#im trying my best to be careful with what I eat and how I eat it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
siri tell me where I can get a fucking grip
#i am second guessing everything I say#and I’m trying so hard to be ‘perfect’#working out and shaving constantly and being strict about eating#and I’m trying to convince myself that I’m just trying to put my best foot forward and make a good impression#and I definitely am trying to make a good impression#but it’s like I’m a caricature of myself#like a porcelain doll version of me#and I’m scared that if im not as ‘perfect’ as I can be#this new partner won’t like me#it feels stupid and I feel stupid but idk how to do this#I really like him and I don’t wanna fuck this up#I need to touch grass and get a grip but I can’t#I feel like im teetering on the knifes edge of self care and self destruction for the sake of doing what I think will impress him#without ever even asking or thinking about if it actually will#I genuinely think he won’t care and that im just drowning myself in false expectations#sorry for this long ass rant y’all I got nowhere else to turn to to figure my shit out#personal#rambling#sorry for constantly posting about this new partner it will absolutely happen again
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I cant even fucking eat what the nutritionist tells me to eat because its not good enough for the piece of shit who stuffs his face with whatever junk he finds
#nevermind i go to the gym many days of the week or that i always try to eat as best as i can#and eat only healthy snacks if i get really hungry#it doesnt matter i apparently have an illness that makes it so my body gets fat no matter what i do#because im fat and i dont fit whatever standard that piece of shit that pretends to be so woke and healthy thinks#really why do i even try? this i why i didnt even want to try#because i knew in the end it wouldnt matter to anyone#no matter how much you exercise or take care of your body you do in the end all they care about is how you look#nothing else matters#i cant eat like a normal person. i cant eat the meal plan from my nutritionist#nothing is good enough#i dont want to eat at all#haunted.txt#i hope i die from starvation but even then i wont be free
0 notes
Text
kind of crazy that it literally used to feel like if i was anything less than perfect at my job it would be the end for me but i've been giving it like negative 200% at my job and its literally fine and no one cares
#it started when i got REALLY sick awhile back but literally couldnt afford to take a day off#so i just went to work and gave it like 10% and it was fine and no one cared#so i kept doing that#and also when i DID start feeling better and giving it a little more effort#there was this QA guy who came into our section specifically to monitor us#and when it was my turn to work with him he was like ''🤓☝️ uhmm actually you're doing a really awful job at this''#''i guess I'M just perfect cause its how i like to do things. but dont worry! you gave it your best😋'' in suuuuch a shit-eating way#that it like broke my brain into like actually i guess im not going to put in any effort at all now. thanks for that#and what we were doing was literally something that will get removed and put back later and i was legit telling him like.#you really dont have to make it perfect because it's a waste of time when it gets moved later but make it look like. Good right-#and he went like crazy about that and i was like well asshole if you REALLY dont wanna listen to me about how youre wasting time feel free#like genuinely just like feel completely free. just really. and he was insulting me in the process#and i was really like actually trying to teach him. how we do things. and the right way to do it#and he was like shaking his head and tsk tsking me like the entire time#its like hey man who's teacher today right. like. do you wanna learn and do things actually right or are we just gonna putz around here
0 notes
Text
Today I recommend more yuri manga. Recommendations of the day: Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon and Yuri Espoir!!!
I'll start with DUACM. It's a romance between two office workers, where one of them desperately wishes to be normal with expectations from society and fall in love with a man! But through the story she instead finds love in her co-worker who is a woman instead. It's has a very nice representation of comphet and the romance is very sweet and fluffy!!! The characters are very lovable.
Second is Yuri Espoir! This one is still ongoing though, I must say. But it is really good, as of now it's my favorite one. Essentially, the protagonist finds out she's getting arranged married to a man despite her best wishes, and decides to make a compilation of the yuri couples (as she decides to imagine the girls she sees around her as ww) she sees in her sketchbook with the help of her best friend. A biblioyuri if you will...
So in the story you follow them as the protagonist imagines the varying romance stories that may be happening between girls she sees around her, as well as how it actually is (it always is, indeed, yuri, but it is very interesting)!!! There's also the main plot of her best friend doing her best attempts to help the MC and prevent this arrange marriage that has devastated her friend from happening. It. It gets stressful alright, it gets dark, it is heartrenching at times but it is such a good story... Very engaging...
(Oh and Yuri Espoir would need some CWs for things that appear in the work. CW Suicide, Murder, The whole arrange marriage with a grown man thing, I think there's allusion to disordered eating at some point I dont remember well (?). Please read with discretion if those topics disturb you and you do decide to read it.)
Those are the recommendations of the day!!!
#i talk!!!#tbh these recommendation posts are just me trying to convince you to read yuri manga#(brainwashing) (brainwashing) you love yuri (brainwashing) you want to read these (brainwash#doughnuts under the crescent moon also has some explorations regarding love and sexuality that i am not going to spoil but they are so good#you just have to see them#yuri espoir has a good mix of fun and DEVASTATING!!!#main plot has me stressed nobody understand the mc the way her best friend do no one care about her but her😭😭 (anger)#these people just dont think of her poor girl😭😭 i dislike her teacher i dislike her dad i dislike the man shes getting arrange married to#. o i just hate all the men in the story now that i think about it www THEY ARE JUST SO UNFAIR TO HER😭😭#ITS REALLY DEVASTATING the mc straight up starts with no light in her eyes because of the plot its sad#but its such a good story... its such a good story😭 i s wear JUST. YOU HAVE TO PREPARE TO BE STRESSED OUT#otherwise you might not want to read it even if the biblioyuri sections eat hard BECAUSE THEY DO!!!! THEY REALLY DO#i apparently like to be stressed so its my favorite I JUST REALLY FEEL WHAT SHES GOING THRU OKAY GIRL I GET YOU😭😭😭#like when i say “only her best friend understands her” im not saying it in an endearing way i say it in an ANGRY WAY!!!!#thats how stressful it is I SWEAR I LIKE IT I DESCRIBE IT LIKE IT IS SO STRESS INDUCING I HATE IT THATS NOT THE CASE I REALLY LIKE THE MANGA
1 note
·
View note
Text
Just keeps going round and round eh?
