#imagine getting to watch the filming of this

[amarriageoftrueminds]

The problem with all this is that it straight up ignores what Sebastian Stan said: that, of course, he doesn't remember them.

I take Seb Stan's word over whatever Spellman or whoever comes out with; he knows the character better than them and it was him playing that beat.

(I don't regard tie-in books as canon either because they're not the canon films and frankly I don't trust whoever writes those for Disney to do a competent job. Likewise whatever the real-life state of neuroscience is and how that would affect Bucky's brain if they were following those rules isn't relevant, IMO, because the MCU writers aren't putting that much thought into how they portray Bucky's memories! This is Markus & McFeeley and Spellman under Feige's interference. They aren't working that hard. They're not that conscientious!)

It's also treating the fact that TFATWS said Bucky remembers missions as solid canon when:

a) the people 'writing' that didn't give a shit about characterisation consistency and have been very open about the fact that they didn't even bother to watch the movies Bucky's in. 😒

So whatever their 'take' on Bucky's memories is, we can pretty definitely state that it's a bunch of bollocks = most likely to be completely wrong and diametrically opposite to canon, as you'd expect from someone who doesn't even know what Bucky's canon is. (All they care about is that "he" killed people.)

Textbook example of this 'getting Bucky exactly 100% wrong': that nonsense from Spellman there about Bucky having a piece of the Winter Soldier inside him and that means he's an awful person.

That's complete bullshit and an exact misunderstanding of what the WS is. The WS is NOT a monster lurking inside Bucky, note even a piece, because the WS was the complete absence of personality, of humanity. As blank as an Iron Man sit. He's not a dark hidden piece of Bucky's psyche that was always waiting to come out, like the Hulk (as the nonsense show posits).

In fact, he's the very opposite (ie. a monster with a good man locked inside). Like an Iron Man suit that is being remotely controlled, that Bucky has been locked inside and has no control over.

The show creators have stupidly taken that one single line from CACW at face value, ignoring everything else, and fixated on it as 'proof' of Bucky's continued buried villainy that he needs to grovel about.

If this is the sort of rubbish they mistakenly believe to be true about Bucky, we can certainly discount whatever else they say about his memories!

In fact, if it's the writers of TFATWS who said X thing, I can't think of a stronger argument in favour of the opposite! 😬

b) the events of TFATWS also happen years and years after Bucky is in the situation where he, eg. wakes up from being triggered and doesn't remember what he just did as the Winter Soldier and has to ask Sam and Steve, lied to Tony, etc.

It might be that Bucky has, since treatment in Wakanda, reacquired all his missing memories.

The state of his memory is not a monolith that has always stayed the same and has not altered: just because his memory seems to be in a certain state in TFATWS, that doesn't mean it was in the same back in CACW days.

Watsonian explanation: this shoddy characterisation from TFATWS could mean that Bucky was lying to Tony when he said he did remember the mission to kill his parents.

That could've been completely untrue, at the time Bucky said it, but has since become true only because Bucky does now recall missions, as a result of receiving bad writing proper treatment, had longer to heal, etc.

Another HUGE thing people always totally ignore about that scene in CACW:

Bucky has just watched a friggin' video tape of one of his missions.

I imagine that's not standard Hydra procedure, to show him tapes of his own performance! So even if 'I remember all of them' is resigned-abuse-victim bullshit to goad Tony, it's possible Bucky has literally just seconds ago recalled the Starks for the first time ever... because Zemo just reminded him!

It still seems to me that Bucky remembered the inbetween-missions things?

IE. He clearly remembers procedures.

In CATWS we see him preparing to open his mouth to have a mouth-guard put in, before he is asked to, and leaning back into the chair before it reclines. And in CACW he doesn't look surprised by anything that is happening to him while he's in the Siberian base, in the chair, etc.

So he knows what happens to him when he's back at Hydra HQ (and where HQ is) and doesn't need to be re-taught it every time.

Similarly, all the brain damage aimed at his pre-Hydra memories hasn't destroyed his ability to shoot, which Bucky acquired during WWII, not under Hydra.

Bucky still has the skills he got in the chunks of memory Hydra are targeting hardest of all (ie. his personality-forming years).

As per CATWS he also speaks Russian, a language Bucky canonically is not shown having any knowledge of pre-Hydra. So skills acquired during Hydra time are also retained, despite the fact that they're damaging his brain repeatedly all the time, including wiping him of Hydra periods of time.

He's like Jason Bourne; he can do things without remembering when he learned how to!

This may be impossible in real-life brain damage terms, but I think MCU canon looks like Bucky doesn't remember missions but does remember the in-between missions bits necessary for the efficient handling and wiping of of the WS.

(In CATWS they treat it as risky to keep him out of cryo for too long between wipes, that he'll become erratic and start attacking technicians, as his memories start to regrow. But despite this, 'erratic' Bucky who is asking questions and speaking English is still retaining knowledge of being wiped and how he has to behave... even when he can't remember meeting Steve earlier on in the same week.)

Maybe it's repetition that's the key?

He remembers skills learned through repetition, and what is done to him, over and over and over again, but can't recall missions because they're one-offs? No new skills acquired?

It's curious that Zemo tries to trigger him and then command him. But Zemo isn't Hydra. He's not official. I think that's why there was that mess in the room when Sam and Steve got to where Zemo was and found the WS out of his cage. I think the WS attacked Zemo once the WS realised this wasn't an official Hydra handler & this wasn't a proper Hydra procedure.

(Also curious that Sam and Steve have him sitting down, in restraints, which also mimics a Hydra procedure set-up. Maybe that helped Bucky's recall too? 🤔)

As you said, Bucky was able to recall what Zemo asked him about because Bucky hadn't been wiped.

Likewise, maybe he can recall fighting other WSs either because Zemo told him AND/or because he was 'ordered' to remember it (if you think about it, that's a very very unusual order for someone to give him!)

And... that fighting the WSs wasn't an official off-base-assassinating-people mission, that was just standard 'Hydra doing training in between missions' stuff, plus their skill set is intel the WS would need to retain about his colleagues in order to complete missions with them correctly, if Hydra intended to send them out on missions as a team together.

It's repetitious skill acquisition and mission-critical intel, so it's necessary that the WS be allowed to recall it? 🤔

Another possibility: Bucky had been KO'd just before he recounts things about the other WSs and what Zemo asked about to Sam and Steve. Maybe that head wound shook up his brain status quo too?

(Magical fairytale thinking: maybe it's also different because it's Steve. He was able to break through Bucky's conditioning with the Power of Twu Wuv in CATWS, so maybe the fact that it's Steve who gave Bucky the head wound by dropping a helicopter on him that shakes loose some more marbles? 🥰)

You could posit that Bucky does usually remember all his missions and procedures, and it's the head wound (acting like a mini-wipe) that prevents him doing so immediately after waking up to Sam and Steve.... except that Bucky consistently displays this post-wipe amnesia of missions, more than once (ie. doesn't remember Nat even after years of healing... doesn't remember previous missions after wipes in the same week in CATWS, more than once, etc.) And this is including times when he hasn't just received a head wound / been KO'd / had any other head trauma equalling or approximating a wipe IE. in CACW he fights Steve exactly as if he doesn't remember him at all, when we know that isn't the case.

Once he wakes up, the WS is always a blank slate.

That's an interesting distinction, actually:

what does Bucky remember, and what does the Winter Soldier remember?

Because, even after years of Bucky's brain healing, and even though he hasn't been 'wiped' of Steve since CATWS, once activated by Zemo ... the WS doesn't remember Steve.

But Bucky does.

Maybe that's the crucial distinction:

Bucky can recall missions, but the Winter Soldier can't?

He only recalls procedures? 🤔 And he can only recall missions by -- much later on down the road -- becoming Bucky Barnes once again?

(I mean, the Doylist explanation here is that the writers are just shoddy and inconsistent even within the same movie. But we have to work with what we've got here! 😖)

In any case, I'm sticking by what SebStan said because he's the Bucky expert: if he said Bucky specifically didn't remember the Starks, at the time he said that to Tony, then I believe him. (And if that later changed because Bucky healed, well that still doesn't contradict what SebStan said!)

“That line was an interesting moment. At the time, the choice I was making is that [Bucky] had realized there was no way he was getting out of there, and someone was gonna die, whether it was gonna be him, Steve or Tony. When he says that line, to me, it was a turning point — he was, like, ‘Okay, I know what you want me to say, and I’m just gonna say it.’ When someone comes at you over and over again, and they can’t hear you, they can’t see you’re pleading with them, you’re trying to figure out how to get through to them and they just won’t accept it, at some point you just give in, and you go, ‘that’s right, that’s what you want.’ Of course [Bucky] didn’t remember them all.” —  Sebastian Stan

[lemonlover1110]

For a request could you do like a "What if?" situation, what could've happened if Toji won against Gojo and Geto, coming back to Megumi and a girl he met and wanting to be better for them and be happy, with fluff? I hope I explained myself 🥹

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader Warnings: Fluff

Toji would have never imagined that he’d find himself in this spot. Falling in love again was not in his cards. He lost his damn mind, and for a moment all was bleak.

Life was the same. Job after job. Another life taken, a stupid amount of money wasted in a matter of days, leeching off women until another job was available— But after a damn near death experience with the stupid Gojo brat, Toji decided to change something… Yeah, that’s what he tells you.

Toji had no plans on changing anything until he met you.

He doesn’t know what it was. He saw you and couldn’t tear his eyes off you, until he got his ass off his chair and walked over to you. He took you out, laughed for the first time in what felt like eons, paid the bill and got your number. All to be repeated once again. And again. And again.

A moment of clarity hit, and his life took a turning point. He picked up his act, along with his kid. Though he might regret it now.

“Seriously? This stupid movie again?” Toji complains, watching as Megumi picks the same movie. A film that the poor man has had to watch five times over the past week. Five-year-old Megumi just fixates on something and won’t let it go for months.

“It’s a good movie! You can’t blame Megumi for choosing it.” You quickly defend the child, not wanting Megumi to listen to the criticism from his father. Toji’s a big whiner— He’s just bored because nobody is getting shot in the film.

“Yeah, whatever.” Toji rolls his eyes as he plops down on the couch, right beside you. The bucket of popcorn that he holds is quickly taken, seized by you. Toji throws his arm over your shoulder, bringing you closer to him before placing a chaste kiss on your temple.

You smile at him, a look that somehow conquered the man’s heart. He doesn’t know what it was… What it is. But you’ve managed to make him fall head over heels for you.

The purest thoughts run through his head, but your dirty dirty mind decides to speak. Your lips go to his ear, whispering, “Let’s save the X-Rated movie for later.”

He smirks, loving the idea. He’ll just have to find a way to knock Megumi out, but he can do that, no doubt.

“Okay, it’s ready!” Megumi exclaims as he runs to the couch to take a seat between the two of you. It’s what makes Toji regret ever picking up the brat. Megumi can’t give you two an ounce of space, he’s always plopped right in between.

“You managed to set up the movie all on your own? Good job, Megumi.” Toji ends up praising the boy, ruffling the child’s hair. He ends up smiling at his blessing, the slight annoyance quickly fading away.

“He’s smart, Toji. He can set it up faster than you.” You joke, your finger reaching over to poke the man’s cheek. Toji ends up scoffing.

“Yeah, yeah.” The man responds. He’s falling asleep at the opening music, already finding himself bored. He can’t believe it. He got himself a shit job that pays little to no money to support you two. All to not be able to pick the movie he wants to watch, for the popcorn to be taken from him, and for a stinky child to be in the middle of him and his girlfriend.

Toji shakes his head disappointedly, reaching over and taking the bowl of popcorn from your lap. All for you to whine, which makes him give it back.

It might not be ideal, but Toji wouldn’t have it any other way. His life has color once again, and he has no one else to thank but you.

[spaceorphan18]

Any thoughts on Chris’s latest interview??

I assume you mean this one?

I have not watched it so.... let's live blog, shall we?

I appreciate that he got his hair to stand up on all sides. Looking good Chris ;)

Basics on Chris? I totally guessed his expertise would be related to the paranormal. I completely forgot about the British History love of his, so I'm so not surprised there.

I really was waiting with baited breath to hear if he'd say llamas were his least favorite animal, lol. (Oh god, a lot of you weren't around when he claimed he liked llamas because he said he was a social llama and ended up getting a room full of stuffed llams, lol)

Oh my god, off of Diet Coke? What even?? Also, guys. Don't kill me. Don't revoke my Chris fan card. While I'm glad that he went back into acting - I have no desire to see that film he just made. It sounds like... not my cup of tea. (sorry :( )

The 'who are you' quiz section was super cute. I do love that he gives us little bits into his daily live and world and something that has just not changed is his sharp wit. I have always been a fan of his humor.

Chris's high school experience - I mean he's talked about this a lot over the years. A lot. But the thing that sticks out is this evolution of being okay with it. When he was first on Glee - it was STILL a big trauma. Which makes sense because instead of going to college, Chris went straight from HS to Glee, and omg, what an insane thing to do.

The getting into Glee stuff is... stuff I've heard before. But always glad to hear him speak on it, and again, glad he's in such a better place in life that he can reflect without the being traumatized part. The stuff about his current auditioning is interesting. He admits he doesn't really anymore unless he really wants to... and I'm guessing not really much has come his way that he really wants to do. I have a feeling that he probably won't do a whole ton of acting moving forward, but you never know.

Chris talking about his coming out on Chelsea Handler, lol... I love that he can reflect about being 18, and how differently choices are made when you're that young. But I also love (and get, and my god sometimes still I remember why he's the only celebrity whom I've ever felt was actually a bit like me in thought process) the fact that he was like - I'm gonna try to do this once and never deal with it again. And have it, like, become a bigger ordeal than he could have ever imagined.

I love though, also, that his story is also being contextualized through a queer lens. And, I mean, I felt this way when he was talking with Kevin about their joint experiences -- I'm so, so glad Chris has these queer spaces to have these conversations, because there's a level of knowledge and awareness and perspective you don't get from straight media.

(He took his shoes off, how cute, lol. Also this interview knows, like, nothing about Glee. Fascinating.)

"I would rather be the unicorn in the room than the elephant." -CHRISTOPHER!!! This quote is fantastic.

Getting into the conversation of activism, and how queer culture and community was still very different back in 2009-10 then it is now. And I mean, it's come a long LONG way since I was in high school back in the 90s. We've come a long way in the past fifteen years, even if the asshats in charge are trying to push everyone back to the 50s (or really the 30s :P) Anyway, some great queer history embedded in this.

The conversation about fame being his protection back then is fascinating. Also, how he calls himself ugly (back then). Oh Christopher.

He talked to Shirley MacClaine about aliens. Because of course he did. I love him.

OOhhh, Chris loved every guest star except for one. Any guesses who? (Honestly - I have no idea. so this is a fascinating new tidbit. Perez Hilton? Lol - Chris didn't work him though.)

Also more interesting things to think about - Chris getting a lot of the spotlight early on created resentment. (I wonder if it was Lea... Hmmm.)

Mr - I'm never getting married - actually mentioned that at some point he and Will probably will get married. Don't know if that was kind of a deflection from this dude assuming or if he's changed his mind. But, I mean, c'mon, in any capacity we all know he and Will consider each other done and locked in for life, which Chris basically confirms. (Awww - I love Will.)

Oh god, talking about the tinhatters. Chris, thank fuck for finally talking about this more openly and explicitly. And guys, I told you. I TOLD YOU that this shit happened.

THE HAIR STORY! HE'S TELLING THE HAIR STORY! No, guys, this was almost like urban legend stuff, but yeah, there were rumored instances of people sending hair to Will (and to Mia) and he actually talks about this. Oh my god, I'm laughing (though my god this was not funny at the time)

Oh, god, he thinks there were 100,000 CCers. No. There weren't. That seems too high. The people who were actually crazy were a very, very small number -- who made an unfortunately huge impact.

Oh. God. Also. He is NOT talking about Darren when he talks about people who are still in the closet. He's just not.

Oh for the love of fuckery, this host is just... he had to take a college course to discover fanfiction? C'mon.

Ah, the awkward conversation of celebrities reading fanfic. I wish this conversation would be had with someone who understood it better. Honestly do not like this host's summation of it because -- not just as someone who reads and writes it, but as someone who understands it's influence on published writing and understands its relevance in women's circles, this is a much deeper conversation and this host makes it feel trivialized (because they don't understand it).

Also - I wonder what Chris read, great abs and about cats? lol.

STOP FUCKING CALLING ANY KIND OF QUEER FANFIC SLASH FIC. It's old school term. Now it's just... fanfic. You no longer need to qualify the fic by saying it's slash.

This host is... bugging me a bit. But that's my issue.

They're getting into the writer portion and as a writer myself I'm... honestly a little bored by this. The TLOS convo he's had a million times. He's also talked about his process a lot, which idk, maybe this is more interesting to non-writers but like, yeah, yup, i've been there done that.

Aww, Chris talking about his anxiety issues - I do always love hearing about this, because I feel like mental health issues don't get addressed in the way should.

Um, they end on a section called 'fight me' where Chris debates a position - and his is that only queer actors should play queer roles. I... think that's a nuanced question that deserves more than a 60 second watered down debate and I'm not going to touch it.

And.. yeah, that's what I have to say about that. It's nice to hear from Chris again, so glad he's so much more open about his life and experiences. If I'm being honest, though, I think I do kind of value the conversations more so when he has them with, say, Kevin and Jenna, because there's something more personal going on there.

But that's just me - someone who has followed Chris and his career for, my god, what sixteen years now? Yeah. :)

Hopefully that answers your question, Nonny! lol :)

[teal-fiend]

misbehaving part 2

Summary: while they're at work, an observer gets sent a video

Content: observer pov, post vore, digestion mention, bdsm terms

The observer’s phone buzzes. They glance at it absently—until they see who sent it.

Their stomach drops.

Its from the pred.

The pred who ate them last night.

For a second, they consider not playing it. Maybe it’s something unrelated. Maybe it’s not—They hit play.

The screen fills with a pov shot of a round, swollen stomach. Bare skin, shifting subtly with movement beneath.

Filmed by the pred themself from above.

The observer stiffens.

They watch, frozen, as the pred’s hands glide over their gut, fingers pressing in enough to highlight the movement underneath.

Movement.

Their movement.

The observer's face burns.

The bulge in the video twists, pressing outward in a struggle.

The observer remembers fighting so hard against the stomach from inside. Pressing against that hard strong muscular organ. But from outside, all their effort did was make slight bulges and dents in the heavy, steady flesh dome that was the preds belly. Evidence of struggle, easily smoothed down, smothered by the preds hand.

it's embarrassing to see themself as just a squirmy bulge in a predators stomach. It was just so... typical.

The video continues. How long is it?

The pred hums, dragging their hand in a slow, indulgent circle over their belly.

They give their gut a gentle shake, making the contents inside slosh.

The observer slams their phone facedown on their desk.

They are on fire. Their ears, their face, their entire body feels like it’s radiating heat.

They sit there, stiff, trying to breathe, trying to process what they just watched.

The video is still going, so they turn their phone off, and the gurgly audio stops.

The observer squeezes their eyes shut.

Humiliating

The pick up the phone.

The observer sits frozen at their desk, their phone clutched in their trembling hands. Their messages are open, the video is over.

They shouldn’t.

They really, really shouldn’t.

But their thumb moves on its own, tapping the screen, dragging the progress bar back.

The video starts over.

That round, full stomach fills the screen again, shifting ever so slightly as they moved inside. The observer watches, breathless, as their own struggles ripple under the pred’s skin, each motion effortlessly contained, squeezed back into place by the stomach.

Their breath hitches.

The pred shifts in the video, rubbing slow, teasing circles over their gut, pressing down. Their hand sinks in, then lifts away, letting their belly settle back into place.

Then they pat it, just to emphasise the size of their meal.

A soft burp rumbles through the headphone speakers. Directly into the observers eardrums.

The pred exhales afterward, sounding so content—like the observer had satisfied them completely. Like they had been just what the pred needed. Thry hit the spot.

The knowledge that they had filled their pred’s stomach… that they had turned into nothing but a heavy, struggling meal for their own submsissive… that their spoiled, demanding little pred had reduced them to this…

A shudder runs through them. They press their thighs together under their desk, breath shallow as they replay the video again. The gurgling noises growing more familiar with each re watch.

The observer grips their phone tightly, their mind slipping dangerously into what-ifs.

What if the pred hadn’t let them go last night?

They imagine it—trapped inside that tight, churning belly, feeling the heat of digestion creeping in, the walls flexing and pulsing around them. The air growing thick, humid. Their own body growing weak as the brat’s stomach worked on them.

They picture the pred sprawled out, that lazy smirk on their face, one hand idly rubbing their belly as it gurgled around its prize. No urgency. No concern. Just enjoying the weight, the feeling of being satisfied.

Maybe giving their gut a playful slap, watching as it jostled.

But this time the belly would remain still. No struggle.

They imagine it—being slowly worked down, their body melting into a thick, heavy weight inside that spoiled belly. Softening. Losing their shape, becoming nothing but warmth and nourishment, just another prey for the pred who had dared to consume them.

Eventually, the observer would be pushed into the preds intestines, and beyond.

Their gut no longer tight and squirming—just a soft, squishy swell, lazily digesting the last of their master.

The observer grips their phone tightly, biting their lip. They tasted blood.

The observer should stop watching. they pause the video, to give themself a break.

The observer stares blankly at their phone screen, the video paused on that damning image—a photo of them, the observer; a squirming bulge in the preds belly.

Just a full, tight weight in that spoiled gut. And worse, the pred knew it. Had recorded it. Had sent them the video, laughing at them, showing them exactly what they had become.

Their pulse pounds as they rub their face, trying to think past the heat creeping up their neck.

IT should bother them. The idea that the fucker ate them, and could have—if they’d wanted—digested them completely, should make them furious. And yet—

The thought of being reduced to nothing but a heavy, satisfied curve in their sub’s belly, of having all their power, all their authority stripped away, taken and used for nothing more than a quick easy meal… convenient.

Prey that came right to them.

That their misbehaving, needy little pred had gotten the better of them, took control, taken exactly what they wanted, and utterly humiliated them...

The observer had a lot to think about

[writingmochi]

lissie: hiya adeline! (hope i'm okay to call you by the name). well, thank you so so much for the reblog and review and for even giving this fic a read when you found it on tags. i appreciate you so much for it. i hope that this reply to your rb will give you much more insight into the fic (because i love discussing more about this fic that gripped me since i watched all about lily chou-chou last december)

i'm sorry if it is longer than what you expected for a reply but i hope you like it!

spoiler for the whole fic !

"The beginning already has me invested, like I love how it starts."

ahh the intro to the space station forum. i'm glad you are invested by it. a direct inspiration from the introduction in the all about lily chou-chou film. i do think it is intriguing to learn about someone from their interests, just like how you found someone creating fics about enhypen like me, and it is such an underutilized tool of introduction other than the obvious "describe what the character looks like type of opening". i like writing stories in medias res, definitely added more to the slice of life aspect of the fic

"my heart already breaks for reader, it's a new school and people are already saying things?"

i imagine that usually in a small town/neighborhood, people know about each other fast especially when someone "unconventional" steps into the neighborhood. older women gossip like birds tweeting around in the morning. when they hear of a new family, those type of people will try to dig into the reasoning of why they move there and all that...

"this kind of bullying is absolutely insane (referring to the mc's homework being mugged)."

the thing is... mugging someone's homework is such a scary and vile tactic that it is now monetised. yes, coming from an asian perspective: perfect scores are everything, especially when you have tiger parents. and usually, the kids will do *anything* to get good scores even if it means you have to steal/copy someone's homework that it creates a revenue stream for people who want their homework to be made by someone else. i just can't imagine the future of people who do that and how despicable they can be

"and the fact that she also receives harassment and bullying in the new school as well is insane."

in my mind, when it comes to bullied people, they have such low confidence in themselves that people with a much higher ego can see it and know how to manipulate it so they can benefit from it for themselves. with mc's position as a new student and the rumours about how she came to be there (the mom fucking with the vice principal, the rumoured high ranking, etc), she is much more fragile to the harassment and already knows deep down in her heart that the cycle will repeat for her again

"I think the first interaction between reader and heeseung ... almost feels like they're more similar than you think."

very similar with their affinity of music and wanting some alone time from everything they experienced in their life.

"Heeseung’s family dynamic is also heartbreaking to see where he more or less has to take care of himself as a result."

genuinely, it is inspired by me and my experience as a broken home kid, especially with my biological dad who seemed to not care about my existence until i entered uni.

"It's also so heartbreaking that Eunho, his friend(??) treats him like this as well."

other than this being the integral relationship in all about lily chou-chou (heeseung is yuichi and eunho is hoshino) that i adapt, much of what heeseung has experienced is inspired by one of the boys in my middle school. he was in the group alongside the "popular kids" think the jocks, bad boys type of boys, but he was treated more as an outsider/servant to them. the other boys like to prank him so much and he is always the butt of the joke. but when writing this fic, i try to think of the reason why this boy wants to stay with the group. validation? friendship? power? mere networking? and so, i implement some of that to heeseung.

another thing to think about the whole friendship aspect between eunho and heeseung is when heeseung met eunho for the first time in middle school, eunho was the one bullied. eunho then was not the eunho who we see at the start of the fic. they met through taekwondo and because of the association, heeseung was also bullied. their bond was made at that time and when that jeju trip happened and eunho changed so much, suffice to say that heeseung can't bear to let a friend go. no one wants to let a friend go even when you have bonded so much until someone tells you just how toxic it is.

mc became heeseung's voice of reason to let him know that his friend now is not the friend he met years before. maybe in some aspect, heeseung believed that eunho would revert back. but that whole scene at the back of the school and the aftermath (him being suspended and beaten by the boys, mc's attempt) is the one that turns him around, to realize that eunho was targeting heeseung for a reason. maybe it's because eunho finds mc intriguing but heeseung is the one who can connect with her (the whole pearl-silver connection through the space station) and many other reasons you can imagine some boy disliking another boy.

"I love how we see the progression of said friendship. And then they way Hee starts not coming to the rooftop because he's worried about Eunho ... I love that since they started talking reader tried her best to encourage Hee to not talk to Eunho and avoid being around him and the other guys."

the romantic aspect of this kind of story about vulnerable people is the growth of friendship they cultivate. from as simple as opening up is hard for people who don't trust other people easily until they can feel the electricity in their chemistry. it's the slow burn aspect that i wanted to write in comparison to the many fast-paced romantic fics enhablr has to offer. that in creating a relationship, time is of the essence when it comes people like mc and heeseung. so i really love writing the little interactions between the two of them like playfully bumping into each other, sightseeing and eating and their little talks from there, and much more

"Also, I always love the integration of the online chat about moonstruck and the fact that the members there gave him advice about reader is sweet."

isn't this what we all have experienced today though?

i think that all about lily chou-chou really introduces that integration perfectly because it shows just how different someone is online and offline. usually, when it comes to online presence, people want to find somewhere to belong and the forum shows that for heeseung's bambi and mc's pearl. you can also see another side of them online because of that anonymous aspect and compare how contrast it is with what they experienced in real life

"I'm so devastated by this, they're just two broken people dealing with their own shit while being together :( The fact that Eunho knew, forced them, and then they get caught :("

now this aspect of the fic is based on heaven by kawakami, even to the part where the bullies force them to "do it". i just think that the camaraderie between the two is important in facing the bullies and by creating their relationship like that, you can feel it solidified and at its strongest when facing their strongest trial

I'm actually so glad reader's identity as pearl got exposed, like I had a feeling she was but this solidified it and oh my god.

hehe yess it's been mc the whole time!

I feel fucking sick, wdym Eunho was Silver, I did NOT expect that. I hate how normal he behaves what the fuck. Also Hee stabbing Eunho???? Unexpected again😭😭

coming from the same prospect of heeseung's bambi meeting mc's pearl and eunho's silver, it comes from the idea of the people you meet online vs the people you meet offline and how different they are. and how the anonymous side of it makes you think differently of the person and their doings + if you know korean, you might catch that eunho is silver because the eun (은) in eunho (은호) literally means "silver"

and the stabbing part is also from all about lily chou-chou. before the concert, mc and heeseung were talking about closing the cycle. the pocket knife was hinted when heeseung just notice a glance of it from the mc's living room. and the last part also reiterate that by closing the cycle, eunho or people like him won't hurt anyone anymore. it brings closure to heeseung's toxic friendship with eunho but also showcase just how much heeseung and mc wants to also move on and alongside the bullies to who lost eunho and seona and risoo for their openness in bullying mc and others.

once again, thank you so much for the reblog!

cast: heeseung ✗ fem.reader (ft. red velvet's seulgi, exo's kai, and original characters)

synopsis: a teenager with tormenting demons following behind her moves to a new school when she encounters a boy who has his own set of demons. together, they confide with one another's similarities as well as through music when the boy introduces the teen to his current obsession: the dreamy pop soundscape of moonstruck.

genre: coming of age, realistic fiction, bildungsroman, slice of life, drama, romance, high school au, early 2000s au, angst, fluff, mature content (bullying, harassment, explicit smut)

inspired by: music radiohead's "motion picture soundtrack" (2000), movie all about lily chou-chou (2001) and literature “heaven” by mieko kawakami (2009)

word count: 46372 (46.3k)

warning(s): physical and verbal bullying, sexual harassment and assault, suicide attempt, murder (please don't read if you can get triggered), familial neglect, descriptions of blood, bruises, wounds, and scars, drug consumption (cigarette, mentions for alcohol, marijuana, and other hard drugs), piercing(s) and sharp objects, crowd crush, mention of parent infidelity, mention of sugar dating/enjo-kōsai, mention of debt and being hunted by debt collectors, two smut scenes (soft sex and rough sex), loss of virginities (m&f), hand job (m&f receiving), oral (m&f receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, creampie, manhandling, spanking, marking, breath play (choking), subspace

message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

this is my first fic since april 2024 my god! genuinely sorry. turns out my exchange program is much more overwhelming that i just can't seem to have the motivation to write and finish drafts. it is also a birthday fic from me to you guys! if you plan to read this, thank you for giving it a chance and hope you enjoy it!

motion picture soundtrack | trailer part of the frequency modulation anthology | an entry for discovery: 400

moonstruck: a solo female korean singer-songwriter known for the genres of dream pop, folk, new age, neo-psychedelia, ambient. inspirations: lily chou-chou, meaningful stone, ichiko aoba releases mentioned: windswept / breathe / angels

a sterile hum filled the space. clicks and clacks are followed in a chaotic rhythm.

pausing. clicks. pausing. clacks.

《hello》 《i didn’t know that there is a place like this before》 《from: bambi

the shine of the monitors reflects onto the iris. the blueish screen that lit up the room, letting the moon’s image show up on the edges of his sight before returning to focus on the incoming messages.

《a newcomer!》 《welcome to the space station》 《where people gather to talk about moonstruck》 《from: pearl

he gazes at the poster hanging behind his thick monitor: the printed moon seemingly glowing for him, yet it is because of the beam that is hitting the image on the correct spot. he follows the light beam from outside to then meet the sight of the real moon painting the outdoor sky. the guitar chords continue to play as the noise of the whirling cd is gone and covered by the beautiful masterpiece. his vision returns towards the screen as he scrolled upwards with his mouse. the boy skim-reads multiple conversations that have taken place in this virtual room.

《listening to moonstruck just feels... different》 《it is like you are floating》 《from: silver

《truly the greatest musician to have ever lived on this earth》 《from: 1004

《moonstruck is not even an earthling》 《she is just the moon personified》 《both its calmness and chaoticness. blessing us to the greatest music ever made》 《from: pearl

the boy glances back to see the familiar name, a smirk forming on his face. maybe this is the perfect place for him to go to. a perfect place to not think about everything and to just fully embrace what moonstruck has shaken within his soul. that is when he heard the piercing sound of the ringtone plays as he turns around.

gulping down his saliva, he lets out a huge sigh before pressing the button and pressing it against his ear. the voice that lingers in his mind calls to him as he stays quiet—letting the spoken message enter his ear and capture every detail as possible. the call ends not even a minute later. he lets out an exhale before returning to the keyboard, typing back his response.

《thank you, pearl》 《i will try to be active more here》 《from: bambi

he grabs his light backpack and stands up from his wheeled desk chair, seeing the box that forms the webpage become blurry as the colours melt together. brushing his hair for the last time, he stepped outside to do what he needed to do under the navy sky. the moon protecting him once more.

-

black shoes coming into vision as they both take steps in succession. the breeze of the spring weather blows, letting the new school uniform shake and move against the body that wears it. the third uniform in the past two years, and a new school logo every semester.

the socks cover right above your ankles enough that it won’t make you shiver as you continue striding towards the school you will be attending. your eyes gaze at the stores still with their entrances covered either by metal doors or wooden panels. a few of them being unlocked and uncovered as you went past them; a new day of business for this side of town. though, this is your first time seeing them with your eyes.

the steady drum rhythm enters your ears as you hold on to your cd walkman, decorating your morning in this unfamiliar place you only just arrived in a mere two days ago. then, you hear the other footsteps around you getting louder. looking ahead, you gaze at the girls wearing the same uniform outfit as yours. most with their alterations, such as the unbuttoned-up shirt all throughout and the little amount of shirt untucked from inside the skirt. your eyes continue to look downwards and forward, continue your journey to the class and, at least, meet up with your homeroom teacher first.

entering the gates, you gaze at the enormous field for football practice as you notice the goalposts on both ends. some students are playing there while others watch, waiting for the bell to ring as they sometimes glance at the large clock placed above the gate. the sound of guitar wailing in your ears creating a shield for you and the words spoken by students you passed by. nevertheless, few words come to seep through the barrier as you continue to walk.

“that’s the new student in year 2.”

“i heard that she was number one in her previous school.”

“but isn’t her school not that good though, especially compared to us?”

“yeah, well. i heard that she’s filthy rich.”

“really? nothing of her look speaks rich.”

“maybe it’s intentional?”

you continue to walk as you let your face rest in its default state, taking a deep breath in as you stop yourself to shake your head; to not let them show that this affects you.

not again.

but, deep down, you know it will. word spreads between people fast as you have recognised from time to time.

the talk of a new family renting such a dilapidated, out-of-place large house with a large courtyard area outside of the known residential area. the couple’s appearance has the looks that could compare to the celebrities seen on magazines. there is also a rumour on how the matriarch of the new family slept with the vice principal so her daughter could get into the good high school of the town—something you wish you could actually forget about as you can still hear the moaning sound from the other room when you’re setting up your personal computer set. the patriarch is nonchalant about it in the dining room whilst reading the newspaper as the voices reverberate throughout the house, knowing that he will and is doing the same with other women for the sake of his, his wife, and his family’s status. to uphold it and keep that image going on.

well, you aren’t even going to be surprised if the rumours you left behind from the other town come to chase you here too. especially with the many acquaintances you have from school only to be left stunned by the sudden announcement of your departure, but also the people who have tormented said family smiling widely on their faces as they see you all go away in a hurry.

knocking on the door gently, the voice inside signals you to slide the door as you enter the room full of teachers. your eyes gaze at the many adults sitting at their desks, opening and checking their files, preparing their books and notes for the upcoming classes of today.

“ah, new kid.” you turn your head towards the side to find a male teacher in a jumpsuit. one of the teachers mom and dad sit across from as they talk about you entering this new school alongside that vice principal mom hooks up with to get you a seat here. coach kim as you remember what he likes to be called because you sat closest to him in the whole discussion.

“what class did you get?”

“uh...” you press the stop button on your cd walkman before speaking, “2-2.”

“ah, seulgi’s class.” coach kim pushes his legs on the ground, his chair moving towards the front of your pathway from the half-wall maze-like desks as he gazes at the female teacher by the window. her hair tied into a lousy ponytail with her head tilted to gaze at the desk.

“seulgi-nim.” her head turns to follow the call of her name, looking annoyed at coach kim before lifting her eyes to look at you standing by coach kim’s desk.

“oh, (y/n). come, come.” she gestures with her hand as you turn your body towards the coach, bowing your body with a quick spoken “thank you” as you walk towards who you assume is your homeroom teacher. by the looks of it, miss kang—as you read from the document in the mail you’ve gotten—seems to be pretty young. maybe in her early 30s with a youthful presence that can make her blend in with the students here.

“g-good morning.” you bow your head as soon as you arrive by her table. miss kang lets out a smile that also makes her eyes smile. something that warms your heart because you never meet someone that excited to see you. yes, not even your parents who are particularly too focused on themselves.

“(y/f/n), yes? or (y/n) is fine?” she glances at your nametag that you handsewn into your school blazer.

