#insane discrepancy I love him for that

[dykesynthezoid]

Eric when he’s coming from the perspective of playing a human journalist: I mean, I’m 71, not sure if I wanna do anything humiliating or get naked on screen, but I’ll do whatever Rolin thinks we should do

Eric when he’s coming from the perspective of playing a freshly turned vampire, apparently: Just so you know my dick still works and I AM READY TO ROCK!!

[a-simple-gaywitch]

Amidst the Chaos

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:  Spencer and (Y/N) didn't get along, and it annoyed the whole BAU. But when a traumatized (Y/N) shows up at Spencer's apartment late one night, their whole relationship shifts

Warnings: PTSD, trauma, references to torture, other canon-typical topics

Word Count:  3827

Author’s Note: not necessarily my best fic, but i’ve been working on it for over a year so... here it is

Orpheus - Sara Bareilles

AO3 Link

“Don't stop trying to find me here amidst the chaos. Though I know it's blinding, there's a way out.” ~ Sara Bareilles, Orpheus

~

“Guys, I want you to meet our newest team member,” Hotch said to the BAU as they settled around the table. “This is Agent (Y/N) (L/N).”

You gave a shy wave to the group in front of you, but your smile was bright enough to light up the entire room. “Hi.”

“She’s coming to us from Organized Crime. I trust that you’ll all welcome her to the team.”

“Honestly, I’m just happy to be given a chance to work with all of you. It’s been my dream to work at the BAU for years.”

“We’ll have time to get to know Agent (L/N) better on the plane. But for now, we have a case,” Hotch said. “JJ?”

~

“So,” Derek said, taking a seat next to you on the jet. “What was Organized Crime like?”

“Honestly? Boring as all hell. It was mostly stopping money laundering and drug cartels,” you said. “Not as glamorous as Goodfellas makes it seem. Besides, the BAU was always my end goal anyway.”

He chuckled a bit. “Yeah, I get that. We’re glad to have you on our team. ” The conversation between you and Morgan flowed easily and before you knew it, you had become like brother and sister. The rest of the team grew to love you too. Well, most of the team. 

Spencer seemed icy and cold toward you, and no one could offer a valid explanation. By all accounts, you should have gotten along. You loved Halloween just as much as Spencer did and you always had at least 3 books on your person at a time. You had a borderline unhealthy addiction to caffeine and sugar and spent more time in the office than your apartment. But for some reason, you and Spencer just seemed to constantly be at each other’s throats. 

In your defense, Reid had started it. 

For whatever reason, Reid disliked you right out the gate. He tried to be civil toward you, but something about you just bothered him. 

He originally just tried to avoid you when he could, but with the nature of the team’s dynamic, that didn’t work out well. 

Spencer found himself doing small, petty things to annoy you, like putting your favorite mug on the top shelf where you couldn’t reach it or borrowing your pens and “forgetting” to return them. Something about seeing you mildly inconvenienced and annoyed as opposed to your normally happy and bubbly self made him feel better. He knew it was fucked up of him. 

Eventually, the animosity became mutual. You and Spencer were rarely paired together on cases because Hotch couldn’t stand the constant arguing between the two of you. Mostly, Hotch tended to pair you with Derek who you began to see as a brother. 

Spencer would never admit it, but seeing you and Derek be as close as you were stirred some kind of jealousy in him. He figured it was just because he had been friends with Morgan first, that was all. 

~

Local cases were always extra stressful on the team. Something about unsubs being so close to home made the cases more personal. As such, tensions were running high and no one had slept in over 24 hours as the team worked to nail down a profile. 

“This doesn’t make sense,” you muttered as you looked over the crime scene photos. “The crime profiles as disorganized but the victimology and timeline profile him as organized.” 

“How you doing there, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked, setting down a carrier of coffee cups. 

You sighed and picked up the cup with your name scrawled on it. “There’s discrepancies in our preliminary profile and I can’t…”

“Did you try comparing notes with Reid?”

“Derek, I love you, but are you insane?”

“I’m serious, (Y/N).”

“So am I. Any time I try to have any kind of civilized conversation with that man he turns it into an argument.”

Thankfully, Hotch came into the room at that point, stopping the conversation. “We have two potential leads. Morgan, you’re going with Blake to the first address. (L/N), you and Reid are going to the second.” Hotch tossed you both keys for SUVs. “Reid and Blake have the files. They’ll fill you in on the drive.”

“Yes, sir.” You grabbed your coffee from the table, along with Reid’s, and headed out to the car. When you got to the parking lot, Reid was already leaning against the car, flipping through a file folder. “Reid. Here.”

As you handed him the coffee, he said, “What, was everyone else busy?”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know. I’m just following Hotch’s orders.” You unlocked the car and climbed in. “Where are we going?”

“21 Rock Creek Road, Somerset. We’re interviewing Linda Walsh, the neighbor of our first victim, Savanna Curtis.”

“Great. Can you type it into the GPS?”

“Why? I can just give you the directions.”

“Because the GPS is more accurate.”

“(L/N), I have an eidetic memor-”

“Eidetic memory, I know. But you’re telling me your memory can predict traffic patterns? I don’t think so. Just use the damn GPS.”

“Fine.” Spencer typed the address in, muttering under his breath.

“Thank you. What information do we have on Walsh?”

“72 years old, she was reportedly in the house when Curtis was attacked and taken to the secondary location. Hotch wants us to interview her and see if she noticed anything that might help us with the profile.”

Soon enough, the two of you pulled up to the witness’s house. Before even getting out of the car, you felt like something was wrong. 

”Wait, Reid.” You grabbed his arm as he reached for the door handle. “Something about this doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at the windows. All of them are dark. Not even a television glow. Something’s off.”

“I hate to say it, but you’re right.” 

You hopped out of the car and pulled your gun from your side, following Reid up the path to the house. He knocked on the front door. 

“I don’t hear anything from inside.” He knocked again. “Go around the back, see if you can get in that way.”

You nodded and walked around the house. You could hear Reid continuing to knock as you went around. As you rounded the corner, a sharp pain entered your shoulder. You yelled and turned around, but not before a blunt object hit you in the temple and your vision faded.

~

Spencer was panicking. You were missing, and it was his fault. He was pacing in the front yard of Walsh’s home while the team and the local authorities worked to catch up. 

“Reid, what happened?” Hotch asked. “We need everything.”

Spencer relayed every detail from the moment the two of you pulled up to the house, still pacing. “I shouldn’t have told her to go off on her own, it’s my fault-”

“Kid, breathe,” Morgan told him. “You didn’t know this would happen. What’s important now is finding her and bringing her home safe.”

The team did a thorough inspection on Mrs. Walsh’s home and learned a good deal. Mrs. Walsh wasn’t home, as was reported. However, her son, Devin, was clearly staying with her. It didn’t take the team long to figure out he was the unsub. 

~

When you awoke, you were in a secondary location. Your head was throbbing behind your eyes and your shoulder was in agony. Your arms were tied behind your back, but that was the only restraint to your mobility. You looked around, trying to figure out where you were. It was a large, open space, you guessed a warehouse, probably abandoned. It was dark, except for the glow of the streetlights outside and an industrial lamp in the center of the room. You didn’t have much time to assess your surroundings, though, because Walsh was waiting for you to wake up.

You knew the facts of the case. You saw the photos. He kept the women for 24 hours, torturing them until their bodies were barely recognizable. Then, he’d kill and dump them.

But you also knew your team. They were relentless. And they would save you.

~

“We’ve seen what he does to his victims. We’re in a race against the clock here,” Morgan argued with Hotch.

“But we still have to keep our heads and follow the law. If we don’t get a warrant, any evidence we do find goes right out the window.”

“Guys, Garcia found something,” JJ said. She put her phone on speaker. “Go ahead, Garcia.”

“So, Walsh’s dear old dad was the owner of a warehouse in the 80s. The warehouse is still in his name but has since been abandoned. And before you even ask, yes, I sent you the address.”

~

The SUVs pulled up to the warehouse and the team jumped out. The plan was to enter the building slow and quiet, but that changed when they heard you scream, followed by a gunshot. Then, everything went silent. Completely silent.

Everyone rushed into the building. The team was terrified of what they were about to find. What they saw, no one could have expected. 

You were lying unconscious on the floor, in a pool of blood. Also on the floor, with a bullet hole through his forehead, was Devin Walsh. Standing with a gun in her hands was 72 year old Linda Walsh, tears running down her face. 

“I had to,” she said, looking at Hotch. “He was gonna kill her.”

“We need a medic!”

~

The team was sitting around your hospital bed. The doctor had said you probably wouldn’t wake up for a while, but they were determined to have someone there with you when you did. 

“We should take shifts,” JJ suggested. “That way there’s always someone here and the rest of us can get some rest, too.”

“That’s a good idea. Dave and I can take the first shift,” Hotch said. “We’ll do four-hour rotations in pairs.”

They talked through who would pair up and take what rotations before Rossi shooed the rest of the team out.

Eventually, Reid and Morgan were on their “shift.” Morgan glanced over at Reid, who was staring at the same page of a book. 

“You ever gonna flip that page?”

“What if she doesn’t wake up?”

“Kid, you heard the doctor. She will.”

“But what if she doesn’t? It would be my fault. I’m the one who made her go off by herself. We were supposed to be a team and I couldn’t see past-” He cut himself off, shaking his head.

“Hey,” Morgan put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “it’ll be okay, Reid. I’m gonna go grab a coffee. Want one?”

“Sure.” After Morgan left, Spencer looked at you and sighed. Your body was wrapped in casts and bandages. “Hey, (L/N),” he said, reaching out and resting his hand on top of yours.

~

One thing you didn’t expect about being in a medically induced coma was to still hear everything going on around you. You could hear the doctors and nurses moving about your room. You could hear your teammates. You heard Hotch and Rossi talking about the paperwork they’d have to file on the case because an agent had been seriously injured. You heard the music Penelope insisted on playing, and you heard Spencer. 

“Hey, (L/N),” you heard him say. “I don’t know if you can hear me but,” he took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. Not just for this. I mean, obviously for this. I never should have split us up, I never should have sent you around the back of the house, I never should have-” he stopped himself. You could hear the tightness in his voice. Was he crying? No, Reid wouldn’t be crying over you. Would he? But he continued. “I was awful to you. I mean, I was an asshole,” he said with a dry laugh. “There’s no other word for it. I was an asshole to you and there was no excuse. I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I-”

~

“One cup of sugar with a splash of coffee,” Derek said, coming back into the room. 

“Thanks.” Reid took the cup in both his hands, grateful for a distraction from his guilt. 

“Any change?”

He shook his head. “None.”

Derek sighed. “You know, part of me was really hoping she’d wake up in the five minutes I was gone.” He gripped your hand that wasn’t casted up. “We miss you, Pretty Girl.”

~

Your coma lasted for about 3 weeks. The doctors kept you in the hospital for observation for another full week before finally letting you go home.

During your recovery, your apartment was practically a revolving door. Just about the entire team came by to check on you and keep you company, with the exception of Spencer. You couldn’t say you were too surprised. However, something about it upset you. Hell, even Hotch and Rossi took the time to stop by and check on you. 

Derek and Penelope were probably your most frequent visitors. You were honestly grateful for their visits, and for the help it brought. With your injuries, simple day-to-day tasks were more difficult for you, and Penelope and Derek were more than happy to help you out. Derek took your grocery list and all your other errands while Penelope helped around your apartment. You were even more grateful when they forced you to attend a dinner party at Rossi’s. Penelope was at your apartment, helping you pick out a dress for the event.

“I don’t know, Pen.”

“(Y/N), I’m telling you, purple is your color.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want my dress to match my bruises.”

Penelope just rolled her eyes and tossed the dress on your bed. “Do you really think I’d pick out a dress that didn’t make you look good? Let’s go, you haven’t had a proper shower in a week.”

Penelope helped you get ready for the dinner party before getting ready herself. She helped adjust the strap of your brace when your doorbell buzzed. 

“That’ll be Derek,” you said. Penelope answered the door to Derek standing outside, leaning against your doorframe. 

“Well, look at these pretty ladies. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I need to get out of this house,” you said. “I haven’t seen anything but these walls in weeks.”

When you pulled into Rossi’s driveway, you were more than excited to see the team. The team, in turn, was excited to see you. You were smiling and laughing, more and more of your normal self. 

When Spencer saw you walk through Rossi’s front door on your crutches, a lump formed in his throat. Ever since seeing you in the hospital, he’d been wracked with guilt. It was the main reason why he hadn’t visited you like everyone else. He tried to avoid you the whole night. Thankfully, you were so happy to be with the others that you didn’t seem to notice. But Blake did. 

“Okay, what’s going on with you?” she asked Spencer, handing him a drink. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re avoiding everyone tonight. Why?” When Spencer stayed silent, Blake followed his line of sight. He was watching you talking with JJ. “Ah. Why don’t you go talk to her?”

“I can’t, Alex. Believe me, I’ve tried. For months. Any time I try and have just a normal goddamn conversation with her, what comes out is sarcastic and cruel. I-I don’t know why it happens.” He ran his hands over his face and groaned. 

“You’re in love with her.” Blake wasn’t saying it as a question. Seeing the panic in his eyes, she said, “Don’t worry, it’ll stay with me.”

~

The heavy sheets of rain outside pounded against the apartment windows. It was the kind of cold rain that seeped into your bones, despite a warm home. It was late, but Spencer was still awake, reading. He couldn’t sleep, which wasn’t unusual for him. He heard a knock on his door. Spencer set his book down on his coffee table before walking to his door. He glanced out the peephole and took a step back in shock. Spencer opened the door to see you standing there, soaked and visibly shivering, in only your pajamas. Your eyes were bloodshot and you were sniffling. 

“(L/N)? What are you-”

“I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want me here and I don’t even know how I ended up here, I just started walking and-”

“Wait, wait, you walked here? In the torrential downpour?” When you nodded, Spencer opened his door wider. “Here, come in. You must be freezing. What happened?”

You stepped through his door and began to ramble, “I don’t know. I woke up from a nightmare and I knew I-I couldn’t stay in my apartment alone so I just started walking and somehow I ended up here and I’m sorry.” Your teeth were chattering as you continued to shiver. 

Spencer grabbed a blanket off the back of his couch and draped it around you. “No, no, it’s, um-” Spencer cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about it? I’ve found that sometimes just saying it out loud helps.”

Once you nodded, Spencer held his hand out and led you over to his couch. You were silent for a few moments, staring out the window at the rain streaming down. 

“I was back… there,” you said when you finally started talking. “In the dark. I-I couldn’t see anything but I knew he was there. Then I felt his hands on my throat and-” You cut yourself off, shaking your head. Your whole body was shivering, but Spencer didn’t think it was from the cold anymore. 

Spencer moved to put his arm around you but stopped, dropping his arm back to his side. “I know how you feel,” he said. “After Hankle, I couldn’t handle looking at the crime scene photos because I knew what the victims were thinking right… you know… right before.”

“Do they ever stop? The nightmares?”

“I don’t know. Mine haven’t.” When he saw the defeat on your face, he added, “But it does get easier.”

You nodded, still staring out at the pouring rain. You cleared your throat. “Well, uh, I’ll, um, I’ll call a taxi and get out of your hair.”

“You don’t- uh, you can stay, um, if-if you want,” Spencer said. 

“Reid, I don’t want to impose-”

“You wouldn’t be!” Spencer assured you. “I could use the company, actually. I’ve been trying to find someone to watch Stardust with me. Penelope says I need to watch more pop culture and I know you’re a fan of Neil Gaiman.” He gave you a soft smile. “Please, (Y/N), stay. I promise, you’re not imposing.”

When he saw your face crack into a small smile, he felt a swarm of butterflies rise in his stomach. “Okay,” you said. 

About halfway through the movie, Spencer felt you slump against his shoulder. Before he knew it, you were fast asleep. He was frozen there, not wanting to disturb you. He knew how rough the past few months had been, and it was obvious to everyone you weren’t sleeping. Maybe it was the guilt, maybe it was more, but Spencer felt like it was now his responsibility to take care of you, if you would let him.

~

The whole team noticed the shift between you and Reid. Where you would previously stay as far from each other as possible, you were now actively seeking each other out. You chose to sit next to each other in the briefing room and on the jet, something you had never done before. On the trips back from cases, you would rest your head on Reid’s shoulder and sleep while he read a book. But, no one said anything about any of it. No one wanted to burst whatever weird bubble was surrounding the BAU team. 

That was, until Blake, Derek, and JJ spotted you knocking on Spencer’s motel door one night during a case. The two were sitting up in the lounge going over the case files yet again when they spotted you, in your pajamas, sneaking out of your own room. 

After watching you slip into Spencer’s room, JJ said, “You don’t think they’re…”

“Reid and (L/N)? No, there’s no way. They can’t stand each other.”

“Well, they do say there’s a thin line between love and hate,” Alex noted, turning the page in her book. 

“I don’t know about you two, but I need to know what’s going on,” Derek said, getting up from the couch. 

“I’m coming with you!”

“Guys, I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” Alex warned. “Just talk to them about it in the morning.”

“Do you know something, Alex?” JJ asked. 

“Even if I did know something, it wouldn’t be my place to tell you.”

~

The next morning, you felt eyes on you as you drank your coffee. You looked up from the case file to see Derek staring at you. 

“What?”

“Were you going to tell me about you and Reid or…”

“What are you talking about? Me and Reid?”

“(Y/N), come on. You two are practically attached at the hip when just two weeks ago you couldn’t fucking stand each other.”

You shrugged. “We worked out our differences, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Alright, what about you sneaking off to his room last night?”

Your face paled. “It’s not what it looked like.”

