#in my ability to keep it alive
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me: yeah idk i tend to kill plants and cant keep ferns alive :/
also me: convinces my dad to buy me a staghorn fern

anyways please behold my newest prized possession before i kill it :)
#i was SHOCKED to see some at my nursery they never have anything fun tbh#like theyre great for outdoor plants!!! like so so good at thay#but indoor plants? theyre pretty slim usually#but today!! they had some really fun ones including these :)#and i was so shocked and awestruck seeing one in person that i naturally made the questionable impulse choice to buy it#even though it was uh. $30. which doesnt seem bad or unfair but like. thats a lot of money for me 😅#like it didnt come out of my pocket bc im broke as fuck but still. mildly painful. considering how little confidence i have#in my ability to keep it alive#but i am well armed with research and love. so lets see.
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movie sonadow would be so l umity-coded…and i say this bc their dynamic is similar to the games but with a different and tender perspective: they both empathize deeply with each other now, and this shadow is not as reticent or closed off bc of that. that being said: movie!sonic would ABSOLUTELY 'YOU'RE the sweet potato!' the hell out of shadow
#i say l umity bc they're my fave yardstick for romantic relationship progression#between two characters who're barely just starting to know themselves let alone their feelings#and bc they're cute. and i have been thinking abt (made sleepless over‚ really) sonic being SO ecstatic to find shadow alive#i just see movie!sonic being more physically affectionate n movie!shadow (w the both of them having already seen each other at their worst)#feeling less of a need to put up a front. not much to hide from the guy you pleaded with to kill you on the moon yk?#speeds over‚ loops his arms and spins him 'round#he would be SO excited to show shadow fun earth stuff#and on a deeper level‚ i think a liiiiiittle bit of it'd be projection#he knows their situations aren't the same. but yet again‚ here's another hedgehog in a strange new world#and he wants to give him everything he wished he'd had when he arrived#so he shows him crappy reality tv and new kinds of foods and other kinds of constellations‚#the proper way to give a fist bump (bc shadow was going to genuinely punch him and he had to explain)‚ and books from the library#they get more movies. sonic teaches him how to play mario kart. he knux and tails induct him into their baseball games#and sonic is delighted to find they have the same problem of hitting the ball Way Too Hard#he answers every question shadow has to the best of his ability#and like. the Main Thought that's been plaguing me is that one day he gets shadow a picture frame#and - idk how sonic got it‚ just roll with it - sonic reveals the picture of shadow and maria#and explains that tom had that section of his old cave‚ the one w the picture of longclaw excavated and preserved#and he doesn't know how tom did it‚ but now she's in his new home too. he doesn't have to leave her behind just bc he found somewhere new#basically trying to show him that it's okay to grieve and to KEEP grieving. that just bc you've been understood‚ that love goes away.#but yeah. they drive me nuts#sonadow#sonic movie 3 spoilers#sth
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my beautiful new children bleach and ammonia (do not separate) who i just got and already love oh so dearly
#i will keep them alive i swear it. the only reason PHOTOSYNTHESIZER 3000 didn't make it was bc i didnt know she was already infested with#one million moth caterpillars that wanted her dead. and also i have more faith in my caring for succulent abilities than i did in my caring#for fern abilities so i think they will make it this time. i will keep them alive forever i swear it. i will dedicate my life to them#and im not even joking. from here on out everyone and everything is second to my darling bleach and ammonia#except for my kitties lol
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if this is what awaits me on a daily basis then I don't think I want to be alive anymore
#my mind keeps going. I'm truly losing it#if I am seriously beginning to lose the ability to string a sentence together I'm just. nothing#I can cope with not having a grip on reality. I can cope with having a head full of voices and sounds that are not there#and seeing shadows and spiders and flashes of light that aren't there and imagining some horrific things happening to my body#I might not do the best job at coping with it. but it's what I have to live with. or not live with considering how often I get momentarily#convinced that I'm no longer alive anyway.#just losing the ability to string a sentence together. it's not so much the stammer because I've always had one it's just far worse#but it's the. forgetting words. inserting words that aren't related. getting sidetracked and going off along a similar word that isn't#what I intended to say and I just start talking nonsense#it's textbook!#I could possibly cope with not being able to speak but writing is one of the few things I have. it's one of the few things I've been allowe#to keep. if I lose that I'll have so little left that it's not worth it
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Create, through me, through them
When i bake It is with grandma’s hands The recipes she made me as a child, drilled into me over and over Notes taken to preserve the legacy A family line kept in flour and butter I use her pastry brush and she guides me, helping me dip into the egg wash, keep the memories safe for the rest of them
Christmases are never the same of course But in this, I can keep a small part of her with me
