#interactive personal diary time

[mihai-florescu]

Like, ive been in fandom spaces for almost a decade but i didnt really interact much with other people. And i still dont, i post my opinions, sometimes talk in dms, rarely do i send asks etc. Idk. Im a bit averse to Big Fandom Discussions i guess? I like to live in my own little world but even here i dont like diverging much from canon, even if i have the freedom. Anyway ive been watching sarah z's videos on bbc sherlock recently and was reminded that i did write theories about the show when i was 14 too, like everyone else in the fandom, naturally. But i dont think i ever posted them? They're all in a sketchbook at my parents' house, like journal entries almost. I had no idea about all the drama in the johnlock conspiracy greater fandom until i watched these videos. And i was always confused by the mormor fandom cuz i couldnt really understand the appeal of fanon. I think ive gotten better though, not at participating in it necessarily, it's part of why i dont really read fanfics much, and when i find one i like it's a very precious thing to me, but at least at understanding. This too is a journal entry btw but on tumblr cuz i use it as an interactive personal diary these days.

___

What is mihai trying to say with this post, if there even is a point? Do you think this is relevant for her personal lore? Is this perhaps something others can relate to, and that is why he is posting it? Has something like this happened to you?

[scificrows]

The feed ID doesn’t need to say anything other than what everyone else’s says, just name, gender, and…” She trailed off. She was looking at me and I was looking at her. - Martha Wells, Fugitive Telemetry (The Murderbot art I used is the official cover art from the French edition of ASR)

[prince-liest]

The more comfortable I get with the inpatient workflow (knowing how to order things, how certain things work and are done, how to navigate the EMR, etc), the more happy I am to realize that inpatient rotations aren't actually all that bad in terms of the work of them. They suck specifically because they are exhausting 12-13 hour days, 6 days a week and you simply do not get to have a life while you're on this rotation but while I'm at the hospital, it's pretty much fine.

I wish I had the time and energy to work out and also not eat two out of my three meals every day of hospital food, and more time to rest, but I'm also relieved that I definitely do not actively dread or fear going to work every day like I was worried I might. Like, it sucks, but it's not active misery, yfm? My spirits are high. Definitely not super tenable, though.

Also, I have ED next and honestly fuck the emergency department. So glad there are people out there that enjoy emergency medicine, but I am simply not ADHD enough for that shit. I didn't have any bad shifts on my first ED rotation but I still disliked the whole workflow and baseline stress levels.

Anyway, things that did stress me out this week (CW dire hospital shit):

lady who kept threatening to leave the hospital against medical advice because she hated being there that much, even though she had an infection for which she needed an IV-only antibiotic or else she would almost certainly die. everything kept going wrong. she could go home with a central or midline cath; her line was peripheral; picc team couldn't put in a picc line because of her surgical history, so we had to go to interventional radiology and put in a Hickman line; we found this out on Friday and so she wasn't scheduled until Monday; on Monday she almost got moved to the next day because there was an emergency bleed during her time that IR was needed for and she said if we didn't get her scheduled in 45 minutes she was leaving the hospital. ended up discharging her at like 6pm on Monday and I ended up crying at work on Friday (the 13th! yay,,) in the resident library which surprised even me but apparently I'm not immune to "so WHAT if I die?? what do I have to live for? cancer and pain?" after three days of doing my best to juggle "doctor" with "therapist" every time I saw her. she likes me a lot which I think means I did a decent job but that really ran out my emotional energy.

the dude whose nurse called me three times in 45 minutes while I was trying to juggle discharging the above lady and doing my first admit. he was throwing things at the walls in his room because he wanted a cough drop and simply could NOT wait. what the fuck ever.

[corpsecoochie]

Can’t a bitch have a mental health day without someone immediately trying to make it theirs instead!

[juniperhillpatient]

I hate “love at first sight” or like instant infatuation in most cases but I think it’s a trope that CAN be done super well it just rarely is. there’s nothing exciting or interesting about two hot people who see each other & instantly fall in love all by itself nonsensically like idk I just don’t believe in that & find it dull. but there’s a way to do it where it’s like “YEAH that makes perfect sense” like two people who suffered something brief but absolutely insane together & can never let go of the thought of one another or someone who saw someone else do something crazy or really fucking cool or stupid & can’t let it go or someone totally isolated who’s decided to make the first person they’ve interacted with or who helped free them into this total savior who walks on water like it CAN be such a neat trope you just gotta sell it right.

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[seenthisepisode]

(rant in the tags, might be triggering or something)

[cloneboywonder]

[eye-scream-girls]

I've been keeping a video diary for the past two years to help with my ruined 🌟 mental health 🌟 and I officially stopped on new years day this year, as it served its purpose perfectly and Oh My God I am loving not having to capture something everyday, it's been a big relief to just exist and let time flow without reminding myself to document anything. It was exactly what I needed in 2022 to help me reconnect with my physical body and recognise my face and see myself in my own life the way I needed it, and in 2023 it was perfect for capturing my joys and loved ones and everything I was grateful or proud of, and now I'm ready to just live organically and I am Loving not having to take a video everyday!! Ugh its so good.

