#interesting how much those statements tell you about their beliefs

[sisterlyintimacy]

Going through Reddit and seeing people making the assumption that fegan must be a man bc they seem to be into quincest

They’re really some of the most pearl-clutching people like:

“Eww this person likes something I’m sexually uncomfortable with, disgusting MAN!!!”

[angelsdxmise]

ALEXITHYMA.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 A certain group doesn’t miss how special you really are to Bakugou.

Contains: Pining, slight angst, u and bkg dont directly talk but ur relationship is talked about, wc 450

a/n: fixed my asks so feel free to send some! ❤️ enjoy

Bakugou’s acknowledged “friends” sat huddled in Mina’s room, sprawled out on her bed. Huffs came from them in boredom, it was Kaminari’s idea to do a fun hangout, but of course, they somehow ran out of conversation topics.

Mina, a girl who loved to talk about anyone’s personal love life, suddenly blurted out, “Hey, Bakugou’s close with L/n, right?” This caught the attention of the boys as they set their phones down.

“Yeah. Pretty sure he abandoned us to hang out with her tonight.” Sero recalled from their conversation in the group chat. Bakugou had called them half-witted boring extras that were a waste of their time — which wasn’t surprising, of course.

“He’s so aggressive with us, what makes him love L/n so much?” Kirishima butted in, giving his own opinion on the situation. Seeming as he was the closest to Bakugou in the group, the others shrugged their shoulders.

Kaminari grinned, “She’s a girl, she gets special treatment.” Mina deadpanned at his statement. “I’m a girl and I get yelled at all the time! Plus, he nearly blew Ururaka into shreds at the sports festival.” She debated. A hum of approval came from Kirishima and Sero.

“I mean, he does look at her in a way that says she’s important to him.” Stated sero.

It was true. Every time he looked at you, he looked at Aphrodite herself, like you were something he couldn’t stand to lose. Those short glances of acknowledgment he gave you always lasted longer. His face and demeanor softened when it came to you.

There were some things you realized too. 

The private hugs he gave you when no one was looking would be beyond your belief. He’d engulf you in his arms and put his head in the crook of your neck while gently and slowly rubbing your back. It was almost like he was trying to make you lose your breath. Your legs almost always gave out in those moments. 

When he’d let you go, he would pretend like that didn’t just happen. He would pretend he didn’t just make your heart stop for a moment. 

How terrible he was for that. He knew you were interested in a love life. He knew when he shared his food, clothes, bed, charger, blankets, figures, and notes with you.

He knew when he noticed that you were a part of more than his life, you were a part of his soul. Bakugou sat and pondered about this, and that’s what you didn’t know. That he did in fact, sit and think about why you would even glance to the thought of liking him.

You two wanted each other more than anything, and it’d be too late before you could get the chance to tell him.

7/6/24

[mostdefinitelyafeverdream]

pairing: hannibal lecter x gn!reader

warnings: ///

author's note: not much to say other than i wrote this on a whim, lots of unresolved tension & hannibal being hannibal which is self-explanatory enough i believe. first person pov because i think the use of y/n disrupts the narrative. comments & reviews much appreciated!!

banishing the heartbreak

tell me what the cards say

give me all the tingles

moi je veux le monde

bottom line - he's looking, and he keeps looking. a shiver - painfully vulnerable reaction, extreme and warranted by such imposing presence - runs down my arms and i struggle to hold the piercing gaze; it suddenly turns into a struggle, a subtle battle for dominance. that's what he made of it and never am i allowing him the upper hand (though matching his intensity is nothing short of exhausting).

his eyes hold such starved hunger, a primal instict much alike to the hunting predator giving restless chase and for a second i scoff at its theatricality. his stance screams of a man who's always had his way and i catch a glimpse of the underlying arrogance of a much anticipated victory, which against all reason, tugs at my own grisly pride.

"can i help you?"

he smiles but doesn't show his teeth - not yet at least. his approaching steps mark a distinct rhythm that confuses itself with the pounding of my frantic heartbeats, but stubbornly holding onto my slowly crumbling resolve, i keep shuffling the cards in my hands.

he didn't expect me to address him first - in nature, prey never provokes a predator.

he sits and never breaks the stare, amused like the cat that toys with mice without even paying much mind to their squeaks.

"may i request a fortune reading?"

a pause. i look to him again and he doesn't strike me as a believer - of any kind, in any being but himself. he looks like someone whom people devote their beliefs to, instead.

"i don't read for those who don't really want a reading"

he smiles again but nothing in the poised way he sits betrays his growing interest; nothing but a glint in his eye, the sadistic inclination of the enthused scientist about to prod and probe until he gets the desired results.

"so you know what i want"

it's not phrased as a question, and this is but a first test, i vexedly realise. i try not to let his soothing baritone sway my resolve to teach this arrogant, arrogant man a lesson but how can i hope to oppose him if my resistance might be nothing more than an entertaining bit on his carefully directed stage? - merely few minutes have passed and that's the power imbalance he set already.

"i'm not as presumptuous as to assume something like that. but i am presumptuous enough as to assume what you do not want."

it's my turn to smile but i'd be a fool to believe it might elicit the same reaction as his domineering presence. it's tight lipped and more hostile than i'd hoped but i'd always been easy to read: my eyes, much like his own, betray my nature.

"hannibal lecter," he doesn't extend his hand, it's not an introduction but a statement: "excuse my rudeness."

he has a gentlemanly charm, surely carefully crafted to attract all kinds of attentions - trust would be the correct term, as i'm sure he thrives off the easy accessibility of prey, whatever his ambitions may be, but i do not trust this man one bit. i give him my name nonetheless which is my second grave mistake today; the first one: subconsciously letting him make space for himself at my table, where he comfortably sits scrutinizing my every move.

"nothing to be excused. what i meant to say is, i don't read for those who think of the practice as a joke."

he merely listens and does not refute my words of thinly veiled accusation. what an overbearing man.

"are you a man of science? a doctor, maybe." i stir the pot, i know i am and this game is most definitely dangerous but nothing short of exciting. it's too late to back down anyways.

"an accurate observation. knowledge incited by your... practice, perhaps"

"what a pity, i clearly see a future as a comedian"

it shouldn't arouse such unbridled delight and violent trepidation, the way he looks more and more kin to dig his talons in, to tear and cut his way to what he knows will be the inevitable dead end. and yet the poised firm stance still stands, unwavering - he's enjoying this and in some twisted, unforseen turn of events, i'm giving in and being led by his hand.

"comedy and tragedy alike bear the omen of fate. to evoke a laugh is but to twist the odds in in your favor and rewrite a satisfying ending. do you belive in destiny?"

i'm still shuffling the cards, he's still drinking in my every movement, savoring my resentment and aversion like a long-awaited meal. he subtly leans in and i match his pace, if only to prove his intimidation does not sway me, if only to prove i will dance to his jarring waltzer just to prove a point.

a single card falls from the deck.

the fact so unexpected we both quickly divert our gazes to look down upon it. the man whose ominous presence is enough to trigger every defense mechanism i possess smiles one more time - he bares his teeth. he takes a card of his own from his pocket, a business card, and puts it right next to the fallen arcana, then leaves the table - and me - without a word.

when i look back down again, the devil stares right back.

dividers by @/enchantings

[menlove]

your posts about the juliette greco thing have me thinking and I have such a clear vision like....the fact he wrote 'my soul mate' after that description he wrote in his book...like a direct message to someone who maybe went on and on about how if he were a girl that's who he'd want to be . so many Thoughts

LIKEEEEE the thing is too is that he's talking about yoko in that section

at least ostensibly. putting on my tin hat and pulling out the red string for some Speculation here but a couple of things stand out about this to me

"someone that I had already known, but somehow had lost"

and

"although I had numerous interesting 'affairs' in my previous incarnation, I'd never met anyone worth breaking up a happily-married state of boredom for"

like he's very obviously comparing yoko to juliette greco here, but the first three paragraphs (well paragraph & two sentences) could be about paul before you read on. and they're the opening sentences, too, in this little short opening "the ballad of john & yoko" which just tells their story

which. with my own "they were fucking the whole time" beliefs could 10000% be on purpose. especially bc "someone that I had known, but somehow had lost" makes absolutely 0 sense for yoko. but given my own personal interpreted timeline from The Events would put the petering out of their sexual relationship around 67/68...

like just for a Moment imagine that he was purposefully egging paul on here like "oh yeah I know and you know that I made you think this was about you but now I'm comparing Her to the woman you wanted to be like, fuck yourself"

and with that in Mind it would absolutely be a further dig to then say "yeah I had some interesting affairs but none of them worth leaving my marriage over" which also like. what's so interesting about an affair between a white man and a white woman? as far as we know, there's never really been much reported on john having any long lasting affairs. he obviously slept around, but out of the 4 he really didn't have any steady girlfriends or long-term affairs going on. no one's come forward with any (as far as I know) so it's just a very odd statement to make. unless, of course, you consider it another little backhanded comment at paul to piss him off lmao

which wouldn't even be out of character for this little autobiography bc later he downplays how important the beatles were to him at all & insults them in a very tongue in cheek way, saying:

which likeeee. some people think he's being sincere in calling them avant-garde thinkers, but many also speculate he was just being a dick & sarcastic. which I absolutely think he was being lmfao. and saying that they weren't more important than any other part of his life & less than some. like he's being a cunt.

ANYWAY SORRY YOU DIDNT ASK FOR ALL THIS I just think his mind is an interesting place & it would not be out of character at all for those opening lines to be him being a dick to paul about something he Knows would be a sore spot

[where-theres-smoak-2]

The War Council Analysis/Thoughts

So I need to talk more in depth about the war council scene in Dune Part 2 because that scene is just incredible and has many interesting details and layers to it. I said in a different post that what makes it so interesting is the scene has a different feel depending on which character's pov you look at it from. Each of the characters gathered there have different desires and motivations and each want Paul to be a specific thing/person/being and this scene is very much shown less through Paul and his motivations and more through the emotions of the other characters gathered there. The main characters it focuses on are Stilgar, Jessica, Gurney and Chani. So in this post I do want to talk about each of those characters and their emotions and wants throughout this scene. But first I want to talk about Paul himself and how he plays this moment because I think there are some really interesting details there.

Before Paul arrives at the council there is a relatively calm atmosphere, everyone is crouched down and are praying, its very much has the vibe of a church or other religious gathering. However the moment Paul shows up in the room the energy shifts. People start looking around at him and some start rising up to their feet to get a better look at him, there is a mumbling that spreads through the crowd. They know who he is and there is this sense of awe and excitement that he is finally here, that they can finally see him. When he reaches the circle one of tribe leaders catches his attention and addresses him as Mahdi showing that they do recognise him as the messiah. However despite this what is interesting is at this point they are still standing by their cultural beliefs and explain that if he wants to talk he has to take Stilgar's spot by killing him. Even though this is the messiah their culture is still currently taking precedence.

Paul however ignores this and refuses to follow their custom, instead shouting that he is pointing the way and marching to the middle of the circle. The energy in the room shifts again to one of anger, even Stilgar is shocked at Paul's statement. You can feel this anger flood through the crowd as they raise to their feet pulling out their crysknife's as Paul gives out this challenge, stating no one in the room could stand against him, in this moment Paul comes across as powerful and arrogant even, he's confident in his challenge. I always found this moment interesting because despite the fact that the people gathered there are the religious fanatics who have been waiting centuries for the messiah to come, the ones who believe that Paul is that messiah, they still react in anger to Paul disrespecting their ways. I see it as the fremen's last stand against an outsider's control and suppression, their last moment of defence for their ways and beliefs, its the final moment where they are still true to themselves. But its a battle they are about to lose.

One really interesting moment is after making this challenge he sets his eyes on one fremen in particular and then he lowers himself into a crouch. I found this to be an interesting move because you would think when he is surrounded by a very angry crowd of people who all have their weapons drawn you would want to make yourself seem as big and as powerful as possible, to stand tall and imposing. But Paul lowers himself, and the movement is eery and seems threatening despite it arguably being a more vulnerable position. I kept wondering to myself why this move unsettled me, why it seemed so threatening. Then I realised its because it reminded me of a predator, like a lion or tiger, lowering themselves into the grass getting ready to pounce on its victim. As he speaks to this one fremen he keeps his voice low, he moves towards him with slow, deliberate movements, again like a predator stalking towards it's prey. He tells the man the very thoughts he knows he is thinking and its no wonder its so unsettling to this stranger. Then Paul goes for the kill with one final word, Dune. The target falls to his knees, exclaiming Lisan al Gaib. Then Paul's energy explodes again, once again he is speaking in a loud, bold and powerful voice, as he turns to his next target, he rushes forward, formidable and commanding and that man falls under his power too, until the whole room is on their knees and under Paul's control. This moment is both terrifying and thrilling at the same time, you can't help but get swept up in it yourself and you can't tear your eyes away, I just love the shifts in Paul's demeanour, in the way he uses his voice, his very movements to win the fremen over, its truly terrifying.

When he puts the Ducal ring back on and announces that he is the voice from the outer world, that he will lead them to paradise, he fills his voice with passion, once again he is speaking in a powerful and loud voice, one that is filled with promise, one that stirs up the fremen's own passion and excitement. Again you can feel this energy just spread through the crowd and building into this crescendo where everyone is rushing to their feet and exalting Paul, they are now completely faithful to him, will do anything for him, even abandon their own way of life and the cultural practises that five minutes earlier they were prepared to fight for.

Stilgar

So lets talk about Stilgar next. Throughout the film it is made very clear that Stilgar is not only a true believer in the prophecy but that he believes that Paul is the Lisan al gaib. His religious beliefs are clearly very important to him. We often see him praying and talking about the prophecy and in the first half of the film it is played off for laughs, it all seems a bit silly and we often have other characters doubting him when he says Paul is the one and even mocking him for seeing these 'signs'. However when we get to this part of the film, his blind faith and obsession with the prophecy and Paul, becomes less funny and more horrifying to watch. At the start of the scene Stilgar is sat in his place within the circle as a leader of his tribe. Upon Paul's arrival Stilgar is more than willing to sacrifice his life so that Paul can take his spot. This is such a chilling moment because it shows just how lost to this prophecy Stilgar truly is, he is willingly to die so that he can give Paul a voice, because he believes that what Paul has to say is more important than his life. He even pulls his own crysknife out ready.

However as I said above Paul has no intention of taking Stilgar's life, stating that he won't deprive himself of the best of them right before a battle. Stilgar is very shocked when Paul defies their ways to speak anyway. Honestly it makes sense why he would be shocked if you think about his dynamic with Paul before this moment. Stilgar has played the role of Paul's teacher and guide, he tells him how to navigate the desert, he teaches him to ride a sandworm. He explains the ways of the Fremen and Paul has always listened and done as Stilgar has told him. So in this moment Stilgar is explaining to Paul, as he always has, the ways of the fremen, he must be a leader to speak, he must take Stilgar's spot, in this moment he thinks Paul will react the same way he has in the past, by paying attention to and following Stilgar's guidance. But Paul doesn't, he reverses their roles in this moment, now Paul is the one pointing the way and Stilgar must be the one to follow.