“(y/n) is fine.” you echo back. your voice meek to follow her gentle voice. the sight of the wind brushing against the growing leaves makes it much more magical to peer at. you glance down as you catch sight of a folder with your name opened up, transcripts of your scores from your previous two schools displayed there in handwriting.

“welcome to woonmyung high school. i suppose you have gotten your class schedules?” you nodded to her answer, looking back to gaze at her eyes as you ignored the scarily bad score you’d gotten on the paper she was definitely observing. the history of the multiple times you’ve been mugged of your homework before resulting in them being that bad. it’s a miracle that you still do your tests well even with the many sabotages you’ve endured.

“i will bring you to class as we also announce things that will be happening in the new semester.” the chair is pushed back as she stands up, organising the messy paper and folders back onto the shelf beside her desk.

“ok,” you replied with an exhale, tucking the headset wrapped around your neck as you carefully put it alongside your walkman inside your backpack. you could see the tears it has near the seams: your trustee backpack that has been by your side since a long time ago. it has stains of dirt and other condiments on it that you could not count because of the multiple times it was thrown around and things thrown onto it. zipping it up, the sound of the bell ringing makes you jump as you turn your head towards the corridor—staring through the window as you watch multiple students walk into their classes in a hurry and even in calm.

you step into the corridor when it is empty—trying to take in the path to your classroom but get distracted by the view you peek through from the many classroom windows. you catch the various sounds of teachers talking about this week’s homeroom things with the students settled in their individual chairs and tables. some of them put the information on the board and the other thinks speaking about it is enough for the students to take in. your path follows that of miss kang as her walk seems much more like a glide even though she wore such a tight skirt. her walking pace slows down as you tidy your uniform once again, tugging your skirt down so that you won’t get any wardrobe malfunctions before the familiar sound enters your ear as you look forward to finding the class door labelled 2-2 opens to the side with the woman now out of your sight.

the commotion becomes quiet as miss kang steps inside first. the students looking at her as she speaks her greeting before they turn their heads towards the door that she didn’t close. they peek to the door to find your static figure as you pause yourself like you are being spotlighted.

then it started.

snickers. giggles. whispers.

the familiar sounds you’ve heard all the time settling onto some of them as you shift your head to catch miss kang looking at you. gulping down your saliva, you step inside the classroom and carefully slide the door closed.

taking in the classroom clearly, your eyes landed on the empty table two rows from the cupboard at the back of it where students put their belongings. the lights from the sun coming in from the windows in rays that lighted some people while shrouding others. but you can still feel eyes on you as you walk the walk you’ve experienced multiple times in your young life once again.

“we have a new student, everyone.” miss kang said before her hand rested on your lower back, signalling you to continue the usual steps.

“g-good morning. my name is (y/n). i do hope you will treat me well.” you bowed your body near a 90-degree angle, lasting for around three seconds as you slowly blinked and lifted your body upright. hoping that, yes, they do they will treat you well this time. even though you know it won’t by the looks on some faces as they are holding back on expressing something.

“thank you, (y/n). please, take your seat.”

you exhale a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, feeling your cheeks getting warm as the usual tingling caresses your skin once again from the gazes of your new classmates. eyes gazing at the empty table, they trail to the familiar item on the table behind it. shifting quickly, you glance to find a similar cd walkman to the one you own resting on the table. trailing further upwards, you found the owner.

he is wearing the school’s navy blazer but minus the vest you’re wearing. the first two buttons of his uniform shirt open where you could see the inner light grey t-shirt peeking out. his eyes are wide and his hair is styled so that a few strands at the front frame his forehead well. his full lips are a bit chapped before you take a quick glance at the eyebags underneath his wide brown eyes. you reach your desk too fast to gather any information about a name, turning your body towards the front to avoid suspicions but you could hear the movement behind you. the sound of something moving on the wooden table as you gaze at the desk with a drawer underneath it. the number on the desk’s corner telling you of the cupboard you can put your belongings into. textbooks, notebooks, stationery, and more.

putting the backpack down inside the desk’s legs, you tidy up the skirt’s fabric against your thighs as you settle down on the chair where you will sit the rest of the semester. miss kang continues to talk about what is usually talked about in the homeroom session as you rummage to get your things out for the lesson after this. ignoring the many glances and whispers you know are targeting you.

the class has gone well for most of the part because you ignored them, well, nearly all. you just move your head and body enough for you to be able to read what is written on the blackboard with the chalk’s unstable clarity. the snickers continue as you focus on the board at the front. that is when you catch a folded paper coming into your vision from your right side and landing on your table.

twisting your head to glance at where it comes from, you find a boy sitting beside you only with his unkempt uniform on. his eyes gazing at you with a squint in it. the corners of his eyes becoming more of a straight line as you watch him smirk. eyes moving from your bewildered face to the note on your table. focusing out of him; you notice other boys in seats around him doing the same thing. looking at you like predators.

quickly, you pick up the note as you place it on your lap, thumbs on either side of the fold and push it open.

hey newbie. you definitely look better without the uniform on.

heat rises once again to your cheeks as you take a small glance at them before you hear another snicker coming from near the corner of the room by the door. a group of girls who are also looking at you with looks that seem so distinct from the boys. yes, you received notes like this with such disgusting words. but never one that seemed to imply something sexual. swallowing the saliva gathered on your tongue, your fingertips rub against the paper. to rip it up like you should do, to hide it like you would always do before, or to leave it be so that the teacher could see it.

your hands quickly move as you finish taking in all options: folding it back and tucking it into the drawer underneath. it earns you more chuckling from the boys and girls as you just want to hide away in the darkest corner of this school you could ever find. instead of wanting more attention to you, you cower into your seat and grab your pencil once again. tucking your head near your chest so that nobody could see just how flustered and shameful you are.

the snicker also comes from the boy sitting behind you, taking a small peek at him with his messy desk before his eyes move towards the boy seated beside you. observing their interaction, one glance from the boy beside you quiets the snicker of the boy behind you, adding the description of this boy’s power dynamic upon people. the boy behind you has the corner of his lips falling down, his head hanging low as his bangs covered the top half of his face. returning your sight back to the front of the class, you continue to make yourself small, taking as little space as possible for movement, until the class is finished.

as the teacher said his farewell, students flocked towards the door as they headed towards somewhere for the lunch break. you went back to the cupboard to put the books inside before you pulled out something from your backpack: the lunch box filled with food you created for yourself this morning. feeling the condensation of the hot meal against the lid, you lifted it open to smell the tasty aroma of kimchi fried rice that makes you drool. resting your backpack on the cupboard so you can settle back to your seat, you lifted your lunch box and turned your body, slamming onto another hard surface as you picked up gasps coming from around you.

the sound of your utensils landing on the floor follows with a big splat from your lunch box as you see the red of the kimchi staining the tile floor. your head lifted to see someone in a similar outfit to you but with a big red stain and grains of rice on her blazer. your vision landed on the nametag of jung seona.

“what the fuck, bitch?” her voice makes you look at the face it is from. eyes widening to recognize her as one of the girls who were also looking at you and snickering with the boys. and so are the three girls around her and you, caging you in. you knew that this would eventually happen. that they would accidentally slam onto you to spill your food on them. but not on your first day being here.

“i, i’m so sor-“

“sorry doesn’t cut it,” seona says, her grimace combined with a hidden grin you could recognize as you know you can’t do anything when you are being surrounded. her finger points at you, “you have to pay for this. for the laundry, at least.”

you wanted to open your mouth when one girl beat you to it, lifting your backpack as she shook it so the contents fell down. your hair clip, your cd walkman, your wallet, and your phone with silver strap and star decorations on it. you wanted to grab onto the walkman when hands grab onto your own arms and shoulders as they held you still. hearing the click of the tongue, you watch another girl—risoo from her nametag—giggling as she pulls out the cash you only have in your wallet. a 1000 won banknote in her hand as she gave it seona standing behind you.

“that should be enough,” she said.

“enough and more.” seona replied and giggled.

“also fucking disgusting of you to drop food like that,” another girl said as she lets go of you, making you tumble and fall down beside your leftover food.

“come on, bitch. eat it,” one other girl said as you tried to stay strong, yet your eyes were trembling as you could sense the tears forming up. you wanted to stay strong, but you could hear how your stomach was rumbling at the wrong time.

“oh, girly is hungry. such a shame that her only food is the one on that disgusting floor.” the girl who held onto you says from beside you.

“yeah, and she should definitely clean it up,” another girl echoes as they all snicker.

“you know, there is a two bird one stone solution for this...” risoo said as her steps sounded closer to you. then, a grip on your hair pushes you towards the fallen kimchi fried rice. your face hitting the rice as it stains all over your skin. your head still pushes back before more weight is added with the force, making you have to open your mouth so oxygen can enter you because of your blocked nose.

“come on, doggy. eat your lunch.” risoo voices behind you as you can’t help but actually swallow the rice or else you might choke. that is when you discover the clicking and sound of a digital camera that you stop to fight back. shame clouding you once again as you don’t want to show your face.

with hair covering your eyesight, you lift your head as you pick up the clicking sounds on a phone that has a silver strap and stars. your phone being messed with as you see the dexterous fingers pressing against buttons multiple times. spelling out a name or message or something when you heard a ringtone on another phone that comes from seona’s shirt pocket.

“if i call, answer, alright?” said girl commands, dropping the phone down as it landed on top of your hand on the floor. softening its hit, but you could feel your flesh breaking on the impact as blood flowed through them and warmed the area up. the girls moved away from you. messy hair covering your face as you can only glimpse through them and your blurry sight.

“come, girls. we have a much more decent lunch to get to.” seona taunts as the girls stepped away from the class and closes the back door of the class. leaving you alone to wallow in the condition you find yourself in once again. the chirping of the bird helps you to think your next best action as you just... be. wanting even more to search for that darkest corner so you would not be found.

your hands move to scoop the fallen kimchi fried rice into the container and grab tissues from your backpack to wipe the stains away alongside the water from your water bottle until it is as clean as possible. you also took your pocket mirror and opened it, seeing the cracked mirror on it as you rubbed away the stains that rested on your skin before it dried up. your hair is messy as you stare at yourself and your eyes are swollen with a teardrop actually falling down, making you quickly brush it away with your hand.

the grumbling stomach reminds you of the food you made as you drop it into the bin alongside the whites of the tissue. you glance at the open wallet leftover from what happened to find nothing in it, feeling so angry at yourself for not committing to the idea of putting emergency money in another pocket if this thing happens again. you have gotten personal items stolen from this exact wallet and you are smart enough to not include them in it, but you have to remind yourself you should put emergency money either inside the cardholder of the wallet or even other pockets of your bag. with nothing to do for this lunch and no money to even buy lunch, you tuck your phone into your blazer pocket and grab onto the walkman that they seemed to leave alone.

after putting the backpack away into your cupboard, you step outside the class to notice a much emptier corridor than you expect because most of the students are at the cafeteria, field, or other hang-out places in the school. you walk towards the sets of stairs as you look upwards. maybe you’ll find the deepest corner you were searching for on the floor upstairs.

the climb up doesn’t feel as tiring as you thought when it is combined with the little gush of wind blowing. on the floor landing, you look to both sides to find more classes and the half wall before you that overlooks the front of the school and field. sounds coming from meters below you as you try to observe as best as you can on things on the floor. that’s when you see a corner between classes with the one nearest to the light showing you another set of stairs.

your feet striding again towards the shrouded space as you see the stairs leading up and you smirked. you know of your fair share of rooftops as a hangout place. and you don’t care about how windy, rainy, or sunny it is. you will be on the rooftop nearly all the time in your previous schools and no one seemed to know about it the school’s staff who have to do maintenance there. hopefully, it’s the same thing here.

the green exit sign shines above you as you push open the door to the rooftop. another gush of wind, albeit harder, blows against your face and body as you carefully let go of the door so it doesn’t slam into the frame. you could see the view you saw from the lower floor, but it was much, much smaller and blurry. stepping more onto the open space and underneath the noon sun, you walked towards the edge of the rooftop fenced with fences even taller than you, much different from the half walls you see on your previous schools’ rooftop. your hand reaches for the fence, feeling your fingers wrapping around one of its holes as you can visualize the cage changing into the sight of the skirt-wearing girls’ legs that were also caging you as you don’t want to look up. memories that seemed so long ago, even though it was from months before today.

sighing, you turn your head to walk towards the side of the door so that no one can see you when they arrive at the rooftop. pressing your hand against the walkman that is between your armpit, you put on the headset and cover your ears as you walk towards a wall: a barrier from the box containing the staircase down. turning around, you glance down and hold onto your walkman as you slowly slide down against the wall. your finger pressing the power button as you see the light turning on alongside the whirling of the cd inside. you press the rewind button as the cd rapidly spins before a sudden stop, and then you are met with the sound of a subdued synth piano coming.

you rested your head against the wall, closing your eyes as you let the breeze blow against you as you breathed in and out the clear air. the beautiful sound going on in your ear captures the moment so well that you can sense the weight of rest landed on you, making your body calmer as you capture the notion of sleepiness once again from the hard nights of not even getting a minute of sleep. your legs stretched in front of you, feeling your muscles relaxing as your body releases the tension it endures on nearly every muscle.

letting out an enormous sigh, you open your eyes to find a silhouette right across from you. blinking away the blurriness, you tuck your legs closer to your chest as you stare at the figure. a figure you recognize.

a boy with his own pair of earbuds inserted into his ears, connected to the cd walkman he has lying beside his body. the school blazer opens more with the gust as you find more of his broad shoulders. the hair fallen by his forehead blows along with the wind as he watches you. his wide eyes on you.

here you two are, sitting on the walled area beside the rooftop entrance where the rest of the roof is barricaded by the fences. music enters each of your ears with both your headset and his earbuds on. you wanted to stand up and walk away to find another place, but you stayed as you eyed him. his gaze looks between your face before towards your blazer, scanning your name etched there. and you do the same.

the boy sitting on the desk behind you: lee heeseung.

-

《do all of you know mazzy star?》 《i heard that she inspired moonstruck to create her songs》 《from: cosmiccomet

《hope sandoval specifically》 《psychedelic sound that》 《if you listen to it》 《will actually make you float》 《both moonstruck and hope sandoval has this aura to them》 《what the station calls the celeste》 《something out of this world》 《only those who possess this can be assigned as the greatest musicians of all time》 《from: pearl

《started by the weird band out there》 《the velvet underground》 《its popularity can be compared to the beatles if they’re not so underground》 《from: walker0

《and it culminated into moonstruck》 《all its influences?》 《from: bambi

《sure thing》 《from: pearl

the boy sits down on the path between growing fields. the greenery overtook his sight and expanded into the horizon he could see. the moonstruck album, breathe, played in through his ears as he holds onto the walkman with both hands. pushing himself up from the asphalt road, he steps down and walks towards the dirt path visible from the growing grass nearly as tall as his thighs. the wind blows the pollen as it helps the plants grow. the edges of the flourishing leaves caressing his skin as he continues to walk, grazing his hand as it combines with the touch of the music player.

heeseung takes in the ethereal sound of moonstruck’s songs. something that always helps him to calm down his nerves. a remedy he had been obsessed with recently and to think that he wouldn’t find it if he walked away from that cd store too fast to hear the song playing over the speakers.

since he got his cd walkman on his 14th birthday, he had moved from listening to music on the radio to buying cheap on-sale cds in the store near school. songs like trot that he had heard in nearly every mom-and-pop shop he went to and the pop songs airing on tv made him tired of hearing them. and his introduction to more rock-sounding songs added colour to his otherwise colourless life, albeit only a bit of tone. on one of those trips, when he had to generate some money for eunho most easily, he discovered moonstruck.

the other boys didn’t search for him that day as the store clerk lets him listen to one song with the expensive headphones music people usually have. hearing the drum starting on time, not brash like the rock songs he listened to. much more relatable to his situation as he found his way to not think of what the others might have thought—they didn’t even realize he disappeared.

bruises and scars, inflicted by multiple people under one control, frequently decorate heeseung’s forearms. eunho was, is, and still a friend of his since middle school. but the domino of one after another changed him and his life, taking control of most if not all aspects of his old friends into his hands as he became the king of woonmyung high school. heeseung has to if he wants to survive. he had been on the opposite side of it once in the first year of high school and he swore he would never do it again.

two days ago, his dad had given him extra cash for his pocket money that he hid fast so that he couldn’t get mugged off. he ran towards the cd store by the school to see two discounted albums of moonstruck, windswept, and the latest, breathe. quickly, he grabbed them and stuffed them into his backpack. he had never left the house without his backpack housing his cd walkman, riding around on his bicycle into the days and nights where he had errands to do alongside his two other friends. chores he had to fulfil and if he succeeded, he would get a bigger cut. field trips to the grassy patches of greenery were when he had finished doing those errands; his usual bandage wrapped around his palm and only 500 won in coins given enough for him to eat a pack of the 500 won ramyeon.

coming home from the fields, the wailing cries of a newborn baby make heeseung realize his reality. when looking into the living room, he sees the scrunched eyes of his baby brother as tears fall down his cheeks.

“heeseung, is that you?” a voice comes from the kitchen.

“yes.”

“take care of heechan for me.”

the boy looks down at the crying baby. a sigh coming out of his open lips as he crouched down beside the blanket where his baby brother was resting. pushing his hand out, he cradles the head and little body and lifts it up before adjusting his holding position. the cry continues as heeseung gently moves heechan so that his little head can rest on his older brother’s shoulder. heeseung coos, seeing the drool staining his unbuttoned shirt alongside the dirt from the field. calming him down, heeseung eyes look between his brother and the living room filled with the remnants of his baby brother. new clothes and a new stroller, all seem to blend in alongside the wooden wall and his parents’ belongings. but he doesn’t see his own until he enters his room. glaring at the baby one last time, he sits kneeled down, hearing his brother’s cry calming down as the boy continues soothing his little backside. he wanted to scream at the baby with all that was happening to him ever since he was born, but he knew it was not the baby’s fault he was here.

his parents had heeseung when they were young. nearly the end of their last year of high school as his mom couldn’t even come to her graduation ceremony cause she had to give birth. having a younger set of parents is a turmoil in at of itself. children will grow up alongside their parents with this and he felt himself. he still remembered how sometimes his parents came home drunk, taking care of themselves more than his 5-year-old self. sometimes, they only remember him such as when he fell off the tree when he was 10, making them have to pay for his stitches and the leftover scar on his collarbone. and with his parents now in their mid-30s having a baby once again, their attention is on him more. making heeseung have to fend for himself until his parents gave him his allowance again.

mom approaches heeseung as she kneels down behind him. the boy hears how mom coos for his brother as he turns his head once again, being face to face with the wide brown eyes that he also has.

“dinner’s ready,” she tells him as the older boy hums, giving the baby to his mother as the coos continues and he walks towards the dining room. the steamy rice caught his attention as he grabbed his plate to scoop some up and the other dishes. he usually waited for the rest of the family to gather at the dining table. but, with the sound of the tv turning on and no hint of dad’s car coming, he has to be by himself again today.

laying down on his bed, his view of the whirring sound of the personal computer in the corner of his room is upside down. the tall cpu settles beside the desk that houses his desktop which looks so similar to the tv outside, the mechanical keyboard, and the mouse wired to the processing unit. beside it, a picture of a monochromatic spherical object looks like it is rising into his view. he turns his body to view it upright, reading the upside-down jumbled words of moonstruck. he got lucky when he was heading home from doing his errands, finding a store putting a poster of moonstruck’s first album’s promotional on sale by the window front—“i wanted to throw it away anyway since nobody listen to them” said the owner. the rope hugging his waist holds on the poster behind him as he rides his bicycle back home.

heeseung’s eyes gaze at the black-and-white picture when his ringtone fills the air as his hands crawl across the mattress and rest on the vibrating item.

“hello?” he calls.

“come to the usual place. now.”

the call disconnected as he wants to reply. his hold on the phone weakens as he drops his lifted arm to the mattress. he eyes the desk and poster of moonstruck once more and sighs, lifting his backpack up as he approaches his room’s door. opening it lightly, he hears the whines of his baby brother and the tv playing in the background. the bedroom on the other side of the house has its door closed as he catches the sound of running water flowing to the en suite bathroom his parents have in their room. stepping out of the front door, the gravel front is still empty of dad’s existence as he grabs onto the bicycle and sits on it, pushing with his foot as he balances himself before going into the familiar rhythm.

the raven colour masks the sky as heeseung’s bicycle headlights and a few street lamps light up the road. dark and obscured fields become the dominant space as he continues to pedal into the place he has been called to. he can see it in the distance. the moonlight created a backlit to the junkyard where he spend most of his time after school, especially when he has to do errands.

arriving on the rocky path, heeseung is enclosed by the junkyard of old vehicles that have been left to rot into pieces for years. no one greets him as he looks at the spotlighted area from his bike’s headlights. yet, he could hear the additional sound other than the gust of wind hitting the rusty metals. the laughter of boys that seemed more similar to hyenas—and it is approaching closer.

“there he is.” heeseung peers more into the darkness. four figures approaching the headlights as they all stand tall and mighty. one has his hood on as smoke comes out from his mouth.

“step off the bike and come here,” the familiar voice commands. heeseung’s hands hold on the handle tight before it loosens. the piercing gaze punctures something in him that hurts more and more if he continues to hold.

he lifts one of his legs and steps off the bicycle, letting it fall against the rocky road as the headlight still continues to turn on. the hooded boy steps closer to him. his facial features becoming more and more prominent as heeseung adjusts his eyes to darkness. a smirk adorning his face that he is all too familiar with. now towards him instead of someone else.

“a flock of birds told me you had extra money and didn’t give it to me.” eunho’s tone is mocking with a little gruff from his cigarette smoking. the light from the end of his blunt shines a bit of his mouth and nose before he blows the hot smoke towards heeseung, making him inhale it not like he had inhaled some of his own before.

“you remember the rule, right heeseung?” the boy chuckles, wiping his face with his clear hand. “of course, you do. you’ve been here since the first day.”

“and you should know your punishment for that.” heeseung stood there idle as the words got to him. yes, he knows the rule. yes, he has been with eunho since the start of all of this. he had kept heeseung at bay with this while many other boys changed. yes, he knew he had to give up on his money because eunho said so. because without him, heeseung would let go of one of the last anchors he had attached to this earth.

eunho steps backwards as heeseung stands there quietly. he watches the guy’s hand flicking towards the other three as they approach him. yet, heeseung still has his eyes on the pebbles by his shoes and that’s what he last saw before the force hits him hard; the darkness he sees is darker than the night.

one boy pulls the backpack strap holding onto heeseung’s shoulders as he can’t help to let out a groan, trying with his might to pull his arm close to his chest yet failing as the other two hold them open. his face buried against the rocks as someone puts pressure on his shoulder blades. he felt the end of this backpack strap slip from his fingers as he looked up, seeing youngbin—the new number 2—zip open his school backpack and turn it upside down. items upon items fell down as he watched his walkman fall to be cushioned by his notebook.

“not the walkman.” heeseung groaned before another boy pushed down again against his back. youngbin seems to take that in mind as he looks between the device and the boy who owns it.

“not the walkman.” youngbin echoes, yet his action says otherwise. he grabs the device in his hand. his finger pushes the button, and the lid opens as he looks at the disc. “but, yes to the cd.”

heeseung continues to be held back before a hit to his stomach pushes his breath away. his eyes becoming blurry as he watches youngbin takes the cd from the walkman and drop it back on the pile of notebooks. the boy looks at the disc, a grin threatening to show up as eunho looks on from behind him.

“moonstruck? who the fuck is moonstruck?” youngbin commented as he lets out a hearty laugh and look back at eunho who gives a look with a neutral expression on his face. heeseung heaves as the pain continues to build with another kick to the stomach. eyes focus on the disc that reflects the light from his bike’s headlights. he never thinks he feels such a big pain before this. the sound of a blitz crack pierces the air as heeseung’s quiet stun gazes as the cd falls onto the ground beside.

split in two.

heeseung arrived home that day, stepping inside the corridor as quietly as possible towards the bathroom. switching the lights on, he turns his head to look in the mirror. the scars creating blood red on his face. one of his eyes is swollen and he can see the area near the apple of his cheek becoming purple. lifting his t-shirt, he met the view of the bruising abdomen as it became harder for him to exhale. the breathe cd rupture into two haunting him as he placed them on the sink, continuing to gaze at it as he aided himself as best as he could.

the errands continue as if the boys forgot what they did to one of them a few days prior. heeseung had the windswept cd close to his chest, always bringing the case around so he could keep it safe. the sound of the calmness of moonstruck’s music playing as he leans his head back against the wall, letting the wind blow on the rooftop. both sounds create a synergy in his head before the sight of an open door halts it alongside the sound it makes. a girl turning her body towards the area beside the tall wall that houses the staircase going to the school building, the area where he sits and the area that he shares with the girl. the area that he shares with you.

sitting down across from him, he gazes at you who is also wearing your own headset connected to the cd walkman that is the same colour as his. you pull out your lunch box and eat it up, body still heaving to take enough breath as if you are running away from someone. he sometimes has his eyes on you, but most of the time, he actually takes a nap there. the spring weather having the right combination to lull him to sleep—him being outside until late at night doesn’t help. and so he rested, even for just a moment.

after giving the money to eunho and stepping away from that, heeseung is still haunted by the broken cd of breathe that he had walked himself to the store. being one of the newest cds out, he couldn’t find any breathe disc in the smaller store. but, just the atmosphere of the display captures his sight so badly. the promotional poster of moonstruck—a woman in a long, flowy white dress with the moon covering her face—stuns him. he eyes the stacks upon stacks of copies of breathe at the lower price that he had bought it a couple of days ago. but, with his hands rubbing inside the pockets he could reach, he knew he didn’t have the money.

yet, he takes one.

and he stares at it sitting on the desk. his head tilts down from where he sits. the bitter tone of the room sending chills down his neck as he sees a figure standing beside him, looking down at the cd and him. his fingers rub against each other on his lap as only the light coming from the window on the door is making the space much more visible. that is until shadows cover the light, twisting the knob and pushing the door open.

“the teacher is here, boss,” an employee says as the clicking of high heels becomes more prominent. he doesn’t want it to rattle him more, and that’s why he has his eyes closed, letting the words hit him more.

“good afternoon, sir-“

“is this your student?” the man standing by him asks after the familiar voice greets him. when he recognized the face, his eyes came to flutter open. indeed, he is the one who called miss kang here.

“yes, he is,” she replied. steadiness in her voice.

“miss, your student here has been caught shoplifting,” the man says, opening his palm to refer to the moonstruck cd. heeseung’s head tilts lower, shame bubbling in himself. he could pick up the ruffling of clothes moving behind him, voices that were loud becoming only whispers as tinnitus overwhelmed him more and more. vision becomes blurry not because of tears: like a vignette frames his eyesight as he only stares at the cd he had held in his hands.

“you sure?”

he continues to look at the cd before a hand grabs it, lifting his head up to see the cashier scan the item as someone puts cash on the counter. peeking from the corner, he finds miss kang standing there, looking at the employee who gives the change that she picks up. miss kang picks up the cd, holding it to her body as she reads the cover and track lists on the back. her footsteps left the counter as heeseung followed behind her.

they now stood by the side of the entrance, still staring at the cd casing with information that is relevant for the people interested in buying. but for heeseung, the information tells him what this album is supposed. windswept is more of a creamy sandy colour. while breathe is very green. the aura of celeste he learned about envelops him both visually and aurally to identify this clearer.

the cd appears in front of his upper body. he looks back to see miss kang with a tight-lipped smile. “for you.”

heeseung’s fingers wrapped onto the cd casing as he held it close against his chest, hearing her clearing her throat before speaking, “we still have to inform your parents of this. of your behaviour.”

the sentence makes heeseung turn his head back down, looking at the cd as he sighs, nodding his head. knowing that he has nothing to refute that.

arabesque plays in his ear as he stares at the yellowish-brown coloured wooden sliding door of his homeroom class. the bud sits snugly in his ear as he stares forward, not minding anyone who goes past him. then, two shadows stood in front of him in a prolonged manner that he lifted his head, seeing both miss kang and coach kim standing side by side. heeseung slowly let out a sigh even with the minuscule size of his parted lips. he pushes himself up, already knowing what their request is.

he walked behind the two teachers, folding the wire around the cd walkman as they brought him to the other wing of the school buildings mostly filled with laboratories. looking straight, he recognized the appearance of some rooms from outside: the infirmary that holds sick kids and the consulting room.

heeseung could pick up the commotion behind him as he walked—either some talking about him or they just don’t give a flying fuck. it is still recess time after all. his body is tall enough to let him see into the room from the window; seeing how a student is being treated in the infirmary. they arrive in front of the counselling office. coach kim opens the door to let miss kang in and he follows. his eyes on his mom’s figure already sitting on one of the sofas.

gently, he took steps to reach the sofa and sat next to his mom in a flowy dress and the stroller on her other side.

“good afternoon. i didn’t realize that you had company. heeseung hasn’t told us you have given birth,” coach kim says, breaking the ice as heeseung hears his mom chuckling. heechan is sleeping inside his carriage peacefully and all heeseung can do is give a small glance before looking forward at the glass coffee table.

“yes, coach kim and miss kang, right?” they nodded in reply as she continued, “is something happening to heeseung? is everything okay?”

heeseung’s eyes continue to stare downwards feeling something piercing through the side of his head just with a small glance from his mom. the boy’s hands clench and fidgets on his lap, staying quiet even with a minuscule time to peek to see that his mom is looking towards him.

“well... we cannot sugarcoat this predicament your son has gotten himself into,” coach kim replied. his angular face creates a stoic expression that make heeseung have chills running down his spine. his mom turns her head forward, staring between the two teachers with furrowed eyebrows.

“heeseung got into trouble. he got caught shoplifting a cd,” miss kang says in a soft voice as said boy lets out a long exhale alongside it.

then, it hits him. a thud against his side and a sharp hit against his cheek.

multiple hits as he had to gaze towards the door of the room, mom hitting him with her clenched fist. the baby’s cry adding to the tension. his eyes look at the window beside the door. eyes from multiple people staring at him as one of them has a smirk on their face. eunho’s face.

the hitting stops as coach kim creates a barrier between the woman and her son’s body. the boy twisting his body so that he could get a grip on the baby’s stroller. his hands reaching inside to grab onto the baby’s side and lift him out of his resting place. heeseung lets the baby’s snot and tears stain his uniform, helping to calm him down as heechan’s cry is something that he has been doing inside his soul. to just let out such an agonizing scream, hopeful that someone wanted to check out and tell him it was okay to feel that way.

a liquid trails down his cheek as he stops it right before it hits his brother’s head. looking at the side of the finger, he found a smear of crimson as the little breeze pushed on his skin, feeling the icy pain against the cut of his cheek. his mom has seated down once again. heeseung’s eyes focus on her fingers to see that she is wearing the wedding ring on her designated finger. a drop of blood on the corner of the gemstone.

“it’s only one cd. i have come and clear his name. he does...” miss kang pauses, gazing at her student, who has droplets of blood forming from a cut and is on its way downward, calming down his baby brother at the same time.

“still...” mom replied with a just voice, “stealing is stealing.”

the words hit him so much. having money taken away from him, milking him of his allowance to benefit others: it is so messed up that for him to survive the day, he has to resort to stealing. if not, he might not eat. dad has sometimes given him more allowance than usual yet, even that was taken. is it not his right to do whatever with his money can do? why don’t they understand him?

why won’t everyone just leave him alone? leave him to actually be responsible for himself?

yet, why does he feel so lonely, even with a little brother in his hand?

air grazes the open wound on his cheek as he plays said disc, letting the music fill up his mind as he can receive the little grumbles of his stomach. stepping into the class alone, heeseung laid his backpack on top of the cupboard. he glances at his fingertips that were holding onto heechan before mom picks him up from him. he is reminded of when his baby brother was born: his little palm and fingers gripping onto his fingertip so tight. chirping of birds also decorated the entire atmosphere, where he rummaged to put unneeded items back into his cupboard.

the sound of the door opening doesn’t bother him, yet the giggles are; sending goosebumps along his skin.

“ah, heeseung...” one of them calls, a tinge of raspiness in his voice making his imagination spiral. then more steps are heard. a large shadow overcasts before him. turning his head, he comes face to face with the boys he calls his friends—whatever “friend” means...

heeseung saw one boy pointing at the hurting scar on his cheek, the face tissue he wiped the blood from still tucked in his pocket. that and their snickers reminded him of the very night when the incident that started this whole chain reaction happened. if he just gave them the money, this would not happen. if he just held back from buying a moonstruck cd, he would not be feeling pain and just... continued doing his other things with this group of boys.

“you’re so stupid, huh?” eunho started, “you think because you shoplift much stuff that you can do it by yourself without the others by you?”

“i see it more as a skill issue.” youngbin added, making the other two laugh alongside him.

“ah, please. and a cd too? don’t tell me it’s that moonstruck singer again?” one boy continued, the other three looking at heeseung sheepishly as he said nothing. his silence is him telling the truth of this very question. and it makes them laugh out loud, too loud that it makes heeseung scrunch his face.

“gosh, you think you’re tough, huh? well, look at you. even got a slap from your mom, for fuck’s sake,” eunho remarks before youngbin gives him a nudge. “his mom looks hot though. i think she is still pretty young.”

“fuckable i might say,” the other boy said as heeseung balled his hand into his fist. sure, he knows of the age difference between him and his parents are 18 years. yet, that is his mom that they’re talking about. the same mom that scarred his skin and startled her other son awake from his slumber. the boys continue to giggle, adding to the cacophony of the sounds and voices in his head as his breathing is rapid. and that’s when he heard the school bell ringing, ending lunchtime. he looked behind the boys towards the door to the back of the class door.

your hand slides the door as he meets your face. your cupid’s bow is curving downwards as he can see a plaster also adorning the bridge of your nose. a slight frown added to the whole appearance of you as you take quick glances at every boy surrounding him before giving a look few seconds to heeseung. other footsteps emerge from behind you as the boys turn towards their chair and he turns back towards the cupboard. he takes many more peeks behind his back: the boys sitting down in their seats, the popular girls being loud as they enter the classroom. and you who have put down your backpack and are ready to face the class.

heeseung fidgets with his pen as the teacher comes into the room. soft noises of turning pages and clicking emerge as the teacher writes keywords onto the chalkboard. he opens his notebook and lets the teacher’s words make sense in his head first before he writes it down. his pen moving along to the way heeseung moves his fingers. he picks up the pan and plays along on his lap, not wanting the teacher to notice that it can disturb the class.

the pen was hitting air molecules before a distinct noise came out instead. looking down, he found a folded note on the verge of falling down from its confine. taking a scope around the class, he picks up the note and folds it open. a handwriting that is written clearly for him to read.

“i know what you feel. meet me at the rooftop after school.”

-

leaning your head back against the wall, you could still feel the pain surging down your body.

you tucked your knees to your chest as the blow of the breeze lets the ends of your skirt grazes against your legs. the backpack lies beside you as you eyed the bandage wrapped around your wrist. your walkman rests on your thigh as you gaze upwards at the blue sky that is turning orange. birds are flying in flocks from one end of your vision to another as you follow them. the way they spread their wings so wide and glide through the air molecules. being in tandem with each other. no one left behind.

a week has passed since you’ve been here and you are left behind once again. the rumours about you don’t help, how they still believe you are this rich kid disguising yourself. the lunch box doesn’t help either, resorting to you just buying some cheap kimbap that you know other people are also eating for their lunch—hiding the lunch box deep inside your backpack and eating it before you go home. the lunch box is now empty as you settle into your usual place. bandages litter your arm, hand, and one across your nose bridge.

it happened in the first recess. just a small 30-minute window of time is enough for seona and her girls to get you and do whatever they do to you. all you can do is grit your teeth as you hold on, not wanting to let go of the allowance money you told them you didn’t get. taking the brunt of the hit from risoo that cuts the skin on your nose and could be a worse bruising if you don’t compress it with ice quickly. it results in you going to the infirmary, letting nurse park treat you once again other than the bruising you got on your shin a few days prior.

you remember resting your head on the bed as the nurse walked away, telling you to stay back until you were ready enough to go back to class after lunch. straightening your body, you put the pillow upright on the wall behind you so that you could sit comfortably. the jingling keychain on your phone rings as you pick it up, see the sms notification that you open to see the message of dad telling you that both he and mom are not gonna be home tonight. sighing seems to be a routine for you as you click away and open the game folder, finding the snake game and you press it with the middle button. the screen changes as a line forms alongside a random dot on the screen. your nimble and bandaged thumb presses the arrow button as the snake moves around for you to collect its snack.

one snack and the snake will be longer, trying your best to not hit the border. it continues as the constant movement of your fingers keeps you in focus. the clicking from the keyboard mechanism of the phone creates a steady note in the infirmary. the sound of the other students having their recess while you are here, playing snake into recovery. but giggles caught your attention.

lifting your head from the phone screen lets you see the window of the infirmary towards the hallway. high school students and their ability to be seen from said windows makes it easier for teachers to know which students are running late or a student searching for their friend if they are coming to class or not. instead, you found the head of a bunch of boys huddled on one side of the window. the side where-

the door slams open as you turn your head to the left. a light shadow cast on the floor of the angular shape as you watched a figure stepping from it and turning its head to gaze at the rooftop. his eyes are observing the empty rooftop you’ve been staying on for the past few minutes. that is before he turns his body to head towards his usual seat on the rooftop: right across from you.

sitting down there is heeseung. the boy who sits behind you as he has his shirt uniform opened, exposing a grey t-shirt underneath. in his hand is a folded paper as he lets go of the backpack and lets it rest beside his figure. prominent scarring shows on his cheek, a straight line from one side of the cheek to the other. it’s strange to not see him with his earbuds on. but with the frantic flick of his eyes, looking around the rooftop before the sound of the people leaving the premises of the school campus, he seemed to think of something differently.

then, he met your eyes. they trail down to peer the rest of your face before going down more to your bandaged hand. your eyes still continue to stare at his scar before you glimpse at the note in his hand. your lip twitches before meeting his eyes once again, a look of recognition in his eyes.

it didn’t take him long to stand up and grab his backpack by the handle on top. his footsteps getting closer and he now stands beside you. dropping his backpack carefully, he lets his back lean against the wall before sliding down. the song continue to play in your headset as you push the pause button, expecting something when he also turns his head. his face reflects of yours, in a state of wounded as he pouted his lips; calculating the words he would like to speak about.