When I whittle wood It is with grandpa’s skill One that skipped a generation to be sure Making a birdhouse to accompany the one we made together so long ago
Still standing strong and tall The lines of him clear in every bite of the saw, the grain of the wood My grandfather could build and repair and he left that legacy with me
Through him, i make a house a home, building shelves and cabinets Through her, i fill the house with love, making cheese straws and jam tarts They live in me, and i will continue to honour their memory
#never mind me i'm just shading my dad's ability to do diy in a poem xx#it makes me happy whenever he sees me bake her recipes or repair something#because i know he sees his parents in me#i'm grateful i can keep them alive for him a little longer#family#my writing#poetry#personal#creative writing#my poetry#writing#personal writing#spilled ink#spilled poetry#spilled thoughts#spilled feelings#spilled words#spilled emotions#spilled writing#spilled prose#spilled heart#love#person tag: helicopter
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I might need to get a momento mori or something i stg I keep forgetting that I have a time limit on this earth
#j talks#growing up as a we'll do it later family#and then just. struggling to get things done but also dealing with...#depression i guess#just kinda. get so wrapped up in the miserable part forgot that i have the ability to control my life on some level haha !#trying to remember that i'm gonna die anyway why wish for it if i'm luckier to be alive#anyways. i cleaned part of my closet today and honestly. IT WASNT EVEN THAT HARD IT WAS A MIRACLE#i keep just. doing things. and its been like wow. i can just do shit#i'm not tired and dying i can do things. i can change my life.#<- pain meds fixed me today
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in general i think itd be fun to try out more character designing techniques again. i have some intense habits coming from making little doodle comics that can only be described as: designed with the expectation that i'll have to draw it 7 times in a row
#which isnt a bad thing. but its something i very much lean into LOL#ESPECIALLY with clothing. i have fun with like expressions and demeanour and recently hair silhouette has been very exciting to play with#but clothes? i am putting you in a t shirt. sorry.#this design philosophy works fantastic if im making facial expression and dialogue focused comics like wordy comedies or maybe a melodrama#but for other mediums im passionate about it does fall a little flat clothing wise. i need to bump up my abilities.#i love visual novels. i love mascot characters. i love stuff where one drawing is supposed to stand there still for a very long time#thats where i need to amp up my clothing. i must practice. i must#you know for a while there i completely wrote off my character design skills but i guess its not as bad as i thought they were#i have habits and things i lean on a bit much. and theres some samefacey samebodyey tendencies#but i have potential. i think i have potential. not enough to apply to a character design college tho LOL#BRO people irl keep telling me to do that and im like LISTEN. theyre gonna eat me alive in there even if i somehow got accepted#maybe in another place itd be different. but in ontario they'd eat me alive <3#but i will develop my skills on my own. i shall try......
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ough fuck just had a galaxy brain thought about the ff14 crossover that still won't mean anything to anybody BUT.
ok so john is a scholar.
yellow though? yellow is a SUMMONER.
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#swift plays ff14#(for non player clarification: scholar/summoner are a healer/dps duo that branch off the same base class#so in this case yellow has the same basic class as john but is now dps)#it's not about DAMAGE it's about the fact that dps largely don't help the tank at all#& likewise tanks don't really have the same incentive to protect/keep them alive#like how despite the superficial similarity arthur and yellow never really mesh or work together beyond the immediately necessary#like smn can play the role of healer to some degree (they have a resurrection ability and some things resembling target healing)#but they're not healers they largely just do their own thing#do u see my vision... (nobody sees my vision)#ALSO ALSO smn's whole gimmick is creating false idols lmao#the primal-egis/demi-primals (their summons) are like mimic versions of the primals (themselves false versions of deities)#it's got laaayyeeeerrsss
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thinking about how if lucy gray’s story took place way later down the line, say the 60-something hunger games, or if dr. gaul had a hand in the punishment rather than dean highbottom, the capitol might have punished her for cheating as well as coriolanus. and how best to do that? make her an avox. cut out her tongue or fuck up her vocal chords so she can never sing again. can you imagine how much that would destroy her
#‘nothing you can take was ever worth keeping’#EXCEPT HER VOICE#THE THING THATS KEPT HER ALIVE FOR SO LING#IN AND OUT OF THE ARENA#sick to my stomach#lucy gray baird#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#tbosas spoilers#and like i hate to bring up baby driver but#it’s just like that guy shooting next to baby’s ear and taking away his ability to listen to music
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saw grass today. which was weird because I was out in the woods and the snow was up to my elbows. but I walked on some trails that had been shoveled and grass was poking through. it was green. why was it green. we've had sub-zero temperatures for 4 months. how is grass? green?
