#shes been here for 5 months and shes not leaving anytime soon but i want her to leave

[spacebell]

you know when you’re at that point when can’t stand someone that every little thing they do is so so annoying... that’s how i feel with my grandma right now

[letorip]

can you write something short and fluffy :( like jenna or wednesday being tired or something

j's lullaby

"darlin' i'd wait for you, even if you didn't ask me to"

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pairing: jenna ortega x reader

summary: jenna comes home incredibly late and can't wait to collapse into your arms after a long day

warnings: nada, entirely just fluff and comforting someone's exhaustion

word count: 1.2k

A/N: sorry for getting to this now, it was requested months and months ago. feels good to write something sweet for once, and without somewhere to branch off to. i like writing my stories, but it's fun to leave so much up to the reader. maybe i'll do more of these.

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===+++===

Even from inside the warmth of your apartment, it was impossible to be unaware of the raging storm outside. You could hear the pattering of raindrops upon the stucco roof in small thuds that had faded gently into the background a good thirty minutes ago and given no indication of letting up anytime soon, either.

Not that it would have mattered. You stood in the kitchen with the kettle going on the stove, attempting to read a rather enthralling chapter of your book in the dim, warm light that hung over your microwave, and then rereading it for a third or fourth time when the words became an unintelligible mess in your head, whether it be from the lack of light or sluggish ability to think.

It was a little too late to turn the kitchen light on, not that you were a big fan of the overhead light, but it would've brought a crude harshness to the drowsiness you were attempting to fight off.

Even night owls had their limitations. Sleep snuck up on you at the wispy edges, pulling down on your eyelashes. The clock on your microwave ticked to 4:28, and you turned the page in your book, hearing the kettle's whistle begin to take frequency, one you were sure the neighbours could hear.

In retrospect the somewhat thin walls were the only thing imperfect about the place, with giant windows and warm, teakwood floors. That and your kitchen's tile floor being kind of cold in the morning, but even then, both you and Jenna wore socks in the house, so it wasn't much of a drawback. You would only live there for a few weeks more anyhow, before you both went back to Los Angeles. In the meantime you could cope with the plush floor rug that Natalie had sent.

With one thumb on the thin page of your beaten up novel and the rest of that hand pinning it to the countertop, you lifted the kettle gently towards your old ceramic mug with the chip in the corner and a teabag’s string hanging over the side. The hot water steamed and gently wafted over the apples of your cheeks, and it added a further weight, the room filling with a flowery smell.

As you grabbed a small spoon from the drawer, the front door’s knob audibly turned, creaking open on its hinges and letting some of the nighttime noise flood in, if only for a moment. You grinned at the noise with an excitement that would’ve been impossible to mask, stirring your drink and calling over your shoulder, down the hall. “Hey, in here.”

The door swung shut behind her and a few, tired steps later, Jenna stood in the doorway. You stayed focused on the task at hand, stirring your tea, but you could feel her eyes stay locked upon your face. She wandered over, coming up behind you where you stood and wrapping her arms around your torso, pressing the plane of her cheek against your shoulder blade.

She held you tightly, as if she wanted to melt together. “You didn’t have to wait up for me. It’s almost 5 in the morning.”

“I know I didn’t have to,” you shrugged. “I wanted to.” Her arms wrapped around you just a bit tighter, holding you there and sighing into the soft, worn fabric of your old shirt.

“I made tea,” you hummed. “Do you want any?” She shook her head into your back, almost purring in contentment.

“‘M too tired,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, you got back late,” you said, pushing the tea mug away and turning around to get a good look at her. She was beautiful, that was a given, but she also looked exhausted, with thick, dark eye bags and the tips of her dark bangs a little bit wet from the rain outside.

“Tim wanted to talk about the big scene we have coming up,” she whispered. You hummed again, watching her with a little bit of concern and she looked back at you with a fondness.

“Come on, off to bed with you,” you straightened up, holding out your hand for her to take, and grabbing your book with a finger left between the binding to hold your spot.

She rolled her eyes with a gentle huff but did not protest, letting you lead her gently into your bedroom. There were still a few candles you had lit for just in case during the storm, filling your room with a yellowish, warm glow, and you blew them out while Jenna got changed into her pyjamas.

“Oh, your mum called, by the way,” you said with a gentle smile, pulling the sheets back to sit on the edge. You pulled your woollen, thick socks off and flung them towards the far wall; you could pick them up tomorrow.

She gave you a sleepy nod, wandering towards the bathroom and sliding the door open. “Just checking in?”

“Yeah, wants you to call her tomorrow… which I guess is now today. She wants to her all about work.” You thumbed open your book while you waited for her to finish brushing her teeth, reading a few lines before she reappeared about a minute later, flicking off the light.

Jenna walked right over, pulling the sheets back and then practically collapsing on top of you, her head nuzzling into your neck. You could feel the cold edge of her nose pressing gently against the edge of your jaw, and it sent a small shiver down your spine. You put the book on your bedside table, sliding your eyeglasses off of your weary ears and stacking it on top, along with clicking the lamp off.

You would’ve planted a kiss upon her forehead, but she seemed all too comfortable for you to shift your position, and you were quite certain— though you couldn’t actually see— that her eyes were already closed and she was letting her exhaustion take over.

“I missed you, today,” she whispered.

“I missed you too.”

“Hm.” You both sat in silence for a minute, and you were convinced she had dozed off until she spoke again, even quieter than before. “Tell me about your day, love?”

“Well, let’s see,” you sighed. “Got up around 10, maybe? Did laundry—”

“Thank you for that, by the way,” she mumbled, nuzzling her face further into you.

“Mhm. Went to the shops. Made dinner. Watched that show I told you about.”

“Did you write, today?” The words were sluggish and slow, and you could tell she was lulling to sleep more and more.

“Nope,” you said with a small chuckle, and you felt Jenna smile against your neck. “I’m still waiting for that burst of creativity, y’know? I’ll find it when I find it. What about you? How was your day?”

But she didn’t answer, and you were perfectly fine with that. You could ask her in the morning, after all. And you could drink the cold tea you had completely forgotten about then, too.

short, sweet, and pretty cute. i'm happy with it. i think oneshots are incredibly fun. also calm yourself, i'm still finishing kiss with a fist [iv] i cannot stress enough how much i'm excited for it but it is NOT ready yet

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

So wooo it's been a while since I stepped foot in here, started posting around May (and then took down the first fic because I didn't like it) and I'm really glad I did because writing is the one thing that has really resonated with me my whole life. 

I reached 200 followers at the beginning of November and now I'm 6 from 300, which, again, is crazy! And I have a tag list now, it's unbelievable. Thank you so much to each one of you, I love you.

So I definitely want to give something back to this amazing community.

Starting today I'm going to try to do a monthly post dedicated to all the amazing stories I've read. 

This month will be a list of all the works that have stuck with me since I have been here, unfortunately I will never remember them all because my memory sucks, but I hope I have included most of them.

I am so looking forward to discovering many more authors (my tbr list is so long, so many fics so little time, I really hope to read more over the Christmas holidays) in the coming months and I hope to grow this little space more and more into something safe, friendly and nice for everyone.

(Feel free to add me on discord if you like and you haven't already, I'm always happy to chat and make friends, you can find it in my bio).

Anyway, let's cut to the chase, it's a long list of outstanding work below the cut: 

• The Wolf You Feed - @arcanefox207 Joel Miller x f!reader

Look, I'm so in love with her Joel. He’s hot, he's grumpy but also comforting, he plays guitar, he feels true to character. So precious.

• BDSMaid - @mountainsandmayhem

Basically, my Roman Empire. Everything about this is so damn good and this Joel? Hello? Please marry me? I will never stop screaming about him. Also, yes, it’s an AU but he feels so Joel, you know.

• Do your worst, Little Dove from Little Dove series - @mountainsandmayhem Joel Miller x f!reader

This changed my entire brain, okay. Probably the hottest thing I've ever read and if you're into sub!Joel this is something you should read immediately.

• Never made it as a wise man and following chapters - @almostempty Joel Miller x f!reader

Never laughed so hard for a fic and honestly, after this I learned that Wed could write whatever and I'll worship that.

• He knows - @almostempty

Lucien x f!reader

The way it’s written it’s out of this world, I loved it so much♥️

• Self esteem series - @almostempty

She managed to make me fall in love with fuckboy!Joel, which is remarkable because there’s nothing I hate more in this world than fuckboys, like I despise them with all my heart but I’m still here wanting to kneel in front of him. Damn, Wed, stop doing this to me. (Jk)

• Paris, Texas - @almostempty

Joel Miller x f!reader x Javier Peña

*laugh hysterically* I want to live in this fic. I want to be reader. No, actually I want to be the fourth.

• Unscripted desires - @gothcsz Javier Peña x f!reader

The way Kat writes Javi is something unique, I don't even know how she managed to write so much about him doing a fucking banger every single time. This one was probably the first thing I read written by Kat and I'm not going to forget my first love anytime soon.

• Blackmail - @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader x Javier Peña

I read this series in one day and I was so needy when I finished, jeez! Milla is so damn good and she’s an absolute queen at writing dirty talk, it's honestly unbelievable the way she delivers every single time and leave me speechless.

• Her - from 5 days collection - @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader

It’s so dear to my heart (odd to say this about a pegging fic? Probably, but I still stand by what I just said). It was so good that inspired me to write a pegging fic myself and she was so kind about it 🥹 And she was probably the first person engaging with me here and I’m so fucking grateful that she did. Milla, if I have people reading me it’s because you reblogged me and gave me a chance in the first place, I will never forget this.

• Table for Three - Who's your daddy - @aurorawritestoescape Joel Miller x f!reader x Dave York

I read those in my early days here and wow Kate definitely sets a bar in terms of hotness for me. So good. And she’s another person that I cherish so much, thanks for being so supportive and encouraging.

• Keep on your mean side - @aurorawritestoescape and @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader

These two are dead dove queens and this one is simply amazing 10/10 no notes.

• Cherry, Cherry - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

You have to know something about Adriana, she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, just a beautiful soul. I’m still in awe of how she managed to write this series with so many characters and such a rich plot, it’s so sweet and comforting but also angsty and so good, I teared up a little bit at the end 🥲

• Daddy can fix it - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

Handyman Joel lives in my mind rent free and the fact that this one feature a plus size!reader is the cherry on top ♥️ All bodies are beautiful and should be considered worthy of Joel’s love.

• Like a good girl should - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

WELL. I mean. This one gave me an inexhaustible desire to be spanked sooo yeah. So hot.

• Flesh for fantasy - @syd-djarin Joel Miller x f!reader

I thought about that for days after reading it and it’s still one of my fav things ever, like my brain just exploded, I remember having a conversation with @almostempty about this. The fuck Syd, you just broke my mind.

• Pink - @netherfeildren

Joel Miller x f!reader

One of the first thing ever that I read in this fandom and honestly sets a bar so high I was afraid to start writing anything. The urge, the need that drips from every word, the way the shaving scene is still stuck in my brain. Wow. Just wow.

• Touch Tank - @thundermartini

Javier Peña x f!reader

So beautifully written and soft!Javi made my heart melt ♥️

• Spiaggia, amore e limone - @thundermartini

Javier Peña x f!reader

It sets in Italy, of course I am the biggest fan of this. And not only that, Javi is so cute, smut is so hot, everything in this fic feels like a warm hug.

• Trēs series - @whocaresstillthelouvre

Marcus Acacius x f!reader x Lucius Verus

This is the first time I've ever popped into an author's notes and I'm so fucking proud 🤣 Thank you Mallory, you made my day, my week and my whole month 🥹

Plus, this is so good, think about your fav indulging dessert… it’s this series.

• Fifteen - @whocaresstillthelouvre

Din Djarin x f!reader

So comforting and endearing, I love it so much. Like, she made me read Din. I rarely read Din, enough said.

• Do I move you? - @lemon-nomel

Joel Miller x f!reader

I’m so damn proud of her for finding the courage to finally publish this and I’m also honored that she sent me her draft to read 🥹 She’s the sweetest person ever and stood by my side all these months through hard and happy times. Thank you love, for everything and your writing is amazing♥️

• ma’am - @mssalo

Joel Miller x f!reader

Another sub!Joel I won’t forget anytime soon, wow, so damn beautiful, so hot, perfectly executed. I’m so weak for sub!Joel it’s honestly ridiculous.

• So Cal to North Cal - @lotusbxtch

Frankie Morales x f!reader x Joel Miller

It features two of my fav Pedro boys and it’s honestly so good. Would love to take a trip with them and not only that.

• Guilty pleasure - @for-a-longlongtime

Joel Miller x f!reader

Typical DBF!Joel? No, it’s not! And I loved that, no spoiler but my jaw literally dropped to the floor lol

• To Dig a Grave - @softpascalito

Joel Miller x f!reader

I love this series so much, angsty and sad but also comforting in so many ways.

• Wherever you stray, I’ll follow - @cavillscurls

Joel Miller x f!reader

I think this was my first omegaverse fic and it was incredible, so beautifully written.

• Big fat tally - @toxicanonymity

Joel Miller x f!reader

I will probably never forget Joel in a harness, it’s carved in my brain, thanks Toxi for providing this delicious image to me.

• In the woods - @tonysopranosrobe

Frankie Morales x f!reader x Santiago Garcia x Benny Miller

First sex pollen fic I read and I loved it so much. So desperate, so good.

• How do you sleep? - @thriftedtchotchkes

Joel Miller x f!reader

Honestly so good. Wow.

• each man mad’s desire - @pascalispretty

Marcus Acacius x f!reader

This is so beautiful, it’s like a poem, I still have no words.

• The Real Deal - @strang3lov3

Frankie Morales x f!reader

Oh this one was so damn good, please, this Frankie is perfect. I still yearn to have him.

• Bedridden - @strang3lov3

Joel Miller x f!reader

I’m still laughing, it’s so damn good, well written, funny, sick Joel is unbearable but still the hottest ever.

• Doctor’s pet - @evolnoomym

Dave York x f!reader

Oh this one. I mean I’m a secretary in a clinic, it’s clear I need to work for Doctor Dave.

• Ptolemaea - @lovely-vamp-princess

Joel Miller x f!reader

She just started this and it already feels so original to me, like something I never read before and I’m so curious to see how it unfolds.

• Smooth operator - @penascigarette

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel calls a sex line and OMG. They’re softer than I thought, so good and funny. Lovely, just lovely.

Happy reading ♥️

[homestylehughes]

i love you.

pairing(s): jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in where yn finally tells jack and she loves him.

warning(s): completely fluff! a little suggestive towards the end!

wc: 1.4k

an: hiiii loves!!! writing for jack again, i missed writing for him sooo much. so enjoy this is little cute fluffy piece I wrote, i have nooo idea where this came from, like most of my ideas i pull them out of my ass LOLL. working on other works later today, more will be coming this weekend, to make up for my lack of posting. i honestly missed writing soooo much. okay i'm done, for now lol. hopefully you enjoy, like and reblog if you do. much love as always<3

happy reading <3

Tonight was the night, tonight I am going to tell Jack I love him. Jack and I have been dating for 8 months today, and neither of us have said those 3 special words to each other. I've loved jack for about 5 months now, i mean i how could i not? Jacks been the best boyfriend I can ask for, caring and sweet, loving, all of the above. So why was I so scared to say I love you? 

Saying i love you for the first time in a relationship is a big thing, deep down i know jack loves me, well i hope he does. The fear of him not feeling the same why back scares me, but im not letting the fear of his response hold me back anymore. Tonight is the night.

It just so happens to be our 8 month anniversary, Jack insisting that we go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. So here I am standing in front of my mirror smoothing and looking at every piece of myself. Making sure my hair falls in the right places, that my dress all fits in the right places. Over analyzing my makeup, constantly fixing the already perfect lipstick I applied 5 times again.

My phone dings, picking it up with shaking hands, seeing Jack texted me saying he’s down stairs waiting for me. Typing a quick response, I grab my bag from my room, and take a deep breath before I head out my door. The walk to the elevator and the ride down the elevator feels like a lifetime. I'm starting to think I just scrape this idea completely and just head right back up. 

The door opens in the lobby, walking out I send a quick smile and wave to the doormen in the lobby. Pushing open the door, I see Jack standing outside his car, his phone in his hands reading something. As soon as he hears my heels click against the sidewalk, his head pulls up imminently, his eyes wide as he flashes me a smile, shoving his phone in his pocket as he begins to walk towards me. 

“Holy shit” is the first thing Jack says as his hands reach my hips, his cool fingers running along the fabric of my dress. “You look beautiful” 

“Thank you, you look very handsome too.” I saw my eyes running over his body, taking in the dress pants and shirt he had on, even swapping his air forces for a dresser type of shoe. 

“Are you ready for dinner, pretty girl?” he asks, making his way to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for me. 

“Yes I am, lead the way” I say , saluting him once he gets into the car. a laugh rips through him as he starts the car, a smile playing on his face as he turns to me. 

“I can't get over how pretty you are” 

“Jack” 

“What i'm just stating the facts' ' he says with a chuckle, i can feel my face heat up with blush as he continues to look at me. 

“You’re so pretty when you blush” 

“Jackkkkk '' I whine playfully out,  turning my body away so he can't see the smile that breaks out across my face. 

“Do you plan on leaving anytime today?” i ask jokingly  my eyes locked on his

“After i do this” he says

I didn't even register what he had said to me before I felt his hand sliding around my jaw pulling my face towards his, capturing my lips into a sweet kiss. Our lips moving in sync my hands moving to cup his jaw pulling myself even closer to him. 

“I've wanted to do that since I saw you tonight,” Jack says as he pulls away from my lips, his hand still cupping my jaw. Our eyes remained locked for a few more moments, tension, and heat filling the car as we stared at each other. 

Jack clears his throat before pulling his hands from my face, my body already missing the contact. 

“I think we should do that again.” i say look at him

“Baby if we do that again we won't make it to dinner, my control is already being tested by how you look in that dress.” he says as he pulls out of the parking spot, his hands holding the wheel tightly as he begins to drive.

