#im tired of having to be the strong one | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thedisablednaturalist · 1 year ago

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I don't know what to do about my partner.

I'm literally being abused at home. I am working my ass off to get out and am about to take on even more hours so I can afford to get out. I can barely handle part time. I was always taught never to rely too much on others because you can only trust yourself to save you. Others always have their own agendas. Yea this has messed up a lot of relationships (and I've been through a lot of therapy)

My partner has promised me that he will always be there for me. But when I need him the most he just. Says no. And it's making me feel selfish. He works less hours than I at an underpaying job. He says he wants to have free time to work on his art and relax for a bit after graduation. It's frustrating because I WOULD LOVE to be able to do that. I also recently graduated. But I can't. Because I'm trying to survive. And I never wanted to be a burden on others. But is it bad to say I'm extremely hurt by this? Y'all know how abusive my mom is. He also knows this and has witnessed it (not to it's full extent though). Many times I've called him in the midst of panic attacks. But he refuses to step up and help me. He wouldn't even LOOK into any of the job positions I found for him that pay as much or more than mine currently does. He says he can't work full time right now because it would interfere with his art. It feels like he doesn't care that I'm suffering. And I feel so selfish and I've tried to bring it up to him but then he gets all self deprecating and I have to comfort him.

He's letting his fear of leaving his mom's house overpower his worry for me. And it hurts. I've been trying not to burden him but he doesn't get that this is becoming an emergency. I've already had one recent accident where I was left on the floor immobilized and in pain. It's affecting my job too (late because my mom yells at me as I'm leaving for work).

What about my dreams? I'm putting my masters on hold to get myself out of here. I have no free time. I work and I sleep. If he at least tried to step up but failed I'd feel better.

He was supposed to come over and we were going to discuss it but he overslept again and won't be here for a couple hours.

#wrenfea.txt #ive never been so mad and hurt due to him #hes always been there for me except when things get too hard #like am i overreacting? am i being selfish?#i love him but i feel like i cant trust him to be there when i need him #how am i supposed to talk to him about this without anger #he does have unmedicated adhd btw and we are trying to get him a psychiatrist #but thats another thing he hasnt been trying to do #even though ive been helping him find one #im gonna ignore anyone who says lol just dump him #im tired of having to be the strong one #chronic disability #chronic pain #abuse #relationship problems

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xxplastic-cubexx · 17 hours ago

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How would you redesign Headmaster Magneto? Just out pf curiousity because while he served it didn’t feel like… Erik.

i have to keep it 100 i have no idea without just. rerunning his original design but with a palette swap LOL but we try around here

#xmen #xmen comics #magneto #erik lehnsherr #snap sketches #CAUSE LIIIKEE i want to keep SOMEE elements of the headmaster look obviously #i like its design intent. or how i see its design anyway idfk .... idk what im sayin im sleepy #just gotta. throw a few more things on there .... maybe... again i dont know 😔#the bigass M just makes me think of megaman gigamix i cant even lie #having/wanting to keep this as a one piece/leotard with that big ass m is probablyl whats stumping me if im so tbh #for some reason the lack of 'underwear' and helmet really is doing a lot for it Not feeling like magneto #the helmet i get Thats His Symbol ATP but the underwear ..... girl idk Strong Man or something like that #its just awkward because headmaster magneto is Supposed to be more tame or . 'domesticated' i guess vjALKE #not less powerful but he shouldnt be as intimidating/outwardly powerful if. that makes sense???#the first thought seeing him shouldnt be 'hes going to stomp me to death' it should be. Not That LKVJAEKj #BUT AT LEAAASSST in the back of the mind being likek 'he could probably stomp me to death'#SOME power but not to a threatening degree idfk what im saying my TUMMY IS RUMBLIGN AGAIN #what did i eat todasy. i ate like five hot pockets today thats what i ate. and some grapes #idk im tired. maybe ill try this again down the line #anyway enjoy if you can. saturday is upon us which means i can DOODLE AGAIN

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kitamars · 1 year ago

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HELLO ENJOY SOME WIP AND DOODLE DUMPS. THERE’S WAYYYY MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM

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rawpastamoth · 1 month ago

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First 5 inktowbews!!! They aren't the most effortful drawings but it's just fun to be drawing every day, especially since college has been limiting my time

Day 1 - Halloween 'Stumes - I drew Gizmo The Cheat because I love him. I love Gremlins !

Day 2 - Marshie - I actually really like Vampire Marshie. Marshieween epic

Day 3 - Poker Night at the Inventory - This is a screenshot redraw from a certain bit in the game after Heavy tells a pretty messed up story

Day 4 - TMBG - I don't think this comes through but it's the Moonbeam Rays music video!! I love Moonbeam Rays !!! AURGHH!!