#cocon rn deer and luci#just like the text at the top of my twitter says#but man its like. every single day “be more positive and see life as great as it is#stop lingering on the trauma and actually move your body and clean and eat and all will be okay“#but then its ALSO ALWAYS “well i AM a piece of shit and i can keep being positive which helps and do my best#but nothing will allow me to move forward from the fucked up things I've done or people ive hyrt#and I'll continue to hurt others ESPECIALLY the ones i care about so i should either isolate or make my entire life focus#around not hurting the ones i care about.protect them from me yaknow? anyway. i should never#ever be around anyone in a non-slave way again and i need to take up less space and probably die or something“#and its like. like i know. i know how it sounds i know what its from i know it in and out and worse before it gets better healing#and flare ups and triggers and thinking as a traumatized being that kindness is a mask for harm being added to our pile#i get that im dissociative and autistic and adhd and all this other shit including probably POTs or EDS.#but its like. i can't.shake. the idea. that maybe I've been a bad guy this whole time and my timeline has curved around#just WAITING for the dday i fuck it all up and it comes full circle and there really is no coming back#i feel. genuinely vile and bad and sorrowful#i cant hardly keep up with eating. sleeping makes me sore and i struggle with that too. i keep trying to keep myself awake during the day#and do things i need to do but i feel. burned.and sad. and exhausted. and i need to get a job#thank god taco bell emailed me back i might have croaked#system babbles#vent#negative#ignore me I'm trying to pull myself up again and im sore and frustrated#I'll be fine. i always end up fine.life. uh. finds a wAy as i always insist
0 notes
Text
i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING
#broadcasting my misery#vent#this is a lie i guarantee i will keep tumbling through life appearing functional and melting down in the privacy of my own home afterwards#<- trying to jinx my naturally contrarian ass into taking care of myself for once#god i'm tired#i am. slightly peeved.#around 11am i was like ''i think i'm going to go home'' and my friend was like WHAT nooooooo what are you going to do at home anyway#and we ended up hanging out w another friend until fucking 4pm#and she was like oooooh guys i think i'm gonna go else i wont have energy tomorrow#haha bitch where was this mindset when i told you i was going to go home#i don't know why i keep like. telling people stuff like ''i'm [emotion] i'm going to [thing]''#and they just plan stuff w me anyway#and like. i can't decide for them what's important or not to them. so i make an effort and i participate to the best of my ability.#but it KEEPS HAPPENING#OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN#it does not stop#i can barely keep the violent impulses down tbh i act like im on crack in public#bc if i dont walk around and spasm like an epileptic stray cat im gonna start giving in to the urge to dive under a bus or punch someone#i have nearly uncontrollable fits of hitting my head against walls when my entire life i was too chicken to do it despite trying to#i gained about fifteen to twenty fucking kilograms in the last three months#because i cannot fucking stop binging and EVERYBODY'S LIFE seems to revolve around food#my friends are incapable of hanging out without going to buy smth no matter at which time we get out of school#my other friends seem incapable of not checking calories VERY LOUDLY and calculating how much they lost walking around#my mom and i are home and awake at the same time abt two hours a day and one and a half of that is spent making/eating dinner lmao#im making the effort holy shit i am but i'm going to start being violent soon#i've started trying to strangle my cat twice in the past week i think#i'll show up tomorrow bc it's an opportunity and im not stupid enough to miss that by lack of self esteem#but really what is it good for#my friend isnt very delicate in her way to say it but she's right. i'm not cut out for being normal like that#i can sorta seem functional but you very quickly start seeing i don't know how to dress
0 notes
Text
tw ment of dieting and calorie counting but not explicitly for disordered eating reasons in the tags
#so I’ve been weaning myself back onto eating more recently#for a few months I was eating under 2k calories to prove to my doctor that like. I have a bit of a resistance going on#I gained or maintained but never lost#I’ve been gaslit by doctors before and I wanted to be on top of it#eating a lot hurts a bit now so oops but like I feel like people actually believe me now#my pcp is getting replaced so I hope that we can actually get some work done with her#because wheeew#im trying my best to be careful with what I eat and how I eat it#without actively triggering my Ed#and Ik someone’s gonna say ‘ur in denial this is textbook disordered eating’ I’m a big guy and I eat what I want I just also want to be#careful#idrc if I over eat a lil bit it’s not like before#and it’s not done in secrecy either#less dieting more uh managment?#ask to tag#ed tw#jic
0 notes
Text
you know when you’re at that point when can’t stand someone that every little thing they do is so so annoying... that’s how i feel with my grandma right now
#sometime i feel like i am a horrible granddaughter (and i know im not the best one either#i dont even try sometimes bc i dont have a relationship with her growing up bc we moved when i was 4 i dont remember much of my childhood#i have very few memories of her and most of them are about her scolding someone)#also the image i have of her is what my mom had told me about how she was growing up. she wasnt a nurturing mother#i dont think the hit her kids but she wasnt warm and caring#i also know that she (my grandma) had a very hard childhood and overall life#so when i think about that i feel 100 times worse bc i know its not her fault that she's like this#but also when she's here my mom gets very very stresses bc their relationship is horrible#but she cant go bc she has doctor appointments and procedures that have to me done here#so im getting really annoyed by everything she does#she watches tv at full volume. she chews loudly and talks with her mouth full. she speaks really really loud#and its worse when shes speaking on the phone#she is incredibly stubborn and dismisses my mom constantly#she leaves cups with scraps on the kitchen counter and doesnt let anyone touch it bc she will drink them later (some have been there for a w#week before my mom throws them out)#also since shes been here we havent had the chance to go away for a weekend or to eat outside bc she doesnt like to leave the house#and when she wants to leave the house its when my mom is super busy (and i dont have my driver's license and tbh i wouldnt+#+want to go out with her either) so my mom ends up being the bad guy#shes been here for 5 months and shes not leaving anytime soon but i want her to leave#ok venting helped#mariana.txt
0 notes
Text
deliveries
words: 1.2k
warnings: ex!rafe, reconciliation, kinda sugar daddy rafe but he just likes taking care of his girl mhm iktr
“can i say no?” you sigh.