“Care to explain then?”

You sighed, looking around to make sure it was just you and Morgan. “You know I haven’t been sleeping since, well, everything.” Derek nodded. “Well, a few nights ago I ended up at Reid’s apartment in a panic. It was pouring out so he let me just stay and I slept better than I had in years. And, you know, he’s not too bad to hang out with either,” your face flushed with your last statement. 

“You’re not too bad to hang out with either.”

You jumped, turning around to see Spencer in the doorway with cups of (good) coffee in his arms.

“Spencer, when did-”

He handed you a frappuccino. “Just now. I take it you weren’t as sneaky as you thought?”

“Shut up,” you whined, nudging him with your arm as you stuck a straw in your drink. Spencer just laughed and took a seat next to you.

“So, you’re just, like, friends now?”

You and Spencer looked at each other, seemingly having a conversation without speaking.

“I mean, I’d say we’re a bit more than just friends,” you admitted, smiling at Spencer. He kissed the top of your head. 

“Damn, I owe JJ 10 bucks,” Derek muttered before saying, “But seriously, I’m happy for you two. It’s about time you realized you were perfect for each other.”

[henrysglock]

Finally, More NINA Puzzle Pieces

DISTRESSED NOISES!! WE GOT NINA CRUMBS!! AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE!!

IT HAS THE CAMERA!!! AT LEAST ONE VERSION OF REALITY HAS THE CAMERA!!!!!

Okay so remember when I pointed this out about the NINA discrepancies in El's 4.05 entrance, and how there were at least 22 different iterations of events?

Specifically this glaring difference between reality (tapes) and the rest of the 4.05 entrance (labeled 3 and 8)?

The presence of a camera in a UD-ified version of HNL tells us that the bottom row of images straight up cannot physically exist in one cohesive reality.

Which is to say—Anything that does not have the camera is 100%, definitely, concretely not based in the UD's reality/those versions without the camera are either fake or set in a different reality.

If you've been following along this past year and a half, this is not news to you; it's just confirmation of what we already knew.

It does, however, means that none of this was based in reality:

We already kind of knew that, based on the props changing so much within the Rainbow Room each time/Henry's changing hair/etc, but the confirmation goes crazy insane. We love to see it.

After the first entrance to NINA/after we see the footage of the version with the camera, we don't see a non-camera version again. Any non-camera versions seem to disappear. This means whatever simulation El's stuck in, it's adaptive. It learns, with a propensity for making itself immersive by molding itself to to the subject's understanding of reality.

However, what fucks me up is that all of these are, then, set in the same "reality":

Which means the new ST5 UD-ified HNL, the physical camera footage of 1979, Henry's electrocution, Blood Hands El, El running to the Rainbow Room, and Brenner running to the Rainbow Room are all supposedly set in "reality".

That's not possible, though. The electrocution scene cannot have existed in reality/could not possibly be a memory, because 14 year old El is barely tall enough to see in. 1979 El would not have been tall enough to have seen interaction:

This means that none of NINA is reliable. Period. Even the things that appear to be set in reality are unreliable re: what actually happened in 1979.

Whatever NINA runs on, it's adaptive and manipulative. It's like c.ai, if c.ai was actually AI. Whatever it is, it takes El's experiences both in the lab and outside the lab and combines them to form entirely new scenarios that never really happened (see: Blade Runner 2049 and the manipulated/mash-up memories shenanigans). El has been told she's reliving memories. That is not the case. None of what she's seeing is reliable. It's like when a movie says it's based on a true story.

This fits with what I said about the monologue never having existed at all and NINA being an immersive empathogenic drug trip that pulls from El's outside memories. It also fits with my draft about the Mindflayer ties between Shadow-NINA in the VR, TFS, and NINA in ST4, and my speculation in that same draft about a) NINA specifically running on the Mindflayer, and b) the Mindflayer using familiar humanoid avatars to gain sympathy and coerce its target into joining it.

We see this kind of behavior in Patty in her garnering sympathy from Henry and then insisting that she and Henry run away together to find her mother in the Stardust Casino...regardless of the fact that Henry is still flayed. We see it again in our "Couldn't Possibly Exist" Henry as he garners sympathy from El and then tells El to join him. And then we see it again in Shadow Brenner using the NINA-like maze to learn about Henry as a means to try and coerce him into joining him. It's a continuing theme.

Both Patty and "Henry" want Henry and El, respectively, to accept their offer and leave with them. Both Henry and El reject that offer in exactly the same way:

In my speculative opinion, we see a resurgence of this particular dual-yeeting in Billy and Heather.

Henry in the VR, as we know, has a dubious ending re: escaping the simulation.

This exists in contrast to the other version of NINA Henry, who, much like TFS Henry with Patty, is insistent that El run away without him.

When I say that we have multiple guys, this is what I mean. Their motivations are entirely different. One of these men in NINA is not Henry. It's someone or something masquerading as him. If I had to speculate, I would say that it stems from the Mindflayer and its possible presence in NINA...Especially given the similarities between NINA and the Russian prison, wherein they have a trapped form of the Mindflayer:

In short—Every day it seems more likely that whatever El fought in the massacre was not Henry. It's like I said way way back last year: there's someone else in there with her. Multiple someone-elses, even.

It also seems, if I had to speculate, that rejecting the Mindflayer avatar is what gives El her powers back. This means it may also be what "changed" about One, as mentioned in the plinko scene.

This all also backs what I speculated way back in the day about the blood transfusions being related to immunity against the Mindflayer, either finding it, triggering it, or building it. It seems to function like getting a live vaccine: you're given dose of the live virus, and your body fights it off. In fighting off the Mindflayer, it's entirely possible that the process triggers latent powers in those who have them. Those who don't have the basis for latent powers eventually succumb (see: Will, Billy, the Flayed). Brenner, with NINA, may have been giving El the equivalent of a booster shot.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

I just want to know what Ewan meant by Aemond being gray this season as opposed to being completely black last season (which he wasn't). Aemond's "different shades" so far have only been shades we've already seen in s1, he actually had more emotions after Luke's death than he did in s2 and we saw glimpses of his vulnerability in ep9. He even felt grief for Viserys of all people (confirmed by the script). Was Ewan really talking about the two brief brothel scenes that took less than two minutes of screentime? And if Aemond does banish his mother.... That's something I can see the showrunners doing because women must always suffer from evil men, but that's so cartoonish at this point, I can't take it seriously. They can't have Alicent leaving her daughter but they have to remove her from Kings landing before the fall because god forbid show Alicent would defend the city like her book counterpart... This is insane. Why does everyone get new storylines and Emond just becomes a scapegoat for the showrunners who have to take the blame so everyone else gets whitewashed, but he can't even get proper time for his villainy? They're only turning into a boring villain. But I'm just really confused why would Ewan say that one of Aemond's motivations is to make his mother happy (in his mind) if he treats her like that? And that Aemond remembers Driftmark and how she was the only one who stood by him. Or this is another lie from Ewan just like "Aemond's redeeming quality is his loyalty"? I don't like it when the cast is setting the expectations only to subvert it on screen.

Hello!

Right, I (just like pretty much everyone in the fandom, I believe) noticed the discrepancies between the things Ewan said in the interviews and what we have (or haven't) seen on screen. To be fair, it concerns other actors as well (like Tom stating multiple times that Aegon and Aemond love each other no matter what and talking about Aegon's growing respect for Helaena, Fabien mentioning "he wants what she wants" thing about Criston and Alicent, Steve painting Corlys and Rhaenys' marriage in a better light that it actually looks in the show) with Aemond/Ewan situation merely being the most glaring example. And the reason it is the most glaring example is that Aemond IMO got the clumsiest and most meaningless character butchering of them all.

As for the reasons the actors (Ewan among them) keep misleading the viewers, there are several possibilities (that can - and IMO do - coexist):

While I don't think HotD cast are merely parroting the words put in their mouths by HBO team, the latter definitely give them some instructions with regards to the way they are supposed to talk about their characters and the things they need to/can't say. So, in some cases, the actors basically have to deceive the audience.

For some time now I've had an impression that the actors don't have full information on which scenes actually make it to the final version and which get cut before they see the show (once again remembering Matt Smith not knowing about "Daemon fighting Crabfeeder and his army" scene being a silent one for his character). And even if they are actually told beforehand which scenes are included in the show, I think that actors' perception of their characters are influenced by every scene they filmed (and even by some they didn't - but that's point number 3). So, during the promo the cast might take into account some scenes or plot points that we, the viewers, might never even learn about.

Each actor has their own view and opinion on their character - and this view is based not only on the script but on their own thoughts and even headcanons. I believe that is the case for the brotherly love (albeit a "weird" one) that Aegon and Aemond feel for each other according to Tom (by the way, he also mentioned the readiness for backstabbing between them being a mutual thing - define backstabbing) or for Aemond having some kind of love for and loyalty to his brother according to Ewan (define loyalty). In part this also might go for the "coloring" assigned to Aemond by Ewan.

There could be one more adjacent reason - and the saddest one: Ewan is not happy with the way Aemond's story is being told in the show (it could be noticed during several moments in the promo) and was trying his best to make the audience see the Aemond that he sees. And, well, I can't speak for other people (either fans or casual viewers) but I personally don't have it in me to judge him (or any other HotD actor doing the same thing) for it - even though, just like you, I'm not fond of being misled. Imagine giving so much thought, time, energy and love to a character, having high hopes for his development - only to be given... this. Combine it with the point number 1 (at best actors are not allowed to reveal much of what's actually going on with their characters during the promo, at worst they are told to tell lies or half-truths) and the fact that Ewan has very little experience in the 'doing promo' department - and we might just get what we, in fact, got.

[laugtherhyena]

Out of curiosity, Are you able to talk about all the characters in Danganronpa Another and what you do and don't like about them?

And out of curiosity, what is your opinion on the creator?

Be ready for a lot of rambling anon because you just opened the floodgates here.

Ok so first and foremost, I don't really feel much towards Linuj himself? That's sorta of a me thing where i tend to not care much about the creators of stuff i like so you'll never see me go like "wow i love this person they're fucking awesome" or "Goddamn that guy sucks" (unless said creator has done something genuinely awful, in that case obviously I'd dislike them) at most you see me go "that's wild" or complain about writing decisions and that's about it, none of that makes me inclined towards liking or disliking Linuj as a person. Tho as much as i rant about his games i gotta give credit where credit is due, the dude manages to make two whole games prey much all by himself and I respect that honestly.

Onto the opinions on the charcters, I'll just be doing the Dra folks because it's been years since i last went through Sdra2 and since I don't like that game nearly as much as a the first one i feel like whatever I've got to say about the characters would be really shallow in comparison to the first game's cast and that's like,, not fair? In my head?So yeah, sorry Sdra2 fans, maybe some other time.

Kiyoka Maki

Kiyoka is a character i genuinely love a lot because she feels like the most perfect execution of a first victim character in a Danganronpa type game, so much so that i am genuinely appalled that Linuj just randomly decided to pick her as the first victim like, what?? She fits that role so perfect that it genuinely feels as if she was created with the idea of being the first victim in mind rather than creating the character and only assigning the role later, from her personality, to character traits and even down to her design, everything works so well together that it's insane for me to think that he created the pinnacle of first victim characters pretty much accidentally.

Regardless, the way she was written and inserted into the story never fails to amaze me but i already went into more details about that here so go check that out cuz now i wanna take this time to talk about her as a standalone character instead of just her role in the story.

Because really, Kiyoka is such a funny character! She's just this silly girl that wants to chill out and hang out with her besties but she could also shoot you square in the face from several feet away. That immense discrepancy between her talent and personality is something i always found absolutely hilarious, tho if there's one thing i dislike about her is that i wish Linuj would have explained how she got into spining in the first place? Since it's such an out there talent that Kiyoka herself doesn't even like that I can't help but wonder how that happened. Not in a "the character NEEDED this" way, I'm just genuinely curious and I'd love to know how she got herself into that pickle.

Her interaction with everyone else in the cast are delight too, i love thinking about her and the sunshine trio going around and getting into stupid shenanigans and i think Linuj did a fantastic job writtring her and Ryutaro's relationship, it's a very realistic portrayal of sibling relationship which makes me really sad whenever i think back to ch6.5 and how Ryutaro will never be able to apologize to his sister. Fun fact! The ending segment of that chapter where we see him at Kiyoka's grave was the first time I've ever cried over anything that happened in these games.

Mitsuhiro Higa

Higa is in this weird spot where I don't dislike him but I don't like like him either, it's this limbo area where I'm way too indifferent to actively dislike him so he just exists there and I don't think about him like ever and that's pretty much it.

Seriously, it's hard for me to even think about way to say in terms of likes and dislikes when it comes to him because i just. Don't think about Higa-

One thing that sorta bothers me about him is how Linuj tried to make him a bit "heroic" in that one flashbacks sequence we see in Ch6 that shows how the class was captured. It's just comes out of nowhere and it's so jarring considering not even his FTEs try to paint Higa in a nicer light. It's also really weird to me how Kizuna, the other awful person in a similar vein as Higa, didn't got any of that treatment which is just,, off.

Kizuna Tomori

And speak of the devil! Kizuna Tomori my beloved, they could never make me hate you❤️

I actually got this question about Kizuna specifically a while ago, so go read that post so that I won have to repeat myself here.

Ayame Hatano

Do you guys know Dungeon meshi? Have you ever seen people talk about how they've improved their eating habits or are generally eating and cooking more often because of how much they like Senshi, whose main character traits revolve around proper nutrition and cooking? That's literally me but exercising frequently out of how much i love Ayame.

Honestly? I feel a little embarrassed getting to talk about my liking for her like this because this is a character that's only around for like 1/3 of the game at most? If you count flashbacks scenes and extra materials like the FTEs and the IF chapter. At the end of the day Ayame is by no means an incredibly complex character so I'm not here to ramble about how she's actually really a deep and intricately constructed character and you guys just don't see it because ultimately, she isn't.

The older i get the more i realize that this is the sort of character i tend to gravitate towards in any media i consume. Very rarely do i ever become this attached to characters who are super intricate and complex, let alone main characters, i feel like even simpler characters like Ayame who has pretty normal life in comparison to others from the cast and not a lot of crazy stuff going on in her backstory have things going for that the casual fan may not notice but are absolutely worth looking into.

And it's crazy because i like quite literally everything about Ayame from her character to her design, in fact, it was her design that initially brought my attention to her because Ayame's hair is one of my favorite hairstyles to see in any character design ever (specifically the little spiky parts on the side that stick up a little) so that immediately made me like this character a bit before i even knew anything about the game other than the death order and that it came before Sdra2. And for real, i think Ayame's design is really good, simple yet solid much like the character herself honestly.

While Ayame was always amongst one of my favorites characters from Dra, I was much more into Sdra2 back when i first got into the series so for a good while my liking for her wasn't as imense as it is nowadays, but it was definitely more than i liked any other character in the first game though i could never quite place my finger on why i liked her so damn much. It was only when i got back into the another series years later that i was hit with a wave of emotions as i remembered how much i adored this character and looking into her again with a better understanding of things made me finally piece together what made me love her so dearly. Spoiler alert, it went much beyond my dumb teenage self pointing at the phone screen and going like “she's just like me fr‼️” to the point that nowadays i really don't relate to Ayame as much as i used to back then, i guess a good term to describe her would be a comfort character of mine but that doesn't feel that right to me either? I think this level of attachment to a fictional character goes beyond that like she has a special place in my heart and I think by now I've rewatched Ch2 more than any other person in this fandom-

I think what i love the most about this character is the inherent contrast within her, one so prominent that it goes as far as blending into her sprites and expressions, she appears as a serious and maybe even a little intimidating person upon first impressions with Yuki and while those are indeed parts of her Ayame is also a caring girl with a huge heart she's just a little awkward.

She struggles quite often when it comes to communicating and socializing with her peers but i cannot stress enough just how much Ayame cares for her classmates even though she's not the best at showing that, and don't mean just Akane (though she's by far the person she was the closest to). In the Ch2 post trial we learn that Ayame had actually been affected pretty heavily by the first motive video the cast was given yet she kept it to herself which when taking into account how she wishes for the rest of the class to get along as she's leaving for her execution reads to me as Ayame genuinely caring for the others as well to the point she wanted them to see her as strong so that they could also remain strong amidst the despair, and if that isn't enough to show her care then just look at the fact that this girl went as far as reopening an old wound on her leg, one that brought her so much pain and despair in the past, as a means of apology to all of them in case she managed to win the class trial (+ i personally believe this was also a self inflicted punishment for killing Kizuna since Ayame is well aware that she could have tried to save her instead of leaving her to bleed out with a knife on her neck, but that's more on the interpretation side than in-game implications.)

And this is where the nuance of this character comes in because while Ayame is a good person at heart, and a courageous and determined one at that, she's not beyond being cruel and getting her hands dirty in order to protect those she loves, but amidst this desire there's also a heap of selfishness in her acts that Ayame herself admits in the post trial as being the reason why she didn't just admit she was the killer from the start. She killed to spare Akane's life from an unavoidable execution but at the same time she wasn't free from the urge to take that as a chance to leave hope's peak academy herself and that's just,, ough man i love when characters can be brutal yet kind, selfless and selfish at the same time and i think this conflicting aspect of hers is what truly makes this character special.

So much so that i feel like if you just look at chapter 2’s case purely from a “clean” perspective where Ayame wanted to save Akane and there's not much more to that then you're missing out on the most interesting aspect of both the trial and her character and if that's as deep as most viewers tend to interpret her actions then it's no wonder why she's commonly deemed not very memorable and tends to be reduced to her relationship with Akane.

