#in case anyone wants to get me a gift lmao

[blaiddofmiquella]

just wanna get my nails done like this again 😇

[m00sebaby]

just having a bit of a ramble dont mind me

[hxney-lemcn]

Reunions and Resolved Misunderstandings — Cal Kestis x gn! reader

summery: feeling like an outcast, you're the first one to leave the Mantis' crew. years later, you stumble across Cal once again and old feelings end up bursting to light in the worst of ways. At the very least, misunderstandings are finally cleared.

tw: mentions of killing/assassination (readers past), hurt/comfort, slight spoilers for the beginning of Jedi Survivor.

a/n: I got to the kiss in Jedi Survivor and inspiration struck. I can see how every Cal fic is about 4k words long, its hard not to write so much for him lmao.

wc: 3.1k

Master List

It had been as clear as day. The connection between Cal and Merrin was undeniable. It made your stomach churn. You were with Cere and Greez when you saved him from Bracca and had been glued to his side ever since…that was until Merrin joined. Don’t get me wrong, you loved her and was glad to offer her a new home…but every time your eyes landed on the two you felt your heart twist. In response to this new development you distanced yourself. Tried to smile past the ache in your heart and enjoy what you had. But it was hard, and it didn’t help that Cere and Greez seemed to know of your predicament. 

It hurts, seeing the man you loved, who came to you for medical treatment, or would count on you to watch his back, to slowly slip through your fingers. His green eyes that used to sparkle when landing on you had now turned to look at Merrin. How his lingering touches had all but vanished, leaving your skin feeling colder than normal. What made you feel even worse were your thoughts of leaving. Cal wasn’t your only priority, you had Cere, Greez, Merrin…but everytime you found yourself forgetting about the pain it seemed to always hit once more full force. 

This is how you found yourself packing your things…not that you had much. Just some extra clothes, some photos of your crew, and some gifts that BD-1 and Cal had given you. Double checking your blaster, daggers, knives, and the case that held your sniper, you found yourself contemplating if you really wanted to go through with this. That was when you realized you couldn’t handle watching the one you love end up in someone else’s arms, it was easier to leave altogether. As quietly as you could, you made your way through the Mantis, memories of your friends, almost family popped up every so often. 

With the ship lights off, you couldn’t be more thankful for your specialized contact lenses. Everyone was sleeping in their quarters…or at least they were supposed to be. You froze as you ran into Greez, and as his gaze landed on you he seemed to deflate. 

“You’re really just gonna leave like that?” He asked, his voice low to keep from accidentally waking anyone up. 

“I’m sorry,” You murmured, not able to look in his direction. “I just…”

“I get it kid,” He sighed. “The others won’t be so happy, but I’m glad I caught you on the way out.”

“I’m glad to have met you all,” You tried to console, but you weren’t sure if you were trying to console Greez or yourself. “I’ll be forever grateful to you and Cere for saving me. Here,” Taking out a piece of paper, you handed it to the Latero. “It's a note, I know the way I’m leaving is shitty, but I couldn’t leave without letting you guys know it was voluntary.”

With that, you disappeared into the night, trying your hardest not to look back.

~~~

You were the first one to leave, and soon Cal found himself watching his crew leave him one by one. He was heartbroken when Greez read aloud the note you left behind, wishing them all the best, and how you were going to a rebel base not too far from where they were. He didn’t understand why you left, or how everyone had accepted it so easily. He wished he could’ve seen you one last time, to ask you why, to plead for you to stay. When Greez finally bought Pyloon Saloon, Cal found himself resenting you slightly. You seemed to be the catalyst for everyone's departure. You were all so happy, why did you have to leave them? Why did you have to leave him? 

When he thought back of his time with you, he felt like he was choking. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw you, or what you last spoke about. Had you scolded him for getting injured? Did you laugh with him over a silly scenario with BD? Or was it that lonely gaze you sent him as he joked with Merrin, not paying any mind to you. Are you happy now? Have you made new friends? Have you found someone to confide in? Cal’s heart hurt no matter how he spun his head around you. Don’t get him wrong, he missed the entire crew. He missed Greez’s cooking, Merrin’s dry humor, Cere…but somehow he found himself missing you the most. How you cared for him so gently after he’d get hurt, how you’d listen to his problems and give advice that seemed far beyond your years. How even if you weren’t used to touch, you’d still allow him to hug you after a long, stressful mission.  Even with his new crew, he still felt that hollow void that the old crew left in him. No matter how lovely they were, how deeply he cared about them, he couldn’t help but reminisce of the good old days. Trapped in the past that seemed golden. Cal thought that he had been imagining you at first. Depressed after a harsh mission on Coruscant that wiped out his entire crew, seeking solace at Pyloon Saloon with Greez, he hadn’t thought he’d find you here. He felt like he’d stumbled upon an oasis after stumbling through the desert. Have you always looked so ethereal? Smiling so sweetly as you talked with Greez. You looked different, hair a new length, more mature, happier…have you always looked this happy?

Cal was snapped out of his stupor as both you and Greez turned to face the jedi. He almost got lost once more, wanting to drown in your gaze. He missed the soft way you’d look at him, how he felt cared for and loved with your eyes alone. Instead of that sweet look he was used to, your eyes filled with panic, your posture awkward as you curled in on yourself. The same way you’d react to a stranger. It felt like the dagger you’d always hide in your boot had managed to pierce through his heart. As Greez greeted Cal, you watched on the sidelines, sipping your drink as you tried to hide from Cal’s piercing gaze. 

How long has it been since you last saw Cal? It’s been quite a while. You had only planned on catching up with Greez, as you both left on the best of terms, and although Greez tried to assure you that Cal and the others still cared about you and weren’t angry, he seemed a bit hesitant. So essentially you were scared, scared of the repercussions of your own actions. Running away could only take you so far, and if you ran enough you’d end up right where you started. And you ended up running straight back to the problem of why you left. Your body tensed as Cal took a seat beside you, not aware he had already finished talking with Greez. Anxiously, you peered up at the red haired man through your eyelashes, unsure how to take his blank gaze, or the way your name gently fell past his lips.

“How have you been?” Cal asked. He couldn’t wrap his head around the various emotions you managed to stir up. Sadness, bitterness, longing, anger, regret. 

You shrugged, looking down at your drink as you stirred it, “I’ve been alright. Doing runs for the rebellion and all that. Thought I’d take a short break to check in on the old geezer.” Cal chuckled slightly, wishing for the awkwardness to dissipate, wishing for what you had to come back. “How about you?” 

“Could be better,” He hums, eyes never leaving the side of your face. Drinking in your profile as you shied away. You could tell something had happened, there was a darkness in his eyes, that shine you remember had dulled and you felt your heart break. He didn’t elaborate past that, and you knew better than to pry. A short silence washed over you, awkward, but Cal felt his heart thrum steadily. “I missed you.” You couldn’t stop yourself from looking up to him in shock, mouth slightly agape as you struggled to wrap your head around the vulnerable moment.Pushing past the way you wanted to run, having closed yourself off once again after you left the Mantis, you once again found yourself struggling to let yourself be vulnerable. But the sad puppy-like eyes Cal was sending you made you push past that, mumbling that you missed him in return.

“Why did you leave?” He asked the question you hoped to never go over. 

Once again you found yourself battling the raised walls you put up, unsure if you wanted to actually confess the true reason. Instead, you settled for a watered down version. “I guess I felt a bit left out. Like an outsider I suppose. So I decided it was best for me to leave…” 

“Left out…?” Cal couldn’t help but repeat in a whisper. Guilt suddenly consumed him, his brain finding every time he remembered seeing you on the sidelines, smiling at the moment you had witnessed. Or how you’d slink away, no one trying to stop you as they all laughed about something he couldn’t even remember. It…it was his fault.

“It’s none of your guy’s fault,” You consoled, a bitter smile lining your lips. “I should’ve spoken up about how I felt, instead I ran away like a coward.”

“But I should’ve noticed-” You quickly shut him up with a swift kick to the shin and a lighthearted glare. He gave an overdramatic wince as your kick could barely be described as a kick, more of a light tap. But he felt his heart warm as you were once again slowly opening up to him. 

“Not. Your. Fault.” You spoke sternly. “You always were so quick to take the blame.”

“Wanna help me find a gyro module for old times sake?”

~~~~

You forgot how easy it was to love Cal Kestis. That night when you left, you knew you’d always love him, he has his own special spot in your heart. But over the years those feelings were buried under layers, like sediment. Whether it be adrenaline from missions, celebration with new friends, or the death of a crew member, you find yourself focusing on other aspects of life. You hadn’t planned on running into the now infamous jedi, but even so, you hadn’t expected those old feelings to rupture forth like an exploding volcano. His boyish smile sends shockwaves to your heart. His gentle touch helping you drop down a small cliff makes you yearn to give him a hug and melt in his arms. His compliments on your skills making you puff your chest a little. It's scary how one person has so much control over your feelings, but you also miss the feeling. 

