#immediately goes into depression spiral

[kitterjitters]

my job is not reflective of my self worth until I get rejected from a job I used to be good at. my job is not reflective of my self worth until it doesn't pay enough for me to contribute to the household. my job is not reflective of my self worth until it continuously stresses me out to the point where I'm getting angry at the smallest things and making fun things un-fun for everyone else involved.

I have always been a judgemental wet blanket, and this current job only makes it worse. I want to leave, but all my team members who are people I have come to trust think we should give it some more time. and to be sure, I will have to give it some more time anyway. plus the fact that we're finally seriously looking at getting a second car will greatly diminish my work commute stress. but the seeping regret that I should've done a million things differently in the past has got its shtity claws in me so deep.

what if I'd stayed at that other job? what if I was making the same amount of money as my spouse? what if I had quit this current job right from the get-go when the first red flags were showing? what if I had never even tried to leave my hometown and just accepted the life my parents wanted for me there?

the depression spiral is bad when it's making me regret even my good decisions to leave an emotionally neglectful and abusive immediate family.

there are a trillion little things piling up lately that are causing these negative feelings. I haven't had two days off in a row consistently in about 5 months. I have had to be dropped off at a cafe up to 2 hours before my work shift for almost a year. I have had constant stress about whether or not my hours will be randomly cut in the middle of my work shift. I have worried that my health insurance will automatically be dropped due to said randomly cut hours. I have had to just grin and bear it while my parents tell me the same things they've told me my entire life that just don't fit into my life schema anymore but they still think are relevant to me. I have carried unresolved grief over lost friendships for almost 4 years now. I have tried eight different antidepressants with varying degrees of uncomfortable side effects.

and is this all just life? am I just describing a life? am I too privileged to even think about complaining about these things? yeah I guess I probably am. so maybe that just makes me weak and incapable. plenty of people have endured worse things, haven't they?

but then again, why is it "other people have it worse" only when I'm thinking about my problems? would I tell a friend the same thing? of fucking course not! why am I so unfair to myself when I'm at my most vulnerable? why am I so critical of the one person I can actually influence when I'm at my lowest point?

because being hard on myself is easier than finding ways to change my circumstances. my circumstances are overwhelmingly outside of my control. but telling myself I don't deserve the life I've made is quick, simple, and free. and I'm just too tired.

I don't have a conclusion. I do have a therapy appointment next week which is nice I guess.

[5hrignold]

i literaly regret not getting bugb plush so bad Actual life lesson experience. from me to you don’t EVER let yourself be like Ohh meh ill live without it NO if a thing you are or HAVE been super duper ultra into is releasing something limited. GET THAT. bwcausw that’s how i felt about that thing because my brain must’ve been going through like a bugb cleanse or something after being obsessed with it for like 3/4 months BUT NOW I REMEMVERED HOW MUCH I LOVE IT AND IM SO MAD AT MYSELF FROM DECEMBER LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITJ YOUUAAAAAAA

[aingeal98]

"Tim is the bat kid the most like Bruce." The one year where Tim acted as close to Bruce as he possibly could was the most depressing and miserable time of his life and not something he ever wants to go back to. You tell him he's Batman in the future and he puts a gun to his head. Sure he has similarities but it's very much like Dick where if you tell him he's just like Bruce he'd immediately spiral about what the hell he was doing wrong and what changes he has to make. He's different from Bruce and he's very happy with those differences! He thinks it's a good thing! Tim loves and respects Bruce but he's also suffered due to Bruce's flaws, and so he very notably does his best to never replicate those flaws. Of course sometimes he fails, and he has plenty of flaws of his own. But he wouldn't pull say, a Tower of Babel unless he's at rock bottom. And he'd view it very differently from Bruce. Which isn't a character beat that's any different from Dick or Duke btw. They'd all be capable if pushed to their limits but they hate that and never want to go there, which makes them different from Bruce who goes there all the time.

"So then who is the bat kid most like Bruce?" Well you're not gonna believe what answer I, a Cassandra Wayne fan, have for that question.

[starry-bi-sky]

tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid

okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.

Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.

It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.

(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)

There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.

It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.

Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.

Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.

He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.

At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.

This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.

Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.

Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.

Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.

("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)

Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.

Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.

Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.

Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.

Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".

(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)

Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.

He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.

Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.

Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.

At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.

He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.

Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."

And there it is. There's his out.

Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."

The ball starts rolling.

Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.

He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.

It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.

Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.

He breaks the lock by hand.

Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.

The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.

And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.

I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"

I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.

Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.

But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.

Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.

Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.

Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.

Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.

And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.

[mikgreo]

try to forget her.

sypnosis. rin knows you’re far from reach. he didnt mean what he said, he knows he never will. hes slowly spiraling into madness. fully aware you may never come back. What will happen after he comes back from Blue Lock?

pairings. itoshi rin x fem! reader

content. angst, swearing, casual sae hating, au! before blue lock project but he later on goes into it, intrusive thoughts, mentions of self harm, depression, mentally ill rin, starvation, coping mechanisms, basically really mentally ill rin. unstable relationship, mentions of underage sex. dunno what else

wc. 2.7k

a/n. sadly very ooc.. not proof read. heavily inspired by tyler the creators snippet *try to forget her* i saw an edit and immediately thought i should do some type of angst fic with it. PART 2 IS CONFIRMED!!!

itoshi rin, a man full of disgust towards anything and everybody. many thought of him as self absorbed, selfish, a man with a distinctively huge ego. many admired him only his looks, some because of his brother, some not at all.

but if there was one thing everyone know about itoshi rin, it was that he was a hell of a striker. many acknowledged his skill at the sport, he led his team to victory, but was it really for the team, or for him?

it was no secret that rin had a brother, more successful and skilled. nobody had ever known why there was such tension between them, no one bothered to ask why.

rin hated being compared to the man he hated the most, he wondered if it was hate, admiration, jealousy maybe? he never really mentioned it. not that he had anyone to mention it to.

Rin did not set differences aside, he wanted to do everything his brother accomplished, but better.

Rin wanted to be completely better than Itoshi Sae. he wanted to have his own title in the soccer world. he wanted to be admired for being Itoshi Rin, not Sae.

He thought, “whatever i have that he doesn’t, will be one step closer to getting to my goal.” he desperately tried to obtain every skill he could to stand out.

Rin wasn’t exactly worse than Sae.. but he wasn’t any better. one could say there was just a tiny 10% that separated them, only in skill.

Rin was attractive. he had a good body, good voice, good grades. he was every girls dream man. his personality didn’t stop any woman from being head over heels for him, but it would always change once they saw his brother, only being blinded by the richness and success, rather than looks.

one could argue they were equal in everything but soccer.

it had come to the point where Rin couldn’t figure out what he was missing. until you showed up one day.

there was an exchange student, not only exchange, but foreign. you were from (country) and it just so happened to be the one Rin had always dreamed of going to.

when he set his glowing teal eyes on you, he was mesmerized. you didn’t look like the average japanese girl, or obviously an average tourist.

your beauty was something he couldn’t comprehend.

your hair looked so silky. your skin so smooth yet had the faintest texture. your outfit was carefully picked out, obviously not having a school uniform yet. your makeup so beautifully done, not being too packed with it, just enough to make him acknowledge it.

your lips were plump and glossy, your cheeks were flushed and shiny, all red from the embarrassment.

your lashes so long, not as long as his he thought, but long enough. your eye color wasn’t anything special but he just felt like it was. your eyebrows so perfectly shaped, but natural.

he looked further down, to your body. he could care less but he had to take in the amount of beauty you carried..

your legs looked so perfectly long and smooth, you were obviously shorter than him, just right. your arms rested by your sides so perfectly as well. your cutely done nails, how your hands had no scars, obviously belonging to a woman who’s taken care of herself.

he listened as you spoke, your voice had no roughness, no cracks no nervous vibrations. it was smooth and quiet. calm.

you were sat next to him, what a coincidence. the teacher put you there temporarily next to rin because he was the top student, we could help you catch up.

Rin introduced himself to you, catching you looking at his lips as he spoke, he remained nonchalant and just did as he was told.

you had told him you weren’t very fluent in japanese, but knew the basics, you could understand japanese, just not speak. your father was japanese, from the kanto region, and had gone to america for work, meeting your mother.

he taught you many things and helped you improve your japanese.

a couple months passed, you had asked him to meet you on the stairs before the top floor.

thats where you had confessed to him, he could never forget what you said.

“itoshi-kun..i am very sorry if i butcher this but.. ive been meaning to tell you for a very long time, about how i feel. so if you will let me, may i share this with you?”

rin chuckled at the hesitation and nervousness in your voice, knowing you didnt have to be so fancy with honorifics or anything, or call him by his last name.

“Yeah sure, go ahead.” he smiled at you slightly.

“Ever since you and I got closer, Ive felt a weird feeling inside my chest. everytime i heard a girl talk about you my heart would sink. i started caring more about your whereabouts and opinions. i found myself being worried about you, and caring about what you thought. i would get up in the morning excited to see you, trying my best to look pretty for you. i tried to go to all your games and support you even if you wouldnt see me, even if i would blend in with other girls. i was glad i got to sit next to you, i am grateful for it now. because it led me to become closer to you, and not anyone else. Itoshi Rin, i like like you. i love you. and i want to be together, as a couple. i understand if you dont feel the same way bu-”

“y/n.. i love you too.”

you two went on to have the best memories together, you had told rin a 9 months into your relationship that you were a virgin. you two ended up having sex. you went out together, he met your parents, he didnt feel comfortable about his family so he left it at that. you understood.

you two were in love.

you guys went on to date for 2 years, but whenever rin turned 16 things started to get weird.

you and him were always fighting. he would ignore you at times, sometimes hours, sometimes days.

you were understanding of his soccer career, not that it was much of a career, yet you never told him.

you just wanted him to be there for you, with you.

the start of november, you decided to confront rin about it.

“Why do you always fucking ignore me for that shitty ass sport?! all you do is make fake promises and go on and say how youre sorry and youll do better but do the same thing but just worse. im not asking for alot itoshi but for the love of god please act like you fucking love me again.”

rin was on his last straw, he didnt know why he was so mad, maybe it was because by the day his brother was getting better and more popular, he was determined to be better than him, even if it meant ignoring you, and setting you aside.

“Look y/n, i dont fucking know why you care so goddamn much. mind your own fuckin’ business and find something to do. all you do is complain, i need space okay?! Im not sorry to say this, and im gonna dumb it down for ya, your annoying, wasting my time, and i just need you to leave me the fuck alone alright? stop fuckin’ running yer mouth and be good at somethin’ for once. fuckin’ bitch. all you use your damn mouth for is to complain, go get a job or sumthin’ i dunno. wish you never fucking came to japan.”

you never said anything and walked out of his house.

2 days later you had sent him a message sending him farewell and you loved and hoped he would grow on his journey as a soccer player.

ever since that day, no matter how much rin tried to find your whereabouts, he always failed.

he felt miserable. he wanted you back.

how could he? he said so many things to you, he meant them at the time, but it wasnt his fault. he didn’t mean to bottle everything up. he wouldve talked to you about it, maturely.

he blamed it on his brother, like he always did.

he thought it was some kind of bad luck spell Sae had given him.