I turn to look out of the window as my face begins to heat up with a blush again, smiling as I look at the city lights as we ride past them. My mind slowly reminds me of what I planned on doing tonight, saying I love you to the man that I love. Might be the scariest thing I've ever done before. The devil on my shoulder starts to control my thoughts as I ask myself, why hasn't Jack said I love you first? What's stopping him, then again what's stopping me? 

“Are you okay?” Jack asks, his voice breaking through the silence of the car. “You've been very quiet” he follows 

“I'm okay, sorry” I replied, my hands twirling nervously in my hands.

“You're doing that thing with your hands, somethings up” jack says, i can feel his eyes on me, as he stops at a red light. 

“What's on your mind baby? You know you can talk to me right?” 

“I know i can, i just can't say this to you, i'm scared” i say softly 

“Did someone hurt you, did I do something wrong? Baby look at me” 

Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, as I turn my face towards him, feeling mad at myself for making him feel like he did something, just because I can't express how I feel for him, because I'm scared. 

I no longer want to be scared, I love him. I want him to know that I love him, no matter his response. 

I take a deep breath before saying “can I tell you something?” I ask as he pulls into the restaurant, turning off the car before turning to face me. 

“Yes of course, always” Jack says, giving me a small smile, waiting for my next move.

This is all getting to real, i can feel my hands start shaking, my heart beat increasing by each beat. 

“Okay, i don't really know how to say this, but i'll just say it i guess. I- i love you." I finally said. “And I've loved you for a while now, I never knew how to say it to you. I've been so scared of your response, and i didnt know if you felt the same way. Its okay if you don't feel the same-” 

My rambling is suddenly cut off by the feeling of Jack's lips on mine, his lips dancing with mine, I struggle to keep up with him as he tangles his hands in my hair pulling me harder against his lips. 

Jack pulls away first, our chests rising quickly, he stares back at me with wide eyes. 

“Say that again” he says 

“That I love you?” 

“Yes fuck” he says brining his hand to my cheek again holding it softly, looking at me with love and adoration. “I love you.” he finally says.

“I love you so much,” he says, kissing my lips after every word. 

“Im sorry, i know i should have said it a lot sooner” i say looking at him 

“No, I should have said it first,” Jack replies. “But i'm happy you said it, i truly mean it yn, i love you.” 

My heart melts at his words, Jack loves me, he loves me. I couldn't help but smile brightly at him, Jack returning the same smile to me. Suddenly I feel the car being turned on as Jack pulls out of the restaurant, heading the opposite direction.

“Jack, where are you going? I thought we were going to have dinner "I ask, looking at him as he continues to drive away from the restaurant. 

“We’re going home” he says 

“Why are we going home?” I am still very confused about the sudden change of plans.

“Because I want you in my bed, naked. I want to make love to the girl that I love. Is that okay?” he asks, turning his towards me for a brief moment. 

“more than okay with me” i say 

“I love you.”

[loucifersbitch]

Congrats on your milestone lovely!! If you’re still doing prompts, Bucktommy + early morning 🧡

once again, i failed at keeping this to 11 sentences OOPS

The sunlight breaks in through the open blinds, softly dancing across the bedroom wall as the household begins to wake up.

Tommy rolls out of bed first, as always. The coffee is set to begin brewing at 5:30, so he has about 30 minutes to himself in the gym before anyone will join him.

It feels good to stretch his muscles, push himself on the treadmill, deadlift only 10lbs under his PR weight from before the accident. Getting the all clear for everything from the orthopedic surgeon yesterday had lifted a weight off his shoulders, and he feels energized like he hasn't in months.

The door opens, and Tommy glances at the clock on the wall. It's only 5:34 which means it's not Evan, but Tommy's pretty sure he knows who the early riser is anyway.

"Liam?" he asks, almost certain as the smell of coffee comes closer.

"Hey, Pops," Liam says, a mug of coffee in each hand. At 15, he's a little young to drink coffee every day in Tommy's opinion, but there are worse things. Much worse.

"Thanks," Tommy says, taking the proffered mug and sipping delicately, the warmth immediately spreading through his body. "Sleep okay?"

"Mhm," he nods, taking a sip from his own mug. "Lottie was up late though. Her light was on when I went to the bathroom at 1."

Tommy frowns. Charlotte has been with them for almost 11 months and is doing fantastic, but she's prone to night terrors. He makes a mental note to talk with her therapist during her next session.

Shaking off the pit he gets in his stomach anytime one of his kids has trouble, he asks, "Did you want to lift weights this morning or do you have practice?"

"I gotta get going. Coach Pullman wants us on the field by 6:30. Denny should be here soon, actually," he says, glancing at his watch.

"Okay, go get ready," Tommy says, watching his son walk toward the door. Then he remembers what happened last week and adds, "And don't forget Benny this time. Dad and I won't be able to drop him off this morning."

Liam sends him twin finger guns then runs back upstairs, leaving the gym door open. Tommy shakes his head fondly, but doesn't get up to close the door. Instead he goes back to his workout, thinking about what he wants to make for breakfast when he's done, the thought of french toast instantly making his stomach growl.

Soon, he hears footsteps on the stairs and looks up to see Liam and Benjamin waving to him as they head outside to meet Denny at the curb. He keeps an eye on the two boys out the window until he sees the Wilsons' car pull up and the boys climb in.

Two down, three to go.

He finishes his workout just after 6:00 and wipes down the equipment before heading upstairs to the en suite. Evan still snores softly in their bed, his curls mussed and long limbs askew. He looks so much younger than 40 - well, 39, but his birthday is in two weeks - and still as beautiful as the day they met.

His shower is perfunctory, quick and efficient, but by the time he leaves the bathroom, there's a small body curled in next to Evan on the bed, cuddled closely in his arms. Hazel is only 4, but she's been with them since she was two months old, officially becoming their daughter a year later.

Not wanting to disturb them, he dresses quietly in the walk-in closet then leaves the room. He steps into the hallway and immediately feels a small body collide with his own.

"Hey, Papa," Evelyn whispers, clinging to his waist.

"Morning, Evie," he says, swinging the 6 year old into his arms for a hug. "Wanna help me make breakfast?"

"Yes," she says, nodding decisively.

They knock on Charlotte's door to make sure she's up and getting ready for school before heading down to the kitchen. The french toast is done quickly, Evelyn only spilling a little of the egg mixture while dipping the thick slices of bread. They also set out the powdered sugar, syrup, and fresh berries along with juice, milk, and water.

Charlotte makes her way into the kitchen, seemingly led by her nose as she smiles at the spread on the table.

"Morning, Pops," she says, stopping to give Tommy a hug. It will never stop amazing him that she settled into their family so quickly, easily transitioning to calling them Pops and Dad like the rest of their kids.

"Hey, sweetie. You doing okay? Liam said you might not have slept well."

She huffs and settles her chin on his chest, looking up at him with tired eyes. "Just a bad dream again. But Percy helped."

After the first few nights of night terrors, Evan had taken Charlotte to Build-A-Bear, hoping they could find something that might help her feel safe when she woke from the dream. Sure enough, she had immediately been drawn to a light blue axolotl that she named Percy. And he does seem to help, but Tommy still wishes there was more he could do to stop the dreams in the first place.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I wish I knew how to help more."

Her face screws up in confusion - her expression eerily similar to Evan's - and says, "Pops, I'm nine. I'm a big kid. I can handle it myself."

Tommy chuckles and holds her tighter. "That may be true, but as your Pops, it feels like my responsibility to make sure any bad things stay away."

Laying her head down and squeezing him once more, she says, "Thanks. You're a good Pops."

He will not cry at 7 in the morning, thank you very much.

Charlotte goes to the table where Evelyn is already waiting for her, and they quietly start to pile food onto their plates. They're a few bites in when Evan comes downstairs, a very clingy, sleepy Hazel in his arms. She starts to wiggle, trying to get down when she spots the girls already at the table and goes directly into Charlotte's waiting arms.

Evan looks like he could use a few more hours of sleep, but just when Tommy's about to suggest he go lie back down, Evan leans into him and murmurs, "G'morning."

"Good morning," Tommy says, his arms encircling Evan and holding him close so he can kiss his birthmark. "You ready for today?"

"Absolutely." Placing his own kiss to Tommy's cheek, he disentangles himself from Tommy's grasp and joins their daughters at the table.

Tommy watches them for a moment, taking in just how much his life has changed since meeting Evan, how full of people and love and family it is now. Seeing his husband - a man bursting with love for everyone around him - taking care of their kids with nothing but gentle patience causes his eyes to prickle with tears once again.

He turns to refill his coffee and get Evan his own mug, composing himself as he stirs in the cream and sugar. Sometimes he takes all of this for granted; it happens after seven years. But he suddenly remembers just how lonely his life used to be. Yes, he had friends and work and the few family members who still spoke to him, but Evan gave him a real family. Evan gave him family barbecues and wedding dates and birthday parties and reasons to celebrate all the little things in life.

As he takes his seat at the table, he's greeted with a chorus of, "Hey, Pops!" and, "Thanks, babe," when he hands Evan his coffee.

The day has barely started, they still need to get two kids to school and one to daycare, and then they have to get ready for the ceremony this evening. Bobby's retiring, Hen will be taking his place as Fire Chief of the LAFD, and Evan is being promoted to Captain of the 118. It's a big day for their family. It'll be long and tiring, and there's nowhere Tommy would rather be than at Evan's side through everything.

[marymary-diva17]

He your son you idiot (5)

sorry for the long wait for an update to these story, but here is the update and another one might come again in this month.

Forgiveness and starting over are opportunities that are not given that easily. What is someone supposed when they are stuck in situations, when they don’t know if they should forgive or start over with everyone around them. When they have been some that are forgive and others, who have yet to be forgiven or have a good relationship.

Y/n " ......." you are reading a book and enjoying the sun when you heard someone walking up towards you.

lo'ak " hey mama"

y/n " hey baby how the swimming with everyone"

lo'ak " it was good but I came to rest a bit and leave everyone else, to the game a bit longer I will join them again later on"

y/n " okay sweetie if anyone get hungry and wants food there are station over there, that you all can odder from but remember to use all your guys room numbers"

lo'ak " okay mama will make sure that happens"

y/n " anytime now rest there enough open chair for you all"

lo'ak " yes mama"

Lo’ak “ ……..” lo'ak is laying on one of the lounge chair near the pool, he is doing his best to enjoy his vacation. He was doing his best to have a good time for your sake and tuk sake as well, he also wanted to take this opportunity to have fun as well.

neteyam " hey baby bro I came to join you in the sun"

lo'ak " oh cool" lo'ak had looked at neteyam as his older brother dried himself a bit, before he soon sat down on the other chair.

neteyam " so boarding school really gave you a brand new look"

lo'ak " yeah I have been away for some time and thought new school new me"

neteyam " oh that good to do whatever makes you happy"

lo'ak " thank you"

tuk " lo'ak neteyam" tuk soon came running to her brother with a bright smile on her face.

lo'ak " hey tuk tuk"

tuk " I got tired of swimming and came to join you all here"

lo'ak " okay you can rest here until you have more energy and we also have some snack and drinks over there"

tuk " okay" tuk soon sat down on the chair and started playing some games on her device.

neteyam " hey here comes everyone else" the rest of the group of teens soon got out of the pool as well, and soon made their way towards the trio near the lounge chair.

lo'ak " hey it seems like everyone decided to take some time in the sun"

tsireya " yeah we thought it will be fun and time to cool off"

lo'ak " okay join us there open chair here and near neteyam, as we do have a good rest area"

kiri " yeah wait where did mama go she was here"

lo'ak " she got a call she needed to answer far from here due to all the sounds going around, here she will be back soon"

aonung " what about our parents"

lo'ak " over there I haven't said that much beside a wave to them"

tuk " I'm hungry"

lo'ak " well lets go get some food mama said there are food stations over there, and I think they will be something for all of us to like"

tuk " come one lets go"

rotxo " I can use some food to eat that not all fruit as it good, but I want some a bite more"

spider " we understand you dude now come on" the group had went to get some food and drinks, as they soon retuned back to the rest area to see you there.

y/n " hey kids it seems like you all found something you all like" it seems like you and at the other adults had gotten food as well, as you are eating some food as well.

tuk " yes we did mama"

lo'ak " how was the call it seem serious"

neteyam " it everything okay mama"

kiri " mama did something bad happen at home"

tuk " mama"

y/n " calm down my kids everything will be okay there no need to worry, it a good call no bad news"

sully kids " oh"

y/n " enjoy your food kids"

????? " hey may we join the party over here" the kids and you soon looked up to see all the adults there.

y/n " sure if you all want to"

Jake " thank you" the others soon sat down on the available chairs or sharing some space with their kids.

neytiri "who phone is going off like that"

lo'ak " that mine wait my phone all my friends and classmates, have started posting pictures for this the school year I'm tagged in some of them"

spider " wow that all post"

lo'ak " yes and no there are some texting going one as well, as we all had promises to stay in contact over the vacation time to see how everyone doing and everything else"

neytiri " it very good to stay in touch with your friends lo'ak"

lo'ak " thank you"

tuk " they seem very nice can we meet them maybe they can come over for stay"

lo'ak " if they can mama will that be fine"

y/n " sure honey if they are in the area they can come by the house of you can go see them"

lo'ak ' sweet"

spider " can we come meet these new friends in hopes we are not getting replaced"

lo'ak " no one is getting replaced spider I just expanded my social circle"

spider " I meant it as joke but now after hearing it now it seems like I was being rude"

lo'ak " it okay dude no harm yeah if they come around you can all meet them, I'm not keep my life away from home that much private"

kiri " cool we were checking your social media pages last night, and saw you went on some cool trips with you school ancestral caves or coves"

ronal " wait you school had trips there"

y/n " yeah they always doing that for my year they have the funding in school, and raising money as well it had become a school tradition ... to teach the student our ancestral history and help us become close to the great mother"

tonowari " wow that amazing"

Jake " didn't you need parental signature for these trips"

lo'ak " yeah I sent them out but only mama signed it, and the school said that was okay"

Jake " oh"

lo'ak " it okay you two are always busy with other matters, along with mama so I just need one parent permission it good sir"

Neytiri " so what else have you done at this school"

tsireya " we saw some pictures of you at school games"

lo'ak " I have joined some teams at school and played some games, there are awards at home I will show you all later"

Jake " wow my son keeps on surprises are you sure you don't have a girlfriend"

lo'ak " nope I'm not dating anyone sir that still the same about me"

Jake " okay good because I don't think I can take any more changes about you"

Tsu’tey " I have to agree"

norm " hey we will be making our first stop soon is very happy about that"

kids " yes"

y/n " it will be good to get off the ship and have some fun”

Jake “ yeah it can be good for all of us”you didn’t say anything else just smile and nodded your head. The rest of the day had gone well or well as it can be for this group.

later that night

Loak “ mama is was very obvious that he was dropping hints of have a date with them”

y/n “ yeah today and last night convention gave it away”

loak “ it seems like they are trying very hard to make sure, we are perfect and happy family again when we are far from that”

y/n “ I know honey and I’m very proud of you coming on this trip, and sticking out for this long”you had kissed lo'ak forehead making him smile.

lo'ak " I'm doing this for you and tuk sakes"

y/n " thank you and I will deal with my relationship with Jake and Neytiri when that times comes, for now I rather spend time with all you children"

lo'ak " thanks mom you are the best"

y/n " your welcome"

y/n " hey if your friends do stop by for the summer they can stay over, as I wish for you to be happy"

lo'ak " thank you mama and I promise I will spend more time with my siblings and cousin as well"

y/n " thank you honey" soon there was knock at the door you had went to answer it to see your kids there. All dressed in their pajamas and looking at you and lo'ak.

tuk " family sleepover"

lo'ak " okay come inside I made enough room for all of you"

neteyam " thanks hey mama"

spider " I tagged along as well"

y/n " hello my loves come in and we can order room services to have dessert dropped off"

kiri " thank you" the kids soon walked into the suite and soon towards the room where lo'ak was staying. It seems to be going well for the children, as they seem to be on the progress of rebuilding the relationship that had been destroyed all those years ago. It seems like forgiveness and starting over are the opportunities, that can happen again but it might not be so easy as everyone else thinks.

[supergirl000983]

The Rancher and The Pilot (The long awaited FINAL!!)

Pairings: Jake Seresin x Dutton!Reader

Warning: Language, Fluffiness, Jake (yes he is a warning)

It had been a 6 of months since Y/N moved with Jake. Things seemed to calm down rather quickly. Though yes she did miss the ranch and her friends. She still talked to them at least once a week. Her dad thought she talked to him everyday. She herself couldn’t deal with not talking to him. She loved her father with her whole heart. Maybe that’s why Jake had surprised her with a 2 week vacation back to the ranch. They were about 5 minutes out from the house when she looked over at him and smiled. She loved Jake with everything she had, and he loved her just as much. That’s why he wanted to propose to her surrounded by their families. She didn’t know that Jake’s Mom,Dad, and 3 sisters along with their husbands and kids had flown out the night before. Or that her sister was finishing up the surprise engagement party in those last few minutes. What Jake didn’t know was that Y/N had a surprise of her own that she wanted to share with everyone.

When they finally pulled up her father was waiting on the porch. As soon as she could she was outta that truck and hugging her father. “I missed you so much Daddy.” She said as she jumped into her father’s arms. “I missed you too sweetheart. Without you here it’s been pretty boring.” John said as he hugged his youngest daughter. “Rip you and Ryan take Y/N and Jake’s stuff up to their room. As Y/N started to walk in the house she was stopped by her pink haired best friend “YOU’RE BACK!! You never fucking leave me alone with these fuckers again you hear me. I love you” Teeter said bear hugging the girl. “I love you too, but Teeter I’m only here for 2 weeks. You can call me anytime you need me though ok?” She said as Teeter nodded.