“i-“ he paused as he put his hand in his pant pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper before opening it, showing the inside to him before he pushes his hand so you can see it.

“did you write this?” he asked in a mumble, yet still loud enough for you to catch on. you glance down at the writing in the note, the handwritten style reflects your own.

“yeah.” you exhaled. your fingers moving on their own as you rub the bandage on your fingers. soothing yourself with the unexpected nerve as you caught onto heeseung’s light gasp? awe? you can’t describe it. then, the chuckles came. the same chuckle you heard on your first day in class. yet, it’s more carefree. authentic compared to the one in class when it seemed so forced. a chuckle that came out freely instead of fear and obedience.

“i, i thought that they knew about this place...” heeseung replied, rubbing his face with his hand before soothing himself, massaging his creased forehead before lifting his head once again. he turned to you, the corner of his lips falling down as the emotion changed in a flicker of his blinking eyes.

“how do you know about...?” the boy tidies himself up, putting the note alongside his own walkman on his stretched thighs.

“i just felt it, you know? though they aren’t as prevalent as what i endure in school.” you started. you lean your chest to your folded legs, arms around the front of your feet as you hug yourself, head turning towards heeseung. “i, uh, also heard what happened to you today. the consulting room.”

you picked up the smack of skin and a woman screaming from the room beside yours. you’ve been in that room before, mostly talking about how you were adapting to the new environment and how the school explained converting your scores from your previous high school. points are connecting in your head: the side profiles of the boys you’ve seen and what happened, noticing that one of them was not with them. and you conclude it.

the boy nibbles on his bottom lip, gnawing on the skin as he shifts his head to look towards you. “i’m sorry you hear that.” your eyes widen at his answer but you didn’t account for the next words out too.

“and i’m sorry that i didn’t stop what happened to you this morning.”

the memories of today seem more like the past. the endurance you have to exert on yourself, knowing deep down that no one can’t even sympathize with you. but his words tell you that someone saw you being beaten by them. well, you aren’t surprised that heeseung can’t intervene. fighting against seona will be as bad as fighting back against eunho for him. they are linked somehow. you don’t know how. romantically? emotion-wise? ideology?

you let out a small scoff as you sensed your headset fallen down to your nape. your hands reaching it to adjust it better, but you can still see the number changing on the little screen on heeseung’s own walkman. the words are nudging you again and again, especially as you turn back to examine your own numbers against the afternoon sun.

“what music are you listening to?”

it’s heeseung’s turn now with his eyebrows raised. pressing the pause button and a rewind, he pulls out one bud of his earbuds before pushing the button down. the lid opens up as you peer down at him stretching his hand with the walkman. inside is a gleaming green tint cd, a picture of what looks like a lone tree with the moon behind it. the white outline of it is right at the centre of the cd. you read the words etched onto the cd.

“moonstruck,” he said, reading the word to you. you take a peek at him, looking down at the cd with the corner of his mouth lifting before widens into both corners.

“it’s the cd that made me get caught. that made all of this happen,” he says with a tense grit on his jaw before it loosens as he slowly caresses the cd with his thumb. his fingertip brushes against the name. “i still don’t know why miss kang just bought it for me at the end.”

you know, he was mumbling at this point. but you didn’t care. heeseung has always seemed to be someone a bit more timid in his rambunctious gang of boys. reluctant to do things, but you still see a shine in his eyes on something he enjoyed. one of them was in the first physical education class you have in woonmyung high school. he had a liking towards the half-court basketball, though his build isn’t in the optimal shape for it. the same class you were cornered by seona, risoo, and the girls for the first time in the bleachers of the gymnasium. coach kim disappears for that little window of time just enough for them to do their thing to you.

“can i listen to it?” you mutter.

heeseung’s hand seemed to give an answer before he spoke it. he pinches the cable of the bud towards you as you grab it with your own fingers. pulling the bud and pushing it into your ear-hole, you notice the other end of the bud still in his ear. he closes the lid as the cd whirls on. the little screen shows the track playing back from track number 1. the sound of a synth yet it resembles a woodwind instrument comes to your mind. the steady percussion creates the anchor for you to relax. then the music expands: introducing a whirling sound that contrasts the soft instruments and vocals, creating a whimsy and relaxing mood.

looking back at the boy, you find him already looking at you. a small smile etched on his face as his eyes flutter shut with how magical the song sounds. the voice coming from the various instruments creates colours in each of your ears. colours that form together as it continues. its colours combined with the light of the sky shining down on both of you. serenity achieved in such a simple way: to find the right moment or material that reflects it. the song continues as it familiarizes with your own mind, feeling your heartbeat slowing down as it counts along the beats of the track.

“this is her second album. breathe. her fans on the space station identify this album to have a green celeste. her previous one, windswept, is more creamy.” heeseung started, saying words that seemed so out of context for you if you don’t listen to the whole context of it.

“what is celeste?” you caught on.

the boy chuckles as he strokes his hair gently, “the station or what i can call the forum for moonstruck fans doesn’t define it. but i interpret it more as a feeling where art makes you feel like you're in another realm of reality. a realm where you can just... be you. getting away just for a moment of whatever you define your reality as.” his reply makes you shift your head, eyebrows raised as you subconsciously pout with his profound answer.

“i could say that that’s the reason i listen to music so much.” you lift your walkman to show to heeseung. “a form of therapy through letting your senses be overwhelmed by one thing before it spreads into your mind. from the lyrics to the melody, and all that.”

heeseung continues to chuckle, yet it still has the same earnest tone you’ve heard of today. as the track changes many times, you and heeseung stay quiet and take in the day as it is nearing its end. sun approaching closer to the horizon before sinking past it. your upper body rests against the wall with your knees still tucked to your sitting figure, hugging yourself as you lean your head back and let the songs come in. in your imagination, you could see a full moon with a glowing green colour. the green colour that resembles more on vitality, health, and a path to safety.

glancing beside you, heeseung is also doing the same thing. his black hair swept against the little gush of wind. its sound creates a more authentic listening experience with the music playing in one ear and nature’s music in the other. combining all the colours together in creating, not an explosion, but more of a blend that still shows each strand of colour yet it's still intact. its colours appear before you and heeseung, floating into the sky as it dances around you.

for the first time in a long time, you have felt less lonely.

but the ringtone of the phone ruins everything.

heeseung pulls out his phone, seeing and hearing it vibrate against his palm. its piercing and different melody clashes with the ones that are formed from what you both heard. yet, as you turn your head to see him, you find him looking down at the vibrating device before taking a long, deep breath. reaching out, you press the pause button on the walkman as the sound of the ringtone fills the surrounding air. his finger reaches for the button that is going to answer the clock. however, he flicks his eyes and meets yours. all you could do is pout. you were having a good time getting into the fourth track before it rang, shattering the atmosphere.

you wanted to grab the phone and hold it back, not letting him succumb to answer it. but, finding the name “eunho” on the screen makes chills run down your spine. the realization that even with this boy beside you were also being tormented—from the boys gathering as they listened to heeseung’s consultation to the harsh words you gathered outside of the classroom door that makes you hesitate to step inside—he is still a bully somehow. he is still responsible for making someone’s life harder, taking into account the story of this very cd that was once stolen but is now bought.

the boy presses the button and puts the phone by his ear.

“hello?” his voice turns monotone. much more different from when he was telling you about moonstruck. “ok.” he exhales. “i’ll be there.”

the call ends as you already grab the bud out of your ear. you push your hands on the floor as you stand up alongside heeseung. grabbing each of your backpacks respectively before tugging the strap to your back, you face against him. both of your hands holding onto your walkman as he wrapped his earbuds wire along the outside of his own music player.

after putting both straps on your shoulder, you catch a short ringtone playing from your own phone. looking at it as you tuck it out from the pocket, you see the familiar name of seona written on the screen. heeseung seems to notice it too and the way your eyebrows furrowed.

yet you still give him a small smile.

“bring her other releases too. i am very interested,” you replied, stepping away from him backwards before you give him a small wave before disappearing into the door to the school floors, leaving heeseung behind, who is also growing a small smile on his face.

-

《do any of you ever wonder how powerful moonstruck’s creations are?》 《it helps me get through tough times》 《from: bambi

《i relate to whatever you say, bambi》 《because it helps me too》 《from: silver

《ever since i discovered her》 《her celeste got me to go through many things in life》 《even hard times》 《from: pearl

《can you elaborate more on that aspect, pearl?》 《from: bambi

《well, i think it is pretty common nowadays》 《when people are pointing out how wrong you are living your life when you are just... be》 《that no matter what you go through, you’ll always find someone who will make your life harder in whatever way》 《moonstruck’s songs help me escape from that and i heal myself through hearing her》 《that there is someone there who can relate to whatever thoughts and emotions i’m having》 《i want to have that》 《that celeste》 《as a shield to protect myself even tougher》 《from: pearl

《well, as the owner, you have been doing well, pearl!》 《from: 1004

《agree》 《i could sense celeste exuding from even this small space in this forum alone》 《from: silver

《thank you for that 1004 and silver》 《from: pearl

《well, thank you for telling your story, pearl》 《i haven’t known someone who is facing the same thing as i do》 《from: bambi

《thank you so much, bambi :) 》 《i believe that we are not truly alone》 《from: pearl

the world gets lonely. the presence that was imprinted in his life ever since he was little is shedding away with the lack of enthusiasm helping to push it out of the other reasons. with every step he takes when going to school named after the word “fate”, it feels like a droplet of himself seeps out from his soles and blanks him more. every drag of the cigarette he takes now that he has to search for more things to cope with, literally and figuratively, sucks a section of your lifetime away.

yet, as of now, heeseung felt less lonely. his backpack is heavier than last week’s as the sound of the plastic hits one another with a mini clank sound he could hear. he uses his long legs to skip two stairs at a time, wanting to flee from the boys’ presence as fast as he can—especially with the little meeting they have in the first recess that is making everything much more complicated. all he needs is his now newly injected dose of serenity: the one hour at lunchtime which has passed the entire week. and the company he has that elevates the entire experience.

his hand pushes open the door to the rooftop, being met with the gusts of wind that make him a tad shivering. yet, taking a few steps in front, he turns his body to the side of his little spot on the rooftop. you’re already there with your legs stretched out, your skirt covered enough of your limbs as you have your headset on while putting the spoon in your lunch box. lifting your head up, his figure obscured you from the sunlight and yet you still give him a smile. the scar on your nose is all gone but he now sees a leftover of a bruised shin, a similar occurrence that he also has with his bruised knees that nearly rips the cloth of his pants.

crouching down even with the pain, he settles down on the spot he called his now beside you. your hands already lifting your headset off as you wait while heeseung untangled the wires from his earbud. placing it gently on your open palm, heeseung then turns to his backpack as he unzips it to reach for one of the cd case inside. pulling the item he grab, he finds the windswept word written in front with the cover of the moon that stand behind a woman reflected on a body of water. pressing the eject button, the lid opens as he carefully put cd inside, not wanting to scratch it. the boy felt the tug from the earbud he already insert into his own ear as the scrapping noise continues, making him press the play as to not make you wait any longer. the familiar sound of synth combines with waves enter both of your ears at the same time as heeseung leans back against the wall.

this is the serenity that he has been craving. listening to his favourite musician in a quiet location with someone who won’t judge him. the backpack rests beside his outstretched legs that rest beside yours. his eyes find the moon showing up in the afternoon sun. the half moon shape is split right down the middle. that’s when he felt the slight icy touch on his forearm to shift and saw you pushing out your lunch box, rubbing your tummy with your other hand. you have been making heeseung finished your lunch recently and as someone who always got his lunch money stolen; he is satisfied with how his stomach could be satisfied even with just a few spoonfuls of food.

and that is all that he has done for the past week. sitting beside you while hearing moonstruck’s song from her time in her former band, nexus, until the recent ones as he shares with you the moonstruck trivia you always asked about: “what is this song about?” “interesting use of synths there, what does that imply?” after eating lunch, he pulled out a cigarette box and a box of matches. pulling through the filter, he inhales as the fire lights the end of the blunt and the familiar smoke pushes out of his lips. he didn’t expect for you to snatch the cigarette and take an inhale yourself. and now it has become another thing that you both share with each other.

heeseung swallowed the last of your food before he cleared it with his water. words forming in his mind like it is a normal occurrence from the week you have. yet, because he had known you for a week, he felt like he could be more truthful about things to talk about. clearing his throat, he pushes himself to speak.

“i’m glad that i’m here with you.”

“hmm?” you turned your head to face him, eyes squarely on him as he flicks his to see you.

“you don’t... make fun of me for sharing about moonstruck.” his usual steady tone shrinks in volume as he finishes his sentence. your hand reaches for the lunch box. his movement paused when he looked back at you. yet you never step away. you stayed beside him, even scooting closer to him as if to tell him that, yes, you are here to listen. you’re glad you are here too...

“where do we start...” heeseung said after the sigh, recollecting all the similar scars adorning both of your visible limbs and how he remembers how got nearly all of it on him. “i treat music as an escapism from everything that happened, you know?”

you hummed along.

“my life is... jumbled. if i have to describe it in one sentence. most of the actions i do are for my survival.” he glances at you from the corners of his eyes. “you must be thinking that i’m crazy for even being friends with the people that make me grit my teeth in pain all the time. but that is survival.” the boy doesn’t want to spill everything about himself, just the minor part of his that he assumes you might relate with.

“if i don’t stick with them, it’ll be harsher. many other students were also threatened by them and-“

“and yet, you’re still the one hurting more.”

heeseung pauses himself as you cut through. the words already formed on his tongue dissipate in an instant with the utmost authentic response. you sigh and blink rapidly before you open your lips, “i’ve seen how they treat you. the lowest among them.”

his eyebrows furrowed, making him think back on the various memories and bruises on his body. “well, you’re wr-“

“they asked you for your money. eunho and his cronies. that’s why you bring no lunch. that’s why they tease you so much and even bring your family into it. that’s why you have to shoplift a moonstruck cd.”

“how in the hell did you know they mentioned my family?” it’s his turn to interject, making you turn your head as your foot touches his right beside it.

“i heard it. last week. that day you received my note.”

he remembers how you were the first person he saw when the class’s back door opened by the cupboard lockers. the rush as the boys seemed to stop whatever they were doing and leave heeseung be with his backpack.

“i was in the infirmary when you were called to the consulting room. the wall is so thin that i could hear what you’re discussing. i noticed your boys standing by the door of the room. and i watched them watch you.”

the boy’s nose flared as he looked down at his lap and yet the music continued with soft, repeating notes from the guitar. added more to the atmosphere of the talk.

“i’ve seen how they treat you. i experienced the same thing, and it is...” your voice trembles as you blink another set rapidly, catching on that your eyes seemed to glisten and reflect the sunlight more.

“it’s such an overwhelming feeling to find someone who you can relate to, especially since i’m always been more of the black sheep in any of the schools i went to.” you rub your hand against your skirt-covered thigh. “the rumours and all and i got the brunt of it. it’s why i wear such an old and dirty backpack. my parents look like they’re rich but never even make a room for that rich look for me. i feel both visible and invisible at the same time.”

“i felt that too. i can say that my parents are more focused on themselves and my baby brother now and not me. i know that they had me young but i just felt much and much more invisible when i came back home,” heeseung added, scooting himself closer as his words covered the incoming groan from when he noticed the ache again.

“yet, here we are...” you conclude. he hums to reply, earning a small smile from you as the music continues. minutes left before the bell rings that is interrupted by the sms jingle ringing. your phone was not trembling but heeseung’s was. he looks down to read the text and adorns the neutral facial expression once again. his resting face has a little frown on it.

“duty calls...” heeseung says exasperatedly, making you give a thin-lipped smile as you hear the groan coming from him as he tugs his backpack on one shoulder. he pushes his hand on the floor before pushing himself with the force and against the wall behind him. that’s when he sensed something touching his waist before he looked down, finding a pair of arms from beside him to see you pressing too tightly but effective in making him stand up. he gasped in pain, making you take your hands off of him as he stood up. yet, you still clutch the walkman in your hand. the earbuds still connecting as you stood face to face with him.

you still have your own walkman left on the floor by your backpack. yet, you didn’t make any remark about the wires connecting both of you as you say hastily.

“leave them be.” your eyebrows furrowed. the music continues to play as the boy looks at you and at the walkman in your hands. the both of you were only near the first half of the album and with the little tap on the flowy skirt, he could see how much you’re enjoying it.

but, more things come to heeseung all at once. if he stayed here until the bell rang, they would hunt him down. then they will find you, and he doesn’t want to ruin that. he doesn’t want to ruin this blossoming friendship. this sanctuary aura of this rooftop for both you and him. escaping even for a few minutes to collect yourself physically and mentally. the sanctity that is your presence and the connection.

he has to set boundaries about all of this.

“i got to go,” he mumbled before meeting your eyes, searching for any sincerity in it. and with that, you pull the earbud and give it back to him. you nodded your head before crouching down to gather all your items into your backpack quickly. and then you give him another small smile before you take the steps to leave the premises of your area. turning your body and noticing how it is gone from the walls. leaving him alone instead, yet with a warmth that even helps with his abdomen injury.

-

sliding down onto the rooftop’s floor, you look across from yourself to find no one. the gush of wind sent shivers down your spine as you sighed, continuing to listen to the music blasting in your ears as you unzip your backpack to pull out your lunch box. the familiar loneliness blankets you once again.

for the past few days, you were alone here. the silhouette of heeseung’s recognizable body didn’t anchor on this very place for the seventh day. at first, your eyes widen and flicker at the empty concrete floor by the half wall. maybe he had been late because of something. a meeting with miss kang about his scores or eunho getting on to him once again. yet, as time goes by and you look down at the clock by the school gate with its long hand nearing the 12th number, the bell ring startles you as you hurry to pack up your belongings. the wire of the headset dangling as you continue to walk downstairs; hoping the heeseung would come to the rooftop on the next day.

yet, as the next day comes by, he isn’t on the rooftop. it repeats all over for the next week, the way your heart aches as you don’t know what happened to him. you haven’t shared your phone number with him even though having the innovation of sms on your beck and call, yet your stupid mind didn’t think about it. once again, you sat alone as you opened the lid of the box. the aroma of spicy ddeok hits you as it clears your sinuses. a shelter against the winds of spring.

then, you turn your head.

the shadow of the rooftop door opens as you catch the scratches of someone stepping onto the concrete. eyes enlarged. you meet the boy’s face. his expression neutral borderline fury with his squinting eyes, those eyes that relaxed as he saw you as the wrinkle between his eyebrows contracted.

your heartbeat marches the way he takes his step, his hand holding onto one strap of the backpack on his shoulder. the top three buttons of his uniform make the white undershirt peek out. he steps in front of your sitting body as your head follows, each step he takes mimics yours as if he has learned about it when you come to the rooftop right after him. the rustling increases as he stands at his designated place, pulling off the backpack before sliding down against the wall. the boy turns his head, finding you with your lips in a straight line. eyes flicker to gaze around his face, reading what he wants to say. though, instead of speaking out about why he had disappeared for the last week, worrying more if he had received a fresh wound that you also have at your extremities. he let out a huge exhale and spoke.

“we should stop meeting up here.”

“what?” you interject, “why?”

heeseung’s eyes glance at his fingers playing with each other before speaking, “i’m worried about all of this. how we meet up. how-“

“you’re tumbling over your words, heeseung.” your eyebrows furrowed. before you are the sight of something familiar. something your parents have every time they announce that the family will move once again—making you reset everything that you had done to survive school. deceitfulness flickers in his eyes before it is outshined by a sparkle, gritting his teeth. “tell me the truth-“

“eunho found out about this whole thing. how i escape going from him to go to the rooftop instead of being by his side and tormenting other people.” his voice is a little hoarse as he takes a deep breath. the boy’s head droops towards his chest. “if eunho comes here and you’re here also, you will be the target of the day and, and i just can’t see you being tormented for me with your,” he opens his palm, pointing towards you with the fading scars on your arms and legs to how you have a bandage on your kneecap, the blood wanting to seep through the cotton.

“i can’t...” he looks forward once again, “i don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

the silence after his revelation startles you into being a statue. the music continues to blare in your ears as it is a mishmash of instruments playing above and below each other. you nodded your head, hearing heeseung’s breath as you continued to trail down his body. the blazer tied around his waist enables you to see the scars littering his forearm. faded yet will be another mark on his skin that he will have to get used to.

but, you shake your head. it starts slow. one cycle of shaking from left to right. then it gets more and more, quicker, and heeseung can’t help but notice before you stop yourself. the muscles around your neck straining from the movement that had you close your eyes, slowly opening the lids as the blurriness meets the sunshine.

“you don’t have to obey them.” your gut pushes you to say, eyes flicking to his side. not wanting to face his features overall. “but, if it means that today will be the last time we will hang out with each other, then grant me one last wish, heeseung.”

your right hand curls into a fist before straightening once again. you gaze at your lunch box. the food is only eaten halfway before you get interrupted. well, you never finished your lunch anyway these days. it was only cleanly empty when heeseung helped to finish it.

“after school, let’s go to seoul. just the two of us. away from here. away from...” you gulped down your saliva before opening your arms wide, capturing the wholeness of the situation you and he are both in. dropping them instantly, you brace yourself and shift your head to meet his. you guessed that you’ll meet disgust.

why are you suggesting that when i’m staying away from you for your own safety?

yet you can see the glint in his eyes. his neutral face has his cupid’s bow lifted even slightly before he chuckled and looked down on his lap.

“after school. meet me near the corner shop.”

“good.” you lifted your lunch box and handed it to him, “eat it up. you got to have energy for any activities that we want to do.”

giggles ring out from both him and you as you continue to listen to your music, looking at heeseung, who picks up the chopsticks before pausing. he looks straight at your walkman for a few seconds before he picks up the food and eats it. picking up your belongings, heeseung gazes upwards at your now-standing body, hugging your cd walkman close to your chest.

“bring the lunch box back to me when we meet up.” you remind him as he hums, savouring the lunch as he still watches you. chuckles come out of you as you step backwards to turn your body when it is in line with the door of the rooftop. the echoes of your footsteps are loud enough for heeseung to hear until it is far enough to disappear.

the rest of the class in the afternoon, you fidget with your pencil as you feel the familiar soft hit on your body. the crumpled paper falls down onto the floor as you let out a silent exhale, picking the ball of paper in your fist as you tuck it into your desk drawer. letting it join the rest of the crumpled ball of paper that you got more times than you could imagine. curiously, you shift your head as if looking for something or maybe someone who threw you the ball—which you already know is seona, risoo, or the other two girls. but you do that to take a glimpse of heeseung. his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he had both his forearms and elbows on the table. his eyes catch yours as you see the look on his face you awfully recognise.

the same emotion you always let out when you gaze at his fresh wounds.

walking out of the school gate as fast as you can after the last class ends, you blend in with the rest of the students that are flowing out from the school grounds. yet, instead of the usual walk towards your house, you turn to the corner shop from the first junction you meet. tugging your blazer off, you felt shivers on your exposed skin making you hiss. the bruises that you had there are still visible as you press your skin with two of your fingers. you’ve experienced itchiness so much when you are wounded and you found a remedy for that instead of scratching your skin until it bruises up again. you slowly tap on it, letting the blood flow through the veins and arteries and soothe your skin from the itchiness.

folding your blazer and put on the outdoor table alongside your backpack, you untucked your shirt out from beneath your clothes, creating a much more baggy look you like more on yourself. zipping the backpack up after putting on your blazer instead, you see the recognizable silhouette approaching closer and closer. the corner of your lips lifted as the shadow recedes to let you recognize the person.

“hey,” heeseung greets as he joins you and puts his backpack on the table beside yours. zipping open the backpack, he pulls out the lunch box before giving it to you and replaces it with his blazer, making you have to arrange your belongings once again as you take a peek at him unbuttoning the rest of his uniform shirt, the undershirt becoming more prominent with its area size and contrasting colour.

“let’s go before anyone catches us,” you reminded him as both of you put your backpacks on your backs respectively. you tug your phone inside your skirt’s pocket alongside the smart card you still hold on to, especially after living in the seoul area even with the many times you have to move.

the walk to the commuter train station heading to seoul isn’t that far. both of you stand by on the platform as you wait for the train to approach. you and heeseung stand side by side. your appearance with your untidy uniforms makes you both unrecognisable from which high school you two are from compared to the other students who still have their uniforms on them tidy. the rumble on the ground followed by the gush comes along with the train that now stops in front of you. many of the seats on the train are empty as you suspect that the train heading the opposite direction into your town and beyond is much busier with people getting back home to their families. yet, well, for you, you planned to stay as long as possible outside, maybe until the sun sets for another day.

sitting down on the seat, the door closes as the train moves on the track. heeseung sat right beside you as you gazed at the window behind the empty seat across from you. the sight of the fields shining green alongside the spring weather calms your eyesight. the constant sound of the wheels on the tracks creates a steady noise from you that even makes you relax enough to go into a meditative state. eyes open yet hooded to not let the muscles strain, darting to an ever-changing view of the clear weather.

the view changes from the fields to the buildings, before the tracks get covered by walls as the train goes underground. the light inside the car that was on before becomes more prominent. from the few stations the train has gone past, many people have come and gone. yet a small amount of them were sitting near where you and heeseung sit, both beside the two of you and on opposite seats. with the train moving around from side to side and all, one side of you is now stuck beside heeseung. skin on skin touch as you looked down to check on your backpack. lifting your head to the window now with the wall behind it, you find your reflection instead under the interior light. heeseung nods a little of his head alongside the music he is playing. behind the clear plastic part of the walkman, you recognized the breathe album of moonstruck. yet, you didn’t want to ask him about it like you used to.

after all, this is the last time you’ll be with him.

the train announces its arrival at the next station and you hear a stomach roaring. shifting your head, you looked down at heeseung, who had a hand on his abdomen. the rumbling sound still can pierce through the noisy train. his adam’s apple gulps when you raise your sight to meet his. a look of indifference meets with sheepishness that only he communicated with his eyes. you heard the next station announced once again as you felt the train slow down. your arm that was resting on your thigh grabs onto the nearest one of his as you pull his hand and backpack at the same time.

“getting off here?” he asks an obvious question as you tug one of the backpack straps on your shoulder. both of you now standing in front of the door.

“i know a place,” you replied as the door opened and both of you walked out of the train car.

the steps of the stairs added more to heeseung’s hunger as its sound echoed against the winding hallway towards the road. arriving there, you scan the surroundings that you are familiar with. one of the neighbourhoods near your old house from your last year of middle school that has everything. it has changed little from what you remember, only the appearances of fresh signs you haven’t seen to signs that were there that have vanished. the right amount of modern and traditional living at the same time with the lack of franchises. the sound of the zipper catches your attention as heeseung only holds his backpack before he places his hand back in yours like when you both traverse the way to the exit. scanning for the last time, you find a familiar street with a few of your favourite eateries as you gently pull him.

the shops you went by are mostly restaurants that have a bigger portion or price. knowing heeseung and your situation with how you both share foods, you can’t pick something too expensive even if it is making you both full. that is when you heard a small gasp coming from heeseung as you both arrived at your destination. it is filled with people but still has some seating room, especially a table that overlooks the street it is on. but when you turn your head, you catch heeseung’s wide eyes looking at the colourful packages inside on the shelves—predominantly red.

numerous packages of ramyeon from different brands. heeseung’s jaw dropped clear with the small gap between his lips as you could also feel your saliva gathering from the delicious food. you eyed a package of neoguri inside as an older woman helped to pick it up for the customer inside before said customer paid and went to the counter beside it with kitchenware from stove to knives.

you knew this place because you had walked past it before. but the reason you visited this place is the affinity the boy beside you has for ramyeon. you have caught on to the way he ate half of your lunch when it is ramyeon. how concentrated he is when he is eating it and how he drinks all the broth until it is spotless. with seoul and its modern antics, you knew that this would be a perfect place for heeseung to fill his appetite. and by his reaction, you’re right.

ringing comes from above the open door that heeseung pushed as you trail behind in to step into the store. the various smells of different brands of ramyeon waft the air inside the interior as steam can escape through the opening above the door and large window. the old woman behind the counter greets you as heeseung still looks behind at the shelves with any ramyeon he could ask for.

“um, can i get one shin ramyeon and one egg, please?” heeseung uttered his order first as the woman picked up said ramyeon and the egg in one swoop before placing it before heeseung.

“you’re both together?” the woman asks, picking up two pots and two sets of chopsticks. your eyes widened when you realized she referred to you, even though you stood behind heeseung. said boy turning his head as he points with his head movement.

“uh yes, ahjumeo-nim. um...” you marked the piece of neoguri that you’d been eyeing when you both stood behind the window, outside looking in.

“can i get the neoguri, please?”

“of course,” the woman says as she picks up the exact neoguri package and puts it inside the pot before you, right beside heeseung's. “any drinks you both want?”

“i would like a cider,” the boy replies.

“me too,” you added as the woman grabbed the two sprite cans and placed them alongside both of you. she eyed your order and told you the price. you looked at heeseung as you just remembered you didn’t bring your wallet—the fear of your money being picked up by seona and the others bubbling inside as you have experienced it before your second day in woonmyung high school. shifting your head, you instead found heeseung crouching down on the floor, opening his backpack as all you can see is the void before he pulls out 1000 won for both of your orders.

“thank you, young man. you cook your ramyeon on that side where we have the water jug and stoves for both of you. after finishing, move from the stove so that other customers can cook theirs too.”

“thank you, ahjumeo-nim,” both of you said together as you picked up the pan with the handles on each side. carrying it to the vacant stove right beside heeseung’s. setting it down on the stove, you pick up the jug to fill the pot according to your liking when you cook neoguri. the sound of the stove turning rings before you as you see the blueish-orange fire heating the water. turning your head, you find heeseung pouring the water into the jug carefully; measuring it with his eyes.

the boy then goes away for a bit as you observe the two boiling waters for cooking the noodles. then, heeseung returns with a bowl before placing it on the counter and cracking the egg in it. using his chopsticks in each hand, he breaks the egg yolk and mixes it up with both chopsticks twisting around in different paths.

“you’re making egg ramyeon?” his ear seemed to twitch as you could see that he was looking at it from the corner of his eyes.

“yeah. it’s my recipe for egg ramyeon- shit, almost forgot.” he drops the chopsticks as it leans against the bowl before he picks up the packet for the ramyeon seasoning and shakes it. his action makes you let out a pout as you did the same while ripping the packet and pouring your neoguri seasoning into the boiling water. heeseung follows before putting the empty packet on the ramyeon packaging beside the noodles waiting to be dumped in.

glancing at heeseung—who is still continuing to break his ramyeon—you dump your noodles inside your pot before stepping sideways so that you can step behind heeseung. grabbing the noodle on top of the package, you carefully put it inside the heeseung’s pot as you can’t help but touch his back because of it. his shoulders feel warm and comfortable even with that slide graze as you slip away as fast as you can because you have to stir your ramyeon so the noodles separate and cook evenly.

stirring the pot with your chopsticks, you glance at heeseung’s side to find him pausing for a few bits from stirring before he continues gently, stunned by your action that makes you a tad giddy inside.

“thanks,” he asks.

“no problem.” you eyed him and gave a small smile as you looked at his pot. one of his hands holding onto the chopstick as the other held the beaten egg-filled bowl.

“this makes it delicious.” heeseung declared as he felt you leaning in from your side. both of you looking at him gently flipping the bowl as the egg pours into the boiling soup. you eyed as the egg disappeared before, one by one, they all floated back to the surface. like clouds surrounding one side of the pot. you can’t help to look at heeseung’s face, finding the familiar determined expression alongside a little smirk on his lips, eyeing the noodles that he will devour when it is done cooking. you could hear your own stomach rumbling now as you looked at the mouth-watering sight of both of ramyeon getting cooked.

turning the knob for the stove, you picked up the handle so you don’t touch the hot wall of the pot before placing your ramyeon on the table overlooking the window. it snugs in the small part of the window where only two seats are available as you pick the seat that overlooks the street outside. the sound of the thud of your backpack hits the floor as you sit down, waiting for heeseung to settle down with his own belongings. the steam flies up from both of your pots as you mix the noodles and broth when a topic propels you to speak.

“can i try a bit of your ramyeon?”

the boy turns his head, a small smile growing on his face as he drops his backpack, “if i could also try yours.”

“deal.”

with your chopsticks, you pick up some of his noodles as he nudges the egg for you, making sure you pick it up. gently, you brought the ramyeon into your mouth as the hot temperature seems to be the right recipe to combat the wind that has been blowing you up. then, the spices came with the cooked egg neutralizing it.

“hmm!” you reacted, peeking at the boy who still had his smile as he picked up some neoguri noodles from your pot. nodding your head, you react to how perfectly the way the shin ramyeon melted on your tongue.

“it’s not overcooked. the noodle.”

“yeah, that’s why i have to get the right amount for the water,” he replies before slurping the neoguri like you do. carefully pushing the kelp slice in as he chewed and let out a groan. “yours are good too,” he replied whilst covering his lips, not wanting his saliva to fly everywhere.

“yours is better.” you answered as you opened your can of cider before taking a gulp down. “you cooked ramyeon often?”

he wipes his lips with a napkin provided on the table as he opens his mouth and closes it again, hesitating.

“i, uh...” he tried to stop himself from chuckling before continuing, “i had to, honestly.”

“oh?” your eyebrows furrowed.

“yeah...” heeseung closes his eyes, giving a push so that it covers tightly before opening, “i don’t have that much pocket money with all with eunho but...” he lets out a silent sigh, “also with my parents as well.”

a pout forms on your lips as you both devour your ramyeons respectively, you’re facing the window as you observe people living their lives, still reserving your hearing for heeseung’s story which you remain quiet so he can speak at his own pace. because you understand that. no one has ever stopped to listen to you before, so you want to do that to others as well. hopefully.

“my parents are still together, but it’s just, they had me young. like our age.” heeseung uses his pointer finger to move to point between himself and you, “and they’re in their 30s and i’m a teenager, and i have a newborn little brother. and they...”

the boy slurps up a few noodles before using the spoon to drink the broth, letting out a satisfying sigh before his expression returns, “well, the consequence of having young parents is that they aren’t fully ‘grown up’ when they have me.” he drops his hand from making the air quotes. “so i grew up with parents who had fun. so much fun. i was five when i stumbled upon them arriving home as i was getting a drink from the kitchen. they had this wretched scent on them that when i grew up, i realized it was alcohol and weed smell.”

you glimpse at him, your head twisted towards him to let you know that you’ve been listening the whole time. “so, i don’t grow up with much care from them. had to resort to ramyeon to satisfy my need. but i grew up, and they also grew up. their jobs become even more stable. and then my mom got pregnant again last year. and so, heechan was born. my little brother.”

taking a breather for himself as he eats. you rub your hand on your head—feeling along with the frustration that you can assume will get worse as he continues.