I mentioned above that each character had their own desires and motivations and each had an image of who they wanted Paul to be. For Stilgar he is very much motivated by the prophecy and he wants Paul to be the Lisan al Gaib, he's waited his whole life for the messiah to come. Throughout Paul's speech you can see Stilgar become more and more enraptured with Paul, he looks at him with a look of awe and reverence with each word he speaks. Until you have that moment when he asks Paul what he foresees for them and Paul answers a green paradise you can see the look of exhilaration cross his face as he sinks to his knees. Can you imagine being Stilgar in this moment, after dedicating your life to this religion, to this prophecy, after being mocked and ridiculed for this belief, you're messiah is finally here. From the moment they met in Dune part 1, Stilgar says he recognises Paul as the Lisan al Gaib, despite protests from even Paul himself, Stilgar persevered in his belief that Paul was the one and in this moment he is getting confirmation. For Stilgar this isn't just a moment of triumph, its a moment of validation and you can see how much that means to him.

Gurney

When it comes to Gurney it is made very clear right at the start of the scene what his desires and motivations are. When Chani tells him that this is none of his business he tells her that Rabban killed his family and left him scarred, so this was all his business. It's clear that what Gurney wants is revenge. Gurney is someone who was incredibly loyal and dedicated to the House Atreides, when he believed they were all massacred by the Harkonnens the only thing he had left was revenge, he even tells us when he's first reunited with Paul that he stayed on Arrakis with the sole purpose of getting that revenge.

When it comes to the prophecy, to Lisan al Gaib and this green paradise that the fremen believe Paul will lead them too, Gurney has no stakes in it, he doesn't care about it, it literally means nothing to him. What does mean something to him is House Atreides. When he believed they were all gone I think Gurney felt very lost, like he had no purpose anymore, his purpose was to serve and protect his duke and family and I think part of him felt like he failed in that. He has been filled with anger and revenge ever since. But learning that Paul was alive and reuniting with him gave Gurney something else, it gave him hope. Hope that House Atreides will be restored. Only he quickly realises that Paul has no interest in reviving the House Atreides, that he has built a life for himself with the fremen which is very frustrating for Gurney who I think was expecting Paul to want revenge and the restoration of the Atreides, like he does.

So the person Gurney wants Paul to be is the duke, you see this look of pure emotion in Gurney's eyes when Paul pulls out the Ducal ring. His lip trembles and he lets out this breathy laugh of relief, he looks like he is trying to hold back tears he is so overcome. I think for Gurney seeing Paul embrace his role as an Atreides, as the Duke of Arrakis, feels like he's getting his family and his purpose back. When the fremen raise to their feet and chant Lisan al Gaib, Gurney rises too, but he's not chanting, he raises his chin in triumph and looks at Paul with pride, because Gurney like Stilgar, is also getting everything he has hoped for, he's got his duke back, his chance at revenge back.

Jessica

Ok so what does Jessica want? Well that's easy, the same thing she wanted in part 1, for Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach. What's interesting about Jessica's motivations is that they're kind of a combination of both Stilgar's and Gurney's desires but with a bit of her own mixed in. Like Stilgar she wants Paul to take on the role of Lisan al Gaib, to becomes this prophet and leader to the fremen fundamentalists. But like Gurney she also wants him to embrace his title of Duke and carry on his father's legacy as heir to House Atreides. Which is why you see her get this look of satisfaction on her face when Paul announces that he is Duke of Arakkis. I think this also plays into the fact that she defied the Bene Gesserit to have a boy because she wanted to give the Duke she loved an heir as well as wanting to be the one to bring forth the Kwisatz Haderach, so for her this is the moment she is seeing that act of rebellion pay off. Another aspect of her motivation is that she wants Paul to be safe, I think in her mind the only way to achieve that is by making him the most powerful being in the universe. I mean after all if Paul can see multiple futures and can foresee dangers before they come for him, if he has an army of millions of religious fanatics who will throw down their lives for him because they believe he is their messiah, if he holds titles and positions of power, then who could possibly ever stand against him. Jessica put alot of work, did a lot of plotting and scheming in order to reach this moment, to gain the support of the fremen to Paul's cause, to convince Paul himself to drink the water of life and become the Kwisatz Haderach, so for her this is the moment she sees all that work come to fruition, its a moment of triumph, its her pay off.

Chani

Poor Chani. For all the others this moment was one of validation or triumph, but for Chani it was the moment she lost everything. I think there is this underlying sadness to the scene because, as I said before, everyone has an idea of who Paul should be, prophet, duke, kwizatz haderach, but its all about who he can be for them. Chani was the only one who was fighting for Paul, for him to stay who he truly was, who he had chosen to be. She's the only left fighting for her people, for their culture and way of life, but being the only one still fighting means she doesn't have a chance, there are too many external forces acting against her.

From the very start of the scene Chani is being pushed and pulled about by others. She rushes to Stilgar and tries to talk sense into him, and not only does Stilgar ignore her, but the other leader tells her she cannot speak, the other fremen come to take her away from the circle. When she tries to speak up again, speaking to the crowd at large, Gurney intervenes pulling her to the ground next to him and telling her she'll get in trouble, cutting her off in the process. When the fremen get angry at Paul and she stands to go and intervene, Gurney stops her again, when everyone bows to Paul, again Gurney pulls her to her knees so that she too is bowing. All of this shows just how helpless she really is, she can scream and shout and fight but each time she is silenced.

As Paul declares himself the Lisan al Gaib you can see Chani's heart break, she shakes her head in disbelief because she cannot fathom why Paul is taking this course of action, after everything he promised her, after all the times he said he wasn't the prophet, that he didn't want power, or to lead her people, he's going back on all of it. She's watching the man she loves exert power and control over her people and she is powerless to stop it from happening, she feels helpless and confused and betrayed. When everyone jumps to their feet in celebration she stays on her knees, showing just how broken she is by Paul, how devastated but also how she refuses to see him as the mahdi, to celebrate and worship him like the rest of her people. I said in another post that this moment is a great contrast and compliment to the last scene where everyone bows and she stays on her feet out of defiance. But I think another interesting detail about this moment is that Chani is very much Paul's soul, his love, she represents who he is at heart, in this moment though not only is he cut off from her sight, but he won't be able to see her either. This crowd of worshippers becomes a literal and figurative barrier between them.

Anyway to wrap this up, I do think this moment is one of the best in the film, its just filled with so much tension and so many different dynamics between each of the characters. In some ways its a moment of triumph and victory for our characters but for other characters its a moment of heartbreak and betrayal. In the middle of it all you have Paul who has lost himself, he's no longer a person but a figure, something to worship and be in awe of. The last person who really sees him as Paul, the man, he loses in this moment and that just makes it a tragedy.

[keplercryptids]

I know this was posted like. a week ago. but as someone thinking of running a forged in the dark game I would love to see your homebrew xp mechanics

hell yeah! so let me start by saying, forged in the dark games (at least, the two i've played, blades in the dark and scum and villainy) are designed to be run either 1. in campaigns with a maximum of 12-20 sessions, OR 2. in campaigns where you're running through characters frequently and telling a story of the crew as a collective, rather than focused on a specific group of characters. so if you do either of those things, i don't think you actually need to tweak the xp.

i am a longwinded bitch lmao and i also prefer running campaigns that don't switch out PCs often. so the rapid xp acquisition of these games is. troublesome. i've actually very recently decided to simply hand out milestone xp (which is what i did when i ran d&d 5e). basically, every few jobs, when something narratively Big happens, i'll give the players [x] amount of xp. but! i did come up with these narrative xp rules, which i like and i'm having fun with, so for now, any xp the players accrue by making desperate rolls will be added to their narrative xp bank to spend in the following ways:

(under a readmore cuz it's long!)

Narrative XP

At the end of each job, the maximum amount of XP that can be used for character advancement is 50% of the XP gained that session, rounding up. This is called Advancement XP. The remaining XP is called Narrative XP.

When Narrative XP is spent to increase or reduce a clock, 1 XP = 1 tick. Personal Narrative XP can be spent on campaign clocks, personal clocks, connection clocks, long-term projects or resolving traumas, as described below. With the exception of campaign clocks, any given clock can only be affected by 1 Narrative XP, per player per session.

At a player’s discretion, Character Advancement XP may be spent as Narrative XP, with the same restrictions as above.

CAMPAIGN CLOCKS

Throughout the campaign, there will be clocks tracking organizations’ goals, external forces outside the scope of the PCs’ sphere of influence, or events looming on the horizon. During downtime, these clocks can be increased or reduced by the use of Narrative XP. This is almost always going to be a meta decision made by the players and GM, rather than anything the PCs are doing within the fiction (though there may be some exceptions - talk it out!). The progress of campaign clocks can also be leveraged as Devil’s Bargains during play. There is no limit to how much XP can be spent on a campaign clock per downtime.

PERSONAL CLOCKS

Each PC can accrue personal clocks, tracked on your character sheet, that reflect potential complications, goals, or outcomes affecting your character. During downtime, Narrative XP can be used to increase or reduce ticks on these clocks (maximum 1 XP per clock per downtime). To use Narrative XP this way, describe or roleplay a scene to illustrate what your character is doing to affect the clock in question.

CONNECTION CLOCKS

[note: this text is taken basically word-for-word from Beam Saber by austin ramsay - a really cool game i haven't gotten to run yet! check out beam saber if you're interested in sci-fi forged in the dark games!]

The crew sheet contains separate 4-tick Connection Clocks for each other member in your crew, representing your character’s relationship with that crewmate. Make a belief about that crewmate for each tick on that clock (checking in with that player when you do). When the Connection Clock fills, ask the target crewmate for a truth about one of the beliefs tied to them, then reset the clock to 1 tick as you see them in a new light. When a Connection Clock resets, erase all the previous beliefs you had about that crewmate and write a new one related to the truth you just learned—it’ll take time and effort to understand them again.

A belief is a brief statement about how a character feels about another crewmate. Beliefs are simple, quick, and influential in the rapport between the two crewmates. However, the players need to remember that their beliefs are not necessarily true as they are based on incomplete information and gut instinct. A good belief is:

Something a character might say about their crewmate to a confidante.

Easily summarized, so that it can be quickly remembered when relevant.

Potentially true.

Suitable for the game’s setting and tone.

Something the player is interested in exploring.

During downtime or free play, Narrative XP can be used to add a belief and tick a Connection Clock with another crewmate (maximum once per session). To use Narrative XP this way, your character must have a one-on-one scene with a crewmate, which challenges their perception of their crewmate, and/or shows a new side of them, and/or during which the characters bond in a significant way. After this, spend 1 XP to tick the Connection clock with that character, and gain a new belief (see above).

LONG-TERM PROJECTS

During downtime, you may spend 1 XP to add a tick to a long-term project clock (maximum 1 tick per clock).

RESOLVING TRAUMAS

[note: there isn't a way in the rules as written to resolve traumas, but being able to do so is important to me, so i included this as a way to use narrative xp.]

When you gain a trauma, start a 6-tick Trauma clock on your character sheet. During downtime or free play, Narrative XP can be used to tick a Trauma clock (maximum once per session). To use Narrative XP this way, describe or roleplay a scene to illustrate what your character is doing to work on resolving their trauma. Once a trauma clock has been filled, you may remove that trauma from your character sheet.

[cardentist]

I've been relistening to tma and intentionally taking note of How jon talks about statements. because I Knew that the fandom tends to exaggerate how much of a skeptic jon is, but even then I don't think I was prepared for Just how overblown it was.

at first it was just light curiosity, but I've had to break out a google doc just to keep the score, first because I was shocked just how many statements there are where jon just Openly believes them. where he states outright that he thinks they're real or doesn't show any verbal doubt at all.

and Secondly because the vast Vast majority of the time he only very thinly veils his belief with one or two lines about how ridiculous the statement is before clearly and obviously treating the statements like they're real.

the most obvious aspect of the latter being that he investigates Every Single Statement they get, going above and beyond what he's Supposed to do. and this is Intentionally drawn to the audience multiple times. with elias telling him that he's Not Supposed to do that in person in podcast.

and it's interesting, because Just those little quips seems to have been enough to convince most audience members that he didn't believe any of it, as if going out of his way to investigate the statements is something incidental that he Has to do (when we know, Specifically, that it isn't).

"strange music" sticks out to me, because I remember reading the comments and seeing people quipping about how funny it is that jon didn't believe the clown statement, meanwhile jon found a picture of one of the key players in the statement from an old book and Fully name dropped The Haunted Calliope as being held within artifact storage.

he Personally Verified that the statement giver wasn't lying about any detail of their story and Personally Verified the existence of the artifact. but it doesn't matter as long as he can put on the Affect of a skeptic, even for a moment.

and it's so interesting, because that's how it is for the Characters too. it feels so Obvious looking back, when you Know that he's putting on that affect on purpose to try to protect himself. but to the rest of the archival assistants jon IS the skeptic he pretends to be. it's a major part of why martin and sasha made contact with the supernatural alone in the first place.

and for both of them jon believed the second they told him, because he's Always believed.

and of course, even more interesting, elias has always known. I mean of Course he has, be We've always known that elias has known. when he's reprimanded jon for being too involved with the statements, when he used jon's Lack of skepticism as an excuse for not taking the worm infestation seriously.

the joke isn't that jon reads something obviously true while not believing, the joke is that jon says he doesn't believe and then tells us about how frustrating it is that the police won't return his calls

[petertingle-yipyip]

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

Series Finale - Vigilante Shit

tags: @ironprincessstranger @americaarse @johnmurphys-sass @dusstory @astrobees @mayasaurus--rex @woowwwee // eight // epilogue // masterlist

Pairing: Matt X Reader

Word Count: 13,587 (and you wonder why it took me so long.)

Summary: Ladies always rise above but when one lady’s simply had enough, revenge takes human form in Hell’s Kitchen’s Exodus. With her rightful partner beside her, they take on the Kingpin and his former Bullseye.

“Do you affirm that the testimony you are about to give in the case now before the court will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” The bailiff asked simply as you took your seat on the stand. “This you affirm under the pains and penalties of perjury?”

“Yes.” You nodded calmly. “I do.”

“For the record, please state your name.” The judge said.

“I’m Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N, FBI SWAT. I’ve been with the bureau for a bit less than a year and all statements made here today are my own. My testimony does not reflect the beliefs or positions of the FBI and I accept any and all consequences my statements may bring.” You answered, keeping your eyes ahead as Tower stood and took his place in front of you. “In the short amount of time that I’ve been with the FBI, I’ve witnessed my bureau, specifically members of my team, fall victim to Fisk’s vicious manipulation.”

“Please explain in detail the crimes you’ve witnessed.” He said simply.

“I’ve witnessed slander and false accusations against one of the Nelson and Murdock attorneys responsible for his first arrest. I’ve witnessed a breach of his house arrest. I’ve witnessed his recruitment of agents and using those agents to kill people, both civilians and other agents. I’ve witnessed him coerce other crime syndicates into complying with a tax to ensure protection from federal prosecution.”

“What agents have you seen?”