Yes, what she did was noble and it truly showed just how much she cared for Akane when she was willing to give up her own life and dreams for the future if it meant sparing her from a terrible fate, but you can't just gloss over the fact that at the same time Ayame had the selfish desire to use that as an opportunity to escape, and most importantly in my opinion we shouldn't ignore the fact that this sacrifice came in the form or brutally murdering someone she had the opportunity to try saving. It's just as cruel as it is noble yet simultaneously intertwined with Ayame's own selfish desires and wow! This character makes me unwell❤️

So yeah, in conclusion i like Ayame a whole lot and i wish more people would acknowledge the fact that she's kinda of a little freak too.

Kakeru Yamaguchi

So Kakeru is a weird one, in concept i like him quite a bit! I love the gentle giant archetype and i think the idea of him switching into a more assertive and loud personality in trials is really cool, but much like Kakeru as a whole, that is pretty underutilized and results in a character that could have been so much better than what we actually got in game.

I get the feeling that Linuj didn't really know what to do with Kakeru, he had a handfuls of ideas but there was no proper execution for them and he so he was sorta just,, there for the ride. I think what bothers me the most is how dumb he is in the trials, sure, DR trials aren't at all similar to the real life ones he would have been used to going to due to his talent, but that doesn't excuse the fact that Kakeru is surprisingly dumb in both the trials he's in when he should at least be able to argue and bring more to the table than just be another one of the characters that goes "i don't get it" or says something blantantly wrong for Maeda to refute. + If he smarter than that then maybe he could have been one of the characters to oppose Tsurugi more directly, since he is a lawyer and Kinjo has his "all criminals are scum" mentality. It would have fit well in with the characters and storyline but because Kakeru is such a nothing burger that role ended up being passed to Kinji since he's one of the few smart characters in Dra.

Still, none of that makes me dislike him it's just a little disappointing and ultimately makes him one of the people I don't think about very often but he's still a pretty sweet dude who i think it's pretty silly and funny in his interaction with the others from the cast so yeah, he's neat :]

Kanata Inori

You know, Kanata wasn't a character i originally thought much about but the more i looked into her the more i started loving this character, simultaneously, i felt disapointed of how underutilized she was in the story, but I'll get into that later.

Kanata is just such a sweetheart and you can really feel how much she cares for everyone during her interactions with the cast during the storyline, she's also quite useful in the trials she was in seeing as she was able to perform autopsies and give Yuki information that he probably wouldn't have known otherwise which more often than not ends up being pretty decisive in figuring out who the culprit is. I also really enjoy her backstory and how Ando's kindness in working to save her life despite the borderline nonexistent chances of her making out alive inspired her in such a way that Kanata decided to pursue a medical career so she could bravely save people just like he saved her! They're one of the sweetest family relationships in this series in my opinion so much so i get so sad whenever i rewatch ch6.5 and get to the part where Ando talks about Kanata and how she's an amazing kid :(

Much like Kakeru, the one thing i dislike about this character is that she was ultimately underutilized in the story, but whereas Kakeru's came from the fact that his character is an unorganized mess of ideas, Kanata had things going for her, they just weren't shown through most of the time she was on screen for whatever reason. Seriously, why was she reduced to the emotional character who cries all the time? I get that she's very nice and cares a lot for her classmates but c'mon, she worked at a hospital she should be able to deal with the situation at least a little better instead of bawling her eyes out whenever something bad happened.

Kanata hit a yakuza member on the head in the middle of a gang fight so that she could treat him properly once, she can be fierce and assertive when the situation calls for it, so why did she never do that in the main story?? This is absolutely baffling to me because it genuinely does such a disservice to the character and can end up driving people away from learning more about, like if i wasn't writing for an AU where she was a major character during the time she was alive I don't think i would have looked deeper into this character and learned how incredible she is because the main story made me think of her as just "the emotional one who cries all the time".

I also feel like it was a missed opportunity to not have her being the one who died trying to save the other ch3 victim. Like c'mon, her backstory shows us how she can often put other's safety before her own, that would have fit so well.

Kinji Uehara

Just like Kakeru, he's also a character I don't think much about but that comes from personal preference rather than feeling as if he was underutilized in story. Kinji just isn't the kind of character i tend to pay much mind to and that's ok! I do think he's a pretty interesting character, with his deal with the orphanage and also being the traitor in the game, i also enjoy how he always made his opinions clear to everyone like when he left the group because he didn't agree with Tsurugi's way of going about things and how he stood up against him and called him out in his hypocrisy in the Ch3 post trial.

If there's one thing I don't like about Kinji's is how linuj structured his murder plan, his method are SO violent for a character who had a noble motive and wasn't just some kind of crazy serial killer. Kakeru's make sense, since he was trying to stop him as fast as he could but i just don't understand why he still went on to kill Kanata when he had already killed someone (which was all he needed to do according to his deal with Monokuma), we're never told that Kanata saw it was him who attacked her, so why did ge insist on killing her anyway? Just because he had the plan set already? A plan that was also uncharacteristically brutal for a guy like Kinji. Seriously, when i first spoiled myself of all deaths in this game i got to Ch3 and thought "oh so he's the token crazy serial killer character" and while i was happy that he wasn't that, it's jarring that he got so violent out of nowhere + his breakdown in trial also feels pretty out of character in my eyes.

Haruhiko Kobashikawa

See, Haru is a cool guy, him Satsuki and Teruya (for a good part of the game) are essentially DRA's comedic relief characters and I've always had a big soft spot for those in DR games, when my faves inevitably die really early it's there character's inclusion that keep me watching the rest of the game!.. And then they die and struggle to get myself to watch the final chapters because most of the remaining characters are people I don't care nearly as much for- (thank god Ch5 has Mikako and Teruya survived the whole game)

But the thing is, when it comes to Haru himself I don't actually have much to say about him? He reminds me a lot of Kiyoka in the sense that he's a pretty normal guy for his age with a really out there talent that he's crazy good at. I think where Haruhiko really shines is not in his actions during Ch4 (tho that was amazing too, i can totally see why this is so many people's favorite chapter/case in Dra), but in his interactions with the other character because pretty much every single one of them are just so endearing to watch, regardless he's just being a dumbass or getting into trouble, in fact! I quite enjoy how he's a little hot headed (not sure if that's the right term)? The dude stands his ground and is not afraid of getting into fights if something's bothering him a lot, tho his own shortcomings and paranoia can often get the best out of him and he'll be sorta of an asshole and makes him feel so real to me, like he's just some dumb teen bound to make mistakes in a dangerous situation like the killing game and i really like that.

If i had to think of one thing i dislike about him I'd say is how he was characterized in the Ch6 flashback segment, like, by that point him and Satsuki are a couple right? So why was he trying to hit on the random Kisaragi fundation worker? That's not necessary out of character for him, but it's really weird that he's doing that despite havinya girlfriend of her own (smh Haru, i expected better from you).

Satsuki Iranami

Satsuki isn't a character i talk about a lot but i like her a lot! Not only is she a genuinly funny character who i love seeing her interactions with pretty much anyone in the cast, but i find her relationship with her family and the way she goes about it really interesting. I think anyone who've seen Satsuki's FTEs can tell that her family is insanely abusive, creating an environment of making their kids compete and compare themselves to one another on who's the best clown and treating Satsuki like absolutely garbage since she's considered the worst of them. Hell, I'm pretty sure they only sent her to hope's peak so they could get rid of her since she was of age to attend which is just,, damn. This is a fucking awful place to grow up in.

Yet Satsuki herself isn't a sad person nor do we ever see her get really depressed and upset when talking about her family, at most she looks a little sad and, unfortunately, agrees with them that she's the worst of the clows while sticking to not crying or sulking about it, instead she goes on to keep being silly and joking around which has always striked me more as a coping mechanism instead of "Satsuki it's too stupid to realize how terrible her family situation is" because as goofy as she is i do get the feeling that she knows her situation is absolutely awful but doesn't know a great way to cope with it other than what she's already doing.

And this seeing this strange coping mechanism explains so much about the way she acts in the killing game, she keeps joking around even during trials or when faces with murder motives because she just wants to remain happy and tries to see if maybe doing so will lift up the spirits of her classmates as well. Not saying that this is by any means a healthy coping mechanism, like, no, Satsuki girl it's okay to cry and be upset over terrible things, be it her family situation or the killing game, but this is nevertheless the most fascinating aspect of this character to me.

And once you take that into accound, it makes perfect sense why she was choosen to be sorta the "hope beacon" of the cast in Ch4 because really, that's just what Satsuki's Been doing the whole game. Tho i do wish this aspect was given more of a spotlight even in Ch4 itself because on first watch (without going through her FTEs) it felt a little jarring to me how Satsuki "randomly" became really important, but i consider that more of a nippick in comparison to other things I've complained about here.

Yamato Kisaragi

Oh right, this guy! He exists in the same indifference limbo as Higa but only because I don't think about him that often (so much so i forget he exists sometimes) because whenever i do think about him he gets violently pushed onto the active dislike section. Which is really funny to me considering Yamato is the perfect and super cool genius guy of the first another game, and that's a big point on my lack of care for him. The game insists in telling us how awesome Yamato is, how all of his classmates like him and how much of a hero he was for try to save them both in the Ch6 flashback and in the IF chapter, and i think that's exactly what made me feel such insane annoyance/repulse towards this character to the point that I'll see him and just groan and roll my eyes.

He's a character the story actively wants us to like but he's just so bland and generic that this push just annoys me and i feel nothing towards him as a person, the fact that we barely see him be himself in the game doesn't help either since he died almost as soon as he's introduced and all we have are flashbacks, the other character's opinions/memories of the guy and his Ai version. And even when we do see Kisaragi be himself in the IF chapter, his role there is like,, textbook generic anime nice guy protag and i just feel?? Insane???

His bland ass is like a piece of wet cardboard to me that i see people point at and act like it's the coolest thing ever and i just look down at it in my hands and think, i don't get it. I don't see it.

And don't even get me started on how Linuj fucking side lined Mikako's role and character in favor of giving this guy the spotlight by having him come in as if he's the goddamn saving grace of the killing game and solve all the mysteries that were set and build up BY ANOTHER CHARACTER, because nooooooooooo we can't have Mikako do that, it has to be Kisaragi because he's THE. GUY. EVER. ISN'T HE JUST SO FUCKING AMAZING EVERYONE????????

This makes me. Genuinely so mad and since I'd rather not pop a vein while raging as i write this go look at this post if you wanted to see me ramble a little more on this part.

Wow, after this it's tricky for me to even think of a positive to say, uhm.. I guess his relationship with Mikako is nice? I do like how it genuinely seems like they care a lot for one another tho sometimes this care can come off the wrong way and lead to arguments between the two, like how Yamato was avoiding and being rude to Mikako during that flashback sequence i keep mentioning over and over even tho she could tell there was something wrong with him and just wanted to help. They're sweet and tragic when thinking about how they met their ends but I can't feel much on that regard seeing how many,, feelings. I have towards Yamato.

Mikako Kurokawa

You know i feel like we as a fandom don't talk enough about the horror that Mikako goes through during the killing game. She never lost her memories, she remembers these people being friends and having strong bonds with other another and she's just forced to sit there and watch as they forget everything and murder each other without knowing of what she knows, and if Mikako does as much as try to say a few words regarding what she knows her head already starts splitting into two and she'll have headaches so bad they'll make her pass out and puke blood. And that's without counting the fact that she's left completely in the dark about her brother's whereabouts through most of the game and when she does reunite with him is in the worst way possible because Yamato’s mental state is even worse than hers and he dies not long after with her being blamed for his murder. She had the worst time ever in that game and i feel like it really isn't an understatement to say she suffered through the whole thing.

And that's where Mikako's spirit really shines because despite all the pain she went through, both physical and mental, she always held onto hope and wanted to help her friends even if her options were incredibly limited. She cared for each and every single one of them to the point she even wanted to try and save Yuki and Akane even though she knew they were the masterminds because she thought that with their memories erased they could embrace hope as well and come out of that as better people, and in her very last moments she still wished to help the remaining characters and kept talking even though she knew it would kill her. That's such an insane level of courage and determination from her part that it never fails to impress me.

She's such an insane character I can't help but feel like we were robbed when she died, especially when it happened before she could unravel all the mysteries Mikako had help build up through the entirety of the game and instead we get her amazing and so cool brother doing that and getting all the spotlight instead of Mikako herself.. How nice.

But i think what bothers me the most about her death is that it was so?? Unnecessary?? Like, what did it do for her character arc? It feels like she died more because Linuj wanted her to die than because it felt fitting for the character’s journey to end where it did, and you can't tell me it wouldn't have been awesome to see her in Sdra2 and how she'd react learning that her shitty mother was one of the reason why that second killing game happened in the first place.

I explained my thoughts on Mikako's death in a nicer manner in this other post so please go check that out because I will never not be upset over her death in this game, especially when her execution ends in a way that she would have survived if she wasn't already dead by the time started.. that just felt like an unnecessary fuck you from Linuj’s part-

Akane Taira

Another character I've rambled about in the past and so don't feel like reiterating it all here (this post is getting REALLY long), so yeah, check it out but tldr, I think Akane is a really cool character and i think writing her so frequently in -2+2 has made me not only get a better understanding of her character but also like her a lot more too!

Yuki Maeda

As y'all know, Dra Yuki>>>>>>>>Sdra2 Yuki always and forever in my heart ❤️

Seriously, for someone who tends to really not give a fuck about the protagonists in DR games it genuinely surprised me how much i grew to enjoy Dra Yuki after i went through the game's full translation and realized “Woah! He isn't the same universal punching back as the Sdra2 one!” Because prior to that i was under the impression that both Yuki acted and were treated the exact same by the game's storyline and as you can probably tell I don't like Sdra2 Yuki all that much.

Dra Yuki differs because not only does the game not try to force the horrors upon him constantly but he feels very human in his actions, he's just some guy not the embodiment of good or a hope hype man so he's bound to get a little sick of this shit sometimes and make mistakes. We see this during Ch4 in his argument with Akane and also in Ch2 where he decides to break the groups trust by reading the secret note anyway which later comes back to bite him when the cast finds out, and this really stood out to me and made him instantly more interesting than other protags in my eyes, although I'm pretty sure this nuance of his character was done as a way to foreshadow his reveal as Utsuro/The mastermind.

Either ways, it ended up creating one of my favorite protags of any DR type game + i do really like the twist of the protagonists being the mastermind at the end of the day, it was something super unique by the time Dra first came out and it's still something i haven't seen be done in any other fangan (tho to be fair I don't look much into those anymore nowadays-)

It's hard for me to pick something i dislike about him since he's overall just a neat guy in my eyes but if i had to pull something I'd say he constantly taking Tsurugi's side feels kinda annoying at times? Sometimes it feels like he just glosses over some of the nasty stuff Kinjo says, like when he questioned why the group for kicking out Kinjo in Ch3 as if he hadn't just told Akane to kill herself right after she saw her best friend be grinded into minced meat. Like okay buddy i get that you see good in Kinjo and you wanna help him, but he really deserves to get a good slap in the face sometimes and the others are rightfully mad at him.

Utsuro

Not much to say here honestly, i feel like i like the idea of Utsuro and what he brings to the table in terms of world building, how his presence and powers affect the others around him and even the story itself. The idea of someone with insane luck powers he can't control that made his life miserable since he could achive literally anything with no effort and everyone he met only wanted to exploit said powers which led to him falling into the despair ideology since by that point it was the one thing that made him feel something it's just so,, wow man, thats some crazy angst and such an unique way to explore the borderline magical luck that exist in the DR franchise.

I love thinking about him in that vein but as a character?.. Erh, i really don't care nor think much about Utsuro at all. Which in a way, i suppose isn't all that different from how the world saw him in universe? How ironic.

Teruya Otori

By far my favorite out of the survious though I'm not sure how to explain why i like Teruya so much? I feel like part of it comes from the soft spot for comedic relief characters i talked about earlier and the rest from the way he was written in the story.

It's crazy because i feel like Teruya's writing in itself really highlights the changes in the way Linuj viewed and went about characters by the time he started working on Sdra2, i feel like if Teruya was a character that originated from that game he would be portrayed as a bad person who you shouldn't sympathize for even though he has his reasonings for acting the way he does sometimes, sorta like how Linuj tends to punish Hibiki even tho she was the bigger victim at the end of the way.

Just like Haruhiko he feels very real to me and his character arc through Dra has gotta be one of my favorites. Teruya is not a bad person, he's a good kid at heart but the severity of the situation they're in and the stuff that gets forced upon him gets to him a lot which leads to Teruya lashing out at his friends and doing some pretty bad things here and there, yet he's never portrayed as an awful person that shouldn't be forgiven or shit and he does change for the better at the end of the day. He went through a lot and came out bigger and stronger on the other side and is a shame this kind of character arc isn't properly used in Sdra2 since Linuj's mentality became so black and white out of nowhere.

I love this little guy, I'm so glad he survived the killing game though unfortunately the same can't be said for the second one but honestly? Teruya's entire role in that story was such a mess, and sometimes even a detriment to his character in my opinion, that nowadays I can't even feel that sad over his death anymore. While there are a handful of things that bother me a lot about it, like the amnesia plot just because Linuj seems to hate actually building up to things in that game and his entire role in ch4 (seriously. What was that. Why.), i think what i dislike the most is the fact that he ended up being permadead while Rei escaped the killing game fine.

I know Linuj actually gave a good explanation to why it happened (unlike Mikako's barely explained sudden brain explosion), but still, it feels like such a mean thing to do to someone who's been through so much and still tried his hardest while being in a dangerous and unpredictable situation. My guy was done dirty in that game.