“they have a stable income now and my baby brother was born and i just can notice the difference. heechan got new things and is coddled because he is that young which i acknowledge. but, my parents took care of him, and seemed to, i guess, forget about me. like they are a trio of family, the real family, and i was just there. like a fucking mistake they had no choice but to give money to so that at least i don’t fucking die in their care.” he lets out a scoff and shakes his head, thinking of how ridiculous it must be to be jealous of a fucking baby.

“so, i had no choice but to resort to ramyeon almost all the time until someone back home made enough homemade food. parents give me a good amount of pocket money but...” his eyes move to capture yours in contact, “you know who i am friends with.”

you nod your head, continuing to eat as your creased eyebrows area still hasn’t gone relaxing once again. the way the boy seemed to let go of a bit of control in the middle makes another squeeze of your heart clear. neglection is the topic that bruises you as you have your fair share of neglection as well.

“well, you made killer ramyeons though, heeseung. and you should know about that.” he giggles at your statement, before letting out a small ‘thank you’ as you both continue to eat.

his words stuck in your mind as it is such a familiar story, albeit with the different details of yours; you noted that both of you are different sides of the same coin. yet, the awkward silence lingers between the two of you as you finish both of your meals—knowing just how bleak your situation is because you don’t know how to reply to his words. in pity? empathic? you don’t know. as you take another sip of your neoguri broth, only a few millimetres are left inside the pot as you can see the bottom of its surface. you glance at heeseung’s pot to find it also emptied before looking up to meet his face. even with a slight gesture with your head nodding to the door, he catches your thinking and nods his head.

you stack up his pot onto yours and help clean the table where you both eat as the boy stands beside you waiting, but you feel his gaze on you as you finish up. the breeze of the open air hits you as you step outside the restaurant, your mind determining the way to go as you catch the footsteps of heeseung following right behind you. it takes a few strides before heeseung can keep up with your pace, both of you walking side by side with nowhere to go except the direction you picked. but, the silence lets you enjoy more of what this part of seoul has. even if you aren’t here that much when you move in near the neighbourhood, it is still the most peaceful neighbourhood you’ve been to.

turning your head side by side randomly, your eyes caught onto one store as your movement paused. heeseung, who was still walking, had turned his head to see your stopped figure, before returning to stand beside you. then, he realizes what stopped you.

you strolled forward one foot at a time before stepping onto the step that houses the door that you had to push open. a smooth jazz song plays as you step into the room. the walls are a mix of plain painted alongside one that is just collages of musician posters. racks stand at the centre of the room, housing pressed vinyl discs covered with sleeves of colourful pictures. it’s different from those large cd stores you visited when you searched for the next disc to play on your walkman. smaller, intimate. yet, the aura is still familiar to you.

the people who are walking are mostly older than you, showing the generation and technology differences between you and them. most of the sleeves you’ve seen are of genres you rarely listened to. jazz, soul, funk. and then you approached the rock and alternative section and you found artists you’ve recognized. it is ordered in the alphabet but certain musicians have a section based on them, even based on one of their releases. a certain album caught your eye, bigger than what you used to see.

“hmm...” you chuckle as you pick up the sleeve from the rack, letting you observe the people sitting down on the sofa with the black background.

“the cranberries?” heeseung reads the name, now standing beside you, leaning to look at the album you are holding. you turned the sleeve around to read the recognizable tracklist.

“i own the cd for this album. i maybe played it so much that if i don’t take care of it, it might have scratches.” you chuckle as you trace the list of songs with your fingertip, stopping on each song as you can hear the certain tune playing from your memory.

“music has been the only thing that kept me grounded throughout all of this.” you blink away when you feel the strain from staying eye contact for a long time, finding the boy beside you from the corner of your eyes. “you know, from moving around so much and with the situation i am in.”

“how many times have you moved?” heeseung questioned, his hands also reaching out to study the rack in front of him.

“much more than you can imagine. it started in fourth grade and every year since then, i moved around. mostly throughout seoul and the towns near it. that is before we had to get farther out and that is why i moved to woonmyung for my second year of high school.” you mentioned the name of your high school; your mind too tired to even add the high school at the end because you have too many schools to be added into your catalogue.

“the thing is the reason i move around is very unconventional. my parents aren’t part of law enforcement or military where they have to move. they’re just... i don’t know. a corporate employee? con people? i can’t pinpoint.” you sighed as you felt your shoulders relaxing.

“is your family the one who moved to that big house near the field?”

you put the cranberries vinyl back into the rack as you hummed whilst nodding your head. slowly, a smile grows on your face as you turn your head to heeseung, “what, what other things have you discovered?”

heeseung scratches his nape before replying, “that that family- well, your family was running away from something. that your family was filthy rich and that people wanted to get a piece of something. like people our age too, greedy for more money and all. that you are a genius.”

you chuckle, taking in the rumours of your family in clarity and succinct manner other than the many whispers you always received as no one ever dared to even confront you about. to challenge the truth when a reliable witness is there all along.

“well, to clarify, if i may,” you turn your whole body towards heeseung, “i’m not a genius. i don’t know how it came to be of the rumour. i’ve overheard people talk about me being ranked first in my school or whatnot and it’s just plain false. my scores are shitty until now because of the multiple people stealing my homework to claim it as theirs. i realized that people mentioning me for having the first rank would then put more targets behind me. and so... well it does alongside everything else.” you nip your bottom lip after finishing your monologue as you walk around the section where you did. finding more of the alternative artists you usually listen to before caressing your hand to move the vinyl around so you could see the familiar and unfamiliar album covers.

“and, with my family, there is truth in there.” you started, peeking from the corner of your eyes to watch heeseung’s eyebrows lift with a slight pout on his lips. “the reason we moved around so much is the people my parents owe to. when we moved around a lot, we had to work in tandem to move important items and all of that. so, it’s not a surprise when i found out my parents’ collection of letters from banks, debt collectors, and all that. so, i choose and read them cause i realize that they’re not opened for a reason.”

you chuckled, “i heard the stories of their glory days when dad had this stable high-paying corporate job. i was so young back then that only vivid memories played in my head when i remembered it. but they can’t keep up with it after dad was fired and ended up splurging with their money, trying to keep up with their socialite lifestyle. when i found some random men on the living room couch after getting back home from school, i realized how much greed had gotten into them. we had to move the next day and i can assume it’s because of the men who visited the other day.”

eyes moving around the shelf, you landed on the rack that had the label m on it as you approached. you pushed the vinyl back to the rack when you looked down to see the ever-so-familiar name of mazzy star. “it’s the reason i don’t show any of that side about my family even if they want to. that wealth which then can be referred to as their con lifestyle. but, i usually got the brunt of it, anyway. how could i not when i have to get out almost every time? not because of school, but also how suffocating living with them is. that’s why i settle with music playing and eyes on the computer and living my day like that.” you shift your head towards heeseung as the last of your words.

his figure approaches you as he leans in, eyeing the album cover before noticing the band name that is etched on the cover. “oh mazzy star! i just gotten to know them, from the space station.”

“space station?” you asked back.

“the moonstruck fan i mentioned to you before. there’s been discussion of the music inspirations or people that are in the same realm as moonstruck. mazzy star is one of them. we called it the celeste aura. the music is magical enough it transcends space, otherworldly.” heeseung explains as he pulls out the mazzy star album.

“because of that, i got into mazzy star. though you can feel the difference between them being a bit more folk than moonstruck’s rock. but, i like it.”

your eyes blinked as you looked down at the album in his hand, a smile growing on your lips as your mind whirled about the information and what to say next when it came back to you, “well if i want to add to the list of artists that has the same aura, i would say the cranberries. it’s the right combination of dreamy but also grounded, and then it is a gateway to other bands similar to them like slowdive. though, i agree with what you say that moonstruck seems to be much more elevated.”

heeseung chuckles after flipping the sleeve to the back side, scanning the track list before looking upwards to the window to see how the sky has become the orange of twilight. you heard the short ringtone playing from his phone as he picked it up and observed the message. typing back, you pick up the familiar clicking noise of the phone’s keyboard as heeseung spells out his answer.

“my mom asked me if i could take care of heechan for a bit. i, uh, agree but said to her i was playing pretty far from home so-“

“we should head back then.” your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at the text from the small screen.

“yeah. i’m sorry that i cut this part short-“

“no, no, that’s okay.” you reached out to him, feeling your hand landed on his upper arm as if to stop him from looking away. you felt the warmth travelling to your palm as you let go of him. that’s when you sensed a sigh on your face as you continued to peer at him. blinking away, you let out a small smile as you shifted your head towards the entrance and heeseung followed with a nod.

walking towards the train station, you and heeseung stood side by side as even a graze of you against each other made you both giggle. then, you use your power to nudge him harder and he has an offended look on his face as you take a few strides away from him before he catches your hand and pulls you back beside him. you give him a side eye as it’s his turn to push you around playfully across the empty street. the walk continues as you recognized the familiar sight of stores nearby the station. but you paused your body once again as you read the signage in front of you.

“body piercings and tattoos. walk-ins welcome.”

it is a desire of yours to want piercings. you’ve seen girls who wear beautiful earrings on their earlobes and you used to have those but the holes close in on themselves when it has been a long time of not using a pair. you wanted a familiar ear piercing but also a different one, but either the time or place didn’t match up with you so you haven’t gotten time to actually do it.

that is when a shadowy figure goes past in front of you and approaches the open door to the establishment. following it, you watch the familiar backside with the light blue shirt stepping into the shadows as you can’t help but follow him, going up the stairs before he grazes open the frail curtain that lets you see the place. it has many drawings stuck onto the walls and a leaning chair by the window before it stretches back to the other side of the room where a hallway leads to other rooms.

“hi guys,” a young man spoke up from behind the desk. his arm has tattoos all over it and a few piercings on his face and ears. your eyes focused on the miniature ear on top of the reception counter, seeing the many piercings on it of all variations.

“you have booked an appointment?”

“no, i’ve seen that you accept walk-ins,” heeseung replied on your behalf before looking at your side who is staring at the pierced ear displayed.

“i would like to get a piercing,” he replies, making you lift your eyebrows as you turn your head towards him.

“and her?”

“oh,” you felt an arm warped around your shoulder bringing you closer. “she’s with me.”

“y-yeah. i would like a piercing too,” you replied.

“great!” the man said as he wrote something before standing up and leading you towards the area by the window. you and heeseung sat beside each other as he asked, “what piercing do you want?”

“um, can i get one right here?” you ask as you pinch your left ear on the place that you want. having seen people having this specific piercing makes you want to have one for yourself.

“a helix piercing. what about you, man?”

“i’ll get the same one but on my right ear.” you turned your head towards heeseung as he continued to look forward.

“nice. well, do you both want to have the same piercing?” the man stands up and he picks up the piercing gun and alcohol wipes.

“yeah, if you want to.” you realise he was referring to you as you face him and nod your head.

looking at the catalogue of ear piercings available, your eyes landed on one with a star on the front. pointing towards the pair, heeseung nods his head as you show it to the man. that’s when he also asks, “how long does it take for it to heal? i’ll probably want to change piercing to a hoop one right after.”

“well, helix piercings usually take pretty long for it to heal around 6 to 9 months. i’ll give you two an ointment that will help with soothing the skin from the pain,” the man replies as you nod your head. he then drags a rolling chair to the seat in front of you both.

“who wants to go first?”

you and heeseung looked at each other with small smiles on your faces before heeseung spoke up, “i can go first.”

the rolling chair moves in front of heeseung as you notice something on your hand. looking down, you could feel his fingers slotting in between yours as you turned your head to see heeseung moving his head. his eyes looking right at you as he blinks, perceiving the alcohol wipe on the helix part of his right ear.

“take a deep breath,” the man says as heeseung curls his fingers into your hand, making you do the same as you try to distract him. the sudden hard grip on your head combines with a slight hiss coming from him as the man goes to the back of heeseung’s ear to screw the piercing up.

“you didn’t bleed, but you might feel your ear getting warmer. let me move to your girl.” the man spoke out so nonchalantly that you can’t help your cheeks warming up by the words. your ears were already heated, so when you felt the cold alcohol wipe, you nearly jumped out of your seat. but heeseung held you down as you turned your head to face him once again.

“you’re gonna be okay,” he mumbled, your grip on his hand tightening as you sensed heeseung brushing the back of your hand, soothing you as you looked at him.

“take deep a breath,” and a quick pierce on the skin follows it. your hands gripping onto him as you breathe out.

the interlocking hands didn’t let go as heeseung paid for the piercings to the man. it doesn’t let go as you meet the purple sky of the outside world, walking down the pavement. it doesn’t let go as you find yourselves on the train station’s platform, both of your heads looking at the track where the next set of trains will come and pick you up. and it doesn’t let go as you hear the beautiful vocalization by moonstruck. both of your bodies remain in mercy to the moving train as you have your head leaning against him.

he offered it, actually. heeseung knows that with your headset, it will be uncomfortable for you to wear it and listen to your cd. even with the littlest amount of moments that still feel so large, you would not take this opportunity for granted. but truthfully, you hoped that this little trip would change his mind. that all you had to do to complete it is to tell him you’re going to be more careful, more aware, for his and your own sake in the eyes of his “friends”, to not let them see you both associating with each other.

heeseung rested his head on the window behind him, making both he and you watch the sunset around the field outside. moonstruck’s music becomes the perfect background as you are in a meditative state. the grip of the interlocking fingers is a little loose to let both of your hands breathe, but still with both curled fingers for both of you.

“(y/n)?”

“yes?” you lifted your head, turning to face him.

“do you want to go to my place? just so that i have someone to look out for heechan? i can bring you home too right after.” his voice was gentler with a little raspiness to it.

you try to not the corner of your lips lift too high as you stare at him, nodding your head as he replies with his own smile before he brings his arm behind your shoulders and lets you lay your head back on his shoulder—lasting until you arrived at the train station for your town.

shadows cast from both of you because of the streetlights above, walking in the dark towards heeseung’s home with your interlocked hands and shared earbuds. heeseung seems to bring you through alternative routes to avoid the busier places where he and you both know that they will be there eating or just hanging out. so you breathe out in relief when you sense your walking pace slowing down.

in front of you is a quaint house with an open gravelled parkway for a car to park. you instead only found a bicycle with a manageable look, crooked on the front part but still is rideable. heeseung guides you to the front door as he slowly opens the door. the sound of the running tap water rings from another part of the house whilst you take your shoes off. he then guides you towards a partly open door and pushes it, letting you look at the dimly lit room and the screensaver from a computer set adding colour.

“heeseung?” someone calls for him as far as the running tap.

“stay here. i’ll be right back,” the boy answers as he steps out to meet with the person who called him. because of that, this is a perfect opportunity for you to observe his room. the first thing you notice is the large moonstruck poster beside his desk. an image you have seen before sticking onto the sides of the building back when you lived in seoul. you can definitely feel the eagerness that you received from heeseung when he talks about moonstruck reflected in this very space. a shelf stands tall as a familiar case shows its image to you, letting you see the moonstruck and nexus’ cds he has, but also the cd of artists you’ve spotted have similarities to them, evidently with the mazzy star cd.

you turned your head when you picked up the sound of a closed door and a shadow by the room’s window of a woman stepping away in heels and what you can assume as going out clothes. you turned your head once again and saw heeseung’s head peeking inside the room from the door which startled you.

“he’s ready.”

nipping your lip; you carefully walked towards the living room as you heard a sigh, then a little exclamation. sitting in front of the couch and on top of a blanket rested a baby boy. his limbs wide stretch as his gigantic eyes stare at you and at heeseung, who sits beside you. with a baby bottle ready, heeseung lifts the baby up and holds it comfortably with his hands on the baby’s waist and resting him on his thigh.

“this is heechan.” heeseung says with a much brighter tone like the one that you only caught when he laughs. “and this is (y/n). you can call her noona when you’re a little older. hi noona!” heeseung lifts baby heechan’s arms to create a wave, making you approach closer to the kid.

slowly, you kneeled down in front of the two. your eyes staring at the little hand with a pout formed on your lips. “hi heechan.” you replied while waving your hand in rhythm with the baby. then, you push your open palm forward, making heeseung put his brother’s hand onto your palm. the size difference makes you silently coo, your eyes watering and your vision blurry. taking a sharp breath, you blink it away and give a gentle smile as you also catch the baby giggling. you looked up to be in eye contact with the older brother, a smile etched on his face as he let go of the baby’s hand; letting him drag his hand on your palm until it came in contact with your finger, wrapping it around it tightly.

chuckles come from both of you as you turn your body so you can comfortably look at your phone without bothering them. the time is nearly 7 at night and you know you can’t stay here longer.

“i have to go.” you looked at heeseung and your finger wrapped around heechan’s hand.

“let us bring you back then.”

“are you sure? didn’t your mom give you some tasks to do with heechan?”

heeseung scoffs before answering, “just taking care of him. she’s heading out to meet her friends. it’s what she always asks me to do when she wants to go out. i’ll let her and dad too, of course. i’ll let them have fun and enjoy their life too.”

your shoulders sag as you take in his answer, looking away as you recalibrate all of this. he did promise to bring you back—and you also see heechan’s eye smile as if he knows he will go outside. you nodded for the answer.

the streetlights line up the empty streets that encompass heeseung’s neighborhood. you with your school backpack tug behind while heeseung’s upper body is wrapped around with a cloth long enough to carry heechan against him—as if it is a thing his mom asked him to learn too. looking downwards, you see how heechan’s legs wiggle in excitement as his head is tilted back. eyes shining on both the lit lights but also the moon that decorates the raven sky.

“heechan seems happy,” you commented as heeseung chuckled.

“he’s always happy when he gets a chance to go out of the house.”

“he doesn’t?” heeseung turns his head to face you, walking in tandem as he thinks about the answer to your query.

“only when he has to go to check-ups. mom and dad also don’t have that much time to bring him outside. so i’m usually the one to do so. we hang around by the fields, mostly. this is the first one he goes out at night. usually, he gets sleepy after i give him his food.”

his answer seeps down into your mind as you nod. you let out an enormous sigh as you continue to walk in silence. the step and little drag of footsteps decorating the atmosphere alongside the busy lit-up signs coming from the different blocks that still have their shops open. yet you both walk farther from it, heading to your house that is near the outskirts of where civilisation dimmers. a house with hedges surrounded by fields and a view of a transmission tower a little farther down the road.

“i’m glad that none of us gets called today.” your lips pour out the thoughts that have been clouding your mind.

“what?”

“you too, right? eunho calls you to come to him anytime?” you ask, testing your hypothesis. but when he seems reluctant to answer. you decide to open up about your side.

“seona too. she usually calls around 4 to 5 near the sunset. i had to go to her, with my bags full of paper filled with the homework for next week so she and the rest could copy that. or even stealing them, for that matter. then, i-“ heeseung gazes as you paused, a slow blink coming from you before you continue, “they usually forced me to do something for them. cleaning their shoes mostly. treating them food while i will stand aside and watch them eat.”

“and you don’t deny them?” heeseung asks back, a question that seemed to affect him with the way his eyebrows furrowed and his nostrils flared just a bit.

“i, well, truthfully, i can’t.” you force yourself to say the truth that you want to cover up with some obnoxious reply. but, heeseung just gives off the right aura to make you tell him. maybe because he is also experiencing the same thing.

“you have to know, people are not really keen on me. even those in my previous schools. it’s a cycle, if i can define it. the same thing happens every time i move schools even with different flavours from each of them.” you scratch your head, wanting to feel the invading thoughts go away. a huge exhale comes out of you once again as you both take the walk approaching a street that goes to the outskirts of the neighborhood. standing alone in the middle of the fields is a house lit up behind hedges of leaves.

you both step into the darkness as heechan’s face is covered with shadows; letting him see more of the stars shine bright, taking dominance from the artificial lights.

“i’m glad that they seem to not want us to go to them today. it’s nice to not think about her and all the things i haven’t done to please her,” you concluded, pouting your lips as you also looked upwards like heechan, finding the sprinkles of stars adding to the majestic sight of the moon and the night sky. heeseung seemed to not reply to the answer that you wanted, and so, you just let him walk with you—side by side—until you arrived at the front of your carpool that still goes deeper into where your house stands.

the lone streetlight perfectly shows people is living here. you turn your body to face heeseung as you slowly step back before pausing.

“thanks...” you remarked.

“what for?” his eyebrows lifted.

“granting that wish of mine. I know you might go to the rooftop less because i understand your situation. it’s better if we go our separate ways rather than make these whole things happening to each of us worse.” you replied with a steady voice, hoping that it was stable enough that he couldn’t hear the little trembles on some words you’ve spoken.

heeseung replied with a small smile on his face as you also etched yours on your face before fixing your hair, letting the light refract on the piercing on your ear like he has on his own. so you turned your body around to head down the path to your front door.

“hey, (y/n)!”

you paused, turning your head to peer behind your shoulder.

“i’m not going anywhere. you still have to put the ointment that i’m holding for your piercing.”

you giggled at his proposition. turning around to face him again as heechan is also looking at you with a little pout of his own.

“okay,” you replied before turning your head as heeseung stopped you once again.

“and we haven’t shared our phone contacts yet.”

“oh yeah!” you approach him as you tug your phone out of the skirt pocket. the silver strap shining as it reflects the light from the streetlamp. you step to stand beside heeseung as you open the new contact. the boy said his numbers one by one as you pressed the key of the keyboard, heechan’s eyes staring at your nimble fingers before he let out a small shriek to see them move.

“done and i’m sending you a text.” a chime came from heeseung’s pocket after what you said while stepping back.

“thank you. and one last thing?” heeseung cuts your movement once again.

“yes?” you pushed your tongue to the wall of your cheek, holding back a cheeky laugh at his action.

“you want to go to the fields with me?”

eyebrows raised, you take in his request as you remember he mentioned it as the place he usually goes out with heechan.

“you shared your side of seoul with me. so i think you might want to know what i do with my pastime,” the boy added, his adam’s apple moving as he gulped. you let out a tight-lip smile whilst thinking back to what occurred between the two of you today. your eyes looking down at the hand that was holding yours almost all the time when you both head back to your town. the connection between you two feels more and more like a chemical reaction that can be bombastic.

“let me know when through sms,” you replied and watched as his smile widened. his eyes are also smiling, just like his little brother does before he stops himself and glances back at you with a sheepish smile on his face.

“alright.”

“okay.” you answered his answer, tilting your head to signal to your house. “good night, heeseung.” your farewell reaches him even as you step backwards. your eyes staring one last time at the brothers who are staring at you. little heechan waved his hand as heeseung looked at you before you turned around to head into your house.

you beeline straight to your room, putting your backpack on the bed as you look at your minimalist room with only a few posters that survived on every move of your interests. eyeing the computer on the desk, you grab your headset from the walkman and go to the desk, putting it gently so that it doesn’t press onto your pierced helix, plugging it into the cpu before you open the music player.

as you press play, the sound of a familiar dreamy song reminds you of the boy with his own ear piercing showing up in your head, letting you let out a small smile as you open the browser of the world wide web.

-

《this is not a drill》 《this is real》 《moonstruck is releasing a new album in a couple of days》 《from: silver

《oh my gosh! oh my gosh! oh my gosh!》 《from: 1004

《i will make a new thread on the forum to discuss the new album》 《so that it doesn’t crowd this side where we talked about general things》 《from: pearl

《thanks, pearl!》 《from: silver

《thank you once again, pearl!》 《i will discuss anything about this album as new information comes out》 《from: 1004

heeseung eyes the texts between the three users as he can’t help the giddiness flowing inside him. it’s not the first time he had ever been there since the beginning of a moonstruck release. he was there when breathe was released, but a surprise release like this sends his expectations high. yet, he knows that moonstruck will not disappoint. and he knows he can now share his giddiness with like-minded people.

he knows he had to share this information with you as soon as possible. yet, something about you is also pressing into his mind. something that he needed someone to help untangle. someone who won’t make fun of him for expressing his feelings unlike eunho, youngbin, and the others.

《i’ve been having a predicament》 《someone in my life has been opening up about their life to me》 《it is very personal and i notice we have similarities in how the world treated us》 《i introduced moonstruck to them and they seemed so happy with it》 《whenever we listen to her together》 《but》 《i am hesitating if i should reciprocate》 《from: bambi

heeseung sighs as he awaited for a reply. but when a minute passed, he knew it wouldn’t come. everybody seems to move to the other thread to discuss the new moonstruck album. he wanted to move there too, of course. but then he won’t see if anyone replied to him.

then his eyes flick to the chat portion of the screen when a line of text shows up underneath his lines.

《that’s a dilemma for sure》 《have you opened up to them as well?》 《from: silver

《yeah, i did》 《i mostly talked about the reasoning why i could make a great ramyeon》 《from: bambi

《ramyeon seems so good for a late-night snack》 《and that’s good on your part》 《you have opened up to them》 《why still hesitating?》 《from: silver

heeseung stared at the last sentence silver gave to him. words clouding his mind as he tried to piece them up to create cohesion.

《i guess i don’t want them to rid of the persona of me they see because of it》 《they’re so nice and gentle》 《from: bambi

《seems to me they see you as a companion, bambi》 《from: pearl

《i agree with pearl》 《you have opened up to them and they have opened wider to you》 《why not go all the way?》 《from: silver

《if it does well》 《from: bambi

《i feel that it will do well based on what i’ve read》 《maybe introduce them to something that you usually do》 《maybe you can tell them about the new moonstruck album since they seemed to enjoy her as well》 《make a space for both of you to talk about anything》 《from: pearl

that could work. heeseung remembers his promise to you for that field. he wants to share that side of him with you. the side of him which encompasses all of his feelings into one activity of the day as he refreshes his mind while listening to moonstruck. maybe he could invite you to do the same.

《i will plan for that》 《thank you to both silver and pearl》 《from: bambi

《of course, bambi :)》 《from: pearl

《you’re welcome, bambi》 《hope it goes well between the two of you》 《from: silver

the next day at school, all heeseung can focus on is the back of your head. it is leaning down, writing both the written and verbal explanations given by your teacher in front of the class. in small glances, he could catch eunho sometimes looking at you, but also seona a few seats at the front. when he had done his task, heeseung had no other activity but to “hang out” with the boys—usually sitting in silence as he let the vulgar conversation bounce between the other boys in the background of the waste dumping site.

there he caught onto a few other things that eunho has the boys do for financial gain. sometimes, girls will come to their hideout alongside youngbin. they all are in the same shirt uniform as the one he usually wears, but creases form in them like they do in the frowns on their faces. youngbin then gave them a thick envelope for eunho to open and find a stack of money. said boy split it up, giving little to the girls before they stepped aside. with the pattern forming the conclusion itself and the time that he had seen one girl he recognizes out and about with a man much older than her and himself, he realizes these girls were doing so to get paid under eunho’s command.

but the same vulgar words were sometimes related to you. he had read the letter that eunho gave to you back on your first day when he saw it peeking from your desk’s doorless drawer. his eyes scanned the words written in familiar handwriting, making him clench his hand to close them against this palm, tearing the paper. it reminds him of how eunho usually refers to “the girl”. there are so many girls that he can talk about using that phrase, but eunho knew of these girls’ names when they came to give him the money. and so, he had associated that eunho was talking about you; and heeseung is forced to listen to it.

it’s the reason he is hesitating to tell you. to want to avoid you as best as possible. yet, it only lessens. the rooftop is still a sacred place for the two of you. sharing the ointment that could help with both of your ear piercings, head nodding to the song playing on heeseung’s walkman of your cd collection you brought home. cds that remind him of moonstruck such as the cranberries and mazzy star. and, sometimes, you place your head on his shoulder like two connecting puzzle pieces while cigarette smoke rises in front of the two of you and your fingers give him the cigarette stick for him to hold between his lips.

it’s the same thing as today. he peeks from the corners of his eyes to watch you drag another smoke. the fire on the blunt flares up as it burns more and more of the outside layer.

“hey,” heeseung cuts off the silence.

“hmm?” you peek from the corner of your eyes just like him.

“i still want to bring you to the field, you know? do you have time today?”

looking elsewhere, your eyes flicker back to him as you flick the ash from the burning cigarette, a small smile on your face. “i have nothing to do after this. so yeah.”

“great. i’ll see you by the gate after the class finishes?”

“always.” you give him a thin smile. his eyes examining how your own are looking downwards. the way you had to hold your face from smiling wider made him smile instead, nudging his shoulder against yours as you both burst into giggles.

heeseung stepped aside by the main gate as he looked back to the class building, eyes scanning every person who went in front of him until his eyes landed on the girl that had been running around his mind for a month now. you who walked with a sense of timidness, your eyes looking around the people around you as you had this neutral face that did not allow people to read. yet, heeseung can read it. he walked like that before, anxiety coursing through his veins, as he had to stay aware. and when you catch his eyes, a small smile grows as you quicken your step to reach him.

watching you make his heartache as he looked at your bandaged limbs and reality hits. how could someone hurt a person this innocent? you don’t even try to bother other people with the stories you told him, but they still see you as inconvenient. someone that could be ruled over. that and the stories you’ve told before on how you moved around, not able to create a stable support system outside of your forsaken family. it’s also how you opened up to him, recognizing the similar agony that washed over the two of you.

heeseung had to scramble his mind once again, repeating every sentence that he had practised by himself, every scenario that could happen after he told you. he used to seek help, seek comfort in other people such as eunho back when they were still “friends” and civil. he remembered a trip he, eunho, youngbin, and the boys had when they were having their summer break back in middle school. using their saved money to actually head to jeju island. no parents are involved. just a bunch of boys having fun and forgetting every single problem they have here. torments that clouded every single one until it succumbed to eunho too at the end of the trip, changing him into the best friend heeseung ever had to his primary tormentor instead. because of that, he never seeks help again. until you reach out with your story to him.

“where to go?” you stood in front of him, making him startled as you let out a chuckle reserved only for him. instead of pointing and saying the direction of his usual resting place, he holds onto your hand and tangles them in each other, pulling you to walk beside him as he throws away the worries even for just a moment.

a few roads taken, he brought you to the beginning of the fields. the tall emerald green grass blown by the breeze that also reaches him. he brought the steps to a stop, observing the way the grasses moved about following where the wind came from. heeseung senses the heaviness in his lungs washes away as he takes a deep breath and exhales. a gentle brush against his pierced ear makes him focus on his hearing—catching a large exhale coming from beside him as well.

“this is breathtaking,” you mumble to yourself. his head turns as look at your face. the timidness is long gone as you let yourself relax. your hands wrapped with each other still as he guides you on the narrow asphalt road before heading to the side, the grassy patch that slopes down towards the field.

letting your hand go, you followed his movement as he sat down on the patch—legs curled as he rested the soles of his feet on the slope, allowing him to rest his hands on his thighs. you let your legs outstretched as if you’re a child waiting to be pushed down on the playground slide. your eyes follow heeseung’s hands who reach for his backpack and pull out his trusty cd walkman, giving one wired bud to you as he puts one for himself. his thumbs press against the rewind button. the sound of the cd spinning before it stops: signalling him to press play.

taking in the music, you both stayed quiet as heeseung took in the familiar view. the clear blue sky is decorated with thin clouds. kites flying at the back of his view near the large electrical tower that reaches to touch the space above. its large wires holding onto the other towers stretched further away from both of you. when he shifted his vision, you already had your eyes closed, a sway from your head before you opened your eyelid slowly, blinking twice before turning your head to meet him.

“this is what i usually do when i have no other things to do. moonstruck and the fields,” he mumbles. his hands holding each other as the walkman rested against his thigh.

“it’s genuinely nice. i can see why heechan seems to like it so much.” he chuckled as you remembered the brief mention of when he usually brought heechan here with him.

and it goes quiet once again. you both letting the ends of your outfit flutter against your skin, not minding that your bottoms will be grimy from the dirt.

“eunho and i are, well, were friends.” heeseung pushes out the first sentence he has to make you know, eyes slightly tilted so he can read your reaction. “we’re friends from middle school. we joined taekwondo together and met the rest of our friends there. he was actually a smart kid, ranked top 5 back in his elementary school and he also got bullied for that.”

“he was there for me and i was there for him.” the boy spoke, his face continuing to grimace as he recalled how everything was wonderful for younger him. “that is until this trip we had when we all went to jeju island. eunho was richer than all of us. his parents owned a manufacturing company operating in this very town. on that trip, he learned his mom was cheating with his dad’s best friend when his dad called him about their divorce proceedings. after that call, he swims in the ocean alone in front of where we and the guide were hanging about.”

heeseung closes his eyes and tightens them until he can only see the darkness before he opens them again, “the waves were crashing hard and he was pushed to the shore, unconscious. the guide gave him cpr as i stood aside, worrying for the first person i ever labelled as my friend. he coughed up the salt water and i noticed how his eyes were tearing up. it is because of pain, but there is also something else. that accident happened one day before we went back and on our last night there, he isolated himself. the next morning, he became reckless. like something stretches his self-control, and then it snapped. and it escalates.”

the boy wiggles his thumbs with each other, licking his drying lips. “the first day of school after that trip, he tackled our school bully, who has been insulting me, him, and the others since our first year. i stood beside him as eunho was looking at the field that was just mud from the rain last night. the bully stands there naked and covered with mud. ‘he has to act like a pig for being the pig he is’ he said. that’s when I realized eunho was not the friend i once knew. and i stay by him until now.” he peeks at you as you nibble on your bottom lip.

“then why didn’t you stay away from him?” your soft voice speaks out with your eyebrows furrowed.

heeseung can only sigh after he picked the sentences that he knew you might ask. after asking the people on the space station forum, he had to reflect on himself. he knew that staying by eunho’s side hurt him much more than when he realized he changed three years ago, and it escalated more and more. but he realized the reasons were simple for a situation so complex.

“eunho still looks at me as a “friend”, well, crony. he gives the other task to get him money that will also help with our meals and he needs it fast. that’s why he makes us to do some shit. mostly porch stealing and shoplifting. but he also had girls under his grasp, working after school to meet with older guys to give him money." heeseung shakes his head, reacting to the words he uttered himself and how ridiculous it sounds, “other than that, it’s better to side with him rather than being solo. the other students already refer to me as eunho’s friend and they can’t let that nickname go no matter how much i’ve been avoiding him. more bullies exist in our school, even the year above us and under us. if i’m alone, i’m more prone to being bullied further. it’s just that the bullies who bullied us are the top of the top in woonmyung high school.”

moonstruck’s voice continues on in the background of the conversation. the worry on your face changed into sorrow as your chest takes in the air rapidly. the shining sun reflects its light into your pupil, letting him watch the way your eyes glisten. heeseung raises his arms to wrap around your shoulders as he brings you closer to him. your head tilted as it rests against his shoulder before you turn your head to the sleeve of his shirt. sniffles come from you as he can’t help to feel it as well. his eyes looking somewhere else as he tried to balance out the explosion of emotion he is feeling.

“i feel so sorry for you,” you mumbled before leaning back so you could glance at him. a small smile formed on his face.

“i feel so sorry for you, too.” heeseung replied, “but when you told me about your situation, it made me want to open up too. i just can’t let you bear that burden on me when you open yourself to me so easily.”

“it’s not easy for me at all,” you nip your bottom lip, “i- i find you comfortable to talk about this because i saw myself in you. the similarities of our situation and all that. i know i can see myself as a friend of yours, bonding about our suffering.”

the boy gives such a face that makes you cower away. that is when he cups your jaw and makes you return to him once again.

“thank you for trusting me,” he said, his thumb caressing the apple of your cheek.

“thank you for also letting me hear your story.”

heeseung’s smile grows as he continues to stare at the beautiful view, the lingering heaviness still evident and how it crawls towards you as well. “you know? there’s something that i usually do to get rid of this feeling.”

“yeah?”

he hums to answer, nibbling his lip as he turns to you. “cover your ear for this.”

squinting your eyes, you let your hand reach up to cover your other ear, amplifying moonstruck’s voice instead as you looked at heeseung. that is when his next action startles you into chuckles.

“AHHHHHHHH!!!!”

heeseung squeezes his eyes shut and forms his hands into fists as he lets out a loud yell that vibrates against the atmospheric field. the sound wave disperses alongside his worries, opening his eyes, he calms his hyperventilating self, much more aware of his beating heart as he tilts to find your baffled face that lets out little chuckles. he follows, scanning your guffawed self before you give him a smile.

“you look better,” you stated, earning you a smile from him as well.

“it’s nice. screaming is nice cause it lets out all the pain you have in you in one swoop,” he echoes.

“cathartic...” you mumbled out and heeseung replied with nods.

“being the one without a voice, screaming out just helps me realise how big of a voice i am. that i still have myself to rely on,” the boy continued, adding more to his usual doing by the fields. that’s when he sensed your palm pushing him backwards. his eyes widen as he watches you.