“Special Agents Arinori and Poindexter, Special Agent in Charge Hattley. Special Agent Rahul Nadeem and myself witnessed but never participated past that and a few targeted raids. Neither of us pulled the trigger for Wilson Fisk, but we did nothing to stop it. There were others but I didn’t interact with them much.”

“The other agents that were mentioned by Agent Nadeem?”

“I believe so. I don’t remember their names but I could pick them out of a lineup.”

“And how many people were killed?”

“SAC Hattley killed Agent Winn. Special Agent Poindexter killed multiple people, I believe he killed the most. Given his unique skill set, he was a prime target for Fisk’s games. Innocent people died because of Wilson Fisk, good people like Father Lantom, because no one on my team was brave enough to come forward.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Who would believe a novice agent who helped put Fisk away in the first place? He knew no one would believe me if I spoke up sooner, given my very outspoken opinions against him. There was an instance, when he brought up the Nelson and Murdock attorney, that I had caused a scene. My words were driven by my sentimentality regarding the firm since I did have a small stint as an attorney there. From there, it didn’t matter what I knew and he recognized that. It didn’t matter how many times Poindexter brought me along without telling me what was really happening. It didn’t matter who I saw get killed or the fact that I was against him leaving the prison to begin with. He knew my credibility was low and I had no evidence so I wasn’t a threat to his plans… Not until someone else had enough. Agent Nadeem helped give me the courage to come forward with what I’ve seen.”

You glanced around at the jury and found them all - save for the one juror - interested in what you would say next. Tower offered a small, proud smile and Ray listened intently with his hands folded in front of him. He gave you a small nod of reassurance.

“It’s a scary thing, to feel like you have no choice but to do things you don’t agree with. Sometimes you go along for self preservation, sometimes for the people you care about. But at the end of it all, we have our limits. We can only take so much deceit before we have to do something…” You allowed your eyes to water, a shakiness to tint your voice and a slight hesitation between your sentences. “I let him convince me that my word wouldn’t matter, that I- I would just be some voice in the wind. I let him take my conviction. But I’m not going to stand down, not anymore. Wilson Fisk is afraid of what we came here to say because it’s true. The attack on our transport wasn’t a coincidence, nor was it an accident. He attempted to have us killed because of what we know and what we came here to say. If he was truly innocent, why is he trying to cover his tracks?”

“You mentioned repercussions before. Do you worry the FBI will punish you for this?”

“Not the FBI, but the agents Fisk controls. My SAC is in his pocket. My partner is in his pocket. Besides Agent Nadeem, in that hotel, I’m alone. No one protects me the way they protect him… If I lose my job, fine. If I lose my partner, okay. But I cannot stand to lose my loved ones.”

“Thank you, Agent.”

You and Ray were led out after that and you met with your friends in the hall. While Matt chatted with Ray, Foggy offered you a proud smile and moved to hug you but you simply pushed his hands away and began pacing a short distance. You pushed your fingers into your hair and tugged slightly on the ends.

Foggy looked over to Matt for help, but he was still in his conversation with Ray. Knowing that a win today would help ensure Matt stayed on the right track, Foggy decided not to cut in and talk to you on his own. He stepped in front of you and put his hands on your upper arms. You looked at him with your lips pressed together and your eyebrows up.

“Talk to me. What’s going on?” Your friend tried, ducking down to meet your eyes.

“It’s shot. The whole thing is shot.” You answered quietly, trying not to gain any more attention. “He didn’t just know about the trial.”

“What do you mean?”

“So what happens now?” Ray asked, drawing both Foggy’s and your attention. His brows furrowed but you stepped past him before he could speak.

You grabbed Matt’s arm and pulled him a couple steps away as Foggy answered Ray’s question.

You leaned in to speak quietly with your hand still gripping his arm and Matt’s hand landed on your elbow.

“What do you hear?” You asked softly.

His brows furrowed as he listened in, taking a step closer to the doors. As he focused, the grip he had on your arm tightened. You closed your eyes and cursed quietly.

“No, no, no.” Matt muttered and you nodded. “The jurors.”

“Fisk got to them.” You confirmed and opened your eyes, rolling your shoulders back and regaining your composure. “I felt it when we went in but I was hoping I was wrong.”

You glanced around the halls and felt a surge of emotions outside. Everyone still seemed entranced in Karen’s press conference. You had to give it to her, the woman was brave.

After a few anxiety ridden minutes, Tower came out of the courtroom with an apologetic expression as he passed your group. You opened your mouth to speak but he simply shook his head and headed to the cameras outside. You tapped your implant and listened in on the live broadcast from outside and you felt your stomach drop.

At this time, the grand jury had elected not to indict Wilson Fisk. But this office, under my leadership, will pursue every lead, every piece of evidence that leads us to uncovering the truth. The agents that testified today were incredibly brave and we encourage anyone with evidence regarding this case to come forward.

Everything outside continued to spike as you shut off your device and one familiar feeling stood out among the chaos.

“Karen.” You said to yourself as the boys began moving. You looked at them for a second before making a move to the doors. A hand closed around your arm and dragged you in the other direction.

“No, I have to-“ You groaned and tried to pull away but you were shoved forward instead. Looking over, you saw it was Matt who dragged you with him.

You took one last look over your shoulder before giving in and following the group. They hurried into the closest restroom and you locked the door behind you all. Ray pushed through and took a minute to himself while being quite literally sick to his stomach.

“It’s not gonna end like this, Ray. We’re not gonna let it.” Matt promised while leaning against the stalls.

Foggy stood by the sinks and you slid down with your back against the door until you were sitting up on your toes. You had elbows on your propped up knees and your chin resting behind your gently balled fists. Your eyes were trained on the floor, tracing the grout lines between the tiles.

Your brain was running through every scenario you could. You thought about whether or not he’d send Dex after you and Ray. It’d have to wait. There’s no way Dex could take you both out in a locked down courthouse. Would he go after Karen for her press conference? Or had he already wrecked her credibility? All you knew for sure was that it needed to end.

“The system will work.” Foggy ensured and you sighed to yourself. 

“You still believe that?” Matt scoffed and you looked up at him.

“Stop it.” You said quietly and he offered a sarcastic expression towards you.

“We’ve been here before. We can fix this.. Tower will impanel another grand jury and try again. We’re not done here. Right, Y/N?”

“What keeps Fisk away from them this time though?” You asked simply as you turned towards your friend. “I wanna do this the right way, Foggy, but it’s not looking too good for us.”

“I told you this would happen.” Matt cut in.

“Matt, stop.” You sighed and pushed yourself to stand. “Fighting each other isn’t gonna help.”

“I need to know where you’re going.” Foggy blocked Matt’s path.

“Guys.” You warned firmly as Matt said “I’m gonna find Tower. Make sure he tries again.”

“I’m going with you.” You offered and you saw him roll his eyes behind his glasses. “Unless there’s a problem?”

“No.” He said tightly. “No problem.”

“Good.” You nodded before leaning closer to Foggy. “Take care of him. Don’t let him lose his nerve.”

Your friend nodded and you grabbed Matt’s arm on the way out.

“God, y’know what, we should’ve just done it our way from the start.” Matt mumbled. 

“Our way?” You laughed. “This is our way. The other thing? That’s my way, Matthew. You’ll never be able to do it and it’s not a bad thing. You can’t force yourself to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I almost wanna dare you to try because I know you won’t.”

“A lot has changed, Y/N.”

“Sure, but people don’t completely flip on their morals.” You scoffed.

“Maybe I did. You don’t know.”

“Actually I do, because you’re too strong to do it. You have a certain faith in people that you can’t learn. If you were capable of doing what I do, Dex wouldn’t be around anymore. You believe that people can do good. It’s not the worst ideology to hold on to.”

“Clearly not everyone can.”

You stopped walking and yanked his arm to stop him. He groaned and faced you, a tight grip on his cane and a clench to his jaw.

“This isn’t just about you!” You insisted. “You do understand that, right?”

“Of course I know that. You really think I don’t?”

“Why is it your responsibility then?”

“Because it is!”

“So why didn’t you work this hard to stop me?” You challenged quietly. “If not everyone can be better, why didn’t you try to kill me? I gave you every reason to give up on me, treat me this exact same way, but you never did.”

“You’re not the same, Y/N.” He sighed.

“Thankfully, neither are you and I. There’s always been someone taking people from me. Took my parents, Marc, Frank, Yelena and Nat, Billy, even you - twice - and Foggy, now Dex. I’m not gonna lose you a third time.”

“Y/N, I didn’t realize-“

“No, you never do. You never see beyond what you’re doing. You do this and there’s no coming back from it. Something in your heart is gonna change and you can’t change it back. You can’t undo it.”

“I’m sorry. I just want this to be over with.”

“I know but…” You sighed and looked around, shifting your weight between your feet.

You were hit with a sudden feeling of determination. You turned towards where it came from, the bathroom you left Foggy and Ray in. With a quiet curse, you hurried back, only to find Ray gone and Foggy knocked out.

You screamed out in frustration and slammed an angry fist into the mirror, watching it shatter and become stained with the bloody print of your knuckles. You pushed out of the room and back into the hall, scanning the crowds in an effort to find him. But you saw nothing.

Ray was gone. And the clock was ticking on what kind of countermove Fisk would make against him. Against all of you.

You practically ran out of the courthouse, pushing past various security and reporters. They shouted questions, mentioning your badge and asking what side you were testifying for, but ignored them all. Some yelled that you were working for Fisk, you were one of the corrupted agents, but all you offered them was the middle finger.

From there, you ran home. The sun was already setting and you were running out of time. You changed quickly and used your mask to scan as far as it could.

You had finally heard from Rick and you were talking to Seema while wandering the streets.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Seema asked towards the end of the conversation.

“I wish I could tell you for sure… But I can’t. What we’ve done has put a massive target on us and our loved ones. All I know is that yours and Sami’s safety is all he cares about.”

“Tell him I love him.”

“I will. When I find him, he’ll call for goodbyes and then you can send a pin to that number I gave you. After that, ditch the phone.”

It wasn’t until hours later did you find him.

He went home.

You practically sprinted through the neighborhood to get there. The front door was open, side gate cracked, and the police tape was stretched from someone pushing it aside. The house was empty but you could see two figures in the backyard.

“…I can help you cut a deal with the DA.” Ray tried. “We can take him down, us and Y/N.”

Dex gripped his gun tightly, though he hadn’t lifted it yet. His entire body was tense, practically vibrating with the anticipation of what he would do next. There was still a heavy apathy from Dex but there was an undercut of hesitation. Ray was still his friend, and that meant something to him. Not enough to change his mind, but something. Something you might be able to use against him.

“No.. That’s not gonna happen, Ray.” Dex shook his head with a small scoff.

“Dex.” You said carefully, pushing your mask up and lifting your hands in surrender. You walked slowly, putting yourself between the two former friends. “Think about this.”

“Move.” He answered tightly.

“I can help you, if you let me… Don’t make me your enemy, please.”

You tried to emphasize that hesitation but he would shove it back down as soon as it came up.

“I feel more myself than I have in my whole life. Fisk gave me that.”

“This isn’t you talking. This?” You gestured slightly between the two of you. “This is Fisk. He’s gotten in your head, Dex, and he’s turned us against each other. Don’t let him win! ”

“You don’t know me!” He shouted and you instinctively woke your Bite. “See?” He chuckled humorously. “You don’t really trust me.”

“What happened to the man that helped save my life?” You pressed gently with a pleading expression, taking a tentative step forward as you lowered your hands. Your devices still glowed at your wrists and Dex’s grip on his gun shifted. “At the carousel, remember? You rode with me in the ambulance, stayed at the hospital until I woke up. Where’s he?”

“That wasn’t me. It was you. It was your games.” He spat and your brows dropped and your jaw clenched.

“She cared about you, Dex.” Ray said from your side with a hand on your shoulder. “We both did. The only person that changed that was you.”

“Let me help you.” You tried that soft spot again. “I can’t do anything for you after this. I won’t.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head and you nodded slightly, slowly moving a hand to reach one of the weapons at your belt. “I don’t need your help.”

“As long as I’m alive, my family’s at risk.” Ray admitted, though there was no hesitation.

Sadness, definitely, but it wasn’t any sudden revelation. Instead, it was acceptance. Understanding.

��Ray?” You asked over your shoulder.

“It’ll be alright.”

“Let’s go, Ray.” Dex said, lifting his gun. You sidestepped to put yourself in front of Ray again as you drew your own weapon. “Move, Y/N.”

There was a slight plea in his expression, though his body language didn’t falter.

Something human was left in Dex, some tiny flicker of light. Something like that used to be enough for Matt to believe in, to give them a chance to change. Without him honoring his own prior morals, you realized that was part of why you didn’t give up on Dex.

Not the sex or the friendship. But the hope, hope that months of running around with the altar boy vigilante attached to your hip pinned to your own conscience. The ability to see something good in someone so far off their path. You never understood that ideology until recently but now… Now it felt like that was your own code.

But clearly, the flicker wasn’t enough. And you couldn’t work by someone else’s morality.

“Thought you were good enough to shoot around me.” You taunted as you lined up your own gun.

“I’m not going anywhere with you, Dex.” Ray said and you felt that wave of acceptance again. “Whatever you need to do, you do it here.”

Ray had accepted his own death. And the only way you could stop it would be to kill Dex. You turned to face Ray, purposefully putting your body in front of his with the hopes that Dex wouldn’t shoot through.

“We can still get out of this.” You tried, feeling a deep regret settle in your stomach. “I can-“

“And do what, run? I can’t put my family through anything else, Y/N.”

“Ray, please. I can’t bring your family back to you if you’re in a body bag.”

“Hey.” He put a hand on your shoulder. “Just do this the right way, alright?”

“Seema wanted me to te-“

Before you could get the sentence out, the gun fired behind you. The bullet nicked your ear but hit its mark.

You backed away with unsteady legs while Ray fell to the ground with a bullet hole in his forehead. Your gun fell from your hands as you collapsed to your knees. Almost instantly your eyes watered as you stared at the now corpse of your friend. It was almost enough to make you scream as you sat beside the man that risked everything to stand up to Fisk, to stand up for what he believed in. To protect his family.

His family.

Your heart broke for Seema and Sami, and you thought about who would give them the news. The news that you had failed. You didn’t keep him safe.

“She loves you.” You said quietly as your entire body ran cold. “Seema wanted me to tell you she loves you.”

Your hand shook as you reached for your scar and pressed it, sliding along until you heard the dial tone.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“This is.. This is Exodus.” You spoke shakily with your accent, fighting to keep control as the tears fell down your cheeks. “I’m at.. Fisk had him killed. He’s- He’s dead. I need.. I need an ambulance or police or something. Just send someone!”

“Exodus? Okay um…” The line went quiet as the operator spoke to someone else on the side, probably asking advice with a vigilante on the line. “Where are you? Who’s dead?”

“Special-“ Your voice broke. “Special Agent Rahul Nadeem. He shot him in his own backyard.”

“Did you see who killed him?”

“No.. No, he was gone before I got here. I just heard the shot.”

“Okay. We have units en route. Can you stay with Mr.Nadeem until they arrive?”