Rei Mekaru and Tsurugi Kinjo

Grouping these two together because i feel like my opinions on both of them are not only pretty much the same but they also stem from the same place, so yeah-

Don't get me wrong, these two are very interesting characters and I'd argue they're one of the more complex ones in the cast as well, not only because they make it through both games but also because of their own personal backgrounds and how that shaky upbringing affected the kind of person they became as they grew older. With Tsurugi living under his father's black and white ideologies of criminals being deserving of death no matter what and falling deeper and deeper into that the more friends he loses during his life and Rei being abandoned (albeit unintentionally?) by her parents at an young age which led to her working hard to get where she's at now which not only made her quite used to being on her own but also loathe those who "take the easy" way and want all awnsers handed to them on a silver platter, which explains why she's so rude to the rest of the cast since she wants them to figure out stuff on their own too.

There's a lot to look into these characters and it makes sense why so many people like them a lot, I'm however not the biggest fan of this type of character (tho i feel like that lies more in their personality than anything else?) so i never looked much into them before i started writing DRA -2+2 and decided to look into everyone in the cast to get a better grip on their characters. And man, writing these two really did give me a newfound appreciation and love for them! They're such fun characters to write and have interacting with the rest of the cast. Tho i wouldn't by any means say i have a proper understanding of them, i feel like that's a bit out of my league still.

If there's one thing I'm not a big fan if is that i wish we would have seen more of those two in Sdra2 instead of them just having a major role in Ch6, AKA; the messiest chapter in this entire series. Like, would it have hurt that badly to not have the Void theather segments and instead cut to small scenes at the Kisaragi foundation showing what the characters are doing and how they're reacting and planing to go about interfering with Mikado's killing game? I feel like that would have been so much more interesting than watching Emma bother Hajime with bad puns while Nikei and Iroha continue being the same assholes they've always been + it would have made Tsurugi's backwards development less of a shock to see whenever Ch6 actually rolls around.

Anyways, to wrap up this massive post here's what i hope will be the definitive Carol Dra cast tierlist

[queerfables]

Since I've been talking about 'Wilson', I have one other thing to say about why it's an incredible episode that didn't really fit my last post. Out of all the amazing things about it, maybe my favourite is that we get to see Wilson lie. Obviously this isn't actually unusual. Wilson lies a lot. Maybe more than anyone else on the show?? He ranks highly on the Everybody Lies list, for sure. But in this episode, we see Wilson lying from Wilson's point of view, and it really drives home just how completely shameless and convincing he can be.

We know he's a good liar because he regularly deceives his human lie detector best friend - at least for a while, and when he's caught it's mostly discrepancies in the facts that give him away, not his poker face. But it's hard to fully appreciate it until you see him go directly from a conversation to lying about it. And here, we see him go from:

Wilson: You're moving in with Lucas? Cuddy: Yes. Wilson: [...] You want my blessing, and implicitly, House's blessing.

To:

House: What did [Cuddy] want? Wilson: She was checking up on [the patient]. House: That's it? Wilson: Like what? Something about you? Something you could interpret as being about you? An anagram maybe?

He accuses Cuddy to her face of having House-related ulterior motives in their conversation, and then turns around and ridicules House for thinking the same thing. He does it without flinching! He almost convinced me and I'd just watched the interaction that contradicted his words.

What I love about this is that it's not just a lie. It's passive aggressive manipulation. He sarcastically implies that House is narcissistic and deluded to sell it. I mean, he has to, because if it was true that's what he'd say and House wouldn't believe anything less. And it probably helps that Wilson's criticisms will roll right off House's back while hearing that Cuddy and Lucas are moving in together will hit a lot harder. He's lying to protect House, after all. But still, watching this and then thinking about all the other times he's lied effortlessly and without a second's hesitation makes me so passionately insane about him. The layers of doublethink going into maintaining his precarious honour code... I would fight House in a combat style of his choosing for the research grant to study Wilson's brain.

[belphiesgirlfriend]

Judging Obey me! Brothers bedrooms/hcs cause why not

——————————————————————————

Lucifer:

• freakishly neat

• like you know those people that are so perfect/symmetrical that they’re almost scary, that’s his room

• type of guy to say “ah i was just tidying up, this place is such a mess!” and one thing on his desk is moved a centimeter to the left

• satan and belphie definitely come in there sometimes and move everything off by an inch

• it fucking enrages him

• he gets on the brothers asses to clean their rooms

• they don’t listen

• at most, if he’s drunk or had a really long day he might leave his clothes on the floor or his toothbrush out

• he’s such an old man he’d be doing math equations to fold his fucking sheets exactly

• really though, i feel like it’s a total control thing

• i mean my dudes entire life is out of his control, a pride demon, who’s very about control

• his brothers don’t really listen to him, he’s indebted to diavolo, etc.

• i think it probably brings him a lot of comfort to have one controlled space for himself, where he knows where everything is and has everything how he wants it

• sorry got a little deep but yk

• also???? the skeleton dude??????

• like i love him he’s iconic BUT WHY LMAO

• imagine you wake up in the middle of the night AND IT FUCKING MOVES

• nah i’d be packing my bags and staying at purgatory hall for the rest of the week thank you!

• coming back with a bible and some holy water

——————————————————————————

Mammon:

• complete and utter 180

• his room is such a mess it’s a problem

• plates, glasses, ramen cups, wrappers, all over his nightstand and floor

• when the garbage is going out he’ll come down the stairs balancing so much trash he could make a goddamn acrobat jealous😭

• only thing that’s truly spotless is his car

• if you nag him enough he’ll clean up a bit though, though definitely complain

• clothes are a whole other thing, he has an insane amount of clothing, not more than asmo, but a genuinely absurd amount

• because of this, his floor is always covered in clothes

• his room is probably one of the messiest, rivaled only by belphie

• but mammon definitely wins by a long shot

• the biggest reason his rooms a mess is just cause of the pure amount of stuff he has

• bros a grade A hoarder, he’s got stuff in there you didn’t even think existed

• he also just,, isn’t in his room super often

• he likes going out and doing stuff, plus he’s usually working jobs + modeling to fund his spending

• and if he’s not, then he’s probably in mc’s room so it makes sense he doesn’t care as much

• his bathroom though…is surprisingly clean

•on the surface at least

• he’s got a shit ton of skincare and hygiene products, some makeup too (definitelyyy not stolen from asmo)

• he’s a model so he definitely takes good care of himself

• though..i don’t think he’d ever deep clean his bathroom, or know to, if you asked him he’d be like “what no?? the sink cleans itself with the water!”💀

——————————————————————————

Levi:

• his room really isn’t all that dirty

• i mean he’s in there all the time so it’s at the very least habitable

• his biggest issue is really just having a bunch of dirty dishes he’s too “busy” to take down to the kitchen

• his idea of busy is being huddled up in blankets watching season 3 of “I’m a generic anime protagonist who just met a really pretty girl at school but i’m painfully socially awkward and then i find out she’s my childhood friend who moved away???”

• his figures though…

• shockingly well taken care of, like he’s literally the perfect owner he cleans and dusts them obsessively

• if anyone touches them, he knows.

• he has them positioned in a very specific way, he’s able to notice even the slightest discrepancy

• he’s a really good caretaker to the things he cares about

• henry 2.0 for example, his tank is always spotless, he’s well fed and treated very well.

• levi is also very hygienic, he takes good care of himself too generally,

• though he sometimes needs to be reminded to eat, drink, sleep, etc. cause of a new anime or game coming out

•when that happens he’s even more holed up in his room, if he’s close with the mc he might drag them with him, prepare yourself to be trapped in there

• his setup is godly, i don’t know much about pc building but i know he has the good shit

• you’ve seen his room, bro has 4 monitors WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!?!?!?

• got the mic with the pop filter too you know he’s absolutely violating the other people in the cod lobby

——————————————————————————

Satan:

• messy, but not dirty

• cluttered would probably be the best word

• his main issue is just his INSANE amount of books and cat hair…lots of cat hair.

• when he’s fostering a cat his bed is covered in the stuff it’s horrible

• the cat may be cute but the full sized scarf you can make out of its hair sure isn’t!

• you better hope your mc isn’t allergic cause you literally won’t be able to enter his room if you are

• not to say he doesn’t clean it, cause he does, he has that sticky rolly thingy

•but i swear to god it’s like it’s glitter THERES ALWAYS MORE😭😭

• his books are a fucking hazard

• cause why are the stacks so high and so close to his bed💀

• i know for a fact they’ve collapsed on him while he was sleeping

• multiple times

• he’s learned not to keep any cursed books in the stacks by his bed as a result of this

• also with that fucking candle right there???????

• bro has no self preservation skills apparently

——————————————————————————

Asmo:

• goes without saying, he’s neat

• not a clean freak like lucifer, but he likes to have everything in order to make his life easier

• his makeup and skincare especially, he has a mini fridge for it and all

• an absurd amount of perfume too, his room is like a bath and body works but with more high end stuff

• this extends to his bags too, if your out or at RAD and need perfume he’s gonna pull out like 6 and be like “take your pick!”

• but back to his room, his room smells so fucking good

• it also just has a really calming energy, it’s very comfy

• he’s strict though, no outside clothes on his bed, shoes off at the door, etc. etc.

• there’s usually a lot of bags around from his shopping sprees

• type of dude to have a white noise machine or something when he sleeps just get that vibe from him

• another clutter guy, his room is one of the best with cleanliness, but there’s lots of stuff in his room, it’s cute though, he pulls it off

• i really don’t have any complaints about his room at all, it’s cute and clean so he gets a pass

——————————————————————————

Beel:

•hmmm

•i’m putting beel and belphie’s separate cause i’m criticizing their separate sides

• he’s not overly clean but not overly dirty either

• his room really is a perfect limbo

• except for his bed

• his bed is fucking disgusting

• i just know theres crumbs EVERYWHERE

• you lie in his bed and it makes a fucking crunch sound

• okay joking he’s not that nasty, i’m sure he’d probably change his sheets frequently

• if for no other reason, cause of belphie getting annoyed at him cause his beds uncomfy to lay on

• but with all the midnight snacking he does i would not be surprised if he brought half the fridge back with him at night

• his room itself i’m thinking is pretty clean, probably some clothes on the floor etc, but he never lets it get too bad

• unlike some people (i am staring directly at mammon and belphie)

• when he has his midnight escapades he pretty much always brings the dishes back in the morning so it’s not a huge problem.

——————————————————————————

Belphie:

• clothes everywhere

• him and mammon definitely are the worst offenders

• but listen he probably doesn’t let it get nearly as bad as mammons cause of him trying to be considerate of beel

• but if he was in a room alone…good god

• he just simply doesn’t have the energy to put shit away

• some things will sit on his floor for weeks, months, years, decades, before he moves it

• a lot of the time it winds up being beel who grabs his stuff and puts it where it’s supposed to be

• this is why he’s such a brat, always getting spoiled smh

• his bed though..

• the most comfortable thing you will ever have the privilege of laying on

• there’s so many blankets and a shitload of pillows, it smells good, ur instantly so warm and comfy and the mattress is so soft you literally sink into it

• it feels like you’re literally on a cloud you’ll never find a better sleeping spot

• no wonder he never wants to get up

• i cant help but think that the twins room is a little boring, so it’s hard to give a lot of commentary on it

• i wish there was more personality like with the other bedrooms in the HOL

• seriously though they gave them the 2017 opposite twins sims 4 speedbuild delux😭

——————————————————————————

[f0point5]

I really love thinking about the nicknames that drivers are given.

For the Ferraris there’s il predestinato/maranello’s sun and smooth operator/chili.

Like one has the weight of a nation on his shoulders, predestined to be glorious and bring back the championship to Maranello. He is the golden boy who’s grown in front of their eyes.

The other sang a song during a race and he’s spicy???

Then with the mercs you have billion dollar man and Mr. Saturday.

Lewis Hamilton is just that guy, he’s known by all and all that. He’s got the records/wins/championships/investments/money. And George does really good on Saturdays.

With hulkenberg it’s just hulk because it’s in his name.

The Red Bulls you have super max and the Mexican minister of defense. Which are both great nicknames to have, but then you look at Checo’s 2023 season and you have to question it. Max also had mad max for his ability to terrorize all the older drivers with moves they thought were insane.

Daniel’s got the honey badger and he’s made it his. He looks all nice and non threatening with all his smiles and jokes, but give him a good car this man will make your life miserable. (Nico Rosberg talking about how when he was with Merc and they were pitting none of them wanted to come out near Daniel because he’d either overtake you or not let you overtake him)

It’s so funny to compare the nicknames between teammates. Because one is usually something legendary and the other has a silly little fun nickname.

Personally I think Mr. Saturday should be revoked. He is Mr. Friday lately he doesn’t turn up on the weekends. Also, it’s a very smug sounding nickname which I guess suits George but it just annoys me. Also this is SO random but Mr. Saturday reminds me of “Mr. Exclusive” from Bruce Almighty for no reason.

The discrepancy between the Ferrari nicknames is staggeringggggg and I think it says it all really 😂 Il Predestinato sounds like something out of a book co-authored by Umberto Eco and Tolkien and Carlos’s friends drunkenly called him Charlie then Chilli and now it’s a thing…dead

I’ve got attached to the honey badger thing because Daniel wears it with such flair but ngl I hate it logically.

Checo…parliament is voting on a new minister after Brazil that’s all I’ll say on dat.

Mad Max was a very sexy nickname but I feel like it was kind of mean considering how many people still hold that aggression against him. Super Max for me always reminds me of that scene in DTS season 2 where Max wins at red bull ring with the Honda guy there and he’s crying when Max wins standing with Christian and he goes “super max” is a Japanese accent. It’s just the cutest thing! I sort of feel like Max deserves a more epic nickname but at the same time it’s sort of poetic that he has pretty standard ones despite all he’s achieved, because even if he’s the best there ever was he’s still so normal. Idk there’s synergy there.

[emilsgrippers]

Gidgette post Gidgette likers please don’t scroll (or scroll whatever…!!!see if I care…)

Bridgette loves monster high and one day her and Geoff are talking hanging out yk and he accidentally makes a monster high reference (he’s never watched it.he doesn’t even know what it is) and Bridgette is like shocked she’s over the moon. she already loves him SO much but she loves him even more now if it’s even possible

she’s like Geoff you watch monster high you’re a monster high fan?!!! and he’s like ohhh shit dude.i gotta impress her i already messed up and he’s like yeah babe!!!

so she tells him EVERYTHING she loves about the show and he’s just like “yeah, yeah, uh-huh! yeah” because he’s realizing now that he messed up. so she tells him her favorite character is lagoona blue and later that day Geoff decides he needs to figure out what the hell a lagoona blue is.

So he’s sitting at his computer and he searched up “lagoona” because he fucking forgot the second part of her name like a moron. so he searched lagoona and beep boop bop BAM. he sees a lot of g3 lagoona

he sees that she’s pink and suddenly remembers that the second part of her name was BLUE. so he doesn’t scroll any more and calls Brody and he’s like dude my girl bridge yk she likes this show ..she said her favorite character from it was lagoona blue so I searched her up… and she’s pink.

And Brody’s on the other line like WHAT thats stupid man why would they name her lagoona blue if she’s pink??and Geoff’s like idk. Hes like I gotta get into this for Bridgette tho,, and Brody’s like uh yeah man you do!!!

and before Geoff goes Brody’s all like hey, u gotta ask Bridgette why the hell theres such a discrepancy between her name and her design bro!!and Geoff’s like I will don’t worry

So next day he sees Bridgette and he’s like hey bridge!!and she’s like hiiii baby!!!!

and they’re yk talkin and all of the sudden Geoff’s like yk, your fav character lagoona blue who u were talking about yesterday yeah I’ve always wondered— why is her name ‘blue’ but she’s..pink?

and Bridgette just looks at him so unimpressed it’s actually insane . she just looks at him and frowns, so now Geoff’s getting all worried and she goes

Geoff it’s okay if you’ve never actually watched the shows or the movies..and Geoff just sulks in defeat

but on a very serious note why is lagoona blue pink now ☹️ I haven’t watched or seen monster high stuff in SO LONG and the next thing I know they’ve mangled my favorite character I desperately need to get back into monster high ………..

[otomelavenderhaze]

I can't stop thinking about the cave dialogue in which Rayan talks about Chloé, his ex wife, therefore I went back to read whole scene back from University Life episode 8, because what Rayan describes in episode 17 of LL is too diferent from that UL episode and from everything I could remember about it.

It's not to say that I caught some sort of insane discrepancy and AHÁ!

It's more because I find it interesting and I thought maybe others would find it interesting as well. So first I wanna show you what Rayan says in episode 8 of UL (which I never translated before until this post):

In my playthrough of it, back in the day, I asked him directly if he have a wife, which he answers yes first and then the proceeds to talk about it...

"And she will forever be my wife. But the last time we saw each other was seven years ago. Already… seven years… My wife, Chloé, died seven years ago. In a terrorist attack. Some savages came in shooting. No fixed target. In shop windows, in people and even in children."

"There were many wounded, and fortunately few dead. But Chloé is one of those who didn't survive… All that happened seven long years ago. It took me time. At first I didn't want to move. I wanted to keep everything, the smallest memory."

Now why I am showing this 4 panells?

This is important to understand how she died, how sad Rayan showed us to be about her death and his attachment towards Chloé.

He even goes as far to say:

"We met in high school and we got married at 23, in a hurry. We didn't tell anyone. But I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything was all roses."

Candy asks him, how so?

"We often quarreled. We stayed together for a long time, we didn't get to know anyone but each other and, sometimes, we even doubted. But when she left… I was torn apart."