After a while of talking to everyone outside Y/N noticed that Jake had disappeared. “I’m gonna head in and see if I can find Jake.” She said opening the door only to see Jake down on one knee with the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. She then realized that behind Jake was his family. She cried as she walked towards falling to her knees in front of him nodding her head. “Y/N Elsa Dutton I love you so so much. Everything about you makes me fall deeper in love with you everyday. I love that you love all animals even birds knowing that you are terrified of seagulls. I love that you know every word to every CoJo song. I love how when you first wake up in the morning the first thing you do is roll over where you are facing me and trace my face with your fingers. I love the stories from your childhood especially the ones of you and Beth getting into trouble. Please do me the honor of being your husband?” Jake said by this time both of them were in tears as well as most of their family members. “Yes absolutely Yes.” She said as she kissed him everyone cheering around them. “I guess it’s a good time to tell you that I’m pregnant.” She said softly as she was still crying. Everyone started to cheer again. They both finally stood up getting pulled away for hugs. Finally Y/N made it to her father who was teary eyed. “You’re gonna be a grandpa.” She said smiling as she hugged him. “I heard. Your mother would be so fucking proud of you kid just like I am.”

A few months later Evelyn Monroe Seresin was born 8 pounds 10 ounces and 20 inches long, and she had her grandfather wrapped around her finger the moment she took her first breath.

[cevans-is-classic]

Djarin thanked you for the bag, curling his gloved hand around the strap of it.

"You should visit Peli."

Grogu made a noise in your arms.

Djarin smiled, tilting his head and relaxing his shoulders to show you, "I might actually. Why, though?"

A shrug of your shoulders, "Had a dream with her. She looked distressed, and I knew little guy here could make it all better."

Grogu smiled up at you, his ears moving, large eyes shining as you passed him to Djarin, "Be safe."

He looked over his shoulder at the starfighter, "I could ask Peli to help with a bigger ship. You could come with us to meet her."

A shake of your head, "I go off world enough-"

"You haven't been off world in three months."

"Your point? Go, Robo-man, save the galaxy, fight the bad guys, and remember his bedtime."

Ah yes. The bed time.

Grogu had jumped into the starfighter and shuffled his way to the seat, small hand waving at the controls, his ears straight in determination.

He'd been trying to drive it without R5 or Djarin, one hand over his on the controls, his eyes lit up by the dim lights.

He'd never tell you this, but Bo-Katan let him control her own ship, kept a watchful eye on him, and let him hover it over the fields.

R-5 was twitchy for weeks after, beeping at Djarin anytime he'd turn off control.

Which cut into the routine you'd agreed to try him on. When they were home —Grogu joined the other children in school. Djarin wants him to know more than the apprentice lifestyle and to integrate with others.

In doing so — he had to have a schedule.

Feedings, bathing, calm down time, and then bed before the moons aligned.

When they were off world, that routine had to be altered — they couldn't bathe consistently and feedings were a bit chaotic, but he had to have a solid 6 hours no if ands or buts about it.

You always knew when Djarin had been skimping on the routine.

"When you get to Peli, remember to get him new robes. The last ones still smell like Bantha feces, and I'm not keeping those around." Your nose wrinkled.

Djarin took you in for a moment.

There were circles under your eyes, your hair a wild mess, but the light was still there, meaning you'd been having periods between the dreams.

You wore your tunic backwards, though, which made him question, leaving you at a home, but so far, you haven't burnt anything but breakfast, and he knew his homestead would be intact when they returned.

The galaxy was bright in your eyes recently — he watched you trace patterns through the air with them and wondered what you saw.

He saw someone who put Grogu to bed with a story and washed the dishes without comment.

He reached for your hand and held your fingers, "Get some rest. Well, be back soon."

A glance past him to take in Grogu, and then you gave him a slow smile, "I have plans to visit the main city. They have a new shop opening."

Grogu made a noise behind him, and he let your hand go, "I'm coming, kid." He looked back at your for a moment, "Don't stay with Ashha — when you two get together, something always breaks."

Another far-off galaxy look, "I know. It's exhilarating."

He shook his head, wished you goodbye, and felt the absence of you as he climbed into his seat.

Pedro Masterlist

Galaxy Eyes Masterlist

[big-als-talk-time]

Wichita Falls, Texas. Known for being mentioned in King of the Hill (which I watch subbed). Also in a tom scott video about a tiny skyscraper.

There are various horse sculptures which allude to the fact there are real horses nearby. They are all pokestops.

Not that one though.

I was able to do 2 routes, the first I've ever encountered.

1. The L in Landmark

2. 10th church walk

The routes were fairly short, but they had many stops and it was nice to have some direction of where to go in the city.

I also picked up 6 gym badges

From right to left

1. Wichita falls public library

2. Wichita Theatre

3. First United Methodist.

4. St. Paul Lutheran Church

5. Harold Jones Park

6. 10 commandments

This is the biggest city I've pokemon went to so naturally this was the best experience i've had to far on my month using it. It was 107F (42C) which was probably dangerous but I drank a bunch of water at the public library so it all evened out. It turns out I was distracted by the fact that you can choose where a route starts as it turns out i missed the aforementioned tiny skyscraper by just a touch. Oh well. No terror attacks will hit it anytime soon. That would be too much risk for little reward.

I decided to eat at the nearby IHOP. I ordered a Buffalo Chicken Melt because it had a favorable calorie to price ratio. When it arrived the waitress asked if I wanted ranch. I replied "This should be good". The waitress was confused by this, asking a clarifying question. I took a moment to think, then realized that my statement is ambiguous and could be interpreted as a standalone idea about the quality of the meal, and not that this will be sufficient.

I replied "don't worry about the ranch" which was effective and I was able to continue with my minimally spicy meal. Once I had finished it the waitress returned and gave me a receipt before quickly walking away. Everything seemed in order so when she returned I stopped her to ask if I paid up front or what. She replied that I will pay her, but before I could proceed with that she walked away again. I assumed she was busy with other tables and that she would return.

After some time, a commotion from a table out of view occurred. A man was apparently upset that the same waitress had given the check to someone who had sat down to eat after this man, who reportedly "had shit to do" and "couldn't wait here all day". Consequently he threatened to leave without paying, and proceeded to do so.

At this point, it seemed like a bad time to bring up that I was tired of waiting. The waitress then returned to me. I figured that this would be the catalyst to my ability to pay. However she only asked if I wanted more water. After my 6th refill of the day, I was quite ready to stop and said as much. I was in the midst of switching to the topic of pay however she slipped away once again.

This caused the same situation to happen to me. For some reason this waitress had seated an elderly couple off to the side of me, they had finished, and then they were able to pay and leave before me. At this point I decided to stand up and ask to pay. The waitress then said "oh are you ready to pay now?"

I replied that there must have been some miscommunication because I wanted to pay for a long time. Since I asked about where to pay actually. Wordlessly our transaction was done. I did a standard 20% tip, slightly higher due to the fact it was paid in cash. Then I left.

[miras-ash]

Chapter 10 of "Just as the stars love the night"

Mira's pov

I stood for what felt like an eternity in front of the door, behind which my beloved was. Nervously I reached for the handle, but before I pushed it down I let go of it again. Gustave put a hand on my shoulder and opened the door for me. Uncertainly I entered the room, closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and then walked towards the bed she was lying in. Eliza looked so small between all the equipment, it didn't help that she was very emaciated. Her left leg was wrapped in new, clean bandages and her upper body was fixed with some kind of cast. She looked terrible and I didn't even want to imagine what she had been through.

Doc stood at the end of her bed, handed me a chart, and then explained what had happened.

"We had to remove a large amount of her remaining skin which had already formed massive scar tissue from third degree burns. She will need another transplant but that can wait for now. We had to break her ribs again so they can heal properly, they grew together incorrectly and she had a lot of very fresh injuries, including some internal bleeding. We suspect that Deimos suspected something or we just had damn good timing to get her out of there."

I felt sick at the thought of what he had done to her, everything spun for a brief moment and I had to sit down. Anger, despair, an irrepressible desire for revenge spread through me.

Gustave handed me a glass of water.

"Is everything okay? Shall we continue tomorrow and I'll go now?"

Still breathing heavily, I looked up at him and shook my head.

I wanted to know everything, I had to know.

"Please just go on."

He eyed me anxiously but then continued talking in his formal doctor voice.

"Where was I? Oh yes, I guess we got here just in time. We also tested her for various substances but he didn't seem to have given her anything, which indicates that she was fully conscious most of the time. We have given her enough care for now, we are still ventilating her until she wakes up on her own which should happen in the next 5-10 hours. We need to keep her under constant observation."

I just nodded, I didn't have much more to say, I just wanted to make this all go away. Only one question was burning on my tongue and I wondered why Gustave didn't mention it.

"Is she really pregnant?"

Gustave closed his eyes, his professional facade crumbling a little. You could tell it was getting to him too.

"Yes I'm afraid so. She's 16 weeks along, so almost five months."

He put a hand on my shoulder again and then left the room to leave me alone with Eliza. Powerless, I slumped further into the chair. Tears formed in my eyes. Deimos would die, but first he would suffer. Everything he had done to her, all the pain, the torture, the psycho terror, the humiliation, simply everything he would feel only a million times worse.

I hardly dared to look at Eliza, let alone touch her, it scared me a little. What if this was all just a dream and I woke up and she was gone again, irretrievably and permanently.

Slowly I reached out my hand and brushed a few stray hairs from her forehead. She was real, she was here, alive, with me.

A knock snapped me out of my trance. Yumiko and Jordan slowly entered and approached us. Concerned and at the same time relieved looks on their faces.

"We could hear what Doc was saying and we truly feel the same way you do, but please don't do anything rash. Liz needs you now."

They knew me too well, but I wasn't going to do anything anytime soon, besides keeping our heads down for now, Eliza was my number one priority. There was nothing more important now.

Together we sat around her bed, looked at her silently and processed everything that had happened. Never would we have dreamed of seeing her again, we were just getting over the goodbye and mourning phase and now it was all in the past.

For a while we sat together in silence until the two of them said goodbye and went to their room, leaving us alone. Even though they couldn't show it yet, I knew they were happy. Not only had they gotten a loved one back, they didn't have to feel guilty about being in a relationship anymore. They never had to feel guilty about it, but it had happened shortly after "Eliza's death" and they were afraid it was the wrong time for it but Yumiko and Jordan deserved so much to be happy together.

I stroked through Eliza's hair as my eyes grew heavier. I knew how much she loved this and hoped she could feel it. I was here, with her and nothing would ever separate me from her again.

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2007 Been doing Netwinner like crazy. Some days are still better than others. Yesterday I was barely up over 1000 points after 500 spins, today I was up 1000 points after just 100 spins.

That person who has millions of points has referred nearly 3000 people, so that’s how they’re racking up points like crazy. I wish I had a spammer’s list of email addresses so I could send zillions of referrals out myself.

There are still no other suitable work-at-home jobs I could find. Just the usual “You pay to work for us” jobs. Better yet the “You buy our products and hope to hell you can sell them” jobs.

Two nights ago I dreamt I won 50 grand. I hope this means I’m sitting on another big win, just like the dream I had of winning a car or 25K meant a big win was to come as in the high-def TV.

Whoa, now I’m up 6000 points in just 125 spins!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2007 Today Kate Jackson is 59, and I’ve been journaling for 20 years as of two days ago! Right now the net is out, which still happens despite being faster and more reliable overall. You would think by now there’d be reliable service everywhere, but nope. Gotta be in your own place for that.

It turns out that Netwinner has 7 partner sites, each allowing you 100 spins a day. Either they’ve increased the odds on the multipliers, or I’m doing a better job of influencing it because I’ve been getting points like crazy. We had Tom sign up too, using me as a referral, so I’d not only get points for referring him, but a 10% bonus for all the points he wins as well. I should easily be able to get $100 a month as long as things stay this way! And as long as I can have a reliable connection too, though it won’t leave much time for much else other than sweeping. My stories will progress very slowly, but I figure there’s no hurry anyway.

We went to Walmart really early yesterday morning and then hung out here all day watching TV, munching on junk, and playing Netwinner.

Jessie read my journal excerpts on the nightmare we went through and said it was amazing how strong we are, despite having thoughts of giving up. I sure as hell thought we weren’t going to have a choice in that department for a while! I hope we never go through anything that scary and stressful again.

I saw Josephina today. She came to do the end room, and when I saw it was her since I had the window open, I stepped out to say hello. She said she still smelled the incense and wanted to know where to get it from. So I gave her the web address, as well as my phone and email, saying that maybe we could learn Italian together once we got out of here. She thanked me and said she’d pray for me.

What was weird was that she left next door without doing the room. She went inside before she took off, then she returned to do it later on after the guy had returned to it. I guess he doesn’t want it done unless he’s there.

Today they replaced the bed which had been in here for 5 years, though it looked more like 20, and later on they’re doing the door. I hope they won’t keep making pests of themselves after this, and that Josephina does the room this Thursday when it’s scheduled to be done next.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2007 Next door just got up to bang around, so I put the headphones on. They’re up all night and out all day, although I only just now heard them and have been up since 1:30.

I guess the guy on the end is still here, too. I wonder if he’ll pay for another month or not. I hope so since he’s usually quiet. There’s got to be more going on with him than just wanting an apartment. Apartments are so easy to get.

Sure enough, Josephina was off yesterday, so I ended up with that Indian lady. I don’t know if she was pissed or in a major hurry or what, but she wasn’t the least bit friendly when she stormed through here to clean. If anything she was bordering on rude and I hope she won’t be back anytime soon. I don’t know if she just doesn’t like to chat while she works or if something else was going on, but she’s definitely not a favorite of mine around here at this point. I noticed something was wrong with her the last time she came to assist Josephina. I thought she was just having a rough day or something because I heard her telling Josephina something about nearly passing out of thirst. I think this was the second out of the 4 times Josephina’s done this room.

They’re also making pests of themselves with this inspection thing they’ve got going on here. It’s not just about the sprinklers and smoke detectors, but about doors, beds and who knows what else as well? Motels and apartments always have something going on. Today the maintenance guy is coming to replace the metal plate on the outside bottom of the door so there isn’t as much of a gap. Then next week I get a new bed. At least it’ll be softer with its plush pillow top.

Netwinner’s got a new thing going on where instead of having unlimited plays at Netwinner itself, you only get 100 plays per day there, plus 100 plays at each of their two partner sites. There’s another one coming soon, too. At first I was pissed, though I don’t usually play more than 300 times a day anyway. I just hope they don’t go limiting anything else! Yesterday I did great and got 1810 points in my 300 spins, but today I’m not even up 300 points and half my plays are made.

Later…

I ended up doing better today at just over 3000 points, and I found another partner site, too. The problem is that the net’s been out the last half hour or so. I hope this isn’t going to turn out to be any big deal like the last time, and that it won’t be days before it’s fixed. The guy at the front desk said there’s a number to call cuz they don’t handle that, which sort of sucks. Why should it be on the guests to get it fixed? We’re the ones paying the motel for the damn service.

There was a Daddy long-legs in here and a big web at the base of the AC, so I started heading for the office to get a broom. On my way there, I could see some of the new mattresses laid out in the parking lot. They’re starting with the ground floor replacements. There I ran into the maintenance guy who said he totally forgot about the door plate and would probably do that as well as replace the bed on Monday. I told him that was ok because I was looking for a broom, though preferably a vacuum, to suck up the spider and web. So he had one of the housekeepers who’s only done this room once before come up with a vacuum. It’s a good thing it wasn’t that Indian chick. I’m sure she’d have hated to be reduced to having to drag a vacuum up here all for a spider and its web! I asked about Josephina and she said she was working on the first floor. I said to say hi to her.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2007 By Wednesday the 10th, the card still hadn’t come and we were faced with having to return to the streets once more. If one day of that nearly killed me, however, then a few or more certainly would! If we’d had a camper or even a bigger, newer, more comfortable truck, van or SUV, that’d be different. But even if we could live forever in our vehicle, we still need money for food and gas, and well, it’s nice to be able to take showers and wash clothes, too!

Wednesday was the most miserable day. I felt so out of touch with reality and just life itself. I truly believed that life as I’d known it for the most part was over and that we’d done all we could to try to save ourselves. As I lay in bed trembling and crying while he was at work, I told myself, “Face it, there’s no getting out of this one. You tried your best, but you simply can’t fix this one. Your time’s up here in this life. It’s time to move on now, so you better just focus on the good in dying.”

After all, I never did want to grow old, arthritic, and maybe get cancer or diabetes. And while I have no regrets about not having kids and having to deal with the burdens and expenses they’d have brought for 20 years or so, not having them meant having no one to look out for us in the end, and that was always scary to me, too. I also kept in mind that the stereos would only keep getting louder, people weren’t about to quit leaving their dogs out to bark all the time, and we’d probably never get to live where we wanted. So what would be the point in carrying on anyway just to be forced by fate to settle for this and settle for that? Although people like to think otherwise, life really isn’t what we plan it for the most part, so why bother?

I wrote a note to be copied for both our families. I also left messages I wanted given to Jessie, Paula and Mary. I explained that while neither of us wanted to die, it angered and frustrated us to know that our lives depended on a lousy piece of plastic, people did need money to live on, like it or not. I urged them not to be sad or mad, and to keep in mind that there are plenty of pros to not living as there are to living. I gave user name and password information for my online journals, stories and photo albums, including the location of the storage and mail places. I said that while I still had nothing to say to my brother or to Tom’s mother, who stopped caring years ago, to tell my sister (the drama queen) that she’s a bitch, but I forgive her, even though in reality I’m not sure that I ever could.

I asked that Jessie be told, “I hope you make it to the land of Disney magic!”

I wanted Mary told, “You really do have balls of brass.”

Lastly, I wanted Paula told, “Hey stranger, write more often!” since she never writes. It was the hardest thing I ever wrote, fully believing at the time that we’d be dead in a matter of hours.

A picture of our tombstones came to mind and I pictured the dates on them and wondered where we’d be buried. Not that it would matter since we would soon no longer be needing our bodies, but I was naturally curious just the same. Would they separate us and ship me back east? Would they bury us both down in Arizona? California?

I missed Tinkerbell like crazy but was glad she wasn’t there to have to go through this shit with us. I was glad I wouldn’t have to wonder what would become of her as well.

And then the paranoia set in. We were going to kill ourselves at midnight when we knew there’d be less chance of someone knocking, be it because they had the wrong room, wanted to change TV stations, inspect sprinklers, inspect smoke detectors, etc. But speaking of detectors, wasn’t it the law for motels to have carbon monoxide detectors set in their vents?