“No, I- I have to go. They’ll arrest me. I- I have to- I have to go. I can’t be here when they arrive.”

“Wait.”

“He has a wife and a son. Just tell um, tell Detective Brett Mahoney to contact Nadeem’s legal team. Someone has to tell them.”

“Ma’am, please, just wait until-“

“I can’t… I can’t, I’m sorry.”

You ended the call and looked down at Ray.

“I’m sorry, Ray. I’m so sorry.”

You sat back for a moment to pull your knees to your chest. You wrapped your arms around them and rocked slightly as you let yourself cry. You tried to keep the noise down, but small wails left your throat. When you heard the sirens down the street, you had to pull yourself together and collect your gun. With one last look, you hopped the fence and made your way back to the apartment.

You tried to push the guilt away but it came back to gnaw at you. You should’ve just killed Dex. You shouldn’t have tried to reason with him. You should’ve taken him down when you got there. Why did you reveal yourself? Why didn’t you kill him? Why didn’t you do anything?

You had your own ways for a reason. Using Matt’s wouldn’t bring back the man you knew. And it wouldn’t save anyone.

Now Ray was dead and it was your fault.

All you could do was keep moving forward. But there was nothing more Y/N could do. The chance with the law and by the books was over. You wanted to stay on the path, to do things Foggy’s way - the right way - but you were at your wits end. Every time you tried to do things right, you lost. You wouldn’t lose again.

You wouldn’t dress yourself as Exodus to serve a villain. You wouldn’t dress as Exodus to serve the innocent. You would dress for revenge. You would dress to renew the sense of fear that your vigilante persona - just her name - used to invoke. To make Ben Poindexter pay for the lives he took. To make Wilson Fisk pay for the crimes he’d committed. And if they paid with their lives, so be it.

You wouldn’t be nice any longer. Both men had pushed you too far.

Killing people was easy. Making them suffer was an art, and you had spent years developing your craft. You would make them regret the moment you were made their enemy.

You ignored the phone calls from Foggy. His voicemails all said he needed to talk to you and he didn’t want to say it on a message, so you knew Brett told them what happened. Other numbers you didn’t recognize called but you ignored them too. Reporters, you figured.

On your way home, you were distracted by the distinct taste of fear. With a small noise of interest, you followed it. You weren’t necessarily shocked to see Matt was there at the source, but it was a surprise to see him with Felix Manning.

“Should’ve called.” You told him as you got to his side.

“Didn’t have time.” He shrugged with that smirk he always used to have back when you found him when you two didn’t know each other’s identities. When things were a lot simpler. “You hear what happened?“

“To Nadeem? How we fucked it up, again.”

“Yeah.” He answered in a whisper.

You nodded quietly and he frowned slightly. He reached for your arm but you crossed them over your chest and peered over the edge, looking at the knot that held Manning’s ankle. You gave the rope a small shake and the man screamed with a new wave of panic.

“What have you gotten so far?” You turned to Matt, though the mask did little to hide his expression. “Stop looking at me like that.”

He opened his mouth for a joke but you smacked his arm before he could get a word out. He laughed quietly and put his hands up in surrender.

“Fisk’s gathering a bunch of figureheads for a wedding.” Matt explained.

“Vanessa’s gonna marry him?” Your brows furrowed and Matt gave a nonchalant shrug. You leaned over the edge and yelled to Manning. “Do we get an invite?”

All he could do was scream.

“Sounds like a no.” Matt answered and you almost smiled, though Manning’s screams were rather distracting.

You groaned loudly before reaching forward. You made a small pulling motion and felt the fear draw out of him. The yellow smoke came to your hand and swirled up your arm and you felt the tingle down your spine as you absorbed it.

“I can give you something better.” Manning called from the end of the rope.

You hummed in interest and climbed to sit on the ledge, feet kicking idly as Matt sat beside you with his ankles crossed. If it hadn’t been for the man dangling just a few feet down, it would’ve been a nice moment together.

“We’re listening.” Matt said simply.

“I witnessed Ms. Marianna order the murder of Agent Nadeem. And Fisk ordered many!” He shouted and you felt a new wave of anger run down your spine. You ground your teeth and balled your hands into fists. Matt’s hand came up to your jaw and pressed gently on the joint to make you release the tension. You made a small noise and took his hand off your face, holding it between your own and dropping into your lap. “Agent Winn. Julie Barnes. I could testify!”

“Где был этот парень раньше?” You muttered and Matt nudged you with his shoulder. “Мог бы позволить ему умереть вместо Рэя.” (Where was this guy earlier? Could’ve let him die instead of Ray.)

“Будь милым.” Matt said with light amusement in his voice. He knew what happened to Ray upset you and he figured you would blame yourself. But at least your words were what he was used to. “Мы могли бы его использовать.” (Be nice. We could use him.)

“Hang on..” You realized and peered over the edge. “We know Winn and Nadeem. Did you say Julie Barnes?”

“Yes! Yes, he did!”

You let out a laugh in celebration and the sound seemed misplaced in the current situation. That was exactly what you had been waiting for. Confirmation. Confirmation of the one thing that could snap Dex, in every sense of the word. Confirmation that Julie Barnes, the woman that he had been obsessing over since before you met him, was dead and that Fisk was to blame.

“Help me get him up.” You told Matt quickly as you climbed back to the roof.

“Why?” Matt asked, though he followed suit.

“Ты хотел подтолкнуть Декса на грань? Вот как мы это делаем.” You answered quickly and he nodded quietly. (You wanted to push Dex to the brink? This is how we do it.)

You got Manning to tell you everything you needed to know about Julie. How she was killed. Where she was killed. Where her body currently was. Everything you needed to throw in Dex’s face and break whatever was left.

A day or two later, you were standing at a press conference at the bureau. It was an official statement regarding Ray and Agent Winn’s deaths. Hattley claimed Ray was mentally unstable, that Karen was a liar and the alleged 911 call from Exodus was fake. You almost laughed when Hattley had to redirect questions about Exodus finding the body, but she admitted it was an agent who killed him, under the guise of self-defense.

You tried to duck out of the office following the press conference but a hand wrapped around your arm tightly. You let out a small wince when you were yanked back before you were redirected and pushed towards one of the conference rooms. You were able to yank your arm free just outside the door, where you saw Seema sitting inside.

“What the hell is this?” You asked sharply as you spun on Dex. “You wanna rub salt in her wounds?”

“She came to us, said she wants to see Ray’s lawyers.” He explained simply.

“So what?”

“So call them.”

“Why? So you can put a bullet in them too?”

“If you don’t, I’ll put a bullet in you.”

“You should’ve done it last time. Too late now.”

“Really wanna do this here?” His brows raised. You glanced around, noting the mostly empty hall. The only other agents were ones you remembered seeing at that meeting. You were outnumbered and while you could likely handle the ordeal, a shoot out in the office wasn’t something you wanted to instigate with everything else you had going on. “You’re so paranoid, Y/N/N. I’ll call him myself. Not like anyone’s gonna hurt him.” Dex smirked and began to back away.

“Dex.” You called out and he paused, allowing you to move closer. “Are you happy now? Ray’s dead. Seema and Sami are alone. Fisk is getting married. Daredevil’s image is shot… Is that what you wanted?”

He chuckled weakly and nodded. “I thought all this empathy crap was done.”

You gave a weak shrug. It wasn’t even an attempt to change his mind. It was just you being an asshole. “One last shot, I guess… Maybe you were right after all. You don’t love me, not anymore at least. You’re incapable of loving anyone, of feeling anything.”

“Careful, Y/N. You’re getting predictable.” He tapped a finger under your chin and left.

You huffed a sigh and shot a quick text to Foggy, asking him to come to the bureau. You headed back to the main office and began busying yourself with some paperwork until your friend arrived.

A sharp whistle drew your attention and you looked up to see Dex waving you over. You got to his side as Foggy lifted his phone to take a picture, one you were just in time to smile for.

“Posted to my campaign webpage, and the tens of thousands of police officers that know that I’m here. With you. Helping.” Foggy said firmly and you tried to hide the proud smile.

“Relax, Mr. Nelson. You’re not in any danger.” Dex said lowly, a hand landing on your lower back that you almost jumped away from. “Agent Y/L/N even came to help put you at ease.”

You jammed an elbow into his ribs and he laughed slightly.

“Besides, you’ll be very useful when you’re the next district attorney.”

“Why am I here?” Foggy looked to you.

“Because you and Ray were friends.” Dex answered instead and you rolled your eyes.

“If you’re expecting him to answer questions, it’ll break privilege, even if the client’s dead.” You explained.

“I’m not asking him to.” It was Dex’s turn to roll his eyes. “Follow me.”

Dex led you and Foggy back to the room where you saw Seema waiting. You wanted to offer her a sincere apology, to comfort her and admit that it was your fault Ray was dead, but Hattley’s presence made you keep those thoughts to yourself.

“We’ll give you the room. Take all the time you need.” Hattley said after a brief exchange between Dex and Seema.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” You managed and she looked at you with slight tears in her eyes. “Ray was a good man.”

Dex’s hand fit tightly to your elbow and he dragged you away. You all left Foggy with Seema and stepped back into the hall.

“Suck it up.” Dex sneered.

“I’m only doing this because I have to.” Hattley snapped back before the two split ways. You let out a sigh and headed back to your desk.

You decided you were going to leave again at lunch, figuring your time at that job was limited anyway so why be a good agent anymore. You had just dropped into your chair, a small cloud of blue proofing out as you did, when Dex grabbed your arm and hauled you away again. You sucked in a breath between gritted teeth and you knew there’d be a bruise there by the end of the day. When you two got to a secluded area, he pushed you against the wall and put his call on speaker. He held a hand against your mouth and your brows furrowed, though you showed no other reaction. You decided against fighting back, knowing it would be more trouble than it was worth.

Plus, you were intrigued.

“I’ve got some free time now. Why don’t we meet up?” Dex said, keeping eye contact with you while pressing that forearm against your chest near your throat as a threat.

“I have a question.” Matt’s voice came from the other side and your eyes went a bit wider. Dex offered a slight smirk as he caught your expression. “Did you enjoy the feeling you got when you killed those birdies? Is that why you’re still killing?”

“Birdies?”

“The ones you killed with rocks. I bet it felt good at first, right?”

“Stop.” You tried, your voice muffled from behind Dex’s hand and he pushed your head to bang against the wall.

“Then it’s never the same after that.”

You put one hand on his chest and the other on his wrist and tried to push Dex off. He growled slightly and pressed harder, causing you to release a small noise when the pressure hit your chest and then a sharp sensation erupted from your still healing stab wound.

“Who was that?” Matt asked suddenly.

“Your little girlfriend.” Dex taunted and you struggled against him, but he leaned into you with more of his body weight. “She’s a pretty little thing, isn’t she? ‘Specially when she’s helpless.”

“What do you think Dr. Mercer would say if she could see you now?” Matt continued and you sighed. You wondered if he was purposefully not showing a reaction or if it just didn’t bother him.

You leaned back into the wall and Dex noticed your shift away from him. Dex’s eyes darted between yours but you knew yours were empty. There was no feeling behind your eyes when you looked at Dex, and he recognized that. He recognized that you no longer saw him the same.

Slowly he leaned away but held a finger to his lips to gesture for you to keep quiet. Maybe it actually hurt him for you to give up on him.

Good.

“Got a second?” He spoke finally. “I need a tissue for all the tears I’m crying over my shitty childhood.”

“Have you heard from your friend Julie lately?”

“Что ты делаешь?” You whispered as your brows furrowed, trying to figure out Matt’s plan. You two had talked about bringing it up to Dex together so you could guarantee neither of you were at risk. Why do it now? (What are you doing?)

“You wanna talk to Dr. Mercer, asshole? Keep talking. Or I could send your girlfriend instead.”

“What do you think she’d say if she knew about the innocent people you killed?” Matt continued. “I bet she’d be disappointed, Dex.”

“If she was still alive.” You mumbled.

Dex’s attention snapped to you and a hand was quick to come around your throat to force you back against the wall. The air left your lungs while his hand gripped you tighter and you cursed Matt for starting problems.

“If you hurt Julie-“ He threatened lowly and lifted so your feet could barely reach the ground.

“I never touched her.” You choked out. “She was innocent.”

“Did he?”

“Fisk had her killed. He knew what she meant to you so he killed her, gave himself a chance to replace her as your North Star.” You answered quickly.

He was quiet for a moment while he took in your expression. When he believed you weren’t lying, he eased off.

“When he realized he couldn’t kill me, he went after her… She was an easy mark. I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do.” You added while rubbing your tender throat and he gave a slow nod.

“Don’t tell me that’s sympathy in your voice, Ex.” Matt said.

“Shut up.” You snapped quickly.

“Don’t feel bad for a guy who’s tried to kill us both, multiple times.”

“Shut. Up. It’s not about him.”

“You should stick to beating on people in alleys, cause you’re not gonna get in my head.” Dex said tightly, though you could feel something underlying in his words. It almost felt like.. grief.

Maybe there was something more than a flicker left in Dex. But that wouldn’t change anything. It couldn’t.

“You don’t have to believe us.. Then again, you may wanna ask how I got Manning’s phone.”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Dex answered sharply.

“Julie wouldn’t approve of your killing people, Dex.”

“Stop. Saying. Her name.” Dex practically growled. The familiar heart of his rage hit you. The soft spot he had for you may have faded away, but he’d always feel a certain way for Julie.

“You said you got some free time? You may wanna check out 16 Canal Place.”

“Why?”

The line cut out after that. Dex slowly turned to face you and your sidestepped carefully to ensure your back was no longer against the wall.

“What’s at Canal Place?” He asked tightly.

“Julie…” You answered quietly. Beneath the surface you were adding to the pressure of his anger, trying to break him. “I’m sorry, Dex. I know she was important to you.”

“What the hell is your deal?” He asked angrily and you took another step back. “What- What- What do you gain from all of this?”

“I had no part in this.” You countered firmly, forgetting about your game for a moment. “All of this-“ You gestured between you two. “-was done without me knowing.”

“Bullshit.” He scoffed.

“I wouldn’t taunt you with this. You know me better than that.”

“Do I?”

“Don’t believe me then.” You shrugged. “I don’t care anymore. I tried being nice, didn’t work. I tried being a bitch, kind of working. I tried empathy, didn’t work.” You pushed past him.

“Where are you going?” He called after you.

“Away from you.”

That night, you took a trip to Canal Place dressed in your latest, modified vigilante costume - compression shirt and vest. You still hadn’t patched your full suit and top. You arrived a few minutes ahead of Dex, but he wasn’t your point. You made your way to the roof and found Matt already there. You made sure to keep your distance, knowing you’d punch him in the teeth if you got too close.

“Wanna tell me what the hell that was on the phone?” You asked simply.

“I knew he wasn’t gonna hurt you.” Matt reasoned as he pulled the black mask off.

“That’s not the point. We were gonna do it together.”

“I needed to make sure.”

“Of what?”

“That you hadn’t gone soft.”

“So you play with my life?”

“C’mon, Y/N/N.” He scoffed. “He wasn’t gonna kill you.”