It all comes hurtling down at once when he starts going on a tangent about Merrin. It started with you asking about her and Cere, and now he won’t shut up about her growth in the time you left. You felt stupid, stupid that your heart still managed to cling to the hope that he’d felt more for you in some way. Of course he only loved you as a friend, and you were grateful, but also downtrodden. Though this time Cal seemed to pick up on your spaced out look, gently calling your name.

“What’s wrong?” Cal asked like the caring person he was.

You snapped out of your little bubble you didn’t even realize you put yourself in, bringing your gaze to the concerned one of your friend. “Nothing, I’m glad she’s doing well,” You said with a strained smile. It was left at that as both you and Cal explored Koboh, avoiding raiders to the best of your ability. Exploring the Basalt Forest, you found yourself looking at your surroundings in awe. You loved exploring different planets, watching the flora and fauna interact, from ice planets that had plants still managing to cling to life to desert planets that had a variety of animals that had adapted to the harsh climate. If you hadn’t been taught to kill from a young age and forced to be an assassin, you would’ve loved to have been a researcher. 

Unbeknownst to you, Cal was silently watching you fawn over every little thing you stumbled upon. Pointing out a bug you’ve never seen before or trying to pet those birdlike creatures that would try to charge at you. He could only watch in awe, seeing you in a completely new light. He never fully comprehended that you had a love for wildlife, or just anything that wasn’t human at that. You had always fawned over BD, leaving him feeling a bit left out, but happy the little droid made you happy. And now seeing you do the same for any animal, plant, and even some bugs…he never knew the extent of your love. Making him realize that this entire time, he only knew you through the lens he set for you. A very Cal centric lens. 

Has he ever really known you? All of you? There’s only one way to find out, and that was to get to know you. All of you. From your best aspects to your worst flaws. And as you both sat on the edge of a cliff, Cal couldn’t stop himself from watching you. The way the sun shone down on you, from your hair shining brilliantly to the way the sun made your eyes pop, he couldn’t get enough of you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Cal couldn’t agree more. His eyes followed as a small gust of wind blew your hair out of place, and without a second thought, he gently brushed your hair back in place, admiring your startled look. 

So many emotions overtook him. There was a warmth to your presence, whether that be through the force or not. In fact, he didn’t really care, he just wished he’d never have to be devoid of the feeling again. And as you looked at him, neither of you backing down from your little stare off, Cal felt something selfish grow within him. He wanted you to join him again, he wanted you to be there to patch him up like before, to fight by his side, to hold you close for comfort. In fact, he can’t remember why he stopped doing that, why he let you both get distant. As these selfish thoughts and desires grew, he couldn’t stop his eyes from dropping to look at your lips, they looked oh so inviting. 

You felt your heart skip a beat as Cal’s eyes dropped for a few seconds. No, no this wasn’t right. He clearly loved Merrin, so why was he staring at you like you had hung the stars and moon? Why was he leaning in closer? Why could you feel his breath hit your face, why is he closing his eyes? This is what you’ve always wanted, so why were you panicking? Why did you push him away, causing him to give a hurt and concerned look. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Cal stuttered. “I…I should’ve asked.”

“No, its, I,” You stumbled, trying to put together a sentence with your currently scrambled mind. “What about Merrin?”

“What?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What about her?”

Now you were the one giving him a confused look, “You clearly love her.”

“What?” Cal could hardly believe his ears. His heart dropped when your face crumbled into a tired look, releasing a long sigh as your eyes trailed back to the beautiful scenery around you.

“The way you talk about her, look at her, interact with her…it's obvious how much you care for her,” You explained. 

“Because she’s my friend,” He countered, grabbing your hand that lay on your lap. The anger you had always felt about the situation started bubbling up, your eyes squinting into a sharp glare as you grip on his hand tightened into an almost bruising grip. Your frustration made clear in the tears that started to well up.

“So then why did you forget about me!” You snarled, letting go of his calloused hand and putting some distance between you both. Your vicious look dissolved as tears rolled down your cheeks, pulling your knees up to your chest and buried your face, not wanting to see Cal’s hurt look. “We were so close, but then all you paid attention to was Merrin and I felt like an outcast. Like I didn’t belong with the crew anymore.”

You tensed when he put a hand on your back, trying to comfort you, but instead of pulling away, he pulled your curled up form into his side, holding you as you cried. “I’m sorry,” He whispered into your hair, holding you tighter. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I-its not y-your fault,” You stuttered through tears. “Instead of telling you I just left.”

“You should’ve never felt like that to begin with,” He murmured, his own eyes watering at the thought of you feeling alone like that…all because of him. 

“It's not like you can read minds,” You grumbled, sniffling as the tears slowly started to end. 

“Well…” 

You elbowed his side while trying to stifle a laugh, “Shut up, you know what I mean. It’s not your job to keep tabs on how everyones feeling at all times.”

“But I care about you,” Cal stated, pulling away enough to face you. He finds himself brushing your last few tears away, his palm resting against your cheek. “If I knew you felt like that I would’ve done something.”

“I know,” You murmured. “But we can’t change the past. What’s happened, happened.”

Resting his forehead on yours, you felt your breath hitch as Cal let out a frustrated sigh, “I’ll make it up to you.” You felt your heart stutter when he opened his eyes, determination shining clearly. “I promise.”

“I’m sure you will,” You replied, a small smile forming. Getting to finally vent out your problems seemed to have lifted a weight on your heart you didn’t realize was there the entire time. Leaning in, your heart jumped as Cal placed a sweet kiss to your cheek, standing up quickly and holding his hand out towards you. You found yourself pouting inadvertently, but taking his hand nonetheless. As he pulled you up with ease, a mischievous smirk tugged at his lips.

“How about we start tonight?” Cal asks. “I have an idea of where to start.”

“Okay,” You agreed. “Lead the way.”

Things might not have been perfect, and soon Cal will continue his journey, but for now, in this moment, everything finally fell into place.

[infamous-if]

Dec ✮ 12 ✮ 2024 – update

Part of me hates doing these mostly because it's a whole lotta nothing and me just repeating everything I said the last update (lol) but I do like doing it because I like keeping people updated, even if it's a non-update. I may sound like a broken record (pun not intended) but I know a lot of people don't catch my updates every time so it's nice to just keep people informed yk yk

✮ — Part 2 + rewrite

Fun fact: I had written an entire essay about my excitement for the rewrite and chapter 3 and beyond but it got too long!

It boiled down to me wondering why I'm so excited for this rewrite and realizing it's because I feel comfortable enough to approach it with complete creative freedom. I wrote the first iteration of the demo with the constant worries swimming in my head like "I hope people understand what I'm trying to say here" and "I hope this situation is being read the way I intended for it to be read." And I think I sort of had those thoughts tenfold while writing Part 2. If you paid attention, you can probably see where I was trying to shut down certain discussions in the narrative lmao

Recently I had a tiny epiphany and reminded myself that it's not always about what I intend to write, but what is being understood by each reader. And yes this is basic writing 101 but let me have this moment of clarity okay. Embracing that means I can proceed with Infamous without holding back and sticking to my guns in regards to what I want for this story aka I'm just going to write what I write and like....not worry about the rest you feel (while of course integrating the common critiques and suggestions and improving on the things Infamous falls short in—I am not Shakespeare lmao)

ANYWAY my point is that I'm excited to fix up the demo !!! and just go back to it with complete confidence in myself and write whatever the heck feels right to me (and write the rest of the story lolol) and return with a better story than I have now for everyone!!

✮ — December will be for

planning what I'm going to improve and squeezing that in a reworked outline so it can flow much better narratively.

Outlining Chapter 3 and hopefully have the bare bones first draft drafted up which is mostly just be writing blocks of descriptions

I'm not sure I'll have anything substantial to justify looking for beta testers so soon yet but maybe!

work on my spice writing babey writing/reading spice makes me actually physically recoil but im determined to get better! which reminds me to finish the 6k follower gifts!

And also take a small breather because I am moving!

✮ — Patreon

I've already mentioned this on Patreon and a few times on here, but I do want to reiterate that Patreon content is coming out in bulk this month, in case anyone was wondering why I'm not posting as frequently. The content is still the same in terms of the quantity, it just won't be released every few days! thank you guys for being understanding of that <3

✮ —

My activity has is decreasing little by little due to my move but I do read every question and try to at least answer one question a day. I get quite a few mentions lately so I have to sort through those since I do get tagged in things, but I miss them due to my notifications. Usually I hope for the best and hope tracking the tag puts it on my dashboard <3 im not ignoring anyone!

That's all for now! Hope everyone has a happy December and Happy Holidays!

[cheeseceli]

Boyfriend Jimin

Pairing: Park Jimin × Gn!reader

Genre: fluff, almost non existent angst, headcanons

Request: can i request a headcanon of what jimin would be like in a relationship? || When are we getting a Jimin bf headcanon?

Warnings: skinship, he's an idol, that's all?

A/n: how do we feel about the design | daily click

Jungkook ver.

