#invisible illness club

[nolassolace]

Gasp! What is this?! A meet the artist that I started in January and only now am happy enough with to post.

Funnily enough I've changed my hair 3 times since, had major surgery, and got a few more piercings.

[crazycatsiren]

As a technically invisibly disabled person, I'm going to ask ableds to please fucking stop using us to be shit to visibly disabled people and shut the fuck up like we'd all love for you to do. Kthxbye.

[adamslilith-msart]

🧡😍 😍🧡

[adamslilith]

Let's talk about paresthesia...

that's the medical term for abnormal sensations of the skin, that is pretty common when you got MS for example..

Now, what I've experienced is ... kind of specific and maybe a little weird, watch the video to find out more and please let me know if you've ever experienced something similar 🤔 

[my-illness-and-me]

Grief is so wild. I didn't cry when my dad died 2 years ago, but now in my junior year i find myself writing him letters and telling him how much i need him and about everything he's missing.

[kimmikreates]

8 years ago my world stopped, out of nowhere a crippling pain starter, even though I know the cause sadly there is no cure.

Many times I get told that "You don't LOOK sick/in pain" "Are you sure its not just in your head?", due to pain I had to stop everything I enjoyed as I could not even sit in my chair for long.

Thankfully now I am at a doctors who care, who want to help me, who don't tell me to "Just get on with it", my pain will never no away but thanks to the caring doctors I can not sit and sew for a little while.

"Just get on with it" was from a 'specialist' who fobbed me off for 3 years at the start of the pain, thanks to him I have developed scoliosis due to how I was holding myself to tey and cope with the crippling pain, I did work at this time as well dragging myself in and getting talked down to or threatened to be fired because of my health.

It has taken so long to feel heard and fell like I am being listened to, taken seriously.

[menhera-info-archieve]

in case you haven't seen it yet, here's the menhera 101 article by HoshiCandy from Kei Club Issue 3. not sure if i'll post the other menhera related articles from this issue or not, so consider checking the link in source if you're interested.

i'm also leaving a text transcription under the cut for anyone that may benefit from that

Menhera 101

Menhera fashion has quickly been gaining popularity worldwide! This fast growth has come with its fair share of misunderstandings about the community and style. Menhera artist and designer HoshiCandy is here with a lesson on menhera’s origins, history, and basics. Find more of her work on the pages before and after this article!

What is Menhera? 

“Menhera” can be thought of as “a person who seeks mental wellbeing”. 

The word “Menhera” was born in Japan in 2001, on the “Mental Health” board of anonymous forum 2ch, where users discussed their wellbeing. The users of this board were named “Mental Healthers” which was shortened to “Menhera”. 

The Menhera community covers anything that might cause one mental suffering, such as: physical illness or disability, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, bullying, hyper-sexuality, sexism, homophobia, etc. Importantly, there is no need for a formal diagnosis, as the focus is on how you feel, and that you want to feel better. 

It is difficult to talk about these topics in Japanese society without being heavily stigmatized. Menhera is a community to speak safely without that stigma. Of course, this stigma and need for community when it comes to one’s mental wellbeing is not limited to Japan, and that is why menhera has grown in the west as well. 

Since the creation of the word in 2001, there have been several manga published with “Menhera” in the title, many Visual Kei songs about it, Menhera idol groups, and several menhera fashion brands. 

However, an unfortunate addition to all this has been the discovery of the word in mainstream media...

Just as the topic of illness is heavily stigmatized in Japanese society, the word “Menhera” itself became quickly stigmatized and stereotyped as “an attention seeking, troublesome person” or “an overly attached girlfriend” (aka “yandere”). If you were to speak to a Japanese person about “Menhera”, this would most likely be what they would think you meant. This stereotype tends to be referred to as “Menhera Kei” in Japanese which is why we avoid the use of “kei” for Menhera in particular. 

Despite all this, the true menhera community has continued to grow. 

Menhera Motifs

Artists in the Menhera community created many works of “Vent Art” art that expresses their feelings and suffering. When this art was printed onto clothing, Menhera fashion was born. 