“The bruise around my neck says otherwise.” You countered angrily.

His body language shifted and you saw the flex of his hand. He ran a stressed hand over his mouth before he spoke again.

“You said it yourself. He loves you.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“That’s not what-“

“Well I was wrong.” You cut in quickly.

“You’re never wrong about this stuff.”

“You think that excuses any of that?” You laughed and moved closer. “You think that excuses you pushing him when I’m the one that would’ve had to deal with the fallout?”

“You could’ve protected yourself if he tried anything.”

“So that’s it? You put me in the line of fire and taunt the most unstable man I’ve ever met, just because you can? Just because I can fight back.”

“Were you honestly afraid?” He asked carefully, head cocking in interest.

You thought about the interaction and didn’t remember feeling afraid. In fact, you felt completely in control without touching your abilities in that regard.

“He felt something.” You said instead. “When you talked about Julie… Grief.”

“So what?”

“So that means there might still be something worth saving in him. That used to be what you stood for, Matt. That chance used to be enough.”

“Oh come on.” He scoffed. “What happened to the woman that was ready to kill him?”

“And what happened to the man that didn’t wanna kill anyone? What happened to the altar boy that believed everyone could change, that just a small piece of goodness was enough for another chance? Where’s the man from that rooftop with Frank, who had a gun to his head, but still insisted on preaching about giving people a chance to change?”

“What do you want me to do, huh?” He asked loudly. “You want me to- to take the guy to therapy? Hold his hand and promise it’ll be okay? The guy’s psycho! And he’s dangerous.”

Your remark was cut off by a loud scream. A sound of pure agony that you almost swore was accompanied by the sharp sound of a snap and a shaky wave of heat. It was an uneven, broken feeling that had bits of cold air weaved in between. It was as if the anger was cracking and the sadness was patching the gaps.

You turned to face Matt again but he was already holding a ringing phone in front of him. You took a few steps closer.

“When I find you…” Dex threatened lowly.

“Like we said, Fisk killed her and we all know it.” Matt countered smoothly.

“Think about it, Dex.” You added on. “Who got Julie the job in the hotel, right after the detail starts? Who started following you? It’s all been Fisk.”

“You let him turn you into a murderer!” Matt kept going. You knew you should stop him, that he was pushing too hard. You started to feel a bit of regret for what you had to do to Dex, but you also knew you needed him to turn against Fisk.

Besides, you didn’t owe him anything anymore.

“He wasn’t gonna let someone like Julie get in the way of that.” You offered, gentler than the venom Matt spoke with. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Dex asked lamely, as if everything he had - everything that mattered - was gone. And for him, maybe it was.

“Aw, Dex..” You said quietly, more to yourself than either of the boys. Matt scoffed lightly and stepped away, adding a comment about Fisk and the wedding before ending the call.

“You can’t tell me that you really care about him still.” Matt said angrily. “After everything he’s done to us.”

“I’m allowed to feel bad for ruining a man’s entire mental state just to take down a different man.” You answered sarcastically. “Regardless if I care about him or not.”

“You didn’t ruin that guy. There was hardly anything to ruin.”

“There used to be..”

“Who’s side are you on, Y/N? Because you can’t have everything.”

“No, but I can remember the guy he was before. Matt, he helped save my life, kept me from bleeding out on the way to the hospital.”

“That makes up for everything. Why didn’t you mention it sooner?” He offered sarcastically.

“Why are you so bitter?” You shouted. “You have everyone back and it’s still not enough.”

He simply shook his head.

“Why are you so hell bent on destroying him?”

“He killed Father Lantom!” Matt screamed, new anger rolling off him. “But that doesn’t matter, right? Because he lost someone too.”

“That’s not what I’m saying! I cared about Lantom, too.”

“Not like I did.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that, but-“

“But nothing. Just because you slept with him doesn’t make him worth anything.”

“Say that again.” You said lowly, your head tilting with a slight challenge. Your muscles tightened and your hands flexed as you crossed your arms to wake the devices around your wrists. “I dare you.”

He sighed heavily and lifted his hands in surrender.

“Y’know, you’re making it so hard to want to help you. And at this point, I don’t know if you’re doing it on purpose or if you are just that pathetic now.”

“I’m pathetic… Okay.” He mumbled with a scoff before turning away from you.

“I may be a bitch and I may be a killer, but at least I don’t willingly treat people that love me like shit. At least I feel bad when I’ve hurt someone I used to care about… But I guess you just don’t care anymore, right? You left your conscience under Midland, right?”

“You know that’s not true.” He sighed, almost visibly deflating. “I’m doing this because I-“

“Don’t give me that shit.” You cut in firmly, taking quick strides to stand in front of him. “I’m so goddamn tired of that excuse from you, Matt.” Your finger jammed into his chest. “You’re not protecting anyone by being an asshole.. All you’re doing is becoming exactly what you want to protect this city from. You’re becoming what Exodus used to be. Now I look like the soft one. The weak one.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to! Jesus Christ, how many times do we have to have this same conversation before it gets through your head?” You tapped his temple quickly before pushing his head away.

“I understand that we’re different now. I never said we could go back to what we were. You’re the one who said you can’t have both.”

“I never said that.”

“In the van with Ray. You said that you had to give up certain people and you looked right at me.”

“For the love of..” You muttered before a disbelieving laugh. “I wasn’t saying that I wanted to give you up. I meant that you gave us up. You won’t let yourself have it both ways.”

“Right, because you’re not one to self-sabotage to try torture yourself? You- You don’t ruin anything good in your life to try and make up for all the bad shit you’ve done?”

You stood in silence for a moment, mouth opening to defend yourself but your voice keeping quiet. You wanted to talk back, to tell him that he was an idiot. You wanted to scold him for not truly understanding why you had done everything you had, why you had sabotaged so many relationships in the past. But that was what he wanted. He wanted to keep egging you on that way, maybe you’d be pissed off enough to be like the old you. The one who was so angry with the way the world was that you were going to kill anyone you thought would fix it. And as tempting as it was, as justified as you felt your anger would be, someone needed to keep a level head.

But also, it wasn’t for his sake. It was Ray’s voice lingering in the back of your mind, serving as the safety on your otherwise unrelenting trigger finger.

Just do this the right way, alright?

“Whatever. Think what you want about me.” You shrugged and your devices disarmed. He must’ve heard the current shut off because his brows raised with interest. “I’m gonna go patch my suit and head to the Presidential. If I see you, you better have your goddamn head on straight.”

“Держись подальше от меня сегодня вечером.” He said simply, causing a small scoff from your chest. (Stay out my way tonight.)

“Забавно. Я собирался сказать тебе то же самое.” (Funny. I was going to tell you the same thing.)

You headed home after that, ignoring whatever snarky comment he made when you turned your back. You got home quickly and pulled your suit from the closet. It was the first time you had seen it since the attack on the church. The blood was still soaked into the fabric, the gaping hole in the center. It brought you back to that night and the scar on your stomach burned.

You pushed through it and gave it a thorough wash before repairing the damage, not perfectly but enough to get through the night. You fit it in place and zipped the familiar top over it. As you were sliding your gloves on, you found the small insignias you had carved into the forearm plates. A small skull and two overlapping D’s.

Matt and Frank, Punisher and Daredevil. The two men that were able to sneak through your guards and understand who you were. The two men who knew what you stood for and stood beside you.

The two most important people left in your life.

You fit the rest of your equipment on; boots, Bites, belt, staff pack, and mask. You thought a lot on your way to the hotel. You thought about your relationships with Dex and Matt.

There was no way to repair the damage between you and Dex. You wouldn’t be friends or anything romantic when the night ended. The latter you could deal with, but losing the former was a bit of a bummer. Dex was damaged and your influence probably made it worse. You had a hand in breaking whatever structure and balance Dex had. You used him as a pawn in your game with Fisk and he was ultimately the one to suffer.

You and Matt had been back and forth since he came back. One night he’s begging you to stay and the next he tries to make you the bad guy for being human - for being exactly what he wanted you to be when you had first met. Despite that, despite his uncharacteristic bloodlust as of late, you couldn’t turn your back on him.

You still loved him, after all.

You moved through the parking garage with ease. You came across an abandoned SUV and when you went to check it, you instantly regretted it. In the passenger seat sat Julie’s frozen corpse.

“We really did it this time, didn’t we?” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the groans of the nearby agent on the ground. You moved to his side and grabbed his face to turn him towards you.

“Where’d he go?” You asked firmly, to which he continued his pained sounds. “Where is Poindexter?” You urged again.

He pointed weakly towards the door to the stairwell so you left him on the floor and began your climb. As you climbed, you called Matt.

But he didn’t answer.

You tapped your mask to track the microphone you had left him with and saw he was already a few levels ahead of you. You blew out a sigh and decided to call Foggy instead.

“Hey.” He said with a relieved sigh. “Please tell me-“

“He’s already here.. They both are.” You cut in as you leaned over the bar to angle a shot for your wire towards one of the higher railings. “I’m on my way to them.”

“You have to stop him, Ex.”

You smiled to yourself as your wire looped around the metal. You climbed over and began a quicker ascend.

“Well I’ve tried that, a lot, and it’s not working.” You said simply, mentally counting off floors as you passed. “We need to try something different.”

“Like what?”

“Like a bluff.”

“A bluff?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… I’m not following.”

“Clearly.” You mumbled as you swung your feet over the final railing. “What I’m saying is what if I stay out of his way.”

“You wanna let him do it?”

“You really think he will?” You asked simply as you unwrapped and tucked away your wire.

“Right now, I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“The guy we know is still in there.. I know it sounds crazy but it’ll work. He wouldn’t know whether I mean it or not. He can’t read me the way he reads everyone else. I don’t let him.”

He was quiet for a moment, likely getting Karen’s opinion.

“But what if it doesn’t work? What if.. we lose him forever?” 

“You gotta trust me.”

“I do but… Is it worth the risk of losing him?”

“I get it. But I don’t see any other option. He has to see for himself that he’s too good to do it.”

“If he can’t, are you going to?”

“Not unless I have to.”

“Will you stop him?”

“I don’t know.”

You ended the call, not allowing any other argument from Foggy. Instead, you pushed into the hall and practically sprinted to the ceremony. As you were coming up on the doors, your implant picked up on Ray’s voice. You didn’t know what it was, some sort of deathbed confession maybe, but it made your chest tight.

As you moved, you passed agent after agent on the ground. Labored breathing or groans of pain came from the bodies and you were moderately relieved that they weren’t dead. At least he had some restraint left, whichever one did all of it.

“I’d like to make a toast.” Dex said shakily from the stage as you entered the ballroom. “Julie and I wish you the absolute best.”

Dex pulled back to throw the microphone so you sprung into action. A serving tray came flying in front of Fisk and the microphone bounced off as you were passing by. Dex looked between you and who you assumed was Matt. You noticed his attention on something behind you and you turned just in time to see the agents lift their guns.

You dropped to the floor and ducked behind one of the tables. When the shots faltered you came out and hopped the table. With both hands on the surface, you kicked out and sent one agent falling into the one behind him. You took a disc from your belt and tossed it, highly charged bolts shooting out of the small device at the two agents. They fell with tight convulsions before Dex threw silverware that landed in their necks.

Matt took off and you were quick to follow him, leaving Dex and the remaining agents in the ballroom. The gunshots echoed throughout the halls as you ran and it sent a chill down your spine.

You noticed the annoyed shake of Matt’s head but you said nothing. You followed him up to the room that covered Fisk’s control center.

He burst in first with you close behind. He acted quickly and threw one of the men towards you. You reacted instantly and pulled a staff. You had to duck his flailing arms so you swung the weapon to knock his legs from under him. Once the agent fell to his back, you slammed the weapon against his temple. You flicked out the blade and moved at the agent Matt threw to the sofa.

Acting quickly, you slammed the blade through his shoulder and pin him to the furniture while you woke your Bites. Aiming one at the man beside you and one over Matt’s shoulder, you fired both and the men fell limp.

As Matt spoke to the woman, you recollected your weapon and placed it back in the pack.

“Подожди.” You called as Matt was headed to the stairs. (Wait.)

“Don’t try to stop me either, Ex.” He said tightly.

“Я не собирался.” You offered but he turned away from you. You groaned and moved forward, grabbing his arm to force him to stay put. “Я просто хотел сказать, что я с тобой... Что бы ты ни решил сделать.” (I wasn’t going to. I just wanted to say that I’m with you… Whatever you decide to do.)

“Правда?” He asked carefully, a hand handing on your arm and his fingers landing between the plates. “И если я действительно убью его?” (Really? And if I actually kill him?)

You gave a small smile as your other hand landed on his chest, right over his heart. You heard the door close as the woman ran off.

“Whatever you decide.” You said honestly.

He offered a small smirk before taking his hand off your arm and moving it to your neck. Before you could voice a question, his opposite hand slid the zipper down a few inches so the fingers on your neck could move under the collar of your suit.

“Tell me one more time.” He said lowly and for just a second, it was like old times. “Just to be sure.”

With a small smile, you let your meticulous control drop. For the first time in months, you were completely vulnerable. Every emotion, every physiological reaction, every tell you could possibly have, it was all on the table for Matt to read. And he knew it.

“I’m on your side, Matty. No matter what.” You said truthfully. And you knew the night would end in a way that favored you and your friends.

He gave a small smile and let out a sigh of relief. His hand went to the back of your neck and he pulled you closer. The other arm looped around your waist and your arms came loosely around him.

You fixed your mental guards and allowed a moment to survey what Matt was feeling. There was tension in his muscles, likely anticipatory for what was to come once you entered that suite. He was determined but also worried. There was an underlying excitement, the subtle type he always seemed to get before a fight. There was also a hint of confusion.

That was what you were looking for. Something to pull to the surface that could interfere with his initial plans.

Slipping a mental hook into that feeling, you pulled away and tapped his arm to follow you. You moved up the stairs and zipped your shirt the rest of the way up. When you hit the door to the suite, you woke your Bites and gripped one of your blades tightly. Matt’s hand landed on your lower back and when you turned to him, he gave you a quick nod.

You took a steadying breath before opening the door and walking in, ensuring your head was high as Matt followed behind you. As you entered the hall, Fisk and Vanessa came from the other end.

The tension in the air grew thicker with every breath. Fisk’s eyes went wide for a minute, flicking to the gleaming blade in your hand and the ominous red glow of your favored devices. Vanessa swallowed hard and took a fearful step back to try and hide behind her new husband.

“It’s over.” Matt said lowly, the familiar gravelly voice of the Devil coming through.

“Run.” Fisk said to Vanessa, pushing her back the way they came.

“This ends.” You warned with words tinted in your accent.

Fisk snarled slightly before bracing himself. Matt shifted beside you and your stance widened while you shifted your weight to your toes. They screamed at each other before they charged, Matt slamming into Fisk with enough force for them both to crash into something in the bedroom. You hurried in the same direction and caught Vanessa trying to race down the stairs.

You wouldn’t kill her, only sparing her life to fulfill your promise to Ray, but you’d have some fun in the meantime.