Now, everything that could possibly go wrong started running through my mind. I asked the guy on the end if he could possibly help us, but that was a waste of time and I felt like an idiot for trying.

Next came the feelings of guilt. I felt bad that I wasn’t a better influencer, and the thought that I may’ve “jinx-written” Tom’s death by having him die in one of my stories made me feel all the more miserable. I promised to change that character’s identity if I lived. I also felt that if I truly was in any way responsible for getting us into this mess by cussing God out, then I should be the one to try to fix it.

Then I became both sad and angry at the little things we wouldn’t live to do if I couldn’t figure something out, and fast, too. I didn’t care if I never got another doll again, but I wanted to see Tom do the hobbies he enjoyed, like watching TV, playing computer games, and even trying to fine-tune those damn handicapping numbers. Those stupid little things became such a big deal all of a sudden and my stubbornness was kicking in, and so was that survival instinct we all have. I wanted to live to listen to my stereo again, to see my dolls if I didn’t have to sell them, to hang my wind chimes, to learn Italian, and to finish my stories. After all, even though it may take quite a while and Jessie has enough to read of mine for some time to come, I promised to send her both The Influencer and We’ll Meet Again Someday once they’re finished. I also wanted to do silly things like laugh at the Klammers, Jessie and Paula when it was cold and snowing on them.

I lay there thinking of the things I’d do differently if I could figure out a way out of this mess. I knew I still would never be religious due to how strict, structured and narrow-minded religion expects you to be, and I wouldn’t go to church, buy religious icons or start bopping out to religious tunes, but I would return to the basic prayers I stopped doing up in Oregon. It wasn’t until I stopped praying for the basic necessities in life that things started going downhill. I told myself I’d try to be more grateful for what we do have and less resentful for what we didn’t have. After all, we simply weren’t meant to have the same lives or incomes any more than we’re meant to have the same personalities and preferences.

I realized I was afraid to die, not knowing if I would truly be going to a better place or what. More so I was afraid of the dying process and how slow and painful it may be, than actually being dead. Tom, on the other hand, was never afraid to die. He just didn’t want to. I don’t think anyone literally wants to. They just want to be happy and have the things they need in life. Even so, I remember thinking to myself, this is what it must feel like to be on death row. But even that would’ve been easier because you’re dead in seconds. Dying the way we were going to could take hours. It probably would’ve taken just a few minutes, but the possibility of it taking hours was pretty scary.

This was when I realized that the only way I could kill myself without hesitation would be if anything happened to Tom. I still don’t think we’ll ever get to “go home,” and find our ideal little corner of the universe, but I’d happily settle for those little things I was starting to miss like crazy.

Now totally desperate, I knew there was only one thing left to try, even if it may be a long shot. It was a last resort and definitely not something I wanted to do, seeing that it was kind of humiliating. But our need to survive overrode any embarrassment I might’ve felt, and thanks to my impeccable memory, I remembered Mary’s number. I was surprised she accepted the collect call from me in the first place. Maybe she did so not knowing if I were calling to say that Tom died or something like that, since it was my voice she was hearing as the caller requesting that she accept the charges. Knowing that she and the Queen wouldn’t care to help, I asked that she contact my parents in Florida who don’t accept collect calls. Sure enough, she didn’t offer to help, but asked what was wrong before she made the call, so I told her. While I’m grateful to her for contacting my folks, she never did care to call back if only to see how we were.

I’d have called my folks directly, but the phone charger accidentally got tossed in storage and the phone was dead.

After hanging up with Miss Perfect, each minute seemed to equal a dozen, but I knew all I could do was wait and hope for the best at that point. If no one would help us, we would have to carry on killing ourselves as planned. I couldn’t stay on this emotional rollercoaster forever anyway.

The phone rang a few minutes later. I snatched it up to find both my parents on the line. I explained the situation as best I could for being as freaked out as I was and with them being in their mid-70s and not as sharp-minded. At first my mother said $100 was the best she could do, saying that medical expenses were leaving them tight. I wondered if she was playing down their money, knowing they’d done that in the past. Yet I also knew that social security only covered the bare minimum and that you had to be the one to pay for anything extra.

This was when she told me she’d had her own problems, too. She smoked for over 55 years and had 40% of one lung removed before she quit smoking last January, plus she had breast cancer surgery as well. As lousy of a mother as she was, this really sucked to hear.

She also informed me that Goldie, Al, Jimmy and Marty had passed on. Marty, I couldn’t care less about but the others saddened me. I asked about Charlotte and mom says she’s ok.

She also wanted to make it clear to me that I was the only one she’d ever helped and that she never helped Larry or Tammy, as I assumed was the case. Either way, it didn’t matter who she had or hadn’t helped. It only mattered that someone helped us or else we’d be dead. And real soon, too.

Well, to say that they helped us turned out to be quite an understatement! Even though we still weren’t free and clear, they ended up doing a hell of a lot more than just helping. They saved us! They faxed in payment to the motel for two nights, and expressed a surprisingly generous amount of money to us here at the motel, too. They sent $300 when we thought they’d send around $50, which would hardly have helped at all.

So now I have seriously mixed emotions where my parents are concerned. They say things happen for a reason. I wonder if this happened because we were meant to be reconnected again. I’ve learned that we can push people away so that they can’t offend or hurt us, but then they can’t love or help us either. I feel for them in light of their problems and am so very grateful for them saving us. It doesn’t undo the horrible things they’ve done to me in the past, but it helps to compensate for some of it. On the other hand, these are still the people who made my life hell and have given me a lifetime of horrible memories, so it’s a real mental tug-of-war for me.

They called back on Thursday, the 11th, to let us know that the money would arrive between 10:00 and noon. The front desk called at 11:30 to let me know it had arrived, but since it was in Tom’s name, I had to let him pick it up after work. This was ok, though, because we still had some food we got with the money his boss lent him.

They never did call back after that and a part of me is hoping that’s just their way of saying, “Ok, we helped pull you out of the quicksand, and now you’re on your own again cuz of how different we are.” Either way, we fully intend to pay them back unless they write back saying not to, although it will take a while. That was another tough decision I had to make; whether or not to give them any contact information. Since she said she didn’t do email, and since I haven’t liked phones since quitting smoking, I decided just to give the UPS address in the 6-page letter I wrote them explaining why we left Oregon, why we chose to come here, what we hoped to accomplish, etc. I asked that they not give the address to Larry or Tammy, explaining that I wanted no contact with them. I said that while there may be safety in numbers on the streets, I truly believed it was just the opposite with relations and that the more people involved, the more likely there’d be some bickering. I doubt Larry would want contact with me any more than I’d want it with him, but Tammy might.

I had to laugh at one point when I remembered Mom asking who I was with. I guess she wondered if I’d dumped Tom for some chick. Well, as I told her, no chance there! I said we were only human and quick to recognize something good-looking when it passed by, but our hearts have remained in the same place. I joked about how they must’ve had their own share of eye candy over the years having been married nearly 60 years now.

Josephina, my favorite housekeeper from New Zealand, who’s getting better looking by the minute, came to do the room on the 11th. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I filled her in as best I could with our accents being a bit hard to understand, and she said she lived in her parent’s house with her two sisters, so she couldn’t take me in, but knew someone she could call. I guess the person ran a rooming house. Not exactly the ideal place for us, but if it wasn’t going to cost anything and we were out of choices, so be it, so I gave her the cell number.

She didn’t call until Friday, just when I was beginning to think she was one of those typical people who say they’re going to do something that they don’t. I wondered why she didn’t have the decency to at least let me know if she could help or not. Well, she did let me know after all. She left a message saying she was having trouble reaching anyone, but it would turn out that we wouldn’t need her help, thank God. She returned to clean the room a week later and asked if we ever had to leave, saying she’d been worried. This was after the nightmare finally ended. I gave her some incense as a way of thanking her.

Watch, now that I kind of like her, she’ll either quit or she just won’t be around for a while. All the good-looking or super-nice people end up leaving. She’s not only friendly, but she’s also about 5’6”-5’8”, thin, with dark hair and eyes. She’s a little young, maybe in her late 20s, and has some zits, but is attractive otherwise. She wears her hair in a high-pitched ponytail that she braids, but I’d guess it’d be to the middle of her back when it’s down.

All the while this was going on, I was hoping Jessie was too busy to check her mail and start putting two and two together, just in case we were to make it through the nightmare after all. I didn’t want to worry her.

Come Friday, while I was waiting for him to get back from work, and hopefully with cash from the money order my folks sent, I started to have one of my bad feelings again. I knew he was having difficulty cashing it. I thought it was because he had an Arizona license with an Oregon address, but as he would later tell me, it was because they were having trouble getting ahold of anyone in Florida to verify it. So while I was trying not to panic all over again, he searched the phone book for check-cashing places to call. He called one and they said they’d cash it. So after he got it cashed, he paid for just one night, hoping to set up the desktop the following day so we could book 3 nights for the price of 2 through Hotwire, using the new debit card he got for just $10, called Netspend. He deposited most of the money onto it. This new card should be much better. Unlike the other joke of a card, if anything’s ever wrong with Netspend you can go into any place that sells them and get a new card, and they’re cheaper to use as well. As soon as we can, we’re dropping Wired Plastic like a hot potato!

Needing to get the hell out of this room, we went to Walmart for some groceries. It was nice to be out doing normal things like that. I hoped it was a sign that our lives would soon be back on track. At least the wins were starting to go up again, even though I’d still only gotten small things like shower gel and books.

The next day, Saturday the 13th, I saw the first break in the trees, even though we weren’t officially out of the woods yet.

Tom built a makeshift antenna for the desktop, went online and attempted to transfer half of the money from the Wired Plastic card, which was then up to $850, over to the new card.

I saw that Jessie was starting to wonder what was up with me, whom I dreamt about the night before. I dreamt I was laughing at her because it was snowing on her. I hoped this was a good sign. After all, I couldn’t laugh at her or anyone if I were dead! I chose not to reply just yet. I wanted to wait and see if either the money transfer would go through, or if the new Wired Plastic card would arrive by the deadline they gave us or both. So we had two shots left at a reprieve and days to go before we knew if we’d make it or not.

The suspense was agonizing, but I would learn the true meaning of the word “relief” when Tom called me Monday after work to say that the new Wired Plastic card had indeed finally arrived! In fact, he got two cards. And it was then that I realized that God had answered every single one of my prayers. Every single one!

I paced back and forth in joy, tears of relief streaming down my face, thanking God over and over again.

I then emailed Jessie and only told her we’d been on death row and were just now recovering, and that my parents of all people helped us, and that I’d send her detailed journal accounts once I’d written them up.

I didn’t mean to scare her, but she said I was scaring her and that she’d been about to call to see what was up, and was curious to know how my parents helped, and asked if she could help in any way. That was so sweet of her, but I didn’t think she could as broke as she is herself right now. Besides, I figured we’d be ok at that point. I hope we will be anyway! I really do believe the worst of the curse is over, and that things will slowly get better, but as I told her, I’d like to hear her voice someday, so when we get settled wherever one of these days, we’ll definitely chat by phone. We’re kind of like family as far back as we go. So I gave her a more detailed account of what happened and will send these excerpts once they’re finished.

I had said I wanted to save up whatever the rent ended up being when we got settled someplace, so we’d have money in the event of an emergency. Well, we’re going to save up a hell of a lot more than that if I can help it!

It’s a good thing the Wired Plastic card came because as it turns out, the transfer didn’t go through. The assholes no doubt have Netspend flagged as competitors.

I ended up doing laundry that night in the tub since it had been nearly two weeks since we were able to do laundry. Instead of being all pissed at having to be reduced to having to scrub it by hand, I simply saw it as something that had to be done, and so I did it.

Tom thinks they may start him on the 2nd shift next week with at least a 5% bonus. The only sucky thing is that we couldn’t go to the casino on Wednesday evenings. Every Wednesday, between 6:00 - 8:00, they accept entries for their car giveaway. That’s ok, though, as I learned I can still win big after all.

Tom decided that Wednesdays and Saturdays are good days to stop at the mail place, and he was excited to find an overnight letter from FedEx waiting for him when he went last Saturday. Well, I won a 32” flat-panel LCD HDTV! Thank God I started entering sweeps in his name too, or else he’d have had to waste time and gas coming back here to pick me up to sign and notarize things so we could get it back in time. He did a 2-day express thing, not wanting to trust the PO, knowing it could take a week or more that way. It was a short-running premium sweep that ran for less than a month, and 30 people got TVs. I wish all sweeps could be that short-running and have that many winners!

I also won a coupon for a free burger at one of Tom’s favorite fast-food places, which he got to enjoy.

The only dark cloud hanging over us right now is me being worried that all we’ll be able to afford is an apartment. Especially since I found I was wrong in thinking the average house rents for around $800. That’s only what the average 2-bedroom apartment rents for. The average house rents for $1,400. I hope that if we can’t have a house, because I still say we’ll never get to live where we want to anyway, we can at least find a duplex where the garages or carports run in between the two places, and that it doesn’t have a shared yard. I’m sick of sharing this and sharing that! We’ve shared enough already.

Another thing is the people next door who’ve been there for over a week now. Why is it that everyone who ends up over there in the inside room is noisy? Guess it just goes to show that that’s just how most people are no matter what. They’re not too bad, but they get annoying enough at times. I can’t figure out when they sleep. They’re definitely up all night. That much is obvious. I hear scattered thunks and clunks from over there all through the night, and when I put my ear to the wall I can hear music playing. They don’t wake me up when I have the sound machine on and my earplug in, but I still hope they’ll leave soon, even though I know we’ll get someone else in there soon enough doing the same thing.

The only other minor annoyance is that they’re always doing something around here. This is typical of motels and apartments, but first they had to change the TV channels twice, then the inspector came to check the smoke detectors and sprinklers, then they were supposedly coming back to fix them, but as it would turn out, this room was fine and not on their fix list. Yesterday they were checking doors. They want to lower the metal plate on the outside of it so there isn’t such a big gap underneath. This would be fine with me and I’m mostly on days now, but if they want to do anything else after this, I just may let them know they’re becoming pests and that I’d like them to wait till we’re gone.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2007 Continuing on with our 11-day nightmare: We left the casino an hour or two before sunrise and went to a Walmart parking lot. I lay in the cab while he went in to pee and check out camping equipment. It wasn’t until 6:00, when we went to storage again for something we’d forgotten, that I was finally able to get a few minutes of sleep while he was going through things.

We then had to wait till 11:00 for what seemed to be the most promising of pawnshops to open. While Tom was dealing with them, I remembered Mary’s saying that the more we alienate God, the more chaos we invite into our lives, and wondered if perhaps she could be right after all. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to laugh at that one, I thought, so I prayed to God to please give us a break. I told Him He could continue to hate us, but just please, please give us a break at least temporarily! I promised never to cuss Him out again if He’d just ease up on us. Well, we were still many days away from our reprieve, but as Tom said, it’s important I keep my word to Him because there had to be some reason someone was suddenly giving us $65 for a diamond no one else would touch since it was uncut.

What was funny, though not at first, was that Tom had to come and get me to pawn the stuff in my name because he left his license at the casino which he picked up the next day, and he certainly didn’t want to say this in front of the guys in the store, figuring they wouldn’t be as sympathetic if he did. So that day, Sunday the 7th, we pawned the diamond, the camera and the laptop. I hated to pawn the laptop, but it bought us a night back in the motel and in the same room, too.

I met Michelle for the first time. She’s a heavy redhead who didn’t give us much of a deal other than to charge us for one person instead of two, which costs $70 instead of $40 if you don’t pay for the room online through Hotwire or one of the other sites that cuts deals with various motels. She also said I could wait in the office at check-out time until Tom got back, hopefully with the card, and hopefully to pay for additional nights here.

So back we went to this room, which now seemed so much bigger. I guess being cramped in a tiny truck can make most rooms seem bigger. After just 45 minutes of sleep in 30 hours, I slept on and off for 14 hours. It was so nice to be back in a room with a bed, some space, a shower, sink and toilet, but I was paranoid about being thrown on the streets again.

It sucked not having the laptop. Between not having that or much food to eat and my nerves being stretched to the max, all I could do was just lay in bed and fret, though I also prayed for help like crazy, too. Each day Tom returned without the card made me feel more and more doomed, although I continued to keep my word about not cussing God out.

Although we had a roof over our heads for the night, Tom didn’t have the gas money to make it to work on Monday or to buy us food. For several days in a row, we had barely 500 calories of food a day, and I was reminded of just how much I hate dieting and probably never will again. I’d be 200 pounds before I went through anything half as terrifying and stressful again! I definitely did lose weight, though, and wouldn’t be surprised if I dropped to 120. I’m up 5-10 pounds or so, but my tummy’s still messed up. I haven’t had the runs since the nightmare ended, but I’m not back to normal in that department yet either.

Each day I’d go through whatever dreams I remembered, mentally discarding most of them into my mind’s wastebasket. But one dream stood out and made me wonder if there was a message in it. It was a dream where I was congratulating a woman on having twins. It took me a while to figure out what it could mean. Then I wondered if it could mean life. The cycle of life. Was it a sign that life went on and that it would for us as well?

The next day, Monday the 8th, Tom used what little gas was in the truck to sell the autographed guitar for $20 and the Lasergrips gun sight for $40. We didn’t know this, or else we’d have sold the diamond, but that pawnshop buys things as well as lets you pawn them. The guy said we could pawn it for $20 or sell it for $40, so naturally, we sold it.

The 3 things we wanted back were the camera, the GPS and the laptop. I’m glad to say I got the laptop back a few days ago! They gave us 4 months to get the stuff. I’m going to let the diamond go, but we’ll be back for the camera soon. It was $93 to get the laptop back and will be $21 for the camera, and $30 for the GPS, which has been pawned elsewhere, and which he plans to buy back soon.

So now we had another night paid for, but still not enough for food, and definitely not enough gas to get into work, so Tom called both the temp agency and the card company and was now getting different stories from them. The temp agency was now saying that yes, they could stop the direct deposit, but not that week. The card company was now saying they could express us a new card if we didn’t get it by Monday and also that we could transfer money if we could get into the account. Yet when Tom specifically asked about expressing the card the week before, they said they couldn’t do that.