These are some themes you will commonly see in Menhera: 

Medication

Suicide 

Self-harm 

Hospitals

Sex and BDSM

Social Media Addiction

Heartbreak 

Wearing Menhera art printed on clothing serves as a way of literally wearing one’s feelings on one’s sleeves. It turns invisible suffering visible, and fights against the stigma driven silence. This means that Menhera fashion is highly confrontational, with graphic depictions of illness symptoms. Although the onlooker may feel discomfort, the Menhera style says “this is my true reality, don’t pretend it doesn’t exist!”

Depending on the feelings of the wearer, Menhera fashion also says “although I am sick, I can still be ‘kawaii’” or “although I appear ‘kawaii’, on the inside I am suffering”. 

Turning the invisible visible, forcing the silence to be broken, and challenging kawaii culture, these are the goals of Menhera fashion.

The Menhera Silhouette

Carefully avoiding a highly theatrical or OTT (over-the-top) look is important for maintaining the integrity of the goals of menhera. Menhera is a very casual style, with few accessories and light makeup. The key is for a coord to centre on Menhera imagery, whether vent art or text-focused designs, printed onto clothing. 

Be careful not to dress up as the characters depicted in vent art, who are often costumey, gory, and OTT. 

Menhera Coord checklist: 

Printed Menhera art

Byojaku/Minimal makeup

Not OTT/Few accessories

Flat Shoes 

[optional] Oversized top

[optional] Hime bangs 

[optional] twintails

Colors can vary: a pastel yume look, or a gothic yami look, both are fine!

The makeup style is called “Byojaku” meaning “sickly/weak”. Reddish colors are applied to areas around the eyes to give the impression of crying or illness. The rest of the face is kept plain without much color. 

A Note of Caution

The Menhera community is about healing, and seeking recovery and wellbeing. It advocates getting help, medication, therapy, and receiving support through your recovery journey. 

True Menhera never encourages or enables harmful behaviors, and never glorifies them. Menhera fashion is an alternative way of expressing your suffering without self-harm. Menhera fashion empowers the individual through their recovery, but does not empower harmful behaviors. 

There are some, sometimes labeled by the community as “Wannabe Menhera”, who mistook the meaning of “menhera” after seeing its rise in popularity, as it being trendy to fake mental illness. They engage in behaviors such as posting self-harm photos (real or faked) to social media with the tag #menhera, and other attention-seeking behaviors. 

While this is the opposite of what the Menhera community stands for, is harmful to the unfortunate viewers of these photos, and creates further stigma against the community...it cannot be ignored that these “Wannabe Menhera”, too, need help and healing. 

The Menhera fashion movement is to help you feel comfortable, unashamed, and kawaii in your skin, scars and all. It is NOT for encouraging people to create new scars “for the aesthetic”. 

If you are struggling with mental or physical suffering, thoughts, or behaviors that cause harm to yourself or others, please seek help. If you do not believe you deserve help, you do, please seek help. If you believe you are faking it, you likely are not, your feelings are valid, please seek help.

Don’t have access to therapy? 

We found a comprehensive list of suicide prevention hotlines at https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines [link no longer working]

There are also free and affordable counseling services online like Better Help and Pride Counseling! Look online to find what option could work for you! 

Alternatives to Menhera

After reading all this you may be thinking “the Menhera community sounds good but all the fashion is too restrictive for me” and if so, you’re not alone! But the good news is that you don’t have to wear Menhera fashion to be in the Menhera community. 

Look up any of these alternative styles online for examples and more information:

Yamikawaii (“Sickly-cute”) is essentially the aesthetic of Menhera without the activism, a corrupted dark kawaii. Unfortunately the word was trademarked and now suffers from copyright takedowns. 

Yumekawaii (“Dreamy-cute”) an aesthetic evolved from Fairy kei to describe everything pastel and kawaii, but with a slight edge, described as “fairytales with poison”. 

Marekawaii (“Nightmare-cute”) created as an alternative to Yamikawaii to avoid the copyright issues, and as a counterpart to Yumekawaii. Marekawaii is specifically defined as being open to your own interpretation and style. 