“FUCK YOU!” you let out a loud and elongated yell until nearly all the breath in your lungs is out. your hyperventilation follows his as you glance back at him, a grin on his face as he can’t help to brush your cheeks. his thumb caresses near the corner of your mouth, pushing it outwards to make you let out a smile.

“you looked much more relaxed,” he commented. the creases on your face are smooth out, letting go of certain burdens you must have held back for a while now. he enjoys seeing you like this.

“thanks to you,” you replied, your hand not even reaching up to move heeseung’s hand on your cheek. instead, he watches as your eyes flick upward and downward on his face, lasting a few more seconds than usual before going back to his eyes. to answer, he scoots himself closer to your body—skin-to-skin contact. his eyes observe your facial structure, how all of them culminate into the beautiful face that is yours as he leaned in. your eyes flutter close as the boy watches, his forehead resting against yours as well as his pointy nose grazing yours.

push through and push through he did, tilting his head to one side as he slots his lips on yours. his thumb caressed your cheek before the other hand reached up, grazing against the rubbery skin of the wired buds on each of your ears as he cradled your face. your eyelashes rest against your cheeks when he leans back, finding how your lips are parted as you open your eyelids. your eyes staring back at him, cloudy before it dissipates as your hand reaches for his face.

heeseung held back his breath as you caressed his prominent cheekbone. every caress seems more like you want to remember every touch of his face. the boy leans forward once again, feeling the graze of your breath against his skin as he lets you take a turn and steady the pace. your fingers walk along his shoulder to his nape one by one. hooded eyes staring back at him as he nudges his nose back against yours, letting you take the lead as you tilt your head and place your lips back onto his. your hand that is on his nape pushes his head forward.

fireworks and butterflies all flutter inside heeseung. his limbs taking control to hold you close as you raise your other arm up and place on his back. his hands slide down your body as he holds onto your blazer-covered waist. both of your lips are moving in tandem with a tinge of chaos that he doesn’t mind. little clashes of teeth show the eagerness alongside your parted lips that makes him try to poke his tongue through. instead of being disgusted by it, you accept with how your mouth wide and take his tongue in. hums come from both of you as his grasp on your waist brings you closer, lifting you slightly onto him when he senses the circular music player pressing against you two.

he pulls away, looking downward to observe the connecting string between the two of you that got instantly cut as you approached him and sat across his thighs. your skirt overflowing, creating a circle on top of heeseung’s lap as he continued to kiss you, holding you close like you are the only person who could make him this sane after a long time. sunlight is blocked by your figure as you continue to kiss him, returning your hands back behind him as he wraps his around your waist tight. the warmth coming from you thawing the coldness in his heart that has remained frozen for a long, long time. you rest your forehead against him, brows furrowed as heeseung is still taking in the whole emotion and senses that overwhelms him.

slowly, he lifts his eyelids and lets his eyes take in your face, especially your swollen lips. he kissed your jaw before loosening his grip on you so he could admire more of you. the connection between the two of you that are increasing in chemistry as he felt ever more connected with you. and the connection that compels him to ask this.

“moonstruck has a new album coming out in a few days. my parents will not be home then and they will bring heechan too.” his words slowed down as he sensed your hand cupping his cheek, brushing gently against his skin. “do you want to listen to it together and maybe we can... you know...”

“make out?” you guessed and heeseung shakes his head.

“more than that,” he replied, resulting in you raising your eyebrows.

“are you sure?” you then cupped his face with both of your hands.

“with you, i am sure.” he pecked a bit of your palm that he could reach, resulting in you leaning in and pecking his pouty lips.

“okay. i do.”

-

with both of your hands holding something, you looked back at the decorated shelves with their intricate feather ornaments and light-blue colouring. a large poster that reflects the colour of the pink moon in front of the blue sky background. the appearance of the familiar female artist standing at the front looking at the camera; the silhouette of a pair of wings behind her.

angels. the name of moonstruck’s latest album.

placing the cd case on the counter, you let the cashier employee take in your item as you follow your other hand which is still holding something, trailing up the arm to see heeseung who was already peeking at you. his vision returns forward, gazing at the many posters of music events around the wall as you watch him. he had told you that this very store is the one that he shoplifted and then caught, with a tremble in his voice as he spoke those meaningful words even if it is a tad bit different. but you curled your hand against his tight.

“you have me now. we can buy the new album together.”

and indeed you did as heeseung put the amount of cash half of the price before you pushed your hands to the counter and finished the other half. the cashier glances between the two of you, a few seconds longer staying at heeseung before he picks up the money put on the little tray, counting down. you both are still hand in hand, facing forward with your heads following the cd on top of the counter. a sigh of relief coming from heeseung as you both heard the familiar ding of the cash register.

“here you go.” he pushes the cd as you reach to grab it.

“thank you!” you remarked.

“thank you so much.” heeseung follows.

zipping up your backpack and placing the straps back on your shoulders—sensing how safe the newly bought cd is between your own stuff—both of you stride out of the music store as heeseung pushes the glass door wide. the sun is still in the sky, albeit getting lower and lower towards the horizon. you both turn at the intersections and all towards heeseung’s home, towards the commitment you both agreed with when you found out about the new album release.

after that day on the fields, kissing heeseung is slipping into being a part of your nature. sitting down beside each other, having a few talks about today and other things that aren’t mentioned in your text thread, a puff of smoke comes from heeseung’s agape lips as you shared the earbuds of his walkman—the area where you got pierced has a little throbbing feel to it. when you tilt your head and let heeseung meet the gap between his and your lips, the wind brushes your skin alongside the butterfly in your stomach. you could taste the tobacco and menthol flavour you recognised before he pulled away and gave the burning cigarette to you. hooded eyes looking back at you before the eyelids open up once again.

both you and heeseung walked beside each other as you walked the empty road where one to two cars parked alongside bicycles. the intrusive thoughts in your head win as you give heeseung a huge push with your shoulders before you jog away down the road. your giggles ringing throughout the street as heeseung chases you down with a bigger stride and faster pace, nudging you off your momentum as you look back at him. stomping towards the boy before you give another nudge as he retaliates and you move away at the right time, making him miss his target. giggles turned into laughter as you could see heeseung’s pout forming, making you return in front of him as you gave him a little peck on his lips. no words uttered between the two of you, yet you can still communicate with each other.

however, stepping out of your shoes as you enter the front door of the lee household brings you back to reality. your eyes scanning the corridor as heeseung takes the lead—focusing on his room as he seems much more eager than you. not that you are not eager to listen to moonstruck’s new release, but the activity that you’ll be doing whilst doing it. maybe it is because of heeseung’s “friend group” that he is much more brash, but you had to prepare for this too. it is the first time you’re doing it and you're nervous about how will it last and how you will satisfy heeseung. you have little knowledge regarding sex after all even from the reading you did.

yet you trust yourself. that what you both agree to is something you both have trust in each other. something that can elevate your blooming relationship with him. by doing it, heeseung does trust and goes through so much more emotions towards you.

heeseung slides the door to his room to a close. the window that overlooks the front of the house is close nearly shut as you can still see the light coming from the sliver right down the middle. he switches on his lamps to let the room be illuminated enough. placing down your backpack on the chair of his desk, you open the main pocket where you store your stuff. notebook, your stationary case, your own walkman you had to use one side of the headset because of your healing ear, and the cd that is refracting the light in the room. you felt warmth enveloping one side of your from behind, a slight breathing that then is replaced by a searing kiss to your shirt-covered shoulder to then the juncture between it and your neck. angle you to one side, your chilly hand holds onto the casing as heeseung overwhelms you with his touch that you also hold with your other hand.

turning yourself around inside his embrace, you wrapped your arms behind his shoulder as you returned his kiss with your own. holding onto the casing as both of your bodies twist to meet each other and the tingling sensation. heeseung pushes his tongue into your opened lips, making you let out a muffled moan as he holds you tight against him by your waist. pulling away to breathe, he trails his kisses from the corner of your lips to the front of your neck as you open the first few buttons of your uniform shirt.

the boy notices it instantly, reaching his hands to continue unbuttoning your shirt as you reach for his own. with a few of the buttons undone from his side, he nuzzles away the ends of the shirts as he sees the hint of your torso. you let out a shaky breath as heeseung kisses the area by your sternum before he raises his head to look at you. his eyes questioning before it changes as you give him nods. heeseung caresses one side of the shirt away as he meets half of your body. you expected him to be in shock, especially with the numerous times you have said to him of the pain you endured. your body is the canvas that is marred with these proofs of pain, most inflicted on you by others. yet, heeseung’s action said otherwise.

every little blemish on your skin, he will kiss it. these scars that have littered your body, from the most prominent to the most obscured. he traces them one by one with his lips before giving a small yet long kiss. he takes off the sleeve and twists your arm so he can reach every single patch of skin that will always heal until your time is up. your head follows his, trying to stay as static as possible. but the actions he did dig deeper into your gut than you expected. as the small breeze brushes the other side, he peels it off from you, letting him see you breathing through your diaphragm, he continues to trail your skin with his lips when he sensed your chest shaking.

tilting his head back, the view of you squeezing your eyes shut as tears flow down the corner of your eyes makes him pause. “are you alright? did i go too fast-“

you whiffled your head, hands lifted to his shoulders as you opened your eyes and the blurriness faded away as you were met with heeseung’s concerned face. you let out a smile that turns into a small chuckle. heeseung brushes the fallen tear away as he cups your cheek.

“no, i’m alright. i, i haven’t felt this feeling in a long time.” you gulp down your saliva. “i’ve never felt this loved before.”

“aw,” he exclaimed, furrowed brows showing on his face as he leaned his forehead against yours, giving a quick kiss. “you deserve it. so much, (y/n).”

you nodded your head in his hold as your hands reached up to his uniform shirt, unbuttoning them one by one as you felt the cotton material of his inner t-shirt. heeseung reaches for his opened shirt and removes it in an instant before he continues his path down to your torso.

“let me take care of you first,” he remarked, pulling the other sleeve down as he continued doing the same thing from the side before this. he trails his lips to your arms where scars from scabs remain before he went back to your torso, tracing the simple white bra as he teasingly sucks on the material. his warmth seeps into the fabric and reaches your skin, goosebumps showing on your arms.

“can i?” his hands trail to the back of your body as you beat him first, reaching for the clasp as you take them off from the hook. the fabric of the cup falls as you look at him, nodding your head as he tugs the straps of your shoulders, letting him see how your nipples are already erected both from the breeze and the actions he had done. his hand reaches up to cup your right breast, a sharp gasp coming from you as he follows along with kisses around the left areola before he gives the nipple a suck. the hands that were rested beside your body reach up to heeseung’s head, rubbing it as an encouragement for him but also to guide him. his grip on your love handles tightened as he could hear your little whimpers when he brought you closer and changed to also treat the other side the same. it continues as he trails down to your abdomen, his furrowed eyebrows showing again as he kisses it all over when he finds the scarring there from the many times you know you’ve been hurt from the abdomen.

his hands reach for the clasp of your plain uniform skirt as he pulls it off alongside the zipper, tugging it downwards as his nimble fingers also pull down your socks alongside it, guiding you to step one foot at a time so he can pick it up and throw it somewhere where he had also thrown away your uniform shirt. his kisses focus on your calves and shins where the blemishes are prominent there, especially the prolonged kisses on your kneecaps that have to withstand the abuse you’ve endured. his hands reach behind your thighs and trail to your buttcheeks, giving them a squeeze as he met the sight of your pastel underwear.

a small kiss there makes you let out a gasp, his finger trailing the patch of fabric that is wet from your arousal. that’s when you felt his wet appendage taking in a taste, a hum coming from him as he tugs the band of the pair down your legs and you let him with how he easily tugs them away from you as soon as you step out from it. heeseung reaches back to your butt as he continues, finally tasting your leaking arousal as your hands continue to rub his hair and grip the back covered by his t-shirt.

he laps around your lower lips before he finds your opening and licks a strip there. and again, and again, as you moan in response.

“hee-“ you moaned as he let his tongue lick up the excrement.

one of your hands reaches down to your private parts, trailing your finger between your lower lips as you found the clit that brushes against heeseung’s nose bridge, pressing down and rubbing against it as to show him the other ways you felt more pleasure down there. his hand reaches for your calves as he picked one up and put it behind his shoulder letting him see the slit’s opening and the nub clearer as he uses his thumb there to rub it, letting him continue to lick up the area before plunging his tongue into the wider opening.

“fuck...” you gasped and continue to let out breathy moans, not wanting to be too loud so his neighbours won’t be alerted. your eyes looked down, brushing away the bangs that covered his forehead so you could observe how heeseung’s hooded eyes focused on pleasuring you. a moment later, he switched around as his tongue is the one that licked up your clitoris while he pushed his forefinger up your opening. you brace against him with your hand on his head so you can watch him and a claw against his back. your body is quivering as you feel something has risen down at your abdomen with how the muscles contract.

“you’re getting tighter,” he mumbled his observation.

“i’m- i’m gonna-“

“cum for me.” he pushes in another finger as they stretch your muscles alongside continuing to the pace of the thrust. he gives a gentle suck to your clit as he chases after your release. your head tilted back, vision blackens from how your eyes went back from your lid as you felt the liquid squeezed out onto his two fingers. a whine comes from you as they pull out before heeseung’s tongue returns and taste what you produced. your grip on him tightens as he continues to arouse you.

when he leans away, you can breathe steadily as he carefully pulls your leg off his shoulder and stands before you, hands returning to your love handles as he kisses your breath away, making you savour your arousal from his tongue as you continue to grip onto him, the t-shirt lifted from the clench from your hold as he leans away to cross his arms in front of him, lifting the hem of the shirt as you could finally observe his torso. you figured out his build as the right amount of muscles, fat, and bones, creating the prominent muscles cluster around his upper arms, pectorals, and abdomens with how the fat creates a softer look. the bones on his forearm and collarbone become more prominent alongside some protruding from this ribcage.

he looks beautiful. and he also had scars littered around his body.

the first scar you notice line across his collarbone. it doesn’t seem like something his bullies would do as the skin colour is so different between one and the other, creating an obvious shape for the keen people. you trace it with your thumb as heeseung watches how you observe the particular scar.

“it’s stitches that i got when i was 10,” he answers your curiosity.

“it’s beautiful,” you replied as you leaned closer and gave every trace of the stitches kisses.

you followed what heeseung had done, trailing the prominent scars on his skin with your kisses even with the slight difference in skin color. your hand reaches for his back and you can feel his muscles move and contract. you kneel down, your head resting on his abdomen as you trace every patch of the large scar on there. your hands move the waistband of the uniform pants as you lean your head against his thighs and look upwards.

“can i?” you echoed his request earlier.

“please...” he answers.

your fingers reach for the button and zipper to take them off before you tug the pants down, following the scars that are exposed on the skin that were covered by the material. your head tilts up as you find the prominent bulge from his boxer briefs. leaning in closer to it, heeseung’s grip on your shoulder tightens as you breathe on it. you could see a bit of the head side peeking out from the waistband and you don’t want to make him wait any longer.

pulling the fabric down, his member springs up as you touch it. the muscles contracting creating a sturdy cock to touch. the tip of the head leaking drops from the slit as you push out your tongue, looking down at the tip of your tongue and gently licking up the drop. heeseung’s sudden movement pauses you as he steps out of his bottoms before bringing them to pile up by your knees.

“you can kneel on them so that it won’t hurt you more,” he spoke as you looked up at him, your hand reaching for his as he helped you to find your position. the tip of his cock nudging against the bridge of your nose as your other hand reaches up and gives an experimental stroke. the boy hisses as he grips your hand before removing it to cup your cheek. your eyes looking up to meet his, his bangs hanging by his forehead with his mouth open. his chest rises and falls steadily as you follow with your own. you move your head, letting the tip slide along your face as you open your lips and give it a suck. your hand holding onto the cock so it won’t move anywhere. you hummed, the vibration sending chills to heeseung as he let out a breathy noise. tilting your head, you let him see just how well you suck him, wide up your cavern so that he won’t feel your teeth dragging against his skin.

“just like that,” he commented as you felt his hand reach the back of your head. the tip nearly reaching the back of your mouth as your saliva coats the area you suck. pulling away, you reach the layer of it and spread it against the rest of his member, feeling it getting longer and sturdier as you perceive the ridges of blood veins on them getting more prominent. your head moves without question as you push your tongue to lick one vein across the ridges towards his bulbous head. pushing your head to let more of him inside, you surprised yourself and him with your gagging, making him pull your head back as you let out a groan.

“you okay?” and you reply with your nodding head as you clear your throat.

“i am. just want to make you feel good.” your hands clutching against his thighs as his grip loosens to let you move on your own accord. his cock enters your mouth once again, bracing yourself as it hits the back of it as heeseung’s hand holds onto your head. your hand continues to stroke the rest that isn’t inside of your mouth while the other holds onto his body, his other hand on top of yours. his breathy gasps turn into low-note moans as you continue, sliding your saliva-covered fingers upwards to his abdomen and resting beneath his belly button. you can sense him chasing his high, his hips moving a bit to chase after you.

his moans become erratic and unsteady as you continue to stare at his expression. his teeth biting his bottom lip with the scrunch on his face, making him look much more delicious. “i’m cumming,” he exclaims. but you don’t stop sucking him as you move both of your hands towards his parts, one stroking his cock, the other stimulating his balls.

your breath was taken away as he pushed your head towards his hips, eyes wide as you could feel the warmth bursting in your mouth. a bit of saltiness that you push around inside your cavern as he pulls his cock out. your lips continue to pucker until the last of him is out, swollen and glistens as you push his cum down alongside your saliva.

“fuck...” heeseung exclaims as he moves his hand back to your jaw before guiding you to stand up. your hands enrapturing him as he kisses you, licking your agape mouth to let both of you taste each other’s cum. his hard cock pushes against your skin as you trail your hands down his back while he has his on your waist. your forehead resting against each other as you take deep breaths.

“i can’t wait anymore.” he shakes his head as his lips trail down your neck, making you push him back as you walk to grab the angels and his cd walkman before you sit on his bed. opening the lid, the sight of windswept’s cd shines on you as you pull it away before placing it on your lap. you gently rip the plastic sheet covering the cd, its sleek material glides against your fingertip as you push the lid open to be met with the booklet and the shining disc. the colour of the moon reflects its blue design unlike windswept’s cream and breathe’s green. heeseung’s hand touches your thigh as you look at him, signalling with his head for you to lie down on the bed. you pull the cd out and place it in its place.

with your position, you can see heeseung’s full figure perfectly as he stands beside the bed. his hand reaches for the cd casing as he looks at the track list. “48 minutes. 12 tracks.”

“as long as windswept,” you remarked. his eyes move to you as they trail down your exposed body from the light of his bedside lamp. placing the other cd inside of the casing for safe-keeping before returning it back to his table.

heeseung straddles you as you widen your legs to let him know his place. your eyes focus on your fingers as you untangle the wires of the earbuds. your giggles float in the room as he moves to adjust himself and you, the head of his cock resting against the skin above your lower lips. he gently lowers the head down, tapping it against your clit as it makes your body quiver, your knees already folding up as it rests right beside his hips. you grab onto of of the buds as you push your arms upwards, making heeseung lean down as he lets you push the bud into his ear, brushing against his piercing before you return to place the other bud into your own pierced ear.

“it will hurt,” he spoke above you.

“yeah...” you reply, your other hand already grabbing onto his tricep as you both look at how heeseung helps you get ready—how he also is getting himself to take you to the next level. he pushes his cock more, letting the tip caresses your clit and lower it as it widens your inner lip. you lean back more, letting your hip push up to let him see the hole.

“ah!” you gasped when you felt the head nudged at the entrance, shivers and sweat running down your spine as he pushes the rim of the hole so it got wider. your wetness makes the stretch easier when you can feel his head enter, from the narrow tip to the middle until the rest of his head is inside of you. your body is quivering, eyes stuck on his shaft entering you as a cacophony of moans and groans coming from both of you. hands held onto his arm and the walkman respectively as his hands on the pillow beside your head tighten up.

“fuck!” heeseung leans his head back, letting you admire his throat that has little blemishes from your kiss. you feel your walls closing in on him even just the little bit that he had entered. but it makes you shake your head.

“keep going,” you mumbled to him as he looked down to meet your breathtaking face. your nipples are perky as you reach his hand with your own. “i can handle it.”

“you’ll be the death of me,” he said under his breath as heeseung pushed himself deeper. more of your walls open up to encompass him as you keep your fingers locked in between his. the expression of your pain dissipates as you familiarize yourself, feeling yourself getting fuller as he pushes more of himself in.

the brush of his tip against your cervix widens your eyes as you feel his hips against yours. his body is still on top of you as you raise your legs up. his heavy breathing against your ear with the wires searing your warm skin with the cold material. heeseung’s lip trail kisses from your ear to the corner of your lips, his other hand holding onto your waist so that he can’t crush you. you embrace him by kissing him, a blissful smile spreading against your face, calming the boy.

“does it feel good?”

“very,” you respond, lifting your head to give a kiss as a seal. he looks to the side, glancing at your hand that's holding onto his walkman as you follow. your thumb reaches for the play button and pushes it down. the cd whirls inside as the sound of guitar strumming plays with the first song. your eyes staring into each other, overwhelming more of your senses from the touch to the hearing.

supernova, as you remember the title to be. a supernova also bursts inside of you, from the beautiful sound along to heeseung who invites you to join in on this intimate moment. and as the song continues, hearing moonstruck sings, the boy moves his hips, sliding his cock nearly out before pushing it back in.

his movement continues as the song continues, taking things slowly as you both take both sensations. your hands wrapped around his back alongside your legs on his waist. the feeling of the walkman resting on his back as you both look between each other and the place where your bodies conjoined. his kiss lingers as you stay in eye contact with him, yet sometimes it rolls back when you feel him hitting some spots within you. your eyes resting on his expressions as he looks down at you, sparkles in his eyes resembling supernova as you brought him down to kiss him with your hand on his cheek. gently, you brush his bangs resting on his forehead as both of your moans get louder in time with the rhythm he said. heeseung’s grip on you tightens as you can sense the fluidity of his hips moving faster, making more of your eyes roll back.

“hee, hee-“ you moan as you stare at him who is gritting his teeth, holding onto something you could assume is his release. you both come from the same position after all and it admires you more that he manages to hold on.

“let go,” your whisper reaches heeseung’s ears as his doe-like eyes enlarge, nodding your head to justify what you imply.

“cum for me,” you continue. your free hand reaches to play with your breast as your gleaming eyes silently plead to him, “cum in me.”

heeseung’s groan continues as his movement gets faster, chasing after his release and—with his thumb rubbing against your nub—making you chase after yours. he moans out deliciously as he collapses, his head returning to nudge into your juncture. as the fourth song plays, you can feel his liquid warming you up. yet he continues to rub his thumb against your clitoris as he turns his head to look at your side profile. the walkman still resting on his back as you push against it with your hand.

“my... angel...” he kisses your cheekbone as your loud moan comes out from your lips before he muffles it with his deep kiss. you could feel his outstretched smirk as your orgasm gushed out to your walls and his member. you breathe heavily as heeseung calms you down, his usual cockiness seeping out of its shell as he touches the area where you and him connected, making your body jitter.

“angel...” he mumbled against your skin as the fourth song finished and continued on with the fifth one.

“baby...” you replied with an airy voice, bringing him down back onto you as you felt his hand on your breasts and play with them. the sound of wetness coming from the bottom of your body as he continues to playfully nudge his hips, the coldness of both of your cum spreading across your warm skin.

“you want more?” you mumbled, eyes catching his as the corner of his lips wide, matching your own bliss expression.

“just one more.” his words come to you as he holds on to your waist and turns both of your bodies around. you nip on your bottom lip as both of your cums flow downwards. hands reaching for heeseung’s torso as your grip is still on the walkman. that’s when you felt a little tug on it as heeseung held it in his hand. you straighten your back, holding yourself up as trickles of your releases seep in between your walls and his shaft. and more of them as you push yourself down.

leaning your head back, you let out a satisfying moan as you push heeseung deeper into you, already feeling his tip right against your cervix as you push a bit more. the boy hisses underneath you, his hands holding onto your hips as the cold, slippery touch of the walkman adds to the sensation. the music continues to play, the dreamy synth sound that is being overdriven by the noisy guitar. you slowly lift yourself, groans coming from both of you as you sink once again at the same pace.

“angel...” he whispers, making you lean forward as you continue the pace with heeseung’s own following behind. your lips open wide, eyes on his as both of your lips graze each other’s. he puckers his lips, capturing yours as you hold your up still with your hands across his torso. heeseung’s lips continue to move down and meet your collar; giving it a hard suck that you know will create a mark.

“heeseung-“

“you feel so fucking good. you’re doing so well.” his words encourage you more and more, changing between bouncing and grinding above him. your crotch sticking to his as you look down to see where you both are connected: strings of the sticky liquid joining both of you as you experimentally slow down, listening in to the moisture created by both of you. your muffled moan comes along with a smile as heeseung’s lips contorted to it as well, rolling on him as you lean your body back. heeseung’s free hand graces your front, brushing against your nipples and your tummy; creating goosebumps on your arms.

one of your hands reaches for his as you bring it to your clitoris, his finger moving once again as you can’t help to let out a loud gasp, quickening your pace.

“i, hah, i love-“ you bite your lip tight, hands pushing against heeseung’s body as you have to lift yourself up as your legs become tired from the folding and floating from before as well. “I’m gonna cum.”

the boy’s hand reaches for your upper back and pushes you down as you follow the pace of the rock-sounding song, reacting accordingly as you hear the chorus melody by rolling your hips before changing back to bouncing. heeseung brought your lips close to him, feeding each other’s moan when you felt your knees buckle and hands shaking. your neck is outstretched as you take in to breathe from your orgasm.

and the beats quicken, turning from heavy bass to heavy drums, and heeseung doesn’t stop the pace. hands holding onto your hips to push it down as he chases for his release.

“fuck!” your arms buckle as you sigh heavily against heeseung, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as he breathes into your ear. your lips leave a little mark on him as you focus on the atmospheric sounds. skins slapping, moist, heavy breathing, your whimpers, his praises mumbled under his breath, the droning music in your ear.

he doesn’t need to say it when he pushes your hips down on him with a loud moan. warm liquid shoots inside of you as you already lift your head to watch his blissful face. heeseung’s eyes also rolled back—his adam’s apple bopping as he took huge breaths—before returning to his hooded state. the track ends with the chirping of birds and it fades to a stop.

only your exhales are heard as you stay in eye contact with him before you kiss him, signalling the end of your listening party with a full mind and heart.

-

everything seems to go back to normal, whatever normalcy is for you, but with a constant of heeseung in it.

he returns to his careful self—staying away or outright “making fun” of you—following eunho and the others. yet, lunch is always the time for you and him, resting your head against each other’s shoulder and then head, telling stories about each other as you expand about everything you know about heeseung and especially his love of moonstruck. angels dominate the conversation of the rest of the week, from the calm start to the sudden yet exciting dark yet upbeat songs. and because of that album, he interchanges in calling your name and angel.

your normalcy also includes your still existing “connection” with seona and the rest of the girls. the constant barraging, stealing of homework, and mockery are the ones that you still have to endure. you also had to realize that you’re not the only one being tormented by them—the result of a sudden encounter when you see a girl from another class curling on the floor, her glasses strewn away that you can’t help yourself but to interject before someone breaks it. and it results in you taking a beating right as they push the poor girl away in pain. but these days, you have a hunch that it’s getting harder. their punches have more force, resulting in your inner bleeding bruise actually turning very dark; the papers thrown or landed on your desk much more frequently, the girls encouraging eunho and the rest of the boys to add much more overt sexual sayings to you as you can’t help to peek behind you, finding heeseung’s mortified expression masked by an insincere smirk.

the phone buzzes inside your pocket as you pull it gently with the chains brushing against your hand. your eyes skim-read the message full of abbreviations as you hold on to your resting face, already knowing what to expect as you head to the side of your school building. a place where you had only seen the school gardener tend to the bushes there, a little alleyway in between the school building and the wall marking the school’s parameters. the usual place where you get more markings on your skin that you had to pull your socks higher to cover them up—always checking up on your blazer’s sleeves.

yet, even with such a predicament, something still feels off as you arrive at the narrow path: the smell of smoke.

even if it is familiar to you, you haven’t caught the girls smoking until now. they each have their own stick, holding it by pinching with their thumb and forefinger even with the stick still nearly as long as the one unburned. the way they smoke seems so unnatural to you it raises your awareness. and you can see it, behind the floating smoke, the appearance of seona and her agonizing smirk.

bracing yourself against the brick wall, you can sense your head pulsing and immediate dizziness coming in. risoo holds onto your blazer and you then realize that there is a torn in between the seams of the right arm sleeve and the shoulder area. your hearing turns into an automatic muffled option—letting their words enter from one ear and exit the other ear—as you brace yourself to toughen up your body and hold on to the pain once again. but the introduction of fire held by them is something that you don’t want anyone to experience. hopefully, it’s you and only you who will endure this.

because you had to look down at the newly formed round scars. you can already imagine the pain it is to heal and hide. the cigarettes were left on the floor to burn until the filter parts as you cower down, wiping away the tears of pain before you stomp them until they die. leaving only ashes and scars on your forearms. the heavy weight of the blazer burns against your open wounds, but you just can’t bring yourself to the nursery. as much as the school nurse will be there to treat you, you have been there so much that you feel ashamed about it. because you don’t deserve to be treated so much, knowing that there might be other people who need faster treatment than you.

you grind down on your teeth as you head back to class for the short break, walking past the unknowing people as you try to bear the pain by curling up your hand, the tense muscles making them more painful. a detour to the restroom makes you face yourself. you can see how pink your eyeballs are from the dried tear marks near your eyes. hisses coming from you as you hold yourself down from letting out such an agonizing scream when you feel the cold water brushing against the wounds, more tears forming from the corner of your eyes. your swollen nose is such an obvious appearance of your tearful self, so you clean your face too with the cold water, shocking yourself as you brace for the rest of the day.

as lunch comes and goes by, you hide it from heeseung—holding onto his hand as you snuggle up to his side while he eats the rest of your food from the lunch box. fingers curl in between his as sometimes you give a little pressure to dissipate the pain in your arm. but there is still someone that you can’t seem to hide as miss kang’s appearance startled your class by the end of the day. her eyes looking around the class as she talks about the dates for your final exams for the end of the semester, yet she seemed to land her eyes a little longer on you and especially at your hand that curled around the edge of your table, pressing it down with your grip to subside the pulsing pain.

that’s the only time that they play with fire. but, you might think that it might just be the beginning, especially with the increase in cat calls that many of the boys similar to eunho and heeseung’s group have been throwing at you even when you walked past them with your headset on and the cranberries cd playing in your walkman. and then, it started: heeseung didn’t show up to the rooftop for three days straight without even giving you an sms.

the rolling bandage wrapped around your forearms has covered the burned scars, hiding it still underneath your blazer even with the rising temperature as the season approaches summer. when you entered the class and approached your seat, you saw heeseung with his head laid on his table. slowly, you knock your knuckles gently against his table.

his head lifts as you meet his eyes as you observe him. a bandaid across the tall bridge of his nose, a faded bruise on his cheekbone, a clear sign of a black eye on the other, and a cut on the corner of his thick lips. your mouth opens, ready to let out whatever reassuring words that come to mind when his piercing glare stops you, he mouths a simple word.

“don’t.”

the back door of the class opens up with a loud bang as you take a glimpse at the boys coming in. heeseung gives a brief look before he pushes himself upright. recognizing the faces, you instantly move to sit on your chair, unpacking your bags to get out your stationary case and notebook. your ears revert to its “natural” phase of pushing people’s conversation out of your mind, especially if they are talking about you. the girls also arrived, but you see risoo is playing with her digital camera that has been there alongside your suffering.

as the morning class started and continue on, you felt a slight buzz in your skirt pocket. your eyes are focusing on the blackboard as you try to find the opening and drag your phone out by the strap. pressing the middle button, a notification appears on your screen that makes you want to let out a smile.

“hey, wanna meet up at the back of the school?”

you turn your head around as you meet the crown of heeseung’s head before he raises to meet you. yet, you were met with the same poker face you’ve always seen him wear to blend in. but you give him a small smile, hopefully that is enough of an answer for him, that, sure, a change of scenery will hurt no one, especially since you never interacted with him on school outside of the lunch break window of time. the first thing that you want to do when you meet him is to ask what happened to his beautiful face.

the constant happenings in your home make you succumb to tiredness, having a perfect quick nap in the middle of the class until you hear the rummaging and slides of chairs around you. pushing yourself up, you find a few students staying back in class. that’s when you remembered the meeting with heeseung at the back of the school. you’ve been there before and it is beautiful even with the small land as it looks like you stepped into a terrarium.

the leaves and branches from the tree separate the sunlight into beams, creating a perfect shade to the clear sky. your feet move with a mix of enthusiasm and hesitation, dragging them as you can still feel the bandage wrapped around your ankle. you abandoned the blazer, reminding of your trust in heeseung as he doesn’t even cover the bruises on his face. they drag across the gravelled path, as you turn your head around the corner to find the familiar sight.

the sight of his wide shoulders, ruffled black hair, with a brief glimmer in his eyes. but when you found him, he had his head hung low and hands behind his back.

“heeseung?” you called out. but when you want to step closer, ruffles are heard behind you with a sudden grip on your shoulders. the boy before you stood still, eyes on the ground and maybe just peeking to see the ends of your shoes.

dread fills you as you hear the person speak.

“well, isn’t it lovely? seeing you both here instead of the usual rooftop you both hang out on.”

eunho.

two forces gripped your hands at the same time as you could recognize the chuckles from the boys that stood there. youngbin approaches heeseung before standing behind him, taking hold of his hair before forcefully tilting it back. your eyes scan his appearance, how dim his usual shine is, and you shift your gaze beside him to discover the familiar girls standing aside, camera ready in risoo’s hand with seona standing by her with folded arms.

“you think we don’t know?” eunho added, feeling his head nodding as seona replied with a nod. “you think we don’t know the connection that you both have, huh newbie?”

“we can see them in class and don’t you think we didn’t catch you when both went out together?” youngbin said loudly from behind heeseung, hand holding his head still as you feel eunho’s breath brushing against your pierced earlobe.

“i knew that you were like your mother, but him, huh?” the boy behind you chuckles as his words plunge more to the acid in your stomach, making your gut react more than the sunken feeling it has felt as it lands on the bottom of the pit. you sense his hand moves from your shoulder to the side of your body, the uniform shirt clinging against your torso as you squirm when the fingers trailing down beneath your bosom. teeth grinding before you let out a cry that was muffled easily with eunho’s other hand.

“is heeseung really that good of a fuck?” youngbin speaks, taunting heeseung as he looks across at you and the way your body tense as eunho’s hand untucked your shirt from your skirt. fingers unbuttoning from the bottom of the shirt. your eyes shift to the chuckling girls as risoo has the camera right on you. yet, heeseung stayed still; you can’t read what he wants with this. why did he agree to this? you knew of the predicament you were in. being the lowest of the lowest in this very school.

eunho’s fingertips brush against your exposed skin as you hold on to your cry. “look how sensitive (y/n) is. well, all we want for you two is to entertain us.” the fingers continue to unbutton the shirt until the collar, exposing your bra to them. “you are our entertainment. so...” your eyelids widen as you see the furrow on heeseung’s brows. yet he stayed quiet. both eunho and youngbin lean in close to your ears as you hear their command at the same time.

“fuck him.”

“fuck her.”

your body is pushed to the front as your shirt flails, exposing more of your skin as you brace against heeseung’s body. lifting your head to glance at him, you take a peek around you before you whisper, “please.”

but when you felt heeseung’s arms wrapped around you, you knew that his familiar warmth was telling you something. something that makes your heart broken into smithereens.

“close your eyes. just feel me,” he whispers back.

he was coerced. he dangers himself to be with you and got caught. and now you are the collateral of his punishment.

heeseung’s kisses to the crook of your neck that is warmer as you close your eyes. focusing on his touch and shakes of the leaves that cover the rest of the people’s snickers. his grip begs you to let go of this world just for a moment, block out this memory so that it doesn’t traumatise you more. hopefully, it’s he and only he that will endure this.

you felt your body lying down on the gravel, the prickling little stone brushing against your skin as every rushed movement would caused another scratch on your body. heeseung’s hands brush against your bandaged forearms, a quick swipe as if he had to punish himself for not knowing these on your body. behind your eyelids, you see heeseung’s silhouette and focus on it. his hand brushes against your thigh as you are at the precipice of letting go. disassociate from your body for a second.

the boy leans down to cover your body with his as he plays with you as their entertainment but still covers you up for your dignity. you held down your lips as whimpers came out of you—you don’t know how long this will last, but you let yourself go to heeseung as your bandaged arms wrapped around his back. the sensation felt from your lower parts continue as the gravel movement increases around the both of you. heeseung’s head resting in the crook of your neck, wetting them up with the tears he can finally let go in a freefall-

“WHAT IS THIS?”

your eyes open wide as the piercing sun hurts them more. the legs of your bullies stood still as you looked from the gaps to discover two figures.