Rin suffered in silence.

he missed you he missed your touch, the way you would look at him and hold him, how you would whisper cute things in his ear while you cuddled.

he missed how he would open every door for you, he made you bento boxes, he missed your home made chocolate. he missed how he would spot you in the bleachers at his soccer game, he would pretend to not see you out of embarrassment.

he dreaded sitting in the same seat he sat in whenever you met, seeing you sit next to some other random dude.

how could he just forget about you? when you’re there everyday at school. he hated seeing you look miserable, alone.

he knew you still werent that good with the language, so you were unable to make friends, let alone girl ones. they all hated you for your relationship with rin.

he was worried. he wish he could have you in his arms and tell you everything was going to be okay.

he felt extreme guilt as the days went by, remembering how you have your own family problems, your own health problems.

how did he just leave without a fight? how did he accept you two were done and went on with his day.

he remembered about all the memories. how you two had sexual relations, despite being dumb teenagers. you didnt do it more than 3 times, but he still thought of it as special.

he missed how you cradled him in your arms, rubbed his cheeks, gave him massages after practice or games.

he missed you playing with his hair. your kisses. your soft warmth of your body. everything.

he wish he chased you, fought hard to keep you, beg for you.

but he didn’t.

thats when the thoughts started happening.

rin would find himself on the edge of his bed thinking about how your life would be with another man.

he sat on the floor of his bathroom and sobbed, knowing there was a zero chance in hell you would forgive him for anything.

he hated himself. he hated what he was, who he was.

it got so bad rin started praying night. he prayed for you, about you, for both of you. he begged and sobbed to the man he believed was up in heaven somewhere judging him for his actions. the man he believed put him in this situation to suffer.

he would never harm himself, he knew that. but he fought his intrusive thoughts. he didn’t want to make any cuts on his arms, he always thought they were unnecessary.

instead, he unconsciously starved himself.

rin couldnt eat, he couldnt sleep.

he couldn’t take care of himself or his room, he was a mess.

he wanted to disappear, he wanted to just pretend he never came into this world. he hated his mother for birthing him, he hated his brother even more.

he couldn’t think anymore, he layed on his bed. staring at the inanimate objects around his room.

he missed you, he thought about you.

about your mother, and father whom he met.

about your siblings and pets.

he missed who he was.

he tried to forget those things

“try to forget her.” he said to himself as he woke up for yet another day of school.

rin liked to think he could telepathically, someway, talk to you when he really tried.

“i just hope you saved my number,” he thought, “Call me when you can.”

he knew you had blocked him, but had you really? what if you missed him too. what if you couldn’t forgive him, but you could miss him.

he thought surely you missed your long talks at night on the phone, cuddling with him, having lunch together.

was it all a blur to you? did your people not care for relationships?

Rin went out on walks sometimes, to help cope, to help him forget, to ease his mind. he stared at the ponds, the fish, the trees. the sky, the clouds. he wondered what the plants felt like, being all alone, unable to move or speak. how they felt whenever a dog would urinate on them, or how a tree felt when a couple carved their initials on it.

did they need to scream? cry? laugh?

he went into a state of derealization at one point, for about 2 days, he thought he wasn’t here.

he was just a ghost, you were a dream, his brother wasnt his brother, he was just a sad dead person with free time. alot of it.

he hated being here.

Rin repeated the same cycle everyday.

wake up, shower, eat breakfast, brush teeth get ready for school.

see you in class, sitting alone, sometimes with a random person you had assigned seats with.

go up to the rooftop for lunch, seeing you at the stairs as he went up, trying his best to not acknowledge you.

go to soccer practice

walk the path to your house, then to his.

check the mail. go inside his house.

take off his clothes, take a shower, lay in bed, and eventually, after some tears, fall asleep.

Rin felt lost, he lost his will to try.

he continued exceeded at sports and school.

that he never worsened in, he was always top 1 and remained that way.

that was until his teacher asked him to help you again, since you were failing.

“I understand if you two have broken up, it is none of my business really. But if you could set your arguments aside and focus on her academic work, that would be amazing. She’s really struggling again, Itoshi-kun. If you are unable to please let me know.”

Rin had a selfish feeling, he was glad to know that you were also struggling like him over the breakup.

he let his ego get to him, sometimes the thought that it might just be your family crossed his mind. but he always settled on that it was the fact that you two broke up.

rin planned to talk to you about class, of course it being just an excuse.

he decided he was gonna do it the following day, november 20th, 2018.

unfortunately, you weren’t at school that day.

he thought nothing of it, he was just gonna ask you tomorrow. same plan same everything.

he was gonna confess his feelings of regret, and guilt. he was going to own up to missing you.

rin went home that day, devastated, but a slight excitement for tomorrow.

he was happy, that tomorrow might be the day that everything goes back to normal.

he checked the mail.

he had received a letter, something claiming that he had been chosen to go into some stupid Blue lock project. saying the meeting is in september 4th.

he ignored it.. but it interested him. he was gonna go, he thought why not?

you hadnt gone to school all week.

rin asked his teacher if he knew why you hadn’t attended school, claiming he just needed to talk to you about tutoring you.

“Oh, y/n-san? she’s gone to america, to visit her grandmother, she should be back september 4th.”

september 4th? thats the day he had to go to that meeting. that tuesday he would be gone and you would be back.

he began to worry, what was he gonna do?

the day of came. he decided to go to the soccer program, figuring he would just see you the next day.

“is this the right place? it looks all weird. i wonder what bullshit they’ll say.” he scoffed, looking at the letters address slightly looking up, matching it to the building number.

they had told him they wouldn’t be allowed to go back home, they would stare at this Blue Lock, until they fought to find the best striker in japan.

Rin was angry. Angry at himself, angry at this strangers.

part of him lured him to do it. he wanted to become better. he wanted to be the best.

but what about you?

ive never written angst before i hope i did good for my first time..😭

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: How M6 act when they're sleep deprived

Julian

What do you mean? This is his permanent state of functioning, MC, he wouldn't know who he was if he wasn't exhausted

Now give him back his coffee. He wasn't done with that

Julian's version of properly sleep deprived is akin to a normal person's version of "so close to dead they've never felt more alive"

You'll only know he's at the true edge of his exhaustion when his eyebrows reach a new height of bushiness and his pupils dilate to two tiny pinpricks of black in a sea of shaky grey

His normal eye will be so bloodshot that you'll have a hard time telling which one needs an eyepatch over it

Be prepared for the theatre kid plague doctor version of zoomies

Were you hoping to read your book quietly? Not anymore!! Allow him to spice up your story by assigning different voices to your beloved characters and loudly reading them from atop the table

Better yet, watch him vault from the table to the windowsill as he demonstrates the dashing hero's getaway!

The plot takes a turn as the book goes flying into the sink and he continues undaunted, improvising a three person fight scene with the lid off your soup pot and the fire poker

This ends when you either guilt him into bed or he crashes mid-sentence

Asra

To say that they don't take well to being sleep-deprived is an understatement. They exist in a constant state of "just rolled out of bed and will happily roll back in." Life revolves around sleeping in

He can lose an hour or two of sleep here and there. It's not even super unusual for him to accidentally stay up into the wee hours of the morning because he got stuck in a curiosity spiral

But they usually make up for it with cat naps through the next day. When that proves impossible, though -

There's no nice way to put it. He's grumpy. Irritable. His tendency to make sarcastic, cutting comments about things he doesn't like increases tenfold

Their hair gets frizzy, the annoyed wrinkles around their eyes could rival an elephant's, and their usual easygoing expression is replaced with a scowl so deeply disgusted by existence that it rivals Muriel's

He doesn't yell or snap - no, he just stumbles through the shop with his hair in his eyes and a random object in his hand (is that a half finished rendering of the Palace carved on a banana peel?)

Be prepared for them to mumble out all kinds of hilarious swear combinations as they give you their real opinion on yesterday's finnicky shop patron. They'll read her outfit to filth

Nadia

She just gets stressed and depressed

And depending on how bad the deprivation is, slightly panicked

First she gets stuck asleep for literal years. Then after waking up she can't sleep enough, thanks to headaches and nightmares. She's just so done with the discomfort of it all

She also associates you with being able to sleep in a way that is safe and restful, so you're about to become a personal stuffie

If you complain, she'll immediately apologize and leave you to go about your day. Otherwise she doesn't realize what she's doing

You're coming with her. Everywhere

She's either got your arm looped through hers, her hand holding yours, or (depending on your height) your shoulders tucked firmly into her side while she runs her fingers through your hair

She will instinctively tighten her grip on you if you squirm

If she gets too lost in thought while she tries to get her tasks out of the way, she will bodily pick you up and carry you from room to room like an animate teddy bear. You are her comfort item now

Forgets to verbalize her thoughts. The plan is so clear inside her head, no need to pause to enact it

Which is how you ended up plopped on a horse with 0 explanation

Muriel

Oh dear

His anxiety skyrockets. Sleep is his coping mechanism for an ugly world. Sleep is an escape. And now sleep is ... unavailable???

His personality slowly shifts. Is he still grumpy? Yes, but faster now. Without access to the thing that helps him feel safe, he's full of anxious energy to the point of becoming frantic

Starts obsessively doing everything he can so that sleep is possible again. Is there a lot to get done? move out of the way.

Is it insomnia? He's trying everything from filling the hut with myrrh to making an uncharacteristic march into town so he can raid the shop for remedies while Asra looks on, jaw on the floor

He'll do anything, just let him sleep

Absolutely refuses to have anything to do with alcohol to make him drowsy, though. The same goes for any type of strong sleeping enchantments, medicines, or potions

He wants to maintain control over his body

It was a strange experience to come back after a day out to find the entire hut rearranged, with a borderline manic Muriel pacing the floor and muttering to himself about "something soothing"

Apparently that was you, by the way, you were all he needed. He took one look at you, heaved a sigh of relief, and then dozed off to the sound of you puttering around

Portia

For someone who's usually so cheery and on top of things, she gets really mellow and spacey - almost childlike

You will have to repeat yourself up to five times before she's able to process your question and tell you that she moved your shoes to the closet because she needed to sweep earlier

Slow frog blinks, first one eye, and then the other

Keeps putting stuff down where it's not supposed to go and then completely forgetting about them

Why is there a wet bar of soap on her pillow. Why is there a teacup half-buried in the garden. Why is Pepi covered in flour

If the reason for her sleep deprivation is overwork, there's no chance of her getting anything more done until she's had a full eight hours of rest. She physically cannot focus enough

If the reason is just insomnia, she just gets sad. One glance at Pepi curled up into a cute little roll and snoozing in a sunbeam will lead to silent tears pouring down her cheeks and quiet sniffles

Gets so so sweet - she already is, of course, but to a whole new degree. If you bring her a cup of soothing herbal tea, she'll look at you like you're a fairy and whisper "thank you" while she cradles it

A good backrub is usually all she needs to conk out

Lucio

He values his beauty sleep and he is not happy when he doesn't get it. Do you know what it takes to maintain skin like his??

Loud and cranky but refuses to acknowledge why

He wouldn't feel this lousy just from not getting enough sleep! What are you talking about? This is clearly some kind of foul magic or sickness at work - check his temperature! Is that a fever??

He doesn't need sleep, he needs answers. Who's fault is this? Who does he need to beat up? Leave him alone!

Wait no no no he didn't mean that, don't leave him alone, MC please, he loves you, don't go (note: you haven't moved)

He knows what he needs to do. He needs to hunt down whoever or whatever is causing this misery and force them to put an end to it

It must be some kind of curse. Loud noises hurt his ears, the sun is too bright, his eyes are tired and itchy, his brain is full of fog, his whole body feels slow and heavy, this isn't right!

Maybe this is actually his cue to throw a party - no? Yeah okay, he wasn't really feeling up for one anyways

Which is clearly another symptom of the curse! MC, help him!