Now we will never know why they used to fight, what made them marry so young and so quickly to the point where he implies they didn't even had a wedding ceremony.

Which makes this difficult to understand what compelled both of them to take such actions - maybe they they were just impulsive, but without a reason behind such impulsivity it's hard to tell if it was warrant or not.

But then, the actual panel that made me do this post in the first place eventually comes up in that same conversation with Candy:

"I loved her with all my soul. Before anything else, she was my best friend. But, sorry… I opened up too much…"

And I believe he did, regardless of anything else, because it makes sense for Rayan's character to marry someone for love.

That's the kind of "person" he is, that's why when he falls for Candy, he's ready to assume so many risks and even later talks about leaving his job for her just so they could have a less tense relationship.

This sets up him to be someone that would intensily love another person and do everything for them - they being Chloé or Candy.

I could say this is actually the point of that whole conversation: to show that he isn't someone that takes love lightly or shallowly, which helps us readers to trust his intentions and to believe that, yes, for love he would indeed be honorable, truth and passionate, instead of a player or a man that just wants to have fun with one of his students.

Not mentioning that he presents himself as a tortured soul that lost a wife tragically and never fell in love ever since, but falls in love for you, the reader, because you're special and irreplaceable, is something very flattering and, even, I dare say, romantic.

Meow meow is sad and you're the only one who can fix that for him.

Personally, I don't like how mcl writes grief, I don't think they know how to dose it without losing their hand, so it comes off as shallow for me, but I guess it serves as another thing: Chloe was loved by Rayan, but Candy needs to be special. The player needs to feel special.

Which brings us to this part of the conversation:

"Every women had something of her own. I saw her everywhere. And yet, it's been seven years. Since then, I have been unable to get involved with another woman, in a new relationship. Even in a simple friendship."

"Until… I met you. I don't know… For the first time, I met someone who has none of her. For the first time, I felt entitled not to think about her."

I understand why in an otome game is important to get the romance right and make the player feel compelled to play the character's route, after all, who wouldn't want to feel special, even if it's only on a game - that's why we have so many MCs or main characters in videogames that are heroes, that cares of others or the place they belong to.

However, I will say, maybe they should've worded it differently, maybe it's not so much about feeling entitled to not think about her, but when I realized, I wasn't searching for her traits on you, I wasn't thinking about her anymore, I was ready to move on. But this is just how I would've done it, just so it would come from Rayan the agency of the "healing" - in another words, he had healed himself before he met Candy and falling in love with her was just another evidence of that.

Which brings us back to episode 17 of Love Life, our Honeymoon episode (and pay attention to the parts that I will mark in blue):

"Y'know, I honestly didn't think I would get over losing her. And then after you got in my classroom and into my life. So, yes, I should have a star up there shining for me. Because, with you, I understood the meaning of true love. And it wasn't the same of what I had with Chloé."

"Sometimes, I think, if the story/timeline was another, if I had met you first before I met her... She and I would've been simply friends, without anything else between us. If fate hadn't been so cruel with her, it would've ended like that anyway, actually. I think she would have been happy to see me so happy these days."

"Just like I would have been in seeing her meeting someone else just as important as you're for me. And when I think of her today, is in this way: as a friend that left too soon. And that, of course, I still get a little with my heart tight. She was someone wonderful/beautiful. There's still some of her in me. But, when I met you, I was like a ghost."

Only Rayan to friendzone the dead.

"Thanks to you and our love, she just became a beautiful star, just like my father..."

At first I thought he was saying that he never really loved Chloé and that Candy made him realize that (How? Don't ask me, he doesn't say how), but thinking about this post and re-reading everything made me rethink my first impression of it.

It's not so much that he didn't loved Chloé, but admittedly, and for reasons that Rayan didn't say, he thought love was something else and he thought he loved her because of that notion, and then his notion of love changed because he met Candy and now he thinks that love is truly what he feels for Candy.

I, as someone that played all of his route, can't really say or even figure out how he would've come up with that reasoning.

Was it because for the first time ever, he had put someone else on his top priority, or at least in a more important position than his reputation and career (which he deeply cares for)? But wasn't he a passionate person to begin with? So isn't it natural for him, once he was sure he fell in love for Candy, to put her as his top priority?

Was it Candy presence alone in his life, simply being there, what made him create that notion? How she taught him that?

I don't know, because the way they fell in love was pretty quick and pretty normal I would dare say - normal not in the sense of, he was her teacher, normal in the sense there was nothing remarkable about their dates, the way they sneak around or in their conversations.

I think if he had realize that falling in love with someone new meant that he had "healed" from his past trauma, that he only had feelings for her because he was ready to have feelings for someone again and the sense of normalcy and easiness he felt in being with her was all he ever wanted after going through so much sadness and heartbreak, then, it would make more sense and sound more realistic, maybe?

But again, they wanted to spin that Candy was special, she needed to be the one that changed him, that was like gravity to him and he could not resist the pull of her.

“... It's just that, with you, I never got under the impression of playing any kind of game. Because I had a lot to lose. Before I met you, I had accepted to never love again. I didn’t want to ever risk lose someone ever again... And, above all, you came to enroll in my course. I looked up and knew that my certainties were worthless...” (episode 14 LL)

That's why I talked about his career before.

They set up Rayan to be someone that loves his work, that cares about his reputation and his career, if not, as he only thing he had since he moved away from his family and was living alone.

Risk it all for Candy was to show that he wasn't playing, he wasn't just trying to get a kick out of it.

And knowing how he got after when Marina actually got him fired, how much of a mess it made him, this put things even more in context, it shows that truly, risk it all for her was no joke, even thou, they used to be pretty reckless about it (never gonna forget their first kiss, crazy, both of them).

Which brings me to one of my favorite parts of dialogue in Rayan's route, episode 15 LL, the marriage proposal dialogue:

"It’s funny... for a long time I thought that love was like a burning fire. And I even thought that, in my case, all that was left was ashes of it. Until I met you and I understood that I didn’t know anything. That I have got it wrong in my whole life. With you, I understood that love is like a stream/flow. A wave that breaks again and again without stopping. And that drags everything wherever it goes. You imposed yourself on me like an evidence. In the calm. I knew it right away. But I only understood it this well later on."

Think that love was like a burning fire: it lights up, it shines bright, it consumes itself, then it becomes ashes and there's nothing left of it.

Ouch, Rayan. 😢

Not to mention the destructive nature of fire, but I don't think Rayan or the person who wrote this scene thought it like that necessarily, I think it had more to do with how fragile and how it consume itself, which feels more how like I would expect from how Rayan described his relationship with Chloé before: intense, too quick to think everything through, the fighting, the feeling that it wouldn't last anyway.

Meanwhile Candy is like a strong wave or a strong stream, his love for her dragged everything with it: all his reasoning, his principles and scruples, the risk of losing his reputation, his career, AND breaking again and again, because it didn't matter if he had build any walls to keep her out in the begining, she somehow brought it all down.

Two kinds of love, one feeling less truth and lasting than the other.

While it would've better, in his head, to have remain just a friendship with Chloé, with Candy, there was no way for it to have ended just in friendship, it would always be more.

You can see the contrast between his feelings for Chloé and his feelings for Candy, how it was different and the key word should always be different.

It surprised me to see him talking about their wedding too, Rayan and Chloé married young and in a hurry (we will never know why), meanwhile, Rayan found Candy in a stage of his life when love wasn't even in the table and when it finally came back to the table, Rayan wanted everything, he wanted celebrate it having a proper wedding ceremony and all.

But those are little subtle things that they left out in the air, instead of saying it so clearly like they did so many times before.

Personally, I don't think would've make any sense for Rayan's character to haven't love Chloé, considering they built a life together before he even met Candy, the same way, I don't think we could've ever thought that Rayan loved Chloé more or even the same way he loved Candy.

Cuz, Chloé and Candy not only met him in different moments of his life BUT ALSO, they totally two different women, it would go without saying it.

But I guess, they wanted to make it even more screaming that it was the case, which I can understand why.

I mean, people thought that Rayan had really tried something with Marina, outside of his route: which for those people I always told it would be impossible.

It would go against what they presented to us about him during that first dialogue in episode 8 of UL and it would represent a contradiction in the writing itself. It would bend the rules that they set themselves to follow too grotesquely. Not to mention, MCL never gave other love interests to the Lis that stayed on the side lines.

Unless, of course, they had set things up that we would understand that Marina was such a special existence is moving like Candy - which, okay, I could've accepted it, but they didn't so. That's why I was so sure of it.

Y'know, have to read so much back in his route to make this post made saying goodbye to his route so hurtful but also so fulfilling, I always loved how they wrote him, despite having my criticisms, I am happy that I got to experience Rayan's route from the start to end.

If you haven't played his route like ever, I totally I encourage you to do it now that we got it all. xD

[doverstar]

Hey Doverstar. Fellow Christian here. :) What do you think about The Chosen? They just started releasing Season 4 eps in theaters this February in the United States. I really love this show. What about you? If you do...I think that would be groovy! If not...well. That would also be groovy too. ✌

Hi there! Woah, it's in theaters, that's crazy! Back in my day it was barely stream-able and we had to be in a specific person's living room to get it on the TV, how far we've come by matchbox twenty- I'm glad you asked, this will be long-ish!

I used to attend the church that the creator of the show had been attending at the time when we lived in IL (his name is Dallas, I think we had dinner with him? don't remember). That was before The Chosen was a thing. He had great ideas about what Christian media could be, but The Chosen in particular went downhill fast for me. I think it's an excellent show, but I also think that when you're using historical, real people in the content, you have to be very careful. Especially when it's biblical figures in history. Then you have to be insanely careful, and Dallas is not being as careful as one would hope. Because you don't want people who know nothing about Jesus to watch that show and have that expectation in their minds when they go to read the Bible. Jesus probably didn't talk like that, may not have looked like that, and may not have even smiled like that during His ministry here. But I've literally spoken with people who say things like if Jesus doesn't smile like Jonathan Roumie when they get to Heaven, "what's the point". That's dangerous. (And theologically the show is not sound.) I get taking creative liberties in order to make a television show more engaging for a modern audience, but not with the Bible. I get trying to make it easier to understand and follow for people who are just not brought up in the church and don't know the language. But I've decided for me, personally, not to continue watching The Chosen. For one thing, I don't want those actors/actresses in my head when I'm reading the Bible, and for another, I don't want to start being in a "fandom" for a show that's supposed to be portraying the events in the Bible. I don't want to start treating the Bible like it's fiction, like Peter's my blorbo (as the kids say), like it's just entertainment. It's not. It's real. It's all real, and I know me, and I know I have a tendency to over-romanticize the media I consume. I'm not going near that show with a 39-and-a-half foot pole anymore. It would be too easy to start thinking the wrong way about what I believe based on the way the show makes me feel. That, and I think the show is disrespectful and wrong. Great idea, good execution, went off the rails. And yeah, The Chosen is so good at making you feel things! I saw that first Season. I loved that first Season! Little ideas like having the Jesus-character laugh in bed while knowing exactly what the family of the lame man he cured is waking up to, literally able to see them rejoicing miles away? That's beautiful. When the Jesus-character cries with the woman at the well, and he tells her from now on it will all be about the heart, not about works? And she says "You promise?" And he cries and smiles and promises and she's so happy? That's beautiful. I cried too. And my favorite was the line when Mary says that before she met Jesus, "I was one way. And now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between was Him." That's perfect. That's so good. That's what it's like, in three sentences. Excellent. Well done. Oh, and the music swelling at the end of each episode? Fantastic. Emotions everywhere. But like I said, I don't trust it. I got through about four episodes of Season 2 before I was like, okay, that's enough. This isn't good for me. Does that make sense? I could go into the discrepancies and how they often treat Jesus in the show as though He wasn't fully man and fully God (He was), and how they often make it seem like you can believe He was or He wasn't and it's all fine, when it's not all fine. But that would take a while! In a nutshell: I'm glad the creators had the right heart to start out with, and I'm pleased to see it proven that Christians can make excellent media, but not if it's like this, and I don't think the show should continue. If it does, I think they need to get their heads on straight and be super clear about the Truth, otherwise there's no point. I won't be watching it. Doesn't make you evil if you watch it! This is just what I think. Since you asked. Glad to hear from you! <3

[beefromanoff]

Tempting Fate Ch. 4

summary: Evie made it through her first full week, has a breakthrough, and gets to celebrate!

author's note: I love a slow burn, but I want to get to the good stuff here. anyone else?!

masterlist

tag list: tag list: @yiiiikesmish @sunflower1290 @barnescamboy @thedisc0spider @bitchy-bi-trash @kulteule @kandis-mom @i-mushi @unknown-writings

A few hours and two large coffees later, Evie sat in her usual spot in the lab, her fingers flying across the keyboard. The screen in front of her was filled with complex lines of code, diagrams, and a myriad of data points. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and possibilities, each one adding a new layer to her evolving solution for cracking Orpheus' defenses. She’d gotten right to the cusp last night, and today she’d been able to blow this motherfucker wide open. 

The lab was quieter than usual, the other engineers having gone for their lunch break or taken Friday off altogether. All except for Chris, the one who’d infamously mistaken her for one of Tony’s one night stands on her first day. Since then, he'd been skittish around her, but they'd developed a tentative working relationship. Evie respected his skills and found his nervous energy somewhat endearing. She wasn’t one to hold grudges, nor was she one to get her feelings hurt over a misconception that––truth be told––made sense. He was the only other engineer with SHIELD security clearance, having been the main technological consultant before Evie was brought on board.

"Chris," Evie called absently, not looking up from her screen. "Get your ass over here for a second."

Chris, who had been tinkering with a circuit board at the other end of the lab, jumped slightly at the sound of her voice. He hesitated for a moment, then made his way over to her workstation.

"Uh, okay," he said, fidgeting with the screwdriver in his hands. "What’s up?"

Evie continued typing for a few more seconds before stopping and turning to face him. "I need a second pair of eyes on this. I’ve been at it all night and I might just be hallucinating, but I think I’ve found a solution to Orpheus’ defenses. Can you take a look and tell me if I'm just sleep-deprived or if this actually makes sense?"

Chris blinked, then nodded. "Of course, let’s see it."

Evie turned her laptop screen toward him and started explaining her solution in the rapid pace that only ever came out when she was excited. 

"Alright, here’s the deal," Evie began, tapping a key to bring up a detailed diagram. "Orpheus’ encryption is a hybrid adaptive cryptosystem. They’re using a combination of RSA for key exchange and AES for data encryption, but they’ve added this insane layer of polymorphic encryption to constantly change the encryption keys on the fly."

Chris frowned, leaning in closer. "Okay, so how do we counter that?"

Evie smirked. "Glad you asked. The key is to exploit the timing discrepancies during the key exchange. By using a side-channel attack, we can measure the slight variations in execution time to predict the next set of encryption keys. From there, we inject a custom-built Trojan that piggybacks on their own update mechanism."

Chris' eyes widened. "You built a Trojan for this? Overnight?"

"Yes," Evie said, waving her hand dismissively. "It's a polymorphic Trojan, meaning it changes its code every time it replicates. That way, it can evade their adaptive defenses. Once it’s inside, it creates a virtual bridge, giving us a backdoor into their system."

Chris nodded slowly. "So, we use their own system updates to slip in unnoticed?"

"Exactly," Evie said, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "But that’s not all. I’ve also designed a recursive algorithm that exploits a vulnerability in their communication protocol. Every time Orpheus sends or receives data, the algorithm intercepts and duplicates the packets, allowing us to decrypt them in real-time."

Chris stared at the screen, his mind racing to keep up with her explanation. Slowly, he began to nod. "Evie, this is... I mean, this is incredible. You've actually figured it out. This should work. This should work…perfectly."

Evie’s eyes flicked off the screen and met his. "Really? You think so?"

Chris nodded more vigorously. "Yes, absolutely. It’s brilliant."

Without thinking, Evie jumped up from her chair, a huge grin spreading across her face. "Yes!" she exclaimed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "Hell YES! Thank you!"

Chris stood there, utterly flustered, his face turning a deep shade of red. "Uh, you’re welcome," he stammered.

Evie shoved her laptop into her bag, grabbed her coffee, and rushed out of the lab, her heart pounding with exhilaration. "You’re the man, Chris!"

As she disappeared down the hallway, Chris stood there for a moment, still processing what had just happened. Finally, he shook his head with a small, bewildered smile. "Unbelievable," he muttered to himself, before returning to his workstation.

Evie practically sprinted through the halls, her coffee sloshing in her cup. She reached Tony’s private lab upstairs and burst through the door the second her keycard turned the access pad green.

Tony looked up from his workstation, raising an eyebrow at her sudden entrance. "Well, well, if it isn't the wunderkind herself," he said dryly. "Ever heard of knocking? You might see something you don't want to see."

Evie waved off his comment, her excitement palpable. "Yeah, yeah, spare me the pleasantries, Stark. I need to show you something."

Tony leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "This better be good. It’s barely noon, the crack of dawn here."

Evie quickly set her laptop on the table and pulled up her work, launching into her explanation. "I've been working on Orpheus' encryption all night, and I think I've cracked it. Look, their system uses a hybrid adaptive cryptosystem. RSA for key exchange, AES for data encryption, and a layer of polymorphic encryption."

Tony started to pay attention, but his eyes flicked over her attire, and a smirk formed on his lips. "Hold up a second. Are you wearing Cap's sweatshirt?"

Evie glanced down at the navy blue crewneck she had on, suddenly realizing the emblem on the sleeve clearly featured the Avengers trademark “A” with the words ‘Captain Rogers’ embroidered right beneath it. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I pulled an all nighter and didn't want to show up in the same clothes from yesterday. People might make assumptions, as they already have." She raised her eyebrow impatiently.

