#im working through some things
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One of the women in Shiny Happy People mentioned that she knew how the kids got so “calm” and “well behaved”
Me understanding exactly what she meant
#former mormon#lds#exmo#exmormon#mormon#apostake#ex mormon#apostate#mormons#church#cult#ex mormons#shiny happy people#religous trauma#deconstruction#im working through some things#lds church#church of jesus christ of latter day saints#wtf#religion#ex lds#ex cult#former lds#ex mo#formermormon#exlds#fomo
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Journal Entry
I let myself imagine it sometimes, let it get too real in my mind, let my thoughts drift without preamble. Him pulling me close without hesitation in the movements.
Let myself think about his hands on my waist, and me not flinching away from the touch, not cowering from thought of him knowing what I look like, feel like. I let myself see love in his eyes, pure and unadulterated love and affection and warmth, let myself believe I deserve it.
I let my imagination run wild with ideas of confidence and radiance. The thoughts of him standing close, shoulder to shoulder, simply because he wants to be near me. Thoughts of him grabbing my hand and holding it close, squeezing tight to make sure I am still there. Days I crave to be Eurydice.
Thoughts of being able to breathe easy and comfortably, letting him steal my breath. Let myself think that it’s okay, I don’t need to suck in my stomach around him anyway.
Thoughts of his hand on my thigh and me letting it happen, not standing up and pulling away. Lets his finger sink into my skin, pushing against a pliant body. Let myself believe that my softness isn’t a plague I have to deal with.
I let myself think about not thinking about my body. Imagine a world, a life, where I’m not just loved but wanted, chased, and admired. I want to drive someone crazy, want them to itch with the need of holding me. I want to be… I want to be. Simply and purely be.
I want to be able to have these thoughts and not consider them grand delusions.
-Kazzy
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griddlehark modern pen pal au where they don’t know each other but are assigned as pen pals for those pen pal projects you get in middle school and it just turns into them sending each other hate mail and somehow they just keep going for several years, even though they dont rly have to
#smth about them yearning through letters???? sign me up#this was inspired by me sending a lot of letters at work today#n also inspired by my old pen pal ly (if u r readinf this i miss u sm)#the locked tomb#griddlehark#i kinda wanna write this but i have never written anything rly#maybe one day idk#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#gideon the ninth#bonus points if stop at some point because Emotions and then one day at a rly low point one of them sends a letter to the other#ans they just start up the whole thing again???#one day harrow would def be like im at this coffee shop at this time meet me if you want#and gideon would drive any distance to meet her or smth#and they r both like?????????? thats what you look like#and then they live happily ever after or smth#i might delete this later#also idk if that pen pal project thing is A Real Thing In Real Life#i think i mightve made it up
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A little different than last year's, but here we are again. To say that this past year hasn't been absolutely wild would be a lie, cause HOLY SHIT MAN
This year's birthday is. A little different for me, but you already have the silly comic to show that so I won't make like a broken record oops
But, despite the changes and hills that life's decided I should climb or throw at, it hasn't changed the fact that I'm so genuinely fucking thankful to the people that I've known since joining this fandom. I'm not even kidding when I say that being here has actually changed my life for the better. I know I said something similar last year, but this time, hoo boy it sure turned up the AMP and test how far I could go.