You'll have to change tactics and tell him that you'll only be able to help him kill the curse if he falls asleep so you can see his dreams

[mxtxfanatic]

i think you'd articulate it much better than i could but i'd love to know your thoughts about disability in mxtx's work!

i love the way she has all her mcs deal with spiritual (?) disabilities (corelessness, without a cure, the shackles). i'd say it's like half a step removed from actual rep, but she handles it really thoughtfully imo!

( maybe including other stuff/characters like the bm trauma etc)

Idk, I’ve never thought of stuff like the golden core removals or Without-a-cure as disabilities, because they only affect cultivation, which is not innate to the human body. It’s like claiming that an able-bodied person has a mobility disability because they no longer have a car. Yeah it takes longer to get places because you have to walk, now, but that doesn’t make you disabled. I am much more willing to talk about disability in mxtx novels through the lens of mental illness.

I like how mental illnesses like trauma and ptsd are handled through community care and not random vent sessions as stand-ins for modern therapy. I feel like this takes a more realistic approach on what it could look like when you take trauma seriously instead of relegating all healing to individualistic habit changes. For instance: the onset of Xie Lian’s spiral into his panic attacks and depression was being abandoned by his closest friends and then the suicide of his parents. Before that, he was able to continue on after the fall of Xianle based on their support of him, but after everyone leaves and he’s alone, he sinks heavily into despair. It is only after experiencing the unconditional support of Wuming that he is able to pull himself out of the pit, and meeting Hua Cheng later is what gives him to confidence to actually open himself back up again instead of taking on issues alone because he had no one to rely on anymore.

In mdzs, Wei Wuxian during the war and immediately post-war aftermath is a very tense person, still polite and charming but very distant from his peers. Part of that is the cultivation world beginning to treat him differently as they covet his power, but another part is that he had to remain on guard to protect himself, even from the people who he was formerly closest with. There was no one that he could depend on until he liberated the Qionqi Path labor camp. Afterwards, we see how Wei Wuxian is returned to his silly, playful self after spending time with the Wen remnants in the Burial Mounds, even though logically, this was the most dangerous time of his life outside of literal war in his first lifetime. The difference, however, is that he actually has people that he doesn’t have to guard against and who he can be honest and free with despite all the messy lines of debt and repayment that initially bound them together.

In svsss, though I don’t think Shen Qingqiu had any mental health issues, the thing that differentiates him from Shen Jiu is that Shen Qingqiu built up relationships with his martial siblings in the few years he had transmigrated, while the original goods kept himself intentionally isolated in his own sea of bitterness and jealousy. When the world turns against Shen Jiu, it is of his own making, but when the same happens to Shen Qingqiu, he has a whole mountain at his back ready to defend him—or even just his body! And in the post-canon when something happens on bingqiu’s time away, his first thought is “let’s go back to the sect for protection.” He never has a chance to fall into that same despair because he knows he has a community of support in case anything goes wrong. On the opposite end of things, the lack of love, community, and inclusion is what eventually sets Luo Binghe on his descent into madness, and it is the assurance that Shen Qingqiu both loves him and will never abandon him that pulls him back from the brink.

I’ve seen quite a few people make snide comments about how “of course” mxtx characters react badly to trauma because they exist in a setting without therapy, but I think this both ignores the autonomy of the characters (wwx, xl, or even yqy do not react to being traumatized in the same way that, say, sj or mq do) and also the fact that the solution to a lot of mental health issues that arise from trauma is a change in circumstances and having community. So even though therapy doesn’t exist in mxtx novels, the solutions to a lot of these problems still feels realistic and intentional rather than falling into “everyone traumatized will turn evil” or “love cures all, don’t look too deeply into it,” while also putting onus on the individual to choose healing rather than it being something that just passively happens to them.

[lunamochii]

'No more running away.' || atsumu x f!reader

synopsis;

Atsumu doesn't know how to express his feelings and keeps on hurting you.

cw // slight angst, tsundere atsumu, fluff at the end, timeskip tsumu.

¤¤¤

"I love you, Liselotte."

"I love you too, Sieg."

You finish the cake and the soda you bought on your way home from your work, you also finish the romance anime you are watching and damn did that made you feel more depress than ever. Switching off your computer, you look outside from your window and taking a look at the red hue sky.

"I also want to love someone or be love by someone..."

Then you turn to look at your reflection at the mirror beside you and can't help but laugh to yourself knowing full well why anyone wouldn't want to date you. You got up and decided to wash all the dishes and utensils you used.

When done you decided to sleep and while passing by your fridge you saw the tomorrow's date and just shrugs. It will be the same as last year, you will be alone.

You woke up but you remain laying down on your bed not wanting to get up, then your alarm go off and instead of turning off you let it be.

"Ah... I'm sick of this."

Despite all that unwillingness you were on hours ago, you found yourself standing outside the gym. Getting here wasn't that hard as you did your best to ignore all the decorations and the vendors who were selling those heart shape designs. Couples laughing and hugging on the park, side of the street.

"Oh! Your here early, manager!"

You turn around and saw Shoyo and you greeted him with a smile, right. Today is no different from every other days you've live up to.

"Morning, Shoyo."

The two of you walk together inside the gym and you let him take over of the conversation as he talk about how in the past he never gets a single thing during valentines but on his way here, girls were giving him gifts and everything. That's when you notice on how bulky his bag is.

"Oh.. I didn't prepare anything for the team.."

Shoyo immediately catch on and stop on his tracks as he search something frantically on his bag and when he got it he immediately handed it to you

"I actually prepared this for the team! This is yours!"

You carefully took it from his hands and saw it was a cupcake shape in a heart and your name is written on it.

"Shoyo... pfft- hahaha this is so cute! Thank you!"

You hug him and Shoyo breath out seeing how your mood went up, the moment he saw you standing outside the gym he knew something was off and his glad he did prepare those cupcakes with the help of his sister.

Both of you got where to the others are and Shoyo handed his cupcakes and the others saw how he got you a valentines gift, others followed suit making you smile warmly and thank them wholeheartedly.

"Hm? Aren't you going to give our cute manager here a valentine gift Miya-kun?"

Meian the captain of MSBY team tug on the setter and Atsumu answered him with a scowl on his face, ever since you took the job on being the manager of this team. Not even once did Atsumu Miya smiled to your way.

"Ehh should I really? I don't see a reason to give her anything though."

Right. His not wrong too, why would he give you something right? It's not like you two are that close. You only became their manager just a year ago. You also know how much he hates you, despite your spiraling thoughts you manage to smile.

"You didn't have to say it that way Miya!"

"Captain, it's okay. I'm okay. You guys can proceed on practicing, I'll just put your gifts on the locker room."

The voleyball players watch your disappearing figure and they couldn't even say anything. Then their heads turn to Atsumu who was also taken back by what he said and see how sad you look, made him mentally punch himself.

"Miya! You could have worded that nicely!"

Meian angrily said and Atsumu grit his teeth, everyone here knows how much he likes you. He likes you so much that he goes crazy whenever you show your support on the team. He likes you so much that everytime he look over to where you usually sit during one of his matches, he always feels like he can smash the opponent with just his serve.

"Why do you care? It's her own fault if she gets hurt by just that!"

"Miya!"

The others quickly held back their captain from attacking their setter

"What has gotten into you TsumTsum? You like he-"

"I don't!! Like?! More like, I hate her!!"

The sound of water bottle dropping on the wooden floor grab everyone's attention and they spotted you standing there completely dumbfounded. Atsumu's breath hitches seeing you.

"Haha I never knew you hated me that much. Don't worry, I will do my best to stay out of your sight."

No. You should always be at the line of his sight. He doesn't hate you. Don't make that kind of face.

"Let go of me!"

Atsumu storm out of the court. Why is he so mad? Is it because Shoyo manage to beat him on giving you a present? Because the others got you a lot more beautiful gifts? He kick the vending machine. He didn't mean those words. He didn't mean to hurt you.

¤¤

Weeks have pass ever since that incident and you live up to your word, doing your best to stay out of his sight. Making the setter get more agitated, his not doing that great during practice match. His serves doesn't feel that great and their coach have been reprimanding him. He knows he needs to be on his best since they have a upcoming match.

"Thanks!"

"No problem."

He glances at the side and saw you interacting with the others and the sight of you smiling, smiling to the others and not him, it sure made him more agitated. When it was time for their practice, he keeps on missing on the timing.

"Atsumu, set your personal matters aside. I don't need a player who gets distracted easily."

"Sorry coach.."

Grabbing a towel and a water bottle he sat down on a corner, he watch the others play but his eyes search for you and when he found you, a smile appeared to his lips but it disappeared quickly seeing how you laugh and smile fondly towards Kotaro.

"Isn't your birthday the same day our match is?! We should all go drinking after!"

Kotaro suggested but you feel the need to decline, for you it's just another normal day. You got used spending it alone that you even decline the company of your closest friends.

"Ah, Sorry! I made plans with my friends that day so I can't!"

Lies drip from your lips effortlessly

"Ehh really? Too bad, let's go drinking the other day then!"

"Hahaha okay okay! Now, go back to practice."

You push him back on the court and you let out a sigh, you start to pick up the used towels and water bottles and when you were about to refill the bottles, you saw Atsumu staring at you. You bowed curtly and ran away. Ran away from him and that hurt Atsumu.

¤¤

"Can't be help. They were prepared this time, the defeat you experience today only means that you guys still need to keeps on improving. You all can go home after stretching."

You couldn't bring yourself to speak seeing how devastated they look, despite doing their best they couldn't win against the opponent. Meian, being the captain steps up and clap his hands getting the attention of his members.

"Okay, we just need to train harder! Le-"

"My toss was perfect. So why couldn't you hit it perfectly?"

The cold voice of Atsumu followed by his words stop the captain, they all look at him and notice how his glaring hard at Kotaro.

"Huh?"

"Or are you too busy flirting with our manager that you couldn't focus on our game?"

"That's going too far."

Kiyoomi who is usually silent steps up

"Yeah, Bokuto-san was playing just as usual. It's just our oppone-"

"Really? Because every time out he always manages to flirt with her. Maybe his too engrossed with her that *SLAP*"

Atsumu felt his world stop as soon he felt the stinging pain on his cheeks, his eyes slowly drops on the person who just did that to him and his world crumble upon seeing your tears racing down from your eyes to your cheeks

"I know you hate me but you don't have any right to blame other people for the loss you guys got today!"

His hand mindlessly reach out to you but you slap it away and glared at him

"You're the worst."

¤¤

"She's not coming today too..."

Shoyo feels defeated seeing how their training is coming to an end but they didn't see you again. It's been four days and no one got the guts to voice out the reason for the thick air around the team. Atsumu resorted to practicing alone, Kotaro refuses to speak to the setter too despite the convincing of their captain.

"We can't blame her. Atsumu's words were really harsh."

Shion, the libero of their team speaks up and Shoyo silently agree. He might have known Atsumu during his highschool days but he knows he didn't mean any of those words. Atsumu may deny it but Shoyo sees how the setter looks at their manager.

Wake up, eat, sleep and repeat. That has been your routine for four days.

Atsumu's words really did a unthinkable impact to you, despite him showing not any ounce of an interest ever since you join the team, you still like him. Yes, you like him. During your highschool years, you watch one of his match during nationals and you were drawn to him seeing how he passionately loves to play voleyball. You couldn't be more than happier when you were accepted as a manager of the MSBY, knowing you applied for this job to be close to him but who knew he would be like this? Who would have thought that ha hates you.