[coelakanths]

your fave mcd character is autistic

[wibble-wobbegong]

i need to meet another schizo and see if our neurodivergency clicks the way the other ones click with each other . im Failing at being nd bro

[gentleoverdrive]

[October/1 of ?] Nightmares fuck reality!

I don't hate Aaron Sorkin anymore. Shocker, I know! Especially to those who've come to know me from the past few years in online spaces, how one of my seasonal bosses in the writing trade shat on the guy's libness for years at this point and so on and so forth. ---- But yeah, I don't hate him anymore. I just don't have it in me to hate a sixty-something guy who very clearly is still stuck in permanent adolescence and, in spite of all the brainrot/brainworms his shit has brought forth, I'm just like... who gives a fuck. ---- Whenever I'm forced to interact with his BS, I honestly just pity him because again: 63 years in this planet and the dude is still obviously getting high off his own (brain)farts. Having interacted with both him and Bret Easton Ellis relatively recently and it astounded me how anybody still gives these old farts the time of day. ---- I don't know: Retire. Or go take writing classes, or try to make friends/fuck-buddies or something, because it was the saddest thing to interact with two men in their early 60's and realize how little of anything they really had to say. ---- But yeah: In his obsession with writing about the "great man", I guess he forgot to live his own life and it's kinda pitiable, so moral of the story: Try to live your best life? Anyway, talk to you laters!

[leaf-miner]

So, just had the weirdest social interaction of my life. I'm at the station and this lady comes towards me. She looks pretty casual, just a youngish (20s-30s) woman wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but she's obviously approaching me. I figure she's going to ask for money or try to spread the word of Jesus or something.

"Hey," she says with a small smile "You look really nice!"

"Thanks?"

"I love your hair."

I smile and nod. I figure she'll tell me what she's after next.

"Do you sing at all?"

This was not what I was expecting at all. "No?"

"Have you tried?" She's still looking at me with the same smile.

At this point I was pretty freaked out and overwhelmed with the unfamiliar social situation. I didn't know what to make of this so I started to walk of saying "I can't, I'm sorry." as I go. She stays where she was, watching me leave, looking mildly disappointed.

I'm almost sorry I left now. It was just so baffling. I can't figure out what she wanted. Was she trying to recruit me for a cult that involved singing? Was she trying to cast me in an upcoming musical? Was she trying to distract me as her assassin friend snuck up behind me? Was she secretly a wizard from another realm and I match the exact description of their musical chosen one? I'm at a loss.

[swimminginlakes]

Spending time in the gallery, doing interactive shit ✨

I love going to see any type of art because it’s very therapeutic to me.

Plus my partner is an artist so he enjoys it too ✨

[the-acid-pear]

Honestly the things I'd DO if I knew how to work neocities... y'all would FALL FLAT ON YOUR ASSESS Except no you wouldn't bc my big project is just S/S centric and I don't think 98% of the ppl who follow me care about my intricate mind palace lore but the page would fuck so hard anyway...

[abyssalpriest]

working with Leviathan when he wants to tell you something be like

channels "Do you know why we're associated with the directions so much, Little Bird?" from him

wonders what 'Little Bird' has to do with anything when he rarely uses names like that

Tries to check if the word for Tengrists is Tengrist because he's referencing the bird shape on the symbol used by them when he talks about directions

weirdly gets recommended by google straight up shit about Tengri and Shiva being the same person - for very questionable reasons but there was barely any results for the search so ive "no idea" why google suddenly made me search it as if it was popular af

Avoids it because although I know the name Tengri is extremely important to him I get uncomfortable using it, because though I've always known Leviathan as the Day Sky and as The Big Sky Bird Made Of Small Birds to my Small Sky Bird since before I even knew his name(s), I don't know enough about Mongolia to feel comfortable using that name

Get told by him the next day we need to go back to organising this blog. grand. lets do it

Accidentally opens an old tab thats so old i dont even recognise it, except its a wall of text on Shiva

ignores it.

Today's work in organising starts with reading through a unique astral projection journey in the heights of space amongst stars with Ahi/Leviathan that is about love and unity and healing and surrendering, and seeing that part of space and connection to reality clearly

Gets drawn to only one single part of the tab on Shiva I opened blanking the rest and its "Easwara has yet another name: Yogasikha. The sky is His blue form. The directions (Dik) are His garment."

Look above this passage and sees that the lead up to it, relevant to the meditation with Ahi and the fact that yesterday Leviathan was like "yeah just start recognising us as the same entity", is "The Lord has another name. It is only when the love principle underlying this name is rightly understood, the real form of the Cosmos can be recognized. That name is Saambasiva. Saa means divinity. Amba refers to the cosmos. Siva means the Supreme person (Purusha)."

hmm