Nonetheless, Tom had enough gas to get into work, but not back again. He was worried about losing his job at this point, but when he called and spoke to the boss lady early Tuesday morning, she said she’d give him the money to get back. In fact, she really surprised us with her generosity and gave him $100! Thank God people find him as likable as they find me weird, eccentric and even scary!

Despite her generosity in which Tom plans to reimburse her for tomorrow, we were far from out of the woods, and things were about to really come to a head. The $100 bought us a roof over our heads for Tuesday night and got us a little more food and gas. After these things were paid for, however, we were right back to square one. Completely broke.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2007 Here we are, back in the land of the living after being on death row for 11 days, and probably closer to death than ever before in our lives. Of all the things we thought of that could go wrong upon coming here, we missed one. I would’ve liked to have documented the nightmare as it unfolded, but it was either not convenient to do so or I was just too distraught. This has got to be my biggest gap in entries in years! It’s been 15 days. We were granted a reprieve on the 15th, Mary’s 30th birthday, and since then I’ve been recuperating, gaining back my strength and sanity, as well as catching up on sweeps. They did go broadband, after all, so now I can do the dailies and Netwinner normally. My OLS membership expired on the 2nd and I decided to renew it last night since they’ve really improved the connection here.

I will try to remember all the things we did, felt, and thought during the hell we went through as best I can. The real hell didn’t begin till Saturday the 6th. I know I wrote that I dreamt the money wasn’t there on the 4th, my 10-year quit-smoking anniversary, even though I didn’t know why. Also, I sent Tom a text message about it, even though it did no good. Yeah, that’s the sucky part of being psychic. Just because some of us can see bad things coming doesn’t mean we can do anything to stop them. I really had trouble sleeping there for a while too, even when it was quiet. Not just because of the killer stress, but because I was afraid of what I might dream. Tom handled things well, but I was a basket case all the way, filled with fear, sadness, anger and stress. It was unbelievable! I had the runs 3 times a day, my ear was killing me, and it felt like a cement paver was sitting on my chest. The stress took its toll on me more so than the lack of food did. It really made those little things I’d complain about seem like no big deal, and those “big” things like the door slamming, the microwave’s carousel not working, the refrigerator leaking (although they fixed that) became such little nuisances I longed to have back as my worst problems, along with the waiting game, not knowing how long it’d take to get into a place.

These types of ordeals really make you see things differently and want to change some of your ways for the better and trust me, it was a life-changing experience! We can never know for sure, but I have my theories as to why it all happened. Yes, I’ve learned a lot from this horrible experience, like how important it is to scatter your money, get receipts, spend less and save more (I swear I’m going to be as obsessed with saving as I was with shopping), and never ever cuss out God no matter how pissed you get at your situation and no matter how unfair and cruel it may seem!!! I think this may be a big part of why we were so cursed, but like I said, we can never know for sure. After all, innocent children fall under even more serious curses, yet what did they supposedly ever do to deserve it? Tom thinks the queen started having health problems cuz she got pissed at God when Dad died, but who knows? It could’ve been just age and stress. It could’ve also been that someone she pissed off had a nasty influence on her as well.

We were scheduled to check out on Saturday the 6th. With not much more than a few bucks to our names, we went to the mail place pretty sure that the new card would be there. But it wasn’t. So now we were officially homeless and my worst fears had now come true, even though our stuff was safely locked away in storage (thank God this didn’t happen on the 1st!) and he had a job. What made it even scarier was knowing that the following Monday, the 8th, was a holiday! And it would’ve been unbearably terrifying had Tom let me in on a little secret. Normally I’d want to strangle him for holding back, but he did the right thing in this case. You see, had he told me that he was told that the card wouldn’t be coming till between the 10th and 15th, which usually means the last day they give you, it would’ve pretty much stamped out any remaining hesitations I had about suicide. I didn’t think we were going to have a choice for a while there anyway. Meaning, I thought we were dead for sure either way. I thought that even if we wanted to live, there would be no way we could and that we’d eventually starve off and die. So in the beginning I thought it may be better to get it over with in the 2-3 minutes to 2-3 hours they say it takes to die from carbon monoxide in the way we were planning to kill ourselves with it, rather than slowly die in the streets of hunger, nerves and exhaustion. I’ve had my share of nightmares before and as rough as they were, my survival wasn’t so on the line like it was this time around. That “trigger-happy psycho” wasn’t just teasing us with just a close call. There really, really appeared to be no way out at first! Even jail was easier than this because I knew there was an end to it sooner or later.

So anyway, the new card had been sent to Oregon, then returned because they don’t forward 1st class mail. The screw-ups at Wired Plastic, which is the company the card was from, didn’t even have the decency to call and ask why it was returned. It was so frustrating knowing that the money was there, we just couldn’t access it! To make matters worse, they were paying Tom via direct deposit at work and the equally screwed up idiots at the temp agency said they couldn’t stop the next check from being directly deposited and cut him a check unless the card was canceled altogether. But we couldn’t cancel a card we didn’t have!

The only thing that came Saturday was a pair of running shoes I won, but I was too freaked out to pay much attention to them. When the card didn’t come that day and we were out of money, food and a place to stay, I wished like never before that Jessie or Paula were local so I could beg for a piece of their living room floor in exchange for me cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and Tom fixing whatever needed fixing. But all those who gave a damn about us were either far away or in jail, and we were on our own. There were no little corners of anyone’s living room floor to run to.

The plan was to find a place secluded enough to kill ourselves in the back of the truck that night, but we never could find such a place. No one would notice the coals glowing, but the way they flare up initially certainly would’ve drawn unwanted attention and intervention.

Unsure of when we’d be able to kill ourselves, we first stopped at storage to pick up things we thought we could sell and to dump off things that were useless and in our way. Remember, this truck is very small. As I stood there looking at our stuff, it pissed me off to think that someone would get what cost us thousands for just $87 once we were dead and the stuff was auctioned off. I had the urge to start smashing things, figuring I’d make our deaths less profitable if I could help it, but never bothered to.

Next we set out to sell some of those “worthless” wins I’ll never again call worthless. He’d already pawned the GPS, so we had to do our best to find places to sell stuff. We ended up selling between 30-50 CDs and DVDs for an amazing $76! Thank God Tom went in and asked if they’d take them first because that’s when he saw the sign that said: All CDs and DVDs must be used, and no, you cannot go outside and remove the shrinkwrap!

While we waited for them to go through the stuff, we hopped across the street so I could use the bathroom at a convenience store, my anger towards God growing by the minute as Tom struggled to keep his sandals from falling apart, something I didn’t think he deserved to be doing at his age and with how hard he works. Some employees had smocks and coats hanging in the corner of the bathroom. I checked the pockets but didn’t find anything good other than a knife used for cutting boxes open.

Despite being worried about how we were going to make it until the card came, I was glad to be out of the motel and free of the door slamming and things like that. Besides, I figured it would be too hard for me to return, knowing that I’d only be paranoid about getting thrown on the streets again. Yet as I would learn, it’s amazing how you can miss the very things you’d been hoping to escape, and in just a few hours, too!

We stopped for some fast food, then tried to home in on free WiFi internet access somewhere, but were unable to do so. We wanted to find a Walmart that allows RVs to park in their parking lot, but as I reminded Tom, this wasn’t jail. Meaning that the security trucks weren’t going to shine their lights in people’s vehicles looking for anyone who might be sleeping in them. Still, we knew we had to worry more about them kicking us out than we did about anyone harming us. I was too furious for anyone to do much damage to us anyway!

We first wasted time and gas checking out a rest stop over towards Reno that was almost as high in elevation as Klamath. It felt like we were back there all over again. The sun hadn’t fully set by the time we got up there yet it was already freezing. We knew that if it could be in the 40s at that time, it was certainly going to be beyond freezing in the morning!

So we left “Oregon” and headed for the casino, figuring there’d be too much activity around for us to really stand out in any way. First, though, we used some of the money we made selling stuff to get some food and gas, and of course there seemed to suddenly be mattress stores on every block! Once we got to the far end of the casino’s parking lot, we moved some stuff into the cab and tried to make the back as comfortable as possible. Although it had been warm in the afternoon, it was now pretty chilly. It wasn’t too bad with me sandwiched between the comforter, but it wasn’t exactly toasty either, and we still had a lot of shit back there in the way. So we lay huddled together, listening to the trains and people passing by. One couple looked towards the back of the truck at one point but didn’t appear to notice us.

Tom was afraid to fall asleep and start snoring, so he went inside the casino and played a penny machine for a buck, so he wouldn’t stand out in any odd way. He also wanted me to have a chance to get some rest, but I was way too wound up to do so. As I lay there cramped in that small, old, uncomfortable, miserable truck, I mentally cussed God out like never before. I hated Him so intensely and was literally shaking with rage. I didn’t understand why we were being singled out and picked on like we were. We were just two people who only wanted a modest home that was at least relatively peaceful, but even that was too much to ask for. I even wondered if we were being punished for not settling for an apartment, since I’ve always believed that’s where God wants me, with plenty of people and chaos, yet we tried to settle for that upon moving down here and it didn’t do us any good.

As much as I knew it wouldn’t do us any good, I started beating myself up for not staying in Phoenix and just dealing with their shit next door. We would’ve been miserable with all the chaos, and I never cared for that house itself, but it would’ve been the safer misery, considering that the house would’ve been all paid for years ago.

Unable to get comfortable with the floor of the truck being so rippled, I went into the casino. It was smoky, but warmer in there. I couldn’t find Tom right away, so I had him paged. Together we went into the same restaurant we ate in the last time we were there and got coffee and water for me and soda for him.

At one point we got to talking to our waitress, Dee, about our situation. She offered us some hot soup at her cost, but we declined, as nice as it was of her to offer. She suggested we check out KOA (Kampgrounds of America), saying that they did have showers and that it was free as long as you didn’t have an RV or a camper.

Afterward, Tom said he doubted it was free. He and his family camped for many summers when he was a kid, and he said they’d always avoid KOAs because they were more expensive. The research we finally did later on proved him right, too. Even with just a regular vehicle, we couldn’t have gotten anything cheaper than $30 a day. The state campground charges $15 a day, and we may check into this more. We’re not sure yet at this time just what we’re going to do. It’s one of those catch-22s. Yes, it would be cheaper to camp out, but we’d have to invest in some camping gear, and we’d both be put out big time. The biggest problem would be not being able to go online. I could give Jessie my username and password to check for win notices, but we wouldn’t be able to sell things on eBay, and we’d be put out in lots of other ways, too. So campgrounds are up in the air right now. I do know one thing, though, cheaper or not, I hate camping!

The truck itself was something I came to have mixed emotions for. I hate the heap of shit, but there’s certainly no way we could’ve done anything without it! You really do need a vehicle to get around a place this big. Without it, there’d be no way to sell things, for him to get to work or a place for us to stay when we couldn’t stay here.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2007 Scratch that last sentence. The question is will we be gone tomorrow? And not to a house, but to wherever they’d bury us. Yeah, God’s really having a field day torturing us. The other question is, is it to compensate us for something good to come at work? To prevent us from something good at work? Or just to punish us simply for breathing, as usual?

See, yesterday at work they came out and asked him how soon he could start working second shift. Even though he had come to doubt there was any real future at the place, and still isn’t sure there is, he told them he could start right away. He’s been wanting second or 3rd shift all along so he could have time during business hours for other things. Once he got asked this, he said he knew something bad was going to happen.

Then there was my nasty dream premonition come true. Just like he sometimes gets solutions to problems in his sleep, I have dream premonitions. I dreamt the money wasn’t on the card, and I sent Tom a text message to let him know because I didn’t “feel” it was just a dream brought on by stress. As it turns out, the money’s there, but the card expired. They sent the new card to the old place right when we moved, and when it was returned to them, they didn’t even have the decency to let us know. So Tom called them and they said a new card was sent out Monday via 1st class mail, yet when he checked the mail place on Thursday, it wasn’t there. 1st class takes 3 days, so maybe it didn’t get picked up till Tuesday?

He then ran out of gas a mile away from here and had to park in the parking lot of a Jack-n-the-Box, the fast food place that’s all over the west except for K-Falls, Oregon. He walked back and we went hungry for the rest of the night since we were virtually out of food and living check to check until next week when we estimated we could finally start saving. But then we had to have some wonderful divine interference throw us this curveball just like I knew it would.

The stress has been a killer! I don’t know how many more of these security threats I can take, and having our lives be on the line every few days to a few weeks like it has been. The poster spirit I call Susie said the card would arrive today and that things would now start gradually improving just like they gradually went downhill. Tom said that made sense since we’ve now gotten over the major hurdles that could cause us to end up on the streets, thus killing ourselves to get out of having to suffer that kind of life. He pointed out that he was wrong about the truck having an internal engine problem (it would’ve broken down by now), and that of all the things that go out on vehicles, it’s fine, and that the new card will be good for 3 years if we can ever get it in time.

But I’m not convinced. If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately it’s that it doesn’t take much to really turn a person’s life upside down, if not destroy their life completely. I’m sick to death of having my very existence threatened and struggling for the simplest fucking things in life! Why are the barest of necessities such a struggle to get lately?! Why can’t God or whatever evil that’s trying to drive me crazy and maybe even to our deaths just leave us the fuck alone and go pick on someone else?! I just want a decent place to live, but we can’t even have that. Not anytime soon, if ever at all. I’m thoroughly convinced there’s no place for us. There really isn’t. A simple, peaceful house is just a dream. Just a total dream that can never happen. It’s either settle or die. If we’re not willing to live in misery, our only other choice is to die. And we’ll have to die if the card isn’t there tomorrow for damn sure because we wouldn’t be able to stay anywhere, and he couldn’t get to work anyway.

On Thursday evening I gave him the couple of bucks I had in my purse and he walked back to the truck to put gas in it to drive it back here. He didn’t feel it was worth risking running out of gas by going to the mail place today since we don’t have to check out till tomorrow. Instead, today he walked a total of 6 miles to and from Walmart and got us some food with the remaining few bucks he had. When he got back he called the mail place and the guy said I had a Mary letter and “two pieces of junk mail.” Well, what gave us a slight bit of hope was knowing that the envelope the card was in would look like junk mail. Most cash and credit card envelopes have the address of the person it’s going to in a window, then usually just a PO Box for a return. Logically speaking, if they sent it to the right address, which Tom verified online, and if God didn’t make sure it got lost or went to someone else, and it was sent 1st class on Monday or even Tuesday as they said, then there’s no reason it shouldn’t be there by tomorrow if it isn’t already.

We would still rather not find it’s not there when he goes to check tomorrow and be forced to kill ourselves, especially since Tom wouldn’t want to do that as much as I would. I’m honored that someone could love me enough to not want me to die alone, but I would feel more like I was murdering him, than that it was a mutual thing, not that he doesn’t get fed up with life enough of the time himself.

So tomorrow he’s going to see if we can check out an hour later, which he thinks they’ll let us do. He said he’s been in the office when others have asked to check out an hour or two later and were told they could. Also, Michelle works weekends, and she’s turned out to be the nicest so far. So he’s going to explain the problem with the card to her, hopefully get us a little extension, then go out and see if the card’s there. If it isn’t, we have stuff to pawn so there’s enough gas for killing ourselves tomorrow night. The last thing we want to do is botch things up and make our lives even worse. According to Tom’s research, he thinks we’d be able to go quicker and less painfully in the truck as opposed to the bathroom here. We’d also have the truck’s exhaust, too. Many have killed themselves by putting a hose extension on their exhausts which they piped into an enclosed area.

The stress is really getting to me! We’ve now had half a dozen or so crises and it’s scary as hell, but mostly I’m depressed, and even more so I’m angry. I’m sick of being picked on like this! What have Tom and I ever done that was so bad to deserve a life of hell like this? I just want to thumb my nose at society and live a sheltered life in a nice peaceful little house and only go out once every week or two, but no. I can’t even have that much. The more I try to avoid people, the more I get stuck with them and thrown into where there are plenty of them. God would just love me for settling for an apartment with tons of people and chaos, but He’s not getting His way on that one! He will have to drive us to our deaths first because we’re through settling!

I feel the same as I would if some trigger-happy psycho were breaking in here every so often and teasing me with my life, holding a gun to my head, making it as if he was going to shoot me, then pulling the gun away, and back and forth and back and forth.

I’m torn between wanting to live and wanting to die, but am perfectly ready to go if the card’s not there. Anything’s better than the streets, even death. However, a part of me wants to live to see if we ever do make it out of here, even if we still have to live on someone else’s driveway and with their dogs and music, too. I also want to listen to my stereo again, sleep in my own bed, and enjoy the rest of my belongings that’s been in storage. I miss high-speed internet without all the damn crashing and hang-ups.

But I’m also so damn tired of life. Totally, honestly tired of it! A part of me hopes the card’s not there so I can die and miss out on a lot of shitty things. Our lives can never be what we want them to be, I don’t like the idea of growing older, fatter, and maybe arthritic or developing cancer, diabetes, and whatever other health problems. I don’t want to live to have to deal with another stress-filled, scary crisis. Sooner or later it’s not going to be just a “close call.” I don’t want to live to deal with my teeth, even though they’ve been amazingly good to me since we moved. I don’t want to deal with my ear, even though that’s been better since we started oiling it. I don’t want to live here long enough to find out what my new health problems will be that I seem to get whenever I move. I don’t want to listen to people’s shit and struggle financially.

If the card is there, however, then we’ll at least have a choice. We’ll probably pay for another week here, see what happens at work, which we’re both curious about and then who knows? We talked about him working part-time either at night or during the daytime if they really do put him on second shift, and also selling plasma. Tom’s done it before and says it’s boring because you have to sit hooked up to machines for a couple of hours, but they’ll pay around $15 and you can do it up to twice a week. If the price was right, I wouldn’t mind doing this when my schedule permitted it. I could read or listen to my iPod while I was doing it.

A part of me wishes people didn’t need to piss, shit and take showers, and that I wasn’t such a light sleeper. Then we could live in the truck and really get into a place fast. We could park at Walmart when he wasn’t working, and at his job, of course, when he was.