You flung your knife and watched the tip bury itself in her dress and pin it to the floor. As you were coming around the ledge, Matt and Fisk crashed through the wall. You were going to intervene but Matt fought back so you turned back to Vanessa.

You gripped the railings on either side and kicked both feet into her side. The sharp rip of fabric sounded as she tumbled down the stairs with loud exclamations. You recollected your blade and hopped the railing to follow her just as Matt sent Fisk tumbling the same way.

You landed in time to see Vanessa backing away from the door, a familiar bitter taste settling in your tongue. You spit on the floor in an effort to clear it but it lingered as you saw Dex enter the room.

You groaned inwardly as your small crowd seemed to freeze at his appearance. When it seemed no one else would move, you did. You moved around the table to put yourself in front of the bride.

As you rounded the table, you placed a hand on the ledge to allow you room to spin your legs and connect both feet with Dex’s jaw. He reached angrily for you but you threw yourself backwards. From the far end of the table, you saw Matt land from the upper level and move in against Dex.

You slid off the table and dropped to a low crouch. You snuck beside Vanessa and kicked her legs from underneath her. You pinned a knee against her chest and aimed one of your devices. You angled for a well-placed shot that would hurt but not kill her, only to be thrown off by Matt’s off balance body.

You groaned in annoyance and shoved your partner off you. In your own lull of action, you heard Fisk and Dex going at it from the other end of the room. You paused for a second to watch, only to realize that your former partner had little to no defense against Fisk. The best he could do was evade and try to put distance and gain an advantage.

He was sloppy, uncaring even. He wasn’t just broken. He has completely fallen apart.

You looked between a still fallen Vanessa and the quick paced fight ahead and decided on something more exciting. When Fisk threw Dex against the stairs, you inserted yourself.

You grabbed both staffs before getting to the side of Fisk. You stepped up the railing and reached around his neck to cross both sticks. You quickly moved your feet to be on the back end of the plexiglass and extended the limbs, holding tight with your staffs to pull the man off Dex. His ragged coughs drew an old, sadistic smile from you and the manic daze you knew all too well began to cloud your mind.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Dex stand and attempt to charge at you and Fisk. With a quick move, you jumped the railing and dug an elbow into Fisk’s spine for stability. When Dex was close enough, you slammed both feet into his chest. The impact sent him stumbling through the glass behind him and you were pushed the other direction.

When you hit the ground, you released the cross of your staffs and snuck between Fisk’s legs. You hooked a stick around either ankle and pulled forward as you slid your other leg through so you would spin to face him as he fell to his back. One staff was returned to the pack as you flicked out the long blade of the other.

“Ты больше никому не обидишь” You said simply and you placed a foot on his stomach. (You’ll never hurt anyone else again.)

You gripped your weapon with both hands and lifted it high above your head, the tip of the blade on a direct path to his chest. You let out a loud scream, one born out of pent up rage and pain that seemed to add heat to the blade in your hand, while you began to drive the knife down.

As your blade was mere inches from penetrating, you were slammed into from your side. The collision sent you rolling and your staff clattered from your hands. You heard the commotion continue and you pushed yourself to your elbows to see Fisk and Matt back in a fight, Matt getting body slammed through the table.

For a second, you hoped it would knock some sense into him. But that thought was shortly entertained because you were yanked to your feet by your hair.

You were spun roughly and a hand fit your throat, backing you up until you hit the wall. You let out a manic laugh when you saw it was Dex.

“Was it worth it?” You sneered. “Killing Julie.”

“I didn’t kill her.” He nearly screamed in your face before slamming you back again.

“But you did.” You nodded fervently. “If you didn’t try to make her love you-“

His free hand collided with the brick near your head and you acted quickly.

You grabbed the wrist around your throat and braced a foot at the bend of his hip. Your thumb dug into the space between bones at his wrist and he winced as his grip faltered. You stepped up using his own leg as leverage and hooked the other leg around his shoulder. You balled one fist in the suit material of the base of his neck and pulled to reveal enough skin that you could wedge you let Bite against. You fired the device and he yelled loudly while his hands gripped the back of your knees.

He slammed your body into the hard brick wall and you coughed roughly as the impact sent a jolt through the old fracture in your ribs. He pulled back to slam you again but you pulled the foot you had against his leg to flatten against the wall and change the angle of your body.

You slid your hands to grip the suit before kicking off and throwing yourself to the floor while Dex landed beside you. You quickly knelt on top of Dex and landed heavy hits to his face, forcing head to bounce off the ground. One of his hands were flailing to find something to use as a weapon and before you could block, he found your other staff and swung it at your jaw. You fell off and got to your hands and knees before he threw your staff at the glass chandelier above where Matt and Fisk were fighting.

Matt was quick to get out of the way, which left Fisk vulnerable to Dex’s barrage of attacks. You hurried over to the wreckage and recollected your staff before you decided what to do next. Dex’s focus shifted to Matt, which allowed you to go after Fisk. You turned to find him and saw him give Vanessa his jacket, a product of Melvin’s handiwork you assumed.

She met your eyes in a panic as you jumped the couch and began your assault. You alternated your hits, switching hands and angles. You mixed in body shots and elbows and knees. Vanessa’s hand landed on your shoulder and you reacted almost instantly.

You grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm outwards. You hooked a foot behind her ankle and slammed your other arm against her chest to knock her to the floor. She coughed heavily from the impact and you reached down for your knife. You smiled as you pressed the tip against the underside of her chin.

“You had Ray killed.” You spoke lowly, a heavy venom dripping from your accented words. “I should kill you for it.”

“But you won’t?” She managed, jerking under your weight in a desperate attempt to get you off of her.

“I do enjoy revenge.” Your head tilted as you pierced the skin slightly and you watched the steady stream of blood across her skin. “But using you to torture him is much more fun.”

You heard Fisk’s heavy footsteps behind you so you moved quickly. You quickly jumped to your feet and dragged Vanessa up with you, locking an arm around her throat while other held the tip of the knife against her sternum,

“Let her go, Y/N.” Fisk said carefully, hands out in front as if to soothe a wild animal. “She’s done nothing.”

“You consider Rahul Nadeem nothing?” You spoke sharply, pressing the knife a bit harder to hear a sharp gasp from Vanessa. “What do you say, hmm? A life for a life.”

“You don’t trade lives!”

“Исход делает.” You shrugged. (Exodus does.)

The loud shatter of glass beside you stole your attention for a second, but it was all Fisk needed. He yanked your hand away from his wife’s chest and pushed her away. With a tight grip on your wrist, he bent it back to point your own knife back at you. He backed you against the wall and you had to use your other hand to keep your own weapon away. His fingers locked around your own, not allowing you to drop your blade.

With a sly smile, you allowed your powers to reach out to the boys that came crashing through the window moments ago. You found that soft spot they both had for you, one was much easier to find than the other, and you yanked it to the surface. You projected a fear, a helplessness, while refusing to break eye contact with Fisk,

“You have no power here.” You said quietly as you heard the glass shifting. “You’ll lose.”

“Not until I’ve buried you.” He spoke roughly, pushing the knife again and you felt the tip poking through your suit and into your shoulder.

“I’m not afraid to die.”

You let your other hand drop and the knife pierced your shoulder completely with a sharp cry of pain. At the same time, two glass shards came flying in and punctured his abdomen. You offered a salute to Dex as a way of thanking him before Matt began an offense against him again. You turned back to Fisk as he pulled the bloody glass out.

You made a small noise of interest as you moved in, momentarily forgetting about the knife in you. You threw a sharp kick at the open wound and he cried out. You laughed slightly and kicked again. And again.

You reached forward and pressed your knuckles against the wound and watched the blood spurt across your hand. You pulled back and grabbed the man by his face, the other grabbing his shirtfront, and slammed him to the ground.

“You’re pathetic.” You sneered. “You’re nothing without your toys.”

You saw Dex fall from the corner of your eye and when you glanced, you saw him already locked in on Vanessa. You groaned to yourself and pushed off Fisk, hurrying up the stairs to yank Vanessa out of the way. The ceramic ashtray flew by your heads and shattered against the wall. You gripped Vanessa by her throat and threw her back against the plexiglass, leaning a knee into her chest to pin her down.

You turned back to the fight in time to see Fisk slam Dex into the corner of the brick. Your pressure on Vanessa eased slightly as something dropped heavy into the pit of your stomach. You shifted the glow to your Bites to blue and slid your knee over to allow a clearer shot to her chest.

Once Matt and Fisk found each other again, you hopped down the stairs and knelt on Dex’s chest. Your other foot pressed on his shoulder as you drew your gun. You pressed the barrel under his chin and he gasped for air beneath you.

Something was wrong. You knew it immediately, before you even got close to Dex. As your weight was bearing down on him, you were tense as you waited for a response. You waited for him to try and throw you off, to pull a knife or a gun of his own. You expected him to toss you around like a rag doll, only for you to come back at him relentlessly. But he did nothing…

“Fight back.” You demanded softly, your voice seemingly gone.

“Y/- Y/N.” He choked out.

The cold seemed to radiate from his chest and stick to the fabric pressed against him. There was regret, likely stemming from whatever injury the impact caused, and sadness. He truly had nothing and he finally understood that, laying on the ground with his former partner pressing a gun to his head.

“Dammit, Poindexter. Fight. Back”. You pressed the gun harder.

“Can’t.” He managed weakly.

You stood slowly, keeping a foot on his wrist and your gun aimed while the other hand hit your mask’s side button. You glanced over his body and saw the complete shatter of his vertebrae.

“You owe whatever pathetic life you have left to Ray… I won't offer this mercy again.” You said simply.

“Stop it, please!” Vanessa shouted desperately.

You turned quickly and saw Matt had Fisk on his knees and was pounding on him. You turned the aim of your gun on Vanessa and moved to stand beside Matt. Despite looking away from the woman, your gun stayed up as you faced Matt and yanked your blade from your shoulder.

His hands were positioned to finish it, to snap Fisk’s neck. You found yourself frozen in place as you waited for what he would do next. Part of you, the part manufactured from the Red Room, wanted to see him do it. You wanted to corrupt the Devil, to bloody his hands in a way he’d never clear.

But the more important part, the part you thought you had lost a long time ago, knew you didn’t want to see him do it. Seeing him do it would make it too real and it would change the way he saw himself and the way you would see him. The things that made him Matt Murdock would break if he did it.

Yet you did nothing. Not until he screamed. A sound of pure rage and agony that was paired with a blast of searing heat. Matt fell to his knees at your feet, reaching for your hand. But before he could take it, Fisk’s words drew your action.

“I will never stop hunting Karen Page or Foggy Nelson.” He warned, though there was defeat in his words.

You moved to stand in front of him and placed the gun against his forehead. He simply glared up at you, covered in his own blood. “I will tell the world who both of you really are.”

“I don’t care about the world.” You spat back, pressing your knee against his chest to knock him into the wall. You leaned your weight down and he coughed as the bony part of your leg dug into his sternum. “It has taken enough from me… You don’t get to do that anymore.”

“Wilson.” Vanessa tried from the other end of the room.

“Vanessa, please go. Please!” He shouted around you.

You turned quickly and fired a shot at Vanessa’s feet, to which she jumped back and screamed. You pressed the now hot barrel back to its prior position as Matt got to his feet.

“You.. You want us to kill you.” Matt realized through heavy breaths. 

“No prison can keep me.” Fisk taunted and you had to grind your teeth. “You know that… Come on, kill me! Isn’t that what you always wanted, Exodus?”

Your trigger finger itched but Matt spoke before you could act.

“No!” Matt yelled in response. You made a face to yourself and knew you should pull the gun back you didn’t, not even when Matt came to your side to yell at Fisk. “God knows I want to, but you don’t get to destroy who I am.”

You almost smiled in relief, but the thump of worry lived in the back of your mind. You could feel Vanessa’s concern for Fisk, her worry that he would die in front of her. Her helplessness plagued you like a magnet to metal and for a moment, you remembered when you felt the same way.

When Luke dragged you to the elevator without Matt. When Fisk said Matt’s name in front of other agents.

“You will go back to prison and you will live the rest of your miserable life in a cage, knowing you’ll never have Vanessa. That this city rejected you, it beat you. We beat you!” Matt demanded and you were proud he found a way back to himself.

“You will keep our secrets.” You spoke simply, putting your gun away to yank the man to the ground. You flicked one of your shock discs at him and pressed a foot against his broad chest. You leaned into your foot and twisted to ensure the small circle engaged and he groaned loudly as you heard the electricity crackle while you leaned the entirety of your weight against him. Matt knelt beside you and lifted his mask before he spoke.

“And you won’t harm Karen Page or Foggy Nelson or anyone else.”

“If you try it, I will go after your wife. And I will prove that she ordered the murder of Agent Rahul Nadeem. And if she’s lucky, she’ll spend the rest of her life in a cell, same as her miserable excuse of a husband.”

You stepped off his chest and tapped Matt’s arm before taking a few steps away. Matt replaced his mask and came to your side as Vanessa inched closer, her uncertainty coming off in shaky waves.

“Thank you.” She said shakily, reaching for your hand.

“I didn’t do it for either of you.” You said sharply. “And I will not extend this mercy again, to any of you.”

She nodded quietly before moving away, leaving you to stand beside an unsteady Matt. His hands were on his head and he was radiating anger. He was mad at himself for not being able to go through with it, but he was also glad that he didn’t. He understood what the consequences would’ve been and he knew that keeping that part of himself was more important than revenge.

“You’re okay.” You said gently to your partner, a hand landing on his shoulder. “I knew you’d do the right thing.”

“What if I didn’t?” He said weakly.

“We’re still in it together, Devil.” You shrugged. “Anyone comes after you, they come after me.”

“If I agree to your demands, you leave my wife alone.” Fisk countered, now kneeling beside Vanessa.

“You misunderstood me.” You warned. “There is no agreement. You have no leverage.”

“You leave Vanessa free!”

“You didn’t care about taking a father from a ten year old boy!” You shouted angrily, the sound of the bullet firing on Ray replaying in your head. Your anger burned down your spine and across your skin until it swelled in your palms, searing through the wound on your shoulder. “You took a husband away from his wife! Why should yours be free?”

“I was protecting the man I love.” Vanessa countered with false confidence, despite the darting eyes and trembling hands. “Could you tell me you don’t do the same?” She nodded to Matt though her eyes remained on you.

“I owe you people nothing. If it were up to me, you’d both be a puddle of your own blood right now.” You spat. “But I promised Ray I would do this the right way, and I promised the Devil I’d let him decide.”

Matt stepped forward and held a hand out to Fisk.

“If you keep your word.” He said simply.

Reluctantly, Fisk shook Matt’s hand. 

“Then it’s a deal.” He spoke bitterly, moments before the heavy banging came from the door.

“We should go.” You grabbed Matt’s arm lightly.

He nodded quietly before taking your hand. You two hurried up the stairs to the upper level and paused to see Brett enter with his team. You watched as they unmasked Dex and you weren’t fully listening to the words they were saying. You were distracted by the pained look on Dex’s face, what looked like tears in his eyes.