Tony's smirk grew wider. "And you didn't think they'd make assumptions if you showed up in Captain America's sweatshirt?"

Evie shrugged. "He’s not my boss."

Tony chuckled, but his eyes were now glued to the screen. "Alright, what you do in your own time is none of my business anyways. Show me what you've got, Langston."

Evie dove back into her explanation, her fingers flying over the keys as she navigated through her code and diagrams. "Okay, so, their encryption changes the keys on the fly. To counter that, I developed a side-channel attack to measure the timing discrepancies during their key exchange. We use those discrepancies to predict the next set of encryption keys."

Tony's interest piqued, and he leaned forward. "Timing attack, huh? Not bad. But what about the polymorphic encryption?"

"Glad you asked," Evie said with a grin. "I built a polymorphic Trojan that changes its code every time it replicates. It evades their adaptive defenses and creates a virtual bridge, giving us a backdoor into their system. And there's more. I designed a recursive algorithm that intercepts and duplicates their data packets, allowing us to decrypt them in real-time."

Tony stared at the screen for a moment, then let out a low whistle. "Damn, Red. You really outdid yourself."

Evie's grin widened. "So, you think it’ll work?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Oh, it'll work. I'm just wondering how the hell you managed to put this together in one night. And then still had time to swipe Cap’s sweatshirt.”

She shrugged. "I work well under pressure. And I love a challenge." 

Tony laughed, shaking his head. "Alright, genius. Let's get this to Maria. She’s going to want to see this ASAP. Let’s go to the boardroom, I’ll conference her in."

Evie grabbed her laptop, feeling a rush. "Let's do it."

As they headed out of the lab, Tony glanced at her again, the smirk still playing on his lips. "Rogers couldn’t handle you in the first place, kid."

“All I know is he makes a killer breakfast.” 

__________

The lab was quiet, save for the soft hum of machinery and the clicking of the keyboard. Evie was hunched over her workstation, the glow of the screen illuminating her face. She meticulously reviewed her code for what felt like the hundredth time, making sure every line was perfect when Tony walked in, his footsteps echoing in the large, empty room. 

"I swear, I’m either getting very old or this is deja vu." he called out, making his way over to her.

She didn't look up from her screen. "I don’t think those two are mutually exclusive."

Tony sighed dramatically, leaning against her desk. "You know, I hired you because you’re hot. But being in the office for 30 hours straight without going home to shower is seriously ruining the mood."

Evie glanced up and flipped him off. "You're hilarious, Stark."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Seriously, what the hell are you still doing here? It’s 7pm on a Friday night. Surely you have something better to do than this.”

“I’m just going over everything again.”

“It’s perfect. We went through it ten times today. You won't make it any better by staring at it all night."

Evie leaned back in her chair, rubbing her tired eyes. "I just want to make sure. This is big."

Tony nodded, his tone turning slightly more serious. "I know. And you did an amazing job. Which is why I’ve already invited the team out to celebrate your brilliant discovery and for finishing the work before the mission deadline––which, considering they’re used to working with me––is a novel concept. Also, to celebrate your first full week of working for me."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "You’re serious?"

"Dead serious," Tony replied. "We’ll be meeting at the bar in an hour and a half. And I’ve got Happy waiting for you outside to take you to your building."

Evie blinked. "Wow, thanks, Tony. But really, I’m fine. I just need to pick up around here and then I can just head straight to the bar."

Tony shook his head. "No can do, Red. Happy has strict instructions to make sure you get into the elevator and don’t try to come back to the lab. You need to get some fresh and fix…” he gestured vaguely to her hair and outfit. “...this situation.”

Evie rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. "You’re such a control freak."

Tony shrugged. "Yes, and you’ll thank me later. Now, go. Freshen up, put on something that doesn't smell like coffee and palladium, and be ready to celebrate like I taught you."

Evie stood up, stretching her arms. "Alright, alright. I’ll go. But you’re still an ass."

Tony chuckled. "I’ve been called worse. Now get out of here before I tell FRIDAY to revoke your security clearance for the weekend."

Rolling her eyes, Evie grabbed her laptop and bag, heading towards the door. As she walked out, she glanced back at Tony. "Thanks, Tony. For everything."

Tony waved her off with a smile. "See you in a bit."

Evie made her way outside, squinting at the sun to see Happy standing next to the black SUV, waiting patiently. He gave her a nod and opened the door for her.

"Miss Langston," he greeted with a smile. "Ready to head home?"

Evie grinned. "Yessir, thanks for the lift, Happy."

"Anytime," he replied, closing the door behind her.

As they drove towards her building, Evie allowed herself a deep breath, shoulders rolling back from the hours hunched over a workstation. It had been an intense week, but she had proven herself and made a significant breakthrough. Tonight, she would celebrate with the team –– the fucking Avengers –– knowing she had earned every bit of it. 

Evie slumped against the back seat of the car, exhaustion and a sense of accomplishment washing over her as she snapped out of her single-minded work mode. She stared out the window, her mind processing the reality that was her life. This past week had been a whirlwind – a literal dream come true.

Happy glanced at her through the rearview mirror, a good-natured smile tugging at his lips. "So, how's it feel? First week at Stark Industries under your belt. Bet it's been a ride."

Evie sighed. "Oh, Happy. It's been everything. I think I slept about 10 hours the whole week, half because I was too excited and half because I couldn’t get myself to leave the lab.” She looked out the window. “It probably sounds childish, but part of me feels like if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up back in my tenth grade calculus class bored out of my mind. It’s like…it’s just a dream.”

Happy chuckled. "It doesn’t sound childish at all. I remember the first time I met you, back at the alumni gala. When Tony brought you out to the car, I thought you were…well––"

“You thought I was a cocktail waitress trying to end up on a yacht.” 

“Well, yes, something like that.” His cheeks flushed. 

“Astute observation.” Evie grinned. “I’m sure you weren’t the only one to make it.” 

“Of course, after meeting you, it was clear––” 

Evie laughed, waving him off. "Don’t worry about it, Happy, seriously. I’m sure you’re conditioned to assume that with Tony."

"You could say that," Happy replied, shaking his head with a grin. “That was a fun night. When we drove back to the city the next day, Tony couldn’t stop talking about you. He kept saying you were ‘the princess who was promised’, or something along those lines. He may have still been a little drunk, but even so, he’s not one to rave about someone’s intellect besides his own. "

“He’s been watching too much Game of Thrones.” Evie chuckled. “That’s very flattering.”

“I’m not kidding, he told me from that very first weekend that he thought you’d change the world. He wanted to convince you to drop out and go work for him that second.” 

“Believe me, he tried.” 

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you stuck it out.” Happy met her eyes in the rearview. “Especially if you’re prone to workaholism, I’m glad you got to live your life for a while.” 

“Considering my boss is the one who threw me out of the office and told me to get my ass to the bar, I don’t think that’s going to stop.” 

Happy shrugged. "Tony’s lost himself in his work before. I don’t think he wants to see that happen to you."

Evie smiled. "That’s oddly wholesome."

“Mr. Stark is an enigma.” Happy's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You know, I got kicked out of my own car that night at the gala."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

"Tony wanted some alone time with your best friend," Happy explained with a smirk. "So, I logged some significant time playing pool with grad students in the bar until I got the all-clear. Your friend was quite the charmer, apparently."

Evie shook her head. "Yeah, that's Jade. I got far too many details about that night."

Happy shuddered. "I don’t even want to know. But hey, it worked out. You got to where you wanted to be, and Tony… well, he got what he wanted too."

As they pulled up to her building, Happy glanced at her sweatshirt, doing a double take. "Is that Cap’s sweatshirt?"

Evie smirked, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Maybe. Why?"

Happy laughed, shaking his head. "Just making sure you're not causing any trouble."

She winked at him. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Happy parked the car and got out, opening the door for her. "Alright, Miss Langston. You go get ready and do whatever it is that Tony insisted I bring you here for. I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour."

Evie stepped out, shrugging her bag onto her shoulder. "Thanks, Happy. I’ll see you soon."

He gave her a nod. "Take care, Evie. And remember, no trying to sneak back to the lab."

She laughed. "Got it. See you soon, Happy."

________

Evie walked into the bar, a surprisingly normal looking joint in a lesser known part of the city. She didn’t know what she expected, something flashier and possibly on a rooftop? Dancers in lingerie in floating cages above the crowd? That seemed much more Tony-esque than this pseudo dive bar. Not that she was complaining, it reminded her of The Bos, giving her a warm rush of nostalgia. They crossed the busy room, Evie turning heads and drawing a few catcalls as she navigated toward the back booth where Earth’s Mightiest Heroes sat. Happy gave the already drunk catcallers a stern look and a wave of his hand. "Alright, keep moving, nothing to see here," he said, holding a hand out to clear a way through the crowd.

"Thanks, Happy," Evie nodded.

Tony's voice rang out above the low roar of the bar. "There she is! The woman of the hour!" He relished in the attention of the bar as he strode over, placing his arm around Evie's shoulders and escorting her to the large corner booth where the team was waiting.

"Evie!" Wanda called out, standing up to give her a warm hug. "It’s so good to see you."

"Hey, Wanda," Evie replied, hugging her back. "It’s good to see you too."

“One week down, that’s like a lifetime with Stark.” Natasha gave her a friendly nod. "Nice work this week, Evie. Heard you’ve been killing it."

"Thanks, Nat. I’m just trying to keep up with you guys," Evie gave a humble nod, her usual borderline arrogance fading in the face of Black Widow herself. 

Sam clapped her on the back. "You’re doing more than keeping up. You’re setting the pace."

Evie grinned. "Thanks, Sam."

Before anyone else could greet her, Tony held his hand out in front of her.  “In order to make an effective toast, the toastee needs a drink. Shall we?” 

“We shall,” Evie put her hand on his, grinning. She turned back to face the team and looked at Steve, who was watching her with a small smile from his seat. "Oh, Steve, I promise I’ll return your sweatshirt. Thanks for letting me borrow it this morning."

The team erupted in a chorus of “ooh” and “Alright, Rogers” as Steve blushed, grinning down at his drink. 

Tony guided her to the bar, placing a hand on her shoulder.  “You know exactly what you’re doing, I assume.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Evie gave a wry smile.

"Come on, genius. First round’s on me."

Evie smirked. "Correction: every round is on you because you’re the one who invited me out."

Tony raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Is that so?"

"Absolutely," she replied confidently. "You dragged me out of the lab, so you get to pay for my drinks. It's only fair."

Tony laughed. "Alright, alright. You drive a hard bargain. What’ll it be?"

"I’ll start with a whiskey sour," Evie said, sliding onto a barstool.

Tony ordered their drinks and turned to her. "So, how does it feel to be the second smartest person in the room?"

Evie snorted. “You tell me."

Tony handed her the drink, a smirk on his face. "You’re insufferable. I love it. Here’s to a brilliant first week."

They clinked glasses, and Evie took a sip. "Thanks, Tony. For the drink, for this, for everything. This week has been a dream come true."

Tony nodded, his expression sincere for once. "Just keep doing what you’re doing, Evie. I’m glad to have you. Now don’t go getting all weepy on me, I’m trying to cut back on sentiment."

They returned to the booth, where the team was waiting with smiles and cheers. "Alright, everyone," Tony announced. "Here’s to Evie and her first week at Stark Industries, and our lives being in very capable hands. Let’s make this a night we wished we could remember!"

The team raised their glasses, and Evie couldn’t help but feel a surge of happiness. She was exactly where she was meant to be. As she downed another gulp of her drink, she let all thoughts of work and code and trojans and missions fade to the back of her mind.

An hour passed as the group chatted and laughed, some breaking off to play pool, some (Sam) ending up on the dance floor in the middle of a bachelorette party. Steve and Bucky found themselves in a quiet debate in the back of the booth.

"You flip," Steve suggested, holding a coin between his fingers.

Bucky shook his head. "No way, you flip. Last time, I got stuck with the tab."

Steve chuckled. "Alright, alright. Heads, I offer. Tails, you do."

As he prepared to flip the coin, Evie noticed their quiet discussion and couldn’t help but be curious. Handing Nat the cue stick, she walked over to where they were sitting.

"What's this about a coin flip?" she asked, leaning against the table and giving them a teasing look.

Both men looked up, slightly caught off guard at someone returning to the booth. Evie guessed they usually ended up the only two still sober at the end of the night due to their Super Soldier something or other.

"Just a little game we play," Bucky said coolly, rolling the coin around in his metal fingers.

Steve nodded, smiling up at her. "Deciding who buys the next round."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "How about we skip the coin flip and both of you buy me a drink?"

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance. "Deal," Steve said, standing up. "What’s your poison?"

Evie pretended to think for a moment, tapping her chin. "Surprise me. But make it something good."

As Steve headed to the bar, Evie slid into the seat next to Bucky. "So, do you always use coin flips to make decisions?"

Bucky chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "Only when we can't decide. Or when it's something important."

"Buying me a drink is important?" she asked, half a question and half a statement.

Bucky met her gaze, his blue eyes intense "You could say that."

Steve returned with two beers and a bright red drink with two cherries floating on top, setting them down on the table before sliding in on Evie’s other side. "One surprise drink, as requested."

Evie picked up her glass, examining the contents before taking a sip. "Hmm, not bad. Four stars, two enthusiastic thumbs up."

She leaned closer to them, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "So, what else do you two decide with coin flips? Who gets the best mission assignments?"

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "No, that one's above our pay grade."

"But we do use it for simpler things," Bucky added. "Who gets to take the motorcycle, who has to run with Sam, things like that."

Evie laughed. "Sounds incredibly meticulous, very fitting of two Avengers. It must be fun, having your best friend to share all of this with."

Steve and Bucky exchanged another glance. "It has its moments," Steve said, his smile genuine.

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, it's not so bad."

“Do you share everything?” She tugged on a cherry stem, popping the fruit in her mouth.

“Not…everything.” Steve said slowly, eyes flicking down to her lips for a split second. “I’m sure the team would say we’re a package deal, but some things are still kept separate.” 

Evie took another sip of her drink, watching them. "So, tell me," she said, leaning forward, her eyes locked onto theirs. "What’s the craziest thing you’ve done lately? You can flip the coin to decide who spills first."

Steve and Bucky glanced at her, then at each other, both grinning sheepishly.

"Honestly, our lives are pretty... regimented," Steve admitted. "Missions, training, repeat."

Bucky nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we don’t get much downtime. Not that we’re complaining, but it doesn’t leave a lot of room for…crazy."

Evie laughed, shaking her head. "You guys need to get out more.”

“Coming from the one who Stark had to drag out of the lab.” Bucky sipped his beer, not breaking eye contact. 

“Forgive me for wanting to make sure the technology that’s going to keep your asses alive is foolproof.” She winked. “Besides, I have plenty of experience being out.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? How so?"

"Well, I used to bartend, so I spent a lot of time in a place just like this," she said, gesturing around the bar. 

"Doesn’t sound too crazy on your end either," Bucky said, leaning onto the table. "Unless you have another story sweetheart, you’re still talking about work."

Evie leaned onto her elbows, eyes locked on his. "I guess I just like to keep busy."

Steve looked thoughtful for a moment before a spark of an idea lit his eyes. "You know, maybe we should start doing something like that. Hold each other accountable for getting out and having fun."

Bucky shot him a curious glance, tearing his eyes from Evie’s. "What are you suggesting, Rogers?"

Steve shrugged, his smile growing. "I’m saying we make Friday nights our mandatory 'fun time.' No missions, no training, no work. Just us, going out and doing something together. If nothing else, it would get Sam to get off our case about being old and boring."

Evie raised her glass in a mock toast. "I like the sound of that. I could probably benefit from leaving the lab every now and then, wouldn’t want to turn into a mad scientist."

Bucky tilted his head, considering. "I’ve heard worse ideas."

"Great," Steve said, raising his own glass. "To Friday nights and mandatory fun."

They all clinked their glasses together, taking a long drink. 

“Wait,” Evie fished her phone out of her purse. “Let’s take a photo to commemorate this historic agreement.” She held her arm out, fighting the flutter in her stomach as both men leaned closer on either side of her, smiling at the screen. “That’s a keeper, for sure.” She grinned, zipping her phone back into her bag.

As the night wore on, they continued to talk and laugh, different members of the team coming and going from the booth. No one stopped to ask them for photos or autographs, which Evie guessed is why they liked this place. She wondered if they were regulars, giggling at the thought of the ones who save the planet from intergalactic threats being regulars anywhere.

"So, what's the first thing we do for our new Friday night tradition?" Evie asked, leaning back in the booth.

Bucky eyed her as he raised the bottle to his lips. "Something tells me you’ve got some ideas."

Evie grinned. "I’ve got a few."

Steve chuckled. "We’re at your mercy. Here’s to new traditions and great company."

They clinked their glasses once more before Sam came to steal them all for a rousing game of darts. It was short lived, seeing as Bucky hit a bullseye with every single left-handed toss. As the evening wound down, the group made their way out of the bar just before last call. Tony had blown her a kiss across the bar an hour prior, he and Sam leaving with the bachelorette party. Nat and Wanda hopped into the car with Happy, waving goodbye as they pulled away from the curb. Evie fished her phone out of her bag, preparing to call an Uber as she swayed near the curb.

“Hold up, Evie,” Steve said, stepping closer. “We can drop you off.”

She looked up, eyes wide. “You guys don’t have to do that. Besides, you’ve been drinking too.”

Bucky smirked. “Super Soldiers, remember? Alcohol doesn’t affect us the same way.”

Evie hesitated, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Steve replied, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Well, okay then,” she said, feeling a warmth spread through her that had nothing to do with the alcohol. “Thanks.”