"Let's just go to sle- *ring ring*"

You let out a grunt and reach out to your phone, not bothering who's the caller only to be met with your friend's loud voice

"Oi! How dare you ignore our messages and call?! Don't tell me you didn't do anything during your birthday?!"

You groan and check to see who and saw it was one of your very close friend, well, after that day you decided to block anyone who tries to call or text you since you wanted to be alone, it was only today that you lifted that block.

"A hello would have been good." You muttered and got up from your bed

"Dress warm and come down. We are all waiting for you."

"Huh?"

You immediately ran out from your apartment and there they are, you saw your friends holding a bottle of beers and snacks. When they spotted you, they all grin at you.

"Hurry! You have made us waited for days already!"

You stare at them blankly before laughing and going back inside to change into warm clothes, you pick your keys and immediately went out. When you got to them, they all jump at you and greeted you belayed happy birthday.

"Okay! Let's get drunk!"

>>

"I DON'T WANNA BE SINGLE ANYMORE! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE ON WHAT TYPE OF MAN YOU GIVE ME GOD!"

Your friends bursted out to laughter after hearing what you scream, you guys are currently sitting by the riverbank enjoying the drinks and foods they brought with them. You all catch up to each other's lives and it didn't matter if you guys barely texted to each other because at the end of day, all of you will find it's way to each other and will always end up sitting together and talk about how's everyones life.

You guys drink and talk for 2 hours before deciding it is time go home, they all walk you back to your apartment since you were the one who is very wasted. They wanted to walk you towards your apartment door but you ushered them to just go home already. Since you didn't wanna bother them any longer plus you didn't want to let them see how mess your home currently is.

On the other hand, Osamu manage to knock some sense on his twin and Atsumu found himself standing by your home's door. When he was about to knock, he heard steps at his right side and when he saw you, he took a step back

"Atsumu? Hmm can't be him. Who are you?"

You walk up closer to him but you're too drunk to see clearly, Atsumu caught on the smell of alcohol and he curses when you stumbled on your feet and landed on his chest.

"Why did you drink so much? You can't hold your liquor that well."

"Hahahaha right! You can't be Atsumu, that man hates me. He don't care a thing about me."

You said with your eyelids half close and slowly inhaling his scent and somehow it brings you comfort. Atsumu couldn't say a word as he search for your pockets, when he got your keys he inserted to your door and open it.

He tried waking you up so he could help you walk inside but you didn't budge. Atsumu ended up carrying you into his arms and when he step inside your home, he notice how you toss the MSBY jacket on the side. Several cans of beer lying on the floor, trash that weren't taken out. A total mess.

"Atsumu why.... why do you hate me?"

He look down at you and couldn't help but lean down and kiss you on the forehead

"I don't hate you. I like you."

¤¤

You woke up with a major headache and it got worse when you scan your home and see that it's very clean. You don't even remember how you got home, maybe one of your friends clean your home for you. You gotta thank them some time.

Today, you decided to go back to work since you can't keep on being like this. You hurriedly took a bath and just slip on anything comfortable. That's right, this heavy feeling will eventually pass. Right now, you gotta focus on getting yourself live! Before you can leave, you decided to just sneak and watch them in secret. Your heart and mind is still not ready to face them, or him.

"Nice kill!"

"High five!"

Smiling Atsumu. What a rare sight and sore for your eyes, he is smiling but not towards your way. You aren't the reason why his smiling..

"Hng!"

You slap both of your cheeks stopping yourself to think anything further, this is a small step you are taking in order for you to let go of your feelings to him. You resume watching them play in two vs two although you don't know the other people on the court. They all look like they are close, maybe highschool friends.

You grab your phone to look at the message that just pop and it's Shoyo texting that the team misses you and it'd be nice if you come so you will meet his seniors and other friends. During these days Shoyo and the others keeps on texting you, even Kiyoomi who you took as someone who really don't care of his surroundings.

'I will try.'

You hit send and as soon your message was delivered you heard someone scream from the court, you're glad they can't see you from this seat since you decided to take a seat on the second floor row seats.

"She's coming! Finally! She's comingg!"

"Eh? Who's coming?"

"Our manager!"

They gathered around Shoyo and saw your reply, all of them keeps on texting you but you only replied to Shoyo. Atsumu grip the ball that is on his hand, remembering he stayed in your hour for an hour after he was done cleaning. Since it was only the time he could admire your face from a closer look.

Your debating whether you should go down or not but seeing the expression of the team being excited of you coming back, you just have to thicken your face and hope your gaze won't meet Atsumu's. On your way down, you notice people coming so you took a turn to the right but you ended up bumping to someone.

"Ow... I'm sorry!"

"It's my fault, I was on my phone."

You look up and the both of you have same expression

"Sachiro?!"

"Ms. Birdie!"

You quickly smack him on the shoulders and he laugh loudly, you can't believe he still remembers that nickname he gave you.

"Can you please forget about that?! It's the most embarassing moment of my life!"

"Ehhh? But remembering your devastated face is quite fun."

Well, who wouldn't be devastated when the pet bird you just bought from a pet store flew away from the cage just because it wasn't lock securely and he just happen to be passing by and witness it all.

"Sachiro!"

"Okay okay! Pfft-"

You rolled your eyes but you soon join him to laughing and when you both calm down, you decided to ask why his here

"Oh my friend invited me. He plays for Adlers but today they all got the gym for themselves and all the team we all fought during highschool are here."

So that's why there's so many people! You also notice the twin of Atsumu standing on the side while talking to some people.

"What about you?" He ask

"Oh... I'm actually the manager of MSBY and I was just sneaking around since something happened and uh..."

You look away and Sachiro is quick to sense that something is going on but he decided not to pry further.

"That's nice! Are you leaving or going in there?"

"Oh uhm... I'm going."

Sachiro smiled and you both walk towards the entrance of the court and your heart began to pound very loud that you unconsciously grab on to his jacket, when the both of you immerge from the entrance. Instantly eyes are on you or maybe on your hands grabbing tightly on his jacket.

"Sachiro! Why are you with the manager of the jackals?"

"We're friends and we bump to each other."

Korai ask then his eyes darted on the hands of the woman trembling while grabbing a good hold of his friend's coat. Shoyo manage to let him in on what happened to the jackals lately and he turn his attention to the jackals setter and oh boy the ball is near to exploding.

"Are you that nervous?"

Sachiro turn slightly to lean down and whisper to your ears

"Huh?! I-I'm not! Hey everyone!"

Your hands let go of his coat and ran towards where your team is and Shoyo is the first one to jump at you and hug your frame tight until it led to a group hug. Then, Shoyo began to introduce you to the other people and you met his seniors and the other players. Some of them have drop playing voleyball upon graduating from highschool and some didn't.

"Heya~ you're the only who haven't tasted my new recipe."

"Osamu!"

The black haired man grin and handed you his newly made onigiri, you can say that you're close to him since the team sometimes eats on his restaurant here in Tokyo.

"Oh my! This is yummy!"

"Heh- then I'll add this to my menu. Oh, you got something in your face..."

You were about to get it but he beat you to it as he took it with a swipe using his thumb and your cheeks turn red seeing how he lick his thumb.

"Osa- What the fuck is your deal?"

Atsumu came infront of you and push his twin away from you and several people immediately hold Atsumu back and Osamu ignored his twin as he look at you

"You should just forget this stupid asshole and get it with me."

Before you can even say something Atsumu was already screaming his twin's name and was about to punch but Osamu is quick to dodge it as he ran away laughing.

"You. Come here."

Atsumu said as soon he return from chasing his brother, he tug on your hand and led you at the locker room. What even happened? You ask yourself. Why are you alone with him in this room? Should you say sorry for slapping him? But why would you? Wh-

"Everytime I land my gaze at you, you're with a man. What's with you pulling men from left to right?"

Your eyebrow raises and you immediately meet his eyes

"Are you telling me that I'm a slut?"

"What?! How did you- fuck!"

"Don't curse at me! I get it. You're mad because I slap you. Well, I'm sorry! But you're still an asshole!"

Atsumu groan as he pace back and forth trying to come up with the best words he can. Osamu, that idiot just had to add fuel to his jealousy. Why is he so jealous?! Why?!

"Why do I like you so much?!"

"What..."

Your breath hitches when he suddenly look at you and immediately his right in front of you. Your back press agaisnt the door with his right arm place right above your head

"What did you do to me? How come I like you so much that it irritated me so much not being the first one to give you something during valentines."

His minty breath fans your face as he reach for your hair and starts to play with it, being this close to you is making him go crazy, he can't even think straight.

"I like you so much that I hate how you smiled brightly towards Bokuto and how his the one who gets to bask on your warmth."

He place his right hand on your cheeks and you are looking straight on to his eyes, he leans down and you swear to God that your heart is about to burst out from your ribcage

"I like you so much that seeing other men touching you is making me go crazy.."

His lips hovers over yours and you were the one to close the gap. Maybe you are crazy. Maybe you like him so much too that you lost all the right to think straight.

"Shit"

Atsumu's arms immediately wrap around your waist and press your body more towards his. He lick your lower lip and you immediately let his tongue in, you moan out through the kiss and Atsumu almost punch the door.

"I need to breath.."

"More.."

He claim your lips again and you hold on to him for a support, his fingers running through your hair as he kisses you deep and full of love. He didn't even notice his tears streaming down to his cheeks. You immediately pulled away and cup his cheeks

"Why are you crying?!"

"I like- no, I love you. Please, I love you so much. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being a dickhead to you. I'm sorry for being an asshole."

"Atsumu..."

He place one hand over yours as he kiss your palms then it trails down towards your wrist and he looks at you, with teary eyes

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me? Hm? I will do my best to change. Just... just let me love you."

Now, it's your turn to cry and you punch him on the chest as you sob uncontrollably. He let you punch him and when you stop he hug you tight, burying his face on the crook of your neck

"Idiot. You're an idiot! Why weren't you honest from the start?! Do you know how hard it is for me to endure with the thought of the person I like, hates me? You're an idiot!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry.. it's just... I didn't know any better. You... you were just so amazing. You were always there for us, supporting us. That I started to doubt that if I would be like that too. Be there for you, support you through your decisions. I... I got scared that if I let you know how I feel, you would distance yourself to me.."

So that's why you sometimes catches him glancing from you but you really didn't pay any attention to it.

"I'm just a manager. It is my duty to keep the teams spirit."

"You're more than that! During our darkest moment in court, you always manage to cheer us up. Your inspiring words are one of the reasons that keeps us winning our fights."

He grab a hold of your hand and kiss your knuckles as he looks at you

"You're my world... you are my light. I love you. Can I be your lover?"

You look at him with mix emotions and you ended up laughing with tears, guess you can call this a tears of joy now.

"Very cheesy isn't like you Tsumu."

His smile widen and engulf you to a tight hug. He pulled away and cup your cheeks as he capture your lips to kiss you tenderly. He press his forehead to yours and the both of you are smiling, he kiss your nose and you both giggled

"Let's go? The others must be worried."

You nodded and the both of you walk out of the room hand in hand and you notice how silent the court is

"Did they left?" You ask and squeeze his hand, seeing the lights on the court were turn off

"I think? Let me check my pho- Congratsulations!"

All the lights turn on at the same time and when your eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, you saw a banner stating

'Congrats on not being a coward anymore Atsumu!'

Your gaze drops on his arm that is wrap around your shoulders making you stand close to him

"Ah to be young..."