Day 5 - Decemberween - I spent 2 days on day 4 so I doodled this up about 15 minutes ago. Popular votes aren't supposed to cry.

#homestar runner #h*r #marzipan #strong bad #the cheat #strong mad #please never make me draw an instrument again #inktowbew #for day 4: Homestar and Homsar are in Linnell and Flansburgh's places cause of that one drawing. and cool tapes is the backing band #bc they have all the instruments #and its black and white cause the music video is #and I love moonbeam rays. my favorite somg I am a big big fan #Im so tired. time to work on the homework Ive been putting off

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llitchilitchi · 8 months ago

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I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off

#litchi.txt #there are games that address this kinda stuff! and thats good! its good that there are games talking about how this is bad!#but at the same time when I go into a game knowing I will be the prince's sword and shield I dont expect the game to be anti-monarchy #despite having pretty strong opinions on many a thing I tend to put most of them away the moment I engage with media #imperialism bad. monarchy bad. doesnt mean I cant enjoy roleplaying in a game where I help these systems #because guess what its fictional and not everything needs to be a strong statement about politics #sometimes we just... wanna vibe with a setting #I am so very thoroughly exhausted from the politics in this country and where things are going I just kinda need that no brainer gameplay #even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor #even if it means replacing one dictator with another #because its still a game #a lot of people talk about imperialism-monarchy-colonialism with these things because they are a big issue even today #and they are important to talk about!! in real world!!#but I rarely see people be this upset about like religion etc which like. thats also a massive problem.#idk Im just tired of trying to look at fanart of all my fantasy medieval games and people being upset that the games #are not super anti-monarchy despite the marketing being literally 'you are the emperor's bestie. you help him out and go on a quest.'#'your quest is to manipulate local government to support the emperor and do his bidding'#like idk how That is supposed to be a game that addresses it properly #and maybe it does but ig since the MC doesnt look at the player and go REMEMBER KIDS! THIS IS EVIL AND BAD AND WHY MONARCHY SUCKS #it doesnt count??? I guess???

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cryptidm0ths · 6 months ago

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Vvvvvv messy doodles of magical girl au

#enstars #crazy b #crazy magic b #<- temporary name #euu wont tag more than that #now for rambles sooooo my main concept idea is a world with magical girls(gender neutral i still need to thing about how everything #interacts with gender and genre expectations #id say for now gender neutral with outfit aesthetics influenced more by the magic giving entity)#so magical girls choosen seemingly at random by some entity to protect the area from creature which are the manifestation of repressed #desires and dreams gone rotten #and so our characters have to defeat these monsters and purify the person/give them back their dreams/want to live #and so your standard magical girl focuses on purifying and giving people their dreams #idk if that makes sense #euuu not much is known about magical girls and how they work and one of the main theories is that magical girls are born when a persons #dreams and desires grow strong enought that they crystallise in magic powers #idk trust me so if you want something as much as you can and work on in in pure acts of love you too can be a magical girl #euuu ill reread the war tm to better write this but #i just visualise these flavour of magical girl like the idols of eichis dreams #crazy b stand a little to the left rinne positing that euu things blabla live life to your fullest feel your emotions allow yourself to be #alive a pure dream is nice if the rest of your emotions and wants are ignored they will rot (i need to reread the main story and nightclub)#yea euu ill make it coherent when im not bone tired #moth draws

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cator99 · 1 month ago

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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago

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...

#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs #to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her #so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their #master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was #awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest #sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism #y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit #was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then #everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite #her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for #them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor #bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired #i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated

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stinkrascal · 2 months ago

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im so excited for veilguard i cant wait to make vanna kiss that old man

#she will break his hips #shes a warrior shes so strong. she will throw him over her shoulder #come on grandpa im tired lets go home *picks him up by the scruff of his neck*#that type of shit #the moment i saw emmrich i knew i had to make an early 20s elf gf for him im sorry thats just how it has to be. im not sorry #im having so many thoughts about my da worldstate......... thinking of morwen/eden/elisen/vanna and kicking my feet #poor morwen. she is one serious lady in a room full of people who CANNOT take themselves seriously

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fraternum-momentum · 10 months ago