Medikawaii (“Medical-cute”) a pastel kawaii aesthetic focusing only on medical motifs, such as medicine and hospitals. 

Gurokawaii (“Grotesque-cute”) mixes frightening and disturbing imagery with kawaii. Kyary Pamyu Pamyu helped popularize it. 

Iryouu Kei (“Medical Kei”) a Visual Kei substyle with lots of gore and hospital theming, very OTT and theatrical, such as dressing like a nightmare nurse. 

Living Doll artists see themselves and their bodies as a canvas to create art and express themselves, often with intricate makeup and body painting. This is a good one to look at if you’re into heavy artistic makeup.

[cripple-punk-dad]

Super frustrating that at my college orientation in the equity, diversity, and inclusion seminar there were literally no resources provided for physically disabled people. No peer support groups, no clubs, no nothing. Lots of "we support and accept anyone who is disabled" statements but no tangible action to back that up. And of course all of this was dressed up in pretty social justice language so I can't criticize that. Finally when I asked if there were any clubs or support groups for physically disabled people on campus, I got told about three different groups for neurodivergent and mentally ill people (who deserve those resources, obviously) and a group for invisibly disabled people (who again, deserve that resource!) But no resources for people who are visible disabled and/or use mobility aids. Super disheartening considering this campus has so many fucking hills and a hard to access CDA.

[mumms-the-word]

your tags about wyll being another disabled person standing up for stelmane... yeah. like all the characters have amazing links to disability like gale's orb, karlach's heart, astarion's hunger all being chronic illnesses essentially, shadowheart dealing with chronic pain, lae'zel i think is the only one without disability coding like that? but wyll being like obviously physically disabled in a different way to everyone else feels important. and the whole thing of overt physical disability being treated completely differently to invisible disability bc there is no way to hide so you're an obvious target (ask me how i know...) so yeah wyll. ugh 💜

I have MANY thoughts about the various disabilities in the game and the way that BG3 is ultimately a Search for a Cure game that dares to suggest “but what if you don’t want the cure? We have a path for that”

But yes to catch others up:

Wyll is physically disabled because he is missing an eye, so he is half blind (though for gameplay purposes we don’t see him with a debuff in accuracy or a lower movement range like we see with completely-blind Zanner Toobin)

Karlach has a chronic heart condition, her heart is a literal machine and it causes her a great deal of pain and discomfort and it will eventually kill her

Gale has the orb, it causes heart-pain/chest-pain-like aches and if left unaddressed will literally disabled him in terms of gameplay because he will slow down and all his attack/defense dice rolls take a hit

Shadowheart has the mark on her hand, which flares up at random and comes with a sharp pain. She also has amnesia, which can be considered a disability

Astarion has vampirism, which, depending on how you read it, is itself a kind of disability (though the tadpole negates a lot of the disabling parts of vampirism for him). I don’t read his hunger as chronic illness mostly because regular hunger isn’t chronic illness and he does find ways to manage his hunger; he is however traumatized and likely has a host of mental illnesses that I won’t diagnose him with, though CPTSD seems like the obvious low hanging fruit

Lae’zel’s only known disability or illness is the tadpole. And she treats it like a disabiltiy or an illness rather than an asset. Unlike others, she’s seeking to cure it, point blank, no negotiations

So the game is full of unexpected and intentional disability representation, even when actual disability isn’t like….actually affecting your gameplay. Sometimes it does, like with Gale, but often it doesn’t mess with your dice rolls or attack range or accuracy. The game just isn’t built for that.

But anyway you point is not about the gameplay. It’s about Wyll.