My boy was in denial for the first part of it, let me tell you that

He'd either wait for you to make a move or wait until you clearly explicitly like him back

He needs to be sure

Just in case

Needless to say he loves physical touch

Mostly kisses I think

I mean, we see how he is with his members so imagine with an actual s/o 😭

Bro would be kissing you like 24/7

His favourites tho: kisses on the hand, on the forehead and on the neck

🙂‍↕️

And he's such a gentle lover if I'm being honest

Besides having the softest touch ever, he also says the kindest words to you

You would definitely feel very safe and reassured around him

His love languages are physical touch, gift giving and acts of service btw

I think that in the beginning of the relationship there would be a few conflicts here and there

But mostly because of miscommunication

Once you both actually understand each other, then things would work way smoothly

Personally, I think he would enjoy having matching items

Something kinda discreet but that still gives the idea that you guys are together

Mostly jewels

The cutest because he will always smile whenever he randomly reminds himself of you

And it's crazy because he could be doing anything and then boom, suddenly you're all that he can think of

The boys always know when he's thinking of you because it's clear how his eyes suddenly get filled with love

Writes songs about you

Most likely won't show them to you unless he's really vulnerable with you

LOVES to cuddle to sleep

His favourite moment with you is those few minutes right before falling asleep where dreams and reality get kinda mixed

But he still can feel you even with all the fog in his mind

He also loves to travel with you

It doesn't matter if it's those big overseas trips or if it's just a 15 minute car ride

He loves going out with you and exploring

Will always save you a seat at his concerts

Will also always look in your direction as much as he can

Loves to hold eye contact because he KNOWS you're going to get flustered

That's how he found out you liked him at first actually lmao

Really wants you to have a good relationship with the boys

I think he would like to adopt a pet with you

Idk it just makes so much sense to me that he would want to do it

Fight me but I think he'd be one of the boys that would be able to hide your relationship with the media the longest

He would probably prefer to keep it a secret

Not because he doesn't want people to know, but because he doesn't want people all over his business

And he would be ready to fight with anyone who had anything bad to say about you

Very protective of you overall actually

Genuinely doesn't know how he lived so much before loving you

Masterlist | you'll probably like: I'm not letting go

Reminder that this is all fiction, this does not represent the members in real life!

Dividers by @saradika-graphics | images 1, 2 and 3

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @butnotmontana

[genderfluid-culture-iss]

for the baby genderfluid tips!!

this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.

keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)

basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.

also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts

follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol

some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.

tips for presentation:

if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise

take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)

if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.

if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.

if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.

it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.

keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.

this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life

sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.

non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)

and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.

🩷🤍💜🖤💙

dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!

Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos

Thank you so much for this Kiley <33 I’ll start working on a masterpost with links to all this.

[meracyn]

Could we please get general relationship headcanons for Erza, Juvia, and Mirajane? Thank you!

relationship hc’s starring erza, mirajane & juvia !

guys tysm for being so well-mannered and asking politely this really gives me more reason to keep writing i appreciate it sm thank you<3 + aaaahhh my favorite girls 🙏

erza scarlet !

protective gf

erza does not play when it comes to your safety

will always be there to protect you—however if there is ever a moment she isn’t by your side, erza will order someone to look for you and make sure you are safe, basically you have your own bodyguard lmao

everyone knows erza is tough, has a reputation to maintain—but when you both are alone, she becomes more soft and gentle

if you both have been in a relationship for a long time, erza will even tell you about her worries, her secrets and trust you fully

since she’s never had any romantic partner before you, erza might be a bit interested in feminine care; will ask lucy or mirajane about advice on how to take care of her hair or basic makeup tips, and cute clothes to wear

will be shy when asking them though, it’s something new to her after all—she doesn’t mind wearing dresses and such but eventually feels...exposed since she’s more used to wearing armor

since erza tends to be busy there won’t be many dates between you both, but will make it up to you by taking you out to a restaurant or bring you a gift when she’s back from a mission

is like a mentor to you too, showing you tricks and trains your senses; basically coordination, agility, flexibility, etc., she wants you to be fully trained in case she is away and you are in danger so you can defend yourself

will be so proud if you tell her about a fight you had and did what she taught you

although you both would work together in combat back to back, keeping an eye on the other

holding hands in public, soft kisses in private

erza feels so loved, happy—relaxed. your presence calms her, as she feels as if she doesn’t need to keep up with her tough persona and can let herself have fun for once

even the smallest things mean a lot to her, could be reading a book together in silence, picking up small flowers from the ground to give to the other, you make her smile so effortlessly

never wants to lose you, and vows to always make you happy

mirajane strauss !

very attentive

mirajane cares about everyone but you, as her partner, she pays extra attention to you, making sure you eat, sleep and drink well

if you tell her you can’t sleep and such, mira will always find a solution

the type to sing to you until you sleep, make you tea and other herbal medicine when you get sick too

gives you lots of cheek kisses

gets happy when you offer to help her out serving drinks and food to those in the guild

is gentle with you, always treats you kindly and doesn’t let anyone disrespect you

will gladly brush your hair if you ask, buy you clothes you like as well as accessories she thinks fits your style

slow dancing with mirajane at night in your shared home

praises you constantly

treasures the things you gift her, doesn’t matter what it is mira will take care of it with her life

big spoon when cuddling, if she’s really tired after a long day it could be your chance to take her to bed and hold her against you

enjoys it though, feels so cared for

mirajane appreciates it greatly when you take care of her too, if she has a slight cold or her neck is hurting, you helping by giving her a massage and giving her medicine—could even be taking over her shift and be the one serving at the guild instead while she rests—mirajane just feels like she fell in love with you all over again

one of the best gfs indeed

juvia lockser !

gray? who’s gray? gray is only a guy juvia was never interested in

yes we’re keeping it that way unless you want to imagine she got heartbroken and fell in love with you as you comforted her...(doesnt sound like a bad idea to write about though)

you’re her first love, and juvia is so happy you reciprocated her feelings

will try to bake and cook for you, it doesn’t come out good most of the time...but this could lead to a good activity for you both to do at least !!

if you’re good at baking you can simply teach her how much of said product and for how long she should keep it in the oven

clings onto you a lot, public or private it’s the same both ways

will get gloomy if you push her away though so please let her hold on to you, she feels so safe

juvia loves hard, loves without limits you’re lucky to have her as a girlfriend

cries out of happiness if you gift her something, if it’s a sort of accessory you can bet juvia will wear it all the time

another best girl who kicks ass when you’re in danger, juvia will not let anyone take you away from her or hurt you

might ask her ‘love rival’ (lucy) for advice, but only if she’s really insecure and doesn’t know what to do, juvia strives to look as good and perfect for you

can’t blame her though she’s just a girl in love

will love it if you show her off and brag about how powerful or beautiful she is, enjoys it a little too much lol

prioritizes you over anyone else, you mean everything to juvia so she won’t hesitate to travel hours to where you are or defend you whenever needed

always takes care of you when you get injured or sick, juvia wants to be the only one who you rely on, so she will research for any medicines that will help you get better and make you drinks/oils or creams—anything that says will help you heal juvia will get it

dreams about getting married and having a family one day

[arieswritez]

glad you and this account exist, I feel like there’s a lack of Mark lovers lmao! but omg I can’t stop thinking about him, I feel feral but for the purpose of discussion I have to ask: what do you think his d!ck would look like?

cw; scummy bf!mark x gn!reader, abusive relationships (physical & emotional), angst, stalking, spying, harassment, manipulation, gaslighting.

a/n; i am super late but mark would have tHEE prettiest dick ever !! & i'll prove it!!!! in fact, his dick is SO pretty you'd let him do heinous things if it meant having it in your mouth teehee 🫶🏾🫶🏾 (& because i am not normal: i went on a tangent .. ik ik you didn't ask for this.. lemme alone!!! )

bf! mark who you always wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to. who'd always hide his snide comments under a playful half smile and the guise of it being "just a joke".

bf!mark who'd tell you not to worry about his relationships with other people. who'd say you were just being insecure and that he didn't know how to be with someone that like you. bf!mark who'd always make you cry whenever you voiced your opinions because he always made you feel so stupid, didn't he?

bf! mark who soon turns into exbf!mark because one day he just .. loses it. or at least, that was his excuse.

you've lost your temper many times before. with others. with him. but his anger is much more different than your own.

your anger simmers: the first symptoms of a poison muddying your mind with annoyance. the type that renders you silent with a lump in your throat. your tongue swollen with words unsaid because. . you know better. and your parent(s) had warned you time and time again about being cautious of what you say to those you love.

mark's anger is a roaring boil. explosive with scalding steam.

mark's anger is a burning fire caused by popping oil and you're the water who was naively thrown onto it in order to extinguish it. his anger is just as unpredictable as it is brief. and although you were used to the smallest of inconveniences turning into shouting matches, you thought you had mark all figured out.

plead your case. stand your ground.

wither.

apologize.

admit you were wrong.

even if you were sure you weren't.

it was the only way you could end your arguments. and you were good at playing that game. until you weren't. until the eggshells you were walking on cut the soles of your feet. up until that point, you'd never seen mark's ego so hurt.

and the backhand he gives you sends you to the ground with your right ear ringing.

as soon as you hit the floor, he's on his knees before you, cradling your face, so inconsolable anyone would've thought you hit him.