So, to everyone, both new and old; thank you for being here :D
@garbagechocolate @darkxsoulzyx @smoljeanius @bunmuffin @skizabaa
@tuzesdays @sleepykas @fernzwing @kandidandi @starsketchez
@just-a-drawing-bean @notdysfunk @ilsole @amberluvsbugs @cloudyvoid
@nomsthecat @alfinefalf @nosleepygay @theblog-with-thestuff
@cacaocheri
(Edit: ty kibbits for informing me of the. Fuck ass tagging system)
AND TAGGING OTHERS BECAUSE. POINTS. BONKS WITH HEAD. GETTING TO EITHER INTERACT OR TALK OR WHATEVER IS ALWAYS A DELIGHT
@ohno-the-sun @kibbits @ink-yy @saltyfryz @kaprisvn
@hierba-picante @sunny-sophies-garden @cookiiemancer @sneeblbop @justaduckarts
@pepethehumanz @crystalmagpie447 @woolysstuff @mocha-illustrates @duhsty1
@sanchensky @pillowspace @victarin @witherfide
[I DEFINITELY GOT SONAS WRONG AND THESE AREN'T ALL THE SILLY PEOPLE I KNOW BUT IM SITTING HERE AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING JUST KNOW YOU'RE THERE IN SPIRIT HANDING YOU ALL POPTARTS WAUGH]
#nebula art and doodles#should. i even count it as that-#nebula birthday time#fuck it birthday tag go brrr#also if i. didnt tag you it is 100% because i'm. a fucking coward <33 and am not sure if you'd like to be tagged in a silly thing like this#(or i don't. know you. that also but shaky thumbs up)#god. this year has been. insane dawg#my goofy ass going through canon events like it's a buffet /silly#jokes aside#the fact that im still like. here. right here#posting or reblogging goofy shit#still in the process of making my fic (i prommy im working on it)#and just. managing to make friends with people despite shit happening#it's so wild to me#i know for some people i've tagged we either haven't talked that much or haven't talked in awhile#and to that i say#fuck it we ball /j#but seriously it's. honestly bc getting to interact with you guys at all makes or has made my day that much brighter#even if it's been awhile like i mentioned or for whatever reason#this is. getting long as hell and i need to go to bed oops#anywhooooo#gotta go fast or some shit#OH- and thank you all so much for. almost 3k. holy shit#where the fuck did you all COME FROM HOW DID WE GET HERE#big heart emojis and sending love to you all#thank you so much
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I WISH ARO HEADCANONS WERE MORE POPULAR IN FANDOMS
#THERES LIKE. BARELY ANY.#IF I GET LUCKY ILL SEE AN ACE HEADCANON#BUT VERY RARELY DO I SEE ARO HEADCANONS#SOBBING#stiff talk#my favorite thing is thinking about how many characters i see as aromantic but then i go to the fandom tag or to that characters tag and#everyone is shipping them and theres like 2 posts total about that character being ace and 1 post about them being aroace#man im just a bit sad about all this dont mind me#yea yea i know the whole “if you wanna see something make it yourself” thing but see heres the thing: im tired#i just wanna be able to go through a tag and see people share similar ideas and headcanons without me having to make all the work myself#and i bet theres plenty other people who feel the same#and even if there is a character thats like. somewhat aroace coded in some way people still find a way to go “but then they fall in love”#and like yea have fun or whatever but i just idk it just feels very lonely sometimes yknow#miss the times when i didnt think about this so much#cuz now that im older and know that IM aspec its like. oh. i wanna see more characters like me! but theres like basically none#SORRY FOR THE RANT LMFAO#ignore this im just feeling silly
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OCposting..... This is Coven :3 she's a witch who specializes in luck magic! I need to post her so I can yap about her more, she's rotating in my brain at top speed
(Also her bf belongs to @oodliedoodlies hiiii hiiiiiiii hi hi hi)
#rainyart#trolls#trolls oc#trolls band together#original character#character design#DreamWorks trolls#coven#not enough hours in the DAY to draw her bro#i also think shed be fun to write.... maybe ill write her backstory or some shenanigans she gets up to.... she has a lot of potions mishaps#body swap potion..... personality swap potion... love potion..... evil potion seems fun in theory but#idk how that would resolve and would probably lead to angst and drama in an UNfun way yknow#like how much damage she might cause.... and then shed probably be like im never touching magic again#not fun#idk! i need to ponder some more#coven save me. save me coven.#very few things getting me through the slog of classwork but shes def one of them okay#queueing this and running away back to my thesis work
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Why does the orange Addison's mannequin kinda resemble you?
#most of their mannequins probably look like him tbf#good average cyber-citizen sizing (SHORTASS)#i dont have a lot to say because it explains itself + if i say anything i remove possibilities of answering an asks with something related#to said thought so im not gonna#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#no.1 freak#something different about this one i think. maybe its the expressions. not a bad thing but its definitely. different.#i had thoughts but im tired and i dont hop on tumblr until i finish the ask im working on so i dont get stuck scrolling & unproductive#sorry i dissapearrreeeddd i was overstimulated like halfway through the week which is earlier than usual but it makes sense because i was#out doing more unusual social activities :-P but you dont care and nor am i obligated soo....#the hands look better not pixelated idk why#give me a little to respond to stuff and check up we be eepy#this one has a lot of freakin frames for some reason
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got this reblog on one of my posts were i talked about being anxious about the future of the zelda series after totk and-
i even went back and unblocked them just to check my own post and check twice what they meant exactly- but i still dont know how they got to these conclusions
i never said i 'want a good uwu ganondorf' (bc that would mean hes aligned with hyrule bc thats how goodness works!!!!11!1!!!), i also dont think of any of the zeldas as 'whores' (seriously, where did that come from?? neither me nor the addition of someone agreeing with me said anything like that??? did they think bc the addition called tloz misogynistic means we think zelda is a whore????? huh???)