Wyll I think is interesting because out of the Core Six, he’s the only one comfortable with his disability. I think this is partly because it doesn’t cause him pain. (Pain is after all the Great Complicator in disability discussion.) Even when he turns into a devil, which would do wild things to his psyche, he takes it in stride. This might be bad writing or it might be intentional—physical difference just doesn’t fluster him

But anyway he’s so comfortable in his disability that he jokes with you when you join the “One Eye Club.” He speaks of Stelmane post-stroke as a survivor and a person of value. I imagine he doesn’t have much experience with chronic pain or chronic illness but he’s probably dealt with tons of injuries (look at all his scars) even at his young age. He’s an idealist, but I think he also speaks from experience when he says that Stelmane is “no less worthy of life or success because she is disabled”

I think he thinks the same of his friends. Karlach, Gale, Shadowheart, Astarion, Lae’zel, even if they were able to cure their tadpoles or fix their conditions, he would find them no less valuable and worthy before or after their cures. I don’t think he always understands exactly the chronic pain/illness element but he would never ever say that a person is less worthy of simply living or succeeding or becoming a hero or becoming anything they want to be just because they have a disability or illness

Chalk it up to his idealism but I think that makes Wyll one of the more surprising and uplifting characters in the game, among his other surprising and uplifting characteristics. Like…he’s going to believe in you, no matter what. And he’s going to support you however he can. We see that with Karlach, and how much he would prefer his best friend live with her chronic illness in an environment that will lessen her pain than die. He’d probably give up his magic boots off his feet for Gale. He’d probably agree to fight Shar one on one to try and get her to stop plaguing Shadowheart with pain. He doesn’t want his friends to hurt, but he doesn’t think they’re less valuable or weak for hurting, you know?

Anyway we don’t deserve Wyll Ravengard

[sugary-carousel]

Invisible illness club 🍓💗🫶

[archiveikemen]

『Love Sparks From A Mean Lie』 Collection Event

Liam Evans

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Warnings and FAQ

Liam: What do you mean by that, Victor!? Kate and I are going to be apart for a few days…

Victor: I’m sorry. I’ve taken that into consideration and tried to make adjustments as much as possible, but… due to the circumstances at hand, this is the only way.

Victor: … Anyway, I need Kate to infiltrate a women’s club where there have been rumours about drugs being sold.

Kate: Only a woman can enter the club because it's strictly for women.

Victor: Due to the unsuitability of the Crown members’ physiques for crossdressing, we can only count on Kate.

Liam: Can’t I infiltrate the club too!? I can crossdress!!

Liam begged Victor with so much force, he looked like he was going to take off his clothes on the spot and put on a dress.

Victor: I want you and Harrison to investigate a gambling den in the outskirts of the city.

Victor: A ticket is needed to enter the gambling den, but I only managed to obtain one.

Victor: So I want you to use your disappearing abilities to get inside.

(Somewhere only women can enter and somewhere you’ll need to be invisible to enter…)

(... Both missions don’t have alternatives.)

Liam: …

Liam: … I understand.

Victor: Sorry, Liam. Thank you for being understanding.

Victor: I’ll take extra precautions to protect Kate from danger during your absence.

Victor: How about having Roger be on standby so he can rush in when the need arises?

Liam: Yeah… I’ll feel a little more at ease with that.

…

Liam was initially agreeable to the next mission’s arrangements after hearing about it from Victor…

But he was completely dejected on the way home.

(... Is Liam really okay?)

It wasn’t my first time seeing him anxious about being separated from me for a little while.

(This time, we’ll be separated for a few days…)

Kate: … Um, Liam—

Liam: … Okay!

Liam suddenly slapped his own face.

Liam: Sorry for showing you that foul facial expression, Kate. I’ve changed my mindset.

Liam: Even without you by my side… I’ll be alright!

Kate: Really…?

Liam offered me his pinky finger with a reassuring smile.

Liam: I’ll complete the mission flawlessly and come back to you. … I promise.

Kate: Then I’ll safely complete my mission too… and wait for you to come back.

I smiled back at him and we interlocked our pinky fingers.

…

Liam: *sigh*... Kate…

Harrison: How many times have you sighed now? There’s a saying that whenever you sigh, happiness escapes through your mouth.

Liam: … Which direction is Crown’s castle in?

Harrison: Southeast from where we are… isn't it over there?

Liam: *sigh*...