I don’t know what to make of the dream I had recently of winning big. Tom said if I can have dream premonitions like I did about the card, then why not that?

Because God doesn’t usually want us having much money, that’s why, is all I can think of. And if He’s decided He wants us to die now, the card won’t be there tomorrow, and this will be the last entry I ever write, just one day after my 10th quit-smoking anniversary.

So many we-should-haves run through my mind, even though I know it’s pointless. We “should have” stayed in Phoenix and taken the safer misery. Yes, it would be noisy as hell, but the house would’ve been all paid for years ago. Noise is annoying, but can’t usually hurt us. Or maybe we “should have” stayed in the Oregon dump. Yes, it was too cold, I hated the snow, he hated his job, it could be noisy, the insurance and tax laws were fucked up, we hated the house and the restrictive hours and lack of stores and restaurants, but the rent was cheap, he made a lot of money, and we had so few bad days during the two years we were there. We had fun with Tinkerbell and the shopping sprees we’d go on.

Tom had been curious to check online obituaries. I thought you had to pay for those, but while most don’t tell you the cause of death or who they’re survived by, there was a 2005 obit in Phoenix for a Raymond which Tom thinks is his brother. Ray, who would’ve been 57 in ‘05, had health problems caused by a fall he had many years ago. Then he contracted hepatitis C before they knew it even existed from a blood transfusion.

The guy on the end broke his peaceful record for an hour or so yesterday before Tom got in by having a couple of chicks visit him that was loud. Every 10 minutes or so they’d come out of the room and hang out close to our door. I finally got curious enough to see what the hell they were doing, and they were smoking since they have a non-smoking room too, and can’t smoke in there. He said he was sorry if they were too noisy, then they took off. I later knocked on his door to see if he’d buy the gunsight for $20, which I’d have let him know was worth $250 and that he could sell it for more if he wanted to, yet he wasn’t there.

They did the inspection thing today and that went quickly and quieter than I thought it would. I had been up an hour before they came, too.

Since Mary’s in jail and Paula wouldn’t know what to do with the damn thing, I left a note in my address file, as well as on my desktop calendar, just in case someone searches this thing for clues as to why we killed ourselves if we do, to ship it to Jessie.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2007 I’m pleased to say that the rude assholes next door checked out this morning. I don’t know if Michelle spoke to them or not, but either way, they were obnoxious last night, too. I don’t know what the extent of it was because as soon as they started in with their shit, I threw the sound machine on and an earplug in my ear. I hope it stays empty for a while over there! I wish all these people could be like the guy on the end. Then it wouldn’t matter if every single room was occupied.

The pretty housekeeper from New Zealand came at noon and was soon joined by the Indian housekeeper. I wonder why they work in pairs so much of the time. They’re going to hope they can do so when we leave, cuz if that wonderful day ever arrives, the place will be filthy. The microwave will be trashed, the inside of the fridge will need wiping down, and the toaster and coffeemaker will need a thorough cleaning. On top of that, the dust in here will probably be an inch thick, and there’s still some bedding on the floor in the corner where the clothes are hanging that got kicked out of Tinkerbell’s cage.

I learned how to say hello in both Indi and Tongan. In Indian it’s kaysay, in Tongan it’s malolaylay. I’m sure they have different ways of writing the words, so I just wrote them out phonetically.

We weren’t back online till 2:30 this afternoon, and it said it was high-speed, though it’s not much faster. It’s still horribly unreliable too, so I doubt I’ll renew my OLS membership until we’re gone.

Tom’s now pretty sure he doesn’t want to be hired on where he’s working, so I’m surprised they don’t do so because of how good we are at getting what we don’t want. Unfortunately, it’s already coming up on Thursday and he’s only got 3 hours of overtime this week. He needs at least 10 a week to be right about us getting out of here in November. If he gets to work on Saturday, then we’ll be ok.

I wish I could work those extra 10 hours for him! Even if it was just to haul up carts of towels and sheets when I was awake to fold them.

The good news is that I definitely don’t see us here in January. I strongly vibe we’ll be gone by then. The question is if we’ll be gone in November or December.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2007 The good news is that the people next door left. The bad news is that we’ve been replaced with even noisier people who checked in last night. After a few hours of banging and them coming and going, I knew they wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, not that it should take that long to set up house. They’re just your typical rude, inconsiderate, obnoxious assholes.

In other good/bad news, my incense came a day early, so that’s good. What isn’t is that I haven’t been able to get online all day. Michelle at the front desk said they’re still working on it. I mentioned next door and she said she’d talk to them, so we’ll see how they take to being complained on. The only thing that kept me from calling the office after midnight last night when they were still banging away was my sound machine and earplug. As long as I lay in bed with them I couldn’t hear much, but sitting here along the dividing wall was totally obnoxious. As I’ve been asking since 1992 now, what did I do to deserve to be so cursed with noise???

I’m also being pestered lately. First one of the housekeepers started to come in as I was finishing up peeing, thinking the room was vacant because the drapes were open. Then a guy knocked. He apparently had the wrong room. This happened yesterday. Tomorrow I have to hope the housekeeper doesn’t come too early. Then on Thursday or Friday, so they came to the door to let me know today, that they have to do their annual smoke detector and sprinkler inspection and we just have to be here at that time. So I’m trying to keep my schedule on days as long as I can hold it there.

Later…

As if we don’t have enough to deal with, the truck was broken into sometime last night. They pried the back open and stole the printer, the jump starter, and some tools. Fortunately, they missed some items of higher value, but still, ain’t God great to us? And I’m sure the little thief will not only receive full protection from the bastard above but probably something like a $1500 winning lottery ticket, too. And you know that if we were the type to break into vehicles, we’d not only get caught, but we’d get a sentence fit for a murderer, too! So Tom emptied the stuff that didn’t get stolen into storage and is now parking somewhere else.

Oh, they also stole his portfolio and birth certificate. He called and asked, and fortunately, no one can do anything with just a birth certificate alone. They’d need a photo ID, too. Still, it’s one more curse on us and more money to have to pay when he goes to order a new one.

[vivianleighwishesshewasme]

The Devils Mate 2-part 5

Don't interact if under 18. Former abuse talked about, sex and underage consensual bonding.

Esme finds out they aren’t blood related*

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“Rosemary, come elp me.” I commanded rather than asked. The girl had been squirrely for the last few days as had my son. Tommy and I had talked on the phone last night, he said he’d found records of Rosemary and Albert. 

Rosemary was born to Albert and his wife May before she’d succumb to a fever after giving birth. Out of all the advances we were making back toward civilization I couldn’t understand why we didn’t advance in childbirth care faster. Be a priority to me but I was a woman in this fallen dirty world made of men again. 

She walked in a flowing long dress and her brown blonde tresses flowing behind her. She was very pretty. If Duke liked her, I could see them looking quite well side by side. She snaked around the other side and started helping me with folding Ruby and Charlie's clothes.

She was a mouth breather that was the only way I knew she was in the room. Her breaths were deep and frequent. 

“Tommy found out about your mum, May. I’m sorry you lost her at such a young age.”She watched me now and I saw the sadness behind them. 

“I’ve only known one mother, so I guess I'm lucky.” She said softly. I snorted, causing her to startle. I saw a small smirk creep up on the left side of her mouth. 

“She still leaves you on your own to fight your own battles and guilt trips you when you think different from er?” I laughed as she smiled brightly at me. 

“So it's not just me.” She said laughing. I liked her. She was sweet and sunny but honest. I saw a little minx in her too. 

“So, what do you like to do when you're not schooling eh?” I finished Ruby's clothes and added them to the basket. Reaching down I pulled out two more baskets. Rose’s eyes widened.

 “I have six people to look after, now nine with you three added. Laundry never stops.” I said. It really didn’t here, neuter did dishes. For as comfortable as we were financially, I wished Tommy would hire help. I hated laundry, to be fair I’d never asked him either.

Men generally had to be told things rather than be able to figure anything out on their own. 

“Ummm, I like to listen to the radio and dance. I used to sneak out to the dance hall once a week in Pickford when dad was there on business. I think he knew but he never told me. He kept inviting me out on Saturday nights so….” Her sweet voice trailed off as she blushed and buried her head in the clothes. I nodded my head and smiled. I loved dancing too. I’m glad she was doing little things for herself. 

“I’m impressed, we may not be blood but we definitely are related. Sneaking out to dance and meet boys.” My eyes glittered at her as she laughed and continued to bury her face embarrassed. It was cute. We continued to fold the silence quietly but not uncomfortably so. It was nice to have help. Finne and Duke were boys so Tommy kept them busy with “men’s work,” not that the great Tommy Shelby didn’t help me, he always did when he was here. Ruby and Charlie were young and did chores on the weekends when not at school. 

“Duke seems nice.” She said it so quietly like she was trying to whisper it. I almost missed her statement. Crimson flushes dotted her cheeks and neck. She liked him. We’ll at least physically. He rarely spoke and I knew he’d been hiding out away from her. 

“Tommy and I agreed before he left, what you two decided is between you. We don't want to get involved unless you have questions.” I watched the younger girl's face fall a bit. Did she have questions? Did she think we don’t like her because we both did. 

“Tommy and I think you are a good match, don’t expect Duke to come round anytime soon though. I don’t want to discourage you but he's out working with his da, could be two bloody months before I see them.” I watched her face like a hawk. She was actually disappointed. Good, If Duke decided he liked her, she’d wait for him and also understand what it was like to love a working man. They traveled a lot or worked extremely long hours. She’d have things to think about. 

 Duke was uncertain if he wanted to mate at all or even ever Marry. When they approached him the night before Tommy left, he made it known that he really liked to be by himself and he didn’t want kids, ever. He seemed to acknowledge that he may end up alone but seemed content to think about Rosemary at least. 

Truth be told Esme and Tommy hadn’t met until they were well into their twenties. It was an easy decision for her. She wanted him and wanted a baby. He did too. They weren’t kids trying to make adult decisions about mates, marriage or life right away. 

“I like crocheting and embroidery.” Rosemary pulled Esme out of her thoughts and back into a more comfortable conversation. 

“I knit because I have to with the way these kids outgrow their bloody clothes.” Esme said irritatedly. She loved her babies but they grew so rapidly, she had to do something. A tailor every year was too expensive even passing things down from child to child. 

“Oh, I like horses. Do you ride? I saw Tommy and Duke had some in the barn by the house.  Mom says I cant because, well you know.” I rolled my eyes, oh I knew what she was saying. Because God forbid she be unable on her marriage bed to prove she was a virgin. Honestly this world wasn’t too different from the old one depending on your parents. 

“I’ll take you. She’s gone today to some women's retreat thing with er church. Won't be back until dark.” I winked at her. It was nice to have a girl around to corrupt and talk to. Ruby was sweet but everything was candy, school and animals. 

“We can walk the trail and I’ll show you where I met Tommy by the creek and we’ll picnic after the kids get out.” I watched her whole face light up. I really needed a female friend. Rosemary was sweet but probably wouldn’t be sticking around much longer. 

“I'd love that.” She said folding a little faster.

“It’s not a bloody race, slow down.” We giggled. I hope at some point Duke picked her. 

_______________Tommy’s pov________________________________

I hadn’t been too surprised when Duke said he wanted to come with us. I knew after our little family talked with him, he wanted to clear his head so I invited him out to the city to help me with the factory restlessness. He seemed more willing to do what was necessary than Finn who wanted his creature comforts. 

I’d already told Finn what I expected of him, but I didn’t mention Duke. Honestly, I wasn't sure where to put him. It surprised me when he volunteered to drive a truck and deliver a shipment. He’d asked me a few questions, smart questions and was off. 

When I spoke to Esme tomorrow, I’d let her know that I'd offer Duke a position or offer to help him figure out what he wanted to do and lend him the money. He was showing promise. God knows I needed that from one male family member. 

Polly's son Michael held down the fort on some of our business when we came home. 

With Declan being fixed now, I could afford to stay and deal with the issues here. 

[casspurrjoybell-32]

*Warning Adult Content*

HE FEELS THE SAME - Chapter 5

Alek

I've been stuck in the peace river pack grounds for over a week now, Kaya, one of the housekeepers had suggested I ask around to find out if I could tag along on a hunting trip.

I've left the pack-house area a few times to check on the building project and each time I went there were more men, building materials and machines.     

'The humans wouldn't be done anytime soon.'

A sigh left my lips as I thought about it, as humans kept expanding in words on wildlife there was less and less ground to hide in.

I remember having to move up the mountain with my pack when I was younger because humans were becoming a regular sight at the mountain's foot.   

"Will you be having dinner with us?"

I stood up straight a bit taken aback by the voice of a lady speaking to me, my shoulders relaxed when I noted who she was.

She was one of the Omegas that had household duties... Kaya, Ahote's close friend.   

"Yes," I answered before looking away from her to stare back into the garden in front.

I was standing at the small balcony attached to the living room upstairs, a handful of people were in the garden and some of them were in their wolf forms helping to dig holes and move logs.

Ahote was squatting beside some plants in the distance, the young wolf that usually tagged along with him was squatting beside him and holding on to Ahote's kid as the child played with the wilting wildflower in his hands.

I couldn't help noticing how the teen's eyes gleamed as Ahote spoke to him, I looked away, feeling uncomfortable.     

"Len adores Ahote."

I frown, looking to my side to find the lady from before hadn't left, she smiled at me, grabbing on to the railings before looking down at the gardens as well.

"He keeps going on about asking Ahote to be with him."

The woman laughed, letting me catch a glimpse of her gap tooth.

"He's just sixteen he'll find a mate and forget everything about his crush," Kaya went on even though I didn't contribute to the conversation. 

'Ah.' I thought, looking back at Ahote and Len again.

'It makes sense,' I thought as I locked eyes with Len and he immediately frowned before looking away.

If Ahote meant that much to him, a confused mate-less wolf that was attracted to Ahote would annoy him, no doubt.     

"You too."

My brow went up in confusion and I turn my head to look at Kaya and she just smiled on at me, her short hair moving to the side as she cocked her head at me.     

"You adore him too," she said, making me nod and look away, I finally understood what she meant.

Yes, I did like Ahote, not that I could really explain why, I just knew I did.

I immediately gravitated towards him when I walked into a room.

I liked talking to him, though timid he knew when to put his foot down.

I saw this in his interactions with other wolves, high and low ranking alike. 

He has been avoiding me for a while and it was frustrating.

He had guessed Ahote was worried about his heat but that had passed a few days ago or maybe Ahote was just overwhelmed and shy.

He wasn't blind, if everyone else in the pack could tell I had my eyes set on Ahote, he could too.     

"Are you still going to join the hunters for their trip later this week?" Kaya asked me, making me look away from the group in the garden.

She kept reminding me that the hunting group was taking a trip into town across later in the week.

It didn't bother me and I did want to go, I'd need some things from the town across and it was a good thing to get familiar with other wolves in the pack.

It seems like I'd be staying here for a while, weeks, months, maybe even a whole year if the humans were slow about their business in the construction site.     

I nodded, watching as the lady smiled, saying something I couldn't catch under her breath before walking away, I smiled as I watched her leave before looking back at the garden when she was out of sight.   

Ahote was in a whole different area of the garden now, he was squatting beside a bush and clawing at it with his gloved hands and Len helped him place plants into the holes.

I wanted to be down there as well but I don't think Ahote wanted me there at all, it wasn't wise to corner him and make him uncomfortable.     

A sigh left my lips as I let go of the iron rails before stepping back and tucking my hands into the pocket of my jeans.

I looked out beyond the garden, into the middle of nowhere, I didn't have a passport or anything, I was traveling like an animal, sneaking into boats and walking for miles on end.

Even if I wanted to turn back now it wouldn't be an option, I've found something that's caught my interest.

My gaze moved back to Ahote and the rest before I looked away again and I started to wonder about his nameless mate.

I just knew he had one and said mate had rejected him although they had a child.   

For the past few days, I've had a lot of questions floating around in my head.

Like why was Lupa so high ranking and Ahote so low ranking?

Why was religion so important here?

Why did Ahote's mate vanish out of nowhere?

Kia, the omega that attended to me in my room was very talkative and I didn't have to ask her anything for her to talk about information she thought I would be interested in.

She had answered my first question in one of her rambling spells, telling me that Ahote was a recessive omega, that made sense, two omega genes equaled an omega.

One omega gene and one Kappa gene in Lupa's case equaled a Kappa, no matter how much Kia rambled on about every and anything she never really dived into the details of Ahote's mate.

I knew nothing about him, I didn't know his age his rank or what he was doing with his life now that he had cut connections with the pack. 

I left the balcony, retreating to my room with the questions running through my head.

Later in the evening, I was called out for dinner, the living room and kitchen were packed as usual, the same for the front porch and the picnic tables right outside.

It seemed everyone was eating in the main house today.   

"Is something going on?" I asked in a low tone when Kaya handed me a plate of food, she frowned a bit, probably not hearing me before her eyes went wide and she muttered a small 'oh.'     

"Ah, someone's back today," she said with a grin before walking away and leaving me to stare on at her in confusion.

When she disappeared out of sight I sighed as my shoulders sagged, I really didn't like how noisy the place was, especially since I was the odd one out, as always.

Making my way out of the kitchen and into the living room, I squinted, trying to see if I could find Ahote in the crowd, I couldn't, it was most mostly mid to high ranking wolves that occupied the area.

A frown formed on my face when I felt a little shiver run down my spine and it was then I noticed someone was staring at me, I turned, looking away immediately when I saw who it was, Ahote's brother.     

I tried my best to blend in but that didn't fool him, soon I had a strong painful grip on my shoulder as words were whispered against my ear. 

"Follow me." It wasn't a request, it was a demand, a command.

With some hesitance, I follow him out of the living room and out into the patio, I immediately sensed that everyone sitting outside was a hunter or watcher.

The laughter seemed to die when Lupa walked out with me, the sound of our feet on the wooden flooring resounded through the evening, competing with the sound of the crickets and croaking toads.

The air was chilly still, I could see my breath in the wind and I tried to look at anything but the other wolves, I heard footsteps in the background and soon they stopped.

"I heard you're following us into town later this week?" I heard Lupa's voice say.