its also funny how they say they want zelda to stay a simple fairytale rather than have 'people like me' bc .. one point i talked about in the og post was how the evil arab thing VS good white people media likes to do so much is so normalized here that its simply seen as a simple harmless fairytale trope instead of a big underlying issue in general media and the writers might not even realize it (which is worse) bc the most 'generic' appeal is to people who dont think of it as a problem in the first place, because it is so normalized
(huh, i wonder about what kind of person that part was about .. hmmmm)
(ALSO funny they mention princess hilda as nuanced villain ... like ... wow they are so nuanced about purple haired people!!- like guess why we want a nuanced/less badly/less flat written ganondorf and what he, in particular, has not in common with other villains! its not his hair color! .... or was that point supposed to mean .. look we have one female character that is a villain, its not misogynistic! idk honestly)
(and the classic, "you just call it this/dont like it bc its not what you wanted !!!!!!!2!"1!112!!")
also funny how its 'never gonna be progressive enough' like asking for the franchise to maybe put a little more thought and nuance into their white divine right vs evil desert man simulator instead of making it worse is already asking too much
(i dont know what the last point has to do with anything??)
(also yes totk is racist, like most if not all of the franchise and a alot of other media as well, shocker- you can still like it though, i and plenty of other people are still fans of it, we just wish they did a little more with their stuff and maybe not make the racism problem WORSE)
(also yes the hyrule monarchy is also evil :))) )
(and also not so secretly so either :)) )
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#ganondorf#wanted to search my blog for the post at first and tumblr showed me two posts and their reblogs#i have so many more posts in this tag#the fuck#.....im sorry to all the zelink shippers with a brain but i cant say im surprised that they were one#i could go through every point in their addition but tbh its not worth any more of my time really#needed to say something though bc .....#yeah no wonder nintendy dont have to put any work into their story if thats how some people react to mild criticism of it lol#who are you fighting for little man?#defending the big corporation from mild criticism from people that want the media they produce to be better??#....... in the end i kinda did go into every point#or what point i thought they were trying to make which ... was rather unclear to me#anyway#wild to come across people like that here#only had one other i can remember but they went straight to insults lol#(was there ever a divine prophecy that said only gan can be king??? how was urbosa or riju on the throne then??-#(wait was that meant as “see? the gerudo have the divine right thing too!! samey as hyrule so they not bad!!”#i am genuinely so confused
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Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (ATLUS, 2003)
#my actual posts lol#haha what if i made a daily diary post thing like nico#..i was just thinking#today was a good day#and i thought of this song#ive been playing summon night swordcraft story a lot as of late.. though none today actually#its still on my mind though#i considered using dweller empty path's song flying through a stary sky instead.. but this is what i thought of first#i think it fits best to use it#i actually had to jump through some hoops to upload music!#cus my tumblr app is kinda old.. i cant properly upload music. i could only put a link#which isnt exactly ideal#so i tried in my web browser.. but maybe its cus i havent updated it in a while or maybe just cus its tor.. it didnt work#so i downloaded firefox and did it on there lol#now im editing it in my drafts back on the app#dont ask why im not just doing it on my computer... shes having some technical difficulties. we're working on it#but not today#...#today was pretty eventful.. even if not very productive. but ive never been a very productive person#we went and saw some light festival thing! it was rly nice.. a little simple at times but it was fun#we went and got some yummy snacks earlier too! tho ive already eaten them all hehe#and i started up animal crossing new leaf. i hadnt played it in ages! its startling how much better it is than new horizions.. imo at least#only problem is i couldnt make it the same as my island.. and i didnt remember why i named my last town#we searched for a while for some reference or somfin to name it after.. but we ended up just going with ''faraway''#cus i liked the idea of being asked where im going.. and just saying far far away#and as beth said it has a kinda fairytail vibe!#...only after i named it did i realize i accidentally named it after the town in omori. oops!#...im about to hit the tag limit. so whoevers still listening i just want u to know..#i love you. ok?#goodnight
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what's weird about the fantasy high drama is that like. it seems to me like people forget d&d is primarily a) a game you play with your friends and also b) luck based.