“say no? did you not place this delivery?” the man raises his eyebrows.
“i didn't. my- my ex did.”
“well, i have to deliver it, ma’am, but i don't care what you do with it afterwards. give it to your friends or throw it out.” the man sets the bags of food at your doorstep, snapping a picture before walking off.
you can't blame him, plus it's probably a situation he's never encountered before.
you sigh as you pick up the bags, carrying them into the kitchen counter. packages, deliveries and letters have been showing up on your doorstep for two weeks, ever since you broke up with rafe.
you're sick of it at this point. as you go through the food, picking out something to eat for dinner (you're not just gonna let it go to waste!) you grab your phone and unblock rafes number.
you wonder how long it will take him to realize as you sit at your desk and eat. you're in an apartment complex with pretty tight security, it's the only reason why rafe isn't knocking at your door himself, instead sending whoever he can to get a message to you, while simultaneously making sure you have plenty of food to eat and things to take care of yourself with.
you answer your phone after the first ring. you deleted his contact, but rafes number is forever memorized in your head.
“stop sending me things.”
“baby, its a relief to hear your voice again.” rafe sighs, sounding genuinely happy, like a weight is suddenly off his chest. “please, let me just talk to you. i miss you so much.”
“no, rafe. we broke up. you need to stop.”
“why'd you break up with me? what did you tell me princess?” rafe questions. “i wasn't giving you enough attention. now im giving you everything. please, y/n.” he pleads. “im not going to stop.”
you take a deep sigh. you really love rafe, despite your relationship being only six months old when you broke up with him, it was just too much. too much attention from your friends and too much pressure from his family. it pushed your relationship farther apart until rafe barely paid attention to you, receiving constant questions from his dad and friends.
“you have to, rafe. clearly things weren't working out. we tried. we can say that. gave it a fair shot.”
“im not done trying. yes, i let my family and other people get into my head about our relationship, but im done with that bullshit. i want you back.”
“let me think about it, okay?” it's an olive branch. the best thing that you can extend right now.
“okay.” rafe agrees. “how about i call you friday?”
you glance at the calendar hanging over your desk. two days. two days to think. you're not sure it's enough or too much.
“that works… but rafe, stop sending me stuff.”
“i can't, baby.” you can practically see the way he's shaking his head right now. “gotta take care of my girl, even if you don't wanna see me.”
“fine.” you groan. you know there's no talking rafe out of it. “order me some lemonade next time then.”
--
you yawn as you wake up with a big stretch, instinctively reaching over to the other side of the bed. your hand pats the sheets before remembering that you left rafe.
you slide out of bed, heading towards your kitchen to get something for breakfast when a knock on your door interrupts you.
“one second!” you're in pajamas, but they're far too small and tight to answer the door in. you rush back into your bedroom and pull a robe on to cover up.
“hi!” the delivery woman smiles. “y/n?”
“yup.” you nod, stepping to the side. “do you mind just setting it down on the counter?”
the woman places the bags down before saying goodbye and seeing herself out. you sigh and look into the bags, eyes bulging when you see velvet boxes carefully placed inside one of them.
you pull out one of the boxes, gasping when a beautiful diamond necklace is revealed. you continue to open them, realizing rafe bought you jewelry of almost every variety.
“oh, gosh.” you grab a note, opening it to see his handwriting.
it's just what you deserve. i love you and want you back. can't wait to talk to you tomorrow.
rafe
p.s. i paid your rent for the next three months
you grab your phone before even looking in the other bag, dialing rafes number. he picks up almost instantly.
“you know you can't buy my love, right?”
“im not trying to.” rafe says. “im just trying to take care of you. did you get the breakfast?”
you peek into the other bag, seeing a stack of delicious looking pancakes inside a clear container, as well as some other options.
“yeah, ill eat it in a minute.”
“good.” you can practically hear rafes smile over the phone.
“how about we meet up in person to talk tomorrow instead of on the phone?”
“ill go wherever you want.”
“our first date.” is all you say before hanging up, grabbing the pancakes and container holding scrambled eggs.
--
you're aware you didn't say what time as you pull up to the pier. it's a warm day, sunny with almost no clouds in the sky, but a light breeze gives you the perfect amount of cooling.
you walk down the pier, unable to hold back your smile when you see rafe sitting on the bench where you ate ice cream on your first date after finally agreeing to let him take you out.
rafe watches you carefully as you sit down next to him.
“you're wearing the necklace i got you.” he smiles, seeing the gold chain around your neck.