the soft press of his kisses, peppering across your face contrast with the burning sting of your cheek as he murmurs, "i don't know what got into me! i just get so angry - i swear i didn't mean to hit you that hard!"

and as you stared at him with a blank expression, your mind raced, trying to find an excuse as to what could've warranted that reaction. but for the first time, your mind went blank. and although you nodded along with his apologies and allowed him to wipe the tears from your eyes, you knew there was nothing mark could do to fix it.

you let him think everything was ok. you smile at his jokes and let him cuddle you in his sleep. . even if his hands always found themselves wrapped around your throat.

then, one day, you just. . disappear. block him from everything and register to online classes instead of in person. you stuff his 'borrowed' hoodies and expensive gifts in a garbage bag and leave it in front of his dorm.

you even go as far as to donate all the stuffed animals he gave you.

well. .

almost all.

there is one you specifically like. mostly because debbie was the one who picked it out for you. you always had a soft spot for her.

you still do. so much so that, despite the fact that you want nothing to do with mark - and the fact that you're terrified of him - you find yourself missing her.

so you keep it.

and, sure, you know there's a psychology book somewhere stating it hinders your ability to truly move on. and maybe it's right.

maybe looking at it makes your brain revert back to bittersweet memories of mark and debbie. the way she'd made her home a safe space. you're sure she'd be ashamed to find out of everything mark put you through. but you decide to keep your distance. keep the peace, and all. you couldn't bare telling her why the two of you broke up.

but you still have the text message she sent you.

i'm sorry things didn't work out. you were good for mark. we miss you.

little do you know: the stuffed animal was mark's favorite, too.

but not for the same sappy reason.

& yes, it's because he placed a tiny camera into the cute bear :)

it was a risky move but you were far too predictable. his mother was practically a saint to you. he couldn't imagine you throwing her gift away. after all, what had she ever done to you? thank god for debbie.

now, he doesn't have to be with you to watch you cuddle the stuffed toy. he doesn't have to stand underneath your window to hear you sob into its soft fur. and it's addicting, really, watching you just be in the comfort of your room because you've completely exiled him from your life. and really, who do you think you are? you make him angry enough to hit you and you're the victim?

you didn't know how and when to keep your mouth shut. that's something you should learn. and seeing as how your parent(s) hadn't sat you down and talked to you about it. . mark figured he'd be the one to teach you that lesson.

but you're spoiled.

you're sensitive.

and you obviously don't take kindly to discipline.

and as much as he loves to keep his little secret of watching you on his phone screen. . it kills him to know you won't let him anywhere near you.

but don't forget it: you still belong to him <3 and in any moment that he wants you, he could very easily have you.

one night, with the plushie at the foot of your bed, he watches you squirm. his brows furrow, rolling onto his stomach, getting comfortable as he stares at his phone screen, wondering if you're having a nightmare. the night vision camera captures the way your body moves, every toss and turn. . and then. . every miniscule roll of your hips.

he watches you kick off the blankets and he feels his cock throb in his sweatpants when he sees you aren't wearing any bottoms. . . or underwear. his hands are shaking as he watches you begin to touch yourself. and the sounds you make have him so enraptured that he barely registers when he starts to grind against the bed.

you must feel vulnerable. . watched? . . because you grab the plushie. but you don't just chuck it away. you don't look directly into its eyes and call mark an asshole like he feels you will. no. instead, you hug the stuffed toy to your chest. and even though mark can't see a damn thing anymore - you're covering the camera, fuck - he can hear you perfectly now.

the way your breath hitches and hiccups. your whines, the gasps, the faint whispers he has to strain to listen to. . incoherent whimpers of please and yes, and as he humps his bed. . it's the whisper of his name that throws him over the edge.

a few days later, you receive a message from a strange number with a video attached to it.

in hindsight, you should know better. you've been on the internet long enough to know not everything is meant to be clicked on. but for some reason, you don't think twice to open it.

on the screen, you only see a white light, before you realize it's a flashlight from a phone.

and then a cock comes into view.

you're far too surprised to turn your phone off.

it's so hard it looks painful.

it's thick, thick enough that the fist that comes into view doesn't completely wrap around it. the head an angry red, a drop of pre beading from the tip.

the fist gives a few experimental strokes, then up to the head, where it squeezes, milking, and the drop of precum smudges and dribbles across knuckles. the hand slides down again, and cups the tan, plump, balls at the base.

you hear a groan. and something about it makes you throb. you can't quite put your finger on why. . but you find yourself too transfixed to look away.

you watch as the stranger strokes their cock with growing fervor and the way their hand moves gives you a familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. there's a small voice in the back of your mind, whispering could it be. your face scrunches up in disgust but you still can't tear your eyes away from your phone screen. nor can you deny the way as your heart picks up speed.

it's only when you hear his voice that your suspicions are confirmed,

"miss you so bad, baby." mark's voice drawls, the breathy words cut off by a groan. "need you here with me again."

you should block him.

you should change your number. your fucking government name and area code if necessary.

you should delete the message, turn off your phone, and be over the whole situation but you don't. his whines and moans arouse you like some sort of fucked up pavlovian response and before you know it, your hands are working along with his.

you'll regret this. the little voice tells you matter-of-factly when you pick up speed the same time he does.

you'll regret this. it hisses when your breath catches in your throat. when your face burns as you close your eyes and work yourself in a frenzy, hips rolling, imagining . . wishing . . mark was there with you, too.

you'll regret this. when you muffle a cry of his name with the palm of your hand when you hear the soft, expletive filled whispers of his orgasm. he sounds so good. so pitiful it reminds you of the first few times the two of you were intimate. times in which mark pretended he was gentle and sweet. when he pretended the hickies he sucked into your neck were purely accidental.

he sounds like your mark.

you'll regret this. this time, the voice sounds tired. like a disappointed friend at their wits end, trying to talk you down from relapsing from an addiction.

the voice goes silent.

obviously tired of you once you save the unknown number into your contacts.

[aesthetevolans]

what genshin ships i ship because i want to rant about them

disclaimer if you don't ship these that's totally cool please don't attack me ok

kaebedo - agh like so first of all: the pining. like i bet these bitches were staring at each other in the halls of the favonius building and every time kaeya would drop off klee with albedo they would just stare at each other a little too long and klee would be like "uh guys?"

established relationship i feel like kaeya's love language is gift giving and albedo's love language is acts of service. they leave each other little flowers or notes by their doors/on their desks during their days <3

kaeya's really touchy but respects albedo's space and knows he doesn't like a lot of that. but when albedo initiates the touch kaeya goes fucking bonkers

chili/tartali/zhongchi - ok so childe fell first and MUCH harder than zhongli did. but zhongli did catch feelings after a bit and was like "of course it had to be the rascal from snezhnaya. of course." established relationship: zhongli gives childe massages a lot because he's always sore from fighting :> and at first childe was self conscious bc he has a lot of scars (i also headcanon childe has moles/freckles all over his body) which he was nervous about zhongli seeing but zhongli just like completely affirmed him that he was beautiful <333

childe's love language is physical touch and zhongli's love language is gift giving :)))

heikazu/kazuhei - so like. hc heizou intentionally pretended to not figure out kazuha's case when he was a fugitive because he was too pretty to be arrested :pleading eyes: and like after the vision hunt decree is over they start to talk and theY PINE SO FUCKING HARD. VERY HIGH LEVELS OF PINING ALERT ALERT

i think kazuha would confess first through a poem and despite heizou being smart he can't get this poem through his dummy thicc skull and didn't even realize he was confessed to until months later lol. yada yada yada they confess they kiss and they date. and despite their relationship being long-distance because kazuha's still a traveler, they always cherish the moments they do have together :> (both of their love languages are quality time)

thomato - these gays. THESE GAY PEOPLE. so like. they both fell hard but i think ayato fell first tbh. but he was like in denial about it cuz yk "oh he's my housekeeper" but he just couldn't stop thinking about thoma and gave in to his feelings heheh established relationship: thoma calls ayato by his name in private and "my lord" in public, but has slipped up once or twice and the other maids at the estate were like wtf lmao. hc thoma is even more caring and devoted as before and ayato makes sure he takes care of himself and rests properly :) and when thoma gets sick, ayato forces him to stay in bed and just spoils him with love and care eheheheeh

ayato's love language is physical touch and thoma's love language is acts of service. ayato's may come as a surprise but i feel like this man is so unbelievably touch starved that as soon as the two of them are in private ayato immediately goes to hug/cuddle with thoma lol

kavetham/haikaveh - and they were roommates.

so. alhaitham originally hated having kaveh around but eventually got used to and even enjoyed his company (he'd never admit it, of course) but they both have their routines - kaveh makes coffee in the morning for the both of them, and despite alhaitham never allowing anyone else to make coffee for him, he lets kaveh because kaveh knows exactly how he likes it. one morning when kaveh had to leave early, he left alhaitham's coffee on his nightstand for him :> hc they confessed in the middle of an argument, like "IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, OKAY?" and hilarity ensues.

alhaitham's love language is acts of service and kaveh's love language is words of affirmation. haitham will write "i love you" super small on the bottoms of kaveh's sketches just to see if he notices ehheh

cynonari/cynari - these two. cyno definitely fell first and has been pining since like their akademiya days lol. cyno kept visiting tighnari constantly in avidya and it got to the point where tighnari asked him why he visited so much and cyno simply said "because i love you" and that was that lots of sleepy cuddles together, late night chats, long tcg games ~

cyno's love language is words of affirmation and tighnari's love language is physical touch. tighnari just always wants to hold cyno's hand or let him touch his ears/tail. tighnari will randomly say "i love you" whenever they're doing literally anything together, and it always catches cyno offguard lol

thanks for reading my massive long fucking rant lol

[imaginesforfandom]

Heartbeat Symphony

AHHHH i love this man too much lmao. this is short and sweet so have fun my lovelies!

how have i not written for this man yet like-

Dean Winchester x Reader

No pronouns used

Summary: After a long day on the road, the couple finds solace in the comfort of the Impala. The story explores the quiet moments between hunts, emphasizing the deep connection and love they share. Back at the bunker, they unwind together, appreciating the simplicity of being a team both in and out of the field. The narrative highlights the strength of their bond and the sense of home they find in each other's company.