The drive back to her building was euphoric, the top was off in Steve’s jeep and the wind whipped through her hair. Evie leaned back in the middle of the backseat, spreading her arms wide as they drove through the night air. When they pulled up to her building, Steve put the car in park before hopping out to open her door and give her a hand down. 

“Thanks for the ride,” she said, trying not to slur her words too much as she turned to look at them both. “And for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

Steve smiled. “So did we.”

As Steve hopped back into the driver’s seat, she leaned on the ledge of Bucky’s door. “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

Bucky nodded, his expression softer than usual. “Looking forward to it.”

She gave them a small wave as she spun and headed into her building, feeling a strange mix of emotions. There was something about the way they’d cared for her, looked out for her, that disarmed her usual bravado and flirtation. It was a feeling she wasn’t entirely used to, but one she found herself liking.

Evie walked into her luxurious penthouse apartment, the city lights casting a soft glow through the floor-to-ceiling windows. She kicked off her heels and headed to her bedroom, the plush carpet soft under her feet. She tossed her bag on the bed and pulled out her phone, shooting the photo she’d taken earlier to Jade as she started to change into her pajamas.

Unsurprisingly, her phone buzzed only seconds later, despite it being the middle of the night. Jade was probably closing up The Bos anyways. 

J: HOT

J: why do I feel like it won’t be long before i’m not the only one who’s fucked an Avenger?

E: a lady never tells…

J: a lady might not, but you better!

E: i’ll call you in the AM, sweet dreams baby J ;)

J: dirty dirty girl. talk soon. you better have a good story for me.

[randomingoftherandomness]

Fic: Love is when you try to place it out your mind

A/N: For @lovesickfolly and based on their deliciously wonderful plot bunnies :) The title is based on Mona Lisa by Dominic Fike

Fair warning, as of writing this fic, I'm on episode 10 of the show but I'd been Tumblr-watching it while it was airing so I have a gauge of what's what. If there are some discrepancies with the details or whatnot, *handwaves* consider this a Canon Divergence?

As a whole, I hope I did the prompt I chose some proper justice. This fic is not betaed. Enjoy!

--

It happens a little like this:

Fang Duobing holds on a little tighter just to keep Li Lianhua from running away. Li Lianhua uses some sleight of hand to keep him at a distance. Fang Duobing falls for it but only for a moment, before he catches the corner of his sleeve, holding on just long enough to say, "I love you, I have loved you for the longest time. I can't live when you aren't near, yet I can't breathe when you are away from my side."

"You frustrate me, you drive me insane, but there's no one better for me. In this life, I want no one else. I've never had to beg anyone for anything but, please..."

"Fang Duobing, I think you've drunk too much tonight."

A gentle push at his wrist that he doesn't fight is strong enough to have him stumbling back. Hurt lances through his heart at the way Li Lianhua's dark gaze lifts and meets his own unwaveringly. Like two bottomless pools in a moonless night, there is little he can do but to listen to his heart break when Li Lianhua says, "I'll forget everything you just said. Bury this deep and never think about me like this again."

It ends a lot like this:

Li Lianhua leaves him behind without a second thought.

It has been a year since he last saw him.

It feels very much like this:

An ache in his heart follows him closer than a shadow, far more familiar than his own skin, settling deeper in his marrow than his own blood. He cannot eat, he cannot sleep. The best wine is tasteless, the finest dishes are ash on his tongue.

For the first month, he knows his mother spends sun up to sundown cursing the jianghu. It takes his youngest Aunt coming to his room to hold him by the hand as she'd used to do when he was little and ill from a bout of sickness, tearfully pleading with him to please, just eat something, just one bite, one sip of water, just do something instead of staying in his room like he'd lost all his will to live.

(if he only climbs out of bed because his mother and aunt threaten to bring this case up to the whole of the jianghu, if he only takes his first bite of food because they bring Fox Spirit to his side to comfort him, that's something for him and him only to know)

By the time the seasons change, his mother only kisses his cheeks in goodbye and tells him to take care of himself on the road when he leaves to roam the jianghu and carry out his duties to the Baichuan Court.

And through all that, the ache settles in like an old friend. His aunt says that heartbreak will take time to get over. Fang Duobing doesn't know if he wants to wait to find out.

He's probably cursed at this point, but there's nothing much to be done about that.

The first time he hears that Li Lianhua is back is half a year since he spilt his heart out and it is through gossip he overhears in a tavern in the middle of escorting a criminal. There's a twinge of instinct like a cut-off nerve ending that still feels sensation even when it shouldn't, to get up, ask those men where they heard such a piece of news and chase that man down by hook or by crook.

Instead, Fang Duobing takes a deep, calming breath, swallows down his mouthful of food, and takes another breath.

In the months after, it's as if he is seeing ghosts.

A glimpse of a lotus leaf hairpin on someone, the scent of herbs and fire on another, the sight of red ribbons floating in the wind. The touch of warmth on his wrist as he walks in a crowd. Despite all these, Fang Duobing trudges on. Smiling when he has to, laughing because he wants nothing but to put the frown off his mother's brow, joking when all he wants to do is scream that the withered and dying heart in him is so hollowed out that nothing matters.

Not helped is how the rumour of Li Lianhua's return was anything but an exaggeration.

Everyone seems to have seen him. Everyone but him.

The masters of Baichuan Court had a meal with him a week ago. Su Xiaoyong managed to corner him for tea a day ago and Qiao Wanmian is having him over for lunch in a week. Sometimes, if he comes back at the right time, he spies Fox Spirit's food bowl filled with his favourite snack that only Li Lianhua knows how to make.

He swallows down the bile and keeps trudging on. Pulls himself up by the boots and solves case after case, making an empty glory for himself. Runs himself ragged so that at night he can just fall into bed and sleep. It is a small bliss when he doesn't have to think about how Li Lianhua hates him so much that he won't even seek him out to show him just a glimpse of the hem of his robe.

What goes around comes around. Or so the saying goes, and no good deed goes unpunished. Fang Duobing would call it a relief when he slips up enough that a rogue swordsman can get an upper hand long enough to stab him through and through with a blade, pinning him up just enough that he can get away.

As the darkness takes him, Fang Duobing wonders if he can sleep this time without dreaming of Li Lianhua.

"You fool."

The ceiling he wakes up to is not his own. The bed he wakes up in is familiar in a way that makes his heart stutter and skips a beat in pain. He must have groaned because deft hands are quick to be at his shoulder to settle him down. Fang Duobing gasps. Gropes through the breathlessness at a thin wrist, looking up to meet eyes that watch him with undisguised worry.

"You con artist..."

Li Lianhua sighs, the corner of his lips twitching. "I probably deserve that."

"You absolute mother--"

"Hey, no need to bring my mother into this!" Li Lianhua laughs, trying to pull away, only for Fang Duobing to hold on to his sleeve.

"I..." He tries, licking his dry lips. Blinking rapidly, he looks around him. "Where am I? What happened?"

"You got stabbed. The fogeys at Baichuan Court brought you to me, telling me to help." Fang Duobing can taste the familiar acridness of rejection creep up the back of his throat. Letting go of the sleeve in his hand, he huffs a soft chuckle.

"So that's the case." Fang Duobing swallows thickly. "You're only helping Baichuan Court."

A silence grows and sits between them. Eventually, he hears Li Lianhua drag a stool closer to the bed. "Fang Xiaobao, look at me."

He closes his eyes, turning his face away with great difficulty. "My apologies Physician Li. I am sure this is a great inconvenience to you that I am here. Let me rest awhile and I'm sure I'll be well enough to leave by then. I do not want to bother you too much."

"You-- Fang Duobing, you fool, look at me!"

He pulls the covers over his shoulders. "That's not necessary--"

"Fang Duobing, look at me, please..."

The thread of pleading is thick in the syllables, and by the gods above, Fang Duobing has never mended his walls to protect him against Li Lianhua. So, he opens his eyes, slowly turning back to look.

And sees the red-rimmed eyes. Then sees the long grey hair that is a shade away from white. He sees the lines on Li Lianhua's face that have deepened in the year that they've not seen each other.

"Li Lianhua..." Fang Duobing starts, heart pounding like a war drum when he reaches out to run his fingers through his hair and finds that instead of pulling away, Li Lianhua is leaning in.

Pressing his cheek into the palm of Fang Duobing's calloused hand, he lets out a shaky breath, as if he is releasing all his worries in that one exhale. "I don't deserve you, Fang Duobing. I never have."

"You came into my life and you made yourself home like you've always been there. You didn't care for how much hurt I inflicted, you didn't care that I pushed you away. You stayed when all others left." Li Lianhua lifts his hands to keep Fang Duobing's hand to the side of his face. The curtain fall of his hair wraps itself around their hands, tangling black to grey on the bedspread. "Every time I tried to hide, you always knew where to find me. Every time I ran, you followed. You've bewitched me, body and soul."

Li Lianhua sighs, turning his face into Fang Doubing's touch. Giving into an impulse, he reaches out, ignoring the twinge of pain. Carding his fingers through Li Lianhua's hair.

Softly, he whispers, "Please don't say things you don't mean."

The hurt that colours the browns of Li Lianhua is tinged with regret. But with a blink, it is replaced with a steely determination that has Fang Duobing reeling when he barely has a moment to process how Li Lianhua swoops in and slides their lips together.

"Li Lianhua--"

He shakes his head, lips still pressed to the corner of Fang Duobing's. "I'm a normal man now. I have nothing to give you. Everything that you have loved about Li Xiangyi, everything that you idolised about the man I was, I am not that anymore. That's why I couldn't reciprocate your feelings that first time. I didn't even know if I was coming back. That's why I ran."

"And what's this?" Fang Duobing asks, the words tripping over themselves as they burn their way into the air between them. "Did you do all this because of, what? Guilt?"

Li Lianhua looks absolutely gutted at that. He shakes his head, eyes begging him to believe him. "No! Never! I... I came the moment I received word that you were injured." Ducking his head, he presses his lips to the jut of their joined hands. "I knew I couldn't stay away from you. I know now that I shouldn't have."

Fang Duobing lets himself process this. Sniffling a little and not fighting Li Lianhua when he smiles wetly as he wipes away the tears that make tracks down his cheeks.

"You hurt me."

"I did." Li Lianhua leans in again. This time, Fang Duobing moves back so that there is space on the bed for him to climb into.

"You really hurt me."

"I know, but if you're willing," Li Lianhua says, the light of the sun catching in the pale strands of his hair as he pledges. "I swear on everything good and true, on everything I have left, on the love you have given me, I, Li Lianhua will be good to you, will spend the rest of my life making it up to you for every moment you were hurt by me."

Fang Duobing feels himself smile genuinely for the first time in a very long time. Lifting his hand to cup at Li Lianhua's face, he rubs his thumb over the dark circle under his eye. "Liar. You can't promise me the rest of your life if we aren't married."

This sparks a gleam of mischief in Li Lianhua's eyes that curls something warm in his gut. Something alive that he wants to chase and pin down with joy.

"You did promise to take my name if I could bring a dead man back to life." Li Lianhua murmurs, plush lips curved upwards. "Haven't we been married since then?"

And really, who is Fang Duobing to deny that? Especially since he has the rest of their lives to figure it out.

The hurt isn't gone. Not by a long shot. But as Li Lianhua willingly takes strands of their hair, braiding them together with a smile before carefully kissing his shoulder and laying back down beside him -- the weight of him so very real, so warm to the touch, and here because he wants to be -- he can feel the space where his heart is start to come back alive.

And that, if nowhere else, is a good place to start again.

[literary-motif]

V. Les Aubes Sont Navrantes

In which an unexpected guest ruins Xanthus' pretence. ~3,600 words

Warnings: memory manipulation

Overview // IV. The Abyss Also Stares Into You

You awoke with a start. 

The darkness was still heavy, with no indication of the dawn being near. As you looked into the inky blackness, your heart beating frantically as the nightmare slowly bled from your mind, you longed for nothing more than the dawn’s soft rays and its gentleness to chase away the horrors of the night. 

Your sleep was troubled. 

The encounter with Mr. Fint and his warning the night prior would not leave your mind. Caressing the fabric of your night clothes, you thought of its twin fluttering on the roof. 

The air of the estate was suffocating you with an evil you were only now beginning to comprehend but for which you still could not find sufficient cause.

The mystery of the picture Mr. Fint had shown you felt like a faraway dream. Had it been real at all? You were in a daze during that time. Perhaps you had imagined the whole thing? It seemed too absurd to be true, and yet— 

What was the cause of the hostility between Xanthus and his meager staff? Did they know something you did not? Did they suspect something? Had they completed a puzzle you were only slowly finding the pieces to?

You went through the night’s events in your mind — the iron grip on your shoulders as you looked down the tower, the searing kiss against your lips, the peacefulness you had felt on the lake, the hunger in Xanthus’ eyes as he looked at you.

Retrieving a box of matches, you struck one to light the candle on the nightstand. In the dim light, you checked the time on your pocket watch. It was three in the morning. You sighed, too restless to fall asleep but too tired to do anything substantial. 

You dressed slowly, opening the window over the desk and looking out into the darkness. 

There was a stillness particular to mornings that allowed for self-reflection. Time hardly seemed to pass in the early hours, and it was only in these seemingly frozen moments that you allowed yourself to feel the heaviness of the letter folded neatly in your right pocket. 

The best-kept secrets were those close to oneself. You inhaled the cold morning air, fighting the urge to light a cigarette.

Could you trust Xanthus? 

Infatuation had a way of creating illusions, and you feared you had allowed him to get too close to you already. Had you disregarded Lady Alderton’s warning because of your blind curiosity and the easy escape he had offered from a life you never wanted to return to?

A brief respite was a break nonetheless. Still, you felt you should heed the warnings Mr. Fint had so adamantly conveyed. Something told you he was right to urge you to leave, and you had better listen this time before it was too late.

The thought of returning to London made your heart heavy. With Xanthus’ kiss fresh in your memory and the security of darkness, you allowed yourself to recall a love confession uttered there some five years ago. 

What was love, after all, but a disappointment to your parents?

You had wanted to leave the city with him and start anew in Paris, where you thought things would be simpler. Nobody would know you there, not personally. Nobody would bat an eye at your discrepancy in social rank. You had offered him a way out of his bleak life when you extended your invitation for him to accompany you on your travels. 

“Have you lost your mind?” he had hissed in the dark alley, pointing an accusing finger at you as his eyes blazed with an anger you had rarely seen. “I don’t expect someone as disgustingly privileged as yourself to understand, but I have responsibilities here. I can’t just leave! What happens to my mother? You know she is sick. Do you think I will just let her die? What about my sisters? Do you think my father will care for them when he finishes his bottle? I am all they have! I cannot be as selfish as you and leave everything behind! This is insanity!”

The air had turned stale in the city. You could no longer breathe in London, but that did not mean you wanted to be alone. You longed to leave your life behind, but not him.

“I love you,” you had said, selfishly hoping that would be reason enough. 

He had scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief as hurt and rage shone in his eyes at your poor attempt at manipulation. “I never want to see you again,” he had said, turning away from you.

You clenched your fists, watching his retreating back as you wracked your brain to get him to stay, to be with you, to leave with you. 

“I will pay you,” you had called out. 

He had stopped in his tracks. 

“Your family will get an allowance. Your mother, your sisters — I do not care. I will make sure they are looked after. They will be provided for if you come with me.”

He had whirled around. The hatred in his expression caused you to step back in shock. 

“No!” he had yelled, face twisted in seething rage and utter disgust at you. “Never! Not for all the money in the world would I leave them behind to be with you!” He had stormed away, disappearing from your view forever and taking a piece of your heart with him. 

You struck a match, watching the flame flicker as you lit the candles in the drawing room. The canvas with all your painting supplies was where you had left it, waiting for your return. 

With the sketches you had made on the boat to use as reference, you continued Xanthus’ portrait. This way, he would only need to pose for a few more hours for you to give the painting the finishing touches it needed. You might leave today already or tomorrow at the latest. 

The estate was not good for you. 

It dug up things you would rather keep buried. Memories tugged on your mind, images flashed behind your eyelids that threatened to lift a coffin that had long been sealed. What was it about the mansion that clung to the past?

Was it the stained glass window? The old architectural style of centuries past? Were it the prayers seeped into the walls from people long dead? Was it the spirit of the catholic guilt desperately clinging to sins committed and long since absolved? 

Was it your host, filling the air around him with a foreign antiquity? Was it he himself who did not belong in the present, a relic of the past that should not have endured this much?

Or was it your own inability to let go of the past, ever chasing as you grew weary of running? It was licking your heels, only a pace behind, no matter how fast you tried to outrun it. 

It was gaining on you. 

You had already completed the details of the background and were nearly done with the expression of mischievous severity on his face when the gardener walked in. 

You looked at her. She stared back, blowing out the candle burning uselessly. 

Too engaged in your work, you had not noticed the sun streaming abundantly through the windows. She continued to eye you closely. You clenched your jaw, continuing your work. You were too tired for the ominous feeling settling over you again. 

The shade of red in his eyes was not quite right, you noticed, making it darker until it was almost blood red. Rosaria startled you out of your thoughts again by placing a pot of garlic flowers on the table beside you. An odd choice. You returned to painting as you caught a whiff of smoke rising from the remaining candles she was blowing out.

When you were adding onto the lines of his hair, you were interrupted again by a gentle knock, only to find the man himself standing in the doorway. You had not heard him approach. 

“Would you like to have breakfast with me?” Xanthus asked. 

You declined, accepting only his offer of tea. 