“i am.” you nod.
“can i… can i hug you? ive missed you so much baby.”
you nod again, not sure you can find your voice as rafes arms wrap around your body, holding you into his side. you snuggle into his chest, eyes sliding shut.
“love you so much.” rafe says, pressing kisses to the top of your head. “so much i messed up the first time not trying to be too obsessed. i just didn't want to make you run away, turns out i did the exact opposite and you felt ignored. you know how my dad is…” rafe trails off as you pick your head up to look at him.
“we shouldn't have let others get between us.” you know you're not innocent in it either, contributing just as much to rafe to the tension that had grown between the two of you.
“and we won't let it happen again now that we know.” rafe says, a promising look in his eyes. you swear it looks like he might cry as you nod.
he ducks his head, pressing your lips together in a sweet kiss. you fist your hands in his shirt, keeping him close as you kiss back, having missed his lips on yours more than you'd like to admit.
“does this mean you'll tell security im allowed back in?” rafe laughs gently, cupping your face, his thumb gently stroking over your cheek.
“hmm, i guess.” you giggle.
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @sourkittie @rafeyslove @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysticallystilinski @luvdella @aerangi @vogueprincess @auryyz @raysmayhem-72 @thestarlithideout @marvelfanfics1recs @rafesgiirl @ditzyzombiesblog @chiaraanatra @tobiaslut @drewsephrry @1aarii1 @bejeweledreverie @winterrrnight
#sorry for the boring fluffy fics lately#i just need themf dslk#rafe fic#rafe fanfic#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe x you#rafe x y/n#rafe x oc#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x oc#rafe cameron x reader#rafe imagine#rafe drabble#rafe one shot#rafe blurb#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron one shot#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron blurb#rafe fluff#rafe Cameron fluff#soft!rafe#soft!rafe cameron#soft!rafe cameron x reader
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
. . . fred weasley with it girl veela girlfriend (you, bitch!)
babe.
he is your biggest fucking fan
drooling and wide eyes when he even HEARS the click of ur cunty shoes xxx
genuinely stand by the fact he has shirts with ur face on
to him, you’re everything & more
no1 advocate for anything you do
‘yeah, love, you should do that. definitely’
‘mhmm, anything you want darling’
GRRRRRRRR 🐱🐱🐱🐱
eats up every single one of ur cunty fits
you look so damn good babe and he makes sure you know it
‘you’re the most beautiful girl i have ever seen, love. seriously’
‘if you don’t stop smiling like that, im gonna be forced to take you against this fucking wall love’
OOPSIES
HOW DID THAT GET THEERRREEEE
knows the whole school and literally the whole world is obsessed with you and is here for it
(but is also not)
he loves that people know how special you are bc you fckn are
but like
when he sees whores staring at you with gaping mouths and starry eyes he’s like
she’s MINE.
doesn’t enjoy people staring at his girl
10000% the type to wrap his arms around you and pull you back into him, genuinely acting as a shield for the stares
pd(bloody)a!!!
he’s a big big fan
obvs if it makes you uncomfy, he’ll understand and back off! your comfort is his main concern
HOWEVER
if you like it just like he does…
arm wrapped around you waist while you’re walking around
HANDDD HOLDING
he loves cuddling you
ur like his squishmallow 😘😘😘
he really enjoys showing you, all the time, how much you mean to him. how obsessed he is with you. bc he wants you to know
will readily admit to the fact he is very much on ur pink bedazzled leash xxxxx
he’s ur mf bitch ❤️❤️❤️
if ppl try and take the mick out of him for it he literally could not care less
and what???? it’s true
he would kiss the ground you walked on if you asked
if he notices you getting uncomfortable w ppl staring at you, he’s not afraid to confront them (if you want that)
‘yeah, mind looking anywhere bloody else mate?’
‘if you done leering at my girl you wanker, feel free to piss off’
if people happen to not heed his warning, he’s not afraid to fight someone for you
(one time he did and arthur got called in to ‘deal’ with his son—he gave him an approving hug and a chocolate frog)
you & the weasels are like this 🤞
ginny does not resent you bc ur a veela, IN FACCTTTT she actually really looks up to you and admires you, knowing you’re so much more than ur beauty
she’s wants to BE you
(apart from the dating her brother part, gag)
george calls you ‘little legend’ he thinks you’re great for making his brother so starstruck and mushy-goey all the soft things.
genuinely cannot wait for the day you become his sister in law 🤧
after ron got over his creepy little crush, he’s grown to see you as someone he adores (even if he would never admit it) and someone he really feels safe with
you make him feel wanted in his family and actually loved—for that, he loves you more
charlie thinks ur an absolute riot 😭😭
the first time you met you had pulled a prank on the twins, turning their skin lilac and giving them unicorn horns with fuzzy purple fur everywhere (human unicorns)
he’s adored you ever since
bill loves you like a little sister and fleur and you are legit best mates!!!