Heartbeat Symphony

Dean Winchester sat in the driver's seat of the Impala, one hand casually resting on the steering wheel as he glanced over at you. The rhythmic hum of the engine was the backdrop to the comfortable silence that filled the car. You had been on the road for hours, chasing down the latest lead on a case, and now the two of you were finally heading back to the bunker.

As Dean drove, he stole glances at you, appreciating the way the soft glow from the dashboard highlighted the contours of your face. The quiet moments between hunts were just as precious as the action-packed ones. He reached over, fingers brushing against yours, and a warm smile formed on his lips as he interlaced them.

"You doing okay, Y/N?" Dean asked, his voice a soothing melody that echoed through the Impala.

You nodded, leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to get back and hit the hay."

Dean chuckled, the sound vibrating through both of you. "Well, we make a damn good team, don't we?"

You smirked, lifting your head to meet his eyes. "The best. Team Winchester."

As the familiar sight of the bunker came into view, Dean couldn't help but feel a swell of contentment. The two of you had been through so much together, and yet, every moment felt like a new adventure with you by his side.

Once inside the bunker, you kicked off your boots and flopped down onto the worn-out couch in the library. Dean joined you, sitting close enough that your shoulders brushed against each other. He reached for the TV remote, flicking through the channels until he found an old black-and-white movie.

"You know," Dean said, his arm finding its way around your shoulders, "we make a pretty good team in and out of the field."

You laughed, snuggling closer. "Yeah, we do. I wouldn't want to hunt monsters with anyone else."

Dean turned his head, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. "Me neither, Y/N."

The movie played in the background, but you found yourself more captivated by the steady cadence of Dean's heartbeat. It was a comforting symphony, a reminder that you were home, safe in the arms of the person you loved.

As the night wore on, you both drifted off to sleep on the couch, tangled together in a mess of limbs and blankets. The bunker echoed with the quiet sounds of the TV and the distant hum of the machinery that kept the place running.

In the darkness, Dean whispered words of love, promises, and gratitude, knowing that every day with you was a gift. And as you slept, you couldn't help but smile, feeling the warmth of his love surround you like a protective embrace. Together, you faced the challenges that came your way, hand in hand, heart in heart, a team bound by something stronger than any supernatural force – love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i loved writing this OMG!! i can't believe i haven't written for Dean yet. i absolutely adore him so so much lmao

[cloudcountry]

bird brain

Genre/Tropes: Fluffy bird brain behavior & Established relationship.

Summary: Crowley has a bird brain, but you love him anyway.