I mean it's fine to say that "nothing felt like a challenge" and "they just dominated everything and there weren't any stakes" but like. it's not as if they weren't up against huge threats. they lost the mall fight. the last stand was an onslaught of enemies. they fought a dozen dragons from an airship. the fights were hard. they're just really good. they've had very good dice luck in general this season and are all very high level and highly specialized. fig is gonna beat deception and performance checks. adaine's gonna figure out the arcana. riz is gonna succeed investigations. like. for some reason their strategical competence and wisely picked abilities are. a downside? a disappointment?
the thing about d&d that you need to remember is it's first and foremost a game. it's mostly random and it takes you down weird paths and you're playing to have fun with your friends. the dice are literally telling the story that it's their time, it's their year. they've struggled enough. they've trained enough. they're good at what they do. and in my post about the academic/domestic/personal stressors being the focus, d&d doesn't have any other system to work them out than rolling different skills. that's what d&d is. brennan set specific challenge levels for different tasks and the players strategized to prioritize which abilities they were strongest in. the challenges were there. and the players rose to them. they were both smart in their delegation of responsibilities and lucky with their dice rolls. of which, both are foundations of d&d.
don't mistake them being good players and getting lucky with there being no hardship. just because they smashed through the wall, that doesn't mean the wall wasn't strong. they were just stronger.
#i know some people are disappointed from a storytelling perspective. but you have to understand.#what was brennan supposed to do. he threw things at them both at and above their challenge level#he created a whole system to simulate academic and person goals and stress throughout the year#he gave them plenty of chances to fail#he set DCs high.#the players just knocked it out of the park#you can't tell any story but the ones the dice want you to#if he had manufactured more danger or difficulty where there was none it would have felt cheap#and do you not remember the night yorb fight#like. the whole point of the year was that it wasn't hard. it just never stopped#they can do it they're capable they're smart. but the hustle and the stress and the fighting and the working never ends#that's why nothing 'had stakes' or 'felt challenging'#it's the slog that gets you. it's how long you're willing to keep going.#how much life can break you almost to your last breath but you get through it and you keep going anyway#but. i digress.#and i say all this with complete and total respect to other people's opinions#i feel no hate and wish no bad feelings on anyone who disagrees with this!#it's just my personal view on the whole thing#sorry if im being annoying i just have. opinions.#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#fhjy
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i don't think tanjiro is the successor of sun breathing 'despite not being related to yoriichi'. i think it's that yoriichi is family to the kamados
in kny, family is whoever loves you. rui tries to make a family but ultimately fails not bc they're not blood related but bc he doesn't really love them. on the other hand, kanae, kocho, and kanao are sisters. zenitsu's master is his grandfather. inosuke's family were the boars (and then of course later, his birth mother kotoha, because tho he barely has any memories of her, he remembers she loved him dearly)
yoriichi was an unwanted child and later an unwanted brother when michikatsu's hatred for him festered and grew. he was rejected from the corps and only had the kamados. when he felt like his existence was worthless, it was the sumiyoshi who told him he deserved to be here as much as everyone else and made the effort to weave yoriichi into the family by passing down his earrings and sword form. he was rejected by his family but accepted by another. if family is whoever loves you, then that's yoriichi's people, and that love was why tanjiro succeeded him
#smth smth tsuyuri kanao carries on kocho and kanae's will and succeeds them by killing douma#smth smth kamado tanjiro carries yoriichi's will and succeeds him by killing muzan#do you see the vision#do you get my point#im bad at explaining but like i sincerely believe sumiyoshi and suyako accepted him as one of their own#i think that love was why sumiyoshi managed to learn sun breathing too. kny has this huge thing of wills and emotions passing through bonds#and no one in yoriichi's life at that point really loved him save for the kamados#anyway the reason why i got to thinking about this is bc i got.reminded again that in kimetsu gakuen#yoriichi just lives with sumiyoshi and suyako#just straight up. why the fuck is he there dhsgsgshhssh#where the fuck is uta. she's probably fucking dead too tbh but that panel was so funny#he's just there. he raises his niece and nephew on his off time. he shows up at the family barbecue#one day tanjiro is gonna open his mouth and talk about kokushibou and he'll go oh that's where aniue is working these days#and tanjiro will bump into koku again at some school fest and go YOU'RE MY UNC'S TWIN???#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#kamado tanjiro#tsugikuni yoriichi
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L'APPEL DU VIDE
okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.
this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.
combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.
jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.
to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:
J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant
anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.