#it broke my brain#this winter has been so cold#last week it was -25c#this week it's only -5 on average and I keep thinking it's above the snow melting point#but it's not it's -5 I just forgot what temperatures that aren't freezing feels like#vitpost#I'm not complaining I LOVE cold. it's just. weird because after a few months I lose the ability to imagine#that this slumbering post apocalypse-like environment was green and alive once and will be so again#so seeing green grass was a bit jarring
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idk how anyone can dislike the vbs daybreak frontline cover when it sounds like this
#we fell over from the weight of our hope.. we got lost and though we don't know where we are we just feel alive in fear or light..#we're gonna keep on walking🥹 we'll keep going towards tomorrow without a doubt🥹🥹#we're heading towards that light..the light of the rising sun...we don't understand happiness for now..#but i'll live as myself to the best of my ability...!!!!#yeah it's millie-gets-emotional-over-daybreak-frontline o'clock. again. not sorry.#this song is just so special to me... and the vbs cover just makes it even more magical.. like wow.....#my comfort characters..? singing my comfort song? awesome i will go cry now#(also that mini akikoha duet🥰 gosh their voices blend so nicely i wish we got more alt vocals of just them)#wuagwjauhh orangestar's music is just so... i LOVE. the summery rock vibe that's in all his stuff#it's lovely#this is literalyl my favorite cover in all of prsk idc
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😭I'm god's bravest soldier I'm god's bravest soldier I'm god's bravest soldier I'm
#sorry to very directly vague on main but I wanna chat with people in the m04 server so bad but everytime i open my mouth its like#omg he didnt know that if you move .5 pixels to the left you can freeze the screen for .2 seconds hes a fake bach1k1n we're going to#roast him alive and eat him like the new v5 eating animation#wauughghgh#I keep looking through all the chats like a kid with a cold stuck inside watching everyone on the playground. when will it be my turn#status noir#🕶️ posting#my silly little fictive swag and my immense ability to overthink any situation
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@beegswaz genuinely i think my favorite tags on any of my work ever. i fucking love when people talk abt my characters like this
#its like blorbo from my show but with fucking minecraft and i love it deeply#for the record both Groda and White Eyes get socialized in the modern world like feral cats#both by the main players but it does happen at different times bc they all encountered Groda first when she held Rana hostage for bait#she'd kinda gone crazy after all those years of isolation lol#did that bc she thought Herobrine was the knight who betrayed her during the time period where people were wanting to overthrow her#(the knight worked for the royal family and was one of Groda's childhood friends. that did not last needless to say)#thankfully at the end of the day all 4 of the main players managed to get out alive though not unharmed with Groda in tow#when there's something trying to kill you every other day in this universe though they honestly cant be too mad about it#it doesnt help that Groda is just Really Stupid sometimes (all the time)#she's literally Peridot from SU in that she seems really intimidating but in hindsight is a massive dork#and also the fact that is the voice i imagine her having its so good#once her ability to use magic is taken away she's literally just like a scared feral street cat. does not know what the FUCK is going on#also rendering her communication with 3/4ths of the players useless since she only knows Galactic and no one alive knows that but Herobrine#(not helping the coincidental similarities to the knight but thats not him) she'll learn commonspeak later tho#ironically later down the line when Groda is spotted by the cult getting her magic back will be a key part in taking down White Eyes#she really does want to change for the better but she needed a LOT of shit kicked into her in order to start actually making the change#that being said when White Eyes eventually gets integrated it IS On Sight#she has had to been quite literally pried of Groda AT LEAST once by the others in order to keep from killing her#but other than that she'll be okay :) she picks up painting eventually#her open wounds are finally able to heal over once released from the influence of the Wither but she's still scarred unfortunately#mentally and physically!#but its only up from here... right?#actually since I talked abt the players first encounter with Groda im gonna reblog that aftermath comic again it still fucks#minecraft au mastertag
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deleted a bunch of the posts from yesterday because the paranoia finally caught up with me 🙃 but anyway we can't taste properly, we're constantly shaky and wheezy and dizzy, and the cough we've got has gotten significantly worse, and I called our GP to ask about paxlovid or similar treatment and got dismissed before I could even speak to a doctor and I really, really just want to go scream at someone but that would be a shitty thing to do.
I fucking hate that people keep going out while ill and not taking even basic precautions to avoid infecting others. I hate that we're basically at the mercy of everyone else because no matter how hard we try people still infect us and doctors just end up dismissing us. this is... what, like the 6th time we've had covid and we don't even fucking go outside.