I looked up, staring straight at him before I gave him a brief nod, he had his guard up like he was ready to pick a fight and it seemed like everyone sitting around the porch could tell too.     

The porch was silent again and I thought that was the end of it until Lupa spoke up again.

"Do you have any hunting experience?"' Lupa asked, his tone coming off a little condensing, I found myself clenching my jaw at his attitude, he was being a little bit overbearing.     

"Yes, I was the headhunter in my pack," I said, watching as the man's eyes seemed to dim.

It didn't look like he was expecting that, I was a rouge now but people could guess I was of some mid to high ranking from my stature and stench alone but often leaders weren't cast out, I hadn't been, I left on my own.     

"Well then," Lupa said with a fake smile plastered on his face. he'd made a shaky blow trying to probe me and he knew it.   

"What's your deal with my brother?" the question was blunt and so straight to the point that it took me off guard a bit.

"Well, what is it? Are you trying to sleep with him?"

"Lupa...." 

"Leave me alone," the man groaned, dismissing the call from one of the other men, he turned his attention back to me before walking over and stopping right in front of me.

Lupa was tall but not as tall as me, I have a feeling he was just noticing this because I saw the brief expression of worry before his eyes were fueled with suspicion again.   

"What do you think it is?" I asked and I seemed to only anger him more while surprising everyone else on the porch, it looked like he was going to pounce on me, but he backed away, cursing under his breath before he turned and stomped away.

He was calling out to his brother as he disappeared out of sight and that was the only thing that bothered me about the exchange, if I cared about what anyone thought, it was Ahote.     

For the rest of the night, I wandered about the house feeling tense and worried, I couldn't find Ahote anywhere and a part of me pushed me to stop looking for him.

When the dining room, living room and porch cleared out I retreated to my room, trying to think about the interaction I had with Lupa.

I sighed, resting my head against the pillow on my bed as I looked up at the wall, I had no idea why I did any of that.     

I sat up when I heard the door to my room open and frowned when I didn't see anyone at first but my eyes went wide when I noticed the child that wandered into my room.

Elan looked at me and I looked at him, the four-year-old looked like he was caught red-handed doing something that he shouldn't, I just had to figure out what.     

"Are you looking for something?" I asked and the child's lips parted before he closed his mouth and shook his head.

I rose a brow at him, watching as he stepped behind the door he had opened to hide behind it, he didn't leave though and I wondered if he thought I'd go to sleep or vanish into thin air if he waited a little bit longer.

"Elan..." the rate of heartbeat picked up, at the sound of that voice, Ahote's voice.

The man came into view as he pulled his child against him, he was frowning, I rarely saw him upset, this was new.

He knelt down, picking the child up before standing up again, it was when he was about to leave the room that he noticed I was there, just staring at them.

I caught his gaze with mine and he looked away quickly, standing there just like his son had just a few minutes ago, so still and quiet, like if he didn't say anything I would just disappear.     

"Your brother is really rude," I said, watching as the man looked over at me.

I bit down on my bottom lip, humming as I tried to compose myself, my mind was a house of madness, I haven't been this close to him in a while and it was driving me crazy.   

"Well, usually it's irritating but you..." he trailed, looking away from me to the floor.

His child just watched both of us, staying quiet as his father tried to find the words to say.     

"I what?" I asked, gripping on the bedsheet the covered the mattress I was sitting on.

I watched as Ahote chewed on his lip, probably trying to find the right words to say.   

"You scare me," he admitted and my heart sank butt I tried to force myself to smile but I was sure I looked ridiculous.

Ahote was now running a hand through his child's hair, he was half inside and half outside the room I had been aside and was probably wondering if there was a way he could leave without seeming rude.   

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to," I sighed, hugging myself as I looked over at Ahote and his kid.

"I can't help it," I added, watching as he nodded at me before looking down at the wooden floorboards again.

I pushed back strands of my blond hair, watching him fidget at my door.

He still had his hair down, his face covered with his hair that he had chosen to weave some beads into today, he looked great but I probably couldn't tell him that without coming off as creepy.   

"This is embarrassing," I muttered under my breath, examining my predicament, I was lusting after someone and everyone within two feet of me could tell from just observing me.

"You must have had this happen to you a lot of times. People finding you attractive, that is. I'm not excusing my behavior but just trying to explain..." I trailed off.

Ahote looked uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed, maybe I shouldn't have brought any of this up but it was too late.

"People must gawk for your attention a lot. Your Mate..."     

"No, not really," Ahote said, cutting me off, his words had been firm and they seemed finaI, I could catch that he didn't want to talk about this and if I pushed any further he'd have nothing to do with me again.     

"Sorry," I mumbled and the room went silent, seconds, then a minute passed and I wondered what the man was still doing at the door with his son, wasn't he desperate to leave?

He had the chance to do that now.     

"I'm sorry."

I looked him straight in the eye, frowning a bit as I wondered what he was apologizing for.

"I'm sorry about my brother, I'm sorry about Elan coming here to bother you and I'm sorry for being so cold to you lately. It's just... All this is very strange and overwhelming."

I listened to him, trying to understand what he meant, I licked my lips, cocking my head to the side as I observed it.     

"I'm not the only one feeling this way, am I?" I asked and he looked over at me before looking away again.

He didn't deny or confirm it but the red tint in his cheeks gave him away.   

"Maybe not," he whispered, looking at me with his deep brown eyes before stepping out of my room with his child and closing the door behind them.

Immediately after they left, I lay back on my bed, looking up at the ceiling as I tried to process what had just happened.     

'He feels the same way?' I asked myself, frowning as I tried to process it, did he?

Maybe mine was just more intense because it was the first time for me. 

'Is it possible that this isn't one-sided, that I'm not imagining things?'

Thoughts kept swimming in my head as my chest tightened and relaxed as my wolf stirred and moved.

The dream catcher at my room's window rattled with the wind and I spent the rest of my night arguing with myself in my head about whether this was a chance I should take or not.

[buckyalpine]

Teach Me

18+ Minors dni

Bucky x inexperienced f reader

A/N: Writing for the lovely @chrisdrysdale writing challenge. Might add a part 2 please leave all the comments and thoughts!! Always love to hear what you think! 

Prompt: 7. Sleep princess, you need it

Warnings: smut (fingering, mutual masturbation m & f, lil daddy kink) swearing, fluff

Word count: 3.7k 

You groaned, falling back onto the bed, letting your head bounce off the pillow. You felt frustrated but you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was bothering you. It had been weeks of this nagging feeling, like you were missing something, a craving left unsatisfied. But you didn’t even know what you wanted. Everything in your life was normal. As normal as it could be, being one of earths “mightiest heroes”. You looked over to the clock. 1:16 AM. You were definitely not going to fall asleep anytime soon. Usually you would toss and turn until it was time for training but this time you decided to get an early start instead. No one was usually up at this time, so you looked forward to a good workout unbothered by anyone else. You threw on your sports bra, some shorts and an oversized t-shirt, heading towards the training room.

As you entered the gym, you could already hear the thumps and grunts from someone hitting the punching bag. Your heart rate picked up slightly at the sight of a shirtless Bucky throwing punches, his knuckles bleeding and bruised though that didn’t seem to bother him. His breath was heavy, his back glistening, sweat trailing down his back. His sweats hung low on his waist…dangerously deliciously low. If he turned around, you’d see his Adonis belt and what you wouldn’t do to just lic-

“What are you doing here at this time doll?”

Bucky broke you out of your trance. You felt heat travel to your face, now wondering if he had caught you staring. You gaped like a fish, completely forgetting why you were at the gym at this hour.

“You heard me come in?”

“The serum. Enhanced hearing” He smirked. He didn’t just hear you walking in. He saw the flush of your cheeks, noted the increased heart rate. He could practically smell how aroused you were.

“Oh. Couldn’t sleep, haven’t in weeks. Thought I’d get a workout in instead of staying in bed”

“Ah, what’s been keeping you up?” “I’m not sure actually. Just feel like I’m high strung all the time even when I’m tired. Even now, I’m exhausted but I just never feel relaxed enough to get some decent sleep”

Bucky noticed the way you nervously bit your bottom lip, as your eyes flicked down to his lips, then chest and then down to his…

“I think you’re just sexually frustrated doll” Bucky looked down at you with a shit eating grin on his face.

“BUCKY!” You were definitely already flustered but somehow your face flushed more. You felt like you were on fire from what he just said.

“I’m just saying! When was the last time you’ve gone out on a date anyway?”  Bucky was genuinely curious. If you were not out on a mission, you were most definitely somewhere around the compound with a book or scrolling through TikTok.

“I don’t know, like 8 months ago? It didn’t go anywhere though” You cringed, recalling your painfully awkward date Aaron. 3 drinks in, he began to sob over his ex from 5 year ago. You had reluctantly agreed to be set up on a blind date by one of your friends. She insisted you were the perfect match. You were no longer friends with her. You had also lost all hope in dating.

“Why, did he not know what he was doing” Bucky smirked, his interest piqued. You glared at him, wanting to flick the stupid smirk off his perfectly handsome face.

“Not everything is about sex Barnes” You scoffed, mentally hitting yourself for deciding to workout at this hour. This is why you should be lazy.

“That’s what you’d say if he was bad at it” Bucky took a step closer to you as you breath hitched in your throat.

“Well I wouldn’t know” Now your eyes were looking everywhere except him. You could feel him eyeing you up and down in your overly flustered state. He was enjoying this. Bastard.

“So you guys didn’t…..” “No.” “So…how long has it been since…” Bucky’s eyebrows wiggled up and down, the shit eating grin plastered back on his face.

“Seriously? What are you going to do with this information?”

“I’m just trying to get an idea!” Bucky threw his hands up in defense.

“Shut up perv” You were not about to disclose your nonexistent sex life with him.  Bucky cocked his head to the side. He wasn’t going to let this go until he got an answer. “2 years” You mumbled.

“2 years?!!”  Bucky’s eyes grew wide as you glared at him. “Sorry, just. WOW. Wow.”

“Yes, my sex life is awful, will you please move on so I can actually finish what I came here for”. Honestly, you didn’t need a workout anymore. Bucky had made you sweat and increased your heart rate more than the treadmill ever did.

“Okay, okay. What about by yourself, you know…” “You’re so gross oh my god!” “Everyone does it” The humor in Bucky’s face disappeared as he looked at you dead in the eyes. He was being serious.

“I do! It’s just…It’s not great okay?”

“How do you mess up self pleasure?!” At this point Bucky was genuinely confused. He could understand someone else not knowing what to do but surely you knew how to take care of yourself.

You loved saving and caring for others. You just never bothered to do the same for yourself. Every time you wanted to, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Your hands would fumble around for a few minutes, and then you’d stop.  It embarrassed you, and the fact that you felt embarrassed over something so normal and natural embarrassed you more.

“I don’t know how! It’s not like the guys I’ve been with before were amazing to even try and get off thinking about them”

“Why them, think about someone you’re attracted to now” Duh. “It feels embarrassing trying to imagine myself with someone who wouldn’t look twice at me in that way. So I never did….that. Are you happy now?”  What pained you the most was the crush you were harboring on the super soldier. You had seen the girls he dated and whatever his type was, it wasn’t you.

Bucky felt his heart sink. You were stunning; he couldn’t imagine a single person that would say otherwise. He felt a pang of anger, wondering who put those thoughts in your head to make you feel this way in the first place.

“I don’t mean to overstep here but you’re beautiful doll. Anyone can see it”

“Whatever you say Barnes”

You rolled your eyes as your body continued to feel like it was set ablaze. Bucky was a charmer, he made everyone blush, from the barista at Starbucks to the little old lady at the corner shop. There was no way he actually found you attractive.

“I’m serious. No wonder you can’t sleep, you’re pent up. I could show you what to do” Bucky took another step towards you; you could feel his warm breath fan on your face, his eyes gazing into you.

“What are you, a sex guru?” You snorted “What are you going to do Barnes, teach me how to touch myself?”

“Sure”

You burst out laughing and immediately stopped when you saw Bucky was being completely serious.

“You can’t be serious. Maybe you know what you’re doing in bed but you’re telling me you also know how to show someone else how to touch themselves?”

“No one’s ever complained about my hands before, I can show you how to use those pretty fingers on yourself doll”

Dreaming. You must be dreaming. There was no way in hell this conversation was actually taking place. You were curious though. Very curious.

“Fine” you smirked. There was no way he’d actually take up his own offer. “We’ll see if you actually know what you’re talking about” “I always keep my word baby”

Bucky smirked at you, watching you leave the gym to go back to your room. He wasn’t sure what the hell just happened. He always kept his feelings for you at bay. He had seen decent guys approach you, only for you to turn them down seconds after speaking to them. If you weren’t giving guys like that a chance, he wasn’t willing to risk anything. Except now.

You paced around your room wondering how the hell you got yourself into this situation. He wasn’t actually going to come up here. You sighed, still blushing over the interaction you just had, changing out of your gym clothes and throwing on the oversized t-shirt you slept in. You started to get into bed when you heard a knock at the door. Jumping out of bed, you did a quick once over in the mirror before opening the door.

“Hey doll”

Bucky had showered and changed into a plain black t-shirt and grey sweats. This man was going to be the death of you.

“Hey Buck, you actually came” The surprise was evident in your voice as you opened the door to let him in. “I told you I always keep my word baby, but only if you want to” Bucky gazed down at you but it wasn’t out of lust; it was out of adoration. You walked over and sat at the edge of your bed, your knees pressed tightly together. You suddenly felt overwhelmingly self conscious, realizing that he was right there. In your room. Right now. You looked at the floor as Bucky closed the door behind him.

“Hey, look at me. Its normal, you don’t have to be ashamed of anything. If you feel uncomfortable we can stop and this conversation never happened” He kneeled in front of you so he could look at you, only sincerity in his words.

You shook your head. You didn’t know what to expect when you agreed to this, but you were certainly not expecting him to be so…understanding. His blue eyes showed nothing but concern and care for you. Your heart skipped a beat as your cheeks flushed. You could feel butterflies making your stomach flip.  Fuck, you wanted this.

“I want this….for you to show me….”

 Bucky sat up on your bed against your headboard with his legs crossed. He took your hand, pulling you towards him.

 “Lay back on me princess”

You shifted to sit on his lap, still feeling tense.

 “Here, just relax baby” Bucky hands gently caressed your arms, wanting you to feel comfortable.

You relaxed your body against him, your heart racing a million miles a minute. Part of you wanted to back down, tell him this was a stupid idea and he didn’t have to put himself through this for you. But another side of you wanted this so bad, the one person you had almost touched yourself to soo many times, stopping because it felt so unrealistic he’d see you like that.

Your room had a large bed with a full length 3 panel mirror across from it. Your entire body heated up looking at yourself in just your t-shirt, splayed on Bucky’s lap. His eyes flicked up, meeting yours in the mirrors reflection. He’d give anything to be with you like this every single night.

“You look beautiful like this”

Your breath shuddered, your voice shaky as you spoke “You said a lot, what did you plan on showing me”

Bucky smirked, grabbing your hand in his, guiding it down to the waistband of your panties. “This okay?” Again, your heart skipped a beat. He never overstepped, always making sure you gave him consent before going further. You nodded, arousal already soaking through.

Keeping your hand in his, he pushed down till your fingers were between your soaked folds. Gathering the slick, he moved your hands up to touch your clit, his own fingers on top guiding yours to move in gentle circles. You whimpered, biting your lips holding back the moans that wanted to slip out.

“Just like that baby, rub your clit like that for me”. Bucky removed his hand, letting you continue.

“Apply a little more pressure baby” Bucky could see you needed more, your hand desperately trying to move, your panties restricting your movements. “Can I take these off” Bucky’s hand moved to the waistband of your panties. You nodded, lifting your hips up so Bucky could slide them down your legs. You had already come this far but you felt exposed with nothing covering your lower half, suddenly pressing your legs together so Bucky wouldn’t see you.

“Don’t baby, you’re so beautiful,” Bucky rubbed the sides of your thighs, as his hands slowly slipped in between, guiding you to open them. “Spread your legs for me baby, look at how pretty your pussy looks” You almost felt light headed at the sight you saw in the mirror. Your lower half was on full display; Bucky was looking right at you from the reflection. His fingers started to play in between your folds to smear your arousal around. He took your hands back in his, bringing your middle and ring finger to gather the slick that had pooled around you.

“Push one finger in baby”

You paused, having never done that before. Bucky sensed your hesitation as he felt your body tense up. His lips were right by your ears “Here princess, it’s okay” He took your hand again, instantly feeling you relax. You let him guide your finger, pushing it in and out until you found a pace you felt comfortable with. Bucky was losing his mind seeing you like this. He wasn’t sure what aroused him more, the way you looked in the mirror draped across him, the fact that you were doing all this while sitting in his lap or the fact that you trusted him to be so vulnerable with him.

You started to get lost in your thoughts, forgetting Bucky was even there. You whimpered, your finger moving in and out of you as you closed your eyes, imagining Bucky ravaging you on the floor of your bedroom. Bare, clothes torn off, his cock wrecking you for anyone else. He saw the way your eyes started rolling back getting lost in the pleasure of your fingers.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about” Bucky groaned, his mind going foggy. He really did just want to help you get off, but a selfish side of him wanted to ravish you. He wanted to know how filthy you could get, to hear every single dirty thought you had in your head.

Still deeply lost in your thoughts, his name fell from your lips. He shifted, feeling his cock stiffen, nearly cumming on the spot. You could feel your climax building, unconsciously grinding your hips in a tandem against Bucky’s hardening length. “Are you thinking about me?”

You weakly nodded. His breath hitched in his throat when you threw your head back onto his shoulder, your breaths getting heavier. Your chest was rising and falling, nipples poking through the thin material of your t-shirt. “Need more Bucky” You moaned as you grabbed his metal hand to your core, hissing as his cool fingers started playing with your swollen desperate clit. You guided his other hand up your shirt to play with your tits. “OH fuck!” Your hips bucked up, trying to press against his hands, needing more, you were desperate chasing your release. “Please Bucky, more, please” You grew more whiny and needy, guiding your hand on top of his, till his fingers reached your sopping hole, already dripping onto the sheets. “Fuck baby you’re so wet” Bucky whimpered, feeling his heart racing. You were the most beautiful sight he had ever laid his eyes on and you were spread out on him begging for more. He must be dreaming, God he didn’t want to ever wake up.  “You sure baby?” “Please daddy” The name slipped out without a second thought, it drove Bucky feral. Without warning he plunged two fingers into you, pushing them in and out while his thumb pressed down onto your clit.