“we’re-“

“move out of the way.” the harsh voice sounds familiar as the legs are moved away alongside its bodies with the two figures approaching.

“oh, (y/n).” you looked up to find the worried face of miss kang, your homeroom teacher, and coach kim who was assessing the situation. and you had to wrap your arms around him more. the boy sobs muffled into your collarbone.

“p-please don’t punish heeseung.” you spoke up in a gravelly voice, “he’s with me. we’re-“

coach kim calls for someone as they turned the corner to find the school’s security guards surrounding the rest of the boys and girls. miss kang crouches down as she finally looks at your wrapped hands and the single bruise on heeseung’s face.

“oh...” her calm voice embraces the two of you as coach kim and the guards round up the people that were being entertained by you. yet you don’t want to let go of heeseung, scared for him more than he will face wrath from the teachers for your case. that you will defend him to be treated just like you are, because he had to endure it longer and he deserves them better than you.

-

《you know》

someone stands at the side of a large patch of grass. its emerald green piercing the eyes with some semblance of freshness. but also something dangerous.

《when you have stayed for so long in the space station》 《do you feel like you are able to reach for the moon itself?》

the figure walks forward, immersing themselves in the sea of grass as they approach one of the many steel towers that looked like dormant giants awaiting to be wakened up.

《yet space itself is a vacuum》 《and i heard that being in space with proper protection is like feeling the same pressure as when you are under the water》

much far away, a group of kids are flying colourful kites above the sky. the figure blinks, eyes following along with one of the kites that have tails trailing behind them. a small smile emerges on their face.

《and i feel like i am at the bottom of the ocean now》 《while all i want is to reach for the sky》

bandages adorned their arms as they dropped their backpack. some items spill out from the unzipped main pocket. a sight of the peeking walkman reflecting the sun.

《why does it hurt so much to emerge from the depths?》 《why does it hurt so much to even breathe the fresh air?》

their sweaty hands reach for one of the steel legs holding the transmission tower upright. with a huff, they pull their body up. it reminds them of when they used to climb up to the roof of the house when they were 5 years old. looking down at the streets of the neighbourhood with the house all empty of familial presence and love.

《why does it hurt so much when you can not reach the moon?》

step. step. step.

《and so》 《i decide to take it into my own hand》 《i will reach for the sky》 《climb the tallest structure i could underneath the clear sky》

they turned their body around, looking down at the plunge to assess it. one drop and a quick death for them. to end them all.

《i will reach for the moon》 《from: pearl

“(y/n)!”

the wispy wind blows against your wind when you look at the approaching figure running. you continue to hold on to the steel as the figure approaches, looking up with his face full of bandages as well.

《i want to reach the moon too》 《but moonstruck is enough for me to be able to reach there》 《you can get the taste of celeste here too》 《stay with us》 《stay with me》 《people admire you so much for what you have contributed to the space station》 《stay for them》 《stay for yourself》 《from: bambi

heeseung looks up with furrowed brows. his eyes landed on both of your hands that were holding the steel forming an angle. he sees your body trembling, a quiet sob reaches his ears.

《i will try》 《from: pearl

the boy stands near the leg as he sees your body turning, bringing you to take the step down the same way you went up. but its slippery angle makes you have to look down at the ground as well. you meet heeseung’s eyes as he stands right below you even with your blurry eyes.

“i’ll catch you,” he says with a pout on his face. you nodded your head, stepping down until he could reach for your waist before he lifted you off the steel beam and into his embrace. he looks down as you curl up against his chest, crying your eyes out and wetting his uniform shirt.

slowly he pulls away as he brings his hands to cup your face, your eyes still tilted downwards as he gives you a peck on the lips before it moves to your forehead and temple and he makes you rest your head against him once again. you focus on the sound of nature, how the chirping birds and the excited kids with their kites create a choir as they fly near each other in the sky.

days have gone by since that very incident. you still remembered how you told most of everything that transpired for you, prompting their conversation by pointing out the visible bruises and how they scarred your body. you also describe witnessing other people being bullied by them, how it affects your scores as well, and to also go to heeseung because he had felt the same thing. for the past years or so, you didn’t need to actually report to the school about this. because most of them don’t care, anyway. none of the adults care about people your age.

but when you heard the bullies were suspended for two weeks, you find that as a little victory when you came into the classroom to find their tables, alongside heeseung’s for the past three days because of his association. you let yourself talk to the other victims—most are the girls that were coerced by eunho to get them money as you learn their hardships as well. that with this punishment, at least he and the rest of the boys wake up from their trance. and yet, you still feel undeserving of treatment when there are people who need more. the survivor’s guilt ate you up from the inside until all you sense is the husk of yourself. none of your parents came to the school when coach kim told them to come, and you had to revert to your music once again until you felt that even it didn’t fill you up anymore.

your eyes landed on heeseung’s when you came into the class today. the guilt building up once again when you see him with his bandaged face. his stare pierces into the back of your head as you continue with class, your body cowering so much that you want to hide yourself from the glance of your fellow students and teachers. and during lunch, the first time you were supposed to have lunch with heeseung after three days by yourself, you grabbed your bag and left the school, citing the doctor’s appointment to the guard knowing just how bruised and in pain you were that day he found alongside coach kim and miss kang.

you didn’t realise heeseung had followed you until you met him and your rose-coloured glasses disappeared in an instant. that with you being gone doesn’t actually solve everything, especially with the people that you have connected with and your responsibility to them.

it’s too late for you both to go back to school now as the sun has gone its way down to the western horizon. your eyes focusing on the flying kites as its wonderful colours represent the various inner turmoils inside you. you felt him move to the side, letting you turn your body to sightsee as heeseung stood with his arm wrapped around you. his sigh catches you off guard as you peek towards him. his eyes darting with the recognizable expression of when he is thinking about an idea.

“do you want to go back to your house? i’ll be here with you.” his reassuring hand moves to hold you firm. lifting your head to read his face, your quiet reply with a nod of your head is enough for an answer as he tracks to grab your backpack and tidy it up. you can still feel how your legs are trembling as heeseung emerges from beside you with your backpack strap onto one side of his shoulders, arm behind your back as he leads the walk back to your house.

as you looked around the road you walked by, you could see the glances of the people working or resting. yet their gaze feels different now. none of the hostility you had experienced are there. the townspeople talk of the sexual harassment you endure and when they finally see you in your wounded galore; they finally understand. yet, they don’t want to act, at least make their children notice these things. the hardships their peers have experienced with the turn of the century and how scary it is to grow up at that window of time.

the walk down the road helps in calming the voices in your head. the reassurance that innocence still prevails comes from the elementary school kids who are now out of their schools, walking around and about as they have their snacks together before their parents search for them to come back home. you’ve never experienced it before, but you feel a tug on the corner of your lips as you watch them—to know that their innocence is still intact, unlike what you have experienced.

coming out of the last set of buildings, your house stood tall meters away from them—the sight of the transmission tower in the background reminds you just how close the place you wanted to end things from your abode. the hedges are now too overgrown that if it’s not because the exterior lights are on every night, it will look abandoned like it did months ago. you remembered heechan’s innocent gaze from the last time heeseung brought you back—the only time he brought you back here because you rather go alone back, much more discreet. and the house continues to stand tall, greeting the tenant who lives there—well, the one who consistently is there.

heeseung stops his tracks as he looks at the path down the carpark to where the entrance of the house is, his arm reluctant to let you go when you turn your head and ask, “do you want to go inside?” in your hushed voice.

one glance at the house and then at you; he gives the reins to you as you pull him with you down the empty path. you let out a sigh as he watches how your eyes are trailing around the face of the house. some windows are open as he sees floating ends of the sheer curtain spill out of the shadowy background. your hand reaches for his upper arm as you walk around him, opening up the front pocket of your backpack as you pull out the house key: the main house key.

pushing the key into the hole, you turned it as you heard the few clicks before you pushed down the handle and opened the door, tucking your shoes off by the door as you nudged your head for him to follow. stepping inside the house, his sock-covered feet walk across the wooden boarded floor as he is greeted with the sight of boxes stacking behind the sofa. most of these boxes are the usual brown boxes with labels written on the side. some were open, some were supposed to when he caught the sight of a pocket knife on one of them. but the others are boxes of various luxury brands that he can only imagine his parents only have one or two of their products. the room is dark as only the sunlight goes in from the open window.

it looks more like a storage than a home.

heeseung follows your moving figure as you approach what looks to be the kitchen and dining area. it is clean with only leftovers of unwashed pans available, stacks of recognizable lunch boxes resting on the counter beside the stove before he glances at the dining table where there is only a single plate on it even with the three chairs surrounding the table. the only signs of living and it comes with the semblance of you as you place your lunch box on the counter, waiting for it to be reheated when you are actually hungry. looking up from the box, you had turned your body to look at him.

“come, let me show you my room.” you trail back down the path you have taken, dragging your sock-covered feet against the floor as he walks behind you, the question already at the tip of his tongue as he pushes to ask.

“you’re alone here?” his voice lifted in intonation as you replied with a hum before adding more.

“they haven’t been home for a few days now. probably doing their usual thing.”

his steps stopped as you stood in front of the door which he could read from your action is yours. your hand reaches for the handle, hearing you take a breath, as you push the handle and open the door for him to be met with a surprising view.

across from him is a large familiar poster. it shows a nighttime landscape. a girl stood in front of a clear sky with the white shiny moon behind it. but the writing underneath the moon is the one that struck him.

moonstruck.

stepping forward, he lets out a small gasp.

around the room, he notices familiar images that he had seen both online and offline. some are the ones he had seen when he was thinking of buying merchandise, but he couldn’t. posters of bands that heeseung knows also have celeste aura collected on one side of the room. mazzy star, the cranberries, the velvet underground, all stood next to the calendar of the year 2000 and the map of south korea with a few pins sticking to them. but its space is compact compared to the moon imagery throughout the rest two sides of the room as the other is where the large window is, opening to the backyard with the sky turning purple. shifting his head once again, he finds a familiar site of a computer set sitting in the room's corner. the desk where the desktop screen stands has a stack of cds by moonstruck but also by her old band, nexus, but there alongside them rests a set of accessories of bracelet and necklace made of silver chain and white pearls.

yet, his eyes caught onto the lit-up screen of the desktop, they shifted at the familiar formatting of the screen he had many times visited. the black background and white-coloured text, the little emoticons of stars and moons,and the side of the screen where you can see the username of the owner of the account. and on top of the page is the recognizable banner of the moon and the typography spelling “space station.”

“you’re-“

“yes.” he turns his head as you approach the desk; opening your files folder so he could see the specific titles of the files. you click twice using your mouse, clicking the shuffle symbol as the familiar guitar of erotic plays from the computer’s speaker.

“i’m pearl. and you’re bambi.” you turn around your body and stand your ground, observing his face.

the pearl that was there when he had first entered the space station—the moderator and owner. the pearl that introduces him to more musicians similar to moonstruck. the pearl that was there assuring him everything was going to be okay. the pearl that he had convinced to not end it all.

it’s you.

“how’d you know-“

“i’ve recognised some details you have written about in the space station. but especially when bambi mentioned someone opening up to them and how they need convincing for bambi to also open up, and that day by field is the day after it. it’s too much of a coincidence.” you stepped forward and every step was full of hesitation as you arrived in front of him.

“i have. i’ve never met a moonstruck fan before other than myself and the first thing i do when i go to a new place is to not let people know that i love this artist who doesn’t know me so much. to not seem so fanatic about it and to wallow in it by myself. but when i met and you introduced me to moonstruck.” you gulped your saliva, “i just had to pretend that i didn’t know her when i know her so much, so that you can continue to talk to me about it, and i will not be as lonely as i am all the time.”

heeseung watches how pearly tears fall from the corner of your eyes. your facade breaks right in front of him along with the action that you were doing to hurt yourself before. he understands you so much, hiding a part of yourself that you know will be embarrassing to people and letting only the closest people learn about them. the memory of his moonstruck cd break under youngbin’s touch came into mind—the only thing that mattered to him at that time. your eyes were always gleaming with a sense of excitement when he put on moonstruck songs for you. he thought that it was because you were excited to hear new music, but he now realizes that it is because he makes you listen to his and your favourite artist.

when he read pearl’s message on the forum chat, he can’t help but think about the predicament himself alongside the experiences he had endured. yet, he had the time to speak to pearl just like how pearl speaks to him, a sense of companionship growing, knowing that people are thankful for pearl for moderating and sharing the latest pieces of information about moonstruck, but also for being there for the people no matter how empty the forum sometimes is like you only speak with the void.

he had saved you twice.

heeseung wraps his arms around you and gives you a tight hug, both of your backpacks fall down his shoulders as you feel even calmer than before. an enormous weight just also dropped from your shoulders as he puts the context of the times when he chats with pearl now with the face of you there. moving your head gently, he wiped the corner of the doe-like eyes looking at him as he let out a small pout.

“thank you. for creating space station. for connecting me more with moonstruck. for being there for me and giving me advice.”

“ditto,” you replied with a pout on your lips as well. yet your eyes still have cracks in them. cracks coming from the memories and experiences you have had and shared with him verbally or together, all culminating to today that he will always be thankful to go after you.

you had been his anchor for the semester. you had shown him that the life he is living is problematic in many ways. the friends he hangs out with regard him as the lowest in their group—not treated as a friend should be. but with you, he had felt more feelings he didn’t know existed for all his young life. and when he sensed your lips, he could sense your contemplation: all the turmoil you experiencing.

heeseung stumbled back when he felt the mattress hit behind his knees, making him sit down as you straddled his lap. his hands holding on to yours as you pulled away from the feverish kiss. your brows folded as you stared at his agape lips, the way his bangs framed him perfectly so that you could see his little freckle on his forehead. but he can see how you shook your head slightly. your hands move as you grab his wrist, pulling his hand so that it curves around your neck—reaching for his fingers to close it. his eyes flicker to look at his hand and your face, watching it tense as you put pressure on his fingers against the column.

“i want you... to fuck my pain away, heeseung.” your eyes shifted from his outstretched arm to his face.

“you’re going to get hurt more-“

“i trust you.” you slowly lower your hand and let him control the pressure yourself. “i give you my consent. i just, i don’t want to feel anything other than you.”

you lean in, resting your forehead against his as heeseung looks at your eyes closing. his hand still holding onto the curve of your neck. he can’t help but share the rage you felt. he knew he deserved it—the three-day suspension. but for the rest to only be given two weeks when their action culminated in bringing someone to the brink of death is unjustifiable. teenagers and their lack of consequences, and the adults who also don’t punish them hard enough. he could feel the contempt exuding from you and with the way you seem to let go of control, you truly trust him that you won’t get hurt under his care. no matter how hard he is going to be.

heeseung kisses your lips; they move around yours to create a sloppy mess as he holds your neck so you won’t move, earning a low moan from you as he pushes his tongue in between the gap. the muscles poke against your cheeks before battling with yours, his hand reaches for your uniform shirt as he unbuttons them one by one, exposing your bra to him as he gives one of your breasts pressure with his free hand. you groan against his mouth, making him pull away as you look at him with your hooded eyes and breathless face. he pulls your hands to his chest as they unbutton his shirt while he attacks your exposed collar, marking your skin with his touch and bite as he could feel your body trembling.

he hadn’t worn any t-shirt under the uniform today when you trace your fingertips against his muscles, teasing him like it is intentional as he groaned before he held you and positioned you off of his lap. your body is flailing like a doll as you let him move you into any position he wants: on your hands and knees. he kneels behind your bent-over body, lifting the uniform skirt as he is met with the sight of your underwear—a little wet patch already there.

“you’re that wet for me?” he says with a smirk on his face and you reply with a mumbled “yes” from your face against the pillow. he watches as you turned your head so you could catch what he is going to do. his cock hardens underneath his pants as he wipes his thumb against the wet patch, feeling your folds separating because of it. you take a sharp breath when he pulls your underwear down your thigh and pulls it off your legs and you let out a moan when you felt his wet tongue giving the slit a lick.

“hee-“ you shifted your body so you could watch him as the vibration of his hums added more to the sensation. continuing to moan, you let them out as loud as possible. nobody lives near you and nobody seems to live here other than you.

“ack!” your body moves forward with the force of his slap against your butt cheek, feeling your lower region shaking as your grip against your pillow tightens, making you see your bone knuckles against your skin. drool comes out of your lips and pools on the pillows as you hear a zipper opening when you tilt your head once again.

“more-“

“you want more?” heeseung gives another spank as you reply with a moan but also nods. when you felt the familiar hard blunt tip against your entrance, you had already braced yourself. but you didn’t expect him to push nearly half of his shaft into your wet cavern. your walls deliciously adapt to his cock with such muscle memory.

“i’m giving you more.” his hand reaches for yours and brings them behind. his hip starts to thrust at a steady pace as your muffled moan vibrates in the room alongside the magical sound of moonstruck from the corner of your room. playing the songs in a shuffle that also represents the various emotions that are hard to define as it is ever-changing. heeseung bent forward and traced his lips down your spine covered by the uniform, his own threatening to fall down his shoulder as he continued to push the skirt upwards above your bottom.

when he reaches around for your neck, you let him pull you up as your back arch with your head resting on his shoulder. his face rested beside your ear as you both in sync.

“fuck, angel. you feel so good squeezing me.”

“s-so full- ah!” you continue to move your hips in tandem with his thrust, feeling his tip kissing your cervix as he traces his lips across your exposed collarbone to your bra strap. heeseung trails his hand downwards—pressing against the area above your mound—he could sense the faint movement of him inside you.

“cum for me, angel,” he seductively whispers as you clawed against his skin when he hugs your shaking body. the gush falls down and seeps out from between your connected areas as you whine when you feel him pulled out. that is when he turned your body so that you lay down under him, letting him kiss your lips once again with as hard of a force as when he fucks you.

you moaned against his lips when he slips inside you once again, your hand brushing the shirt away as you trace his stitches scar on the collarbone before he distracts you when he flips the cup of your bra upwards as he leans down to give your nipple a suck. another hand of yours curl up in his hair, curling your legs too with how great it is as you feel like you are floating from the sensation you felt. you glance downwards to watch heeseung marking you across your chest while still moving at a pace that allows him to chase your orgasm once again. but you knew it is his turn to cum.

lifting his head up, you stare him in the eye as you let your trance mind jumble up the words that could entice him more.

“use me. fuck, baby. please.” coherent mumbles come out of you with a price as he lifts your legs and pushes them against your chest. your eyes are rolling backwards as you let him drop his moan against yours, chasing down the high that he wants to experience once again with you. sweat trailing down your skin as you can feel him buckle. eyes pleading with him to give you his all.

“i’m cumming,” he mentioned as he let out beautiful moans alongside the warm liquid bursting and spreading inside you. both of you breathe hard, taking in each other’s pace as you look outside the window to only notice that the light outside is from the exterior lamps you turned on while in the kitchen and the moon shining brightly into your room. moonstruck’s music continues as your computer plays one of her singles.

your arms reach for him as heeseung lies down against your body. your orgasm coming in late, but you still felt yourself clamping down on him. not wanting to let go. your mind has finally felt much clearer from the worries of the world that you could mostly ignore.

the bed covering and duvet continue to flood in both of your sweat as you pull off the rest of his and your uniforms. he helps you straddle him and places his cock to plunge inside you when you push down. round after round were done with no words of command spoken. only a look from each other’s eyes after a five-minute break was enough for him to lay you down and fuck you into oblivion. the songs are never ending as you continue to be enraptured by each other in different positions and location on the bed. and when you looked at the clock, ticking its hands as the time went, you could understand that it had been hours you’d spent in this whole thing when you arrived here.

your head rests on his pectorals, kissing the collarbone stitch on his shoulder, as you both stare at the plain ceiling where the moonlight meets the warm orange light from the bedside lamp. heeseung’s arm wraps around the middle, soothing you with his palm on your back as you both shared chuckles at what happened hours before. how it goes from one end of the spectrum to the other in a plunge and how you both reciprocate it. yet, there are still some nagging questions after he had uncovered many things about you, from the obvious to the minute details.

“so, you’re the one that created space station?” his soft voice calls for you as he hears you hum.

“i see it as a good opportunity to connect with like-minded people; the internet. and so, i learned how to be a webmaster and create this where i can talk about moonstruck. it used to be more of a personal website but because there are many frequent guests, i decided to make it more of a forum for discussion.” your soft sigh caught his attention as he looked to see you already looking at him.

“it helps me cope with my loneliness from moving around. like i have a purpose to do in life, but even that is not enough when everything becomes too overwhelming and i... you know...” you tilted your head, making him think of the catalyst that brought him to your house and realize who you also are.

“the map of korea with the pins and the boxes...” heeseung builds up his sentence, “are you moving again?”

“ah...” you chuckle as your eyes shift to the faint map on the other side of the room. “i don’t know. depends on how much trouble my parents are with their spending, evading, and gaslighting. they don’t put away their stuff out of the box thinking that the people who chase them will come after them again and we have to move. but honestly, i just want a place to stay for even one year. let me finish high school and i can step aside from troubling them with their lifestyle... like a burden.” your eyes blink, their puffy from the tears of pain before and pleasure recently, but he can see the slight shimmer in your eyes coming back once again.

“the map is the places that i want to visit in the country. just stepping aside from seoul and its surrounding areas to visit the southern coast. i mostly want to visit yeosu. it is a small city unlike busan but it's on an island but smaller than jeju island. i also haven’t visited jeju. people said it is so much different compared to seoul.”

heeseung continues to rub your bare back as he takes in your thoughts, yet his mind pins the mention of the place that changed everything for him.

“i have been to jeju. the trip that i mentioned to you with that whole thing that changed eunho.”

your head rose as you held your hands against the mattress and his chest, looking at him as the boy had to close his eyes. remembering the events that transpired at that time.

“the tour guide there said to me a person died three times. first, the body dies, and then the heart, and lastly, the soul.” he brought one hand of his to cup your cheek. “eunho’s body died when we were bullied in middle school when he dared to defy the bullies and gotten punch so hard he had a concussion. his heart died when he discovered his parents were divorcing on that very trip. and his soul died that day, getting ripped away by the riptide on the coast of jeju island.”

heeseung looked aside before flicking his eyes back to you, “well...” he gulped, “he is the one that introduced me to moonstruck. when i was doing his errands. i think it’s also a reason i stick by him other than being his friend way back then.”

a bell rings in your mind with the new information, your cheek leaning closer to him as you now understand why he sticks so long with eunho. he was the anchor of heeseung’s life: revolving his life to accommodate eunho and how without the boy, heeseung would’ve not found out about moonstruck. the words he has spoken tell more of a story of gratitude wrapped in melancholy. a story of friendship tainted by the harshness of life, but instead of cowering in loneliness like you do, he held himself up to hang out with the “wrong crowd” instead.

“i think i’m stepping into that cycle of death myself. my body died when he controlled me to give him money and beat me up if i refused to do so. and... my heart nearly died when i thought i would never see you again.” his thumb brushed underneath your eye and he saw the tears clouding his sight.

“i am so, so sorry for making you go to the back of the school. i-“

“you were coerced, heeseung. it’s an all-or-nothing situation for you. and i just feel like that’s the best option you have in comparison to other options. i’m sorry as well for not stepping away from you when you had mentioned to do so. i, well, knowing just how similar our interests are does not make me want to let you go.”

“and that is very normal, (y/n).” he replies back to you. “i just hated that he and the others, including the girls, are only given two weeks knowing how many victims they have in this very school.” heeseung pushed his head back into the pillow and letting out an exhale.

“he won’t stop. people like him won’t stop. their reasoning for their bullying is too superficial that it changes over time. jealousy mostly. but it will still happen even after school.” you added to his mind palace, letting your head rest against his chest once again.

“let him go so you can move on.”

the words seep into heeseung’s mind as they echo. turning his head, he gives you a short lovely kiss with a small smile growing on his face.

“i have to.”

-

《moonstruck concert!!!》 《this saturday in seoul》 《from: 1004

《hey everyone!》 《i’ll be going to the concert tomorrow》 《if you ever see someone holding a green apple》 《it’s going to be me》 《let’s link up!》 《from: silver

the screeching noise of the rails vibrates along with the shake of the cart. you are wearing an all-white outfit from top to bottom. both of your knees were covered with knee pads as you looked down to examine the cigarette burns fading and blending in with the rest of the skin of your forearms. trailing your sight following the hand lands on fingers wrapping beside yours, heeseung’s head tilting back as he watches the lights of the train car light up with every movement towards the venue of the sports stadium. both of your tickets were in one side of his pockets as he had the other one inside the other where he stores his needed stuff.

both of you blend in the crowd as you walk out of the train and arrive at the station. as you climb the stairs up towards the roads, you both step aside from the bigger crowd to join the smaller crowd that is leading the path towards the venue. on the way there, you observe people in various shapes and sizes with their outfits approaching the enormous stadium that you can see across from where you are. you don’t let go of heeseung’s hand as you turn to the side, booths upon booths of food and beverages stand along with a merchandise booth beside the large jumbotron showing moonstruck’s promotional videos for angels, stopping both him and you on your tracks. but you also follow him to look towards the queue to get into the stadium—both of you holding the tickets for the best spots in the stadium.

“let’s divide and conquer. what merch do you want?” he stands close so he can whisper to you, the hand with both of your tickets still beside yours as you grab them tight.

“a small one that we can share. postcards maybe?”

“hmm... i’ll surprise you, angel.” he kisses your temple before pushing aside, “stand in the line for us.”

you smile back as he moves to cut the line of crowds towards the merchandise booth, seeing him blending in with his unbuttoned black shirt and white t-shirt combo. turning around, you head towards the line to stand by the stadium premises. the sky is approaching the evening as you gaze at half of the sun nearly covered by the large stadium. you take every step forward, looking around at the people that come here. in your imagination, you might have seen only a bunch of young people—teenagers to college age—who come to moonstruck’s concert. but you don’t expect many working-age adults and even those approaching middle age also be here. a smile emerges from your lips; moonstruck’s music transcends age and generations.

from your hearing, you caught a few mentions of your community of space station. how a few of the people hug as they seem to get to know each other from there. the sound of shrieking excitement sounded from a bunch of girls who wear outfits uniformed to the moon colours of the three albums of moonstruck. yet, your eyes are searching for two things: green apple of silver and heeseung.

having been the most active person when you are also online, silver is someone very knowledgeable about moonstruck. your opinions agree with each other and they also follow through with your celeste aura theory—making it spread to the online moonstruck fandom that you can feel your heart flutter from hearing some people mentioning it, especially the older ones. because of that connection, you really want to meet up with them and share your love of moonstruck with them. silver seems to be close to bambi especially when giving him the opinion so that heeseung could open up to you, so you hope those two could close online as well as offline.

your head turns to peer at the start of the queue, searching for heeseung as you stand as close to the edge of the lines as possible so that he can step inside and stand beside you. instead, you heard commotion coming from behind the cue.

“hey, brother. line the fuck up.”

“young boys and their little capacity for awareness.”

shifting back, you find the person who is making this ruckus, but when you look down to meet the green apple in his hand and the face of the owner, you can feel how your heart plummets down into the depths of earth.

“(y/n)!”

“eunho...”

you wanted to puke out the meal you and heeseung had before coming here as your eyes still looked at the green apple, not wanting it to be true until you could read the name “silver” on it written with a black marker. his arm drapes behind you. the sight of the green apple on your shoulder taunts you as you feel him holding you close.

“are you here alone?”

“no, i’m with-“

“ah,” he gasps inauthentically, “oh yeah, with heeseung, where is he anyway? that is so bad of him to leave you alone like that.”

your body reacted to move away from him and go back to heeseung’s embrace. but you looked down to see the hand that was holding your tickets was replaced with the green apple. the person before you had her ticket checked and cut through with a paper puncher and skips happily after she passes, resulting in both of you now standing together. eunho holds three tickets: one of his from the seating section and two of yours from your standing section near the stage. his nimble fingers quickly move to tuck the seating ticket away as the security punches the hole for the rest of the tickets and pushes you forward, stopping you from moving away as you remember the terms and conditions.

tickets with the punched holes aren’t able to enter the premises again.

your eyes watch in horror as you feel your nails pierce into the apple’s skin as you turn your body around, tip-toeing to search for heeseung’s familiar face in the crowd.

“heeseung!” you called out to him as you saw someone raising an arm up.

“(y/n)!” the voice calls you back as you find him in the line you were just in. you want to run to him, but eunho’s hand is too fast as he brings you back and slams you against his front. his arm wrapped around you as he pulls out the last ticket in his grasp, showing heeseung how it looks intact with no holes. his tight push against your chest and upper arms can’t make you raise them as the sound of the paper ripping makes you hiss and your eyes tremble with rageful tears. the ripped paper falls onto your chest as you collect it and push him away with all your might.

“FUCK YOU!” you run towards the security as heeseung is approaching close to the barricade. tears threatening to fall down your face as you approach one of the guards by the place.

“please let me out!” you plead as you find heeseung’s figure, his smile has fallen.

“you know you can’t step back inside-“

“i know. please, it’s an emergency,” you replied with a lie as the guard looked back at you before moving aside to let you walk away from the premises. you run towards heeseung as he looks at you with a panic in his face before his eyebrows furrowed.

“what is happening?” you cut him as you grab his arm and pull him away from the line, as far from the crowd approaching to enter the stadium, before you hug him tight.

“i’m so, so sorry.” he hears your mumbled voice as you cry into his chest. you felt the paper bag of the merchandise behind you as you pulled your head away for you to talk.

“what’s wrong, angel?”

you show him the green apple, nearly mushed from your grip as the writing on it is still readable, “it’s him.”

“silver, you met them?”

“yeah,” you take a deep breath, “it’s eunho.”

heeseung’s furrowed brows deepen, looking into your eyes to determine if you are actually telling the truth or not. but when he sees just how heartbroken you are inside, he knows it is true.

“he, he got our tickets and pushed me inside with them.” you pushed the crushed bits of paper in your other fist as you opened the palm and showed it. “this one is his. he tore it up so that you couldn’t get in.” you finished speaking as another gush of tears comes out of you, looking at his expression as you brace yourself to cower when you see the familiar spark of flame in his eyes lights up again.

instead, you felt him enveloped his hands around you. the sound of the screaming from inside is thrown away as the sky continues to darken. the mix of many emotions enveloped both of you as you felt him whisper in your ears.

“we’re going to be okay. we can sit down here and look at the jumbotron. everything will be fine.”

you hummed, every turmoil inside you move to his assuring words; mending both of your heart that is shattered into smithereens. when you hear the bass vibrating, you shift to the side as you stare at the stadium with the purple sky in the background. both of you stare at the concert venue full of “what should be”s as he brings you to sit aside on the warm pavement.

wiping your tears away, you look down at the paper bag heeseung bought from the merchandise booth as he pulls out the postcard set, but also a pair of small hoop earrings with crescent moons motive for you both to share with your pierced ears. your eyes gleamed as observed them before giving him a hug. you both listen along to the songs played even with the distance, recognisable to your ears as both of you compete to whisper the title as fast as possible. the light of the jumbotron competes with the one from inside the stadium, the city of seoul, and the beautiful nighttime sky. you see many visitors who are also eavesdropping on the concert, some buying the merch as you discussed if you have enough money to buy the remaining t-shirts.

hours pass as you both lay down on the pavement, listening to moonstruck like you always do on the rooftop, by the fields, and in each other’s bedroom as you see the little white dots in the sky. that is when you see the jumbotron changed, showing a new video you have never watched for the amount of cycle that has happened.

pushing your body upright, you walked to the front of the jumbotron screen that is much more massive than you: live footage from inside the venue.

moonstruck, her figure with her identifiable flowing long hair now as short until it reaches her shoulders. a guitar hanging by the strap across her body, strummed by her hands as you also noticed how the video behind her shows the beautiful supernova—hearing the song with the title playing.

your eyes looking between the girl and the picturesque video of the moon, remembering the moment when you wrapped so close to heeseung when you listened to this song for the first time. eyebrows furrowed as you felt the nerves around your eyes reacting. the shine of the screen reflects on you as even with the minimal colour, the prominent neon captures and swallows you into the colour that it reaches you deep. you take many sharp breaths, pushing yourself down as you don’t want to cry again.

the song continues as you look at the moon behind moonstruck. pink colour from the angels cover art captures your attention as you let out a pout, peeking from the corner of your eyes at the figure of the familiar boy who has his head turned to you. the ringing of her voice lingers as instruments disappear one by one. the screen shows the entire moon video, the pink and now purple shining right before you as you look down to see the text.

wanna fly towards the moon?

your fingers curl as you turn your palms to meet his; his own already moving instinctively and locking them with yours, agreeing to do what is written if it is with you.

the crowd from the concerts steps out into crowds of different sizes. there, left astray, walks eunho as he steps out by himself, his eyes glaring around to find a familiar face he has seen before the concert or the familiar face of the boy who had been by his side for the past 5 years. he found the former.

you still hold on to his green apple, feeling the brushes of shoulders walking past you as you continue to look at the dispersing crowd. your free hand is in a fist as you are met with the smile that haunts you and also heeseung. eunho takes his time, whisking around and about like nobody is watching him as he meets his eyes with you.

but then he heard a scream of a boy, a recognizable voice.

“there’s moonstruck.”

one.

“moonstruck is here.”

two.

the people that were walking past you turned around as eunho did and your eyes continued to stick to him. then, the gush of wind came as people behind you walked past forward and back towards the stadium. screams of moonstruck being sighted echo to the night as you felt eunho’s eyes back on you, lifting the hand that was holding his green apple as you take a bite of it before you are being covered by the rushing crowd. all coming near to where eunho stands.

his eyes continue to look towards the back, wanting to find the appearance of the musician who helped him through the trials of life as he felt himself going back into the crowd. hands pushing each other to move forward to return to the stadium. but one push felt so painful that he had to glance down: a trail of blood coming out beneath his t-shirt. his vision is full of rage that slowly dissipates as he looks behind to find the eyes of the person who had been with him: heeseung. eunho expected his friend could help him, but as his vision darkens, the sight of the boy escapes as he pushes past the crowd and goes towards the city.

heeseung emerges from the crowd as you let out a tremendous relief, hearing the loud cheers turn to panic.

“stand up! someone fell.” one of them travels to your ears as you watch heeseung jog back to you, wiping the bloodied pocket knife you let him borrow across his black shirt before flipping it back and putting it in his jean pocket where his tickets were supposed to be.

your footsteps quicken as you both walk away as far from the crowd as possible, hearing the scream of medics calling to the crowd as you both walk away. handing out the bitten apple, he takes a bite of it himself before he reaches for your hand and wraps them in his on the way back to your town.

to go back to a place where everything will be much more than normal as you both close this cycle of madness: beginning your lives again.

-

《the death of the boy at moonstruck’s seoul concert is haunting》 《from asphyxiation by the crowd crush to a stab to his back》 《someone was out for him》 《from: d1sc0rd

《that day changes the whole of space station and the rest of moonstruck’s fandom outside of it》 《was moonstruck actually there?》 《from: toro82

《she is...》 《i don’t know》 《seems like it》 《i was there too》 《also》 《it’s weird that pearl is not here》 《i hope they’re okay with the talk of the dead boy》 《from: 1004

《it’s creepy knowing that someone's last song to hear is moonstruck’s》 《from: walker0

《let’s hope pearl is okay》 《maybe they’re taking a rest because of this incident》 《we all should》 《from: cosmiccomet

-

the appearance of the flower vase on the seat beside you makes you harden as you listen to miss kang’s last remark before summer vacation starts.

your eyes look towards the corner of the room as you also see empty tables that belonged to your bullies, now vacant as the two girls are frazzled with the recorded evidence that landed them on hot waters alongside the boys with their punishments and the death of eunho. turning around, you checked out heeseung who has let the hair by his nape get long. his bangs framing his forehead as he looks at you with a smirk on his face.

drastic changes happen to heeseung after he closes the cycle with you, his words ringing into your head as you remember laying down beside him and watching the moon by the stadium.