Meian wipe the single tear on his eyes, he saw you on the second floor and knew right away that this love chase has to end. So he ask Shoyo to text you convincing you to come, he knows you will. He also ask Korai to have his friend approach you. Lucky, he says since you and Sachiro had some connection. Then when he notice Atsumu glaring daggers towards your direction, he got Atsumu's twin on his plan and that's how it went.

"What the hell! You guys were evesdropping!!"

"Please forgive me hm?"

Osamu said mockingly and Atsumu started to chase him again and you just stand there laughing. Hearing you laugh is enough to make Atsumu feel things, he went back to you and kiss you infront of all the people and it did shut you up. He embrace you with one arm and look at the people, grinning from ear to ear.

"Atsumu Miya is officially taken."

¤¤¤

You were woken up when you felt something wrap around your waist, slowly your eyes flutter open and was greeted by a snoring Atsumu. A soft smile grace your lips, fingers lightly stroking his face. It has been five months now ever since you guys started dating. He also successfully persuaded you on moving to his house here in Tokyo. A lot has happened ever since you guys started dating, you are still their manager but Atsumu is thinking taking a break from voleyball. He reasons that he wants to start planning for your guys future.

"G'morning babe..."

"Mornin' Tsumu."

You kiss him on the lips and he smiled and pulls you even closer, today he got a day off and it means he doesn't have to participate to the practice. You were also given a day off so he suggested you guys go on a date today.

"Where do you want to go?" You ask, your fingers now playing on his hair

"Anywhere as long as I'm with you."

He replied and it made you feel butterflies in your stomach. You pinch him and he laugh at your reaction, he will never get tired of seeing your flustered face.

"Be seirous!"

"I am serious, as long as I'm with you anywhere is fine."

He moved and now his on top of you and you felt his fingers rubbing circles on your thighs, he leans down and lick the mark he made last night. You let out a whimper, his hand moving slowly to where he kept on touching you last night also.

"Again? We were on it till 3am..."

"Promise, We'll get up after."

He said but you know better than to trust his words but you just let him. You love it anyways.

The end.

[strwberri-milk]

Heyo!

I'd like to request fem!reader who just worships Kaeya in the bedroom to the point that he's crying from how much love he's being given.

Like, he comes home after a long day, and is starting to get into a depressive spiral, only for reader to notice and start peppering him with kisses and words of endearment and praise, and it eventually goes to the bedroom where reader is riding him as she caresses him and loves him, and he just cries so much because of how loved he feels.

its under a cut just bc of the situation being nsfw but it's not really nsfw its all focus on reverse comf

The second you started pressing your lips against his skin he found it difficult to hold back. His mind was spiralling again, finding its way down the steepest stairwell and refusing to give him even a second of respite. He knows that if he manages to get home to you he'll be able to quell them, even if just for a second.

You could tell he's in a foul mood, the frown on his face and brows furrowed prompting you to immediately go over and pull him into a hug. He leans into your touch immediately, wanting you to hold his face. You oblige him and start to pepper kisses all over his face.

He practically melts at the touch of your lips, ending up under you easily as you coaxed him out of his clothes and onto the sheets. You tell him that you just want him to relax, to let you do anything you want to him because you know it'll help relieve his tension.

That's how he ends up underneath you, letting you use his body and run your hands all over him. You shower him in praise, telling him how much you love and appreciate him. It takes a second for the words to really soak into his skin, Kaeya surprised when you begin wiping tears away from his cheeks.

It takes him a while to convince you that he's just so happy to be loved like this, holding you tightly as the two of you grind against each other. Neither of you are really aiming to cum, instead just much more focused on feeling each other.

The two of you hold each onto each other tightly throughout the night, messy kisses and hushed words of affection being whispered into the night. It takes him a little while longer but the way you've made him feel finally stills his racing mind, letting you hold him as he continues to thank you endlessly.

[omgwhatchloe]

MODERN AU RDR2 CHARACTERS GETTING BROKEN UP WITH:

arthur

-he is always expecting something serious with his relationships no matter his age so he is DEVASTATED

-spirals into thinking hes completely unloveable and just hates himself

-makes up a million reasons why it was all his fault

-will not date again.

sean

-immediately looks for a rebound

-just gets annoyed at the situation until he finds some other girl to talk too

-until lenny and him temporarily broke up.

-he was absolutely broken, he locked himself in his room, drained his bank account on uber eats, gained 20 pounds, dyed his hair, shaved it off, and pretended on social media that he killed himself (his da called everyone in the gang crying and yelling at them to check if he was alive)

john

-very likely he had no idea the person who broke up with him actually saw them as being together together because he did not (bastard)

-only disappointed for a minute before going to the club

-ofc when abigail left him he did a similar thing to arthur, except started to rent the house she’d been wanting and get an actual job

-begged to see jack and abigail kept telling him it wasnt her that wouldn’t let jack see him, it was jack not wanting to go

mary-beth

-absolutely heartbroken over every SCUMBAG she falls in love with (they all cheat on her)

-lives on the bathroom floor crying until someone comes to get her

-cheers up when karen says she’ll burn his house down

-opens snapchat and obsesses over another boy on her quick add

lenny

-tries to force himself to move on by pretending he was never with anyone in the first place

-secretly stalks their social media because he cannot get over them

-fights with himself not to go back to them at the same time as doubting ever reason he left them

-only left sean because of drunk arthur convincing him too

karen

-immediately starts making posts to make them jealous, pretending shes on dates and living her best life

-finds their stuff and BURNS IT in their garden

-immediately goes on a bender to try convince herself life is better single

-will get absolutely furious over their new partners despite being ‘over it’ in a week

molly

-becomes a stalker.

-goes almost delusional in a mix of convincing herself shes worthless to she deserves everything and they should die

-making sure they havent found anyone else by following them around (cue restraining order)

-gets drunk and completely fucks up her hair

charles

-absolutely no crazy business, he just becomes very depressed

-reinforces his entire idea of the fact he was made to be alone

-never ever wants to date anyone again

-well no crazy business until he gets drunk and starts messaging them desperate to know what he did wrong

micah

-kidnaps them.

-back to jail he goes

abigail

-a complete mix of being furious and being respectful

-one minute she “understands” the next shes trying to get them fired

-shes pretty mature in the end and forces herself to move on

-cries while deleting pictures of them together

javier

-the messiest, bitchiest ex you could ever have

-spills all their secrets on his snapchat story then promptly throws up when they do the same

-announces the breakup by scribbling their faces out on pictures and re-posting them

-calls them names to every single gang member

-dms them on several different accounts calling them a traitorous cunt (he cheated 3 times)

[angelphone1]

introduction!!!!!

hi!! i'm angelphone! i'm a wallflower who finally obtained the courage to create a whump blog :) i remember falling asleep to whumpy fantasies since i was wayy younger but i never had a word for it until now! i'll try to be active and i like interacting with posts that otherwise have no comments or anything because i know how it sucks if nobody wants to read what you've written. be the change you want to see in the world yk? truly do not be afraid to @ me for anything if you want me to yell about it in the tags :)

oh and requests are 100% open!! no guarantees since motivation comes and goes but feel free to send something in!!

whump stuff i like:

addiction/alcoholism (especially when forced or initiated by whumper)

carewhumpersssss!!!

whumpers who are complicated and kinda make you feel bad for them

depressed/anxious/suicidal whumpees

lady whump .

medical whump (in the sense of, whumpee is injured and needs to be taken care of, especially when hospitalized)

self-inflicted injuries (ties into addiction/alcoholism, but any situation where whumpee does something bad and impulsive to themselves for whatever reason)

injuries without immediate care (infections left to fester, hidden wounds, whumpee "powering through" the pain, and especially the juiciness of the eventual reveal and/or the potential relief that comes with it being noticed)

abusive/controlling whumpers

looking at it that kind of just describe my wip lol.

whump stuff i most likely won't write (still feel free to @ me if you want me to read your stuff that has these things in it! just not something i'm crazy about, i don't want to rain on anyone's parade)

sadistic whumpers (generally i find them really one dimensional, but that's just me)

gags (i don't quite get the hype)

the sort of generic sort of torture whump where whumpee is kidnapped and hurt for whumper's amusement, which just seems to be a really common scenario

i'm sure there are more but uhh i fogror.

here's a peek at my current projects (as of right now, i only have one):

Chronic Letdown (title subject to change lol)

Esmeralda St. Luc has finally started to figure her life out. She broke up with her abusive ex. She got over her shitty mother's death. She stopped drinking. She got a job, and an apartment, and can finally imagine a future for herself, with the endless support of her best-friend-maybe-something-more Astrid and her family, who are convinced that Esmeralda deserves better than what she gives herself.

However, when her ex --- Heather --- abruptly re-inserts herself into Esmeralda's life, it threatens to destroy every single thing she's worked for; Esmeralda and Heather spiral, with each other's help, further into mutual self-loathing, and Astrid has no idea what to do when her best friend keeps showing up with new bruises. Eventually, she stops showing up at all; and Esmeralda's brutal crash out will give her scars she's not sure she can ever recover from.

Chapter 1: THE KICK

thanks for reading!!! i hope i see you all around! feel free to rb or dm or send me an ask if you want to chat or you want me to follow you :3333

[skyfallscotland]

@heartfeltletters-written asked me 💥 How do you feel about criticism? and it felt like something that needed its own post, so here goes: the hypocrisy of critics in modern fandoms, an essay.

Criticism. I don't like getting it or giving it when it comes to writing. I struggle to even gently give it to friends, even when they ask me what I think of their work. Writing is such a personal thing that we pour our heart and soul into and like you say, many criticisms aren't necessarily valid. By that I mean, there's a difference between "Amy you use em dashes a lot babe" (I do) and "This story would have been so much better if Remi were a virgin" (actual criticism I have received, lmao). 

Unlike traditional authors, we will never make money from this, we do it for the love of it and it's time we will never get back. For some of us, it's time we could be working on our own original manuscripts too. I don't think people who give the second type of criticism are writers, generally. They don't understand the craft and what goes into it. Whenever I post and someone says a chapter was short or they immediately ask when the next one is, and that's all they say, I die inside a little. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard.

Personally, I think fandom behaviour is getting worse and that flows over into our comment sections and tumblr asks. I have a whole other dissertation on this that we’ll call ‘the slow death of fandom as we know it: an essay’, but that’s perhaps for another post. I don’t know how welcomed that commentary would be. 

You said the word ‘entitled’ in your original ask and I think that’s spot on. People have become more entitled in general and downright rude (which is not restricted to online spaces, by the way). I write for ACOTAR, but you’ve never seen me discuss it here because no matter what you say in that regard, you can’t win. Someone will always attack you and I do mean attack. Even in regards to Fourth Wing, I don't talk about my opinions a lot outside of my own little bubble of friends and readers.

And that's the kicker to this whole conversation, really. If I were to criticise Iron Flame/RY everyone would jump down my throat (as has happened on other platforms), even though I'd never say it to her face. Do I stand by my opinions? Absolutely. But it would be rude to tell her them, unless asked. I’m not allowed to (validly) criticise certain elements of her story, a published novel, without being attacked for it, but those same people are fine criticising my work directly to me. Hypocrisy at its finest.

There’s a new influx of people to fandom spaces who are completely unwilling to integrate and completely unwilling to be kind. You mentioned those who criticised your work could have saved themselves the trouble and read the tags, but the thing is: they don’t want to. They can’t be bothered to take five seconds and figure out how they work, to curate their own experience, because that’s what half these people are like. They want an algorithm to do it for them, gods help us.

