#im so tired i have school tomorrow
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'lil update on this art :D
#kokushibo#art#digital art#demon slayer fanart#digitalpainting#art wip#hows your day going im procrastinating and its 2am#im so tired i have school tomorrow#im such a simp for koku istg
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in which fine. ok. sure. i guess.
#my art#p5#joker#wonder#p5x#<- ...? i guess#i was about to go to bed -_-#does the new guy have a name. god idk#<- apparently its wonder...?sure#do i win first person to draw this guy...?#anyway. hes like simultaneously off brand joker and off brand tatsuya (i miss him) its really funny.#why does the spin off gacha game have to get the aquarium themed velvt room....i wanted her so bad and then i got her...in a gacha game...#anyway im tired and i have school tomorrow. um goodnight#comics
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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I think I'm gonna try and go to school again tomorrow
#mole talks#i feel bad miserable and extremely tired#but if people are gonna be passive aggressive to me for not going then i guess i sort of have to go in :'[#im so upset i hate school#i feel so nervous. the moment i step onto the bus to school tomorrow i think im just gonna start cryinggg
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i might have to go on hiatus for a while due to mental health issues... i really want to keep writing but every single day has been horrible lately and i've been having panic attacks more lately.
#i fucking hate myself#i'm scared to go to school tomorrow#i cry almost every day now#i might even have to make a whole account just for venting because of how bad my depression is#i would say send help but. i really don't think i deserve it#im sorry#i know this is definitely tmi but i needed to get it out somewhere#things i want to do just don't seem doable anymore#i hate this#im so tired.
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Hehe i made a puppet version of myself for school
Look at her shes so cute
Also some!!! Progress pictures!!!
Tiny Mona started out as a spooky scary skeleton and then slowly became a tiny wittle doll version of me!!! I love her very much
#had to do this in like... one and a half days#worked on it for like 18 hours total#shes completely moveable too!! tomorrow im gonna film a stopmotion with her#now im tired tho#didnt have a single moment of peace today lmao#but!!! i really love going to school again i missed it#following a semester long stopmotion course and its so interesting#learning a lot of cool stuff!!#as for tagging#stopmotion#doll#puppet#artist#mona's college experience
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...
#i have a 2 hr job interview tomorrow morning. like bro wtf r we gonna talk abt for 2hrs???#ugh. i just wanna stay a microbiologist. but they only want food and drug pathogen#microbiologists. not the ecology kinds. and being back at school makes me go: but there's so much to learn#let me b a student forever. but i dont wanna b an academic so what would b the point of finishing this program?#i wish everything would just fix itself. i wish i would have made different choices. im tired and i have a dehydration headache#but i did read and understand 2 papers yesterday. so thats something at least#unrelated
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you guys ever wonder if ruin helpi is at all connected to ffps helpy do you ever wonder if he misses michael
#htis is so stupid#im so tired#i need to sleep bc i have school tomorrow#but im up being sad about helpy and ennard#tzu rambles
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Hydroxyzine: you can't be anxious if you're asleep
#medication#hydroxyzine#im so tired right now#hydroxyzine makes me sleep for 14 hours straight#its impossible to wake me up#i have school tomorrow lol
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i dont think he's shadow's best va but i think david humphrey definitely suits his character best (at least my version of how canon shadow should act). he has the ability to sound menacing but isn't overly aggressive; he can be gentle when needs be.
i particularly like his more monotone performance adds to it because it isnt so far as to sound unenthusiastic (as an actor) but it gives off the feeling that he's uninterested to those who don't know him, portraying the misunderstood side well. at the same time this adds to shadow being easy to view as autistic, which is obviously going to please me, an autistic person, and help me relate.
im glad he's not the exclusive VA for shadow, because i dont think he would have thrived in his more "edgy" mischaracterisations later (NOT counting shth because even if it is ridiculously edgy at times THE WHOLE! POINT! OF THAT GAME! IS THAT THE PLAYER! DECIDES! SHADOW'S! MOTIVES!). even when shadow is portrayed in a more nuanced light, eg 06, prime, it isn't quite the same way as he was in sa2 and heroes. neither have a major focus on maria or anything to do with the ark in shadow's story, and while heroes doesn't either, i think with the general tone of the game (and also with it being aimed at a younger demographic) shadow does get to express himself way differently through the level dialogue, a more informal way of communicating character, than in cutscene dialogue.
to be fair i have never played 06 so i dont know the level dialogue in that!!! but also out of the 3 iterations i just listed that one has the oldest target audience (heroes is PEGI 3, prime would probably be PEGI 7 and 06 is PEGI 12). and obviously theres no level dialogue in prime lol.