Liam: I hope the happiness that escaped me reaches Kate.

Harrison: … The mission hasn’t begun, yet you’re acting like you’re terminally ill.

Liam: I have ‘Kate Deficiency Syndrome’.

Liam: … Don’t you think the drawing on that signboard over there looks like Kate?

Liam: The flowers at the roadside too…

Liam: Kate… I’m doing well.

Harrison: Don’t talk to the flowers…

Harrison: … Didn’t you tell Kate before heading out that you'll be fine?

Liam: That’s because I’ll put Kate in a spot if I keep whining about not wanting to be apart, okay?

Liam: It’s not what I truly feel… but what I have to say to her.

Harrison: You’re like a toddler refusing to go to preschool because you don’t want to be separated from your parents.

Liam: … Hey, Harry. I have a favour to ask of you.

Harrison: What?

Liam: … I want you to imitate Kate and cheer me on.

Harrison: Huh?

Liam: Without a dose of Kate… I might…

Liam: … Abandon the mission and return to Crown’s castle right this instant.

Harrison: … Do you promise to pull yourself together and complete the mission without fail, if I imitate her?

Liam: I promise!

Harrison: … You’re not lying. Looks like I don’t have any other options, you’d better not laugh.

Harrison: Hmm… “Liam! I’m rooting for you, Liam! Please do your best!”

Liam: … Completely wrong.

Liam: Kate’s arms are in this angle. Her head tilt is like this. Her legs are this far apart from each other— *sigh*

Liam: Because of your bad attempt at imitating her, I want to see Kate even more now…

Harrison: … I can’t stand you.

…

(Oh…)

Kate: Liam! Welcome home!

A few days had passed after Liam and I were separated due to our missions.

Liam returned to Crown’s castle after he finally completed his mission.

Liam: Kate, I’m home…!

Liam pulled me into a tight hug without saying much.

The hug was so tight that it kind of hurt, but it made me incredibly happy to know he was really there.

Harrison: I’ll go report to Victor about the mission. Liam, you and Kate can go ahead, yeah?

Liam: Really!? Thanks, Harry!

Harrison: You owe me a whole table full of sweets to compensate for that stuff during the mission.

Kate: “That stuff”...? Did something happen?

Liam: I made a rather difficult request to Harry during the mission.

Liam: To protect Harry’s dignity, I won’t go into the details, but…

Liam: It made me fully aware that there is nothing that can ever replace you, Kate.

Although he was tired, Liam effortlessly lifted me up and sprinted straight to his room from the entrance hall.

…

My lips were quickly stolen before the room door could even close entirely.

Kate: Mmh… ah…

Liam: … I missed you so much, Kate…

Our countless passionate kisses continued, as if we were trying to make up for the amount of “together time” we lost, until we finally paused.

Liam: … The mission was completed perfectly like I promised. How were things for you during my absence?

Kate: I completed my mission safely too! I didn't encounter any danger at all.

Liam: That’s good…

Kate: I felt relieved too, knowing that you handled your mission well while we were apart.

Liam: That’s uhh…

Kate: … To be honest, I had a little problem on my end.

Liam: Huh…?

Kate: Even though you weren't there with me, I found myself reflexively turning to say “this tastes great, Liam” during meals.

Kate: While I was writing my reports, I accidentally wrote your name instead of someone else’s…

Kate: I was worried about you the entire time… and yet, it turns out that I was the only one struggling.

I recalled my days spent at the castle without Liam by my side.

My supposedly delicious meals tasted bland, and I felt moody even when the sky was clear.

As the days went by, it felt like the world was gradually fading away.

Liam: … T-That’s not the case! I… I wasn’t doing well at all!

Liam: I regret pretending to be strong and lying to you that I was "fine" so that you wouldn't worry about me…

Liam: I felt lonely and sad while I was away from you… it was driving me crazy.

(So I wasn't the only one…)

Liam: I’m sorry. I’ve said time and time again that I’ll change, and yet…

Liam: I’m still a weak and hopeless sorry excuse for a person who can’t even stand being separated from you…

Kate: That’s not true! I love you, Liam who’s always working hard to change and move forward.