arthur holds you very dear to him as he sees how good you are for his son and how much of a good individual you are in general
molly was slightly hesitant initially
BUTTT then you knitted her and arthur winter hats for christmas, sent them with a cutesy note and some sweets and she knew she’d love you
(she really, truly does)
#fredweasleyisurseximinion
he wrote that himself xxxx
#fred weasley#fred weasley x reader#fred weasley imagine#fred weasely x y/n#harry potter#harry potter x reader#harry potter imagine#james potter x reader#james potter#fred weasley smut#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin imagine
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
͏͏𝒗𝒊. ͏MORE THEN JUST FRIENDS ! enha ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏— ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏& ͏ ͏𝐢
bsf(?)enha x f!reader. warning. none, kissing in jake’ + fluff wc.0.9k 🐰 seiu?!: after a century i’m writing hcs again yayy
— HEESEUNG LEE
let’s you bite him, very weird behavior but he has grown used to it, at first he was all confused as to why you feel the need to bite him like a chew toy but it’s okay your best friend(?) get you now, his biceps nom nom, but due to all this he has bite marks all over him which he is least bothered about but he does get asked if he is dating someone a lot which is confusing because why would people just assume he is dating out of the blue “yn you know i have been asked three times today whether im seeing someone and it’s all because of the bite marks you leave, people would think we are dating”
“do you want that to be a reality” he looks at you with wide eyes “are you hearing yourself” — “i am heeseung”
— JAY PARK
wears your hair tie which very bf coded and i wonder why he hasn’t asked you out yet? like which bestie goes around wearing a girls hair tie when he obviously is in the market? wearing it just makes you thing he is taken “do you love my hair tie that much you can’t even return it to me? YOU CANT RETURN MY OWN HAIR TIE TO ME” shoves a piece of cake in your mouth to shut you up “is it bothering that much, i will buy you more” which is weird because why not just return the one he has on his wrist, at this point he just wants be a wife.
“keeps me away from girls you know” oh so now he is just using you as an escape mechanism “keeps me a step closer to you” your ears turned red “so you wanna date me?” you ask
“that’s very multifaceted question” you hit his shoulders “big meanie” he giggled knowing damn well he is down right bad for you
— JAKE SIM
don’t at him but he has kissed you, like a full blown kiss not just a peck, for training purposes right? yes for training purposes so you both don’t seem like complete losers with no experience when you start dating someone, you can at least put each others name on the resume “do you wanna kiss?”
“no” jake looked at you with puppy eyes “why not” just because this is not WHAT NORMAL FRIENDS DO MR.HOT AND GENIUS BESTIES “your breath smells bad” eyes out like that sad hamster on tiktok with violin bg playing “UGH WHATEVER” you kiss him as he smiles between the kisses, knowing you can’t resist him (damn hot mf) “love ya see you after the match”
— SUNGHOON PARK
takes you on dates, and i get that it’s normal but it’s not normal when he is taking you out alone with him every other week to ‘treat you’, because normal friends totally don’t eat at a fancy restaurant together or go on a late night drive without romantic feelings like girl who are you kidding? “don’t you ever think all this dates we go to without our other friends who you reject because you only want to be with me is the reason why people think we are dating”
“yes” he said cuddling you on his bed “and like this is not normal too you cuddling me, WAIT WHAT YES?” he kissed you forehead “yes but we aren’t just friends either you know” butterflies
— SUNOO KIM
cuddles all the time, whether it is out, in school or hanging out at each others houses, you both are all up each others, which has been pointed out so many times but sunoo really doesn’t care, he would rather feel your soft cheeks next to his than hear people about how this can be a whole scandal and lower the chances of you both getting any partners because people think you both are dating “sunoo can i get some water please i’m dehydrated” you try to wiggle out of the sofa you both were cuddling “nooo i will be cold”
“no you won’t be ugh get off me big baby” you try to push him as he gets up “so now you hate me” obviously he is faking it but you feel bad “im not i’m sorry sunoo what do you want me to do”
“date me”
— JUNGWON YANG
unusually long eye contact, and not the staring contest kinda way, but a loving and soft way, like he is expressing how much he loves you by staring at you, even when you are not looking at him he is always admiring you, asked at multiple occasions why he was staring at you and he just replies with ‘can’t i look at my best friend’ like sure so normal for a bestie to look at his bestie with love doe eyes. so the way he looks at you with undivided attention you might think he is listening to everything you are saying but no you got him wrong.
he humming at you talking about some dog you found cute on tiktok but he isn’t actually really listening and registering anything you are saying, he too busy admiring your plump lips that he would give anything to kiss right now “and then a blue cat said heya bro” he still looking at you “hmm that’s cool”
“YANG JUNGWON YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME” you said shaking him “i guess not, it’s hard to control myself from kissing you and still listen to you, i can’t multitask like that”
— RIKI NISHIMURA
has your face as his alternate face lock id, also lets you use his phone, you want his phone real quick okay have it, you want to see through his photos okay have it, you want to use his insta okay use it, the only thing you are off limits is the boys gc because shady business goes down there, people really think you are dating your bestie and how he is the most honest and trustworthy bf ever? like no he has thousands of feet pics in his camera roll and you haven’t heard any explanation from him yet? how is he honest.
“you are going through my dms?” riki asks as you play around with his phone “yeah and if that bothers you don’t worry im texting this pretty girl who slide in your dms, soon you would have a cute girlfriend all because of my rizz” he snatched his phone from your hands “what the hell i thought i blocked her? yn why are texting her-”
“why? did you get offended? i’m sorry i shouldn’t have, no matter how close we are” he face palms like an old man done with everything “i’m not offended because you texted her, i’m offended at the fact that i have such a dumb friend who can’t see i want her more then just friends” there star struck aren’t you
#enhypen headcanons#enhypen scenarios#jake x reader#niki x reader#sunoo x reader#jungwon x reader#jay x reader#heeseung x reader#sunghoon x reader#sunoo imagines#sunghoon imagines#park jay imagines#sim jake imagine#jungwon imagines#niki imagines#niki scenarios#jungwon scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#heeseung scenarios#enhypen#sunghoon scenarios#enhypen reactions#enhypen oneshots#sunghoon fluff#yang jungwon#niki fluff#can u see how i love riki
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
i can see you
james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)
summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.
a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift
warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation
for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.
you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.