“There is no need for you to sit yet,” you said as he handed you the cup. You noticed his disdainful glance towards the garlic flowers. “Feel free to take your time with breakfast.”

“No need,” he said smoothly, “I had an excellent dinner.” Walking up behind you, he leaned over your shoulder to look closely at the painting. 

“I am nearly done,” you said, sipping your tea before setting the cup aside and continuing the detail of his hair. “Now it may wither and distort while you remain forever young, beautiful, and untouched by your sins,” you said, only half joking as you remembered Mr. Fint’s picture. 

You suppressed a shudder as he leaned closer, hoping he could not hear the hitch in your breath. 

“I do not need a portrait to do that,” he said dryly, with a tone so serious it made your blood run cold. You did not comment on it, afraid of what he would answer. He took his seat in the armchair. 

You cleared your throat, taking another sip of your tea as your mouth went dry. “This will be done today,” you said, motioning to the painting. “I will take my leave this evening if I may.”

He raised an eyebrow, and you saw his eyes crinkle in amusement. He opened his mouth to reply but frowned, the playfulness in his expression turning into confusion before morphing into annoyance. 

His gaze darted towards the drawing room door. There was nothing there, but he sighed as if his favorite game had been ruined.

A door fell shut heavily. Footsteps approached. A moment later, a tall man stood in the doorway, shooting Xanthus a dazzling smile. 

“Lawrance!” the stranger greeted cheerily, opening his arms wide. 

Lawrence? 

You blinked. Surely—?

Xanthus remained seated, looking at him in annoyance.

“Come on,” he said with a pout, “I travel across the Atlantic to visit my favorite vampire, and I don’t even get a hug? Unacceptable.”

Vampire? Your eyes widened.

“Dontis,” Xanthus greeted monotonously, pursing his lips in displeasure. “Do you know how boring it is when I have to compel them? Now look” — he complained, motioning at you. He rolled his eyes at your shocked expression as you slowly put the pieces together he had been dangling in front of you since the very beginning — “you’ve revealed the mystery already.”

You stood frozen, eyes darting between Xanthus and Dontis, trying to make sense of it all. Xanthus was Lawrance. They are the same person. Mr. Fint was right. The photograph showed him looking the same today as he did forty years ago, maybe longer. 

How old was he? What— a vampire?

“I go by Xanthus nowadays,” he said, looking pointedly at Dontis, whose eyes fixed on you. He had not noticed you before, his expression almost regretful.

“Apologies, Xanthus,” he said, turning to look at him. 

You backed away in horror, eyes landing on the garlic flowers. You picked them up and held them out in front of you protectively. Rosaria knew more than you. They were some sort of protection, you hoped.

Xanthus muttered a curse, setting down his cup of tea. He rose from his seat. 

“No,” you said shakily, pressing your back against the glass door. The panic was rising, turning you numb with fear. You fumbled with the handle, not daring to take your eyes off Xanthus’ approaching form.

The garlic flowers did not work as he stepped closer and closer. 

Your heartbeat was deafening to your ears. You heard nothing but the rushing of blood, making you feel dizzy. The door would not budge. You could not think clearly. 

“Stay—” you choked, letting the flowers tumble to the floor as you took a thick book instead, raising it threateningly. “Stay back,” you warned, your voice sounding faint. “Stay back, I say. I am not afraid to use—”

Xantus was not deterred, backing you further into a corner. 

You lunged at him with the book, trying to hit him. He slapped it out of your hands. You yelped, attempting to run. He caught you, holding onto your shoulders tightly and forcing your fearful gaze to meet his. 

“Forget this conversation and continue painting!”

Your brush hovered over the canvas. 

“Let’s try that again,” Xanthus muttered, sitting down in the armchair and motioning for something. You were about to ask what he meant when a tall man stepped into the room. 

“Xanthus, what a pleasure,” he greeted cheerfully, his eyes finding you. “I did not know you had company, my friend.” 

“Dontis, this is my portraitist,” Xanthus said, motioning toward you and looking pointedly at him.

You inclined your head towards Dontis. “Hello, it’s a pleasure,” you said politely, returning his warm smile. “We can take a break if you would like to catch up in private?” you asked, looking at Xanthus.

“That will not be necessary,” he said, motioning for Dontis to take a seat. “Speak freely, please. What brings you to England? Unannounced, might I add.”

“A change of scenery, really,” he said, pouring himself a cup of tea. “I was pulled towards here, you could say. There was no time to waste when such a call comes over one. You understand I’m sure.”

Xanthus grunted in agreement, his displeasure at Dontis’ interruption not lessened by the explanation. “When are you leaving?”

Dontis clicked his tongue, shooting him a half-hearted glare. “I love what you have done with the place,” he said instead, gesturing around the room. “The last time I was here, High Gothic was all the rage.” 

You froze, letting out a quiet gasp. 

Either Dontis did not know anything about architectural history, or he was over six centuries old. The latter was entirely impossible, you thought, raising your eyes from the canvas to glance at him. He looked about as old as Xanthus.

“The cathedral was lovely,” he continued, and your heart picked up in confusion. 

Xanthus had told you the estate had been repurposed centuries ago. 

Your hand shook, the blond strand of hair you painted coming out crooked. You tried to keep calm, thankful the two of them were on the other side of the room and could not hear your quiet gasps. 

“I prefer it like this, however. It feels—”

“Dontis!” Xanthus hissed, cutting him off with a glare. “They are quite the architectural enthusiast, and I can hear their heartbeat from here without special hearing when you declare confidently that you were here last in the 13th century. Forget the last few seconds and continue painting!”

Your brush hovered over the canvas. 

The silence in the room was tense. Dontis cleared his throat awkwardly while Xanthus continued to glare at him. His eyes found yours, an expression akin to pity in them. 

“I can recommend Paris for a true change of air,” you said lightly, breaking the silence and trying to elevate some of the tension. Drawing room conversations were not your forte, but you had plenty of experience with maneuvering society and suffering through meaningless small talk. 

Dontis sipped his tea, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards. 

“It has blossomed in the last few years, especially in the fields of art,” you continued, making conversation. You frowned, cursing your absentmindedness for having red on your brush when touching up on the hair. 

You blinked, eyes darting across the painting. When had you done the lips? You had to be more exhausted than you thought.

Xanthus scoffed. “Perhaps Greece instead,” he added disinterestedly, clearly abhorring the light chatter you tried to fill the silence with. His eyes lit up with a glint when he saw you squirm at the mention of the country. “Your parents seemed taken with it, no?”  

You cleared your throat, keeping your eyes fixed on the canvas and missing Dontis' questioning look. “It is a beautiful country,” you rasped, continuing to paint and hoping he would not catch you in a lie with your mind scrambled from sleep deprivation.

“So beautiful some people might trip over themselves to leave old England in a hurry to get to it,” he said, pouring himself a cup of tea. “Would you like some more?” he asked, nodding as you declined. “Some society gossip instead, perhaps?”

“I am not one for gossip, Xanny. You know—”

“It is rather amusing, really,” he interrupted, smirking with the mischievousness a cat might have when toying with a mouse. 

He had given up on this round as well, the novelty of compelling you fading away until his inhibition was nearly gone.

“Imagine my surprise when, upon coming to a soiree, I hear siblings recount a nearly identical story, down to the word choice, with only one key detail being different.” 

You felt your heart drop. Slowly, you raised your eyes to meet his gaze. 

How long had he known? You swallowed thickly, the evening’s conversations flashing through your mind as you tried to figure out what detail separated your story from Theodore’s and how you could fix this.

“Do you not remember?” Xanthus asked with a condescending chuckle. 

When had this rift appeared between you? Had he been pretending to be fond of you since the evening of the soiree only to toy with you? Was this what Lady Alderton meant when she had warned you that he took souls? 

“Who of them is sick?” he asked. 

You opened your mouth to reply immediately but hesitated at the last second. Your mother, you wanted to say, but you were not certain anymore. 

What had Theodore said when you had hatched the plan? He had been complaining of an ache in his bones. It was your father. You gasped quietly, remembering how you had spoken of your mother’s illness at the soiree.

Xanthus laughed at your terrified expression. “An important detail one would think their child would remember. Liar.” 

He turned to Dontis, who was staring into his tea as if trying to hide from the uncomfortable conversation. 

“Let me tell you what happened,” Xanthus said, chuckling as you shook. “Their parents left London without a word. To save face, they and their siblings constructed a scheme of them having gone to Greece — Athens or Crete, the accounts differ. I can only imagine they are waiting for the right time to forge a letter announcing their deaths to ward off a scandal.”

Before you could even begin to utter a word of protest to the secret you wanted to keep hidden—

“Forget the last few seconds.”

Dontis hummed disinterestedly. “I do not care for gossip, Xanthus.”

“Suit yourself,” he said, leaning back in the armchair with his tea, savoring the taste of the Chinese blend he had found stored away.

You blinked a few times. Xanthus had broken his pose when you had been paying close attention to the curve of his mouth not a moment ago. 

Touching the brush to the canvas, you cursed under your breath as you painted a streak of brown on his lips. A sense of déjà vu hit you, turning the scene hauntingly familiar.

Dontis rose, setting down his cup on the coffee table and walking over to you with a gentle smile. He stood beside you, his gaze flickering from the painting to Xanthus, a dark scowl on his face. 

“You are very talented,” he said, leaning over your shoulder to catch your eye. He shot you a playful grin. “I must say,” he began, looking at Xanthus, “I see a small smile on the canvas. Perhaps give us another one for reference.”

His glare hardened.

“Alright,” Dontis said, raising his hands in surrender. “I am sure your— your victim of the hour can paint it without a frame of reference.”

You frowned. 

Xanthus was peculiar and rather reclusive, but you did not consider yourself a victim for being in his company nor for being on his beautiful estate. You contemplated jumping to your host’s defense but settled on chuckling awkwardly at what you decided had been a joke.

Xanthus was not in the mood for Dontis’ teases. “They are my meal,” he said sternly. “Get your own.”

Your eyes widened, and you stuttered in confusion. 

He groaned, having slipped up this time himself.

“Come now,” Dontis said, “I have had a long trip. A little familiarity with them should not spark your jealousy too much, should it?”

“They are mine. Forget the last few seconds.”

Dontis backed away, putting more space between you as he sat back down. “Pity,” he grunted, raising the tea to his lips.

Your mind was scattered, and you sighed in frustration as it kept happening — blue in the eyes, white on his jacket, and red on his hands.

You were shaken, beginning to doubt your memory. What was happening to you? 

Had the reminder of your lost love truly stunned you so much? It had been years! Was it the kiss? Was it the picture you had seen? 

“Pardon me,” you muttered, setting down the brush. You turned your back to the two men, slipping out through the glass door to get a fresh breath of air as you felt a headache approaching. You needed a cigarette.

Painting was a composition during which you kept every minuscule detail in harmony. Never had you lost track of the color on your brush.

Annotations // VI. Vengeance Is Mine, I Will Repay

[sionisjaune]

I’m intrigued- why not Nico POV brocedes?

My philosophy here is really all about the kind of brocedes I want to write. I want to look at Lewis from the inside because I want to explore the discrepancies between what he says/how he acts and how he actually thinks/feels. This can look like what we see all the time from Lewis, eg. Lewis pretending he doesn't remember basic facts about his relationship with Nico or Lewis making effusive statements in the press when it is clear he is not actually happy with a race result. This can be a great tool in a brocedes context if you have a Lewis that acts like he fucking hates Nico but actually aches for him (insane dynamic imo). Also, I prefer to keep Nico kind of villainous even while he is the love interest in my fic. I like to do this by looking at him from the outside only--even while Lewis does innately understand him, there's still space for his intentions to be unknown or his actions to be misinterpreted. I want to create this space where, as a reader, you're forced to reckon with how challenging it is to love Nico while also accepting that Lewis does love him. I feel like I should gesture at some of my Nico inspirations here, namely Lestat from IWTV and Laurent from Captive Prince (evil blondes of all time), as examples of how keeping the reader out of a character's head can work to such great effect.

[coldloaves]

The Omori timeline makes no sense

Hello, this is a way too serious post about going insane over the fictional timeline about the funny depression game.

Spoilers for some of the main route and all of the alt route.

The Basics

So when does this game take place? Faraway is a small American town with a population of whatever. People's favorite pastimes include listening to boomboxes, watching TV on huge CRTs, or playing baby games on huge old monitors for bulky PC towers.

I mean look at these locations!

Cassette players? Things that could be graciously described as NES and SNES systems (PS1 if you really push those pixels)? Earlyish anime posters that look straight out of the 90's? Wow! This is definitely certainly totally for SURE the 90's right?

The Not So Basics

Sure there's a lot of old stuff lying around, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the place is old. Maybe Faraway was hit by 2008 really hard and never recovered. So, what contradicts the 90's appearances? Sunny (or Omori) himself.

Of course dial up is still used in America, especially in rural areas or places that people (read, corporations) don't typically care about. However it has been apparently phased out in Faraway, this process started in the late 1990's early 2000's and dropped to roughly 10% in 2008. So, how important is Faraway? Well I don't know the economic status of a fake American town, but graciously we can conservatively say the earlier half of the 2000's.

Likewise cassettes were phased out in the early 90's if you're being extremely generous. Why does Kel have one? He's a hipster or something.

Jawsum hates Pluto and considers him a former planet even though that astronomers hate him and only did that in 2006. That's probably why he retired to do mini golf and various ball sports.

But Mari loved the Mets right? She has been in multiple arts doing the ball. And well you certainly get a baseball hat in the game.

Where do you find this hat? Oh simply in the Abyss where Abbi and other unpleasant memories exist. Mostly of a dead woman... well if Sunny believes that of course. But no the baseball hat is specifically dated for 199X. How will this discrepancy be fixed? Well it could be an old hat (boring answer), or if Mari was born in 1987 (yes that year matters) then she'd have the hat just in time to die for 2003. Oh, why is 2003 significant specifically?

It can all be explained when you look past the child's play and instead see the heavy hitters.

Why are these literal soft boiled enemies so important? Because copypasta was (unfortunately) coined by 4Chan in 2006 and creepypasta (tragically) by the same... people in 2007. Let's hope that Sunny didn't frequent that cesspit and say that he saw a creepypasta on the internet, perhaps with an online video sharing platform that was invented by 2005. Now Mari can die in peace knowing that the timeline makes sense if she dies in 2003. But with his box computer that would be hard as the unsaid video player would be intensive for such an old tower.

Except that Sunny knows roughly what a laptop is, especially a thin one that isn't at least 6 inches tall to cool itself. Granted, it's not in the real world so maybe Sunny just... looked at images of laptops longingly or something. However the existence of the slim jim is very strange, because why the hell is everyone still using CRTs? The first somewhat commercially available plasma TV was made in 1995. It's at least 2007, why does everyone have a CRT?

Was this game made by a person who put a window that clearly looks outside in opposition with the next room over, which is just a hallway? Is Polly's dialog just wrong? Do Aubrey and her gang drive their scooters through a forested area behind construction and warning signs? Does Omori do a flip on his whole character? Certainly not, I mean there's consistency with the characters and the items they can realistically get.

The Why Do You Have This

Sunny was bad, but a silver bullet in this weird timeline. And he's literally the person we view this world through. So who could be worse at knowing when this game takes place?

These two

These two lore breaking consistency smashing stability crashers ruin everything!

So how do they do it, first it's their characters with the fanbase and now they ruin time itself, how do they do it. Simple really, what's Basil's camera?

I mean it's a Polaroid right?

It's clearly a Polaroid, so no problems here. Mari, according to the wiki because I do not hold every single piece of dialog in my head, bought this and the photo album for Basil. Aw, how sweet of her.

What model of Polaroid

Simple, whatever came in the 90's right? Makes sense given how everything else comes straight out in the 90's. That's where you'd be wrong and my dissent into madness began. Because this model of camera wasn't made in the 90's, it wasn't the 80's, nope this camera was first produced in the 70's with this specific model being discontinued in the 80's. We are talking, of course, about the Polaroid SX-70 one step 1000 white rainbow edition. Not to be confused with all the SX-70 models that could fold, because Basil's camera clearly doesn't have a crease to fold on.

This bad boy is considered proper vintage circa a decade ago. So, how did Mari buy this for Basil? There wouldn't be any stores in the entire world providing this beast. Well, there was a certain invention made in 1995 which ruined everything like WoW auction house. Why we're talking about EBay of course, Mari could just jump on the old block PC and find the most expensive camera she wants. And I mean hey, her family can afford a grand piano... and a violin by doing "round the block money raising activities." So maybe she broke the bank for this.

So everything is solved right? Everything just magically falls into place because Mari bought a camera from the 70's that thankfully works and doesn't have any scratches or breaks or anything really on the chassis because wow that would be hard.

Well... how about that film?

I mean it's common knowledge that Polaroid died as it lived, standing and fighting inevitable change. And fight they did because film stopped being produced in 2008. Which falls right into the timeline right? Well yes, but there's another problem, supply chain distribution. Because no, you couldn't just walk into any store and buy the film. You probably could if you lived in a major city with an incredibly niche photography store. But for literally everyone else? No no no, you can only buy online and only at specific times where their 3 production plants could spit out the damn stuff.

So, when Basil clearly stated in the photo album that everyone (read, Mari and maybe Hero) chipped in to buy film, it was on a supply chain disaster. I called Kel a hipster before but no, it was Mari the whole time.

The TL;DR

This game was made by someone for sure. And Basil's camera ruins any form of consistency with the story. Because really, who has a personal computer in the 70's? Who has a SNES in the 80's? Who considers Pluto a former planet in the 90's? And who can afford instant film in the 2000's?

The simple search of what model Basil's camera was morphed into this, I am not sorry.