Kate: There’s no time limit for the change to take place, so… it's okay to take it slow.

Kate: Besides, if you instantly became able to handle being separated from me, I’d feel so lonely too.

Liam: Yeah…

We smiled at each other, kissed, and expressed our love once more.

Liam’s lies showed how deep our love was, as it was proof that we couldn't bear to be apart for even just a little while.

And then—

Liam: Hey, Kate. I think I kind of bumped into something during the mission…

Liam: Can you help me check if I got any bruises on my body?

Kate: What!? That’s terrible… let me have a look right away!

I rushed to remove Liam’s clothes.

Kate: I don’t see any bruises on your upper body though…

Liam: Then what about my lower body?

Kate: L-Lower body…?

Liam: Yeah! I want you to help me check that area for bruises too. I can’t have a good look if I do it myself.

Liam responded energetically, he didn’t seem to be in pain.

Kate: Um… Liam. Sorry if I’m misunderstanding, but…

Kate: Are you lying about the bruises, by any chance?

Liam: … You caught me.

Kate: Liam, you said it yourself that you’re bad at telling lies…

Liam: I lied because I just wanted you to take my clothes off and pamper me… sorry.

Kate: Jeez… I can’t get mad at you if that’s your reason.

Kate: If you want me to forgive you, you’ll help me remove my clothes too.

Kate: Are you going to strip me this time, Liam…?

Liam: … That’s more of a reward than a punishment, Kate.

Giggling, we kissed again… those mean lies intensifying our night.

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

Since there's been some discussion of this on a prior post I made, let's address

Neurodivergent Skill-Regression: What is it & Why Does it Happen?

Content Warning! This post will make brief mention of various topics, including: childhood abuse (not explicit), depression, suicidal ideation, car accidents, the COVID-19 pandemic, and throwing up.

Okay, let's begin with a quick preface. I'm writing from the Global North, in a capitalist economy, and in a country founded on (ongoing!) systems of colonialism. Therefore, that's how I'll be situating this discussion (just because it's what I know best). Neurodivergence and Capitalist Exploitation Under capitalism, productivity and extraction in the name of profit become of the utmost importance. Extraction can take place in the form of extracting physical resources (think fracking on Turtle Island), extracting labour, etc. Ultimately, neurodivergence itself is not an ill-formed or "bad" mind. It is only conceptualized and coded as such because capitalism and various other interlocking systems of oppression are actively hostile to minds that, in some way, subvert capitalist and colonial ideals. (however, this is not to negate, invalidate, or trivialize the fact that adhd/asd/ocd/bpd/etc. are disabilities. by their very nature, they impede and disrupt functioning. what is considered "functional", however, is determined by this capitalist/colonialist state and the things it values. this is all simply to say that we would be able to more easily exist and thrive within a society that doesn't reward self-destruction in the name of accumulating capital for the upper class) Of course, living in a system that is not built for you is going to be exhausting—it takes a toll on you, both physically and mentally. This can be further compounded if you are marginalized in other ways; for instance, if you're a person of colour, working class, a woman, 2SLGBTQ+, an immigrant, or a combination of these.