“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.
“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.
“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.
as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.
“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.
“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”
“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.
“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.
“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”
it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?
“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.
“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.
“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.
james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.
-
your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.
the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.
you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.
you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.
and then there was james.
james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.
when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.
sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?
as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.
-
you felt like you could kill him.
after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.
but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.
you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.
"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.
"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.
“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“
“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.
“i told you, they were really good.”
if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turned red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.
you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.
he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.
he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.
he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pajamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.
he shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.
the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.
maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.
“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.
“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.
“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.
“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.
“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”
“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.
“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”
“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”
“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”
“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.
you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.
-
as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.
you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.
on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.
when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.
you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-
giggles.
there were giggles coming from your room.
and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.
you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.
“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”
“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.
you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.
“thank you, have a nice night”
you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.
you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.
“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“
“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.
“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.
“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”
“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?
“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?
“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?
“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“
“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.
you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.
“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.
it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.
“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.
“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.
you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.
his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.
you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?
once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.
maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.
he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.
you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.
you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.
“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.
“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something on your phone.
you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.
you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.
“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“
“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.
“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.
“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.
fuck.
you were going to share the damn blanket.
he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.
was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.
you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.
you could have died right there.
he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.
‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.
you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.
you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.
the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.
you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how he could be so sweet, funny and nice.
after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.
he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.
you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.
you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.
everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want to read it at the moment.
“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.
“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.
“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.
“yeah” remus answered, smiling.
“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sitting next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.
“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.
“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”
they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.
once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.
they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.
“can i stay with you for the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.
“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the arm of ouch.
“yeah?” the guy answered.
“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.
“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?
“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.
“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.
“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.
“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.
“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.
“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.
“really? what does he say?”
“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.
“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”
“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.
“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.
“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.
for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.
he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.
did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?
goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.
it made you feel crazy, it really did.
you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.
the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.
you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-
you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.
‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’
you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.
you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.
“y/n?” he was looking at you now.
fuck.
“yeah?”
“you look really good tonight.”
“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.
“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?
“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.
“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.
he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.
the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.
you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.
kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.
he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.
“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.
he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.
he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.
when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.
“james…” you let out as he bit you again.
“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.
“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.
“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.
“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.
he was big.
you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).
he was on his knees, towering over you.
“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.
“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, especially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.
he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.
he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.
“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.
“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.
“take it off”
“what?” you’re confused.
“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.
“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?
“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.
you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.
“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.
“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.
“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.
“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.
“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.
“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.
“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.
“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.
“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”
“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.
“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.
“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.
“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.
“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.
“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.
he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.
“jaaames” you would whine
“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.
if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.
“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.
“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.
you were in ecstasy.
“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.
“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.
“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.
“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.
“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.
your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.
as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.
“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.
his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.
he made sure he got rid of every single drop.
your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.
“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.
“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.
“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.
“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.
“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.
#lila writes#james potter x reader#james potter fic#james potter smut#james potter x y/n#james potter x you#james potter oneshot#james potter fanfiction#james potter imagine#marauders x reader#silencesscreams
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
sugarcoated
pairing: Mob Boss!Baby Daddy!Lando Norris x Fem!Reader wc: 2.7k cw: violence (implied but not against the reader), emotional manipulation, reader is highkey tweaking, Norris is a touchy ass, slight yandere undertones, this aint healthy an: i keep forgetting my irls have my blog lowkey ive been scared of posting bc of my parents. also hey ladies whats up im back out of my flop era! miss me miss me now you gotta kiss me!
He was always lingering somewhere, no matter where you went.
It was like no matter where you ran, he would always find you. Quite frankly, you were sure that was half the appeal to him, he was a powerful man and he spared no expense in letting you know.
Sometimes, it was the little flowers he left on your doorstep in pristine condition, small notes in semi legible handwriting tied to the stems. Other times, it was the faint smell of his perfume that lingered as he’d find himself in front of your door at odd hours of night, begging you to let him in, as if he’d been dying at the steps of your door.
And like a fool, you finally cracked, you did let him in. You were charmed, though there was no doubt it made you uneasy, he’d pacified you with his dazzling promises to take care of you, so what could’ve been the harm?
You didn’t see him again after that night. In fact, you hadn’t seen him for weeks afterwards, then the games started as soon as you moved.
You’d run, he’d show up, you’d run again.
It was a cycle. There was no leaving the city anymore either, his forces scattered across every crook and nanny of the city. You’d sealed your own fate with just one hospital visit, deliverance of the exact news you’d prayed to not get as you sat with a test in your hands, two pink lines string back at you.
You had no idea how you even made it home that night.
It was in your best interest not to move anymore, but you weren’t even sure how to move forward. Your wallet wasn’t entirely drained, but you were. Any chance of moving away was immediately stomped out, leaving you with no choice but to firm up against him and his sugar coated words.
It wasn’t long before he found out, and when he did, he made sure you knew. You couldn’t tell for your life how he felt though.
At first, it was minor things, baby items you didn’t recall ordering appearing at your door. You chalked it up to clerical error, but something nagged at you as you inspected them. Then, more expensive items started to appear, everything a new mother could dream of, but it made you uneasy.
Sometimes he’d come along with one of these gifts, standing outside the door as you peered at him through the eyehole. You never answered, with the hope that he'd leave you alone, hoping to dissuade him from anything further.
Then the biggest shock came along, sitting across from you on the counter, as if it’d been there the whole time. You had no time to question, let alone think about it upon seeing the small note attached to the box.