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I CANT I CANTTTTTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE RJIKNHGKRSBKFUCKNHJHFBNJEA JFHBAEJHBFJHBHBHBHBHBBAZHJDBAJHDBAJKHBDJKNA????A//////!?!!!!!!!!??!!???!?!?!??!! I CANNOT I LITERALLY NOT THE CAN I CANTTTTTT RAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#⚠️WARNING⚠️TAGS R SUPER FUCKING LONG I NEEEEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT LOVE AND DEEPSPACE I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS #SUGGESTIVE ART? NSFW? LITERAL GODDAMN PORN? LIGHT WORK NO REACTION #POV ROMANTIC OTOME GAME SHIT WITH THE TINIEST HINT OF SPICE??? I CANNOT ITS TOO MCUH I ITS AUGHHH IM JNUHJHFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK #IM LIKE FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME WITH A HAND COVERING MY EYES WHILE PEEKING ITS TOO MUCH #I AM LOOKING AWAY EVERY SECOND IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FUCKUNGBHGJGHJHGHGBJJH #I HATE HATE HATEEEEE (not rly) IT WHEN THEY GET NEAR U ITS AUGH ITS SO WEIRD I PUT MY PHONE FURTHER AWAY FROM ME OUT OF EMBARASSMENT #SOMETIMES I LOSE MY IMMERSION AND GET SELF AWARE AND THINK TO MYSELF THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD... THIS IS WHY I DONT PLAY OTOME GAMES DUDE #like no hate to otome games its just way too much for me i get way too embarassed abt playing them its def a me thing #ok first of all the combat is p ok actually it reminds me of pgr and hi3 altho i like pgr better :] (lee my beloved)#i did burst out laughing when i found out abt it cause i thought it would be like mysme and its just visual novel shit but its really okay #also i did a bit of thinking as to why i dont find the charas super appealing & its cause theyre obv manifactured to b 'the perfect guy'#like you know how pugs were bred to be cute but end up deformed and stuff? yea kinda like that #im not saying theyre deformed but thats the vibes im getting #deformed pug vibes #the jp vas are pulling thru though #ALSO I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GACHA pleaseee i alr play hsr + gi + /occasionally/ pgr and stopppp i hate the gamba aspect of the games #AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT BC I DIDNT GET THE CARD I WANT #.................. OKAY SO MAYBE I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT THE POINT STILL STANDS #i like them (reluctantly) all so far ? idk no one is rlly my fav yet tbf im still at ch. 2 so..#theyre all cute ig zayne is nice maybe i dunno i like his shoulders......? hes very cold tho cause haha ice powers #i call him elsa in my head #xaiver is also nice? hes cute? hes sleepy n shit #rafayel is kinda goofy? aloof? but in the 'she's so crazzzzzzzzzy! i love her!' way (look it up if u dont know) and im not super into that #hes the one whimpering though so it is what it is #overall i think ill keep playing until i get the card i want ill also prolly play it on my laptop instead cause its super laggy on my phone #idk how ill deal with the combat part tho but thats a problem for future me lolol #okay yea idk if anyone is still reading this but i dont want my irls to know that im playing this game so here we r #idk why im using the tags to ramble its way more fun like its more casual i think #OKAY YEA BYE #frambling...?

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chalkodareal · 2 years ago

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sonic and homestar they are my friends. theyre my buds

#whats on homestars chilli dog? fluffy puff mayonnaise. honestly FP mayo was a crime on its own but i think hoemstar made it worse with this #i was gonna draw another image with knuckles interacting with sb but ough!!!! im eepy :[[[[[[ (10000000 dead 789897 injured)#i have one other image of homestar and strong bad together but literally theyre just smoking #I DONT LIKE SMOKING but my hand was tired #i like how i drew sonic here he looks really good to me #tagging time!! goodbye people that read my tags <3333 #homestar runner #hsr #h*r #homestar #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth

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bunnihearted · 5 months ago

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sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍

#and it's why i cant feel connected to anyone even if some ppl are nice to me #bc ok yeah but at the end of the day i still AM a loser while u have a life and ppl who care abt u........#nobody gets me. like for real...... ☹️#having avpd is fucked up and a curse tbh #idk rn im also in an avpd moment where i cant even reply to anyone at all #im like ok wow.... i both feel like im only worthless and stupid and awkward anyway why even bother trying #plus im genuinely like tired...... i just wanna be the most important to ONE person and be chosen by them over everyone else #never having experienced that just makes everything else pale away in comparison like i cant even find it in me to feel anythinf #anything*#im just feeling so fucking sad and im realizing how fkn alone i an #AM* god trying so hard not to cut myself since i cant even type properly #and since i have avpd that only makes me isolate myself more which makes me more miserable #but also the thing is... my only choice IS to isolate myself bc i dont have anybody #having short shallow social exchanges w ppl who i only exist a little bit to is making me feel more empty #i so badly need deep strong emotional connections #but actually i dont even care abt that... really truly all i want is to be no 1 to one person #so.... i dont know i dont fkn know all i know is that im so lonely #and even if shallow impersonal things can sustain me sometimes im in an avpd mood rn where i feel so fuckinf #fucking***** broken and worthless and all i want is to further isolate myself #bc when i try to talk to ppl im reminded of how stupid i am #bc they mean sm more to me than i do to them #bc they have real lives with real ppl that matter to them!!!#it's not what my soul needs so i just cant bring myself to.....#idk i also feel like an asshole bc i truly appreciate nice messages #idk i just wanna cry tbh and kms bc i will always have avpd and be broken 🩷