“he won’t hurt more people again.”

and when he did the deed and waited at the station that would bring you home, he gave you a very hard kiss that took your breath away before giving the pocket knife back to you.

you walk past the entrance of the school building for the last time this semester as you peer down the road to find heeseung waiting for you by the gate.

“ready to get your bag?” he playfully asks as you nudge him with your shoulder.

“of course i do. the train ticket is right there and we won’t be able to go if i didn’t grab them.”

his giggle fluttering across from the two of you as you walked, remembering the plan of getting your bag from your house before going to heeseung’s to pick up his bag and greet heechan one last time—you know many things will change for the month his older brother will be away.

heeseung’s arm wrapped around your shoulders as you both walk down the road together, bringing you close to him as you feel his kiss linger on your temple before he whispers in your pierced ear, the crescent moon earring mirrored with his own.

“we see how we will settle there at yeosu. create connections and all.” you blinked your eyes as you shifted your head to look at him.

“one more year and we will live there...” his words echo the promise you both make.

“one more year and we will leave this place behind...” you continue the promise as you grab his hand and give the back of it a kiss, continuing to walk to your destination.

one more year and you will be with each other in your next lives.

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[mirai-e-jump]

Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger Photobook: Don't Stop the BoonBoom Main Cast Member Interviews (translations and other pages below, very long post)

Publication: February 14, 2025

Iuchi Haruhi (Taiya Hando)

-Taiya cranks up his mood without showing emotion-

Everyone wrapped up filming together. At the time, it really didn't hit me. I think it was about two days later that I actually felt it……

Over this past year, I had a routine that I set up for myself, where the day before filming, I'd reread the script for corresponding scenes, and always make sure to do a final check before going to sleep. However, I guess that's come to an end. Now that filming is completely over, I feel alittle sad, as I can actually sense that Taiya's fading away.

Regarding Taiya, when I look back, the first thing I was conscious of was raising my mental age and trying to play my role as a calm character. However, if I made him too cool, he'd be too similar to Chasshiro, so instead of expressing his emotions, I'd crank up parts of his mood……I put great value into those kinds of things while acting.

The first scene we filmed was for the first episode, where Taiya buys the luxury brand store. I remember I didn't know how to move in relation to the camera's position, and was just trying to figure it all out. Not long after that, I had the opportunity to film my Boonboom Change, and when I put on the Boonboom suit for the first time, I had the feeling of, "I'm a hero!" The other thing I remember well was post recording with Director Nakazawa's team during episodes 1-3. At first, I held back my voice in order to keep it in line with Taiya's character, but when Director Nakazawa told me to "make it much more louder," I realized that it was "okay for him to be in high spirits after the Change." That became one of the opportunities for me to broaden my perspective of Taiya Hando.

I'd been going out to eat with the other members since fairly early on, but as filming progressed, it was exciting to see the number of friends increase one by one. The first climax for the five Boonboomger members was in episodes 8 and 9, when Taiya rushed over to them and said, "This is the most…," to which the other four replied, "Cranked up." It was an unforgettable, passionate scene. I think this moment slightly changed the way Taiya interacted with everyone.

Also, the presence of Yu-kun, who joined us halfway through, was a big deal. Until then, I had always thought that the right thing to do was to act according to the image the professional Directors or Cameramen had in their minds, so I had never thought of acting based on my own initiative. However, when I watched Yu-kun, he'd constantly make suggestions like, "I wanna move like this, but what do you think?," and I saw the course of things change, as those on set would respond with, "Alright then, let's go with that!" That's when I started reading the script with the thought of, "As one of the people creating this show, I also have to get involved on set!," and my attitude once again changed alittle bit.

-A dream filled ending typical of Boonboomger-

In episode 24, I was also happy to have my special skill of playing the guitar put to good use. As a matter of fact, during our first meeting, the Producers asked me, "Do you have any special skills?," to which I answered, "I can sing and play the guitar." That's when the Screenwriter's desire to "write about Taiya's first love" was incorporated, causing the episode to materialize. The script doesn't go as far as to depict what happened to Mahiro Sensei, but I wanted to understand it in my own way, so I talked to the Director and Producers before I went into it, and I even imagined what kind of feelings Taiya would be having and wrote them down in a notebook. The subject of the story was painful, but the shoot itself was fun. Taiya's a character who I had a hard time getting into, but by depicting him during his childhood, I think I was able to dig deeper into my role.

I pushed myself to the limit towards the very end of Boonboomger and lost about 5kg, which caused some concern as my face began to look really hollow (bitter smile). Still, as a result, I was able to get into it and concentrate while playing Taiya. The scene where he conveys his feelings to the other four during episode 45 was very memorable. In the completed footage of episode 37, a flashback scene was inserted, the one where child Taiya hears sad crying in the next room, and I was there to observe the filming of that scene. I wanted to internalize Taiya's feelings, so I asked and was allowed to sit in the same spot after they filmed it. I performed the scene with the other four in episode 45 with that in mind, so I was able to convey Taiya's feelings clearly.

I liked the last scene in the final episode. I thought the reversed situation was good, as it concludes with us five who protected Earth leaving for space, and Sakito, who had said that he "abandoned Earth," staying behind. For me, it was a conclusion that I would've never imagined. I was really excited while filming our participation in the BBG, and being able to say the line "Let's get cranked up!" at the very last moment will always remain in my heart. I believe it was a dream filled ending, one truly typical of Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger.

Hayama Yuki (Ishiro Meita)

-I aimed to play a role that anyone would think was cool-

For my role as Ishiro, I first talked with BoonBlue's Suit Actor Yoneoka Takahiro-san about how I wanted to "make him a cool character by any means," and so we decided to aim for a role that anyone would find cool, from his gestures and posture, to his pose when he changes into BoonBlue. Going along with that, his passionate side also came out around episode 6. The Director in charge of each episode enjoyed those playful parts and would tease me about it, so by also adding in some adlibs myself, I think I was able to broaden the range of my role. Yoneoka-san gave an energized performance in the Go-Onger episode, but by seeing that, it made me feel that although Ishiro's a spy of the underground, he was longing for something "sparkling," and I feel that it further expanded my role.

The first time Ishiro's past during his spy era was depicted was in episode 14. It was an episode that showed Ishiro's cool, cranked up appearance, but I felt that if I didn't establish a solid "foundation" here, it would affect how he was seen in the future. That's why I was so fired up to film the flashback scene. I also received tons of motivation from Miu-chan in this episode. Miu-chan has an extensive acting career, and above all else, the ways she delivered her lines were very convincing. The sequence of events that leads to Ishiro being stunned as she says, "You want to protect the place that's important to you, right?!," is a scene that everyone needs to watch. Up to that point, Ishiro had kept abit of a distance from everyone except for Taiya, but I think this was the first time he was willing to approach another member of the team.

The next spy story was in episode 29, which features a scene where I Boonboom Change while fighting against Gong Grumer, and I challenged myself to doing action, which isn't one of my strong points. Also, I was paired up with Sakito. Compared to the other three, he had a greater sense of distance from Sakito, but since they suddenly got involved right from the start, it was difficult trying to figure out how I should treat him. Also, when Sakito says, "You didn't grow up well, huh?," he responds with, "My parents did the same work I'm doing. You can figure out the rest." It's a line that expresses Ishiro's dark past, and he tells it to the person he was most distant from. It was an important moment that brought the two of them closer together.

Episode 37 had alot of action scenes, and I believe I was able to get them done with the support of Action Director Watanabe Jun-san and Yoneoka-san. I think that different people have different interpretations of the relationship between Ishiro and Naito Konomi-san's Sutea, and although we watched each other's performance on set, we never really compromised on things. I hope everyone enjoys speculating on that point. On the opposite end, Director Hayama Koichiro gave me easy to understand examples of how the fake Ishiro would fight against Taiya, which helped me better visualize his image. What's more, for the action scenes involving Taiya, Haruhi stayed with me countless times until I memorized how to do them, which was very helpful.

-If you grab hold of your wheel, things will become clearer-

From episodes 43-47, I think some of you may have been on edge watching Ishiro's actions. Still, since Taiya said in episode 37, "I can tell just by looking into his eyes," it was properly foreshadowed. Although Ishiro pointed his gun at everyone at the end of episode 43, it's important to note that Taiya's reaction at that moment wasn't captured. This was Director Nakazawa Shojiro's goal, as this detail wasn't in the script, but since he and Taiya trust each other without needing to say anything, he purposely left out Taiya's reaction. As for myself, I think that the role Ishiro played during the very end was a great one. Mira's marriage is an homage to the first episode, and his return in episode 47 along with his partner, Boonboom Marine, made me feel "cranked up" when I read the script.

The wrap up for actors was the final roll call during the final episode, and we were all able to finish filming together. Each person's name was then called out on the spot, and everyone would cry. I was determined not to cry, but when they called my name, Producer Kuji Yoshito-san and Director Nakazawa came into my sight, and I couldn't stop crying……I'm not entirely sure if I was able to speak coherently then, but I was truly overwhelmed with emotions in that moment.

The theme of Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger is to "take control of your own wheel," and while it may have looked as if Ishiro had sold his soul to the Hashiriyans during the very end, I believe that he was able to steer his way down the path of victory by taking the wheel in his own way. In reality, things may not always go as planned, but if you grab the wheel without abandoning your beliefs, I'm sure something will become clearer. For us actors, we'd be beyond happy if you could take away such a message from our work.

Suzuki Miu (Mira Shifuto)

-I tried to be conscious of "Mira's feelings" when performing in the second half-

After filming throughout the year, I did have some vague concerns in the beginning, but I'm really glad that we were able to get through it safely without any major accidents or problems occurring. Also, after a year of working with the same staff, I realized just how much fun it is to work together as "friends" to create a production.

As for my role as Mira, I was told that she doesn't "take a backseat to the main character," but is instead the first character that the viewers can emotionally attach themselves to as the story progressed. I knew that if I didn't carefully act out Mira's growth throughout the year, it would appear rushed and unconvincing, and by extension, the story wouldn't hold up. In the beginning however, Mira was presented in a fairly fun way. In the script, her screams were written as "Piyaaa!" (laughs). That was one of the reasons why up until about the halfway point, I was more conscious of how she was being seen from the outside instead of from the inside. However, in the latter half, I tried to play the role with "Mira's feelings" in mind, rather than thinking too much about "how I want her to be seen." In that regard, there may be a big difference between the beginning and the ending. I was also happy that Director Nakazawa Shojiro noticed that and said that "I had changed up my performance quite abit."

In the very beginning, it was fun being teamed up with Chasshiro in episode 6. I think Mira's someone who can be paired up with anyone, but Mira seems to be the only one who can make teasing Chasshiro look amusing (laughs). Even in the scene where we follow Jou, I had alot of fun filming and discussing the details with Yuki-kun, such as how we'd hide ourselves by retying our shoelaces and hiding behind a telephone pole.

Episodes 8 and 9 was the first crisis that the Boonboomgers faced, and the atmosphere on set was tense and different compared to the previous episodes. During all this, I think it was just like Mira to vent her feelings towards Taiya at the end of episode 8 with, "Why would you do such a reckless thing?" However, I could understand the feelings they both had, and condemning someone for something you're not aware of was pretty difficult to perform. I thought it'd be bad if she came off as being too confrontational, so I played the role hoping to convey Mira's honesty.

-I love how everyone in Boonboomger lives their lives to the fullest-

There were multiple main episodes for Mira, such as episodes 14, 20 and 31, but episode 36, in which I performed with Mori Hinami-chan, is the most memorable. When she learns that Aki, played by Hinamin, had given up on her dream, she speaks her mind by saying, "It's frustrating….that unlike how Taiya is with Boon-chan…..I can't make her dream come true." I had discussions with Director Watanabe Katsuya about that scene, and I thought about it alot myself. Mira's story began with her easygoing personality in the first episode, but up until then, there were very few scenes depicting her being worried. Mira's usually cheerful and in high spirits, so I wondered, "Would it be okay to show her being worried?," but I think it's her worries that really show the strength of their friendship.

Also in this episode, there's a scene where I Boonboom Changed without the helmet, so I also played the last scene where the mask was equipped. I was advised to pull my chin up in order to look cooler, but I was pretty scared since my field of vision was limited and I could only see my feet. Still, I ran as hard as I could, hoping that I'd look cool.

I think the major event at the end of the show was the development of Mira's decision to get married, which was depicted in episode 47. To be honest, I had something that was worrying me as the story was unfolding, and I talked to the Producers about it. Even though she became a Boonboomger in the first episode and was working hard at her part time jobs, I wondered, does Mira have any big dreams in her life? They created this development based on that. I wanted Mira to have a dream, but instead, it's Mira's strong desire to help the people in front of her that helped her grow so much. I took this as a message that the staff had prepared for my sake. During the actual shoot, after she decided to get married, there was the line, "This is how I'll grab hold of my wheel," and just looking at everyone's faces made me cry……I believe that this performance came out because I'd been building up my role as Mira and trusting everyone.

Based on the title, many of you may have thought that Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger was a cheerful and upbeat production. I myself am one of those people, but with six people, there were six different lives, and now that it's all over, I strongly feel that the appeal of this show was that "each and every one of them overcame their struggles and became stronger." For myself personally, I have always and will always love the way everyone in Boonboomger lives their lives to the fullest.

Saito Ryu (Jou Akuse)

-I was surprised at how similar I was to Jou Akuse-

When I was in elementary school, I served as class president and was known for being a rather serious type of person. However, I wasn't serious at all, as I had more of a clumsy side in comparison (laughs). That's why when I first learned about Jou's setting, I was very surprised at how similar he seemed to myself. Also, my own father is a firefighter, so I felt a sense of familiarity towards his role as a police officer, as they're also civil servants. That being the case, I thought, "If I just honestly express all the feelings I've had over the past 19 years of my life, I might be able to become Jou Akuse." During the beginning, I went into filming with those types of thoughts in mind.

Jou's real role began in episode 5, but the first scene we filmed was in the first episode, where he gets wrapped up in one of Wedding Dress Grumer's dresses. It was fun to see his clumsiness immediately come out, but Director Nakazawa Shojiro had told me, "It's fine to make as much noise as you'd like." At the time, my performative skills were still lacking, so I was abit confused. I now have the confidence that I can make things more interesting (laughs).

I put alot of effort into the fight scene against Darts Grumer in episode 5. I knew from the moment I read the script that the action leading up to my Boonboom Change was "an absolute must." During filming, Darts Grumer's Suit Actor Imai Yasuhiko-san lent me his support by saying, "It's okay to go all out," and under the passionate direction of Director Watanabe Katsuya, we filmed with my entire body getting covered in sand and dust. That day, I went home and shampooed my hair about six times, but sand kept falling from my head (laughs), and even when I rewatch it now, I can see just how much strain I put on my body. Director Watanabe also helped me out alot in the episode where I'm paired up with Mira, but I think episode 5 was the starting point for me as Jou.

From the moment we met, I became good friends with the other cast members. We didn't have many opportunities to meet until episode 4, but after episode 5, I think we were able to join up smoothly from episode 6 onwards. I was happy to finally be able to film together with everyone.

In episode 6, he immediately gets involved with Mira and Shiro Senpai, and I was also grateful for all the opportunities after that where Jou played a bigger role, such as in the Kaseki Grumer episode, the candy detective episode where he teamed up with Genba, and the baseball episode. What's more, they were all crazy episodes (laughs). Especially for episodes 21 and 23, the one in charge of them was Director Kato Hiroyuki, and he's the kind of Director who'll constantly incorporate alot of funny things, so I also had alot of fun while getting into a playful mood. In episode 21, there's a scene where I interact with Genba in my afro hairstyle, and I thought it'd turn out funnier the more serious I performed it. I took these kinds of things into consideration when I performed.

-I cried so much during the wrap up, that I was teased by everyone around me (laughs)-

Episode 40 was the episode where I myself felt a sense of accomplishment. After episode 15 aired, I received feedback from various people telling me that "it was good," but it was thanks to Director Hayama Koichiro, who brought out Jou's appeal, that I as an actor felt the desire to show off even more of my performative range. This time, episode 40 was naturally made possible thanks to Morichi Natsumi-san's wonderful script, and Director Nakazawa and Cinematographer Kamiaka Toshikazu-san's strong tag team, but I could personally feel the growth I had made up to that point, and the line, "There's no such thing as a 100% perfect hero," went viral on SNS, with the great response from those around me also giving me confidence.

Filming for the last chapter progressed at a good pace, and it felt like it went by in the blink of an eye. During this time, what surprised me was Chasshiro's betrayal and Boon-chan's defeat. I had only heard alittle bit about it beforehand, but when it was time to read the script, I was shocked and thought, "Are you serious?!" And then, Jou quit being a police officer, and in episode 46, he was confronted by his senior officer played by Takada Masashi-san……I didn't expect things to turn out this way, so I had abit of trouble trying to wrap my head around the situation. It was as big of a situation for me as it was for Jou. In the end, the five of us left for space, so I interpreted it with, "I guess he's on temporary leave for the time being?"

The Assistant Director made the necessary adjustments to our schedules so that everyone would be able to be together for the wrap up. The night before the last day of filming, I cried all alone at home due to feeling lonely, so on the very day of filming, I thought I'd be fine since I cried ahead of time. However, when I saw the face of BoonBlack's Suit Actor, Shige-san, I couldn't help but cry. I was crying so much that everyone around me jokingly said, "You're crying way too much!" (laughs). Over the past year, there were times where I was guided gently, and times where I was guided strictly, but I was truly happy on this set.

Soma Satoru (Genba Bureki)

-From being a Procurer with a detached position to becoming friends with the Boonboomgers-

When it was decided that I'd be playing the role of Genba Bureki, I was told that, unlike the other members, I'd be "playing an alien." However, since I didn't know the reason why he was always licking lollipops or the beliefs that he held, I had to make detailed adjustments all the time while thinking, "I guess it'd be alright if I did this much." It was around the time we were filming the Summer film when I learned about the developments for the second half of the story, and I thought that his feelings toward Nicola, who was invaded by Hashiriyans, were different from everyone else's, so I was conscious of those expressions in my performance.

In the beginning, I didn't have much to work with, so I was trying to figure out how to say distinctive lines such as "Seems like you're in trouble" in a way that felt right to me. There's abit of a suspicious, older feel to him, and I thought it'd be great if I could add some expressions that were unique to Genba. The first thing we filmed was the scene in episode 2, when he receives a job request from Taiya. From episodes 1-6, he had watched them from a detached position as a Procurer, so I was very happy when we were ready to film episode 7, as he joins the Boonboomger's as their friend.

In episode 10, I was able to do some action before his transformation. I was confident in my athletic abilities, but the movements done by BoonOrange's Suit Actor Ono Yukimasa-kun, who showed me some examples, were amazing, and while I felt alittle overwhelmed, I tried to do my best. Ono-kun and I would both always talk about "how we felt during this part," and I was always amazed by the action I saw during post recording.

His destined rival Disrace appeared at the end of episode 26, and he left Boonboomger in episode 27. There's a scene where he says, "That's why I'm giving up my front row seat," and as myself, I definitely didn't want to leave, but at the same time, he doesn't want to involve his friends any further, so……it was quite difficult for me to perform. After that, I didn't get to see everyone as often as I would've liked to, and there were also no good opportunities to go out and eat together. That's why when he returned in episode 33, I was so happy that I couldn't help but talk nonstop with everyone on set (laughs).

During filming of episode 33, I almost cried when I said the line, "This is the place where I belong," and I was also deeply moved when Taiya asked, "What has the Procurer procured for us?" to which I answer, "Myself, of course." The scene where all of us perform the Boonboom Change also suddenly made me feel that "having friends is great." I was personally grateful for the fact that both episodes 27 and 33 were done by Director Nakazawa, as I was able to make progress while consulting with him.

-One thing remains for Genba, that being his important mission to retake planet Bureki-

I also enjoyed being together with Sakito during the soccer episode. We're both from Shizuoka, and I'm a Shimizu S-Pulse supporter, so because of this connection, we were invited to participate in an event by Shimizu S-Pulse in September. As for the drama, he clashes with Sakito, and well, fighting doesn't bring them closer together, but because they both love soccer, it seems like they let out more unnecessary feelings than usual. They had clashed before in episode 32, but I think they were finally able to work out their differences in this episode.

I had the feeling that the "end" was gradually approaching during the final stages of filming, but in the final episode, when their transformations are cancelled during the battle with Spindo, as we were filming the scene where they stand up while conveying their feelings, the feeling that "it was finally coming to an end" suddenly hit me. Here, Genba says, "In this universe, that's what we call love," but combined with the location, which captured the sunset, and the atmosphere on set, it made me get more into it.

The ending was a beautiful conclusion, but as for Genba, he still hasn't retaken planet Bureki. Because there's still an important mission left to do, it didn't finish with a happy ending, however, they were able to defeat both Grantu and Spindo and save Earth, so it was still a big step in the right direction.

Now that it's all over, I feel alittle sad since I no longer have to spend time thinking about the next day's shoot. Looking back, I really didn't know what I was doing a year ago, but I'm here now thanks to all the fans who supported me, and over the past year, through the feedback I received at events and on SNS, I was motivated by the fact that I was involved in a production that was loved by so many people. I'll work even harder so that everyone who got to know me through Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger will see a different side of me. I look forward to your continued support!

Miyazawa Yu (Sakito Homura)

-I was able to gain experience both as myself and as Sakito Homura-

When I "encountered" Sakito at the audition, I felt that he was so similar to me, that I thought, "If I fail this, I don't think I'll ever have a chance in any tokusatsu production." Once I entered filming, I was very happy to hear that Director Hayama Koichiro said on set that he had "wanted to film Miyazawa as Sakito." When he makes his entrance during episode 16, I played the role with the impression that he was an overly self conscious perfectionist, but as things continued with episodes 17 and 18 being done by Director Kato Hiroyuki, I was able to bring out more of his weaknesses.

During the joint reading session before I went into filming, the Director and Producers said that they wanted me to "act in a childish way," but I was thinking of taking my performance in a slightly different direction, so the most important thing was being able to create Sakito on my own terms. Also, I think that by looking for places where I could be abit playful on set, I was able to gain experience both as myself and as Sakito Homura.

Episode 41 is an episode that I'm deeply attached to, as I was able to incorporate my special skill of playing soccer. The "Pulse Ace" that appears is a play on Shimizu S-Pulse, but I used to be a member of Shimizu S-Pulse's lower division when I was in middle school, and I was deeply moved by the collaboration event between Boonboomger and Shimizu S-Pulse that took place during the broadcast. The story was rich in content, with its appropriate comedic feel, our passion for soccer, and my pairing with Genba, so I think the viewers enjoyed it. Among other things, the scene where Genba and I pass the ball to each other with napalm exploding in the background had to be done in one take, so I had a fairly long discussion with Satoru beforehand. It was quite difficult even for experienced players like us, as there was gravel everywhere we stepped, and the unique shape of the Boonboom suit's shoes made kicking the ball feel different, but fortunately, we got the OK with our very first attempt. In terms of the story, his clash with Genba reminded me of the sumo episode, and I also thought it was typical of the younger Jou for being so straightforward and acting as their middle man. That scene was effective because of Ryu's careful performance, and I thought it turned out to be a very good scene where you'd naturally think, "If Jou said it, then it must be right."

-The final scene where Sakito remains on the Earth personally gave me goosebumps-

After the soccer episode and Christmas episode, the final stages of the show had some dramatic developments, but episode 45 was the one that I put the most effort into. Bundorio stopped functioning, the Boonboomgers were split up, and Taiya was mentally out of it. During all this, Sakito and Byundi confront the Hashiriyans together……It was a hot development, as the man who abandoned Earth now fought to protect it, but in playing Sakito, I saw it as a "fight to protect his friends." If we go back to episode 18, Sakito said, "I just wanna protect my only friend and his family," but I believe that episode 45 encapsulates the change in his feelings from that point on. This episode was directed by Director Hayama, who also did the episode where I first appeared, and the scene where I pushed my way through the crowd and shouted, "You guys…didn't the Boonboomgers save you?!," was a direction given to me by the Director, so I myself also wanted to live up to the trust he put in me.

In the final episode, I felt the team's unity as they defeated Spindo, and I also thought it was wonderful that everyone's individual scenes were properly depicted. I hope that you were able to feel that high level of unity. And, the final scene where Sakito remains on Earth personally gave me goosebumps. When I first read the script, I thought, "Uwah, this is seriously good!" Living on Earth, the number of people he came to love steadily increased, and it seemed to match up with the way Sakito lives his life, so I'm satisfied with it. I felt that there was nothing wrong with the performance I had been doing, and I can only thank all the staff members for preparing and directing such a conclusion.

The last scene we filmed was our final roll call. This was the end of filming, but the show was still going on, so to be honest, I didn't really feel it. However, when the time came for them to address me, I couldn't help but tear up when I saw the large number of staff members.

I had been involved since episode 16, and was very excited to be in the position of shaking things up as the additional member, and I feel that the feedback I've gotten in regards to that has been good. The show itself will remain even after the broadcast is over, so we'd all be happy if people said, "Boonboomger was great, wasn't it?" We don't know yet if there'll be an anniversary project in the future, but I hope that Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger will remain in the hearts of all the fans forever!

Handwritten Messages

Iuchi Haruhi

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Taiya Hando over the past year?" The scene in the final episode where everyone says, "This is the most cranked up!"

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Taiya Hando)?" The parts were he wouldn't ignore!

"What part of Taiya Hando's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" The tool design of the weapons!

"A word to Taiya Hando!" LOVE

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" I'm glad it was the six of us…I had fun. Thank you!

"A word to all the fans!" Thank you so much for your support over the past year! I look forward to your continued support!

Hayama Yuki

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Ishiro Meita over the past year?" Bakuage 29's action scenes.

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Ishiro Meita)?" His activities as an Informant.

"What part of Ishiro Meita's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" His three piece suit and necktie that would change every episode. That you could turn the Boonboom Handle with just one hand!

"A word to Ishiro Meita!" I love you.

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" Ishiro had trouble fitting, so thank you for looking out for him!

"A word to all the fans!" Thank you for your cranked up support!

Suzuki Miu

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Mira Shifuto over the past year?" Episode 36's helmetless running scene.

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Mira Shifuto)?" That she worked hard for the sake of someone else instead of herself.

"What part of Mira Shifuto's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" That you could hold Boonboom Handle's Rod Mode upside down (it's dangerous, so good children shouldn't imitate that!)

"A word to Mira Shifuto!" Mira being cheerful gave me tons of energy! Thank you :)

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" I was really happy with the six of us! We're forever friends!!!

"A word to all the fans!" I wouldn't have made it this far without everyone's voices of support. Thank you so much!

Saito Ryu

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Jou Akuse over the past year?" My first transformation.

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Jou Akuse)?" Getting dirty.

"What part of Jou Akuse's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" His police uniform.

"A word to Jou Akuse!" You're an honourable man!! Make sure to zip up your fly properly!!

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" Thank you for the past year! Sorry for when I acted out of line 🖤

"A word to all the fans!" Thank you for your support over the past year! I look forward to your continued support.

Soma Satoru

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Genba Bureki over the past year?" When after leaving once, he reprocured himself through his friends.

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Genba Bureki)?" With every episode, his friends became the embodiment of ​​"taking control of your own wheel."

"What part of Genba Bureki's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" His fluttering costume made action scenes look more attractive.

"A word to Genba Bureki!" I'm glad you returned to Boonboomger!

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" Thank you for trusting me and waiting for me ^_^

"A word to all the fans!" Thank you so much for always giving us tons of support!

Miyazawa Yu

"What was the most cranked up scene that you performed as Sakito Homura over the past year?" The six person transformation in Bakuage 48!

"What did you think was the "coolest part" about Boonboomger (or Sakito Homura)?" Honestly gaining control of your own wheel!

"What part of Sakito Homura's "costume" or "weapons" did you think was cranked up?" All of it!

"A word to Sakito Homura!" Sakito Homura! Enjoy living a chaotic life on Earth!

"A word to your Boonboomger friends!" Claim absolute victory in the BBG!!

"A word to all the fans!" Thank you for your support in Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger over the past year! It was the most cranked up year!!

The Heroes Cranked Up Roundtable A long roundtable discussion with the six cast members who played the heroes who protected Earth. They'll talk about their memories from the past year, as well as bombshell stories that can only be talked about now?!

-The six cranked up members have gathered-

"First, please tell us about the relationship between the six of you after spending about a year together."

Hayama: In the beginning it was just Satoru-kun, but the older members were extremely reliable.

Suzuki: Yeah.

Hayama: We got so used to it, that we slowly started to develop a habit of screwing around with them (laughs).

Soma: That's right (laughs).

Hayama: Still, I think it's because they both allowed us to do that that people have come to say, "Boonboomger had some great vibes."

Iuchi: That was a big part of it.

Miyazawa: Y'know, I'm not sure if we've forgiven you yet (laughs).

Soma: Right?

Hayama: Even in this interview, we can talk about how we mess with them, so in that sense, Satoru-kun and Zawa-nii are the greatest.

Miyazawa: I suppose so (laughs).

Suzuki: The youngest members, Haruhi-kun and Ryu-kun, are both 20, while Zawa-kun is the oldest at 29 years old, so the age difference between us is the kind where you wouldn't normally have many opportunities to interact so closely. However, I still think the reason we were able to get along so well was because we were together for a year.

Miyazawa: Normally, I'd be concerned about both sides of the situation.

Iuchi: You were cautious.

Hayama: He was, wasn't he?

Soma: In the beginning, Zawa-kun didn't get involved with us at all for some reason.

Miyazawa: That's because there's a generational gap between us (laughs).

Iuchi: I felt the same way too. At first, it was the age difference, and since I went to an entertainment high school that didn't have any club activities, I rarely had any opportunities to interact with my seniors.

Miyazawa: And yet now we're like family.

Soma: We've even been asked, "Are you guys related?"

Suzuki: During the wrap up, the staff had said, "You guys look like relatives."

Miyazawa: It made me realize that even though there's a 9 year gap between us, we become friends.

Hayama: Of course, we weren't just playing around, as Zawa-kun drew a clear line when it came to work, and I really received a ton of inspiration from him. The only exception is Soma-san (laughs).

Soma: So that's how it is, huh? How strange (laughs).

"I see, so this is how you "tease those older than you" (laughs)."

Soma: Even though Hayama-kun and I go out to eat together pretty often…

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Saito Miyazawa: (laughs).

"Did Soma-san and Miyazawa-san have to worry about anything when dealing with the younger members?"

Soma: I was the oldest of the original five, so I didn't want them to view me as "scary" (laughs). I wanted them to be able to be carefree, so I aimed to create a "Buddha" like appearance, someone who was accepting of everybody (laughs). By the way, we're being interviewed right now while eating our bentos, and Ryu just stole my tamagoyaki……

Saito: He won't get mad at all if I take it from him (laughs).

Soma: No, no, I told you tamagoyaki is my favorite, c'mon now! This is how they mercilessly tease us (laughs).

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Miyazawa: (laughs).

Miyazawa: I joined in the middle of the show, but after it was decided that I would perform, I searched up information on who I'd be working with. That's when I was like, "They're all younger than me!" (laughs).

Soma: I get that. You were shocked, huh?

Miyazawa: However, I still thought that there was only one person "below me."

Soma: Who? Ryu maybe?

Miyazawa: No, like you, I'm from Shizuoka. That's why I thought you'd be the first one I talked to (laughs).

Suzuki: Did you think you'd have a better opportunity with Satoru-kun since you're both closer in age?

Miyazawa: Yeah. It's because even Miu-chan and I are about five years apart.

Soma: That's true.

Miyazawa: Before we became friends, I wondered if we would even get along.

Suzuki: Usually, when there's that much of an age difference you're like, "Where do we start?"

Miyazawa: I've also said this elsewhere, but at the same time I was having my costume fit, Miu-chan and Ryu came running to the makeup room and excitedly said, "Uwah, so this is Violet!" At that moment, I felt that everything would be alright. Or, perhaps what I mean to say is that I was the one who took a step back (laughs).

Suzuki: That's right! In another interview, Zawa-kun had said that he was grateful for the two of us closing the distance between him, but just recently, when the topic happened to come up in a private conversation, he said, "To be honest, I was abit put off at the time" (laughs).

Saito: That's harsh (laughs).

Miyazawa: It's because of how energetic you kids are.

Iuchi: You're always saying that.

Suzuki: We're all energetic.

Hayama: Right, we tend to hear that alot.

Miyazawa: That's how it is now, but in the beginning I had the feeling of, "How should I deal with them?"

Iuchi: At first, I felt like I had to talk to them as adults, but Satoru-kun and Yu-kun were the ones to bring a stop to that. That's why I'm very grateful for them.

Soma: In our group chat, Haruhi initially used a large amount of emojis, which made me think, "Ah, he's being cautious" (laughs).

Iuchi: Ah, I didn't realize you had seen right through me (laughs).

Soma: I noticed it from the very beginning.

Suzuki: I see. He did use a large amount of them.

Miyazawa: Is that so? I would've liked to have seen that.

Soma: By the time Zawa-kun joined us, he was no longer doing that.

Suzuki: It's because you "brought a stop to that," remember?

Hayama: (he looks at Miyazawa-san) And here I thought you were a good guy.

Miyazawa: Hey!

Iuchi Suzuki Saito Soma: (laughs).

Miyazawa: To begin with, our generations are so different, that I don't know what's popular. People of my generation would do stuff like go to karaoke.

Soma: Yeah. Things like what's popular and fun among today's youth.

Miyazawa: I had no idea about TikTok or anything like that (laughs).

Soma: You know, the way people say TikTok now is with an intonation! (laughs).

Miyazawa: Eh, it's that true?

Soma:……that's how it seems.

Miyazawa: However, it was a completely different story when I entered the set. I was conscious of the fact that it was our place of work.

Soma: There was a clear distinction in the way you'd switch.

Miyazawa: Right, which is the most important thing!

"Do you have any painful or difficult stories that you can only talk about now?"

Iuchi: What's okay to say? (laughs).

Saito: Ah, I was late once.

Suzuki: Wha!

Iuchi: Do you feel remorseful about it?

Saito: I do.

Suzuki: I don't know what to take away from this.

Soma: Just let it play out (laughs).

Saito: However, I made it in time for the shoot itself.

Miyazawa: No, no, that's totally normal then (laughs).

Saito: When you've been doing something like this for a long time, you inevitably start to slack off, huh?

Suzuki: You can't say that about yourself! (laughs).

Iuchi Hayama Soma Miyazawa: (laughs).

Iuchi: What was abit difficult for me during filming was not using my bike. I didn't ride it throughout the filming period because I didn't want to cause trouble if I had an accident. Besides, with it being my first time living in Tokyo, I thought I'd be fine without a bike, as there are tons of trains in Tokyo. However, once I started living there, I found that there were many places that would take too long to get to if I used the train or bus, but could be reached pretty easily by bike. I'm alittle disappointed that I couldn't even go out and have some casual fun (bitter smile).

Saito: That was a model answer!

Miyazawa: Is it okay to talk about what was difficult for me?

Hayama: The Boonboom dance?

Miyazawa: No (said firmly).

Hayama: Not that, huh?

Miyazawa: Sakito's hair style.

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Saito Soma: Yeah (they fully agree).

Miyazawa: Every time I went to a shoot, it would become coarse and stiff. After filming, I would have to go home and wash my hair because of how difficult it became.

Suzuki: After filming would finish, we'd say, "Let's all go out for a meal!," but only Zawa-kun would go home and take a shower before rejoining us.

Miyazawa: That's because if I left my hair as it was, my hat would look like it was floating.

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Saito Soma: (laughs).

Soma: That being said, I had trouble with my hair too.

Miyazawa: What was the case for Satoru? It must've been with your Burekiian form.

Soma: Yeah, it was when I transformed into my Burekiian form.

Hayama: Putting on the makeup too.

Soma: That's right. What's more, my skin is fairly tan.

Saito: Sure is.

Soma: So, I had to apply whitening cream in addition to getting my makeup done. I also had to wear cat eye contacts, but if I blinked even slightly, they would immediately rotate. That's why it was very difficult for me to perform close up shots in that condition.

Suzuki: You wouldn't blink.

Soma: Still, they'd eventually also fall out if I didn't blink for a long time.

Miyazawa: Your contacts fell out countless times.

Soma: Yeah.

Hayama: What comes to mind for me was the action. Exercise has never been one of my strong points, and there were a few times where I just couldn't keep up. To be honest, that was really tough.

Soma: No, no, you were really cool!

Hayama: Really?

Suzuki: Yeah.

Soma: Like in episode 37, you were amazing, don't you think?