Author's Comments: I just think that this is canon. Also I feel like I don't have to say this but just in case Reader is not Yuu. They teach at NRC. I think this turned out pretty well even though it was first time writing for a staff member? I don't think I'll do this often since I literally don't know how to write anyone except for Crowley so if there are any Crowley likers out there let me know LMAO I might write more of him idk yet.

~~~~~

It was no secret to you and the other faculty at Night Raven College that Crowley had a bit of a bird brain. He liked to spoil you in his own special way, with shiny rocks and pretty feathers and seashells presented to you with lovesick eyes. That man would do anything for your approval, and while it was endearing, it did get obnoxious sometimes.

Like, for example, when he slammed open your classroom doors with a rock in hand, setting it on your desk where you had been organizing papers. There were always little flecks of dirt that fell off onto the pristine white papers, but you sucked it up as he gloated. Or when you’d be in the middle of a lecture and he’d bust down your classroom doors again, holding a shimmering multicolored feather that he picked up off the ground somewhere. Your students would try to hide their laughter, and some, their exasperation, when he acted like you were the only person in the room. All he ever wanted was praise, and maybe a smooch if you were feeling generous (but you always refused the latter in front of the students. They did not need to see that, and the gall of Crowley to even ask was beyond you.)

It had left you flustered and reeling too many times to count, the little shoebox in the bottom drawer of your desk slowly growing full with his gifts.

And speak of the devil, he was here again.

The telltale fast paced footsteps outside your classroom had you rolling your eyes as you set down your pen. A loud thump at the door made you try to hold back laughter—that lovable idiot had run into the door again.

The door flung open with a strong gust of air, and standing there was Headmage Crowley in the flesh.

“Beloved!” he yelled enthusiastically, making a beeline for your desk.

“Yes, dear?” you looked up at him, an amused grin on your face.

“Here.” he beamed, placing a dented bottle cap on your desk.

Despite the grime, you had to give him credit. It was pretty shiny, and the design over the metal featured mostly your favorite color. It wasn’t hard to see why he’d picked it up for you.

“What do you want in return for it?” you shook your head, picking up the bottle cap and twirling it over your fingers.

“Nothing, of course! It's a gift out of my infinite kindness!” he gloated.

“That’s what you always say. Now come on, what would you like?” you stood up, walking around your desk to face him.

“...A kiss?” he chuckled, pointing at his lips excitedly.

“Of course.” you laughed, setting the bottle cap down on your desk.

Crowley was practically vibrating on the spot from how excited he was, the goofy grin on his face making your heart squeeze. He never failed to be absolutely adorable whenever you offered up affection—it made you wonder if the esteemed headmage of Night Raven College was secretly touch starved. Gently, you placed your hands on his shoulders and pressed your lips against his. Crowley’s hand found its way to the back of your head, the claws scratching against the skin tenderly. He really made for the best head massager sometimes.

You pulled away but he chased you, stumbling over his feet before he finally let you go. You were flustered once again as he smiled, seemingly satisfied with the state he’d left you in.

“Thank you, my dear.” Crowley cupped your face, kissing your forehead for good measure, “Would you mind if I made myself at home here for a while?”

“Of course not. I was grading papers though, so I won’t be able to pay you my full attention.” you hummed, turning away from him.

“That’s fine! I can help! After all, I am very kind. Oh, I’m so benevolent!” he beamed, radiating smugness.

“Naturally. Thank you, dearest.” you sat down to begin your work once again, the bottlecap glinting cheerfully in the candlelight of your classroom.

[cinnamonest]

Male Majority AU brainrot has consumed me once again. Also cucking because we love it. Dropping this blurb here for no special reason, hoping you like it nonetheless hehe

Alhaitham is quite surprised when he finds out Kaveh got himself a girl. It was apparently, after his graduation right as the popularity of the architect spiked up. Before said architect fell into crippling debts as well. Only someone as brash as Kaveh wouldn’t see it coming, wouldn’t be prepared for that outcome. So it’s not as surprising to Alhaitham when his senpai beg him to house him and his girl. He accepts, though not without a price of course.

You see, Alhaitham has never paid much attention to the other sex before. Of course he has seen women, the Grand Sage, the Darshans, anyone of power has one always stuck to their side. Those higher-ups loves to brag, and frustrate Akademiya students even more since it’s practically impossible for anyone who hasn’t graduated to get a woman for themselves (and even then, it depends on how successful you are— beside, it’s difficult taking care of a being so delicate when you never have free time). But now that you’re here, living with him, he realises what he’s been missing.

You’re a bit shy, always worry about not bothering him, and you stiffen when he addresses you. You’re still adamant about showing how thankful you are for this housing arrangement though. While he’s working or reading at home, you always bring him water and snacks now and then. Always call him ‘sir Alhaitham’ or ‘master Alhaitham’. You try your best to greet him when he comes home, to compliment him, ‘W-well done at work today’ and it makes him laugh because you obviously have no idea what his job is. He acknowledges your efforts, but small things like you— they’ll never reach even an average man’s intelligence (you seem aware of that at the very least.).

He feels a bit bad for you too, your owner can’t see past his own nose. Kaveh does his best taking care of you, cuddling you, bringing you gifts, even ask your opinion on some of his architectural projects but he never tries to listen to you, does he? Anytime he finds you two interacting, the architect runs in-between screeching ‘Don’t speak to my darling you lunatic, you’ll corrupt my beloved! Are you alright sweetheart, he didn’t touch did he ?’. Such reaction only makes Alhaitham want to try to get closer to you more and more, see how far he can get away with things.

So he does, small touches here and there that ends up in cuddling sessions, bringing you some gifts now and then. ‘I need your presence at the Akademiya, please put this on and stick close to me.’ You’re unsure about putting the collar with a clear Alhaitham’s…. Yet you’re aware you don’t have a say in this, only following his order. You won’t do anything the whole day beside being arm candy, But what can Kaveh do about it, under the threat of removing him from the house? It teaches him a lesson as well— who is dumb enough to end up almost homeless while owning a girl? He truly doesn’t realise the danger he put you through there.

Perhaps Alhaitham should look into putting you into shared ownership. Stealing a girl is illegal of course, but cases of women who got a second owner because the first one fell under tough times aren’t unheard of. He’s getting tired of waiting, he’s been looking forward to bedding you for a while now.

AHHHHH I love this, Kaveh WOULD make a horrible financial decision like that lmao. Even in general it would be so awful, Alhaitham would absolutely be that third wheel that gets constantly inconvenienced because the other is constantly making adjustments and doing things without asking first lmao

Also since there's no like canonical heights to my knowledge, there's one part mentioning reader being comparatively shorter than them

----

To be fair, it's an act of benevolence to begin with. This unjust world is a constant weight on Kaveh's heart and mind, he's one of the most unfortunate people to have to exist in this universe, given he's such a bleeding heart. They have those charities and such that are supposed to advocate for better conditions and humane practices for the poor girls, and he's emptied his pockets for those more than once.

But buying one was not a selfish act, no. It may just be one, sure, and there are still plenty more suffering out there, but at least he can sleep well at night knowing he has made a difference, even if it's just in one person's life. After all, it was so pitiful and heart-wrenching, passing by those markets in town all the time and seeing them put in cages and look so miserable, he HAD to get one. It weighed on his soul, you know?

Such is how he justifies it, when questioned on it. He's doing a good thing. He's very happy about it initially, too.

Granted, it's not particularly normal for someone of his current economic status to make this decision, even pre-debt, it's not like he's super filthy rich or anything. He may or may not have taken out a loan... but no big deal... right...?

It's also true that neither of them have had any real opportunities to interact with the opposite sex — the Akademiya, of course, has no female students. Well, except for the fact that there's actually been a few cases of some particularly brazen, stupid girls being caught managing to disguise themselves for some time in attempts to get educational certification (presumably try to maintain the act long enough to become self-sufficient), but of course it never lasts long and is swiftly dealt with, given that students are incentivized by the policy that if someone discovers and rats a girl out to the institution, that person will get to keep her. But regardless, neither of them ever encountered such a thing.

Poor Kaveh is rather awkward at first, but he openly acknowledges that -- that is, he's more just awkward rather than shy, has no trouble being up-front and transparent about never having spoken directly to or been so close to a female before. He's pretty confident in his capability to be a good owner, though, he's done a lot of research and knows how to be sensitive and careful.

It's a fascinating experience, though. He's very touchy, and not even in a sexual way, often just reaching out to brush his hands over your skin, almost in a sort of awe. He realizes that for whatever reason, he had more or less subconsciously thought of them to be like inorganic objects, perhaps in part due to having spent almost more occasions seeing them portrayed in statues in architecture courses than in real life (which is very common -- no matter what nation you look at, one learns that in the anthropological sense of things, females are constantly made the subject of art, music, marblework, poetry, and virtually every other aspect of culture, often by men who have very little experience with real-life ones beyond their own mothers and the occasional few hours with prostitutes).

So it almost feels surprising to be reminded that you are made of flesh and blood, and thereby are, in fact, soft and warm and fleshy. It's an exhilarating feeling, holding onto you, even just the slightest touches and wrapping arms around you gives him a sort of natural chemical high, a buzz that's nearly overwhelming. Which, sure, he's heard described before, and has even read about quite extensively in anatomy and biology in the first years of general education, but experiencing it for oneself is totally different, and far more intense of a feeling than he had imagined.

He's really one of the best possible owners you could get, though. Very caring and doting, often to a point that it's suffocating.

And, of course, protective... which becomes an odd dynamic when he's forced to seek alternative living situations and you end up living with Alhaitham, seeing as most protective people probably would not be comfortable with a living situation in which one is living with another guy all the while.

Well, he is uncomfortable, but he doesn't have much of a choice. When his finances go plummeting, he knows who to reach out to... and while Alhaitham knows full well he'll give in and take you two in, there is some hesitation when he thinks about it. It could invite trouble, if someone sees you walking around the house and all... he'll just have to be careful.

Thankfully, Kaveh's still only paying rent for one person. Alhaitham did think about increasing it to something reasonable for two people, but... well, you're not really a "person," so to speak. When it comes to public transportation fees, usually females are considered a carry-on object, like a dog or a large suitcase, and only add an extra fee, which is less than the boarding cost for a person. So, out of generosity, he just leaves it as is.

Alhaitham soon comes to realize, however, that the decision to take you both in has some unforeseen consequences, namely being nagged and hounded about every little thing he does.

He's constantly getting chastised — they're fragile, you know, need ideal conditions. Yes, there needs to be a fire because your kind are very temperature sensitive (shouldn't he know that? Did he not pay any attention in biology??), yes he needs to buy (read: Alhaitham needs to buy) silk sheets because your skin is more fragile, yes they need to start buying (once more, read: Alhaitham needs to start buying) higher quality food for you because your it is critical that you get certain nutrients and vitamins or it will throw off your hormones and biles and all that and make you sick.