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mithomite · 7 months ago

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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

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crittertalez · 10 days ago

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everythings making me sick right now. all the posts i see are about staying positive keeping hopeful staying strong constant reminders other people are doing worse right now you need to stay strong for them anyone who is crying and upset right now is a white liberal blaming other people stay hopeful stay positive stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong if you cry remember someone else is doing worse someone else is dying or losing someone or something and its like jesus fucking christ

im a black woman in a red state and ive been staying strong this whole time staying hopeful staying optimistic for the sake of everyone around me and today it feels like i woke up to a death sentence. one of the most fascist bigoted men in the world right now won against a black woman in a country where neo-fascism has been on the rise and all the people i care about have either already lacked rights or been in danger of losing them. and yet i still have to Stay Strong because crying about how your life could suddenly end in the next 4 years is a white thing to do. give me a break

#i dont have money i dont have a car and our community colleges campuses just received bomb threats #i dont have a good relationship with my parents to the point of being able to ask them to take us anywhere #the best i can do is share fundraisers and i have! i reblog them all to our main where people will actually see them #and i dont blame a single palestinian person for whats happened because its not their fault #and i dont even blame the people burnt out from voting as mad as i am at some of them #but im not safe. i wasnt in the first place and im doubly not so now #in one of the clips of trump being passed around where people were sure he was tired because he knew he was gonna lose #there was a black man in the front row #our mexican neighbors have a trump flag in their backyard #because so many of the people around me would rather have a racist man than a woman in power #im in more danger than i ever have been even through an entire life of already constantly being in danger #and yet i still have to deal with everyone telling me to stay strong and just focus all my energy to supporting others #i cant even get a day to grieve without grieving being a white thing to do #give me a fucking break #critter.og

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musings-of-miss-j · 24 days ago

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'how to write a good character arc' 'follow this act structure for your plot' 'best checklist for worldbuilding' 'the correct way to design a magic system' 'you're boring your readers with long descriptions' 'the correct amount of exposition' i don't know man. what if i do whatever the hell i want.

#I HAVE VERY STRONG BUT HARD TO ARTICULATE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.#it's not that i don't appreciate any guides/ tips. okay. i just. am so tired.#of hearing the phrase 'there's a right way to write' wrapped in fancy terminology.#LIKE LISTEN LISTEN HEAR ME OUT.#take lord of the rings right.#'oh wow a classic!! the pinnacle of fantasy!! omg tolkein is a worldbuilding genius!!'#that's all well and good. alright. but how do you think tolkein approached it.#probably not with a 'this is the right amount of time to spend describing' mentality.#this man can will and has spent 15 pages talking about one (1) tree. or the obscure etymology of Minas Tirith.#im willing to bet he wasn't trying to fit any mould is what im trying to say right #he just wrote what he wanted !!!#the goal wasn't to cater to the reader!!!#and so much of the modern 'writing advice' contradicts the classics!#which isn't to say the classics are the end all be all of course #but it still counts for something that they stood the test of time and are considered a Big Deal #the point is.#or what im trying to say is that #if you're given advice on your art form that goes directly against what you're trying to do #and removes any element of enjoyment or what you consider to be a defining characteristic of your art #then just. don't do it.#like like #im not going to stop writing long ass winding descriptions of the setting my characters are in if it's something i like about my work #im not going to cut segments out of my dialogue that i think are funny/clever because im worried it'll confuse the reader #'b-but long descriptions/dialogue/infodumping about the magic system or worldbuilding/whatever the hell makes it tedious!!'#girl for who? because it sure as hell isn't tedious to me. im having the time of my life here #do NOT let me on this blog after 10 pm #writing #miss j's musings

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dragonji · 2 months ago

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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.

#j.txt #vent #barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible #I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do #my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over #the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa #nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to #see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc #I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being #treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through #any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt #but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much #but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really #I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen

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