I hope you’ll love the gift exactly how I did when I saw it, xoxo.
You knew exactly what a diamond ring implied. Yet, you couldn’t seem to wrap your head around why he would’ve sent it. The last thing he would’ve done was tie himself to you after trying so long to avoid you.
It’d been four days since the ring had appeared there, and you were simply hoping it was a fluke, no sign of him to back the ever present thought of the intrusion.
You sat at the dining table, poking around your half-assed salad as you stared at the box. You could’ve sold it off, but there was no doubt someone would’ve found out and reported it back to him, leaving you to bear the brunt of his anger at your outright refusal. He’d never hurt you, but you saw everything in his actions.
The thought was more than enough to throw you off your meal, pushing away the plate with a pained sigh. Eating wasn’t the only thing that’d become harder in recent months, as working had left you with barely any time for yourself.
You were almost ready to doze off right there and then, had it not been for the series of sharp raps on the door, earning a grumble from you as you dragged yourself to the door with a mind full of insults to hurl at the person.
It hadn’t occurred to you to check who it was as you sleepily fiddled knob, only saved by the grace of the chain lock you’d forgotten to unlock.
“Hey there.”
Your blood froze, hazel eyes staring down through the crack of the door. There he was again, the devil himself, at your doorsteps as if he’d been waiting for you for a long time.
“Lando?” it came out as more of a whisper than anything else, voice cracking from a lack of proper use.
“It’s nice to see you too sweetheart,” He laughed, tilting his head at you to meet your eyes through the wide crack.
There was a look in his eyes, although you couldn’t entirely decide if it was predatory or not as you averted your eyes, looking down at the handle of the door.
“What’s going on in there? Are you working late again? Though the doctor said it wasn’t good for you to be up this late with the baby on the way.”
You didn’t respond, trying to shut the door as subtly as you good, hitting something between the doorframe. Jitters ran down your spine when the door wouldn’t move further, looking down to see what it was.
He’d wedged his shoe in between, the bastard. You looked back up, swallowing as he narrowed his eyes, the smile slipping off his face for moments to reveal thinly masked displeasure before disappearing entirely.
He knew what you were trying to do. You didn’t know if the guilt building up in your chest, or the possibility of what he could’ve done, scared you more. He’d never explicitly laid a hand on you, but the amount of torture was already enough as he lingered in your space.
“Someone has to keep the lights on,” You muttered, letting him nudge the door open. You were already fighting a losing battle, there was no way to keep him away but to hold him at an arm's length. That was how he’d gotten in the first time. He couldn’t fool you twice though.
“That’s why I've been sending you stuff, have you not gotten it?” He frowned. For a moment, it almost felt as if he were trying to be genuinely involved. You knew better.
You hesitated, looking back and forth between the chain lock and his face, though not much contemplating would be able to change the choice that’d already been made for you.
“No. I… donated it to some of the others at work. Needed it more than I did.”
There it was again, the indignancy in his eyes.
“I got it for you though, was it not to your liking then?” His voice was eerily calm, but you knew exactly what it meant. Your hand instantly went up to the chain, almost as if it was moving on its own. Fear gripped at you. You had no idea what he was going to do next.
“So, you’re determined to be a single mother then? Do you know the kind of trouble it would get you and the baby into…” He raised his voice, pausing to see if you’d reconsidered.
Clearly a slight tremble in your hand was enough to convince him you’d finally stood down, a smirk gracing his already vicious face as you opened the door. You had no plan to, but it was hopeless to try and stand up without attracting attention, the last thing you wanted was for everyone to know what a shameless bastard he was.
“Just come inside please. Don’t let anyone see you any more.” You whispered, letting him through the threshold before you shut the door behind you.
“You’ve been busy, haven’t you? Just look at the state of your... apartment.” He shook his head, pushing at stray articles laying all over the floor with his foot, as if they were positively filthy. There were still boxes from your last move sitting around the living room, the only real piece of furniture unpacked being your bed and the table you were sitting at.
You couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed as you walked into the kitchen, you’d never been this untidy before. It wasn’t any easier as Lando tailed you, only pausing outside the door frame, as if something stopped him from coming through.
“You should move from here. I don’t like this apartment, it’s in a sketchy part of town.”
“Well, I don't recall asking for your opinion, did i?”
You didn’t pay any mind to his poking, filling a random mug up as you stood at the sink before you shot back, standing in the dark of the kitchen as he walked away, presumably to shuffle through your personals again. You were thankful for a moment of silence though, head pounding from all that had happened today.
You stood there lost in thought, and he’d returned sooner rather than later, tone disapproving as he spoke to you once again.
“I wonder how on earth I'm supposed to convince you if this can’t stop you from trying to make it on your own.”
Only, he wasn’t at the doorway anymore, standing a little further back, waving a stack of letters to your face. The color of the envelopes, you immediately knew what the contents were.
Heat seemed to bloom across your face, rushing over to grab the letters from him. It was of no use, he could easily keep them out of your reach, but it didn’t stop you.
“Sweetheart, what happened to you? Looks like you’ve managed to stir up more trouble than you can handle, am i right?” You could hear the mock empathy in his voice, distorted by the rush of blood to your ears.
“You. You happened to me.” You hissed back at him, finally grabbing the papers and slinking backwards. There wasn’t any time to leaf through them, but the big bright red stamps were more than enough to drive you to tears when you saw them. But you couldn’t cry here. Not in front of him.
He didn’t respond to your remark, simply giving you a look of pity, watching with careful eyes as you tossed the pages back onto the table, taking your seat back. The tension was getting higher, only breaking when you finally looked at him, opening your mouth.