Hayama: Well, in any case, I was just desperately trying to keep up.

Suzuki: You seem to have good reflexes.

Miyazawa: And he can dance. Me on the other hand, I'm no good at dancing (laughs).

Hayama: Wasn't it quite difficult for Miu-chan to get into costume?

Suzuki: That's right. There were so many part time outfits, so I remember having to get my costume fit for almost every episode (laughs).

Hayama: You went in to get your costume fit all the time.

Suzuki: Also, my legs were very cold.

Hayama: I had a feeling you'd say that.

Suzuki: Especially during Winter (bitter smile).

Hayama: And, those weren't even the worst ones. There's the wedding dress you wore in the final episode.

Suzuki: Yeah.

Hayama: You had to have the staff help you when you moved.

Suzuki: I couldn't move without my attendants.

Hayama: "Attendants" (laughs).

Miyazawa: It really seemed like that.

Suzuki: Also, I couldn't sit on a chair, so when filming stopped, I had a blanket laid out on the floor to sit on until my next turn.

Saito: You were like a princess!

Suzuki: The dress looked like it was floating as it spread out on the floor.

Saito: She often called upon us (Saito-san and Hayama-san) and gave requests like, "Please get me some sweets" (laughs).

Iuchi: She simply couldn't move.

Suzuki: (speaking like a princess) "Excuse me, can you fetch me a drink?"

Miyazawa: She's totally a princess now (laughs).

Suzuki: Another challenging thing was that this production has shorter shots so that smaller children watching wouldn't get bored. In scenes where we convey our feelings, they weren't that long and involved a series of cuts, so we had to raise our emotions pretty intensely, which was difficult. If I had to put it another way, I think it really strengthened our responsive skills.

Hayama: That's a good way of putting it.

Suzuki: You get it though, right?

Hayama: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

Suzuki: Zawa-kun had a difficult time with that at first too, right?

Miyazawa: I'd usually start from one or two of my previous lines, but if I thought that it'd still be too difficult, I was allowed to start from even earlier.

Hayama: Yeah, you'd do that.

Saito: Everyone's talking about something serious…

Soma: Ryu, do you have anything else since your story about being late didn't work out?

Saito: Yeah. I play a police officer, so it was quite difficult putting on all that equipment. It was pretty heavy, and there's a proper way of putting it on, so I had to make sure to check it every time. I thought this was to be expected by all the people who actually work as police officers.

Soma: Oh, that was a good story you just gave!

-Looking back at each memorable scene-

"From here, we'd like to ask each of you to pick one person at a time and name a performance or scene of theirs that left a lasting impression on you."

Soma: I guess Haruhi should be first, right?

Hayama: I think I was the closest to Haruhi's Taiya, but when I met him as fake Ishiro in episode 37, the performance Haruhi gave was completely different from what I usually did with him, and I thought the detail in how he differentiated his role was amazing.

Suzuki: The expressions Haruhi-kun showed were really great, as his emotional range swings between the line of difficult and exceptionally good. The facial expression he made at the end of episode 24 also conveyed his delicate feelings.

Iuchi: Thank you very much.

Miyazawa: I still love the, "Let's all hurry!" line he says in the final episode.

Suzuki: That was great too!

Miyazawa: All I can say is that it's like you can see the very moment he switches.

Suzuki: It gives off a similar feeling to when your body trembles with excitement, you close your eyes, and then shoot them open, right?

Miyazawa: Right, it's like that kind of switch.

Suzuki: The scene in episode 45 where Taiya loses sight of his own wheel was really impactful. It's like he was performing with his soul.

Miyazawa: I'll never forget the one on one performance I did with him in episode 18. It made me think, "So this is the man called Taiya Hando, huh?" That scene is still fresh in my mind.

Hayama: (to Iuchi-san) Were you nervous?

Iuchi:……I was (laughs).

Saito: There was a scene that I really liked, the musical scene with Itasha was in the Christmas episode, right?

Soma: Yeah.

Saito: At that point, Taiya makes a face that's like, "Eh?," looks around, then sits down without saying a word, and that made me burst out laughing.

Iuchi: That was entirely Director Kato's direction.

Saito: It was hysterical.

Iuchi: This is especially true since Taiya's not the type of person to do something like that.

Saito: I desperately wanted to say, "Don't just sit there in silence!" (laughs).

Soma: It would've been even funnier if he responded to it with something like, "That was cranked up!"

Suzuki: Yeah, like in the Toilet Grumer Limited episode.

Saito: Yeah, that happened.

Iuchi: That's where I tried to play the version of Taiya that Mira had in her mind (laughs).

Hayama: That was alot of fun.

"Next, what do you think of Ishiro Meita's Hayama-san?"

Iuchi: My favorite scene is in episode 14, when he relies on Mira. Ishiro had always operated in his own world, but Taiya also had the desire to draw him into everyone world, so Taiya felt happy when Ishiro was able to rely on Mira, someone he had come to love. I had read the script beforehand, but when I saw the broadcast, I was moved all over again.

Hayama: That was also made possible due to Suzuki-san's help.

Suzuki: No, no, that's not true.

Iuchi: But it was just the two of you!

Suzuki: Of course, when we were filming that scene, I thought, "Yuki-kun really likes acting." In the aquarium scene in this episode, when Chasshiro shows his annual pass, I (Mira) try to take it, but he quickly pulls his hand back. He was the one who suggested we do that with, "How about if we improvise like this?"

Hayama: All while I acted like a brat (laughs).

Suzuki: I felt that I wasn't capable enough when imagining things that weren't written in the script. That's why Yuki-kun's suggestion made me think, "That could happen!"

Miyazawa: Yuki's really serious, huh?

Suzuki: Yeah, I get him.

Miyazawa: Over this past year, he'd be thinking about the character of Ishiro Meita more than anyone else, and whenever he'd talk about his performance, it was always, "Ishiro's this, and Ishiro's that" (laughs).

Iuchi Suzuki Saito Soma: (laughs).

Miyazawa: There were times when Ishiro would fool around, which I thought would've been difficult, but Yuki was able to express it in his own way. My favorite scene was in the final episode, right before he leaves Earth. He happily says, "An Informant in space, I like the sound of that.

Soma: I also thought he looked happy when I watched him.

Miyazawa: He'd been separated from the Boonboomgers for quite some time, so I think he might've felt bad about it. By doing that performance, I could really feel that he had come back as Ishiro.

Hayama: I'm grateful.

Miyazawa: It was "the best of Ishiro."

Hayama: I'm glad to hear you say that.

Soma: Personally, I liked it when Chasshiro got teased by those around him. Like in episode 40, when Itsuki-kun said, "I want to be a cool hero like BoonBlue," Mira and Jou's reaction was to look at Chasshiro and say, "Cool?" (laughs).

Suzuki: I liked it when Mira pinched his cheeks.

Iuchi: Yeah.

Hayama: That was in the final scene of episode 37.

Soma: It was fun to watch scenes where Chasshiro "comes down" from a stressful situation, as I would think, "Ah, so this is how it's being done this time."

Saito: Yuki-kun mentioned earlier that he's not good at action, and looking back at our first action practice, I could sorta sense that he was having a hard time. However, the action with Gong Grumer in episode 29 was really cool. He must've practiced alot, but it was still captivating. After that, in episode 37, he did action scenes for both Ishiro and the fake, and I felt like he had come a long way with all the moves he was able to do.

Hayama: You sound like a parent (laughs).

Saito: I'd like to mention that I've rewatched your boxing action with Gong Grumer about six times.

Hayama: Eh?!

Suzuki: Amazing, you've got a fan.

Hayama: Ryu, thank you~ (laughs).

Saito: No, I was just curious about the moves you were doing.

Hayama: I guess everyone was looking at different parts. This is the first time I've heard all of that.

Iuchi: You're embarrassed, huh?

Hayama: I am. Ryu should be the first one I treat to some gyudon, don't you think? (laughs).

Suzuki: For me, it was probably when he was paired up with Mira in episode 14. It's the scene where Chasshiro's desperately struggling to keep Reizoko Grumer from going to the aquarium. I had never seen Chasshiro with such intense passion before. Mira had already transformed, so the first time I saw him like that was during post recording, but it was Yuki-kun's acting that really got me into the mood during recording.

Hayama: It was all thanks to the Screenwriter (laughs).

Suzuki: You looked happy (laughs).

Miyazawa: He was all smiley.

Suzuki: And, I know I keep saying this, but when Chasshiro talks to Mira face to face like a normal person in that episode……seriously, his visuals were just too good.

Hayama: It was both an Ishiro episode and a visual episode.

Soma: Visual episode he says…..(laughs).

Suzuki: And, I guess he was really fired up since it was one of his main episodes, as during filming, he made constant efforts every morning to get rid of any swelling (laughs).

Hayama: You didn't have to bring up that part! (laughs).

Iuchi Saito Soma Miyazawa: (laughs).

"Now for the next turn, we'd like you to talk about scenes featuring Mira Shifuto's Suzuki-san."

Soma: Speaking of Miu-chan, she was a monster during post recording.

Suzuki: Eh? What?

Saito: He means to say "you're very skilled."

Suzuki: For real? That makes me happy!

Saito: How is it that you're always able to skillfully match up your voice?…..

Suzuki: Yay! (laughs).

Hayama: Another thing is the straightforward way in which she communicates. In episode 14, when she said, "You're so stupid, Chasshiro!," I could really feel Mira's energy just from watching the footage, and I felt that there was alot to learn when it came to making emotional outbursts like that.

Suzuki: That makes me happy.

Hayama: I learned a…alot!

Suzuki: Don't stutter at the best part! (laughs).

Hayama: (laughs).

Soma: Yuki-kun mentioned emotions just now, but I liked Miu-chan's part when we spoke our lines one by one before defeating Madrex in episode 9.

Suzuki: When I say, "That's what it means to take control of your own wheel!," right?

Soma: Yeah. Your eyes sparkled, and your line was filled with emotion, so that moment really grabbed me emotionally.

Suzuki: Everyone's injured makeup looked good too.

Soma: That combined with the atmosphere of the setting sun made it even better. Towards the end of the show, when Mira makes up her mind to get married, Me, Sakito and Jou were on the receiving end of things, but we were also greatly helped by her. It was easier to do our performance since we could understand Mira's feelings.

Suzuki: That makes me feel good (laughs).

Iuchi: My favorite Mira scene, and the one where I also thought Miu-chan helped me out, was in episode 45. They had created a rather dark scene in regards to Bundorio's shutdown, and I went into the scene worrying about how to go back to Taiya's usual self within the 30 minutes we had. However, thanks to Miu-chan's performance, I was able to bring Taiya back to his energetic self.

Suzuki: Heh~ I didn't know you felt that way.

Iuchi: Taiya saying, "Thank you, I'm glad you guys are my friends," followed by Mira's genuine look of relief on her face as she said, "You've finally regained control of your wheel," was very comforting. That put me in a better mood as we faced the final episode, so I really feel thankful for that.

Suzuki: No, no, I wouldn't have been able to cry if I hadn't seen the look on Taiya's face. I feel the same way, you really helped me out.

Soma: Are you reciprocating your love to each other?

Suzuki: That's not it (laughs).

Miyazawa: It's the result of their synergy.

Suzuki: That's it!

Miyazawa: I don't have any specific episodes in mind, but rather, when I think of Miu-chan, her persuasive words come to mind. I especially felt that in Mira's main episodes. I think it's Mira who connects the Boonboomgers together, and I think she had a big influence on the production.

Suzuki: That makes me happy.

Miyazawa: What I also thought was interesting was that when I saw Miu-chan on set, she would adjust the number of steps she took in order to match the camera's position.

Suzuki: Yeah, I did that (laughs). I'd usually be good with three steps, and then I'd just say my lines from around there.

Miyazawa: Seeing that up close, I thought of her as a very hard worker. Mira's good balance was likely the result of Miu-chan's hard work.

Suzuki: Thank you!

Saito: This might overlap with Zawa-nii, but while I think that each person had their own main episodes, Mira would be right there next to us.

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Soma Miyazawa: Yeah!

Saito: When you pair up with someone like that, the explosive power is incredible. How would you describe it? Like an amino acid??

Soma: Something like an umami seasoning that makes everything taste better?

Saito: Ah, that's it! If you don't add it in, it's somewhat tasteless, but with it, I'd say it adds depth and takes it up a level. That's why I think Mira's presence was of great help to our team.

Hayama: Thank you for being an amino acid.

Saito: Thank you amino acid.

Suzuki: I did my best as an amino acid! (laughs).

"Next should be Jou Akuse's Saito-san. What does everyone think?"

Iuchi: What I'd like to mention with Jou is his injured makeup for the baseball episode. The makeup artist told me that a role like Jou's is one that's really deserving of injured makeup.

Hayama: That's true.

Iuchi: The way he got covered in dirt, was sprawled out on the ground, and yet still stood up was really cool.

Suzuki: You know it!

Iuchi: As for Taiya, he's happy to watch Jou's growth, or to put it in a slightly weird way, he likes seeing Jou get dirty (laughs).

Saito: Hahahaha (laughs).

Suzuki: It's kinda nice when Jou gets dirty.

Hayama: It's great.

Iuchi: It looks great on film, doesn't it?

Hayama: Going along with that, I guess I'd pick his first Change in episode 5. The scene where he crawls while still standing his ground is really memorable, don't you think? Boonboomger consists of a group of people who hold various beliefs, but among them, Jou possesses an honest sense of justice, and I think that was most strongly portrayed in episode 5. Watching him on set, I honestly felt like, "Ah, he's a hero."

Miyazawa: I think that out of all the characters in Boonboomger, the one who was closest to their role was Ryu, and there were countless times where I felt that he really linked up with Jou's honest character.

Iuchi: Yeah

Hayama: There were.

Miyazawa: Especially when he was trying to appeal to something. There was something about it that would just resonate with you. The same goes for the Keytarou episode, the scene with Itsuki-kun in episode 40, and the scene against the police squad in episode 46.

Hayama: Episode 40 was especially good!

Miyazawa: When it comes to tearful episodes, I think that most people would pick the one where Genba leaves, but I'd cry every time there was a Jou episode.

Saito: Eh?!

Miyazawa: No, it was frustrating how Ryu's performance made me cry.

Iuchi Hayama Suzuki Soma: (laughs).

Miyazawa: Still, it really touched my heart. I really think that only Saito Ryu could've played the role of Jou Akuse. He's also really good at action. He moves his body well.

Saito: That makes me happy!

Soma: For me, it's the part in episode 28 where he Boonboom Changes while running into the fight against Neon Grumer.

Saito: Yeah, I was filmed wearing a maskless Boonboom suit.

Soma: That maskless facial expression, and the intense passion conveyed through his lines. I guess you could call it a "feeling of hitting the right mark." Zawa-kun mentioned it too, but his honesty resonates with you as you watch him, which is exactly in line with Jou, but I think is the same for Ryu too.

Suzuki: I talk about it in every interview we do, but my pick is always going to be episode 15. His crying face at the end when he took down Kaseki Grumer was heartbreaking, and there's also the scene where Jou makes up his mind.

Saito: It was when he said, "I'll take him down!"

Suzuki: Yeah. Despite feeling conflicted, he said he'd fulfill his duty as a police officer. That was also bittersweet. It was a scene that was really painful to watch.

Saito: My performative skills were still pretty rough during that episode, so I had alot of trouble with it. I think Director Hayama helped me alot in that episode.

Miyazawa: It's usually Jou who gets caught in the middle of a dilemma, don't you think? I guess expressing that is also quite difficult to do.

Saito: Yeah, it was. Every time I'd wonder at what point the conflict between what he wanted to do, what contribution he'd make as a police officer, and what decisions he'd make as a hero would alternate.

"What are some of the most memorable scenes involving Genba Bureki's Soma-san?"

Miyazawa: What should we do?

Suzuki: There's really nothing to say, right?

Soma: Why~?!

Hayama: I guess there's nothing in particular.

Soma: Well, guess I'll head home early then (laughs).

Iuchi Suzuki Saito Miyazawa: (laughs).

Iuchi: Alright then, I'll start! I also like the scene in episode 27, where Genba leaves Boonboomger, but I've talked about it in many other places, so I'll name another scene. I recently had the chance to rewatch the clip of his first Change in episode 7, and I thought the whole sequence of movements, starting with the line, "I'm gonna accelerate you guys," and then raising the Boonboom Change Axe to then pull out the Boonboom Booster was incredibly cool.

Iuchi Suzuki: It was when he said, "(speaking in unison like Genba) Let's take control of the wheel of being Boonboomgers together!"

Saito: A key point is the part where he bounces his hand alittle.

Soma: You were paying attention, huh?

Iuchi: Furthermore, in Genba's case, he isn't characterized by his quick decisions, but by his slippery movements instead.

Soma: Was that……a compliment?

Iuchi: Huh, you don't get it?

Hayama: You're saying his movements are sexy, right?

Iuchi: Right, right, sexy!

Suzuki: Genba's movements had some sex appeal to them.

Iuchi: I could feel his mature sexiness, which is exactly in line with Genba. I felt that again when I rewatched it.

Miyazawa: For me……yeah, I think it'd be the part where he's sucking on a lollipop in the opening credits.

Soma: Why?!

Miyazawa: Sorry, that just sorta came out.

Soma: That's going way too far (laughs).

Miyazawa: That was just a joke (laughs), Genba and Sakito were involved in many scenes, so I had many opportunities to talk with Satoru, and I found him to be a really passionate guy when it came to his performance. In particular, he kept the alien setting a secret. That was the most surprising thing.

Suzuki: Eh, you knew from the start?

Soma: I knew about his real identity, but details like him being an heir of planet Bureki and the Hashiryan invasion came later.

Suzuki: Eh~. Still, you knew from the beginning that he was an alien.

Soma: Yeah, I knew.

Saito: So that's how it was.

Suzuki: Did everyone know?

Hayama: No, I also didn't know.

Soma: I think I mentioned it to Taiya along the way.

Iuchi: I only overheard alittle bit about it.

Suzuki: Heh~!

Miyazawa: Not only did he keep that a secret, but he also kept a clear plan in mind and made sure to express the way Genba "should be" in each and every scene. What was particularly memorable was the expression on Genba's face at the end of episode 26 when he saw Disrace. I thought that he had really brought out the best of everything he had accumulated up until that point. I'll never forget it.

Hayama: From there, Genba left Boonboomger and suffered for awhile, but in the beginning of the next episode where he had come back, Genba had a really refreshed look on his face (laughs).

Suzuki: I noticed that~!

Hayama: I once again thought that that kind of carefree vibe is unique to Genba Bureki.

Suzuki: It was that scene, where the camera pans from his legs to focus on his facial expression.

Hayama: Right. Also, Satoru-kun's scripts were amazing. I could catch a glimpse of them from the post recording microphone next to me, and they'd be completely red. This of course varies from person to person, as I myself am the type who doesn't write many notes, but even so, I was impressed by his enthusiasm to learn.

Soma: I'm just prone to worrying (laughs).

Hayama: They were so red, that it makes me want to post a photo on SNS so that everyone can see.

Iuchi: You really pay attention to the smallest of details.

Saito: Regarding the scene in episode 33 where Genba returns, the Action Director of "Kamen Rider Gavv," who I had the opportunity to speak with at the studio, highly praised it by saying, "The expressions on Taiya and Genba's faces as they stared at each other were really good."

Soma: Eh, really? Should I move over to Gavv's set now?

Iuchi Hayama Saito Miyazawa: (laughs).

Suzuki: Please stop (laughs).

Saito: I'd like to bring up the scene in episode 15, where Jou and Genba talk. At the end, Genba mutters, "A lonely dinosaur, huh?…," and at the time of filming I thought, "What is this line?" When I look back at this scene now, the kind, lonely, and indescribable expression on Satoru-kun's face really hit me.

Suzuki: For me it'd also have to be episode 33, but it's for the scene between Shirabe-san and Genba. I felt like he poured out everything he had been holding back up to that point.

Soma: That's something I discussed with Director Nakazawa Shojiro.

Suzuki: On another occasion, the Director told me, "I told him that it'd be more like Genba to hold back there," but finding the right balance must've been very difficult, right? Mira is someone who can show her emotions, but he won't be the same Genba if he shows too much, and if he holds back too much, it'll seem like he's lost his humanity. After hearing that story, I rewatched the second half of episode 33, where he comes back to us, and was convinced as I thought, "So that's the reason." Something will make his heart tremble, but he won't shed tears, and I think that's appropriate for Genba.

Iuchi: Come to think of it, Yu-kun mentioned his identity being revealed, but is it okay if I add something quick?

Miyazawa: Go ahead!

Iuchi: At a later date, Satoru-kun told me why he only revealed it to me, that being, "I think Taiya would've already noticed." Just hearing that…no, he really thinks about the details of details.

Suzuki: That's Amazing!

Soma: Not at all.

Iuchi: What's more, at that time, the details hadn't been worked out yet, but when I read the script for episode 27, Chasshiro asks, "Did you know?," to which Taiya replies, "I had a feeling he wasn't an Earthling," so it was just as Satoru-kun had predicted.

Suzuki: I see!

Iuchi: Satoru-kun is amazing, even though it wasn't his role, he thought Taiya already noticed.

Hayama: How do you even think that far ahead?!

Iuchi: Right? It's really amazing.

Soma: It's embarrassing.

"Finally, there's Sakito Homura's Miyazawa-san."

Hayama: After all, he has the longest acting career out of all of us, so I was always inspired by him.

Iuchi: No, seriously. With that being that case, it'll be hard trying to narrow it down to just one thing.

Hayama: My favorite scene was without a doubt the one at the beginning of episode 29. I had created my performance to a certain extent and took it to the set, but then Sakito started doing moves that I would've never expected (laughs).

Suzuki: You were like, "Wait, this isn't what I had in mind!" (laughs).

Hayama: That's how I felt. Still, I thought that if I became intimidated here, I'd lose to Zawa-kun, so I tried a variety of things on my own. I think it was one of the opportunities for me to grow as an actor, and it's a scene that left a very strong impression on me.

Miyazawa: If we were at the Deliverer's garage like normal, you could imagine what you'd be like, but with filming on location, you don't really know until you get there. In my case, I was pretty much doing things in the moment.

Iuchi: When I got involved with Yu-kun, that's where I'd really learn something. If I'm not mistaken, the scene where we're all talking and having fun in the final episode was also changed on set.

Suzuki: Eh, is that true?

Iuchi: I talked it over with Yu-kun, and he asked me something along the lines of if I wanted to be the "first to respond," but with Sakito, I thought words were unnecessary, so I just tapped my fist against his chest and said, "I'm counting on you" ……I said that just before the take, right?

Miyazawa: That's right.

Iuchi: I really liked the look on Sakito's face in that scene, and thanks to that, Taiya felt like, "Now Earth is in good hands," and even though it was done on the spot, Yu-kun responded perfectly in his performance.

Miyazawa: I think I was able to respond because there was something about Haruhi's performance that resonated with me.

Soma: Even without any lines, Sakito was able to convey the message he wanted to say. That was also the case with the sumo episode, and I learned alot from watching it.

Miyazawa: I'm grateful.

Soma: Genba himself isn't a character with many lines, so when he was silent, I would just look at everyone's expressions, but even in those moments, I felt that Zawa-kun had a wide range of performative skills to draw from.

Saito: I was impressed by his interactions with Byundi. He was constantly talking with Suit Actor Takada Masashi-san, as well as BoonViolet's Tsuta-san, but seeing him talk all the time, even when the cameras weren't on, taught me how to approach acting.

Miyazawa: I'm sure this is true for everyone, but this was the first time I interacted with a Suit Character and performed a role together with a Suit Actor. With that being the case, I think we each had our own ideas of, "What I'd do if I were you," and I wanted to present a character that matched that of BoonViolet, and by extension, Sakito Homura.

Suzuki: Sakito has a childlike charm, a presence that makes everyone tremble easily, and a unique sex appeal, and while we were shown various sides of him, there's a sense of unity that made him look like a proper individual. I think that's what Zawa-kun put into consideration when playing the role of Sakito.

Miyazawa: That makes me happy. Let's all go out for yakiniku next time.

Iuchi Hayama Saito Soma: Yay!

Suzuki: We've been waiting for that!

Miyazawa: Ah! Is that what you guys were after?! (laughs).

-The six people who finished Boonboomger-

"I think it's time we conclude, but we'd like to ask each of you one last time for your thoughts on the past year."

Iuchi: It was fun.

Hayama: It was, wasn't it?

Suzuki: Wait, wait, hold on (laughs).

Soma: Isn't that too short?

Suzuki: It is!

Saito: Well, it is true that it was fun…

Miyazawa: No, stop, speak one at a time, let's do this properly.

Hayama: We got along well with each other over the past year, and I of course hope that we can continue to be friends, but when I see the five of them, I feel like I've learned so much as an actor. In that sense, what was great about being a Boonboomger was that I was able to gain some really good experience for my future acting career by working together with these five people. I realize I'm talking seriously now, but I'm truly happy that I got to meet these five actors.

Suzuki: I'm truly happy from the bottom of my heart that I was apart of these six, and I hope that even after 10 or 20 years have passed, our current relationship will continue. They're my best friends.

Hayama: If something ever happens, us five will be there for you.

Suzuki: That's reassuring!

Saito: Miu-chan summed up everything just now. I thought the same thing after finishing filming, but I think it was actually a good thing. I would've hated it if any one of us was missing, and I honestly feel that the hard work we all put in over the past year was well worth it.

Suzuki: It's kinda sad that it's over…

Soma: On the very day of the wrap up, I think I was relaxed, as I thought, "Ah, it's over~," but when we actually wrapped up, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, that it surprised even myself.

Miyazawa: It was more than you were expecting, huh? I'm surprised.

Soma: Over the past year, I really saw alot of what I liked about everyone, and it was also really exciting when Zawa-kun joined us halfway through. I really think that the balance between these six people is outstanding, and I think we became such a great team because of all the wonderful qualities everyone has. Thank you so much!

Suzuki: Encountering you all and the time we spent together was irreplaceable, and it'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

Miyazawa: I arrived along the way, where I ended up joining a team already consisting of five people, but they were five truly charming people. We got along well in the drama and in our daily lives, and there was so much that I learned from them, so I want to be the first to say how grateful I am that we were able to do this together for a year. And, while this may be the end of Boonboomger, I hope that each one of us will take the experience we've gained from this production to the next level, and that one day, when the time comes for "all these members to gather," we'll already be capable of aiming higher and attract the attention of many people. That's why I hope you'll still support us and continue to carefully watch over us.

"And now, we'd like to ask Iuchi-san for some closing remarks."

Iuchi: Is it alright if it's abit long?

Hayama Suzuki Saito Soma Miyazawa: Of course!

Iuchi: Boonboomger was my first drama job, and I played the main role of Red. Super Sentai productions are a team effort, so I didn't want to get too worked up about being known as the star or leader. However, in interviews I was often asked, "What's your enthusiasm as the leader?," and in the beginning, I'd go into the set being 90% anxious and 10% excited. Also, I'm the type of person who values spending time alone, and while I don't know if there were moments where they didn't think well of me, everyone accepted me for who I was and treated me in a really kind and friendly manner, so I have nothing but gratitude for that. Recently, I've had more opportunities to hear people say to me, "You've grown in the past year," and while I think that's only natural due to how I interacted with people on set and how the staff guided me when I didn't know anything, the most important thing was that I received so much from everyone I performed with. That said, I do think I've grown over the past year. We were all talking about it before this interview, but even after it's over, I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that we can get together regularly afterwards to talk about casual things and spend time together. Finally, I have a confession…….I came to Tokyo by myself for this job, and these five are the first friends I made! Let's continue to get along well!

Hayama Suzuki Saito Soma Miyazawa: That makes us happy!

[insomniac4000]

George Clarke- Gretna Green

Y/N had always imagined her wedding day as something small, intimate, and filled with love. She and George had agreed on that from the start—just a handful of close friends, a simple ceremony, and a party that didn’t break the bank. But somewhere along the way, her family had taken over.

Her mother had started by insisting they invite "just a few" more relatives

"Oh darling, you should invite your cousins, it would be rude not to!" Suddenly the guest list had doubled.

Then came You can’t just do a basic ceremony—what about a venue? A full reception? A PROPER wedding?

Her sister, who lived in Spain, was now adamant that the wedding be held there, despite neither Y/N nor George wanting a destination wedding.

“I live in Spain, Y/N,” she’d scoffed on FaceTime. “It makes so much sense to do it here! And it’s way more picturesque than— I don’t know—some dingy little registry office.”

“It’s not dingy,” Y/N had argued. “And George and I just want something small.”

Her mother had sighed dramatically. “You’ll regret not doing it properly. Think of how wonderful the pictures would be! What about your guests?”

Every conversation seemed to turn into another argument, another compromise that wasn’t really a compromise at all.

George watched as Y/N became more and more drained. She wasn’t eating properly, she barely smiled when they talked about the wedding anymore, and worst of all, she was constantly on the verge of tears.

And George couldn’t bear it any longer.

Y/N sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the guest list her mum had sent.

George walked in, fresh from filming with Max and Chris, and immediately clocked her exhausted expression. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

She exhaled, pushing her phone towards him.

George skimmed the messages, his jaw tightening. “Why are we inviting Siobhan from Pilates?”

“She’s my mum’s friend. Apparently, she’d be heartbroken not to come.”

George scoffed. “Have you ever spoken to this woman?”

“Nope.”

He set the phone down. “Babe, I cannot let you do this to yourself.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I just wanted something simple.”

“Then let’s have something simple,” he said firmly.

She sighed. “How? My mum won’t—”

“Then let’s elope.”

Y/N blinked. “What?”

George grinned. “Elope. Run away. Scotland. Just us and the people we actually want there.”

She hesitated. “My mum will kill me.”

“I’ll take the hit,” George promised. “But you should be happy about getting married, not drowning in stress. Think about it. No stress, no guest lists, no family politics. Just us and the people who actually support us.”

Her lips parted in surprise. “You’re serious.”

“Dead serious,” he said. “I can’t stand watching you feel like this, and I don’t want to spend the next six months arguing with your mum about chair covers or dealing with your sister throwing a fit because it’s not in Spain. Let’s just go. Scotland, maybe? Get a little cottage, grab the lads, and do it our way.”

For the first time in weeks, Y/N felt relief.

“Let’s do it."

“Yeah.” George’s face lit up with excitement. “

A smile crept onto her lips. “Scotland?”

“Yeah, proper romantic. Lochs, mountains, a little pub to celebrate afterward.” He kissed her knuckles. “Just us, babe.”

For the first time in weeks, Y/N felt a weight lift from her shoulders. “Let’s do it.”

Y/N paced the flat, phone in hand. Chris, Max, and Harry sat on the sofa, watching with interest.

Chris leaned in. “Want me on speaker for moral support?”

“I can yell shame! if necessary,” Max offered.

Harry smirked. “I say we let her cook.”

Y/N took a deep breath and called.

“Y/N, darling!” Her mother answered. “I was just about to call! I spoke to a caterer who does the most exquisite—”

“Mum.” Y/N cut her off. “George and I have decided to have a private wedding. We’re going to Scotland next week and getting married there, just us and a few close friends.”

Silence.

Then—

“… You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” Y/N said firmly.

Her mother’s voice sharpened. “You’re being selfish.”

Y/N flinched. George sat up straighter.

“It’s my wedding, Mum.”

“It’s supposed to be a family celebration,” her mother snapped. “What about your sister? What about me?”

Y/N’s chest tightened. “You should be happy for me.”

Her mother huffed. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Y/N exhaled. “I love you. But this is our choice.”

The call ended in icy silence.

Y/N turned to George. “Well… that went well.”

Chris raised his beer. “To Scotland, then."

"To Scotland," she grinned for the first time in weeks, she had chosen her happiness.

And that happiness came in the form of George, a train ride to Scotland, and a suitcase filled with nothing but a simple white dress and a bottle of champagne.

Scotland: The Wedding They Wanted

They rented a beautiful lodge overlooking a loch. Their guest list? Their actual friends.

Chris, Max, Harry, Ethan, Simon, Talia, Faith, and both the Arthur's all came, thrilled to be part of something special.

The night before, Y/N sat outside, staring at the misty hills.

Chris walked up with two beers, handing her one. “You alright?”

She smiled. “Yeah. I just… I can’t believe we actually did it.”

Chris grinned. “No offence, but I can. George is an absolute menace when he puts his mind to something.”

She laughed. “True.”

He nudged her. “But also, this? This is you. Not a giant wedding with a guest list full of Pilates instructors.”

Y/N exhaled. “You’re right.”

Chris bumped his bottle against hers. “I usually am.”

She rolled her eyes. “Now you sound like George.”

Chris smirked. “Maybe I lived with him for too long. But from tomorrow he's your responsibility.”

The next afternoon, the sun peeked through the clouds as Y/N stood in a simple, flowing white dress, wildflowers in her hands, Chris had given her away just as she asked.

A local officiant stood before them, smiling warmly.

Max, standing beside George, gave him a cheeky nudge.

“Alright, listen up,” the officiant began. “This is a celebration of love, in the way that you two chose. No expectations, no obligations—just two people committing to each other.”

Y/N squeezed George’s hands.

“George,” the officiant said, “do you promise to love and cherish Y/N, even when she steals the duvet, forces you to take Instagram photos, and insists on watching terrible reality TV?”

George grinned. “I do.”

The officiant turned to Y/N. “Do you promise to love and cherish George, even when he’s annoying as hell, makes stupid jokes, and refuses to let you have a normal wedding?”

Y/N giggled. “I do.”

The officiant smiled. “Then, with the blessing of those present, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.”

George wasted no time, cupping Y/N’s face and kissing her as cheers erupted around them.

Chris yelled, “ABOUT TIME!”

Ethan clapped loudly. “Look at my guy!”

Talia sniffled dramatically, making Simon laugh. “You alright, babe?”

Faith beamed. “That was perfect.”

And just like that, they had the wedding they wanted.

That night, they sat in a cosy pub by the fire, laughing over pints and whiskey. George held Y/N’s hand, thumb brushing over her wedding ring.

“See?” he murmured. “We did it our way.”

She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. “Best decision we ever made.”

Chris raised his glass. “To George and Y/N—who escaped the madness.”

Max smirked. “To be fair, I kinda wish her mum had shown up mid-ceremony. That would’ve been drama.”

Everyone laughed.

And in the warmth of that little Scottish pub, surrounded by real friends, George and Y/N knew—

They wouldn’t have had it any other way.

[nmixxgifs]

엔믹스 (NMIXX) : Tiny Desk Korea

[everseens]

this was everything and more greer could've imagined, found himself thinking it about it more often than not. now, vera had him all to himself and he didn't have to worry about if others were watching or focusing on filming-- it was just them, and he wanted her to know how badly he needed her. he began to pick up the pace, letting his hips ram into her some more and wanting to feel himself deep inside of her. once she announced that she was close, he let his lips travel down her collarbone to leave even more. "cum for me, vera... i'm getting close too; tell me where you want it."

he was perfect — perfect for her. loud moan escaped between her lips when he stretched out her core so good. " oh my god ... " manicured digits clawed at his back at the overwhelming feelings of pleasure. head was thrown back as he nipped at her sensitive skin, " it feels so good greer ... " breathy words escaping between her lips. " faster ... i'm gonna cum. " with every thrust he pushed up against her sweet spot almost making her cry out in pleasure. the feeling of him filling her out to the max was enough to make her insides go crazy.

[lazylittledragon]

what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually

[screwpinecaprice]

Oh oof I slipped and hit them with dark and serious beam. 😣

[sweetsouldhavernas]

paint me like one of your french murfs

[rustedhills]

Disney, releasing Wish: "so it's all about legacy--the new generation surpassing the old, overcoming the evils perpetuated by them, relinquishing singular power... and there's an old man in a tower, uh... animal sidekick, i guess..., ah... magic...?

Miyazaki, just out of frame, sledgehammer raised:

[libraryleopard]

the fact that the albert and haydée romance was apparently added for the new count of monte cristo film is so interesting to me because it works thematically so WELL with edmond coming to a point where he realizes that if he progresses any further in that particular part of his revenge scheme that he'll be tearing apart a pair of young lovers for his own agenda like fernand de morcerf did to him and mercedes all those years ago. so tasty and thematically interesting, i can't believe it wasn't part of the original story because it's a great moment in the story.

[ingravinoveritas]

Love like that will surely come my way...

[strryhaze]

from l-r: nancy tuckerman, bobby kennedy, jackie kennedy, patricia lawford, joan kennedy, jean smith kennedy, lem billings, lee radziwell, stanislaw radziwell, & teddy kennedy

the friend group is friendgrouping