It's... irksome. He acts like every little issue that arises is the end of the world, exaggerates any harm that may come to you. And, of course, Kaveh tends to blame him for every negative thing. You get sick for a day and he claims it's because the house is too cold or too dusty, you tripped and fell and got carpet burn and it turned into a five minute lecture on how Alhaitham must have been the one to have mistakenly bunched up the edge of the rug and how he needs to be more careful, having a more fragile creature living here now. You knock something off the top of a cabinet (where they both tend to keep some foodstuffs), trying to reach it and it falls on your head, and soon Alhaitham finds his entire cabinets rearranged, optimized for your reach, and with the snacks you like placed in front of the other stuff.

Not to mention, of course, it's very awkward when he has to listen to you two go at it.

Kaveh's quick to justify that matter when Alhaitham makes some mildly passive-aggressive comment about it. No, it's not unethical nor coercion to have sex with you just because you depend on him for survival or anything. They NEED to have sex or they'll get sick... and in his defense, that's the common belief.

See, Sumeru is, predictably, the origin of a great deal of pseudoscience. Whereas other regions are more prone to bizarre and dumb traditional beliefs and stereotypes with no real basis that simply persist over time, Sumeru inhabitants prefer their misinformation to be peer-reviewed and doctoral-degree-verified, based on "studies" and "research" that is definitely not the sort where they intentionally set up the research to achieve predetermined results. You can even major in things of the sort at the Akademiya, like female medicine or female psychology, very lucrative fields seeing as they deal with primarily high-wealth clients (and otherwise men who are still willing to pay out the nose for the well-being of their beloved).

The Akademiya is also the world's leading institute on research for female hysteria, neurosis and psychosis, and cures thereof. The cause of such disorders is, generally, an imbalance of the humors and biles caused by hormonal deficiencies that are a direct result of the creature being undersexed. The Studies™ show that they become depressed and psychologically unwell as a result of several directly related causes, namely lack of orgasm and lack of having their pair-bonded mate's seed in them. Throws their brains off-balance.

Which is why Kaveh's not like the typical cruel, heartless person that buys these poor victimized girls just to use them like toys and objects, no, he's doing this because it's a necessary part of your care. The intention is what matters, and thereby makes it non-exploitative... also, of course, actually having mutual love for each other makes it non-exploitative, which he insists is the case... he's especially insistent of this after a certain someone muttered an unnecessary comment just loud enough for him to hear that 'she has every incentive to *act* like she loves you, you know,'  which left him upset for some time.

He's not wrong... you do gladly proclaim you do. That's how you've always been trained to act — even if you met your master ten seconds ago, you are ready at any moment to muster a smile and say you love him. The universally understood rules are simple: you love your master from the moment you meet him, you show no signs of discontentment, and you pretend as if you came into existence that very moment — never mentioning your past, acting as if any previous owners or living situations have been wiped from your memory, and above all, never comparing your current owner to a past one in a negative way.

Especially seeing as Kaveh is obviously... on edge. It's not like he isn't well aware of the ticking time bomb of a setup he's managed to find himself in. Staying in a home with some other guy, while having you around... it's asking for something to go wrong. Most people wouldn't dare, and would view the choice as a rather stupid one.

Thus, Kaveh is always trying to deter you from interacting, telling you that the man who owns the home is either too calloused and will be a bad influence, or too insensitive and will hurt your feelings; there's no way someone as thoughtless and dense as him would ever be able to appropriately, properly converse with your kind, known for emotionally sensitivity and all. Besides, you have no real reason to even want to speak to him, right?

So you can talk only when they're both around, when he's there to ensure Alhaitham doesn't say something stupidly insensitive or offensive. Which leads to some disputes, the two bicker back and forth even more than they would normally. And you... well, they can't be upset with you for at least trying to intervene, trying to be soft-spoken and sweet so as to not make it worse. It's very awkward for everyone involved.

His affection for you makes him that much more infuriated when he finds out that Alhaitham has been taking you out of the house and, in his mind, forcing you to spend time with him when you obviously have no desire to, parading you around as if you're his. It frustrates him, it upsets him, but... he can't really do anything.

On Alhaitham's end, though, it's only fair, so he thinks. Come on. What was he thinking? Knowing full well that Alhaitham doesn't have one, and yet he still basically wants to torment him by having you there? It feels like rubbing salt in a wound, of course he should know this was bound to happen eventually.

It's just slowly building up to a much bolder move, or rather, a compromise. Just... once a month, maybe. It's what he's owed, you know? And he'll be sure to fill out the paperwork verifying that he has partial ownership, meaning he's entitled to physical relations anyway.

With no other options, Kaveh is more or less forced to agree, albeit very very begrudginly... but, of course, with limits! He doesn't exactly have any right to set those limits, really, but Alhaitham agrees to them if for nothing else but to save himself the complaining and chastising he'd get otherwise. It's only a very small allowance, once per month and only once, no more than half an hour, and absolutely no other exchanges of any affection outside of that! Not that he can be there to enforce that, but he trusts you'll tell him if that bastard makes any move to touch you or kiss you or try anything whenever he's not around... won't you?

Not knowing what else to do (and stuck between trying to keep two rather stubborn individuals happy at the same time), you're very quick to assure him that of course you won't allow such a thing, and, of course, that you love him so much more, he's so much better and he's the only one that can actually make you feel good, so on and so on... he's not exactly happy about the situation, but your words placate him. For now, at least, until Alhaitham keeps pushing the bar for what he's allowed further, and further, and further...

[toomuchracket]

pre-dating idea, the bday party friendship group all doing a "blind date with a book" night and everyone gets assigned another person to choose a book for that they think they'll enjoy. obviously, matty and girlie get each other, and they have to explain why they chose that book, and it just proves how much they really notice and care about each other

i love this i'm obsessed with it and actually it got me thinking... what if you got each other the same book by complete coincidence? also like as THE literary girly of all time and the friend group, i reckon you'd be the one planning the whole shindig - your flat isn't huge, but it's alright, because that means the book presentation evening will be cosy lol, and a month before the actual get-together you "pulled names from a hat" to allocate who was choosing for who, which is code for You chose strategically partially because you wanted to see what would happen when you paired frankie and enya, because they're so different, and partially because you'd be damned if anyone else got to buy matty a book lmao. anyway! once the teams are picked and shared, he messages the gc like "excited but also lowk scared. i've got to pick WELL lol" and texts you privately like "fr i can't wait to pick you something, darling. thank you for planning this, it'll be really fun!", and it makes you GIDDY. the whole thing does, actually, buying him a book and wrapping it and leaving your reasoning on the cover and then having a drink with him in your kitchen before the gifting part of the hangout. it's so fun to see what your friends all chose for each other - some choices are funny, some serious, but all are thoughtful - and have a laugh, and the excitement fizzing in your stomach when it reaches your and matty's turn is just as good; it briefly fizzles into panic when you open the package to see the exact same copy of crying in h mart that you bought him, but as soon as you look into those pretty eyes of his you can't stop giggling at the coincidence. neither can matty - he just leans over to hug you like "i can't believe that. maybe we know each other TOO well, darling, christ", and you return it like "we're mental. s'amazing". and while the book choice is the same, the reasoning is slightly different; yours was because you thought he would enjoy reading about a musician using another form/skill to process their emotion (in the book's case, cooking), and his was because he thought you would enjoy reading about how identity is shaped through the gaps in language and culture as much as those things themselves AND the hard things we experience in life (idk i am spitballing here), and you were both right about the other being interested in that. bless him, he's genuinely apologetic when you find each other in the kitchen again later, offering to replace the book with another, but you just put a finger on his lips (he goes internally insane at this) and shake your head like "nah, this one's perfect. and i was thinking - we could do a buddy read of it sometime, if you'd like, discuss it together as we go, maybe annotate each other's copies", and matty actually swears he's never been more up for anything ever in his life. a private book club, just the two of you? your handwriting on his books forever? he's lovesick i fear. yeah, i love this whole idea <3

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

I really loved them making Helaena a dragon dreamer in s1 because i thought it would give her more relevance in the story since her arc in the book was too depressing and passive. Boy, was I wrong. Not only she has zero relevance and her screentime is reduced to minimum, but her dreams led to nothing. I mean, what's the point of that gift if she doesn't use it? Daenys saved targaryens thanks to the same gift so that's the proof destiny isn't always set in stone. However, with Helaena it's just frustrating. First there were riddles so I thought fine, maybe she can't interpret them correctly yet (the beast beneath the boards, the rats...) but that balcony scene with Aemond left me confused. I don't know how to interpret her behavior and thoughts in there. Aside from spoiling the God's Eye (lmao, condal is a moron) what were fer intentions? Was she angry on Aegon's behalf? I doubt it it since there was no deep connection or love between the two. Was she rejoicing at the notion of Aemond's death? Why would she just let him go to his death and do nothing? Does she hate him? Is she just too apathetic like Bran in s8 to care? Was she sad and defeated because she is aware of what Aemond has become (what Alicent also repeats over and over) but she still loves him? I seriously don't know what to think. Also ffs, , she appears in Daemon's vision to tell him about him fulfilling his destiny?? I can't express how disgusted I am that they chose her to do that. So, what's the point? And no, the explanation that she is this tragic cassandra figure who can't do anything to prevent certain events doesn't sit well with me because it seems lazy, overused and, like I mentioned before, there is Daenys' example. Do you have some other theories and interpretations of her character in general, but especially the balcony scene?

Good day/night to you!

I can't even express just how much I agree with everything you said. And I really wish I could come up with some clever and intricate theory about the role Helaena is supposed to play in HotD (by the way, anyone who has thoughts on that matter and is willing to share them is more than welcome to join the discussion).

But as of now it seems like the writers did - and most likely will contunue to do - to her the same thing they are doing to the absolute majority of other characters (if not to all of them), namely using her as a tool to get across a certain point. The point in this case being, apparently, that men (and women supporting them) are evil, to put it simply (actually, I just got a wonderful ask regarding misandry in HotD and I can't wait to get to it later today).

And the lack of actual care about the characters is even more evident and striking with regards to Helaena due to the pathetic amount of screentime she got. It feels like the entire meaning of her character has been reduced to showing up for a few minutes to either gain some pity from the audience for the purpose of capitalizing on it later or to give the viewers a heads up on some future events (often in quite a dumb and out-of-the-blue way).

To be clear: just like in Aegon's case, I do not disregard Helaena's suffering, I just resent the way it's being used within the story. Like can you believe it? Her baby son was murdered practically in front of her - but apparently she feels no anger or hatred towards either two scumbags who actually did it or her dearest TB relatives because of whose actions it happened (even if we buy the "unclear instructions" thing). Moreover, she is showing Daemon, basically the murderer of her child, the way to fulfilll his destiny. But apparently she feels psychologically violated by Otto and Alicent making her endure the public funeral (which has been turned into nothing more than a propaganda show) and supposedly despises her younger brother to the point of wanting him dead, the reasons for it being... what?