Masking and Burnout Many neurodivergent folx are forced into positions in which they have to mask. For the sake of clarity, "masking", in this case, involves concealing one's neurodivergent traits. For me, that might look like suppressing compulsions, consciously regulating my facial expressions, working longer and harder to accomplish tasks because I can't focus, or scripting conversations before I have them. These manifestations are often invisible to outsiders, but they take a heavy toll on us, and can often result in neurodivergent burnout. This is where the skill-regression comes in. An Example... Let me give you a personal example of what neurodivergent skill-regression can look like! Prior to the pandemic, I was a highly productive person. I was designated "gifted" (whatever that means) and was top of my class in every single class. I was participating in (and running) multiple clubs, working a steady job, volunteering within the community, and learning new instruments and languages. I was a skilled pianist and painter, and also very athletic. From the outside looking in, I appeared successful: I had a massive scholarship lined up at the most prestigious university in the country. I was generally well-liked. I was creative and skilled in both the humanities and STEM (mostly humanities lol), etcetera etcetera. But I was in no way okay. I was incredibly depressed and suicidal. I had multiple undiagnosed anxiety disorders and neurodivergencies. I was experiencing relentless abuse at home. I was throwing up every few days out of pure fear and stress. I was constantly sick, crying (in secret, and then later too numb to cry), overwhelmed, exhausted, and apathetic. And yet I refused to stop pushing my body and mind to their limit because I had this ingrained belief surrounding my productivity—if I slowed down, would I be worth anything? At the time, to my mind, the answer was a staunch no (even though I didn't apply this thinking to anyone but myself lol). So I repressed everything. I pushed it all to the side and kept moving forward. To put it in perspective, I got hit by a truck at one point, but I was so scared of being late to a thing and disappointing my parents that I just apologized and kept going. This kind of behaviour went on for close to a decade. And then the pandemic hit. And I was forced to stop. I was made to (by virtue of my relative privilege) take a moment to sit down, look around, and actually feel things. And it hit me like a ton of bricks: All the weight of the anger and fear and everything that I had been repressing for the sake of survival came RUSHING in. Now? You want to know what I'm like now? I am very burnt out and incredibly unproductive. I have the attention span of a gnat. Where I used to be able push through exhaustion or else tamp it down with consistently high levels of adrenaline, I now almost ALWAYS feel tired, to the point where I have to lay down. I used to be able to toss together an essay in the span of a couple hours. And, yes, while I can still put an essay together quickly, it’s not going to necessarily be good. Likewise, where I used to be able to mask my neurodivergent traits, I'm now hyperaware of how exhausting it all is, which makes it more difficult to appear neurotypical in public.

The thing is, when you have something like adhd as well as an anxiety disorder, the anxiety can pretty effectively mask the adhd. But once I started medication and more intense therapy, I got a hold on my anxiety and alllll of my coping mechanisms fell away. I no longer had that constant, vibrating fear to force me to maintain attention, and push myself to the breaking point.

It’s like not aging for 80 years and then suddenly having decades collapse into you in the span of moments. So Where Does This Leave Us? Okay, that was a loooong tangent, sorry. Returning to the original point. As the infinitely cool and talented @revenantscholar mentioned in a previous post of mine, when you exist in an unsafe environment (or one which is generally not built with you in mind), it's difficult to hold onto the skills you once had. Your body goes into survival mode and prioritizes keeping you alive. Once you have returned to a space where you can unmask and be physically/emotionally/mentally SAFE, you have the capacity to relearn some of those skills. Not all of them, necessarily, and not all at once. But these things do return—and even if they don't (listen to me, this is important), that doesn't make you stupid/bad/worthless. You are living in a world that is not built for people like you and I, and it sucks, and it's painful and scary, and we will continue to fight for a better future. In the meantime, it's important to remember that you are worthy of care, compassion, empathy, and support regardless of what you can contribute/do. You are incredibly important and I'm so glad you're here. (Thank you for listening. I'm drawing on my human rights knowledge from my degree, and also my own personal experience. However, feel free to correct me or ask any questions you might have! I'm also happy to provide resources/citations if needed. Now go drink water and rest if you need to! Ily!)

[crazycatsiren]

The thing with having an illness like moderate to severe ME/CFS: you learn to compromise and be flexible.

Planned on cleaning 2 rooms? If my body says I can only do 1, then I do 1.

Planned on going out for dinner? If my body can't handle leaving the house, then takeout it is.

Planned on going shopping? If my body calls for cutting it short, then I grab only the essentials and peace out.

If I want to have any quality of life, I either negotiate with my body or suffer the consequences of stubbornness.

[adamslilith-msart]

ARTIST with and despite Multiple Sclerosis.

Watch my latest YT video to find out how I manage to keep pursuing my dreams even though I've wanted to quit many times.