“You can’t just come in here, into my life,” you managed, voice quivering despite the resolution you’d come to, “And act like you own the place. You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”
“Don’t I?” Lando pushed himself off the opposing wall, getting closer. “I’m the one who’s been watching you struggle, I'm the one who’s trying to help you love.”
“And is this what help is then?” The thought tasted bitter. “Sending gifts isn’t helping, it’s… wrong.”
Then adding in a whisper, “You know i can’t afford this.”
He paused, the righteous look he had faltering for a second. “You’re reading it all wrong. I’m just trying to provide for you and the baby, but you want to be stubborn. You won’t take my help, nor will you take my money.”
“I don’t want your money, please.” You begged mercifully, looking at him eye to eye since the first time he’d stepped through the door.
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching into a half-smile that sent chills through you. “You should be thanking me. Not many get the same kind of priority you’re getting right now. I’m only trying to make it easier.”
“I would never do it with your filthy money, how many have you run over just to make a paycheck?” You murmured, pausing at the look on his face.
“At least I can provide for myself. I won’t ever have to scrap the bottom of a tip jar only to fail to make rent.” He replied smoothly, eyes narrowing at your attempt to rebuke him.
The implication hung heavy in the air, and you clenched your fists, nails digging into your palm. “I… can’t.”
The silence seemed to stretch thinner, and you could feel the burn in your eyes as you looked down at your clasped hands. You couldn’t even really tell when the first tear slipped. It kept coming, and you couldn’t stop it. You knew he was right.
“Hey, hey, none of that.” He said slowly, getting down on one knee to meet your eyes, taking your hand in his. “I was out of line for that, wasn’t i?”
You shook your head, covering your mouth to stop the sobs from escaping. He seemed remorseful, running a thumb over your knuckles as he looked at you with a mix of pity and something foreign. “I know I upset you, but I'm still offering you a chance here. I wanna set it right between us.”
You didn’t argue through the tears, and he seized the moment. “You can struggle all you want but I can provide everything you need. I can make the baby my heir, I can give you the life you deserve... all you have to do is say yes.”
“Say yes to what? Marrying you?” The words seem to slip out of your mouth mid sob, and a look of amusement crossed his face as you slapped a hand over your mouth.
“Exactly,” he replied, trademark grin spreading across his face. “Imagine it. A beautiful ceremony, a life together. You’d have someone by your side who can ensure nothing threatens you. You’d be safe and sound. The baby would be my successor, guaranteed.”
“I barely even know you. You don’t know me.” You whimpered as he played with your hand, too loving, too suffocating.
He moved closer to your lap this time, bringing his hand up to wipe the tears, soft and tender than you’d known him to be. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, and I know it feels like you don’t know me at all. This is a big decision.”
“It’s not just a decision, Lando. It’s my life.” You hiccuped, despairing clawing at your insides. “How do I know you won’t just leave when you’re bored of me?”
“Didn’t I promise to take care of you and the baby?” He gently cupped your face, tilting it up so you had no choice but to meet his eyes. “Look at me. You’re not alone in this. I’m here now, and I want to help.”
There was a flicker of recognition at his words at the back of your brain, raising voices of caution as you looked at him through glassy eyes. “And what if I can’t love you back like you want me to?”
Lando’s eyes darkened slightly, and he took your hands, pulling you closer. “You don’t have to love me right now. Just trust me.” His grip tightened, slightly painful as he held onto you. “Just let me show you what it means to be cherished.”
He leaned in, his lips almost brushing your ear, the movement making your breath hitch. “Let me in, stop thinking so hard.”
You could’ve stopped breathing, time slowing as he pushed the ring box into your lap.
He was never going to give you a choice, but what he said was ultimately true.
“Just think,” Lando urged as you squeezed your eyes shut, allowing him to play with your ring finger. “Think about what you could have.”
You’d never really realized how much his scent stuck till you until now, wrapping around you and lingering softly. A part of you was tempted to lean into him, to let him guide you into this new reality.
Even if you hadn’t made up your mind, he likely already had.
“Fine.”
Wordlessly, the cold metal slipped on the finger he’d been tracing moments before, bringing up your hand to kiss it.
“See? You’re already one step closer.” he murmured, his voice low and soothing. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
You could only look at him, dried tear tracks sticky against the sudden cold draft of the air.
“It’s a promise,” he said, his thumb brushing over the ring as if it had already tied you together. “I won’t let you go just like that.”
You shuddered.
There was no escaping him now. You were tied to him.
A sugar coated nightmare, it seemed.
#f1 mafia au#f1 mafia#mafia f1#mafia au#mafia fanfic#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#lando x reader#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4 x you#f1 lando norris#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 x you#f1 au#ln4 fluff#ln4 x y/n#f1 x y/n#lando norris imagine#lando norris fanfic
536 notes
·
View notes
Text
so my dear we’re facing a problem.
#remember how i have an ed#so basically what i do is i dont eat throughout the day and i eat copious amounts of food (so much) at like 7 pm every night#and i struggle so much with this 7 pm thing because im like. fuck it who cares i messed up already#or it's just the best time for me to eat because i'm alone technically and it's hte only time im not stressed af or smth#so rn im binge watching asmr videos to try and cope#because i just always feel like. i fcuked up already like im a screw up already#and no one will ever love me (im writing a literal fic rn)#especially rn because im writing gold rush#and it's fucking hurting my heart#tmr im probably not going to eat anything all day because im busy from 1- night and i dont think ill eat breakfast#i have no fucking clue#my night binges r real though#ed tw
0 notes