“Я оплакываю своего друга, который умер, когда ты надел этот костюм…” You said quietly, more to yourself than anything but you knew Matt heard. “Человек, которого я вижу сейчас, ничто.” (I mourn my friend, who died when you put on that suit… The man I see now is nothing.)

Matt grabbed your hand without a word and led you out the same way you two came in, avoiding cops until you made it to the rooftop. Through your lenses, you saw Fisk being shoved into the car and Foggy and Karen out in the courtyard.

You let out a small chuckle of relief when you could finally accept that you had won.

You, with Matt and Ray’s help, beat Wilson Fisk.

Again.

[tenshiharmonia]

The Fourth Piece

"Courage that is untempered by kindness risks eating itself forever. Wisdom that is untempered by kindness is no wisdom at all."

I recently played Tunic, and the above quote reminded me of something I wanted to write about for quite some time now, in regards to The Legend of Zelda. You see, I'm a big enjoyer of the "Tetraforce" theory. I guess the name is pretty self-explanatory, but for those who don't know, it's the belief that the Triforce as it is is incomplete, and that there is a fourth, missing piece, taking the shape of an inverted triangle meant to fill the hole in the middle of the sacred relic*.

Now, I'm fully aware that it will likely never be a thing in canon (I even heard that the theory has officially been addressed and refuted, but I never really checked the veracity of that statement, so make of it what you will), but hey, as far as my headcanons are concerned, it's quite a fun and interesting idea to toy with. :3 Of course, if you're a fan of the Zelda franchise, you probably know that a core aspect of its mythology is that each of the existing pieces of the Triforce corresponds to a certain quality. We have Power, Wisdom, and Courage, so the question is : what ideal would this hypothetical fourth fragment stand for ?

I think you see where this is going, but personally, my favourite take on the matter is that the lost piece would represent Kindness. This is definitely not an original idea, of course. As you may know, it initially comes from Majora's Mask, where four of the great fairies who inhabit the world are referred to as the Great Fairies of Power, Wisdom, Courage and - you guessed it - Kindness. So it already has some basis in the series' lore (even if the great fairies have technically nothing to do with the Triforce XD ), but most of all, I really like how well it complements the other three pieces. Kindness fosters harmony. It helps bring balance. For Courage and Wisdom don’t amount to anything without Kindness, as explained by the line I quoted earlier from Tunic. And Power will just set the world on fire without it. They need Kindness to temper them, but Kindness also needs them to help guide its efforts. Really, I love the dynamic it creates, if that makes any sense.

Alas, Kindness and its champion are missing from the world. But what would happen if they were to awaken ? Who knows, they might hold the key to putting an end to Demise’s curse, the curse that was born from wrath and hatred… On the other hand, the events and context that led the fourth fragment to be "missing" in the first place also make for an interesting topic. First of all, the existence of a fourth Triforce piece naturally implies the existence of a fourth deity, a deity who would be on a par with the Golden Goddesses and who would have also partaken in the creation of the world. But once again, what could have led to their contribution being erased from the legend ? I mean, considering the level of almightiness we are dealing with, it can reasonably be assumed that it could only have been the doing of the other three creators - or at least one of them -, but even then, it doesn’t tell us much. XD

Really, there are so many directions this story could take. I’m almost afraid of picking one ! So here is a bunch of mostly inconsequential details I was musing about instead. :p

First thing first, I should probably mention that I like to imagine this fourth deity as a god rather than a goddess. Don’t take it as a statement of any kind, I just like the immediate contrast it creates. XD (Also, I love the idea of Kindness being represented by a buff and burly - yet gentle and caring - man. :p )

I was also toying with the idea that he could be related somehow to the "Fierce Deity" whose power imbues the eponymous mask. Maybe it could be an incarnation of the rage he felt after getting erased from the world’s history. I don’t know, but it could be interesting…

Since Din, Nayru and Farore are respectively associated with Fire, Water and Wind, it’d be fitting for their "brother" to have an elemental attribute as well. And it just so happens that we are missing one of the four classical elements to have the complete set : Earth.

Which, based on the iconography of Minish Cap and the Four Swords games, means that his dedicated colour would likely be purple. (I was going to say yellow**, to match the aforementioned Great Fairy of Kindness (and because I kind of feel like it complements the other three better), but the colour is already associated with the Triforce as a whole, so it’d probably be redundant…)

As for his name, I’d like to base myself on Twilight Princess. Since three of the game’s four provinces are named after the golden goddesses, it’d make sence for the last one (which is apparently not considered a part of Hyrule) to reference the fourth deity, one of the few hints of his existence left in the world. That’s where it becomes a bit difficult, considering how vastly different the English name (Ordona) is from all the other versions (that are mostly variations of the Japanese name, Latoan). Naturally, the version I’m personally used to is the French one, Latouane, so you can guess which one I’d base myself on. :p (I was thinking, maybe something along the lines of "Latoun", but there is obviously nothing definitive about it.)

Another thing to consider is what his contribution to the world’s creation could have been. We know that Din modelled the earth and everything material, Nayru defined the laws of nature, and Farore was the one who created life, so what does that leave us with ? My first idea was that it was him who gave living beings a heart (metaphorically speaking, of course), bestowing them with free will and a sense of self, as well as the power to defy destiny. Which, naturally, could have contributed to his ultimate erasure. But once again, I’m just brainstorming out loud…

By the way, is it just me, or does it start to sound like I’m basically recreating the Diamonds from Steven Universe ? I mean, four impossibly powerful beings, each tied to a particular colour and elements, with the fourth one being strongly associated with Earth and freedom and having disappeared under mysterious circumstances ? I swear it wasn’t intentional, but the similarities are definitely here. XD (Even the Diamonds’ sigil seems to hark back to the Triforce in a way, especially the triangular version used after the shattering…)

Anyway, this is pretty much everything I had to say on the matter. As you can see, it’s quite a mess of ideas. I would have said it’s a work in progress, but let’s be honest, it barely counts as a work to begin with. XD Still, I needed to get it all out of my system. Of course, if you have anything to say about the content of this post, I’ll be more than happy to hear you. As I said earlier, there are so many directions you can take with this concept. But then again, it’s also what makes it so fascinating in the first place. ^_^ (Also, go play Tunic if you haven't already ; this game is an absolute gem. :p )

* Note that while "Tetraforce" is an useful term, the object itself would probably still be called "Triforce", as the fact it was already named as such when there were only two pieces seems to indicate that it likely got its name from its shape, and not from the number of components… ** Which is actually purple’s complementary colour, funnily enough.

[wherewhereare]

Started following Shefani recently so not really up to date on all of their idiosyncrasies. Noticed that Gwen has been silent on social media while they have been on vacation, is this normal? I know that she tries to keep the boys presence on SM to a minimum but nothing of her or Blake. I’m aware of the tabloid stories but her silence on SM makes the thought creep in that maybe something is wrong. Just trying to get some more background as I haven’t followed the entire relationship.

Gwen use to be on SM so often that the fandom got addicted to it. The ebbing off started with King not wanting to be on SM so much, and many believe Blake might have asked her to back off a bit. It really started with her meeting Blake with bits and pieces during S7 of the Voice, and then really ramping up in S9. Once they were formally out there as a couple it went out the roof.

So, we are now forced to live with a much-reduced output on Gwen's part, but she still surprises us with some sweet moments. It is my belief why she went so crazy in the beginning, was because she was beginning the second phase of her life with her soul mate, and it felt so refreshing and made her feel alive. It was almost like she was a teenager again madly in love with her boyfriend. It is how she acted and still does. What is interesting is when she wrote "This is What the Truth Feels Like) album, is that it is a bit bi-polar. It starts off with sad and mad songs and the second half all about falling in love. Even her writers saw it happen. The lyrics tell a lot.

Those of us that have been around awhile are not worried about them breaking up. They have been attracted to each other ever since they met. During S7 they were intrigued with each other, and Blake, with his humor, made her feel better when she as on set.

Both of them believe their relationship was meant to be, and that everything that happened before was a test/preparation for what they are enjoying now.

Anyone that has met them have all said the same thing that you can just tell that they are just madly in love with each other. Just as much today, as it was 7 years ago.

Since you are a bit behind, there are a couple of blogs here that you might want to explore. @shefaniquotes , whose blog is dedicated to statement Blake and Gwen have said about each other, as well as others that provide insights from the outside. @blakegwenstory is the full timeline with lots of backup. Unfortunately, it is in reverse order, with the beginning on the bottom. Shefani Archive (shefani-archive.info) is a web site run by "Nicole", and Aussie. She is not active on Tumblr anymore, but her site documents a lot from articles, videos, pap photos, you name it. Nicole pays for the pap photos out her pocket (accepts donations). And finally, I have been keeping timeline documents in PDF, starting with the original from Tumblr developed from the very beginning, and I have since added one document for each year. I do update them on occasions because as I find out about more stuff, I update the applicable document. MediaFire - File sharing and storage made simple

It has been fun to be on the journey with them. I have always called their relationship a Harlequin romance novel being written in real time.

[officialleehadan]

Text Mood

Sorcery Spells

+++

“I know you, Lala. You’re still up, looking at those books. Go to bed.”

The first text from Naveen took Leadah by surprise, the night of their dinner when he delivered the crucial books she needed for her research. She sent back a quick text thanking him again for the books, realized just how late it was, and stumbled off to bed without thinking much more of it.

“How is Basics for Babies? Anyone interesting in this season’s students?”  he texted her a few days later, after she sent him a particularly whiny text about how one of her students, who had a significant knack for fire magic, managed to set herself on fire rather than cast the shield they were working on. “Besides your firebug?”

“Had a bad week. I’m safe. Just tired,” he sent two weeks later, after a silent streak that had Leadah worried. Since they started texting, he never took more than a few hours to reply to her. She tried not to overthink it, mostly failed, and kept texting him as if nothing had changed. All the same, the text that finally came through was a relief, and telling. She knew what bad week meant in mob-speak. She wondered how many were dead. She didn’t ask. “Sorry it took me so long to reply.”

“As long as you’re safe,” she told him and picked her words carefully because she did know what it meant for a ranking member of the mob to have a bad week. It was better not to be too direct about any of it. That was a lesson the Slums taught young. Some things were need-to-know, and nobody needed to know. “But you’re okay, right? No new dents you didn’t already have?”

“Nothing I can’t handle. Healer, remember?”

She had forgotten. It seemed so at odds with everything she knew about him, but it made sense, too, in some ways. He had been a bully as a child, but that quickly turned into a fearsome protective streak as he aged. Leadah wondered how that translated to whatever he did for the mob.

“My brother is an idiot,” she sent three days later, frustrated beyond belief at her work, her brother, her magic, and everything relating to any of them. “A talented idiot, but an idiot. I’m not sure we have the same parents.”

“Can’t say can vouch for you being related, but you sure do look a lot like your mom,” he replied almost immediately. “Better than looking like Donny, I admit. What’s Beck doing now?”

“Flirting with my biggest competition,” Leadah told him and wondered if her irritation was palpable over the text. “Lunch should have been over an hour ago and we need to get back to work, and she HATES me.”

“Because you’re prettier than her, more talented than her, or because she doesn’t like slums-kids?” Naveen asked, just as quickly as before. He must be on his own break, or maybe he was taking it easy from his bad week. Leadah didn’t know and hadn’t asked. “Or all of the above?”

“Probably the slums thing,” Leadah replied with a glare at her brother, who was showing no signs of leaving her pretty, wealthy, mean coworker any time soon. “I’m not prettier, or more talented than her.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“You haven’t even seen her!”

“Don’t need to.”

The resolute statement left Leadah so shocked she could only stare down at her comm. It wasn’t that she didn’t know that Naveen was a little sweet on her. They dated briefly in school, before he left, and they lost contact. He made it clear that he wasn’t going to pressure her, which she appreciated, but the unwavering faith in her was new. Even Beck, in his nicer moments, didn’t believe in her like that.

“How are things on your end?” she asked instead. She still wasn’t sure how she wanted to handle Naveen. He had sure grown up, and they had talked a lot already, about everything and anything that crossed their minds. It was a new, but welcome intimacy that she wasn’t quite ready to risk on a romance. “Better this week?”

“Better this week,” he told her, accepting the change of subject smoothly. Leadah blessed him for it. She was bad at romance on a good day, and today wasn’t a good day. “Just paperwork, mostly. A few meetings. I don’t usually get involved with the lower management, but there was a supply line issue that needed attention.”

So, smuggling, probably. Leadah asked, cautiously, what Beck usually did for the mob, and he, honest if nothing else, told her everything he knew. Despite her annoyed text to Naveen, her brother wasn’t stupid, and he probably knew she was talking with Naveen again. He hadn’t been happy they dated in school, but that was mostly because he was kind of an ass most of the time, and didn’t like sharing his friends, or his sister.

Still, he told her what she needed to know, mostly without judging too much.

“All handled?”

“All handled. So, Beck is being an idiot?”

“A talented idiot. We’re making progress,” Leadah admitted, and returned her lunch tray to the stack by the trash cans, and went for the small café. She didn’t often indulge in the fancy coffee from the café. The cafeteria coffee was free, and she had a coffee pot in her office. Still, it seemed prudent not to murder her brother before they finished the spell, and for that she needed sugar and caffeine. “Mostly thanks to you. Those books are priceless, and as far as I can tell, no one else is coming at it like we are.”

“It’s because you’re a genius,” Naveen texted her as she placed her order and went to wait at the counter for it to be ready. “You’re gonna figure it out. The hard part is gonna be explaining it all to me. I’m crap at magic theory.”

“If I can keep the babies from lighting themselves on fire, I can explain the spell to you, once it’s done,” Leadah said and laughed to herself, already in a better mood from the conversation alone. She still wasn’t going to tell anyone but Beck about the spell before they published, butt she was feeling significantly more hopeful about it. Across the hall, Beck finally seemed to be ready to end his flirtations, so she could probably end hers, too. Not that she was flirting. Definitely not. For sure. Probably. “Beck is on his way over. I need to get back to work.”

“If anyone can figure it out, it’s you. Try not to beat your brother up too much. He’s an idiot, but he’s a good friend.”

“He’s a good brother too, but don’t tell him I said so.”

“Your secret is safe with me. Good luck.”

Leadah smiled down at her comm as the barista called her name.

Armed with coffee and a better mindset, she went to meet her brother, ready for the next battle against the troublesome spell.

+++

Sorcery Spells: (FULL COLLECTION)

Star Song (Subscriber Only!)

Homeward Bound

Step Outside

Working Together (Subscriber Only!)

Old Friends (Subscriber Only!)

Reconnection (Subscriber Only!)

Text Mood 

Business Mug (NEW!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[thejesterofmoths]

(POST 2, SPORE)

(This part is background information, and not yet the story I've pieced together)

The next thing I would like to speak about is the way that the game handles archetypes.

I did not learn that there was a card system until nearly 2020, right after the scary achoo hit. If you ever play the game yourself, I can not stress enough how important it is to finish it a couple of times all the way, without cheats, and without googling anything. In fact, if you've not played the game and you eventually might, stop reading here. You'll lose so much by knowing what is going to happen. Experiencing it genuinely and purely is a feeling i'll never replicate and never find words to describe.