Him starting the war by killing Lucerys? Are we supposed to believe, even after what Rhaenyra says to Alicent, that if not for Luke's death the Greens would be safe? Him burning Aegon? She does mention that - but just in the scene before she smiles approvingly at Alicent's proposal of leaving KL without giving a second thought to the fate of her brotherhusband and neither has she been shown visiting him - not once. Does she care for Aegon or not? Apparently, she does but only in the moments when it's necessary to explain her treatment of Aemond. Him wanting her to join the fight? Is she that pacifistic?

It really feels like the writers just needed to throw together a bunch of reasons for Helaena's behavior - and that's what they did. And as far as I am concerned, what the show did to Helaena is a character assasination - just probably not as brutal as one of Alicent, but the result is the same.

[sapphim]

this is gonna be a long rambly one, and probably repeating a lot of things that have already been said, sorry

I think the failure of the friendship/rivalry system in DA2 is so interesting and like. obviously it was an experiment, they hadn't tried it before, and it was implemented on a game with a very short development, so they obviously didn't have time to really think through the implications and refine it. and I think it's not unfair to label it a failure, since they obviously returned to Origins-style approval for Inquisition. but I think because it was so experimental and unrefined it's interesting to examine like. I think part of the problem was that they had a pretty clear idea of what friendship entails, since that carried over from Origins, and the big failure is with rivalry simultaneously meaning a lot of different things to a lot of different characters (even in how you gain rivalry with a single character, those rivalr bumps will come from vastly different sources, even sometimes *things that you would gain friendship for if you were on the friendship path*) but like broadly, despite this, still having to mean "your characters will be closer/understand each other better and remain together in the climax" and that's even BEFORE throwing rivalmance into the mix.

and like I think, there's potential there, in that in some cases it works just fine! like take Isabela, and consider how it reinforces what they were presenting as her main character flaw at the start of DA2, being that... well! she freed a bunch of people once who were about to be sold into slavery, and that went sideways for her, landed her deep in debt, and she feared for her life, and things snowballed, and somehow this all lead to the qunari kirkwall invasion. and so she's sworn off that and it's every woman for herself now because that's so much less complicated than the hell her life has been for the past several years! and you have the chance to agree with her that, yes girl, personal freedom and liberty is paramount, so do what you want girl. or you can push back and say, hey, if you believe in personal liberty so much, isn't it sometimes necessary to sacrifice for the freedom of others? didn't you do that? wasn't that worth it? wouldn't you do it again? and it's great! it's fine! it gets heated and contentious but not abusive, and it's not dragging her out of her own ideals, it's pushing her further into examining what they really entail. and it's not really better or worse than the friendship path, it's just a different path to where she ends up as a person by act 3.

and then you look at how merrill's rivalry is like going. yeah. I think you're a small infant baby who can't make her own decisions, and that everything anyone ever did to prove you wrong was right and you are wrong and also, marethari was right to force you out of the clan and then continue to meddle in your life long after you left just to continue to prove to you how wrong you are, you wrong infant baby who is wrong and also a child. and also ruining the lives of everyone you touch! like a wrong demon baby who is evil and wrong. like! rubbish lmao.

and like I think that a DA2-style friendship-rivalry path with morrigan would be great! because with Origins-style friendship you shove gifts at her to make her forgive you for not committing crimes against humanity for the lolz, and getting into a rivalry to confront her head-on about, "girl, I know you were raised in a swamp by the abusive mother of the century, but we need to talk about the sociopathy" could be cool and interesting! and, like, there's kind of already the idea there with softening/hardening alistair and leliana as well, and I'm sure that could be expanded upon? but there are other characters I shan't name whose hypothetical rivalry paths haunt me to even briefly consider.

and I'm thinking, could this be solved by adding another axis? like turn it into an "agree" "disagree" axis ("coddle vs confront"? not in those exact terms but yk) and then still have that "I would die for you" vs "I would sell you to satan for a corn chip" axis for the things that would actively push them away? but that's overcomplicating things! by a lot! and you'd still be mapping some very different ideas onto an oversimplified system. so maybe that's way too much overcomplication for not enough benefit, and the return to a simple yes-no axis is right. I just think rivalry as a game system it was interesting and messy and worth thinking about

[layzeal]

Hi! I love your analysis on the characters because you always seem nice and open minded and not the kind of "I'm right, you are wrong", that's why I wanted to hear your opinion on this topic!

I've read that one of the most important character trait of Lan Wangji is being a sadistic, and instantly I was like "what but he's not AT ALL like that". I thought that person could be an anti but actually they wanted to praise the character. I have still thousand doubts because maybe it's me who totally read the character wrong after all this time, and because I've never read such opinion on the character, neither from the novel fandom nor from the drama or donghua fandom.

What do you think about it? :)

hi anon!! thank you 💓💕❤️ i'm glad you like them!!! (and i'm glad i come across that way, even though i have certainly slipped and said some things like that hahaha)

so my first reaction was "HUH?????" but i think i understand what that person must be talking about! and while i can't say that find his sadism "one of his most important character traits", it IS something that i think it's very endearing about Lan Wangji!!

(long post under the cut lmao)

so before we elaborate, lemme specify that in this case, i am specifically talking about the sexual, BDSM meaning for sadism. here, a sadist is someone who finds sexual pleasure in inflicting pain on their partner during sex, on the same vein that a masochist is someone who enjoys being inflicted pain on during sex.

most importantly however, this pleasure tends to be exclusive to the mindset one has during a sexual situation, and does not translate to regular everyday life, so if that person was saying that Lan Wangji is a sadist who obtains pleasure from hurting ANYONE or ANYTHING, at ANY MOMENT, then i absolutely disagree with it

okay, so... why do so many people LOVE that LWJ is a sadist? well, obviously i can't speak for everyone, but for me, i love it because of how well done it was. sadism IS an integral part of Lan Wangji character, and he KNOWS it, and for most of his life? it scared him

imagine it with me for a second: you are a 15 year old teenager, who's lived his whole life following very strict rules with a very strict view of how one should behave. you never once indulged in "common teenager behavior", you never felt the need to. then, out of nowhere, a gremlin boy comes into your life as the very embodiment of those behaviors—drinking, flirting, breaking rules, causing trouble, saying ridiculous things in class, reading... forbidden material,

that boy thinks you're a stick-in-the-mud. that boy wants you to loosen up a little. that boy tricks you into opening one of those forbidden books, and laughs at the face you make about it, then runs away happily. your blood boils, your face is red, you've never felt so hot and so frustrated in your life. you want to teach him a lesson

however, next day comes and that boy and his shidi join you on a nighthunt, and you come to the realization that he's actually... not as terrible as you first thought? he's a troublemaker, sure, but he's also incredibly competent, intelligent and even selfless if the situation calls for it. that... also stirs something in you.

then, that boy comes bearing "an apology gift", two cute, white little rabbits he caught himself, just for you. you know, deep inside, he's just doing this to get a reaction out of you. that's all he ever does. so when he makes an inappropriate joke and you (before you can even stop yourself) push him out the window, hearing him laugh joyfully even after he hit the floor, you feel that stiring again, that hot frustration, and at this point... you start suspecting something. something about what this feeling is

the thing is, for as much as you want to, you don't hate that boy. you hate how he makes you feel, but you don't hate him. in fact, you start suspecting quite the opposite. but you ignore it, and you push it aside, even as you catch yourself thinking about him, and doing the things he told you about—he's always in your mind... and you don't hate it. even when you catch yourself looking for forbidden material yourself, a type that not even that boy showed to you, a type that you can relate to, maybe even fantasize with

so, imagine now, that is how your very young life is going. then, one night... you have a dream, one very different. it starts out as a memory, but early on, it changes. in that dream, that boy teases you just a bit more cruelly, says some things with stranger implications, he pushes, and pushes you, and pushes you, and you break.

in that dream, you hurt him

and not just any kind of hurt. you do something unspeakable. the most immoral of acts a human can do. you hurt him as he cries and begs you to stop. you don't

and the worst part? you enjoy it

you were so certain, up until that point, that you were a good person. that you'd never want to hurt anyone, especially like this. so why does that dream make you feel that way? what does it mean?! that boy angers and frustrates you, sure, but you never ever wanted to hurt him. so you convince yourself that it was how your young, hormonal brain processes this anger, and tries to move on

and you don't think about why, by the end, you were holding each other close. why, by the end, you'd wanted him to enjoy it as well

KDFKSHC OKAY SORRY this ended up longer than i'd planned, but this? this is a VERY very common experience for teenagers who happen to have this type of sexual inclination to have. your mind is so young and you don't know much about sex at all, but your brain and your body betray you, and you feel drawn towards fantasies that by all means should disgust you. and it scares you, it scares you because if i enjoy these thoughs, then what does that make me?? so, much like lan wangji, those feelings get repressed and turned into something shameful for themselves

AND HERE IS WHERE WEI WUXIAN COMES IN!!! because that dream lan wangji had? it gets exposed in full sound and color to the very person it was about. now, up until that point, wangxian had already been exploring their sexuality together, and after their little fucking in the woods where lwj kept trying and trying to hold back as to not hurt him, apologizing and feeling frustrated that he can't (and who could, in his place?) wwx's reaction was to continuously rile him up more and more, because he DOESN'T want lan zhan to hold back!! no restraints, right? he wants all lan zhan has to offer!!! he wants lan zhan in all he can be!! he wants it, he enjoys it, even if it hurts!!

(how lucky, that this repressed little sadist found love in someone who turned out to be a repressed little masochist LMAO)

what is endearing about that incense burner extra is that lan wangji is visibly nervous and embarrassed about this dream, even now, even after him and wwx got married and have had sex many times. this is STILL something that lwj is ashamed about. and wei wuxian's response? to be as open as possible, to reassure him that he finds it SO hot, that he loves it, that he wants him to fuck him like that RIGHT NOW!! that there's nothing to be ashamed about cause guess what? wei wuxian is SO into it too, he's egging on little 15yo lan zhan on his actions against his own younger self!! and lan wangji finally lets it go!!! he accepts this part if himself, because now he knows it doesn't mean anything bad, it doesn't mean he's a horrible person who wants to see wei ying hurt and crying (he has, already, back when everything was falling apart), because he only wants it when he knows that wei ying wants it too. he only wants it if it's a way for wei ying to also enjoy himself

soo yeah, this is what i think that person meant when they said lan wangji was a sadist. he is!! actually, for as much as i love what the incense burner means to them, i personally don't even like reading it because of how violent it can be, and i cannot blame anyone for not being able to read it, but it IS very important to his character, and such a compelling look into his mind!

but you can also imagine how much it would have scared little lan zhan, and how validating it must have been years later, to finally know that hey, it's just a dream, and me? your husband who loves having rough mean sex with you? finds that EXTREMELY hot and it only makes me love you more ❤️💞💕