of me watching iwtv because of all the tumblrposting is that. After every single episode I see posts about the bitchiest funniest old man who all the vampires wanna fuck even as he rips them and their complex 15-tier lies apart with sheer sass. I fall in love with him via dash osmosis and am compelled to watch the entire show just for him. And then every episode ends up having like 5 min total of him and 55 more of the vampires being the most fucked up drama queens ever. Which is great!! but definitely not what I expected from my timeline that's 90% about that old man. And this happens every episode

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the Line | Part 2

For Eddie Munson, it started with a tweet. A random little tweet in his mentions that ignited his incredibly hard to control impulsive curiosity. One of his long-time followers and his best friends little brother, a boy with a love of DnD who only begrudgingly followed him after he recorded one of his campaign sessions and posted it to YouTube, pinged him a mention with a single link in it to Instagram captioned “roast him he’s ruined Crazy Train!”

Michael Wheeler you little shit. He’d get Nancy on that one, Mike’s obsession with roasting people was getting mildly out of hand.

But Eddie was a curious soul and someone had apparently ruined an Ozzy masterpiece, so of course he followed that link, he didn’t even hesitate, even let out a cute little “boop” out loud as he clicked it.

Now. Eddie Munson, could have probably been classed as a bit of a music snob. He wouldn’t go too far with his snobbery, but for some people... it was just an unwritten rule that some people deserved the snobbery to the max. They deserved the shit storm that came with Eddie’s brutal honesty and lack of verbal filter.

And Nepo-babies with nothing better to do than *fix* legendary metal tracks with their top 10 bubblegum bitch bullshittery were 100% deserving of the roasting his bitchiest of little sheep had called for.

Did he go a little overboard over the following week while bored shitless in between customers at his shitty non-chain coffee shop gig? Absolutely. Did he feel bad? Absolutely not. It’d taken him all of five minutes to decide Steve Harrington was the worst.

Even if the nepo baby thing wasn’t enough, he was spotted with a different piece of arm candy every month, he had girls and guys falling all over themselves to get a glimpse from him in their general direction, like, there were articles about fights breaking out in the audience of his shows because fans couldn’t decide which one of them he looked at. He lived in some fancy ass house if his insta photos were anything to go by which no doubt his parents bought for him, he did way too many PR stunts to make it seem like he was a good guy, and while his voice was… okay, it wasn’t bad… passable, it was passable…

It sure as fuck needed to stay in its own goddamn lane.

So, the boredom in between the rare rush thanks to the Starbucks down the street was filled with what could only be described as obsessive online bullying, his ADHD hyper fixated so hard, but no way was he even going to notice it, so Eddie didn’t even feel bad about it. The guy had so many people falling all over themselves in hopes he’d notice them that his measly little insults would probably wind up just buried in the sea of hormones and the occasional desperate “COME TO BRAZIL” hashtag Brazilian flag and several thousand heart emojis.

And just as a fun little topper on the ice cream sundae that was his weeklong bitchfit into the void, a lovely little cherry on top, he covered Crazy Train on his channel. Not just the guitar bits, but he made chords and tabs for the lyrics too, letting his sweetheart sing for him, he never sang on his channel, vocals were just for the band gigs, his channel was primarily game music covers but this one, this one he declared “This is what it’s supposed to sound like” in the intro then rocked it.

Eddie was all about freedom of musical expression, but Steve Harrington could go suck a fat one if he thought he was getting away with ruining a masterpiece with his croony bullshit.

“So” The week after he’d finally put his one sided feud to rest, found one Nancy Wheeler, the instigators older sister sidling up to the counter mid-way through the most boring Sunday shift Eddie had ever worked in his life.

“Wheeleeerr, my sister from the most boring of misters, what can I get you babydoll?” He didn’t even need to ask, and she didn’t actually need to say it, he was already halfway through making her fancy little favourite, a cinnamon hazelnut latte with soy milk knowing she probably only had five minutes before she’d have to bolt again.

“Eddie… why have you spent the better part of a week harassing a celebrity on Instagram?”

“I think you mean an entire week, your little brother released the dogs of war. Aaaand the ADHD told me to do it.” He grabbed one of the little honey buns from the treats display and popped it onto a plate for her “forgive me honey bun?” A pet name AND a treat combined. She rolled her eyes fondly before accepting the free treat. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” There was absolutely a reason, but… honestly he brought whatever was coming to him upon himself. Sort of. She'd stand in his corner if shit got real. “I’ll handle Mike, don’t harass celebrities until you’re actually a celebrity, and even then, don’t harass celebrities.”

“It’s not like he’d notice, let’s be honest he has more fans than there are stars in the sky, all of them, and I do mean all of them, fully up for bearing his children.” Seahorse dads in the house! But also, mpreg too, ass babies unite. “It’s not like some rando having a questionably obsessive and lowkey aggressive meltdown over his ‘I’m bored as shit’ experiment would ever grace his radar.”

“I’m just saying Eddie, you never know who you’re going to reach with your online nonsense, if you ever want to get out of this place, you’re going to have to play nice with people from all walks of life, including nepotism babies.” The bark of laughter that erupted from Eddie Munson would have probably insulted most people, but Nancy had known him for years. He was listening, he was, there were just layers upon layers of automatic reactions to get through before he’d visibly take in what you were saying. “He could be nice, you never know.”

“Oh yeah, his royal highness seems lovely. Did you know people used to call him King Steve?” Seemed like the worst person on the planet masquerading as a semi-decent guy. Eddie wasn’t fooled in the slightest. “Your drink, mademoiselle!” He presented her with a large to-go cup filled with her favourite beverage.

“Don’t you have some odd little moniker on your youtube channel?” She asked behind the lip of her cup, before taking a sip and humming in appreciation. Even if he was a little shit, Eddie could make a mean latte.

“That’s a persona, it’s an online personality! People calling me Kas is different, people just called him that cause of how much ass he got. It’s weird, I bet he started it himself and paid his cronies to use it until it caught on.” That was good, maybe he’d pick his feud back up just to lay that one on him. “Seems very nepo baby of him, y’know? Can’t get a good nickname circling so he’s gotta buy one.”

“Wouldn’t his parents have bought it for him?”

“Ohhhh Wheeler good one! Nice nickname, did your daddy buy it for you? Babe, sugar plum, I love you. Imma write that one down for later.”

“Please don’t.” He was already off, and she caught sight of her smartwatch beeping about some meeting she was close to being late for. “Shoot! Gotta run, no more harassing celebrities!”

“I promise nothing!” Ah well, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal that Steve Harrington’s best friend had DM’d her, probably not a big deal at all, probably meant nothing... probably.

Part 4