#but im not safe. i wasnt in the first place and im doubly not so now

[crittertalez]

everythings making me sick right now. all the posts i see are about staying positive keeping hopeful staying strong constant reminders other people are doing worse right now you need to stay strong for them anyone who is crying and upset right now is a white liberal blaming other people stay hopeful stay positive stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong stay strong if you cry remember someone else is doing worse someone else is dying or losing someone or something and its like jesus fucking christ

im a black woman in a red state and ive been staying strong this whole time staying hopeful staying optimistic for the sake of everyone around me and today it feels like i woke up to a death sentence. one of the most fascist bigoted men in the world right now won against a black woman in a country where neo-fascism has been on the rise and all the people i care about have either already lacked rights or been in danger of losing them. and yet i still have to Stay Strong because crying about how your life could suddenly end in the next 4 years is a white thing to do. give me a break

[espers-n-espurrs]

Starting this off with a happy birthday. I just want to let you know, from some level of experience, you can always just walk away from a situation you don't like. It's harder as a minor, but with you having pokemon at your side you can absolutely just leave. You said your brother turned down the same position they're putting on you? You're allowed to say no too. No matter what you've done or feel like you've done, it's not on you. Kids can do whatever, even some pretty fucked up stuff, and that responsibility falls on the adults meant to raise them. It doesn't seem like you've done anything particularly out there- just accidentally revealed someone ELSE'S choices. Which in all likelihood would've come out eventually anyway.

I know it's not simple, but you can always, always walk away from what you don't want to do. Sure, there might be consequences to that. But sometimes those consequences often are outweighed by the fact that you're exercising your agency. And, it gets doubly easier at 18. You're old enough that your input matters. And with your pokemon at your side, most places will let you just up and leave, and you don't need to tell them if you don't want.

Either way. Be safe, take care, and know that it does get better.

- RED ( @actualtrainerred )

i was gonna wait till the morning to respond to this. but i woke up again and i dont think im getting any more sleep tonight so might as well answer it now.

its not easy. its not simple. i understand you already pointed that out but i feel the need to layout the whole situation. all of the variables.

i cannot leave. not now or anytime soon. i am the result of an affair. my mam didnt know my da was married and then. something happened. i think she was forced to give me up to him the moment i was born and his wife was made my legal mother. this wasnt known by anyone else in my das family. time passed. i fucking. at age seven did some stupid psychic shit and made my da confess without knowing because i was confused on why i didnt look like the woman who was supposedly my mother. he then. he then. i and my older half-brother were taken as a young children and missing for several years.

my bio mam was forced to help my da. shes a victim in this too. no one knew who my bio mam was so they could never check with her if she had seen us.

things. happened. and now im no longer missing. and im now stuck with my das family as they have legal rights over me. and im no longer with my da and mam. my da is on the run and my mam is back in spikemuth and isnt allowed to see me.

i am stuck in a legal fight. because there cannot be. a court case. without the guilty party. my da is missing. so i am trapped. and i cannot see my mam.

i am not allowed choices. because i am at the mercy of the legal system and my das family.

and. i am considered a danger to myself. so i am not allowed to leave.

i am not allowed to say no. because i was never given a choice. sometimes. there is no choice.

and even if i left now. i wouldnt be allowed to see my mam. because of stupid legal shit. she would get in trouble.

i understand you are trying to be nice. to be kind.

but talking about me leaving. saying i should leave the first moment i can. makes me feel. worse. weak. fragile. because i know every single small reason why i cant do that.

and trying to think of a time where i am 18. or past it. is difficult. its like a grey mist in my mind.