“M’ gonna cum” You whined, your hips grinding onto his hand, and pressing back onto his throbbing length. Your movements caused Bucky to grip your hips to keep you in place. “This is about you baby, if you keep moving on me like that, I’m not going to be able to control myself, you gotta stop baby” He couldn’t take it anymore, his cock was leaking with arousal, he so badly needed you. You pressed back into him wanting to tease him more. “Touch yourself daddy” The blue in Buckys eyes were nonexistent. His eyes were dark, filled with lust with what you had just said. He pushed you off, causing you to fall forward. You turned around to lay back and propped yourself up on one arm on the opposite side of the bed while Bucky threw off his sweats. His grey boxers had a dark patch from all the precum that had you caused. He was huge, his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. He tugged them own letting his cock spring free, hitting his abdomen. He sat up against the head board again, nearly drooling as he watching you lying down across from him. Your eyes were heavy with lust.  

“Show me baby, touch yourself the way daddy taught you” Bucky tugged at his length slowly, wanting this moment to last forever. To have you like this, so bare and vulnerable, he was struggling not to cum on the spot.  Fisting his cock while his metal hand gripped onto the headboard, sweat beaded at his forehead as his thumb swept over the tip of his leaking cock acting as lube.

You felt like you were floating on air. Watching Bucky touch himself pushed you over the edge, your climax approaching hard and fast. You let your fingers gather the slick that was soaking the sheets, rubbing your clit in circles “Bucky, m’gonna cum baby”

Bucky wanted to capture every single curve and dip of your body. Every single movement as you moaned and arched off the bed. He couldn’t believe he got to see you like this. Your hips rose from the bed, legs squirming and you continued to press down onto your clit to prolong your building orgasm for as long as you could. Your moans softened to whimpers as your body continued to convulse, desperately trying to hold off so you could watch him for longer.

“Come here baby” Bucky grabbed your ankles so you could be closer to him. Your thighs were on top of his, your core close enough to grind on his length. This had to have been the horniest he had ever been, he had stopped touching himself multiple times because he knew he wouldn’t last long. Your fingers were lazily playing with your clit, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you tried to silence your screams. Bucky reached forward to pull you up. His hands played at the bottom of your shirt as he looked at your for permission. As soon as you nodded, he ripped it off, throwing it across the room. You lay back down across from him. “Fuck daddy, so close, need to cum baby please” your jaw hung slack as you watched Bucky pick up the pace on his cock. A slow dribble continued to pour from the tip as he started to chase his high. “God baby, you look so fucking beautiful like this, keep doing exactly that, fuck y/n, go faster” Your fingers were rubbing frantic circles on your swollen clit, teetering on the edge of your orgasm. Your thighs quivered on top of his. “Need to cum with you doll, holy fuck I’m gonna cum” Bucky threw his head back, straining against the headboard. His metal hand came down to grip onto your thigh, needing to find a way to ground himself.

“M’ gonna fucking cum y/n, can’t hold it, let go baby, please, cum with me y/n” “OH FUCK DADDY” You could feel your walls flutter and convulse, arousal gushing out of you. You moved slightly forward so your clit could press firmly against Buckys balls, moving your hips lightly to grind against him. You felt waves and waves of endless pleasure and euphoria wash over you. Tears spilled onto your cheeks as you continued to cry out for him, scratching the sides of his legs. “Baby I’m gonna cum, fuck gonna cum so fucking hard for you babydoll, God I want to watch you like this all day. Fuck I’m cumming, m’ cumming, FUCK y/n!” Bucky sped up his pace, fisting his cock, focused on the swollen and sensitive tip. He could feel his balls heavy with cum, eyes were squeezed shut. His head was thrown back as endless ropes of cum spilt onto his abs and chest. His breaths grew heavy as he continued to lazily stroke his cock wanting to make the moment last forever. You fell limp onto the bed, floating in a post climax haze. Bucky sat up, gently pulling you up so he could tuck you under the sheets beside him. “Fuck you’re so beautiful when you cum”

Your haze started to fade as you registered Bucky’s words, burying your face into the crook of his neck.  He cupped your cheek, brining your face up to look at him. “I’m serious. You’re so gorgeous doll” His gaze caused your face to heat up, as you shook your head, biting your lip looking away from him.

“I’m not-

Bucky stopped you, grabbing your face in his hands making you look at him.

“I meant it when I said you’re beautiful. Not just here like this. Always y/n”

You were back to your flustered state, unsure of what to say.  “Thank you..for this..uh, showing me” He gave you the best orgasm of your life and he had hardly touched you. Bucky smirked pulling you close to him, his lips brushing yours.

“I want to show you so many things baby”

You giggled, feeling a wave of sleep wash over you. You yawned, relaxing in his hold, letting sleep take over. 

“Sleep princess, you need it” 

This was just the beginning. 

[thegamingmonk]

Encanto Headcanons #5

Number 5 already! Thank you all for the kind words and support! They really keep my creativity going and I hope I'm doing well by these characters and their meaningfulness to both Colombians & Latinos all!

Antonio and Mirabel teamed up on a birthday present for Luisa one year. They kept it a secret for months with the help of Dolores.

It was a giant stuffed unicorn. Luisa's face was b a w l i n g when she saw it. It's her most precious treasure and named "Rainbow".

Post-movie, Abuela tries once to "get in the know" with her grandchildren in order to understand them better. Help these kids... (She's a bit confused but she's got spirit).

Being that Pepa is the middle child, of course she has the chaotic middle child energy.

Nobody would've thought that energy would spread to her children and nieces.

Camilo and Isabela (despite being the oldest) are prime examples of it.

Mariano and Isabela are the type of friends to be "The menace and the bean".

Sometimes Mariano will just wrap his arms around Dolores and softly hum in her ears just the way she likes it. His voice is oh-so soothing to her.

When young Dolores was still adjusting to her gift, Casita had extra caution to make sure that any floorboard she stepped on or door she opened never creaked/squeaked.

Dolores still appreciates this; it's the small things that count.

Thanks to her constant help with the donkeys, Luisa was given the opportunity to name a newly born donkey.

His name is Jorge and she will fight the sun itself for him.

Mirabel would be lying if she said she wasn't attached to the little guy too.

Agustín is actually a pretty decent dancer. People just tend to forget this when he trips over a stack of wood and face first into a beehive. Again.

Julieta has separate emergency stashes of arepas for different Madrigals.

One for Agustín for many reasons: one for Dolores and her sensory issues; one for Mirabel when she pricks herself while sewing; one for Félix if he accidentally gets shocked by Pepa's lightning (though that basket is open to anyone really); and one for Bruno simply because she wants him to eat more.

Camilo managed to hold an entire "One person show" by himself for the village. It was an impressive feat but left him tired out his mind.

He fell asleep on Luisa's shoulder as she carried him home.

After her gift ceremony, Mirabel spent a whole week going through a list of potential powers to try to see if she could awaken her gift late.

Camilo helped as well with this, which made things a little bit crazier than planned.

Soon they were by Julieta before Alma could catch wind of the two's plans. Good thing too because flying was further down on the list (precautions would've been made but Julieta's heart couldn't even handle the idea).

Camilo doesn't approve of Mariano dating his sister until MUCH later on. Dolores helped with that by revealing his weakness: food.

Surprisingly Mariano can whip up some great dishes. Camilo was sold.

Back when he was hiding, Bruno snuck out to grab some food and then returned to the walls, only to find a 13 year old Dolores in his room, messing around with his rats.

"Dolores??? How did you-" "Your rat friends led me here :D"

Dolores would help support Bruno while he was in the walls, whether it be leaving him plates of food in front of his painting entrance or spare blankets during the winter time.

Bruno tried to make a rat band before. Unfortunately it didn't work out... Rats can only do so much...

Pepa cannot be trusted in the kitchen worth her life.

Julieta let her cook ONCE and sworn off it ever again. Not without supervision at least.

Sometimes Bruno is the unfortunate volunteer to be Pepa's supervisor. Anytime she put something that completely did not go in the dish, he'd follow up with something that he knows will at least make it better.

When they were younger, Pepa and Bruno would go joyriding on her bike. Poor boy nearly lost his soul each and every time.

Dolores and Mariano's first date was completely set up by Isabela as she is the ultimate wingman. However Camilo tries to sabotage as protective siblings do.

It's a whole cartoon plot going on between Isabela making the date go great and Camilo trying to ruin it.

All exotic plant experimentation happens in Isabela's room in order to avoid cases of invasive species.

A scrapped concept of Isabela's powers was that she could also make sentient plant people (potatoes specifically).

I have an AU in the works with this idea but for now, just imagine. Her little potato army.

Mirabel has never been more terrified of an idea in her life.

Camilo will have moments where he walks into Mirabel's room out of nowhere and plops his head on top of hers while she's sewing.

Mirabel stopped questioning it after the third time. He just wants to be around her and she doesn't mind the affection.

After she's done, they'll go and commit twin crimes.

Pepa is usually the one breaking up a fight between Dolores and Camilo while Félix and Antonio sip juice out on the patio. They do not see therefore it does not exist.

Félix is the type to put them in a get-along shirt and tell them to figure it out.

Isabela is always this close to wrangling Camilo's neck.

If not for the spirit of Abuelo Pedro watching over him Isabela probably would've gotten it done by now.

As much as I love the idea of cousins being forever wholesome with each other, we have to admit that realistically, they're also all gremlins towards each other.

Mirabel and Camilo once broke a vase to which Dolores heard loud and clear. They begged her (or in Camilo's case, threatened) her not to tell. She promised... And then proceeded to yell "ABUELAAAAAA-".

Remember my "Mirabel and Isabela fist fight" headcanon? Yeah that would happen with Isabela and Camilo if the boy didn't run for his life most the time.

Camilo is a full blown clothes thief, whether it be his sister's or his cousins' dresses. Don't blame him that they look good on him.

Luisa and Antonio are the only safe ones from this. One's too big and the other's too small.

Anytime Isabela and Mirabel would get into an argument, Luisa would just pick them up by their clothes' collars and simply hug them until they stopped. Works every time (plus free cuddles!).

Even Casita has its moments where it'll lift up a floorboard to trip up someone or bonk someone with a door. Mischievous house it is.

All in all, cousins will be cousins but they grandkids all love each other down to the very bone.

This has gotta be the longest one so far... May be a bit of a break before my brain comes up with more ideas, but that's all for now!

[archivallyfound09]

Major Mistakes pt. 3

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader (f) (no y/n)

Warning: Cursing (generally a given with me!), sexual situations later maybe, innuendos, I definitely have a rank kink

Part 1 Part 2

As the rain continued to hit the side of the aircraft carrier, you groaned, pulling yourself out of bed. You knew it couldn't be much more than 1 am and you also knew you weren't going to fall back asleep anytime soon. You had too much floating in your head, especially the pilot who you had no more than 5 interactions with.

It certainly felt like a lot more than that.

You pulled on your sneakers and pulled your hair back in a ponytail- an unusual style for anyone to see you in. Normally, everything was high in a slicked bun, per regulations, or your hair was tucked up into a helmet and everyone forgot you even had hair. You yawned and stretched, opening your cabin door and heading to the familiar treadmills a few floors down.

You weren't a runner by any means, but when you couldn't sleep and it was raining, you couldn't exactly go for a stroll around on deck and you didn't want to wander the hallways and wake anyone. Your team knew that you'd generally be on a treadmill a few times a month when the sleeplessness would win out, but it never got in the way of your job on deck, so no one said anything (even though a few would leave coffees around just for you throughout the following day).

You had been jogging for about a half-hour, eyes closing on and off as you tried to steady your breath. The stillness of night, whether on a boat or on land, made everything flood back in. You had gone to a therapist and she told you that you were "working through trauma." It felt like you were just reliving every lost sailor you had worked with- it was painful, but an important reminder of your job and your focus and how you got here.

You hadn't realized that some tears had leaked out and were mixing with your sweat. The front of your gray Navy-issued t-shirt was dark as you ran the collar of the shirt against your eyes. You took in a shaky breath and focused on your steps again. You don't know if you were running from something or towards it, but you knew you couldn't just stand still.

------

Jake had started wandering back to his cabin, Fanboy and Phoenix in tow after a long time spent bored in the officers lounge. Technically, they probably should've found somewhere else to congregate, but the lounge was empty and every officer was either working or in bed.

All but one.

Jake heard the familiar noise of the treadmill in the gym near their rooms. Usually he heard talking, music, and a variety of machines running. The lone treadmill running was jarring in the silence besides his breathing. He nodded and gave a halfhearted wave of "goodnight" to the other two aviators and walked towards the door, opening it hesitantly.

He immediately knew it was you. He hadn't seen your hair down, or you in shorts and a t-shirt, but he knew it was you-helmet and flightsuit or not. You continued your run, the back of your shirt now turning darker with sweat and he felt everything in his body pull him to you-a magnetic field he wasn't ready to fight. Jake wasn't sure what this was, but he was going to find out.

He quietly closed the door and started towards you, keeping a wide berth, not wanting to spook you. Your ears had perked at the opening of the door moments before and you had caught his reflection from a window in front of you. When he came into your peripheral, you pretended to ignore him and still not see him.

Jake's feet froze and his whole body went numb. It felt as if something had struck him as he watched you, his eyes trying to memorize every bead of sweat on your forehead, every hair that stuck up, every breath you took in. He had never wanted to understand and know someone as much as he did you in that moment. When you suddenly stopped the treadmill and turned to him, he felt the blush of being caught, but he couldn't stop staring.

"Can I help you with something?" You commented casually, grabbing a disinfectant wipe from nearby and wiping down the equipment, breaking his eye contact for a moment to catch your breath (from the treadmill or the man in front of you, you weren't quite sure). When he didn't move or answer, you looked back up at him.

A small smile broke out over his face, barely noticable if you hadn't been watching him closely. You couldn't help the smirk that touched the corners of your lips in response. It was a charged moment, but it also held a tenderness and a gravity as well. You had no audience. You had nothing to prove. You were two people, standing in front of each other, asking for something. It was the something that scared you- you weren't sure what you wanted.

As your brain started to swim, Jake saw the glossiness take over your stare and he knew he was losing you to some doubts in your head. He wasn't sure what he was asking for or what he was doing, but he quickly filled the gap between you in a few long strides and his hands were immediately on your cheeks. His hands were cool against you flushed cheeks and he looked at you, asking permission.

Your body reacted at the same time as your brain- your lips were on his, you were on tiptoes, and your hands had found his neck. He let out a small gasp and your swallowed it easily, smirking into the kiss. Jake then kicked into gear, one hand gripping the back of your neck, the other sliding down to your waist and pulling you flush against him. You decided instantly that you were no longer interested in breathing if it meant you got to stay in this man's arms.

You finally broke apart, both panting, still wrapped in each other's arms. Jake's eyes flashed with something and you both quickly separated a few feet away. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his shoes. He wasn't sure exactly what had come over him- you were at the same confusing crossroads. You had both crossed a boundary (after only knowing of each other's existence for about 4 days).

"I'm sorry," he said, still trying to catch his breath, his eyes darting around the floor. You bit your lip, eyes boring into him.

"You're sorry for kissing me or-?" you venuted, his eyes, startled, looked up at you.

"I don't know. I just," he sighed, clearly flustered, "I'm just usually the asshole, so I figured I should start apologizing ahead of time." You couldn't help the laugh that was now threatening to bubble past your lips. He looked mortified. You opened your mouth to respond, but thought better of it, closing the distance between you and placing another peck on his lips. He barely moved, unsure of what any of this meant.

"What happens below deck, stays here, lieutenant."

He gulped audibly, his hands shakily reaching out to rest on your hips. He finally cracked a small smile.

"Yes, ma'am."

-------

"Pep in your step after another late-night run? How much coffee have you had?" Your commanding officer sat next to you and you grinned, shaking your first cup of coffee at him. He raised an eyebrow. "Really? Only one?!" He looked at you incredulously and you gave him an obnoxious smile, your eyes almost closing with how hard you smiled. He groaned.

"I don't want to know...."

"No you don't," you cut him off easily, siping the hot beverage in your hands, eyes trained on the window ahead of you. He sighed and drank his own coffee.

"So, routine runs today?" you nodded as he continued, "Sounds good. Make sure to check the new gear- I'm not 100% sold on it, but you're the one that's going to have to fight with it if it's no good." You rolled your eyes and shrugged. You would do the same thing you did every few weeks. The same checks. The same launches. The same landings. The tedium was enough to make you cry.

You knew Jake had walked in and you could feel his hot stare on you as you finished your liquid breakfast and then headed to change. As you reached the door frame, the urge to change up the routine of your day was deafening. You paused and called over your shoulder.

"Hey Seresin," you thought he was going to leap out of his skin as you turned partially back to lock eyes with him.

"Wanna go on a test run for me?"

--------------

Part Four

Hangman Taglist (request to be added in the comments!): @alldaysdreamers @ponyboys-sunsets @hopefulinlove @wannabepoe @maverooster @rosiahills22 @ancabifi @multifandom-fangirl4 @dempy @luckyladycreator2 @chlo-feigh @sopheeg @kkrenae @blue-aconite @angirlofallthings22 @rln108 @pricklepearbloom @natasharomanoffisbaebby @loveforaugust @mizzy-pop @lizzie-rdj @mavswife @quackwackfawck @obiwankenobis-lap @icemansgirl1999 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @the-winter-marvel33 @alitav99 @arieltwvdtohamflash @jostyriggslover96 @notanordinaryprincess95 @luckyladycreator2 @mistressslytherin @fogle97 @thebluelioness @littlebadariell @daisyhollyxox @idfkwhyimhere4357 @actorinfluence @lieutenant-rooster-bradshaw @no-pilots-please @imagineyneyjr  @hey-its-kayla-claire @8oopsiedaisy8 @jakexfmc @desert-fern @smoothdogsgirl