I just want a break. I just want to be able to get on with life and get my shit together without being constantly screwed over by other people's reckless decisions and a frankly ridiculous amount of bad luck
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I'm so tired and so pissed off and I need a fucking break that I'm clearly not gonna get#and I'm using healthy coping mechanisms as much as I can#I'm journaling. I'm setting aside time to relax and do self care. I'm trying to pace myself and feel my emotions properly#I'm putting effort into noticing unhealthy behaviours and redirecting them and it is so much fucking work#but I'm doing it anyway and yeah it is helping but christ alive there's only so much it can do for you#when you do not get a fucking break from shit that's actively ruining your mental health and ability to function#and I am exhausted and recovery takes energy and learning healthy coping mechanisms takes energy and I'm doing it anyway#and I'll keep fucking doing it but I desperately need our circumstances to improve too
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Serot's own arsenal of spells and generally how he applies necrotic magic differs from modern day Anactaci. You can clearly see the foundation he laid, but it has been over a thousand years. The order has evolved considerably in that time. There's also the fact that he was reborn at level one and has structured his skills to suit his present needs, but [hand waves]
There are different sects and roles within the Anactaci who call on the Plane of Death in different ways, but certain generalities can be relied upon. Their magic is largely geared toward what would be considered divination. They are the bridge between this life and the next, the messengers of eternity. They commune both with the souls of the dead and with spirits — chiefly spirits / entities on the Plane of Death but spirits of all types, including those like Refhremmit. Indeed, every City of Eternity has one Anactaci dedicated to communing with their patron. It is a sacred office.
Beyond that, their magic is deeply focused on the soul and the threshold between life and death. They are adept at identifying and countering curses or maladies of the soul. They are adept at identifying and addressing possessions or spiritual attachments. The skilled can manipulate the ravages of time on a body or object (a skill shared with the Manthu). The most skilled of all can leave their bodies behind to inhabit ritually prepared objects; these become the teachers of the Anactaci and keepers of the deepest mysteries.
Yes of course, they animate and preserve corpses, either directly or by calling a spirit to inhabit it. This is part of Meketi funerary rites. But, simply making dead things move is only part of their skillset. Indeed, it's the most basic part.
Anactaci are bound by sacred oaths to turn their magic to holy purpose and with a thought for balance always. However, a truly irate or unscrupulous Anactaci could do serious damage. Particularly if they are skilled. Insidious curses and nigh-undetectable possessions (i.e. slowly driving a person to madness with ill luck or nightmares; far worse curses are possible). Yanking a person's soul directly from their body, either holding it captive or causing it to become lost. Learning secrets from spirits or from souls that can utterly destroy a person. Causing them to rapidly age, turning to sun-bleached bone before their eyes, one limb at a time. Or causing them to wither, then return to their correct age, then wither, then return to their correct age — over and over until they don't know whether they're alive or dead. If capable of severing their soul from their body, they can possess others directly, influencing or totally overriding their will. They might not touch a person at all; they might sap all life from their home instead.
Fortunately, such corrupt Anactaci are rare — and swiftly dealt with.
#META / HC: WORLDBUILDING.#RE: ANACTACI#this isn't a polished meta#but I'm reading about Chosen so obvs magical abilities are on my mind#Serot's rain of blood and animate blood he learned as a ghul lord have the fucking pizzazz#but modern Anactaci are frightening in ways you don't think to fear til it's too late#or rather they have the potential to be if they forsake their oaths#which has consequences. Anactaci and Manthu both are literally bound by their oaths. those tattoos aren't merely aesthetic#but that's a discussion for another time#Serot getting angry enough to yank someone's soul directly out of their body tho . . .#he would have to be beyond incensed for that#and would feel absolutely disgusted with himself afterward. like might vomit type of disgusted#still. if Serot wasn't a moral man. he could be horrifying#he could make your blood boil you alive from the inside#he could make your own body turn against you while you're trapped inside helpless#he could keep your soul in a jar while he puppets your body#and allows you to learn whether the incorporeal can feel torment#he could call the Plane of Death into your very soul and watch it consume all life within you#and leave your body to infect anyone else nearby with the same fate#he could banish part of you to the Plane of Death so that the part of you on the Material Plane experiences that torment without reprieve#and must live from then on missing something with a searing ache that was swallowed by death itself#or he could banish you there just briefly and pull you back before you exploded. dangling you just above death like a pot of boiling oil#he could call down plagues. he could raise droves of undead their ranks replenished by their victims#he could drain life from the very earth itself#he WON'T but he COULD#well also it's gonna take time to get back to the power level he was at before dying in his first life#and frankly he doesn't want to be back at the level if he doesn't have to be#but y'know. first life. if he'd been a cruel man.
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i have managed to keep a pothos plant alive long enough that it's a little too big for the pot i have it in which first of all is amazing because i have whatever the exact opposite of a green thumb is and second of all means i need to buy a bigger pot which also means maybe i should buy a second plant to put in the pot the pothos is currently in
i think i'm starting to understand how people acquire so many plants
#squash rambles#what's another difficult to kill species of plant#i'm not confident in my ability to keep anything alive aside from the plants people call unkillable
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