#original tag#generic medieval tag#WAHOO. alright.#i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me#and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really#all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed)#through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story????#i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately#the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits#is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand#eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it#in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into
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*fandom blind meaning you either have never watched/read/played and/or only know broad strokes of the story
#fanfic#fanfiction#feel free to reblog!! i wanna know#im very curious about this bc some people have never considered it and i do it all the time#for research/tropes/scratching a fanfic itch#or when i find an author whos work i really enjoy#i enjoy figuring things out through context clues or wiki-sleuthing as i go but im aware im probably an outlier#and i read an extraordinary amount + pretty fast#anyway#rambles
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i feel like i've lost the ability to draw so here are some doodles/ 1st draft designs I made for some of the monster high girlies bc I've still got the urge to draw despite that. they all need some work but I feel like I've gotten to a good starting point.
ive got quite a few ideas for the rest but we'll see if I ever get to them lol
beware the tags! (i never shut up)
#digital art#doodles#artists on tumblr#fanart#fashion#monster high#ghoulia yelps#draculaura#lagoona blue#frankie stein#idk how but ghoulia's glasses are prescription bc I say so#my fav thing to do when ive got art block is to play dress up w characters lol#ironically enough tho#it's hard for me to design outfits for other people bc I just start dressing them how I would if I were doing a closet cosplay of them lol#the pinterest boards ive got for not just the main ghouls#but some of the side charas as well are so full that I had to do something with them eventually#lagoona's fit needs the most work (im bad at athleisure) but she's the most fun to draw XD#i really wanted to lean more into beach gyaru for her but trying to make it work w her usual athleisure style is hard T-T#frankie needs work the second most#her shoes are basically ripped from pinterest XD#draculaura is fun until i have to colour her#i can already tell shes gonna go through a many colour variations if I continue#also dont think about the heights too much bc I sure as hell didnt
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wip of iii
#sorry ive been mia so long#the first thing i've drawn in months and its more sleep token#i gotta make my way through all the boys#ive been travelling tho so thats nice!!#now that im back i gotta draw sleep token to keep the demons away lol#sleep token#sleep token iii#sleep token art#sleep token worship#st's resident lanky boy#i wish i could play bass like him he looks like hes having so much fun#im working on it#i'll play some sick st bass covers one day
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revamped looong mermaid orufrey au :')
#witch hat tag#orufrey#partial nudity /#about half of it is new the other half is redrawn from last year. Why would you rescribble some scribbles. Well it was bad.#i always underestimate how much i've improved in a year last may was questionable. also it's not even may any more so why mermaids now.#sorry if you remember this but at least half is new story. i'll just paste more explanation from twt....#first qifrey was cursed by EVIL WITCH eye taken and thrown into the sea#memory-less. then kind little witch boy oru found him on the beach & they became friends#they drifted apart after falling for each other bc qif knew he could never be with him.#oru walked on the beach every day for years hoping to see him again until so desperate he goes into the sea (on a ship?) & is dying#qifrey saved him with a kiss. they got closer &oru swore to find a way to save him that wasnt dangerous but qif knew hed need a dark witch.#(that witch was probably the one who cursed him..just toying with him...) in with the spell oru DOES forget him for real#even tho he needs to give Kiss Of True Love before qif turns totally blind for qif to stay human for good or become seafoam. but oru someho#the oldest magic is love..the ability to break through the curses of loneliness and despair. qif already did that for him#so oru was able to do it back later. he fell in love with him again..but also realised it was obviously him....well anyway......#originally the 'finding oru stranded like that guy in the little mermaid' was a separate au but it still makes sense to combine them#i dont want them to have not met in childhood...thats the orufrey thing....#im going to work on Proper drawings next instead of silly comics as usual....
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