For me, personally, I'm my biggest critic. I also have raging generalised anxiety, so just posting on the internet is enough to send me spiralling (seriously, I feel sick just typing this out). It's very, very out of my comfort zone and I've been very, very lucky so far to have cultivated the readership I have, full of very like-minded people. Perhaps due to some of the darker content matter. But the second I get harshly worded comments, I get upset.

I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just a fact. I get upset about it the same way I would if you were standing in front of me saying it to my face, and for someone with depression and anxiety, that lingers. I'm getting better at laughing at them, but it's like when someone tells you they don't like you and your mum says "just ignore them"—not that easy, right? 

So yeah, I don't mind if you want to tell me I use a lot of em dashes, or that I've used a word incorrectly in context, but I don't need to hear how much you hate original character fic when you could just use your last remaining braincell the back button and continue on with your day. Just be kind, is all I'm saying.

[gatorbites-imagines]

Could you possibly do a Jason Todd x Male reader Hurt/ comfort smut?

Jason had been going into a depressive episode little by little, has well has his truama coming back.

So the reader decides that he is going to do something that he feels no one has done in a while.

When Jason gets out of the shower still in just a towel, the reader stops him from getting dressed and leads him to their shared bed. Jason is actually a little anxious at this, because he can't quite read the facial expression. Starts to overthink a little, then the reader tells Jason to lay down on the bed. The reader starts kisses every scar on Jason's body, leaving no cut too small to kiss.

Jason slowly going into subspace has the reader tells him, he's not what joker made him, or what Batman wants him to be. But he's 'my sweet boy' and telling Jason how much of a good boyfriend he is. Instead of them having sex, to Jason it actually feels like they are making love.

Jason Todd x male reader

Headcanons

Guess who’s not dead, just been battling major writers block and spending my free time playing Obey me Nightbringer. Idk if this is as smutty as you had hoped, but I hope you like it anyways.

It wasn’t unusual for Jason to spiral or backpedal when it came to his mental health. Dying and being brought back to life can be plenty damaging on your psyche and mix that with everything else in Jason’s life it’s no surprise he crumbles at times.

Jason, as much as he hates to admit it, is similar to Bruce when it comes to his weaknesses. He likes to hide them and ignore they’re existence until the feelings pass, so you’d have to figure out he’s struggling on your own.

Its either discovered on your own, or its because you two have dated for a long time and he truly feels safe with you, and tells you about his mental state.

So, when you notice him spiraling again, you decide to take care of him the way he deserves. So, rolling up your sleeves, you get to work getting everything ready.

You get his favorite things, like snacks and drinks, fins his favorite movies or shows, his comfort blankets and clothes, incase he wants to wear said clothes, and get your shared bedroom ready.

When Jason steps out of the bathroom its clear just from his body language that he’s about to collapse in on himself, from his slumped shoulders and pained eyes, its not hard to see.

When Jason goes to get dressed you lead him away from it, kiss him softly, and lead him towards your shared bed whilst pulling the towel off his hips.

He’s anxious of course, because his mental state isn’t really on his side and keeps filling his head with lies, that he isn’t good enough for you and is disgusting.

But Jason can’t stop his soft cock from thickening up with blood as you rub your hands down his front as you push him down onto the sheets. It’s not difficult to get Jasons body into gear, as he’s touch starved and aches for your touch on a good day.

Jason can only half bury his face into the pillow as you rub him down, a shuddered breath leaving him as you start pressing soft wet kisses all over his body, nipping at his skin at times and running your tongue over some of his scars.

In the beginning he tenses when you touch his scars, but when the praise starts Jason almost melts into the mattress. His thick muscular thighs fall apart like your Moses parting the red sea, his body immediately quivering as he grows harder and harder.

Jason will shyly look down at you as you work your way down his stomach, his thighs twitching as you kiss a scar in the seam between his thigh and his crotch. He’s red in the face and is regularly swallowing as spit gathers in his mouth. Jasons scarred hands are gripping onto the pillow and sheets as a lifeline, his body wound tight like the string on a bow.

When you move away from his crotch to kiss down his legs he whines, oh so softly and broken, a keen that comes from deep in his chest, that he is extremely embarrassed for making.

But when you run the flat of your tongue over the inner side of his knee, his hard length twitches against his stomach, dripping precum into a tiny wet puddle. His cock is turning red from lack of attention, and Jasons hitched breaths sound almost like he’s crying.

In the beginning Jason would fight subspace, as part of him doesn’t believe he deserves the relief of it, but all your praise and kisses and attention chips away at his resolve, and when he finally tumbles clumsily into the comfort of subspace, you make sure to praise him so much.

When you work him open Jason just takes it, drooling into the fabric of the pillow as he struggles to keep his legs open, to give you room to work. Jason ends up reaching a point where he can’t even speak with how deeply he’s floating, you still make sure he’s fully along for the ride. It ends up getting you many frustrated and whiny whimpers when you keep stopping for his approval, but you want to make fully sure.

When you push inside him Jason almost sobs, finally looking you in the eye with his wet puppy dog eyes. His pretty pink lips are in a pout, and you can’t stop yourself from leaning in and taking it between your teeth to give it a nibble and a suckle.

The two of you start sloppily kissing as you begin moving, your hips drawing back and forth with little to no rhythm, your tongues running against one another with little rhyme nor reason.

Jason shakily wraps his arms around you, breathless begs passing his lips for you to move faster, to make him feel more pleasure, to give him what you think he deserves.

But you never move hard enough to hurt him, only laying it on even thicker with the praise and love, and the love is what ends up making Jason cry as his heart feels so full by your side.

There is no rush to your coupling, the two of you taking all the time you need, your mutual orgasms drawing up slowly over time. They start in your toes and slowly climb their way up your legs, up your spine, and finally you both burst together.

The wobbly wet whimper Jason lets out when he finishes it all you need to push you over the edge, because that noise is only one he ever truly lets out when he feels open and loved enough to be vulnerable, and knowing he feels like that for you is all the push you need.

Aftercare is an absolute, no matter the mental state either of you are in. Even if you two have a quickie you always check up on each other, so when you are finally able to carefully pull you, much to Jason’s warbled complaints, you make sure to take care of him.

The praise and love keep leaving your lips as you wipe him down with a warm damp cloth, kissing his palms and the soles of his feet as you clean him up, his eyes unseeing but brimming with love and trust.

Jason seems against the idea of getting dressed, so you two just end up snuggling under a clean blanket you readied earlier, your scarred lover cuddled into your neck, tucked right up under your chin where he can feel your pulse and hear you breathe.

One of Jasons favorite movies is playing in the background, but your partner is still floating off somewhere in subspace, so you just hold him and love on him until he drifts away into a dreamless sleep, his soft breaths being all you need to know that he’s asleep.

[makeste]

do you perhap have bakugou whump fic recs?

I have many such recs! not all of them are "whump" in the purest sense of the word, but they've got angst and hurt/comfort in abundance, so yeah.

I also have an older rec post from like five years ago which has quite a few Bakugou whump fics as well, so I'll link that here.

and here are like 16 new ones lol.

some quick notes:

I'm just including links and summaries here, so please make sure to check the tags for each fic if you have certain squicks or triggers you're trying to avoid!

please be aware that I am not very nitpicky about grammar and style and spelling and the like, so long as I'm feeling the characterization and general vibes. so while I can't promise that all of these fics will read like Nobel Prize-winning lit, I can say that I personally enjoyed each one enough to go back and reread more than once.

although it tends to be one of the most common tropes in Bakugou angst fics, I do not vibe with the "abusive Mitsuki" angle, so you won't find any of that in the works below. same goes for Midnight-bashing (which is also surprisingly common).

I also did not include any fics with sad endings just because I didn't feel like depressing myself today lol.

I don't think there are manga spoilers in any of these fics except one (which I noted and marked with an asterisk), but definitely check the tags just to be safe.

lastly, though I'm by no means a prude when it comes to fanfic, all of these particular fics are SFW, just FYI.

----------------------------------------

gen Bakuwhump:

----------------------------------------

It's Already Tomorrow on the Other Side of the World by Nicole_Silverwolf

In the absolute immediate aftermath of his rescue at Kamino, Bakugou just wants to sleep. If he sleeps then this nightmare will be over. Except he's freezing in the mid August heat. And he can't stop shaking. A glimpse of two imperfect humans trying their best told in 3.5 parts.

post-Kamino Dadzawa and Katsuki. easily one of my all-time favorite BnHA fics. it's so sad and cozy.

Coming Up for Air by achievingelysium

Katsuki has nightmares. He doesn't think he deserves the comfort, but Aizawa-sensei sits with him anyway.

more Dadzawa dealing with nighttime Kacchan angst, since that's like my #1 BnHA fic aesthetic. this is so well-written. like, there are a couple of lines in here that just... guh. just hit right to the core of me.

Bakugou's "Super Fun" Three Day Vacation by Marvelless

Bakugou and his parents arrive home after the Kamino Ward incident for some much-needed recovery time.

post-Kamino Bakufam angst. lots of paranoia and dissociation. this is one of those fics that's sort of a guilty pleasure for me, because Katsuki definitely feels a lot more... fragile?... in this than I think he would have been in canon. but he's still enough of a grump during all of his spiralling that it still feels like him. and I do love me some Bakufam wholesomeness, and this fic has got that in spades.

the art of poor judgement by emelinelou

It's a Tuesday when Bakugou admits to himself that maybe, maybe he is sorta, kinda under the weather. Things go quickly downhill from there. . Alternatively: Bakugou's too stubborn to be "sick," Midoriya and Kirishima are in over their heads, Todoroki is the Most Useful in a pinch, and Aizawa is not paid nearly enough for this.

probably my favorite sickfic. chapter two especially. Bakugou's narration in this is fucking fantastic. he's so fucking done with life. meanwhile everyone around him is freaking out, and he himself is a complete mess even though he won't acknowledge it, and it's just great. it's equal parts funny, sad, and absolutely adorable.

(incidentally, even though this fic is marked as incomplete, it really doesn't feel that way and ends at a perfectly reasonable stopping point, so don't let that put you off.)

Solar Flare by TheQueen

Three weeks after Katsuki Bakugou receives his quirk, he takes a short tumble off a bridge and watches, dumbfounded, as stupid Deku extend a hand. Don’t take it, the universe commands. Don’t tell me what to do! Katsuki snaps.

this is a really cool AU in which Baby Katsuki accidentally starts defying the universe and ignoring his predestined path, which has a profound ripple effect on his life. sort of like a time-travel fix-it, minus the time travel. also just a heads up that Bakugou is like five years old in this so I guess it's technically a kidfic. and there is plenty of angst, a little bit of whump, more Bakufam, and plenty of baby Kacchan and Deku being cute like it's their job.

----------------------------------------

BKDK/DKBK whump:

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lose it all (with eyes wide open) by ghostwriterofthemachine

Katsuki is blinded. Izuku is muted. Both of them are kidnapped. Things get worse.

this is one of those fics that just kind of leaves you stunned at how freaking good it is. featuring: psychological mindgames, hopelessly bleak situations, and codependency so utterly raw and desperate that it broke my heart roughly 17 times.