For the story I wish to tell, a few archetypes, which are determined by the card system, are especially important. Notably, any archetype which believes in some form of a higher being.

The most telling, and the most memorable, are the Zealots, who follow the philosophy of Faith. These characters are distrusting, and standoffish in nature. If you introduce yourself by telling them that "I am <your creatures name>. I come in peace.", they will respond with a statement that the only true peace they accept comes from Spode.

Spode, though being a combination of the words Spore and God, Spgodre, Spode, I've felt for the past several years, also sounds like the name.. Steve. (This is important, I promise!)

Followers of spode will be especially friendly to fellow zealots, and hostile towards everybody else. They believe that their intentions are their Spode-given rights, and even instructed by Spode. They will demand money from you, they are generally (in my opinion) the rudest archetype, and I personally find that they're the most painful to interact with, always seeking drama. They're also violent towards any believers in The God That Will Come. (I love the Zealots, they're like sassy holy-alien-men, and they suck in the most entertaining ways!)

Another religious group in spore, are those who believe in The God That Will Come. This is, if I remember correctly, the God that the grox either follow, or reference most. Im doing some limited research so I can fact check stuff as I go, but as little as possible so I don't bias myself, but it also mentions that some shame individuals may follow The God That Will Come, too.

I don't particularly remember the Shamen as a whole holding this belief, but the shaman are largely peaceful, following the philosophy of Harmony. I could see them sharing multiple religious views between eachother.

Lastly, there's mentions of a godthing or important idea within religious cities in civilization stage, known as the Source. This one, I never thought much of, but find very interesting with the little information there is.

[theboardwalkbody]

Scripts Thoughts:

1. Roman told Tabitha about the failed launch and how people may have died. Their conversation was never written but in the scripts after he makes the joke about having thumbs and not killing anyone he tells Tabitha no one died. So she knew. I want to know how that original conversation went. Since Roman doesn't like to be vulnerable. Did he joke about it? Was he vulnerable for a second? Did she comfort him? Did he let her comfort him or did he pull away when/if she did? Because maybe he was vulnerable for a split second when he confessed about it but if she tried to comfort him I can see him pulling back like 'no this is too much now'.

2. According to Script World, Roman and Tabitha had only been on 4 dates prior to the wedding. This makes Roman's "let's get married" proposal even more outlandish. And (either way) it reads as "I fall too hard too fast and I'm terrified of being abandoned and if we're married then I can't loose you". Which we do get the idea that that's exactly what he thinks with Tabitha's "do you think this is how you get people to stay?" (Also at first she thought he asked 'for a tax scam' because it was so ludicrous, and that he was using her as arm candy until he was like 'no I actually like you'. This ties into this:

3. In the script Roman's best man speech is very very different. The statement regarding borderline personality disorder was Kieran's change. Which is very interesting considering, from the little I know, he liked to add things to Roman's characterization (such as the disordered eating). Now, add these things: Roman loving fast and asking everyone he falls for to marry him inappropriately fast, his fear of abandonment by those he loves, him rejecting people when they do something that upsets him (ok so, so far this only happened once* with Grace watching the movie he hates which caused him to lash out and break up with her on the spot but I read that very much as splitting), and the fact that he said "I feel nothing at all, it's called borderline personality disorder" during the speech. *In the script Tabitha basically tells him the launch doesn't seem like a big deal or at least she doesn't think so which hurts him and he does "get sharp" in the way he replies to her. This makes her start packing her bag to leave which causes Roman to apologize and recognize he was being sharp and admit it, because he doesn't want her to leave him. So possibly a bit of a split plus lashing out.

Now at first I originally thought, "but BPD makes you feel too much, like the emotions are go big or go home" and completely forgot about the "or go home" side being an actual thing. It actually took me having my therapy appointment this week (in which we discussed my BPD) where we talked about how there are points where I feel empty/numb/shut off. My therapist then explained that that's a Thing with BPD and can come about when feeling overwhelmed emotionally or in response to something overly stressful.

That made me think: Roman was at a wedding. They tend to be emotional especially when it's family. He had very recently asked Grace to marry him which did not go the way he planned. He watched the rocket he worked so hard to expedite so that it could be a perfect just for Shiv explode. He was stressed and anxious beyond belief over the fact that if the explosion killed anyone he would be facing imprisonment. I 100% believe all this emotional overload fully caused him to shut down his emotions at that point. So I fully believe he was feeling nothing and I believe his flippant remark regarding BPD.

I doubt Roman has ever been to therapy and professionally diagnosed but I wonder if he, perhaps, has googled things for himself. Like if he was ever like "why am I like this" but absolutely refuses to be open and vulnerable about it with another human being so he turned to self diagnosis.

So yeah. I am absolutely leaning in to the BPD not being a joke. He's got the fear of abandonment, he's got the feelings of emptyness in tough moments, he seems to have splitting tendencies (again, I know one or two moments doesn't solidify it but I will be keeping an eye out). He does seem to have some explosive moments (again, that scene with Grace at Thanksgiving and the one with Tabitha in the script). *also note, sometimes with BPD the explosions aren't outward but can be inward so rather than lashing out at others you lash out inwardly which is where I sit so I can absolutely see Roman mentally lashing out at himself, too.

Maybe I'm projecting some of this but I think it's very very very interesting too see these traits and then learn that the BPD statement was added by Kieran.

4. There's a part in the script where Roman tells Tabitha that he wishes he was good at something. That he wishes he had ONE thing that he was EXCELLENT at so that he could basically do that one thing perfectly. Which I think is a vulnerable moment for him to admit that.

(sorry long post and sorry for any word/spelling errors I'm on Mobile)

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 153 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: apple cutting.

"Intelligence doesn’t make you less prone to taking on bad ideas, it just makes you better at defending them to other people and to yourself. Smart people can believe some truly ridiculous things, and then deploy all the reason and logic at their disposal to justify them, because a belief doesn’t begin in your mind. It begins in your feelings. Cults are very good at finding you when you’re at your lowest point, when you’re your most emotionally vulnerable. And when you’re at that point it’s astounding what can crawl into your heart and start to fester there." Generally I'd say "intelligent people" are a lot less prone to joining stupid ideas. Especially since we now had a global event, that put this to the test. The Covid pandemic. All those people, of whom I'd have expected to believe stupid shit, did. I personally know no one, who surprised me to suddenly chime in to a conspiracy theory. But a few friends told me they had someone like this in their circle of friends and acquaintances - someone they always deemed smart and stable and suddenly they fell down this hole because they lost something important to them that put them at an emotional low. And then they’ll want to believe that shit that would them get their thing back.

"But that was when I started to properly look at my life, and I really didn’t like what was looking back." Ah yes, getting back to that DMN talk from yesterday's episode. The ability of self-awareness buys us the ticket to depression.

"And I’d always assumed that that was enough to eventually have real success, and for the first 10 years it seemed like I was right. I worked my way up, performed for basically nothing basically every night and got to be pretty successful." Yeah, I know that feeling... I get pretty decent fairly quickly when I latch onto a new interest. Problem is, I stay there. After my initial climb to "better than average" I stagnate and no matter what I do I just won't climb any higher. But I’m surrounded by people who do get farther and I stay just behind. It's frustrating. Doomed to be mediocre forever.

"do you know how much a “pretty successful” comedian makes?" Another line that's featured in the "Jonathan asks you things" video!^^

"Let’s just say I had a full-time office job and was still barely making rent. But between working full-time and gigging full-time I just kept putting off everything else in my life, always so sure the big time was just around the corner. This is the TV spot that gets me noticed, this is the sell-out fringe show that makes me mainstream, this is the deal that actually goes somewhere." Is that still part of the statement or is this just Jonny venting? xD

So Agape apparently means "love", and in Christianity it's meant as the love for god or god's love for humankind. Fits the toxic love theme.

“We formed into a long line, a chain holding hands with Joyce at the very end of it. It stretched from one end of the building to the other. “ When I hear about cult settlements, my mind wanders pretty quickly to Jonestown. And while there's nothing even remotely in common aside from just being a cult, there is one thing, that actually did remind me a bit of Jonestown. The thing about the cult members having to line up for the horrible thing. (If you're not familiar with Jonestown and are planning to look it up, be warned for suicide. Mass murder-suicide. It’s extremely gruesome...)

"Did you ever do that experiment in science class, where you held hands in a line and the teacher passed a very gentle electric shock down through the students" Okay first, what the fuck, no? Second, this is also in the "Jonathan asks you things" video!

JON: "He asked me to." JULIA: "Oh really? You always do what evil books tell you to, do you?" Oh wow... That was a low blow...

JON: "Christ, he was right, I didn’t – didn’t – when did you get so thin?" DAISY: "I’m not, it’s fine." JON: "It’s the Hunt, isn’t it? Without it –" Not submitting to their purpose does eat away at them. And to think that Jon never really as one of the physically fittest people out there..

JON: "Don’t listen to the blood." DAISY: "Listen to the quiet." One of my favorite quotes of TMA <3

@a-mag-a-day

[vi-sigoth]

Man... why is it so hard to find normal Gaelic pagans?

Dude. Tell me about it. I suffer everyday.

If I had to guess though—my guesses would be:

1. The Isles were Christianized earlier than, say, Scandinavia, and big swathes of the Slavic regions, so there were less years of recorded pagan practices that we have knowledge of extending into the beginning and middle of the Medieval period.

2. For one reason or another, there’s been a big revival of interest in Norse/Germanic practice. This isn’t necessarily a recent thing, either. You had Wagner heavily leaning into Germanic myth and aesthetics with his Ring Cycle. You had, whether you agree with him or not, Adolf Hitler and his men rejecting the church’s hold on Germany and reviving interest in Germanic belief (what Adolf Hitler and those closest to him personally believed is a whole other can of worms and too long for this post.) the West is fascinated with Norse-Germanic belief and “Viking” aesthetics because I think in many people’s view, the Norse were the last holdout against the tide of Abrahamism in Europe (which unfortunately does a massive disservice to the Slavs and Balts who often held out for much longer, even until the Soviet period). More recently, you have groups like Wardruna and Heilung and their many copycats rising to popularity. You have (ugh) the show Vikings, which, for better or for worse, brought Norse belief and Viking Age culture back into the public eye. Piggybacking off the popularity of that was Robert Eggers’ masterpiece The Northman. You don’t have a lot of this with Celtic culture, either Islander or continental, because:

3. Protestantism simply put, did not succeed in keeping hold of Scandinavia and the northern parts of Germany like Catholicism did for Ireland, for France. That statement might piss people off, but the difference in how secular Sweden is versus Ireland is pretty staggering. (Yeah, yeah, I know, racial and religious demographics are rapidly shifting and people will ask what about Scotland, what about Wales? It’s complicated.)

4. FUCKINF. WICCIANISM. Gerald Gardner and Rocket Graves, may they suffer for eternity, did untold damage to Islander paganism. Gardner cherry-picked from many European traditions, but he used (cherry-picked) Islander Celtic belief as the glue to hold it together, and mixed that with Thelema, and Khabbalah, which, do I even have to explain why neither of these things have no place in Europe? He and Graves took advantage of the burgeoning pagan revivals and general disillusionment with Christianity people had after WWII. Robert Graves’ The White Goddess is now used as a blueprint for reconstructing Celtic paganism. Despite the fact that he couldn’t back up any of his “research” and couldn’t cite a single source, and that nearly every single academic that studies pre-Christian European belief has rejected it as utter nonsense, I STILL see people claiming to be “Druids” who cite this book. So you have The White Goddess, and Wiccanism/New Age nonsense, which has been bleeding for decades into any genuine attempt at reconstruction. People tend to see the hippie or Earth mother types that flock to this and think. “Yeah, no thanks.”

There are no recent, big budget, well-filmed, well acted movies that depict any of the Irish, Scottish, Welsh, or Cornish (yeah, remember them? Barely any one else does) myth. Almost no one knows how much Celtic blood is in all of Europe. In Greece, in the southern Slavic countries, in Italy, in Switzerland, and the Netherlands and Austria. Bavarians can up to nearly 50% Celt DNA! So can Spaniards! There are no cool depictions of naked Gauls slathered in blue woad hurling themselves at Roman soldiers, ripping their shields apart with their bare hands, running up their shield walls and diving into the fray, racing through Europe in their immaculate chariots. It’s sad. I’d give my right arm to see a Robert Eggers directed movie about that, or about Fion mac Cumhail. The Celts were just as fierce and powerful as any Viking raider you can name, and what do we get? Derry Girls and movies about The Troubles. Which is fine. Ireland in 1900 and more recently was certainly not a boring place to be. But there’s just so much more.

Best we can do, friend, is keep making people of Celtic heritage aware of their history, their people, their gods, and make THAT Celtic history popular in the culture.

Then we get our Robert Eggers Gaul movie.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

You say the kindest thing is to refrain from telling stories about his relationships, but he wants us to do that no? He wants his fans to think he has a girlfriend and talk about it, otherwise why be so public with taylor. And you also said it's not kindness to assume they're dating just because they were out together. But twice now they held hands so to me that's harry saying he's now with taylor. I mean unless I'm wrong about all this and he's really with her and we should respect his privacy and not talk about his relationship than yeah I can see that point but I'm still of the belief his girlfriends are pr stunts/beards.

Here's the links to them holding hands in case you didn't see, these weren't really shared on Tumblr.

https://twitter.com/hsdaily/status/1697262326150574145?t=x0QfylRGzWsUOgWf2jBSGw&s=19

https://twitter.com/hsdaily/status/1696233666051981348?t=YW61dJr5ZsLYptifWquWYA&s=19

So there's a couple of things here. First is the principle - I think maybe you misunderstand me. I think it's really important not to confuse the idea that the kindest thing to do with strangers is believe what they say about themselves, with the idea that the kindest thing to do with strangers is to figure out exactly what you want them to do and then do it. Those are very different ideas.

I think the sort of scrutiny that you're doing - they're doing this, so I think that means this, and therefore they want me to do that. I don't think that would ever be a kind way to interact with a stranger (which is OK - there's no obligation to be kind).

I think the disinterested, boundaried and therefore kind way to interact with Harry, would be to put most value on statements like 'nothing good has ever come about talking about my personal life' and 'I don't think I have ever dated anyone' - and not pay much attention to his personal life. It's not how I interact with him. It's not how a lot of people interact him. There's no obligation to act towards him like that - but I do think it'd be the kind way to interact with him.

**********

The other aspect of this is the idea that Harry wants his fans to think he has a girlfriend. In general, I am very sceptical of the idea we know how Harry thinks and feels. But I think there's nothing we're less likely to know about - than how he thinks and feels about fans.

To say he's doing X therefore he must want his fans to think Y - is very much to make this song about us. Fans are not necessarily at the centre of Harry's public performance of himself (or at what he allows to be seen). To assume that because he's holding hands with Taylor Russell, then he must want fans to think certain ways - is to put us at the centre of his world and we're not.

To draw this point out a bit I sometimes see fans say things like 'It's so insulting that he expects us to believe this'. Again - maybe he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't care what you think (he probably cares about what you do, but he's not as interested in fans' minds as a lot of discourse would assume).