anyway hope you enjoyed my yapping about david humphrey shadow 👉👈
#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#btw most of my knowledge of humphrey as shadow is based on sonic heroes where. well. most of the time you are on his side#rather than sa2 where he's set up as a villain#anyway all of this makes sense in my head but please tell me if its word salad#im not trying to sound smart or anything but i felt kinda pretentious writing this#OH CRAP I JUST REALISED I HAVE AN ENGLISH LIT ESSAY DUE TOMORROW RAAAAAA#its 3 paragraphs and i *have* written 3 paragraphs but i was really not having it when i was writing so there are like no quotes and#the intro is actual 🤘bogus🤘. sigh.#im too tired to get my copy of kite runner tho...#but also im pretty sure this one is graded...#ughhhhhh whatever if i get 1 C at the start of sixth form i doubt im not gonna be able to get an A or A*#plus i only need a B#(technically i only need a C but my predicted grades are Bs so school might get at me if i dont get them)#also if this sounds really crazy and like im setting high expectations for myself. unfortunately ive always had high grades#but i dont feel very smart either way (probably because most of my friends are the type that dont try and do better than me).#plus i go to a super prestigious college that expects nothing but the best (its literally a feeder school for ox-bridge)#sigh. one english essay isnt going to change much
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im such a loser it hurts. i’ve gained a lot of weight over the last year and it makes me hate my body. my job sucks and pays so little i feel ashamed just thinking about it. my grades are bad and my writing is mediocre and devoid of meaning. why do i even exist
#hate hate hate hate myself#when did it all go wrong#though i guess it was never right in the first place#my whole life ive been pulling through by the skin of my teeth. and of course it doesnt look this way#with the impressive list of high ranking schools i studied in and good grades and aced exams#but it never brought me happiness. it was just something i had to do. was supposed to do because i was good enough#and i never enjoyed studying there. it has been a constant nightmare#and now im working the job which is not bad. but being there makes me feel like im actively dying#and yeah. the salary. it Sucks with a capital s#and all my attempts to find a better paying job so far resulted in nothing#i have a good life. i have a nice apartment with a short commute. a loving partner. enough money to live comfortably#so i feel like i shouldnt complain#but the horrors persist through it all#its just been a constant struggle. and whatever i do it doesnt go away#sorry. im upset and tired and my heas hurts#will probably delete this tomorrow#arnold’s laments
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lads it's so fucking frustrating when you desperately want to learn and understand something but u just can't fucking get ir
#because of various reasons I've accidentally skipped up a level in physics#so im learning calc based physics instead of basic physics#which is fine except the physics I'm currently taking expects me to have already taken basic phsyics and so im just confused and behind#this is like calc 2 all over again#but ten times worse because since it's a summer class im learning way more stuff at a way quicker rate#and i can't even go to the tutoring center bc again. summer school. it's not even open#im so stressed I barely understand how to solve these and i don't have anyone I can ask#and we have a test on Monday and i have a bad feeling about it#it's not even difficult math it's basic algebra we haven't even gotten to the calc yet#turns out not solving word problems for 3 years severely hinders your ability to solve word problems#and i also just cannot fuckin focus at all and it's frustrating#this homework is due tomorrow and im tired and wanna go to bed but none of it is done#lilac post#if this doesn't work out idk wtf else to do im hinging all my hopes on this
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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when a fellow artist appreciates what you have to say about their art but their art is in a museum and your art is on the fridge with a little smiley face sticker on it
#NBDKHDKDJ SORRY IF YOU EXPECTED ANYTHING OF ME 😭#MY ART IS... SIMPLISTIC. AND JUST HAS A HAPPY LIL VIBE TO IT#yeah yeah holy shit two cakes or whatever but it's a little funny#when one cake is rendered in beautiful 4k and the other cake is clip art#both are worth something and both were fun to make but. god *]^+%+^]+{{+{*=#chat#ok BED TIME FR!! i keep stumbling across stuff or getting sent stuff IM TURNING MY PHONE OFF#im so tired today was a lot augh#work was... so busy. for absolutely no reason#and tomorrow is gonna be busy too but way more fun#i might have something cool to post soon...#if not this week then FOR SURE next week bc next week is spring break#im not in school but my mom wont be babysitting so we'll get [thing] done 👀
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#sorry last post like this#for today#I think#im just so so tired#and I have to GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW#all of this bs started happening while I was in my last class of the day#I have to work on an essay. I have to prepare my monologue for one of my theater classes. I have to prepare for musical auditions#I have way too much of a life to have my mental state shattered like fine china on a thursday afternoon
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why’s it in the 60’s it was so nice being in the 40’s degree wise. i was gonna be cute and wear pajamas to school anf then get all cozy in bed after school and take a nap while its relatively cold outside but my dad was awake and wanted me to help him mount curtains and then i got really hungry and then i started watching youtube andnow it’s midnight. no cutesy nap for me Fuck you
#asclexeposting#thank you gnome for thanksgiving break. i am so tired#only have tomorrow and then the rest of the week off 🙏🙏 thanks#i do Not want to go to school for three weeks after that before christmas break but whatever. yawn#i am gonna catch up on doctor who over break Trust#im kinda in a rut with it. because everything is super drastically different with twelve from eleven and i dont like it#i miss the shitty 2010 aesthetic go back!! i also had a hard time adjusting to that from the 2000’s vibe but ufh#2014 what a time. but why does it look like that! yuck better camers technology!#also i want to like clara soo fucking bad but she’s just ughhh. i want to care about her!!! but shes just so boring.#she’s occasionally charming but shes ahrd to get invested after her time with 11. i miss martha and donna :(#whatever im just gonna lock in.#also probably will take a nap tomorrow. i gyat to stop staying up so late it is awful for me probably
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