When Ice Doesn't Float by Ma_skee

A simple rescue exercise goes south when Izuku falls through the ice and it goes from a class assinment to an actual rescue and a race against time to keep him from freezing to death.

technically this is more Dekuwhump than Kacchanwhump (though we do get a bit of the latter toward the end), but I'd argue that few things could possibly stress Katsuki out more than being in a tense survival situation in which Deku is hurt and needs help. anyway so yeah. this is classic hurt/comfort and very good.

spinning out of control by mollE

Katsuki joins the 'I've Been Mind Controlled' Club. He wishes he hadn't.

please see above re: how all Dekuwhump scenarios are secretly Kacchanwhump scenarios in disguise. anyway so basically a mind-controlled Bakugou beats the shit out of Deku while being fully aware of it the entire time, and has a complete (and understandable) emotional breakdown afterwards.

all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing by maxisnotokay

Izuku has had this thing about him that Katsuki has never been able to name, but he's been chasing it since he learned how to run. It takes a catastrophic building collapse during their third year and a severe concussion for him to realize what it is. Aizawa loses ten years off his life. When does he not.

gotta love a good building collapse fic. this one has a concussed Katsuki, a very worried Izuku, and the usual "thanks to this intimate life-or-death situation, I have belatedly realized some fundamental truths about the nature of our relationship" tropes. but it's good. a lot of really good banter and back-and-forth dialogue in this one too.

takes one to know one by Sour_Idealist

Deku has left UA. Ochako still looks for him in unguarded moments. Bakugo is, unsurprisingly, being a jerk.

some good emotional hurt/comfort post-Jakku. Ochako has a chat with Bakugou about Deku. specifically, Bakugou's feelings toward Deku. it's good shit.

*fear is the heart of love by nikkiRA

*please be advised this fic contains major manga spoilers!!

Bakugou gets hit by a quirk that amplifies his greatest fear for 24 hours.

losing Deku. the thing that scares him the most is losing Deku. this is a good fic. emotional hurt/comfort for days. though once again do keep in mind that there are a couple of major spoilers in this.

silence is what i do best by notreally

the one where both Izuku and Katsuki were hit with a truth serum sort of quirk, and things aren't going all too well.

not just a truth-telling quirk, but a truth-compulsion quirk, to the extent that (spoiler alert) the quirk causes them physical pain and distress if they don't speak the truth. which, as you can imagine, leads to all sorts of extremely vulnerable conversations and a lot of good h/c.

close by not quite by blossomshed

When Bakugou goes after a beacon during a class-wide rescue op, he doesn't expect to find Deku - or to find himself dealing with the fallout of a gift he doesn't want, and a side of himself he'd never bothered to examine. He deals with it nonetheless.

this fic is so dear to me. it's yet another "Deku transfers OFA to Bakugou fic", but it's just so fucking good. and it also features a (very much confused) ace Bakugou, which is such a rare find. there are lines from this fic which I still think about constantly. it's funny and profound and adorable and so wonderfully IC, please go read it.

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BONUS NON-ANGSTY FICS because I just felt like ending this list with some happy stories where Kacchan gets a lot of love:

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give me compliments (i said give me compliments) by wonhaebunny

“It’s just cute,” Ashido is telling them as she walks into the classroom. “Like, when you compliment someone and they get flustered so easily, don’t you think it’s endearing?” Kaminari blinks. “Like Bakugou?” he asks slowly. - 1-a realises that katsuki is really, really bad at receiving compliments. exposure therapy ensues.

he is bad at accepting compliments. this is a very, very cute fic.

The Friendship Ladder by nikkiRA

Bakugou and Kirishima tell their classmates they're dating, but everyone seems more interested in who gets to claim the newly vacated spot of Bakugou’s best friend.

as the summary implies this is technically KRBK, but the focus here is very much class 1-A as a whole. there's just something about seeing the entirety of the class squabbling over their Kacchan love that tickles me to no end. Deku is also fantastic in this lmao.

The Yoshida Trail by WinterSwallow

Mitsuki Bakugo returns with her gift to the mountain.

last but not least we have this gorgeous character study with a criminally low view count. Mitsuki climbs Mt. Fuji with an eight-year-old Katsuki in tow, as the fic explores his childhood and young adulthood through a series of vignettes. the insights in this really have no business being as profound as they are, given that they're voiced from the perspective of one of the most graceless characters in the series as she observes her equally graceless son through all the ups and downs and tumbles of his life. but somehow that just makes the whole thing even better. idk I just really love this a lot.

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anyway that's it for now. hope at least a few of these are enjoyable. thanks for the ask!

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

What are some of your personal favorite fics? Whether they're on the list already or no!

Oh gosh, I've read a lot of really wonderful fanfics!! For me personally, my favorite fanfics are always the ones that have elicited a strong response out of myself. I'll go ahead and list a few that I've really enjoyed! Note, they aren't in any particular order of favoritism. I like them all!! If they're already in my list, the link supplied is the one leading to the appraised version listed on my Fanfic List Masterpost! If its not in my list, then I simply supplied the direct link to the fic on Ao3 ^^ I hope you give some of these a try!! I wholeheartedly recommend them all!!

When I Was Younger by @sketchiefoxie & @inkypawprint (Rottmnt Fanfic) Summary: It’s a month after the invasion, and the Mad Dogs believe they’ve left the worst behind themselves. Though their whole world is shook when none other than their future selves, not Casey’s future versions, but themselves come back to the past. Something big is coming; something involving the Krang and the Foot clan, and it isn’t good.

The Lemonade Leak by @turtleinsoup (Rottmnt Fanfic) Summary: "Leo can not sleep, because there is a thing in Donnie's lab, pretending to be his twin. Or: It turns out that being created as a biological super soldier comes with a few... modifications. Some of those, more dangerous than others."

firefight by @remedyturtles (Rottmnt Fanfic) Summary: Donnie collided with Leo in a tangle of limbs. There was an instinctive cling in return from his twin, before the realization sunk in. "No." Leo breathed in his ear, immediately shattered. "No, no, no, no, no!” Every muscle in Donnie's body was shaking like an earthquake from the amount of effort he'd just expended. The explosion caught up to them, sending the twins spiralling away into space and debris. For one singular moment, Donnie allowed himself a burst of victory. His heart was still thudding a thousand miles an hour in his chest, having been absolutely terrified he wasn't going to make it in time. But he did. And he held onto Leo, his prize. Then they hit the ground, the sudden tumble bursting them apart. Donnie felt the world spin, rapid and disorientating, before he slammed into something rock and cracking under his impact. or: donnie doesn’t let leo go to hell alone

My Life, Their Story by @azucar-skull (Rottmnt Fanfic) (You'll) Get Through It (MLTS Part 1) Summary: After saving the world from the Kraang, (Leo included), Mikey suffers from severe nerve damage in his arms. This disability takes over his entire life, causing a lot of chaos. Right Now Is Real (MLTS Part 2) Summary: Raph grew up with nightmare disorder, something that he was born with that gradually got worse over time due to PTSD, especially after the Kraang incident. This leads to Raph becoming a danger to himself and others as everyone tries to help him seek out help. The Show Must Go On (MLTS Part 3) Summary: Leo deals with severe depression and PTSD after the events of the movie as he strives to be a better brother. Freak Of Nature (MLTS Part 4) Summary: After Donnie thought he lost everything, he ended up losing even more. Including his mind. Or; Donnie has a gun--

Down With The Stockholm by @devotedtosadpoetry (Rottmnt Fanfic) Summary: Leonardo is captured and experimented on until he is turned exactly into what they want him to be. Some things cannot be undone. Meanwhile, mutants and yokai are in hiding, fearful of this powerful entity.

Revelations Timeline AU by @idk-im-just-here-now (Rottmnt Fanfic) Song of a Sunny Day (fading into dusk) Part 1 Summary: It's been a month after the Kraang invasion. The lair has been filled with nothing but the sounds of a heart monitor and quiet. It's too quiet for Mikey, so he goes on a solo run of the city. He finds a violin case on the ground and decides to take it home. After all, what could go wrong with learning an instrument? As it turns out, quite a lot. Memories of a Tyrant (locked in a prison) Part 2 Summary: After the events of the Kraang invasion, Donnie has thrown himself fully back into his work. This time though, he has a new companion, who keeps reminding him of events too close to be called the past and slithering through his head... The Ghosts That Wander (and the monsters who follow) Part 3 Summary: Being in a coma is not fun, but somehow, neither is not being in a coma. As Leo finally comes to after the invasion, things around the Lair look very different - and not in any kind of way that Leo likes. The Call Of A Parasite (hunting the hivemind) Part 4 Summary: Its been one week since the invasion, and everything is still in a near critical state. Overwhelmed by it all, and the fear of becoming a monster once more, Raph takes to the ruined streets of New York But barely a week has passed, meaning open ground is still crawling with the remnants of the Kraang. And Raph begins to learn.

Adagio in Green: Panacea by @boxfullaturtles (Rottmnt Fanfic) Summary: They stopped the apocalypse, but it's left them in bad shape. Leo's shell is in pieces. Mikey won't wake up. Donnie can hardly move. Raph's barely holding himself together. They're going to need all the help they can get to survive in the wake of the invasion. It’s a good thing they’re not alone. --------- A post-movie story about processing grief and trauma, and how the road to recovery isn't always a straight line.

So, I guess... we all have issues by SpectrumWriting on Ao3 (TMNT 2012 Fanfic) Summary: Mikey wasn't insane. He knew he wasn't. He really did have three brothers and a father, no matter what his paperwork said. Also, none of his family was human, and neither was he. That was the truth about him, no matter what anyone else thought. (Sticking by that truth got him thrown into an asylum. What a surprise.) **Winner of FIRST PLACE in the Universal TMNT Mature Fanfic Competition 2016 for MOST COMPELLING AU, and winner of SECOND PLACE for MOST SPOT ON PORTRAYAL OF MICHELANGELO.**

Thank you for the ask!! I really enjoyed answering this one, and I hope you enjoy some of the fics I listed!! Any of them that aren't in my list, will be added eventually. Have a wonderful day! ^^

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hello...how are you. I'm looking for two fix

a) I don't know if it will make sense. I think it was a time travel fanfiction and wei ying was doing a mock night hunt with the juniors and every time jiang cheng and wei ying met will chose a group for themselves and do this mock night hunting.

b) Lan Zhan was hit with an isolation curse. He first lost his hearing then sight and eventually feelings but wei ying still found a way to commicate with him @hewhomustnotbenamed24

1A)

FOUND? And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together)

1B)

FOUND? shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi ( E, 24k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Night hunts, Curses, Intimacy, Light Angst with a Happy Ending)

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2. hi wonderful people! i've never done this before so hopefully i'm doing it right. i am very desperate to find this fic because it's haunting my brain!! i remember wei ying gets encased in some sort of crystal in jinlintai during jin ling's one month celebration or near that time and is kept hidden there. there was this one part where someone tried to break it and they were attacked by resentful energy? i'm pretty sure it was an everybody lives fic and it was quite long, if that helps! thanks! <;3 @circussocks

FOUND! laughing shadow by ich_bin_ein_stern (M, 32k, WangXian, Temporary Character Death, Blood Magic, Misunderstandings, Found Family, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon Divergence)

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3. Hello

There is this fic i read some time ago

Wwx took the curse off a ghost. the curse said you won't be able to see the ppl who have very strong feelings about you

Wwx thinks it's hate and is very heartbroken when he can't see anyone, and starts spiraling and explaining to himself why ppl hate him

FOUND? See Me, Feel Me (Listening to You) by Ghost_Honey (T, 29k, WangXian, POV WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX’s Abyssmal Self-Esteem, Emotional Healing, Angst, The Juniors love their Senior Wei, Curses, WWX is an Unreliable Narrator, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling)

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4. I'm looking for a modern AU meet-cute where single dad WWX goes to a party at JYL + JXY's place (I think he gives JYL an ink painting for her birthday). Wen Chao hits on him and WWX needs an escape. He sees LWJ looking at a painting and pretends they're married, and LWJ immediately rolls with it to play the protective husband. They're smitten and leave together. LWJ makes pancakes the next morning and wins over A-Yuan. The fic is under 10k, I think, and probably E-rated for smut. Thanks so much!