[yourheartonfire]

Any other day, hiding an injury they’d picked up from their nighttime cape work wouldn’t have been a problem. The hero would’ve been in orchestra or robotics lab or study hall and they could muscle through those no problem. But it was Thursday, and that meant it was fencing club.

Any other teacher and it would’ve been fine. The hero could have begged off on a stomachache or other conveniently invisible illness and the coach would’ve shrugged and let them sit on the sidelines doing homework. But today both coach and assistant coach were out, so it fell to the team captain to run practice. And the current team captain had hated hero’s guts since they were in fifth grade.

“C’mon, lazy bones, you’ve been dragging through warm-ups even more than normal,” the hero’s longtime rival drawled, flicking their sabre eagerly as they stepped up on the piste. “You’re up first. En garde.”

“We’re supposed to be doing footwork drills today,” one of hero’s friends protested.

The team captain arched an eyebrow. “You’d really rather do drills than bout? Maybe start with a few more laps?” they asked the rest of the team. There was some muttering and sideways looks. Nobody would rather do footwork, but hero knew from the worried looks in their direction that they were not carrying this off convincingly.

Well, maybe they could work with that. If the hero threw up all over the piste the rival would have to let them go to the nurse. If they timed it right, maybe they could hit the rival too.

“It’s fine,” the hero said, hoisting themselves up with a wince. They did not favor their leg as they walked up, took their stance, riding the waves of pain like they always did. And, yeah, maybe they’d never taken a wound quite as bad as the long shallow cut over their thigh, patched together in the bathroom with medical tape and superglue, but they could handle this. They always handled it.

As they saluted the team captain, something shifted in their old rival’s expression. A moment of uncertainty, a harder head-to-toe scan. But then the moment was gone and their rival gave them a smirk only a shade less smug than normal before sliding their mask down.

The hero attacked first. Their rival loved to bait them into counter-time errors, force them on the defensive, but today the hero just didn’t care. They went for it with an aggression that raised an “oooOOOHhhh!” from the rest of the team. Press, press, press, press. Their sabre seemed to move on its own through the rising red haze, and the hero watched in fascination as their rival’s weapon rose to catch it in a bind, flicked it aside - 

- and then the hero felt something across their right thigh go rrrrrrrrrrip. 

There was a terrible flash of blackness. And the next thing the hero knew, their rival was holding them up, both of them staring down at the growing red patch across the hero’s leg.

“You?” their rival rasped behind their mask.

The hero tried to speak and could only heave. Their team captain shot a glance to their teammates - then dropped the hero, letting their sabre run along the leg.

Later, much later, after they’d gotten home from the hospital, the hero got the story from their friends on the team. How they’d stumbled and the team captain had sliced them by accident, how the team captain had swiftly applied first aid and organized the 911 call, how they’d apologized to everyone from the paramedics to the school headmaster and offered to resign their captainship, how disciplinary action may be pending. But no one could explain how a practice sabre could have gone right into their leg like that...

The hero shrugged, assuring their friends it must have been a freak accident. All the while their stomach churned. 

Their rival’s voice as they’d gasped out that ‘you’. And the way they’d sliced the hero’s pants leg almost perfectly across the original cut. As if they’d known exactly how last night’s villain had drawn their wicked sharp knife along the hero’s leg.

The next night the hero was back out on the rooftops. The villain was waiting for them, with a nasty smile and a longer blade. “You,” they purred, and the hero’s heart skipped a beat.

[nightmaretour]

Me: Looking for stickers to put on my new mobility scooter

The disability related stickers on Etsy:

Not all disabilities are visible

Not all disabilities are visible

Not all disabilities are visible

Invisible illness club

Not all disabilities are visible

Not all disabilities are visible

Autism isn't a disability, it's a different ability!

Not all disabilities are visible

Babe with a mobility aid

Not all disabilities are visible

Some disabilities are invisible!

Not all disabilities are visible

I don't look disabled? Well you don't look (insult)!

Hidden disability

Not all disabilities are visible

Babe with a mobility aid

Invisible disability club

Not all disabilities are visible

Not all disabilities are visible

Not all disabilities are visible