FOUND! feel it so strong (we don’t even have to say goodbye) by curiositea (E, 6k, wangxian, Modern Setting, Strangers to Lovers, Love at First Sight, Single Parent WWX, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Underprep, LWJ's Canonically Huge Cock, WC Being an Asshole, Fake/Pretend Relationship) except the Ink Painting for Yanli's birthday is from a different fic, the best of you by Sysrae

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5. hi! I'm finding this fic on ao3 where Wei Wuxian is from a minor sect. I think he was from Tianshan He (the clan that JGY and XY murdered in Villaneous Friends but I'm not very sure. The plot was starting from the Wen Discussion Conference I think ? Everyone is surprised to see a minor clan get the top spots because of Wei Wuxian, and take keen interest in him @wutheringskies

FOUND! every world, every universe by glitteringmoonlight (T, 5k, wangxian, HS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWX is in Tingshan He, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Fix-It of Sorts, Genius WWX, WIP) WWX is the Tingshen He head disciple who surprised everyone by winning the Wen archery tournament

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6. im looking for a fic but all i can remember is that after lan xichen caused wwx's death (killed him? kept lwj frok saving him? led a siege) lan wangji challenged him to a fight. for years after lxc refused to talk about his brother at conferences and i think? lwj left the cultivation world behind or went into hiding with ayuan? any help appreciated 🙏🏾 @onlyegret

Not FOUND! 💖 demons run when a good man goes to war by Miranda_Aurelia (T, 20k, wangxian, LWJ & NHS, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, angst w happy ending, NHS & LWJ friendship, not JGY friendly, dark LWJ, revenge, (presumed) major character death, not LXC friendly) might be demons run when a good man goes to war. if not, you may enjoy it anyway.

FOUND! Skin Tight by liverbiver9 (M, 28k, WangXian, Trans Female WWX, Gender Changes, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Transphobia, implied/mentioned but not super explicit, mentioned hate crimes, Sentient Burial Mounds, Chronic Pain, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Found Family, but they're ghosts!, Queer Themes, Queer Families, Sunshot Campaign, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Pining, Self-Worth Issues, YLLZ WWX, Hurt WWX, Genius WWX, Misunderstandings, Bittersweet Ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending, kind of a happy ending?, JC Fucks Up, Misgendering, deadnaming, Implied Transphobia, depends on how you look at it tbh, Canon Temporary Character Death, Self-Sacrifice, Epistolary, WWX Creates a Sect | Yílíng Wèi Sect, but posthumously, rating for body horror and mature themes, not sexually explicit) this one has a scene like that near the end!

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7. hi! i'd love help finding a fairly popular (?) time travel fic that's escaping my searching ability somehow... it's a lil short, from at least a year ago. post-siege lwj is sent back to sunshot, and wants to do better by wwx, but wwx is already friendlier to him, and takes him flying to where he's hidden the wens. they play music to a-yuan, and then! (spoiler haha) it turns out to be post-canon wwx <3 idk why i can't find it, so thank you!

FOUND! More than a Dream of You by VoidRune (T, 8k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ centric, Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Talks of Demonic Cultivation)

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8. Hi, you seem like you know things and I have exhausted myself trying to find this fic.

It’s about Wei Ying, his siblings and the Wen siblings living in a house together, modern era, while he renovates it little by little. He is actually a tattoo artist but isn’t working atm. Then Lan Zhan moves in and stays in Yanli’s room with her so he assumes that he is Yanli’s bf but never opens his mouth to ask. Lan Zhan and Yanli are actually best friends and while Wei Ying and Lan Zhan instantly click he tries to push Lan Zhan away because he thinks he is dating his sister. I vividly remember this fic but no matter what tag combos I try, I can’t find it. If you can find it you’d be my heroes :) Lan Zhan also wears skirts here which is always a bonus.

FOUND? could be Once Upon a Place by zeldasayre (E, 80k, WangXian, House restoration, Falling In Love, Misunderstandings, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Bisexual WWX, Trans Male WWX, Gay LWJ, JYL & LWJ Friendship, Modern AU, Set somewhere in America, Tattoo Artist WWX, Librarian LWJ, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Domestic) I looked it up by the tattoo artist Wei ying tag, I haven't read it tho

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9. It's a modern-day college AU - Wei Wuxian has a roommate who is very confused why he keeps rhapsodizing about someone named Long John (as the roommate hears it)

FOUND? Long John by hasu (G, 3k, wangxian, modern, Crack Fluff, POV Outsider, College/University au)

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10. hi I'm looking for a modern au where lwj is kidnapped by the wen and wwx is being forced to work for them but they realize they're soulmates(?) and i think they might have memories of their past lives. wwx has to help the wen cuz jyl and jc are being held hostage. please and thanks 🙏🏾 @onlyegret

FOUND! in another life by dogear (M, 33k, WIP, WangXian, Past Lives, Enemies to Lovers, WWX POV)

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11. I can’t find this fic and it’s driving me crazy! It was a modern college au, and lwj brought wwx back to his family ranch for break. The premise was that wwx stole lwjs hat to wear, and everyone was giving them looks because there’s a saying like ‘wear the hat, ride the cowboy.’ There’s a scene where lwj literally grabs a bull by the horns and wrestles it to protect wwx. In the end lwj tells wwx about the saying and they fuck. I think this fic might be hidden/deleted but I can’t be sure? Even a link for the way back machine would be amazing. Thank you!! (I know exactly which fic this is but I cannot find it either :( I hope it wasn't deleted - Mod C) @adeametea

FOUND? 11 on recent FicFinder might be Local Cowboy Goes To Town (On A Poor Defenseless Twink) by Pancho. Unfortunately, Pancho's works are currently hidden due to AI scrapping

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12. Hello! I’m looking for a fic I read a while back where Wei Wuxian was resurrected by Qin Su, finds out that he is pregnant by Jim Guangyao, and tricks Lan Xichen into thinking that the child is his. I’ve been searching everywhere for this fic but I can’t seem to find it!

FOUND? So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 41k, WIP, MY/QS, MY/WWX, WangXian, Reincarnation, Half-Sibling Incest Mention!, QS does the ritual instead of MXY, WWX as a woman, MY Is His Own Warning, Canon Divergence, Impersonation, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Please check the notes before reading a chapter, Timeline What Timeline, WWX Has PTSD)

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13. Hello I’m trying to find a fic i read a few years ago it was modern day and lan zhan kidnapped Wei wuxian who works at a coffee shop to be his husband and he keeps he locked up in a penthouse and he wasn’t allowed to look out the windows and one chapter he had a fever and stepped on broken glass. @stitch97

FOUND? Courtship Rite by FunkyShoes (M, 26k, WangXian, XiYao, Dark LWJ, Dark LXC, Morally Gray JGY, Malicious NHS, but that's not the focus of the story, banality of evil, Kidnapping, Courtship Gone Wrong, Manipulation, Mind Manipulation, Off Screen Violence, Supportive Sibling LXC, Modern AU, Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, I've been told I should tag for passive victim wwx) I think. It's JGY POV

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14. I'm looking for a fic, but the main problem is I'm not sure if it was on AO3, Tumblr or Twitter (and if it was Twitter, I think I read it as an unrolled thread). LWJ visits WWX in Lotus Pier and at one point gets accidentally whipped by YZY when she was aiming for WWX. He demands WWX's hand in marriage as reparation and I think LXC was a little exasperated but didn't contest it.

Thank you in advance, and no worries if you can't find it! (I feel like I read something like this recently but which of them was it is the problem TvT ~Mod L)

FOUND! Tumblr post by ronniexian I’m fairly certain it’s this

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15. I’m looking for a Cloud Recesses fic where Wei Wuxian wants to signal that he and Lan Wangji are courting so he grinds ink for him before class.

FOUND! 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect, podfic) I think #15 is one of the early worlds in the magical marriage ribbons series by starandrea. I'm not sure which, but I think there's a 30(?) Days of secret courting in cloud recess in it

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16. hi! for the fic finder: i remember only one scene from a fic where at a cultivation conference both lan xichen and nie mingjue kiss jiang yanli on the cheek. i think it was either to make jin zixuan aware of jyl or otherwise a result of someone's political scheming? i dont remember whose idea it was but it wasn't lxc or nmj's. im positive this fic is in my bookmarks somewhere but i dont remember enough to find it lmao

FOUND? Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo) nhs convinces nmh and lwj to kiss jyl on the cheek at the phoenix mountain hunt to make jzx jealous

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17. This is a hyper specific ask because the only things I remember about this fic is wangxian are in university and wwx is an art major or in some art class where he shares this big space with a bunch of classmates that's divided up with tape. At some point he gets into a fight with another classmate cause he stuff spills over and lwj helps him. I think it might have been lwj's pov?

FOUND! could it be "show me a quiver, give me tonight" or its part 2 "crossed the world with these empty hands" by spookykingdomstarlight

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18. I’m looking for a fic where Lan Wangji first meets Wei Wuxian as his doctor, with Jiang Cheng storming out of his room shouting that Lan Wangji should just kill him because obviously WWX didn’t value his own life. (WWX had pushed JC out of the way of a car.) LW is darkly amused by it. He’s mildly obsessed with the pearl drop WWX wears? Runs into him in the meat department later, & eventually moves WWX in. Loves having him in their apartment, providing for him. Possibly too much @any-mouse

FOUND! singularity by azuresummer (E, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant LWJ, Submissive WWX, Serial Killers, Dark LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ, Serial Killer LWJ, Doctor LWJ, Stalking, Manipulation, Obsession, Mentions of Murder) I think 18 is singularity! Where lwj is a doctor/serial killer that stalks wwx at forst to kill him but falls in love wih him instead

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19. hi. i'm searching for a fic, i don't remember much except the wei family is actually a merchant family and wei changze is their 3rd or 2nd young master. wy inherited all his father wealth and let the butler to continue doing it for him? then the wei family send dowry to cloud recesses, lotus pier n qinghe? withdrawn their business from lanling jin? anyone know where i can find it? thank you. :) @aishiteru-amie

FOUND! Keep Holding On by abCEE (M, 316k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, canon divergence, role reversal, YLLZ JYL, yunmeng sibling dynamics, good uncle LQR, sunshot campaign, PTSD, established relationship, angst w/ happy ending) I think its around chapter 36-37?

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20. Hi !! I've been looking everywhere for a fic (or maybe two ?) that takes place in the north (or south?) pole. I remember that they get trapped in there, and something is very wrong. I THINK that there was something about resentement-virus or something ? It was quite a while ago... I'm in the mood for Wangxian in the Arctic and i can't find it !!! xD If you managed to find it (or any like it...) Thank you so much by advance !! @czeriah

FOUND? and from our own/live to ourselves by betweentheheavesofstorm (M, 105k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fantasy, Reality TV, Arctic Survival, Blood Magic, Blood and Gore, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Bloodletting, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Animal Death, Hunting, Mild Sexual Content)

FOUND? Found in the Sharpness of Contrasts by nickel710 (T, 35k, wangxian, modern cultivation, Antarctic Expedition, Magic and Science, Fear, Survival Horror, Body Horror but pretty minimal, chapter notes will explain if you need more info, idiots to lovers, Mystery, Falling In Love, Case Fic, Worldbuilding, Featuring a Generator Named Bertha, Panic/Acute Anxiety) a modern with cultivation fic set on an Antarctic research base

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